#ending was gut wrenching literally 'if only' type feeling

[monamipencil]

ok wow, took me 4 hours to read and annotate this.

i love LOVE the banner, it rly like set the mood of the story and i love your editing skills !!

whoops, this is long.

— plot; easily my most fav wonwoo fic. oh god, i was from the moment you announced in front of me was in the works. angsty fic with best friend wonwoo, i was SOLD. plus unrequited love? pining? realistic characters? yes. the angstiest piece written so beautifully and done with so much effort. and this hits way too close to home. i literally felt called out at multiple points of reading. i just love how realistic and gut wrenching this is.

— oc; she's an idiot, i love her. honestly, i feel like she's me lmao. everything from pining like an idiot to the buzzfeed unsolved and aot, man. she's so well sculptured in a way her characterization is realistic. her sensitivity, the willingness to let him walk over her like that, pining, naivety, accepting him no matter what. fucking hell, she wasn't even angry at last, just so tired and soft with her wordings, only breaking down by the very end. she needed a push to take a stand for herself and i'm so glad she did!

— wonwoo; *sighs* the very introduction and he was already being a dick. but goddamn the fact he's genuinely oblivious to it? when i was expecting toxic bsf! wonwoo, i didnt expect him to be a cardboard cut-out of he-who-shall-not-be-named. ig every girl has stumbled across these type of guys. it would've been so easier to hate by just seeing the story from his pov. but introducing his thoughts and views made me fee pity for him. bcz yeah, he's human too and as much as he's despicable, i understand him. a true gray character. his feelings were so complex. the string of relationships that never worked out were so bitter to read about, him ghosting her yet always crawling back, the uncertainty when she started ignoring him, the jealousy, the anger. his character was so raw and human. as much as i feel sympathy for him, sometimes leaving ppl like this behind is the best answer.

— seokmin; ok, i was so enamored by this guy, that i completely overlooked the fact that he could have bad intentions. like?? if you read thru my annotations, i genuinely liked him? even when wonwoo said he knew what he was doing, i thought wonwoo was being stupid. ... until i heard it straight from seokmin. man, the twist? i was so shocked, i dont even know what's gonna happen lmao. this is crazy.

— the friends; i love them from what we've seen of them. the scene with gyu giving him a reality check? fuck yes, you need friends like that. not only was he looking out for her, he was looking out for him too. i loved it!

— annotations;

Your phone beeps indicating that he’s hung up and you can feel the heartstrings pull inside your chest. How many times will it take for Wonwoo to find someone he actually wants to be with? And why is it never you? 

the angst is already hitting omfgggg

and the prologue feels like the opening to a movie, i love it so much.

“Wait, what? You and Wonwoo aren’t dating?” Seungcheol asks you, forcing you into the hot seat. 

asking the real questions here

Looking over at Wonwoo, you anxiously wait for his answer, your chest blooming with hope, only for those buds to be washed away in a millisecond. 

nooo, but also yesss for the slowburn

“No, c’mon, we’re just friends. That’s it, right?” Wonwoo turns to you, trying to get you to back him up. 

that hurts..

But you sit there, with your heart crushed in your hands, lifeless and shrivelled. Like his words and actions had the power to tear the life out of you. The worst part was that he did all this without knowing. He’s completely oblivious to your feelings, and you only have yourself to blame.

this is already hitting omfg 

He becomes more detached when he’s in a relationship, and you’re okay with that. His priorities change and you’re okay with that. Despite your feelings for him, you know that you can’t force him to feel the same way. And you should be okay with that. 

ow ow ow, ok. 

but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less to see the person you’re in love with, fall in love with someone else. 

🙁 angst is angsting

Having Seungcheol confirm that Wonwoo has never felt anything romantically for you was like a stab in the stomach, and him getting you to back up his words was just him twisting the knife. 

reading this while im on my periods is gonna punch me in the gut

“It’s alright,” he coos, pulling you into his strong arms.  

🧍not me serving lanes with seokmin lmao

You have all these examples of why he would probably be the worst boyfriend ever, yet your heart still belongs to him.

been there, done that. i am guilty your honor

You were hoping that he would go, even looking forward to it. Is that pathetic? To want to see him everywhere you go? Maybe you were pathetic to the point where you only felt like hanging out with your friends if he was there. 

she’s down bad and attached af but I UNDERSTAND RAHH 

He sighs as he sinks into the plush cushions, spreading his legs while he puts his arms up.

🧍… i giggled 

Wonwoo’s arm circles your shoulder, pulling you closer to him and forcing your head to rest delicately on his broad shoulder.

RAHHHHHHHH 🦅

“Of course, what are best friends for?” 

ofc ofc … best friends …

Most people fall in love gradually, slowly growing feelings for the person before they can even call it love. Like the way the seasons steadily turned from winter to spring. Green grass peeking from underneath the melting snow, or flowers gently blooming and unravelling their new set of stems and petals. For you, it was different.

this was so beautiful, i just had to point it out. Anna’s writing >>>>

If anything, falling in love with Wonwoo felt like a snowstorm in the middle of a sunny day.

alexa play, snow on the beach (anna’s version)

He was the shy, scrawny new kid in your class, and no one paid mind to him except you.

fuck, i feel called out

Despite his interest in collecting pokémon cards and his crooked glasses that were too big for his face, you were in love. 

is this about me?

