#engaging deeply with a topic and they say they’re bored as soon as they decide they don’t want to try. some of these kids have said horrifyi

[quiteunpersuadable]

I was so busy at work all day that I haven’t yet processed everything, and I’m not doing so well this evening.

[fairiesherefairiesthere]

Fraxus fake Boyfriend AU part 1/?

So it’s Fraxus day, but this isn’t finished yet so I decided to split it up. Here’s part one folks! (it’s a modern au)

"No Freed, you can't hack your father's bank account. The feds will get you and then I will be tragically best friend-less."

"No, you don't get it", Freed says and on the grainy computer screen, Laxus can see him shake his head. "If I go to jail, it'll probably be in Crocus, which means you can actually visit me instead of videocalling me at stupid o'clock in the morning. Also orange is an excellent colour on me."

A quick glance at the lower corner of his screen and a bit of mental math tells Laxus that it's indeed way too early in the morning for Freed to even consider to talk to him. "Justine it's three in the morning there, why are you even awake?"

Although it's hard to tell with the awful videoquality, Laxus thinks he can see the other man pout. "Talking to my bestie, duh", Freed replies and bashes his eyelashes obnoxiously, drawing a huff of laughter out of Laxus. "What are you, a fifteen year old schoolgirl? The lack of sleep is clearly getting to your head."

Smoothly ignoring Laxus' criticism of his horrendous sleeping habits, Freed continues the earlier topic. "Speaking of besties, made any friends yet?" Groaning, Laxus rolls his eyes. "My roommate is an actual nutjob and I don't know why I'm fond of him. He introduced me to his absolute bitch of a friend and I think I like her even more", he confesses and the pixelated image of Freed gives him a smug smirk. "It's because you like to be bullied, Laxus dearest. You won't say it, so I'll say it for you : bottom rights baby."

"I hate you and if you were here I'd smack you", he half-heartedly threatens and Freed replies "Kinky" without missing a beat. While the two of them are engaged in a staring match without actually being able to make out each other's eyes in the blur of colours on the screen, Bickslow throws open Laxus' bedroom door and yells: "Time to hide your porn blondie, it's time for reallife interaction with actual human beings!"

On instinct, Laxus does click away and as soon as the connection with Freed breaks he sees it fit to pout like a child. Their schedules matching (or one of them not sleeping for a day) and their wifi allowing them to see each other is a ridiculously difficult situation to stumble upon and now he's wasted his chance. Bickslow looks at least apologetic. Laxus was going to forgive him, until he opened his godforsaken mouth. "Dang man, the porn that good?"

"I hate you too", he says without clarifying to Bickslow who the other despised person is. He doesn't seem to mind as he plucks Laxus' computer from his bed, plops it down the nearby desk and sits himself down right in front of Laxus, legs in lotus position and bouncing with way too much energy. "I had a great idea", he announces and Laxus immediately doubts him.

"You see Ever and I, we thought you were a bit lonely and it might heal your soul to... Nah, scratch all of that, Ever and I were really fucking bored and we thought : Hey, let's set our absolute bestie up on a date! So here we are. Get dressed, you're going on a date."

"I can't", he says and desperately tries to come up with a reason. Uni work won't fool them, because they know that he's actually a good student, other activities won't work either because he's a social recluse and not even Makarov can save him because for some reason, the little shits he calls friends are all buddy-buddy with his grandpa.

"My boyfriend would hate it", he continues, cheeks colouring. It's because of the lying, not because he can only come up with one boyfriend-candidate in his mind. The statement is bland and straight to the point, which makes his words sound all the more true. Of course, Bickslow doesn't even buy a little bit of it. "Prove it", he demands.

While mentally apologising to Freed, Laxus digs up his contact information and futily tries to call him. After the third time trying, Bickslow looks even less convinced, which is an impressive feat considering he didn't believe Laxus from the beginning. Sighing, he goes to their chat instead and unlike their usual nonsense, he finds a sweet (?) message from Freed.

Damn, the wifi is really fucking with us huh? Wish we could talk more and I wish I could see your pretty face instead of a black screen and some smudges of colour here. X from the most beautiful man you know."

'Conceited brat', he thinks fondly and replies: Cymbeline (Act 3, Scene 4) Line 35-39, but replace 'slander' with 'you bitch'. They've adopted this weird system where Freed uses slang and Laxus literary references, just to meet each other's vibes somewhat. Sometimes it works, most of the times it really doesn't, but at least it's fun.

"Bro have you forgotten about my entire existence already? Stop smiling at your phone and admit that you don't have a mans!" Wordlessly, Laxus passes his phone to Bickslow who gasps. "Book quotes? Shit man, you're in deep. I'm gonna tell Ever." Without a warning, Bickslow disappears through the window, probably giving Evergreen her twentieth heart attack of this month by landing on her balcony. If the school thought a floor would seperate girls and boys, then they clearly hadn't met Bickslow.

Too late Laxus realises that Bicks has taken his phone with him and hopes his friends somewhat value his privacy and don't scroll too far up. There are the occassional way too deep talks around midnight but also a one time onceler x barry b benson bdsm roleplay (Freed had needed help with a creative writing assignment and Laxus had contributed a whole lot of nothing).

Barely five minutes later, Evergreen marches right into his bedroom, heels clicking snappily on his floor. "What", she spits and waves with his phone, "is this?"

"My cellphone."

Unperturbed, she continues her dramatic rant. "You have a boyfriend and you don't bother telling us?" Her tone turns sly and she elegantly flops down on his bed, rearranging her body to give herself a 'stern posture'. She looks like an irod rod trying to do yoga. "Or are you just making things up? Feel free to prove me wrong by showing us what he looks like."

"Why would I bring my photoalbums to uni?" he asks dumbfounded and Ever looks at him as though he just came down from Mars. "Laxus, honey, snapchat is a thing? Email if you're oldfashioned? Where are your boyfriend's nudes?"

"You're in a relationship."

"With a great guy who loves and trusts me and knows I ain't gonna cheat on him. Show me the dickpicks." Annoyed, he gives her a little shove. "I don't have any, I'm used to him being around. He's on another continent now and I just recently realised that all my memorabilias are at home."

"Convenient", Ever remarks dryly and Laxus sighs deeply and stretches out his hand. After she dumped his phone in it, he sends Freed a message ('Bro send me a pic of u ppl wanna know u exist') and shows it to both of his friends. "There."

Surprisingly fast, he gets a message back. 'No. The paparazzi and the FBI agent assigned to me will have to try harder than that to get a hold of ME (why is this man so ridiculous).' He shows it to Ever and Bicks and the former uses this opportunity to snatch his phone, typing a response before Laxus can properly register what's happening. "Hi I'm Laxus friend and I don't believe you're his boyfriend. Send a thirst trap to prove you exist. Or nudes", she reads aloud. Bickslow guffaws at that and Laxus sighs, resigning himself to face the consequences of his actions. What he does not expect however, is for Freed to send a picture back.

It's an awful photo of high school-aged Freed, complete with braces and a very unnatural smile. He's gangly, thin and looks like the walking embodiment of an awkward teen. 'This is a nude, as my soul has never been as bare as in this one picture', the caption reads and Ever laughs. "You know what, he passes the test." She purses her lips. "For now at least, I'm going to need more concrete evidence of this being an existing human being, because everyone can pluck a photo from the internet. Anyway, you're way too late for your date, so you get off easy Laxus."

After brushing nonexistent dirt from her skirt she opens her arms for Bickslow. "Take me home, spiderman", she orders and he gives her a salute. "Roger madame!" he yells before plucking Ever from the floor and leaping over the balcony railing. Their trust in each other is remarkable, but Laxus does think they're weirdos.

The very next day, Ever once again bursts through his door and Laxus mentally curses because he hasn't had the chance to discuss this whole thing with Freed yet. "Laxus", she says, voice dead-serious. "Evergreen.", he greets back as she half-crawls under the covers of his bed. "It's fucking cold", she clarifies before opening her laptop. That seemingly insignificant action makes Laxus weary, as Ever is holding her rickety laptop that's for illegal purposes only.

"I reverse searched that pic of your boyfriend and before I tell you the results, I'd like to know how exactly you met him."

He recognises her nosiness for what it really is (worry) and with a sigh, he gives her the sparknotes version of their history.

"We lived in the same town and we became friends because both of our fathers were absolute shit. They were friends so we became friends. At age thirteen he moved to Alakitasia and we reconnected because we matched on that stupid tinder profile you guys made me."

"Are you sure you weren't catfished?"

"Yup, because we skype regularly."

"Okay. Then certainly you're aware that he's a billionaire? Like, the heir to Justine Industries, the biggest technologie giant at the moment?"

He tries to see the whole situation from her perspective and has to admit that 'I have a boyfriend overseas, who's also a billionaire', sounds a bit too over the top to be true. "Yep, his pa's job is the reason he moved. I know this whole situation sounds like a huge lie to stop you guys' antics (probably because it is), but I swear it's true (it really isn't)."

"Okay then", she mumbles before putting her feet into Laxus' lap. The audicity of this woman, he thinks as he does absolutely nothing to move her. "I'm sorry for the whole 'setting you up' thing, it was rude of us. We just wanted you to have someone, you know? Because you deserve it and we can also see that you kind of want it and we wanted to help. We were too overzealous."

