#especially in a world where you probably dont get too many chances to experience fiction

[arcade-gann0n]

idk theres something about how quickly ekko realised heimerdinger was saying goodbye that just makes my heart hurt. like how many final words does it take for you to be able to catch on that fast.

[bigskydreaming]

Im asking this genuinely so pls dont yell at me; when you say that those using trigger warnings dont care about their readers’ mental health and wellbeing, what else are trigger warnings supposed to be for? To make sure people don’t enter fics that have material that would harm them. Just like tv shows that warn about nudity or violence or what have you. Its a rating system, theyre warnings. Tagging for rape or underage ARE the looking-out-for-readers thing. Past that, it is on readers to decide

I try not to yell at anyone engaging in good faith, I know it doesn’t always seem that way, but I would rather be engaged with than ignored...the latter is when my volume goes up, lol.

But in answer to your question, it comes down to the fact that trigger warnings are well established enough in fandom by now, that they exist as a kind of social contract.

In short, its EXPECTED that you provide trigger warnings, and that if you don’t have them, someone will bring that up at some point.

Problem is, this counter-productively works against what trigger warnings are actually FOR.....once we reach a point (which we’ve long since reached)....where a lot of people are only including the trigger warnings because of the social contract that expects them to have them, and not ACTUALLY because they’re prioritizing their readers’ well-being.

Something I see a LOT after trigger warnings is the phrase or sentiment “enter at your own risk”....and the phrasings are so, so key to what I’m talking about. 

Take a small sampling and just look for what I’m describing and I’m fairly certain you won’t have to go far to find an example of a fic where the tone of the author is not one of concern for readers, but preemptive concern for potential backlash from readers.

And these are two very different things.

Like, we all know how to read and interpret tone and nuance. Its genuinely not that hard to tell the difference between a sincere expression of wanting readers to be aware of potentially triggering content, and a faux-expression of that when really, the only thing you’re worried about triggering is a negative reception from people, and you want to get ahead of that by making it clear from the get go that hey, you did your job, you warned readers, and thus nobody has any grounds to say anything about your content itself.

Because also too there’s the fact that trigger warnings are inherently fallible. They rely on the author’s own AWARENESS of their content and everything it might include......but a racist author isn’t going to place a trigger warning for using their characters as mouthpieces for even blatant white supremacist ideology. 

A genuinely predatory author (and yes, they absolutely do exist, and its willful stubbornness that people rely on to pretend that like, for some bizarre reason, only genuinely predatory people don’t partake in this otherwise global hobby of reading and writing fiction, like what even is that, how do you arrive at that conclusion, that like, actual pedophiles are so busy preying on ‘real life’ teenagers in their zip code 24/7 that they just don’t have TIME to go online and cultivate predatory relationships with real life teenagers via social media? That doesn’t make any sense!)

But anyway, a genuinely predatory author, is absolutely NOT going to tag or place trigger warnings for pedophilia, etc....because they don’t WANT the things they write perceived that way.

People trying to normalize incest are not always going to tag for incest because they want to DISTANCE the cute, sweet dynamic between two ‘only sorta brothers’ as other than the kind of incest that destroys families...regardless of the reality that most cases of incest are the LATTER and its the FORMER that’s so rare it barely exists. 

And that sort of thing is how we get terms like dub-con and pseudo-incest and ‘consensual underage sex’ when its describing a relationship between a minor and adult....because this is mitigating, distancing language. Its entire reason for existing is to make unpalatable content seem more palatable.

And especially in Batfandom, we KNOW this.

Because we all, practically universally, give Devin Grayson crap for describing the rape in Nightwing #93 as ‘nonconsensual sex’ and go.....THATS NOT A THING!

And then half of fandom turns around and....acts like that and similar stuff...IS A THING.

That doesn’t work! LOL. It just...doesn’t.

