#esp when i take my time on it so i add some hours onto it lol

[aro-aizawa]

oh heck yea idk what i did but i managed to resurrect my longest da:i save file so im very happy.

[the-moon-files]

I was actually thinking about this a lot but like as an add on to your humans are hylian space orcs thing. I am in ✨need✨ of reader trying potions. Like;

"This potion will restore your stamina and boost your strength"

"Buddy that's just coffee"

"Qué?"

Even worse if when the reader tries it it's just like the most not strong coffee they've ever drank. Makes the guys wonder wtf makes humans need so much energy through out the day.

this is such a cute idea, i love how diet diffs/energy diffs in humans are space orcs aus, so genius to apply to hylians

the stamnia boost potion tastes just like instant coffee with powdered creamer (the kind at like car dealerships/shitty offices where its not even a little liquid creamer)

and u spit that shit out like wtf is this bs

and Four, poor guy who gave you some after talking a break from walking, is like "oh my goddess r u allergic?? can still breath???"

meanwhile ur like. "yeah this just tastes like shit-"

four: "oh well yeah, all potions do really-"

you: "-ty coffee. this is nowhere near strong enough to get me back on my feet ffs"

four: " 👁️👄👁️"

you: "u got anything stronger? :/ "

four: " w h a t ? "

cue u researching how to make stamnia potions, across the hyrules, and making them 10x stronger so theyre like an actual coffee shop kind of coffee, and the Links are literally lowkey scared

Time forbids you (and the rest of the guys) from letting anyone else try ur "improved" elixir (s)

bc yes, u didnt stop at stamnia

u moved on to healing potions, (u can now regrow limbs and heal broken bones, the hylians can only take like a 1/16th of a sip like once a week, whereas u chug the whole thing, and can do so multiple times a day if needed)

u also moved onto cooking, bc rlly how different is cooking from alchemy?

and goron spice tasted like goddamn dorito chips, so u used essence of literal lava to help make it more spicy,

ur not allowed to introduce this new spice to the gorons, Wild forbid, bc he was adventurous enough (and snuck behind Time and ur backs) to try some spice

(he literally touched the tip of his pinky finger to it, wiped it off, except for 1 like flake of spice too)

and it lowkey nearly killed him 💀

like had to use that 1/16th of ur extra strong healing potion and everything

u felt so bad, but he did do this to himself,

and Wild knew the gorons dont back down from a challenge, esp since it was originally their recipe, so he (and you) didnt wanna kill them on accident

the sleeping potion u found is just like taking a single melatonin gummy, so u ofc make that thing knock even you out after 2 sips,

needless to say, no one is trying that one, not only bc it knocked Rulie unconcious for 12 hours straight (u got him to try it after he exhausted all his magic healing, and so no nightmares)

but bc it knocked u out cold for 9. that was the scarier part to them lmao, was how affected is their human by this?

i like to think thats how they judge unknown foods and liquids too,

like "do you think this tastes unseasoned? ok should be perfect for me then" - every Link

"oh this didnt make u feel sleepy at all/barely tired? great, id love to knock out cold w/no nightmares tonight" - Sky, probably

"this tastes like that thing you call, instant cough? ko-fee? Cool, give me some i need to run up this mountain" - Wild, for the 3rd time this month probably

"this barely healed ur papercut? sweet, give me some my wrists are killing me" - poor Legend, he uses ur extra strength healing potion as a way to treat his arthritis regularly once a month, but the more chill potions for any leftover aches and pains, esp after long fights being hard on his arms

Chain is simultaneously still lowkey terrified u need that much extra oomf, esp when u run out of stronger stuff and have to down like 5 health potions to heal a cut that needed stitches,

and also worried u need that much and also Wild/Wars/Rulie tend to work overtime to make sure they have extra potions for you

and theyre also kind of impressed, bc hey, youre unlikely to get magically poisoned/potion poisoned like them

☆

sorry i couldnt think of as much as i hoped, i think its bc i rlly just need to play/watch more loz games besides botw/totk

i like know the vague plot of ss/oot/mm/tp/ww/hw and og loz games, but havent gotten into details/lets play or anything yet

i hope this was at least a half decent idea to think about/expand on urs, have a great rest of ur week, and thanks so much for the ask!! <33

Peace out,

🌙

[bluiex]

Screw it my brain rot is so real and SO INTENSE right now Im sharing my thoughts on a Cyberpunk AU for Settphel

Definitely not taking inspo for Setts background from Cyberpunk ER hehe Sett being a street kid (because im in love with league species- there will be vastayans and things in this universe. so Sett is half vas, and his mom full) Whos mom works as a EMT, long hours just to pay the bills and for Sett to go to a corpo school Sett definitely fought a lot because he is street scum going to a corpo school, and half-Vastayan- bros got it rough out here Age 16 is when he gets his first chrome, fist enhancing chrome that make him as strong as like ykno, in league lmao so then theres The Pit, he frequents this after getting the chrome (illegally may I add) and starts bringing home money ofc he tells his Ma its from work, hes found jobs no need to worry Ma, you can start taking less shifts. now this is how it deviates from CPER, Sett actually stays in corpo school (doesnt lose his mom) he climbs that Corpo ladder. But on the side, he manages to take over The Pit and many other underground gangs while doing so. He ends up getting all the way to the top of the Corpo Ladder and becoming the CEO of one of the companies Gets his Ma a lovely cottage outside of the city, away from the struggles and dangers of living there. Esp now that hes got many people out for his head- needs his Ma away and blissfully unaware of his underground shit and safe

For Aphelios..

Nomad makes more sense for Aphelios the more i think about it Growing up way outside of the city, in the "desert" area, but it wont be a desert here, itll be the mountains in this universe lol anyways yeah the religion being very stigmatized. The Solari of the city, hate Lunari. So far the hate leaks into the common people cuz the Solari is in the city and everywhere So they stay in the mountains. Though growing up Alune and Phel are faced with the Corpos wanting to encroach on their land, keep trying to buy it and stuff like that. as they get older, the elders of the clan raising Aphelios to become their assassin, to slowly start killing off Corpos, the important ones, or as important as they can get to. While Alune stays back at the clan, learning everything she can to take over as the leader once the Elders are gone in this, Aphelios just chooses not to speak most of the time, only when he has to he will. Preferring to sign with his sister and anyone who knows it

This is where Sett comes into the picture, now being the main dog of Corpos now, his company wants to forcefully take the Lunari land (under Setts nose too, because Sett isnt the kind of man to take away someones home like that. and people still hold prejudices against Sett being half-vastayan and a former streetkid, so theyd definitely not tell the big man what theyre doing and just push all backlash and blame onto him) Aphelios is tasked to assassinate Sett at a some corpo "ball" (not really a ball its a formal party or something)

At this party, of course Sett is on high alert. He always is really, a lot of people want him dead. So when a strange man comes into the party, dressed to the nines- unfamiliar face- Sett is wary, keeps a keen eye on him all night. Whenever Sett isn't looking though, caught up in conversations, he feels eyes burning into him, but when he looks in the direction its gone. What a good assassin, being able to hide from Sett like that Peaks his interest greatly After awhile, skillfully playing a game of cat and mouse with this stranger, Sett is finally able to get to one of his private rooms and simply waits, his poisoned drink in hand on a plush armchair for the assassin to walk in and make sure the job was done

Much to Phel's surprise, when he sneaks into the room, Sett is waiting for him, the smuggest grin on his face he's ever seen.

[journalsouppe]

I initially played ACNH for 300 hours in between release day - july of 2020, and never played the 2.0 update or the HHP dlc until recently! So I decided to make a second ACNH spread with the goals to: experience as much of the 2.0 update as possible, beat HHP, complete all the bugs and fish in the museum (I have the fossils done and I will finish art another time).

I had a ton of fun but this was the longest grind I've ever done. I still have nightmares waiting like 5 hours for that damn giraffe stag to spawn my fucking god. Super worth it though bc this was the first time catching all bugs and fish even though I've played CF and NL :}

The Lily of the Valley sticker is a freebie I got from MariKrekeler!

Writing typed below!

rating: 8.5 played: sp 2023 port: nintendo switch favorite? Y replayable? Y recommend? Y series: animal crossing

comments:

Dagnel (YT) inspired me to pick the game back up

I look so cute in my work uniform >.<

the hopeful goal is to finish bugs, fish, and flowers

forcing the villagers on vacation to work and go to school is wild T^T

I love the evolution of adding new items like partitions and nature sounds

I didn't expect to do check-ups

OMG IT'S BAMS BDAY WHEN I PLAY AGAIN AND JULIAN IS HERE (my two faves)

decorating all the buildings does get tiring

i really love the venue decor

Bam gave me the pumpkin soup recipe while wearing my fruits basket sweater T^T!!!!!!!!!!

i can only play in short bursts as it's not as fun when playing alone and it's so grindy and long

an apparel shop is a really fun idea

kk concert goes pretty hard

IT TOOK FIVE FUCKING HOURS TO CATCH THE GIRAFFE STAG T^T

i haven't played aa4 yet but klavier reminds me of Julian esp bc julian was also in a band and had a falling out with a band member (ive played aa4 since then and can confirm theyre the exact same person lmfao)

8 FUCKING HOURS FOR THE MAHI MAHI

okay the rest of the writing is my checklist of bugs and fish i needed to catch and ... yall im not typing that who cares about that anyways T_T

Summary

This was brutal. I curse the name of giraffe stags, mahi-mahis, and Dagnel. I had a lot of fun with HHP and I'm happy to be done with 3/4 of the museum, but my god at what cost? I wish my 2020 self did like a small grind to get these pier fish because why the hell did it take me 8 hours for the mahi-mahi T^T. Enough complaining, I highly enjoyed happy home paradise. I never played HHD for ACNL so this was a fun surprise and I loved the range of homes you could design. I also loved how there were overarching goals to complete: school, cafe, restaurant, hospital, clothing store, and when those were all done you were treated to a KK rave. I also enjoyed seeing my favorite villagers again and getting to play in seasons I hadn't previously played in ACNH. I have mixed feelings about Harv's island. I like that a ton of characters are brought back but I think some of them could've been integrated on the onto the main island better, like reese and cyrus having an add on to nook's shop and also give us another nook shop upgrade T^T. I miss playing with friends but it seems I might be making plans to play with Grimspark! Perhaps in the future I'll pick up this game again to finish art and flowers but that'll be in 2024 me problem. Tired of grinding T^T.

[ceridwyn2]

This may seem like a stupid (and unpopular with some) question, with AO3, is there a way to filter out some writers in search results? I’m doing a search through a particular fandom (no, not stating which one, as I’ve seen it across more than just one fandom) at the moment, and there is a lot of crap there amongst the good gems. I’m picky when I read fanfic 😅 , and a lot of times I don’t have time to wade through hundreds/thousands of stories to look for the good ones.

By the way, this ended up being a lot longer than I originally intended 😂 as I was thinking it through. What I like in the stories I read as follows:

A) Be grammatically correct

B) Spelling correct

C) Sentence & paragraph structure correct. Dialogue for each character in separate paragraphs.

D) Point of View: maintain one person’s point of view either for the whole scene or whole story. Especially important if stories are written in first person (I/My/Me) or second person (You/Them/They). These stories are often harder to write and maintain throughout well. If it’s first person, you’re only writing from one character’s point of view: on how *I* see/hear/experience the things around *me*. *I* don’t/can’t know what the other characters are thinking/feeling other than what *I* see/observe in their behaviour, unless they tell *me* what they think/feel. Writing in second person is equally difficult to maintain unless you’re very skilled at it. You’re writing as though your addressing the reader/person directly, as if you know them personally, intimately (does not need to be sexually) by using *you*. / Example: You love to write; you should do it more often. / If you’re of a certain age and remember the ‘choose your own adventure’ child/young adult books of the 70s-90s, they were in a person point of view.

Majority of fanfiction, and fiction in general is written in third person. Third person is like you’re the audience watching a tv show/film/play/book. You’re a non-active participant of what is happening and cannot affect the direction or outcome of the story. The primary subject of the scene is referred to by their name or rank and their pronoun(s), and is often the first character mentioned at/near beginning of the scene / Example: DCI Cassie Stewart walked into the incident room of her Historic Cases Unit, with a quick glance at her officers before heading into her office. It wasn’t long before her second in command, DS Sunil Khan, or Sunny, as he preferred, wrapped on the glass window pane of her office door. / That scene is dictated from her point of view, how she directs those around her and how those around her interact with her. Had it been slightly different, but same scenario: /DS Sunil Khan looked up as the door to the Historic Cases Unit opened and saw his boss, DCI Stewart, make her way to her office, glancing at the team as she did. Having got some new leads on their current case overnight, Sunny headed towards her office to notify her ahead of the day’s briefing. / This obviously changes whose point of view is the primary for that scene to Sunil.

Third person It allows the writer to explore different perspectives and viewpoints of different characters to move the story forward. However, that being said, to avoid reader confusion, pick one character - a main character, supporting character, or a villain - as the primary character of that scene and stick with their focus/perspective for the duration of a scene/chapter. If you want to express multiple character’s reactions or points of view to a specific same scene (like say a team of detectives coming onto a murder scene) and if it makes sense to do so, you can write the scenes same but different as each character will have their own take on what they saw/perceived/when they entered/exited the scene - but each character that you’re writing about will have a separate section, separated by punctuation marks, above and below the change of perspective. However, that can easily come across as too repetitive for the reader. Might be best to put that in a notes page each scene of how each sees the same scene - because you as the audience can visualise the characters as being there, when they arrived and what they observed. When you write the scene, write it from one character’s point of view, but as you have the other characters interacting with them, they can comment on what they saw observed, contributing to the overall pieces of information, without repetition, unless it contradicts or adds to a specific point being made.

E) Age correlateable. By which I mean, if someone’s going to write about established characters that are in their 40s, 50s, etc., their life experiences, maturity, have them act/respond to each other as such. I have read stories - or rather attempted to - but the mental maturity of the author was showing through characters in their 40s, 50s, and it was obvious the writer hasn’t grasped that maturity of the characters. Listen to the character’s voices (what they’re saying, how they’re saying, even what they’re not saying but expressing visually) you’re writing about. This really comes out when writing arguments and sex scenes, btw.

