#erendira journal

[chuu-soulmate]

wow, look who’s back in their bullshit 🫨🫨 lmaoooooooooooooooo

so it feels like im going insane like today i had like three different moods and now im just tired and sad and i am overthinking a lot of things and i just want silence in my head like is that too much to ask for.

i had a thought about whether or not people would get mad at me if i go through with it and i just think they might and it makes me scared to even try but i also am so tired of everything im feeling.

pls universe let me be

[tcnjfourthhourassignment]

Islam Annotated Bibliography

Works Cited Cervantes-Altamirano, Erendira. “Islamic Feminism and the Challenges of Gender, Sexuality and LGBTQ Rights in Contemporary Islam.” International Journal of Religion & Spirituality in Society, vol. 2, no. 3, Mar. 2013, pp. 76–85. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=86933794&site=ehost-live.

This article describes how Islamic communities view homosexuality and feminism. Most do not accept homosexuality, and some even call for death penalties on people simply for not being straight. This article also describes the flaws in Islamic feminism, such as its failure to include LGBTQ+ Muslims in its activism movement. It offers perspectives from several Islamic scholars on how they view Western culture in relation to homosexuality and feminism.

I think this is useful because it contains actual quotes and perspectives from Islamic male scholars and shows how traditionalist many Muslim societies are in terms of how they view homosexuality. It also talks about ways to move forward and promote inclusivity and gender equality in Muslim societies. It discusses the problems with both traditionalism and feminism in said societies, but also talks about how to fix them.

Fish, M. Steven. “Islam and Authoritarianism.” World Politics, vol. 55, no. 1, 2002, pp. 4–37. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/25054208. Accessed 30 Nov. 2020.

This article talks about how Islamic societies are usually seen given the role of women in those societies. It mentions how many view those societies as democratic underachievers for this reason. It provides a direct link between the treatment of women in Islamic societies and the structure of political regimes.

Although this does not specifically mention LGBTQ+ people, it does help give readers an idea of how they are treated by explaining the social structure of most Muslim societies. Therefore, I think it is still a helpful source. It provides insight into the social structure of Muslim societies and helps give us an idea of what life is like for those living there.

Hendricks, Muhsin. “Diversity of Sexuality in Islam: Interview with Imam Muhsin Hendricks.” Cross Currents, vol. 61, no. 4, Dec. 2011, pp. 496–501. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1111/j.1939-3881.2011.00198.x.

This article is an interview with an imam who created a safe mosque and social space for LGBTQ+ Muslims called “The Inner Circle.” He says its purpose is to “elevate love and compassion for LGBTQ+ Muslims above hate.” In this interview, he talks about his work as an imam and how he is able to promote inclusivity in his community. He also mentions the backlash that other imams face from trying to promote inclusivity in their mosques and how he overcomes it.

This source is definitely reliable because it provides a firsthand account of intersectionality in Muslim culture. While other sources point to the flaws in Islamic culture, this one shows how Islam is progressing to include LGBTQ+ people, even despite all the flaws in many of its societies. This article also works well because it helps differentiate common Islamic culture from the teachings of the Qur’an itself.

Scull, Nicholas, and Khadeja Mousa. “A Phenomenological Study of Identifying as Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual in an Islamic Country.” Sexuality & Culture, vol. 21, no. 4, Dec. 2017, pp. 1215–1233. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s12119-017-9447-5.

This article provides a firsthand account of what it is like to be lesbian, gay, or bisexual in Islamic communities in Kuwait. Their communities are socially conservative, meaning they are less likely to be accepted there. The article focuses on what life is like for them, and how families are structured in Kuwait. The article also provides a background on the diversity of Islamic societies, and the differences in how they view homosexuality.

I think this source is reliable because it presents firsthand experience on dealing with homophobia in an Islamic society and how lesbians, gays, and bisexuals cope with it. It offers us much more insight on how families in Islamic societies operate as well as how they treat those who are not heterosexual. However, it helps get rid of bias by presenting readers with diverse information and different perspectives from families.

Anderson, Joel, and Yasin Koc. “Exploring Patterns of Explicit and Implicit Anti-Gay Attitudes in Muslims and Atheists.” European Journal of Social Psychology, vol. 45, no. 6, Oct. 2015, pp. 687–701. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1002/ejsp.2126.

This article discusses the patterns of homophobia in Muslims and atheists, as the title suggests. It shows implicit anti-gay behaviors as well as explicit ones in Islamic and atheist societies. Many devout Islamic scholars believe that homosexuality is a sin and an act of violence against God, similar to how many devout Christians perceive it. The article argues that religious-oriented societies are more likely to take a hostile approach towards the LGBTQ+ community, and it definitely makes sense given the behavior of devoutly religious families today.

