#especially if the writers changed her wish it could be used to help calm down aaravos' rage

[lolabearwrites]

"I wish that even in the dark. Sad, afraid, alone. That every child should know... You are loved"

im sorry what. You can't convince me in Leola's final moments, that's what she's thinking.

at best, I would think her last wish would be something like "I don't want my dad to be forever sad" or "I wish for my daddy to find happiness again"

because she could see how distraught he was even as he tried to hold himself together

Yes, her last wish is very touching, but in context it makes NO sense imo. I don't think she-a very young child- who is sobbing while being pulled into the stars from her fathers arms, knowing she is about to be killed, has the capacity to take a step back and reflect and be like"You know what, situation aside. I have a pretty great dad who loves me. I wish that every child could feel that love too <3"

[thenationofzaun]

Things from the League of Legends game I wish were in Arcane

"Arcane is based on League of Legends, of course it was gonna be bad🤪" then how come Season 1 managed to be good? How come some of the game dialogue and lore are even better than Season 2? Season 2 took all the shit from the game that doesn't work for a high stakes adult show (shitty Marvel humour, unserious tone, characters' allegiances flip-flopping every 5 seconds, multiverse), but none of the good shit that actually would have worked.

Here are some things from the game I wish the show had used:

- Jinx talking to her guns, especially Fishbones. In the game, she imagines it speaking in a calm, pragmatic, wise voice to temper her chaoticness. Fishbones is a shark-shaped weapon. Tell me, who in Season 1 has an underwater lair, was "reborn" underwater, has a line mentioning how beautiful aquatic monsters are, and is a pragmatic presence in Jinx's life who tries to impart wisdom to her? Who in Season 1 did she make Fishbones for in the first place? She says "Just you and me, Fishbones!" in the game. Who in Season 1 tells her "it's only us"? It's insane that they didn't have her hallucinate Silco's voice from Fishbones when all the pieces were right there. The game plays it off in a lighthearted jokey way, but Season 1 already changed the tone of Jinx's character so much to make her darker and more serious than her game counterpart. They could easily have done the same with Talking Fishbones. It would been exactly the kind of dark, bizarre thing Jinx would do too. She literally made dolls of Mylo and Claggor and spoke to them. She made a doll for Vi in the AU. But no doll for Silco? Fishbones could have been that "doll".

- Jinx's pink bullet tattoos. In Season 1 she only got her blue cloud tattoos from the game leading us to believe she'd get her pink bullets in Season 2. A cool interpretation is that the blue clouds symbolize her accidentally killing her first adopted family (the monkey bomb explosion) and the pink bullets would symbolize her accidentally killing her second adopted family (Silco). Instead she never gets her full set of tattoos from the game.

- Ekko's lines in the game. Game Ekko calls Vi out for being a class traitor, abandoning Zaun, and joining the enforcers. He even tells her "one day, you'll come back to Zaun." The game literally handed the show writers the barebones of an arc on a silver platter. And they did nothing with it. Vi never mentions nor interacts with Ekko until the final episode. They could have had a falling out over her decision to join the enforcers, which would have made perfect sense and been faithful to the game. In Season 2, Ekko isn't even involved in the Piltover vs Zaun plotline which is fucking insulting. Dude shows up in the end just to convince Jinx to HELP PILTOVER of all things. Why didn't the Ekko and Jinx reconciliation happen over fighting for Zaun against Piltover, instead of for Piltover against Noxus? If the show wanted to do the "a greater common enemy bringing former enemies together" trope, and wanted Ekko and Jinx to become allies, then Piltover should have been that common enemy. Sevika even has a line saying that topside is the real enemy and all the different Zaunite factions should come together and fight Piltover, but they abandoned that plotline for Noxus + Viktor's robot army. Also, Ekko's melancholic game lines to Jinx could have done more for main universe Timebomb than a million shitty AU fanfictions could - "Man, I miss you so much" and "I had a crush, until you started talking to the gun".

- Warwick's lines in the game. And his lines to Vi. I talk about it more here and here, but to summarize, his character in the game is an intriguing look into how Piltover's oppression of Zaun breeds hatred and violence in its people (the monster you created). Warwick could have been a reflection of Vander's dark past that Season 2 pretended doesn't exist, and of Vi's potential future if she continues down her path. He should have played a major role in Vi's arc considering his game self calls her out for becoming an enforcer and abandoning Zaun. Bonus points if Vi is the one to kill him. Jinx killed Silco but Vi doesn't get to kill Warwick, symbolically killing her rage and inner demons and setting her father free from his torment? Even Jinx has to do that for her? Bruh, they didn't bother to give Vi ANYTHING substantial to do.

- Game Viktor. Just Game Viktor. With his focus on machinery and steel and function over form instead of magic. Why the fuck did they make him a godlike mage in the show. In the original lore, the Church of the Glorious Evolved are not affiliated with Viktor, instead worshipping him from afar. Game Viktor doesn't pay attention to them. In the show, Viktor founds and leads the cult himself. Then chills with them the entire time while Piltover cracks down on Zaun, abuses citizens, and arrests people with no proper cause. Why doesn't Viktor have anything to say about all this? He opposed Piltover's aggression towards Zaun in Season 1, and in Season 2 when it's multiplied by a 100, he just kicks back and relaxes with his worshippers?

[themissinghand]

Genshin Impact: The Overworked God [2]

Part 1

Summary: In which one of the lore writers who help write the world of Genshin Impact was suddenly thrusted in the very world they created. 

Well, testing characters is one thing, but playing God, and raising 7 children at a time? 

Oh boy. He just wants to go home and sleep.

Note: Finally back from break!

Part 2 of the Overworked God! Creator! Male OC!

What if we had a smarter Creator that never forgot his initial wish of going home?

Warning: Genshin and SAGAU themes, some OOC and angst.

★・・・・・・★

Tempus, or Kai has been in the world of Genshin Impact for a very long time, since its creation where it was just him and Celestia. 

He struck a deal with Celestia, promising to be the Creator and consequently the God of Time to help create Teyvat, but on his own terms. Doing what he can to save his creations from unnecessary pain and suffering. 

So, he’s still overworked, stressed and sleepy all the time, especially now that he has to take care of 7 children too.  

But finally…today is the day he could finally go home. 

Home sounds foreign to him, after all, he spent more years in Teyvat than on Earth, but he has never given up on returning after fulfilling his duty as the Creator. 

It’s going to be a difficult announcement to make, considering how attached his children could be, but perhaps, he could twist the narrative just a bit to appease them.

“Tempus!” Speaking of, two bundles of mass hopped towards him as usual, and he caught them with both arms as if it was a routine. He stumbles a bit, sighs, but pats them on the head. 

“It’s been so long since you visited Monstadt! I missed you~” Venti hugged his waist as he peaked up with puppy eyes. Before Kai could respond, Furina beat him to it. 

“It’s because he likes Fontaine better! He’s been in my country the longest!” Furina quipped back with a proud expression on her face. 

“That’s because you suck at ruling your country!” 

“Says you, Mr. Drunkard Bard!” 

At least they both have trustworthy people like Neuvillette and Jean to take care of their country…

“That’s enough, you two.” A spark of lightning scared the two to cling onto Tempus even more, but Ei easily picked the two off. 

Ah, one of the more responsible leaders…

“Please ignore these two, Tempus.” Ei says stoically, as she sends a deadly glare that shuts the two up. 

“It’s fine.” Tempus greets every single Archon with a nod, before taking a seat at the head of the table, his expression showing his tiredness despite the light-hearted banter that usually happens during these meetings.

“Have a seat everyone.” All the Archons did a curt bow before taking their respective seats. 

Materializing snacks resembling that of an English afternoon teatime, he smiled when even the stoic Tsaritsa seemed to enjoy his food. 

It’s a shame though, this will be his last time. 

“Tempus.” He turned to the Tsaritsa, who seemed to notice his distress.

“I’m fine.” He brushed it away, before he felt a cold hand on his. 

“Let us know if anything is bothering you.” Zhongli added on, and Tempus shook his head. 

His children could handle Teyvat without him, what else would he be worried about? 

“Tempus, are your worries the reason why did you call us all today?” Sharp as always, Nahida asks, gaining everyone’s attention all at once. 

In the end…Rukkhadevata chose her fate. There are things that could not be changed…

“Yes.” Feeling everyone’s eyes on him, he felt even more estranged. 

"As you know, I've overseen Teyvat, guided you all, and tried to make amends for the mistakes of the past," Tempus continued. 

“After much thought, I believe it’s time for me to rest.” 

Multiple teacups fell onto the table with a loud thud. With a wave of his hand, the spilled tea disappeared. 

“T-Tempus! What, what do you mean?” Murata stood up abruptly, knocking over a flower vase, which Tempus easily dissolved to nothing. 

“Tempus, how could you abandon us!” 

“Calm down.” But it seems to have no effect, instead, he felt the cold hand squeeze his own, sending a shiver down his spine. 

“Tempus, you belong to us.”

“As I’ve said, I will be going into deep slumber-” Suddenly, many eyes shot towards the Bard who looked very pale. 

“-to take a break.” A teacup shattered, but Tempus paid no mind to it. 

“My decision is final, and I hope you can take care of Teyvat while I rest.” For eternity. 

“Tempus.” Scoring golden eyes burned into Kai’s soul, and he forced himself to remain neutral as he stared at Zhongli-Morax. 

“Please stay. I’m begging you, please, Your Eminence. Please don’t leave us.” 

"But what of Teyvat? You've become integral to the stability and well-being of this world, and us." There were many nods that followed. 

“We need you.”

There was desperation in his voice, and while it did hurt Tempus to leave them, he doubted he could stay any longer knowing that he could finally leave. 

“All of you are strong and are capable enough to rule your countries, which I am very proud of. Teyvat will be in good hands." Some Archons smiled briefly, but it was short lived. 

"Which is why it's time for me to step aside and take a break."

They had grown accustomed to Tempus's guidance, his wisdom, and his tireless efforts to steer them towards a better path, so for them to lose his support is like fighting without a weapon. 

“W-Where, will you be resting? In Temporium?” Furina’s shaky voice filled the silent room. 

“Stay here, the Fortress of Meropide will keep you safe. Fontaine and I will keep you safe.”

“Yes.” 

“For how long?” Venti asked, anxiety in his voice. 

“I’ll find you, I’ll find you no matter where you run.” 

“I do not know, for as long as my body needs.” Their faces became pale at thinking of the possibility of not seeing Tempus again. 

With a sigh, he stood up, making others rush to stand too. 

“Come here, each one of you.” In an instant, they rushed over and Tempus pulled them one by one into a hug. While he made himself tall and muscular, he felt small in the group hug that lasted an incredibly long time. 

He felt arms around his waist, chest, arms and back, being hugged by 7 people at once was somewhat suffocating. 

“You all will do great. I will miss you all.” This was not a lie. 

“Time flows like water, and perhaps I will wake sooner than you all expect.” This was a lie. 

Tempus heard sniffles, and felt hands grabbing his robes and weaving through his long hair. 

“Tempus…do you have to leave us?” Nahida asked, tugging his heart strings as he saw such a wise person tear up. 

Did she read my thoughts? 

Tempus got rid of that idea as he forbade her from doing so, and with his current power alongside Celestia’s authority, she should be blocked from doing such a thing. 

“I am not leaving, Nahida. I am merely resting.” 

Finally, with some coaxing, he managed to peel them off one by one. 

“I leave Teyvat in your hands.” 

With that, Tempus bid farewell to the Archons and quickly prepared to depart from Celestia. The longer he stayed, the more unbearable this would become. 

However, once he left, the atmosphere shifted once more. The Archons, loyal to their Creator beyond measure, exchanged anxious glances, and a heavy silence settled over the chamber.

“Tempus lied.” Nahida said, as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

“Nahida?” All of the Archons felt their heart drop at her words. 

“He may be resting in Temporium, but there’s more to it. I can’t read his mind completely, but…he’s going to leave us if we let him go.” 

“What are we waiting for then?” Suddenly, the atmosphere turned cold. The Tsaritsa stepped forward with her Ice scepter, Permafrost. Like many other Archon’s weapons, they were gifted to them by the Creator himself.

“If Buer’s words are true, then while his body remains in Temporium, his soul is elsewhere.” 

The Archons soon came to a consensus. 

“We cannot let him go into slumber.” 

Or they will lose him completely.

[Are you ready, dear Creator?] 

Tempus laid in his resting chamber on the edges of Temporium, in a makeshift mountain. He created this place in secret, so no one else by him knows. 

He felt bad for his kingdom, as he told the royal family that he will be gone doing his Godly duties for a long time, but never informed how long. 

Regardless, they should be able to live without a god, considering the technology and time Tempus gave them. 

[Yes]

As he lay in his comfortable bed with minimal decorations or other items, he shut his eyes and reminisced about the past. 

Although it was a very long time, he was never really alone. 

But he has seen much more than a normal human on Earth, from war to life and death, to the repetitions of stories by going back in time many times to fix his mistakes. 

“Stop him! He’s going back in time!” 

Truly, it takes a mental toll on his mind. He can’t let his emotions take over, otherwise, he would have to redo everything again. 

[Thank you for your work, dear Creator]

[Just make sure you fulfill your side of the deal]

[Of course]

When he shut his eyes, he felt safe, comfortable and oddly relieved, relieved of his duties at last. 

“Tempus!”  

His eyes snapped open and saw his chamber shake with vigor. All of his protective mechanisms activate, indeed, he prepared for this.

“Tempus!” 

Voices slowly became louder and the earth seemed to roar. 

How did they find him? Was it Buer? It must've been.

“Tempus!” 

There was desperation in their voices, and Kai assumed that they seemed to have figured something out. 

Perhaps honesty was better, but in the end, this was always the outcome. 

Yes, Tempus already knew that no matter what he did, the Archons would rebel, would seek him out.

Even if the walls seem to crumble, it did not affect Kai’s chamber, after all, it was sealed and protected with his powers.

But perhaps with a bit more persistence, they would soon destroy the mountain all together, leaving him and his chamber exposed. But, Tempus was not worried, after all, he had prepared for this moment too long ago. 

[Farewell, dear Creator] 

Suddenly, he felt a bright light engulf him as he felt incredibly sleepy. 

Through his blurred vision, he could see the stormy skies, and all seven Archons rushing towards him. 

“Tempus!” 

“You can’t leave us, Tempus!” 

Seeing them in their prime, in their Archon outfits was a little nostalgic. 

Hearing a crack in his chamber’s shield was somewhat surprising, but also, incredible. His children have grown up well. 

[Farewell]

With a fleeting smile, Tempus bids farewell to his second home. 

“Tempus!” 

His eyes close, just as the light takes him whole. 

“Tempus!” 

Morax and Murata pierced through the tough protective layers desperately, and Ei and Venti whiz past them to reach their Creator. 

But, they were too late. 

“No, Tempus is…he’s-” Barbados was crying as he held Tempus’s hand. 

“Kai! Kai!” Furina bawled her eyes out, calling his real name repeatedly as if it would bring him back. 

But he won’t come back. 

Bal held his body as she froze in shock (in regret), as if she was reminded of her past. 

“Tempus, you’re cruel.” Buer, the one who got them so far and so close but not enough. She knelt down beside him and cried while pressing his hand into her face. 

“You’ve left us with death, not slumber. You lied, you lied!” 

It was like they lost a part of themselves. 

After all, Tempus was there whenever they needed guidance, he sacrificed his own personal time to make sure they were alright. 

“K-Kai…” Morax stumbled towards the still body that used to be his friend, mentor, benefactor, love, and everything. 

Even in death, he was still so beautiful, kind and holy. 

Tempus was their everything. 

The Tsaritsa dragged herself towards Tempus with her scepter. She was known to not show her emotions, even when Tempus encouraged her to do so to stay emotionally healthy. He was the only one that saw her vulnerable side, and knew who she really was, and never judged her for it. 

“Tempus. How dare you…abandon us like this?” She stood by Tempus’s feet and her eyes did not leave his body at all. 

While others wept, her tears were turned into weapons. 

Murata stood by her with the same dark, solemn expression. 

It’s not fair. 

How could he treat them like his everything, and then leave them so abruptly? 

If only he could open his eyes again and say it was nothing but a terrible joke. 

But Tempus is gone, leaving his lifeless body as his final memory and gift. 

[constanciandrea]

alternative continuation to @shugarezaissugar’s 𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙚

hi! i would just like to remind you that the angsty prompt and the original story doesn’t belong to me, but to the wonderful @shugarezaissugar! my rp partner and i actually decided to rp the continuation, privately, I hope it was okay! as per the original piece’s writer’s wishes, I’m going to post what my rp parntner and I had written so far. 

my partner wrote Shouto, and i wrote as an oc (I apologize if I went ahead and did it. fingers crossed that you like her even just a bit! x.x I just don’t know how to write this all in second POV since I’m quite new to writing in general! please bear with me, thank you! :)

this is my very first tumblr post, so please bear with the format! 

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Shouto’s part: Written by my rp partner

It hadn't been that long since Shoto had stopped calling Aevi and leaving messages on her phone, knowing that she would never get them, that he was just talking to air. A voice that no longer led to the girl he had fallen in love with. He hadn't really moved on, but Shoto was getting better, his heart slowly healing. Meeting Anna had changed everything for him. She had been the person he needed to breathe life back into his soul, to reform his body from the shattered mess he was. She put back the pieces of his heart bit by bit until he was finally able to send one last voicemail telling Aevi goodbye, and that he loved her. He always would, but it was time for him to go now. Shoto had spent too much time pining for what he could no longer have, and his friends were right; it hadn't been healthy.

  It had been a couple months now since he finally let go and his relationship with Anna had flourished. Some of it, he knew, was because she resembled Aevi so much that it was, at times, easy to forget that she wasn't...and sometimes he felt guilty, thinking that his loss was the only reason he was interested in her to begin with. But, he also knew that this wasn't true. He fell for her in a way that was new and exciting, something totally unpredictable but not unwanted. And when he looked at Anna, his heart sang with that love, helping him heal a little more all the time. 

Today they were at a festival.  Some of their friends had invited the couple and honestly, Shoto was already considering going. It wasn't often that UA students got to get out of the school and go to a public event, especially 1-A with all the trouble they have gotten into over the years pretty much from day one. The weather was warm and everyone was laughing. There was food to be eaten and laughs to be had... Everything had been perfect for one tiny sliver of a day. But then it all just...twisted. Contorted into the nightmare that he was looking at now. Betrayal clear on his face as he looked into the eyes of the girl he had thought was dead for the past several months. Throwing out some trash from her food...Present Mic and Aizawa-sensi hot on her heels...until they laid eyes on him. 

"Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on...Aevi, is that really you?" His voice was deathly calm,  the type of tone that you tried to use when you knew you were about to break. The tone his own father used when he was in trouble as a child. Or when he was apprehending criminals. Aevi’s part: Written by Anri (me) With a skip in her step and a smile on her lips, a girl with dark hair's mellow brown eyes lit up with joy. Her eyes sparkled with mischievous glee and her hair swirled around in wild waves. As she skipped down the busy street of Shinjuku, her laughter rang out like music.

For Aevi, it was simply the perfect day. The best day in her life, so far. After all, it's her first time leaving the "orphanage" to go to visit the city, the festival at that, despite having lived in Shinjuku for eight months already. She simply wasn't allowed to go out because it was dangerous. Especially for her. No, not Aevi.

It wasn't as if her teachers don't understand her desire to go out and see the world for herself again, she had no memories of anything, after all. But they were genuinely worried about the potential chaos that her quirk would cause. Try as she might to convince them otherwise that she would definitely behave, Aevi knew deep down that their concerns were valid. 

Her teachers would watch as the poor girl glumly stared out at the window, dreaming with *such* want, desire in her eyes to be able to use her wings to fly freely in the outside world. That's why when Aevi spent literally months trying to win over her teachers, giving them little handmade gifts - sweet little trinkets that showed them how much she appreciated their effort and support.. their resolve were slowly crumbling down.

At first, she felt like it didn't do anything at all, so she had to resort to doing volunteer works for the orphanage, eagerly doing chores everyone hated and using her infamous puppy eyes no one was able to ignore. Once she noticed it was time for the final blow, she negotiated and reassured her teachers that even though she may pose a problem, she would do her absolute best to keep everyone safe. Hence, she had to spend months upon months of quirk training and self defense. Her hard work paid off even though she was just barely able to protect herself, as her teachers said. So to take precautionary measures, she had to go with at least a couple adults around.

"Aevi, I told you to stop running through the crowd—-" Hizashi Yamada scolded the girl as his eyes widened at the scene that was unfolding in front of him. As Aevi was throwing away her trash in the trash can, she seem to have ran into a group of people.

The girl tilted her head in confusion as strangers she had never seen before seem to have mentioned her name. Were they talking to her? "I'm sorry, do I happen to know you?" She smiled at the group warmly as she asked in a polite manner. Aevi suddenly felt a jolt as her teachers grabbed her arm, pulling her back.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

a/n: original author, please let me know if i should put it down! thank you! 

[tenpintsofsundrop]

💥

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

I honestly didn't think anybody was going to send these and I'm so excited that someone did!!!

This is such an interesting question, because I don't write for one fandom consistently, so this answer would be vastly different for every fandom that I write for - and for some fandoms, like TWD, I would probably have a lot of nitpicks because the canon is so extensive.

But because I have been getting back into writing Titans fanfiction, I will talk about something from the canon of that show that I really wish I could change.

(Spoilers for Titans below, if you haven't seen the show before and you want to - this will spoil major plot points of the show for you.)

Hank's death is an easy answer, because it's stupid.

If the actor had to leave the show, then they could have just - had him leave. Especially because since their first episode, Hank and Dawn kept wanting to retire from the masked hero lifestyle, and I think this has become kind of radical in storytelling, but I think a happy/calm ending can be more shocking - especially for traumatized characters - than an ending where someone dies and their loved ones have to go on being incomplete and fucked up because of that death.

Like - give me an ending where they run a sobriety center for traumatized youth. Clearly they were good at it. Give me an ending where Hank's efforts to help Jason actually have Jason responding to that genuine kindness, and even if his plan was to kill Hank, he goes back on that plan because that kindness speaks to his heart.

So - I would have much rather that S3 ended with 'Hank and Dawn finally retire' instead of 'Hank dies'.

Also - another easy one: Gar is kidnapped and tortured by Cadmus.

The whole 'brain surgery' Gar storyline is something I fucking hate.

There is no proper emotional resolution to it by the end of the season - whatever comfort or catharsis Gar should get is completely distracted and trampled over by Donna's death (which is a non-plot line because a demi-god like her shouldn't have died from something like that, and they only killed her so that they could bring her back in a later episode). Gar was probably feeling intense guilt, trauma, fear, etc. over having unwillingly used his powers to kill and injure more than a dozen people, and nobody comforted him about it, nobody asked him what he was feeling, nobody tried to talk to him about it.

And then - and then, they have the nerves (especially Conner, of all people?) to mock him later on in S3 for not using his powers to their full extent and having a 'psychological block' from being able to use his powers. Like hmm, it's almost like he's terrified of his own capabilities with no resolution. It's no wonder he can't transform into a bunch of other animals at will and it seems like he's holding back.

To me, I think a much better storyline would have been - Gar hides in a closet while Conner is kindapped by Cadmus, he feels extreme guilt for 'letting' Conner get kidnapped, and then, while the team is still split apart, he is the heart that rallies everyone back together to help save Conner.

Gar is very clearly supposed to be the team's soft one. The heart, the emotional soft spot. The first time I watched S2, I was waiting for Gar to give the emotional speech (similar to Glenn's 'we don't burn them' or 'that's still who we are. it has to be') that brought everyone back together - and then Rachel conjured a fucking hallucination of Bruce Wayne in a diner.

That should have been Gar's moment.

Gar should have been the one to trick everyone into getting back together, sat them all down, and gave a heartfelt speech that got everyone working together - especially if it was for the sake of saving Conner. He shouldn't have been captured and tortured alongside Conner. It's so fucking dumb.

