#especially the ’’pathetically looking up your ex on social media’’ experience

[saltywinteradult]

”every breath you take” by the police perfectly captures the heartbreak of being on social media and seeing someone who is no longer in your life, someone you miss dearly, moving on with their life and being happy without you. i was today years old when i realised this and for better or worse, i don’t think i will ever hear that song the same way, ever again.

[koutarousangel]

━ hometown glory.

prompt : you were incredibly nervous to return home, especially since you knew that he’d returned home too. loosely inspired by this.

genre : angst to fluff

warnings : i mean at this point i can put swearing as a warning every time cause they’re apart of my everyday vocabulary lmao.

music suggestion : hometown glory - adele, happiest year - jaymes young, from the dining table - harry styles.

author’s note : @asdfghjkl7things​​ thank you so much for your support and your request ! i hope you like it !

you and hajime started dating during your third year in high school.

it was a surprise to practically everyone who knew you two, but the both of you had promised each other that you’d keep it on the down low as you were getting to know each other. mostly bc the two of you had friends that never knew how to shut up.

and what you had between you wasn’t really anyone else’s business.

you’d comforted him when they’d lost to karasuno, telling him that it wasn’t his fault and that he’d done all that he could, and you told him that if he wanted to, he could play volleyball again, or do whatever he wanted.

he’d consoled you when you failed the one exam that you needed to pass to go to the university of your dreams and he encouraged you to take the make-up exam, studying with you and making sure you were more than prepared.

you were each other’s rock and you genuinely thought that you were going to last.

until you got into an argument which turned into a full-blown fight bc the two of you were moving away from each other to study your respective courses.

you were scared of long-distance bc you didn’t want to hold iwa back, iwa tried telling you that you could make it work, but as you insisted, he accused you of never really loving him and that you were just finding a way out.

ouch.

four years later, the both of you were college graduates, and something drew you both back to japan.

walking through your hometown felt strange. it was familiar, heartwarming, but at the same time it felt as if you were a tourist, discovering everything for the first time. it had been a while since you’d walked through the streets of miyagi, having gotten used to the streets of london so much that the peace and quiet was almost far too loud. you’d thought about it, staying in london and finding a job there, settling with a brand new life but part of you missed japan so much, your family, your friends … him.

“you know,” your friend looked at you pointedly as she wiped a vegetable piece away from the corner of her mouth, “he’s back in japan, right?” it was almost as if she was fighting a smirk.

a sigh left your lips as you shook your head a little bit, “i know… he posted something on instagram,” the subtle confession that you still followed him on social media came out as a grumble, because you knew that your friend would make it her priority to never let you live it down. which was why you’d never told her that you’d accidentally liked one of his posts.

her eyes widened to the size of saucers and she practically choked on her drink, batting at your upper arm, “you sly fox you, so you do follow him!” you halted her frantic movements by grabbing her wrist.

“i do, which is also how i know that he has a girlfriend,” it was almost comical, how your friend practically deflated at your comment, scowl growing on her face, “it’s been four years, it was bound to happen.”

still, seeing him with his arm around her shoulders made your heart ache and you had angrily swiped away at the tears that spilled down your cheeks, because it was your fault. keeping him back had never been your intention and that’s what you felt you would have done had you remained in a relationship together. all that distance, the drastic time difference, attending separate colleges full of new experiences. you wanted hajime to have the world.

it was almost as if fate was trying to play some sort of cruel trick on you, because as your mind raced with thoughts of your old high school boyfriend, you felt yourself collide with someone and as soon as you heard your name being uttered by the person in question, you swore your heart wanted to jump out of your chest.

“hajime…” his name tumbled out of your mouth in what practically could be constituted as a breathless gasp, as if seeing his face in person after four years had completely winded you.

the man in question took a slight step back, taking a good look at you, almost making sure that you were really in front of him, and not his imagination toying with him. “small world,” was his only comment as he scratched the back of his head, awkwardness settling between you two as you wrapped your arms around yourself, the chill in the air suddenly very prominent.

“would you like to get some-” “i was going to go get some” the both of you spoke at the same time, nervous words overlapping each other. “coffee…” a smile as your shared thoughts fell together in perfect harmony, as if nothing had changed.

you had walked to the coffee shop in silence, questions of why you’d agreed to get coffee with your ex racing through your mind but the reason was simple … you didn’t want to walk away from him, not yet at least. sneaking glances at him while he grabbed your coffees made your heart thump faster than it had in a while, reminiscent of the first time you’d went on a date together.

there was a slight fear that it would be far too awkward to handle, but the two of you fell into a comfortable conversation, telling stories of your college days, how you’d gotten so drunk one time that you ended up stealing a plant and taking it back to your dorm, or how he’d once gotten so hungry during a late study session that he and his friends went to a mcdonalds drive through, even though they didn’t have a car.

you laughed until your face hurt, and you hadn’t realised, but the two of you had instinctively gotten closer to each other, and his arm had ended up wrapped around your chair, you leaned over and shoved him whenever he said something to tease you.

it was as if these four years apart never happened.

as your shared laughter died down and you finished off your drink, iwaizumi looked down at his lap and shook his head slightly, chuckling to himself and making you smile softly, “what?” you questioned, poking his shoulder.

“it’s still you, you know?” he looked up at you, eyes locking with yours as he gave a slight shrug of his shoulders, “the person i see by my side at the end of the day.”

his words hit you like a punch to the gut and you almost forgot how to breathe. you cringed, nose burning as tears tickled the corners of your eyes as you pushed your chair back, standing up and grabbing your belongings, holding them close to your chest as you rushed out of the coffee shop.

you could hear him calling for you, but the blood had rushed to your ears and you were trying your hardest to keep from crying, but as soon as you felt his hand around yours, you spun around and shoved at his chest, once, twice, tears dripping freely onto the pavement, cheeks burning red with anger and sadness, heart that was excitedly jumping around, now quietly sitting in the corner, thumping cautiously as you felt him grab at your hands to stop you from hitting him any further.

“you can’t say that shit hajime! you can’t say it, not after four years of nothing … you didn’t try to fight for me, convince me to stick with you through it all, and you have someone else! how sick can you be? saying that shit to me, stringing that girl along …” the anger wasn’t making you think straight, words spilling out of your mouth without you mulling them over first. 

it was iwaizumi’s turn to get angry at your words, “you broke up with me!” he pushed your hands away from his before pointing an accusatory finger at you, “you broke up,” and he turned his finger shakily at himself, “with me.”

your mouth dropped open and you closed it again, gaping at the air like a fish out of water, hoping the words would come to you, “i wanted what’s best for you,” you managed to whisper, “i wanted for you to be happy.”

“and you came to that decision on your own!” his chest was heaving now, bottom lip trembling as he tried to keep his strong facade, but it was crumbling, “how dare you, decide for me what’s best for me?” his words were only making your chest ache because they were true. you were scared that you were not enough for him, that you’d never be enough for him, “you were what’s best for me, i wanted to share everything with you!” but you were wrong. 

he let out a strangled laugh, “and that girl? she knew it too. i tried going on one date with her, and when i tried going home with her, she pushed me away and told me that i was just kidding myself and setting myself up to get hurt, because my heart was with someone else.”

the two of you were practically in hysterics, wild stares at each other, tears staining your cheeks and some threatening to fall on his own. this was how the argument was supposed to go four years ago, not with you doing everything in your power to walk away. you needed to talk it out, communicate with each other; the only reason it had reached this point, as if you were two people in some kind of romantic movie on the sidewalk professing your love for each other, was because all these emotions had accumulated during the past four years.

after he let out a couple of strangled breaths, iwaizumi’s shoulders slumped, and he raked his hand through his hair, shaking his head and going to sit down on the sidewalk, arms on his knees and head bowed forward.

you watched him for a couple of moments, hand pressed over your mouth as you tried not to sob. the man who’d held your heart so firmly in his hands even if you were continents away had never given up on you. suddenly you didn’t feel so pathetic, but the guilt was eating you alive. you’d never meant to hurt him so, you adored him and you really did want the best for him.

swallowing back the remainder of the tears, you looked up at the sky and sniffled softly, before taking a couple of brave steps forward, kneeling down and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, burying your face into his neck, “i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” you chanted softly, knowing that no matter how many times you said it, silently praying that he’d accept your apology, even though you didn’t really deserve it.

his hand rested gently on your forearm and he kept his head forward, pressing soft kisses to your wrist and the back of your hand. iwa hesitated for a moment, before he rested his hands on your waist, carefully guiding you to his lap and wrapping his arms around you, rocking you back and forth and shushing you quietly as you continued to sob into his chest. the way he said your name was as soft as a butterfly coming to rest on a fingertip, and he gently guided your face up to look at his.

“i forgive you,” he admitted to you, giving you a small smile, “i’m sorry for yelling, i’m sorry for letting you go ... ” his forehead came to rest against yours, and his eyes were closed. you could feel your heart practically soaring, having him so close again, him accepting your apology. 

your hand came to rest on his face, thumb gently drawing back and forth across his cheek, before leaning forward and leaving a tentative kiss on the side of his mouth, watching as his eyes all but shot open, cheeks burning red under the palm of your hand as he looked into your eyes, “i forgive you too hajime.”

~ three year timeskip. ~

you were anxious. more anxious then you had been ever in your life. 

you’d been with hajime ever since you reconciled now, going through all the motions with settling into your life back in japan, finding a job you both love but still there were struggles. like how hajime worked himself to the bone, hell bent on being the best athletic trainer the national volleyball team had ever seen. you laid blankets on his shoulders when he slept at his desk while he was writing reports or planning injury prevention programs. meanwhile, he carried you to bed whenever you fell asleep on the couch because you couldn’t sleep in an empty bed, or when you were studying for your job and you fell asleep at your own desk.

your relationship was strong, communication prominent during the whole time, because you knew what could happen if it wasn’t there. the two of you never went to bed angry with each other, he always brought home flowers if he fucked up, hiding his face behind the bouquet as he uttered an apology and you always made sure to bring him a cup of tea to bed if you stepped out of line, before cuddling into his side and muttering a small ‘i’m sorry’ into the silence.

vip tickets gave you the perfect view of the volleyball court, adorning the japanese flag on one of your cheeks and a polo shirt that matched hajime’s with ‘iwaizumi’ spread across your shoulders.

it would be your own name anyway, you thought, as you twirled the engagement ring around your finger, grinning brightly before looking up at him and giving him an encouraging wink, mouthing an i love you at him.

you’d returned home twice; to japan the first time, and to iwaizumi hajime’s heart the second time.