You were like two peas in a pod that whole year, and the only time you and Wonwoo spent time apart was when he had to leave during summer break to visit family in Korea. 

this fucking play is abt me

It annoyed you to see all these people suddenly interested in him. You were angry that just because he grew a few inches and learned to do his hair didn’t mean he was that much different from how he was last year. 

oh fucking hell, anna are you perhaps stalking me??? im having flashbacks

He started to invest more of his time into her until he decided she wasn’t worth his energy anymore. Then the calls would come, his contact name flashing across your phone screen to ask you for advice. 

wonwoo bro, what is this behaviour

Everything that you weren’t.

fuck, ok that hurts (i refuse to cry so early)

Others may have tried to rationalize with Wonwoo, but you didn’t care. You wanted your friendship with him to turn back to normal. Your adolescent brain ignored that it was wrong to encourage him, as long as he was fully yours again.

ik normally ppl would hate this, so do i. but been there, done that… not proud of it

Like a siren to a sailor, your heart sang with deep imagery. Filling your thoughts with illusions of you and Wonwoo finally together. But your mind doesn’t let you go without a fight. It knows that beyond the deep waters where your siren-voiced heart lies is nothing but a bottomless pit.  The possibilities are endless, and you’d rather stay safely grounded in your boat of rationality. 

your imagery ???? holy shit, i never thought of the siren metaphor in this way. anna, ur brain >>

“It's never a problem if it’s you,” he chuckles as you dawdle over to the passenger side of his car. 

🧍*sighs* pls dont tell me he’s gonna talk like this the entire time. Wtf jeon wonwoo

Watching Wonwoo move to the side as he opens the car door for you. His actions make you blush, and you know you’ll think about it for the rest of the night. 

listen, this is gonna be difficult if he's gonna keep acting like this

His fingers would probably be laced with yours, or rubbing soothingly against your thigh while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. Planting kisses on your cheeks at every red light. It seemed like heaven on the other side. But you knew reality would crush your delusions soon enough. 

Delulu is the solulu (in fiction)

The only thing that mattered to you was the fact that she was able to bring out Wonwoo’s deep laugh. The kind of laugh that only befalls upon your ears when he finds something genuinely funny.

oh here comes the jealousy.

At this point, you weren’t sure who to envy, Wonwoo or the girl he was flirting with. You find it unfair that he doesn’t realize how greatly he can impact your feelings. 

asdfghjkl, jealousy is one ugly demon. I hate it

Everything just seemed so unfair, how could you possibly be happy if your feelings for Wonwoo were constantly in the way of it all? It’s tiring, worrying about him, yearning for him. You could do so many other things with your time, and when you look toward the future, you know that you’ll regret how much of your life you wasted loving someone who doesn’t love you back. 

another hit in the gut, it seems so important at that time but looking back, nope.

“Hey, look at me–” he grabs your face, gentle as a mouse, rubbing away the tears from your cheeks. “You are not a burden. We care, that’s why we worry, and I just want to be there for you.” 

🥺🥹 friends like this >>>

Seokmin is like your favourite childhood blanket, keeping you warm and away from everything that could possibly hurt you. He’s always willing to hear you rant about things that you know you could never tell Wonwoo. 

i need a seokmin in my life rn

Jihoon groans as Soonyoung practically breaks out into full song and dance, causing you to sing along with him.

lmao, i love soonyoung 

huhu, im so READY for wonwoo’s pov

Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo.

I screamed when i saw this, FROM THE TEASER ASDFGHHJKL

He has no control over whether you’re going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he can’t stand that feeling. 

wow, try being her for a sec, my guy

Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps he’s conceited and selfish, but he doesn’t care.

10 points for self awareness!!

Because in his mind, you’re his best friend.

I folded so fucking fast, im not immune to possessiveness

[wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u should’ve seen it! reminded me of u. 

i am not immune to jeon wonwoo

The sight of you getting into Seokmin’s car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he has witnessed. 

yes yes YES, he’s jelly 

Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he could keep you safe.

i love his complexity. the most perfectly gray character, like any other human being. I love your characterisation of him so much!!

That hadn’t been the case at all, and for the two months that he spent in Changwon, he couldn’t help but count the days till he could come back home. Where you had been patiently waiting for him.  He despised being away from you, and he had yearned for you every moment he was gone.

Awww, this is cute but knowing how’s he gonna act in the future ….

“You know, you’re still so skinny for your age. Do your parents not feed you enough?” 

i hate these typa relatives ??? like bro LOOK AT URSELF

Faintly recalling how you were planning to stay up late every night to watch BuzzFeed unsolved videos, or until your mom yelled at you to go to bed. 

AHHH, ANNA U AND ME, WE ARE THE SAME PERSON omg i love buzzfeed unsolved. 

Wonwoo missed you, and your stupid obsession with horror podcasts and YouTube shows. He missed the way your smile would shine so bright as you talked about all the haunted places the hosts would visit. 

fuck this reminds me of him. anna, you stalker 

And it was then that Wonwoo realized that he wasn’t all that bad-looking, after all. 

no fuck, everything reminds me of him wtf

He remembers thinking about how soft her hands were, and how pretty she looked with her hair tied up in a messy bun. 

🧍u have a girl waiting for u back at home but i wont blame him

By the end of summer, Wonwoo started to miss you less and less.

…… this hurts

Finally, for the first time in his life, Wonwoo felt serene, and that made him a little more whole than he was when he first landed in Changwon. 

but i am happy for him. It’s important to not base ur happiness on someone else !!

On a subconscious level, Wonwoo could not stop comparing Haein to you, and as fucked up as that was, it was completely out of his control. 

uh…. Wonwoo ??

“It all makes sense now! Eren had Zeke fooled!” 