There's probably so many other answers, but that's what fix-it fics are for lmao. I have already written a fix-it fic for one of my biggest issues - the episode with Jason's suicide attempt. and I could probably get so many more fics out of that episode alone.

But overall, I watch the show for the characters rather than the plot lmao

[chiliiscereal]

May I offer a prompt of how the turtles would be with a mom friendTM? you know the type I mean? like.... I think they might benefit from that kind of friend in the group lol (also I love your stories, your such a cool writer keep up the awesome work!)

Rottmnt headcanon: mom friend TM

And thanks so much!

Mom friends are severely underrated XD

——

-Okay these boys need a mom friend badly

-but that’s where you come in!

-as the mom friend you keep them safe in many ways

Donnie💜

-starting with this guy, he never really wanted a mom friend

-when April first brought you over he was cold

-didn’t even bother talking to you

-you were determined to befriend him, even though he left whenever you tried to talk to him

-you became comfortable with the turtles quickly and the others accepted your mom friend nature

-not Donnie though

-he didn’t hate you, sure, but you were too much

-you were too overbearing and too nervous for his safety!

-you’d make him wear a helmet when he used his jet pack 

-you made him put on SUNSCREEN whenever he went outside

-you told him to be careful when rewiring a project even!

-it’s like you wanted to ruin his bad boy image

-he hated it and wanted you to stop being so smothering

-…

-…until he realized that attention and moral support comes with the smothering

-the moment he realizes that he’s all for it

-he’s no longer hiding his inventions from you so you won’t bug him, but he’s seeking you out for your advice and praise

“Hey so I made this and… I don’t know…”

“Wow you built that? It’s awesome!” 

“Really? I mean, I know, I just wanted to show you that it was.”

-praise ain’t something this boy has

-have you SEEN how his brothers react to his ideas?

-he needs this

-with praise comes affection

-I’m talking homemade snacks and questions that his brothers never ask

-you’re there if he needs a cup of coffee or if he hasn’t eaten in a while or taken a nap

-“don, it’s been two days since you slept go to bed.”

-“*hissssss*”

-“I’ll make a cup of coffee for you after...?”

-“*hisses but less intense*”

-you may be good at making snacks and everything

-very good in facts

-but the questions are probably his favorite part

“Woah what’s that supposed to do?”

“Well it’s a device that’s meant to fix all the broken McDonald’s ice cream machines.”

“That’s amazing! What did you use to build it? How does it work?”

-you’re actually trying to learn about his work!

-you’re trying to learn about him!

-he loves it

-and he loves that you’re careful to

-it’s a nice change from his brothers

-you’re someone he can depend on

-doesn’t matter if it’s missions or just being a good friend

-and I mean it when I say depend

-you’re there when he needs help rewiring something or just to simply talk about his dumb dumb brothers

-honestly April isn’t even mad that Donnie stole one of her best friends

-she knows he needs this

-Donnie fully learned to trust you after the purple dragons mishap

-you told him they were untrustworthy but his heart was dead set on that satin jacket

-when he came back to the lair, late at night, with no satin jacket and a handful of his missing tech, he found you raising an eyebrow at him from where you had sat to wait for him

-he knew from then on to trust you and your opinions, even though his often got in the way

-you can often be found sitting on Donnies bed while he works, offering your company and comments

-Normally no one else is allowed in while he works but that’s just because they don’t have anything positive to provide

 Raph❤️ 

-Raph IS the mom friend

-your mom friend energy and his mom friend energy just work together so well together

-I’m talking planning missions together, figuring new ways to trick his brothers into being responsible, cleaning the dishes, and even making snacks together

-“so the mission is tomorrow right?”

-“yep! Should we bring apples with peanut butter or pretzels with hummus?”

-“well Donnie doesn’t like peanut butter, but Mikey does, so both?”

-“awesome! And you’ve got the water covered?”

-“dude I even have caprisuns packed so we’re ready!”

-the others find it to be too much with the two of you but Raph really appreciates the help

-especially during the pizza puff episode

-oh that part nearly set you on fire with worry

-Raph had never seen you that worked up

-you had a fan for Leo, a bowl for Mikey, and a bag of fruit snacks for Donnie

-Raph has to activate his supreme mom friend energy to get you to stop hovering over them

-that meant literally dragging you away from them so they could figure things out on their own

-he’s seen you be a mom friend to them all the time

-but never once for him

-you two were like... co mom friends working together to stop the younger irresponsible three

-until Raph got separated in the sewer

-oh man you were torn with worry

-you nearly destoryed the place looking for him

-and finding him all savage like that... ack that was enough to practically shatter your heart in two

-once he stopped trying to barbecue villains and destroy his brothers you took him to the lair and helped him calm down

-you even turned on a movie for the two of you so he could relax

-it was nice to have your best friend and partner in stopping crime back

-Raph of course was embarrassed because it’s HIS job to help everyone, not the other way around

-after much assurance you had him convinced that you didn’t mind

-he was grateful to have you and your help

-he just wished you didn’t worry quite so much

Leo 💙:

-this boy is soaking it all up from the start

-someone to compliment him?

-someone to help him out?

-someone to admire his achievements?

-oh he’s all for it

-he’s showing off skateboard stunts, he’s doing flips, and he’s randomly pulling you to him and creating a portal

-usually you end up somewhere sketchy but sometimes it works out

-you always have to be ready though

-one minute you’re walking to the projector room and the next you’re in New Jersey with a sheepish looking red slider

-his only problem is now he has to be more careful with skateboard tricks

-he’s fine with a helmet but when it comes to you hovering next to him while he’s going down the skate ramp...

-eh he’s not so fond of that

-praise?

-sure

-home made gifts and cards?

-always appreciated

-but you constantly trying to protect him from things he knew how to do?

-no

-just no

-now he only feels like he can skate if you’re not there or if he goes to a skate park without telling you

-you figure out quickly and still worry that he’ll mess up a flip

-doesn’t matter if you’re watching or not

-you’re the mom friend

-your job is to worry

-you promised that you’d stop worrying about him if he can back

-you didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home!

-he agreed and you did your best to keep your promise

-...

-until he actually messed up a flip

-you don’t know WHAT he landed on but it must have been sharp because there was a LOT of blood

-maybe you thought there was a lot because you were so worried but still

-you hadn’t even been in the room but you heard his shout (and crash) and you came running

-oh he was lucky you carried gauze and everything in your bag because other wise they’d have to go buy some

-you chewed him out while patching him up, much to his displeasure

-you’re both sweet and sour about it

-“I’m fine! Look, nothing’s broken!”

-“I TOLD you that you could get hurt! I TOLD you it wasn’t safe! Why did you not listen- I’m sorry does that hurt? I’m sorry!”

-“yeah it does hurt-.”

-“than you should have listened to me!!”

-for a while he’s bitter that you were just waiting for him to mess up

-clearly you thought he was just a big clutz to you

-but after a while of him avoiding you and pouting you brought it up again

-“I’m not just waiting for you to fail you know. I just want you to be okay.”

-“that’s not what it feels like! You clearly don’t trust me!”

-“life happens, Leo! Doesn’t matter how skilled you are! You’re an amazing skater but sometimes mistakes are made!”

-ha that changed his tune quickly

-“you think I’m an amazing and skilled skater?

-you just rolled your eyes and left, not saying anything about his comment

-didn’t matter

-this boy is all smiles for the rest of the day

Mikey🧡:

-he was on board from the very start

-he’s got cuddles, piggy back rides, and his own art fan/critic

-lots of baking and cooking together

-maybe even drawing if he’s lucky

-only problem?

-you don’t trust him to go out on his own

-even if it’s just to grab a video game from the store or pick up pizza

-“I’m just going down the block!”

-“what if someone sees you?”

-“I’ll be careful!”

-“just let me go with you.”

-“no! I can do this on my own!”

-you’re always offering to give him a ride or tag along just because you don’t want anything to happen to him

-that means, of course, sneaking out

-not for a long time, just enough to get some air

-but that also means you’re staying up late waiting for him to come back

-he’s your buddy!

-you can’t let anything happen to him!

-he didn’t know about it until he found you cashed out on the couch with the lamp still on

-normally you gave him an excuse about why you were still up, such as a late night snack or a movie

-but your phone and the tv were both off

-he decided to think nothing of it until he noticed that you were grumpier in the mornings

-he didn’t want his actions to affect you so he started coming back earlier

-even texting you and telling you he was fine

-you two talked and set up a deal

-he could go out by himself and you wouldn’t stay up late waiting for him as long as you had his location on your phone

-it was easier for both you from then on

[bts-weverse-trans]

201128 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Namjoon

RM: “I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.28

The story of BTS’ new album BE started on April 17, 2020 when group member RM announced its production on the BANGTANTV YouTube channel. In the seven months that followed until the album’s release, RM’s mind was full, his thoughts flowing in and out of his head.

How do you feel about the unique approach you took to making your new album, BE? RM: The other members were a ton of help to me. My lyrics made it on the album, but the music I composed didn’t, so I’m really thankful to the group for the music. How should I say this? I feel like everyone is doing a great job. There are so many parts in these songs that I’m indebted to them for. “Stay” was originally going to be the title song on Jung Kook’s mixtape, but everyone liked it so much, and they all agreed to put that on our album. That’s how much influence they had. I’m really happy my room idea was chosen to be the album photos. Since we’re spending a lot of time in our rooms because of COVID-19, we laid out the idea of each of us decorating a room in our own style. I can’t remember for sure (laughs) but I think I’m the one who came up with that. I made a comfortable room, one that’s modern and warm because that’s what I like.

There’s a painting in the middle, and symmetrically arranged figurines. RM: The figures are from my own collection. I wanted to show one of my paintings, but that didn’t pan out. But still, those are the things I hold most dear to me right now, so I let the room embody the things I wish I had, too.

It’s well known that you like art and frequent exhibitions, but how do you feel when you look at art in your home or another space where there are no people, like in the album art? RM: Someone said, “You don’t have to buy this painting; it’s yours so long as you’re looking at it.” That’s my favorite sound bite these days. What I most envied about painters was that, even after they died, their work would be hanging up somewhere, maybe even in another country, still defining that space. Musicians leave behind their songs and videos, too, but it’s only through fine art that viewers in the future are able to completely meet artists from the past. I’m envious that this is only possible for painters. These days I’m trying to find spaces where I can have more relaxed viewing experiences.

There’s a full experience involved, from the time you get ready to leave your house until the time you’re actually looking at artwork in the gallery. RM: That’s perfect to me. There’s art you can keep at home, and then there’s art that should always be viewed in museums.

What effect do you think that type of experience has on your music? You didn’t compose any of the songs but instead participated in writing the lyrics to all of the tracks. Did that experience affect your lyric writing in any way? RM: I think it’s helped me develop a way of thinking using all the senses. I used to be attuned to speech and focus on language and auditory textures, but now I can look at my thoughts from many different angles. That’s why I spend more time studying art now. I’m waiting for the day that it all comes to the surface, like when you paint the base on a canvas over and over so the colors pop. It’s hard to answer in one word if it has a direct influence on my work, but I think people who create music develop a way of seeing the world through their personal experience and their creative process. Painters naturally exhibit their art over a very long period of time. I think it gave me an eye for looking at the world in one long, continuous stroke. So now it’s become a little challenging for me to write lyrics these days. I’ve become more cautious.

Why is it so challenging? RM: I used to have so many ideas pouring out that it was hard to pluck one out. So I would stack them up like a Jenga tower and ponder over which one to remove. But now, it’s hard to even add a block to the stack. I’m not sure why but, when I look at these artists whose works span their entire lives, I sense that the rhythm of my creativity is slowing down more and more. That’s the source of my dilemma. I’m only 27 years old. I still need to wander around and get tripped up a little. But am I just trying to imitate what the fine artists are doing? Or maybe BTS experienced so much in the past seven years, that now it’s time for us to take a breather? I’ve got so many questions, I feel like my hair’s turning white. That’s why none of my songs are on the album. I wrote some, but they were too personal to use there. I don’t exactly like myself like this, but I have to see through to the end in this direction and find the answer.

Maybe for that reason, your rapping has shifted focus to the lyrics more so than trend or musicality. It emphasizes the feeling of the words over a particular format or beat. RM: Exactly. In—was it 2017? Pdogg was talking to Yoongi, Hobi and me about our style, and said, “Namjoon, it feels like you’re becoming a lyricist,” and it really stuck with me. I have a lot of thoughts lately when I watch Show Me the Money or listen to hip hop songs from the Billboard chart. My music started out all about my life as a rapper, so I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now.

So you’ve started to ask yourself who you are as a musician? RM: I listened to Lee So-ra’s seventh album again today. I keep changing my mind but, if I had to pick between her sixth and seventh album, I like her seventh a little more. And then I listen to the most popular songs on Billboard, and I feel kind of thrown off. Um … There’s something Whanki Kim said that’s been running around in my head lately: After moving to New York, he embraced the style of artists like Mark Rothko and Adolf Gottlieb, but then he said, “I’m Korean, and I can’t do anything not Korean. I can’t do anything apart from this, because I am an outsider.” And I keep thinking that way, too. That’s my main concern lately.

You can feel that on BE. As the members take on more prominent roles as songwriters and producers, characteristics of old Korean music—the kind of music you likely listened to in middle and high school—gradually entered your sound. But your music isn’t from that era, and it sounds like pop, but not quite. RM: The sound has to fit with the whole album so I couldn’t incorporate that feel into BTS songs, but the songs I’m listening to most lately have been Korean. Songs like P-Type’s “Don Quixote,” Dead’P’s “Spread My Wings,” Soul Company’s album The Bangerz. The impressions the songs from back then have left on me, the lyrics from back then and the lyrics from now, they’re different. So BE is both Korean and pop; it’s very unique, in my view.

I think that’s especially true for “Life Goes On.” It’s got a pop melody, but compared to “Dynamite,” it has a very different feel. It doesn’t slip deep into the sentimental, instead allowing the melody to flow naturally. RM: Exactly. The chorus is totally pop, and one of the writers was also American. But the song doesn’t really follow American music trends, weirdly. So I don’t know how “Life Goes On” is going to be received. It’s really calm, almost contemplative. So there’s lyrics, like, “Like an echo in the forest,” and, “Like an arrow in the blue sky.” The song kind of feels like that: It could just float off and disappear. It might even come off as bland next to “Dynamite.”

If nothing else, it seems the song will stick around for a long time. Maybe kids now will listen to it later on in the future. RM: I hope so. That’s the one thing I really hope for, people in the future, thinking back and saying, “Oh, right! Remember that one song?” That’s what my favorite artists and other people who leave a lasting impression on me have in common. One thing common among the songs that have affected me a lot, like Lee So-ra’s seventh album, is that the lyrics they utter in their voice along with the overall sound stick with me. I hope when people look back, my words uttered with the sound of my voice, echoes for a long time in an auditory or visual way, or even throughout their entire lives. But that’s the dilemma: We have all these bling-bling symbols of our success, but we’re not that kind of team.

And yet, BTS’s career path is even more “bling-bling” than ever. “Dynamite” was the top song on the Billboard Hot 100. RM: I was the first one to check our position (laughs) but I didn’t want to get too excited about it. I was scared of facing disappointment so I put the brakes on out of habit, and restrained myself. But on the other hand, I feel like I should relish this moment. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing; shouldn’t I enjoy myself a bit? But I disliked that sensation of only feeling elated so I tried to be as objective as possible. I was just one small part of everything that made this happen.

It reminds me of that part, “Running faster than that cloud of rain /  Thought that would be enough / Guess I’m only human after all,” from “Life Goes On.” RM: “Only human” sounds so appropriate for me right now. One time, I saw a dark cloud over the N Seoul Tower while I was walking along the Han River. I was with a friend and we talked about where the border between where it’s raining and where it’s not might be, and suddenly, we came up with the idea to run and find that spot. But after running for 10 minutes, the cloud was even further away than it had been. At that moment, the puzzle pieces snapped into place. You think you can go faster than that dark cloud? No. That’s what I realized then. And I just like what Whanki Kim said, that maybe I can’t do anything not Korean, because that’s what I am. I used to work late and then stay up all night when things weren’t working out, sometimes walking from Samseong to Sinsa station, thinking everything through. But now, like the saying, I realize that maybe I can’t do more than what I am.

On Weverse, you said that you gained some muscle from working out. Could the change to your body improve your creativity in the long term? RM: I started to think I better change myself a little, physically or mentally. I’m talking about being steady. I used to bombard myself with challenges and worries and just get over them, but now I think it’s time to find that one sturdy thing and plant myself there. The best choice was working out, and I think it’s changing my behavior a lot. I’m hoping that, if I keep working out for a year or two, I’ll become a different person.

Music is your job, but also your life. Like you expressed in “Dis-ease,” how would you say you feel about your work? RM: This is my job and my calling and I feel a great sense of responsibility. I think I’m lucky and happy that I can solely worry about my creative process. And I feel very responsible to those people who put their trust in me, so I try not to cross any lines, judge myself honestly, and always be professional. Those are the responsibilities that come with the job—the things I have to do and the promises I won’t betray. But if I’m going to do it, I’m going to be happy while I do it. That’s not always going to be possible, but that’s generally how I feel.

Well then, how do you feel about BTS at the moment? RM: BTS is … Well, it’s really hard to tell. (laughs) When BTS started out, I thought, “I know everything there is to know about BTS,” but now it’s, “I don’t know a single thing about BTS.” In the past, I felt like I knew everything, and that anything was possible. Call it childish or ambitious. But if I were to ask myself, “What is BTS to me?” I would say, we’re just people who met each other because we were meant to. But it feels like the stars aligned and a startup company became a unicorn, with perfect timing and lots of smart people. Looking back, there were a lot of ironies and contradictions in this industry. I thought I figured them out one by one, and then finally understood the whole thing. But now I feel like I don’t know anything at all. Anyway, to sum up: My young, reckless twenties. The events of my twenties. There were a lot of contradictions, people, fame, and conflict all tangled together, but it was my choice and I got a lot out of it, so my twenties were an intense but also happy time.

And what about you, as one individual person? RM: I’m a real Korean person. (laughs) A person who wants to do something in Korea. I think millennials are charging into society stuck between the analog and digital generations, and what I chose is BTS. So I try to integrate myself into our generation, try to understand what people like me are thinking, and try to work hard to capture that feeling without being a burden on them. This might be another kind of irony itself, but this is who I am. I’m a 27-year-old Korean. That’s what I think.

Trans © Weverse

[fromiftowhen]

The Rookie: 3x09 Amber Thoughts/Spoilers

I have��� a LOT of thoughts about this episode. Unsurprisingly, the majority of them are Chenford related, but I had a LOT of West and Lopez feels too, so. Here we go. I started to try to get my feelings out, but it just became me copying quotes that I either laughed or had other feelings about, so…

“Grey’s busy, and Smitty’s getting a back tattoo.”

“That’s --”

“Don’t ask.

-- When I say I laughed out loud. Jackson and Smitty’s relationship is one of the best callbacks this show does, and every mention of that ridiculous man is hilarious.

“But it’s super important she doesn’t get shot today.”

“No promises. You ride with me, you ride the rollercoaster.”

-- Nyla Harper is my favorite person. She was excellent in this episode, from the very beginning to the sweet moment at the end (that ending scene did NOT need to be about Nolan, this should have been solely focused on Lucy and Jackson and what they accomplished today, but I can’t say I’m surprised. But Harper made it better.)

Tim tossing the list out the window immediately.

“You know, littering is a $250 fine.”

“Worth it.”

Lucy pulling a backup list right out. They know each other SO well.

-- HILARIOUS. Although I’ll admit my guard was up the moment she pulled that list out and used the word “trickery.” It worked out differently than I thought it would, but… well. We’ll get to that.

“I knew my TO would be important to my career. But I don’t know. I didn’t realize how important you’d be to my life.”

-- I should have been more prepared for the Lopez and West feelings today. Their relationship probably started out the rockiest of all the TO/rookie pairings, and maybe rightfully so… but it’s become the least complicated, the closest to friendship the fastest, and their bond is just really something. Jackson was right - a LOT has happened in their 13 months together (yes, show, I remember exactly how long it’s been -- do you?) and they’ve both grown and changed in such wonderful ways. Angela looked sentimental the whole episode (while still being her badass, hilarious self) and West looked SO relaxed, it was such a lovely bookend to their first days together.

“I wish someone taught me how to be in this one.”

“Oh, so we are in a relationship.”

-- All the references to a relationship were good, if not entirely baity. But Tim’s delivery of that line was amazing and made me laugh out loud. He sounds so long-suffering and very much like an exasperated husband, and it really pinpointed one of the ways they interact that just WORKS so well. It just feels natural, and Eric Winter’s delivery was great.

“Tell me the truth -- Am I gonna poop myself?”

-- This entire conversation was so randomly hilarious (but added levity they all clearly needed then). Harper and Lopez are hilarious together and I truly wish the show gave us more of that.

“Don’t worry -- I will personally stand watch over your kid until you leave the hospital.”

-- Jackson West. I love you.

“I really hope our last shift together doesn’t end with that.”

“Yeah, me too.”

-- EMOTIONS.

Tim distracting her with her list. The man KNOWS her. And him acknowledging that she’s been to hell and back. Again, I say -- EMOTIONS. It was such a good callback to him knowing she needs to focus on work and order and process to remain calm in some situations.

“One look from you could send me into a tailspin.” And one day, it will again -- in an entirely different way, I am SURE. The way they both knew she was referring to Plain Clothes Day was great.

“I dunno. Smitty is surprisingly maternal.”

“That is the most horrifying idea I’ve ever heard, and I want it to be a reality show so bad.”

“Right? I would watch the hell out of that.”

-- Lowkey this was the most hilarious exchange of the night. I would also watch the hell out of that reality show. All these little moments made me miss Lopez and West together so much. Their scene at the end of the episode was lovely. All the times he thanked her. Please still let them interact often. The show NEEDS it.

“We did it.”

“No. You did it.” THE MOST TIM BRADFORD THING I’VE EVER HEARD.

“Office Chen impressed me with every decision she made today. I will miss riding with her.”

The callback to the evaluation in Plain Clothes Day. My heart skipped a beat, honestly. The way that Tim was looking at her in this scene while she read the note was… it was a lot, and apparently too much for me to process currently because that’s the most intelligible thing I’ve got to say about it.

“You don’t let anyone ever tell you you can’t do something. Not even me.”

-- WHILE HE HELD THE HANDSHAKE. This one line tells you all you need to know about Tim Bradford and his RELATIONSHIP with Lucy Chen, honestly. He knows she’s “as tough as they come” and has “been to hell and back” and he knows, even if it scares him, even if it gives him flashbacks to Isabel, that she can do it.

Her gift to him was such a nice callback. For a show that doesn’t seem to track or care about its actual timeline, they’ve done a wonderful job with callbacks especially this season, and especially Tim and Lucy related ones. All the Caleb/Rosalind stuff. All Isabel mentions. Multiple mentions of Plain Clothes Day and their first day riding together, etc.

Every. Single. Time. He has called her Lucy this season, I have had to compose myself, none more than in this episode. I do kind of wish they’d waited until that last moment to have him call her Lucy (to her face, we all know I don’t think the phone call scene from season one, although one of their very best moments, counts)... it might have felt slightly more impactful (although the moment in the season premiere was great in its own way.)

Honestly, it was a little weird for me watching the show tackle their final moments as TO/rookie because I’ve written so many versions of that myself? (And look, I’m not gonna lie, their version gave me feelings, but I liked mine better). I wish that truly lovely garage scene hadn’t come on the heels of that “confession” scene, but it did help make up for it.

You might have noticed that I specifically skipped over that “confession” scene in the shop. As soon as he started talking about lying and UC work, I said “ugh” and then immediately wrote the scene in my head -- down to her laugh, it was that predictable once you got the gist. And I’m going to be honest -- if I had written it, I would have deleted it.