[creambunnie]

Once Again📖

ONEWE - Kanghyun x Y/N (angst)

enjoy!

From : Kang Pingu 🐧

- if you are done taking pictures with your family and friends, meet me in the classroom for a bit♡ -

you grinned when you received his message and excused yourself from your parents and friends before heading towards the classroom of the last year of your highschool life.

it was finally your graduation day and Hyungu planned to celebrate together after celebrating with your families respectively.

you arrived at the classroom but no one was there. you pouted and decided to wait by sitting on one of the desks. you scanned the classroom for the last time, absorbing every single detail of the place where you created bittersweet memories with your classmates. it was also the place where Hyungu confessed about his feelings to you.

you smiled widely as you recalled his bold yet funny confession. he put up a brave front but was actually so nervous that when you responded back to his feelings, he fell down because his knees got weak. your friends were quite worried when they heard you started dating Hyungu. well, Hyungu did not really have a good reputation, among the students and the teachers.

but you ensured your friends that you would be careful and that you were sure Hyungu was serious about your relationship.

you snapped out of your thoughts and decided to wait for Hyungu at the door. you peeked out to see if your boyfriend was already on his way to the classroom, but instead, a couple caught your eyes.

they were at the staircase, the girl was backfacing you so you did not see her face. the boy's head was also tilted to the side so his face was blocked too.

"oooh, a new couple? but really? at the stairs? i wonder who that guy is, he looks super familiar." you thought and was about to give the 'couple' their private space when the boy straightened up, revealing none other than Kang Hyungu. he smiled at the girl and stayed for a while as the girl patted his head before walking down the stairs towards your classroom.

you blinked a few times as you tried to process what you just witnessed. you felt your heart squeezed in pain as tears started flowing down your cheeks.

"did... did i just jinxed myself?". you mumbled to yourself. you quickly took your bag and wanted to leave quickly but Hyungu was faster.

he opened the door with a big smile but it quickly turned into worry when he saw you crying. "babe? what happened?". he asked softly as he approached you.

you avoided him and was about to exit the classroom when Hyungu grabbed your wrist as he balanced the box he was carrying with his other hand and his body.

"babe, what happened??". he asked again.

you sniffed and pulled your hand away. "you, all these while i thought you changed. but i was wrong. you are still the same playboy Kang Hyungu. old habits die hard, huh? you came here late because you were having a fun time with another girl? i should have listened to my friends. dating you was a mistake,".

Hyungu frowned, confused about what you were talking about.

"huh? what do you mean? i was late because i was preparing my presents for you,". Hyungu explained.

you frowned deeper at his words. "i saw everything, Hyungu. you don't have to lie! if i am not a good partner, then just tell me that, no need to cheat behind me, just break up with me!".

Hyungu was confused at your sudden burst of anger. "but you're the only one that i like! have you seen me flirting with others when i started dating you?".

you rolled your eyes and glared at him. "i wouldn't know, you might have done it when i'm not around!".

Hyungu sighed and ruffled his hair in frustration. "do you not trust me?". he asked.

"no, i don't.". you replied without hesitation. you gulped your pain when you see the hurt in his eyes.

"look into my eyes and tell me that you didn't feel any sincerity from me in these 5 months that we've been together." Hyungu asked with teary eyes.

your heart felt so painful. but you had to do what was best for you. you promised your friends to be careful so you were going to keep that promise.

"it must have been fun playing with me, right? just like how you played with other girls. i really thought i was the special person who could change you. but i was being pathetic. i'm just an idiot who fell for the school's infamous playboy.".

a tear finally fell on Hyungu's cheek. he was hurt. extremely hurt. he then stretched his arm to give you the box that he had been carrying since just now.

"i want to give some presents to congratulate you for graduation. please accept them." he managed to whisper.

you frowned at his sudden change of topic and slapped his hands away together with the box.

you heard something broke when the box made contact with the hard ground. if you didn't know any better, you would have thought that you just heard your heart shattered.

Hyungu froze on his spot as he stared at the box. you quickly ran out of the classroom before you softened back up for your ex.

and that was the last time you met Hyungu before the both of you moved on with your lives. you remembered to quickly block Hyungu's number and blocked him on every social medias that you had. you didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

you were embarrassed of yourself. you were so proud when you started dating Hyungu, you were so confident that he was serious about you. but at the end, it was just your imagination. he didn't change at all.

~4 years later~

after graduating from high school, you got accepted into your dream university and studied in Japan for 4 years majoring in journalism. writing has been your hobby since you were little and aiming to be a well-known journalist was your ambition.

it was not easy to leave things back at your home country behind you especially after getting your heart broken so harshly on your graduation day. but you believed working hard towards your dream was a good way to distract yourself from all the unnecessary drama.

you focused on school and excelled all your semesters. you became the best student and was given the honour of being the valedictorian of your cohort.

it was finally time for you to come home to your family. they did visit you a few times when you were in Japan, but the feeling of coming back home was different.

From : Yubi❤

-you're back in South Korea?! great timing, our class reunion is next Saturday. you better come after skipping 4 years of our reunion dinner !!! we all miss you🥺-

you sighed as you read the message from your close friend. you were not really someone who likes to socialise with others, it's true they were your highschool classmates, but it had been years since you've met them. you might be awkward.

From : Yubi❤

-if you even think of skipping, i'm gonna drag you out of your house😠-

you chuckled and rolled your eyes.

To : Yubi❤

-okay okay, i will come, just text me the venue when it's confirmed.-

you scanned the huge hotel and took a deep breath before walking through the grand entrance. "wow they must be rich to book such a fancy place." you mumbled as you went to the customer service counter to ask for the room number that was booked for your class dinner.

as the staff was looking through the lists, you couldn't help but check out the beautiful architecture. your gaze fell to the floor as you realised that each tile had a different design. "wow, this hotel is totally on another level.". you whispered as you analysed them one by one.

a pair of pink shoes stopped walking and caught your eyes. you raised an eyebrow and looked up slowly to see the owner of the pink shoes.

your breath hitched. you made eye contact with the person. the person's eyes widened as he saw you. just as he was about to walk towards you, a lady grabbed him by his arm and dragged him away, she probably didn't notice you who were a few metres away.

"oi Kanghyun!! will you hurry up and walk? they're all waiting for us in the room already!!". the lady called the person by his nickname.

your thoughts were interrupted when the staff tapped your shoulder gently. "your room number is 3. i will bring you there". you nodded and bowed slightly to thank the staff.

you were now in front of the room. loud excited voices could be heard from the inside. *such youthful energy* you thought and knocked on the door before opening it slowly.

the previous noise quietened down at your entrance. you were frozen at the door. *w--why are they staring at me*. you smiled awkwardly and waved your hand at them.

"hi?". the second you greeted, your former classmates cheered and some even ran to you and gave you hugs and pats. "y/n!! we missed you so much!" "y/n! you are finally home!" "welcome back!!" "how was school in Japan?".

"there there guys, y/n needs to sit first at least. your questions can wait. the evening is still young!". Yubi came to your rescue. you gave her a grateful smile. Yubi smiled back and hugged you tightly. "welcome back!!".

you caught up with your friends. some were working full time at big companies, some were getting engaged, some just finished their studies, like you. you were engrossed in your conversation when a word, or a name, from the table next to you caught your ear.

"Kang Hyungu, how many girlfriends have you had in uni? still a playboy aren't you?" one of the boys joked.

your hand curled up into a fist. you were about to shoot the other table a glare when the lady who dragged Hyungu earlier defended him.

"this guy? trust me, he never dated anyone after highschool. he focused on his studies and never looked at girls. he rejected everyone who confessed to him. i was shocked too, you know being his classmate in highschool and seeing his abrupt change in uni, a whole new experience."

your former classmates widened their eyes as they looked at Hyungu, who was eating silently. his composure was still as cool and cold as ever.

"you are kidding !! he couldn't even be single for a week back then! what do you mean he never dated after highschool?".

the lady, Ara, nodded her head and sighed. "i don't know who broke his heart so bad he didn't even want to date or befriend other girls. that's why i'm stuck to his side." Ara explained and knocked Hyungu's head. Hyungu pouted and rubbed his head as he looked up.

after eavesdropping the conversation, you were surprised too. you turned to look into the direction of his table and saw his pouty face. you gulped. "cute..." you mumbled and quickly turned away when the both of you accidentally made your second eye contact for today.

you almost forgot he was your former classmate too, of course he would be here. you were just too busy with your close friends that you didn't realise his presence earlier.

from your peripheral vision, you sensed Hyungu still staring at you. after a few seconds, you finally let out the breath you were holding in unconciously when you see him turn his head away.

"bye bye y/n!! see you again soon!!" Yubi bid you goodbye as her boyfriend came to pick her up. you waved back at her and waited by the entrance for your ride.

"y/n?". you felt your head tingled as you heard a familiar gentle voice calling your name. you looked up from your phone only to be greeted by none other than Kang Hyungu.

"Hyu--Hyungu... it's been a while". you managed to breathe out.

Hyungu gave a small smile and nodded.

it was awkward. after all, you separated on bad terms and never contacted each other ever since.

Hyungu moved closer to you. his expression looked sad yet happy.

"can i hug you?". Hyungu suddenly asked. you bit your lips. you hesitated before nodding slightly. letting him hug you won't hurt, right?

wrong.

when his arms wrapped around you, your emotions from 4 years ago surged up again. his gentle yet tight hug. his warm scent. his soft face buried into the crook of your neck.

you were frozen. everything was too overwhelming.