AOT MENTIONED

“I'm sorry babe, but I gave up after the first episode,”

…. ??? im offended 

He was never able to comprehend why he couldn’t keep feelings for anyone after the six-month mark, and it almost frustrated him. Something was missing in every single relationship he had been in, and he wasn’t sure what that was. But he was determined to find an answer. 

… yeah i think i know

The answer was you.

There it is

With the amount of near run-ins he’s had with you and Seokmin on campus, he’s begun to sense that it’s some sort of karma. Whatever that karma may be for, he fully believes that it’s completely unwarranted. 

oh it is warranted, trust me. 

“Serves you right, you’re a dick to her, man.” Mingyu shrugs without any remorse to spare. 

TELL IT, GIVE IT TO HIM, GYU

“How blind are you? You have glasses and everything but you can’t see how mean you are to her sometimes? Really?” Mingyu almost sounds offended on your behalf as he stares at Wonwoo with an incredulous expression. 

im hollering lmaooo

Wonwoo is going to throw up. There's a tightness in his chest and a burning sensation behind his eyes.

ok, i feel bad for him.

Not only has he been a terrible friend without realizing it, but he’s pushed you so far to the brink that you’d rather ignore him than attempt to hash out what’s been troubling you.

poor guy, didn’t even realise it. 

What type of person has Wonwoo become that he resorts to stalking you from the front of your building?

💀 idk if i shud laugh im so sorry

That same apologetic attitude died a fiery death after watching Seokmin leave your apartment. 

nvm, this is so messy and so real

You were fine, and he should’ve known that the root of all his problems started with the name Lee Seokmin. 

Bro, just grow a pair and go talk to her instead of coming to conclusions on ur own wtf

The deathly twist in his gut intensifies the more he ponders on what may have happened during Seokmin’s visit. Wonwoo desperately wants to stop thinking about the possibilities, especially because your lack of clothing only fueled that inferno inside his mind. 

wonwoo, aren’t you her best friend? her sexual ventures now annoy you, hmmmmmmmm i seeee

Wonwoo yearns for you so much so that it supersedes any part of common sense he has left in him. 

slow burn, yearning, ah yes the only two things keeping me alive

“The number you have called is not available, please leave a message at the tone,” an automated voice affirmed his suspicions. 

🧍… i did not expect her to block him just like that but queen knows her worth !!

“What the hell are you doing here?” Both Wonwoo and Seokmin speak in unison. 

i ….. uhm … this is messy

Minnie. Wonwoo almost threw up in his mouth.  Minnie. The nickname is parallel to nails scraping against a chalkboard. 

i feel bad for him but don’t balme her either rahhhhhh

“I could say the same thing for you,” Seokmin mutters, unperturbed, “I didn’t have to do anything you know? Just a little push and she fell into my lap, voluntarily.” 

HUH?????????? WAIT WHAT. WTF OH NO NO

He was wrong about Seokmin. Even though he had known about his friend's crush on you for years, Wonwoo didn’t expect the lengths Seokmin would go to in order to cut him out of the picture. 

oh ….. oh my god. wtf

He knew you well enough that you wouldn’t just block him so carelessly, without a word no less. 

I KNEW IT

Yet he was no match for Seokmin, not after the fact that you allowed him into your home, your heart, so willingly. 

Nooooo, wonwoo. i am very shocked by the turn of events

Is this how it feels? To actually care about someone and whether their decisions might affect him later on? 

damn this alluding to his prev relationships … makes me sick. I mean he didn’t know better but still … 

“Did you fuck him?” Wonwoo cuts to the chase, not leaving any room for you to ask questions. 

😭wtf wonwoo

Wonwoo had no clue, but the thought of his friend-now-enemy defiling you, tasting you, while Wonwoo desperately waited for your call caused him to direct all his anger to you. Perhaps it’s undeserving to do so, but Wonwoo’s frustration spoke for him before his brain could even register what he was saying. 

i get him but boy pls, this is not the way

His urge to self-sabotage overrides his common sense. 

understandable but stil smh

I fell in love with my best friend, and the worst part was that you didn’t care enough to notice. 

SHE SAID IT, OMG SHE SAID IT

He should’ve known that you were in front of him this whole damn time.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅

In Front of Me (1)

cause i was blind to see that you were right in front of me ₊˚

⊹ pairing: jeon wonwoo x f.reader ⊹ genre: bestfriends to (?), angst, smut (R: 18+ mdni) ⊹ wordcount: 40.6k (part 1) (part 2: here)

⊹ summary: jeon wonwoo has spent most of his adolesence and early adult hood unable to understand why he can't seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. as his best friend, you allowed him to vent about his worries without judgment. so what if you're in love with him? your friendship with wonwoo meant more to you than having your feelings reciprocated. that is until you hit your breaking point, while wonwoo finally realizes what has been in front of him this whole time.

⊹ tags: non-idol!au, uni!au, unrequited love (for the most part), pining, toxic!wonwoo, toxic!reader, both in wonwoo and readers pov, questionable protagonists, mentions of other svt members, happy ending (?), emotionally constipated characters (wonwoo), flashbacks, slight seokmin x reader, a lot of emotions thrown everywhere. (content warnings under the cut)

⊹ note: this story was meant to be posted for wonwoos bday, but if you know anything about me by now, i never really stick to my self made deadlines lol. thank you to my cutieful, big brained beta readers: ♡ @junkissed @chocosvt and @sunniques ♡ everyone in @svthub and @highvern and @gyuswhore who helped me w this fic as well ! if u look closely this is pretty much just a sugar coated version of real life events lol... anyways i hope u enjoy and lmk what u think thru the replies and reblogs :) !

