#esme is actually eternally exhausted by edward | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theungracefulgrace · 4 years

Text

Twilight Short Story/ AU: The Time Emmett Saved Bella

Bella Swan was depressed. There’s no other way to say it. She was unconditionally and irrevocably depressed. Now, whether she had been before this colossal split in the normal course of her life occurred or whether it was a new problem, Bella wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure whether the symptoms had been present for longer than she realised or whether they had developed after this new way of living that she had become accustomed to. To be frank, she wasn’t sure of anything. Before it happened, Bella had a good grip on who she was; she knew that she was the daughter of a gruff police chief father and a flighty sun-loving mother, both of whom she loved deeply, she knew that was planning to go to the University of Alaska to study under the great science program the university boasted… but after the split in her life occurred, both literally and figuratively, she lost all grip on reality. It was like everyone around her was a bird in flight, and she had been shot out of the air and been allowed to fall to the rocky ground below, whilst the other birds flew on as if she were never really there at all.

Most people, especially those who had never experienced such a burden, described depression as a feeling of cold numbness, but Bella now knew differently. It wasn’t cold at all, though the word ‘numb’ was painfully apt; it felt like nothing at all. No cold, no warmth, no feeling whatsoever. She didn’t know how long it had been since he left, and she didn’t care to check either, because she knew that if she made herself remember that cold, solemn day, the pain and abandonment she had felt at that moment would come flooding back, and she thought that that was worse than feeling nothing. Even to suffer was better than to be empty, Bella concluded, so she let herself float in the purgatory of the days that passed without much of a second thought. It was September when he left, though; she remembered that much only because she remembered the catastrophic events of her eighteenth birthday, which was September 13th, and the way Edward had looked at her that evening in the forest a week later, right before he disappeared from her life. But not, as it seemed, from her heart or mind, which were both still heavy from the impact he’d had on her.

Yes, that was true. Edward Cullen, who had shaped and changed Bella in a way that she never thought possible, had left her alone, all due to his paranoia and his excessively egotistical saviour complex. He had been so set on the idea that him leaving was for Bella’s own good, that him picking up and leaving Forks would somehow help to save Bella’s life, that he didn’t once consider the extreme heartbreak and agony that Bella would feel solely by him not being there for her anymore. She didn’t think any of this, mind you; she was not yet ready to feel anger, not yet at the place where she thought that anything besides staying right where she was and letting the dark sadness overwhelm her would do any good, but those thoughts were there nevertheless, lingering in the back of her mind like a wasp buzzing away in the corner of her room. She remembered feeling angry on the day he left, confused at why he thought to leave without her would be a good solution, terrified of what she would be without him… but not now. She felt nothing from the outside world, no matter how hard it tried to break through her walls of ice, and had no plans to break herself out anytime soon. With each email that she sent to Alice’s email address that was cancelled due to the address now being invalid, her mind splintered more and more. She was depressed, and it was killing her, little by little.

The months came and went like the leaves that fell from the trees outside her window. She barely ate, so her body had stretched itself to a point of dangerous autopilot-like functioning to try and retain any form of muscle that it could; she was a slim girl beforehand, she had been for her entire life thanks to her mother’s obsessive health phases that bordered on symptoms of serious diagnosis-worthy health anxiety, but eating less than her body was able to function normally on had tightened the pale, sallow skin around her jaw and cheekbones and had made her hair thin and brittle. Her stomach ached for food, for any form of sustenance, but Bella had long since learned to ignore the pangs of hunger, so she almost didn’t seem to notice that she was living in constant pain and exhaustion from the lack of nutrients she was receiving. Her eyes were constantly ringed by dark circles, despite the fact that she slept for the majority of the day, and were no longer the warm and soft brown they had always been; now, only the faintest signs of life could be seen in them, and on the rare times that she made eye contact with Charlie, her father’s heart broke a little more whenever he saw how much his daughter was slipping away from him.