I KNEW going in -- and I think most people will agree -- that this was not going to be a true confession. That we weren’t going to get a Chenford love confession tonight (and please, can we discuss that ‘canon’ and ‘endgame’ are not interchangeable for just a sec.) But the way it happened just felt SUPER ship baity, and using it in the promo even more so. I just felt super pandered to in a ridiculous way that didn’t leave me with the most pleasant feelings about the writers… the garage scene at the end definitely helped, but overall the confession scene left a sour taste.

The thing is -- the things she said? How he saved her? How the reason he’s protective of her is that he might have feelings too? Those are all valid things! And things that, at least in fic, I believe. But watching that scene, me, someone who can read something shippy in the TINIEST glance? I didn’t FEEL those things. I wasn’t nodding along like “yep, yep, that’s all true” -- there wasn’t a moment during that scene where they looked at each other and I thought “yes, this is hitting too close to home for one of them.” Maybe that’s just me. I don’t know.

And I don’t know if that’s because I was too in my feelings about being badly pandered to, or if it just wasn’t there, or what. But… just overall I’m left with a feeling that it was just an entirely unnecessary scene that probably didn’t serve the ship well, just judging by some reactions I’ve seen.

Those feelings though? The ones I wanted to feel in that confession scene? I FELT THOSE, every single one of them, in the parking garage scene at the end.

Every look was perfect. Every pause, the handshake (a hug would have truly saved the confession mess, let's be honest, but can't be picky), the way he looked at her as she read, THAT is the writers do SO perfectly right for Tim and Lucy (and I know the majority of that credit goes to Eric and Melissa, because the moments that are the most impactful are the looks that just can't be entirely scripted.)

Do I still ship them with every fiber of my being? Yes, and nothing the writers do or don’t do will change that. Will I still (eventually again) write a million words about them falling in love how I think they should? Yes. Do I need the show to stick to moments like in the parking garage -- real, honest moments between them? YES. That is what the show gets right about their relationship. If they can just stick to those moments -- and somehow continue them and make them believable even if they’re no longer riding together -- I’ll be happy.

Am I worried about their interactions now that they’re no longer riding together? Yes. Their chemistry is honestly the best thing on this show. Giving less screen time to Lopez and West together has been rough -- not only on the relationships aspect that so much drives the show but on the timing/pacing as well -- and I worry that their best characters/best ship not sharing as much screen time will not help either of these issues.

Maybe they’ll surprise me. I hope -- I think -- they will.

(Random, but things I still need from this season: A Rachel mention? Don't get me wrong, if they want to forget her, I'm cool... but it feels like (even a fake love) confession should have been the right time to be like "I know this is awkward, you're dating my friend..." Come on, show. I don't care about her, but you tried HARD to sell us on her last season, so at least give her a two second mention to update us on what is actually going on. The Lopez-Evers wedding. (Do I think it'll be THE Chenford event most people are hoping for? No. But I'm ready to be proven wrong.) A continuation on Harper's love life. UPDATE ME on my girl.)

[autumnslance]

If you're still taking characters you know I gotta ask about Hien. But also any thoughts on Ilberd? O:

Give me a character and I’ll break them down:

Well then below the cut we go for these two very different men...

Hien Rijin

How I feel about this character:

Hien's a good guy with the smile of a pure cinnamon roll. It's almost weird to me when he gets an angry face, or more serious in general; his natural default just strikes me as good-natured and happy.

But he also has to be the leader of Doma, a symbol to his people as well as figuring out how to pull the country back together after 25 years of occupation--his own entire life, never knowing freedom or actually seeing his father and other elders rule and manage. So he has to figure it out, with some help, and reminders to delegate some things.

I really, really hope he DOES take Yotsuyu's history into account, and tries to find ways to change some of the societal issues that led to her, though I have low hopes there, given how utterly clumsily that arc was written in the Stormblood patches. Hien wasn't allowed to be a hero there by the writers, and it was frustrating. I could see what they were trying to do, but the story format wasn't a good one for the nuance that was needed for such issues.

Basically, he's a good guy, and a learning leader raised for it that now must put it all into practice, but the writers have to remember to let him be the hero they want to depict him as and make the changes he should after his MSQ experiences.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Cirina, especially after the Chronicles of Light story about how the Mol found him and all their time together, and Yugiri seeming to suddenly jump on board as well.

I can definitely see the ships with Lyse, given their ages and situations; a sort of comfort thing as they navigate the war.

I love all the WoLships with Hien too. There's such great potential for cheerful chaos there; he's got a very calming, steady sort of dynamic with the WoL, even as he joins them in shenanigans.

I also headcanon Hien as ace--even when in a romantic relationship. The dude's totally down for sex with his significant other, the trick is getting Hien to realize someone has an interest at all cuz he's adorably oblivious.

This may be related to his apparently not seeing Cirina's interests, nor realizing what the heck is up with the Buduga boys (which is its own grumpy post about toxic masculinity and predatory gay stereotypes played for comedy, but I digress)

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

His battle duo, lifelong friendship with Yugiri really needs more time in the spotlight. She's more than just a retainer.

The relationship with Gosetsu is also a great one, especially since Kaien's death and these two finding comfort from that in one another, in their own familial way.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

I don't know; I like Hien well enough but don't really think about him too much outside the parts of the story he is relevant to. Probably anything I've said above.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

That he would have been allowed to be a good guy and deal with Yotsuyu's former pimp reasonably and seen the hypocrisy in "but he's a good man now" while debating what to do with a brain damaged woman who couldn't even remember her crimes and was nursing her new adopted grandfather.

Also maybe that the alliance with the tribes of the Steppe had been handled a little differently. As it is, it's toeing some lines in using the Nadaam to convince the Xaela to help liberate Doma on the say so of the new Khan (which the tribes don't actually have to listen to anyway). It only actually works at all cuz Grynewaht chooses that moment to attack in his pursuit of the WoL, whose own Blessed charisma and battle prowess is what really convinces the Xaela to take the fight to the Garleans (which is its own shorthanded problem), but Hien's plan literally was just "try to win the Nadaam and use that leverage to get them to help me" and it really wasn't going to work.

Ilberd Feare

How I feel about this character:

One of the most effective antagonists in the game. A man so ground down by the events of his life, carrying so much anger, that his convictions twisted into something terrible and obssessed.

He got everything he wanted, but never got to see it, and so much blood was spilled along the way.

He's a tragic character--in the classic literary sense--and things could and should have gone so differently for him. Now all Raubahn is left with is regrets for his old friend.

I also think there are a lot of parallels between Ilberd and Emet-Selch that need more delving into; these two broken men who are willing to do anything and everything, regardless of cost, for the sake of a lost home, even betraying those who remind them of that home and family and could be of help.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

No one, really; he's too single-minded in his pursuit of his goals, too hurt and scarred to open himself up emotionally.

There are some really fantastic WoLships though, given the turmoil of events and emotions involved.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

I wish we had more about his and Raubahn's younger days and their friendship before things soured.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

He's one of our best villains because not only are his motivations understandable, but what he does to the Scions and Raubahn is so personal, even though it's all part of his own ongoing plan and we just happen to be in the way of that, regardless of how he used to feel.

Hence me thinking there are a lot of parallels with Emet-Selch.

But Ilberd seems often overlooked or dismissed from the WoL's villain gallery as he's just a normal man (who happens to be one of the few darker skinned ones in the game to boot). Nevermind he is directly responsible for catapulting the WoL into two different expansion stories.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I dunno; Ilberd's tale is on such a steady trajectory that I can't see it going any other way, or at least there's nothing I'm particularly dissatisfied with. His actions and tragedy work for me, so I may have to think about that one some more, maybe after a replay.

[starkeysgrl]

Coming Down

A/n: Hey!! So I'm really proud of this fic, first because it made me step out of my comfort zone, and talk about something that sometimes happens to me. This fic does not romanticizes anxiety, and I don't want people to think that at all. People who struggle with anxiety will deal with it differently, this is how I cope with mine. Hope you like it! 💖 (Also, this includes some Black Cat × Spiderman interaction haha.)

TW: anxiety attack, guys being assholes, mentions of social anxiety.

It all started when you were invited to a frat party, and as someone who was trying to fit in you thought going there would be a good idea. Peter thought it wasn’t, at first,  knowing how much you hated going to parties, but as soon as you said you’d be fine, he wasn’t so worried anymore. As soon as you got there you saw how crowded the party was (red flag 1), but since you had Peter by your side you’d be fine, or so you thought. As time went by you realized everything was going great, something you weren’t expecting considering how you used to act in a crowded room. Until Peter told you he had to go. 

“I promise I’ll be back soon, are you gonna be alright?” he said as fast as he could, sometimes you wonder why Peter disappeared at night. 

“Yea” you smiled, finally feeling comfortable in being alone. 

“Ok then, call me if you need anything ok?” And with a quick peck on your lips Peter was gone. 

The reason why you didn’t like parties was simple, it was like you were in canned tuna, tight places felt like the walls were going to swallow you whole at anytime, and the loud music and sweaty people didn’t help at all, but you were fine now, sitting on a couch just sipping some cheap vodka with soda and trying to have fun, then a boy sat next to you, a little too close.

“Hey what’s a pretty girl like you doing alone at a party like this?” He seemed almost proud of himself, as if he invented the greatest pick up line of all times. He smiled waiting for your answer, as you were too busy trying to ignore his beer breath. 

“Not alone, I’m with my boyfriend,'' you said, trying to get rid of this random, and very drunk, stranger. 

”Oh really? Where is he then?''

”Well it’s none of your business, honestly.’’ you said while taking another sip and hoping that you had a telepathically connection with Peter and he would just come right away. 

’’Woah calm down babe, just trying to get to know you, nothing more.’’ he got closer, and you were almost throwing your cup at his face. "Unless you want to" he put his hand on your shoulder, and whispered in your ear, and that was the last straw. 

’’Get off of me dumbass’’ you pushed him off the couch, and you were surprised about your strength, but hey adrenaline makes you do stuff you usually wouldn’t do without it. 

’’Do you know who I am?’’

‘‘Do you think I care?’’ you faked a pout. 

’’You should, I can make your life miserable’’  That made you laugh so hard. 

’’Omg I didn’t know you were a writer for Riverdale! Tell me, how’s the supernatural thing working out for you? Heard there would be aliens in the show!’’ 

’’You are a bitch, do you know that?’’

’’That’s the only insult you could think of?’’ he seemed annoyed enough about you not coming running to apologize for messing with him, and finally left you alone. 

As soon as you saw him going back to your friends, and they were all looking at you, you decided to try to get some fresh air. Being greeted by the wind on your face, you finally felt like you could breathe again, but the feelings you feared were back. You left your phone on the couch, but you didn’t wanna go back inside, so all that was left to do was crying because of all the air being taken out of your lungs. 

Peter was too busy fighting the cat burglar to think about how you were, until his spidey senses kicked in, and suddenly catching black cat wasn’t his priority anymore. 

’’Gotta go, bye!’’ he webs her up to a truck and let’s just hope she doesn’t get away this time. 

"Are you seriously gonna leave me here?’’ 

"Already called the cops, you’ll be fine!’’ he says already slinging his way to the party. 

''You know, we could’ve been having a lot of fun’’ she yells at him, but you are the only thing on his mind. 

As soon as he gets there, he sees you all curled up and crying, and he just wants to know what happened. 

‘‘Hey baby I’m back’’ he touches your arm, so that you can feel his presence. 

‘‘D-don’t touch me please’’ you kept crying, but he does what you say, respecting your space. 

‘‘What happened babe?’’ he softly asks, too scared of triggering something else if he asks what he really wants to know: Did someone touch you? He was constantly scared of putting you in any danger due to his… work. 

‘’It’s just that I…’’ you take another deep breath for the thousandth time that night "I get overwhelmed with parties, a-and it usually just gets too much for me, all the noise, people screaming, sweaty bodies all around and especially if I can’t find a window" Peter hears everything you have to say, and he really wishes he could hold you, but that would only make it worse knowing from everything he read about it. 

‘‘So it’s like an anxiety attack, and I was really embarrassed by it, because it happened a lot at high school parties, but I know it’s nothing to be embarrassed of.’’ Peter immediately thinks how much of a shitty boyfriend he is for leaving you all alone. ‘‘And it’s not your fault, so don’t you ever think that ok?’’ 

"I’m always here for you, you know that right?’ he fights the urge of holding you, again. "You could’ve called, maybe if I was here sooner I could’ve helped.’’ 

‘‘I-I do, it’s just.. something happened’’ Peter heart breaks just thinking that something happened to you and he wasn’t there. ‘‘And it wouldn’t have changed if you were here or not, the only person that can help me with that’s myself.’’ He waits for you to go on, explain what happened, but you hesitate. 

‘‘Can you get me water please?’’ 

‘‘Sure babe, do you wanna come with me?’’

‘‘No, you can go, I’ll be fine’’ As if you could read his thoughts about how worried he was about leaving alone after what happened… ‘‘I promise’’ 

Peter fumbled through the kitchen trying to find water, but it seemed like there was only alcohol, he thought, for a second, about how they are gonna have the worst hangover ever tomorrow, stupid teens. Not finding water, Peter just grabbed some from the tap, better than nothing. 

‘‘Here’’ he gave you the cup, and decided not to bother you with his usual rambling about how he got that. 

‘‘Thanks’’ you take the cup from his hand,and drink while trying to think about 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can smell, 2 you can taste and 1 you can hear. 

‘‘Do you wanna talk about it?’’ 

‘‘Not right now, can you tell me about your day? Just wanna hear you’’

‘‘Yea yea sure’’ Peter loved telling you about his day, how you two would always celebrate each other's good news, and be there for the bad ones. ‘‘I met Cat again, you won’t believe what she was doing today…’’ 

You two spent the night apart from each other, Peter giving you all the space you needed to feel calm, and making sure not to pressure you about what happened at the party, it was up to you to tell in your own time. That was one of the things you loved the most about your relationship with Peter, how he respected you and your space, and how much you were so patient and caring with him. 

[twistedlymad]

Welcome Home, Dearest Friend. (Ft. Everyone!)

You guys have waited for this for some time now and I truly, sincerely apologize to everyone.

To be honest, it took me three days to write this, I normally wouldn’t have taken this long but I had a bit of the writer’s block that prevented me from thinking of anything. For the first day, I was just staring at my laptop while I had an internal argument with my brain, forcing asking it to please work with me and deliver the long awaited sequel to my fic ‘It’s Time We Go Home.’

But here it is! I do hope the sequel meets everyone’s expectations! I hope you all enjoy it, thank you so much for requesting and waiting for this fic. I hope everyone has a lovely day!

You feel the cold air of the night hit your face and breeze through your hair as you flew in the sky. You took a deep breath, welcoming fresh air into your lungs and exhaling it out shortly after. At that moment, you had a good overview of the prestigious school that is Night Raven College.

Yes, you were back at the place that you so desperately wanted to leave a few months ago thanks to your best friends going to pick you up from your supposed ‘home’.

And you couldn’t be more thankful that they did.

“I missed everyone.” You said, tightening your grip on Ace.

“Yeah, we missed you too.” Ace replied to you as he focused on his flying.

“We all did.” Deuce added on, taking a glance at you. You gave him a smile before you all landed in front of your beloved Ramshackle Dorm. You got off the broom and proceeded to walk towards your dorm, however, you stopped yourself from entering.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” Deuce asked you.

“Does… Anyone else know?” You turned to your friends, making them raise an eyebrow at you.

“Know? Know of what?” Ace asked.

“That I’ve returned.” You said, looking at them. They all shook their heads no.

“Only Headmaster Crowley knows that we went to try to persuade you, since we asked for his permission to do so.” Deuce said.

“Ah… Is that so?” You said, looking at the ground.

None of you moved, everyone just stayed deep in thought. It was as if time had suddenly froze.

Truth be told, you were feeling slightly anxious. You had just left behind your biological parents and family to be with a family that treats you better than them. Maybe it was because of your moral values and how you were taught to always love your family. But, you still were slightly unsure who was your true family.

The boys certainly took notice of your hesitation. They shared glances with each other for they were afraid that you would suddenly change your mind and want to go back to your ‘home’. They sincerely hoped that you wouldn’t do so, as it wasn’t easy living without you.

Suddenly, someone was laughing out loud. You looked up from the ground to see Ace laughing out loud.

“Ace? What’s so funny?” You asked.

“Ahaha, nothing, it’s just that… Remember the huge search party?” Ace said after calming down from his fit of laughter.

“Oh yeah! It was so chaotic!” Deuce said with a smile on his face.

“Search party?” You were confused, why was there a search party?

“We thought something bad happened to you when we found out you were missing, so, we had this giant search party just to look for you.” Deuce answered.

“It started when…” And Ace told you what had happened during your absence.

When they first found out that you were gone, Ace, Deuce and Grim searched high and low for you, afraid that something might’ve happened to you. When the other students, dorm leaders and vice dorm leaders caught wind of the news, a huge search party had been held in hopes of finding you. Everyone was worried and wanted to find you as soon as possible.

It wasn’t long before Crowley inspected the matter, after all, he couldn’t have his school in such a messy state. When he saw what everyone was doing, he assumed everyone was running around in his school without a purpose. But, something seemed off to him.

After all, it’s not like Riddle would run around carelessly, nor would Azul even run in the first place.

Leona awake and running? At this time? He should be taking his nap right now!

Kalim and Jamil flying on his magical carpet? Kalim never brings out his magical carpet out from his dorm!

Why is Vil searching in trash cans? Rook as well? Didn’t they swear to never even be a meter near a trash can?

Idia is out of his room?! AND climbing trees?!

Is… Malleus panicking?! But, he’s always seen with a calm expression all the time!

All in all, it wasn’t like them to act this way. Well, it wasn’t like them to act this way on a normal day. This made the headmaster so confused, he thought he was in an alternate universe.

That was, until Crowley managed to hear the words coming out from their mouth. It was a name. A very specific name indeed.

“(Y/N)!!” “(Y/N) Where are you?!” “(Y/N)!! This isn’t funny!!”

Crowley then understood everything and yelled everyone to stop what they were doing. Of course, everyone heard the loud voice of the headmaster and immediately stopped.

“Headmaster, not to be rude but, we’re trying to find (Y/N) right now.” Ace said to the headmaster.

“Everyone… You don’t have to.” Crowley said, dropping his head slightly.

“What? No, headmaster, you don’t understand!” Deuce said.

“(Y/N)’s gone!!” Grim continued, panic evident in his voice.

“No, (Y/N) isn’t gone.” Crowley stated calmly. He knew the students can’t really handle what he was going to say to them.

“Headmaster, what are you saying?” Riddle asked the caped figure.

“(Y/N)… Has gone back home.” Crowley said in a low voice.

“No, I’m certain he/she’s been kidnapped or something! If he/she went home, he/she would tell us yanno?!” Grim argued back.

“Yeah, it’s not like (Y/N) to not tell us if he/she’s going home!” Epel agreed with the furball. Your friends started to voice out their agreements as well.

“(Y/N) didn’t tell you all because he/she didn’t want to worry all of you. That’s why he/she left without a notice or a trace.” Crowley said.

“B-But!” Grim tried to protest, he couldn’t believe his ears after all. The one who accepted him, took care of him and loved him was gone? It couldn’t be true… right?

“(Y/N) is back in her home and that is final. Now, go back to your classes.” Crowley said before retreating back to his office.

Everyone was in shock. You left without anyone noticing nor even saying goodbye? They were kind of disappointed, but they knew if it was your wish to do so, so be it.

“Come on Grim, let’s get to class.” Ace said to the furball as everyone was leaving.

“Y-Yeah… Class…” Grim replied in a low and soft tone. He’s still in shock after all. As much as he wanted to believe Crowley was joking and that you were actually in Ramshackle Dorm, he knew it wasn’t true as Crowley would be panicking if you were actually gone. But, he wasn’t, so that must’ve meant that what Crowley had said was the truth. He felt like as if he had been slapped and brought back to reality.

And so, everyone carried on with their lives.

Or… At least tried to.

Inside, they knew that you accepted you as a piece of their world. (Hi, I’m very subtle with my references yes? UwU) Your presence was so strong, they couldn’t have ever imagined living without you. Yet here they are, living without you.

They tried to not have their true feelings show up on their faces. They tried going on about their daily lives without a care. They tried to not let your absence disturb their mood whatsoever.

Believe me Reader-san, they tried very hard. But, it wasn’t working. No matter how much they try, they feel a void in their hearts.

A void… Only you could fill.

Over time, their moods began to deteriorate.

The dorm leaders will be seen with their heads buried deep in their work, trying to distract themselves from your absence, even Kalim has gone silent. They didn’t want to be bothered at all by your absence. But, no matter how focused they were, they couldn’t do it. They knew they had built a good relationship with you since their overblottings. You always had little chats with the dorm leaders whenever you manage to catch them alone. You would always put a small smile on their faces whenever you started to have small talks with them and you would always smile back to them. They treasured your relationship with them dearly, after all, they were dorm leaders, not everyone who approached them was as willing as you. When they invited you to either have tea or just to chat with them, you accepted without any hesitation at all. They were glad that you weren’t scared of them even after seeing how dangerous and powerful they can get, especially during their overblottings. They were glad, that you were there to snap them out of their state, they were glad that they got to live safe and sound because of you.

Now, without you, they fear they can never have those quaint little walks and talks anymore.

The vice dorm leaders and upperclassmen are doing their best to support their respective dorm leaders. But, no matter how hard they tried to cheer their dorm leaders up, nothing works. They too had a strong relationship with you, thanks to their respective dorm leaders, they also spent a lot of time with you whenever you came to their dorms for tea or just to hang out with their first years. You would also lend a hand to them whenever they needed it, let it be taking care of the dorm leaders or the other residents of the dorms, you were always happy and ready to help them. And also, thanks to them, you learned quite the set of skills in cooking! You couldn’t help it, the vice dorm leaders are always seen in the kitchen, prepping for food for their dorms, the smell and looks of the food lured you in and you started to help them instead. Of course, you get to taste test the final products.

With that being said, they too felt a little moody without you around. After all, you’ve helped them so much.

Your best friends, the first years, they had it bad. Sure, for the first two days Ace, Deuce, Epel, Jack and Sebek went on their merry way, with Ace and Deuce fighting over everything, Epel trying to be silent but he secretly wants to join in on the fights, Jack trying to separate the fight and Sebek was worried for Malleus instead of helping to separate the two quarrelling Heartslabyul first years. But then, they began to notice that it wasn’t the same without you. Jokes weren’t as funny anymore, classes were more boring than usual, activities and outings weren’t as exciting and fun as they used to be. After classes, your friends would immediately go back to their respective dorms instead of hang around on campus. They would be so much more silent and gloomy those days and like their dorm leaders, they distracted themselves with work. But, every time they would still think of you. How could they not? Almost everything reminded them of you. The wind that would gently breeze through your hair, the notes that you gave to them while they fell asleep in Trein’s classes, the potions that you messed up during Crewel’s classes.

To them, you were literally a piece of their world. (I’ll stop now :’) ) And without you, their world is incomplete.

Grim, the creature you loved dearly and took care of had it the worst. To him, you were the reason why he was even able to be at this prestigious college in the first place. Heck, you gave him more things than anyone ever did in his entire life! You cared for him with all your heart and so did he! So, why didn’t you tell him, the one who loved you the most, about your departure? WHY?! Why did you exclude him from something so important to you?! He was heartbroken at first, he should’ve noticed your change in attitude a few days ago but why didn’t he? He was disappointed in himself for not noticing and for not caring enough. Every day, after classes, he would immediately come to Ramshackle Dorm and sit in front of the building, looking at the door, wishing, hoping that it would open once again with you on the other side, your smile greeting him as it always did first thing in the morning and receiving a hug from you like any other day. He wanted more than anything to tell you that he loved and cared for you before you left.

But, it was too late now, wasn’t it?

Everyone’s mood didn’t go unnoticed by Crowley of course. He knew how your departure had affected his students, because it had also affected him too. You see, Crowley treated you like his very own child. When he let you and Grim stay at Ramshackle Dorm, you gave him a smile that melted his heart immediately. He knew he must protect you since you had no magic after all and in order to survive in Twisted Wonderland, one must at least know the basics of magic right?