F) Physical/mental characteristics: If a character has an illness or physical disability, or like affecting joints or paralysed limbs, amputations, or anything that affects movement, be aware of that, esp if writing a sex scene (a whole other rabbit hole of bad writing exists there, see next item). If in an argument, you’re trying to express the character throwing something in anger, like a mug/glass, etc., for example, and the character has an injured/disabled arm, their strength to throw is going to be limited. Show the character’s frustration that the action they wanted had less effect at releasing that anger/frustration. If the character has a visual (partial or full blindness) or auditory disability (eg. hard of hearing, deafness in one or both ears, over-sensitive to sound/volume), take that into account. Esp in arguments, if one of the people in the scene has a tendency to mumble, they may not be understood as words run together are not easily decipherable either by sound or lip reading. Mental health /illness (eg PTSD /complex PTSD [cPTSD], depression, anxiety affects physical health responses. If the characters have mental health disorders, be aware and maintain that continuity through the story. Don’t need to mention it all the time but be aware it can affect movement/physical responses, behaviour. And unless you’re House, you don’t need to include every odd, weird, very rare symptom he seems to need to diagnose something for the character 😂 .

G) Sex scenes: some are done so well that it’s seamless and flows well with the other parts of the story, where the intimacy blends well. Others, very much no so. Unless it’s a specifically written PWP (plot, what plot) story, and those can work when written well. Trust me, I’ve read otherwise well-written stories ruined by a sex scene that reads like a bad porn with characters that otherwise had physical limitation(s) in the rest of the story but were suddenly able to pull off manoeuvres of someone 20 years younger and fully able-bodied. Like someone just tacked on an explicit sex scene on that didn’t mesh with the story as if they were two completely different people that happened to have the same names as the ones in the rest of the story.

H) Continuity. Whether your story is short or long, be aware of where your characters are/what they’re doing. Having a sense of timing. Helpful to have a notepad (digital or paper) sometimes to keep track of movement. They can’t be in two concurrent scenes at the same time. Passing off information between the characters; don’t assume one character (or group of characters) knows what the other(s) are doing, unless they are in contact with each other (visual/audio/both/text). Cause/effect. Action/reaction. There may be delayed effects or reactions (over scenes/chapters), but reference them back to the original cause or action and why there was a delay. For example, somebody witnesses or experiences a tragedy, war, fire, sexual assault, accident, or other traumatic experience, and it triggers a delayed emotional or physical response hours, days, months, years later. The character may or may not be able to explain to their partner, colleague, friend what it was that caused effect/reaction. Similarly, following onto earlier example of a thrown glass/mug/vase, if it smashes there could be subsequent injury from ceramic/glass/etc. like a cut finger/palm of hand if picking up the pieces/cleaning the mess. So maybe it requires a bandage or wrap. Continuity would include making further grasping of things discomforting or painful, maybe a comment from another person inquiring what happened later on if they’re noticing a bandage that wasn’t there the last time they saw them.

I) Alternate Universe stories. I don’t mind AUs when done right - so that even if the characters are placed in a different setting, their general personality traits are very recognizable. I’ve read quite a few that nail this perfectly. Others, not so much. When it works, it works. Otherwise it’s just slapping familiar names onto original fic just to get more eyes on a story.

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨✨

this event is a literal dream come true I remember when a few months ago I would literally wait for ur posts 😭

i go by she/her and I’m an INFP if that helps? I’m around chuuya’s height. Maybe even taller by like a bit like 162? HAHA I’ve been told by my friends I’m someone who’s pretty honest and don’t really beat around the bush but at the same time not very confrontational. And I can’t wake up in the morning to save my life and can’t sleep seem to fall asleep these days (typing this at 4AM) the way I show love is through hugs and slinging onto ppl’s arms and also figuring out what they liked so I could always give them little surprises or cook up their fav meals Cz I like to cook a lot too.

My circle is pretty small but I get very affectionate with those I’m close with, and I usually stick to hanging out with those few unless I’m invited to big group events where I still like making friends but my battery drains out pretty quick. Love reading, (esp this acc 😤), having slow mornings, sleeping in, binge watching shows, long drives and having good food. I only hate loud noises and people who can’t read the room HAHA

Anyways I’m so happy your account is growing because you really deserve it with your talent! Technically I work as a writer too so I know how tough the job can be (if I’m not wrong in assuming ur work as one hahaha?) and I hope you’re taking care of urself ❤️

aww anon you're so kind to me! thank you so much for joining the event and hanging around, it's so nice to finally meet and talk to some of you!

here's your chuu headcanons~

chuuya insists you are the same height. no questions asked. insists. "what's a few centimeters between friends/lovers?". it's not your business if he wears those little height enhancer inserts for shoes when he's with you- or so he says.

he loves your honesty. it's just such a refreshing trait when it's coming from someone purehearted instead of to be used as a weapon. and don't worry, he'll do the confronting for you! you'll never have to lift a finger against someone who is fighting you when chuuya is around. you are safe and protected.

you best believe chuuya is on your ass about your health. having trouble fixing your sleeping cycle? mans is guiding you every step of the way, giving you blue-light blocking goggles and stealing your phone a few hours before bed and all that. alarms in the morning. snuggles til you sleep. he is invested. and if you have other issues with hygiene or eating or exercise or whatever involving your health, he is also equally as invested.

chuuya loves your homemade meals! please cook him a lot of dishes, he will gobble them all up like a starved man every single time. always has the best compliments for it too, probably coming from his own training with wine-tasting, always catching an herb or spice you used and how it affected the taste and that kind of stuff.

is so honored to be part of your small circle of friends. like even before you started dating, when you were just friends, he knew it was different to be this close to you. and he appreciated that, and he made sure to show that by being as good a friend as possible.

invested in learning your battery-refilling activities. he knows how you get drained in certain social situations, so he's always trying to add to his list of what things cheer you back up. no im not kidding he has a list on his phone. and he will not hesitate to use that on you! no matter how far-fetched the "thing that might refresh you" might be, he will find a way to give it to you.

you are so bad for chuuya's mornings... he sucks with them to begin with, but with you to enable him to take slow mornings and sleep in, it becomes so much harder to go to the port mafia headquarters and report for work. there was probably a transitional month where he barely could get to work on time and mori scolded him.

loves sitting next to you to read. even if he's reading documents for work. there's just something about your company next to him that is extremely comforting, and he loves that he can rest back like this with you.

i think the two of you will last a long time because there's a lot of trust involved. there's just a lot of it built into the foundation of the relationship that no matter how rocky it gets it will be hard to make chuuya change his mind about you.

also, thank you for your well-wishes! yes i do work as a writer in employment and 🤝🏼 here's to us in this goddamn industry right 😂

[1eos]

omg omg apparently the person who stole your posts is a taiwanese girl and she committed suicide by overdosing pills this morning.. her twitter account is now privated so i can’t see anything now and the last tweet i saw before it went private is that her best friend is managing her account to retweet kpop stuff and that people should stop bothering her (as in her bff) SAD serves this bitch right she deserves to die

so........there’s a lot to go over with this one. first nd foremost suicide tw obvs

1. if this indeed happened (nd i will get to why i think it didnt) anon you’re a piece of shit reveling in someone’s s**cide attempt nd thinking i would too just bc they reposted some words onto a different platform. tumblr nd twitter will Never be that serious. esp not to me. nd i would NEVER be the callous person you think i am to laugh at someone's mental decline like you are fucking evil nd i would beat the shit outta you if i could

2. i know this is dynamiteinluv/mnoonyngi or one of your friends trying to throw us off your tail nd make us feel bad (over some dumbass posts) for some insane reason. i know this is you for two reasons:

2.1. no one else cares. that initial ask happened at like 2am the other night nd btwn then i haven't mentioned it nd have talked abt at least 5 different things since then. but ofc this isnt hard evidence. 

2.2. how do i  REALLY know this is you? well for one your story don’t add up. you sent this ask 8 hrs ago screenshot here: 

at 3am 11/8/20 when ari @comintoyoulive posted a screenshot of them privating YESTERDAY 11/7/20 around 10 am her time

so........you say you can’t see the tweets bc u’re not following her but ari found out they privated nd changed their acct name 15 hrs before u???????? if u were all up in this person’s tweets why did it take u 15 whole hrs to send this ask to me if this is such an urgent matter? 

2.3. i have a hunch u are dynamiteinluv bc you’re STILL following me bro nd stealing posts that don’t belong to you. not to mention stealing posts abt being called a NEGRO when according to this ask you’re taiwanese............................not a good look

SO YOU TAIWANESE GETTING CALLED A NEGRO IN CANADA? THAT'S WHAT THIS IS?

3. :) nd u wanna know something anon? i sent a follow request to the twitter user formerly known as dynamiteinluv now mnoonygi nd there’s not a single tweet related to a s**cide attempt NOR is there any mention of a best friend taking over (which is a suspicious concept in itself.......why would a person’s main concern after nearly taking their life be RETWEETING ON A KPOP TW? do u think im dumb?) 

hi here’s proof that im following them 💖

nd obvs i can’t go thru nd screenshot everything they posted to prove my point but i went thru all the stuff btwn right now nd november 5th nd there’s not a single mention abt this acct changing hands or anything. most of the tweets taken from me nd my moots (from the other day at least) are gone but JUST two hours ago they were posting normally 

but im supposed to believe that this is the best friend? or are they back from the hospital already healed? really?

4. with all of this laid out i just wanna know what the fuck u want. like what are u getting out of this? i havent talked abt this person in damn near 24 hrs so why are u spreading LIES? nd if u are dynamiteinluv  why are so pressed heaux? bitch u are digging yourself into the most random hole. u couldve just privated nd moved on literally NO ONE is thinking abt u but now you’re trying to get pity nd getting exposed as a dumbass nd a liar. i have no idea who u are but bitch PLS get a hobby. get a hobby do your homework 😭😭😭😭😭

[sslasherss]

What about an soulmate au? Like the one where you don’t see Color until you found your soulmate - everything turns to Color when you see them ????? Esp bo bubba and Thomas plsss

Anon I think I love you

Edit: JUST realised I forgot Bo, but this post is already so long lmaoo I don’t want to add to it. I might to it separate!

Bubba

Lungs burned, shaking legs screamed in protest with every lurching step, shoulders ached from when you had busted open the basement door. Your entire body hurt, but you had to keep going.

A road swam into view, dusty and abandoned. Of course. You were in the middle of fucking nowhere, miles from any kind of civilisation. No one was stupid enough to come through here. No one except you.

Your breath escaped in short rasps, gasping for air. Eventually it was too much and you stumbled to a stop. Hands met your knees as you tried not to collapse. You felt as if you had been running for hours - yet you hadn’t even reached the edge of the property. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you inhaled gulps of fresh, cold autumn air.

You probably only had a couple of minutes until that hulking, chainsaw-wielding brute caught up to you.

Scraping sweat-damp hair from your eyes you straightened, ignoring the thud of your heart and the ache in your joints. You’re shoulder was probably bruised, legs scraped up from running through the thickets. Shit. You had to move, and fast - but you knew the truth. No matter how long you ran or which direction you chose, there was no escape.

You wished, will all your heart, that you hadn’t left your car. That you hadn’t hiked up to the big house to ask for help. That you had just risked running out of gas somewhere else and kept going.

Thundering, clumsy footsteps reached your ears, striking fear into your chest. You spun, eyes snapping wide as you saw the enormous man crashing toward you. The chainsaw was gone - probably dropped for a speedier chase - and the ratty apron was soaked in fresh blood.

So he had already killed your friend, then.

You wanted to vomit, but there was nothing in your stomach. You wanted to scream, but no words left your lips. You backed onto the road, legs shaking so furiously you could barely stand. You’re eyes squeezed shut as waited for the inevitable-

Thick fingers snatched your wrist, yanked you close until your elbow cracked. You barely felt the pain above everything else. But that was it. The big man froze, and you cowered in his grasp, but nothing happened.

When your eyes opened, there was a bright burst of colour that left you speechless. Green was the first thing you saw, and you didn’t stop to think how you knew what green looked like. Then your eyes drifted up, locking onto a pair of soft, chocolate brown ones. For two decades all you had seen was tones of grey and black. Dreary and dull, it was - but now you saw the dark brunette curls of the man’s hair, the crimson blood of your dead friend, the green foliage surrounding you. That meant-

Oh no.

Dumbfounded. That’s what you were as the man’s free hand cupped your cheek. The one gripping your wrist was beginning to bruise - bruises were blue, you noted dully - but the enormous hand against your cheek was so gentle, so soft, you couldn’t help but lean into the touch.

The man muttered something - a nonsense babble that wasn’t a word at all - but there was a softness to his voice. A care. You might have even described it as loving.

Hesitantly, swallowing a lump in your throat, you put a hand to his chest. His own heart thudded as furiously as your own, his skin warm even underneath the apron and sweaty shirt.  Your fingers trailed up to the unbuttoned collar, curling around the thick hair peeking out and his eyes fluttered closed beneath the mask.

“Shit,” you muttered, ignoring the way your stomach fluttered at the sight of him, “I guess I’ve finally found my soulmate.”

Thomas

Perched on the edge of the kitchen chair, you watched idly as Luda Mae prepared dinner. You had offered help, of course - that’s what you were there for - but she shooed you away with a motherly smile.

“Go check on Thomas,” she instructed instead, “he’s in the basement, as always.”

Wincing, you clambered to your feet. You knew what lay in the basement, what secrets the Hewitt household had tried to keep from you at first. When you first found out you had nearly fainted, reaching out to grab hold of Thomas for support. He had flinched from your touch as if you were on fire - and that was the last time you had been down there. The last time you had been close to Thomas at all, actually.

You had to take a breath before knocking. Hands shaking, breath uneven, you knocked twice before quickly stepping back. No answer. Anxiety piqued, you tried again. Nothing.

That left you with two options; go back to Luda Mae to tell her he was ignoring you. Or, go in yourself. The first option was the obvious choice, but you hadn’t seen Thomas in weeks and you missed his company. So, steeling yourself, you opened the door and crept in.

The blood still made you ill - as did the acidic, coppery smell that assaulted your nose. You swore you could taste it in the back of your mouth. Ignoring it, you searched for Thomas.

His towering body was difficult to miss, thick and wide and muscular. His back was to you, head bowed as he cleaned some kind of saw. With a jolt you realised the leather mask sat at the opposite end of the bloody table.

“Thomas?” You murmured, “Luda Mae wants you.”

His entire body froze up, shoulders hunching as if to try and make himself smaller. The hand on the saw shook, but that’s all you saw.

“Thomas?”

Suddenly his free hand shot out to grab the mask, only to fumble. It fell to the ground, disappearing under the table. Thomas let out a strangled huff, ducking his head to keep his face from view.

