#erm. i simply enjoy sharing my music. if it were a true show of my current taste it would include more nightwish songs

[eternalchant]

was tagged by @vampgf (💜) to shuffle and give the first ten songs and tag ten people (if you wanna do this you can just blame me <3)

just put most of my spotify playlists into one mega mix for this lmao

i know that he loves me by autoheart

horizons by puscifer

sleepwalking by the chain gang of 1974 (gtav fan moment)

spellbound by siouxsie and the banshees

a singularity - live at arcosanti by puscifer

stay by oingo boingo

the grudge by tool

call on me by eric prydz

no accusations by the black queen

be my lover by la bouche

[trashynoona]

Noona

Hiiii. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, everything has been really tough lately. :( but, my new recent obsession comes in the form of some fresh wanna one meat. Lol, honestly I feel quite gross about myself for liking guanlin, but omg I’m such a huge cube trash and I love how hard working and sincere he is?! Like guanlin and seonho pretty much is embodies the Essence of a cube member, just like the (used to be) beast boys and btob boys?! Sobs. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this little shot story that has been playing in my head. Everything is kept at a pg rating for obvious reasons. I will not taint my little rap chick.

(So imagine this is post- wanna one and you have been paired up with Kim Jaehwan to form a mix gender duo group called ‘The June Project’. Your name is Kim Joo-e and you’re a 99-er. Jaehwan and you are pretty much like real life siblings who are always bickering, but loves one another at the end of the day. You’re pretty much the latest trending girl in kpop as you’re known for your down-to-earth genuine charm. Doesn’t hurt that you’re Super talented and plays the guitar (think IU). )

- One day while preparing for your comeback stage, the wanna one members decided to surprise Jaehwan at the backstage to show their support.

- You had just gone to the bathroom and came back into your makeup room flustered, afterall, you were quite the wanna one fan before your debut.

- You’ve met a couple of Jaehwan‘s wanna one friends like Minhyun, but you haven’t really interacted with most of them, especially not as the entire group as Jaehwan had pretty much been busy preparing for The June Project the moment wanna one’s contract ended.

- the boys were pretty flustered to see you as well, especially since you’re the latest trending girl in the kpop scene.

- ‘omo, annyeonghaseyo!’ You bowed low as you greeted the wanna one boys. You hurriedly tried to retreat to the corner of the room as you realised the boys were filming a V live recording as fan service (such cuties).

- ‘Joo-e ah, come join us!!’ Jaehwan called you out.

- You timidly walked over to the camera and greeted the audience. You’re normally pretty outgoing and cheerful, but it’s honestly pretty daunting to be in front of your idols.

- fans started flooding the comments section, indicating that you looked cute, and mostly asking who’s your favourite wanna one member.

- ‘Joo-e shi, the fans would like to know who is your favourite wanna one member!!!’ Jisung half yelled.

- ‘hahaha definitely not Kim Jaehwan.’ You teased.

- Jaehwan gave you a death stare before a cheeky smirk creeped onto his face.

- You were starting to low key freak out, worried about what Jaehwan might share.

- ‘actually, joo-e has told me that she was quite a wannable and even attended our concert!’

- the wanna one boys were gushing and getting excited. Ong and Jisung were pushing you to tell the world who your bias was.

- ‘I’m guessing it’s Daniel?’ Jisung said.

- You stood there frozen, not too sure how to admit to your bias. Oh Gosh.

- ‘let me tell you a funny story. One night, joo-e came knocking on my door holding her iPad with wannaone’s profile on it. She then asked, “oppa is it true that Lai Guan Lin likes noonas?!” ‘ jaehwan did a terrible imitation of you.

- you could hear oohs and ahhs as you tried to hide your face.

- ‘so you’re our giant maknae stan!!!’ Ji sung chimmed.

- You shyly bow your head and you simply could not look at Guan Lin. However, you did shoot Jaehwan a death stare. ‘You’re dead the next time we have an interview with a girl group, oppa yaaa’ you teased.

- everyone broke out in laughter, entertained by your chemistry with Jaehwan.

- ‘so guanlin ah, is it true that you prefer noonas?’ Ong has fired his shots. You’ve once again hid your face in your hand as you turn d tomato red.