This source can be used in my blog because it goes into detail about how devoutly religious societies treat those in the LGBTQ+ community. It describes the specific behaviors that religious communities use to alienate them. It allows us to visualize how many religious people think of them, and why they think the way they think.

[americandailylife]

Officials say Wallenda stunt reached billions of viewers - Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

Officials say Wallenda stunt reached billions of viewers Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Niagara County tourism officials released some figures on Friday that suggest - from a promotional aspect at least - last week's stunt over Niagara Falls by Erendira Wallenda was a big success. Representatives from Destination Niagara USA, the county's ... and more »

[chuu-soulmate]

hahaha okay so guess who tried to k!ll themselves earlier today 🙂🙂

[chuu-soulmate]

I’ve been in a heize mood lately which means my emotions are a mess,,, I would highly recommend heize, shes my favorite singer and her music is just so good! I love her voice so much,,, one of my favorite sounds in the world,,,

[chuu-soulmate]

dear you,

i know that know one is even reading these because god i hope no one does,,, but i had a sudden dip in my emotions and i don’t know why,,, that’s a lie i kinda do but i don’t want to admit it??? ya know that self hatred that i never address, yeah that keeps growing as the days go by. it used to be fun when i didn’t have to think about it but the subtle things i keep doing are reminding me once again how much i truly despise myself. i am actually like 5 min from kms and i wanna do it so bad,,, why do people have to care so much or so little of me,,, i just wanna be free from this hell that is called life. 

i don’t know its the middle of the day and i just felt so much sadness whilst i reviewed this one report and started crying??? i know this is wrong but i don’t want to ask for help at all. i’d rather just let things be and i know i’ll come to end eventually. whether that be my life or the actual emotions, who knows??? 

do you think one day i’ll stop harming myself the way i do now? because i don’t think so my body has gotten used to it and they keep fighting back anyways i guess making sure i survive... its silly... 

i wonder how many more of these i will end up writing before i get frustrated and stop... 

bye,,, for now? 

[chuu-soulmate]

okay a quick update,

I started feeling like shit again for no reason! like i am feeling so bad right now like no joke i wanna die again???? also like i am two seconds from crying and my sister was being kind of mean and it made me so anxious so it’s making feel like i am on a hard edge. 

ahhhhh i don’t know what to do and i am in this meeting and i am trying to pay attention but my mind is like not letting me focus and i wanna cry because i wanna pay attention

fuck i hate myself so mcuh righ tnow pls let me die so i can stop thinking about these things again

[chuu-soulmate]

okay I think I’ll post here about my thoughts because idk I feel like I can better articulate my thoughts without limiting myself in the number of characters???

but like this week had been so long for me???? idk I know I’ve been going up and down a lot with my emotions and it really stung when I wasn’t able to schedule an appointment with my pcp because I feel like I would function better if I went back on my antidepressants even tho I know I’ll have bad side effects again,,, but I wanna feel more functional because lately I’ve been having such a hard time focusing during work which is showing in the number of cases I’m getting done and it’s making me feel like shit.

also talking to flower about how these last few months I was feeling so low that I wanted to like kms and not like jokingly but like genuinely??? and how I literally thought about how I would do it but then like I’d chicken out?? flower really made me feel better and idk i just didn’t want to tell my friends about it because they’re already dealing with their own things and I don’t want to feel like a burden who is always complaining and shit which is why I wanted to go back to therapy but now that I don’t have state insurance and work health insurance the cost of going to therapy is so expensive like it costs me like over $200 just for the INITIAL appointment like,,, and idk if I’d even click with the therapist and if I didn’t then I’d just be wasting my money,,,

and when in group, sharing about our 2020, I wanted to be honest but couldn’t really??? like no actually 2020 kicked my ass so hard that I literally thought about kms because I am so tired and feel like such an annoyance and burden and I know no one would care or miss me and everyone could finally move along,,, or how i still low key still wanna kms but like not really???

I don’t wanna put that pressure on anyone which was eating me alive and it was making me feel like bad for even existing??? It hurts sometimes and then the whole meli and michi shit was giving me so much anxiety like I was like pls don’t make me choose because I will cry

hmmmm,,, also I know it’s my mental illness that is making me like focus so much in hoshi this week ,,, the amount of PCs I have bought these last 3 days,,, only pockets of serotonin if I am being honest,,, one of the few things that’s getting me through life rn

:( anyways maybe I’ll post an update about my feelings???? idk???