When you stepped forward he shrank back - but you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and said, “it’s okay, I can get it for you. But… but I’d really like to see you without it.” It was true - many nights you had dreamed about him, about what lay beneath his mask. Your dreams always conjured up something different, a million possibilities. But one thing always remained; he was gorgeous.

Slowly, Thomas turned. Long, greasy hair hid his face from view but you didn’t miss the fresh, tenderness of damaged skin. It was worst around his lips and cheeks, and you had seen similar around his neck and hands on bad days. Yet he was still hiding something.

“Can I?” you whispered, hands hovering by his hair.

After a moment, he nodded.

Your hands traced his jawline as you brushed hair from his face. His skin was soft despite the damage, and oh so warm-

You blinked - and in that time, colour bloomed before your eyes. The world, once grey and dull, suddenly exploded in brightness. You stared into beautiful, stormy blue eyes, and they stared back. For the first time you saw the true extend of his features - the delicate flush of his now maskless cheeks, the raw pink of his damaged, cracking skin - and the hollow cavern where a nose should have been.

He pulled away, head bowed as he tried to pry your hands from his jaw - but instead you looped your arms around his neck, a breathy sigh escaping your lips.

“Oh, Thomas. I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

Never had you seen a man look so dumbfounded - but you didn’t give him time to process. With a giggle your lips met his, revelling in his warmth, his strength, and you kissed him fiercely. Your chest swelled with happiness as he kissed you back, a strangled moan escaping his scarred lips.

Thomas was your soulmate, and you couldn’t have picked someone more perfect.

[rosaetae]

tce | epilogue

[this chapter is apart of the chrysanthemum effect]

☇ “Keeping your flowers, keeping your pain— it’s already everything you need to move on. How do you move on from things if you’re not willing to accept them?“

➣  pairing: taehyung x reader 

➣  genre: hanahaki!au, model!taehyung, weddingplanner(ish)!au  

➣  word count: 4.2k

➣  a/n: it still hasn’t hit me that this series is over :( i love this series with all my heart. what started off originally as a note from one of dreams became to a series that made me very vulnerable for some reason but i really hope u enjoyed this series. thank you again for all your love. enjoy the epilogue.

➣  summary: the hanahaki disease has become a stigma in this world where if you had it, you are looked down upon. her flowers were white chrysanthemums and they have been for the past two years. she was in love with someone who obviously didn’t feel the same way, and this was her way of moving on— along with the people in her life who had to conform around the hanahaki disease.

To say the least, blue poppies weren't flowers you felt much sympathy for anymore. In fact, it brought you an odd sense of happiness and thrill seeing it as accents for decorations placed here and there.

Jungkook explained to you (after you had to ask) that Blue Poppies was originally a song he wrote for Minji, describing how the vibrant blue matched with her happy-go-lucky persona, but Annie happened to help compose it. Blue poppies was Annie's favorite flowers and to compare a rare and bright persona to a flower, she offered the only flowers that popped to mind— blue poppies.

Annie and Jungkook encouraged that you come to their wedding as a guest, but as the wedding planner's assistant being paid on the hour, you stood beside Eunmi in your usual black blazer and pencil skirt, scanning over the wedding, making sure it was going exactly as planned as Annie and Jungkook deserved it to be.

The wedding ceremony was filled with teary eyes and applause of happiness, Eunmi and you letting out a breath of relief when they finally said "I do" to each other without anyone, not even the universe, opposing it.

You stand near the back of the reception, watching as the caterers provide early dinner to the guests as Jungkook spoke into a microphone, thanking everyone for coming and plopping some jokes here and there, and so on.

In the midst of it all, you find one of the caterers, talking to them about the course change in which you subconsciously scanned the entire reception. As you briefly scan across the long table of where Jungkook and Annie sat in the middle, Taehyung just had to peer up from the third seat down from Jungkook he sat at at the same time, a smirk on his face as you look away quickly and back to the caterer, resuming your conversation.

That was the only interaction you let yourself notice with Taehyung before some more shedding of tears and laughter in the air followed by many more of the speeches that were made.

And suddenly, it was just like that that the wedding reception came to its happy end and people were leaving in a trickling one by one.

When usual weddings are over, you help to gather the centerpieces of the tables, along with the leftover gift bags of some who did not take with them. As you were packing up Eunmi's car with the charitable leftovers, you were about to go in for another round before you spot Annie walking towards you, noticeably finished talking to the last guest.

She was in her simple gown, the one that made you see her in a brighter light, hair all natural down her shoulders, and dark brown eyes lit as she walks towards you.

"___," she calls your name, approaching you with a smile. "I wanted to give you something."

You stop to smile at her, confused as to what she could possibly give you.

"I know that you have been through a lot the past year and I really am thankful that you still managed to push through with this stressful wedding," she laughs sheepishly.

Arching an eyebrow, you give her a soft smile, your heart warming at her sweet words. And just then, she raises her blue poppies bouquet and holds it in front of her with a smile.

"It is said that the person who catches the bouquet would receive a lifetime full of happiness," she starts. "I wanted to give it to the person who deserves it the most."

"Annie," you gape, blinking multiple times at her.

She lets out a light hearted chuckle, grabbing your hands to grasp the bouquet yourself.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world, ___," Annie genuinely states.

There was this bright light that Annie elicited, as if a halo on top of her head, or wings that were attached to her back, but even then, an angel or not, she still manages to surprise you. Knowing that a billion thank you's weren't enough, you pull her into a hug, embracing her tightly before you look at her once more.

"Really. Thank you."

When you say that you took time for yourself, you took time for yourself— if holding true to your morals for two years wasn't convincing enough.

After being discharged from the hospital, you went back into your apartment and the first thing you did was walk up to your body mirror to lift up your shirt. And immediately, the two surgical incisions made on your abdominal and on your right side was evident. Doctor Wren informed you that the incisions would take awhile to heal, reminding you to treat it with care as much as possible.

Some may look at their surgical incisions with disgust, but when you look at them, you're oddly glad that it was there. It was nearly peculiar, seeing how an incision could mean so much to you.

Taehyung understood your wishes, respectively, giving enough time for yourself as he began to focus more on his career as a model while you came back and continued to work side by side with Eunmi.

Eunmi was a little discouraged though, after she was told the news about your removal and immediately gave you a paid leave, but when you were ready to come back, she was very dubious about that decision. However, knowing how persuasive you can be, she let you in, and in time, you caught up with Annie and Jungkook's wedding.

Taehyung and you still kept in touch. You saw him on magazines and bigger platforms a whole bunch, a good reminder to your conscience that he was there. He was also busy traveling and modeling that sometimes he'd call you without calculating the time difference and though you may be too tired at 3 AM, hearing his voiced at an ungodly time of day seems like something you needed. But that would be the most he would do, knowing that space was what you asked and he will give.

A lot has flew by in that time stance of two years. From being able to just breathe again to graduating university with a fresh job as promised by Eunmi, everything you've done has led you up to now— and you don't regret a single thing.

"You look ravishing tonight— okay, ouch."

Walking outside into the living room, you're letting out a laugh at the look Hoseok gave to Somin as he rubs his head, both of them sat comfortably on the sofa.

"You look pretty," Somin acknowledges after she lets out a giggle at Hoseok, sticking her tongue out at her. You give a glance down at your dress, a pretty red one that you had always double guessed on buying, but ended up buying it, only for it to stay in your closet for awhile— until tonight. "Where you going, hm?"

Giving her a look at the insinuation forming in her voice, you grab your bag that you had laid on the counter table. "Out."

"Ah, with Mr. Heartbreaker?" Hoseok inquires, eyes staring glued onto the laptop set-up on the coffee table, presumably continuing their Harry Potter marathon.

"Exactly the one."

"What's the plan that made you pull out the red dress?" Somin asks, a tongue poking out of her cheek. "It's like that Me Before You scene. Are you both going to an orchestra, by chance?"

"Just dinner."

"Dinner?" She repeats.

"Have fun, but not too much fun," Hoseok says with a smirk on his lips. He didn't even need to look up to see the look on your face you shot at him.

"If you need me, I'll be here all night with this loser."

"Until she kicks me out," Hoseok playfully adds in.

"Until I kick him out," she repeats, looking at him with a this look that almost made your heart warm.

It was this unexpected progress that Somin made. It wasn't just you who had an eventful year, a lot has changed around you, as well. From someone who hated the sound of commitment to someone who had finally embraced it, Somin had underwent another revelation and decided that running away was never the answer— a big thank you to Taehyung for that.

"Okay, lovebirds," you throw your bag over your shoulder. "I'll see you guys later."

Somin and Hoseok (if it weren't so obvious) finally made it— growing comfortably in each other's skins to the point where they were official to the public eye.

Before the soiree event that took place almost three years ago, Somin and Hoseok got into a fight, being why Hoseok wanted to surprise her the night you unexpectedly had to get surgery. The fight originated from Somin's original revelation where she learned that life is too short and after awhile, she realizes that any day she could lose him— and with all the strength she could muster, she asked to make the relationship work.

Hoseok, despising and loathing such romantic labels due to his big name as a CEO, inevitably got scared, and hesitated, which eventually angered Somin because after all this time, she thought he had felt the same, but his hesitation said otherwise.

And after the conflicts and your whole Hanahaki ordeal that semi-ruined the soiree (guilty), they finally met a consensus and realized that they do love each other, both with the same love and desire and made it work on a down low in the beginning.

After awhile, Somin told her mother first, as she felt that she owed it to her, as her mother was on her ass to get into a healthy relationship when she moved away. On the bright side, the reaction from her mother was pleasant— especially when she found out it was Jung Hoseok. Her own mother even called you to begin planning the wedding.

As Hoseok saw that, he took a step towards getting rid of his fear of labels and publicly told the world in an interview nonchalantly, where the interviewer showed candid pictures of him and Somin together at a cafe, going to the gym together, both of them in a car, and so on, in which he confirmed the news with ease.

"Yeah, that's my girlfriend."

To see Hoseok stay in the AM and come over just to be with Somin was peculiar to begin with. You're used to him sneaking out in the morning or him coming over just to pick Somin up, but when you see him in the kitchen, brewing coffee for two,  or he's watching movies on Somin's laptop with her, it's a sight for sore eyes— to say the least.

Looking at Jungkook and Annie, the newlyweds took their honeymoon to Cabo, spending a week with each other with lots of love. When they came back, Annie randomly called you to grab something to eat, and during that lunch date with the two of you, she told you all of the embarrassing stories she could think of about Jungkook and ever-so-gratefully, you made another friend.

Seeing Jungkook and Annie and getting closer to Annie personally, you learn that those two really do love each other. Maybe you were close-minded to think that Jungkook couldn't have been in love with one girl and another, but when you see how he looks at Annie— it's so beautifully tragic to the point where it hurts.

You have no doubt that he thinks about Minji— even if it's just a small thought about her, you knew that there was no absolute way he didn't think about her.

Him looking at Annie, it begins with adoration.

The way his eyes draw lines from her lips to her eyes, it's as if it's poetic. You could see the stars in his eyes by the way it twinkles even when Annie isn't even noticing his gawking. Then it morphs when a single blink changes his thought process and you don't even need to guess that he's thinking about Minji by the way he physically zones out. He's probably thinking about her and how she made it possible for him to finally sit comfortably in public and to stare at the person he loves with all the love and fervor he had for her. It was always something he could never do with Minji. And with several blinks, he's back to reminding himself that his future is with Annie.

But his always will forever be with Minji.

As for her, Minji has been exploring Europe as her art has been showcased in multiple countries (thanks to certain someone), burgeoning as you speak. You didn't keep up with Minji as much as you'd like to, but noticing from the magazine headlines and her trending art portfolios, she's doing just fine with the success she's paved her way for.

Though her unrequited love with Jungkook has left more of an impact on you, you could say that this unrequited love wasn't as terrible at all. Albeit bittersweet, but as you notice that Minji and Jungkook both reached a level of happiness of and on their own, you think that it isn't so bad. After all, you thought the biggest misconception of the Hanahaki Disease is that people believe that getting the surgery finally means moving on, but you guess everyone moves on in their own way.

To add on top of that, Doctor Wren finally published his book about the Hanahaki Disease.

All his research and other people's stories were compiled into one big giant book and oddly enough, by a spur of chances, he received the noble piece prize for his research.

In his book, In and Out of Hanahaki, composed of interesting chapters and in each chapter, he writes about the origins of Hanahaki along with alternating stories of patients he gathered from who experienced Hanahaki either with their loved one or themselves. Even Jungkook had a single chapter dedicated for Minji, but the names were changed.

One of the stories you liked so much was about a boy who had Hanahaki from a girl he never dated, his best friend. He had it at such a young age that he didn't realize what it was and assumed it was a side effect for a cold. After a few months of having it, his parents found him in the bathroom, throwing up pink tulips. And what happened was that he got the surgery, not knowing that he would forget about the girl he loved. After that, his best friend went up to him when he went back to school, but as if amnesia, he introduced himself, completely unsure of who this girl was.

You liked it so much because in the end, the girl understood that she gave him Hanahaki and grew closer to him, creating new memories with him and even reliving the old ones that they shared that she eventually fell in love, too.

Doctor Wren never finished the story in that chapter and left it with an open ending. But curiosity got the best of you and when you asked him about it out of pure curiosity, he tells you that the boy with pink tulips fell in love again after some time.  

As for your story— the one with a story that still makes you laugh today and that just so happens to have a 'special case', Doctor Wren had kept you as a main story for most of his research as they were new observations and evidence. He compared his acquired knowledge to new research to you. From suppressing your flowers, to your morals, to finding flowers in your lungs, your name became a huge impact on the book.

You were considered the girl with her flowers becoming the reason as to the verge of her death— but she always saw them as the reason for her living.

Because as you have gone through all of the side effects, the emotions, and the rollercoaster the universe implanted in you, Doctor Wren created a new side effect dedicated to you and your flowers.

When one wakes up from their Hanahaki removal surgery and can remember the person who caused the implant of the flowers clearly, the patient has experienced The Chrysanthemum Effect.

You get to the restaurant at a reasonable time, walking up to the hostess with a smile. And with a nod, she knew which table you were going to say because she immediately leads you to the one set up next to the window that gave a glamorous overview of the city below.

"Hope I'm not late," you greet with a grandiose smile on your face, pulling out the chair and sitting down gracefully.

Your date of the night shows no dread as he is seemingly astonished by your sudden appearance. "Almost thought you weren't going to show up," he says, bringing his forearms to rest on the table.

"Was running a little. Couldn't figure out what to wear," you semi-lie. You were late because of an annoying client who took forever at a meeting— you knew you were going to show up in the red dress no matter what. "Did you order already?"

