#esp for people who are on the fence after yesterday!

[whereimfeminine]

Fandom ramblings

Lately, but particularly after yesterday, I’ve been thinking a lot about the role I/we play in the fandom, especially with regards to posts I sometimes make/reblog criticizing behavior by Larries. I often wonder things along the lines of why I am spreading this, is it accomplishing anything, should I just be extra about Harry and move on with my life, etc. Realistically, I don’t actually think my post calling out misogyny in Larrie posts or whatever else is going to change the mind, even remotely, of any Larrie blog with a huge follower count that has its heels dug in deep. 

So then I’ve been concerned that maybe I’m just writing these posts so that people who already agree with me will reblog them and we’ll all feel validated in some way. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But I worry that maybe it deters/scares away people who are on the fence/recently stopping believing in Larry because they think we’re this amorphous notion of an “anti” that has been painted as terrible. Which, I don’t even really consider myself an “anti” although I think that’s how I’m probably viewed at this point. I don’t have any set view on what I think Larry’s history is/was, because at the end of the day, we really don’t know anything for sure and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. 

But I don’t consider myself an anti because I mean, I started more or less as a Larry blog and I don’t think it’s inherently bad to have believed they were together at some point, maybe even until pretty recently. And I think a lotttt of us have struggled because it feels like many antis are hostile due to once believing in Larry, and many Larries are hostile because #defection. So we’ve been building our own place and gaining support from others, but it can still feel weird leaving such a large community like larries. 

I always felt fine with supporting larry when I entered the fandom because it felt fun and harmless--I was just supporting (without pretending to know for sure) the idea of two boys in love. And there are some pretty darn convincing reasons to believe that. But then as 2016 wore on, the people I followed got more and more hostile, misogynistic, critical, etc. And then I saw people being really really terrible to people who I followed and really liked/respected who spoke about changing their minds (y’all who dealt with that and remain so kind/open to others are the tru mvps 😘), and it suddenly just stopped feeling....fun. It felt mean. And I felt really uncomfortable at the notion that if you change your mind, you should be silent and not talk about why (especially since the people speaking out that I knew were all women, and it felt like another attempt at silencing them). I had most feet out the door but was still intrigued when the news of Jay’s passing broke. And for me, that made me realize it wasn’t harmless, not in the least. Jay was harassed, criticized, etc, all over social media because of larries. I think Louis’ approach to social media with his son is shaped in large part by larries. Even if Larries are right and it’s not his kid, I realized I was unwilling to take the risk of being wrong on that and causing harm to a family that was already hurting so much. 

So that’s left me here, making weird long pointless posts like this. I started this all with the intent, I think, of saying that I’ve realized particularly the past few days that having posts by people coming from this mindset criticizing larries is important because it feels, in a way, like a perhaps more accurate “source of news.” Like popular larrie blogs have shaped this narrative that Louis is a horrible, terrible dad. And if you’re in the mindset of larries/following only larrie blogs, it’s easy to get disenchanted and buy into that. So even though that anon was a troll yesterday, it was important to me to show that if you look at things from another way, it’s clear he really isn’t a terrible dad. And it’s insulting to him to say he is. That video showed us how much he loves his son and beams at him. And we have to let him be a human and make life choices without jumping to critical conclusions. I guess that’s why I feel like those posts are worthwhile-- for people who are on the fence, recently changing their minds, aren’t sure, etc. There are other ways of looking at things. 

And the behavior by many Larries is, truly, terrible. I know we all could just be Extra about our faves and move on, but to me, I’d rather see the fandom become a better and more positive space. I don’t want the misogyny and negativity and disillusion towards Louis as a father that is pervasive in many larrie blogs to become the norm. I think speaking out and saying “this is not normal, this is not okay” is important in this fandom and especially right now, in real life. I know this may be “just a fandom,” but I also know that posts I read on tumblr have and continue to really shape how I view the world. Especially because there are so many young people in this particular fandom, it scares me to think that they’ll read posts about violence against women, objectification, etc, and view that as “normal” and consistent with allegedly espousing a feminist viewpoint. It’s not. 

All of this to say, if you are a fence-sitter or uncertain or have questions or whatever, I hope this helps you understand why I post some things you may perceive as hostile, and know that they’re not meant to deter you from talking to me (or many other wonderful people). I’m happy to chat about things and talk through things or just be nice to you if others are being nasty. I do post critical things, but it’s because I think it’s important to attack the norms being generated, and not some of you as individuals. 