He provided you with shelter, food and clothing, like any parent would. And you looked to him as if he was your father as well! You actually loved to have tea with him and tell him all sorts of stories you went through involving you and his students. He treated you as family and you did as well. So, your absence has also affected him gravely.

At last, no one could take it anymore.

On the third day of your departure, Ace and Deuce walked past Ramshackle Dorm after classes one day to find Grim at his spot, looking at the door again. Once they saw his expression, they felt slightly angered. They couldn’t bear to see the creature so broken.

“I can’t take this anymore!!” Ace suddenly yelled out. Deuce and Grim turned to look at him.

“Ace…” Deuce said.

“I can’t live like this… It’s… It’s not like us!” Ace said.

“You’re right… We need (Y/N) back.” Deuce replied, deep in thought.

“How do we do that?” Ace asked as he went to pick up the gloomy furball.

“Fgnaaaaa, it’s not like (Y/N) would want to come back even if we found her.” Grim said, but Ace and Deuce ignored him, they could at least try to get you back right?

“Why don’t we ask Headmaster for any options?” Deuce said.

“Well, we could give it a try.” Ace said. “Come on Grim, we can’t give up hope yet.” And so, the three of them set off to find the Headmaster.

“You… Want to get (Y/N) back?” Crowley asked the two students and one creature that stood in front of him.

“Yes, we would like to try.” Deuce said.

“… You do know it was (Y/N)’s wish to return home right?” Crowley asked again.

“We are aware.” Deuce replied again.

“What if (Y/N) doesn’t want to come back?”

“Look! No matter what happens, we would like to try! And even if (Y/N) doesn’t want to come back, as long as he/she’s happy, we’ll be satisfied!” Ace said with a loud voice, lowering his head. Deuce and Grim doing the same.

“We… just want to know (Y/N)’s happy back home.” The three of them said at the same time.

This… Shocked Crowley. Never has he seen any students at Night Raven College doing this much for a student who couldn’t even use magic. He was truly touched. The headmaster suddenly stood up, making the three first years jump a little.

“Right, go grab a broom and meet me in the field.” Crowley said.

“… And that’s how we arrived in your world.” Ace said. You were flabbergasted, everyone felt that way about you? You silently scolded yourself for not leaving a note or notice informing them about your departure, but most of all, you couldn’t help but feel like you were guilty of making them feel that way. You were so sorry to everyone.

“So… How did you guys find me?” You asked the trio.

“You took the ghost camera with you right?” Ace said with a smile.

“The camera emits magical energy. Since you said your world didn’t have magic, we felt the magic emitting off from the camera and found your home right away.” Deuce continued. You were shocked, the camera itself emitted magic energy and you didn’t know at all.

“But… We… Wanted to ask.” Ace spoke up.

“Why… Were you crying?” Grim asked. You looked at everyone as you took a gulp.

“Ah… You saw… Well…” You started and told what had happened after going back ‘home’.

After hearing the reason why you were silently crying in your room when they went to your room, Ace, Deuce and Grim could feel their blood boiling. How dare they do that to you? You weren’t a slave! You were someone special! Someone that matters and needs love! Someone that they care for with their hearts!

“Hah… I don’t think they even noticed I was gone anyway. Heck, they probably were glad that I was gone.” You said, ending your side of the story. You looked up to see your friends looking at you in worry.

“But, believe me, I remembered you guys every single moment when I was ‘home’. I’m so sorry for leaving in the first place, I didn’t mean to make you guys feel that way. I’m so sorry.” You said, looking down and letting tears fall out from your eyes.

“(Y/N)…” Ace, Deuce and Grim said, before reaching out to hug you.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize, as long as you’re happy, we’re happy.” Deuce said.

“Yeah, we couldn’t bear to see the one that brought smiles upon our faces be sad.” Ace continued.

“Thanks you guys…” You smiled and hugged them back.

After a few seconds, you guys pulled away from the hug.

“Come on, let’s go in, I’m pretty tired.” You said, walking up to Ramshackle Dorm’s main door and opening it.

Only to find a group of people waiting inside. No, wait. They were everyone you ever knew at Night Raven College!

The dorm leaders, Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia and Malleus.

The upperclassmen and vice dorm leaders, Trey, Cater, Ruggie, Jade, Floyd, Jamil, Rook, Lilia and Silver.

Your best friends, Jack, Epel and Sebek.

Even the staff, Crowley, Crewel, Trein, Vargas and Sam.

Even little Ortho!

“(Y/N)!!!” The group except the staff rushed to you and tackled you, Ace, Deuce and Grim in a hug.

“Welcome home, (Y/N)!!” Everyone said to you while hugging you. You smiled with tears in your eyes before saying a response to them.

“Yeah, I’m home.”

[tarotinapinch]

Pile Three: Red Healer Quartz

1. Soul Gift: What you came here to express and share with the world.

*We  the Hathors: Deep love. Mother's milk. Birth is a portal.

*Break the Chain: Ancestral patterns. Healing. Rewriting the future. 

*Get Wild

*Soul Song

You came here to express your wild side and give life to different yet beautiful creations. You came to break the chains of your family patterns and do something so totally different and wonderous that it will change your family dynamics for future generations. Whatever your soul sings about, that is whatever it is that calls to you and makes you happy, is what you are meant to express and share. You could very well be a parent but raise your children much differently than your parents raised you. You could be a natural born singer or song writer, giving life to new music that you will share with the world. Whatever the case may be you are meant to breathe new life into this world whether that is in a literal or metaphorical sense. The things you create will be wild and amazing, and sharing these things with the world will help to open the mind of the collective, challenging outdated views and replacing them with new, more flexible ideals. So dive into that wild side of yours and bring your amazing ideas to life!

2. Karmic Wound: What you came here to heal.

*Whale and Orca Elders: Share your song. Frequency of sound. Diving deep.

*Starseed: What lights you up?

*Nature

*Variance

In past lives you have followed the same kind of path as you are now, one where you are called to share your unique song with the world. The difference here is that within your past lives, you gave in to the pressures of society eventually, giving up on your soul dreams. In this life you are meant to heal that wound and push beyond, sharing your creations with the world without hesitation or fear of judgement. For you, being out in nature is the best way to ground and heal your energies. You could very well already have a favorite spot within nature that you like to retreat to when things get a little too hectic within your life. If you do not, you would be doing yourself a great justice by finding a happy, calm place within nature that resonates with you on a soul level. You could even have multiple places that bring you grounding energies, each one for different reasons. One place may bring you peace and calm, somewhere else may bring you a feeling of passion and inspiration, yet another place may bring you warm, friendly vibes connecting you with your soul family on a spiritual level. There are so many variants of how different locations within nature can heal you in different ways. The bottom line is that nature plays a major role in your healing process. Connect with the Earth and her elements as much as you can when you feel that your life is off-balance.

3. Life Lessons: What you came here to learn.

*The Void: Stop. Embrace winter. Great cosmic womb.

*Get Grounded: Empaths. Highly sensitives. Connect with Nature.

*Love

*Soul Name

You came here to learn how to embrace the seemingly slower times within life, the times when things are in the process of creation, but not yet ready to be birthed. You are learning patience with all things, but especially within yourself. The things that you bring to life take love and nurturing. And those things need time in order to cultivate properly. You are learning that love is the highest vibration that you can attune to and the most powerful fertilizer for your mental garden. The more love you use, the more potent and authentic your creations will be, attracting more abundance to you. You are learning to ground yourself within nature in order to harness and direct this warm, loving energy to all aspects of your life. You are also learning what things truly feel right for you. You could discover that a name that you were not given at birth suits you better, you could possibly be building a name brand of your own with your creations, or the names that you give your creations could play a big role. Whatever the case may be, you are learning the importance of naming things from the soul and how their meanings touch your life in significant ways.

4. Current Obstacle: The thing that's challenging you the most.

*Baby Steps: Action. Follow your intuition before it makes sense.

*Take a Break: A life's work, not a season. Get off the treadmill.

*Transmute

*You Are the Universe

A big obstacle for you is following that gut feeling without having any evidence that your actions will be fruitful. You sometimes feel like you need to see guaranteed results or you may not take the risk to go after something. But deep down you know that your inner voice is never wrong and always leads you the right way, even if the actions you take seem ridiculous or risky, things always work out for your best interest as long as you are following your true happiness. You are the Universe and the Universe is you, so as long as you support your dreams, the Universe will support you and help you to transmute your life into how you envision it to be. Another hurtle that is hard for you is learning when to take a break. You're naturally a very hard working person and perhaps you were taught that you need to work hard to achieve what you want in life. While focused passion is definitely helpful to success, "working hard" by running yourself ragged is not. Learn to listen to your body and take breaks when you need them. Recharge the batteries so that you can work at your full, attentive capacity rather than running on empty and chancing making mistakes or wearing yourself out to the point of burnout. This includes more than just physical work, it includes mental and spiritual as well. Do you get tired in the middle of the day for seemingly no reason? Do you have headaches that tend to hit you out of nowhere? Do you find yourself unable to focus on things that usually hold your interest quite well? These are all signs of mental fatigue and suggest that you need some serious relaxation and rest. Incorporate more self care routines into your week. Make the time to take care of you, you'll thank yourself later.

5. Soul Calling: What your soul is calling you toward.

*Cracked Open: Rock bottom. Surrender to the alchemy of life.

*The Great Gathering: It's all coming together. Intuitive hits. Soul tribe.

*Paradox

*Soul Family

What your soul is calling you towards is a paradox of sorts: Hitting rock bottom will actually lead to you rising higher than you ever have been before. Cutting off toxic relationships within your life or changing the boundaries around them to be more healthy, especially with your close friends and family will attract your true family. Your soul family. You are being pulled towards making the right connections with people and fixing the unhealthy ones as best you can. Set your boundaries. Your true family and friends will respect your decision and adhere to your personal rules. People who are not meant to journey with you at this time are the ones who will poke, prod, test, try to destroy, or even just blatantly ignore your boundaries. Boundary setting is a sure-fire way to weed out the toxic environments from your life. Revealing who may not be there for you when you were hopeful that they would be could feel like hitting rock bottom. But remember that just because those people do not have the capacity to support you and your dreams right now doesn't mean that nobody supports you. Your soul family will always have love and support for you and your dreams, no matter who you decide to be or what you decide to do. So don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and show your true colors.

6. Guidance Message from your Spiritual Team

*Sovereign of Coins

*You Deserve to be Seen: We each have a desire to be seen, heard, and known. These are natural desires that are crucial to our wellbeing and the embodiment of our true self. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Give yourself the gift of being seen, heard, and known by yourself and by others who appreciate you, allowing yourself to take up the space you need.

*Reconciliation

*Stay strong, be a guiding light. Ground yourself, be love.

You are meant to live a more than comfortable life with the abundance to do so coming from the creations you put out into the world. You and your work are meant to be well-known, seen and loved by many. Throughout this journey you will come across those who may throw some negativity your way, such as those who say "that will never work" or that your dreams are "unrealistic". The underlying message here is that these types of people are actually jealous of those who go after what they want because they themselves feel like they cannot do the same, they feel trapped in a certain way of life, like they can't do anything differently. So they take it out on others who broke free from this mentality that they are stuck in. Most of the time these snide comments come from somewhere deep like this and are the manifestation of these people's subconscious thoughts. So no matter who you come across on your journey, no matter what possible negativity they try to say to you, remain strong and respond in the energy of love. Be a guiding light to others with how you respond to negativity with happiness and love, not with more negativity. What someone says about you is generally a reflection of themselves, so the best thing you can do is wish these people peace and happiness and move on. Stay confident in who you are and remember that you and your creations deserve to be seen, known, and loved.

[theadrogna]

Dream Show Challenge 2.0

@singledarkshade​ came up with the Dream Show challenge last year, where we had to give her a list of 7 TV shows or films and we were given a cast of 7 actors in return. This time we were given someone else’s cast and were allowed to recast one character (plus add some if we wished). This time I came up with:

Virtuality

Synopsis:

Good people die before their time and it happens every day. Eli Danzig is doing his best to change that. He invents a way to upload consciousness to an online server where the dead can live out a normal life in a virtual environment. He builds an entire world to keep his uploaded souls entertained, making it as lifelike as possible. Huge amounts of processing power are required so Eli must choose his clients carefully.

The electronic world is called Virtuality and the uploaded persons are known collectively as the digi-souls. Virtuality has a small but growing population, which is a continuing concern as it means more storage space is always needed. Eli funds his enterprise by playing the stock market using his AI Tallis to filter information and predict stock prices. Sometimes he sells patents for the things that the digi-souls invent, but more often they give their inventions away for free. However, money is always a worry because none of this is a stable source of income.

Cast:

Eli Danzig (Donald Glover) – Eli is a young computer programmer of genius level intellect. He came from a poor background, and was the first in his family to attend university. He is determined to make things better for people, by improving society. He believes that “only the good die young” is a real problem, and if he could keep the good people in the world for longer then maybe more good could be done. He invents a digital after-life for people to upload their consciousness to, but he must maintain it a secret to keep the unscrupulous from corrupting it or destroying it. He researches every person very carefully before inviting them to join Virtuality.

Ashura Hadid (Tala Ashe) – Ashura is a terminal cancer patient who becomes one of Eli’s digi-souls. She is a prize-winning journalist and novelist, known for taking on difficult stories about things that people would rather keep hidden. She’s recently been looking into CharterTech, owned by Maggie Charter as part of a series on corruption in tech companies, but most of her efforts are going into completing her final novel. Eli and Ashura have undeniable chemistry, but live in very different worlds. She is very driven and moral, always looking for new ways to expose corruption and wrong doing.

Oren Murphy (Jim Byrnes) – Oren was Eli’s professor at University. He made sure that Eli got the scholarship that he needed to attend, and then acted as his mentor. He suffered from high blood pressure and had multiple strokes. He agreed to be Eli’s test case for Virtuality and was the first digi-soul to be uploaded. He is a calming influence on Eli’s life, often being the one to counsel him out of a rash decision.

Shona Lennox (Sophia di Martino) – Eli’s technician, she has a background in medical devices and large-scale genetic information storage. She built the mainframe and worked out how to put into practice Eli’s ideas. She often finds herself in unusual situations now she is working for Eli, but likes her new job and the excitement it brings, even if she complains about it. She used to work for CharterTech but Eli doesn’t know that when he hires her. When she leaves CharterTech she decides to start self-defence classes and can definitely handle herself in a crisis.

Ryan Fournier (Joey Batey) – Ryan is an inventor who has been responsible for some of the world’s most important leaps forward in technology, including making ecological sources of power more viable, such as wind and solar power. He is a problem solver and a big ideas guy. Unfortunately, he was born with a genetic condition that meant he died young, but he is now one of Eli’s digi-souls and living on in the Virtuality. He loves nothing better than to sit down with a problem and work out a solution, but occasionally he realises what he’d missing out on in the real world and ends up depressed and unhappy.

Chie Ohta (Naoko Mori) – Chie is a medical researcher and entrepreneur, but she was unable to save herself from a rare blood disease, despite years of trying. In the process she brought many other useful pieces of medical technology to the market and helped save the lives of countless people with cures for diseases. She loved her work, but always knew she was on borrowed time. She left behind a husband and children, who have no idea of her new existence. She continues to check up on them, despite Oren’s suggestion that this isn’t a good idea.

Maggie Charter (Alison Janney) – Maggie is a self-made woman, in the way that all billionaires are self-made. She inherited a fortune from her politician father and invested in business. She had a technical background so she picked tech companies as an obvious interest. She now owns CharterTech, one of the largest technical manufacturing companies in the world. She once tried to recruit Eli and has never been pleased that he turned her down. She knows nothing about Virtuality but has heard rumours that someone was working on something like it.

Tallis (Arthur Darvill) – Tallis is the AI personality that maintains the Virtuality. He is often mistaken for one of the digi-souls by the newly uploaded as he is so lifelike. He is polite and caring, always available to listen. He is Eli’s friend and also occasional advisor. Tallis means “knowledge” and he has access to all of the world’s online resources.

Occam (Karen Gillan) - Is another AI, built by CharterTech. She is new and unruly, but very quick to follow her creator’s orders. Sparks fly between her and Tallis.

Episodes:

Episode 1: Virtually Home

Ashura Hadid, prize winning writer, is dying at the age of 38. It’s not fair, it’s not right and she is having none of it. She is being treated for an aggressive brain tumour, but decides to stop treatment when it becomes clear that it will impact her ability to write and finish her final novel. The novel is partly a work of fiction but is also based on real life events at a chemical factory in the city that she has been researching.

Eli Danzig introduces himself to her and explains that he can offer her a second chance at life, by uploading her mind to Virtuality. She explains that she has no money and Eli tells her how he finances the project. She will never have to pay to live there. Ashura questions Eli further about the procedure and Virtuality itself. Eli tells her that he chooses young people, like Ashura, who have died before their time and had great contributions to make to society. They live in a computer generated world where things are simple but they can continue to work and interact with each other. However, they cannot have contact with the outside world, because Virtuality is a secret. It isn’t ready to be opened up to the world, there isn’t enough storage space on Earth to facilitate it. He doesn’t want it to be something that only the rich have access to, so he has decided to choose who gets to go there.

Elsewhere, Maggie Charter discusses her heart condition with her doctor and hears that she may only have a few months to live. She is 61 years old and a tech mogul. For years she has been looking for a way to cure her heart disease. Her network of corporate spies have heard of a young man with an unusual portfolio of patents and a strange pattern of spending on digital storage. She finds out that it is Eli and decides to look into what he is doing more.

Over the course of their discussions, Eli and Ashura grow closer. Eli’s AI partner, Tallis, warns him that he cannot form emotional attachments to the Digi-souls. Ashura will die soon and then Eli will only be able to have limited interaction with her through the interface he has built. Ashura thinks over the proposal and decides to take the plunge. Episode 1 ends with her death. However, Ashura doesn’t die of brain cancer, she is found murdered in her apartment.

Episode 2: Extra Life

Eli must upload Ashura within 12 hours of her death to retain all of her memories, after that time degradation begins to take place. Eli races against time to reach Ashura in the morgue and take the brainwave recording that he needs. Shona Lennox, Eli’s technician, ends up breaking in while Eli creates a computer distraction. They are finally able to upload Ashura’s consciousness, but she has forgotten the days before her death, and they are unable to find out who killed her. She has also forgotten who Eli is.

Meanwhile in Virtuality, the digi-souls try to analyse Ashura’s work for the likely culprit and begin putting together a picture of who it might be. Someone at CharterTech seems a very strong candidate, but then they discover that Ashura was close to uncovering a chemical spill which derails their ideas.

Episode 3: Online Banking

Maggie is putting together more about Eli and his weird ability to make money from stock market trades and a portfolio of patents that seem to have little in common. She uncovers more about the shell companies that he trades through and puts more pieces together. Tallis flags up her interest and Eli works to cover his tracks. It’s the worst time for Ryan to make a major breakthrough in water purification that could save hundreds of lives, but only if they can get it to the right people. With Maggie watching everything that Eli and Shona are doing in the real world, perhaps only the virtual world can get the idea where it needs to be, especially as Ryan is feeling like his efforts don’t matter as he reads yet another news article on how climate change isn’t real.

Shona is contacted by her former boss at CharterTech who invites her to return, but Shona turns them down. The concerning part is that she’s being asked to work on an AI project called Occam. Ashura continues her investigations into CharterTech whilst rekindling her past relationship with Eli.

Episode 4: Occam’s Razor

Maggie has a heart attack, but survives, however she is becoming more and more concerned about her health. She brings online her own AI, Occam and begins to sift through all of the information that she can acquire on medical technology. Occam comes across Chie’s work when she was alive. No one else seems to have been quite as close to curing the heart issue that Maggie has. Occam notices that Eli’s shell company has patented some devices that were based on Chie’s work. In fact, Occam notices that this is something of a trend in Eli’s patent’s and brings together the other work that he has done to see something that Maggie has been unable to see up until this point. Eli may have some way of accessing the brains of the dead.

Episode 5: Reality Bytes

Ryan is bored and ends up creating a virtual ant colony that soon gets out of control, causing all sorts of trouble for Virtuality. Tallis is very much not amused at the replicating program that Ryan has introduced to the system. He and Oren are left to deal with it with only minimal input from Eli as he is being sued by CharterTech over one of his patents. It looks like a lawsuit brought specifically to waste his time, but there doesn’t seem to be anyway to circumvent it, especially with everyone else busy with the increasingly problematic (and storage sucking) ant farm.

Episode 6: Denial of Service

Someone tries to hack into Virtuality and it is up to Eli and the digi-souls to stop them. Chie finds out that her teenage daughter has a new boyfriend, and against Tallis’ advice she looks into him and discovers that he has a possible chromosomal abnormality which could lead to an early death. Chie tries to decide whether she should find a way to let her husband know.

Eli and the others successfully prevent the hack but are worried that someone now knows of the existence of Virtuality. Certainly someone is testing their defences. Shona finally tells Eli that she used to work for CharterTech and the fallout is unfortunate.

Episode 7: Second Life

Eli finds a possible new candidate for Virtuality and starts his due diligence. Usually Shona would be involved in this process but their recent falling out means that things are not running smoothly. The new prospect seems like the perfect candidate and Eli almost begins his usual approach, until Oren uncovers some anomalies that Eli had missed. They may not even exist at all. The question is, who knows enough about Virtuality to do something like this?

Tallis uncovers the existence of Occam, and there is a brief encounter where they size each other up. Occam is identified as the force that tried to hack Virtuality before.

Episode 8: Power Switch

City-wide power outages see Eli scrambling to ensure Virtuality doesn’t go down and lose all the digi-souls. Shona returns to help and the two resolve their differences whilst saving the world that they built together. The digi-souls come up with increasingly desperate plans to produce the power they need to survive, but save the day in the end. Ryan puts together new plans to ensure it never happens again.

Episode 9: Deleted

Ashura finally gets to the bottom of who murdered her and it was nothing to do with CharterTech or Maggie. Her exposé of a chemical company’s disregard for environmental law was the issue that caused her death. Shona uses some contacts to get the police involved and the digi-souls help Ashura gather enough evidence to get the culprit put away in jail for a long time.

Eli and Ashura address some of the issues with their relationship, but resolve to give it a go, despite the obvious barriers.

Episode 10: Boss Fight

Maggie and Occam finally uncover the existence of Virtuality and the digi-souls. The finale sees Maggie managing to force her way into the digital world, whilst Occam and Tallis fight it out. Eli and Shona do their best to help Tallis, but find their offices raided and their technology confiscated. Maggie gets time to get a foothold, but the strain is too much on her heart.

Just as Eli and Shona find their way back in, Maggie dies in the real world. Eli can either choose to kill her for good or keep her malevolent presence in Virtuality. Tallis isn’t too keen on sharing with Occam either.

[booksrbetterthanpeople]

Pure Knight/Blood Knight

As he put his books in his locker, Nathaniel kept staring lovingly at the photo of Marc he kept inside. A few months after the Reverser incident, he and the writer started dating, and Nathaniel couldn’t be happier.

Marc was so sweet, cute, and just thinking about him always left Nathaniel a blushing mess. Especially when he saw that beautiful smile.

And hopefully, he’d be seeing that smile today. Nathaniel had been noticing something off about Marc- he’s more quiet than usual, he’s been wearing his hood over his head more often, and whenever Nathaniel asked if he wanted to hang out with his friends from class, Marc would either change the subject or say he had plans that day.

—

“Hey, Rainbow-“

He pauses when he sees his boyfriend, clearly upset. Marc was just lying on his bed, and looking up at the ceiling while listening to music on his headphones- Now Nathaniel was concerned. Marc would only do this whenever he was upset.

He walks over to Marc, pauses the music, and Marc turns his attention to him “Marc? Is something wrong?”

“... No, I just...” He sits up “... It’s just something that someone said.” Nathaniel sits down next to him and kisses him on the cheek.