He lets out a sarcastic gasp, as if offended you would ask such a thing. "What kind of gentleman would I be if I had not waited for you?"

The subtle of chivalry in which he had waited for you to order was sweet that you give him a sheer smile, grabbing the menu and scanning whatever catches your eye.

The restaurant was busy, but busy in an elegant way— if that was remotely possible. The chatters were poise and you were almost sure by such finesse that this was definitely going to take a large amount out of your bank account.

"What meal entices you?" He speaks up, eyes not leaving the menu.

A good question that you have yet to answer, but telling by how your eyes keep roaming down the pasta portion over and over again, "Pasta," you respond hungrily. "Mainly gnocchi."

"Can't say no to gnocchi."

As if on cue, the waitress walks by, greeting herself as she pours a bottle of wine into both of your glasses and swiftly takes both of your orders. Watching her leave, you look back at your date who just took a sip of the wine.

"You look stunning tonight."

"Don't I always?" You muse, grabbing the glass carefully.

"Of course," he laughs, shaking his head. "But I was talking about that dress on you. I remember you bought it but never wore it."

Arching an eyebrow about a small observation that he somehow remembered, you spin the wine in the glass. "That's because I never found a reason to wear it. Until now."

You don't miss the smirk on his lips. "Who are you trying to impress?"

"No one in particular." Your riposte was quick and the minute it rolled off your tongue smoothly, you smile into your glass, taking a sip of the bittersweet drink. 

"You're a piece of work, ___," he chuckles, straightening his posture in the chair. And the minute he meets your eyes across the table, you could point out the city lights that reflected from his eyes. "Always have been."

"Sounds like you missed me," you teasingly observe, setting down the glass carefully. "Or you could be practicing that on another girl."  

He scoffs light-heartedly. "This again?"

You shrug, giving him a teasing look.

"You, out of all people," he speaks lowly. "Should know by now that there's no other than you."

Impressed by his quick responses of words, you arch an eyebrow. "Good," you nod, cheeks growing hot. "That's good. Because you don't have to wait for me anymore, Taehyung."

Your words seems to catch his ears just by the way they perked in response. He clears his throat, an evident cocky smirk appearing on his structured face that probably formed by the way you were turning red. "I'm sorry can you say that one more time for my poor old hearing?"

Narrowing your eyes at him, you take a quick breath. "I think I've had enough time for myself and I'm sure we've had enough time with each other in this confusing gray area—"

"In my defense, you made it gray. It was such a nice black and white picture and all of a sudden you're at my door and you're drunk— not that I was complaining—"

"Taehyung," you hush him, scowling. You cringe at the situation he was referring to— but that was only because you were really missing him that you showed up to his door and... well, the rest is history. "You're ruining a perfectly good moment for me to tell you that I want to try being with you again."

"Oh, really now? Is that what it was?" He overconfidently grins. "Continue."

You let out a sigh, the thought of giving up swiping through your mind as you shoot him a look. "I asked you to go on this date with me because... because I think we've done enough waiting for each other. And I just want to tell you that... I'm ready. And I want to try to be with you again, only if you're okay with that."

Maybe it was that inherent fear in you that your heart was beating fast when he hesitates. "And if I said I wasn't?"

"That's funny because I remember you telling me that you wanted me to make a decision soon?" Challenging look being sent his way, he takes it as a reason to laugh sonorously, a sound you genuinely liked hearing. "Or did you want me to remind you again, Taehyung?"

"No need," Taehyung grins. "Like I said, I'd wait for you." He brings his fingers to graze yours that laid on top of the table. His touch sparks a feeling in your heart. "And when you would be ready for me, I'd be ready for you."

The way he looked at you was a look that reminded you that the stars above realigned themselves for this very moment— and you wouldn't have it any other way. Him, here, this. "Good. I did not just spend nearly two years bettering myself and my mentality just for you to say you didn't want to even try to be with me again."

You were being a tad bit sarcastic, but it makes him scoff lightly.

"I've missed you," he sighs, taking his hand away to run it through his hair. "A whole fucking lot actually."

Rolling your eyes teasingly, you snicker. "It wasn't like I was entirely gone."

"No," he says, matter-of-factly. "But I did miss our walks to Planetarium."

"You're the one who stopped showing up in front of my apartment building."

"You said space, I gave you space!"

"You did give me space." Nodding, you smirk. "But it wasn't like I was entirely opposed to you walking with me in the morning to get a coffee fix."

"Ah, you drink coffee again?"

You hum in response. "And French roast will always be top tier."

He chuckles at that. "I missed you."

And maybe relationships aren't made to be completely perfect. There is such thing as right person, wrong time. But it's true that it wouldn't be the wrong time unless they tried, because hell, life happens. You don't realize who you really need until they're gone and luckily in this instance, Taehyung wasn't too late.  

The universe may not believe in being in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way, but fortunately for you, the universe does believe in second chances.

And here lies The Chrysanthemum Effect in full effect— with the stars realigning and your patched up heart ready to love the same person again.

"I missed you, too."

[Below is an excerpt from Dr. Wren's In and Out of Hanahaki.]

___ knew of this book I was attempting to work on.

Of course, I'm a doctor who specializes in a disease that was simply created by the gods, or the universe, or some sort of higher power, so I needed to share my new acquired knowledge of this disease that I collected and share it with the world.

But I didn't want to share just facts and research— I wanted to add stories of real life people who experienced with this disease one on one, knowing that this is a very peculiar disease that involves the emotional feelings of love. And having ___ as a patient of mine with the disease for two years, I deem it to be necessary (after getting her consent, of course) to explain as to what was going on in her goddamn head to think it was okay to attempt to suppress her flowers for awhile. (However, it wasn't like I discouraged her, knowing that no research has been discovered that having Hanahaki for more than a couple of months would cause significant harm.)

She had sat down with me, post-Hanahaki and The Chrysanthemum Effect, and told me this in exact words:

I believed that the biggest misconception was that people need to get their flowers removed to move on. Though, it may be the only way for others, it didn't resonate well for me. In my head, moving on was accepting your flowers for what they are— you know, to represent trivial love and the whole 'being a fool' idea, so I suppressed it.

And the point is: move on and grow. Accept the pain and suffering you've encountered and turn that into soil of your seed where you can be able to grow in the sunlight and reach for the sky. And once you are able to love yourself, then you can be able to love someone else.

[lesbianralzarek]

Hey uh, what’s vtm? You’ve got me kinda interested in it but I’m scared to google in case I see spoilers cuz it’s pretty old right?

vtm is short for Vampire: the Masquerade, which is a personal horror tabletop role-playing game :) just in case you dont know what personal horror is (cant blame anyone on that front, its pretty niche), its a type of horror where the player is the bad guy and you have to learn to cope with your frightening power/nature. youre struggling to hold onto the last threads of your humanity (or you can go full-on “evil”) and avoid letting “the beast” take over. its called “the masquerade” because you hide your true nature from both the world (so they dont know vampires exist) and to yourself (because its scary to come to terms with the monster you are). its also called that because of a set of rules called “the masquerade” that keep the supernatural world a secret so you dont get the inquisition called on your ass. vampires are, and always have been since caine killed abel, the real puppeteers behind world politics. its a very philosophically intriguing game. one of the main themes is that wealth and power slowly dehumanize those who hold it. its full of lore and interesting mechanics and world-building and theres nothing else really like it tbh 

youre right about it being old, it was made in the early 90s, but that doesnt mean that it has a whole lot of spoilers. thats because its a tabletop game so you get to tell the story that you want. i guess you might be able to make the case that some of the lore can be spoilers for other parts of the lore? esp in the case of the video game that takes place in L.A.

BUT, after typing this out i realize you might be talking about the video game 

if you mean VTMB, thats Vampire: the Masquerade - Bloodlines and its my second favorite game ever. it was made in 2004 and does have spoilers surrounding it because of its still-active cult following. thats not a huge problem imo because the game can easily be completed in 30 hours (i took 70 hours my first playthrough tho because im a slut for lore and details and i had to know EVERYTHING) so its pretty easy to just knock it all out and then join the fandom afterwards. dont worry about the length of one playthrough tho because its replayability is mad good. you can do a million different playthroughs and not experience everything. you really get out what you put in. its considered one of the quintessential rpgs that made the genre what it is today. it has so much choice and interactivity and atmosphere and great music and expressive faces and memorable characters and voice acting that gives you chills and my god the writing. the literally legendary writing applies not even just to dialogue and stuff but to the pacing and tempo and story and so many meticulously crafted metaphysical details 

.

if you wanna play vtmb tho i gotta warn you of a few things first

1) install the unofficial patch. its just.... if you listen to nothing else i say, INSTALL THE PATCH. its so crucial that if you buy it on gog, it automatically comes with the patch. theyve been patching this game for years because it was so janky when it came out. you know the patch is installed if you open up a new game and get the option to choose your clan, gender, and history 

2) malkavians are oracles and will spoil the game for you if you play them the first time around. nosferatu will add more content but also lock you out of a lot of content because you cant interact with humans because youre too ugly and they call the cops on your freak ass. please dont play these two the first time around 

3) dont be afraid to be the Bad Guy. its fun. im a bitch-ass sensitive wimp who cant tell off someone who punches her in the face but i still love being an “evil” vampire in some playthroughs

4) it was made in 2004 as a satirical piece and, as such, a lot can come off as offensive. yet again, im a bitch-ass sensitive wimp, but it still wasnt so much that it ruined anything for me. thought it might deserve a disclaimer anyway 

.

if you have any other questions about the tabletop rpg or video game rpg, feel free to ask more questions :) its a hyperfixation of mine and im always down to talk about it. if you end up playing it, hope you have the time of your unlife :):):) 

[vespiiqueen]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you (if you want !! 💛💖)

Wow I rambled a lot with this but i can't add cuts bc I'm on mobile rn DHSISHSJ sorry :"))))

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1. Ik Ik "haha how cringe are you" of me to say, but honestly? Homestuck. Homestuck helped me in a time of need and when i so desperately wanted something to latch onto. Finally, I caved into my friends telling me to read it-- and it's been a blast!! The epilogues / hs^2 make me feel kinda sad though, because so much of what I loved about the original was yeeted through the nine circles of hell and into the trash. I love Y/ffany's (I call her Yippi tho) design, the art is really pretty at times, Harry is a major dork, I LIVE for seeing Vrissy bc honestly?? Her design is 10/10, very early 2000s emo style and I also live for that. Tavros is cute and a nerd and I think that's swell!

But in terms of story and how any of this happens, it makes me sad to see it happen. If Vriska could return as Vrissy, why not OTHER beta trolls? Where's my Eridan fish man, writers?? Give me the boy or perish by my fury.

2. Also super "haha how cringe are you" but,,, murder cats (Warriors), esp the early 2005-2015 amvs and stuff. I remember watching Flightfootwarrior's "I Will Not Bow" Scourge amv for HOurs and having no clue what was happening, but all these edgy kitties were KITTIES! It's introduced me to a lot of music I still listen to to this very day (Imagine Dragons, Young/the entirety of Hollywood Undead, Breaking Benjamin). And yknow what?? This new arc is absolute chaos, but in the good way.

I'm an "OG Fan". I prefer the first arc, The Prophecies Begin, to almost any of the other arcs. I just could never get into the other arcs-- not to say I haven't read them, I HAVE and the Fire Scene was probably one of my favorite moments beside grumpy Jaypaw, god complex Lionblaze, and fear the gods Hollypaw. I thought the build-up for it was SUPER satisfying. Gray Wing is my baby and I fully embellish in the Gray Wing is Silverpelt theory.

This new arc is definitely something new for the universe. While I didn't read aVoS (but I may do that if i can find the files for it), and so I don't know the major events of it other than what I've seen M.A.P.'s (Multi-Animator Projects, for clarification,,, bc unfortunately that term is also something disgusting). There's fucking cat possession and all the Clans questioning their belief system, yo. Shit be on fire.

Also the Imposter is 100% Ashfur, that's canon now, yeah??? Also im sorry but fuck Root x Bristle that's the dumbest shit I have ever seen. Give me Root x Shadow or face the wrath of my dragon plushies.

RiverClan is my Clan and my gov assigned warrior name is Fireshell 🌟🌟

3. As much as I hate the author,,,,, Harry Potter. It's been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember. I can never really remember why, but I've always just loved it- the movies, the books, the extra little merch that would pop up in my local Walmart. Of course my favorite character is Draco Malfoy. I could go on and on and ON about how I think his character arc was SHIT and JKR didn't have the balls to make him a confident gay man that was always implied through the text (at least, my lesbian ass thought it was implied but i may just be projecting, idk). I could ramble about Draco for HOURS and what I think his character SHOULD have been and how his parents are horrible (more specifically, Lucius bc Narcissa [?] Actually showed a few good moments), and a child should never have to pay for their parents sins.

Oh noo, Draco's a villain because he's a victim of major abuse and peer pressure? He's a villain because a literal child can be horrible and they'll always always always stay as a horrible little fiend?? Fuck that. He's a child.

Unlike manchild grease pan Snape, who was a racist piece of shit and shouldn't have became a fucking school teacher but it's okay because he was ~~~in love~~~. No, fuck you, he was a creep. James Potter n Co may have been a little posh bitch to you, Snape, but that's no fucking excuse to continue to bluntly be a little cunt all the way into adulthood. You're an adult who flatly changed your PATRONUS to imitate Lily's. You have no excuse. And Harry went and named his child after you LIKE JESUS CHRIST, DID RON'S SISTER NOT HAVE A SAY IN THE NAMES TOO?????

I also fully adore the idea that Muggles can run into Hogwarts and their patronus can 100% be a made up, fantasy creature. Imagine you learn the patronus spell and suddenly fucking ARCEUS comes from your wand. Imagine learning the spell and CHTULU (i did not spell that right but im so tired) comes from your wand-- an entire ass fucking Lovecraftian, Eldrith horror is just the embodiment of you. What if it was a fucking Homestuck character like Vriska? How fucking METAL would that be?? Hskajssowjjsjs get on it fandom.

4. Hee hee very evident by my url but Pokemon is another major thing of mine. While vespiquen isn't my favorite (that title goes to Hydreigon), it is definitely up there!

I've ALWAYS enjoyed the idea of Pokemon. You run around, training up these fight monsters and collecting them. I remember playing my sister's Ruby version on her flip-up Gameboy. I couldn't even read but I ran around catching god only knows how many of the same pokemon wherever she was. Apparently, I had fought for hours in the same area and leveled her Blaziken up to lvl 50 something and left her lvl 30s in the dust LMAO.