She still went to school, but this was a falsely hopeful pretence, because from the way that Bella was walking around the halls, zombified, and sitting on the now-empty Cullen table in the canteen, it was a wonder she was even passing her classes at all. All she seemed to do now was sleep, cry and scream her way through endless nightmares until she woke, trudge her way to school and back, cry some more, and go back to sleep when she’d had enough of being awake for that day. It was a feeling that Bella was not used to, but what could she do to stop herself? Plaster a fake smile on her face each morning and tell her father that her ‘difficult times’ were over, even though she’d be lying through her teeth? Get up and act like nothing had happened, like everyone else in Forks had apparently done? No way. Depression weighed down on Bella like a backpack full of rocks, and everything (and everyone) seemed to pass her by as if she were just another person on the street.

But of course, to the rest of the world, she was just that; another teenager on the street, albeit a broken-up-with teenager with not much light in her life. No-one else knew the depth of Bella’s feelings for the Cullens; kind Carlisle and motherly Esme with their saint’s hearts and their gentle embraces, sweet Alice and pensive Jasper with their honest words and their clever minds, goofy Emmett with his big-brotherly protectiveness and understanding nature, her perfect angel Edward and his tender kisses… even beautiful Rosalie with her sharp comments and venomous glares. Bella had such an intense desire to be around them all, even for just a moment at a time, she missed them so much and was so sure that she belonged with them… then Edward ripped her away from their lives as harshly as pulling a loose thread from a shirt, and suddenly she had no-one. Her disproportionately-human friends, like Jessica and Mike and Angela, couldn’t fill the hole the Cullens left in her heart.

Even Jacob Black, her best friend in the world, hadn’t called on her recently, but she knew he was worried about the state she was in. But what hurt the most was that she simply didn’t understand. She didn’t see why Edward had left or why he thought she would be safer alone- her recent adrenaline-fuelled motorbike ride with a random biker in Port Angeles had proved that danger only brought her closer to Edward. She had discovered that whenever she did some impulsive, or reckless, a word that Edward had used in his own leaving speech, hallucinations of Edward plagued her until she was safe again. It had scared her immensely at first- having not seen him for months and then seeing him, all too realistic in image, right in front of her- but after some thought, she wondered why Edward had thought her safer alone. Surely if he were still here, she wouldn’t feel the need to go searching for danger just for the chance to glimpse his golden eyes for barely a second? She was confused, left without clarification and without the answers to the questions buzzing in her mind, and that stung.

That day in Port Angeles was a strange, uncomfortable one. It had occurred because Bella had finally seen a sliver of light through the dark cloud of her depression and had decided one day to try and speak to someone. Just one person, she thought. Just one human being who understood her post-break-up despair, without needing the deep and personal details of said break-up, who might be able to bring Bella back into the living again (literally), and she found that in Jessica Stanley.

Now, don’t be mistaken, Bella didn’t just wake up one day and decide to not be depressed anymore, and if anyone actually believed that, they were in serious need of a reality check. It took a long time for Bella to feel more like herself again; she was still deeply depressed and in need of psychological support, but at least she was able to walk and talk again. It started with her trying to eat a little more at lunch, choosing an apple instead of her usual meal of whatever she found at the bottom of her bag, then she started to spend her time sitting outside in the watery January sunlight instead of in her dark bedroom, and then the most terrifying of all- getting the courage to speak to her friends again. She knew exactly who she needed to call.

“Jacob?” Bella croaked down the phone. The three waiting tones that it took for Jacob to answer her call felt like an eternity after not having spoken properly to anyone in months. She had even briefly considered the possibility that she had developed mutism, but the possibility was lowered when she found the strength to say his name.

“Bells? Oh, Christ, I’m so glad that you called. I was so worried. Bells, talk to me, are you alright?”

“Jake,” She whispered, knowing he would be able to hear her, “Help me. I need help. I need you, Jake.”

“I know. I’m right here, Bells, don’t you dare worry about me going anywhere. I’ll be at your house in ten.”