- guanlin was flustered as well. ‘Well... erm... I think coming to Korea at a young age on my own has made me mature quite quickly, so I guess an older woman will fit me better?’

- everyone was gushing, Daehwi was jumping around, unable to contain his excited. Jin young was hugging guanlin and ruffling his hair as guanlin maintained his signature flustered smile, avoiding eye contact with you at all cost.

- things could’ve ended there, but no, the wanna one boys are little brats. To your surprise, the usually quiet park Woojin spoke up.

- ‘we were actually observing hyung’s performance with joo-e shi the other day, and guanlin commented that Joo-e has a very cute face!’

- everyone went nuts with that proclamation. The wannaone boys all turned to guanlin, hoping to hear more elaboration, as I stood at a corner, heart pounding.

- ‘yeah, it’s true, I think Joo-e noona is really cute.’ guanlin confessed.

- the boys went wild again. You bowed your head to thank Guanlin, and he bowed back. Your heart was racing as quickly as the day you debut and you had to excuse yourself to touch up your make up before you die of embarrassment.

- that night, after you returned to your dorm and was removing your make up, you received a text. ‘Hi Joo-e noona, I’m sorry about just now. The hyungs can go overboard some times. It’s okay if I call you noona right? This is Lai Guan Lin by the way.’

- I screamed. Jaehwan came running to my room with a toothbrush chucked in his mouth. ‘OMG WHAT HAPPENED?’

-‘ oppa did you give guanlin Shi my number?’ I asked.

- Jaehwan’s face immediately contorted into a cheeky smirk. ‘Oh yeah, wow did the kid text you already? He’s fast...’ jaehwan snickered, he sounded pretty proud of his dongseng.

-‘oh Gosh I can’t believe this. Lai guanlin, the most gorgeous man I’ve known just texted me!!!’ You gushed to Jaehwan as you held your phone close to your chest.

- ‘I think I’m pretty gorgeous too... and you owe me one kid!!!’ Jaehwan muttered as he sashayed out of your room.

- I promise to wing you next time okay!!! You shouted out.

- the following days went by as a blur. You were pretty much on auto pilot mode, and nothing mattered except when guanlin replied.

- You could be practicing a song when your phone beeps and you jump, only to end up smiling at yourself like a love drunk idiot.

- guanlin was pretty much what you imagined him to be; but better. He was funny and charismatic. Mature but humourous at the same time.

- you had lived overseas for a period of time as well; so you guys talked about growing up overseas, and obviously, your love for music.

- ‘noona, Eunkwang Hyung from my company is in a musical and they’re giving out preview tickets. I remember you said your dream was to star in a musical, would you like to maybe come with me?’ Guanlin had asked you out!!!!

- you obviously said yes and spent the entire day fretting about what to wear. ‘Oppa. Does guanlin like cute or sexy? Oppa, does guanlin like girls with lots of make up or just a little? Oppa, should I have my hair up or down? Straight or curled?’ You were bombarding poor Jaehwan with so many questions.

- ‘cute with a hint of sexy, light make up with wavy hair let down.’ He muttered as he walked past your room while you were busy googling information about guanlin online.

- ‘I heard you were fretting about your looks today?’ Guanlin asked when we met up.

- You made a mental note to kill Jaehwan when you get home.

- ‘I like noona how she normally is best.’ Guanlin shyly confesses.

- ‘ahhh. I bet oppa exaggerated a lot, I wasn’t exactly fretting... I just wasn’t sure what was appropriate to wear....’ you tried to fend yourself.

- ‘ oh. I thought you were nervous about impressing me... hahaha. Because i surely was afraid of embarrassing you. I pretty much flooded Jaehwan Hyung with questions about you the entire day...’ Guanlin confessed shyly. He seemed really flustered that he was the only one fretting about the ‘date’.

- ‘ I lied, I was panicking and bugging Jaehwan Oppa all day too....’ You pouted as you confessed.

- ‘noona you are seriously so adorable!’ Guanlin seemed more confident now as he patted you on your head.

- after your little confession, guanlin seemed like a changed man; leading you like a gentleman. You pretty much forgot that guanlin was in fact younger.