"i mis--" Hyungu's words were interrupted when someone called out your name.

you snapped out of your zone and gently pulled yourself away from Hyungu. Hyungu let you go hesitantly as he wiped his teary eyes and looked at the person who called your name.

"ah Harin!! did you wait for long?" you approached the person earlier and patted his shoulder. Harin shook his head and looked at Hyungu.

you thought it was only right to introduce them to each other. "Harin, this is my former classmate, Kang Hyungu, and Hyungu, this is Ju Harin, we went to the same university". Hyungu gulped and bowed slightly towards Harin.

"ni--nice to meet you. thank you for taking care of y/n! i--i should excuse myself now.". Hyungu said as he quickly left you and Harin. Harin shrugged his shoulders and led you to his car.

~

it had been so long since you came back home, you finally had the time to walk around your neighbourhood. you realised that in the span of 4 years, alot of things could change. you continued walking in the homey streets until you reached your favourite bookshop. you smiled widely and quickly entered it. you were happy the shop was still there.

your body automatically brought you over to the comics section. you enjoyed all sorts of genres but comics were your stress reliever. your eyes widened at some new collections.

"ooh, this one looks interesting". you mumbled as you picked up the new crime comic. "that one is good, you should read it". you jumped at the sudden voice beside your ear.

you quickly turned to your side. Hyungu backed away abit and gave a cheeky smile.

"wh-what are you doing here?". you asked abit too loud than usual because you were shocked. Hyungu blinked and chuckled with a pfft.

"i am here to buy some books, then i saw you looking at that good comic so i decided to greet you. yo!".

you nodded awkwardly and wanted to walk away but Hyungu's words stopped you.

"you know, i can suggest you other new good comics that will surely suit your taste!". you bit your lip and shook your head. "it's okay, i just wanted to look around. thanks for your offer". you bowed and quickly walked away.

Hyungu watched your back moved away from him. his shoulders dropped as he pouted. *did i scare her away?* he thought as he went to the cashier to pay for his books.

you felt blood rushing to your face as you exited the shop. you totally forgot that Hyungu also regularly visits that shop. heck, it used to be one of the places where you always went to during your dates.

despite his bad boy image, Hyungu was surprisingly an avid reader. he always had the best recommendations. you were tempted by his offer but you thought it was weird to suddenly be close again with him.

your mood was abit down after the encounter as old memories came flooding back to your mind. *ah, i thought 4 years were enough to forget about him. but meeting him twice right after coming back like this is not helping at all* you thought as you walked back home.

~

you tapped your foot on the ground, following the rythm of the song that you were listening to as you waited for Harin in the mall.

you planned to meet up at 2pm but he was abit late so you waited for him inside since the weather was hot.

"we meet again!" you heard as you felt one of your earpiece being pulled out softly. you jumped and turned only to be greeted by none other than, you guessed it, Kang Hyungu.

you frowned and took out your other earpiece. "at this rate, i feel like you're stalking me". Hyungu chuckled and shook his head. "no no, i was here since morning, i had some stuff to do, and then i saw you here alone".

"i'm actually waiting for Harin. ugh why is he so late? i'm hungry.."

when he heard the name, Hyungu's smile was gone. his current expression was unreadable. "oh, well then, i will wait here with you". you let Hyungu be as you scanned the crowd for Harin.

"how was Japan?".

"it was great and refreshing. school was okay too, abit hard but i survived. how about you? you graduated from uni too right recently?". Hyungu nodded.

"i started working at the music shop here, today is actually my off day but i had to fix some things so yeah.."

your mouth turned into an "O" shape as you heard him. he was very interested and quite talented in music back in highschool, it was not a surprise for him to pursue something related to music.

Hyungu saw a familiar face among the crowd. "oh there's H--" he cut his own words when he saw a lady beside Harin, her arm linked with Harin's.

*he is late because he is with another girl? he is cheating on y/n at the place that they're meeting up at?? how dare he?* Hyungu thought as he tried to block your view from Harin. *i gotta protect y/n*.

"yo y/n!! y/n?" Hyungu heard Harin's voice but he still stood in front of you, blocking Harin from seeing you.

you frowned and gently pushed Hyungu aside. "oh Harin! you are finally here!!!" you slapped Harin's arm and quickly turned to the lady beside him.

"Dani!!! you are here too!" you greeted and hugged the lady. Dani hugged you back and passed something to you. "i'm sorry,,, i misplaced the souvenier i bought you so Harin had to search for it with me, that's why we were late.". you cooed at Dani and patted her head. "aww it's okay, thank you for the gift!".

Hyungu looked at the scene with a confused look. you finally remembered him being there and introduced him to Dani. "Dani, this is Hyungu, my former highschool classmate, Hyungu, this is Dani, my former housemate back in Japan!".

Hyungu frowned. *Harin is cheating on y/n with her former housemate?!?!*.

"oii mr boyfriend, where are we going to eat at?". Dani turned to Harin and asked.

Hyungu's eyes widened. *huh???huh???*

"you and y/n are not dating each other?" Hyungu blurted out as he pointed towards you and Harin.

you and Harin looked at each other and shivered in disgust at the same time. "never!! why would you even think that?!" you asked. Harin quickly wrapped his arm around Dani and shook his head. "Dani is the only one for me".

"then why did he pick you up the other night?".

you bursted a pfft, Hyungu's face was hilarious. he was furious and confused at the same time.

"the three of us had plans after my dinner, so Harin picked me up. Dani was in the car too. Harin, being the gentleman he is, volunteered to escort me personally to the car".

Dani couldn't help but laugh too. you were the one who introduced her to Harin anyways, it was funny to think that someone misunderstood Harin and your relationship.

"ok that aside, let's go eat, i'm so hungryy" you whined and linked your arms with Harin and Dani. Hyungu's eyes twitched when he saw how comfortable you were with Harin.

"Hyungu should join us too!! the more the merrier!" Dani invited Hyungu. Hyungu was about to reject but seeing your flustered expression, he quickly accepted the invitation. he kind of missed seeing this side of you.

you ended up walking beside Hyungu while the lovely couple led the way to Harin's recommended restaurant.

the walk was quiet between the two of you. Hyungu felt abit guilty for being selfish, he accepted the invitation, totally ignoring your feelings.

"if you don't want me to join, i can back away now." Hyungu said. you quickly shook your head and unconciously tugged his sleeve. "i don't mind.. please join us". Hyungu grinned at your response. "alright, i will stay".

as you arrived at the restaurant, Dani excused herself to the bathroom. you decided to help Harin with the orders while Hyungu reserved a table for the four of you. the other reason you volunteered to help was so that you didn't have to be alone with Hyungu.

Dani came back from the bathroom and went to Hyungu. "oh y/n is helping Harin? then i will sit here and chat with you!".

Hyungu gave a small smile. he was still abit awkward around other girls if he was alone. "Hyungu, you like y/n don't you?" Dani attacked with an innocent smile.

Hyungu was taken aback but nodded anyways. like was an understatement. you were in his mind every second for the whole 4 years, meeting you once again made his dull world colourful again.

Dani giggled and poked Hyungu's arm. "you are so obvious. don't worry, i will help you!" Dani winked and quickly backed away when you and Harin came with your food. Hyungu pursed his lips into a thin line. he didn't know what Dani was up to.

you sat beside Dani, acrossed from Hyungu. you focused on your food and Dani, trying your best not to stare at the handsome Hyungu.

"so y/n, do you have anyone you like now?" Dani randomly asked you. your hand paused from picking up food for abit before chuckling awkwardly. "hahaha what a question, Dani. hmm i don't think i like anyone now". you swore your voice was trembling.

Dani smirked slightly at your response and was about to turn to Hyungu when Harin chirped into the conversation. "eh? how about that Jungwoo guy? don't you have a crush on him?".

you gulped as you felt your whole face became warm. "Ju-Jungwoo? he is cute, but i just admire him from afar. i don't like like him..."

Harin raised an eyebrow. "really? then why are you so emba--" his words were cut off when Dani kicked his leg under the table. she signalled him towards Hyungu and widened her eyes as if saying "have some sense Ju Harin!!". Harin pouted and continued eating his food.

there was definitely tension between you and Hyungu now. Dani tried to lighten up the mood with another topic as her plan A failed. she really wanted to help Hyungu.

after the meal, you and Harin started discussing some matters related to your future job, which was the main agenda for today's meet up. you switched seats with Dani so that you were opposite of Harin.

Dani called out Hyungu's name softly. "sorry for earlier. i just wanted to help but Harin interrupted. anyway, i'm gonna move to plan B later." Hyungu frowned and glanced at you and Harin who were engrossed in the discussion before leaning closer to the table. "what exactly are you planning??". Hyungu whispered.

Dani smirked and whispered her ideas. Hyungu listened carefully and processed her words. "so, what do you think?" Hyungu slowly nodded, agreeing to her plan.

it was finally time to separate. while Harin and Dani were going back by car, your house was just a walking distance from the mall.

"oh! Hyungu, do you have anything after this? why don't you walk y/n home?"

you almost choked on your own saliva and quickly shook your head. "i-i can go home by myself". Hyungu patted your head and gave a big smile. "i can, no, i want to walk you home!".

you sighed in defeat and nodded. "fine then. thanks Harin and Dani for today! and i'll email you the file later, Harin." Harin nodded and bid you goodbye before leaving with Dani.

you looked at Hyungu and pointed your finger awkwardly to the direction that you were going to. Hyungu walked beside you in silence. you too walked quietly, selfishly enjoying the warmth of his company.

"it feels like we are back to highschool days where i always walk you home". Hyungu started.

you just listened, not responding to his words. "we should go visit the bookshop again together one day. i remember how you would always frown slightly when you read the description of some comics, not because you hated them, but you actually loved them that your expressions couldn't be controlled. also the little pout when the volume you wanted was sold out and we have to either go to another shop or buy them online. oh and remember when--"

"that was all 4 years ago, Hyungu. can we not talk about it anymore?" you said with a slight firmness in your voice.

