#entire sections of my wardrobe based on this terrible terrible man

[tavtiers]

A hypothetical god tier for Riddler from Batman: the Prince of Mind.

A Prince of Mind is among those who alter the individual’s impact. They are motivated by themselves to destroy intuition. (x) The Prince of Mind wants to have control over things and enjoys challenges. (x) They are the Promised Genius, defined by control and intuition. (x) Their opposite is the Bard of Heart. Their inverse is the Sylph of Heart. They share their personality with the Mage of Blood. The Prince of Mind would quest on a planet similar to the Land of Heart and Mind, reigned over by Athena (Goddess of Justice) or the Sphinx (the monster that ate anyone who answered her riddles incorrectly). They would rise to ascension on the wings of dragonflies. (x)(x)(x)

[rocknrollsalad-moved]

Prompt: New

At first, it was a joke, as most things are with Tony.

Bruce had a terrible habit of forgetting his glasses. It’d be worse if he didn’t stash a pair everywhere. Tony found a pair in the refrigerator once and stood there holding them for ten minutes wondering how that had happened. In the end, he put them back.

It would be a bigger issue if Bruce was nearsighted but he only needed the glasses to see up close. His prescription was just bad enough he shouldn’t buy the readers down at the drug store but still did. So, often Bruce wouldn’t need them he’d put them down where he was and forget about them. There was always another pair nearby.

Tony put a pair on one day in the lab. Not the most clever of jokes but he sat there clicking blurry keys, that really should have been worse. He should not be able to see this well with glasses on, god, it was almost as if he was getting old. Thankfully that wasn’t happening.

Now the goal had been to get Bruce to notice, to fluster him and if Tony was really lucky, annoy him. He sat there working for so long that he grew impatient and asked Bruce to bring him a file he didn’t need and had digital access to. Bruce delivered the file and was turning back to his work before Tony had grabbed the file.

Two hours he sat in that lab wearing the oversized grandpa glasses waiting for Bruce to notice. Everyone else in Tony’s phonebook found themselves subjected to more pictures of him in the glasses than anyone needed. Ever. Both Pepper and Natasha threatened to block his number. Clint, on the other hand, was laughing so hard he couldn’t find enough emojis to express himself.

Accomplishing little and having annoyed others, Tony gave up and went about his day. Leaving the lab to do other work he told Bruce, in parting, that he could replace himself with a scarecrow and the other wouldn’t notice.

“Uh huh, yeah. I’ll lock up.” was all he got in response.

If it wasn’t so adorable the way Bruce poured himself into his work Tony would be offended. If there wasn't that absolute torturous face of joy he made when he completed something or a new discovery made, Tony would kick him out. But that wasn’t happening anytime soon. Sometimes you had to play second fiddle to science.

(God knows Tony has subjected many to the same fate)

The next time it was over dinner, they were sitting together outside the lab. Cross-legged on an expansive sectional with cartons of Chinese between them. Tony made the move to grab another packet of soy sauce but instead snatched Bruce’s glasses.

These ones were half frames, thicker than the other pair. If the last pair were grandpa glasses, these were the glasses of the dead. Tony felt himself getting older by the minute. And not that he’d tell anyone but his fortune cookie was a little easier to read as he pretended to struggle in order to mock the other.

At first, Bruce rolled his eyes and continued shoving food in his mouth. He always eats like he’s never seen food. It’s all or nothing with him and though Tony isn’t one known for his fantastic eating habits it drives him insane. Complete savage or informing everyone eating a fruit bar 10 hours ago is good enough. Not to mention it was awful to watch.

“They suit you,” Bruce finally says, there’s that playful spark in his eyes that Tony knows only he sees.

Bruce knows this is an insult. Tony’s prone to occasional bouts of vanity and glasses? They aren’t hip or trendy, no matter what the magazines say. Bruce and Tony both come from a generation, though, where you mocked the kid with glasses. You ripped your friend apart without concern when they showed up with their new specks. Some things, no matter what GQ said, wouldn’t be fashionable.

Tony preens for a minute, trying to pretend he’s complimented but it doesn’t work and he takes the glasses off. He tries not to look defeated but Bruce is sitting there looking so smug. Leaving Tony unsure if that angers him or turns him on. Perhaps both.

Tony deflects instead, putting the problem on Bruce. If he’d had better frames Tony would have looked good, naturally. “Why do you insist on buying the ugliest frames you can find?”

“Because they’re cheap.”

“Yeah, well you have got to stop basing your choices off of what’s cheap.”