- Eunkwang was obviously spectacular in the play; and you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. The fact that you went with guanlin helped a lot too, although his dashing good looks did distract you from the musical from time and again.

- the cutie pie insisted on walking you home, which made you all warm and fuzzy. You went to bed and slept like a princess, only to have your bandmate budging into your room way too early for your comfort.

- ‘YAH KIM JOO-E. Are guanlin and you together already?!?! I can’t believe I have to find out via a tabloid site?!’ Jaehwan was standing in front of you with messy bed hair and arms frailing around.

- ‘what are you talking about??!! Guanlin and I are not dating...’ you rubbed your eyes as you try to comprehend your bandmate’s words.

-Jaehwan was now sitting on your bed, shoving his phone in your face.

- there was indeed a breaking news about guanlin and you, and a picture of guanlin sending you home.

- ‘oh my god, our manager Oppa is going to kill me....’ You whined.

- just then, jaehwan screamed as he picked up your phone.

- ‘noona, it’s guanlin. Have you seen the news? I’m sorry we got photographed. But to be honest, I have been a fan of noona’s since you debuted with Jaehwan Hyung. And after getting to know you for the past month, I think I’d like to get to know you even more. If you dont mind this kid that I am, will you maybe want to be my Girlfriend?’

[daysswithyou]

Never losing you - Part II

Gif credit: jaechicken

Author’s note: Part II is right down below, hope you enjoy! :) 

part i 

II.

For a moment, you were simply too shocked to say anything as a dull ache came from deep within your chest, causing you to take shallow, shaky breaths as you shuddered despite the warmth that enveloped you.

When he’d left, you thought that was the end.

When he’d left, you thought you’ll never have to see him again.

When he’d left, you tried to move on.

And you did.

So why was life so cruel now, playing tricks with your heart 10 years later? He had not crossed your mind once since 10 years ago but seeing his photo again, sparked off thousands of memories within you.

As they say, you’d never ever forget your first love and he was the first for many things for you.

-

He was your first crush.

The first time you met him, it was during Physical Education lessons in your final year of high school. You were running tracks around the field when your eyes narrowed upon him. His lanky figure made him stand out amongst the jocks and his Mohawk hairstyle made him seem another head taller than the rest.

As if he wasn’t already tall enough.

But what really drew you in was his smile. When the sun rays shone on his face and he broke out into a huge grin that showed off his neat rows of pearly whites, you found yourself inexplicably drawn to this beautiful man.

From that day on, you kept a silent eye on him till graduation.

Always there, but never having enough guts to speak to him.

Needless to say, you graduated without saying anything to him for the entire year and you figured that was the end of your little crush, a little secret that you’ll carry with you to your grave.

Little did you know that every time you turned away, someone would be watching you like a guardian angel.

-

He was your first date.

Moving to a college rather far from home to pursue your passion, you never expected to see anyone from your old high school there. So when you spotted the familiar Mohawk hairstyle, lanky figure with tortoise shell glasses, to say you were stunned would be an understatement. Through the crowd of a thousand people, you both somehow miraculously made eye contact and he flashed you the same toothy grin that you loved so much whilst nodding his head a little in your direction. Against your wishes, your cheeks felt extremely hot that entire day.

Having a secret passion in music, you took up a degree in events management and you enjoyed your classes and life went on pretty normally for you. You had found out from another friend that said crush was doing Political Science and naturally, you found it weird when you kept seeing him around your campus grounds when the Political Science faculty was literally at the other end of the college grounds. You figured it was just you, but you caught him staring at you a couple of times. Were your eyes playing tricks on you? Or was it real? Whatever the case was, you couldn’t shake off the feeling of having a pair of eyes on your back whenever he was around.

September 15th

It was just another ordinary day for you and you left the café with your usual cup of coffee in hand. Just as you were about to turn the corner, a tall figure stood right in front of you, blocking your way. Looking up, you found yourself face to face with someone familiar: Jae.

“Hi there, Y/N, right?”

Tongue-tied, all you could do was nod.

“Phew I’m glad I managed to catch you…” Trailing off, he left his sentence hanging in the air and you continued to stare at him, your eyes egging him to carry on. Noticing your gaze on him, he quickly regained his composure.