Or another example, because abuse can be just as triggering as rape.....like, for me, personally, I’m a survivor of both, and yes, both CAN be triggering. But not as much as people might think....like, just reading a depiction of these things doesn’t trigger me.

Its, like you were saying at the get go, yes, a matter of surprise.....the kind of thing that CAN be warned for, and prepared for, and its the sheer unexpectedness that’s usually the trigger. 

Like.....I went off a few weeks ago about reading a story that was supposed to be about Dick’s brothers learning the truth about what led him to take the Spyral mission and what happened in Forever Evil. That’s what the summary said, that was it, that was the only thing it led me to expect about the story. So understandably, I go into the story expecting it to be sympathetic to Dick. I’m looking for catharsis from it honestly, a salve for the many fics and canon events that blamed and punished him for something I don’t consider his fault, right?

And then towards the end....I get Jason punching Dick again, before hugging him, because that’s just how he reluctantly shows love or whatever.

This genuinely triggered me, yeah. Its why I got so upset about it. Because I was blindsided, I had no way to prepare for it, because I went in expecting catharsis for a story that bothered me due to its victim blaming, and instead I got the author heaping on more of the same abuse we already saw in canon.....with zero awareness that’s what she was doing. 

So....that’s absolutely something I wrestled with should I message the author and ask them to add a trigger warning or not? Because I genuinely could have used one. It would have helped. I would have avoided that story if I had any notion that might crop up in it, because frankly, that’s not something I had any interest in reading.

But problem is, there’s only really two realistic outcomes there. If she was open to hearing a genuine request for her to be aware that her content contained triggering material for a reader....chances are, she probably would have just edited it and taken that out entirely. It was just one line. Easy enough to do. It certainly didn’t add anything.

Problem is....there’s an equal and opposite likely outcome....that she’d get defensive, call this unsolicited criticism, and double down on the idea that what she had written wasn’t abuse, because obviously she doesn’t condone abuse, so she wouldn’t have written that plain and simple. It has to be acknowledged that a lot of authors ARE innately defensive about social content in their work, and not open to hearing they’ve done something offensive or triggering....because that’s like...literally the basis of the ‘no unsolicited criticism’ movement in fandom, even though being critical of toxic ideology expressed in content is NOT the same as offering criticism of someone’s writing in general. 

So you see what I mean? A trigger warning COULD genuinely help in that situation....but our fandom environment simply flat out is not conducive for readers to be at all confident that they even CAN come forward and alert an author that they delved into an offensive, even harmful take with their content and be well received no matter HOW they phrase it....

For much the same reasons I mentioned in that other post. People are more likely to instinctively jump to the defense of the person WRITING the content that offended or did actual emotional harm....than the person simply trying to say, backed by their own lived experience of....being offended or experiencing emotional harm....hey, this is a problem for me and I would appreciate it being regarded as such....

Otherwise, what is even the POINT of this entire system of trigger warnings in the first place? If a problem for a reader isn’t regarded as worthy of attention in and of itself.....at least, not in comparison to whatever problem that READER’S problem creates for the WRITER.

You see what I’m saying? For this, and a lot of other reasons, trigger warnings are innately fallible. They rely on an honor code system, and the uncomfortable truth is none of us are actually naive enough to believe everyone in fandom is innately honorable enough to honor that....if they were, would we have as much cases of anon hate, spite fics, etc?

But fandom as a whole looked at the trigger warning system and decided well....its good enough. Because its not like I’m proposing a viable alternative, its not like I have a BETTER system in mind, offhand. All I do have is the point that well...no...its NOT good enough as is....because for a ton of reasons, there’s a ton of cases in which there’s a ton of people for which it flat out doesn’t work for or benefit at all.

But when this comes up to any degree, in any capacity whatsoever....and the only thing people fall back on is well, I tagged it, or I used trigger warnings what more do you want, or its good enough for me so that’s what matters, or just....

“I did what I was supposed to per the social contract about trigger warnings, so if anything goes wrong in your reading experience at this point, that’s entirely on you.”