[frolwriting]

Asylum Part 1

Hey guys!  I’m so sorry I’m getting this out late!  I worked yesterday and didn’t have my chapter on fan fiction done, so I had to do that today on top of homework.  This is here though!  I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

Fandom: Supernatural

Series: A Whole New World

Episode: Asylum

Warnings: few cuss words, talk of death, mental institution, 

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After the case at the old Winchester house, the boys started treating me better. Sam and I grew closer than ever since he found out I liked to geek out as much as he does. Dean knows I never forget his pie, so he likes me as well. That case has been the best thing to happen since I've met these guys. At the moment, we are sitting in a motel room. Dean was reading John's journal, while Sam was talking to their friend, Caleb.

"No, Dad was in California last we heard from him. We just thought...he comes to you for 'munitions...maybe you've seen him in the last few weeks. Just, call us if you hear anything." Sam says. There was a pause. "Thanks." Sam hung up the phone.

"Caleb hasn't heard from him?" Dean asks.

"Nope and neither has Jefferson or Pastor Jim. What about the journal? Any leads in there?"

"No, same as last time I looked. Nothing I can make out...I love the guy, but I swear, he writes like friggin' Yoda." I let out a chuckle.

"You know, maybe we should call the Feds. File a missing person's."

"We've talked about this. Dad's be pissed if we put the Feds on his tail."

"I don't care anymore." It's been really hard to not tell them I saw John at Missouri's. I want to tell him he's okay. I want to tell them that he was so close to them. I want to tell them they will be getting a phone call from him soon. Dean's phone starts to ring. He heads over to his duffel bag. "After all that happened back in Kansas, I mean...he should've been there, Dean." He was, but I can't tell them that. "You said so yourself. You tried to call him and...nothing."

"I know!" Dean says as he struggles to find his phone. "Where the hell is my cellphone?"

"You know, he could be dead for all we know."

"Don't say that! He's not dead! He's-he's..."

"He's what? He's hiding? He's busy?" Sam is getting frustrated and angry. I probably would be if I was in there position. Dean finally finds his phone.

"Huh, I don't believe it." Dean says quietly.

"What?" Sam and I ask.

"Its, uh...It's a text message. It's coordinates." Dean then grabs Sam's laptop and searches the coordinates.

"You think Dad was texting us?"

"He's given us coordinates before." I say.

"The man can barely work a toaster, guys."

"Sam, it's good news! It means he's okay, or alive at least." Dean says happily.

"Well, was there a number on the caller ID?"

"Nah, it said 'unknown'."

"Well, where do the coordinates point?" I ask.

"That's the interesting part. Rockford, Illinois." Oh, I think I know what this case is.

"Ok, and that's interesting how?" Sam asks.

"I checked the local Rockford paper. Take a look at this." He says flipping the laptop around for me and Sam to see. I was correct on what we are about to do. We are about to go to an asylum.

"This cop, Walter Kelly, comes home from his shift, shoots his wife, then puts the gun in his mouth, blows his brains out. Earlier that night, Kelly and his partner responded to a call at the Roosevelt Asylum."

"Okay, I'm not following. What has this have to do with us?" Sam asks.

"Dad earmarked the same asylum in the journal. Let's see..." Dean says as he opens John's journal. "Here." Dean says showing us the page from the journal. "Seven unconfirmed sightings, two deaths-till last week at least. I think this is where he wants us to go." Sam snorted.

"This is a job...Dad wants us to work a job." Sam says crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, maybe we'll meet up with him? Maybe he's there?"

"Maybe he's not? I mean, he could be sending us there, by ourselves, to hunt this thing."

"Who cares! If he wants us there, it's good enough for me!"

"This doesn't strike you as weird? The texting? The coordinates?"

"Sam! Dad's telling us to go somewhere, we're going." Sam makes a face and sighs.

"I agree with Dean. Even if we're not meeting with John, we're still going to take out some evil."

"Exactly, Sam. Come on. We need to pack up and go." We packed up and hopped into the Impala. The first place we go to is a bar, where we are told Kelly's partner hangs out. I go to the bar and order a virgin drink and wait for the boys to do their thing. I hear an argument and know that Sam is getting on the cop's good side. Dean walks over to me. "A virgin drink, really Kate."

"I don't drink, and you know that Dean." I said. This drink is so good.

"One of these days, I'm going to get you to drink a good drink." After a while, Sam walked over to us, and we head back out to the Impala. "Shoved me kinda hard in there, buddy boy." Dean says to Sam.

"I had to sell it, didn't I? It's method acting." Sam says.

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"What'd you find out from Gunderson?" Dean asks.

"So, Walter Kelly was a good cop. Head of his class, even-keeled. He had a bright future ahead of him."

"What about at home?"

"He and his wife had a few fights, like everybody, but he was mostly smooth sailing. They were even talking about having kids."

"Alright, so either Kelly had some deep-seated crazy waiting to burst out, or something else did it to him."

"Right." Sam says.