⊹ masterlist, fic playlist.

⊹ smut tags: no smut in this part :p ⊹ warnings: alcohol, reader is downbad for wonwoo, stalking, slut-shaming, evasions of privacy, if i missed anything lmk! cuz ik i did i just can't think of what hehe :p

⊹ what i would like to note about this story before you read it: you're not meant to like these characters (for most of the story at least lol), they are flawed in many ways, thats the whole point of this story tbh. tmi--but this story is pretty much my free therapy lol. and i love a messy plot! wonwoo and reader are just two normal people in this story and i wanted to write something a little more raw than i'm used to. so just take what i say with a grain of salt before reading ♡ i still want you to enjoy this story because i poured my soul into it. so thank you for your support and kind asks and comments about the teaser!

prologue. 

Despite your age, you’ve never been in a serious relationship. There was always something holding you back, or rather, someone. 

In all the years you’ve known Wonwoo, you’ve always thought maybe one day, he would look at you in a different light. Hoping that he could reciprocate the feelings you’ve harboured for him since the eleventh grade. 

He was the one who constantly moved out of relationships. You couldn’t even count the amount of late-night calls where he asked you what his “next step” should be. The doting best friend that you are, you’d gladly stay up all night trying to help him fix his girl problems. 

“I just, I don’t have feelings for her anymore. Is that wrong?” he asked you over the phone. 

Tossing and turning in your bed you let out a deep sigh. One thing is always guaranteed with Wonwoo: in a relationship, he loses feelings quickly. No matter how much he likes the girl, no matter how obsessed or possessive he feels for them at the beginning of it all, it diminishes by the time the six-month mark hits. 

Although he may be a great friend to you, relationships were never his strong suit. 

“It’s not wrong to fall out of love, but how many times are you going to break up with someone before you decide to stay?” you ask him, and he pauses to think. 

“I don’t know, but I can’t stay, that would make things worse,” he sighs. “It’s better to just stop this whole thing now.” 

“I agree, but are you sure?” you continue to ask him the same questions you’ve been asking since you were sixteen. 

“I’m sure,” he replies with a heavy sigh. 

“Okay, then goodnight. It’s almost one in the morning,” you try to cut the call, but he continues to speak. 

“I’m not the bad guy, right?” he asks you for reassurance. 

“No, you’re just human Wonwoo. There’s nothing wrong with losing feelings for someone,” you affirmed. 

“Alright, thank you, good night and sweet dreams,” he whispers listlessly. 

“Good night, Wonwoo.” 

Your phone beeps indicating that he’s hung up and you can feel the heartstrings pull inside your chest. How many times will it take for Wonwoo to find someone he actually wants to be with? And why is it never you? 

act one, favorite crime.

chapter one. 

“Wait, what? You and Wonwoo aren’t dating?” Seungcheol asks you, forcing you into the hot seat. 

The rest of your friend group is boring holes into your face as they all sit around Jeonghan’s living room. The blood rises in your cheeks, but you shake your head anyway. 

It feels like every time you’re with your friends, they ask you the same set of questions. Constantly wondering why you and Wonwoo haven’t thought about dating, or why you two haven’t decided to take the chance and just be together. 

“You guys need to stop asking that. A guy can befriend someone of the opposite gender,” Wonwoo defends the two of you. 

“You’re telling me in all the years you’ve known her, you haven’t developed feelings for her once?” Cheol continues to instigate, and your eyes go wide. 

Looking over at Wonwoo, you anxiously wait for his answer, your chest blooming with hope, only for those buds to be washed away in a millisecond. 

“No, c’mon, we’re just friends. That’s it, right?” Wonwoo turns to you, trying to get you to back him up. 

Your mouth runs dry as he stares at you, his eyebrows rising in anticipation. 

“U-uh yeah, Wonwoo’s right, we’re just friends,” you blurt out, not being able to handle all the expectant eyes on you all at once. 

“See? Now can you all just get off our backs?” he chastises. 

The chatter starts up again, moving past the topic of you and Wonwoo’s friendship. But you sit there, with your heart crushed in your hands, lifeless and shrivelled. Like his words and actions had the power to tear the life out of you. The worst part was that he did all this without knowing. He’s completely oblivious to your feelings, and you only have yourself to blame.

You understand your relationship with Wonwoo is different from most people’s, but at the same time, it should be normal for a girl and a guy to just be friends. And at least you respect Wonwoo’s feelings, and you also respect that whenever he’s dating someone the dynamic between you two shifts. 

He becomes more detached when he’s in a relationship, and you’re okay with that. His priorities change and you’re okay with that. Despite your feelings for him, you know that you can’t force him to feel the same way. And you should be okay with that. 

You’ve never tried to get in the way of his love life, or purposefully give him bad advice to ruin what he has with someone else. Not since you were seventeen, and at that time in your life your frontal lobe was a measly speck of dust, but it's different now. Now, your morals don’t change just because you love him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less to see the person you’re in love with, fall in love with someone else. 

two. 

“Hey, you okay?” Seokmin approaches you, and you turn your head, acknowledging his presence. 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m alright,” you mutter, but you know you don’t look that way. 

Seokmin has known you since high school and has seen you through everything, probably more than Wonwoo. He knows when you’re not feeling well. A sympathetic permanent on his lips as he continues to observe you play with the food on your plate, pushing around the food aimlessly but never taking a bite. 

The sounds of people conversing throughout the dining hall never die down. But luckily, the commotion keeps your thoughts of Wonwoo at bay, or at least that’s what you like to think. But your heart can’t seem to let go of that moment from the other day. Having Seungcheol confirm that Wonwoo has never felt anything romantically for you was like a stab in the stomach, and him getting you to back up his words was just him twisting the knife. 