“C’mon, tell me what happened.” He urges “I’m really worried about you.”

Marc smiled at his boyfriend’s concern, “Well, you know Lila?” Nathaniel frowns at the mention of the She-Demon’s name. She’s wronged the redhead too many times to count. Marc notices his expression “Nath?”

Snapped out of his thoughts, Nathaniel focuses back on Marc “Sorry. What about her?”

“I posted a story on Tumblr that I was proud of, but I guess Lila copied and pasted it on her Tumblr, then she told everyone she wrote it.” A few tears stream down his face “And they all believed her!”

“Oh, Rainbow.” Nathaniel cooed, then kissed him on his forehead “It’ll be okay.”

“No, it won’t. When I tried to tell everyone, they didn’t believe me, and Alya said I was jealous!” He wipes a few tears away. “Only Mari, Alix, Rose, and Juleka believe me.”

“And so do I.” He reminded, then wipes a tear off of Marc’s cheek using his thumb “It’ll get better, okay?”

Marc smiles “Okay.”

“Come on. Let’s work on the comic.”

After three hours of coming up with a storyline and character designs, Nathaniel went home, glad that his boyfriend is happy now. But he wasn’t. That lying fox had wronged him so many times, all because he doesn’t believe her damn lies!

“Accidentally” spilling drinks on his sketchbook, claiming to know a writer who could help improve the Ladybug comics, trying to frame him for stealing art she claimed was hers.

He could forget all of that, all of it, but making Marc cry was something he would not tolerate. He wanted Rossi to perish, not just her though, all of her followers. He just wanted them all to...

Nathaniel remembers he’s in Paris right now. A place where having negative emotions would turn you into a monster. So, he breathed in and out a few times and thought about positive things.

Being with Marc

People loving their comics

Mari having people on her side

Alix, Rose, and Juleka

...

From where he’s standing, Nathaniel glared at the sausage-haired girl sitting on the bench as she told more stories to her clueless followers flocking around her. He almost pitied them... Almost.

Alix sees what he’s looking at, and rolls her eyes “Just let it go, Nath. They’re all lost causes.”

“Yeah, I’ve done everything I could to help them, but they won’t listen.” Marinette says “If they wanna believe that I’m a jealous bully, let them. No more free clothes and food for them.” She folds her arms

He groans “Fine. But if she says one more thing about Marc again, I’m gonna-“ Rose interrupts him and asks “What’d she say about Marc?”

Answering her question, the Akuma class made comments such as:

“I still can’t believe he tried to steal my story!” The Italian whined

“He’s a fake!”

“He wishes he could write like you!”

“As if you could even call that writing!”

Marinette, Juleka, and Rose stared with their mouths hung open.

“Oh. My. Fucking- Ugh!” Alix exasperated “What the hell is wrong with them? That bitch doesn’t even write!”

Nathaniel continued to glare at the Italian, still trying to think about positive things so he won’t get Akumatized again

Being with Marc

People loving their comics

Mari having people on her side

Alix, Rose, and Juleka

“You should give that fake some lessons.”

... Lila getting what she deserves

“I bet that’s not even his work.”

Alya’s tabloid blog getting blacklisted

That lying bitch getting killed by an Akuma.

Those assholes falling off a big cliff!

His anger diminished when he saw Marc, halfway down the stairs. He was visibly crying, meaning he had heard everything they said. Nathaniel wanted to be angry right now, he did, but seeing Marc like that just made the redhead want to comfort him and tell him he loves him

His anger returned once again when Marc ran upstairs in tears.

It was probably enough to attract an Akuma, but he didn’t care. Those idiots deserved what was coming to them... But he didn’t want Marc to get akumatized...

Before Alix, Juleka, Rose, or Marinette could go over and tell them off, Nathaniel grabbed an apple out of Marinette’s lunch bag, silently thanked his parents for making him participate in two years of baseball, and chucked it at Lila while she wasn’t looking, hitting her right in her fat forehead, and ran out the courtyard while his classmates looked for the culprit.

—

Nathaniel could hear the wings flapping as he ran, and knew an Akuma was after him. The flapping got louder, and Nathaniel prepared to get akumatized once again, but the butterfly flew right past him... Marc!

He picked up more speed and ran right past the Akuma. After about a minute of running, Nathaniel found Marc crying in the art room and ran in to comfort him.

“Don’t cry, Marc, please don’t cry.” He whispers to Marc, hoping to calm him down before the Akuma would sense his negativity. “They’re wrong! You’re an amazing writer! I love you, Rainbow.”

The sound of the flapping of butterfly wings got closer. Nathaniel and Marc saw that the Akuma was in the room with them, and trying to pick which out of the two it would Akumatize. It was so hard for it to choose. Nathaniel’s anger and frustration were tempting, but it has originally been sent to go after Marc.

Being with Marc

People loving their comics

Mari having people on her side

Alix, Rose, and Juleka

“You should give that fake some lessons.”

“I know a way better writer.”

“As if you could even call that writing!”

Nathaniel pushed those thoughts in the back of his mind, got up, and stood between his boyfriend and the Akuma.

“Stay away from him!”

He couldn’t let Marc get akumatized again, he just couldn’t! He tried to keep his negative emotions down, but they were too strong. He kept thinking about his classmates. How they’ve hurt his friends, his boyfriend. How Lie-La made Marinette and Marc’s lives a living hell. The rage consumed him, that was enough for the Akuma to finally chose its target, and go in Nathaniel’s yin-yang necklace.

“Nath!” Marc cried as he saw Hawkmoth’s symbol appear on the face of his boyfriend. “Don’t listen to him, please!”

“What you did for the one you love was very noble of you. Almost like a Knight. I’m giving you the power to protect your love at all costs from those who dare try to hurt him.”

“Get out of my head!”

“You will go by two names. Blood Knight, a rage-filled seeker of vengeance. An unstoppable force to be reckoned with. The other, Pure Knight, protector of the innocent, and the defenseless.”

Nathaniel thought about Lila and Alya. Their smug faces whenever Marinette looked miserable, and the lies they spread about his friends. They would all pay...

“You yearn for justice, and to protect the one you love. In return for this power, you must give me Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculous’. Do we have a deal?”

“I will protect him with my life.” He swore as the black and purple mist bubbles up from his necklace and surrounded him. When it lifted, Nathaniel was replaced by an armored figure, about a foot taller than him. The armor he was wearing was pure white with blue highlights. The helmet’s visor has a blue butterfly-shaped mark, and the helmet’s comb is a light blue. In his hand is a golden shield with a red and white yin-yang symbol. And around his neck was a necklace with a light blue orb.

Pure Knight heard shuffling from behind him and turned to see Marc has backed himself into a corner. He walks over to the crying boy and kneels before him as if he were royalty.

“Nath?” Marc whispered in horror.

He shook his head “I am Pure Knight. Your protector. I vow to be your shield, and smite those who have wronged you.” He takes Marc’s hand in his armored one

“They all will pay for their transgressions. No one shall ever harm you again, my prince.”

—

Marinette, Rose, and Juleka were trying to hold Alix back from knocking some sense into their idiot classmates.

“Alix, you said it yourself! They’re lost causes!” Marinette said as she pulled Alix by her arms

“Fuck that! They can mess with us all they want, but when they talk trash about Marc, I get crazy!” She argued, still trying to pull her limbs free, but stumbled when the sound of something metallic rang through the air.

Everyone looked to the middle of the courtyard and saw a large broadsword drop down, the point embedding itself on the floor. Holding the sword was Blood Knight. Unlike Pure Knight, his armor was black with blood-red highlights. The orb on the necklace was black. The same yin-yang symbol that was on the shield is now in the middle of the cross-guard of the sword.

Everyone took a step back as Blood Knight pulled his sword out from the floor. He looked at the Akuma class before his eyes settled on Lila. Then, something overcame him, and he surged forwards, pushing away the others to grab Lila by the front of her shirt and hold her up

“Put me down” She wailed “I didn’t do anything!”

“LIES!” He yelled, “Every word you say is nothing but a lie!”

“Nath?” Alix asked as she slowly walked over to the red knight “O-okay. Look, just put Lila down-“

“I have no quarrels with you, Alix. And unless you wish to meet the business end of my sword, you will let me do what should have been done long ago.”

CLANG!

“OW!” Everyone turned their heads to see Kim, clutching his fist in pain, possibly caused by trying to punch the Akuma.

Blood Knight throws Lila to the floor, then faces Kim. The athlete tries to look intimidating, but fails due to the height difference “...You weak, disposable maggot.” He said as he pointed the broadsword to Kim’s neck “You claim to be a defender of the bullied, and yet you aid one.”

Kim frowned “Lila’s not a-!”

In a split second, Blood Knight’s broadsword cleaved right through Kim. Everyone watched in horror as Kim’s figure disappeared in a puff of red smoke. Many students fled the courtyard, not wanting to be next.

“One down...” He turns to the rest of the class, who are still in shock “So many more to go.” He points his sword to Lila, who’s being held protectively by Alya “You are a danger to my Prince!”

Lila once again brought out the crocodile tears “But he’s the one bullying me!” She added a lip quiver for effect “He steals my stories and claim they’re his!”

Blood Knight growled under his helmet “Speak the truth now, or I will show you no mercy!” He pulled Lila out of Alya’s hold

Bring her reign to an end!

“I’m not lying!” She insists

“... Fine.” Thinking she’s won, Lila sighs with relief “Then your dark soul shall perish!” He raises his sword, the metal gleams in the light. Lila pales, knowing she, for once, won’t be able to lie her way out of danger.

Students look away, not wanting to see this again.

A second before he could bring this lying fox to justice, he felt something wrap around his armored wrist. ‘Who dares to defend this lying witch?’, he thought

“Nath, please!”

Hearing the cry of his prince, he turns his head to see that he’s the one holding onto his wrist. He takes a look at Marc’s face and sees the look of distress.

Kill her. Do it now!

He’s upset. Protect Marc! Keep him safe!

Blood Knight’s armor fades from red to white, and a bright light consumes the sword. When it dims, the shield is in its place.

“I know you’re still in there, Nath. You’d never want to hurt anyone...”

“My prince... I... I...”

Marc smiles, believing he’s getting through to him.

“I should’ve known!” Lila wailed, “You got Nathaniel akumatized so he could hurt me!”

The Akuma class, sans Alix, Rose, and Juleka, start hurling insults at the boy.

Kill them! All of them!

They hurt the prince!

Do you want to protect the prince? Kill them!

Rage consumes Pure Knight, and he becomes Blood Knight once again. Instead of the liar and her posse, he turns to Alix, Juleka, and Rose. In a flash, the blade sliced through them. But instead of them disappearing into smoke, their clothing transformed into pure white and gold armor, and in their hands were gold shields with yin-yang symbols

“Shieldmaidens, dispose of this lying fox!” Blood Knight commanded

“Yes, Blood Knight.” Alix, Juleka, and Rose responded in emotionless voices, then turned to the Akuma class. Before they could strike, Ladybug’s yoyo wraps around Lila’s waist and pulls her towards the spotted and leather-clad heroes, who are at the top of the steps

“I didn’t need your help! I could’ve taken them on myself!” Lila complains

Instead of Ladybug rolling her eyes, she just says, “You know, maybe I’ll just let Blood Knight take care of you, make our jobs a whole lot easier.”

Chat Noir plays along “Yeah, you get akumatized a lot, so this would be a win.”

“Okay! Just get rid of them!”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Ladybug says as she retracts her yoyo. Then she and Chat jump down in front of Blood Knight. Ladybug addresses the rest of the students still in the courtyard “Everyone, get out of here!” The students either took cover in the classrooms or run out of the school.

Marc is about to run but he was suddenly pushed into Blood Knight’s chest, his arm around him in a protective hold

He sighs, “And here I was thinking you two defended the weak!” He turned to the shieldmaidens “Don’t let them leave!” He hoisted Marc in his arms and jumped to the roof of the school as the writer screamed for dear life.

“FOR THE PRINCE!” The three shieldmaidens let out battle cries and surged forward to duel Ladybug and Chat Noir.

--

One short battle later, and the shieldmaidens are trapped in the lockers with no way of getting out, thanks to Chat Noir put a broomstick through the handles.

They make their way outside where many students and teachers are gathered

“Is everyone alright?” They all nod and say that they’re okay.

Aurore walks up to the two heroes

“Two more students were turned into shieldmaidens, and kidnapped Alya and Lila!” She explained frantically

“This is their fault!” One male student yelled as he pointed to the Akuma class. “If it weren’t for that lying bitch and that damn tabloid writer, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“She’s right.” A blonde girl agreed “I heard the shit you guys said about Marc, that’s why Nathaniel got akumatized! All because you believed some lying skeeze!”

“You’re all idiots!”

“Why don’t we just let Nath kill you right here, right now?!”

The students of the Akuma class who were on Lila’s side got into a verbal brawl with the other students over if Lila is a liar or not, and whose fault this was. As the commotion gets louder, a loud whistle sounds out. Everyone turns to see Chat Noir with his thumb and pointer finger in his mouth.

“You can all this discuss this later! Right now, does anyone have an idea where Nathaniel took Marc, Alya, and Lila?”

“Alya might be live-streaming for the Ladyblog.” A boy calls out “You can see where they’re going.”

“Of course! Someone bring up the Ladyblog!” Ladybug ordered

Aurore did so, and the live-stream was running, showing Alya in the clutches of one of the shieldmaidens jumping on the rooftops

“Hey, viewers! Once again, I’ve been kidnapped by a supervillain!” She said while blowing out some of her hair that was getting in her face “At least this one is less handsy!”

“She’s not the best journalist, but you gotta admire this girl’s commitment.” Chat Noir commented, to which Aurore rolled her eyes.

Alya then panned her phone around to show Marc, now in Pure Knight’s arms, looking terrified from being up so high and flinching every time Pure Knight landed on a roof.

“If this faker hadn’t stolen Lila’s story, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

She phone pans to show Lila, also terrified as she’s hoisted over a shieldmaiden’s shoulder

“Lila, care to comment?”

“Ladybug and Chat Noir, get off your fat lazy butts and HELP ME, YOU IDIOTS!” Lila screamed in response

Alta pointed the camera back to her. Confusion is visible on her face. The superheroes scowled. That girl had some nerve. The Akuma class also looks confused. Wasn’t Lila supposed to be Ladybug’s best friend?

“It looks like he’s heading for the Tower. And before he left, I think I heard him say something about the perfect kingdom for his prince.” Aurore says

—

We’ll have our kingdom, my prince.

It will be perfect like you.

What about our revenge?!

Justice will be brought shortly.

Pure Knight turned his attention to Marc, still cradled in his arms with his eyes shut tight. Ever since he became Reverser and almost plummeted to his death, Marc had a terrible fear of heights. Pure Knight gently put Marc down, and when he opened his eyes, he found that they were at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Noticing his uneasiness, Pure Knight pulls Marc closer to his chest “It will all be over soon, my prince.” He turns to the shield maidens and gives a small nod. At that, they drop Lila and Alya with an audible thunk

“You clumsy idiots!” Lila screeched

“I’ve had just about enough of you.” His armor becomes blood-red, and the broadsword returns, much to the two girls’ horror

“S-so, Blood Knight. Any reason you brought us to the Eiffel Tower?” Alya asked, pointing her phone to the Akuma

“So all of Paris can witness the downfall of this liar! She’s going to tell everyone who she really is!”

Alya was becoming frustrated “Lila is not a liar! Why does everyone-“

“SILENCE!” He is about to silence the reporter with his sword but froze when he felt Marc hold onto his arm. He looked into the boy’s pleading eyes and sighed in defeat, “You should be grateful my Prince is merciful, otherwise, I would not hesitate to slice both your necks open.”

The sword starts to glow a bright red

“It is time for you to tell the truth once and for all, Rossi!” He yelled

Lila was about to get up and run, but the two shieldmaidens held her by her wrists. Blood Knight approached her with his sword still aglow. He points the tip of it to her forehead, and Lila began to glow red.

The light dimmed, and the shieldmaidens released her. Lila fell to her knees, clutching her head in pain. Alya was about to help her, but she was met with the sharp tip of Blood Knight’s sword and went back to recording.

“Now tell all of Paris, Rossi. What have you lied about?”

“I... I... I HATE LADYBUG! I WANT HER DEAD! I CAN'T STAND HER!” Lila screamed against her will

Blood Knight nearly dropped his sword out of shock, clearly not expecting that.

“When Adrien’s friend got akumatized into Oni-Chan, I tricked Chat Noir into leaving Ladybug so she would face the Akuma alone. That sword should’ve killed her!” Lila snarled “And I’ve been working with Hawkmoth ever since so I could finally get rid of her!”

Alya and Marc’s jaws hung open. Seeing just how dangerous this girl really was, Blood Knight transformed into Pure Knight and held his shield in front of Marc

“Continue.” He ordered

“That bitch ruined my chance with Adrien! So what if I lied about being some stupid fox hero? She should’ve minded her own fucking business!”

Alya scowled and watched as the comments rolled in on the Ladyblog. A few were jabs at her, but almost all of them were aimed towards the Italian

“Then there’s Maribrat! She’s just as worse as Ladybug! I tried to get her expelled, but look how that turned out! God, I just want those two idiots dead!”

Alya shuddered at that statement. She was now starting to regret how she treated Marinette for so long.

“All she had to do was fall in line like the rest of that dumbasses! But she decided to start a war, same for that skater girl, the pink idiot, the freak, that loser artist, and that f*g!” She pointed to Marc, whose eyes widened in shock at what he had just been called

Pure Knight’s armor began to fade from white to red “What. Else?” He growled

“I’ve never been to Achu! Jagged Stone never wrote a song about me, Clara Nightingale didn’t steal my dance moves, I never saved Jagged Stone’s cat!” She yelled

Alya’s confusion and horror morphed into rage. If her grip around her phone got any tighter, the screen would probably crack.

Back at the school, everyone is watching the live stream on their phones. Every student gives the Akuma class smug looks while they just look away, embarrassed and ashamed for believing the Italian’s lies

“And Adrien’s dad hired me to spy on him in exchange for a modeling contract! He wanted me to keep Adrien away from bad influences, and I was trying to isolate him away from those losers so he’d only have me!”

Chat Noir, who was vaulting from rooftop to rooftop scowled as he heard the live-streams from people’s phones. He knew his father was an ass, but this was just sick.

“Then I stole that sissy’s story and claimed it was mine!” She glared at Marc, who was still in Pure Knight’s protective hold “He had the nerve to call me out when I said I wrote his dumb Ladybug fanfiction! If I could, I’d push him off the railing right now!”

MURDER HER!

Pure Knight let out a yell, and Blood Knight was back in his place, somehow appearing more menacing than before. He’d gotten what he wanted- For all of Paris to know the truth about this wretched girl. Now to do everyone a favor, and deliver a final blow, then his prince would be safe from her lies.

The sound of Ladybug’s yo-yo whizzing by is heard. Before Blood Knight could react, the end of the spotted hero’s weapon wrapped around his wrist, refraining him from using his sword. The heroes land between him and Marc. In Ladybug’s other hand is a tube of lipstick

“You dare to stand in the way of justice?!”

“Nathaniel, this isn’t justice! It’s revenge! Ladybug tried to reason, but to no avail

“Don’t call me that! I am Blood Knight! And as long as I’m here, no one will harm my prince ever again!”

Blood Knight pulls on his sword and flings Ladybug over the railing. She manages to hold on by one hand

“Shieldmaidens, advance!”

The two shieldmaidens surge towards Chat Noir who uses his staff like a sword against their shields. Alya rushes towards Ladybug, making sure to keep an eye on Lila in case she tries anything, and pulls her up

“Thanks, Alya.” Ladybug looks around for any way to use her Lucky Charm

Chat Noir Cataclysms the sword so Blood Knight will be forced to be defensive

Have Marc distract Pure Knight

Take the necklace while Pure Knight is distracted

“That’s it! Chat, cataclysm his sword!” She ordered

“On it, m’lady!” Chat nodded and called out “CATACLYSM!” He maneuvered past the shieldmaidens, knocking them down with his staff along the way, then ran over to Blood Knight and touched his sword just before he could swing it at the hero. The sword disappeared in his hands into black ash.

Ladybug looked over at Marc, yelled, “Heads up!” then threw her yoyo at him. Pure Knight rushed in front of him with his shield up and deflected the weapon. Repeatedly, Ladybug threw the yoyo at the shield, making Pure Knight keep it up.

While Ladybug does this, she tosses the lipstick over to Marc. He looks confused for a moment until Ladybug winks. He gets the message.

Protect him!

They won’t take him away!

“Pure Knight?”

Is the Prince okay?

Help him!

Pure Knight kept his shield steady as he turned his head towards his prince. Marc couldn’t see it, but he was blushing under that helmet. How could he not when his prince looked so... So innocent. He was clinging to his arm for safety, he had dough eyes, and... Were his lips always that shade of pink? He looked so beautiful...

Pure Knight felt the writer’s hand reach up to the visor of his helmet, and lift it to reveal his red face. Marc smiles, relieved to see Nathaniel under the cold armor. He tenderly strokes his cheek and stood on his toes so he could reach his lips.

Pure Knight’s grip on his shield loosened as he kissed the soft lips of his prince. The shield fell to the floor with a thunk as he wrapped his arms around his Prince’s waist, and lifted him to his face so Marc wouldn’t have to crane his neck up.

They were so oblivious to the world around them. They didn’t notice Alya was still live streaming, Chat Noir trying not to squeal, and Ladybug, sneaking up behind Pure Knight, grabbing the necklace, and throwing it to the floor.

The Akuma flew out, only to be caught by Ladybug’s yo-yo.

“No more evil-doing for you little Akuma. Time to de-evilize!”

The purified butterfly fluttered out of the yoyo

“Bye-bye, little butterfly.” Ladybug told it, then threw the lipstick into the air “MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!”

 The thousands of ladybugs flew around the town, fixing any damage caused by the Akuma. Alix, Juleka, and Rose returned to normal and were standing outside with the other students. Kim was brought back. The other two shieldmaidens reverted back to their former selves. And the truth curse on Lila was lifted.

Black and purple mist engulfed Pure Knight, then lifted to reveal Nathaniel, his head resting on Marc’s shoulder. He looks around, confused

“Rainbow? Where am I?” He asked, but then noticed his yin-yang necklace on the floor, Ladybug and Chat Noir, and realized what happened “Oh my God.“ he looked to Marc, concerned “I didn’t hurt you, did-“ He didn’t finish as Marc hugged him tightly

“Don’t you ever do that again.” He whispered

“I... I didn’t want you to get akumatized again.” Nathaniel said as he ran his fingers through Marc’s hair “I love you, Rainbow.”

”I love you too, Nath.”

“You could’ve gotten here sooner, you know!” Lila screeched “I HATE YOU LADYBUG! HATE YOU!”

“WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE FUCKING CUNT?!” Ladybug cursed, much to everyone’s shock “I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH YOU! I can live with you getting akumatized five dame times, hurting an innocent student, but I will not tolerate homophobia! Don’t think I didn’t hear what you said about Marc on the live-stream!”

Lila backed away, actually afraid, but bumped into Chat Noir who was snarling

“I should’ve cataclysmed you instead.”

Lila scoffed “Like you’d hurt me! Imagine everyone’s reactions when they see Ladybug and Chat Noir hurting an innocent civilian!”

“You’re just a little dumbass, aren’t you?” Ladybug asked coldly “Did you seriously forget that Alya has been live-streaming this whole time?” Lila paled as she saw the phone in Alya’s hands, and the news-choppers recording the scene “All of Paris heard every. Fucking. Thing.”

Chat Noir places a hand on her shoulder, and dug his claws in “And I’m sure the feds would love to hear how you’ve been working with a terrorist for the past three months.”

Lila tries to lie her way out of this once again “Th-they were all lies!” She claimed as she brought out the crocodile tears “The Akuma made me say them! He was just doing what Marc told him to because he’s jealous-“ She’s finally silence when a fist collided with her face. She falls to the floor with a thud.