True to his word, Jacob was practically bursting through the front door ten minutes later. Charlie let him in and pointed to Bella’s room, and Jacob took the stairs two at a time, managing to make it to her door in less than five seconds. She seemed to sense that he was there, because he didn’t even have to knock for Bella to uncurl herself from her bed and tug her door open, brushing the dust from her sweatpants and adjusting her oversized t-shirt as she went. Jacob could have sworn that he felt his heart burst from relief as she opened the door; part of him wondered if she really had called him at all, or whether it was just a phantom-like memory of the times that she did used to call him. The joy he felt from simply seeing her face was more than enough to reassure him.

“Bells…” Jacob could barely remember a word besides her name, and he closed her bedroom door behind him so they could have a moment to themselves.

“Hey, Jake,” Bella said, her voice hoarse and broken, with a half-hearted smile.

No other words were said in that moment, but none were needed. Everything that they could possibly want to say was contained in the silence that hung between them. He simply wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to his warm chest and letting his body temperature warm her cold body, while Bella’s arms rested against him weakly as she broke down in front of him. At some point Jacob helped her back into bed, but instead of letting her lay there alone, he stayed right beside her, his back against the headboard, and pulled her against him so she would have someone to hold her while she cried. She felt guilty for staining his t-shirt with her tears and overwhelmed from the realisation of how lonely she had been before, but his hands gently rubbing her arms and his lips pressed against her hair took each one of those fears and smoothed them out until they were practically non-existent. From that moment on, Jacob visited Bella every day, and helped to bring her back out of her shell; whether it was something that small as sitting with her and talking to her about whatever she wanted, or something more energetic like going out for a walk or going to see a movie, Bella was deeply grateful for every bit of care and affection that Jake showed her, and they became even closer friends than they were before.

Four and a half months later, Jacob suddenly started to refuse any of Bella’s calls and asked her not to come to his house anymore. Billy, Jacob’s father, insisted that Jacob had mono, but Bella could tell that something else was going on. It wasn’t until two weeks later that Bella learned what had happened to her best friend- Jacob Black was a werewolf, and was avoiding Bella for her own safety, despite her protests that this was exactly what Edward said to her, and look where that got her. This sent Bella even further into the depression she’d tried so hard to climb out of, and a whole new wave of abandonment and loneliness crashed over her. On a walk one afternoon, Bella was approached by Laurent, the honey-voiced French vampire with satiny cocoa-brown skin that Bella had met at the ill-fated baseball game with the Cullens, that Victoria had returned to kill her, out of revenge for Edward killing Victoria's mate, James. This terrified Bella more than anything, and despite Jacob’s eventual reassurance of her safety, she became even more reclusive and Charlie was seriously considering calling Renée.

Then, one morning after that meeting with Laurent, Bella heard a knock at her front door that she wasn’t expecting. Jacob wasn’t coming over, Charlie was already home from work, she hadn’t called Angela or Jess… so who the hell was at her front door? She sluggishly made her way down the stairs, feet dragging on the old carpet as she went, and almost felt her knees give way beneath her when she saw a broad-shouldered figure looming behind the closed front door. Charlie, already in cop-mode, lingered by the living room doorway with his hand on the handle of his gun, but Bella shook her head at him, hoping to God that her hunch was right. Please, God, let it be right…

Bella took a deep breath, steadied herself for what lay in store for her when she opened the door, and ignored how hard her hand was shaking when she reached out for the doorknob. She pulled open the door slowly, the hinges creaking at how timidly Bella was opening the door, and she barely got it a fraction open before her knees buckled at the sight of Emmett Cullen standing there.

“Woah, woah, okay, it’s okay,” said Emmett from the porch, his hands reaching out at typical lightning speed to catch her before her head hit the floor, “It’s alright, Bella. Just breathe.”

“Emmett? What the hell… why the hell…”

“Well, it’s nice to see you too, little sister,” Emmett grinned, lifting her into his arms as though she was a tiny child and not a grown woman. He stepped through her doorway and kicked the door shut, much to the confusion and slight fear on Charlie’s face, “Oh, you must be her dad. Hey, the name’s Emmett. I’m Carlisle’s son… well, one of them, anyway.”