“What’s the matter, sweetheart? You can tell me,” he sighs, pushing the hair covering your face and placing it behind your ear. 

You can feel the tears start to pool, but you try your damndest not to let them spill—not like this, not in front of so many people. 

“It was just something Wonwoo said when we were all at Hannie’s house,” you mumble, refusing to make eye contact with your friend. 

“What did he say?” 

“That he’s never liked me before,” you sigh, feeling a tear slip from your eye. 

Cursing yourself in your head, you hate how much your feelings for him affect you. You hate how he doesn’t have to even be in front of you, yet he can still cause your emotions to fluctuate. 

“It’s alright,” he coos, pulling you into his strong arms. 

It felt weird, to hug Seokmin so tightly in the middle of your university’s dining hall. But you’re thankful for how aware he is, how he actually cares about your feelings. You felt melodramatic sitting there crying in the fucking dining hall of all places, but you couldn’t help but let your tears flow as Seokmin comforts you with his soft voice. 

“You deserve more than this, I hope you know that,” he whispers in your ear.

three. 

Over the next few days, the words Seokmin had whispered to you kept replaying in your head. You did deserve better and looking at all of Wonwoo’s past relationships is the perfect example. He’s not exactly the ideal boyfriend, so why did you even have feelings for him in the first place?

You could feel a migraine coming on from how hard you were thinking, but Wonwoo still seems to be the only person you can’t let go of. No matter how many times you’ve tried. 

A knock on your door brings you out of your thoughts. It was late, and you don’t remember anyone messaging you saying that they were going to come over, but you open the door anyway. 

“Hey, sorry I didn’t text,” Wonwoo moves past you, takes his shoes off, and plops on your couch. 

“It’s okay, what’s up?” you move to sit beside him. 

“I broke up with her,” He says, shrugging. 

Taken aback by his nonchalance, your eyes widen. He seems calm for someone who has just broken up with his girlfriend. But you try not to think too hard about it, or you might just have to take another Advil to remedy your already growing headache. 

“Well, how did it go?” you ask with a bit of apprehension. 

Knowing Wonwoo, you knew that he probably just dumped her over the phone or something. He’s never been bothered to really break up with someone. 

You have all these examples of why he would probably be the worst boyfriend ever, yet your heart still belongs to him. It’s pitiful, to say the least, people probably would think that you’re a masochist because you subject yourself to staying by his side when he has feelings for another. 

“She was crying, but at least it’s over now,” Wonwoo informs you as he eats the snacks you had left on your coffee table. 

“Oh.” You could feel the guilt start to seep into your veins. 

It never felt good to hear Wonwoo talk about his breakups, but you’re not sure how to react. There’s a part of you that’s happy to know that he’s single again, but the majority of you pities the girl who had just gotten her heart broken. 

Wonwoo continues to munch on the snacks left on your table while your mind tries to process the information you’ve been given. Hearing him talk so casually about his breakup leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, but you decide to switch topics instead of asking any more questions. 

“Are you still going to Seokmin’s thing this weekend, though?” you ask him, trying to fill the air with something to drown out your rapid heartbeats. 

He shrugs his shoulders, “If I feel like it. Are you?” 

The bottom of your stomach tightens. You were hoping that he would go, even looking forward to it. Is that pathetic? To want to see him everywhere you go? Maybe you were pathetic to the point where you only felt like hanging out with your friends if he was there. 

“I mean, I don’t have a ride so…” you trail off, pretending to pay attention to whatever was playing on the T.V. screen. 

“I’ll go since you’re going, that way you have a ride,” he mumbles, adjusting his posture to lean back on your couch. 

He sighs as he sinks into the plush cushions, spreading his legs while he puts his arms up. You’re very aware of his proximity, and you try not to let it show. But the smell of his cologne invades your senses, knocking the breath out of your chest. 

Wonwoo’s arm circles your shoulder, pulling you closer to him and forcing your head to rest delicately on his broad shoulder. Exhaling, you let yourself enjoy his way of showing affection. Although to him it means nothing, and to you, quite literally everything. 

“Thank you for agreeing to go to Seokmin’s so I have a ride,” you whisper but still avoid eye contact so he doesn’t notice your flustered expression. 

“Thank you for letting me barge in here just so I can talk about my breakup,” he whispers back, kissing the top of your head. 

“Of course, what are best friends for?” 

four. 

Most people fall in love gradually, slowly growing feelings for the person before they can even call it love. Like the way the seasons steadily turned from winter to spring. Green grass peeking from underneath the melting snow, or flowers gently blooming and unravelling their new set of stems and petals. For you, it was different.

 Falling in love with Wonwoo wasn’t gradual at all. 

If anything, falling in love with Wonwoo felt like a snowstorm in the middle of a sunny day. Your affection for him grew rapidly, and before you knew it, your mind was clouded with him and him only. It became hard to stay rational as if you were driving down a snow-filled road without any control over the steering wheel. Swerving into different lanes, your brakes malfunction, making it hard to bring your car to a full stop. Falling in love with Wonwoo was not gradual or easy.

When you met him on the first day of your junior year of high school, your sixteen-year-old brain couldn’t fully comprehend your crush on him. He was the shy, scrawny new kid in your class, and no one paid mind to him except you. But that didn’t stop you from liking him. Despite his interest in collecting pokémon cards and his crooked glasses that were too big for his face, you were in love. 