Hyungu paused for abit before chuckling. "for these 4 years, i've been trying to think of what you meant by me having fun with another girl that's why i was late" your fists curled into a fist as you felt your head become heavy.

"i really like you, y/n. i was serious about our relationship back then. you changed me, you were the only one that i like, i never look at other girls when i started dating you. i was hurt when you said those things to me. i really didn't understand"

you stopped in your tracks as you faced Hyungu with teary eyes. he really dared to lie to you even after 4 years?

you were about to hit his chest but he grabbed your wrist. "i finally figured it out".

~4 years ago~

Hyungu ensured that he had wrapped the big box of gifts for you properly. he carried the box carefully and walked down the staircase towards your classroom.

it was a bit difficult for him to see what was in front due to the box and Hyungu accidentally bumped into someone. he panicked for abit and quickly hugged the box to his body tightly.

"sorry, i didn't see you there!" Hyungu apologised.

the person he bumped into also apologised. "ah Hyungu? sorry! i was in a rush. oh no your hair! are you meeting anyone now?".

Hyungu's hair was a bit out of place after bumping into Ara. "is it bad? i'm meeting my girlfriend!" Hyungu asked, worried about his appearance. he wanted to look his best for you.

Ara reached out her hand to help but Hyungu leaned away. "it's okay, i can do it by myself".

Ara rolled her eyes and flicked Hyungu's forehead. "yeah but you can't see yourself, i can. here squat down abit, you have to look extra handsome for you girlfriend! after bumping into you, the least i could do is help you look presentable".

Hyungu hesitated but squatted for abit and tilted his head for Ara to help. Ara fixed Hyungu's hair and patted his hair for the last step.

"all done! now go impress your pretty girlfriend!"

Hyungu grinned cheekily at the thought of you and thanked Ara before heading towards the classroom.

and that was when the harsh break up happened.

~

a tear fell down your face as you finished listening to his explanation.

"it was all just a misunderstanding! and i totally understand you, i should have been more careful. i really really like you, y/n. i was sincere for all those months. you heard Ara the other day right? i didn't date anyone at all after you. thoughts about you occupied my mind 24/7. i wanted to reach out to you but.. you blocked me on all platforms. i came to your house a few times but your mother said you didn't want to meet anyone. the next time i visited, you already went to Japan. i tried asking your close friends on how to contact you but, they didn't like me so they didn't help me at all. they said i didn't deserve to talk to you anymore because i hurt you. so i waited for fate to bring us back together. and that night, when i saw your face after so long, i felt so happy".

more tears flowed down your face. Hyungu wiped them away with his thumb as he felt himself tearing up too.

"i'm..... i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry" was all you managed to say to Hyungu as you started sobbing into his chest. Hyungu hugged you as he rubbed your back.

"can we go back to our happy moment, y/n? i missed you so much." Hyungu whispered as he sniffed.

you pulled yourself away from Hyungu and rubbed your eyes before cupping Hyungu's face with one of your hands. you carressed his face gently with your thumb and shook your head.

"that was all 4 years ago, Hyungu. we can never go back to those happy time. things aren't the same anymore"

Hyungu frowned and leaned into your palm. "then we can start over. things don't have to be the same. i just want to be with you again".

you let his face go. "my feelings for you are not the same anymore, Hyungu. how can we start over if my heart is already closed?"

"you're lying." Hyungu said as his voice trembled.

you chuckled bitterly. "i'm sorry for hurting you Hyungu. i really am. i just, want to focus on building up my career now. i was offered a job back at Japan and i don't want to lose this opportunity. i can't afford to be distracted by relationships. i can't accept your feelings like how i accepted them in highschool. i have other commitments to focus on now. i'm...sorry"

Hyungu clutched onto his chest as he felt nothing but pain in his heart.

you slowly walked away from Hyungu but was stopped by Hyungu's soft voice.

"i won't disturb you anymore but i just want to know one thing. do you hate me?".

you gulped and took a deep breath before turning around to look at his pained face.

"of course not, Hyungu. i will never hate you."

Hyungu gave a small smile despite tears falling down his face non-stop.

"thank you y/n".

you turned away as your feet quickly led you back to your house. you ran up to your room and locked your door before breaking down fully.

you buried your face in between your knees as your sobs echoed in the room.

*you don't deserve to talk to me? i'm the ONE who doesn't deserve to talk to you, Hyungu* you thought.

Hyungu was so gentle and kind to you, he loved you so much but just because of your insecurity, you ruined everything.

you didn't even let him explain things back then and said hurtful words to him. and yet he continued liking you and wanting to clear up the misunderstanding even after years of not meeting each other.

you didn't deserve such a kind person. you didn't deserve his love. you were embarrassed to even face Hyungu now after knowing the truth.

you hated yourself for again escaping from reality. you contacted Harin, asking for the job process to be quickened.

*this will make me forget about him. this will help me forget about him* you chanted and fell asleep from the exhaustion of crying and from the pain in your heart for lying to Kang Hyungu.

.

.

a/n: how was it? haha i hope yall enjoyed the roller coaster ride!

[badvirgogal]

5 Things You Should Never Do After a Breakup

Going through a break-up could be tough. You think your world is going to end. You start regretting choices. You ask yourself “why?” a thousand times. You feel incomplete. You think about where you went wrong. You feel like complete shit, and that’s ok. You think you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone and then suddenly it’s over, in a quick second. Don’t you just hate when feelings get involved? Take it from me, I experienced it for the first-time summer of 2016. It really felt like my heart was about to fall right out of my ass. I cried for weeks, nonstop. I was pathetic. I was even more hurt because it was the good guy that let me go. I blamed myself for months. Unfortunately, it’s some guilt that I still hold on too. At the end of the day, I was more disappointed on how I handle the breakup. Some people handle breakups differently. Some go slash tires, while others sit in the bed all day long and watch re-runs of Sex and the City. I can help you not be either girl. Listed below are some tips on what to do following a post break up. This might come in handy one day.

Leave the cookie in the jar!

The first thing some girls tend to do is hop on the next boy. I get it. You want to get over your ex, but you really don’t know how. Don’t replace him with some random that you met in the club the night before or the guy who slid in your DM’s after you change your Facebook relationship status to single. You’re going to end up more hurt. You’re going to try and find characteristics in other men that your ex once had. Don’t move too fast. Be patient because you will end up regretting decisions that you made, all because you were looking to love someone or someone to love with you.

Refrain from lurking

Stalking your ex’s social media account is not a good look. You will eventually come across posts or statuses that you will not like. Do too much lurking and accidently like a picture of him and his new girlfriend, and then you’ll end up blockt! If necessary, delete him all from your social media accounts. That also go for their family members too! Social media lurking just isn’t the only one that needs to end. Please don’t go to their place of work, home, or any of their hang out spots. That’s totally off limits and really, creepy. If you both don’t have ties to one another, it’s best you two go your separate ways.

Leave your friends and family out of our business

You tell your girlfriends everything. The topic of discussion at brunch is always about relationships. When a breakup happens the first people, you run too is your girls. That’s not always good. Some details of the relationship should be left private and kept between you and your significant other. Trash talking your ex to your friends is a no-no, especially if you two plan to get back together. If he was the one to make the call on the breakup or vice versa, don’t ever be bitter. Boss up and be the mature one in the situation. If your friends now know all the dirt that happened, they will grow resentment towards him and eventually not like him anymore. Not saying not to trust your girls, but you don’t know which girlfriend might’ve been plotting on your man in the first place! For all my girls who have tight relationships with their parents, this goes for you too. You do not want to hear, “momma told you so.” Even though much of the time they were probably right.

He doesn’t want you, girl!

It’s not easy to just walk away from a relationship with someone you have a history with. I know that’s the hardest part but also the best part. Walking away from an ex is easier said than done. So, with please stop having sex with your ex! That’s the number one rule to a post-breakup. Your emotions can not handle it. I don’t care how good his eggplant is boo, it’s not worth the pain. Trust me! You’re going to become vulnerable to him. He will soon take advantage of your vulnerability. Sex will not keep a man if he doesn’t want to stay. It’s best to CTRL+ALT+DEL that ass!

Don’t get lost in the sauce

After it’s all said and done, stay true to who you are. Don’t lose yourself trying not lose someone. If it’s meant to, be it will be. I know that’s a cliché, but it’s true. Know your worth and purpose. If anything, a breakup should make you a better person. I know that sounds crazy. You stop focusing on the negative and on the positive. Stay focused on what you want in life. Don’t let this be a distraction and lose what you worked for.

I’m glad to share these do’s and don’ts with you all. I have been there and done that, and now it’s just a learning experience. I lost who I was as a person trying to keep a man who didn’t want to give me the time, of the day. I found my worth. Hopefully, you can learn from my experience and share with your girlfriends that’s going through the same thing.

If you’re going through it, just know it’s called “going through it.” You’re not gonna get stuck there, you’re not gonna die. You’re gonna survive. -Tina Knowles

[flatcherriley95]

Get Your Ex Back Over Text Mind Blowing Useful Tips

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How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Over Text

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How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back When He Has A Girlfriend

[prosperopedia]

Beginners Guide to Raising a Family for Father’s

Let me start out this simple guide by giving some of my background. That seems like a good starting point. I’m going to share with you some of the things I’ve learned over the past 15-plus years of being married. I’ll also go beyond that time in history and share what I’ve learned about what it takes to build a solid family over the 40-plus years I’ve been part of a family. Neither the family I grew up in, nor the family I’m in charge of now have ever been close to perfect. That’s why I titled this the “Beginner’s Guide.”

In reality, we are all beginners. Wherever we are on life’s continuum – whether sons learning to be men, newlyweds, young dads, old dads (I think that’s where I am now), grandpas, and those who are preparing to fade off into history – there is always much more to learn than we currently know. Thank goodness, for those of faith, we understand that there will be many more years to continue working toward perfection after we’ve returned to the dust from which we were taken.