Ah, what a festive feeling brews in his chest. Nothing like a bucket of guilt to get your morning refreshment. The worst part is that Evergreen isn't even done yet with her sentimental speech. "Also, you get really happy whenever your man sends you a message, so all in all I'm glad our big plans didn't work out. I'm still going to be weary of  his actual existence until I meet him, I hope you don't mind." He shakes his head. "Nah, be weary all you want."  

After dropping Evergreen off at her boyfriend's, he rushes to his room to send Freed a message to update him on his situation (he even uses the actual sms-system instead of the internet, which is crazy expensive but he's in a bit of a panic). Unlike most of the time, Freed responds quickly. Laxus wonders why his wifi is absolute shit if he's rich enough to pay for intercontinential messaging. An agonising five minutes pass as the speech bubble ominously keeps showing that the other is typing. When it finally shows up, all it reads is :

"Lol"

"That's all you have to say?" he furiously types back, but before he can hit send, he gets another message. "Whatever man, I'll be the hottest boyfriend ever." After that, it's radio silence again.

The silence between them is broken a few days later. Laxus is trying to enjoy his lunch while Bickslow and Evergreen bicker over something or other, when his phone pings. Little gremlins that they are, they've already looked at the message as soon as it pops up. They read the godawful collection of words "Send me a pic of your feet" before he does.

"Romance at its finest", Bickslow dryly jokes and Evergreen turns to him with big worried eyes. "You're sure he's not a catfish? Or is this what you consider a raunchy picture?" Laxus would answer if he knew what the fuck is happening. Another message appears :  "With measuring tapes surrounding them, not in a weird, gross, fifty year old with a feet kink kind of way. I want to spoil my boyfriend (with my father's creditcard)."

"Aw how sweet, he's committing crimes for ya", Bickslow croons and Laxus grumbles. "I'm not about to give him anymore excuses to commit theft.", he says while typing "Absolutely not." At the other side of the table Evergreen collects her phone from her bag and opens Instagram. After looking for and finding Freed's profile, she sends him a selfie with Laxus and Bickslow in the background and adds a thoughtful message detailing Laxus' feet. "Honey, you need shoes that fit you. No stores have your size and if your insanely rich boyfriend's dad can involuntarily provide, why not take the chance?"

A few days later, the shoes do arrive. They're the most comfortable pair Laxus has ever owned and there's no obnoxious trademarked name smacked on it. He thanks Freed, but asks him to please not do something along those lines again. Knowing full well that Freed himself would never be financially bothered by it, he still feels guilty. Freed apologises (he really shouldn't, he's been nothing but an angel while Laxus is being bothersome) and drops the matter.

"Where are you rn?" The message feels somewhat ominous, but Laxus ignores his gutfeeling that tells him that today is going to be weird. "The western outside food court of Crocus' uni, why?" The response that he gets is a simple :  " :) ". Like a dumbass, he decides to not question it.

While he's chilling out, head resting on his crossed arms, he hears an unusual amount of chattering. Although he and his friends had chosen this place because of how little people came here, it seems like that peace is now gone. Rest in peace, piece. Vibrating bothersomely, his phone grabs his attention. "Got ya another present!" Brows furrowing, Laxus reads the new incoming message : "Kids and their phones these days. Look up darling !"

[meggannn]

character name origins

this was inspired by a post I saw a few days ago that I’ve been thinking about ever since that asked people how their OCs were named. the original idea, I assume, was to reblog the post and answer in the tags/comments, but I immediately knew whatever I wrote was gonna turn out to be an essay because I overthink absolutely everything, so I decided to make my own post.

so here I go, an essay nobody else will care about but me: “how my OCs got their names in canon, and how I picked them” (unsurprisingly, Shepard’s is the longest)

lydia shepard

> how I picked it

I was drawn to the nickname Lyd because it could pass as a name in a ME future timeline, it’s androgynous, and also monosyllabic, since I think orphans growing up would be more likely to address and know each other by words that are easier to pronounce, and stick with them into adulthood or until they chose to rebrand themselves.

(I have an old friend who goes by Lyd, who I realized later was probably a subconscious source of inspiration. my Shep is from London, and my friend was also a Londoner when we first met, something I genuinely didn’t realize until after I’d decided on Shepard’s origin story anyway. I’m sure if the friend ends up reading this there will be a significant amount of eye-rolling.)

> canon explanation

The origin of her name is wrapped up an ongoing struggle as I try to figure out what Lydia’s actual birth name is. (for the moment I’ve tentatively settled on Lijuan, tho that is subject to change. I’m almost positive I want her birth name to be Chinese, for reasons described below.) my idea is that, after her parents lost her (another long story), years of being shuffled around from orphanages to shelters to the streets shortened her birth name until it became mostly unrecognizable. ‘Lijuan’ became ‘Lyd’ which she later extrapolated as an adult, and assumed her full name should just be ‘Lydia.’

this is where I start thinking way too deeply into stuff that doesn’t really matter, so bear with me or feel free to skip ahead. Lyd’s name is is also wrapped up in my struggles to incorporate what I think we’d naturally see in 200 years in the future: most of the East being taken over almost entirely by Western influences as human beings become more biracial. I think Lyd’s parents would make a conscious choice to name her something traditional to their language instead of subscribing to a Western name, as a small attempt to keep their culture alive. (were they xenophobic? ...possibly. I’m tossing the idea around.) so the fact that Lyd ends up taking a Western name anyway (an English-speaking city with mostly white faces pronouncing a foreign name) is quite sad but I also meant to symbolize the cultural dysphoria she faces as a POC in England wrapped up in her experiences as a homeless child on the streets and a gangster out of necessity, and later as a famous soldier unwittingly becoming a part of galactic military space where humans as a species also experience extreme cultural dysphoria. (haha, me? projecting my identity problems onto my characters? no way!)

anyway. Shepard is a name she picked for herself since she doesn’t remember her parents’ names and wouldn’t have the first clue how to look them up. (even if she did, she makes a very conscious choice not to think about her parentage. I think she’s afraid of what she’ll discover if she finds them.) I used to play with the idea that “Shepherd” was the name of someone she knew who might’ve raised or looked out for her on the streets, and on enlisting she decided to take that name for lack of any other, but due to illiteracy she ended up misspelling it. I ultimately decided that I like the sound of Shepard choosing her own name from scratch, purposefully naming herself after someone most humans can agree was brave, intelligent, and an adventurer, all things she privately wished she could be but also felt as though she was herself up for failure by aligning herself with. She was embarrassed by her private interest for traveling the universe, even though she never seriously thought she’d ever get the chance, so when picking a surname to put on her documents she decided to look into astronauts, and well... “Armstrong” was a little too obvious.

valeria hawke

> how I picked it

I picked this name ages ago, and to be honest I’ve been falling out of love with it lately so I’ve been going by the default “Marian” as I consider other options. but I picked it because I’ve always loved the name Valerie, but it didn’t sound like a medieval name, so I looked up older versions, and found the Latin “Valeria.” I really wish there were more thought to it than that, but sadly no. 

(now as it’s been a few years since I first played DA2, I’ve grown more fond of “Marian” because some translations mark it up as “rebellion” which seems particularly appropriate for the DA2 narrative. for my own sake though, I generally like to name my OCs something to differentiate them in my own mind from the default; even though they tend to share the same traits I know everyone views the default differently, so giving my Hawke her own name is a way of dividing the line for me between “what fandom agrees is default Hawke” vs “default Hawke with my headcanons that can essentially be called my character.” so that’s the one thing preventing me from using Marian for my Hawke, really. if it sounds like a stupid reason that’s probably because it is.)

eta: i’ve changed it to “anita” because honestly i just like that prettier. in sanskrit it means “leader” and “without guile” (ironic, considering).

> canon explanation

In the real world, it means “to be strong,” so assuming that translates to the Thedas common tongue, I liked the idea of Malcolm and Leandra naming their first kid something ridiculously sentimental. I mean, they’re the kind of romantics to fall in love despite all reason, get pregnant, run away to another country and never talk to their families again. I can definitely see them picking something cheesy for their first kid’s name (who was conceived while Malcolm was still an illegal apostate and Leandra was engaged to someone else iirc. like, come on, that’s textbook fairytale, of course it was doomed to end badly, and of course their kid was doomed to have a rough life built on their mistakes).

to my knowledge “Valeria” primarily has a history of usage in Spanish and Italian, and it’s originally Latin (since it’s from the Latin word “valere”). this jibes with my Hawke family, who is mixed because I said so. I really like the idea of Malcolm not being from Ferelden or the Marches, and that “Hawke” is a name he chose himself to blend into Ferelden; I’ve seen some headcanon he has roots in Tevinter, which is interesting, though I’ve largely settled on the idea of him being Antivan. so if Italian = Antivan, then... there we go.

monica ryder

> how I picked it

I genuinely can’t recall the moment I decided "yes, this is the one for me” but I always knew who my facecast would be (mixed actress Lindsay Morgan). so knowing my Ryder was visibly mixed/racially ambiguous from the get-go, when I chose the name later, I think I was drawn to the fact that the name Monica has a history of use in many languages, and quite simply, I just liked how “Monica Ryder” sounds on the tongue.