You were like two peas in a pod that whole year, and the only time you and Wonwoo spent time apart was when he had to leave during summer break to visit family in Korea. 

When he returned for your senior year, you could barely recognize him. Suddenly the nerdy Wonwoo you knew was gone. His glasses complimented his face, his hair was styled differently, and most of all, he got hot. A lot of your classmates must’ve seemed to agree because now your best friend and the man you’re in love with gained attention from people who didn’t even bat an eyelash at him last year. 

It annoyed you to see all these people suddenly interested in him. You were angry that just because he grew a few inches and learned to do his hair didn’t mean he was that much different from how he was last year. 

Even though Wonwoo was in a relationship, he still stayed true to your friendship. He still hung out with you, ate lunch with you, you even came over on weekends to have dinner with his family. Day by day, your love for him strengthened, and you ignored that his attention had been divided between you and his girlfriend at the time. 

When their relationship hit three months, it seemed your friendship had come to an abrupt halt. He didn’t invite you for dinner as often, you two didn’t talk on the phone every other night. He started to invest more of his time into her until he decided she wasn’t worth his energy anymore. Then the calls would come, his contact name flashing across your phone screen to ask you for advice. 

“I feel like I need to break up with Haein,” his deep voice flowed through your phone speaker. A sigh left his lips as he faced the truth. 

Haein was Wonwoo’s first girlfriend. She was nice, almost too nice. Wonwoo definitely had a type for girls with a bubbly personality. Ones that were effortlessly beautiful, reminiscent of a freshly made porcelain doll. That was Haein to you, unblemished in every way possible. Everything that you weren’t.

You couldn’t bring yourself to hate her. She was too nice to hate, but your younger self was so angry at how much of Wonwoo's time she took up that you envied her. Seokmin once jokingly mentioned that you looked especially green when she was around, and you remember how quickly you checked your appearance on the nearest reflective surface because of what he had said in passing. You remember vividly how nervous his words made you, was it that obvious?

Wonwoo’s first time calling you about his breakup plans was a delightful surprise, and you were too in shock to sputter out a proper response.

“Oh. Why?” was all you could say, still stunned that after a week of no contact, this was the first thing he said. 

“‘Dunno, I just don’t like her anymore,” he admitted effortlessly. 

You didn’t know how to respond. Your heart was screaming at you to encourage him to break up with his girlfriend at the time, while your brain was telling you to think logically. 

“Well, if that’s what you think is right,” you mumbled, trying to hide the fact that you felt a sense of relief at Wonwoo potentially being single again. 

Others may have tried to rationalize with Wonwoo, but you didn’t care. You wanted your friendship with him to turn back to normal. Your adolescent brain ignored that it was wrong to encourage him, as long as he was fully yours again.

History repeated itself over and over, and the older you got, you learnt to not be so selfish with his attention. Mostly out of guilt for the person he was going to break up with, but also because you didn’t want Wonwoo to realize your true feelings. 

Although being in love with Wonwoo was brutal, you constantly wished that things were different between you two, but they weren’t. He’s never seen you as more than a friend, and as your friendship with him progressed, you had begun to learn to mask your romantic feelings for platonic ones. 

five. 

By the time you entered university, you had mastered the art of pretending. As if your feelings for Wonwoo didn’t exist. You are quite meticulous in ensuring that he never realizes that you are profoundly in love with him. The mere thought of him finding out how you truly felt frightened you. 

You’ve already envisioned countless scenarios on how it could go. The idea of being rejected by the one you love most. It would change everything about your friendship with him.  The look of pity in his eyes, the apologies that would spill out of his mouth. You can't bear even the thought of rejection. Not from him. 

Two voices are constantly at war inside your mind. Your brain, acting as the voice of reason, constantly reminds you that it’s better to preserve your friendship. To keep the dynamic you’ve always had with Wonwoo guarded where it could last, thrive. While your heart persuaded you with deluded, fake scenarios. 

‘What if he likes you back?’ 

‘You never know until you try.’ 

‘Take the risk or lose the chance.’ 

What if. 

Like a siren to a sailor, your heart sang with deep imagery. Filling your thoughts with illusions of you and Wonwoo finally together. But your mind doesn’t let you go without a fight. It knows that beyond the deep waters where your siren-voiced heart lies is nothing but a bottomless pit. 

The possibilities are endless, and you’d rather stay safely grounded in your boat of rationality. 

A notification brings you out of your thoughts. Although you already knew that it was Wonwoo, you scramble to pick up your phone. There’s excitement laced in your veins as you look down at the screen. 

7:06 p.m. [wons <3]: be there in 5. 

There was no reason for you to be so ecstatic but you couldn’t help it. He had already texted you prior, notifying you that he was leaving his place to come pick you up, and yet every time your phone buzzes, you still hope that it’s something completely different. But that was your heart talking; you knew that it wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary. 

Everyone had planned to meet at Seokmin’s place today, just to have one last celebration before midterms began again. You had happily agreed, enthusiastic that you could spend more time with Wonwoo, although it wouldn’t be a one-on-one thing. You were more than elated to see him while also being able to hang out with the rest of your friends. 

Throwing your phone back on the bed, you change into an outfit that is both cute and comfortable. There wasn’t a reason to dress up when the vibe at Seokmin’s was just going to be sitting around his living room, drinking cocktails and eating pizza. 

Wonwoo texts you once more to let you know he’s outside, causing you to race down to meet him. A lump in your throat arises, as he comes into your field of vision, appreciating how breathtakingly handsome he is. 

The chilled breeze brushes through the strands of his hair, glasses perched on his tall nose. He looked amazing, just like he always had, but you never get bored of admiring him. Even if it’s just from afar. 