“Uh-huh…” Charlie stuttered, looking up at Emmett’s overbearing height and muscular arms, “You know Bella, then?”

“Yup,” Emmett said, holding an astonished Bella close so she could wake herself up with the cold of his skin, “Don’t worry, I’m not here to be an ass like my dick of a little brother. Edward can suck an egg, honestly. I’m just here to check on Bells.”

“Oh… kay…”

“Dad, he’s fine,” Bella insisted from Emmett’s arms, her eyes begging Charlie to just let this one slide. Charlie huffed in the way he always did when he knew that Bella was in the right about something he was unsure about, and suddenly his expression shifted from that of a concerned parent to an angry and defensive cop, his eyes zeroed right in on Emmett. Though Bella knew that this was unknown to Charlie, it was almost comical to see Charlie giving ‘the look’ to a ninety-four year-old, quixotically muscled, grizzly bear-tackling vampire, and she had to bite down on her lip to hold back a little laugh.

“I’m going to let you stay to keep Bella company,” Charlie said gruffly, gesturing to Emmett with the tip of his gun, “But if I see so much as a tear fall from her, you’re going to get the same treatment as the kid who broke my daughter’s heart will get when he shows his damn face here again. I don’t care what Dr. Cullen says. Got it?”

“Yes, sir,” Emmett said, genuinely meaning it. He may have been a cocky little son of a bitch, but he was a still a man from the time of good manners and respect for your elders. He showed his 1900s manners a little less overtly than his Chicago-born formal-gentleman brother Edward, but they were still there, and they still showed themselves every now and then.

Charlie seemed taken aback by Emmett’s respectful words- and for good reason, I suppose you could argue, since the almost gravitational presence of Emmett was contradictory to the image of a gentleman. However, the severity of his glare didn’t cease for very long; with a wave of his hand and a low mutter, Charlie turned and left Bella alone with Emmett, giving them a proper chance to talk.

“Okay-”

Emmett cut Bella off with a shake of his head, and Bella, having got used to Edward’s mannerisms, quietened at the understanding that Charlie was still within earshot, and waited for Emmett to relax before she continued speaking.

“Um, Emmett?”

“Yeah?”

“You can put me down now.”

Emmett smirked. “You sure you’re not going to faint on me again? I mean, I know I’m a sight for sore eyes, but I thought you’d be able to at least stand up by yourself.”

Bella rolled her eyes so hard that Emmett could practically hear the movement. He guffawed, the sound rippling through his chest, and set her down carefully on her feet again, making sure she was steady before letting her go. “Sorry, Bella. I’ve gotta admit, though, I missed you blushing whenever I said somethin’ like that.”

“Emmett, as much as I appreciate the surprise visit, what’re you doing here?” Bella said, her mind starting to whir with the stream of thoughts that whip around her mind. “Is it just you? Are the others okay? Is he-”

“Okay, okay,” Emmett laughed again, crossing his arms over his broad chest and looking down at Bella from his towering height, “Chill out, Bell, seriously. Yes, it’s just me, yes, the others are okay, and as for Edward… well, to be honest, I don’t actually know what the hell he’s doing. Alice knows, I think, and maybe Rose, but neither of them will tell anyone. I think they’re worried that he’s a flight risk. Speaking of people who might be flight risks, do you want to tell me why the hell you’ve been moping around here instead of living your damn life?”

“Emmett-”

“No, Bella, listen. You need to stop this. You’re worrying Charlie, you’re worrying your mom, and you’re worrying Alice. You know what she’s like, and for someone so tiny, she’s so freakin’ irritating when she’s normal, let alone when she’s worried, especially when she’s worried about you. So, I’ll ask again. What the hell is going on?”

Bella had never seen Emmett so serious and accusing before. No, not accusing, just… uneasy. He was acting like someone had died, which freaked Bella out a lot, because she only ever saw him as the impish, careless big brother in the family dynamic of the Cullens. Edward, he was serious a lot of the time, and Jasper too, and usually Carlisle… but never Emmett. That had to mean something was seriously wrong. And it was, of course, because Bella had been seriously off-balance (more than usual, which was surprising, given her god-awful equilibrium) for many months now.