Bruce rolls his eyes, stuffing what Tony is sure is an entire egg roll in his mouth at once and keeps talking. “I don’t know if you remember but I have this little problem? I get all big and green, it’s easy to miss. But it does tend to ruin shirts, pants, glasses, Harlem. You know, the usual.”

This is enough to stop Tony. Not the self-deprecating humor, he’s grown accustom to that. The logic, though. Given how often Bruce has Hulked right out of his clothes, it can’t be cheap. Why shop at Barney’s if it runs the risk of being ripped to shreds. Goodwill has to be the best option. “There has to be a better selection than 1950s nerd.”

“Steve did ask me where I got my pants the other day.”

Tony nearly chokes on the bite of noodles for trying not to laugh. Bruce throws a napkin Tony’s way in case there’s a mess. Which adds to the building laughter, the idea that this thin napkin would do anything to save the sofa (or Bruce) from noodles being spit back out is too much. And it was the exact joke Bruce was going for.

These are the moments Tony lives for. Not the quiet ones where they’re both calm and laying in bed or reading in the lab. Not working with Bruce or even fighting along side him. When they’re both just people. They laugh and joke and show sides of themselves few see. He wouldn’t trade this for anything.

For that and the way genuine smiles look on Bruce. He’d fight any villain thrown his way to see that on a daily basis. Bruce puts his glasses on with a look that says there’s nothing wrong with them, he’s almost right. They still age him and they still look like cheap, flimsy frames.

A week later Tony shows up again wearing glasses. They’re black but the inside of the arms is a bright red. Making Bruce’s glasses look even worse by comparison. There is a hardshell case in his pocket with a spare, identical pair inside.

“Geeze! And you said my glasses looked like a cliche,” Bruce says with a laugh, skipping any greeting and going right to mocking Tony. “You look like, oh god, the guy. You know the one, he died young.”

“Buddy Holly,” Tony says the words as if they cause him physical pain him. These are the moments he misses Rhodey. Someone actually from this century. “And I’ll have you know at least five of the most important and influential fashion bloggers have called these the must-haves of the season.”

“You can’t make things up to justify your fashion choices.”

“Well, yes. I can. Of course, I can, do you know who I am?”

“Hard to forget.”

“I make things fashionable, thank you.”

“Yeah, well good luck with those.”

It’s hard not to feel hurt. Not only did Tony think the glasses worked for him but they were a gift for the very man tearing them apart. Head held high, never cracking for a moment, Tony rolls his eyes as he always does.

“Learn to love them, mean and green, they’re yours.”

“You don’t know my prescription.”

“I know a guy.”

“Great. I can’t buy my glasses at the corner store but your shady, back alley glasses are better?” Bruce does all he can to keep from laughing as speaks. It was so over the top and it eases some of the sting that could have come from the words.

Tony holds them out for Bruce to take. It’s neither new nor impressive that they can tell what kind of prescription is in the lens without an eye appointment. The only trick was finding a pair of Bruce’s that weren’t the Dollar Store Special.

Bruce puts them on and his grumpy disposition and ill-timed jokes end, he can read what’s in front of him. Tony is staring as well. The glasses suit Bruce far better than he imagined.

“Alright, I...you win.”

“Damn right, I always do.”

“I’ll need the number of your shady van driving optometrist.”

“I said I knew a guy for the lenses. You won’t need new frames ever again but on the off chance the big guy tries to test that…” pulling the case out of his pocket, Tony hands over the spare. “I made the frames myself, modeling them after something a little more trendy. To call them unbreakable would be bold...so they’re unbreakable.”

Walking over, Tony checked the fit. There’d be a few adjustments that needed made and hew knew Bruce wouldn’t ask for them.

Bruce stood there short circuiting, you could see on his face as his brain worked through the dozens of created problems and tried to understand this. After a moment, he did the only thing he could and pulled Tony closer and thanking him with a kiss.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re welcome.” 

After a few minutes Tony has Peggy Sue playing through the lab speakers, smiling to himself since he’s the only one in on the joke. Bruce has finally stopped testing the glasses, acting as though he’ll no longer be able to see if he looked at the right object. 

Next, Tony will work on that wardrobe. 

[theyearofnoclothes]

day two hundred and eleven - decolonize your vanity, pt 2

Yesterday was a day of regression, both for the country and for me - the US saw the largest single-day covid death toll since May, and I almost blew this challenge by buying one to three Lauren Manoogian cardigans. Obviously, only one of those regressions actually matters, but it’s unfortunately not the one I have any control over.

I do have control over what I spend my money on, which will be the actual topic of this post, but I wanted to document the cardigan crisis because I was all like “it’s not hard to not buy clothes.” It’s not - unless you open an email from a boutique you know is going out of business, browse their sale section, see a cardigan you tried on in a different boutique a year/lifetime ago in Portland, and then spend an entire hour searching the rest of the internet for other stores that may also be discounting cardigans from that brand.

