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#episode 3 when lmao ANYWAY! I want it on record that I had written over 100k words of Strange Violence before I'd even heard of Coffin ok?
felixvanhuss · 4 months
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Guess who's siiiiick! Because I simply cannot catch a fucking break!
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aphel1on · 11 months
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tag someone you want to get to know better
tagged by @woobifiedvillain a few days ago and finally remembered to do it!!
Favorite color: Yellow, but not an overwhelming yellow, like that soft warm yellow? I love it. People tend to not expect this answer, I think I give off more of a blue or grey vibe. Honestly a pretty grey/silver is probably my second favorite color, but a buttery yellow is just so good for the soul.
Last song: You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi. Danced to it in the kitchen, got consumed by the guitar riffs, nearly knocked a chair over. Before this morning it would've been the Genshin OST... I've been listening to it a lot while I write or do chores recently.
Last movie: An exceedingly mediocre romcom on Netflix that I watched with my sick mom to be nice. Genuinely couldn't tell you the title or more than like, two or three plot points. Last movie that I watched bc I wanted to was the Barbie movie, which was genuinely better than I expected. Enjoyable but would still give it, like, a mixed review. I'm not getting into two months' ago Barbie Movie Discourse on this post
Currently watching: I'M STILL TRYING TO FINISH THE UNTAMED!!!! woobifiedvillain i'm speaking directly to you and quoting you: i too am "chronically incapable of paying attention to visual media, even the good shit" and when i try to explain this to people irl they act like i am insane!!! I haven't watched Good Omens season 2 yet even tho I am reblogging posts about it rn. I think it's mostly adhd, or really just a part of the larger Neurodivergence Soup (tm) that makes it nearly impossible for me to learn something from a YouTube video. I mean, sometimes for a hands-on task a video is essential, but can't there be a written list of instructions to go with it too, bc that sticks in my mind way better sobs... ANYWAY i'm currently on episode 43 of The Untamed, so I should be able to finish it by, like. The end of the year at least lol?
Currently reading: I started reading SVSSS recently because, like. The mxtx mania is in full throttle. I just got here a little later than most people lmao. I'm also currently "reading" like seven different books that I bought or pirated this year and have on hold. One of my Unfortunate Skills is bingereading like 200 pages of something in 1-2 days and then not finishing the rest of it for 8 months.
Currently working on: Keep My Shadow Alive, my big xue yang-centric fix it fic!!! Well, more like a fix it, and then break it more, and then eventually actually fix it fic. Starting from the canon divergence of "Add Pre-Teen Xue Yang to the Burial Mounds Fam" and going from there. I read every fic like that that's on ao3 and was still being eaten alive by the brainworms so I started writing my own take on it and ~6 months later it's the longest fic I've ever written and only 25% of the way through its outline???? So. Who knows if it will get finished (my track record is admittedly not great)- but I've had such a blast writing it so far. Xue Yang is just SO fun to write. Yes it has a plot and character arcs and I could even go full English Major* and start telling you about its Themes, but also it's just an excuse to write Xue Yang interacting with every member of the MDZS cast. Going to STOP talking now bc I fully am the type of writer who will get carried away talking about their wips.
*i am not an english major, but spiritually i am an english major.
Current obsession: Yeah uh, MDZS. My friend convinced me to finally read it in January of this year, and the hyperfixation train has simply not stopped since then. Genshin Impact also dragged me back in with the Fontaine update and I've been having a lot of fun playing it. But MDZS is still mostly the thing that's eating up my RAM. Particularly the Yi City crew, but 3zun is rotating in there too. Sometimes even The Man WWX Himself, i talk about him less but i do love him a lot also lol
Tagging: I'm honestly too shy to do this!!! But thank you for tagging me anyway<3
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gingersnapwolves · 2 years
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Kouri watches Kinnporsche, episode 14
Porsche, you really should be more concerned about Vegas’ obsession with Pete, I’m just saying
Kinn: okay, quick question – what the fuck
Ohhhh I don’t buy that she killed herself
What a convenient heart attack
Are you seriously leaving Porsche alone right after telling him that Gun killed his parents??? Why is everyone in this show fucking stupid
Oh, no, he dead. Guess that wasn’t so convenient after all.
Please tell me that Vegas gets to kill his dad? I’m not sure he would but he deserves to. I mean, Porsche does, too. Maybe they can all shoot him once or twice for good measure.
And it turns out he was poisoned! So now I’m wrong twice
‘Anyone else wanna negotiate?’ XD
If you have time to light up a cigarette, pretty sure you have time to call an ambulance
Pete, just tell Vegas to stop it and you’ll buy him a new hedgehog
Well that was one hell of an entrance, Porsche
Porsche: I mean, I love you, and I’ll kick ass for you, but your family rivalry is very stupid and I want that on the record
Battle couple!!!!
adgkhajsdkfhldkhadgfak TANKHUN AND ARM PLEASE THIS IS NOT HOME ALONE
(Maybe it should be?)
Badass middle aged ladies with machine guns for the win
OH. MY. GOD. KIM.
I’ll be in my bunk
(dlgfhjdslhjfas does Chay even know you’re there????)
Okay why didn’t you shoot him the minute he walked up?
Listen I don’t even care who killed Porsche’s parents, you’re a terrible father and you should be shot
Pete ilusm
Hang on. Wait. What?
I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME IT WAS A CONVENIENT HEART ATTACK
Just shoot both of them, Porsche. They both suck.
Well that went well
Okay did not expect to end up crying over Pete and Vegas
Man Porsche had quite a character arc. In episode 3 he’s like ‘I don’t really like this Mafia stuff and I killed a guy for the first time today and I don’t really feel great about that’ and then by the end he’s head of the minor family and apparently just fine with it
OMG KIM ACTUALLY WROTE HIM A SONG
Okay Kinn learning how to make a drink is really cute
Awww, Vegas isn’t dead! Hopefully while he’s recovering from being shot, somebody got him some therapy
‘History is written by the victor’ well that’s not ominous at all you absolute coat hanger
We don’t get to see Chay and Kim reconcile? That’s sad. I bet it ended in a great hug.
What an adorably sweet ending with all these romances between well-adjusted men
This show was . . . absolutely wild, I’m still trying to figure out what I just watched lmao (my wife at one point looked over and said ‘this show sounds like Drama Queens and Their Guns’ but to be fair she had an unfortunate tendency to be within earshot when Tankhun was screaming). Like parts of it were really good? I love Pete and Kim especially? But also what was going on??? Who was the villain? Who was telling the truth at the end? Is that even really their mother??? WHY DID KIM HAVE A CRIME WALL THAT WAS NEVER EXPLAINED AND IT’S GONNA FUCKIN BOTHER ME!!!!
Anyway if they make season two I’ll watch it but I’d better find out why Kim had a crime wall
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jq37 · 3 years
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The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 3
The Case of the Curious Clues
Before we start, a quick plea to Grant O’Brien: Please stop finding clues. I can only take notes so fast. You’re killing me Grant. Moving on...
We start off this episode with yet another flashback, this time to the final confrontation of Sly and his supposedly dead arch nemesis Fletcher Cottonbottom at Reichenbunny Falls (...Brennan please). Fletcher was using a local castle as a storage center for munitions but Sly tipped off the cops before they could be moved. They do some repartee back and forth before Fletcher, the madman, handcuffs them together and jumps off the edge. They hit the water but Sly is able to lockpick himself out and escape while Fletcher disappears beneath the waves. 
You know what I got from that story? No body.
Anyway, we jump back to the present where there *is* a body, Squire Badger’s specifically. Everyone in the room who isn’t a PC thinks that this must either be the work of ghosts or Mrs. M who was the only person in the room when it happened (allegedly). 
This is a crucial time for clue gathering and Brennan keeps everyone in initiative for investigative purposes. Now, *so much* stuff happens here that I’m not going to recap every single detail--just the major clues and the things that seem relevant. I’m serious, this is like the volume of info we usually get in the once per season later game lore dump ep but it’s episode THREE.
Daisy tries to find a secret door but critically fails. She clocks Gangie, a fellow criminal, and in the moment Rekha and Katie decide that they prob have worked together in the past even though they are very different kinds of criminals. 
Buck, who is outside listening to what’s going on in the room notices that his ankle knife is missing which is Concerning considering a man was just knifed to death. 
Sly has Lars guard the door (he opens it and Buck is discovered, whoops) and then rolls a NATURAL 20 plus NINE to investigate so Brennan just has to tell him literally everything. RIP to him and me. Anyway, here’s the rundown (along with some of the stuff other ppl got):
Mrs. M’s hands are covered in blood but she couldn’t have done it. Based on her personality for one and for other reasons we’ll get to.
The wound is much messier than it would be if a person stabbed themselves typically.
There is a note in Squire Badger’s handwriting that says “Sylvester Cross I am afraid” No indication of if that was the whole message or if he got interrupted (maybe Buck could figure it out with his handwriting checking skills). Daisy from across the room clocks that Sly’s name is written on the paper but can’t read the rest.
The knife is a hunting knife with a pronghorn handle--an animal not common in England but very common in Texas (and Buck is sweating obv).
There is a slight layer of charcoal type dust on everything on the big resolute desk in the room (which makes sense, ash from the fireplace) but there is parchment type dust on the bust of Barkus Aurelius (OK, that one’s good) on the table and that’s the only place that dust is. Ian later notices that the date on the bust is wrong. 
Speaking of, the desk (which we learn later was put in and taken out of storage once Loan Hall was modernized) is bolted to the ground and a lot of stuff has been thrown off it as if by a powerful force but Sly notices that it’s just the metal stuff like things made of silver or with screws. Stone things like the bust and other non-metal things have stayed put. Plus he smells ozone. This was the work of magnets, not ghosts, he concludes. And, for the record, Grant figured this out himself!
Mrs. M’s eyes are rapidly dilating. She is questioned about what happened and she says that she was told she was fired and would receive a small pension. 
(Not a part of Sly’s clue dump but Buck rolls a 24 with disadvantage to persuade everyone he didn’t do it but then 2 nat 1s in a row to see if Harding--who said he was standing outside the door--is suspect. Buck thinks he’s at most a stooge but he did roll a nat 1 so who knows?)
Anyway, back to Mrs. M. Gangie fully believes Mrs. M is innocent and scared. She doesn’t quite remember what happened for a couple of seconds in there and it’s clear this is not the first time she’s had missing time. Sly calls Longfoot (the bunny photographer) over to take a picture of Mrs. M which everyone is a little appalled at until they realize he’s making a point. When the flash goes off, she bugs out like she did in episode 1 and forgets that the picture was ever taken. Sly then has Dr. Magpie list the symptoms of epilepsy. It seems that Mrs. M had an episode triggered by the flash she mentioned seeing and then lost time. It’s possible that what she thought she saw after that she didn’t actually see.
[While Sly is monologuing this Rekha texts Brennan and gets a 17 to swipe the “I am afraid” note. Sly doesn’t notice.]
So if it wasn’t her, then who was it? There’s only one door into the study and anyone who walked in would have to have walked past Mr. Harding, Shellcrest, Calliope, and Tabitha (who is having a marvelous time being in the midst of so much drama). Ah, but who said there was only one door? Sly has Harding pull a sconce and a SECRET DOOR OPENS! Woo! Finally! It’s a classic bookshelf one that opens into the hallway and there is some extremely fine crushed glass under the door. Hmm.
Sly clocks that there is something under the desk but we don’t know what it is because Brennan texts it to him and it’s redacted. There are actually a couple of redacted texts that go around this ep so we are def missing information. 
OK, that’s more or less everything. 
Sly notices that the page is missing and Grant gasps while Rekha does an excellent job of pretending like she doesn’t even remember what paper is being talked about. Constance asks if it’s possible that Mrs. M totally made up the memory because of her epilepsy and between Dr. Magpie and Sly they determine that that’s uncommon but possible. Dr. Magpie says that everyone should leave so he and Sly can examine the body and Sly says that someone should watch Gangie at all times. 
At this point, Harding and Gilfoyle (the butler) say they should establish where everyone was at the time of the murder. A lot of the staff and guests have solid alibis cause they were in big groups/cleaning up together. But the PCs were off alone (or with each other) and had reasons to want to guy dead so they’re prime suspects. Sly even admits that he’s one too. Also everyone dogpiles Ian because Raph makes it so fun. 
Harding mentions the letter that was given to Buck (the one selling his shares in BB and giving voting writes to his rival Josiah) and asks him to read it. Buck reads it and gives a streamlined version of the truth, saying everything except for the part with the proxy vote. With a 26 he is able to allay everyone’s suspicions for now, but now he’s purposefully hidden the truth in a way that can be readily called out if anyone sees the letter or the contract which he resolves to find. 
Buster distracts the group so Daisy can “check the body for a pulse” aka: check the body for the contract. She doesn’t find a it but does find a key attached to a piece of red silk--something that would be weird for him to be carrying around instead of his valet. She figures this must open whatever locked drawer the contract is in and swipes it but Sly clocks her stealing it (his perception ties her sleathiness but an earlier Bless from Ian tips him over the edge--poetic).  
Calliope says that everyone is kinds suspect, including Sly, but *someone* has to solve this and Sly’s their best bet so everyone should just stay put and they can guard the exits. The butler says that, besides the front door, there are some towers that poke up above ground and a servant's exit/entrance by the elevator in the kitchen wing but they can lock down both and have someone guard the front doors. 
The butler is like, lmao yeah Sly I know you didn’t do it and I’m not gonna stand guard here but you know, everyone is keeping an eye on y’all. And then he leaves the PCs, Mrs. M, Constance, and Dr. Magpie in the room with the body. 
Lars is about to go watch the kitchen staff but, before he goes, Sly says to him that he saw Cottonbottom and is obviously quite scared. Gangie, who used to work for the guy, overhears and asks what’s going on. Sly assumes Gangie is playing coy but rolls high enough to know that he isn’t. He saw a starkly white Cottonbottom and one of his known conspirators doesn’t know he’s back? Perhaps it was a ghost after all. 
Case Notes
My 2 fave bits of this episode were “bad to bad bad bad” (and the further riffing) and Daisy throwing increasingly bigger books at Sly.
Even with a Nat 1, Sly gets a 16 on Investigation. Wild. 
I don’t think Rekha got enough props for her “Cross examination” line so I’m mentioning it here.