Like, does that make sense?

Basically, there’s a world of difference between:

This is a problem that still needs solving because the solution provided now is not all-encompassing or inclusive....

And....

This is a problem that’s already been solved as far as I’m concerned, and I’m utilizing that solution so any further problems are just in the mind of the reader and have nothing to do with reality, let alone me and my work.

Again, as I said above....its the difference between genuinely engaging with other members of your fandom community with actual concern for THEIR fandom experience.....or faking engagement with other members of your fandom community when your only real concern is YOUR fandom experience, and at most, the experiences of anyone who already is of like minds to you on a subject.

Hopefully that answers your question or clarifies my stance there, anon. And thank you for actually engaging on this. It feels a bit like shouting into the void a lot of the time, lol.

[midnightuglystepsister]

(/ω＼)ﾟ.+(〃ﾉωﾉ)ﾟ.+°50 More Interesting Questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

tagged! by @kakihoden Thanks so much :D

1. What kind of food can’t you stand?: Really spicy food. I can’t do it bruh I cannnnn’t

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?: minor...inconvenience, hmmm...I guess to have a longer battery life on my phone, like....i can heavily use it for more than a day and still be good lol. 

3. Have you got any useless talents?: I uh, acting? It’s useless because I have stage fright now so I only use it for evil. Like, pranking someone. 

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be?: being proactive

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking: there are a lot but I will list the /obvious/

Matsumoto Jun:

all of Arashi actually

GD

TOP

CL

ok i should stop but there’s a long list of these hahaha

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid?: watch TV, play video games, write stories, make comics

7. What is something you’re proud of?:  I’m proud of Arashi bc they’re a bunch of good guys that went through so much and now they’re successful and still humble and i have a lot of feelings im a proud arashian

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate?: Entitlement. Seriously, cut it out. esp amerikkka, and then there’s my older bro

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower?: Both. At first, I let people lead, but if they can’t lead properly, or that no one is stepping up, I will take over.

10. What kind of student are/were you?: Pretty average I think. In the Philippines, I was average af, but I was outgoing and had a lot of friends. Then I moved to the US, and the education was much....uh lower? I was suddenly the smartest in class, and teachers favored me, and people hated me, but I just did my work. Then, I got older, I wasn’t as outgoing anymore and I just stuck to my group of friends and stayed quiet in class. Went back to being an average student also.

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life?: Idk? I guess when I first started drawing? I didn’t think I was going to take art as my career at first.

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion: People/Socializing? I stay at home to avoid socializing with people lol. I mean, I have social anxiety, so yeah

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable?: yes~ There’s always going to be relatable characters.

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties?: I don’t drink alcohol. I hate the taste of it. At a party where I don’t know people? I find a nice corner and stay hidden. Probably on my phone at all times. At a party where I am friends with everyone? I speak to whomever is beside me. At a party with people I know and don’t know? I desperately stick to the people I know and only talk to them.

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone?: I don’t think I have fallen in love. I’ve had crushes ofc. I have trust issues, I don’t trust anyone 100%.

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends?: one close friend

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak?: Man...in the middle? I can be a slob in my room, but I can’t stand messiness anywhere else? And at one point, I do clean and organize my room, so idk.

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy: a quiet area around nature. Like greens, or beachy, or just blue skies. Basically a Ghibli setting.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?: I don’t have kids and don’t want kids. I grew up caring for lots of kids, and I’m actually pretty good with them. I just don’t want one of my own.

20. What was your favorite book as a child?: I had a lot. I would seriously go to the library often, and borrow a giant stack of books. And the librarians knew me and never question me about being able to read all of them by the due date. They even had a limit of books you can borrow at a time, but they made me an exception hahaha. But I guess my first real obsession was Harry Potter...and then A Series of Unfortunate Events.