I got my first game when it was Pearl/Diamond. It was Pearl, and it still holds a very fond place in my heart. I could barely read, I could barely write-- I had named my Turtwig something along the lines of "MmorpHy" and my player boy "ZbsibJ". Yes I remember the names slightly. I really didn't get far-- I barely got to the first gym but I was just so happy to play it.

I eventually lost the game, as a 5 year old would do, but I can still vividly remember what was happening when the game arrived. I had just came back from the dentist and was quite tired from fighting the dentist bc I was super scared. Mom suddenly handed me a box and said it was mine-- my overseas (at that time) dad had bought me Pearl and my sister Diamond, because I lost my shit about it when he visited one time.

Well, tdlr, I played it for about five minutes while struggling to stay awake against the loopy gas they made me take. I fell asleep listening to Twinleaf Town's soundtrack. Every time I play a rom of Pearl and I get to where the player's house fades in and I hear that first tune of the song, I get a huge smile on my face and cry-- as.. Weird as it sounds.

A few years later, I had gotten Pokemon Black bc I liked Reshiram on the cover. Now, this one I could actually READ when playing, but I don't remember a lot of things about it. I probably lost this one too, as a 8/9 year old would do. I DO remember, I chose Snivy and my sister chose Tepig (hrmm there's a theme here of grass/fire goin on......) and vibing to the music. I was so amazed by the sprites moving, I just kept getting into encounters to see the sprites move (oh boy, no one tell younger 7-9 y/o me about Zelda......oh wait....)

Playing Pokemon NOW, as a 17 year old """gifted""" chick, I stil have very fond memories. I recently beat Pokemon Black again and GOD the OTS SLAPS. I fucking adore the soundtrack-- the track that plays when you battle a trainer, the low health dings being turned into a legit song that also slaps, the battle! gym leader themes-- and oh my gOd, the legendary theme is amazing? It really tells you just how glorious these pokemon are supposed to be. It's not intimidating like Groudon/Kyroge/Rayquaza's themes. It's not action packed like Palkia/Dialga's is, it's not filled with tension like Giratina/Arceus's is-- but it radiates the GLORY that the beasts portray. And I live for that. (Also, Kyurem's version is my favorite because it glitches in the beginning and that's rly cool)

P/D/P and BW/BW2's stories, imo, are some of the greatest ones. Yeahhh, US/USUM's is cool and I haven't played XY nor SwSh-- but the ones I can find memorable are PDP and BW/BW2. I love N. I love Barry. They're my sons. Ghetsis is fucking terrifying, Cyrus needs a hug. Giratina scared the piss out of me when I was younger, which was NOT helped by Giratina and The Sky Warrior.

I think my favorite movies are the gen 4 ones. The Rise of Darkrai having a tear-jerking theme for such a mysterious pokemon (i still tear up when i hear Ocarion), Giratina being spiteful is a mood and Shaymin was cute, Arceus being angry is also a mood. Yeah, Pokemon 4Ever made me cry my eyes out over Celebi, Mewtwo Returns made me again cry because Mewtwo accepting who he is, I remember how vastly different the BW movies are-

I just. I have a lot of memories with the series, even if Gamefreak and Nintendo kinda do the series dirty a lot (your top-grossing thing and you made That monstrosity for the Switch? How dare you.). It's comforting to be stressed and pull up my roms for the games and to play them. Mystery Dungeon is incredibly fun to play, Pokemon Ranger is really fun with the concept (Shadows of Almia continues to kick my ass to this very day and FUCK the Jungle Relic, I hate the Water Challenge fucking gyarados bullshit). I remember the pokemon I got for MD (I got Time, my sis got Darkness) was Mudkip, if that is any help.

I love my little fictional pixel monsters.

5. Yup, someone told tiny 7-9 y/o me about console games. The legend of Zelda. My first Zelda game was Twilight Princess on the Wii and BOY did I play the fucking SHIT out of that game.

Honestly, looking back and looking at playthroughs now-- I still love TP. Twilight Princess is still one of my top favorite Zelda games-- yes, even after playing OoT, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, Skyward Sword, the anniversary four swords edition for the DS where you could play by yourself (Nintendo pls bring that back, I don't have friends to play it with ;-;), Phantom Hourglass- ect.

Something about Twilight Princess grabbed me by the head and yeeted me into the world. I can remember playing it for hours with little to no breaks. I, a tiny 9 y/o, had gotten the hang of the controllers and managed to get past the tutorial quite easily. And then, I was launched into the game and I wasn't stopping for NOTHING. Mom and Dad would have to force me to save and get off to go and eat dinner. THAT sucked.

I had done everything on my own up until the first temple, the forest temple. Not where/when you saved the dumb kid, but when you were saving the spirit's light. Theeeeeeennn I got stuck on the fucking Forest Temple for deadass six months straight. I'd play for hours, running around in circles, unable to figure out where to go, and because I didn't grasp the temple's purpose of being that way- I'd get angry and get off. It wasn't until dad looked up a walkthrough and talked me through what I was supposed to do that I learned how to get through temples.

I had gotten to the last little fight with Ganondorf before the Wii broke and i could no longer play. Despite the Wii being broke and we got rid of it, I was ADAMANT on keeping the game, and I kept that game for YEARS. It was an original copy out of a sealed box, and I eventually lost it when I left it accidentally at my now ex-friend's house.

She had a Wii and I went "hey I have a Wii game!" And I brought my Zelda over. Worst fucking choice of my goddamn life. Mom called me to come home and said I couldn't sleep over like the original plan was, and that was it. My ex-friend stashed my Zelda and I never saw it again. And, even if I wanted to-- I couldn't get it back, which makes me upset. We had a BAD falling out. She likely doesn't even remember it's there, or sold it to the local game junkie kid who buys ALL games.

But I still love the game. Midna was amazing, and I loved how snarky she was and she has a very cute design! The game's OST is fucking phenomenal. Midna's Desperate Hour makes me cry bc goddamn it really sells how serious that situation is. I love Hyrule Field's theme in this game. I love the Twilight Realm's song. Zant was fucking hilariously scary. Ganondorf's design in this game scared the piss out of me when I was younger.

Midna and this game's Link and Zelda are def my favorites. Yeah yeah, Sheik is cool and all I Guess but dhsushwishs Midna holds the special place in my heart. She was totally my gay awakening BUT

For other game antagonists, I adore Ghirahim-- let's go you funky little queer-coded villain. Skull Kid was great, I love the entire dynamic of him. Prankster lost soul stumbles upon Majora's Mask and the mask makes him act out due to powers-- which, I actually took very heavy inspiration from for one of my OCs. The moon falling to Hyrule was a fucking terrifying looming threat.

But the game series holds a place, and I've yet to be able to play BoTW-- although, I'm fairly certain I'll like it. The playthroughs I've watched of it are all fairly decent! I just. Gotta save up enough money to buy it haha.

Dang guess I gotta go watch a Twilight Princess playthrough again.

Honorable Mentions:

Avatar: the Last Airbender, specifically Book 3

my OCs definitely make me happy, they're my children and I'd ramble A LOT longer if given the chance WHEEZE

My friends, but I didn't add them here bc it's more fictional stuff, I presume

Baking. I love to bake cupcakes.

Painting is fun. I'm an artist and goddammit im going to use painting as an excuse to make a mess.

Fire. I rly like fire, down to a pyromaniac level. However, i hate the fires that happened to my home town, the Great Smokey Fires of 2016-- THAT pissed me off. How dare you burn mountain landscapes to the ground. Perish.

History. I'm a history nerd.

I'm also a science nerd.

But fuck math, I cannot comprehend math to save my life.

For some reason, I rly like learning how the human body works??? like did you know, organs are actually sticky when touched by a bare hand?? Did you?? How fucking cool is that.

Bakugan. I love Bakugan, esp the DS game. I love my Darkus Leonidas. Give me back the online world, you peasants-- I want my Darkus Dragonoid. (Also fuck all my friends from when I was in kindergarten- my theory that Alice was Masquerade was somewhat correct.)

[eloquent-music]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE: MUN & MUSE

Fill out & Repost ♥ This meme definitely favors Canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore and Lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Tagged by: @polyhexianchicken​

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it!! Just go ahead and say I tagged you

> Putting under a read more bc of the length <

MY MUSE IS.   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

* is your character popular in the fandom? YES/NO

* is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES (from what i see from a lot of people in the fandom including myself)/ NO / IDK.

* is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

* are they underrated?  YES ( I believe there’s more depth to him that some don’t see) / NO.

* were they relevant to the main story?  YES (Sorta?) / NO.

* were they relevant to the main character?  YES (Kinda sorta esp to Megatron) / NO

* are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

* how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?

I try my best to follow canon as best as possible. I do put in my own twists here and there.  I have added things into his character have been shared later on through Tweets on Twitter from Jro and Milne. I take their portrayals and incorporate them into my Tarn. For example, Milne said that Tarn was Pharma’s new lover and they had a special relationship and since I’m weak for that pairing I really wanted to incorporate that in. Also Red doesn’t help we both feed into each other ilu <3  ALL IN ALL though, I do like to keep him canon and not too much off character to where he isn’t Tarn anymore. I want him to be Tarn not someone else

SELL YOUR MUSE! (aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.)

I could sell Tarn for hours and a few friends know this very personally. IM SORRY. ANYWAYS. Some may find what I love about Tarn to not what they like but it’s my opinion on him! So here goes.

I love his damaged nature (I’m sorry Tarn muse). I find his addictions interesting, even though they weren’t technically shown in the issues. It’s part of who he is from who he used to be (however they came about). I will always love his flaws and I enjoy showing those sides of him so be aware that I will show his addictive personality (through Transformation, Nuke abuse, and murderous tendencies).

Which brings me to... His murderous/torturous nature. We see killers a dime a dozen in the series but to be a leader of a torturous group? Like that’s pretty rad and completely different from a lot of other characters. Can you tell I like the baddies? sdifhoisdf This brings up this ONE side of him. He doesn’t like killing / taking part in the demises of SOME of their victims. Why? I think I may know the answer to that. Why does a mech like him want to advert his gaze while the others have their way with them. Talk about something deep we never got to understand that.

He has a soft spot for musical pieces, especially classical piano music. I love Chopin the most, so you’ll see me post that all the time!

He apparently loves pineapples and just I LOVE THAT SO MUCH UHG.

He’s a big tank with Daddy (Megatron) Issues! You gotta love it LOL  He’s got biolights literally everywhere. FLASHY

When he’s only around his team, he can be a little bit more calm even though he can drop it at the drop of a dime.

He’s a touch starved mech odifhsodif

NOW THE OPPOSITE! (list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

Even though I kinda sold him on this I thought I should mention it here too. I don’t think people find him interesting for how dark he is as a mech. Push aside everything and look at how purely evil he can be. He’s cruel. He’s torturous and very sadistic. He will thrive off of every little bit of pain you give him. He can be manipulative at times.

Tarn is a huge hypocrite. It shows so much throughout the comic issues if you really look at it. I show it a lot (he will deny it sometimes but don’t worry I know he’s one) Probably one of the biggest hypocrites in the whole 2005 IDW Series.

Tarn is easily-influenced and persuaded by certain situations (to not look weak) and mechs.

He is very easily angered from the smallest things.

He holds onto grudges

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?

I know I’ve been asked this before and when I’m asked again I forget the GOOD reasons why I was so inspired to write him so I hope i do okay this time around. Even though I know I will leave out the good shit. Idk why I just dont draft on what truly inspired me. Just watch, itll come a day later and I’ll add it in just wait and see

I started rp’ing him on here as soon as he debuted in the MTMTE series (i think it was back in 2013 or 2012?) I did kind of poof for a few years due to being so busy sdiufhs. Anyways, I fell instantly in love with his character. I loved his dark ways and how he was so drastically different of a villain. His musical tendencies. And how he could offline a mech with ONLY his voice? Like damn sing to me all day you Musical Angel. He is dark and mysterious. NOT TO MENTION, black and purple my favorite colors.

His design was flawless and MTMTE #7 sold me on who he was and from then on I just couldn’t stop loving this murderous tank. I love how Jro and Milne have come out later on to answer more questions about him and just I love him that much more. Looking back years later on it, I see a little bit of myself in him.  

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION

He’s pretty easy to flow out honestly. Just like my other muse I have. If he does struggle some, I just pop on some Chopin and he’s good to go. What really does keep me going more than anything is continuously exploring who he is as a mech and as a Decepticon. I want to know so much about him literally everything. Even though I could write headcanons all day and drabbles too, I love making him interact with others to find that personality.  It’s really just my never-ending curiosity for him.

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

* do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. ( i hope I do! )

* do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

* do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO.  ( i love writing drabbles!!!)

* do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.

* are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

* are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. (Most of the time, I know sometimes I mess up and its honestly just me not seeing it for whatever reason. Im so sorry if my replies come through scattered sidfhfs)

* are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. (Not really at all. I don’t get offended or anything but certain things can bug me)

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?

Only if its constructive criticism. I love it when friends bounce ideas or talk to me about him. I will take into consideration of changing him slightly from only my close friends and that’s because we’re close. I will not change my character for anyone because they don’t like how I portray him because he is my portrayal of him, not yours.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?  

I love all the questions you all send him, either on anon or not. Even the most awful ones! Tarn may not like them but most I find absolutely hilarious. I think the more personal questions really help for exploring who he is or if I post drabble prompts, go ahead and send me one! Even if I dont send in one and you wanna know more about him I will try my best to respond to it.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  

This is a hit or miss question. I don’t really want to exactly know why unless if I ask you personally on it (which is usually just between close friends because sometimes I just aint thinkin straight). I don’t mind bouncing off ideas but ishdfoisdfh i really truly don’t know the answer to this one

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?

I honestly don’t care. People won’t like every character out there and that’s just part of being human. I understand why people would hate his character in the series in all honesty. But I love him for all his flaws.

I don’t blame people for hating Tarn but I do not want hate sent to me. That is unacceptable and not okay. You don’t have to like my portrayal but please don’t shove it at me that’s just uncalled for. If your character hates him that’s totally different but don’t come attacking me for any reason.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?  

I think I am. I’m usually fairly quiet. But once you get to know me, I am kinda strong on the goofy/funny side and a bit blunt/straight-forward sdoifhodsf. I tend to be really easy going and laid back. My personality has drastically changed since I’ve gotten into my mid-20s. I don’t like drama and dont wanna be apart of it.