Brennan said the ozone question was still open--but I assumed it was like the electricity smell from an electromagnet. That would make sense, right? Maybe he meant they hadn’t found the source of it specifically yet?
Brennan says Buck’s knife is a pronghorn knife. I assume they’re made from the animal’s horns? Even if they’re the kind that fall off every season, is that weird? Or is it just like human hair wigs? Also, does this world have leather?
I love that the dice keep supporting the narrative that Daisy simply cannot get her shit together when she’s with Sly because he distracts her too much. Delicious. Their whole relationship is delicious. 
OK, I am a tiny bit suspicious of Calliope. It’s partially the way she took control of the situation near the end and partially the fact that she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would be involved in this which would make her heel turn delicious. No hard evidence and obv she couldn’t be the person who actually stabbed a guy but idk. Just spitballing. I’m very curious about whether we’ve met everyone we’re going to meet more or less or if there are still outside people/hidden inside people. Because, in real life, a murderer could be literally anyone but in a story, you can’t just introduce a new villain all of a sudden at the end. Bad storytelling. Weak payoff. We’ll see how things start to pan out. 
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the-littlefangirl · 4 years
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TFATWS episode 1 rewatch commentary
The first scene was so beautiful. I loved that we didn't start directly with the fight sequence. It feels way closer to the quiet beginning of CATWS and I love it so much.
The title is also SO NEAT, music's on point too but hey it’s Henry Jackman the one thing I’m sure it’s going to be great overall is the score.
The choreography is AMAZING, really well shot. Sam shielding himself with only one wing was MA-JES-TIC.
“WHAT'S UP” EXACTLY SAM EXACTLY
I did feel so uncomfortable in regards to the military aspect of it. Not that I was expecting anything else, but both here and in Captain Marvel the military we're good guys < 3 propaganda is so blatant and ugh:/ At least there wasn’t a literal recruitment spot like with CM. 
The yellow filter in the Tunisia scene BYE please stop with the yellow filters 2k21
"I've been working with the Air Force for six months now" So, did Sam even catch a break at all after Endgame? Or did he just throw himself to work like SOMEONE did after being iced for 70 years. Hmmm? Sam????
"Essentially, these people, they want a world that's unified without borders" OH NO! HOW AWFUL, how evil of these bad guys smh
Joaquin: SO about Steve
Sam: :)))))) nope
"Moon stuff" SAAAM
#1 cry with Sam's speech, full on chills.. Fuck. Me. His voice about to break before saying thank you bYE.
Shady politician: "It was the right decision" (FUCKKKKK YOUUU)
Rhodey: *press any key to doubt *
I need someone to analyze the different curation of the two exhibits pretty please
NOT THE PHOTO POST-AZZANO JFC. That photo is my weakness, Bucky sweetie (also I find hilarious that usually when there are articles about Stucky and/or #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend they aaaalways use that photo LMAO)
In case someone wants to read the transcription of the texts about Bucky: "In 1944, while on a mission to thwart a Hydra weapon transport in the Alps, Barnes was thrown from a train and believed to have been killed in action. It wasn't until 2014, over seventy years later, that it was revealed that Barnes was alive, having been found by Hydra operatives. Captain America himself (i can't read) the effort to bring Barnes in only to later aid in a escape from custody having been convinced of his innocence. Steve's loyalty to his old friend, coupled with his refusal to sign the Sokovia Accords, led to the dissolution of the Avengers and drove the Captain into hiding with other like-minded Avengers including Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, and Sam Wilson. The current whereabouts of Barnes remains unknown, habing been labeled a fugitive following his escape from custody."
"current wherabout unknown" but not the government, interesting. Also, pretty good summary of CACW from the public's perspective, although one of the things I always wanted to see explored was the public's reaction of the fallout of them going into hiding after Civil War (which I'm hoping we'll get to see a little bit of in Black Widow).
Interesting point about the 70 years without having Captain America. Clearly the sacrifice play wasn't enough this time to fuel the nationalism so they went with a squeaky clean John Walker instead.
Sam saying the shield belongs to Steve I'm going to cry now excuse me. Sam. Sam sweetie.
The No. 1 Captain America comic in the display ugH fuck yes
See this is how you do a cameo that has actual meaning. Thank god for Malcolm Spellman being a competent writer. That scene was so well written.
HAVE YOU PRAISED ANTHONY MACKIE'S PERFORMANCE TODAY?? Holy shit that last shot fucked me up.
I'm loving the use of the wide shots, especially in the flashback. The camera movements are in synch with The Soldier's state of mind and mission focus, so good.
EVERYONE STAND UP FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM aka The Winter Soldier theme composed by Henry Jackman.
Without a doubt the most brutal TWS fight scene there has been, People involved in Punisher and John Wick are involved in this and it SHOWS. 
For the record, still stands that the only time we've seen him chocking someone with his right hand instead of the metal arm remains the Maria Stark assasination. I know it's probably because of blocking and the way the shot was composed but the implications are still bone chilling. God.
Uhhmmmm I'm very ambivalent about the "Hail Hydra". On one hand, it was 100% fanservice and the internet is probably going to go insane over it, and the dead way Sebastian Stan delivered the line. Good shit. Buuut what I love about CATWS is the way Bucky never, ever ever, mouths Hydra rethoric, and even when Pierce tries to gaslight him with it, it's just an empty effort. The Winter Soldier isn't doing anything because of ideological loyalty to Hydra, even if it's product of brainwashing, it's just sheer dehumanization. They don’t need him to say the words because he’s just An Asset. There are people who have put it more eloquently but yeah, I rather go with the fanon interpretation of that aspect.
The music growing louder with the shot of the keys. GOD.
I'm fine this is fine.
#2 cry with the therapy scene of fucking course.
The government monitoring Bucky is noooot going to end well lmao.
"We need to know that you're not gonna * slowmo stabbing motions *
Bucky: * nodding along slowly * 
I laughed out loud.
"It's passive agressive" I love him.
The way this scene just sucker punched me in the face, made me weep and then had me cracking up. Amazing.
Therapist: You can't do anything illegal
Bucky: yup yup check checkity check. What IS considered illegal tho?
*aggresive tablet finger pressing *
"Then why isn't it rule number one?" Bucky your Steve is showing.
I love the close up shot. I'll keep saying it. It's so good.
"I'm James Bucky Barnes" yeah you are🥺
That smile is nightmare fuel LMFAO I love it.
Uhm the way I'm kinning Bucky it's not funny anymore damn
That whole “are you lashing out at me” rambling is really reminiscent of the bar scene in CATFA and how he lashed out at Steve after Peggy left. Uhm yeah fuck.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Peace"
"That is UTTER BULLSHIT" "You're a terrible shrink"
yeah ugly crying to ugly laughing speedrun for me
"You're free" "To do what?" jesus. That entire scene. #3 and #4 and #5 cries for moi.
Ugh that Brooklyn shot. Someone needs to do a gifset compairing it to the one in CATFA asap.
"It's like Monique but it's got a "U" in there for uniqueness" "That's absurd" LMAO
"You can't keep fighting with your neighbors" uHM * redacted redacted i'm shifting into 1940s mode abort abort *
"Nobody passed 90" "So young. Such a shame" FGADHGA
🥺🥺 yes flex those flirting skills good for you
"It's a dance to this things. You can't… you gotta warm up and I haven't danced since 1943. Feels like." #6 cry I completely broke down into tears with that.
This Yori storyline is going to punch me in the face with a metal fist. Great!
The TWS theme when he looks at Yori fuuuuuck.
GREAT LET'S GO TO LOUISIANA THAT WAS GETTING HEAVY.
Those shots of Sam in the car. Immaculate. Showstoping. Yes.
Marvel, what if instead of promoting the military industrial complex you put a lot of publicity about cars?
"Uncle Sam!" LMAO subtle.
Everyone trying to have the wings lmao same.
I've only had Sarah for a day but etc. Brooklyn 99 meme
Good mirroring about Steve and Sam family's legacy. Good shit. Goooood shit.
Sam is trying so hard ouch my heart. I can't imagine how painful the scene with them reuniting must have been. He 100% still feels a lot of guilt about being gone for those 5 years (and even longer before that).
"Maybe it is time for us to move on" uuuuuuuuuuh
"To the rescue" "Always" 🥺🥺 i love them so much already
That shot outside the restaurant is so beautiful. Can't wait to see the night scenes in Madripoor tbh.
"I tried the whole online dating thing. It's pretty crazy". Uhm well that is something that Bucky Barnes has now said. In canon. Damn.
"It's a lot" "You sound like my dad" LMAO
Every Bucky fanfic trope speedrun with this scene
"Wow you really can drink" OH you have no idea
Just realized we don't even know her name, well.
"You have any siblings?" "I have a sister" THE WAY I SCREECHED. We're definitely getting Becca
Well that escalated quickly. The important thing is to try?
I can't deal with this BUCKY SWEETIE #8 cry right there fuck
The wardrobe department is KILLING IT, there's such a difference between the outfits of the shows vs how ugly and generic it usually is.
"ThEre is NO such thiNg as on time. You're either EARLY or LATE . picK One" lmao the way he delivered that line
At first I thought the flag smashers had thrown two cars out of a window LMAO
"I don't know how jurisdiction works here, but I'mma have to place you under arrest" uhm yikes. The way they changed Joaquín Torres backstory to just random army nice guy #1 is not sitting well with me, what can I say.
Sam's wings motions I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR
Fuuuuck this guy.
"Funny how thing's always thighten around us" "Look, I'm on your side. After all, he's a hero". This script is C R I S P as hell, great fucking job.
"I don't care, I'm not gonna quit" "What are you trying to prove? And who you trying to prove it to" SHIT HSIT SHIT!!! UGH amazing. Look it's not necessary to say the show's questions out loud but how they flow between the conversations is still very satisfactory without feeling in your face about it. Inner conflicts have been set up fucking perfectly everyone * claps *
Ugh here we fucking go.  I knew this was how the episode was going to end but my stomach still dropped like a rollercoster. God.
The score is on point. Damn. Damn.
God, Sam.🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
The captain america franchise's visuals in the credits are always so amazing.
Also, does anybody know why Mackie isn't first in the billing?  Uhm what's that about?
ANYWAY CONCLUSION THAT EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE HOLY SHIT. I love them so much. The balance between the personal conflicts and the political aspect (although the military aspect is still very much yikes) was on point and it was overall a joy to watch.
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ambivartence · 3 years
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okay this is gonna be such a LONG ASK (i hope u dont mind 🙊)!! so many things to talk about
YEAH young k is everywhere hahahaha it was so cute when he walked into bang chan's vlive (i dont follow skz but i love interaction between groups 🥺), and same day6 songs are all SO GOOD even the even of day ones, idk how they do it asahhdjf and OMG PLS DONT GET ME STARTED ON JAE'S VOICE!!!!!! (jae is my bias yes....) but HIS VOICE?? is the most BEAUTIFUL THING EVER i love his voice and when he sings.....i just die, it's like slightly raspy and emotional and sigh-y if that makes sense idk. and all 5 of them can sing too which is so incredible <3
OMG SIYUAN AHAHAHA OK SO U WANNA HEAR MORE ABOUT MARK/JAEMIN are you sure you do, are you ready??? ok i'll just gush about jaemin because he has taken over my mind anyway (sorry mark) and you brought up how if you had the imaginary chance to be with any idol it would absolutely be jaemin. WELL ME TOO. ME TOO. i lowkey squealed when you said that lmaoo omg but the way im....so excited....to talk about jaemin........okay deep breaths mel
so we're going to ignore how incredibly physically attractive jaemin is, because anyone with eyes can see that and there are many other reasons why i like him (i would insert pics here but i dont want to make this any longer than i already know it's gonna be) :D but while we're on physical elements, i love his deep voice....it's so sexy it hurts but his voice is also really soothing at the same time :( like this video my friend posted a while back ahhhhh <33333 and i love his lazy raps in his deep voice like in my youth (and also the part where he and renjun sang in octaves BLESSING OUR EARS). but other reasons: i also love how he's the "mom" friend who takes care of dreamies, but what i love most is how he doesnt complain and does what needs to be done?? like in 7llin, he cooked the meat and made sure dreamies ate first, and he also had to wash dishes and make breakfast a bunch of times bc he lost rock paper scissors lmao but he did it without complaint <3 and grocery store jaem is also just....so sexy again 😭 he inspires me to be as patient and kind as he is <3 mostly, i love how kind he is. he talks about his mom's influence a lot, and how he wants to cook her dishes for his future family (HOLD ME IM SOFT) and how he still volunteers/donates to charity bc his mom taught him that if he has things he should give to others <3 he is also so uncompetitive (if he doesnt want to win at least, bc when he does he goes hard) and he lets his members win because he knows theyre competitive af and it makes him happy just seeing them be happy 🥺 i suspect that he could win/knows answers to game questions and stuff but he doesnt say it so that his members can win instead. and i also just rly relate to introvert jaemin LOL he can be crazy with people he's close with (his unpredictableness and duality is part of his charm to me), but also he maybe doesnt rly know how to act with people hes not as close with, which i relate to as an introvert (like that xiaojun/nomin vlive HAHAHAH POOR XJ was sitting there like what do i do is this normal, while nomin were holding hands and staring into each others eyes) OK WELL clearly i am 1000% whipped for na jaemin, i shall stop now <3 thank you very very much for letting me gush <3
also your drawing journey is so interesting, i had a similar thing with music haha i did a lot of violin since i was young until college, and i did it on and off in college but now im out of college and dont rly do it anymore lol but i still love music! i drew a bit as a kid too but i stopped so im not very good but it's really therapeutic, i've been thinking of learning to draw again maybe <3 and i love your style but thats so funny that it developed bc you had no time to color your pieces LOL. glad you developed your style AND graduated at the same time though yess you go <3
same i hurtled into kpop at a million miles per hour at this time last year too 😂 i've only done gifs since then but i feel the same way, i dont rly know what the other features do tbh LMAO i kind of just go in photoshop to do what i need to do haahhahah 🤣 also awww u heard about me from bronwyns blog! i think i found you from jackie's blog?? LOL but i've seen your pieces floating around on my dash a bunch too
[also this is so so random and u dont have to answer if ur not comfortable, but are you chinese (from your name)?? because me too!!! well i speak canto though so i dont understand wayv :( except lucas, xj, henderey lmao]
yeeee i'm chinese-american :) omg i wish i spoke canto (but i speak mandarin)!!!! the wayv canto-line is always the funniest when they're speaking cantonese
also yes omg jae's voice.......bro.... his first lines in zombie eng ver. always gets to me. sorry u keep telling me not to get u started but i'm just here adding fuel to the fire 🥵
everything you've written about jaemin i totally AGREEE and have thought about too!!! i was literally watching the nct dream "future" video yesterday before i got your first ask, and that clip of jaemin talking about his future made me uwu so hard 🥺🥺🥺 i could also go on forever with you about how his "mom"ness aka him being mature and dependable and humble and generous mAKES ME SO SOFT (when he talked about his savings / financial planning on weekly idol and also when he talked about his job and how czennies keep him motivated in the ODG episode are just two more moments that pop into mind) like he's relatively young in nct overall but in the future will make a great hyung to more new members 🥺
Also !!! jaemin's voice! omg that radio clip reminds me of when he did the tingle interview with jeno and imitated jeno's deep "wae" (<3 i'm jeno biased so doubly amusing) and also when he tried hitting that really high "janeul deureo" adlib while recording work it 😭😂lives in my mind rent free
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jett-dawson · 4 years
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also since i’m having violet brainrot atm, i’ll take the time to like. say something i had pointed out to me. this show is for kids, right? there’s no need to dig so deep. yet there’s people like me who enjoy it sm and want nothing more than to talk about it! some enjoy it at surface level, others don’t! so uh. ima continue dmdndm
someone pointed out to me that since this is inherently a kids show, it’s gonna be written to appeal to kids. so children may like Violet and not fully know that some of the things she’s doing is inconsiderate. the only way they’ll really do that and make it easy to point out to younger viewers is by basing an episode around violet doing something wrong and then learning from it. but with violet’s character, she’s actually not like... all that bad? she’s no Sunny Madison or Skyler Bradshaw but like. she plays such a crucial part in the show that i have to have some respect. she has one of the most defined personalities, and whether or not i like her personality, ima give her and the writers credit for making her SPECIFICALLY having such a defined personality
the person i discussed this with said Violet is like.. the audience’s window into life at rainbow high. her bio literally said she is here to record the drama at rainbow high for her viewers. for the Vi Hive. we are the Vi Hive. her only real concern is being an influencer, and she’ll do what she must to get that job done. whether or not it’s at the expense of her friends. ofc that’s not always a bad thing but it is when Episode 11 happens lmao. anyway
Violet is like. kinda the signature character? at least to me. like i see her the most in my feed. she’s all over due to her cute design/doll, her literally having a mini series dedicated to her and her content. and just the fact i always have rainbow high stuff in my feed. so like. she has an impact. plus i love her VA & her outfits are some of the best in the show. also i love purple
but anyway. i don’t think i’ll never not be sad at her calling sunny an issue, ignoring skyler & ruby’s feelings and putting bella on such an intense spotlight but if she keeps doin kind deeds and being nice in the way she was in like... episodes 3, 10 & 12... then i can move her up on my tier list lol
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ilkkawhat · 3 years
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fav fic titles
[Rules: List your 20 favorite fic titles, whether they're story titles or chapter titles!  They can be funny, creative, eye-catching, whatever makes them your best.  :)  If you don't have 20 favorites, or don't have 20 stories, just do however many you want!]