“Emmett, please, just… you have to understand,” Bella pleaded, her desperate voice pulling at Emmett’s hardened nerves of steel like a child’s hand on the string of a balloon, “Ed-Edward didn’t give me an explanation when he left. He didn’t tell me why he was leaving or anything about what you all were going to. He left me without anything to go on. It was like… it was like he pushed me off a bridge without a bungee cord attached to me, y’know? I’ve been depressed, Emmett, so depressed that I had to resort to calling a damn werewolf to keep me company because my emails to Alice weren’t going through and you guys all left town like my mom did when I was a kid. You have to understand how much that killed me, Emmett. It, it… it still does. Every stupid day I wake up, expecting you all to be here, and you’re not. Every damn day.”

“Yeah, Alice mentioned the wolf thing,” Emmett smiled grimly. “And I do get that, Bella, I really do. I just… I don’t know. I thought that if I came back, you’d see that we were real, y’know? You’d see that we weren’t just some weirdos passing through. Edward loved you more than he’s ever loved any of us, and that’s saying something, because me and Jasper are the best fucking brothers he’d ever get.”

Bella smiled at Emmett’s reply, and her cheeks hurt despite how small the movement was. Emmett must have seen how difficult it was for her to move her muscles like that, and frowned. “Jeez, Bella, how long has it been since you made any other face that a sad face? Your face looks like plastic.”

“Wow, thanks, Emmett. Always there with the helpful comments, thank you.”

“There’s my Bella,” Emmett grinned, satisfied with Bella’s words, punching Bella’s shoulder but then instantly feeling guilty when he saw how much she recoiled in pain. “Oh, shit, sorry about that. I haven’t had to hold back my strength in a while, I forgot how easy your tiny little human body bruises.”

“It’s okay,” Bella said, letting her smile stretch wider across her face as the expression started to feel more natural, “I expected that sooner, to be honest. I missed you, Emmett.”

“Yeah, yeah. I missed you too, Swan. Alice does too, by the way. She keeps seeing you looking all sad and mopey. I told her that that was just you being normal, but somehow she didn’t believe me,” Emmett said, and Bella’s smile widened all the more at the mention of the smallest but arguably the most talented Cullen sibling, “Now, get your jacket, because we’re going somewhere.”

Bella raised her eyebrow, curious and a little afraid. “We are? Emmett, are you going to kidnap me?”

Now it was Emmett’s turn to roll his eyes. “Oh, Jesus, shut up. You realise your dad’s a cop? Don’t need him hating any more of us Cullens, that won’t look good to anybody.”

“Yes, but do you seriously think he’d be able to beat you in a fight anyway? You’d flatten him in seconds.”

“True. I am the best and strongest vampire who’s ever lived and every living thing should be terrified of my power. Now, seriously, get your freakin’ coat. We’re going to find some real fun.”

Over the next few weeks, Emmett continued to take Bella out for various outdoor adventures to help take her mind off the whole Edward situation. Whether it’s a hike or cliff-diving trip or just setting Bella in a tall tree so she could watch him mangle several bears for fun, Emmett was set on his new project- making Bella happy again. She didn’t say anything a lot of the time, just focused her energy on following whatever Emmett was getting her to do, because being in the forests of Forks often reminded her of the times she spent with Edward in the same clearings, especially in the meadow. However, Emmett managed to go the entire month without even touching the breeze surrounding said meadow, insisting that “fresh air is fresh air” and that she should just focus on being outside and the delight that he knew it brought her to see the cramped little town of Forks from way up on a mountain or from a tree top. It’s a generally standard outing every once in while for the pair, until one day, Emmett and Bella found themselves in a clearing just outside Tacoma, around three hours southeast of Forks, and it was on that day that Bella’s mindset was completely switched around. The flashback hit her like a truck, almost knocking the wind straight out of her, with how intense the feelings are; it’s like she can feel the branches tugging at her clothes, smell the scent of petrichor and pine trees around her, taste the drops of sweat that run down her face from running for hours through the woods. It might be almost five months later, but Bella might well have been standing alone in the forest in Forks opposite Edward Cullen on the day he left her.