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: lol yes despacito, fidget spinners, bottle flipping, and jake paul hahahaha

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated: artists. Yes, I know there are many successful artists, but even now I hear stories of these successful artist getting ripped off, or getting low offers.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose?:  Real: Ninomiya Kazunari from Arashi. Because we both like to play video games and are very indoors-y lol. Fictional: Nico Meier from MidCin. Just think he would be really fun to hang out with, and his cheeriness will be contagious.

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday?: Have my own art exhibit? And to also travel.

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?: I’m straightforward, and will speak my mind on things I feel strongly about.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?: I don’t think I’ve ever got caught up in a dumb fad.

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?: I used to RP in real life with friends when I was a kid hahahahahaha hahbshasahahah ahaah

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?: Confidence. I admire confident people so much, and I wish to be confident and not this hot mess of self-hate.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.): It varies on what these people know about me. For instance, I have one friend that gives me things from animes I like, another would give me art supplies, another would give me skincare products/makeup, my bro and his gf would give me shoes/handbags. It honestly varies on which of my side I show to each person.

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones?: I speak Tagalog, English, I’ve taken classes on Japanese, American Sign Language, and trying to learn Korean and Mandarin.

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside?: Can it be somewhere in the middle? ^-^; Like suburbs? lol. But if not, then big city.

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving?: hmmm....I used to hate sushi when I was a kid. Now I eat it like 3x a week.

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?: It depends. In a big place with lots of strangers, I prefer the spotlight on someone else. In a group of people I know, then I want to be the center of attention. Ijustwannafeellovedlol

34. Favorite holiday?: Christmas.

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously?: I go-with-the-flow, but I’ve had instances where the flow was super messy and I got irritated and planned out the thing.

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.): Going to Hawaii to go to an Arashi concert lol

37. What hobbies do you have?: Drawing, playing video games, watching videos, listening to music, singing, playing with the dogs, writing, eating, traveling

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have?: mildly useful...like it doesn’t work fully? Or it has some kinda flaw? I guess....teleporting? Like, my ideal teleporting kind of superpower is teleport anywhere in the world, but I guess if this is only mildly useful, then I can only teleport within a mile radius or something lol.

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: My age. Like, legit, every. single. time I say how old I am, everyone gets a shock. People think I’m waaaaay younger than I am lmaaaao.

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: Not to have high expectations.

41. Worst injury you’ve had?: I don’t get injuries bc I avoid them lmao.

42. Any morbid fascinations?: uh i dont think so

43. Describe your sense of humor: self-deprecating humor, dark, sarcasm, and perverted humor.

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? I wouldn’t change my birthplace or year, bc every year or place has it’s shittiness. But if I /HAD/ to...I guess Japan? I have always liked their culture, aside from a few negative things from it. 

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: sleeping, having motivation

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: Losing a few friends/my fam getting scammed, because I’ve learned something about people from it

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.): Ugly tat, bc I can conceal with clothing.

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist?: Realist, but borderline pessimistic

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you?: when people say I’m funny and witty. I was also strangely happy when someone said that I would have made a really handsome guy lmao. 

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: Sometimes people find me scary, though sometimes I can be--when provoked, usually it’s just my face and my silence

Tagging: I want to know more about all of u, so if you do it, please @me! 

[actual-talking-trashcant]

Do all the asks, if you have time. I'm especially curious about number 14 from the story time asks.

ask #2

Tattoos: What is art to you? Does it have an important place in your life? things that people make. yes

Soil: Something that you have grown from, or that has helped you grow. tbh my life as a whole

Dusk: Name something that captivates you. the sky

Ravens: What is something you are inexplicably drawn to? the sky, water, and skateboarding oddly enough

Natural curls: List some things that you like/love about yourself. at this moment in time not much

Zack: Describe someone you love. (Can be s/o, friend, family member, fictional character) i really love my mom. she cares all the time.

Pomegranates: Talk about something that is meaningful or has personal significance to you. music.