I have been blessed to the husband of an amazing wife, and the father of six children. I have one daughter and six rowdy boys. We love to travel together. We’ve lived in China and Costa Rica. We’ve traveled together all throughout the United States, some parts of Canada and Mexico, and in a few other places in Latin America. We enjoy doing music, competitive sports, and lots of other fun things. Although it’s fun to get a break from the crowd once in awhile, we generally love being together.

I think that as a family we’d score pretty well if we took one of those sophisticated tests that assess your overall happiness level, although there are too many times in my mind when I’m frustrated and yell at my kids, when I swear for no good reason, when I spend too much time watching college football instead of catching up on my list of house chores, and when I have to tell my wife sorry for doing dumb things.

We’ve been referred to by a neighbor of ours as “the family that walks between the raindrops”, but that just means he doesn’t know us well enough to observe that, like most families and people generally, we endure some significant storms, and that there are lots of moments when we have to ask ourselves, “What in the heck are we doing?” We likely have failed more than we’ve succeeded, but we are certainly in the business of trying…again and again.

In my beginner’s guide to raising a family, I’m going to point out some principles, share some stories, and hopefully provide some advice and context that might help you raise your family.

The Proclamation on the Family

I’m going to start my list of tips for raising a good family by sharing a document that has been read by tens if not hundreds of millions of people throughout the world. It was published by the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or LDS Church, the religion to which I adhere) in 1995, read over the pulpit to a worldwide audience of women by Gordon B. Hinckley, the president of the church. When he read it, President Hinckley stated that the proclamation was for not just the membership of the church, but for the entire world. In his introduction, he stated that the proclamation was issued to “warn and forewarn” the world against leaving “standards, doctrines, and practices relative to the family.” He then read what has become known as “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” I will embed the video below, but I will first summarize some of its key points. Among other important assertions, The Family Proclamation states:

Gender is an eternal characteristic; boys have always been boys, and girls have always been girls, even before this life began and after it ends.

Marriage between a man and a woman is critical, even essential for raising a family.

Sexual relations should only take place between a married man and wife.

Married men and women are encouraged to have children and to conscientiously teach them to do good.

Children are entitled to be born to married parents who are faithful to each other.

Happiness comes from following the teachings of Jesus and by

God ultimately holds people accountable for not fulfilling their roles as fathers and mothers.

It doesn’t take long going through that list to get the impression that it may be slightly idealistic. However, the ideals represented in the document are ones that the most successful families, be they members of the LDS Church, other Christians, or people of other religious convictions, strive to uphold.

As I look at my own family and our commitment to living the principles found in that document, I can see clear benefits of both studying that document and living by what it teaches, regardless of what religion you are or how religious you are.

The Challenge of Raising a Family

Raising a solid, functional family may be one of the most difficult things a man can do in this life. It’s more difficult than obtaining a college degree. It’s often harder than setting sports records or achieving lofty business goals. Many times it can compete with those other ambitions. But it’s certainly worthwhile.

I’ve set and achieved educational goals. Before I got old, I sought after athletic achievement in baseball, football, and other sports. I’ve become a serial entrepreneur, and I’ve built and sold successful businesses several times. I’ve even developed somewhat of an amateur music career. All of those things are fulfilling, fun, and give flavor to life, but I would not take any of those things over my role as a husband and father.

The Perfect Family

The concept of a perfect family has changed significantly over the past several decades, especially since the sexual revolution of the 1960s, when the widespread pursuit of pleasure started eroding the traditional Judeo-Christian concept of what constitutes a family.

For those who are still committed to the traditional concept of family, the perfect family consists of a husband, a wife, and some children existing in a household where love rules and contention is overcome by bonds that are strong enough to create a unique unit of relationships that are special. The parents in a perfect family don’t get divorced. They communicate well. They adore each other. Their children are disciplined, grateful, well adjusted, not bratty.

To my knowledge, the perfect family simply doesn’t exist. I have observed families who are certainly closer to perfection than my own, but even those have weaknesses.

So while we fathers from time to time have these moments when we feel like things couldn’t get any better, we understand that we have a lot of work to do.

Here are some things I’ve seen work very well as I’ve led my own family. I hope they’ll work for yours.

What a Husband and Father Should Be

The standard for men in modern society has deteriorated quickly, leading to a time in history when expectations for adult males have settled for simply requesting that we not be too drunk too often, and that we not sexually assault women, although it permits every other sort of debauchery. It’s hard to think of a lower bar than what modern society has set for men. Our roles as providers, leaders, and heroes for our wives and children have given way to indulgence, addiction to selfishness, to pornography. A #MeToo social media hashtag is passed around millions of times daily, underscoring the failures that have surfaced in the collective characters of men in the 21st Century.

Society’s pathetic expectations for men are far too low for a man who wants to raise a decent family. Instead, we have to be better. We often have to separate ourselves from that influence. We’d be better served to turn off the television and disconnect sufficiently from that influence.

To raise a good family, a husband and father can’t get bogged down in what a depraved society has put forward as the model of a man.

Instead, a family man has to be unselfish, giving, patient, a hard worker, worthy of emulation.

The essence of raising a good family is to become, as much as is in your power, a good man.

Developing Self-Discipline

I remember several years ago when the news broke that Tiger Woods had taken a tire iron to the head from his soon to be ex-wife. She had found out about his sexual exploits, and her response was at least not surprising, if not entirely justified. In the months following the downfall of the world’s best golfer, it was broadcast that Tiger “suffered” from a thing called “sex addiction,” which apparently made it impossible for him to be faithful to his wife. His so-called affliction sounded concocted to me. The idea that a man cannot having control of his sexual urges came from fraudulent studies like those of Sigmund Freud and Alfred Kinsley, and have been blithely accepted by and built upon by those who have come after them, until we have created a situation where our moral agency has given way to impulses and pleasure seeking. That mentality does the opposite of helping men be capable of raising functional families. When a generation of men have been conditioned to believe that they shouldn’t, in fact they can’t, control their sexual appetites, it is impossible for them to be good husbands, good fathers. Their mistakes not only destroy themselves, but they affect heavily the next generation and beyond.

The best advice a guy could take to prepare himself to get married or to reinforce his current marriage is this: discipline your sexual habits. In my religion, similar to many other Christian religions, we are strict about observing a chastity law that prohibits any sexual relationships before marriage, and that restricts sexual interactions to only the person to whom you are married. No exceptions.

Statistics and experience show that without this kind of discipline over natural instincts, there cannot be successful marriages, which also means there cannot be functioning families.

Another form of discipline seems to always come in a close second to the important quality of being chaste.The habits you develop with regard to finances can either make or break your marriage. Data relating to causes of divorce shows a high financial correlation between lack of financial discipline and divorce rates. The less financially responsible you are, the more likely your marriage is not going to last.

The takeaway: learn to be a solid earner and get on the path to financial discipline. If you need help making your way toward a financially disciplined lifestyle, I recommend the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps approach to personal and family finances.

Marry the Right Woman

I’m not a person who believes in the idea of a Utopian soul mate. For many reasons, I don’t believe that any man has been matched up by the universe with one particular person they are destined to meet and to whom they must be married to avoid living a life that always falls short of the ideal. Based on my strong belief that we all have been given our respective abilities to choose, it would be impossible to think that the one true love theory could have merit.

However, I do think that it is a highly appropriate decision for any man who’s in the market for finding and courting a potential marriage partner to focus his attention on women with whom he has similar interests and high compatibility.

Despite the popular notion that opposites attract in relationships, I have read that the best marriages tend to exist among couples who have lots of things in common. I’ve found that to be true in my own marriage. After dating hundreds of different girls at the college marriage mecca of America, Brigham Young University, I finally found one (during my third senior year) who was as committed to my religion as I am, who loved dancing and music like I do, whose family wasn’t wealthy but not too poor (economically similar to mine), who was from a culture (Texas) that used the word “y’all” like I did growing up and still do today, and who, very importantly for me, loved sports, especially football.

While I was in the dating field, until I got engaged at age 27, I often referred to Proverbs 31:10-31 in the Bible, which starts out, “Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies?” I learned from those verses of scripture a lot about the Biblical perspective of what a woman should be: kind, unselfish, hard working, supportive of her husband, dedicated to her children. When I met my future wife, I matched her up against what I had decided to look for. It turns out that process worked very well.

Despite some significant differences in our families (my in-laws are Texas A&M fans, and I come from an FSU Seminoles background) our similarities have allowed us to bond successfully over more than 15 years, with many more together expected in our future.

Marrying the right person and being the right person to attract that person was obviously a critical step for me in raising a good family.

Be Fiercely Loyal to Your Wife

Once you’ve found and married a good woman, it becomes your opportunity and obligation to be unwaveringly loyal to her.

Before I was married, when I was dating around looking for someone I could fall in love with, I was like most single adults. I was flirty. I intentionally struck up conversations with girls often as a way to get to know them, often with the purpose of asking them out on a date.

To a large extent, that “playing the field” approach was backed off whenever I had a steady girlfriend, someone I had committed to in a way that meant excluding other girls. Then, whenever a dating relationship was broken off, I would usually intentionally go back to the mindset that would allow me to find another girlfriend.

When I was engaged, I was more vigilant about shutting down flirting or other attempts to attract other girls. Then, when I got married, I knew it was time to become fully committed to the girl I was now fully committed.

Too often, men will get married without conscientiously making this transition to full exclusion to their new bride. Women often make the same mistake. For a marriage to be fully functional, a man has to determine that, although he will have professional, social, and other interactions with women, his interactions with all other women will always be of an nature that is free of reproach, that never can be called into question. The Bible explains that a man “shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Attaining that kind of unity with your spouse naturally expects a high degree of loyalty.

In our personal application of this principle, this is how my wife and I demonstrate our loyalty to each other and avoid any hint of straying. We never ride in a car alone with someone of the opposite sex. In our business and other dealings, we would never go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex. We don’t go into a home alone with a member of the opposite sex. In general, we do everything practical to avoid any appearance of showing romantic interest in anyone else.