tagged by @impossiblepluto and believe or not, 237 fics and I really don’t have many.
1) Half Past Midnight - my first re-emergence into writing and publishing CSI fic after many, many years (though honestly I don’t count a lot of my teenage stuff cause it was hot garbage anyway) and I didn’t actually even notice until I think I posted the first or second chapter that technically, when the team is watching the feed for the first time, it is a little half past midnight so. that was just cool to sort of subconsciously gather lmao
2) The All In series: Atrophy, Agony, Augury - Alliteration, pure and simple lmao very satisfying and esp in my most recent graphic series for it. It’s all about that Suffering
3) Agony Ch. 26: Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - The longest I’ve written for any of my multi-chaps to date, this chapter means a lot to me on so many levels and I feel like it’s title is due in part to my own bout of agony going on with some pretty severe depression so. Yay self projection
4) Specimen Stokes & its chapter titles - Even before the shrinking twist I was giddy about dubbing Nick a “specimen” just for the like. idk, human experimentation aspect and because he’s super hot. The chapter titles are all composed of things you’d find in a lab which has actually started to become a little tricky for me (and I super want to name this one chapter “Feed My Frankenstein” but it’ll break the trend lol) but I had a dream recently about a chapter called “scissors” and I know exactly what would happen in it. Whether that’ll be this story or the sequel, I’m stoked.
5) First Flight - It originally had a double meaning but I scrapped half of the fic’s plot for reasons but recently I figured out how to restore that double meaning with a brand new twist that wasn’t necessarily gonna happen. I also have a tentative chapter called “no cake in the breakroom” that’s gonna be the most angsty, gut wrenching thing I ever write and I’m weirdly excited for it
6) Finder’s Fee - Out of all of my episode-related titles I actually think I like this one the most? and by that I mean where I either twist the name of the episode (i.e, Assume Nothing > Everything Assumed) or take a line from the episode as the title. This was another “means a lot to me” fic too (coughSelfProjectioncough)
7) For Your Viewing Pleasure - Okay this was another episode related one and I just like it cause it was a super underrated creepy ass line in Grave Danger and I wrote an entire fic about it in a week. out of nowhere.
8) Last Breath & its chapter titles - Mostly composed of song titles, I tried to choose things that would kinda give a clue/set the tone for the chapter. I’m a sucker for Evanescence’s knack for angst in their lyrics lmao
9) Hollow Heart & its chapter titles (specifically “The Rescue”) - My first lemon fic! Angsty lemon!!!! Really kinda harder on the angst than the lemon aspect esp since I’m (still) not that good at writing smut but! I thought it turned out pretty good.
10) Stone Heart - Grave Danger AU, so naturally love it because of that, but it’s a reference to the lyrics of Outside Chance and something I actually want to get tattoo’d some day (I’m thinking a tattoo of the tape recorder, a pair of glow sticks, and a ribbon that reads “stone heart” on it)
I swear I do actually love more of my fic titles but these were the ones that resonate with me right now.
Also bonus, some titles of unreleased fics (subject to change) mainly just an excuse to gush over my WIPs that I actually have a name for cause otherwise I legit have documents titled “shock waves word vomit” or “attempt at writing word vomit hospital meat jekyll shit::
Bonus #1 The Violence in the Pouring Rain - Nick/Naomi (OC), one of my favorite uses of lyrics from Halsey’s “Hurricane” cause yeah. They’re trapped in a hurricane. Also a dream fic.
Bonus #2 Augury Ch. 1, I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight - I’m gonna be taking a real dangerous leap with this chapter into a territory I’ve never written before and feel a little idk not uncomfortable but just. worried about doing BUT...I feel like it’s gonna be one of my best in terms of build up and action and how the chapter ends. (and if you’ll notice, I used that song for the “trailer” I made even though I gotta finish Agony first LMAO)
Bonus #3 The Pancho Problem/The Sanders Solution - The Pancho Problem was one of the earlier CSI fics I posted when I started publishing in 2018/2019 but unfortunately I had a moment of weakness and deleted what I had going for it. I do want to revisit it one day and re-work what I thought was wrong and one of my chapter titles for the Pancho Problem was “The Girl with the Flower Tattoo” which at the time, I thought was fucking amazing.
Bonus #4 The Beast You Made of Me: More Nick in captivity, but think of The Most Dangerous Game for the human hunting aspect, and idk other creepy shit like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for torture. Basically I’m gonna make Nick into a feral human beast by the end of it. With long hair and a scraggly beard. And literal shit thrown at him. Eventually finds his way home after a full on YEAR to find out...he doesn’t have one anymore.
Bonus #5 The Day the World Went Away: The assclowns haunted mansion fic I promised for years lmao. Combining inspiration from Twin Peaks, Silent Hill and my own dreams, I hope it ends up being done in time for this year’s Halloween lmao (or earlier)
Bonus #6 Nick + Jack + Nick: DaltonStokes + Nick Corelli. Cause we need to give Nick Corelli some love dammit.
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wendibird · 4 years
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SPN 15X15 Observations
The saga of my shitty cable/internet provider continues. This week I was again watching it on my computer through the streaming app since TV still isn’t getting reliable reception, and my internet connection kept dropping! (Luckily, I’ve also set it to record, so I was able to re-watch the episode after it aired.) So, my notes are much less coherent probably, and I’ve had a long day so my after-episode thoughts probably are too. 
Everything else under the cut for those who wish to avoid spoilers and all my rambling:
- Connor isn't going to last long. - wtf? (freaky teddy bear!) - "she and I used to have a thing"? Seriously Dean? - Cas: "Sam?" (aka "Please be the reasonable one.") - soooooo much salt from Cas. - "Agent Swift!" - BABY YODA!!!! - I think the crossroads thing is Cas just making a phone call more or less. - Cas, there are NEVER "too many cats". - LOL I love Cas' literalness - Eeeeee..... love them bonding. - Hrm. So there's definitely a karmic element to these killings. I mean, "Lair" seemed like a bit of a stretch for the other kid, unless the "lie" was in him agreeing with the snobby girls. But I have a feeling this lady here is going to end up with something like "thief" carved into her. (So, thoughts: Avenging Angel? Just Deserts? Probably something new.)
- Also I feel like there was maybe something in that "previously" scene that I don't remember seeing before. (Was talking about Dean going into detail about needing to take Amara out as well as Chuck. I remember part of that conversation, but some parts felt "new" to me? Though I've only seen through this current season once, so I might just not be remembering everything right.) - Sam's worried/concerned about Jack! <3 - "At least this time it's not you and me." Oh man does that feel like foreshadowing. - Not sure I trust the pastor. - I've been watching this show too long. They all feel sketchy. Especially the girl with the headband. *LOL* - Oh man. Are they really going "Torture Porn" on us again? (Apparently) - His (Jack’s) Mom died 3 years ago too. - "I have more dads than most." <3 - "Put your trust in God." Wow. *LOL* Poor Jack. - Cas, you're totally one of his dads. But yes. It is complicated. - Ahhh. Maybe that's what the "Liar" thing was about. (Connor being gay and hiding it?) - Hi Amara! (My cat wants to get into my closet.)
- Amara's still in relatively light colors.
(Stupid internet signal is being a pain)
- I wish I knew what was going on.
(Aaaaand more internet problems)
- I love Cas! (still confused about what's going on.)
- So, what's with the random demon in the squad car? - Dammit.... I had a feeling Jack would end up having to die to kill Chuck and Amara.
(OKAY! Now that the episode is over, I'm going to re-watch parts of it so I can find out what the hell I missed! (still irritated))
- Jack HAS one of those teddy's! I wonder which one got it for him.... (My guess is Sam or Cas) - Maybe it was Zack in the cop car at the end? He DID say he was really bored. - Reason why I was thinking it might be something supernatural was because the one who did it seemed to know in advance who they were going after, but that lady just now stole from the poor box. So, how did the daughter know? Unless she'd done it before? Hrm. - Minor note: "We've been on the road almost two days." WTF? SPN doing somewhat realistic travel times?! *LMAO* - Trying to tell what's in her other hand. Looks like it's duct-taped closed into a fist around something. A transmitter maybe? It's an odd detail that I don't think gets explained. - So, did she call him a "liar" because she saw the two of them as having dated and then he came out as gay at some point? - So, they're just gonna leave the Impala there while it's gassing up? *LOL* - I still love Cas for this part. Sharing his "Journey". - Okay, got to see the guys' talk with Amara. (At least the first half of it.) I still think it's risky for Dean to tell her about Jack even being a player on the board. Though I get that he had to give her SOMETHING so she would get that the threat is credible. That they actually CAN do something against Chuck. - Also, SPN can't settle on its history. *LOL* But that's nothing new. Back in S5 it was God and Death and Death couldn't remember who came first. Then at the end of Season 10 we got an updated version with the Darkness (Who didn't seem to have met Death prior to her imprisonment.) Now, Darkness and God were twins. - Ewwwwww.... dead guy. - Wow.... They actually textualized that. (About Mary.) - He sounded like he meant it when he said "I will never hurt you." - I still love Cas being a subtle badass. - Jack... it's NOT the only way... (And I'm pretty sure Sam HAS forgiven Jack. But I don't think they've really talked.)
SO.
I apologize that my "notes" this time are a train-wreck, but so was my internet connection, so sadly, this is what happens when I watch part of the episode, miss some important bits, and watch most of the rest of it (while still missing more bits) and then when it's finally over I can finally go back and re-watch the bits I'd missed. And I wound up mostly just re-watching the whole thing again anyway. And some things definitely made more sense, and I definitely noticed some things I hadn't caught the first time.
I know a lot of people aren't going to like it because it mostly featured Cas and Jack while being light on the brothers. (But there WAS some good brother content!) I did enjoy it well enough though. (Like, it's not gonna make my top 10 total episodes, but I liked it better than a lot of the ones earlier this season.)
Organizing my thoughts is gonna be a bit hard (I've had a long day) but I'll make an attempt here.
Cas and Jack's arc: It definitely had a more old-school SPN horror vibe to me, though more like some of the newer horror movies (like Saw and the like) and I think both characters were written well. We had two awkward angels who still don't get all things human, but they obviously care. There was also a lot of talk about God in a way that I felt made both of them feel awkward considering their perspective on Chuck. I do still wonder though about some of the details of what Sylvia was doing. Like, I get how she'd probably been stewing about the one boy for a while. But the lady (could never quite tell if it was Valerie or Mallory) had literally JUST stolen from the donation box when she stepped outside into the trap laid for her. So, was this maybe a habit of her's? How would Sylvia have known about it beforehand? And also, what was with the crossroads demon at the very end posing as/possessing a police officer? Is he going rogue because he's bored? Is he acting on some weird kind of orders? I saw some theories about maybe the Dad made a crossroads deal to spring his daughter, but... I dunno. Unless it's supposed be a tease for something to come later, it feels odd and random.