> canon explanation

I think Ellen and Alec split naming the kids down the middle (Monica was probably Ellen’s pick, and Scott was Alec’s), but literally that’s all I’ve got so far, lol. (I kinda wanted to keep the name Sara as a middle name, but “Monica Sara Ryder” doesn’t sound quite right to me... I’m working on it.)

gemma cousland

(DAO doesn’t give me any good caps and the DAI CC failed me, so please pretend this girl actually looks EA instead of a white girl after her first trip to Hot Topic, lol.)

> how I picked it

I’ve always associated the name “Gemma” with royalty for some reason, so when I started my first Origins game as a female rogue I guess I figured it was a safe, lore-compliant option and just went with it. later I realized I was probably influenced by Gemma Doyle from the Great and Terrible Beauty trilogy, which was a favorite of mine growing up.

> canon explanation

ah... I really haven’t thought of it. I don’t even have a reason for why an Asian family would be nobility in Thedas’s England equivalent, much less why they would name their kid a non-EA name if they’re the traditional sort, but not much makes sense in Thedas anyway. Gemma is Italian from the word “gem” or “jewel,” so I’ll just pretend the Couslands were that particular brand of superstitious boring noble parents that thought naming their only daughter after something shiny would mean she would have a simple life. lol.

reyna mahariel

(I haven’t gotten around to making her in the DAI CC yet, whoops)

> how I picked it

Another one of those “it sounded nice to my ears and I had already been staring at the ‘choose your name’ screen for over ten minutes and just needed to pick something” situations. Reyna is Spanish for “queen,” but there’s not meant to be any correlation or implications there. I picked it because it honestly just sounded nice.

> canon explanation

of course the most logical follow-up question is, if Reyna is a traditionally noble European name, why give it to a Dalish elf who’s never known a speck of luxury in her life? erm... I’m gonna pull the fictional universe card and say it’s a fantasy RPG, who cares.

Reyna has a lot of variations (Raina, Reina, Regina) and “queen” is the most common meaning, but one translation marks it down as once meaning “song,” which I kind of like. so, continuing the theme of parents giving their kids symbolic names and their hopes later getting flushed down the toilet as the kids get swept up into preventing disasters and dealing with the fallout of various apocalyptic scenarios... I run with the idea that Reyna’s parents wanted her to grow up as a musician or Dalish equivalent of a bard, which Reyna tossed out the window as soon as she picked up a bow and decided she was going to be a huntress, thank you very much.

--

THIS GOT WAY TOO LONG AND IF YOU ACTUALLY READ ANY OF IT, GENUINE PROPS TO YOU

[5hfanfiction]

LJ10 - Part 29

I finished the last bit of toast on my plate and fell back against the headboard of the bed. My stomach was full and felt as if it was going to burst any minute. Why did I never listen to that little voice in my head that told me to stop eating before I reached that point? Because food is delicious, I thought and sighed deeply. Especially when my lovely girlfriend prepared it and made an effort to serve me the best breakfast in bed possible.

Finishing my thought, the dark-haired woman walked back into her bedroom after getting herself another cup of coffee. I smiled to myself as I took in every little detail. Her hair in a messy bun, no makeup and just an oversized T-shirt was enough to make my heart flutter. She sat down next to me and chuckled at the sight of my empty plate in front of me.

“I take it you enjoyed breakfast,“ Lauren grinned.

"Maybe a little too much,“ I replied and caressed my protruding stomach. "The last time I had a belly like that was when I was pregnant.“

"Looks good on you,“ she said with a smile.

"You have to say that because you’re my girlfriend,“ I argued but reciprocated her smile.

"Fiancée,“ Lauren corrected me and my heart skipped a beat.

"Right,“ I whispered and eyed the ring she had given me the night before on my hand.

"Did you forget?“ she laughed with endearment.

"No,“ I said quickly. "I guess it hasn’t sunk in yet.“

"It’s probably the sleep deprivation,“ Lauren smirked smugly and took a sip of her coffee.

"And who’s fault is that?“ I engaged in her banter. 

"I didn’t hear you complaining last night…and technically this morning,“ the older one continued with feigned arrogance. "Actually, if I remember correctly, it was you who kept asking for more-“ I cut her off by placing my hand on her mouth unable to control a slight giggle.

"Enough,“ I said before my cheeks would turn red.

Lauren raised her hand as a sign of surrender and I brought mine down so she could speak again. Instead of replying, I felt her hand stroking my cheek and pulling me in for a kiss. I didn’t hesitate and leaned in until our lips met. The faint taste of coffee was strangely appealing. Not as appealing as her general skill when it came to kissing though. There was light pressure on my lips that left me wanting more which she seemed to sense. Her head tilted subtly enabling her to deepen the kiss. Sighing in joy, I groaned discontentedly right afterwards because she pulled away.

"Tease,“ I muttered under my breath.

"I’d love to continue but I have a feeling I won’t be getting out of bed any time soon if I do,“ Lauren explained with another dazzling smile.

"When has that ever been a problem for you?“ I asked chuckling and folded my arms around her neck. 

"It’s not but I have to run an errand,“ her answer left me a little confused.

"I thought you didn’t have any plans and we’d leave for the game together?“

"We’ll still go to the game together,“ the other brunette spoke softly. "I’ll come back after my meeting to pick you up.“

"Is it a mystery meeting?“ I questioned carefully because she didn’t go into further details.

"No, it’s just not a big deal and you can maybe catch up on some sleep that I deprived you of,“ Lauren answered only adding to my curiosity. 

"I’m not really tired and…I don’t want to sound controlling again because we know how that turned out last time,“ I had definitely learned my lesson in terms of my jealousy. "Can’t I come to the meeting with you? I want to spend as much time as possible with you while I’m here.“

"You can definitely come but I think you’re going to be bored,“ she reasoned but didn’t seem opposed to the idea.

"Looking at you never gets boring,“ I said with a smirk and saw her smiling in response.

"Good one,“ she placed a soft kiss on my lips. "Okay then. Let’s get out of here.“

I didn’t ask any further questions because I assumed I would get my answers once we got to the mystery meeting. Sometimes I wondered if Lauren was truly oblivious to her mysterious ways or if she simply enjoyed being somewhat enigmatic. I assumed it was mostly unintentional because she had told me before she didn’t see herself as mysterious until I pointed it out. 

We decided to pack our bags for the game later on so we wouldn’t have to come back to the apartment and head to the stadium after the meeting. In the car, I enjoyed listening to the radio and sang along to some of the songs which Lauren seemed to enjoy. She showed me some of the places that she liked and I was excited to see more of the city tonight. We had made plans to go out with Dinah after the game. 

Caught up in my own thoughts, I didn’t realize Lauren had stopped the engine at some point and told me we had arrived. A little distraught, I got out of the car and was even more surprised to find myself at a construction sight. There were two men approaching Lauren quickly. They handed her some paperwork and I decided to get closer slowly. I heard them talking but didn’t understand much until I stood next to them. 

Taking a look at the papers, they were ground plans and other architectural documents so I finally had an idea what this meeting was about. The men mentioned some problems with the plumbing and how the renovation would take longer. Lauren sighed and rubbed her temples while the men kept talking and explaining. As I watched them, it became clear that she was working as an architect on the sight, which I didn’t know about, but I still couldn’t figure out what was going on exactly.

After a few minutes of hectic talks and Lauren trying to throw out solutions, the three of them decided to look at the problems together. My fiancee excused herself but I told her it was okay and stayed back. Watching from afar, it was oddly satisfying to see a young woman being level-headed and apparently in charge of two older men who seemed all over the place. I hadn’t seen her in that element and I was caught off-guard by her still working in the architectural field but I didn’t mind one bit. The only question that I had was the same as many times: why didn’t she tell me?

The inspection took quite some time and I decided to go back in the car. I checked some e-mails, texted Dinah and sent Austin a video that he should show Lara. After what seemed like an hour, Lauren returned to the car and climbed into the driver’s seat.

"I’m so sorry,“ she apologized and looked at me. "I was hoping it wouldn’t take this long and that’s why I thought it would’ve been better for you to stay at my place.“

"No, that’s okay,“ I said casually and put away my phone. "I was able to entertain myself.“

"Still, you shouldn’t have to sit here and be bored,“ Lauren appeared upset with herself which was absolutely crazy because I didn’t mind at all.

"Lauren, it’s alright. Really,“ I reiterated and gave her a warm smile. "If anything, I’m just curious what this is all about. I didn’t know you were still working as an architect.“

"It’s not a big deal,“ she downplayed as usual. "I’m not really working in that sense that I’m getting paid or anything.“

"It’s for charity?“ I asked.

"Yeah,“ she nodded. "Remember Jen, my neighbor?“

"How could I forget?“ I said with a chuckle.

"She works for the charity and that’s how I got involved,“ Lauren finally pieced together the story. "They work with underprivileged children and I wanted to help out because she mentioned that they couldn’t afford an architect for their new project. They’re planning to renovate this old building and make it into a new facility for children who need tutoring, counseling or any type of support they don’t get otherwise. I didn’t intend on working as an architect while I was here but I couldn’t refuse my help when I heard about it.“

As I listened to Lauren speaking, I was in a state of shock and awe. Obviously I knew that she had worked as a volunteer before and her charitable ways were not shocking. They only reinforced what I loved about her in the first place: her kindness, humanity and humility. However, it also amplified her tendency to keep things to herself. 

"So, you’re basically building a center for underprivileged children…and how is that not a big deal?“ I questioned with a gentle laugh.

"I’m just helping them with the renovation,“ her response was grounded as always.