[kenbunshokus]

#ZOSAN

zoro/sanji, nami/vivi | 3.5k words | 1 of 7 chapters

“Who are they even… 'shipping' me with? They know Usopp is with Kaya, and didn’t you just make your whole thing with Vivi public a few weeks ago—“ Zoro trails off as realization hits him, all at once, and he feels his stomach drop in the same way it would whenever he faces a particularly strong opponent in a kendo match.

“No,” he breathes.

“Obviously,” Nami says, shoves her phone into his face and points at a comment that says, OMG PLZ blonde and green are sitting side by side again. OTP! as Zoro sees his life flash before his eyes. “They’re shipping you with Sanji.”

(Or, the one where the Strawhats are Youtube personalities and people, naturally, start shipping Zoro and Sanji.)

(ao3)

catburglar 572 posts | 2.1M followers | 47 following Nami Bellemere stealing your hearts, one picture at a time http://youtube.com/user/thestrawhatshub

❤ 8,277 Likes catburglar lunch with the fam @sogeking @pirateking @strawhats #food #nofilter #cafe

View all 5,405 comments

ivolatan OMG THOSE TWO GUYS ARE IN THE PICTURE AGAIN

bananapigeon ok seriously, who are those two untagged guys in these pics. esp the blond one with the eyebrow. i keep seeing them in the vlogs too.

mikphail @catburglar Can you tell us the name of the green-haired guy sitting on the right? Beside the blonde? Asking for a friend.

+

“People are asking for you,” is the first thing Nami says as Zoro walks into the apartment she shares with Usopp and heads straight towards the fridge.

“Which people?” Zoro asks, suspicious. The comment seems innocent out of context, but Zoro narrows his eyes at her anyways because it’s Nami. “Actual people? Or,” he pauses, sifting through his mental vocabulary before giving up and settling with, “your people.”

He can hear her laugh from the living room. “Zoro, people from the internet are still real people.”

“They aren’t just people,” Usopp pokes his head out of his room to join in the conversation, “they are the subscribers, nay, followers— nay — fans of the Great Usopp—“

“They’re strangers,” Zoro points out, matter-of-factly. He doesn’t really get this whole…internet thing Usopp and Nami seem to have made a decent amount of money from no matter how many Technology 101 Lectures from Franky he’s sat through. They work for Luffy’s YouTube Channel—the Strawhats Hub—and post a bunch of videos online about how they have burger for lunch or some other mundane shit, and somehow people pay for that. Well, the sponsors pay for that, technically, but they get money all the same. Zoro doesn’t really get it.

He does understand one thing for sure, though. “I don’t give out my details to strangers.”

“Zoro, you’re like, a decade too old for Stranger Danger,” Nami says, disapproving, “and you know you can’t avoid being famous if you want to be the strongest swordsman in the world.”

Zoro sighs at the familiar argument between them, and makes sure he groans loud enough for her to hear. He’s usually up for any kind of sparring, verbal or otherwise, but not today—not after four back-to-back, two-hour lectures at the university and kendo club training afterwards with no breaks in between. He snatches the nearest canned beer with a little too much force, and it hits the fridge door with a loud bang.

Nami seems to catch on the sour mood and switches the subject. “You know, I think they’re shipping you.”

Zoro blinks. He waits for a second, two, three...yeah, the words still don't make sense. He gives her a confused stare. “What does that even mean?”

“it means they want you to be together with someone,” Usopp, their designated Technology-to-Zoro translator, explains. “Like, together together.”

Zoro scoffs. “What is this, high school?” He waves a dismissive hand at Nami, deciding to focus more on the free beer in his hand instead, eyeing it appreciatively. Nami’s an unpredictable storm with a flexible moral compass reminiscent of a witch, but she provides an endless supply of booze and is the only person who can hold her own against him, so Zoro figures it all balances out in the end.

The cold liquid hits the back of his throat with a familiar biting sensation, and it calms him down enough to finally process Usopp’s words. “Who are they even… shipping me with?” The foreign word stumbles clumsily out of his mouth, and he pauses, trying to wrap his mind around the concept. “They know Usopp is with Kaya, and didn’t you just make your whole thing with Vivi public a few weeks ago—“

Zoro trails off as realization hits him, all at once, and he feels his stomach drop in the same way it would whenever he faces a particularly strong opponent in a kendo match.

“No,” he breathes.

“Obviously,” Nami says, shoves her phone into his face and points at a YouTube comment that says, OMG PLZ blonde and green are sitting side by side again. OTP! as Zoro sees his life flash before his eyes. “They’re shipping you with Sanji.”

+

nami @catburglar

We’re kind of bored, so @sogeking and I are answering everyone’s questions in the next hour! Don’t forget to use the hashtag #AskUsoNa <3

 nami @catburglar

so a million dollar AND a free trip around the world? I’d take it! 

\m/ @queenmelissa

Would you get a million dollar but every time you sneeze you’re being teleported to a random place in the world #Askusona

 nami @catburglar

I’ve known Usopp since high school. I’ve known Luffy the longest, though. We’ve been friends since we were cute little ten-year-olds.

Jenna Rowen @jrowen

#AskUsoNa How did you get to know each other? Love your vids!

 nami @catburglar

Zoro and Sanji are roommates, not dating. Or are they? ;)

bad luck kate @gingerchic

are the two guys in some of your vids dating (U KNOW WHICH TWO) #askusona @sogeking @catburglar

 bad luck kate @gingerchic replying to @catburglar

HOLY SHIT DID U JUST

 bad luck kate @gingerchic replying to @gingerchic @catburglar

WE JUST GOT A FUCKING NAMES REVEAL. @ STRAWHAT RPF FANDOM THIS IS NOT A DRILL

+

The smell of well-cooked seafood, mixed with a tinge of booze, touches every nook and cranny of his apartment as people eat, drink, or laugh with each other (or, in Luffy’s case, all three of them at once). Zoro sprawls comfortably across his favorite sofa in the middle of the cacophony, and he closes his eyes, soaking in the familiar atmosphere, a half-empty can of beer dangling by his right hand.

Today isn’t their usual weekly Friday Night Hang Out; today, Ace is on leave from the military for the first time in ages. Luffy promised his big brother a huge, awesome feast, and their ragtag group of broke college students deliver the way they know how—His and Sanji’s apartment, Brook’s music, Sanji’s food.

Zoro doesn’t care much about parties, but he does like Ace and his stories about Whitebeard's platoon. Free booze is also a plus.

“Tired already?” A voice asks over his head, and Zoro has spent enough time with Luffy’s family ever since he was ten to know it’s Ace without having to look up.

“As if,” he says, skipping the greeting. “Just making sure I don’t appear in Usopp’s videos.” He thinks of the photo Nami showed him a few days ago, the one on the… instant… gram… thing… and adds, “or photos.”

“Oh, I’ve heard about that!” Ace plops onto the other sofa across the table, entering Zoro’s field of vision. “I heard somebody’s famous now.”

“Tch,” Zoro grunts, but refuses to elaborate. He doesn’t like where the conversation is going.

“And I heard,” Ace continues anyways, his grin all-too-innocent and therefore completely terrifying, “someone’s famous with someone else.”

Zoro jolts upright from his position, for once ignoring the beer he spilled on the carpet—Sanji will kill him for that later, but whatever—and turns to search for Usopp among the crowd. He glares at Usopp in a way that says, I’m going to deliver you a drawn-out, painful death, and Usopp pointedly looks anywhere but back at him.

Ace chuckles, impervious to Zoro’s death glares. “Actually, Luffy was the one who told me.”

“The shipping thing sounds so cool,” Luffy, that traitor, chimes in around a mouthful of meatballs. “I wonder who they’d ship me with.”

“Meat, probably,” Sanji says before Zoro could, and bodily pushes Luffy aside with his leg to place a plateful of fried prawns on the table. Both brothers’ eyes widen comically at the sight and the two of them dive into the plate as Sanji narrows his eyes at Zoro, “that is, if people can even be trusted these days. I still can’t believe they, what’s the word— ship me with marimo head over here when Nami is also in the picture.”

That—well.

Stings a little.

Zoro mentally maneuvers around the flare of jealousy and opts for anger, because it’s easier. Familiar. “Not like I’m enjoying the idea of being a boyfriend of someone with those eyebrows,” he fires back.

Sanji’s left eye twitches at that. “Didn’t know you have enough intelligence to even form an idea, seaweed brain.”

“Pervert cook.”

“Brainless moss.”

“Please keep the lover’s spat within the privacy of your bedroom,” Nami teases as she somehow manages to gracefully pluck a prawn out of the mess Ace and Luffy are making on the table.

“Right, Mellorine!” Sanji sing-songs in record speed.

Zoro sighs and puts his face in his hand. “Do you even listen to yourself, idiot,” he says, and narrowly dodges a kick to the head.

“Says the person who got lost so often the train station officers from the neighboring city start recognizing him!” Sanji yells back, and avoids the pillow thrown at him with practiced ease clearly born through repeated fights.

“How are you two even friends,” Ace observes in between chews, amused.

Zoro and Sanji instantly whip their heads towards Ace in unison, and say, in eerie synchronicity, “we’re not friends.”

Nami shakes her head, but it’s fond. “That’s how.”

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❤ 2,103 Likes catburglar exclusive photo of Zoro enjoying Sanji’s food #nofilter #candid

View all 7,151 comments

martiknee I assume Sanji is a chef, then?

thefantasyren I still can’t believe we’ve been blessed with their names. Strawhat Fandom, rejoice!

ostenmah @martiknee ur an idiot, he could just be someone whos really good at cooking

martiknee Wow, thanks for the unprompted hostility, I was just asking. Either way, do you fucking have eyes, look at those prawns. Look me in the eyes and tell me he cooks THOSE and doesn’t cook for a living. @ostenmah

  brie @strawhatnami

so I heard Zoro is in his college’s kendo club

 a gay @bisexualusopp replying to @strahwatnami

he’s the CAPTAIN

 brie @strawhatnami replying to @bisexualusopp

source pls?

 Kal @THEKALZONE replying to @strawhatnami @bisexualusopp

can confirm, my brother goes to the same college as him, wasn’t exactly difficult to find a dude w green hair named zoro

 a gay @bisexualusopp replying to @THEKALZONE @strawhatnami

apparently he used to appear on a bunch of tv shows about modern swordsmen or sth with his sister back then?

 brie @strawhatnami replying to @bisexualusopp @THEKALZONE

HOLY SHIT I REMEMBER WATCHING IT WHEN I WAS LIKE. FIVE. kuina was my fave. I wonder if she goes to the same college too?

+

The thing is—the crux of the problem of this whole mess of a situation is that—Zoro has code. Some sort of personal, unsaid rules he has dedicated his life to following. And now this whole fiasco is slowly breaking these codes—two, particularly:

Zoro, as a general rule, dislikes attention. He used to be some sort of a child star way back when, before Usopp and Nami and even Luffy, before—the thing with Kuina. It was hardly bearable when Kuina was with him, holding his hand whenever it started to tremble during tapings, and now with her gone he’s not touching that industry with a ten-feet pole. That means no stupid interviews with awkward pauses and one-word answers, no troublesome photo shoots that leave him with cramps at places he didn’t know could get cramps, and most importantly, no getting recognized on the street by random strangers. He looks like shit on photos. He doesn’t even have an autograph.

Zoro has the largest, most pathetic crush on Sanji, and nobody can find out.

The second rule is more important than the first, of course. So far the breaking of the first code only results in minor inconveniences, but the fact that there’s a whole group of people dedicated to telling the world that Zoro wants to get into Sanji’s pants is not something he can live with. Not something Sanji can live with, that’s for sure. Sanji has been brushing them off as a joke, thankfully, but Zoro figures there’s only so much the Straightest Man on Earth could take before he would start avoiding Zoro in disgust and pretty much stomping on Zoro’s heart in the process.

Which is why, as soon as he spots Usopp coming out of the college’s workshop, Zoro stops him in his track and growls, “this is all your fault.”

Usopp covers his head out of instinct and stammers, “whatever it is, I didn’t do it and I’m sorry.”

Zoro crosses his arms in front of his chest and huffs. “Stop it—I’d never hit you just because I feel like it.”

“This bump on the right side of my head disagrees,” Usopp says as he peeks through his fingers, “I think it’s developing into a tumor .”

“You can’t get a tumor from getting knocked in the head,” Zoro says.

“I don’t think you’re qualified to make that judgment,” Usopp insists, but visibly relaxes anyways when he doesn’t see Zoro’s hands anywhere near his head. “What is it?”

“It’s just,” Zoro says, almost ominously. “People.”

“You’re not a fan of them. Yeah, I got that, like, five years ago when I first met you.”

“Shut up, I’m not done. People, they—“ Zoro drops his voice as low as possible to adequately convey the severity of his predicament, “—they started recognizing me. From your pictures.”

Usopp visibly perks up at that. “I know , right? People say, Usopp, being famous on the internet is nothing, no one’s going to know who you are in real life, but hater’s gonna hate, you know? One time a princess from a European country asked for my autograph—“

“It’s not a good thing,” Zoro cuts in, ignoring Usopp’s make-believe story. “Three different people asked for my photograph on the way here. A girl tried taking a picture while I was eating and I accidentally spat in her face.”

Usopp at least has the audacity to grimace at that. “I guess—I guess I can see where you’re coming from, but come on, Zoro, live a little!” He emphasizes with a  friendly pat on Zoro’s shoulder. “There are, literally, thousands of people lining up to be in your shoes.”

Zoro can’t help bristling at the touch. “I didn’t sign up for this. Not like you and Nami did, with Luffy and the whole YouTube thing,” he says and adds, more urgently, “especially not for the whole thing with the Cook.”

Usopp should know. Usopp does know, because Zoro told him once under the influence of one too many drinks. They never really talked about it afterwards because Zoro has the emotional constipation of a sixteen-year-old emo teen who still listens to My Chemical Romance, and Usopp has enough self-preservation instinct not to bring it up, but there’s always this silent agreement that Usopp knows.

Usopp raises his hands in the universal sign of defeat. “Look, I admit things did go out of hands a little bit, but it’s nothing big. It’s the internet. People will ship any two people who so much breathe the same air.”

Zoro narrows his eyes critically at Usopp, and while Usopp gulps under the scrutiny, he also looks—honest. Trustworthy. Damn it, Zoro does have a soft spot for his tattletale of a friend, and one day it’s going to be his downfall.

“All right, fine, I’ll take your word for it,” he says, and Usopp releases a relieved sigh, which immediately gets sucked back in as soon as Zoro growls, “but if Nami even says something remotely different—“

“If I say something what?”