Overall, I did really like Cas in this episode. I thought his blend of salt, cluelessness, and altruism was good, and I loved what he said about his past, and how he found his new purpose. Because he has been drifting quite a bit since he lost his original purpose. But he definitely seems to have found it again with Jack. So naturally he gets to find out that Jack is fated to die taking out God and the Darkness. *sigh* Dude CANNOT catch a break! Also, JACK! I love him so much! (And honestly, I'd had suspicions already that this is what had been troubling him. I'm glad he finally told one of his dads at least.)
Also, just wanna reiterate, I loved that bit at the beginning when Dean suggests Cas and Jack go tackle this case "that probably isn't anything (supernatural)" and he turns to Sam like "Please be the sane one here." (My hope/headcanon is that Sam encouraged him to go because he knows something has been troubling Jack, and if Jack won't open up to Sam about it, maybe he was hoping he'd open up to Cas at least. Then maybe SOMEONE could help him. But I don't know if the writers are thinking that deeply about Sam.)
Speaking of Sam and Dean... Okay, overall I thought their part of the episode was okay for what we saw. Like, the brother talk in the Impala, mild bickering about driving times and regular mundane stuff. Also their talk with Amara had some GOOD emotional beats in it. For Dean and Amara. Sam was mostly just there. And then he wasn't even there for the main part. So... *sigh* It's not that I begrudge Dean having that moment. I mean, he definitely had more of a connection to Amara than Sam did. But it still feels like not much really happened with him besides being a soundingboard and showing some concern for Jack. Hopefully we get more of him actually being important to the plot in upcoming episodes.
But let me reiterate that I DID like the talk Dean and Amara had! I'm glad that she textualized something that I know a lot of fans have theorized about Mary and her purpose narratively. That prior to her resurrection she had been put on this pedestal, but Dean and Sam were actually able to get to know the real woman. That the real woman was better than the memory because she WAS real. Flaws and all. (Not that I blame Dean for being angry.) I'm just glad that it was said outright. Because I got the feeling from some of the things Samantha Smith has said at cons that that was part of the point of Mary's character since S12, to make her real. And I know a lot of people couldn't see past her flaws and still hate her. (I DO think some things could have been handled better with her character, but that's not the point of this long rambly post today.) Also, when Dean said that he could never hurt her? It felt like him telling the truth. Maybe he was able to get that feeling across because technically he WAS telling the truth, since the plan is for Jack to be the one doing the hurting. But I dunno.
Anyway, overall I thought it was a decent episode. It had some good character moments in it, and considering I thiiiiink the next episode is going to be very Sam and Dean heavy, I'm not gonna begrudge Cas and Jack some screentime in this one since things are likely going to be getting dicey here fairly soon.
(And again, I apologize for how scattered this is this time.)
P.S. Oh, and one last thing before I forget. Especially after last episode, I find it odd that Jack still thinks BOTH brothers haven't forgiven him. I get why he would think that about Dean. The dude outright said it was going to take some time. But Sam, as far as we've seen has been shown to be supportive of Jack. So, I wonder if it's because Jack still hasn't forgiven himself? Or if it's because maybe he and Sam haven't really talked about that whole issue, so maybe Jack thinks Sam is just avoiding it? (Or if the writers are just lumping Sam&Dean together again because WHY would anyone see them as two separate entities? *salty*) Because if anyone in this show SHOULD be aware that the brothers don't always think the same it should be Jack. Because from the start Sam has tended to hold a different stance in regards to him than Dean. *sigh* Ah well. We'll see how things fall out. Especially considering what Cas (I’m assuming anyway) told Dean about Jack and Billy’s plan. 
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merlinsbed · 4 years
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tagged by @nooowestayandgetcaught!
RULES: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works <3
okay so normally when I do these my first thought is “oh god did I even write five fics this year???” but thanks to the 30 day writing challenge that definitely took much longer than 30 days I’ve written over 30 fics for the year 2020 and I am super proud of that! it also helped that I got super into the untamed this year (as I’m sure anyone who follows me has noticed lmao) and was overwhelmed with the urge to get back into writing. anyway, I would say my top 5 favorites from this year would be:
Uncertain Accord (The Untamed, wangxian, 3.5k)
the 9th fic from my 30 day challenge and quite possibly one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. someone bookmarked it with the tag ‘Hair Brushing’ and I’ve thought about that at least once a week ever since because that might be my favorite thing anyone has ever tagged a bookmark of my fic with. this thing somehow grew out of the prompt  "When's the last time you slept?" and now is a long term project that is probably at about 50k words (I have 2 separate documents for it rn because my writing process is chaotic). my goal is to write about 100k of dumb pining boys and I hope when I finish this and post it that at least one person has the urge to throw their laptop/phone against the nearest wall.
Progress (with a little nudge) (The Untamed, Jiang Cheng with some wangxian, 4.2k)
I wrote this fic literally the day after I finished the untamed which is a record for me. usually it takes me like two weeks to start writing things I’m somewhat happy with for a new fandom and even longer to post something. sometimes I think I should change the summary because as anyone who has read it has found the summary isn’t wrong, but it really only prepares you for a small amount of what happens. honestly though the summary “Jiang Cheng could have happily gone the rest of his life without knowing what the great Hanguang Jun's bare naked ass looks like” paired with an angst tag cracks me up too much so unfortunately everyone must continue to suffer being utterly unprepared for exactly how much angst I pack in around that one scene.
Uneasy Friends (How to Train Your Dragon, gen, 2.6k)
the only non untamed fic I wrote and published this year. it’s part 2 of an organized crime au taking place probably about the 1950′s in which hiccup haddock is the heir of an infamous crime family which I find hilarious because it’s, you know, hiccup. I’ve got two more parts partially written for it but I’ve been waiting for my untamed fixation to die down a bit before working on stuff for other fandoms (like that sequel I promised for my merlin fic from past to present lmao. in my defense I promised it would be written and published before I die and I’m only in my 20s so. plenty of time.)
Sexy Impersonations (Subjective) (The Untamed, wangxian, 1k)
my last fic of the year was originally going to be a kind of bittersweet winter solstice thing taking place after episode 50 but I got distracted while editing it and instead wrote this. basically I saw a post while scrolling through tumblr about how college professors either tell you nothing about their lives or like treat you to full scoop, decided lwj and wwx each fit one of those descriptions and wrote an entire post about it. then I got really stuck on the idea of wwx willingly ruining his sex life to annoy his husband with bad star wars impressions and thus a fic was born! sometime in the next few months I’ll probably write about one of the ways lwj annoys wwx during sex. I’ve already had some thoughts about it.
Mistaken (The Untamed, wangxian, 2.7k)
this was a tough choice to make there were like 5 fics I was considering for the 5th spot, but the touch of bed sharing, forehead ribbon stuff, and almost kiss gave this one a bit of an edge over the others I was considering. it’s part 8 of the 30 day challenge and spawned from the prompt “they mixed up our reservations and now we only have one room with one bed”. I did think about having them actually share the bed the whole night but like. this is repressed teenage lwj we’re talking about. I don’t think he could’ve handled sharing a bed with wwx for an entire night. especially since I imagine wwx is definitely the kind of the person that naturally snuggles people in his sleep.
oh god, who do I know on here that writes and hasn’t already been tagged (that I know of)...
um, how about @schweetheart and @mercurialmagic if you guys are interested
and really anyone else who sees this and wants to do it! we all deserve to give our writing some love!
edit: got caught up on the part about writing because that’s what I do but ANY artistic works go for this so anyone who write/draws/makes amazing edits/etc and wants to do this go for it! give your art some love whatever form it comes in!
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ts-akhmim · 4 years
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Episode 7 “It's a Hot Mess Express “ - Scott
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People are so hard to work with. I get they don't like this challenge truly I do but I just wish they wouldn't keep shutting down every idea I had. It's... annoying. I get that I'm also the problem here. Because if an entire room full of people is saying you're wrong then you're probably wrong but still. I dislike being shut down. I've just been feeling kind of isolated since my name was written down. Even in my own alliance it seems like everyone thinks less of me for being paranoid. It doesn't help that I'm not entirely pop culture savvy so a lot of their convos I'm a bit out of the loop on. Part of me wonders if it's cause I'm in a male dominated environment? I don't think they are sexist but I do think that I'm being unintentionally ignored. Like throughout the duration of this confessional I have submitted 6 ideas/comments to the group and they've either been left in the dust or dismissed. That has to mean something right? Is it my personality? Did I come on too strong with my enthusiasm? Do they think I'm bossy? Socializing doesn't exactly come naturally to me. If anyone had met me 4 years ago you'd probably be in the know. You know that ability where you can pick up what people imply, whether through body language or through hidden meanings. I don't. I literally was born with out that ability and it has done whatever the opposite of wonders are for my life. At first I thought it was fine, I thought hey no big, everything is good, people like me eventually. But then I played Malaysia... A lot of great things came out of that game, a lot of good friendships and memories but in a way it sort of haunts me. When the confessionals came out, for the first time ever I saw what people thought about me. Sure they liked me eventually but they also disliked me. Like really really didn't like me at all. It was my first real interaction with people outside of the treatment school I went to, it was my first real interaction with the rest of the world and people hated my guts. Don't get me wrong I always suspected I was disliked but... to see their actual written thoughts on paper was hard. Of course as they got to know me they started to like me but I couldn't forget that it wasn't always like that. That at one point they looked at me or their screen or whatever and saw a pest. And that's my biggest fear, that I'm the problem. That no matter where I go people see me and are filled with dread or disgust. That people are always wishing me some from of ill because I'm bad at conversation or sort of creepy. Well at least they came to their own conclusions now, maybe they pulled their heads out of their asses or because it wasn't me they were actually able to function. God this spiraled, I only wanted to complain about how shitty my tribe was being not go on this full blown existential rant. Fuck me am I right? I'm not sure what this is going to contribute to the game. There is no hashtag big moves or fun comments but like I already typed this up so I'm not going to delete it like a pussy. 
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Ok now we can talk whew. UMMMM not Connor fucking up Duncan's perfect record! Now that I'm over the shock, thank you Connor because I'm 95% sure that obsession is the reason Duncan did the most to make sure Devon voted me instead of him back on Thoth https://giphy.com/gifs/mamovie-stalking-octavia-spencer-eavesdropping-j5uEVYERR0ncYlJ36e Really pleased with how the game is shaping up tbh, assuming I don't lose another music video challenge hahaha. I would LOVE a final 3 with me, Ali, and Devon but I know that's a long way off so I'm just focusing on the here and now. My biggest concern is protecting Ali. Essentially Duncan hit me up to work with him, TJ, and Jordan and I was very much like lol not sure about that. Mainly because Jordan and I don't have a strong relationship? And Duncan was like yeah but he wants to get to know you better and I'm like https://giphy.com/gifs/week-wtf-moments-QjIz1AqkGTszK If that's the case, that needs to come from Jordan and then it's between me and Jordan. Why someone else is interceding on Jordan's behalf is very dicey to me but I'm not that surprised because that continues to be a theme with Duncan: getting me to fit into plans that best suit him. Y'all know DAMN well Jordan Pines don't wanna go to the end with me and the feeling is mutual. But I HAVE to make it work with Jordan or Duncan will get pissy. He literally was like ok well who are you close with and I felt a serious feeling in my gut to not mention Ali. So I said oh I talk to Adam a lot but I wouldn't say I trust Adam. So after telling Ali all of this lmao, we decided I needed to go back to Duncan and say yes because it would keep me in the know and keep both of us safe. Also it allows me to keep an eye on Jordan and Duncan at the same time so we truly stan. And the gag is I'm not scared of Jordan Pines and I welcome the challenge of getting him out so love yall for letting me in through the front door hahaha My new issue is just timing. We'll be ok if we win this next challenge but if not, I could see that alliance targeting Ali. Obviously I have a plan and will put the vote on someone else but I really want to prolong turning on that group for as long as I can. I don't wanna spook TJ and I know killing Jordan will leave me with a pissed Duncan and I really don't need that based on how seriously he's playing. So I'm hoping I can finesse somehow? Maybe one of them gets idoled out at merge and then a blindside on the other won't be as messy. But yeah I keep feeling like the walls are closing in, in terms of allies, and I'm working HARD to make sure I have an exit strategy at all times haha cause fuck these men I'm trying to win again. I "love everyone" which means I have no problem voting out anyone
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So let me just make sure i got this right, connor tried to get people to vote for me, they all told me, he "planned" with me to go for liam, then....he votes for duncan and he goes home unanimously? little did he realize when he went around and gave a feeble attempt at rallying people to vote for me, i had already rallied everyone to go for him and made sure everyone knew he was a liar and couldnt be trusted, you know im a firm believer in loose lips sink ships and i absolutely used my big mouth as my weapon to sink his ship. Even if there turns out to be some majority alliance that did this all without me then well...i guess that's another story but im still taking my hard earned credit because either way i got what i wanted one way or another so im here for it, sorry gal! i now find myself in a position i hope i can make some moves with, duncan already just made a vague to comment to me about how "it only takes 4 now" which he's right, and he mentioned autumn, himself, me, and ali. Which, that's a 4 I would love to go forward with for the time being, i like to think ive had good genuine talks with them 3 in particular, and now we can start get together maybe lock something in and if we make it to a merge or even another swap we at least have something to work with with each other, but we'll see, we gotta focus on immunity first now, id love to win just to for sure see any of the other people who lied to me go home oop so while i may be feeling ok now i just have to remember to simmer down and play smart and make the right connections with the right people i need and saying the right things to whomever needs to hear it, because that's what i do best in these type of games to stay alive, i feel like my intuition has been leading me ok so far this game so im just gonna keep basing my decisions off that and charging forward PERIOD and ill damn sure do it with or without the help of the tomb because a bitch can not get in ive tried over and OVER at this point im back to pounding on the door of it just hoping if im annoying enough yall will let me in!