The Smiths: Share some artists, songs or albums that you adore. ajr, pwr bttms right now

Jars: Do you collect anything? If so, what do you collect and why? coins, money, boxes, instruments, books, regrets, metal

Mountains: Do you have any sanctuaries, or places you feel at peace in? my room, the youth room, sometimes trees i need to find a good tree

Hugs: Is there anything/anyone that helps keep you going on the really rough days? my mom, music

Caves: Something that terrifies yet also fascinates you? space, water, music, relationships

Mythology: Is there anything you have a vast knowledge of or enjoy studying? a good few things

Ruins: Are there any places in the world that you would love to see or visit? rome hawaii the gay parts of canada

Road Trips: What gives you that sense of freedom and adventure? walking alone at night

Megan: Is there anyone in your life that you admire? my mom

Bubble Baths: Where or in what situations do you think most clearly? in ones where i have a bubble of space and can think and are not about relationships 

Evening Walks: Are there any things you do that put your mind at ease? music

Amy: Is there anyone in your life you would consider to be a kindred spirit? my mom

Crossroads: You are at the crossroads and there are four roads. The road going north will take you somewhere or to someone that is home. The one going east will be a long journey that you will learn from, a message will be given to you. The road leading south will be an epic, unpredictable adventure. The west road leads you down a beautiful path to a body of water, where you may bathe and heal from something that you have endured. Which road do you choose and why? in this moment I'm not really up to adventure so probably just north

Folk Metal: Tell me about something you get really excited about. music

Full Moon: Describe an experience you had that was somehow related to the moon. i was at my grandmas and i was just thinking about how i had wanted someone with me to see how nice it was so i was going to draw it but i never did

Live Music: Have you ever been to a concert? If so, what were some of your favorite ones you’ve been to? If not, who or what would you love to see? yes. I've loved all of them because I've loved the people that I've gone with. still pissed that i missed oh pep and i really want to see them.

Spill your thoughts

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? my mom03: Do you regret anything? probably

04: Are you insecure? yes05: What is your relationship status? single06: How do you want to die? hm. quickly ig07: What did you last eat? cookies that were not for me08: Would you want to know what happens in the future if you couldn’t change it? i think so because then i wouldnt have to waste my time09: Do you bite your nails? i used to a lot now i dont usually10: When was your last fight? dont remember 11: Do you like someone? i dont think so12: Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Why? i couldn't make it because i never sleep enough anyway13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? donald trump14: Do you miss someone? yes15: What would you see in the Mirror of Erised? (What do you most desire?) people around me16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? not much. not good17: Ever made out in the bathroom? i dont think so. I've been kissed in a bathroom and got a hickey in a bathroom though18: What are you afraid of? the dark. being left behind. 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? probably 20: Where was the last place you made out with someone? my bed21: What are your plans for this weekend? i went to wisconsin then i didn't do anything today except feel shitty22: Do you want to have kids? How many? adoption. as many as i can handle, 2-323: Do you have piercings? How many? no24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i like science and math, though i never study either25: Do you miss anyone from your past? yes26: What are you craving right now? how i felt yesterday27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? maybe28: Have you ever been cheated on? i hope not29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? yes30: What’s irritating you right now? a lot of things31: Does somebody love you? my mom said she did a little while ago so32: What is your favorite color? blue33: Do you have trust issues? yes34: Who/what was your last dream about? dont know35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? people yesterday36: Do you give out second chances too easily? yes37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive38: Is this year the best year of your life? no39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 14 i think40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? maybe when i was tiny51: What is one book everyone needs to read? I'm sure there is one but i can't think of anything52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? probably 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched too much skateboarding youtube54: Is cheating ever okay? i dont really think so55: Are you mean? i hope not56: How many people have you fist fought? outside of martial arts like maybe 257: Do you believe in true love? i dont think so58: Favorite weather? nice59: What is your perfect day look like? i dont know60: Do you wanna get married? i dont know 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? in any context at this moment no62: What makes you happy? music friends 63: Would you change your name? yeah64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? no65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say sorry66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not really 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my brother68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably rhys69: Do you believe in soulmates? maybe70: Is there anyone you would die for? yes