“Erm, so I take Political Science and I heard you do events management and I’m actually doing a paper on that so I was hoping to get your help on it?”

It was rude to laugh but you couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips. How can an event management major possibly help with a Political Science paper? Also, you were sure event management was not a topic under Political Science. Jae definitely had another agenda, and it was plain for all to see.

“I suck at this don’t I?” Jae sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as he peeked at you from beneath his glasses, a light pink of embarrassment dusting his cheeks.

“Well… I wouldn’t say that you suck…but next time why don’t you just tell me what you want straight? Is this your way of asking a girl out on a date?”

As a grin split across his lips, Jae nodded his head tentatively.

Now it was your turn to turn red as you tried to fight back the smile that was threatening to show on your face but that didn’t escape Jae’s eyes.

“Is that a yes Y/N?”

“Yes, sure, I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“6pm tonight here Y/N?”

Perhaps you might have nodded your head a little too vigorously but this time, Jae didn’t hold back and showed his immense joy by gracing you with that huge grin that you loved so much.

Suffice to say, after that date, many more came and 3 months later, he asked you to be his as the first snow fell.

-

He was the first guy you had skinship with.

Even though you were officially together, treating Jae like your boyfriend still felt a little awkward. You blamed it on your inexperience – you never had any semblance of a love life till Jae waltzed into your life 3 months ago. You didn’t know how to act like a girlfriend; when was it alright to start holding hands? Should you be kissing already? Was it ok to hug him goodbye from now on? A million thoughts whizzed through your head and you started to wonder if you were good enough for him. You began to feel like a fool for not even knowing the basics on how to be a girlfriend. Swimming so deep in your thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed Jae was in front of you till he placed a hand on your shoulder, causing you to jump.

“What’s wrong Y/N? You seem so dazed today.”

“Nothing Jae, it’s fine. Let’s go.”

You turned to leave but he pulled you back to face him.

“Y/N, I can read you like an open book. Something’s bothering you, tell me what’s wrong.”

You hesitated, unsure if you should let him know of your insecurities. Finally, you relented.

“Jae, am I good enough as a girlfriend?”

Jae was obviously dumbfounded, judging by the way his eyebrows furrowed and his lips turned into a frown. He opened his mouth to reply but you cut him off.

“This seems so stupid, I know, but I just feel like I’m not good enough at showering you with affection. Other girls seem so natural when it comes to skinskip, but I cannot, for the life of me, work up to guts to hold your hand, or hug you or – ”

Your sentence was abruptly cut off as you found yourself pressed against Jae’s chest, the deep rumble of his chest and clear laughter mixing together in your ear to form a beautiful melody.

“Babe I can’t believe you’re worrying about that – I can’t even – oh gosh how adorable can you be?” Peering up to look at him, you found Jae shaking his head at you as he gazed at you lovingly.

“What… it’s a valid concern… people do couple things together and I don’t even know how to act like one, it makes me feel bad…” Your eyes then dropped to the floor.

“Babe, listen to me.” Placing a gentle finger under your chin, he tilted your head up till he was holding your steady gaze.

“I didn’t ask you to be my girlfriend just to do couple things with you – I asked you to be mine because I love you, and I genuinely want to treasure you. It’s alright even if we don’t hold hands now, or kiss. I didn’t do these things because I wanted to wait till you were ready; I didn’t want to rush things and risk scaring you away. You might start to think I only want to get into your pants, which is absolutely not true for the record. Besides, if you’re ever shy, I can take the lead. Heh.”

“Thanks Jae, you’re the best…”

Wrapping your arms around his torso as he placed his chin on top of your head, he held you silently for a few seconds before placing a soft kiss on your head.

Ever since that day, kisses and hugs became a frequent thing and Jae seemed to love it more and more as time passed.

-

He was your first kiss.

For your first anniversary, Jae had insisted on taking you to the beach and as always, he never disappoints. Jae spared every effort into making you feel like a princess that day – candlelit dinner, roses on the beach and of course, your favourite, a song for you as he serenaded you with his guitar. As the golden sun dipped beyond the horizon, both of you walked along the beach, hand in hand, as he talked about the new song that he was writing about now. You listened to him with revere; listening to his voice was your favourite thing in this world.