That approach has given the two of us an added layer of trust between us and has established a clear boundary that helps us to reinforce our relationship.

Many of the stories you hear about infidelity start with one of both members of a married couple not setting those boundaries of total loyalty. A man will go to lunch with a co-worker “innocently” a few times, then he finds himself involved in an affair that destroys his marriage and turns his kids’ lives upside down. Set those boundaries and commit to complete loyalty, and you’ll spare yourself and your family the pain and heartache that can never be compensated for no matter what pleasure or ego boost might come from getting attention from a woman who’s not your wife.

One of my favorite quotes about fatherhood, one from Theodore Hesburgh, captures this commitment to loyalty and the value it provides in strengthening a family: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Whether it’s the temptation to indulge in pornography or the difficulty in turning down social opportunities, developing a fierce loyalty to your wife becomes a source of resilience in a marriage.

Learn to Be Unselfish and Deferential

A funny experience I had shortly before I got met my wife provided an epiphany and a lesson that I’ve referred back to often. While I was at a gathering of couples, most of them newly married, at my brother’s home, I walked in and asked if anyone wanted to play basketball. Being a single guy, I was surprised at their natural responses. They each immediately looked over at their respective wife, their body language asking for permission.

From that experience it was clear to me that these guys had learned that their options weren’t entirely their own now that they were married. They had to sacrifice some of their own independence for the sake of a higher cause, their marriage relationships.

I’ve found out over the decade and a half since I got married and began having kids that I have to give up whatever selfishness I had as a single guy (everything from always controlling my own time to getting a good night’s sleep whenever I wanted) and instead replace it with a commitment to doing what’s best for my marriage relationship and for the health and well-being of the entire family. Sometimes when I find myself tired and sick, I have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and take care of a child who needs help. My wife does the same for me.

I’ve heard several times with regards to marriage, it’s not 50/50. Each partner has to give 100%. That principle should be taught to kids as well, making the whole family operational as a unit instead of each of the individuals trying to figure out how to get away with giving the least that they can get away with, or to break even with the relationship. That attitude cannot last long for any one particular member of the family to be at

Selfishness kills marriage and family relationships. Selflessness causes them to thrive.

Weekly Date Night

Having a weekly date night is recommended by most marriage experts. I’ve found that scheduling a regular night with my wife each week and being committed to make that happen is very valuable for a making the family run smoothly. It allows us a chance to have a conversation without being interrupted by children or other distractions, and it reminds us to one degree of another of the time we were dating. We usually go out to eat at a restaurant, sometimes followed by shopping. Sometimes we’ll go see a movie or do something else entertaining.

During our weekly date night, we occasionally take one of our six kids with us, which gives us a chance to chance to catch up with that child individually. We normally rotate the date night schedule through all of our kids so that each has a chance to feel special and to develop their relationship with their parents.

Weekly and Daily Planning Meetings

One of the most valuable skills I learned while serving for two years as a missionary volunteer was to set aside at least an hour each week to plan and coordinate with my wife. We normally hold our weekly planning meeting Sunday nights, which seems most appropriate because it’s on the eve of when we kick off our week and implement our plans.

Besides holding a regular weekly planning meeting, we also try to catch up each night with our plans for the next day and make adjustments wherever necessary.

During our weekly planning meetings, we set and review our family goals, do calendaring for the upcoming week and beyond, create to-do lists, and essentially spiritually create what’s going to happen in the coming week.

During our quick nightly planning sprints, we check over what’s coming up the next day and make whatever plans we need to.

To make our planning more efficient, we use an online calendar. We prefer Google Calendar because of how it allows us to share calendars between our various Google accounts.

Weekly Family Night

In our family, we set aside one night each week during which we hold a family night. That activity normally is scheduled for Monday night, but it can change depending upon plans that involve sports, music events, and other activities.

Although it takes effort and can sometimes be frustrating, holding weekly family night ultimately builds unity among family members. It also creates a more formal setting for your wife and you to assess how your kids are doing, make plans together, and to teach and instruct your family.

During our weekly family night meetings, we normally sing church hymns, recite our family motto (I’ll include it below), have a religious and/or academic lesson, visit friends, do service for the needy, go out for entertainment, or take part in some other activity together.

During one of our family night meetings several years ago, we decided to create a family motto, which we recite together during our weekly  Our kids participated in creating the motto, so they feel ownership of it. This is what we came up with.

We are the Robbins family.

We strive to be like Jesus, and treat others with kindness.

We are honest and true. We are loyal to each other.

We have fun together. We are helpful and hard-working.

We never give up, or take the easy way out.

We earnestly seek after knowledge and wisdom.

We work together as a family to build our faith.

We are the Robbins family.

Consciously, Assertively Spend One-on-One Time with Your Kids

In addition to our weekly family night and our less frequent inclusion of them into our date nights, my wife and I spend conscious quality time with each of our kids. With each additional child we’ve had we’ve come to understand that there is no extra allotment of additional hours in a day, so we have to be more assertive to make sure each gets attention from us.

To spend the time with my kids that they need, I’ve had to give up other things and make adjustments. Years ago as a BSA leader, I found myself taking them on camping trips with me even though they weren’t old enough. My wife and I have taught each of my kids (including my daughter) to appreciate watching college football, so we can enjoy that activity together instead of having to give it up entirely.

Some of the major ills I see among today’s kids is a result of what I sometimes refer to as “Fortnite Parenting”, named after the highly popular, but (in my strong opinion) entirely valueless video game. Raising children doesn’t mean simply keeping them out of the way, occupied with something that is destructive. Perhaps the most effective way to develop your children’s respective abilities to become good people and to have a solid relationship with their parents is to replace their screen time (pretty much of it, except what they’re using for educational purposes) with valuable, scheduled interaction with one or both parents.

Raising A Family is Worth the Effort

I hope my little beginner’s guide to raising a family has been helpful to you. The things I listed here have worked very well for me, my wife, and our kids.

Being the head of a family has certainly been hard work, in some ways harder than I ever imagined. However, the returns are immeasurable. For those who put in the effort to create and maintain a healthy, functioning family, the effort is always worth it.

The post Beginners Guide to Raising a Family for Father’s appeared first on The Handbook for Happiness, and Success, and Prosperity Prosperopedia.

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[throwawayaccountbcitsobviou-blog]

I hate K. Winters

Throw away account since it will be obvious why soon enough.   I just have to vent about this woman.  She is the fucking worst.  I’m going to be as vague as possible for obvious reasons.  You’ll know who I’m talking about, I’m sure, if you know who she is from online.

i hate her.  Why?  let me write you a book.

I actually had no idea she was on youtube until very recently, though it doesn’t shock me.  It’s what pushed me to write this.

1.)If she finds you on social media, she will stalk it to find anything she deems offensive.  No fucking joke.

 She will screen shot any and everything you say, if she thinks it’s offensive and send it to your supervisor.  

Had a guy get written up for making a joke about beating his girlfriend (he was referring to them playing a  video game, I thiiink it was SSB) it was an obvious joke about the fighting game, it had a screen shot of the game and everything.  I haven’t seen him recently so he may have been fired or quit.

2.) . She thinks she’s the boss of everyone regardless of where you are in the building.

Apparently, you have to have written permission slips from your supervisor if she sees you on your phone or smoking anywhere deemed a break area.  Had her ask my coworkers if they were on break and how long were they on break and does *** know they’re down there?  How about mind your business.

3.) She smells like a wet, moldy towel left on the bottom of the hamper.

Okay, this is a petty one but it really is that pungent.  I hate having to deal with her cause it’s a consistent thing. No one wants to deal with her because of it.  Also, she has old person farts that she has no issue ripping quietly while youre at her desk.  It’s like, I’m not stupid, I have a nose.  My Oma is 94 and lives on a diet of fish and aged  cheese and her odor is not as bad as that!

4.) . She treats cute, young ladies here badly

If youre young, attractive or flirty she will zero in on you.  She will make snarky comments about you.  Look down her nose like she’s somehow superior.  I realize it’s a bitter thing, she’s not exactly an attractive woman but there’s no need to shit talk just because you’re jealous of their looks.  Been a couple times I found myself stuck small talking with her where she only talks about *** and she’s just a dumb stereotype and how did she get this job etc etc..

5.) Two of my coworkers tried to convince her not to go to a party the company was having.

No one and I mean no one there likes her.  We had a party and two people I know tried to nudge her into not going.  She mentioned something else was on the same day and they tried to get her to go to that other thing.  We wanted just one party where her smelly ass didn’t cast judgmental looks or make back handed compliments to people.  WE ended up leaving soon after she showed up and headed to a pub.

6.) . She’s on her phone on social media all day, so shes’s basically being paid to play on her phone.

Every time I see her, her face is in her phone.  No, it’s not work.  Trust me on this.

7.) . She’ll talk with authority bout everything and if you prove her wrong or tell her she’s wrong she’ll never correct herself.

One of the very first conversations I had with her involved something I hold 2 degrees in and her zero.  Instead of admitting wrong, she still acted like I had no idea what I was talking about, pretended like she was getting a phone call on her cell and excused herself.  I knew I didn’t like her after that.

8.) . She thinks since she has a DR. in front of her name, you are below her and clearly she is the superior one.

I’ve lost track of the number of times she’d talk with authority about a law or something in the news that’s completely false, but always doubles down.  Bonus points if she tells you VOX is a reputable news outlet.  Bitch, you’re a doctor you should know better.

9.) She’s been caught stealing food from the fridge.

I heard this second hand, so it may not be true but given her size, I wouldn’t be surprised.

10.) . Speaking of food, her diet is awful.

Yes, she’s one of those people that brings in smelly foods that stink up a whole floor/wing/department.  Unhealthy shit to boot, yet still sneers at the thin lady eating a salad minding her own business.

11.) . She talks to parents about her dog in *that way*

raising a kid and owning a puppers isn’t the same thing.  Stop acting like it is.

12.) . She ‘corrected’ a coworker who is an ex-muslim about his own personal experience.