"Which is still a big deal, mi amor,“ I emphasized and wanted her to acknowledge the good she was doing. 

"Not to me, I guess,“ the Florida native shrugged.

"Is that why didn’t tell me about it?“ I asked gently. "Because you think it’s not worth mentioning?“

"It’s not,“ she affirmed which left me slightly astonished. "People do way greater things than this.“

"You’re so…“ I couldn’t find the right words to describe what I was trying to stay. "Humble but almost in a bad way,“ I added in disbelief. "Don’t get me wrong, I love your humility but you should give yourself some credit, Lauren. You’re so quick to put yourself down. What you’re doing here is amazing. Perhaps there are people who do greater things in the world but honestly, most people I know don’t do a fraction of what you do. I’m not saying you should boast with those things but it’s okay to be proud of it and share it with others. I would have loved to hear about it because I know you’re passionate about these topics.“

"I get it,“ she nodded slowly. 

"What am I going to do with you?“ I questioned lovingly. 

"Why?“ she replied with a smile.

"Because you’re so secretive without even knowing,“ I told her to which she laughed gently.

"I’m honestly not trying to be. But I like being private,“ she admitted.

"I know,“ I whispered and felt her taking my hand to kiss the back of it. "So, you’re really not trying to be mysterious to be even sexier?“ I asked with a grin.

"No, but if you think it’s sexy then that’s not a bad thing in my book,“ she countered quickly.

"You don’t need to be mysterious to be sexy, trust me,“ my reply was just as quick.

"Good to know,“ Lauren smiled. "Am I really that secretive though?“

"Not always but you can be,“ I answered honestly.

"One of the girls on the team is crazy into astrology and she wants to do these charts for everyone,“ the darker-brunette said still smiling. "She actually told me I have a Scorpio Moon, don’t really know what that is exactly but they’re supposedly super secretive.“

"So you’re blaming the stars now?“ I chuckled.

"Maybe,“ the older one laughed. "No seriously. I didn’t think I was keeping it from you. I guess, I didn’t see it as a major topic of discussion. But it’s nice to know you’re interested.“

"You can tell me anything,“ I affirmed once more and smiled.

Her response was a tender kiss which was a good sign. We didn’t have a lot of time left until our teams had to be at the stadium so Lauren started the engine again. I took one more look at the construction sight and smiled. Now that I knew about it, I couldn’t wait to hear about the progress they were going to make. It was great to see that Lauren had found so many positive aspects in Orlando.

My thoughts returned to what Clara had said the night before; that Lauren was very happy and stable here. Frowning, I looked to my side and watched my fiancee’s relaxed facial expressions. As soon as I noticed my thoughts racing again, I stopped and focused on the game ahead of us. Everything else could be discussed afterwards.

-

As expected, the game between Orlando Pride and New York Western Flash was a highlight. The Floridian stadium was packed and the atmosphere was inimitable. People were on their feet, chanting all the way through. Orlando was putting up a good fight and had managed to score the first goal early. However, we had recovered just before the end of the second half and equalized the game.

Now that the second half was entering the last ten minutes, everyone felt that there was more to come. Both teams brought their best game and all players exerted themselves. It was one of those games your body wouldn’t forget easily. But those games I lived for - and so did Lauren. While I had had some chances to give my team the lead, I hadn’t succeeded in scoring yet. I worked hard but was terribly unlucky. My fiancee was working all over the field, supporting defense and offense while mostly attempting to set up her attackers to score.

We had had a few duels which where incredibly difficult for me. She was possibly the only person who had always been able to anticipate my moves. Therefore she had been able to get the ball from me once or twice but I was able to outrun here once I got passed her. That was insanely hard to do though. 

It wasn’t until I saw Dinah winning the ball from an Orlando player that I seized the opportunity of a counter attack. I motioned towards my best friend that I was making a run to counter and she understood immediately. Apart from Lauren obviously, Dinah and I were able to communicate better than most people on the field. One hand motion and Dinah kicked the ball with force, enabling me to outrun my defender and chasing the round object. 

My mind went blank whenever I was in these situations. It was mostly instinct at this point. I saw the ball coming, my defender one step behind me and no one else in front except the goalkeeper. Spotting the goalkeeper who was off her line and trying to run back quickly, I took a risk. Instead of stopping and controlling the ball to shoot, I let it bounce once in front of me and then slightly chipped it over the goalkeeper. It took a lot of control and precision to do it but I saw it as my best chance to score. To my relief, it worked.

It was 2-1 for New York now and as much as I enjoyed another goal on my resume and the lead, I knew never to count out the other team and especially Lauren. Right after kick-off, Orlando put in all their strength to tie again. The young woman with the number 10 on her back led the effort. She wasn’t working as much defensively anymore and focused on offense to force a goal. I tried to help my own teammates in trying to mark her but it was nearly an impossibility because she passed the ball quickly and ran off again every time.

So I wasn’t surprised when Lauren received the ball close to the penalty box and volleyed it with such force you barely saw it. The next thing I saw was the cross bar shaking because Lauren had hit it instead of the back of the net. A murmur went through the crowd and there were only a few minutes left. The suspense was breathtaking at this point.

Time was almost up and I was only helping out defense now to secure the lead. The ball was on the other side of the field and I walked closer to the penalty area because I saw the attackers and Lauren in there. I didn’t see it coming early enough but the ball was crossed in and assumed Dinah had it. The ball was coming her direction and all she had to do was clear. Only the ball never reached her. Seemingly out of nowhere, Lauren had made a run to catch the ball before Dinah with a diving header. The green-eyed woman put in her all and it worked out. The ball flew past the keeper and into the corner, ensuring Orlando another goal and tying the game at 2-2.

Of course the stadium was going crazy now and everyone was crushing Lauren who was still lying on the ground after that dangerous dive. Although I was very competitive and wanted to win at all times, the tie was fair because both teams deserved a point.

The final whistle blew and I collapsed on the field, barely able to catch my breath. Everyone around me was doing the same because we were exhausted. Closing my eyes, I took a few moments to regain energy and opened them again to see a pair of familiar green ones looking down at me. Lauren offered me her hand to get up and I accepted. We exchanged a quick hug like all the players after the game to keep it professional but her little smile made my heart flutter once more.

I couldn’t wait to shower and go out afterwards. We hadn’t had a lot of time last night and tonight was all about celebrating not only the great game but our engagement.

-

The planned celebration between only Lauren, Dinah and I had turned into a big party with many players from both teams. Many of us knew each other from the national team or even playing on the league several years. When word got out that Lauren and I had gotten engaged the night before, everyone wanted to celebrate with us. After dinner, the girls had suggested a nightclub and I had been rather hesitant.

The last time Lauren had been around large groups of people who drank excessively, she had been very anxious. My fiancee agreed to go and I had asked her again to make sure she wasn’t being pressured. I wasn’t drinking either but we ended up having a lot of fun. And apparently Dinah drank for the three of us. My best friend was pretty intoxicated but thankfully she was a pleasant drunk in comparison to some others. I was sitting next to Lauren whereas Dinah had sat down on the table right in front us and was talking nonstop.

"I can’t believe you’re seriously getting married,“ Dinah then said and shook her head in disbelief.

"Why?“ I asked in amusement.

"Because that shit only happens in movies,“ she continued. "You know, people always chasing each other and timing is never right and then at the end it works out.“

"You don’t believe in happy endings?“ Lauren questioned and took a sip from her soda.

"I do but…it seems so crazy to me,“ the Polynesian looked nostalgic. "Time flies. I still remember being fifteen, at youth camps, trying to keep Mila out of fights and hating you.“

"Wait, what?“ the green-eyed one nearly choked on her beverage. "You hated me?“

"Oh, come on. Don’t play with me, girl,“ Dinah laughed. "You knew that.“

"No, actually I didn’t,“ Lauren replied and seemed genuinely shocked.

"Really?“ my childhood friend asked in a high-pitched tone. "And Mila never told you either, huh? I knew you’re a good friend,“ she added and smiled at me.

"You knew?“ Lauren kinked an eyebrow and faced me.

"Everyone knew!“ I couldn’t help but laugh. "At least it’s good to know you were not just oblivious when it came to me but in general.“

"Why did you hate me?“ my fiancee focused on Dinah again.

"I love you now! You know that, right?“ Dinah put on her best smile. "But back then…you were no fun! You were always so serious. ‘I’m the captain. We have to practice. We have to win bla bla’.“

"That’s what being a captain is all about,“ Lauren argued.

"There we go,“ Dinah sipped from her cocktail and chuckled.

"I can’t believe you never told me,“ the oldest said to me but smirked. "You knew the entire time?“

"Oh yeah,“ I nodded and exchanged a grin with Dinah. "She used to get so annoyed with you.“

"Wow,“ Lauren pouted. "Alright, I see how it is.“

"Aw babe, that was years ago,“ I responded and took her hand in mine.

"Yeah, and I had no idea you were hooking up or I would have kept my mouth shut,“ Dinah chimed in. "I only found out later.“

"And I’m the secretive one,“ the Florida native countered in my direction.

"I used to be secretive but not anymore,“ I defended myself and knew it was all in playful nature. "Come on, I’ll buy you another soda as a consolation.“

"How gracious of you,“ Lauren laughed but gave in.