“Hi! Sorry if I kept you waiting,” your voice resounds into the night. 

“It's never a problem if it’s you,” he chuckles as you dawdle over to the passenger side of his car. 

Trying not to read too deep into his words, you snort at his cheesy line instead of giving a response. Watching Wonwoo move to the side as he opens the car door for you. His actions make you blush, and you know you’ll think about it for the rest of the night. 

“Are you ready to go?” he asks, smiling at you. 

The ride to Seokmin’s house is fairly quiet, the sounds of music filling the silence instead. Your thoughts are overflowing with scenarios once again, wondering how different the car ride would be if you and Wonwoo were in a relationship. His fingers would probably be laced with yours, or rubbing soothingly against your thigh while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. Planting kisses on your cheeks at every red light. It seemed like heaven on the other side. But you knew reality would crush your delusions soon enough. 

…

  The clock on Seokmin’s pale white wall is nearing midnight and you don’t want to be here anymore. Not when the only thing you could focus on was Wonwoo flirting with a girl whose name you didn’t catch. She’s Joshua’s childhood friend and he only brought her along because she’s visiting from out of town. Whoever she was, it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered to you was the fact that she was able to bring out Wonwoo’s deep laugh. The kind of laugh that only befalls upon your ears when he finds something genuinely funny.

The ugly swirl of jealousy sits in the pit of your stomach and you couldn't help but scoff at your wretched situation. It made you sick watching them, and you could throw up any minute now. At this point, you weren’t sure who to envy, Wonwoo or the girl he was flirting with. You find it unfair that he doesn’t realize how greatly he can impact your feelings. 

Just a few hours ago, you were in utter bliss. Sitting in the front seat of his car, listening to the music softly playing on the ride to Seokmin’s apartment. Making stupid jokes and pointing out the random sights that you had seen while driving down the bustling city streets. You envy how easy it is for Wonwoo to make all those feelings of delight vanish. And he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t know what he’s doing to you, and that’s what hurts the most. 

“You doing okay?” Seokmin comes up to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. 

“Huh? Oh. Yeah I’m okay,” you chuckle, but there’s nothing humorous about your laugh at all. 

His eyes soften, he knows that you’re not okay. Seokmin always knew. After all these years, he can tell when you’re trying to save face. There’s a lump in your throat, and if you didn’t have a drink to sip on to distract you, you probably would’ve gone to the bathroom to cry. 

“You wanna talk in my room?” he offers, and you’re grateful. 

Seokmin knew he had to get you somewhere other than the living room. You were practically torturing yourself, sitting on the couch and watching Wonwoo talk to everyone but you. 

Instead of agreeing vocally, you nod your head before standing up to follow Seokmin to his room. The door shuts softly, muffling the sounds of laughter and allowing your uneasiness to finally subside. 

As you sit on Seokmin’s bed, you feel the tears starting to trickle down your cheeks. It feels pathetic, crying over something so trivial. Why does it have to be you who feels this way? Why can’t you just be a normal friend and see Wonwoo in a platonic light? The whole world could turn upside and he’d be the first person you search for. 

Everything just seemed so unfair, how could you possibly be happy if your feelings for Wonwoo were constantly in the way of it all? It’s tiring, worrying about him, yearning for him. You could do so many other things with your time, and when you look toward the future, you know that you’ll regret how much of your life you wasted loving someone who doesn’t love you back. 

“It’s okay, just let it out,” Seokmin whispers in your ear, embracing you in a tight hug. 

Crying felt good. You rarely cry over your situation despite how upsetting it is. For the first time in a while, you allowed yourself to finally indulge in your sadness and let go of everything you were too afraid to say or feel.  

“I know it sucks right now, but honestly, it might be time to get over him,” Seokmin continues to comfort you while trying to help you face the reality of your situation. “You’re so hurt, and it’s taking a toll on you. Please, I can’t bear to see you so sad.” 

His words hit you hard because you know it's true. But all you can do is apologize. Saying sorry for feeling this way, even though it’s not your fault, you cannot control your feelings, you still apologize. To Seokmin, to your friends, but also yourself. 

“I-I’m sorry,” you hiccup, tears staining Seokmin’s white shirt. 

“Why are you sorry? You did nothing wrong,” he mutters, his large hand patting your head, trying to soothe your fit of emotions. 

“Because, if I was normal, you wouldn’t have to worry about me, about why I’m always upset, you and the others, my feelings are burdening all of you,” you continue to weep softly in his arms, gripping onto his shoulders as his hands encircle your waist. 

“Hey, look at me–” he grabs your face, gentle as a mouse, rubbing away the tears from your cheeks. “You are not a burden. We care, that’s why we worry, and I just want to be there for you.” 

“Thank you, Seokmin. I’m so happy that I have someone like you in my life,” you pull him into a hug again, knocking the air out of his chest, but he’s still somehow able to hug you even tighter. 

Seokmin is like your favourite childhood blanket, keeping you warm and away from everything that could possibly hurt you. He’s always willing to hear you rant about things that you know you could never tell Wonwoo. 

“I’m so tired, I’m tired of feeling like this,” you admit to him. 

Running his hands through your hair, he gives you a reassuring smile. 

“Maybe it’s time to distance yourself from him a bit, you two have been glued to the hip for so long. Maybe that distance can help organize your feelings better,” he mutters, catching the stray tears that pool at your chin, and wiping them away for you. 

“I want to feel better,” you agree with him, still trying to recover from how hard you were sobbing into his chest. 