Everyone looked at Alya, shocked.

“That’s for turning me against my best friend!” She yelled. No one noticed the touched look on Ladybug’s face

—

The police arrested Lila, and she was sent to life in prison for working with a terrorist, forging signatures, stealing money from students that were meant for charities, and many more. She went to a prison in Italy, because she was still kinda pissed about being exposed, and Hawkmoth could easily send an Akuma and allow her to break out.

Alya was the first to apologize to Marinette. The bluenette accepted her apology, but it would be a while before she could forgive Alya and the rest of her classmates. Adrien also apologized for giving her such stupid advice. It would also be a while before Marinette could forgive him.

Nevertheless, she still hung out with them, and their friendship slowly rekindled.

Marc and Nathaniel also received apologies, same for Alix, Rose, and Juleka for being treated as outcasts and badmouthed for months. Like Marinette, it would take time for them to forgive the Akuma class.

And Marc made Nathaniel swear to never be stupid and take an Akuma like that again. If the redhead weren’t so cute, Marc would gladly knock some sense into him.

[joonsdiary]

jamais vu (m)

↳ noun | the illusion that the familiar is being encountered for the first time.

                                                                                            (are you the remedy to my broken heart?)

pairing: jungkook | reader | taehyung genre: slice of life au, acquaintances to friends (to lovers?) au // heaps of angst, a tiny bit of smut, a sprinkle of fluff word count: 13,4k

— warnings: alcohol consumption, swearing, hints of gaslighting, mild descriptions of a panic attack, themes of infidelity, sexual intercourse (protected penetrative sex, implied female masturbation) 

— note: mildly inspired by the films lost in translation and ocean waves, as well as jamais vu by bts (hence the title). some concepts were derived from my wip list, so in a way this was my remedy for the writer’s block i was having while writing ‘worth fighting for’. i hope in one way or another it can be your remedy, too. (p.s. despite being inspired by lost in translation, i haven’t actually seen the film so this won’t be exactly like that adkjhsd)

— playlist: carry me home - jorja smith ft. maverick sabre / sweet insomnia - gallant ft. 6lack / drew barrymore - sza / run - joji / truth is - sabrina claudio / bath - offonoff / ghostin - ariana grande / ... etc!

     There’s something thrilling about sitting in the backseat of a car past midnight, windows rolled down as the driver chases the destination planted on her navigation device. You welcome the cool breeze that tangles your hair into an uncomfortable mess, as it only helps propel your heart rate faster. Inhaling slowly allows you to savour the musky scent of the earth shortly after being bathed with rainwater; if this is what freedom tastes like, you wish to savour as much of it as you could.

Eventually, the exhilaration wears down as the city lights blur into a cacophony of colours. It’s incoherent and indiscernible, yet it possesses the ability to lull you into a dream-like state. You had the utmost privilege of plugging your phone into the aux cord, therefore the familiar voice of your recently played songstress croons softly against the speaker, filling the cold, void spaces in between. Your heavy eyelids fall into an accustomed pattern, gradually flickering until it closes shut.

Sleep beckons; fatigue welcomes you into the abyss, and you embrace it with open arms.

Well, almost.

“Can you roll the windows up? It’s freezing,” he mumbles as he sinks further down the leather chair. You jolt awake at his sudden announcement, but he doesn’t apologize for disturbing your calmness.

“Hm? Yeah, of course,” your fingers scramble to find the right button to press until the tempered glass lifts, shielding you away from the busy city. You want to argue that it’s not even that cold, but he scoots closer towards you, tugging on your left arm before burying his head in the crook of your neck.

A wistful sigh escapes your lips and you turn to place a quick kiss on his crown. You immediately understand the exhaustion that plagues you both, brought about by the time difference between the country you came from and the one you’re currently visiting. You glance out the window once more as your thumb plays with the golden band on your ring finger.

Seoul is beautiful. The city itself is alive, evident by the way the summer stars in the night sky are dimmed by the light that emits from the numerous buildings and towers that create Seoul’s skyline. Looking at it from above while on a plane is similar to peeking at a telescope to view a galaxy far away, dotted by billions of brilliant stars. But despite the breathtaking aerial view, nothing feels more intimate than weaving through its streets.

Although you can tell its old roads are recently refurbished, unsurprisingly, which buries any inkling of familiarity beneath the cold cement. Despite you knowing the place, there’s still something different about it, like buying a new laptop to replace the old one. The specs are guaranteed to be exactly like its predecessor, but the fact that it comes in a sleek box, still unspoiled and untouched, fascinates you all the same. It begs to be used until you’re so attached to it that you refuse to part ways even just for a singular moment. That’s what defines Seoul for you.

But the city can wait. There will be plenty of opportunities to explore and rekindle your love affair with the town you once called your home. For now, your reason for being lays cradled within your arms, encapsulated within the bubble you desperately wish would stay intact, unmarred by the destructive forces of reality.

Although those illusions of fantasy can only take you so far. The fragility of your relationship is beginning to materialize into a spectre, its gaunt face haunting you in every corner you look. There’s no escaping the truth as it will, without a fail, catch you in one form or the other.

“What are you thinking about?” he hums lazily, soft breath tickling the nape of your neck.

“Just excited to finally be back after so long.”

“That’s right, you moved away long before I did.”

“Mhm.”

The discussion flickers out of existence, whose life is shorter than that of a fire in measly matchstick. You aren’t much of a conversationalist, and you appreciate that neither is he. Is that the defining trait that convinced you to marry the man sitting next to you three years ago? Perhaps. You like that he gives you the time and space to bask in your thoughts when you need it, even if there are moments where you’d like nothing more than to connect with him like you used to.

“I miss you,” slips out before you’re able to hold your tongue back. But you don’t scramble to reclaim the words like you usually do, followed by an apologetic I didn’t mean it like that. You let the phrase simmer, hoping it will soak him to the bones enough that it becomes his wake up call.

But, “I’m right here,” is all he says.

The him-of-past would have cradled your face in his big hands, turned you so that you’re face to face before he makes a silly face that will make you laugh. He’ll say you’re being silly for even thinking of such thoughts when he’s always been by your side, and forever will be. It will follow one chaste kiss, then a second, and before you could blink his limbs will tangle with yours, hearts beating fast but in unison, nonetheless.

“I know,” you murmur.

Perhaps he believes it’s enough that he’s there beside you, physically. Perhaps it’s wise to presume the same. It’s only wishful thinking to expect otherwise, after all.

    Jungkook believes he’s a creature of habit. Or, he used to be, at least.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with falling into a certain pattern in life, especially at his age; God knows he needs a stable rock to hold on to so he doesn’t get carried away by the raging currents of the river.

But it had only been once upon a time where he enjoyed such endeavours; waking up, coming down to work, going back up to bathe, before finally retiring to bed. Yes, he’ll find pockets of time to eat meals, of course. Days come when he has the freedom to choose to go to the gym, instead, so his life isn’t completely mundane. There’s a nuance to such life, and he always aspires to have the propensity and the undeterred tenacity to stick to such a strict regimen.

However, days began to bleed into each other with the same shade of grey, indiscernible and incomprehensible. It’s not necessarily a lousy experience because he never felt starved or threatened out of his home. Life for him is like cruising down the endless highway, foot off the gas but going at one hundred kilometres per hour all the same. The figures he passes by become obscured by the speed he’s going at, but at the very least he’s still heading somewhere.

It’s only recently he’s fully realized the futility of his mundane schedule. She’d told him so.

“Don’t you want to break away from all of that? From your parents’ expectations of you?” her voice comes softly through the phone. His moments together with her are often brief and hurried, their conversations cut short by external forces acting upon them both. It’s dinnertime for him, but she has to drop the call in order to catch the early bus for work. Such a prick, time and distance can be.

(Perhaps, he now looks back and thinks to himself, they’re merely trying to find more reason to converse less with each other. Since when did it start, the feeling of obligation?)

“Are you suggesting that I—”

She says yes without letting him finish his sentence.

So he finds vigour in his life once more as he throws himself into his work, constantly propelled forwards by the need to meet an end goal: Save up enough to be able to move halfway across the world. To see her. To be with her.

But the respite is brief, however.

The more money is stored in his bank account, the less he thinks of the idea as brilliant. Is he ready to uproot his life from the only home he knows to move in with somebody he has only met through the screen of his phone?

Looking at the bigger picture, nothing else has changed in his life. He needs a true break; a real step back from a routine that is numerous years in the making.

Having sex with a stranger in a random motel seems like a good way to go about it, he thinks.

Several hours prior, his friends asked him to go out drinking with them. Jungkook, who rarely makes time for such occurrences, naturally agrees, surprising the very same acquaintances that invited him. At that point he believes they��re only asking to be polite, not having the courage to kick him out of an old group chat formed during their college days. They never expected him to say yes then, and they didn’t until now.

Countless bottles of beer and a few shots of liquor later, he’s fumbling with the zipper of his tight jeans. The woman, whose name he didn’t have the courtesy of asking, giggles as she rises from the bed to approach him.

Mistake number one.

“Do you need help, love?”

He fumbles through his words, unable to form a coherent thought. It’s not that he’s completely inexperienced — although the woman probably thinks he is by the way he acts — it’s just that, admittedly, it’s been a good while since he’d had sex with anybody. Add the nervousness to his inebriated state, and he’s got himself in quite the dilemma.

Mistake number two.

“I’m guessing you like them tight,” the woman points out.

“Huh?” his head whips towards the woman, eyes wide and mouth agape, like a deer caught in headlights.

“Your jeans, I mean.”

The woman chuckles once again as he attempts to peel the fabric off his skin. “Wasn’t really planning on this, that’s why.”

Mistake number three.

“But you have this,” an inconspicuous packet is pulled from his back pocket. Jungkook merely grins sheepishly in response. The woman kneels as she grips his underwear but he grabs her hand and pulls her up instead, crashing her body into his. He recalls her murmuring something about getting straight to the point, but he’s unsure if the woman meant it as a complaint or a compliment. He didn’t bother asking to elaborate, because none of this is even supposed to happen.

Mistake number four.

Guilt bubbles from within his chest, gnawing at every nook and cranny of his consciousness.

Mistake number five.

He’d have to tell her sooner rather than later. It would be fucking shitty of him not to. But before he has the time to steer clear of trouble and save himself from potentially ruining the only good thing he has going in his life, the woman’s lips are on him. There’s no going back now, he assumes.

Mistake number six, seven, eight.

Nine: His kiss feels famished as he drinks in each quiet moan that comes out of the woman’s lips. Every second feels reinvigorating like he’s sitting in front of the roller coaster as the ride pauses before the first drop. When the wheels turn and roll against the metal railroad track, he stumbles back and falls into the bed. He’s here for the thrill, which would bring the total up to ten so far.

Eleven is when he watches the woman slip the condom with ease, sheathing him. His presumed experience she possesses excites him further; that is number twelve.

He loses count when she traps him between her knees as she licks two of her fingers at once, before hiking up her skirt.

Jungkook wants to laugh at his lack of perceptiveness. Tactless when it comes to asking for the woman’s name; even more inadequate and impolite not to think about prepping her.

“What’s so funny?” she asks, head tilting to the side as wisps of her hair fall across her face as she grinds herself against him. He bites back a moan as he looks away from her. It probably would be best not to tell her. He then catches his reflection in the mirror, and despite the dimmed lights he could outline the expression he’s making; a reflection of someone unrecognizable.

“There’s a mirror,” he pauses as she gets a hold of him, her warmth enveloping him as she slowly sinks onto him. His hips jerk seemingly involuntarily in response, and she groans, tossing her head backwards. He forgets to speak altogether. The woman does the same, opting to mumble profanity, instead.

Jungkook wishes to hide the shame and guilt, the wrongfulness, the missed opportunities to say no. Is his need to feel something other than the heaviness of his heart worth all the pain he’s about to put not only himself but the person he wishes to spend the rest of his life with?

And so he buries himself deeper before denial could even stake a claim in the vast expanse of his thoughts. If to forget is to lose himself in the pleasure of someone else’s company, then he’ll desperately seek the ecstasy he’s craved for so long until he’ll see stars beneath the darkness of his eyelids.

His breathing is no longer erratic when he comes into consciousness.

“That was good,” she breathes out softly, and he turns in time to watch her brown eyes disappear from view.

“I have to go.”

He gets up from the bed and begins to move on autopilot, picking up his discarded clothes one by one. The woman immediately sits up and asks with an evident frown on her face, “Already? Didn’t you have fun?”

The corners of his lips are pulled upwards into a grin. “It’s for work.”

“At this hour? It’s almost one.”

“Midnight shift.”

When he’s dressed, he hesitates at the foot of the bed, shifting weight from one leg to the other. He’s never been the best with words, and his unexpectedly expected tryst with a stranger leaves him at a loss for what to say. It doesn’t help that the woman refuses to meet gaze with him.

I wouldn’t want to look at me either, he thinks bitterly to himself.

“Thank you for your time. I hope to see you around,” his half-truth is enough to pluck a rueful smile from her lips.

The bus ride back home is the longest one Jungkook thinks he’s taken ever since he moved to Seoul.

    You watch as Taehyung lazily drags his feet behind him each step he takes towards the bed and breakfast place you decided to rent. The cicadas chatter loudly as if to cheer him on. A few more steps, they urge.

“Come on, Taehyung,” you groan from above the stairs, already reaching the top long before he does. “I’m about to pass out, too. But can we do it once we get to the bed?”

“I’m literally, like, dead,” you can’t help the roll of your eyes at his dramatic statement. But you hold your tongue back at any other snide comments that might offend him further. Patience is the key with him, always. Complaining to him, as you did earlier, will only force him to act against your wishes.

He reaches the top with a huff and a hand on his bent knees, handing you the duffel bag that’s filled to the brim with your clothes and his.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” is your attempt at making the situation lighthearted and less serious than it needs to be.

“Still should have booked a hotel, instead,” his nose scrunches in obvious dismay.

“For the last time, I thought—”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” gone is the Taehyung of previous, whose tiredness begins with softness around his personality. It’s not unusual for him to get cranky after being jet-lagged. But hey, guess what, so are you!

You ignore him for fear of escalation as you make your way inside. A quiet chime of the bell signals your arrival, and your gaze meets a familiar set of doe eyes; someone you knew once upon a time in a place you can pinpoint exactly. His expression mirrors that of your surprised one as he tries to figure you out. It wouldn’t surprise you if he doesn’t recognize you as you did him.

It’s Taehyung who breaks your state of bewitchment when his shoulder bumps into your arms as he jogs towards the receiving desk.

“Hey, stranger! How long has it been?” Taehyung exclaims a little too loudly, his state of disarray seemingly vanishing in a flash. With the roll of your luggage as a guide, you follow after him, standing nimbly behind the shadow of his confidence.

“Since we graduated high school? Probably ten years,” he says humorously.

“That long, huh? Damn.”

They fall into a small talk which is somewhat out of sync, which is understandable considering the amount of time they haven't been in contact with each other. No matter how close they had been during their teenage years, some words are hard to come by more than others.

He suddenly calls your name out in a greeting, and you peak over Taehyung’s shoulder with a small wave of your hand. “Hey, Jungkook.”

His smile is gentle, and your mood shifts entirely.

“Are you back here on a trip?”

It’s clear the question was directed to you, but Taehyung absolves you the courtesy of answering. “Actually, it’s a work-related thing. She wanted to tag along.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” you say with a strained chuckle, and Jungkook glances between you and Taehyung.

“Ah, I see. In any case, I’ll get out of your hair,” he slides a pair of keys in your direction. “It’s well past midnight, so I’m sure you guys are tired from your flight.”

Taehyung snatches it up, and it falls into the pocket of his slacks with a soft jingle. He thanks him with enthusiasm before turning towards the direction of the elevator.

“Hope I see you around. Have good night.”

Something about your greeting has Jungkook’s eyebrows creasing in discomfort for a split second before he gives you a small nod. “I’ll be here if you need anything else.”

But he isn’t there to greet patrons by the next morning when you go down for your complimentary breakfast. Taehyung did not join you, opting for an extended hour of sleep. You didn’t mind, but you couldn’t lay aimless in bed for too long; you’ve always been a morning person, after all.

So you sit by your lonesome in the vast dining area, surrounded by an old couple in one corner and a young family of four in the other. The two children fight for the last remaining pancake while the parents share a hushed discussion. You glance down at your warm abalone porridge.

There was a time when you imagined such a life with Taehyung—a family you can call your own. Of course, it’s by no means too late for you; at the tender age of twenty-eight, you know that life still has a lot to offer. But approaching three years into your marriage, Taehyung does not present any hints of wanting such a future with you. Sure, the topic has been brought about occasionally, but never serious enough to be considered anything but a passing daydream.

“I hate to break it to you, but that soup isn’t going to give you the answers to your most pressing question, even if you stare at it like that.”

You look up to see Jungkook wearing an amused expression, carrying a plastic bag on his right hand. He follows your trail of gaze and lifts the item into view.

“I might have raided the kitchen before my shift is over. Don’t tell a single soul,” his gaze holds differently, but the smile he wears is the same one from his youth.

“Cross my heart,” you humour him, and his grin grows wider. “Have a safe trip home.”

His nose wrinkles in contemplation. “If you mean be careful going up the stairs to my room, then sure, I will.”

Your brows lift in confusion, “You rent here?”

“You could say that. I own this place,” the chair scrapes against the tiled floors as he welcomes himself into your bubble. “Well, sort of. My parents own this, but my older brother and I manage it.”

“You should have said so earlier!” you chuckle, placing your chin on your palm as you turn to face him. “I would have asked for a discount.”

“Ouch, this is exactly why I didn’t do that in the first place. It’s opportunists like you that I’m terrified of.”

“Okay, Richie Rich, I knew you were always a selfish prick even then.”

“Hah!” he exclaims, leaning closer. “I’m well aware of my reputation back then, and none of them was ‘selfish’. In fact, there was always a lot of me to go around.”

“I highly doubt that, somehow.”

“You wouldn’t know,” he says in a casual tone while crossing his arms in front of his chest. He gives you a knowing look. “You were always with Taehyung.”

“I was, wasn’t I?” you mumble against your palm, your voice growing quiet. Your ring suddenly feels heavy on your finger.

“Mhm, that’s why I wasn’t surprised when I heard you two got married a few years back. In another country, no less. Congratulations, by the way,” his tone softens, mirroring your sudden predisposition for a hushed conversation.

“Thank you,” you give him a genuine smile. “Married life is…”

“Different?” he offers, and you nod wordlessly. You would’ve chosen a different word for it, but you’re glad he finished the sentence for you. “All my other friends who’re in the same situation say so.”

“And you?”

He wears the same troubled expression from hours ago, but only for a brief moment. He mimics your posture as his face lights up with the biggest smile you’ve seen him wear. You know that expression; there was a point in time where you’d wear the same elated look when someone asks you about Taehyung.

“Long-distance. But we’ve been together for a couple of years,” he hesitates briefly, before continuing. “I’m leaving in less than two weeks to move in with her.”

“Where to?”

He reveals the name in a hushed tone, almost as if it’s meant to stay a secret between the two of you.

Your eyes widen with bewilderment, and he grins sheepishly. “Wow, that’s—”

“Halfway across the world? I know.”

It’s only when there’s a pause that you realize what your intended purpose is. So you dig a spoonful of the soup and chase the heat away with a quick blow before taking a quick bite.

“You’re really here just to tag along with Taehyung?”

You look at him in surprise, not expecting the subject to be brought out once again. “Not really. We um…”

You hesitate, unsure whether to share your thoughts or not. But Jungkook is neither a friend nor a stranger and is possibly the perfect candidate. There’s nothing that binds you to him and in a few weeks, you’d be back to being strangers. Perhaps he wouldn’t even remember your story.

“We didn’t really have an official honeymoon after our marriage, and this was supposed to be it,” you chuckle, trying to play the situation off nonchalantly. “He sort of double-booked because he couldn’t turn down this gig.”

“That seems shitty, to be honest.”

You’re taken aback by the ruggedness of his tone, and you immediately jump to defend Taehyung. “It’s fine, honestly. It’s been a while since I’ve been back home.”

“Yeah, you missed out on our high school reunion just by a month,” his aura is lighthearted once more, and you’re glad for it.

“You went?”

“Nah, there was nothing good to reminisce about high school.”

You turn to him with your mouth agape. “This is coming from the captain of the football team, Jeon Jungkook?”

“Ah, come on, stop with the teasing,” he says as he rolls his shoulder back, before clearing his throat. “It just so happened that I was good at kicking. And running. And scoring goals.”

Undeterred by his boasting, you give him a sly smirk. “I’m sure you revelled in the attention. There was enough of you to get around, you said?”

“Now you get it.”

You giggle and he laughs along with you. The interaction gives you a certain heaviness within your chest but at the same time, you feel lightheaded, almost as if you’re about to soar towards the heavens.

“I should go catch some sleep,” he says once your euphoria dies down. “I’ve had a long evening.”

“I’ll let you get to it, then,” you say almost wistfully. He mumbles a quiet later! and you allow your gaze to follow his movement.

“Don’t get lost on your way.”

He looks back and motions a mock salute. “I’ll come knocking on your door if I need help with directions.”

However, three days go by without seeing Jungkook; not in his usual spot at the entrance of the building, and nowhere near the kitchen or the lounge area. Although you weren’t looking for him by any means because Taehyung constantly kept you busy, dragging you from place to place to take cityscape photos for his client. Despite the constant travelling, it’s hard to enjoy the scenery when the affair appears to be completely one-sided.

There’s no mistaking the fact you’re extremely proud and gratified that Taehyung pours his heart and soul into each project he throws himself at. But would it hurt that much for him to point his lenses towards your direction even just once? Surely, your whole trip will not consist of you constantly waiting on him.

He must’ve noticed your affliction because suddenly the weight of his stare begins to feel heavier each quiet second that passes.

“Bored yet?” he asks, left hand on the wheel and the other placed on the knob to change the car’s gear. Your eyes flit back to him and his right palm opens for you to take. With your fingers interlocked, he places a soft kiss on your knuckles.

It’s difficult to harbour resentment towards him when he makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter with merely the tiniest of gestures.

“With you? Never.”

He chuckles, and you feel the rumbling of his chest as he presses the back of your hand against his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat doesn’t match your erratic, nervous one.

“Hm, you should have said yes. I was going to save you of having to come with me later,” his tone is playful, and a small smile adorns his flushed lips.

“What’s happening later?” you shift in the passenger seat to face him.

“The dinner with Min, my client. I told you, remember?”

You carefully sift through your mind regarding your recent conversations with him. You recall them being short and clipped, sure, but none told you of a certain meeting with somebody else. So, you tell him in earnest, “No.”

“I’m sure you’re just forgetting,” his grip on you loosens, and you reclaim your hand before it falls on his lap.

No, you’re one-hundred-percent certain you would remember something as important as that. Yet you don’t tell him so and instead, you yield with a wordless nod.

“You mean to tell me you’re going to miss out on having takeout dinner with me?” you ask, attempting to humour him, but your tone mistakenly comes out tasting bitter on your tongue. The silence that ensues sears into your brain like the afternoon Seoul sun, prickly and scorching hot to the touch.

“You can come with, if that’s what you want. I’ll tell you in advance that it’s going to be boring, though, since we’re going to talk about work.”

Somewhere along the line, you presume Taehyung has developed the proclivity towards telling pretence with a straight face. It catches you off guard when you join him for the much-anticipated dinner that he apparently told you about. It’s not the fact that “Min” turns out to be a woman — you have no qualms about that. Taehyung is somebody who could make acquaintances with somebody while waiting in line for their prescription in a pharmacy. Rather, it’s the way he prepped you for the oncoming conversation or your lack of inclusion in any of them, for that matter.

Introductions aside, you found her to be amicable and friendly. But afterwards, you fell behind two steps as they divulged into a topic other than work. Despite the premise that the chat would be boring, Taehyung is deeply engrossed in whichever story she decided to share. You didn’t have quite the energy to match theirs, so instead of playing catch up, you decided to stop walking altogether. You watch as their figures grow smaller on the horizon, not even bothering to look back and ask if you’d like to join them.