I don’t know how the topic came up (I wasn’t there), but they were talking about Islam and he expressed he left the faith for some reasons and was tired/scared  of his extremist family and that’s why he moved to this country.  She interrupted him multiple times to correct him with ‘not all muslim people are bad/extremists/religious nuts’ well, no shit not all muslims are that way, that’s just a stupid thing to think.  Why are you telling an ex-muslim man how he should think about his (old) religion?

13.) . Told a lesbian she doesn’t understand the struggles non-white LGBTQ youth go through.

Granted, I don’t think K knows she’s a lesbian or Spanish (she’s fair skinned and doesn’t really talk about it), but nothing like a white woman telling a Spanish lesbian about how she couldn’t know the struggles of poc lgbtq folks.

14.) Told a woman wearing a korean traditional dress on halloween was inappropriate.  (Heard from trustworthy coworker)

((Okay, so I have to preface this next one with this: This girl is Blue eyed and blonde....however, she is, in fact part Korean.  Her mother is a blue eyed, blonde haired and her father is half white/half Korean. (and before you ask, yes she is his child.  She looks exactly like him and even has his very distinctive eyebrows/eye brow ridge) Her grandmother, who is 100% Korean, sent her the dress for her Bday. She was excited and wanted to wear it, but waited until halloween so it wouldn’t be odd showing up in a very poof-y dress.))

the girl apparently cried in the bathroom because if it.  God forbid this girl not look like what K thinks a Korean lass should look like.

15.) . She will OBSESS over people.

If she hates you, if she likes you.  It’s insanity.  I overheard her talking to someone about this man who was bullying her online constantly and my thought was she more than likely started it. She does it all the time here, start something, the person defends themselves then suddenly she’s the victim.  Did a little research into her twitter and, yeah, she does that shit in person and online.  Go figure.

16.) She is literally the person who will go out of their way to be offended by everything.

If above doesn’t make that obvious enough.  She asked a coworker what his thoughts on Trump are, then immediately unloaded on him how awful the US president is, how he could dare not have the same opinion as her, then stomped off.  The guy just said he had no opinion on him since he’s not American and he doesn’t keep up with their politics. what a Nazi, amirite..

16.) She once claimed she spoke 3 languages.

When confronted by a native speaker, she back peddled and said she was still learning.  Why lie about that, especially here?  There’s literally people from all over the world here.  I hear languages from all over walking down the hall.

17.) She tries sooooo hard to be hip and cool.

She dresses twenty years younger than she should (I think she’s in her early 50′s, dresses like she’s 25) . Low cut shirts, which come on..if you’re top heavy and they drip down that low, at least wear a supportive bra.  It’s just uncomfortable for everyone involved and you know it.

She tries to show how cool she is by watching shows/talking young, then butting her way into conversations.  Look, I’m aware she is lonely and she only has like one actual friend this entire country, but just because you hear us talking about Rick and Morty or Rifftrax or the IT crowd doesn’t give you the okay to just shove your opinion into the conversation.  It’s rude and presumptuous that we’d want to talk to you.  I know this makes us sound like assholes, but she really is unbearable to be around sometimes.

18.) I think She picks her nose when no one can see her.

I happen to come around the corner with my sup, she was coming the other way.  The hallway was empty, so I guess she assumed it was safe to go mining.  My sup and I just looked at each other and kept walking.  She played it off like she was scratching her nose...she wasn’t.  That’s the action of someone who does that shit on the regular.

19.) . She talks down to and is condescending to everyone.

She treats a lot of people, even those who hold equal degrees to hers, like they’re lesser than her.  A super hot guy she does this to is also a doctor, but he went to a waaaay better college than her.  He’s nice to everyone, she doesn’t like him.  My buddy thinks she has the hots for him, but he is way out of her league, so she talks to him like he’s an idiot to make her feel better about herself.  I think it’s because the doctorate he holds isn’t worthless.  seriously, though.  He’s fucking hot.

20.) She got drunk at a party once and complained about some dude we didn’t know who she didn’t like, like any of us gave a shit.  

I wish I was joking.  We told her to just block him and ignore it or just walk away from the internet for a while.  I mean, we’re adults not 15 y/o girls sending caddy messages to one another.  Internet drama is a pathetic thing for an old woman to get wrapped up in.   She then left to, what I thought, snapchat or face time someone.  We could see her talking into her phone with it out in front of her (she was drunk so god knows who the poor unfortunate soul was on the other end) then came back to let us know she was leaving.  

21.) . She’s clearly unhappy, so she tries to make everyone else around her the same.

No one who is happy with their life/themselves says/does the things she does/says.  Unhappy people recognize unhappy people.  I was that miserable once, I know it when I see it.

22.) She’s rude to wait staff/ baristas.

again, I wasn’t there but a coworker went with her to get coffee (He’s a nice guy to everyone, bless his heart) she rudely demanded a manager when her drink wasn’t made with what she asked for. Yeah, she’s one of THOSE people..

23.) and lastly only because I’m done talking about her; she blamed a mistake SHE made on a friend of mine, who got shit canned because if it.

Yup.  

I don’t care if this is ever discovered, don’t care if it is.  I don’t care if you believe me or think I’m some troll.  If you’re a fan of hers, rethink your fandom.  If you hate her, good on you.  Either way, I don’t care.  I just really wanted to vent out this joke of a human being. I’m not coming back to this tumblr.

farewell, noble listener from the future.

and Kristie, if you found this; Fuck you, twat.  I hope you remain miserable and alone for the rest of your life.  You deserve it for the shit you put everyone through daily.

[russellthornton]

Attention Seeking Behavior: Why Some People Go Looking for Drama

It’s all around us, and we’re not talking love. From the chronic liar to the online troll, here’s the 101 on attention seeking behavior.

Is no amount of attention enough to satisfy you? As a teenager, I used under-the-radar methods to get noticed, such as: lying, playing the victim, being moody. But if you’re into the more in-yo-face variety of attention seeking behavior you might: dress provocatively, say things like, ‘maybe I should just kill myself,’ argue all the time.

Either way, attention seeking behavior sort of makes you the center of things. Which sort of feels rewarding, in a crooked sort of way.

Despite this…

Wanting attention is kinda, actually, pretty, VERY normal

We all have needs, and we want confirmation that we’re loved and cared about. That we matter. Cos’ we’re human. For example, think of a baby wailing for food… in that situation getting attention, or not getting it, could literally be the difference between life and death.

And as teenagers/young adults we want to impress our friends by doing crazy stuff, like drinking ourselves into A&E once a month. And we believe our relationships are renditions of Romeo & Juliet. *‘Arrghhhh, my heart!’*

Also, having an attention seeking personality is LESS of a character weakness and MORE to do with how our brain is wired by our life experiences. For example, neglected children are more likely to be attention-seekers as adults. They naturally associate getting attention with survival, to an extreme degree.

On top of all that, humans are social creatures. We’re all programmed to operate on traded attention because if we’re unable to get ANY attention, this is dangerous.

So perhaps we can agree… although it is quite complicated *like people*, attention seeking behavior isn’t all that strange or unhealthy.

It’s just a matter of how we go about it

And I like to think of this as the choice between two options:

#1 You either mostly earn attention.

#2 Or mostly feed on it.

Feeding is a quick-win strategy…

It’s getting that 2,000 likes on a selfie of your body only-5%-covered-with-clothes *and feeling important and productive as a result, despite not working on your exciting idea for a food-based-makeup biz that could actually do some great things*.

Your Instagram page provides you lots of positive feedback for working way underneath your potential. And, like feeding on an addictive drug, you can never quite get enough… until you forget that you’re actually considerably intelligent and creative. *And if that Instagram account dries up you feel like garbage*.

Feeding on attention robs you of doing great things that require hard work. It also makes you vulnerable to manipulation by people who know you are insecure *despite all of the attention you get*. For example, you might end up with a partner who lies to you. You may even search out people who don’t like you, in an attempt to get the ‘ultimate validation.’ [Read: We accept the love we think we deserve: A real life example]

All this drama is fun for a while, but who goes to the amusement park every day? Anything, even something fun, quickly becomes a living hell, rather than a thrill, when it controls your life. By contrast, earning attention happens when you work consistently to develop your skills/yourself as a person.

Strategies for understanding attention seeking behavior

Okay, with that said, let’s dive into some strategies. Consider these things and you can turn your attention cravings from a dirty high into jet fuel…

#1 Getting your needs met. Achieving happiness and fulfillment is an art. There is no equation for achieving these—that’s completely up to you. Explore and find out what makes you feel like you’re getting most of your needs met. Look deep inside and be truly honest with yourself. [Read: How to be happy again: 20 ways to draw happiness from within]

#2 Not lying. The hardest thing is to tell the truth when it’s inconvenient. But this is when it’s especially important. Doing this one thing massively improves your life long-term, even if it creates problems short-term.

On the opposite end, lying creates webs of misunderstanding and chaos that become almost impossible to make sense of. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and everyone around you]

#3 Not being a hater. We live in an age of trolling. When somebody has lots of light on them, attention-seekers may want to bring them down, to make that person feel small or to show them up. Rather than building themselves up, the hater focuses on what others are doing.

#4 Checking arrogance/narcissism at the door. Arrogant or narcissistic people feel like the world revolves around them. Or that they’re just better than everyone else *others seem weak or pathetic*.

Arrogant/narcissistic people may feed on compliments and on being talked about. But without this they feel worthless. Checking this way of thinking, when it pops up, brings you a bit closer to earth. [Read: 23 signs of narcissism people overlook until its too late]

#5 Not caring what others think about you *self-worth*. If you feel you need fame in order to feel like you’re worth a damn, fame actually won’t fix that insecurity.

Entrepreneur Gary V said it best—he simply cares more about what he thinks of himself than what others think of him. Seriously, not BS, he really cares more about his self-opinion than the opinion of others about him and doesn’t give a f*** about how they judge him. Developing this way of thinking does crazy things for you. *As long as you’re not an A-hole about it, needless to say i.e. respect the lives of others*.