We walked through the crowded club and waited at the bar. It had been quite a while since I had gone out like this but we were enjoying ourselves and that was the whole point. Lauren was waiving at the barkeeper but he was serving a few other people before us. Standing behind her, I folded my arms around her waist and hugged her from behind. The music wasn’t too loud at the bar and pleasant especially because I loved the song they were playing. Gently rocking my body against Lauren, I started singing along loud enough so she’d hear.

[Major Lazor ft. Ellie Goulding & Tarrus Riley - Powerful]

"I couldn't leave if I wanted to Cause something keeps pulling me back to you From the very first time we loved From the very first time we touched The stroke of your fingers The scent of you lingers My mind running wild With thoughts of your smile“

She seemed to enjoy it and was moving with me, slowly dancing to my words until the barkeeper finally came over and acknowledged her order. With both hands full, each one holding a drink for us, she turned around and faced me but I was having too much fun with the song and kept singing to her. My arms still draped around her waist, I leaned in further until our faces were merely inches apart. Basically whispering the lyrics against her lips, I only placed a soft kiss against them before moving on to her ear.

"There's an energy When you hold me When you touch me It's so powerful I can feel it When you hold me When you touch me It's so powerful“

As I pulled away, the piercing green eyes dipped down time and time again to lock in on my lips and to my surprise I wasn’t feeling self-conscious singing to her. I knew her hands would be all over me if she hadn’t been holding the drinks but I liked being the playful one for a change. Usually she was teasing me and now I understood the appeal. The mixture of admiration, endearment but also passion and lust in the emerald orbs was a sight to see. It was disarming to have her look at me with that expression. 

The song ended and I gave in by pressing my lips against hers once more. Lauren kissed back with longing and my hands inadvertently clenched the fabric of her shirt so I had something to hold on to. Reciprocating in the same manner, I didn’t care in that moment whether or not other people were witnessing our heated kiss but simply relished the limited time we had together. 

Before we were able to go back, Lauren ran into some friends and I told her that I would go ahead to see if Dinah was doing okay. My best friend had been drinking a lot and I didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone too long. Plus, I wanted Lauren to know that I trusted her and she didn’t have to be around me at all times. I returned to our seating area and joked with Dinah. She couldn’t get over the fact that Lauren hadn’t known about Dinah’s dislike for her all these years ago. It was fairly entertaining, I had to admit.

Some time passed but I didn’t really notice. Lauren finally returned and sat down next to me. She put one arm around me and we made conversation with various people. Seizing the opportunity when the others were talking among themselves, I cupped her face softly, turning her towards me and gently kissed her. As soon as I did, I backed away and looked straight into her eyes.

"Did you drink?“ I blurted out without thinking for a millisecond.

There was a very faint taste of alcohol in her breath and I noticed my heart racing all of a sudden. 

"No,“ Lauren shot back quickly and turned away to resume her conversation with the others.

However, I was confused. I hadn’t imagined the alcohol in her breath. Since I was sober as well, it was easy to distinguish. Her reaction was somewhat telling but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. We had never really discussed what her relationship to alcohol was nowadays. She had never said she was alcoholic. As far as I knew, she didn’t label herself as one but she admitted to a strained relationship with alcohol. Not wanting to judge, I didn’t know whether she was drinking in moderation by now or if that was even possible.

All I knew was that I didn’t want to fight - especially in front of everyone else. I let it go and decided to perhaps revisit the conversation at a different time.

Only that time would come sooner than I thought.

After a long night out and making sure Dinah got to her hotel safely, Lauren and I went back to her apartment. She was quiet and I was hoping this wasn’t the calm before the storm. I took off my jacket and shoes and felt incredibly exhausted. The game had taken its toll on my body and the long night wasn’t helping. The achy feeling in my muscles would only get worse tomorrow but there was a subtle ache in my heart as I watched Lauren that concerned me more. 

There was something bothering her, I saw it. I always did. But I also knew that she had a hard time opening up although we had made progress. I was tempted to go over and simply ask what was going on. However, by now I had learned to give her some space so she wouldn’t feel cornered. So that was what I did. I went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed. When I came back, Lauren had not moved. She was still in the kitchen and looked out the window. There was only so much I could take and decided to go up to her.

"Hey,“ I said gently. "Are you coming to bed?“

No response. The green eyes looked out into the dark and it��was only now that I noticed how glassy they were. Was she crying?

"I can’t do this,“ she finally replied in a quiet tone. "I don’t want to do this anymore, Camila.“

"What…are you talking about?“ I asked carefully and felt my pulse quickening. 

"I lied to you,“ Lauren whispered and turned towards me as my heart sunk.

"About what?“ 

"I…earlier when you asked me…I lied,“ she had a hard time finishing her sentence. "I did have a drink.“

The second she said it, I felt a confusing blend of relief and apprehension going through me. Relief because I had feared she was talking about our relationship. Apprehension because Lauren was obviously upset with herself. She looked at me filled with fear and I knew the best thing to do was not judge her. Therefore I remained calm and let her speak first.

"After we were at the bar and you went back to Dinah,“ my fiancee explained. "My friends bought me a shot to celebrate our engagement when I told them. The first reaction was to decline it like I usually do but there was that part of me that wanted to be normal and belong. So I took the shot and it was fine. I didn’t feel like I needed more but I felt guilty.“

I simply nodded and listened closely. The concern was evident on her face and she approached me slowly.

"When you asked me if I had a drink, I freaked out,“ she told me and took one of my hands in hers. "I didn’t want to lie to you and as soon as I did…I felt even worse. I’m so sorry.“

Of course I wasn’t pleased with the fact that she had lied to me. In fact, honesty was one of the things I valued most in our relationship. With the secretive tendencies and now lies, I was worried we might be in a worse place than I had thought. Taking a deep breath, I refocused and cleared my mind from all past hurts and fears that were close to resurfacing.

"I’m sorry,“ Lauren repeated clearly distressed about my silence.

"It’s okay,“ I whispered and smiled gently to reassure her. 

"No, it’s not,“ she argued. "And I-“

"It’s okay,“ I cut her off by placing one finger on her lips. "Even though I don’t like that you lied at first, I understand and it’s way more important to me that you told me the truth as soon as you did.“

"I feel like I keep messing up,“ she sighed deeply.

"Lauren, look at me,“ I breathed and found her meeting my gaze. "You’re going to mess up. And so will I. We’re people after all and no one’s perfect. I may not fully understand why you do certain things or react in certain ways but that’s okay. What you’re going through, I have no idea what it’s like. But I don’t think it’s easy. You’ve been doing amazing for the most part so little problems and mishaps are part of the journey. All I need you to know is that you can talk to me and I won’t judge. And I won’t abandon you.“

Although I felt a little hurt at first, there was this infinite compassion for Lauren that overshadowed any minor negative reactions. While a part of me wanted to be angry at her for lying, the bigger part of me knew that it wasn’t to hurt me. It was to protect herself. My wish was to gain her trust little by little in those moments so she wouldn’t feel like she had to protect herself with me. After all, that was what our love was about: understanding, supporting and caring for each other.

"How does someone like you even exist?“ Lauren asked with a small smile while her eyes still looked glassy. "Seriously, sometimes I wonder if you’re just a figment of my imagination.“

"I can assure I’m very real,“ I answered and reciprocated her smile.

"Thank God,“ she whispered tenderly and I sensed her relaxing. "I don’t know what I did to deserve you being with me but I love you so much.“

"You did just that,“ I said just as softly. "You love me. Even when I didn’t feel I deserved it but you always did. You fought for me so many times and I messed up a lot too. Yet you don’t see those things about me and I don’t see you as a burden either. Your struggles are part of you and therefore part of our journey. You have to understand that I don’t want you to perfect. We all have things we’re working on. I don’t see an end goal where everything is suddenly immaculate and then we’re happy forever. The goal is to be happy while being on the journey. And you make me happier than anyone else.“

I saw a little tear falling from the beautiful green eyes but Lauren quickly wiped it away. She took a deep breath and I heard how shaky it was. Apparently my words had struck a nerve and she wasn’t able to speak. Her response was just as good when she simply stepped closer and hugged me tightly. Closing my eyes, I buried my face in the crook of her neck and softly caressed her back. The tension in her body diminished and we held each other for a while before letting go.

A little later, Lauren had gotten ready for bed as well and joined me on the big mattress. I immediately cuddled up to her warm body to enjoy those moments of serenity and intimacy. She was lying on her back while I was on my side. My body was halfway draped around hers but I knew she didn’t mind. With her arm around me, I felt her hand softly stroking my back before I reached for the other one with mine. Interlacing our fingers, I could hear her heart softly beating since my head was resting on her chest.

"Camila?“ Lauren whispered.

"Yeah,“ I breathed and kept looking at our intertwined hands.

"What do you think about getting a new place in New York when I come back?“ she asked to my surprise.

"You don’t like my apartment?“ I was curious to find out where that idea came from.

"No, I do but it’s rather small,“ she pointed out. "Especially if Dinah is staying with us which seems to be the case,“ Lauren added with a light giggle.

"She hasn’t really made an effort to look for a place because I didn’t want her to,“ I admitted. "I liked having her with me.“

"I know and I think it’s great that you and Lara aren’t alone,“ she said sincerely. "I was just thinking that maybe we could get something new. I could design it and make it personal so it’s not just our own place but…our home.“

"That sounds nice,“ I smiled at the thought. "It’s a pretty big commitment though. Are you ready for that?“

"You mean a bigger commitment than this?“ Lauren laughed gently while rubbing her finger over my engagement ring.