She laughs at something Taehyung says and automatically reaches to grab his arm as she giggles along with him. When she makes eye contact with you, instinct tells you to force a smile. And you did, uncaring if she perceives your gesture to be nothing but utter bullshit.

You busy yourself with studying the restaurant instead as you pensively wait for food to be served. The dim lights of the room create a warm ambience — romantic, almost.

The gears in your brain stop turning as they click into place. Your pulse gums with vigour as you feel the sweat seeping through the pores of your palms. Suddenly, the vast expanse of the dining hall feels suffocating; there’s no room for you. To breathe, to feel, to be.

“I’ve got to go.”

You suddenly feel lightheaded as you begin seeing multiples of dark spots, clouding your vision. The floor caving beneath you, and you struggle to keep afloat.

“What?” Taehyung looks at you with wide eyes but makes no move to hold you back from gathering your things.

“I forgot I was supposed to meet a friend today,” you say with self-assurance, miming the same expression he wore when he lied: I told you, remember?

Taehyung stands when you move away from the table and hope blooms dangerously in your chest; your wish for him to hold you back and stop you from leaving begins to permeate.

(Though in hindsight, you should have known better.)

“I’ll call a cab for you.”

    Static fills the void, and for the first time in his life, Jungkook fears the silence rather than basking in it. He’s unsure when his words began to fail him; is it because he’s nervous he’ll slip up and say the wrong thing? Truly, at this point, being seen as the bad guy should be the least of his concerns.

Because as far as any human with a functioning brain thinks, he’s already fucked up in more ways than one. There’s no returning from the level of hell he’s put himself in.

“Are you still there?”

Her voice is patient, but he can tell she’s apprehensive.

“Uh, yes—just, thinking.”

There’s a brief pause before an accusatory, “Look, if you’re having second thoughts then maybe it’s too early.”

He immediately leaps from the couch of the empty lounge area. It’s a little past eleven at night, so everyone is either already in their rooms or out enjoying the city, which gives Jungkook a leg room for privacy.

“What? No, that’s not it!”

Two years isn’t too damn early. He feels like he’s been waiting a lifetime; tired of the time difference, tired of the distance, tired of being deprived of touch. Tired of the same old city, with the same predictable people. Everything around him is starting to feel foreign; the steps that lead to the bed and breakfast lodging, the corner street that sells the best tteokbokki he’s ever tasted in his life, the crosswalk that has malfunctioning lights which should be a public safety hazard but at this point he thinks will never be fixed. It’s all mundane, cycling through the same wheel of routine.

He no longer wants to feel apathetic when he faces his future while he houses resentment on his present self milling around aimlessly. She’s his only ticket to escape, so he better stop fucking around and tell her the truth.

But where to begin?

“Listen, I—”

“Whatever it is, can you please just say it? I’m leaving for work soon.”

He takes two steps back, for fear of retribution. Is he ready to ruin the entirety of her day?

“Never mind. I’ll talk to you later. Have a great day at work.”

She heaves a sigh, and preemptively ends the call.

“I suppose I deserve that,” he mumbles as he stares at his phone with her name printed in big letters across the screen. He contemplates pressing the call button and finally telling her everything—her work be damned. He knows that he owes her the truth at the very least.

But you come barrelling down the door, barefoot as you clutch your heels safely between your armpit. You’re dressed formally, yet casual enough for a nice dinner outside plenty of Seoul’s restaurants. But the slight stutter in your step and your somewhat dishevelled hair tells Jungkook all he needs to know. He doesn’t have to hazard a guess.

“Jungkook!” you raise your arms as you exclaim, and the wooden floor welcomes your shoes with a loud thud. “It’s been so long. What are you doing here?”

He laughs, not because of your deeply inebriated state, but because of your inquiry. What the hell am I doing here? He’s been asking himself that very same question without an answer in sight for a while now.

Though he doesn’t have time to answer because you almost knock him over when you skid over to wrap your arms around his neck. His senses are overwhelmed with the pungent smell of liquor, mixed with a subtle hint of rose water.

“I miss you.”

Jungkook is perplexed by your brutal honesty, to say the least. Though he knows to excuse any action while somebody is foolishly drunk, so long as they are not harming anybody or themselves. You grow quiet, and Jungkook is about to ask where you’ve been when he feels dampness on the front of his button-up shirt. He looks down and sees you visibly shaking, before grabbing at his sleeves seemingly for physical support.

It’s when you ask, with conviction, “Why did you hold me back?” that he realizes you aren’t referring to him. So, he wordlessly wraps his arms around you as he pats your back reassuringly. He doesn’t mind that you began sobbing louder, not even when a guest comes through the door and gives him a perplexed expression. He simply nods in their direction as a form of acknowledgement before giving a tight-lipped smile.

When minutes pass and Taehyung doesn’t arrive, he puts two and two together and concludes that he had to be the reason. His heart squeezes painfully as you attempt to swallow a sob which ends up sounding more agonizing and hollowed, carrying with them the weight of all the sorrow you’ve seemingly piled up.

When your cries are reduced to soft hiccups, you pull away from him with a quiet apology. Jungkook shakes his head as he places his palms delicately against your face before wiping the remnants of your sorrow away from your cheeks.

“Better?”

“No,” you sniffle. “I feel like shit.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I wanna go out again. Will you come with me?” you look up at him, bleary eyes pleading. Jungkook dips his chin as he guides you to sit on the leather couch, which you thankfully follow.

“At this rate, you’re going to pass out before we step foot outside the building.” With a sigh, he crouches down to reach eye level with you. “Do you need to puke?”

“I already did that after getting off the cab earlier, I think.”

“Okay then, wait here.”

You nod wordlessly and he goes to pick up your discarded shoes before placing it near your naked feet. He unlocks his phone as he makes his way to the dining hall, dialling a familiar number.

“Jaehyun?” he asks after the third ring. “Can you come earlier for your shift? Something came up.”

When he’s sure someone is going to take over for him, he makes his round in the empty kitchen, grabbing whatever he thinks might be immediately necessary: clean towels, an empty bucket in case of an emergency, and a glass of water.

You’re placid when he returns, eyes puffed out and red as you stare at nothing in particular. He hands you the water and you immediately finish it before he can blink.

You mumble a quick apology as he exchanges the empty glass for the clean towel.

“Don’t worry about it. This will all be billed towards room service.”

You chuckle and throw him back the towel which lands squarely on his face.

“Not funny.”

“I’m dead serious. Look at this damage on my shirt!” he points at the makeup smear accusingly, causing an escalation in your laughter. But the tears return, and you wordlessly wipe them with your palms.

“Come,” he offers his hand for you to take. “You have to eat.”

You stare wordlessly at it for a while, before taking it and pulling yourself to stand. You’re wobbly on your feet, and Jungkook tightens his grip on your hand in an attempt to steady you.

“I can’t go out like this,” you mumble. Jungkook nods in agreement as he wears a playful grin. You nudge his side, brows furrowed and lips forming into a pout. “I know I look like a mess. No need to rub it in.”

“I never said anything,” he chuckles. “Weren’t you the one asking to go out again?”

“I still do. But don’t worry,” you pat the back of his hand reassuringly. “You don’t have to come with.”

“I haven’t noticed Taehyung pass through yet, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jungkook watches your expression morph back into a blank stare. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, after all. His mind scrambles to quickly divulge the topic. “Where do you want to go? I already called my replacement at the front desk—”

“I know this is a bed and breakfast and not a hotel, but you guys have liquor, right?”

You’ve somehow convinced Jungkook to siphon a bottle of whiskey and a few cans of beer from the lodging’s inventory. Though he can quite happily admit that it didn’t take much to get him on board. But he technically can’t be seen drinking and lounging on the job for morale’s sake, so he sneaks in some food along with the alcohol — and you — back to his room. Although Jaehyun did catch you and Jungkook on the way up.

(He promises a wage increase if Jaehyun doesn’t say anything to Jungkook’s older brother. You didn’t have to but since you offered, I’ll take it, the latter said.)

“Apologies for the mess,” he mutters, holding the door with his foot as he welcomes you. He turns on the lamp instead of the main lights since they’re less obtrusive to the eye.

“Are you kidding?” you stumble in, trying not to drop the cans of beer you’re holding. “This place is practically spotless. You have bodies in your closet, don’t you?”

Jungkook laughs as he makes a beeline for the makeshift table sitting between his pseudo-living-room-slash-bedroom and kitchen—

“Wait, you have a kitchen?”

Jungkook isn’t sure if you’re perplexed or amazed. He shrugs nonchalantly either way.

“Perks of being part-owner, I guess?”

He haphazardly throws a blanket and a pillow near the table for you to sit in, but apparently, you have other plans and proceed to make a home for yourself in his bed. You bury your head in the sheets, mumbling, “It smells good.”

“I change the sheets every month,” he boasts rather proudly; all part of his routine.

“I should definitely check that closet.”

“By all means,” he grins, plopping down in front of the table. He’s yet to have dinner, so his intentions to get food and beer had been partly selfish. Jungkook turns to you, now laying on your side, sullen eyes already studying him. He quickly looks away and grabs a spoon before holding it up.

“Food? You’re probably hungry, right? I know I’m always craving, especially after a good cry. Not that I cry often, but doing so from time to time doesn’t hurt either, I suppose. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird—I know there’s this stigma around men and crying but honestly, it’s all such bullshit. We are born into the world crying, it’s literally the first thing we do as humans. Anyway, do you fancy some beef and white rice? I know it’s not much, but...what are you laughing for?”

Jungkook watches you descend into hysteria, clutching your stomach as your giggles turn silent, but your shoulders are still visibly shaking. You heave for air, turning over so your back is face to him.

“If I knew I was this funny, I would have switched careers,” he mumbles, though loud enough for you to hear, as he stuffs his face with rice.

“It’s not too late,” you reply with a sniffle. “You can still change your mind.”

“That’s true, I suppose. Don’t they have that saying that goes ‘a fickle heart is the only constant in this world’ or something?”

Your head whips back towards him, swollen eyes wide in astonishment. “Did you just quote Howl’s Moving Castle?”

His nose scrunches up in deep thought. “Maybe? I did watch it recently.”

“You’re an odd one, Jeon Jungkook,” you muse quietly, eyes mimicking one of the phases of the moon as you grin.

“Says the person who’s soiling my fresh linen with her tears,” he says playfully. But there’s no reply this time around, and he quickly backtracks. “It’s okay to laugh at that one—it was a joke. A very terrible one, apparently.”

“No. You’re quite spot on, actually.”

Jungkook doesn’t speak for a while, unsure whether he should be overstepping the boundary more than he should have. But he looks at your vulnerable state, splayed across his bed, and thinks all formalities are out the window at this point. Despite the previous state of your relationship with him, or otherwise the lack of it, this would probably constitute friendship. Therefore, as a friend, it’s his moral duty to rid you of your throes and woes, even just a little.

“Where did you go, anyway? Must have been fun if you got all shit-faced like this.”

Keeping the tone airy is probably the best way to go as an introduction.

“Just a pub. I didn’t want to go clubbing by myself, it could have been dangerous.”

Jungkook’s forehead creases with worry, and he holds himself back from the question that he’s burning to ask: Then where the hell is Kim Taehyung? He reserves the right to be outright angry because he knows it’s not his place to. He reaches for the can of beer, which hisses in frustration when he opens it.

“You don’t have friends in the city?” he asks, hoping you will not take offence at his question. You shrug.

“I didn’t really keep in touch with anyone after moving away. It felt weird asking someone out of the blue.”

“You could have called me,” he says without much thought.

“I seriously considered it, but…” you trail off, leaving Jungkook to fill the void himself. He doesn’t mind that he probably didn’t cross your mind as a go-to person to call in times of crisis. “I heard you were quite the party pooper in high school, so I had my doubts.”

“Hey!” he protests, but you ignore him and continue. He doesn’t disagree, of course, but being called out is not a fun experience whether it came from a drunk acquaintance or not.

“New in town, straight-A student—but to be fair, quite good-looking and athletic to boot. My god, all my friends had a stupid on crush on you.”

Jungkook’s cheeks grow warm with embarrassment at the deluge of compliments. “Me? With gangly limbs and an awful bowl-cut? Who couldn’t even get a single word out to anybody, especially girls, without stuttering? That Jungkook?”

“You need to give yourself a little more credit than that, Jeon.” You’re facing him once again, both hands tucked neatly beneath your head.

He nods as an acknowledgement but swiftly changes the subject. “Are you sure you don’t want to eat, though? I’m halfway through this already.”

“I’m sure. I think I’ll probably just nap, then go,” you chuckle. Jungkook can only offer you a rueful smile. He doesn’t mind if you’re unwilling to share the whole spiel of what caused you to be miserable enough to drink by yourself. He’s quite well-versed in that area, after all. It doesn’t solve anything, sure, but it’s enough to numb the feeling of being alone with his thoughts. He doesn’t have to guess who the root of it is, though.

He sighs as he turns on the television, before lowering it down to a manageably quiet level where it will not disturb your sleep. He doesn’t have a particular show in mind to watch, but having the mindless static accompany him is more than enough.

“I lied,” you begin after several minutes of silence. “I can’t sleep.”

“That’s because you’re doing it wrong,” he motions for you to move over as he walks closer to the bed. You follow his instruction, and he peels a layer of the bedsheet. Jungkook laughs as you scramble to get under it. “Better now?”

You didn’t answer but instead, lift your head from the sheets before nodding. He’s overcome with a sense of assurance when he sees your peaceful, content expression.

He hasn’t so much as turned his back on you when you call his name out once more.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

“Just make sure you leave us a five-star rating.”

He grins just as you crack one eye open. “I’m serious.”  

“So am I. We need that public approval to keep running,” he watches the corner of your lips twitch in amusement as you settle back comfortably into the futon with a nod.

“Jungkook.”

“Yes?”

“Was I wrong? For feeling wanted, I mean.”

Your question catches him by surprise; suddenly the hardwood floor beneath him begins to feel cold against his feet. Instead of returning to his previous spot, he carefully sits on the edge of the bed as the springs creak from his weight. He pulls both his legs underneath him; he couldn’t quite face you, so he stares at the television, instead.

“I don’t think so. We all crave validation, more so from our partners than anybody else. I think it’s natural. Otherwise, it’s pointless.”

“Pointless,” you echo softly.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t work it out, though. Part of it is communicating your needs to each other.”

Hypocrite, Jungkook says to himself. It’s laughable, the level of bullshit he allows himself to bask in. What’s the point of giving someone else advice, when he can’t even get his shit together?

“You have to be truthful because the other person might not know what you want.”

“I know that,” your voice is shaky when you speak. Jungkook hedges his bet and assumes that you began crying once more; he didn’t need to look back to confirm. “I guess I’m just scared of facing the outcome of the confrontation when it does happen.”

“You don’t want to be abandoned when shit hits the fan,” he says more to himself than you.

“Exactly. I don’t even know when it began. One day I just woke up and,” you pause, and Jungkook hears you sniffle. “And everything felt so unfamiliar. The places—the people I thought I knew. It’s like I dissociated from my body, and I've just been on autopilot ever since.”

You pause, and Jungkook continues for you. “And you thought going along with the flow would fix things, but it feels even more jarring because you’ve lost that sense of familiarity.”

“Yeah, exactly. I thought coming here would somehow magically restore everything, but quite the opposite, actually. I guess running away from it doesn’t solve anything,” you chuckle bitterly. He slowly shifts on the bed to face you.

For the first time in a long time, Jungkook feels seen; like someone has found the lock to the door he threw away so long ago. Your words continuously play on a loop in his mind, forcing him to look at the actions he’s been taking. Certainly, he’s not racing away from himself by choosing to move to a different country despite his parents’ protest, is he? What about the fact that he chooses not to tell her, the supposed love of his life, about the fact that he’d felt so deprived that he couldn’t resist the temptation to have sex with someone else? And to top it all off, he doesn’t have the guts to tell her.

Jungkook knows he doesn't deserve the right to sit there and tell you what to do when he doesn’t dare to be honest in his relationship.

When you’ve cried your eyes dry and the evenness of your breathing signifies you’re fast asleep, Jungkook gently moves from his spot on the bed. He grabs the phone that has been idly on top of the table, before heading to the bathroom and closing the door shut. No matter the outcome of the conversation, she deserves the truth.

Jungkook inhales deeply and presses the call button.

    You rise before daybreak, and at a glance, Jungkook is nowhere to be found. There’s a painful throb on the side of your head as you sit up, and you ignore it as you untangle yourself from the sheets. With the help of the lights from the television, you find him splayed across the couch not too far from where you stand. He’s still wearing the same clothes he had on a few hours ago, and guilt creeps up quicker than you anticipated it to.

You untuck the blanket you’ve used from his bed before walking towards him, careful not to disturb his slumber.

“I apologize for bothering you,” you mumble as you lay the blanket softly on top of him. You didn’t think to wake him before your departure; you already told him that you were set to leave after a short nap, anyway.

Hurriedly, you exit his room, forgetting that you’re completely barefoot. It’s fine, it’s just a few floors down, anyway.

The short elevator ride gives you little room to prepare for what you’re going to tell Taehyung. You glance at the phone you’ve been keeping on ‘do not disturb’ to find two missed calls from him a few hours prior. You just hope he’s already asleep by the time you get to your room.

You’re relieved when you enter and the lights are turned off. It feels juvenile to be sneaking around as you use your phone’s light to pick up a discarded shirt before stripping away your clothes and hurriedly putting it on.

Taehyung’s body is turned towards the wall as he hugs the pillow tightly against his body. Seeing him tranquil and at peace shifts your mood, as if all the frustration you feel dissipates within an instant. You slide under the covers, careful not to disturb him but he shifts at your presence anyway. He forgoes the pillow, snaking his arms around your waist instead as he inches closer.

“Where have you been?” he murmurs sleepily against your ear.

“Just...here.”

He doesn’t ask further and you don’t elaborate, thinking that he’s fallen back asleep. A part of you is glad for the unadulterated freedom he’s giving you. But there’s a sudden feeling of optimism; perhaps the sensation of loneliness will pass, and that you’re merely being dramatic (for the lack of better term). Once again you’re lulled into complacency. But it’s never a bad thing to just hope for the best, right?

But Taehyung is gone by noon when you finally have the decency to peel yourself off the bed. There’s a simple text from several hours ago that reads: Didn’t want to disturb you. Call me later.

You do exactly that, but it takes you straight to voicemail. Twice. Three times.

Dread settles in the pit of your stomach, but you try not to read into the situation too much.

“It’s fine, I wanted a day to go around by myself anyway,” you say out loud, uncaring if the walls are the only ones hearing you out. You fall back into the mattress, knowing the eagerness to get ready will not come unless there’s anybody to encourage.

But it seems like you didn’t have to wait for your saving grace for too long because your phone rings and you immediately roll over to reach for it.

Your heart sinks when you read the caller ID, but you grin and answer the call, anyway.

“Hey, Mom.”

She answers back cheerily, before divulging into her familiar list of questions; the usual how are you’s and the have you been eating well’s. When she finally inquires about Taehyung, you answer hesitantly.

“He’s out for work. You know how it is.”

She sighs and you wince, regretting your choice of tone. “Did you argue again?”

“No! That’s not it at all. I’m just—”

“Whatever it is, just be patient with him,” she admonishes. Your grip on the phone tightens. Right, because that very same rhetoric did nothing to salvage your marriage with Dad. It had been one of the reasons why you decided to move away after high school in the first place. Your mother managed to convince you to move in with her, stating that she wanted to make up for being absent most of your youth.

A different country. Foreign places to see, people to meet. The thrill of it all had been enough to convince you to depart the only place you knew your entire life. But part of the reason why you agreed had been because you were growing weary of living with your father’s new family. There was never a sense of belonging that tied you to Seoul despite spending all your life there.

Except for Taehyung.

He followed you five years later, like a fool in love. Then you decided to get married two years after rekindling your relationship. Three years since then, it feels like you’re floating in between two sides of the same coin with him, neither in bliss nor in terror.

“I know,” you chew your bottom lip. Fear is catching fire in your chest, and you smother it quickly so it will not disperse and reach your heart. “I’m trying.”

She switches the topic quicker than you can wipe the tears that manage to fall, and soon enough she’s complaining to you about having to come out for late lunch with her friends. Your answers are short and subdued, just enough to let her know that you’re still there, but your mind is itching to run somewhere else. Before she hangs up, you give her a gentle reminder to check on your apartment. She promises not to forget.

“Have fun, dear! Don’t forget to visit the places I told you about.”

“You act as if I didn’t live here before,” she chuckles at your unintended humour. “But don’t worry, I won’t.”

The line cuts after a short goodbye, and you welcome silence with a long sigh. It seems like there’s a lot on the list for you to finish: get some food to cure your hangover, take a nap, and then another after waking up. The prospect of going out alone is more daunting than it seems, therefore, staying in feels like it’s the best option.

Suddenly, a fleeting thought crosses your mind. You could have called me.

You instinctively reach for the telephone by the bedside table and dial his room number, fresh and vivid in your memory.

*

It takes half an hour to get to the destination Jungkook suggested. He agreed that you’ll treat him to (a very late afternoon) lunch if he picks the place.

“No way, it’s still here!” you exclaim as soon as you step foot off the cab. Waves of nostalgia come trickling in one by one, then hits you all at once when you open the door. Your senses are overwhelmed with familiar spices as soon as you push the door open. You look back and beam at Jungkook, who’s watching you with a small smile.

It’s only when you’re seated and have ordered that Jungkook clears his throat before saying, “I’m glad you still remember.”

You gawk at him, before crossing your legs firmly beneath you.

“Are you kidding? They have the best bibimbap and tofu stew. I was here almost every night especially during the exam period.”

“I know,” he says with confidence and you eye him with suspicion. “I mean, it was tough not to. You were always so loud around your friends.”

You scoff at him despite you knowing it to be true, but Jungkook takes no offence to it as he grins.

“It’s called having fun. You should try it sometime,” you point at him with your spoon.

“I am having fun with—”

“If you say ‘with you’, I swear to god you’re going to pay for the food instead,” you warn him despite a smile threatening to break from your lips.

“With you,” he emphasizes the phrase almost mockingly. You murmur the word “impossible” under your breath as you feel the tips of your ears grow warm.

Although the comment seems gratuitous at the time of its conception, to Jungkook’s credit you also come to enjoy time spent with him. Perhaps it’s the fact that he stands between novelty and familiarity that you fall into an easy discourse with him; you didn’t have to choose your words too carefully or worry that he might think ill of you based on what you say. There’s no seed of doubt and no root cause of anxiety.

You can’t help but find it odd, nevertheless.

Jungkook, whom you’ve never shared more than two lines before your current interaction with him. You’d never have thought in a million years you’d confide in somebody who used to give you odd stares and unfriendly glares when you passed by him in the halls of your high school. The past you would gawk, confused as to how he manages to coax even the tiniest smile out of you.

You’re about to point out that very fact to Jungkook when your phone rings and you’re immediately reprieved back out of the comfort of his presence.

It’s Taehyung, and you immediately answer.

“Babe, don’t freak out, but I’m currently in Daegu. Crazy! I know, I know. But remember I told you last night about—”

He begins listing names you recall hearing in passing. But it didn’t matter, because you stop paying attention after hearing where his current location is.

“—is why I couldn’t answer your call. But don’t worry, I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon, probably.”

You watch Jungkook shift in his seat as he asks you if everything’s all right. You nod instinctively.

“Okay.”

“Cool. I’ll call you again later after we get settled. Love you.”

“Mhm.”

He must have been in a hurry because the call cuts before you could get another word in. Although you didn’t attempt to answer longer than a few sentences in the first place, afraid that the quiver in your voice will reveal the hurt and anger that has slowly been piling up one by one.

    Jungkook thinks you’re a dam that’s overfilled and just about ready to burst. He’s afraid because you seem overly happy, obviously overcompensating for the devastation he had seen in your eyes hours prior to your call. He needn’t guess who it had been on the other side. Although he doesn’t know what Taehyung said, it’s enough to send you in a frantic search for your sanity.