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i'll do a proper game confessional later but me and dan are both judges for the svalbard music video challenge and its so sad that we cant talk... its like... this could be us working on a music video if things were different kjlsdfa its missing dan and jake hours
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Whew! Sorry about that what happened was I ran out of anxiety meds a few days and that rant was the commutation of being with out sanity pills for three days! Everything is fine! I am fine! People are fine! I am sorry to the future Thoth 2.0 tribe, you are all great, I just get very spirally when I am without some sort of stabilizing force! Sorry to the hosts for using this as a diary this is not a diary this is survivor... Anyway this time I have some more constructive things to add! Okay so things are fine. Dan and I continue to bond, though he had to call me out on being bad at communication in order for our relationship to progress. I get it was like a check point or whatever and frankly I appreciated it. Like I said in my rant yesterday I have massive paranoia when comes to interacting with people and whether they like me or not, so constructive feedback while annoying is always helpful. Plus through research I found that he values a good social game so the fact that he's reaching out and telling me what I'm doing wrong is probably a sign that I'm not a lost cause :D. It turns out we have a few mutual friends our lord and savior John Coffey and also Sarah,... Lynn to be specific there are like a shit ton of Sara(h)s so should probably clarify lol. I want to work with him. I know he's in the majority alliance with the brawn tribe, which also contains Jakey and Jordan. Considering the fact that the beauties are slowly but surely getting eliminated, their favor would be helpful to me and mine. However, I know for sure that one of them wrote my name down. Honestly probably both of them. I know I keep harping on this fact but I just really really don't like the idea of looking like an idiot by aligning with someone who wanted me dead or wanted to fuck with me. If we do lose this challenge we are going to have to figure out who to keep or who to eliminate, I feel like it should be between those two. Mostly because I'm not exactly comfortable with a brawn majority. Like I know how people are saying tribe lines don't matter and while they don't, advantages do. And what more advantageous than being in a majority alliance? If we get rid of a brawn that would make it 4 brains- 4 beauty - 5 brawn. Which seems a bit more fair lol. Also RIP Connor remember how I said he was a threat? Welp I guess this is why they don't ask me for cast assessments :/ and also cause I was dead for like several years.
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absolutely nothing has happened in fact i was kinda in a ~mood~ today so i feel like my social game took a big L because i didnt feel like talking to anyone and i was busy so i kept being that bitch to responding once an hour ..... but in other news i finally accessed the tomb, and once i started using more than one brain cell at a time i was able to get in and it was actually about 10x easier than i was making it out to be im not sure WHY i was struggling so much but of course, to no surprise i finally get in and the pedestal is empty AGAIN. Now there's not only at least 1 idol from the last time i went in the tomb gone, but there's possibly a second too, if not an advantage that can easily be played against me. At this point all i can do is try and recover a little bit, tomorrow ill have to just try more with my conversations and hopefully one of the people i can somewhat trust is the person who has whatever was in their time time around but probably not, it's never that easy
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okay so i have a video confessional from earlier uploading which is kind of a recap of the last two rounds BUTTT!! liam just finished editing our video and i love it!! he did so good and our tribe all tried our best... im just hoping the other tribe didn't go bananas all out, because if they didn't we should hopefully win... i really wanna win immunity because otherwise i feel like adam is gonna be the vote and i dont want that anymore KJASDFA. i would just be sad because idk who the alternative would even be.... so basically we better win immunity KJLSADFA
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Me: Alright everyone, make sure you film horizontally!!! Devon: Fuck you
Honestly!!! I take back what i said about Kendall. I feel like we’re making some strides to work together??? Or she’s playing me? I’m hoping to stir a Devon vote this round because I think he threw the vote on Kendall to piss me off, but who knows. I wanna talk to Jakey and see what he thinks about a me/him/augusto/Amir alliance to get through this vote? Idk I trust him but who knows!!!! Maybe everyone is lying to me??? 
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okay... i know i said god is a woman and her name is autumn but its time for the remix. god is a woman and her name is alyssa's mum because alyssa's mum just rescued us from defeat in that challenge JKASDF the judges were kinda unnecessarily harsh but we move on. basically for the other tribe's tribal, i hope jake/dan/devon live... hopefully another scary old school person goes but tbh who knows what is going to happen?! im just so happy to have made f13, i said i'd come 14th in my intro so we love surpassing my own expectations
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the immunity challenge went well, we won, which is good because i just didnt feel like going to tribal council because im honestly unsure what the hell is going on, i wanted to feel good about the connor vote because obviously that was my plan from the start however he just made it a little too easy by not talking to a lot of people allegedly, up until right before the vote, i dont think there'd be an easy vote next time we go to tribal, unless ... it's me... am i the easy vote?? i wanna really think im not but its just always too quiet to me when we dont go to tribal there's also lots of talk and speculation about a possible merge at 13, but me and my vivid imagination aka paranoia think maybe another swap of some sort could still happen even if for just another round or 2, i never knew with you sneaky hosts!! also i know we won in the challenge but we wouldve won in the challenge by even more if liam used more footage of my video i sent in i feel like i got no screentime!!! but of course i kept my big mouth shut for once because there's no i in team so ill try not to throw too much of a diva fit but listen... i tried to give yall a DEATH DROP, and i pulled a wig ruveal by snatching off my hat, and i was giving you a whole tik tok dance i made myself..... but there was no way i was doing more than beyonce's part so he didnt have much to work with so touche .... the full version i made will just be deleted scenes for myself ill reflect on when im more mature and think to myself "what the fuck was i doing?" 
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So not to my surprise, we end up losing the challenge AGAIN!! I've just accepted that I really don't have any luck in this game. I was really hoping that we'd just win every challenge until the merge because I'm over going to tribal and voting people out. I feel like going to the amount of tribal councils that I have has left a huge target on my back. But at the same time, I'm playing the game more than other are. Maybe I have that going for me, who knows. Anyways, the Thots alliance is deciding on either Devon or Dan for this vote. I basically told them I was good with either, even though I would perfer to keep Devon so that I at least have more of an opportunity to rebuild our relationship. I've made it very clear that if the group as a whole wanted to do Devon that I'd write his name down to prove that I trust this group moving forward. So we decide to go with Dan for this vote, and this doesn't really sit well with Jakey. I'm not surprised by that, since I know he's wanted Kendall out for awhile now. But he is really adamant that he doesn't want Dan to go. Which I get, he thinks that Dan would trust him moving forward. When it comes to Dan though, his social game lacks so much that it's like "I don't even know if I can trust him moving forward". And I think the fact that Jakey more so wants to target Kendall this round instead of Dan is a strong sign for me. I'm pretty positive he has an idol since the brain one has been found and he's lied to me about clues before. So this has me thinking, maybe it's a good time to get Jakey out this round? Thinking about it numbers wise for the future, we don't really need Jakey's vote for a majority this round since the four beauties and myself makes 4, and if we bring in Devon that's 5. Plus, I don't even think that Jakey's under the impression that he would... get voted out this round. He seems offly confident that he's staying, just that Dan's going. But I like to think he'd let Dan be a sinking ship and go.. Idk I'm gonna try to pitch this to Amir and see what he thinks. I kind of tried to hint around it to Augusto that Jakey wasn't cool with it, but Augusto kind of turned a blind eye at that. And I don't trust Kendall with my thoughts since she's very blunt... so I wouldn't be surprised if she leaked my plans. Similarly to what Devon did when I voted him out last week. I'm hoping that Amir will see where I'm coming from and that he might be open to that concept. For all I know, I could be voted out this round. And honestly, that'd be the smart move for them to make because my perception in the game so far has been pretty spot on. I think my self awareness this time around has been an asset for me, so I'm hoping that I can get by this vote and hopefully enter the merge soon. 
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Coming back into the game, I knew I needed to open up a bit and start to Slither earlier than I would imagine. After throwing a vote onto Kendall, I broke down any chance between the Beauty and Brawn working together to knock out myself and Scott. I haven't told anyone about my vote, and don't plan to. Going into this vote, Dan should be the obvious choice. OG Brawn hasn't suffered any additional losses in numbers, and I'm just too close with Augusto/Amir/Kendall to consider flipping. In preparation of tonight NOT being a swap, I established an alliance with Amir and Augusto. They are a duo in every sense, but attaching myself to them sets up the opportunity to at least CONSIDER voting out Scott next round. It would have to be between him and Scott. 
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All I got to say is oof… I genuinely thought I was on vacation after the last round like I’ve been SO bad about talking to people or at least that’s how I felt cause I was operating at 60% instead of the 110% I do when I socialize. That being said, I have my goals that I want to stick to and see happen. Dan needs to leave this tribal so I can get Jakey out next even if Dan leaving makes me really sad. Dan leaving takes a number away from the Brawn and a number away from Jakey, who I am able to get out by keeping Devon and having him/Kendall/myself/Amir vote for him if we happen to lose again. The alliance of me/Kendall/Amir/Jakey/Scott went on call last night and it was deadass an hour and a half long call where everyone was like “idk who should go but I’m fine with whatever” although… that certainly wasn’t the case. I, personally, made points that were pro-Devon such as Devon not having any clear allies to reunite with at merge and things like that and EVENTUALLY at the last 5 minutes of the call, we decided that Dan leaving is the better option. Scott and I even discussed a Brawn having to go before we even did the call so yeah. One thing I could tell though? Jakey was not having it. I understand his frustration but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I voted out AJ to prove that I am not here to play by tribal lines and you said you would do the same but here we are… Amir called me last night telling me about how Jakey was trying to strong arm him into voting Devon out because Jakey didn’t want to do Dan… like sir, I’m? I’m very happy that Amir came to me and confided in me to kinda spill out his emotions like that makes me <3 but it also made me wanna pop off at Jakey because I don’t like those approaches in games hgfjdks even if I do really like Jakey, I was just ugh gjfdks. That aside, I feel like I am doing good about getting information and building friendships out here like I’m DEADASS is almost every single alliance on the tribes I’ve been a part of and while I don’t get tons of info from direct sources (ie. Jakey), I get the information from close allies (ie. Amir) which in a way can be even better? That being said, I’ve been way too good at forming friendships that every vote makes me feel really bad? With Dan for example, I adore that man like even if he isn’t the most talkative he’s just amazing. But does Dan benefit my game as much as Devon? Not really, even if Dan wanted to align. I’m sticking to my promise of doing what I have to do and be a little bit more cutthroat than I usually am because I do genuinely want to win this game and I’ll do what it takes to get there. Honestly, I’d be SHOOK if we do not merge next round or the round after ghfjdksm but I’m just trying to plan ahead and look at my connections. My Thoth connections are Amir > Kendall > Devon > Scott > Jakey whereas my Hathor connections are Autumn > Duncan > Adam (?) > TJ > Jordan > Liam M > Ali. If we do merge, making a secret thing with Autumn would be KEY just to have another person in my corner but also I need to connect with a Brawn to be good with them yknow? It’ll definitely be interesting and I can see the merge being messier than a taco bell bathroom BUT I’m hyped at the same time?
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How is it already Day 16? There seems to be something seriously wrong with that. Anywho, I've let myself take a quick step back on the social game these last few days. I think I've put in the work to cement a couple strong groups here and can put myself in a good spot, but now I can avoid being the person that probably would be seen as a huge threat in the near future. Once merge hits (which I'm hoping is this next round), I'm going to have to go back to bringing that social game to a 9 (10 is where the Alyssa threat level begins), but right now I'm hopefully putting myself in a good place. In the event we don't have a merge and have one more vote on Hathor, I really think I need to make a move on Ali. I realize I keep saying this and I'm going to feel awful when he sees this all, but he is such a HUGE threat, and I can't let him skate by to where there's no room to stop him. I made that mistake last time in letting the person I knew would win get too far without me being able to stop them. Not this time. Ain't no fucking way.
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This may very well be my last confessional lmao. I’m just feeling very paranoid about this vote and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone votes for me except for Jakey. Or if he even flips to the majority against me. And honestly! I’ve come to terms with it. I really tried my best in the game and I can’t be mad about how I performed in this game specifically. I understand I’m a threat in these games and if people are worried about me end game, quite frankly they should be. I know that I’ve played Tumblr Survivor one too many times and should have quit while I was ahead. I know I’ve talked about working with Kendall and killing Devon, but honestly idk who is voting where. I think I’m going to try to just go with what I think is majority (against Kendall) and just hope to god I’m not going anywhere. I hate having this defeatist attitude, but if I get voted out I’m going to have zero hard feelings and take it in stride. I guess I’m just not cut out to win tumblr survivor ❤️
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Our video was so iconic, SHOUT OUT TO ALYSSA'S MOM!!! I should really be making sure im fortifying the bonds i've made but im really just happy to be on break and not have tribal. I've only been to tribal once within a 7 day time span instead of the 4 times in 7 days the brains endured before. I will say i was positively shook to get the vote from connor, but i never thought i could play a perfect game anyways lol. I'm hoping to god that dan or jakey go, i dont want the brawns over here to have other options than autumn and i come merge. Im surprised at myself because im starting to really want to stick with all these people come a merge, i suppose we'll see how it goes and how my attitude changes moving forward. 
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Sooooooo I actually felt kind of bad about voting for Dan until he was throwing my name out :/ I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I'm kind of nervous now. Like Jakey told me this and he did the same thing to AJ. Also I haven't heard anything from Scott yet... that's sketchy right? Ugh I swear if I'm voted out then Alyssa's mom, I will meet you in the Denny's Parking lot for a fight. I'm not afraid to throw hands at the elderly, ask Drew. 
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We love when men listen to me an in turn we win immunity! This is now the second time that's happened lmao cause I sure did make everyone commit to a time block so we didn't play ourselves in the endurance challenge and I sure did suggest Telephone as the song choice so wooooo Not a lot has happened and I don't have a lot of time to talk to begin with but I have a strong feeling we are not merging tonight lmao. Tbh I look forward to another day on Hathor it's very chill over here, all things considered. Also I need a couple chill challenges the next two rounds cause ya girl is moving, graduating, and leading an underground movement all at the same time so don't set me up with a crazy time-consuming challenge lol
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I feel vindicated. Starting off in this game, I was not doing so well gameplay wise. Flash forward, I've been a big contributor physically, and socially too! I've got big plans, and I will carry this tribe again if I have to!
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(may've already submitted this but i'm worried i submitted it for day 18?)
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Also...