I could justify my behavior by explaining that I didn’t pack a fall wardrobe in my suitcase before my life went into storage. That only makes sense if you accept that it being July is immaterial to a brain addled by the loss of all norms. Time is hard to gauge right now, and it’s hard to feel in control of anything. The best way I can explain my regression is that my usual defense mechanism of buying shit as a way of preparing for/controlling the future clashed with my no shopping challenge, which is, really, just a way of controlling myself. Also, UNSUBSCRIBE FROM MARKETING EMAILS!

I did not buy a cardigan, but I did spend $75 on a razor. Which takes us back to my new and improved self-care routine!

Body

Humility Citrus Honey Body Wash - I have a confession: I actually hate going into Lush stores. I appreciate that they brought cruelty-free into the mainstream, but I loathe the smell of all of those bath bombs in one place and also hate bar soap. I really like their Happy Hippy body wash though, so I was thrilled to find an even more earth friendly replacement with Yanique Teape’s Humility brand. Made with organic, food-grade ingredients you could buy yourself and never tested on animals, the products from this small, Black woman-owned business have already reached staple status. As for who owns Lush, well it’s a privately held company with stores in 49 countries and white men as CEO of both Lush and Lush North America. Probably fine for me to take a break.

SKNMUSE Body Butter - Another company that wasn’t terrible for me to be supporting was Panama Jack, which was founded by a Jack but now run by a Kim and still operating in Florida. Though their aloe vera moisturizer was my secret to soft skin, its formulation also contains secrets, as I don’t know what half the ingredients are. Not so for Ezinne Iroanya’s SKNMUSE body butters. Made with Shea sourced from West Africa, these labels have only recognizable ingredients and a clean scent. I opted for cacao because duh.

Brujita Skincare Full Body Lotion - It turned out that body butter is a smidge different than body lotion, and I spent a good two weeks scraping, melting, and massaging the butter into my skin before admitting I need the quicker fix of a lotion for my everyday moisturizing. Luckily for me, I found Leah Guerrero’s Brujita Skincare, a LA-based brand that prioritizes sustainability. Yes, there are still a few unpronounceable ingredients in her lotion, but I will take the fact that proceeds from my purchase go towards a conservation group in South America and that the rest goes to a Latina-run small business as reason enough to give it a try.

Eu’genia Shea Butter - Shea butter may be a smidge too thick to cover the nearly two yards of my body, but it isn’t too thick to treat my hands. And wouldn’t you rather support a mother/daughter-run business than the so-called family company worth hundred of billions of dollars? I traded in my chemical-riddled Johnson & Johnson-owned Aveeno hand cream for an all-natural shea butter from Eu’genia Shea. Founder Naa-Sakle Akuete sources her high quality shea from Ghana and reinvests in the Ghanian women that harvest it. The final product looks as good as it feels. 

Organic Bath Co Hand Soap - Because I’m a sucker for aesthetics, sometimes I buy Aesop soap. Other times I buy SoftSoap soap. Both are owned by megacorps run by men. Organic Bath Co was co-founded by a man, but with his partner, and they list her name first on the about page. They also make organic and fair trade liquid hand soaps. I nabbed a bottle of the ‘zesty morning’ variety, and picked up an 80% alcohol hand sanitizer while I was at it, because, you know, pandemic.

Hunnybunny Deodorant - Of all the disappointments in my past purchases that this exercise has revealed, the deodorant I was using has got to top the list. The Alvera brand is owned by “Texas Best Unlimited,” and I’m not even going to bother researching the leader/ownership because their “all natural” deodorant is a trick if not a lie. Most people buy natural deodorants to avoid aluminum, which Alvera puts on their ingredient list as alcloxa - not exactly transparent. So I’m now putting my trust in an eleven-year-old and her sister at Hunnybunny Boutique, who make an all natural deodorant that is actually all natural. They even sell it in cardboard packaging for those trying to cut down on plastic.

Oui the People Razor - This is the razor I spent $75 on, and the only thing I regret is that I didn’t abandon Venus razors sooner. Venus is owned by Gillette which is owned by Procter & Gamble, which is run by men, and man oh man are Venus razors an insult to women. Luckily, Karen Young is saving women, men, and non-binary folks from a bad shave with her Oui The People razors. Designed in Germany of stainless steel, the single blade razors come with refillable and recyclable blades and promise a closer and healthier shave. My shower will never hold clumps of shave gel fallen from poorly made blade+bar  cartridges again!