"Right,“ I giggled this time.

"I’m ready,“ she confirmed anyway which made me smile once more. 

"I’ve been thinking about something as well,“ I confessed while lifting my head from her chest to look at her. "When we were at dinner with your mom, she said that you were doing very well out here. And it dawned on me that perhaps you might like being back in Florida. After all, it’s your home and if we’re talking about moving into a new place…should we consider Orlando? Is that a conversation we should have?“

"Look, I love Florida,“ Lauren said thoughtfully. "And I like being close to my family. But there’s nothing I love more than you and Lara. You’ve been moving around so much and now that you’re stable, I don’t want to disrupt that. Lara is in school and she has friends there. I don’t want her to give up on that and I’m used to living on the East Coast by now. Orlando is great and I enjoy it for what it is but I can’t wait to come back to New York.“

Listening to her, my heart was fluttering like crazy. The fact that she was considering Lara’s needs above all affirmed why I was so in love with her. Despite our little difficulties, our priorities always lined up and it was that commitment to one another that held everything together. 

"I can’t wait either,“ I replied honestly before realizing how long we were going to be separated again after tomorrow.

"What?“ she asked softly and apparently noticed the shift in my mood.

"Nothing, it’s just,“ I sighed deeply. "I’m going back tomorrow and we’re not going to see each other for almost four months.“

"I know,“ the other brunette whispered. "It’s the longest time we won’t get to be together but then it’s over.“

"I still hate it,“ I pouted lightly. "I can’t believe I’m going to be overseas with the national team when you come to New York for the second leg.“

"Yeah well…timing was never our strong suite,“ she said but leaned forward to kiss my cheek. "But I’ll get to see Lara hopefully. I miss the little one.“

"And she misses you,“ I returned and remembered many instances when my daughter would ask about Lauren.

"Good to know she misses Pancakes,“ Lauren added with a grin and I did the same. "When would be a good time to tell her about the tattoo?“

"Probably never,“ I teased.

"Sooner or later she’s going to see it. Maybe she’ll want a matching one that says ‘little one’,“ my fiancee clearly joked.

"Great!“ I laughed. "You do realize she’s seven, right?“

"Give it a few years,“ she chuckled.

"I don’t even want to think about that,“ I said and shook my head. "She’s growing up way too fast.“

"If she’s not getting one, you should get one instead,“ Lauren proposed still smiling.

"Oh really? And what would that say?“

"How about…Pancakes lover?“ she suggested while wiggling her eyebrows to which I simply rolled my eyes. "Pancakes devourer?“ she added and I playfully nudged her shoulder. "Ouch! What? You were the one saying how much you loved eating Pancakes?“

"You’re never going to let that one go, are you?“ I felt my cheeks burning up. "That’s why it’s better if I don’t drink either or else I’ll say things I’ll regret.“

"Are you hungry right now?“ Lauren was clearly trying to fluster me and laughed wholeheartedly as I slapped her arm.

She held on to my wrist afterwards and we got into a little playful scuffle that ended with Lauren pinning both of my arms on the mattress. Obviously she was stronger than me even if I was quicker. Out of breath from scrambling but also laughing, I looked up to the older one above me. The carefree expression on her face was the best way to end the night. Her hands loosened their grip as she bent down and placed a tender kiss on my lips. Freeing my arms, I put them around her waist to pull her closer. 

I felt her body settling against mine, her arms resting next to my head before one hand ran its fingers through my hair. It was almost like her arms were shielding me as well as her body. I wasn’t sure why but I felt protected whenever she did it. Nearly as if she was engulfing me and nothing else mattered. I knew she liked to be in control and perhaps this felt controlling to others but I loved the intensity of her. It allowed me to forget about everything else and be in the moment with her as she deepened every kiss a little more.

With both of us being exhausted from a very long and tiring day, it was exhilarating to share that physical intimacy. Still, after a little while of kissing and caressing each other, Lauren stopped kissing my lips and left only few soft kisses on my cheek. Burying her face in the crook of my neck next, I absolutely relished having her this close to me. Tracing her spine with my hand, the sound of her gentle breathing against my neck was calming me down. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep and I tried doing the same.

The thought of not being able to do this for the next almost four months snuck up again but I tried my hardest not to focus on it. We had the longest period being apart ahead of us and I was only hoping it wouldn’t be as hard as I imagined it to be now.

—–

A/N: Happy New Year, everyone. It’s taking me a while but here it is. I hope you liked it since it’s a rather long chapter, I think. 

Thank you for the overwhelmingly positive feedback on the last one. It definitely reassured me that I’m right in my decision to continue the story despite everything that’s going on. 

As always, feedback is appreciated. Thank you and have a lovely Sunday - Jazmin

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When His Roster Outgrew His Classroom, This Prof Mastered Modular Online Curriculum

It was an unanticipated scheduling issue that challenged Dr. Bruce Robertson to completely redesign a classroom course to fit an online/in-class hybrid format—in just two weeks.

Robertson has long believed that the linear approach to teaching may not be right for everyone.

Right before the start of the Fall semester in 2002, Robertson learned that the 400-seat movie theater that held his Principles of Marketing class at San Francisco State University would no longer be available. In its stead, he was offered a 150-seat classroom on campus. The only way to overcome the seating limitation was to turn to technology. As it happens, that was one of the best things that ever happened to him. In fact, it is the reason his sought-after courses now are able to accommodate up to 1,400 people per semester—offering each student a learning experience that is more flexible, personalized, and engaging than ever before.

Recently, Robertson became a member of the Course Hero Faculty Club, a platform where professionals in higher education share their teaching innovations, inspiration, and practical advice with the goal of helping all students learn deeply and graduate confident and prepared. He spoke with Course Hero about how he transformed his classes using a modular approach—and the unexpected benefits he has seen since.

Join the Club: Educators interested in learning more about Faculty Club opportunities, or being featured in an interview, are invited to reach out to us at educators@coursehero.com.

Using tech to personalize learning

Robertson has long believed that the linear approach to teaching may not be right for everyone. Different students have different approaches to learning, he says. “But they’re all expected to run through the same program, and the program is linear—which means we do chapter 1, then we do chapter 2, then we do chapter 3.” This, he says, leaves some students bored for the first few weeks, while others struggle through the introductory material.

Robertson notes that redesigning a curriculum using modules allows educators to build a cache of materials a little at a time.

When forced to redesign his course, Robertson saw an opportunity to move toward a curriculum that offered more flexibility than his linear syllabus ever could. His choice: modular learning. In this system, students choose from a menu of content delivery options (textbook, downloadable study guides, lectures) and interaction options (in-person or online). Students can complete modules at their own pace and in any order, creating an individualized experience. Today’s technologies, he notes, make it easier than ever to create, distribute, and navigate such a curriculum.

“What we’re doing is redesigning courses that are appropriate to the technology that’s available today,” says Robertson. “If I have the technology infrastructure set up, there’s no reason for two students to have to have the same experience in an online classroom.”

Creating modules, one step at a time

In 2002, Robertson began to “chunk” his long lectures into short videos, each focusing on a specific topic. Over the next few years, he also interviewed dozens of experts in the subject and applied for a technology grant, which he used to redesign his website to support modular learning. In 2013, he documented the experience in a case study in the Atlantic Marketing Journal, titled “Operating a Very Large-Section, Hybrid Principles of Marketing Class at a Public University: Lessons Learned over Ten Years.”

Today, Robertson’s course consists of 150 to 200 online modules, each of which includes a video presentation, a section from his own book Marketing Fundamentals for Future Professionals, and—coming soon—an active learning exercise. (See sidebar, “Robertson’s Content Options for Hybrid Courses.”)

10 Ways to Innovate and Inspire Students

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Adapting to a modular curriculum

Robertson notes that redesigning a curriculum using modules allows educators to build a cache of materials a little at a time. Also, since one module can be added or revised without affecting the others, it is easy to redesign course content piecemeal, as the need arises.

Here are the steps he recommends for getting started:

1. Seek out tech support

Creating engaging online education materials requires teamwork, collaboration, and creativity, Robertson says. “This isn’t something that you meander into.” To this end, he has built partnerships with graphic designers, programmers, and videographers. It is vital, he says, to find people who understand the technology and visual presentation. “I’ve been trained in the blackboard- and text-oriented world,” he says. “But nowadays, [student learning] is very graphic and video-oriented—which is a different skill set.”

2. Edit, then edit some more

Robertson created his first modules by breaking his 75-minute lectures into YouTube videos of about 15 minutes each. However, he soon realized these videos were still too long. “I took an online [business] class,” he says, “and it was torture.” He decided that it was unrealistic to ask his students to watch more than 10 minutes at a time. “I’d like to get it down to two to three minutes per video.”

3. Provide recommended paths

While the goal for modules is that they be mixed and matched, it is extremely beneficial to provide at least three or four suggested paths, says Robertson. For example, one path might be for non-business majors and another would cater to working marketing professionals. “I would also recommend being able to sort them into beginner and advanced modules,” he says.

4. Offer experiential exercises

Robertson is still planning these exercises; his goal is to let students learn by doing rather than just by consuming. He explains that an experiential exercise can be as simple as a video game, such as the simulation Lemonade Stand. Here, the player is given money, a weather report and lemonade supplies. At the end of the day, students assess how they did and adjust accordingly. He intends to use this module to have students practice “product price promotion and distribution,” with the goal of earning $100.