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ok let me just start by saying: im in an emotionally FRAGILE state at the moment writing this right after the winners at war finale.....SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT....NATALIE AND WINCHELE ROBBED, as inspired as i am by my aries sistren natalie and think she should've won, im even more upset for my fellow beauty sister michele because lowkey? i absolutely LOVE the way michele plays, because in my own head at least i like to think i at least play slightly similar, i like to lay low and just adapt to where i see i can fit the best, anywho thats all ill say on that, back to THIS game dan being voted out last round, was kinda meh, i had the tiniest conversation with him during one world and he did end up giving me some tea about the brawns, but i couldve easily tried working with him later on against the beauties, PLUS him leaving means that none of those false beauties left, which is bad for me because i want them all gone oop and ive worked hard over here trying to make sure everyone knows they are threats even if theyre not working together, they went against me and lied to me, which means i cant trust them or work with them, which means i need to make sure no one else does either it's very nice though duncan has approached me and asked who i was comfortable with incase we did go to tribal and he said him and jordan pines were pretty close and honestly jordan is the only one ive been on a call with this whole game which is fine because anyone who knows me knows i dont care for calls much in this game and that usually hurts me so im hoping its not hurting me this time but truly, im not sure people are approaching me way more with information and plans then they ever have so im hoping thats a good sign, espcially with duncan saying he basically wanted me to be in the know with him, i think i can trust him as of now going foward and i hope the same about jordan pines, because first of all i love his energy and him as a person my fellow stoner crackhead, and second of all let's be real i definitely want to use him as a shield later on cmon the guy has a season named after him, forget denise being the queen slayer, i want to be the king tamer also in good with ali and autumn i think?? i personally enjoy my short little convos i have with them frequently so i just hope we're on the same page, but idk the little voice in the back of my head is telling me it all seems too good to be true almost like a perfect illusion and maybe duncan is tricking me trying to talk to me about "keeping this tribe strong", so i guess we'll have to wait until the next time we go to a tribal together to find out so yeah in conclusion, sorry to dan, and plot twist of the century im rooting for jakey to not be voted out the other tribe? even though im still convinced he could be making me his number 1 target especially if he gets in kahoots with kendall, but im hoping i played them against each other enough during the one world so that didnt happen 
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What do ya know....another tribal council. After only being exempt from one tribal, this has become somewhat of a routine. I am extremely confident in the numbers this round. I'm under the belief that everyone will be writing down Jake's name, and Jake will likely be writing down my/Kendall's name. Still, I believe there is a worry about idols. I would hate to be idoled out by Jake after everything I have worked towards...I can't afford to throw my vote on Kendall or Scott with the merge coming up so soon, because it fractures my game going into a potential merge...Somewhat of a "all or nothing" bet tonight.
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Me @ the brawns who have been on this tribe: https://media.giphy.com/media/szPZ2NXIGCMcE/giphy.gif
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So a couple new developments: 1. Jordan offered me a final two which I'm sooooo excited to see how that's going to turn out. I've really connected with Jordan this game (which admittedly I didn't think would happen before this game), but he's been the person I've confided in the most out here. So I really think this is going to be the start of something amazing. 2. With this F2 deal, Jordan told me that Amir/Jakey knew each other outside of this game. This is bad for me both because Jakey is supposed to be my other guy with Jordan, but also Amir is the person I'd want to target come merge (which should be next round). I have zero connection to him, he's proven to be good at comps, he's won this game before, and he doesn't add into my plan of having numbers on every side. So now I'm in a spot where I think I'll probably have to make a move against potentially my closest / other closest ally in this game. Being safe right before the potential merge feels amazing and opens a lot of opportunities, but is extremely scary knowing who is going to merge. Hopefully come to merge, I have a chance at the merge idol to avoid anyone else having the chance at getting it, because I need some added knowledge in this game.
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I am so fucking pissed at Devon. WHY ARE YOU ON THE BRAINS IF YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS!!!!!!! dsfjkaafkjdaldjfjadksjads Great now I get to die!
I don't know why Jakey wants to kill me. I am not a threat. Like at all? Most of the strategies I come up with are bad and I am barely social? Sure I guess I can win like a challenge or two but not enough to be physical? I mean I'm trying to kill him but like... honestly he started it 2 rounds ago. I am a paper tiger worse I am a paper giraffe. Sure I'm tall but basically harmless and only sort of evil. At least I remember why I hated him so much. I don't hate him NOW, I'm 22 years old I have better things to do then hate some guy for trying to win a game. But I am annoyed and inconvenienced by this. Maybe a little hurt too because the only reason I can think to get voted out is because my personality sucks so much that he doesn't see a future where we can work together. Which is fair I guess? But I can't be that awful right? God this game is a constant existential crisis... Also I think people are annoyed with me for being paranoid and shit. Oh I'm sorry people who's name isn't getting written down, I'm sorry I'm not more pleasant while I'm in fear for my metaphorical life. 
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It’s a MESS ITS A FUCKING MESS SCOTTIE WANTS DAN OUT DAN WANTS DEVON JAKEY WANTS DEVON DEFON WANTS DAN AUGUSTO AND KENDALL WANT JAKEY AMIR WANTS NOT JAKEY OR AUGUSTO OR KENDALL I literally don’t have number in this game and I’m going to get fucked on at the merge 
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Okay so Augusto basically told him that his name was an option for this vote or the next one and Kendall told him that the brawns are bringing up his name and said that he was the throw away vote So now my gut is telling me dan did it and jakey was in on it But I don’t care, if that’s the case Everyone on this tribe wants a brawn out, EVERYONE I just have to make sure it’s not jakey Because Augusto and Kendall want jakey now and I refuse it Rn it seems they r okay doing dan It seems everyone is cool doing dan So I’m happy with that
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Jakey is fucking strong arming me r u joking Ndbdjdjsns Jakey talked to scottie And got scottie to want devon So now they’re gonna try and call the alliance tmmrw and change to vote back to devon over dan And if Augusto and Kendall don’t want to Jakey wants to pull brain and brawn to vote kendall like sir I’m literally getting strong armed, and he can’t see why people want dan out I could make a move rn But should I even I probably shouldn’t If they try to get kendall I will flip it on him 
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don’t know what to do I’m pleading so hard with jakey rn like hey it’s not good for me to go into merge with 6 brawn 4 beauty (dysfunctional) and 3 brain (dysfunctional) And I said I want to do dan is that okay like jakey u need to choose a side, brawns, or this tribe And he goes If u decide to do dan Then I’m gonna unite dan and Scott and Devon and vote kendall So if that’s the case, I’m sending u home theres no way around it then
Throw back to last night when I hung up on jakey to call Augusto and told jakey that I was taking a shower but literally I was gone for an hour and needed an excuse fast so I told him i shaved my ass call that strategic ass shaking 
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Okay so this tribal. Everyone on my tribe thinks jakey is evil and he’s just going to go back to the brawn tribe, which is like, wtf, he literally voted in minority on purpose and gave us leverage on him. Like he literally has put himself on the line multiple times. He ratted out the brawn majority over and over. Like jakey is not loyal to the brawns on the other side at all. The people on this tribe don’t give a shit and my opinion isn’t being heard at all, Kendall won’t budge and Augusto won’t budge, and Scott wants to keep devon. Can I just say scott is a rat, he is playing every single person. Jakey trusted him soooo much . Anyway, everyone wants jakey out for literallt no reason and jakey trusts me 100% and jakey is the best way to get info from the brawns on the other side. Anyway, KDJDKSN KDNDKD we are getting dirty. Jakey has an idol. And I told him he was the vote and I made it sound like it’s all Scott’s decision cuz I’m really tight with Kendall and Augusto, so now, jakey wants to idol out Scott Basically, it’s time for a cluster fuck and it’s time for chaos So at merge jakey and I will play from Opposite sides
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so jakey fking tried to flip the vote and he blew up the 5 person alliance to devon and hes fucking up my game so much nkwejfnkew god maybe i will try and get him out at merge even tho i love him, i basically had to ccreate this narrative that jakey thinks that me jakey scott and devon are voting kendall but jakey is actually voting out scott jesus christ thi round gave me a migraine i have a case of the lie-abetes
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I- there's nothing else to say hahaha the boys don't even talk game. So when I know something y'all will know something
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People are paranoid as hell about a merge. What is there to be paranoid about, honestly? I've just tried to come into this game and have a good time and I think I've achieved that. No one is really looking at me as a threat right now, and there's still plenty of time left to play.
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okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which i will upload but adam just woke me up to the fact that we might be merging tonight?! which is so exciting and kinda crazy.... and the days line up with montenegro for us to be merging... at merge i think all my "laying low" can finally be for something and i can transition the bonds i've been making into making stuff happen. i've also been hosting a game during these quarantine times and i've realised people that do too much making SUCH deep bonds during the early stages become the people the jury is mad at in the endgame. i feel like im the middle ground, people feel close to me (and I would like to think I've come across as likable) without everyone thinking im their soul sister closest ally. at merge i think my "close" people who i can somewhat rely on are: autumn, jake, dan(?), jordan(?) and adam? like i have a core of people with various connections, which gives me some cover. its just about then feeling out the rest and seeing who i can trust amongst the rest... particularly the unknowns of augusto/kendall/scott/amir (assuming they are all at merge). like that is going to be the most important part of the merge stage for me, is figuring out which of them i can trust (and i do think dan and/or jake's opinions can help with this, because brainstorming with autumn helped me figuring out this hathor swap tribe).
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i'm excited for merge... i do think i have early juror written all over me but i am also very excited. its time to emerge from the shadows and stumble my way into the light
live fast die young merge boots do it well. i literally am a clown, i got excited by my guess going so well and now i literally am a target the size of the sun exclusively because of my own actions what was i thinking KJASDFA honestly at this point? i embrace it, i push the 'im a shield' narrative and i trot on my little trotters to being mayor of ponderosa. this season i chopped of my own head so will not be the winner and the king, but hopefully i can be a kingmaker? also if me winning the tiebreak sends jake home i literally will be so unspeakably frustrated with myself i will literally... scream. HE PROBS HATES ME. i'm praying he lives i will feel so bad if he doesnt KLASDF
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i literally... can not believe i am so stupid my lack of braincells really boggles my mind
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So I was really hoping that we would win this challenge today because I like everyone on this tribe. But of course with my luck in this game, we lose AGAIN. And it's a shame because I like the Thots Alliance and i feel bad voting out Devon. I know he's someone who trusts me and although I don't 100% trust him, I know that he's someone I can depend on. Plus he makes a really good goat at the end, so it'll make winning more of an obstacle for me without him there. To my surprise however, Kendall and Augusto approach me with the idea of voting out Jakey. I really like Jakey and I practically see him as my #1 here, so voting him out would be difficult for me to do as well. We've discussed the idol together, he gave me his CBS all access account info to watch the finale, and hes one of the very few smart people in this game. So on a personal level, this is a hard decision to make. However, from a game perspective, it might be the right call. Jakey's setting himself up to be a swing vote at the merge, and the fact that he campaigned for Dan to stay and was adamant on not voting him out shows that. When it comes to Devon and I, I would prefer to not vote Devon out but if I needed to in order to show that I trust an alliance moving forward I would. So the fact that Jakey doesn't see it like that is alarming to me. In addition to that, I know that Jakey has lied to me multiple times in this game. He purposefully gave me the wrong idol clue for one of the matches, and when I called him out on it he bluffed it up. On top of that, I know for a fact that he voted for Kendall during the AJ vote. And the fact that he's trying to play it off on Devon goes to show the lengths he would go to make sure he controls everything. And on top of that, he wants us all to tell Devon straight up that he's going. Like... did he not learn from my story when I tried to do that? It can't happen. From a game perspective, voting out Jakey is the more logical choice to make. He can navigate better in a group of people and is aware of whats going on. Devon on the other hand, doesn't even know where the idol is or how to look for it. Devon is someone who you can take into a merge and know what he's going to do. Jakey is more unpredictable. And I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to rally up troops to blindside me when that time came. From a personal perspective, I prefer that Devon goes just because of the lack of trust between us and the fact that I don't ever see myself fully trusting him. Sadly I have to lose this battle in order to win the war at the end. So I'm going to vote Jakey out tonight and really hope that it doesn't come to bite me in the but or that he doesn't play his idol (i know he has one, its obvious with how paranoid he's been)
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Guess I’m gonna cry because we lost… by a tiebreaker… it was sad. I feel especially awful because had I not made the mistake of repeating a name on my list during my 8th guess, we could’ve very well have won… but no one needs to know that! It just blows because going into a potential merge in a 7-5 scenario is NOT it. Plus like, their only vote was a unanimous vote for Connor which like… love Connor, but a rock could vote Connor out. I wanted to see tension, I wanted to see idols played, I wanted to see hands thrown, I wanted to see lines drawn, and I wanted to see messiness but all I ended up seeing? Disappointment. I hate it here deadass (‘:
Aside from being kinda sad we lost, I do feel super secure. Last round, I wanted Dan to leave to get rid of Brawn numbers and have the best chance to get Jakey out and now I have that! I know Amir is on the fence but I know Kendall and Devon would be all for it (Scott is as well, but I didn’t really know how much he’d be about it until this round) so it needs to happen. While I adore Jakey as a person and we’ve connected a lot, our strategic games don’t align at all since he doesn’t tell me much of anything? Most of his info goes to Amir or Scott and I’m being selfish here but I want all the tea (‘: plus him playing double agent with the Brawns at merge is not what I need if we’re going into the merge with not enough numbers. Not only that but Adam is a wildcard in terms of if he’ll work with me or not but Jakey being there with us makes it so Adam wouldn’t want to so there’s that. Girl… i sound like a whole ass gamebot wtf ghfdjnms
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It’s so weird like I am extremely proud of the game I am playing but I still feel inadequate as a player? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others because I’m ME but my two closest allies (Kendall, Amir) are playing so much better? Amir is able to get all the tea in the world and form those important game connections which I don’t feel like I can yknow? With Kendall, she is just so bold (and beautiful) with her gameplay in a way I could never like she doesn’t mind being the secondary target, she talks to everyone and talks game with everyone, and stuff like that. So in a way, I’m probably not a major threat to people because those two icons are here BUT I also don’t know if that’ll make me seen like a non-factor… that’s just how I feel going into merge and it’s kinda mehhh idk ;-;
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MERGE IS COMING. TOnight actually, people are speculating, but im the only one with the certainty that its tonight and im feeling wonderful. I think if I play my cards right Im gonna have a lot of options come merge. God pending Kendall does not die tonight (hopefully her beauties keep her alive) im gonna suggest we secret pair beware this shit and tsart working from opposite sides to keep each other safe. That will allow me to pick of people Im not working with, while hopefully ensure that people im not with who are with her will be detered from targeting me. Thats my plan but who knows what the true dynamics of merge will be. Ive been playing quiet so far but im about to become the star of teh show, my ego just cant take it.