#6 Being the private hero of your own story. When you get attention you become the center of everything. Until, like Bella from the Twilight series, you dive from cliffs just to get your ex to come save you. But truth is there are more important personal challenges, such as past traumas or phobias or fears, which you avoid.

The key with facing fears is to start low and with yourself, not with changing others. Gaining these ‘private victories’ over yourself *inner resistance* adds up over time invisibly until they reach a tipping point. And that’s when people say things like ‘she was an overnight success.’ [Read: Be your own hero: What it means and how to take control of life]

#7 Developing intense focus. The opposite of distraction is deep focus. This involves focusing on one thing and cutting off all other distractions for around 90 minutes at a time. This practice builds up the ability to focus on one thing without needing constant novelty. There’s a book about this called Deep Work and another called The Shallows.

#8 Knowing ‘negative’ emotions are addictive. Whether that be a scandal, betrayal, gossip, or something that makes you feel like the victim… drama causes your body to secrete endorphins, which reduces feelings of pain and gives you pleasure. Drama also triggers your body to release dopamine, which makes you feel euphoric.

Rewards, baby. All kinds.

Until you no longer know why you always provoke your partner and get them fired up into a rage with your attention seeking behavior. As much as you moan and complain about drama, it feels addictive, and like winning, to the attention-seeker. [Read: People pleasers and 20 common signs most people don’t see]

#9 Using your neediness to win. This is about playing on your strengths and shoring up your weaknesses. For example, there are tons of successful business people who love attention. But, rather than using that personality trait doing things beneath their full potential, they direct it towards some challenging goal.

While you can’t change your brain-wiring, you can create new habits that deactivate older ones. You can get out of your own way by: taking responsibility, completing difficult projects without giving up, and looking deep into yourself.

#10 Letting your scars complete you. No one’s without insecurities. But we all make a choice to:

#1 Accept our scars and rise with them.

#2 Or let them control and destroy us.

It’s important to dive into your insecurities and to see where feelings of inferiority stem. However you go about dealing with your insecurities, making sense of it gives you unexpected empowerment that makes you more solid and secure. [Read: How to be an adult: 15 mature ways to grow up and behave like one]

#11 Forgiving/moving on. Everyone will have some kind of developmental trauma. It’s a part of becoming socialized. However, one ideal I stick by is that holding onto bitterness and blame poisons me and limits my own growth.

Sometimes forgiveness is really hard to do but going through the process teaches me about who I really am/can be. It also involves becoming more thick-skinned and less of a pushover or separating myself from a person/group of people.

#12 Distancing yourself from drama. Yeah, attention seeking behavior and drama is fun, but it’s the intense-kind-of-fun that self-destructive addicts experience. Sure, you get a high perhaps unlike any other high out there. However, inevitably your life splits apart bit by bit. Until all you’re left with are regrets and a whole lot of undesirable consequences **cough* crazy baby mama/daddy *cough* jail time *cough* friends who get you into trouble*.

With attention-seeking behavior, simply participating in it draws you into its gravity. I actively cut out drama-seeking people from my life. [Read: Superficial person alert: 36 shallow traits they just can’t hide]

#13 Knowing who you truly are *listening to that inner compass*. This one sounds like a cliché. But we all know what it means. In fact, you’ve always known it, but maybe you drown out this wisdom with social media apps, Netflix, YouTube, and online gurus *I know I’ve done this*.

Gaining self-awareness about who you REALLY are, not what sounds cool, what you think might be accepted, what might make you successful, or what you think should be fun. None of that. It’s about that voice that’s truly yours, even when you think it sounds sort of dumb and inferior.

Listen to that voice, especially when it tells you you need to do something difficult or unusual or alien or important or *insert adjective.

[Read: How to be comfortable with yourself: A guide to not giving a f*ck]

Attention seeking behavior is normal and healthy when you understand who you are. The important thing in using this basic human need to make your life more dope. Which takes working hard to know who you are/what you’re capable of.

The post Attention Seeking Behavior: Why Some People Go Looking for Drama is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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Get Your Ex Back With The No Contact Rule

  Do you want to get your ex back? Here is HOW to get your ex back using the no contact rule. Now the no contact rule is a simple formula that helps men (or women) get there ex back. It is a plan of action (or non action) that can better your chances to have another shot at a dead relationship. When a relationship ends, one of the parties are unhappy and there is no turning back. No changing of minds will occur because for the most part the one who did the dumping made up there mind. Since this is primarily a men\'s blog (sorry ladies) I will write the rest of the article for men who were dumped and the women who are doing the dumping. Also for the most part women usually do the dumping anyways.

Getting Your Ex Back

This is usually a BAD IDEA because when a relationship ends, it ended for a reason. If you happened to get your ex back then you would have to start a new relationship and not revive a dead one. Most of the problems that caused the break up will come to light sooner or later and it may cause it to dissolve again. So be careful what you wish for because you probably don\'t want it in the first place. From experience when I get dumped it is because I stopped caring and became complacent. Lazy to find another girl I stay in a mediocre relationship with easy sex access. I ride it to the end of the road till she does the dumping. Some guys get dumped because of their excessive beta male behaviors like neediness and over smothering madness. For those who got dumped this way should work on becoming a better version of themselves and find help. It is usually a deeper issue other than a girl breaking up with them when wanting to get there ex girl back. Use the time after a break up to work on yourself.

The No Contact Rule

The no contact rule is a period of time that you cease contact with a woman who broke up with you. No contact at all. No texts, no calls, no social media... NOTHING. This method is used to get your ex back. Most recommend 30 days, I recommend much more time because we are men of abundance. We understand relationships end and it is part of the game. 3 months is more like it. Even more time is better. Now this no contact time does a few things. First it gives you time to yourself. Work on yourself and become a better man. Self education is a great idea right after a break up. Finding what you want for your future and become more focused on your mission as a man. Also the no contact is causing your ex girl to wonder about you because most guys don\'t do this. Most guys plead and beg for the girl to take them back. Or some guys resort to violence and name calling. All needy pathetic behavior that only drives the women further away and solidifies her decision to dump you. The no contact rule is basically the dumpee disappearing and not contacting the dumper at all for any reason. Any sort of contact from the man will result in the attraction of the woman to DECREASE. Your goal with the no contact rule is to keep the attraction level the same or cause it to go higher and the only way that is going to happen is if do not contact her.

Common Questions Asked

When to contact her?

Ideal situation is if she contacts you. I would RECOMMEND to not contact her ever again but you don\'t want to hear that. A period of 3 months on the low-end is a good starting point to contact her again. One month I feel is too quick although it can work. Waiting 3-8 months is a better option because it causes you to move on, date other women, have sex with other women, and work on self-reliance.

What if she contacts me during the no contact period?

If she is contacting you about things she left at your apartment than handle it and reset the no contact period to-day one again.

If she is curious, wants to talk, misses you, or wants to see how you are doing then this is a good sign.

Have a convo and get her hang out as soon as possible in a non needy and freedom of outcome way.

If she hangs out then you are good to go. Have sex as soon as possible.

If she gives you issues on meeting in person then reset the no contact time and start all over again. Here is a video that can better help you with this question.

(Click HERE To Watch on YouTube)

What if my situation is different?

No situation is different. You should follow the same rule as it works. DO NOT contact her after she breaks up with you. That is possibly your only chance to get her back or have sex with her again. I hear guys explain their situations and it is really all the same. Follow the no contact rule and DATE OTHER GIRLS.

What to say after the no contact rule is over?

A simple text like \" hey how are you doing?\" Or a funny gif with a \" hey.. how are you?\". You also say that something reminded you of her. For an example: \"I just saw (fill in movie) and it reminded me of you\". Unconsciously reminding her of a good memory. Or you can say \"I just saw a girl who looked just like you walking down the street.\" As long as you send a message in a non needy way that is free of an outcome. An abundant mentality is key.

What if she has a new boyfriend?

Social media is a great tool to see if she is in a new relationship. Don\'t constantly check her social media pages but when the no contact period is up you can see if she is in a new relationship with social media. If she is in a new relationship RESET THE NO CONTACT and add-on 3 months. There is no need to contact her if she is in a new relationship. Just start the no contact rule again and continue to not contact her.

What If she forgets about me?

She won\'t and if she does then it really doesn\'t matter. You are already dating other women and you will find someone better than your ex... trust me. She is thinking about you as often as you are thinking of her fresh out of a relationship. The more you DO NOT contact her the more she will think about what you are doing. If she gets another boyfriend or replaced you with someone else quickly then that person is in for a rough ride. He will get compared to you often and he will get wishy-washy behavior from a woman who is fresh out of a break up. It also depends how long you been with the women and how good the sex was. Time together and great sex is a lethal combination for girls to become attached. Now during the no contact time don\'t do nothing irrational. Do not burn bridges by bad mouthing your ex before you start the no contact rule or have to tell her off before you disappear. If you do any of that kind of stuff the likely hood she is gone forever is high.

What To Do During The No Contact Time

Occupy your time with positivity

Become a better version of yourself

Get in shape, exercise and work on getting your six-pack

Learn more about fashion and what look works for you

Take up interesting hobbies that you always wanted to do

Read more book- self-help, autobiographies of the greats, how to books

Start a business

Learn from your past relationship

Date other women

Have sex with other women

Eat healthy and take on a healthy lifestyle

Reconnect with friends and family

Meditate more

Minimize social media time

Do not contact ex or any of her friends or family

Listen

Follow my advice on how to get your ex back with the no contact rule. Good advice is often hard to follow especially fresh out of a break up. Not following the no contact rule will only push your ex further away so think twice before you decide to contact your ex. Step out of your comfort zone and become more social. Laziness and being complacent are the two most common occurrences that happen when in a relationship. Odds are your ex broke up with you because you both were unhappy. After the no contact period it will be likely you won\'t even want your ex back and you will be on to the next one. You possibly can\'t fathom that now so let\'s say follow the no contact rule so you can get your ex back. #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */

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