To say that Bella snapped in that moment would be an understatement; she had spent so long in sadness and isolation that she’d forgotten the feeling of anger and rage. She screams and yells and rips the grass from beneath her feet, much to Emmett’s amusement.

“He fucking left me in the woods!” Bella cried out, turning to Emmett with a new sense of clarity, “HE FUCKING LEFT ME IN THE WOODS! ALL ALONE! I HAD A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK AND IT TOOK MY DAD FIVE HOURS TO FIND ME! HOW DID I NOT REALISE HOW ANGRY I AM?!”

Emmett was confused and a little bewildered, since this was the first time he was hearing about the exact details of Edward and Bella’s exchange on that day, but he was enthralled by this new version of the timid little Isabella Swan that he had grown accustomed to and was in no mind to stop her.

“FUCK YEAH HE DID,” Emmett yelled back, his laughter lightening the aggressive inflection of his words, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EDWARD, HUH?! HE’S SUCH A DRAMATIC LITTLE-”

“WHO FUCKING KNOWS,” Bella shouted, picking up a medium-sized rock and hurling it at a tree a few feet away from her, and she grinned excitedly at Emmett when she felt the satisfaction of her throw washing over her, “That was fun. I want to throw something else.”

“Now that I can get on board with,” Emmett hollered, picking up a much large rock and propelling it towards the horizon. Being a ridiculously-strong vampire and all, Emmett’s throw made the rock spiral through the air until it smacked against a distant tree, where it shattered into tiny pieces of rock debris, and Bella clapped enthusiastically.

“Teach me how to do that.”

And so, with Emmett’s assistance, Bella spent the next few hours throwing everything and anything she could find, pitching them as far into the clearing as she possibly could. With the most foul profanities and vicious insults she could think of spilling from her mouth, Bella realised how much more cathartic this was than sitting in her room feeling lower than rock-bottom. If she had to feel something, Emmett supposed in his head, then she might as well try and feel better about herself. Emmett was also thoroughly enjoying himself; not just because he loved to feed his almost-overpowering desire to act like a five-year-old in public, but also because he realised that this was the first time in months that he had been able to think his thoughts in private. With a sister like Alice (who received visions of the future) and a brother like Edward (who could read thoughts like they were written in front of him) and a generally empathetic family, he often felt as though his thoughts didn’t belong to him, and that everyone seemed to know his thoughts before he got the chance to speak them himself. Here, with Bella, he felt free. He knew that Bella knew him well, but even she, with her kind heart and sympathetic nature, couldn’t tell what he was thinking as often as Edward could. Here, his thoughts were his, and he became more and more grateful that he was able to keep his thoughts in his own mind- a privilege that he secretly envied in the minds of humans.

Through their throwing and yelling and demolishing, Bella and Emmett had managed to scalp almost the entire clearing of its trees and vegetation, and Bella felt weirdly proud of that. It had turned into a competition by the end of their outburst; partially for Bella to see quite how much strength she could muster solely from thinking about how pissed she was at Edward, but mostly to see whether Emmett could crack a tree by hurling a giant rock at it, which unsurprisingly, they found that he could. The past few weeks (and specifically that day in the clearing) had been an unprecedented bonding time for them, and whether Emmett knew it or not, he had done what no-one else had been able to do for Bella. He’d provided her with the space and the resources to express her true feelings and to regain her self-esteem, which was something that no amount of warm hugs from Jacob or movie nights with her girlfriends could give her. He had healed her, truly and fully, and Bella was forever thankful for Emmett during that time. Finally, after so much pain and suffering and loneliness, Bella was at peace again, and she had found that peace in quite possibly the most unlikely of places, but it was a place that was always open for her, as long as Bella and Emmett were living. And if you know how Bella’s story ends, forever was what they had.

#emmett and bella being siblings #bella had depression #normalise bella having depression #bellaswan #emmettcullen

1 note · View note