Clean and Simple

A. What makes life worth it? good question

B. Hidden talents? i dunnoC. Last book you read? frankensteinD. Are you seeing anyone? i dont see anyone right now because I'm alone and also noE. What color do you look best in? let me knowF. Favorite place to nap? my roomG. Last film you saw? boys dont cryH. Best advice you’ve given? dont do itI. How many languages can you say hello in? a few probably J. How often do you nap? not oftenK. Favorite fast food? meatheads friesL. Piano or drums? drums because i find piano really hard. both are hardM. First thing you ate today? i think a piece of brownieN. Best Birthday party you’ve attended? i dont know. ones with friends O. What’s your typical Tuesday? school soccer homeP. Celeb you’d most like to meet? kaitlyn alexanderQ. Weirdest phone call you’ve had? i dont normally call people R. Favorite memory? sleepS. Who gives the best hugs? this girl from my church retreat gave really good hugs and so do my friendsT. Sitting on laps or piggy back rides? as long as I'm not on topU. Best holiday song? white christmas is my first thoughtV. Last shoes you bought? no ideaW. What’s your skin care routine? badX. Coolest thing about your best friend? artY. What’d you have for lunch two nights ago? uhhhhh Z. Something kind you’ve done recently? i was nice to people yesterday

Story time

Put a number in my ask and I'll tell you about a personal story/experience with that theme!1. Happy story? when i got into my school

2. Injury story? I sprained my ankle running down the stairs on easter3. Funny story? me saying “i would eat- CELIA” 4. Scary story? i almost died under an inter tube 5. Random story? my dog and i breathe the same sometimes6. Sad story? my dog died from cancer my day off of school7. Secret story? (A story you have never told anyone before) 8. Infuriating story? when the varsity soccer coach acts nice but she is not9. Awkward story? i threw my phone in the closet after telling my friend i was gay10. Fun story? i caught a turtle because it bit me one time11. Self incriminating story? i stole $20 from my brother one time because he had more money than me12. Embarrassing story? i dyed my hair green and gold 13. Weird story? my friend opened my other friends photos and the first photo that popped up was a dick pic14. Oddly sexual story? I've only made out standing up once and it was not super serious. Also i almost stuck my hand down someones pants because i am competitive15. Face-palming story? “where do you wanna dye?”16. Food story? i like carrots and ketchup 17. School/college/work story? my mom is friends with my principal. its weird.18. Illness story? my brother got a concussion from snow tubing and he only had this really tiny cut19. Event story? (Something that happened at a public event) i got kissed but paid more attention to the music my friend didn't20. Boring story? today i watched 5 episode of bones