Zoro is a skillful and trained martial art practitioner. Rumor has it that he has no openings; opponents who go into a fight expecting one would get a reality check in the form of a kendo sword to the head. He’s like a wild predator, they all say, and you are his natural prey.

They are all wrong. Sitting comfortably on the apex of the food pyramid is Nami, and she knows all of Zoro’s weaknesses like the back of her hand.

Zoro jumps and thinks his heart stops for a moment as Nami appears out of nowhere and joins in the conversation, and she laughs when she notices his surprise.

“Shut up,” he growls, and she just grins even wider.

“I was just telling him about the shippers,” Usopp fills her in, oblivious to Zoro’s mini-heart attack, “that they’re. You know. Harmless?”

Zoro doesn’t like the unspoken question mark tacked at the end of Usopp’s sentence, and he likes it even less when Nami says, “well, I wouldn’t exactly call them harmless.”

Zoro glowers at that. “Explain.”

“I mean, you’ve been way too closed up about yourself, you’re practically an urban legend,” Nami says, “and people love knowing things, Zoro. It makes them feel like they’re part of something special. When the internet wants something, there’s no stopping the internet.”

“Like legalizing weed,” Usopp adds, “give them information and you can control what’s coming out. Give them nothing and you’re unleashing a hungry beast.”

“I’m not going to start using The Instant Gram for them,” Zoro says, frustrated, and bits his lips in a way that almost resembles a pout. Not that he pouts, of course.

“I told you it’s not called the Instant—you know what, I tried,” Usopp says under his breath, and Zoro ignores him.

“We’ve been at this before, you know,” Nami continues, shaking her head, “they want to know things about you, and they’re going to find out. Age. Height. Blood type. The brand of shampoo you use. Which side of the bed you’re sleeping in. The fact that you have a crush on Sanji—“

Zoro stops in his track. He blinks. “No one—no one knows that,” he says, and curses himself for stuttering. He catches Usopp’s eyes, and reluctantly adds, “unless I told them.”

“You never told me,” Nami points out.

“You don’t count,” Zoro insists, “you can read me like a book.”

“I want to be flattered,” Nami pats him on the head, like humoring a small child, “but it frankly doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment when your book only says I HAVE A CRUSH ON SANJI in eighty point bold font.”

He definitely doesn’t blush at that. Desperate, he turns to Usopp. “This isn’t what you told me.”

Nami looks at him, and is that—damn it. Is that pity in her eyes? “Zoro, I don’t know what lies Usopp has been telling you this time, but everyone knows you have a Big Gay Crush on Sanji.”

“One, it’s not a—a Big Gay Crush,” he sputters, “and two, both of you hardly counts as ‘everyone.’”

“No, really,” Nami says as she pulls up safari on her iPhone to open the fuckyeahzosan tumblr page, “I mean everyone.”

+

FuckYeahZosan

The very first Zosan Blog. Zoro and Sanji flirt with each other and ignore everyone else in group pictures because they’re assholes in love.

mods: zorosanjis and queerbellemere

our edits

fanart | fanfics | fanmixes

 fuckyeahzosan

Nami just posted a new picture and it’s everything we’ve ever hoped for.

#sanji is cooking for zoro #what is air #zosan #official

452 notes

 fuckyeahzosan reblogged zoro-sanji-for-the-win 

I can’t believe we only got their names a month ago and today we’ve got two dozens new pictures where they surreptitiously look into each other’s eyes, found out they’ve been roommates for years, gone on yearly road trips with just the two of them, and are practically canon.

I feel like this has all been a collective fever dream we just haven’t woken up from.

It’s all real and you better believe it.

#reblogged #text

2,252 notes

 anonymous asked

Ugh, people like you are the reason why I hate the Strawhat Fandom so much. Zoro and Sanji aren’t even SIGNED to the Strawhats Agency. They’re just FRIENDS of Nami and Usopp. And now they’re the most popular pairing in this fandom? Bullshit.

Sorry, we can’t hear you over how often Zoro and Sanji appear in the Strawhats' videos they may as well be Strawhats, and how even Shanks treat them like they’re part of the fandom.

#asks and answers #mod a

564 notes

 fuckyeahzosan reblogged queennami

zoro + looking at sanji with a love-struck look on his face when he thinks no one’s looking

#THE THING THAT REALLY GOT ME ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP #or friendship or whatever #is that it’s so loud and flashy you can’t help but notice #but with glimpses of quiet moments like this #like you KNOW they have the typical alpha male friendship #roughhousing and name calling; the whole package #from the way nami and usopp talk about them in interviews and stuff #and how they glare at each other in pictures with insults teetering on the tips of their tongues #but sometimes we get glimpses of this when they think no one’s looking #zoro staring at sanji – startsruck – like there are constellations clinging on sanji’s back #and there’s always that small smile zoro probably reserves just for sanji #and I Die #stab me in the chest and it would’ve hurt less #zoro #sanji #zosan #strawhatedit #rpf for ts (via queennami)

#reblogged #photoset #tags #lord have mercy on me

4,425 notes

+

Usopp is so going home with a new bump on his head.

[flyjacket06-blog]

Current Episode: The Retract

You know... The older you get, the more you value your alone time. Or just time in general. I remember a much younger me, going out to party pretty much all weekend. Drinking copious amounts of booze, looking for a crush that same night. This weekend I spent alone, entirely getting high and sleeping, resting for the week ahead. Adulting man...it’s weird. I bet a bunch of you, much like me, would go back to their younger selves and say, “Don’t ever say, ‘I can’t wait to grow up’“. I made this blog as a venture to express myself to complete strangers. None of my family or friends know about this and I kinda wanna keep it that way. There’s no right way into living life. Infact, the only way to learn life is to make mistakes and learn from that or others. We get older and compare ourselves to others, mainly our parents or friends. I now find that less is more. Less people around me equals more happiness. With life, the more you think you know, the less you’ll understand. Keep that in mind. Right now I’m going through a weird moment in life. I’ve cut all my friends out; they are just one giant disappointment after another. In fairness, a combination of life issues, plus their cock ups have created a giant snowball effect which I’ve decided to avoid by becoming a recluse. At times I catch myself thinking about suicide, but a few things are stopping me from actually doing it. One: I’m too good looking to kill myself. I mean, I think i’m good looking and I’ve never had an issue with women or sexual confidence. Two: who’s really gunna take care of my cat if I die? Like I’m thinking about that now and kinda peeved if someone gets my cat and doesnt take care of her. Three: I’m not a God fearing man, but being raised Catholic to some degree has taught me that suicide and renouncing God are the only two ways into Hell. I don’t really wanna take that chance nor have my last living action condemn me for the afterlife I’d be so fast to head to. Damn mythology from the Church! Curse you! I guess I’ll lay it out there for you. My government is suing me for unpaid student loans. Nothing crazy. Something like 12k, but it’s gotten to small claims court and lawyers and well....this is a first experience for me. If you don’t know, I do not do well with first experiences. There’s a learning curve and a coping issue when it comes to first experiences. While my recovery time has greatly increased since I was in my twenties, it still takes a few days for me to see the larger picture of things and regain a level head. To each their own. At work, I was dealing with becoming a fresh new leader among the new and old set of crews. Another first experience, which I managed to flub, atleast I feel that I flubbed it up. There was a moment when I called out three co workers for their lack of ...well...work ethic. You’ll have seen it or been through it. You’re working and you’re working hard. Just grinding, but others are kinda lolly-gagging and gingerly moving when you need post-haste movement. Sure it was the first show; Sure I made the inappropriate call over the radio for a meeting. I had to express myself to these guys that whatever it was that they were doing that day, was complete garbage. I alienated them and myself. Coulda chosen a better way to approach it really. That same night, pretty much broke down in front of my boss. Humiliating in retrospect, but the build up of things got to me. The fact that my landlord refuses to fix a wall in my place, so when it rains heavy, mushrooms grow outta the baseboards. MUSHROOMS! INSIDE! How the fuck... it’s only been six months since I reported the first of three incidents. Who know’s what’s behind and under those walls and floors. Who knows what spores i’ve been breathing in. Then I get to work and I’m put in this situation where I have more responsibility and I’m being relied on to do more and lead a motley crew. These guys and I came up together and now symbolically, I’m above them but they just aren’t taking the things I take serious, serious themselves. You know how frustrating that is?! When you need to get the job done and they are like, “Yeah, okay hummm”. Main problem of that stemmed from the fact that some new guy, a real new aged stoner complainer type, created a stir with me over absolutely nothing. I’m trying to help this fool and he snaps at me, goes behind my back and tells my boss i’m bullying him?! The man is 40 something and at best, a pan sexual imp. If he can’t handle direction or control his sensitive side, then I suggest he apply to Wal-mart to become a greeter. The guy legit goes out of his way (and brags about it) to sue people or corporations where he can. That should tell you what type of character he is. He was the first one I cut out this year. I’ll let him be someone elses problem. As for the other co-workers I disciplined with that meeting, we seem to be on better terms, but realistically since they won’t know, or understand my responsibilities going into this new season, I’ve quietly backed away and kept my own counsel towards things and people.  Oh my phone screen broke at work. Managed to go several phones without having that issue and boom; it happened. My boss said he could fix it, if I got the spare parts. I did! Then he lost my phone! Can you believe that?! Lost my broken phone... He claims he found it and fixed it, but that was day’s ago... Funny how when you’re phone goes MIA, life turns upside down. In my case, it took a while. I deleted all my social media weeks ago. That’s means I was using my phone as an actual phone. Also tells you how pissed off I was with people and the world. One disappointment after another. I figured I needed to recharge my batteries and focus on myself again. Of course the sudden deletion of social media prompted others to bother me on the daily if I was, “okay”. Unbeknownst to them, each time someone asked me if I was, “okay”, I felt more and more uneasy. I really questioned there for a good solid moment how much I had left in the tank. So a broken screen on a phone wasn’t a bad thing. My boss losing my phone after having it for two days...kinda irked me. But what irks me more is that I believe he fixed it and hasn’t give it back to me. I say that because I went into the office and saw my phone charging. Atleast I think it was my phone. It has no sim card in it, so when I touched the home button, and saw it had no sim card, but a fresh new screen, I began to think.... “Why? Why hasn’t this been given to me?!” Esp after the intense, painstakingly slow process it took to back up my old phone to new software and the back up. The process of removing apps and pictures and songs to acquire the capacity space needed for the restore. The endly prompts telling me the restore didn’t work, to log in for this or that ID. Like fuck! A good solid two hours of my life, gone! Reading about how to fix iTunes and error codes, just to load information onto my burner phone, when I likely have a perfectly good phone, not being used or given to me?! HELP!!! As you can imagine, when I got served my papers, I had to rethink and redo all my budget. The end result was losing a lot of savings money to off set a credit card. Fine, I did it, it’s outta the way and done for. I’m thankful for that, but a lack of money has always made me...moody. Without money, you can’t pay for rent or food or anything! Money is freedom and you understand it better as you get older. Add all the issues I just stated above and you get a fuck storm. So to recap: -Got sued -expunged most of my money -Strained workplace relationships -People & friends letting me down consistenly -Broke phone -Boss lost phone trying to fix it -Several mistakes made which I was hard on myself and that’s been how it’s going of late. I’m dealing with it better; having no social media actually helps. But for fucks sakes, I use the whole being sued thing just floats on. They are not disputing my payment plan and want me to pay more. Like fucking blood suckers. I know happiness is a choice. I know tough times don’t last, tough people, But all I want to do right now is disappear....

[jennycalendar]

imperfections (56/?)

read it on ao3!

iiiiii don’t know how to add a footnote w/o making it Extremely spoilery. love u all. writing this fic is such a trip and i am so glad to have an audience for this scooby family nonsense, esp. as it gets closer and closer to being finished

“That was some nice stuff you said to Buffy,” said Jen as they walked to the car.

Faith’s stomach flipped over. “Yeah,” she said uncertainly. “Yeah, it was—she means a lot to me, y’know?”

“I’ve noticed,” said Jen, and maybe it was just wishful thinking on Faith’s part, but there was an almost purposeful lightness to her tone. Like she knew Faith was holding shit back. “I’m really glad you two have hit it off.”

Faith bit the bullet. “I might ask her out,” she said. “Like, on a date. To prom, maybe. I don’t know. Haven’t really thought it through all that much.” She was doing her best not to look at Jen, continuing to talk so that she wouldn’t have to hear what Jen had to say to that. “I mean, she’s still gettin’ over Angel, she says she wants to take things slow, but if she’s not going with Angel she might as well go with me—”

“Faith?”

“I’m into girls,” Faith blurted out, refusing to look at Jen. “Which you should probably know, ‘cause B’s gonna be coming round sometimes, maybe. I don’t know. But that’s why she means a lot to me and we haven’t just hit it off in a friendly way—”

“Breathe,” said Jen, tugging on Faith’s leather jacket until Faith stopped walking. When Faith finally mustered the courage to look over at Jen, she saw that Jen was looking at her the same way that Jen always looked at her, and the relief at that realization was dizzying. But then Jen spoke again. “You’re not the only one who’s had crushes on girls.”

“Don’t try and tell me that every straight girl feels this kinda thing—” Faith began, outraged.

“Operating on some faulty intel there, kid,” said Jen, a broad smile beginning. “Whoever said I was a straight girl?”

Faith stared. Then she said, “You suck face with Giles in the kitchen on a daily basis.”

“You kids really need a crash course on bisexuality,” said Jen, who was now grinning fit to burst.

Faith didn’t really know what to say to that. Slowly, she managed, “So all that time you’ve been giving me looks every time me and Buffy talk—”

“I know the signs,” said Jen, knocking Faith’s shoulder. “You were making the same face I did around Marian Hall back in college, and somehow you managed to be even more obvious about it than me.”

“I was so not obvious!” Faith objected, indignant. “B didn’t catch a thing, and Giles didn’t either—”

“I love the kid, but Buffy probably wouldn’t have figured your crush out if you waved a sign saying DATE ME,” said Jen matter-of-factly. “And Rupert spent the better part of last year trying to figure out whether or not I liked him, most of that time while we were actively dating.”

Faith snickered. “Fair point,” she said, and reached down, quietly gripping the hem of Jen’s sleeve as they started to walk again. Her heart was pounding. “So I kinda just came out to you, huh?”

“Kinda, yeah,” Jen agreed, her voice softening. “I’m very proud of you.”

Faith made a gagging noise to try and hide her dumb grin.