5. Use technology to make it all manageable

There are so many great things you can do in the online world that are not possible at all in the offline world.

Bruce Robertson

Technology makes it easy to send out reminders, administer quizzes and offer immediate feedback. “There are so many great things you can do in the online world that are not possible at all in the offline world,” he says.

Robertson is also a huge proponent of learning management software. Some systems allow the user to hyperlink a table of contents to an ebook, YouTube video and other supplementary content. This allows for easy navigation and access by students.

6. Experiment with gamification

Robertson is now exploring the use of gamification—creating a set of modules that students will complete to unlock the next level of modules—as is common in video games. This approach combines a sense of control with a feeling of accomplishment, both of which Robertson says drive engagement. “Research has shown that if people feel like they’re in control of whatever they are doing, they will be more satisfied with whatever they are doing.”

Results that speak for themselves

With the module system, 22% more of Robertson’s students are passing his course than ever before. The class also has a good reputation among students, attracting 300 non–business majors each semester. “That’s saying something,” he says.

What also says something: the long-term impact. Many former students have expressed an interest in having access to the modules after graduation. “Ideally, we would make modules available outside class for alumni so when they graduate, they don’t lose access to the materials,” he says.

Consider that version 2.0. And you can bet he is working on it!

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Robertson’s Content Options for Hybrid Courses

Dr. Bruce Robertson delivers content in a variety of ways in his hybrid course, noting that some methods work better than others, depending on the student. Here are his options, along with some of their salient characteristics:

Textbooks—These are written specifically for the class to ensure consistency of content across platforms. Robertson offers:

Traditional bound version, for those who want to keep the book as a resource

Loose-leaf version, makes it easier to take notes in class, and can replace downloadable study guides

E-book

Lectures—These illustrate the topics with relevant, timely examples. These are also delivered in various formats:

In-person lectures allow students to take the class in the traditional manner, and allow real-time Q&As.

Video stream lectures allow same-day access for online students.

YouTube channel offers five- to 10-minute clips for each topic, and allows students to access content after graduating.

Tests—Students have unlimited attempts at quizzes, which allow them to make and correct mistakes without sacrificing their grades. Missed questions, he adds, are far more diagnostic than questions answered correctly. He offers the following:

Live tests offer unlimited attempts for one week; the deadlines encourage students to keep up with class.

Review tests are ungraded practice versions of the live tests. These allow students to have access to the test banks after the live test has expired.

Activities—These are interactive exercises tied to specific topics. For Robertson, this area is still under development.

When His Roster Outgrew His Classroom, This Prof Mastered Modular Online Curriculum published first on https://medium.com/@GetNewDLBusiness

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A little more than a year ago, on a trip to Nairobi, Kenya, some colleagues and I met a 12-year-old Masai boy named Richard Turere, who told us a fascinating story. His family raises livestock on the edge of a vast national park, and one of the biggest challenges is protecting the animals from lions—especially at night. Richard had noticed that placing lamps in a field didn’t deter lion attacks, but when he walked the field with a torch, the lions stayed away. From a young age, he’d been interested in electronics, teaching himself by, for example, taking apart his parents’ radio. He used that experience to devise a system of lights that would turn on and off in sequence—using solar panels, a car battery, and a motorcycle indicator box—and thereby create a sense of movement that he hoped would scare off the lions. He installed the lights, and the lions stopped attacking. Soon villages elsewhere in Kenya began installing Richard’s “lion lights.”

The story was inspiring and worthy of the broader audience that our TED conference could offer, but on the surface, Richard seemed an unlikely candidate to give a TED Talk. He was painfully shy. His English was halting. When he tried to describe his invention, the sentences tumbled out incoherently. And frankly, it was hard to imagine a preteenager standing on a stage in front of 1,400 people accustomed to hearing from polished speakers such as Bill Gates, Sir Ken Robinson, and Jill Bolte Taylor.

But Richard’s story was so compelling that we invited him to speak. In the months before the 2013 conference, we worked with him to frame his story—to find the right place to begin, and to develop a succinct and logical arc of events. On the back of his invention Richard had won a scholarship to one of Kenya’s best schools, and there he had the chance to practice the talk several times in front of a live audience. It was critical that he build his confidence to the point where his personality could shine through. When he finally gave his talk at TED, in Long Beach, you could tell he was nervous, but that only made him more engaging—people were hanging on his every word. The confidence was there, and every time Richard smiled, the audience melted. When he finished, the response was instantaneous: a sustained standing ovation.

Since the first TED conference, 30 years ago, speakers have run the gamut from political figures, musicians, and TV personalities who are completely at ease before a crowd to lesser-known academics, scientists, and writers—some of whom feel deeply uncomfortable giving presentations. Over the years, we’ve sought to develop a process for helping inexperienced presenters to frame, practice, and deliver talks that people enjoy watching. It typically begins six to nine months before the event, and involves cycles of devising (and revising) a script, repeated rehearsals, and plenty of fine-tuning. We’re continually tweaking our approach—because the art of public speaking is evolving in real time—but judging by public response, our basic regimen works well: Since we began putting TED Talks online, in 2006, they’ve been viewed more than one billion times.

On the basis of this experience, I’m convinced that giving a good talk is highly coachable. In a matter of hours, a speaker’s content and delivery can be transformed from muddled to mesmerizing. And while my team’s experience has focused on TED’s 18-minutes-or-shorter format, the lessons we’ve learned are surely useful to other presenters—whether it’s a CEO doing an IPO road show, a brand manager unveiling a new product, or a start-up pitching to VCs.

Frame Your Story There’s no way you can give a good talk unless you have something worth talking about. Conceptualizing and framing what you want to say is the most vital part of preparation.

We all know that humans are wired to listen to stories, and metaphors abound for the narrative structures that work best to engage people. When I think about compelling presentations, I think about taking an audience on a journey. A successful talk is a little miracle—people see the world differently afterward.

If you frame the talk as a journey, the biggest decisions are figuring out where to start and where to end. To find the right place to start, consider what people in the audience already know about your subject—and how much they care about it. If you assume they have more knowledge or interest than they do, or if you start using jargon or get too technical, you’ll lose them. The most engaging speakers do a superb job of very quickly introducing the topic, explaining why they care so deeply about it, and convincing the audience members that they should, too.

The biggest problem I see in first drafts of presentations is that they try to cover too much ground. You can’t summarize an entire career in a single talk. If you try to cram in everything you know, you won’t have time to include key details, and your talk will disappear into abstract language that may make sense if your listeners are familiar with the subject matter but will be completely opaque if they’re new to it. You need specific examples to flesh out your ideas. So limit the scope of your talk to that which can be explained, and brought to life with examples, in the available time. Much of the early feedback we give aims to correct the impulse to sweep too broadly. Instead, go deeper. Give more detail. Don’t tell us about your entire field of study—tell us about your unique contribution.

Of course, it can be just as damaging to overexplain or painstakingly draw out the implications of a talk. And there the remedy is different: Remember that the people in the audience are intelligent. Let them figure some things out for themselves. Let them draw their own conclusions.

Many of the best talks have a narrative structure that loosely follows a detective story. The speaker starts out by presenting a problem and then describes the search for a solution. There’s an “aha” moment, and the audience’s perspective shifts in a meaningful way.

If a talk fails, it’s almost always because the speaker didn’t frame it correctly, misjudged the audience’s level of interest, or neglected to tell a story. Even if the topic is important, random pontification without narrative is always deeply unsatisfying. There’s no progression, and you don’t feel that you’re learning.

I was at an energy conference recently where two people—a city mayor and a former governor—gave back-to-back talks. The mayor’s talk was essentially a list of impressive projects his city had undertaken. It came off as boasting, like a report card or an advertisement for his reelection. It quickly got boring. When the governor spoke, she didn’t list achievements; instead, she shared an idea. Yes, she recounted anecdotes from her time in office, but the idea was central—and the stories explanatory or illustrative (and also funny). It was so much more interesting. The mayor’s underlying point seemed to be how great he was, while the governor’s message was “Here’s a compelling idea that would benefit us all.”

As a general rule, people are not very interested in talks about organizations or institutions (unless they’re members of them). Ideas and stories fascinate us; organizations bore us—they’re much harder to relate to. (Businesspeople especially take note: Don’t boast about your company; rather, tell us about the problem you’re solving.)

Once you’ve got the framing down, it’s time to focus on your delivery. There are three main ways to deliver a talk. You can read it directly off a script or a teleprompter. You can develop a set of bullet points that map out what you’re going to say in each section rather than scripting the whole thing word for word. Or you can memorize your talk, which entails rehearsing it to the point where you internalize every word—verbatim.

My advice: Don’t read it, and don’t use a teleprompter. It’s usually just too distancing—people will know you’re reading. And as soon as they sense it, the way they receive your talk will shift. Suddenly your intimate connection evaporates, and everything feels a lot more formal. We generally outlaw reading approaches of any kind at TED, though we made an exception a few years ago for a man who insisted on using a monitor. We set up a screen at the back of the auditorium, in the hope that the audience wouldn’t notice it. At first he spoke naturally. But soon he stiffened up, and you could see this horrible sinking feeling pass through the audience as people realized, “Oh, no, he’s reading to us!” The words were great, but the talk got poor ratings.