100 questions to invade my personal life

1. What's your middle name, and do you like it? jane, not terribly2. are you artistic? nope3. Have you had your first kiss? yes4. What is your life goal? graduate college, do something cool, get a nice house with bookshelves and a music room5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person? I'm friends with this family who are in the tv and play industry and my nickname is nugget6. Do you play any sports? soccer, martial arts7. What's your worst fear? dark, being left8. Who's your biggest inspiration? mom9. Do you have any cool talents? music?10. are you a morning person? not really11. How do you feel about pet names? they're kinda weird but sometimes nice12. Do you like to read? yeah but I'm shit at actually doing it now13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. glee and a few others ig14. Do you care about your follower count? no ( but i have 295)15. What's the best dream you've had? can't remember16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? yes17. Do you have any pets? yea i have a beagle18. Are you religious? yes19. Are you a people person? sometimes20. Are you considered popular? i used to at least21. What is one of your bad habits? worrying about not working but not working but also not resting22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable not enough clothes, no sound23. What would you name your children? gender neutral names24. Who's your celebrity crush? kaitlyn alexander? i mean i wanna meet them25. What's your best subject? english is easy but i like math and science26. Dogs or cats? dogs27. most used social media besides tumblr? snapchat usually28. best friends name rhys29. who does your main family consist of my mom dad brother dog30. Chocolate or sugar both31. have you ever been on a date? yes32. Do you like roleercosters? no33. Can you swim? yes34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse? i would probably try my best to live or just give up and fuck someone (dealing with extremes i guess)35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder? yes. i still have to do intake for a therapist but its only at certain times and my mom has missed it a couple times36. Are your parents together? yes37. What's your favourite color? blue38. What country are you from/do you live in? us39. Favourite singer? tyler joseph i guess40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? not really but i wish41. Do you like dresses? no42. Favourite song right now? let the games begin or pitchfork kids43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? yes. but it needs to be talked about44. How old were you when you first got your period? i think 1245. Have you ever shot a gun? yes46. Have you ever done yoga? yes47. Are you a horror girl? god no48. Are you good at giving advice? reasonably49. Tell us a story about your childhood. i would count and organize coins instead of going outside50. How are you doing today? nope51. Were you a cute kid? i guess52. Can you dance? if I'm given something to learn53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing?54. Have you ever dyed your hair? yes55. What colour are your eyes? blue/green56. What's your favourite animal? turtle57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? yeah58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yes59. Do you have good friends? i guess60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? hahaha yes I'm gay61. What's your favourite class? guitar is fun and i like physics even though its hard62. List all the tv shows you are watching. i just started watching bones63. Are you organized? some places yes, others no64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? boys dont cry. i thought it was a little weird but it was an important movie for trans and lgb+ representation67. Which tv character do you relate to most? all i can think of is Lance and head canons i saw today68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness? knowledge, time, other people, situations69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing? learning and teaching about the environment and lgbtqia+ stuff70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? i would probably procrastinate more and maybe learn how to like everything and probably try to kill myself after a while because everyone i loved would die71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? id probably kiss more people who knows72. If you could start over, what would you do differently? dont get attached73. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new? i went to madison wisconsin a little while ago75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind? my mom, warmth, my dog, blankets and tv76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today? not much, absolutely nothing77. What did you want to be when you were a kid? pediatrician 78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking? i dont know i dont really have much in the first place79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have? when i shouldn't have distanced my problems 80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence I'm gonna go to college and maybe live with some friends and still play music81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like? i would have written 3 plays and a book, be in a band, get 5s in both ap tests and get all a’s and know how to ride a skateboard and be organized and my room would look nice and i would have scholarships already applied to. just a lot of things82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity? probably learn for a bit then just play video games or something83. How would you spend a billion dollars? probably save it or use it to keep my grandmas house. There are a lot of financial issues with that.84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? maybe future to see if it gets better85. What motivates you to succeed? right now not much. my mom86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? idk87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? city. i like to travel to the woods but not live there88. Do you believe in life after death? i hope so, i think just dying would be boring89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? I've had a lot of great teachers but i think davey inspired me to learn about the world and meacham helps me think about myself and others90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? lemonade stand91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why? alexander hamilton maybe so i could see what he was thinking when he did all that he did, and so maybe he could help us out and also see how gay he was92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? depends on the day, probably something i would think is jesusy93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? hm. i still havent learned how to care for myself but to be respectful of other people and to really think of things from an even standpoint.94. What do you think happens after we die? i like to hope it isn't nothingness95. What would you do if you would be invisible? pantsy a lot of people. maybe steal some stuff96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try? do my work apparently 97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? nah 98. How did your first crush develop? friendship to wow i really miss this person99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? a feeling of hatred towards myself, a feeling of confusion at a dynamic, a feeling of angst over my feelings towards relationships and the fact that i wish i could just figure what i want out100. Do you live or do you just exist? right now I'm staying at exist so i dont go crazy trying to live

alright i think thats it, i kept being pulled away and not being able to do this sorry