#esp. the possible sleepwalking episode.... very not good

[feytouched]

tonight i kept waking up from dreams through my sleeping medication haze. first i dreamt i was in the line of succession for a throne, but i was murdered by one of my scheming sisters. through sheer rage and perhaps a necromancer i was revived, but my head was rather unseemly and disfigured so i carved out a portion of my own chin and lips and replaced them with blood red stone. this made speaking difficult, but possible. walking was harder: it felt like when your legs go dead numb and you try to move them, and instead end up flinging them about and near collapsing under your own weight, except my entire body was like this. (i think i may have been trying to sleepwalk, and the struggle was from this.) but i was so angry that i kept dragging myself like some ungodly puppet. i was so angry that this was my unlife now, for ever, doomed to fight against my body to do the simplest tasks, because of some birthright i did not choose. i'm sure it has nothing to do with my real circumstances!

anyway, later in the night, i dreamt of creeping out of the wings of a dusty ballet stage, going to join my mom in the empty aisle of the theatre; we went out on an errand to buy flowers for my grandmother, in a town that looked like a faded and peeling illustration of moulin rouge's paris - more like a scenery for a play than a real place. at the flower stall, while the seller wrapped the bouquet in brown paper, i discreetly asked for some flowers for my mother as well; i got her a sprig of forget-me-nots, to give her later. when we were walking back, there was a decaying house on a streetcorner with a line of iron nails going up a wall. my mother jovially made her way up, using each single tiny nail as a ladder step, floating weightlessly up, and i called after her because i knew i couldn't follow. i woke up then, too.

and yesterday i dreamt that my grandmother had died, but she had amicably returned to visit and we treated her as an honourable guest. she had one last very important thing to teach me before leaving. i either forgot, or awoke before we got there. (my grandmother is alive, and i should really go visit her.)