Many of our best and most popular TED Talks have been memorized word for word. If you’re giving an important talk and you have the time to do this, it’s the best way to go. But don’t underestimate the work involved. One of our most memorable speakers was Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain researcher who had suffered a stroke. She talked about what she learned during the eight years it took her to recover. After crafting her story and undertaking many hours of solo practice, she rehearsed her talk dozens of times in front of an audience to be sure she had it down.

Obviously, not every presentation is worth that kind of investment of time. But if you do decide to memorize your talk, be aware that there’s a predictable arc to the learning curve. Most people go through what I call the “valley of awkwardness,” where they haven’t quite memorized the talk. If they give the talk while stuck in that valley, the audience will sense it. Their words will sound recited, or there will be painful moments where they stare into the middle distance, or cast their eyes upward, as they struggle to remember their lines. This creates distance between the speaker and the audience.

Getting past this point is simple, fortunately. It’s just a matter of rehearsing enough times that the flow of words becomes second nature. Then you can focus on delivering the talk with meaning and authenticity. Don’t worry—you’ll get there. But if you don’t have time to learn a speech thoroughly and get past that awkward valley, don’t try. Go with bullet points on note cards. As long as you know what you want to say for each one, you’ll be fine. Focus on remembering the transitions from one bullet point to the next.

Also pay attention to your tone. Some speakers may want to come across as authoritative or wise or powerful or passionate, but it’s usually much better to just sound conversational. Don’t force it. Don’t orate. Just be you. If a successful talk is a journey, make sure you don’t start to annoy your travel companions along the way. Some speakers project too much ego. They sound condescending or full of themselves, and the audience shuts down. Don’t let that happen.

Develop Stage Presence For inexperienced speakers, the physical act of being onstage can be the most difficult part of giving a presentation—but people tend to overestimate its importance. Getting the words, story, and substance right is a much bigger determinant of success or failure than how you stand or whether you’re visibly nervous. And when it comes to stage presence, a little coaching can go a long way.

The biggest mistake we see in early rehearsals is that people move their bodies too much. They sway from side to side, or shift their weight from one leg to the other. People do this naturally when they’re nervous, but it’s distracting and makes the speaker seem weak. Simply getting a person to keep his or her lower body motionless can dramatically improve stage presence. There are some people who are able to walk around a stage during a presentation, and that’s fine if it comes naturally. But the vast majority are better off standing still and relying on hand gestures for emphasis.

Perhaps the most important physical act onstage is making eye contact. Find five or six friendly-looking people in different parts of the audience and look them in the eye as you speak. Think of them as friends you haven’t seen in a year, whom you’re bringing up to date on your work. That eye contact is incredibly powerful, and it will do more than anything else to help your talk land. Even if you don’t have time to prepare fully and have to read from a script, looking up and making eye contact will make a huge difference.

Another big hurdle for inexperienced speakers is nervousness—both in advance of the talk and while they’re onstage. People deal with this in different ways. Many speakers stay out in the audience until the moment they go on; this can work well, because keeping your mind engaged in the earlier speakers can distract you and limit nervousness. Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Business School professor who studies how certain body poses can affect power, utilized one of the more unusual preparation techniques I’ve seen. She recommends that people spend time before a talk striding around, standing tall, and extending their bodies; these poses make you feel more powerful. It’s what she did before going onstage, and she delivered a phenomenal talk. But I think the single best advice is simply to breathe deeply before you go onstage. It works.

In general, people worry too much about nervousness. Nerves are not a disaster. The audience expects you to be nervous. It’s a natural body response that can actually improve your performance: It gives you energy to perform and keeps your mind sharp. Just keep breathing, and you’ll be fine.

Acknowledging nervousness can also create engagement. Showing your vulnerability, whether through nerves or tone of voice, is one of the most powerful ways to win over an audience, provided it is authentic. Susan Cain, who wrote a book about introverts and spoke at our 2012 conference, was terrified about giving her talk. You could feel her fragility onstage, and it created this dynamic where the audience was rooting for her—everybody wanted to hug her afterward. The fact that we knew she was fighting to keep herself up there made it beautiful, and it was the most popular talk that year.

Plan the Multimedia With so much technology at our disposal, it may feel almost mandatory to use, at a minimum, presentation slides. By now most people have heard the advice about PowerPoint: Keep it simple; don’t use a slide deck as a substitute for notes (by, say, listing the bullet points you’ll discuss—those are best put on note cards); and don’t repeat out loud words that are on the slide. Not only is reciting slides a variation of the teleprompter problem—“Oh, no, she’s reading to us, too!”—but information is interesting only once, and hearing and seeing the same words feels repetitive. That advice may seem universal by now, but go into any company and you’ll see presenters violating it every day.

Many of the best TED speakers don’t use slides at all, and many talks don’t require them. If you have photographs or illustrations that make the topic come alive, then yes, show them. If not, consider doing without, at least for some parts of the presentation. And if you’re going to use slides, it’s worth exploring alternatives to PowerPoint. For instance, TED has invested in the company Prezi, which makes presentation software that offers a camera’s-eye view of a two-dimensional landscape. Instead of a flat sequence of images, you can move around the landscape and zoom in to it if need be. Used properly, such techniques can dramatically boost the visual punch of a talk and enhance its meaning.

Artists, architects, photographers, and designers have the best opportunity to use visuals. Slides can help frame and pace a talk and help speakers avoid getting lost in jargon or overly intellectual language. (Art can be hard to talk about—better to experience it visually.) I’ve seen great presentations in which the artist or designer put slides on an automatic timer so that the image changed every 15 seconds. I’ve also seen presenters give a talk accompanied by video, speaking along to it. That can help sustain momentum. The industrial designer Ross Lovegrove’s highly visual TED Talk, for instance, used this technique to bring the audience along on a remarkable creative journey.

Another approach creative types might consider is to build silence into their talks, and just let the work speak for itself. The kinetic sculptor Reuben Margolin used that approach to powerful effect. The idea is not to think “I’m giving a talk.” Instead, think “I want to give this audience a powerful experience of my work.” The single worst thing artists and architects can do is to retreat into abstract or conceptual language.

Video has obvious uses for many speakers. In a TED Talk about the intelligence of crows, for instance, the scientist showed a clip of a crow bending a hook to fish a piece of food out of a tube—essentially creating a tool. It illustrated his point far better than anything he could have said.

Used well, video can be very effective, but there are common mistakes that should be avoided. A clip needs to be short—if it’s more than 60 seconds, you risk losing people. Don’t use videos—particularly corporate ones—that sound self-promotional or like infomercials; people are conditioned to tune those out. Anything with a soundtrack can be dangerously off-putting. And whatever you do, don’t show a clip of yourself being interviewed on, say, CNN. I’ve seen speakers do this, and it’s a really bad idea—no one wants to go along with you on your ego trip. The people in your audience are already listening to you live; why would they want to simultaneously watch your talking-head clip on a screen?

Putting It Together We start helping speakers prepare their talks six months (or more) in advance so that they’ll have plenty of time to practice. We want people’s talks to be in final form at least a month before the event. The more practice they can do in the final weeks, the better off they’ll be. Ideally, they’ll practice the talk on their own and in front of an audience.

The tricky part about rehearsing a presentation in front of other people is that they will feel obligated to offer feedback and constructive criticism. Often the feedback from different people will vary or directly conflict. This can be confusing or even paralyzing, which is why it’s important to be choosy about the people you use as a test audience, and whom you invite to offer feedback. In general, the more experience a person has as a presenter, the better the criticism he or she can offer.

I learned many of these lessons myself in 2011. My colleague Bruno Giussani, who curates our TEDGlobal event, pointed out that although I’d worked at TED for nine years, served as the emcee at our conferences, and introduced many of the speakers, I’d never actually given a TED Talk myself. So he invited me to give one, and I accepted.

It was more stressful than I’d expected. Even though I spend time helping others frame their stories, framing my own in a way that felt compelling was difficult. I decided to memorize my presentation, which was about how web video powers global innovation, and that was really hard: Even though I was putting in a lot of hours, and getting sound advice from my colleagues, I definitely hit a point where I didn’t quite have it down and began to doubt I ever would. I really thought I might bomb. I was nervous right up until the moment I took the stage. But it ended up going fine. It’s definitely not one of the all-time great TED Talks, but it got a positive reaction—and I survived the stress of going through it.

Ultimately I learned firsthand what our speakers have been discovering for three decades: Presentations rise or fall on the quality of the idea, the narrative, and the passion of the speaker. It’s about substance, not speaking style or multimedia pyrotechnics. It’s fairly easy to “coach out” the problems in a talk, but there’s no way to “coach in” the basic story—the presenter has to have the raw material. If you have something to say, you can build a great talk. But if the central theme isn’t there, you’re better off not speaking. Decline the invitation. Go back to work, and wait until you have a compelling idea that’s really worth sharing.

The single most important thing to remember is that there is no one good way to do a talk. The most memorable talks offer something fresh, something no one has seen before. The worst ones are those that feel formulaic. So do not on any account try to emulate every piece of advice I’ve offered here. Take the bulk of it on board, sure. But make the talk your own. You know what’s distinctive about you and your idea. Play to your strengths and give a talk that is truly authentic to you.

Source: Chris Anderson, From the June 2013 Issue 

A version of this article appeared in the June 2013 issue of Harvard Business Review. Chris Anderson is the curator of TED.