Just then, a wave of courage washed over you and you stopped in your tracks, causing Jae to turn around.

“Something wrong babe?”

“Nothing” was all you said as you took 2 bold steps towards him before sealing your lips together. Overcoming his initial shock, Jae’s hands found their way into your soft brown locks as he deepened the kiss. Finally breaking apart, you found your voice again.

“Thank you so much for everything Jae, I thank my lucky stars every day to have you with me all this while.”

“Me too babe, but what was that all about?”

“I just wanted to… say I love you in another way today.”

“Just for today? Awww” He then gave you those puppy eyes as you smacked his chest.

“Greedy! It just ended and you’re asking for more?”

“Well, a man can have a little hope right?” He then swooped in to steal another quick kiss before taking off down the length of the beach, leaving you to chase after him.

Jae stole so many more kisses after that day, not like you minded anyways.

-

He was the first man you had shared a bed with.

In your final year of college, both of you had finally saved enough to move out of the college dorms to rent an apartment together. You kept yourself busy that whole day, unpacking and finally settling into the new house with Jae.

But when night fell, did you then realise what was going to happen.

You were going to share a bed with Jae.

Sure, you’ve hugged him before, kissed him before but sharing a bed with him was like a whole new world altogether. You were uncertain about the whole idea but that night, when he pulled you into his chest, wrapping a protective arm around you with his cheeks pressed against your temple, everything felt so right that you drifted right off to sleep.

On nights when you couldn’t sleep, he would always be there to talk to you until tiredness took over.

On nights when nightmares paid you a visit, his safe arms were always there to hold you till sweet sleep found you again.

On cold nights, his body would be your second blanket, giving you more than just warmth, but comfort as well.

You don’t regret renting the house together, or sharing a bed with him daily.

Because waking up next to him every morning was a blessing.

-

He was also your first heartbreak.

Opening your apartment door, you didn’t even have time to put down your books before Jae picked you up and spun you round and round in the air.

“Jae what’s going on!”

“I got it! I got it!”

“Got what?”

“I got accepted into JYP! Babe I’m gonna be able to become a singer now!”

“That’s great Jae! Erm… how about I go get groceries to make some dinner? Then we can celebrate and talk about it more.”

“Thanks babe, I’m gonna call the family to let them know about this.”

“You do that Jae.”

He gave you a quick kiss before turning to bound off into the living room, already busy punching numbers into his cell phone as you quietly slipped outside.

Walking along the pavement, staring at your brown boots that stood out amongst the orange autumn leaves, you tried your best to stop the few tears slipping down your face.

You were angry.

But what for? You couldn’t even answer that question, which only added to the frustration you were feeling.  

You’d knew all along; late nights staying up to have life conversations meant that you heard on more than one occasion about his real dream: to be a singer. You knew how much he loved music, loved singing, loved playing the guitar, loved playing for an audience. Now that he was going to be able to do all of that, why weren’t you happy for him? Shouldn’t love be about wishing the best for the other party, no matter the circumstances? So why is it now that you found bitterness residing within you, and not happiness for him?

Perhaps you were angry at him. For not telling you about the audition, for not giving you some warning beforehand that he might leave.

Or maybe you were just angry at fate: for giving you such a wonderful partner but ultimately, taking him away from you.

Jae was an idealist; he would do anything later on to convince you that the both of you could still work out somehow, despite the objection, despite the rules.

But you were a realist; and you knew deep down in your heart that no matter what he said, this is where your stories end.

-

The rest was simply too painful to think about; how you broke up with him, how he had left and when you finally returned to the present, you found that your cheeks had already been stained wet and you rushed to wipe them off your face before anyone else could see.

He was supposed to be a thing of a past, something you should have forgotten a long time ago.

But 10 years on; tonight, you finally found out that he had never really left. He was simply a faded movie of the past, always playing, but never demanding for attention. How silly of you, to think that you could possibly forget your first love. As you struggled through the rest of the night with thoughts of him, you finally managed to get through that pile of documents and hopefully remembering enough to not mess up tomorrow.

You fell asleep that night, hoping to get a break from thoughts of him but he still managed to have a hold on you, memories of your time together playing throughout the night.