"What'd Gunderson tell you about the asylum?"

"A lot." After that, we were ready to head to the asylum. We got there, and the guys had to help me climb the fence. Dean had gone first to catch me on the other side. Sam helped me climb since he is taller than Dean. Sam climbs over, and we head inside. This place is scarier than it looked on the television. "So apparently the cops chased the kids here...into the south wing." Sam said pointing to a sign over a door saying the south wing.

"South wing, huh? Wait a second." Dean says as he pulls out John's journal. "1972: three kids broke into the south wing, only one survived. Way he tells it, one of his friends went nuts and started lighting up the place."

"So whatever's going on, the south wing is the heart of it." I say.

"But if the kids are spelunking the asylum, why aren't there a ton more deaths?" Dean asks. Sam goes over to a broken chain that was on the south wing door. "Looks like the doors are usually chained. Could've been chained up for years."

"Yeah, to keep people out, or to keep something in." We look at each other, and Sam opens the door. We walk into the hallway and kept on the lookout.

"Let me know if you see any dead people, Haley Joel." Dean says.

"Dude, enough." Sam says.

"I'm serious. You got to be careful, all right? Ghosts are attracted to that whole ESP thing you got going on." Does that include whatever is going on with me?

"I told you, it's not ESP! I just have strange vibes sometimes. Weird dreams." Me and Dean exchange looks. We don't believe a word he is saying right now.

"Yeah, whatever. Don't ask, don't tell." Dean says as we continue down the hallway.

"You get any reading on that thing or not?" Sam asks.

"Nope. If course, it doesn't mean no one's home."

"Spirits can't appear during certain hours of the day." I say.

"Yeah, the freaks come out at night." Dean says.

"Yeah." Sam says.

"Hey Kate, who do you think is the hotter psychic: Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or Sam?" Dean asks turning to me. Sam pushes Dean, who laughs.

"I don't go for females, so I'm going to have to go with none of the above." I say jokingly.

"Hey!" Sam says faking being hurt. This caused Dean to start laughing harder.

"Alright, Sam you're the hottest of the list." I say nudging him. "Mainly because I like your hair."

"I'm not going to let you braid my hair, Kate." I snapped my finger.

"Darn it. One of these days I'm going to braid that hair Sam Winchester." We continued down the hallway until we came into a room with an operating table in it.

"Man." Dean says as he whistles. "Man, electro-shock, lobotomies, they did some twisted stuff to these people. Kind of like my man Jack in Cuckoo's Nest." Dean turned to us and made crazy eyes. I laughed. Sam just ignored him. That was odd. Sam usually rolls his eyes, scoffs, or rarely gives a chuckle. We look around some more in the room. "So, what do you think? Ghosts possessing people?"

"Maybe, or maybe it's more like Amityville or the Shining."

"Spirits driving them insane. Kind of like my man Jack in the shining." Dean says.

"Dean, Kate." We look at Sam. "When are we going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Dean asks.

"About the fact Dad's not here." Sam says.

"Oh, I see. How about...never." Dean says as he goes back to whatever he was doing.

"I'm being serious, man. He sent us here..."

"So am I, Sam. Look, he sent us here, he obviously wants us here. We'll pick up the search later."

"It doesn't matter what he wants."

"See, that attitude? Right there? That is why I always get the extra cookie."

"Dad could be in trouble. We should be looking for him. We deserve some answers, Dean. I mean, this is our family we're talking about."

"I understand that, Sam, but he's given us an order."

"So what, we got to always follow Dad's orders?" I'm getting flashbacks to what will happen in season five. This is the reason they're chosen to be Michael's and Lucifer's vessels. I wonder how I'm going to fit in with that..

"Of course we do." I don't want to be a part of this fight. Sam looks frustrated. Dean turns away. After a while, Dean picks up a sign. "'Sanford Ellicott'...You know what we got to do. We got to find out more about the south wing. See if something happened here." Dean says. He handed it to Sam. Sam looks down of it looking slightly angry. I chuckle and follow Dean out of the asylum. We go back to the motel room and research as much as we can about this Doctor Ellicott.

"Check this out." I say looking at Sam. He comes over and looks at my laptop screen. "There's a psychiatrist named Dr. James Ellicott." Sam goes over to his computer and looks up James's information.

"He is actually the son of our Sanford Ellicott." Sam says. "Good job, Kate."

"Thanks." I say. Sam picks up his phone and starts dialing a phone number.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm going to get an appointment with Dr. Ellicott." He called the place and made an appointment for this afternoon. I was really surprised he got an appointment so early. Dean came in with our lunch. Sam explained what the plan was to Sam. After lunch, Sam and Dean take off to the office for Sam's appointment. I decided to stay back and do some researching.