Willow apparently still hadn’t reconciled with her mom, who had somehow forgotten the stake-burning but remembered that Willow had run away after being grounded. Joyce was still trying to talk Mrs. Rosenberg through that one, but for the time being, Willow was staying in the Calendar-Giles attic/guest room, which was A-okay in her book.

Ms. Calendar made Willow some hot chocolate again, this time with half-melty marshmallows and a dollop of whipped cream. “Does your mom tuck you in?” she asked, crossing the room to sit down on Willow’s bed (no, the guest room bed, Willow reminded herself). “If I recall correctly, you’re the kind of kid who really appreciates that.”

“You could tuck me in again,” said Willow. Ms. Calendar had done that a couple of times over the summer, back when things were a total mess and Willow stayed in Ms. Calendar’s bedroom pretty much every other night.

Ms. Calendar stood up, then bent down again, tucking the covers more snugly around Willow from the waist down. “You can just leave your mug on the nightstand when you’re done,” she said, leaning around Willow to fluff up one of the pillows. She smelled like a mixture of old books and floral perfume. “And get some sleep, okay? Don’t do that thing you do where you nap for two hours and get up to read books from Rupert’s study.”

“Giles has a study?” Willow grinned. “This is a nice house.”

“Yeah, I like it too.” Ms. Calendar gave Willow a little kiss on the cheek. Willow thought she felt a waxy smudge of lipstick, and kind of liked the thought of it lingering. “Night, Willow.”

“Goodnight, Ms. Calendar,” said Willow with a yawn.

Ms. Calendar wavered. Then she said, “You know, if you wanted, you could call me Jenny outside of school. You’re not just my student, Willow.”

Willow felt a kind of rush and had to blink really fast to hide potential tears. “Um, yeah,” she sad, swallowing hard. “Maybe. But, but maybe not yet?” The thought of Ms. Calendar as Jenny felt weird and informal, especially since Giles was the only one who called her that. Faith called her Jen, but that was a name that Willow personally thought didn’t really fit Ms. Calendar. “I like Ms. Calendar,” she clarified. “It used to feel kinda formal, but now it feels…”

Even though Willow wasn’t quite sure how to finish her sentence, Ms. Calendar smiled slightly, like she got it anyway. “Yeah,” she said. “That name didn’t really mean a lot to me until I came to Sunnydale, but now…”

She squeezed Willow’s shoulder, then leaned down again, enfolding her in a soft, floral-perfume hug. Willow closed her eyes, smiling.

Giles was still sitting in the kitchen by the time Jenny came down from putting the children to bed. Upon seeing her, he stood, feeling a sense of profound sadness and exhaustion. “Moment’s come, hasn’t it?” he said quietly.

“Come here,” said Jenny.

Giles obliged, stepping into her arms and closing his eyes. “You are so remarkably resilient tonight,” he murmured.

“Yeah, well, next apocalypse it’s my turn to freak out,” Jenny informed him, turning her head to rest her cheek on his chest. “Listen—this is gonna be hard, I know. But it’s the right thing to do for all involved.”

“They’re going to come here in person, you know,” said Giles quietly. “They’re going to demand to speak to Buffy, and I don’t know what they might convince her to do—”

“In a few days she’s turning eighteen,” Jenny replied simply.

“I was twenty-one when I raised Eyghon,” said Giles.

Jenny pulled away, looking up at him with a resigned, loving expression. “Rupert Giles,” she said, “idiot of my heart, you are gonna have to let that girl make her own choices. There’s only so much a parent can do to protect his kid, and after you make this call, you will have done everything you can.”

One word in particular stood out to Giles. “Parent?”

Jenny’s smile fluttered; she looked suddenly nervous. “Was that—I mean, was I off base?”

“Quite the opposite, I think,” said Giles unsteadily. “It’s simply that I worry my attachments mean I have failed her as a Watcher.”

“We have already established,” said Jenny firmly, “that the system you were raised in is bullshit. I know it is going to be so hard to let go of all that stuff, but holding onto it only hurts you.”

There was a level of understanding in her eyes that went well beyond her knowledge of the Council alone. “Jenny,” said Giles quietly, “you came to Sunnydale to carry out a mission of vengeance.”

“Yeah,” said Jenny, and gave him a wobbly, crooked smile. “Yeah. Because my family told me that that was all I would ever be good for.”

Something twisted in Giles’s chest. Not once had he thought about what might have brought Jenny here—in part, he supposed, because he knew it must have been painful for her. “You’re good for—” he began.

“I’m not a witch, remember?” said Jenny, who seemed to be doing her best to keep her smile steady. It wasn’t really working. “I came from a long line of seers and witches and warlocks and people in tune with the earth, and I was never, ever that. So they sent me off to watch Angelus, because that was the only way I would ever be of use, and…” She trailed off, raising her hands to his face. “I know,” she said. “I know for a fact that you’re making the right choice, Rupert, because you’re making the same one I did a year ago. I don’t regret a single thing I did last year, not one, because it led me to a home and a family and one of the best hot librarians I know.”

Giles stared at her, eyes wet, and then he kissed her, and…how, he thought, was he this lucky? Watchers lived a painful, lonely life; nearly everyone they dared to love ended up dead, and here was beautiful, compassionate, resilient Jenny, changing the rules because she could. “I love you ceaselessly,” he said clumsily as they broke apart, then kissed her again, an awkward kiss that was more of a collision than anything. Both of them were a bit too emotional for finesse. “Unendingly.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” said Jenny with a nervous laugh.

“You know I would never do that to you again,” Giles persisted.

Her expression didn’t change, but Giles felt Jenny press herself closer against him. “Yeah,” she said. “Ditto.”

“The promise thing or the flowery-love thing?”

“Don’t make me say it,” said Jenny, giving him a small, watery smile.

Giles kissed her one last time. Then, with no small amount of reluctance, he let go of her, stepping back and picking up the phone. Eyes locked on Jenny’s, he dialed the extension, waiting for Travers to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Travers, it’s Giles,” said Giles, and Jenny took two steps forward, winding her arms around his waist. Grounding him.

Faith was hanging around the general area of Buffy’s locker, looking somewhat tense. Even after the emotional mess of the night before, Buffy’s heart did a funny little flip thing upon seeing her, and she couldn’t hide her smile. “Hi,” she said bashfully, stepping up to Faith.

“Yeah, B, I got some bad news,” said Faith shortly. “You were gonna find it out when you got to the library, but Jen said I should run and tell you beforehand.”

Buffy felt the crush-related jitters fade, replaced by some more general jitters that she didn’t really like. “What’s going on?”

“So, uh, Giles and Jen tried to call the Council yesterday night,” said Faith, falling into step with Buffy as they headed towards the library. “Didn’t really go over well.”

“How did it not go over well?” Buffy asked, pushing the door open with her shoulder. Then she stopped.

“Ms. Summers?” said an old guy in a tweed suit, flanked by a whole bunch of other business-formal people that Buffy didn’t know. “My name is Quentin Travers, and I am the head of the Watchers’ Council. I believe you and I need to talk.”

[arctic-urpo]

Hiya hiya, it’s time for me to properly talk abt LRTN - because I’ve talked about it here and there but nothing clear and concise abt my situation and my plans to continue etc, and in general it’s been on my mind. This will be 99% just explanation of my past, uh, over half a year though because this has also affected my friendships with people outside of this too and just, idk, I don’t like saying I feel like I owe an explanation bc I rly don’t, people have been kind and understanding and I appreciate it.

But I want to explain so if you wanna know why I haven’t been writing or answering messages, you should probs find the answer under the cut!!! Warnings though that I’m gonna be talking abt rly personal stuff and some kinda heavy things too, so no need to feel pressured to read! This is meant for those who want answers and not as a plea for attention or anything ^^;

Anyways....

I feel like I should start with the fact that most people following me and LRTN probs know already, but I have struggled with mental illness for.... a long time, half my life in fact. It isn’t something I came here to talk about, but it is related to tons of abuse from multiple sources etc. So please keep an open mind reading!

Anyways so over half a year ago, in November 2017, first of all NaNo happened. I could balance that out with LRTN, at first, but then in the mid of the month I started this uh, work practice experience thing. My vocabulary in English fails me here but, basically, it was this government funded project to help young people get into working life/back to “”””normal life”””” so basically rehab work. It was in a flower shop, owned by my grandma’s friend.

The work experience itself was incredibly pleasant, I loved the job and I loved my boss and she was rly nice to me all the time. But it was time and energy-consuming. And another problem with the work was that - as most of u probs know, I’m a trans guy. But I’m not out to my grandma yet bc she’s very religious and my mom has been so worried for my safety so... Anyways, so I couldn’t obviously be out in the workplace either. And my grandma would visit daily and it was mentally really rough for me.

To also explain, I have bad agoraphobia to begin with. I’m deathly scared of public spaces, wide places, strange people, talking to people and 99% of the time I can’t even go outside alone. Which was what this work was trying to give me rehab for. And it helped, it really did! But my grandma.... made it so much more difficult to manage my mental health bc it was an extra stress factor constantly. She has a way of words to make me feel useless too so, I kept feeling inadequate constantly when she was there and like I was doing things wrong.

Anyways!! That’s for the work part! But also, in the beginning of me starting work there, my friend’s dog who I had taken care of a lot and who was a huge part of my life, passed away sadly. I started seeing nightmares every night and losing sleep rapidly. I used to sleep 8-10 hours each night, but back then I started sleeping 4-6 and that’s continued up to this day and it’s been.... completely exhausting me. I’ll probs talk abt that more in detail but. To continue to this situation:

So, all in all, there was way too many things going on at once that November-December. Add onto that the holiday season which had a lot of relatives - a lot of my grandma too - and it has always been a bad time of the year for me. I managed to hang on by spending time with friends - a friend came to visit me for almost two weeks and that helped me keep myself together.

But also, I was supposed to look for another place to work at through this whole time, because my grandma’s friend had promised to take me only for the Christmas season bc after that she just wouldn’t have work for me due to a quiet season. I did apply for a few places but.... I couldn’t bring myself to put myself completely to it bc of all the phone calls which scare me just as much as going outside.

Anyways, Christmas comes and goes, I’m still somehow hanging on, and then we go on a trip with my friends. It was an amazing trip, I had fun with them, most of them live in other cities so I don’t see them often so I loved seeing them....!!

And then I went back home. Back home into my messy apartment, where I realized I’m almost always alone. And I had a huge breakdown. I stopped eating properly for a while - I can’t exactly give proper dates after this bc it’s been kind of ongoing with various intensity after that..... I go through periods of not eating, I haven’t been able to start sleeping bc I find it so hard to go to sleep, I keep waking up from nightmares - nightmares of various subjects, not rly abt by friend’s dog even but just... all sorts of bad things. 

And I haven’t had the energy to talk to anyone, keep up any relationships. There’s only one group chat where I talk daily, the group of friends I went on a trip with who I’ve known for years now. And even to them, I don’t talk privately! It’s only the group chat! Other group chat I talk semi-actively in is the group of friends in my city, who I go to shop with etc but... Again it’s only semi-actively that I manage to talk there either.

As you may guess, I couldn’t find a new place to work in the beginning of the year. After the trip, I went through weeks without answering any phone calls - my therapist helped me call off the rehab work bc clearly it wasn’t the best option anymore. But that sparked all sorts of money problems that have plagued me since then, and let’s just say things haven’t been great on that front. 

Middle of all of this, I did figure out I had a huge fear of silence, so I need to constantly have videos, games, music, something running so that there is noise. I also need to have something to do to distract my thoughts even further or I’ll start to spiral into negativity.......

I do go through periods of creativity, but it only sparks on the drawing front. So to get on the topic of LRTN! I haven’t written anything proper since November. I’ve started a few background stories for DnD OCs and I can’t even finish those! I write maybe a page and I have to drop it bc I can’t stand the silence, having only me and music and no video or game or anything. (As for why I don’t watch vids while writing, I can’t concentrate on writing if I hear like, speech or smth similar. I can’t listen to rap either when writing bc it’s too distracting.)

But kind of with writing and esp with LRTN has been the problem that, the longer time goes on, the more daunting it feels to return to it!!! I’m already in the spot that I would need to reread LRTN to continue writing it (to remember all the plot things planned and the characterization etc) and!!! I do plan on doing that!!! But I can’t, I just can’t take the silence while I’m reading so I’ve kind of been putting it off and off. For way too long. I’m trying to figure out a way around this, but I DO MEAN TO RETURN TO LRTN!!! That is certain!! I do intend to finish it, I need to get the story out after planning it for so long!!!

But that’s kind of the status quo on the LRTN’s part, I want to continue and with each kind comment my heart just keeps breaking bc  I just want to write it so bad!!!! I want to continue!!!! But I’m just so stressed out from the loneliness and silence that I can’t bring myself to write!!! 

But yeah I’m not saying this seeking answers, this is my personal problem and no one needs to feel bad abt any of this or feeling like you’re pressuring me. All the comments are rather just so kind and inspiring that I feel like the luckiest guy from time to time. So thank you to everyone, the commenters and ALSO ESPECIALLY FRIENDS who have been so understanding and nice and been by my side even when I’ve locked myself up from everyone just to cry and weep over how much I suck....

Anyways to kind of give a status update on what this breakdown has even been abt and why it’s been making me distance myself, it’s bc I’ve been dealing with feelings of worthlessness, fearing abandonment and also just not having plain energy to answer and then feeling like it’s scary to answer after so long has passed without me saying anything. I feel like I’m constantly late.

Also, to current situation, my mental health has been on the rise, which is why I’m talking about this in the first place bc I have the energy to explain properly! On the... life front though, my life has been kind of a void of me waking up, playing mobile games, not eating much, not sleeping much, and kind of being just a messy waste of space. My apartment is a mess, my financial situation is even more of a mess still bc the depression is making me waste any extra money on stupid stuff and then me sacrificing food and such to save money for rent etc. I was also declared “unfit to work” by the government on another paper but “fit to work” on another so now I’m kind of in the space where I’m not actually capable of working fulltime by my health but also being forced to work bc I don’t have the ~right diagnosis’~ to not work.....

SO!! It’s been kind of a whirlpool of stress!!! Anyways idk how to end this huge rant, thank you if you read all of this and I hope this shed some light on the situation????

If u ever wanna reach out to me, I still don’t answer private messages well but you’re free to try and I’ll try to answer to my best abilities, but I feel like asks are the easiest way to reach out to me right now bc those I do get to eventually bc they don’t feel as personal and so scary for my socially anxious mind, idk!!! But thank u for reading, for understanding and for caring abt dumb old me!!!!