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i really feel like by getting a five i got jake voted out and i want to scream i literally am gonna be out for blood if he goes
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yujachachacha · 7 years
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AWM 2017 recap
Things I saw at AWM today plus some bonus content I was informed of by other attendees of the event (roughly in chronological order):
Cinderella Girls
- I know next to nothing about this series except that Rin and Uzuki and that Love Laika duo are popular yuri ships lol.
- I already forgot their setlist OTL sorry I’d probably remember if I listened to some of their songs again. I think they performed 5? STAR, GOIN…uh…
- They pretty much spoke Japanese the entire time and were impressed that the audience seemed to be following along well despite that.
- They did a live skit or something? They showed clips from the anime(?) for each character and had them read a script live. Was pretty cute.
- Lit songs of the set list: YES PARTY TIME (is…is that the right title lol I just remember screaming those words a lot), and of course their closing song Onegai Cinderella.
- Okay to be exact all the songs were exciting but those two were particularly lit. iM@S songs have somewhat difficult calls (at least compared to Aqours) but those two songs are pretty easy to follow along with for wotaing even if you’re not at all familiar with the series.
- They performed one song I wasn’t familiar with because it wasn’t on the AWM Day 0 fan-compiled playlist nor the CG callbook _(:3 」∠)_ I believe this was one of their opening songs, so I started off the concert vaguely waving my KB and chanting “HAI HAI HAI HAI Uhhhh I don’t know the calls for this OOOH HAI OOOH HAI”, thanks for carrying the rest of us, Producers 👌
- Okay a friend has told me that song is Yumeiro Harmony? RIP.
Wake Up, Girls!
- 6 songs performed: Tachiagare!, Koi? de Ai? de Boukun Desu!, SHOUJO KOUKYOUKYOKU, Beyond the Bottom, 7 Girls War, Gokujou Smile. I…already forgot the exact order of the songs, but I *think* at least the first two are in the right places. Beyond the Bottom was close to the end iirc.
- I watched a grand total of 3 episodes of the anime plus the first movie so I’m not particularly familiar with the series, but I got attached to Minyami…to no one’s surprise lol, she happens to be the character whose image color is yellow and has a “nya” catchphrase 🙃 I screamed whenever she got a solo part she’s so cute aaah
- Mayushii is such a good singer holy fuck, kinda reminds me of a super-ikemen Emitsun (except ever since I saw a niconama of her crying hysterically over a horror game I can’t take her seriously :3c).
- They were saying things about having the audience smile or something as a lead-in into Gokujou Smile lol
- They tried to speak a bit of English, but it was mostly basic stuff. They were cute. :)
- I broke a UG (Ultra Green, the green version of a UO/Ultra Orange - which y'all might be familiar with from Snow halation) for Tachiagare and I lost my shit because Shukamod couldn’t find her UG, and she ended up breaking like 4-6 UBs (Ultra Blue, for songs like KoiAqua and MIRAI TICKET) unintentionally in her frantic search for one before I took pity on her and gave her my spare lol.
- SHOUJO KKK was motherfucking lit, everyone lost their shit at the hips great choreography and deep voices.
- Lowkey sad that they didn’t perform 16 sai no Agape because it’s the first WUG song I knew (thanks to King’s ANiUTa playlist) but I don’t have any complaints about their performance tbh. They are really, really good dancers and Mayushii’s singing is so damn ikemen I died.
- Everyone else in ONIBE was 🍝 for Yoppi lol.
- 15min intermission afterwards.
Walkure
- Only 2 members performed but it was still lit~
- These two are so talented??? The audience (me included) completely lost their shit at Ikenai Borderline.
- Shukamod probably had a good laugh at me screaming shit like “OH MY GOD JUNNA IS 16 HOW TF IS SHE THIS GOOD WHAT AN IKEBO HOLY SHIT”
- oh yeah, setlist…uhhh…also can’t recall the titles from the top of my head, but Ichi Do Dake no Koi Nara was one I remember. Really good song holy mother of god.
- Friends have reminded me that there was 5, and the first song was Koi Halation, other was Bokura no Senjou, and also supplied the title of the last song (I know the calls but not the title lol).
- In the MC, JUNNA and Minori talked about how they were really impressed by the American burgers. They wanted recommendations for more delicious burgers and several people in the audience had to start a chant to help them remember. They started to say McDonald’s and everyone screamed in horror until they eventually caught on that people were chanting “In N Out” lmao.
- They spoke so much Engrish bless these kids
- For the MC before the last song (Run ga Pikatta Hikattara), Minori was trying to teach the audience the call for it and was pleasantly surprised when the audience automatically did the call once she started singing a specific part of the song without her having to spell it out for us. What do you take us for, casuals? >:|
- All the solo parts were done by Minori…dunno if that’s normal but that’s what I noticed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Aqours
- These are somewhat arbitrary numbers but it seemed like that the audience was made of like 25% CG fans, 10% WUG fans, 5% Walkure fans, and then the rest were there for Aqours. Possibly even more for Aqours, since I saw an insane number of people wearing the caps from the You birthday set lol. I even spotted someone cosplaying Ruby from the recent Time Travel set on SIF, holy shit how did they assemble that costume for AX so quickly… Anyways, of course the entire theater went wild when Aqours was finally up to perform.
- Like for their Christmas minilive and 1st Live, the members entered 1 by 1 through a splash screen introducing their character by default member order (i.e. Chika-Riko-Kanan-Dia-You-etc).
- To no one’s surprise, they started with Aozora Jumping Heart. @saitou-shuka and I were pretty much screaming our hearts out from the start. Shukamod broke a mega UO during Shukashuu’s intro lmao.
- They were wearing their MIRAI TICKET outfits and their set list basically turned out to be almost identical to their ANiUPa setlist.
- MC (member introductions using their standard character speeches e.g. Kanan going “I guess my appeal point is my muscles?”) after Aozora. They went down the line in the order Aikyan-Furirin-King-Rikyako-Anchan-Shukashuu-Suwawa-Arisha-Ainya.
- They didn’t do their call and responses (T_T) and I noticed that right away when Aikyan went into her introduction, so after she finished speaking I screamed “OHAYOSHIKO” and a few people copied me, I think? Me and Shukamod ended up shouting the call & responses before or after each introduction lol.
- Aikyan mentioned that this was her first time in America with Aqours, and when King did her introduction she sounded so smug going “This is my second time zura~~~”
- Rikyako mentioned that this was actually the first overseas performance for Aqours (which I already knew but it’s still cool to be reminded again) and everyone was hyped.
- Screamed a lot during Shuka’s intro RIP my voice.
- Suwawa started her self-intro and forgot what her lines were partway through so we had a good laugh when she went “Eh, nandake?” all of a sudden lol.
- People were cheering loudly for Arisha partway through her introduction, so she shushed everyone and then went “suki” and everyone lost their shit again.
- Ainya is so tiny omg what a shiny smol girl
- I made the resolution to be the American version of that one guy who always screams “AAAAaIiiNYAAAaaaAAa” at Aqours lives, and according to Shukamod I did a pretty good replication of it :3c
- Rikyako and Suwawa were in charge of the English language MC and their English has gotten really, really good holy crap. Only complaint I would have was the line “Let’s enjoy with us!” (should be something like “Let’s have fun together” or w/e), but their pronunciation and speed were godly. Both spoke a lot, but Rikyako in particular was really active in repeating stuff said in Japanese into English.
- Ainya was really clingy with Arisha lol I don’t remember which MC it was during but Ainya kept hugging Arisha and stuff lol
- Rikyako then said that the next song would be from their first single and everyone got hyped for KimiKoko.
- SHUKA LEAPFROG IN HER MIRAI TICKET OUTFIT WOOHOO SEEING IT LIVE WAS WILD
- KOIAQUA AFTERWARDS WHOOOOOOO SHUKA’S DANCING WAS SO GOOD!!! Also according to some people in other seats there were some audience members who were doing the “IE TAIGAAAA” calls for this song 🙃 Shukamod and I each broke a handful of UBS for this of course haha
- Another MC/small break afterwards! Furirin did that routine she always does at Aqours lives where she suddenly collapses and asks if she can have a water break lol is this gonna be a regular routine now?
- SHUKA ACCIDENTALLY TOOK ANCHAN’S BOTTLE AND FLAILED AND SAID SOMETHING LIKE “OH NO I DRANK SO MUCH OF CHIKA-CHAN’S WATER”
- MIRAI TICKET was announced as the Ep 13 insert song to be performed next! It was fun breaking out the UOs and UBS for this song too~ The “we say yousoro” part was of course enthusiastically screamed by all the You fans in particular o7
- Surprise song Yume Kataru yori Yume Utaou! They brought out pom poms too! Ainya and Arisha had a really cute hug in this song :D According to others apparently the 1st years were also super clingy and were doing lots of group hugs and stuff
Miscellaneous
- I spotted someone trying to record a part of the concert in the beginning and got really mad and pointed it out to the members of ONIBE I was sitting with. We screamed something like “HEY FUCKER YOU WITH THE CAMERA STOP FUCKING RECORDING” at him after the song, which caused a lot of stares but did achieve the effect of getting him to stop.
- When Aqours finished, Anchan became the MC for the closing speeches at the end.
- Minori had a paper at the closing MC with a speech written in English on it lol. She tweeted a picture of it after the performance, but basically it’s something along the lines of “Thanks everyone, In n Out burgers No. 1!!!” lmao
- JUNNA couldn’t come on stage at the closing MC with all the artists at the end because minors (JUNNA is 16) aren’t allowed to work after 10pm lmao, I had been so confused and concerned until that announcement was made and then I just cracked up.
- I saw Anchan making an adorable pouty face during one of the other groups’ closing speech aaaah so precious.
- Furirin and Shukashuu were doing small “ganbaruby” motions off to the side bless these two :’D
- King kept doing the Ohanamaru pose too lol
- Apparently for the VIP meet & greet after the concert, someone did a “hagu shiyo” with their friend in front of Suwawa, and in response Suwawa did it too with Shukashuu.
- Sosa (Korean Twitter artist famous for their NozoEli video comic of Garasu no Hanazono) was apparently at AWM today…AND RECEIVED A CALLBOOK FROM ONIBE. I MIGHT HAVE WALKED PAST ONE OF THE KOREAN ARTISTS WHO’VE I’VE TRANSLATED FOR. I MIGHT HAVE EVEN HANDED ONE TO THEM. WHAT THE HELL??
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r-o-se · 7 years
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Produce 101 S2 Episode 9 summary nice nice very nice 10/10
first off the eliminated trainees and LAST SEASON TRAINEES got more screentime than half of the trainees lkrjelj im so mad lol anyways lets do this jake paulers
1.      Oh nice we start with flashback scenes from the last elimination great good amazing I love pain
2.      BoA back at it again with giving kids heart attacks
3.      Oh my fucking god WHAT they’re…. They’re changing the number of debuting people*? Why? What? They’re revealing it after this evaluation…. Why….
4.      Anyways the benefit is 220k votes, 100k for the member who brought in most votes and 20k for the rest PLUS the winning team will get to present their song on MCountdown
5.      Open up team lost so many members they’re left with only 4,everyone from Daniks training group got eliminate. I know you know and Showtime also need one extra member
6.      Oh Little Girl and Never are going to vote people out from the team and the teams that lack members are going to choose new members from the ones who got voted out
7.      Everyone are trying to save their asses to satay in their teams now
8.      Oh my fucking god Minhyun just shaded Haknyeon lmaooo
9.      ‘Ong why did you move are you uncomfortable?’ ‘What am I, an amateur?’
10.   Open up only has Baekho, Danik, Kenta and Yongguk right now
11.   Moonbok gets eliminated from Oh Little Girl riperoni poor dude
12.   Sungwoon, Haknyeon, Youngmin and Seonho get eliminated as well
13.   I feel so so sorry for Seungwoon he tries so hard and his vocals are AMAZING and he looks super cute and is so determined with his skills and he is a great dancer but people won’t fucking give him attention please take better care of my boy he is so cute and so skilled
14.   They actually chose Guanlin over Sungwoon. Why. I love Guanlin but Sungwoon is so much more skilled. This hurts. Let my boy be center. Let my boy sing. L
15.   LMAO THEY DEADASS ELIMINATED SUNGWOON SO THEYD HAVE MORE SINGING PARTS COME THE FUCK ON
16.   Danik will choose people now, he picks Seonho, Youngmin and Haknyeon. Why Haknyeon. Pick Sungwoon. Why does no one like Sungwoon. Let Sungwoon sing. Bitch
17.   Jisung chooses Sungwoon as his vocal and Moonbok automatically goese to I Know You Know
18.   TAEHYUN EXPOSED SUNGWOON THAT HE HATED THE SHOWTIME SONG AAAHAHAHAHHA
19.   Oh Little Girl team is sad and moping and choose the center from Ren and Jihoon. Ren really wants it and honestly he has a good reason to be it since Jihoon is popular and not in danger at all
