#esp not my extended family. i don't see them often enough for it to be really worth my time anyway

[starmansymphony]

(d0n’t rb)

fcghbjnkml i just want to hear someone i know irl to use the right name and pronouns for me but i know it’s never gonna happen

[goyangii]

is it okay if i ask u about your experiences with being fetishized in online and offline spaces?? i deactivated my social media over this but i feel like a lot of non-Koreans make random Korean people feel like we're the spokesperson on all Korean issues??? i've noticed this fetishization happens a lot so i kinda avoid non-Koreans if they're kpop fans or if they act weirdly (they have a way of treating us like fantasies but also act very weirdly toward us)

oh my god yessss. for a disclaimer, i grew up in kr/kr american neighborhoods or at least very predominantly asian neighborhoods for almost all my life so most of my experience with ppl being gross was online and in school only and tbh until like, maybe ~2010 i never had a problem with ppl being weird about korean stuff specifically, mostly just weebs/yellow fever types. but when that started becoming a problem i just never said that i was korean specifically and if i ever made reference to my race i'd say "asian" or "east asian" only lol. if i was around other asians i'd be more open but it's definitely tough, as i've had non-kr asians be kind of weird about it too sometimes unfortunately and i really don't know what to do about that either bc i do not do that to others?? it's so bizarre to me. and yes omfg i definitely see wym about ppl acting like One Random Korean Person is somehow Representative of All of Korea and has to educate/have opinions on every korean-related topic under the sun too, i've had friends (even non-kr asian friends!!) always ask me about any korean related topic as if i was the expert on everything korean or assume i care about X korean show or Y kpop song or Z korean issue or will teach them about [___] korean food or whatever.

it reminds me of white friends expecting me to teach them how to use chopsticks in uni or always asking me how to pronounce any asian name (even if it wasn't korean!) and honestly annoys me a lot bc i would never do this to someone of another race. like i would never go to a chinese person and treat them like chinese person instead of chinese person so idk why they act like this????? and online dating is AWFUL esp as kpop got so big, i legit have had ppl immediately open with "omg i love kpop/kdramas/kimchi 😍" as if i'm supposed to care????????

also i'm korean american, not born in korea so i'm 2nd gen but my korean is awful (i learned japanese growing up instead bc my elementary school had very limited options...my mom is still giving me grief about that 20+ yrs later oof) and i don't consume much korean media outside of what i watch/listen/see with my family, so i'm often a "bad" korean or not korean enough to some people. it's one thing if my family jokes about it bc i can't handle spicy foods but it does hurt when it comes from like, ajummas at church or something. i'm also not "traditionally" a good woman — i have darker skin (maybe from growing up in a tropical area?? i used to be even darker and my mom would always comment on it negatively), i am more masc/gnc, i don't date men, i don't/won't have children, i have no interest in becoming a doctor/lawyer, i am not christian, etc. so my mom has gotten a lot of flak from other koreans for raising me "wrong", even from her own extended family. it really just sucks bc it made me hate her and korean culture when i was a kid and it's taken so long to understand why she tried to pressure me to fit an ideal mold. then on the flip side i can't even just be a "normal" american, i've had ppl assume i don't speak english (i speak fluent english!!!!), say i sound esl (i literally don't T_T this one feels kinda racist ngl), ask me where i'm from, stare at me in more white areas, white ppl randomly try to speak (really, really bad) korean to me, etc so i find i don't really fit in comfortably anywhere but with other asian americans in the end. it's a kind of awkward in between two worlds where i'm never enough of either to count. idk if you experience that too. it sometimes bums me out bc i have friends who are, say, 2nd gen filipino or chinese or viet and we all share that feeling to varying degrees. like a fish out of water kind of feeling.

specifically in trans spaces i've had a lot of issues with fetishization, esp from white tims (though i've had my unfair share from tif kpop stans) but also from non-kr asian tims, but thankfully it's been long enough that i've been out and cut most tims out of my life that i could w/o getting cancelled as a terf that most of my day to day is just frustration with irl (this is like 90% of the problem) and more casual online spaces like twitter, reddit, tumblr, etc. (which i try to be kind of anonymous in nowadays). still i do have to interact with some tims and tifs and it does make my stomach crawl to see full ass white women larping as kpop boys or men posting about how asian women are the ~peak of femininity~ and they just want their ~kpop goddess~ or whatever and nobody calls this shit out for what it is. it's so demoralizing and i'm happy i left the trans community. i just wish there was more of an asian/asian american detrans community (hah...if only) or at least lgb community, bc i only know a very small handful of lgb asians and most of them are bihet women......

interestingly outside of kpop and kdramas most of the fetishization seems to be just bog standard asian fetish/yellow fever, idt most of the idiots who try to hit me up with "i've never been with an asian before ;)" even know what i am lmao. so i guess there's that? i've always had a weird frustration w/ this bc it's like korea is invisible except for kpop/kdramas so they can't even be more specific in their fetishization lmfao

this turned out super long and idk if it helped but if you ever want to message me off anon abt this pls feel free to!! i try to be kind of vague on here bc i am scared adding details will dox me. but i would be totally open to off-anon messaging as this is smth i feel strongly about esp as i've gotten older and moved to whiter areas. hoping to move back to at least a more asian neighborhood soon bc god i am sick of going to the gas station or whatever and being full on stared at by the white ppl there. it makes me very uneasy tbh. unfortunately am stuck rn for work.