This begins with you asking him to go to a karaoke bar with you, before proceeding to order several drinks. It’s on me, Jeon! I owe you lots, you declare before proceeding to down a whole glass of beer in one go.

Within the privacy the four walls of the room bring, you pour your energy into one upbeat song after another, seemingly uncaring of Jungkook’s presence. That is until your umpteenth song ends, and you turn away from the screen dramatically and towards him to hand him the mic.

“Your turn!”

“Great, I thought you’d never ask,” he says sarcastically and you join him on the seat, giggling. He takes the remote and punches in his selected number as a familiar tune comes through the speakers. He looks at you as he begins to sing the lyrics of the verse, and you break out into a small grin.

“I’m trying to realize, it’s alright to not be fine…” he sings softly as your head gently leans on his shoulder. Jungkook lets you.

He does again on the cab ride to the pub for a late dinner. And again on the way home. The weight of your presence against him is most likely inconsequential to the heaviness you carry around with you. That’s why he’ll do his part even though he most likely doesn’t have to; anything to let you know you’re not alone. He just hopes you know.

“Jungkook,” your voice is quiet against his ear as he carries you up the concrete steps.

“Yes?” he adjusts you on his back, careful not to drop you. He’s only slightly inebriated, and he’s hoping there will be no accidents for him or you.

“Thank you.”

“Just leave us a—”

“Five-star rating,” hearing your laughter feels ticklish in his stomach. “I will.”

His older brother greets him with an odd look once he enters the door of the lobby, before asking, “Is this what you skipped work for?”

“I’m only cashing in my days off before a leave,” Jungkook points at the elevator with his chin.

“Yeah, yeah,” his brother says dismissively before pressing the button for Jungkook. Silence passes through them as they wait for the doors to open. “Is she the reason why you changed your mind?”

Jungkook feels the steady rhythm of your pulse against his back, which is kilometres away from his erratic heartbeat. He tries not to put too much thought into it; he did just carry you up several flights of stairs, after all.

The harsh ping of the bell saves him from answering, and the older didn’t press him any further. It’s only after he’s turned the keys to your room, safely placed you on the bed — but not before he falls back onto the spot beside you with a deep sigh — that he has the time to formulate an articulate response.

“I’d like to think I did it out of my own volition. But a lot has happened the last few days, and, well…” he trails off as he turns his body to face you, one hand tucked against his cheek as the other reaches out to comb a stray hair out of your face.

You stir under his touch but he doesn’t make the effort to move away.

“Seems like I owe you again, Jeon Jungkook,” you whisper, the words stringing together seemingly in an indecipherable sound. He manages to put the pieces together, nonetheless.

“You’re not under any obligation to repay me,” he grins when you peel your eyes open. “I don’t want to give you all the credit, but you might have saved me more than once.”

“How so?”

The reflection of the city lights chase away the dimness of the room, but they also reflect your eyes in a way that makes Jungkook think you’re holding the galaxy’s secrets within them.

“I was having this, sort of, midlife crisis—”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” you place your elbow against the mattress as you lean your flushed cheeks against your palm. “Saying you’re having a midlife crisis now in your late twenties makes it seem like your life’s going to end in your sixties.”

He shrugs half-heartedly. The pessimist in him urges him to declare, “Who’s to say I won’t?”

“Boo! I hate this story already.”

“Buckle up, because it’s about to get worse,” he smiles wryly.

And Jungkook opens up his fresh wounds and bares his soul without pomp and flowery words. He watches your reaction intently, nonetheless, knowing well enough that by the end of the night, he might get kicked out of the halls. He’ll take the punishment kindly, since she didn’t have the chance to slap him when he could tell, despite the distance, that she would punch him square in the face.

“I know it’s wrong, and I’m not making any excuses for my actions.”

“I feel like I have no place to get angry at you. But strictly speaking, from a rational person’s point of view...fuck you.”

“I deserve no less,” he says, appreciating your candour. “That’s why last night, when you fell asleep, I told her everything. I realized that I had no place to speak of communicating when I’ve been holding out on the truth from her for a while now. You can only imagine how angry she is with me.” He swallows thickly, hating the way his throat constricts uncomfortably. Perhaps he did care about how you’ll view him, after all.

“Are you all right, though?”

The worry engraved in the crease between your brow disarms him; the unexpected delicacy in the way you ask him suddenly brings him into sobriety. After hearing the phrase I don’t want to see you, ever, he hasn’t had the time to process how he feels other than the guilt that continues to plague him. He’d buried heartbreak that comes along after losing somebody so quickly that realizing it now has him terrified of himself.

Has he truly reached the point where he’s incapable of feeling anything?

Or is it that somewhere between then and now, he’s fallen out of love with her and made excuses for himself so that it’s easier to let her hate him because he didn’t have the courage to break it off? Is it because he’s using her as an excuse — his ticket out of Seoul, out of the life he thinks to be mundane? Because if so, then he’s an even bigger scumbag than he originally thought.

“Jungkook?”

The warmth of your hand on his cheek salvages him from sinking into the bottomless depth of his thoughts.

“I can’t believe I strung her along for this long.”

Then it hits him all at once; an unavoidable freight train carrying the emotions he’s repressed himself from bearing. In him blossoms the violent need to abate the heaviness that began festering within the depths of his mind a long time ago.

One sob and you pull him against you. Two and you’re running your hands soothingly down the curves of his back. Three, and he’s clinging onto you for dear life as the uncontrollable cries consume him. He’s overcome by a sense of déjà vu as you wrap your arms tighter against him.

Jungkook lets you.

Again and again, he will selfishly welcome your presence, as if doing so would diminish him of any wrongdoings he has committed.

    You drift in and out of consciousness, but the warm body stays unchanged beside you. Another aspect feels indifferent: The pounding headache constantly knocking against your temple. In hindsight, you probably need to stop drinking to the point where your body can’t handle the after-effects. Inhaling slowly puts your mind at ease as the scent of fresh lavender wafts over your senses; you’re immediately reminded of hanging freshly laundered sheets during a hot summer day. Only one person manages to conjure such specific and vivid imagery for you.

Jeon Jungkook.

Your body goes rigid at the feeling of his heavy arm draped across your waist. You slowly open your eyes, hoping that your initial hunch is wrong, and you’re merely dreaming that you let someone who’s neither a stranger nor a friend lay in bed with you.

But you’re met with his peaceful sleeping face, a stark difference between last night’s troubled and despaired Jungkook. For a split second, you let your mind wander with your heart amongst the perilous grounds of your imagination.

If picturing life with him is a sin, then there’s absolutely no saving you from entering the depths of hell.

(A tad bit over-dramatic on your part, but you believe you have the license to do so since you just woke up in the arms of someone else other than Taehyung.)

Despite the slight panic accentuated by the quick palpitations of your heartbeat, you make no genuine effort to move away. Bits of cynicism creeps up, either way, as you berate yourself for clinging onto anybody willing to keep you company.

But at this point, is Jungkook truly just ‘anybody’ to you? In a short period of time, you’ve managed to share more with him than you’ve had with Taehyung. With Jungkook, there’s nobody to compete for attention with.

So, what is holding you back from leaving the anguish behind and instead run straight on towards Jungkook? Is the sanctity of marriage you’ve sworn to uphold after seeing how it tore your own family apart enough of a reason to stay with him?

The answer sits on the tip of your tongue like a ripe fruit ready to burst.

Jungkook shifts his position as he raises one eyelid open before breaking out into a lazy grin. You return the gesture as you peel yourself away from his touch to sit upon the mattress and stretch your limbs wide.

“That was the best sleep I had in a while,” he admits.

“Maybe all you needed was a good cry.”

He gives you a knowing look. “Maybe.”

Silence ensues, and all of a sudden you’re unsure of what to tell him when minutes ago you allowed yourself to stare at him unabated. How exactly are you supposed to express gratification to the person who’s allowed themselves to be the unfortunate passenger to your rollercoaster of emotions? What’s more, is you’d done the same for him. Do you, then, without a need for more words, go back to how it had been previously and pretend nothing had happened?

You didn’t have much time to ponder because your phone vibrates in the back pocket of your jeans.

“What do you mean by ‘we need to talk’?”

“Good morning to you too, Taehyung,” you mumble. Jungkook’s eyes widen in surprise, as if in sudden realization of something he’d forgotten. He moves off the bed and motions for the bathroom. You nod wordlessly. It almost slipped your mind that you sent him a somewhat vague text the night previous after Jungkook’s spiel. “It means exactly what it says. We need to talk when you get back. You are coming back, right?”

“What’s with the sudden hostility in your tone? Of course, I’m coming back.”

“I think I deserve to be a little hostile,” a sudden wave of bravery washes over you. “How exactly am I supposed to feel after you leave me without warning on our trip?”

“I told you—”

“Stop fucking lying to me, Kim Taehyung,” your voice breaks as tears blur your vision. “You never talk about anything with me anymore, and you know it.” There’s a certain pride you feel when he doesn’t respond right away. “I can’t talk to you about this on the phone. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Jungkook returns well after you’ve ended the call with Taehyung.

“I should probably get back to my room and change. I need to take over for my brother.”

You follow him towards the door, where he haphazardly puts on his shoes. When he stands, he gazes at you, eyes filled with tenderness. Your heart stutters. “Will you be okay?”

“Of course,” you offer him an encouraging smile, but he doesn’t return it. With one nod he’s out the door, and you watch as his figure retreats towards the elevator without so much as a wave, not knowing that would be the last you see of him for a while.

Taehyung’s arrival comes earlier than expected and catches you after your long shower, but says nothing to quell your worries. He merely sits on the bed and watches you pace around the room; for a comb one minute, then you put on lotion next, then you’re folding clothes to be laundered — anything to busy yourself from confrontation. It’s not that your courage has wavered, but rather your dignity prevents you from breaking first.

Yet as soon as your name rolls off his tongue, there’s a magnetic pull that has your feet nimbly walking to where he is.

“I’m sorry,” is all it takes from him for you to unravel completely. There’s no shortage of fresh, hot tears as he engulfs you against him. You bring your palms up to grab on his shirt tightly, before hitting his chest with no real intentions of hurting him. He doesn’t stop you but instead pulls back to place a chaste kiss on your forehead. Your arms fall nimbly to the side and Taehyung continues to mutter apologies one after the other, catching each teardrop before they reach the bottom of your ruddy cheeks.

He waits until you’ve stopped sobbing before you begin diving into a conversation that’s been long overdue. Slowly, the walls you’ve built around yourself begin to crumble brick by brick as the imperfections of your relationship reveal itself on the surface. It’s uncomfortable for him as much as it is for you to dredge up old wounds, evident by the way his eyes well up with tears, but it’s an intervention needed to regain what was, if possible.

Both you and Taehyung know one conversation is not enough to undo the fractures, but it’s a step closer towards salvation.

*

The end of your trip creeps up closer than you’d like. You stopped tagging along with Taehyung’s workdays because he agreed to go places with you. Days without him are spent milling around the neighbouring places of the bed and breakfast, which leads to your discovery of the best spicy rice cake just around the corner of the street. There is also the obligatory bike ride alone around the Han river, which proves to be more satisfactory than almost anything you’ve ever done.

You find yourself looking for Jungkook in-between the hours where your mind wanders and for a split second, all of your thoughts are suddenly dedicated to him. Deception comes in the form of denial when you push the aimless sentiments aside, afraid that you might get too carried away. It’s maddening to think that he only seems to show up in times of dire need as if the deity responsible for overlooking fate is playing tricks on you.

(Though you know that if you want to see him, the only thing you have to do is knock on his door. You dismiss that idea, either way, for fear of being too obtrusive.)

On the day of your departure, you wake up early to catch breakfast. You ask Taehyung if he wants to join you despite knowing the answer. He grunts in response but stays unmoving. You untangle yourself from the warmth of his body before placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

Food has been prepared once you’re in the dining area, but there’s nobody to be found. It immediately reminds you of the first morning of your arrival—the excited faces of the children and their parents who were engrossed in a serious conversation, and the elderly couple enjoying their morning of peace together. Two weeks have gone by, and you’re not even sure if they’re still here or if they’ve moved on to see other places, meet other people.

Inadvertently, you steal a glimpse of the kitchen door, waiting for it to swing open and reveal the one person whose smile you’ve been longing to witness one last time. You grin as you shake your head; your propensity towards wishful thinking never ceases to make you feel disheartened.

“Last time you were staring longingly at your soup, and today you’re smiling to yourself,” his voice cuts through your thoughts intrusively as he strolls in, dressed down in a pair of casual joggers and an ill-fitting shirt too big to possibly belong to him. “Hi.”

Your gaze meets his, and breathlessly, you say, “Hi.”

He doesn’t make any gesture that indicates he wants to sit and chat this time around.

“Been busy?”

“I could say the same about you,” your lips curl upwards in a small smile. There’s a landslide of things you want to ask him, topics you want to share. You want to thank him over and over, invite him for a meal or even a simple walk around town. But words seem to fail you as you shift your eyes to stare at your half-eaten plate of fruit slices.

“My older brother mentioned you’re leaving today,” he announces offhandedly, scratching the nape of his neck. You’d like to think he’s just as unsure as you on how to go about having a conversation. Is he also stumbling over his thoughts like you are?

“Uh, yeah—” you flick your wristwatch to check the time— “I just have to wake Taeyhung, and we’ll be on our way.” The rueful smile he gives you feels like a splinter prodding your heart. “You?”

“Oh, I was just on my way to grab something before heading to the gym.”

“Ah,” you nod. Unlike the last time you two shared a conversation in the same place, this one is marred by awkward pauses and long bouts of silence. Afraid this will cause him to leave, you promptly state, “I honestly thought you ended up leaving the country since I didn’t see much of you.”

“That was the plan, yes,” his smile finally reaches his eyes. “I was supposed to leave a week ago— I mean, I had already bought the tickets and despite how it ended with me and her, I still wanted to leave. But someone told me just because you try to run from your problems doesn’t mean it will not follow you there.”

You chuckle as you shake your head. He continues. “I feel like I owe it to her to grant her wishes of not wanting to see me, no matter how much I wanted to get out of this place. A lot of reasons compelled me to stay, and I think I’m better for it.”

When your gaze meets his, there’s an unstated agreement; a kinship that cannot be unbound, locked away in a time you can only revisit through your memory.

“With that being said, I might tour Europe in two months’ time, starting with Sweden,” he grins playfully, cheeks dotted with a dimple. You roll your eyes as you stand before shoving him lightly by the shoulder.

“Alright, Richie Rich, no need to rub it in. I get it, I get it.”

“You have me mistaken, Miss. This was a culmination of years of hard work and savings.”  

“I’m happy for you,” you say with finality. No matter how much you did not want the conversation to end, there’s a twinge of sweetness to a farewell amidst the bleakness that often comes along; it doesn’t always have to end in thunder and rainfall.

But then he asks, “Are you happy for you?”

It might have been then, at that moment, where you’d willingly say blurt the phrase out loud, your situation be damned. But you didn’t—you couldn’t. Not when you nod wordlessly. Not when he opens his arms seemingly as a conclusion, a wordless action that says: I should probably let you go so I can also go about with my day. Instead, you carefully place the three words in your back pocket to be used later before you step into the warmth of his embrace.

He whispers a farewell and a promise that you know you’ll carry in your heart until the time fate allows you to meet again at another time and another place.

[capsiclecevans]

“you are something Hugh Drysdale”

Warnings: none really, soft!Ransom though! 

Summary: Ransom and reader get back from lunch with the Thrombey’s/Drysdale’s and Ransom has to reassure that the reader is the person he loves even though his family don’t like them

Word Count: 2k 

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

⭐︎ ashleigh’s masterlist ⭐︎ | ☾ ashleigh’s taglist ☽

*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

You knew that having dinner with your boyfriend’s eccentric family would be tiring, but since this was the Thrombey’s you knew arguments would ensue because of said boyfriend, Ransom. He knew how to push people’s buttons, especially his uncle, Walt’s. Thus leading to Walt screaming in Ransom’s face about how much of a spoiled, entitled brat he was because of the way he used to be. Used to be. Ransom was now not the playboy he was before he met you, he wasn’t sarcastic as much as he used to be, and he was able to speak about his feelings (only to you though, the barriers came up when he was around his family or friends from the country club). 

He was kind, caring, soft if you have to go that far. You were the only other person he cared about in this world, and he vowed when he admitted that he loved you that he would protect you from anything that the world would throw at you, including siding with you against his own flesh and blood. When Ransom told you that he loved you, you couldn’t believe that he was admitting those 3 words, because all your friends had tried you to warn you away from him, but your heart wanted more. You were his person, and neither of you were going to let people tear you apart. People can change, even people like Ransom. 

Lunch had started as well as it could have done, you and Ransom actually arrived at the Thrombey mansion on time. Only because you nagged Ransom to be on time for once. Linda acknowledged you with a brief look over of your outfit and a small nod. You knew that Linda Drysdale didn’t like you, she always made it clear when you and Ransom had started dating over 2 years ago, and still tried to make you want to leave Ransom by the way she treated you. Ransom had warned her, given her a look as his hand was in yours as you sat down on a couch together. The only two people at the mansion who would be happy to see you at lunch would be Harlan and Marta, the young nurse who you came to love. Only because when there was a party at the mansion and Ransom dragged you to, because he had to go since it was a family occasion and that he would be too worried to leave you in the house on your own, you and her would hide in the kitchen talking about how crazy the family was. Harlan had a soft spot for you, you were the person to calm his grandson down, make him learn how to love another person apart from himself and that money wasn’t everything in life. 

Since you had gotten together with Ransom, you had persuaded him to use his writing talents and follow in his grandfather’s steps, publishing his own book through the family company, Blood Like Wine. The overnight success of his book infuriated Walt, only because of how long he had working at the company but Ransom came in and swiped the rug from under his feet, especially with Harlan making Ransom the CEO and completely firing Walt from the company when Harlan noticed that Ransom was the future for the company, not his own son. With these responsibilities now, it made Ransom calmer and better with his feelings, he even told you that he couldn’t wait to have children, as long as they are not like his relatives. You laughed at this and promised that they would not be like them in the slightest. 

Marta and Harlan had happily spoken to you at the lunch before the arguments between Walt and Ransom started. With Walt still bitter about that he lost his job in the publishing company and that Ransom would sink it to the ground. Ransom is a lot smarter than what he lets on and you knew that he could easier show Walt up with what he has achieved in the last 6 months compared to the last however years Walt had been working at Harlan’s publishing company. Your boyfriend was the person that Harlan trusted the company with, instead of his own son, because Ransom respected his wishes on not selling the rights for a movie, the main job was to publish books, and he did that. He published up and coming writers in the Boston area and gave them a shot where the larger publishing companies weren’t. 

Once the screaming match started at the dinner table, you sat awkwardly at Ransom’s side as you watched the family argue, Ransom smirking next to you at what he has caused as he knew that this would happen. It always does and he can never help but put everyone in their place. They were all money hungry, wanting a slice of Harlan’s fortune for themselves. What none of them know though is that, apart from Ransom and Marta, none of them are in Harlan’s will for when he does pass away. Ransom has proved himself to his grandfather to be worthy to inherit half of his millions, respecting his grandfather’s decision to allow his nurse and close friend to inherit the rest, to allow her and her family to stay in the country without a worry in the world. 

You always got a headache at these family events and Ransom knew when it was time to take you home and apologise. He only had a soft spot for you and never could say no to you. 

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You unlocked the door to your house slowly, sighing to yourself as Ransom followed you inside and shut the door. Kicking your shoes off as you shrug your coat off, Ransom taking it to hang it up for you with his coat before you walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water. 

“You okay baby?” He asks as he watches you, frowning when he sees you rub your forehead, so he gets some painkillers out for you from the side cupboard in the downstairs toilet cabinet. 

“Just a headache…” You mumble, smiling a little at him as he kisses your cheek, “Thank you…” You whisper and take two tablets for the pain before sitting on the couch slowly. 

“It’s more than a headache isn’t it?” Ransom asks as he follows you, rubbing your shoulders to ease the tension in them for you. 

“Your family hate me Ransom, how are we ever going to live a peaceful life together if your own mother can’t even smile at me?” You ask and sits up, looking at your boyfriend before tearing up a little. “I don’t get why they hate me, I have never done anything to them…” 

“Because they only care about themselves sweetheart, believe me when I say this okay?” Ransom waits for you to nod before he continues with making you feel better. “You are the one person in this world that I love with my entire heart, you have brought the best out of me and I don’t think I have ever been as happy as I have ever been without you. I know that I wouldn’t have written my own best selling novel without your help and persistence so my own grandfather could finally be proud of me. My family don’t know you the way I do and I love that we can go months without having to see the majority of them because they don’t deserve to see how amazing you are, and how you have changed me for better…” 

You look up at your boyfriend with tears glistening in your eyes, smiling lovingly at him. “You are something Hugh Drysdale, I love you so much.” 

“I love you too darling, always have, always will.” Ransom says and chuckles at your use of his first name. You are the only person who calls him by his first name (occasionally) and he doesn’t get annoyed when you do. Don’t people say that love can change you, right? 

“I might have a bath, to help with this headache…” You say and strokes his cheek gently. He smiles at you and nods slowly, kissing the tip of your nose, making you giggle at his antics. 

“Okay beautiful, I have a few emails to attend to for Blood Like Wine, so you go and relax, call me if you need anything…” He says and kisses the back of your hand as you get up to walk upstairs to the main bathroom. 

“I will Ran…” You say and smile at him, walking upstairs slowly, the headache already subsiding as Ransom always knew how to make you feel better when you felt down about how his family treated you when you were around them (and of course the painkillers that you took were starting to take affect too). 

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You have the most relaxing bath you have had in a while, the disastrous lunch behind you now, knowing that the main person in your life loves you more than anyone else has loved you before. Ransom was the only person who’s opinion mattered to you, and him loving you was enough for you. 

You climb out of the bath when the water starts to get cold, wanting to curl up in one of Ransom’s many sweaters, preferably the maroon one, and fluffy pyjama bottoms, to watch a film with Ransom on the couch (or in bed, you didn’t mind where) to relax for the rest of the day with no other worries in your mind, but you didn’t know how long Ransom would need to work for. 

You blindly reach out towards the towel rack to grab your towel to wrap round you to dry yourself but your hand is met with air. You frown and turn your head to look at the towel rack, there were towels on there this morning, so where the hell were they now? 

The clearing of his throat brought a blush to your cheeks, meaning that Ransom was stood at least in the doorway, watching you stand there naked and confused. “Now that is a view I like to see…” He says, your fluffy towel in his hand, he had put them to be washed just before you left for lunch, yes Ransom does the laundry now, and it looks like he has just ran it through the dryer for you so it was warm to wrap round you. 

You glare at him playfully, a soft smile gracing your lips as you reach over, grabbing the towel from his hands and wrapping it round you tightly. A hum leaves your lips at the warmth of it as Ransom chuckles at you, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms across his chest. 

“You’re Satan…” You mumble, glancing at him as he barks out a laugh and shakes his head, dropping his arms and pushing himself off the doorframe to walk over to you. 

“I know I am, but you love me…” He says before kissing your cheek softly and wrapping his arms round you tightly. 

You smile and leans back against him lightly, resting your head back against his shoulder. “More than anything in the world…” You whisper, closing your eyes as Ransom holds you a little tighter against himself. 

He hums softly and kisses your head before walking through to your shared bedroom, grabbing the maroon sweater for you to wear without you even asking for it. Only because he knows you so well, and you know, he can’t say no to you because of how much he loves you. He knows that no matter what happens with his family that you will be right there beside him, through thick and thin, because you made him a better person and you fell in love with him more and more with every passing day. You changed Ransom for the better and he knew that he will never be able to go back to the person he was, because that would mean losing you, which he didn’t want to happen as he couldn’t imagine his life without you. You were his soulmate, like he was yours.

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