20.   SOMEONE WROTE JIHOON DOWN AS PARK WINK HOW CUTE AKJGRNK
21.   Anyways they do a blind written vote and Ren became center WOOO BABE GOOD GOING!!!
22.   They have another nemesis as well, Gunhee vs Sewoon for main vocal
23.   Sewoon has never been main vocal apparently??? What is this blasphemy??? Blocked LET HIM SING BUT ALSO LET GUNHEE SING HE IS IN DANGER IM CONFUSED AND SAD
24.   They did a blind vote, Baejy was thee only one who voted for Gunhee, others for Sewoon and Sewoon got the main vocal part. Gunhee takes the sub-vocal part from Baejy
25.   Sungwoon just expressed his heartbreak over being rejected by the Never team, people are laughing with him, offering him the leader spot and he’s like ‘Weeeeeeellll I’d like to be center actually J’ FEARIJKJFEKR I LOVE MY BOY Jisung and Samuel got heart attacks from that I swear to god
26.   Taehyun keeps giving him small snide remarks and it’s BEAUTIFUL let Hotshot live
27.   Anyways the Showtime center is Samuel rip Jisung and Sungwoon
28.   IM CRYING JISUNG TOOK OFF HIS CENTER STICKER AND SUNGWOON PICKED IT UP AND STUCK ON HIMSELF LET MY BOY BE CENTER I BEG PLEASE PLEASE
29.   Sammy boyo has problems reaching the high notes poor baby
30.   HYUNBIN BAB VOLUNNTEERS AS LEADER FOR I KNOW YOU KNOW AND EVENTHO DONGHYUN VOLUNTEERS AS WELL HYUNBIN GETS THE SPOT DO WELL BABE I LOVE U
31.   I hope Donghan can stay center this dude is so good hearted and gorgeous but low ranked he deserves better NVM RIP taedong is center
32.   Kenta and Seonho and Haknyeon all volunteer as Open Up centers
33.   FHRAEID THEYRE DOING THE CRINGEFEST OF FACIAL EXPRESSION COMPETITION SAVE ME
34.   It looks like Youngmin has adopted Seonho this is cute as fuck he keeps asking how others think about him
35.   They are blind voting again, Baekho, Yongguk and Danik choose Haknyeon, Youngmin and Seonho Kenta but….. Yongguk is like…. Entirely edited out from here lol what did he do @MNET STOP HATING ON CHILDREN but at least Kenta has screentime it’s the small things that matter
36.   Haknyeon has a loooot of problems with both choreo and singing and Baekho is guiding him a lot this is so cute ajeofljlkeslvnl
37.   Anyways Never is practicing and Minhyun gets chosen to be the center literally everyone are favouring him
38.   Never team are doing reallllllly well, they have no aired problems lol
39.   Ong is dumb as fuck and just claps slates thanks Mnet true quality content we all needed
40.   Rlaejfoaiejsof Big Woojin is filming Jonghyun who’s like ‘DON’T AIR THIS’ lol too late babe
41.   Someone nominate Woojin for the best cameraman those clips are SO GOOD LET THAT BOY DEBUT
42.   This team is so pure seriously
43.   They are preparing for the stage everyone look so good this is SINFUL KANG DANIEL SIT YO ASS DOWN
44.   THEY SHOWED JINWOO!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!! AND TAEWOONG AND JAEHAN!! MMO LIVES!! SUNGWOO IS THERE AS WELL
45.   Sammy bab is so taken aback by the crowd aw also seriously Jinwoo has gotten more screentime here in the crowd than the rest of the show combined
46.   Anyways back to practicing Triple H is there and literally everyone get so giddy when they see Hyuna SAME TBH but yeah all producers are there
47.   Showtime team really fuckin kills it during the showcase for the producers and Sammy babe gets praised a lot I’m HAPPY!!!
48.   Showtime stage is ALIVE and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! HOTSHOT BOYS!!!! LOOK SO GOOD!!!!!! PEACHY SUNGWOON AND ASHY TAEHEYUN!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT LIVING IS ALL ABOUT
49.   Fiaerjofiej they show the last season trainees more often than they show some of the current ones like damn u ever heard of Kim Yongguk?
50.   Showtime stage was SO LIT AND HAD SUCH GOOD VIBES!!!!!! THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD TAEHYUN GOT HIS DUMB LIL TONGUE OUT AND SAMMY DID THE RABBIT POSE
51.   Next up is I Know You Know and ppl are cheering really loudly for Hyunbin my heart hurts thank u everyone for loving my tall child
52.   This teams mood is pretty low since they’re all really low ranks I hope they can do alright
53.   The fucking slurping noses they record need to ALL be deleted and burned
54.   The producer for I Know You Know is suuuuuper tight up lol and wants everyone to be perfect BUT HE PRAISES HYUNBIN!!!!!!!! GOOD BABY IM PROUD!!! GOOD KID!!!!!
55.   Akaefhkdifhaseoifd all trainers are praising Hyunbin this feels like heaven I’m crying
56.   This team has the ‘we are probs gonna be eliminated anyways so let’s just have fun’ mentality and honestly? I love it good luck kids love ya do well
57.   Sunghyuk is so cute I can’t get over this small byoo and then theres Hyunbin whose legs are like what two meters long
58.   OPEN UP OPEN UP OPEN UP WOOOOOOOOOOO MY BOYSSS THEY SHOWED MMO YEEE
59.   Haknyeon is really lacking so they gotta change the center. Even Seonho can do it (the choreo and vocals at the same time) so anyways Yongguk is the center now but they didn’t even say his name jesus damn
60.   Never stage is a goddamn bedroom and Seonho pushed Kenta onto a bed and straddled him BOI WYD UR LIKE 12
61.   DANIEL KANG IS ILLEGAL!!!! FUCK THAT GUY!!!!!!! KANG DONGHO WHO!!!!! NOONE THEY CAN GO FUCK RIGHT OFF
62.   BAEKHOS VOCALS!!!!!! BRUH!!!!!
63.   KENTA GETTING ACTUAL SCREENTIME!!!!!!! AS WELL AS MMO LMAO MNET WHY COULDN’T U SHOW THEM BACK WHEN THEY WERE IN  THE SHOW
64.   It’s time for Oh Little Girl ye boiiiiiiiii
65.   Afijoiajos Jihoon has a new aegyo oaireojfijw it’s the Jooheons baby voice gugugaga thing I for once support Park McWink
66.   Jihoon is dressed up in all pink while others are monochrome black and white aaaaahhahaha
67.   OLG team has some problems apparently plus the center is still not clear. Baejy has problems with his vocals and Sewoon is helping I’m glad
68.   Sewoon does really well and gets praised by the producers and hes all jumpy and cute lil baby overall EVERYONE are doing really well Baejy as well this is so cute what a pure recording session
69.   Minki has prorblems concentrating and Gunhee is being a bit shady and holy damn Jihoon fuckin slammed thhe door and walked out
70.   Sewoon followed him and Jihoon apparently finds the groups atmosphere problematic and Gunhee is like tell us whats wrong?? (To Ren) and Ren walks out and slams the door even harder holy fucking god
71.   AAAAHAHHAHAHAH THE DUMBOS GUNHEE WALKED INTO THE ROOM AND THE TWO IDIOTS HUGGED AND GIGGLED WHATS GOIN ON
72.   DUMBASSES THIS IS A HIDDEN CAMERA AS A BDAY PRESENT TO SEWOON AND PARK WINK
73.   Jihoon looks shook af and hides his face in hands and Sewoon doesn’t really realize what’s going on and just claps along and then falls on his back oigjrolawirjo SOFT KIDS
74.   ‘We slammed the door too, this will definitely get into the trailer’
75.   Is eating cake with chopsticks a thing people do
76.   Aejofiejwafofi Jihoon looks like a McDonalds mascot I’m cryin
77.   Gunhee looks SO GOOD! BRO WTF HYUNGSEOB AS WELL
78.   And Mnet did Ren’s visuals dirty as literally Always
79.   Oh my triple H are visiting the never team and everyone are dying inside
80.   Everyone are freaking out and Guanlin is like oh hyungs came lol
81.   Everyone love the Never team and tbh? They deserve it the song is great the team is good and everything just fits
82.   Guanlin took the Never team to Cube HQ everyone are like woaaaaaaahhhhhh holy shiiiiiiiiiiitttt
83.   His locker is messy as fuck lol clean after yourself boy
84.   Krehhfnlakjwef hes presenting his first evaluation choreo he did with Seonho and others are able to follow it right away this is so funny lol
85.   ERAFKLAEN THE CUBE CHICKS WERE SUPPPOSED TO DO THE EVALUATION WITH A TROUBLEMAKER COVER BUT DIDN’T BECAUSE THEIR SKILLS WERE TOO INCONSISTENT THIS IS SO FUNNY DUDE I SAW THE VID BUT I DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO AUDITION WITH THAT AGELRIJFAEL
86.   THE SLAPPING SOUNDS WHEN GUANLIN HITS SEONHOS BUTT BOI UR LIKE 12
87.   This team is so giddy at every single little compliment and they’re also treating them as equals not trainees
88.   JAEWHAN IS RAPPING WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! KIM JAEHWAN!!!! MY BOY!!!! GODDAMN
89.   What the fuck is Hyojong wearing does he even see behind his hat
90.   AEAAAHAHAHAHAHAH HYOJONG ASKED WOOJIN TO SIGH INTO THE MIC AS AN EXTRA EFFECT THIS IS SO FUNNY FUCK EVERYONE ARE SIGHING AND BREATHING REALLY LLOUD
91.   Minhyun looks so good he has everyone whipped
92.   Ongs ‘everytime, everywere’ is…….. wow…………. Fuck……………. Why is he in danger of dropping like seriously yall he’s so good
93.   The vid keeps freezing every few seconds I hate this I’m just tryna look at Kim Jaehwan is this too much to ask for
94.   HYUNA LOOKS AT GUANLIN WITH SO MUCH AFFECTION THIS IS SO PURE
95.   Woojin got so much praise by the trainees they personally went down to praise them
96.   The team that got last place is I know you know…….. it only got 83 votes I’m super emo…. They really deserved better this is so sad…. Showtime got fourth with 135, Oh Little Girl got third with 398
97.   The jumps in votes are so fucking massive it feels so humiliating to see them all laid out like this….
98.   Ong repeated his really very totally hella etc etc thing and then Baekho copied it but added Japanese and Chinese as well aaahahah what an intellectual
99.   ANYWAYS Never got second with 443 votes and Open Up first with 552 THE TEAM IS SO FUCKING SHOOK AND CHEERFUL AND BUBBLY I LOVE THIS I AM REALLY HAPPY AND APPARENTLY BAEKHO ADOPTED SEONHO TOO AND FUCK IM SO EMO THIS IS SO GOOD AND PURE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
100.   DANIK IS SO HAPPY AND SMILEY THIS IS SO PURE AND SWEET I LOVE THIS
101.   The overall first place got 205 votes….. the entire I Know You Know team together had 83 votes…….. The entire last row, people like Woodam and Yehyun with two votes, all on the last row have 2-12 votes this makes me so sad poor kids
102.   KENTA GOT RANKED LAST IN OPEN UP IM SAD anyways the others from last to first are Youngmin-Yongguk- Seonho-Haknyeon and they don’t say if the first is Daniel or Baekho it’s the battle of Kang D’s I’m mad lol
103.   ??????? They only revealed where Minhyun ranked what the hell anyways hes 12th L that’s one hell of a fall
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Text
fandom stuff under a read more because I don’t want to bore people
I feel so sad and disconnected from the Robron/Emmerdale fandom and honestly it just makes me feel so bad? I feel like I’m standing outside in the rain, looking through a steamed up window at everyone indoors in the warm all together having a good time and I’m just sort of there, but not really?
I started watching ED again last week, although I haven’t watched it since Wednesday. So....I think I’ve only actually watched three episodes in the past three weeks? I have the last few recorded, but I was out Thursday night, and I’ve been working all Bank Holiday weekend and was out Saturday/Sunday night too, so I haven’t had a chance to catch up/watch the last few eps, but at the same time it’s like.....can I really be bothered?? Any spare moment I’ve had I’ve just watched another ep of Parks and Rec (I’m already nearly half way through season 3!!) and I just......I guess Friday was such a bad day in general, like work was just horrendous, but tbh it got off to a bad start even before I got to work because of that stuff with IM, and the fact he shattered another couple of theories and therefore killed any tiny little bit of hope I may have had buried inside of me about this mess.
And then there are people that are still somehow aboard the Positivity Train, and I admire that, even if I can’t relate to it, and I can’t help but wonder what people on board that train think of people like me, the people in the fandom who are unable to see any kind of light and are just so hideously disheartened (heartbroken, tbh) about all of this??? I can’t help wondering if they think I/people that feel like me are either being really dramatic, or that we somehow don’t love Robron as much as them (which is.....not true at all, it’s because I love them so much, and have loved these characters for so many years, that I am struggling so much with this). This isn’t because of anything anyone has said btw, and I’m not bashing ANYONE. I admire you all and I’m jealous of you all, seriously. I wish I was like you guys. But I can’t help but wonder what you make of a lost and disheartened little soul like me.
Like I feel like I can’t say anything about any of it??? I’ve already lost several followers, including a couple of mutuals, just because I’m upset about this? And I haven’t even been as brutal as I want to be about this!! 
And then I feel like people are throwing themselves into fanfic, which is so awesome. I love that people are using this art-form to find joy and comfort at a time like this. But fanfic for something that is already fictional has never been something that has interested me, and I’ve spoken about this before, so it’s not something that I can get involved with? I mean I’ve read the odd little one shot now and then (as long as it’s in context with canon/written like a missing scene), and I’ve even written a couple of little mini-fics myself, but for the most part it’s just something that I can’t connect with, because it’s almost like rubbing salt in the wound??? It’s like “look how great things could be! but.....they’re not like this, at all.” And I must say, being unable to connect with fanfic for a particular fandom especially sucks being someone who has written several successful fanfics for another couple of fandoms over the past 11 years. It’s like I have this ability in me, but it can’t get out with this pairing/this fandom, which makes me feel like shit.
So I have absolutely nothing to offer? I have no way to make myself feel included or involved??? I just feel unimportant, pointless, a nuisance, who can’t really express my feelings/thoughts about this current state because I’ll just be seen as grumpy and bitter (I am) and I don’t want to be seen as trying to get other people down or anything?? I don’t want to shit over people’s positivity at all?? 
So I’m just......here. Feeling like an outsider for a fandom I love with all my heart. And honestly, I’m not blaming anyone; not at all. The only person I blame is Iain and the only thing I blame is ED for making me and others feel this way. Like I don’t think anybody within the fandom has done anything wrong at all (well......that’s not entirely true, I have been made to feel like shit by someone here, but for an entirely different, unrelated issue lmao) so I don’t want anyone to think I’m having a go or anything because NO. I’m so so jealous of all of you who are still managing to enjoy ED, enjoy the fandom, and/or those who are still being super positive about things. I think that’s amazing and I’m so glad you’re able to do that. I wish I was like you.
But it’s just because I’m not able to do that right now, I don’t really know what to do. 
I just feel lost and sad. And because things have been a bit stressful for me recently, in my “real life”, I especially miss having Robron to escape to. The other day I considered watching the wedding, or some pre-wedding scenes, but I physically couldn’t. It’s been about 6 weeks now, and I haven’t watched anything. And honestly, that crushes me. They were the first thing I turned to when life got me down and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive IM for taking that away from me. I’m not saying I’ll never be able to get it back, but I know it won’t quite be the same. It won’t be the pure joy it was before and that honestly breaks my heart.
But anyway. I’ll shut up. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. Honestly, it means the world to me. I’m just really genuinely upset about this and just sitting here typing this I’m trying not to cry (I’m at work so I need to keep it together). So.....yeah. :(
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