“I care about you, okay? We all do. Wonwoo cares about you, too, but there’s a point where you’ll have to be okay with whatever outcome happens if you decide to tell him how you feel. Or you just have to find a way to get over him,” he speaks softly, trying not to crush your heart with reality, but you know he’s right. “In the Future, you will thank yourself for making whatever decision you have to make, but trust me, holding all these feelings in won’t do you any good.” He ends his pep talk there, and you sigh, trying to process everything he said. 

“Thank you, Minnie, I’m so thankful I have you,” you sniffled. 

“And I you.” 

…

Seokmin explained to Soonyoung and Jihoon that you needed to go home after your talk in his bedroom. They were more than happy to take you along with them before heading back to their place, not wanting to force you into a car with Wonwoo at the end of the night. 

“Of course, it’s really no trouble at all,” Soonyoung reassures you after you had asked about a million times if it was okay to ride home with them. 

The car ride is drastically different from the one you had taken on the way to Seokmin’s, Soonyoung being the number one reason why. He’s not the best at reading the room, although Jihoon is constantly telling him to shut up. He knows you are upset over something, but Soonyoung’s way of cheering you up is getting you to laugh. While Jihoon believed that you may want a more peaceful environment after everything that happened. 

As Jihoon drove, Soonyoung sang along with the lyrics of the current song playing. Loud enough for anyone outside the car to hear him. You could tell he was a bit tipsy after the few beers he had earlier, but you didn’t mind the noise. Jihoon begged to differ. 

“Soon, can you tone it down? Please. People are looking at us,” Jihoon grumbles, trying to focus on the road ahead. 

“But you love it when I sing,” Soonyoung whines, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“I do, but our friend has had a long night,” Jihoon counters. 

Soonyoung turns to face you from the passenger seat. “If you want me to be quiet, I will.” 

“No, it’s okay, I’m actually enjoying it, thank you very much,” you giggle, and that was all the confirmation he needed, going back to his antics. 

Jihoon groans as Soonyoung practically breaks out into full song and dance, causing you to sing along with him. This distraction from all the conflicting thoughts gives you a refuge from the war inside your mind.  

The whole way back to your place was filled with singing and laughter, allowing you to finally feel at ease for once. Albeit Jihoon pretended to act annoyed the whole time, you knew he secretly loved how Soonyoung tried to bring the mood back up to help you. 

Once you got home, you thanked the two before bidding them farewell. Apprehension flowed throughout you, and you didn't want to be alone with your thoughts after being around someone as cheerful as Soonyoung. But you didn’t know where else to go or what else to do.

Laying in your bed, you think about how today went from beginning to end, and you’re scared of what will happen in the future. Sighing to yourself, you allow yourself to at least get some rest instead of staying up all night thinking about the possibilities of tomorrow. Turning your phone on "do not disturb," the stillness in your apartment lulls you to sleep. 

1:09 a.m. [wons <3]: seokmin said u went home early? u ok? 

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

chapter one. 

Wonwoo’s ride home was sombre, yet desolate. Your absence from his passenger seat irked him. Street lights whisk by his vision in a blur, but he’s too lost in his thoughts as he drives on autopilot, wondering why you went home so early. You didn’t even say goodbye. It’s the first time you went home from Seokmin’s place without him. 

By the time he got home, his curiosity had started to claw at him, but he didn’t want to be irrational and assume the worst. So he texted you, hoping that there would be an explanation awaiting him in the morning. 

Not a single notification from you came that very next morning. No matter how many times his phone went off, no matter how many notifications popped up from his screen. None of them were you. Morning turned to afternoon, and afternoon slowly turned into night. Still nothing. 

He feels dejected. Everything seemed to be going okay just last night. That was until you abruptly left without telling him you were going home. What changed? Why did it feel like there was a shift between you two? 

Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo. Most times, it’s him that’s doing the rejecting. He was the one to always initiate the breakup and lose feelings first; every decision he made was made by him. He has no control over whether you’re going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he can’t stand that feeling. 

Wonwoo hates not being in control. Whether that be his future, his relationships, and especially his feelings. At least that’s what he forces himself to believe. That it’s not fair of you to ignore him when he’s worried about you, because he’s your best friend. You should answer him when he texts you. When he calls you, and especially when he shows up at your door, seeking your comfort. In his mind, that is what he believes the foundation of your friendship is. To comfort each other, just like it always has been. 

Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps he’s conceited and selfish, but he doesn’t care. Because in his mind, you’re his best friend. There was no way in hell that you were ignoring him. His ego doesn’t even consider it a possibility. You were busy, that’s it. That has to be it. 

… 

Less than forty-eight hours in, Wonwoo couldn’t stop himself from texting you once more. Nimble fingers practically itching to open your contact to update you about the most mundane things. Maybe if he pretended that this moment of silence was perfectly normal, then maybe you would eventually end up answering him. 

12:36 p.m [wons <3]: class just finished. lunch at our usual place?

Nothing. Not even a thumb’s up reaction. Wonwoo had become antsy, guilt and slight annoyance gnawing at the pit of his stomach. Where the hell are you? What are you doing that’s so important that you couldn’t even open his message let alone read them? 

1:27 p.m.  [wons <3]: this random girl asked for my number after class lol. weird right? i didn’t give it to her though 😁

Cursing at himself, he regrets pressing the send button on that text. Double texting you is already out of the norm for him, but triple texting? He can’t believe how desperate he looks right now. He wishes he could bring himself to unsend it, but he just hopes it’ll be the text that finally gets you to respond. 

2:10 p.m. [wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u should’ve seen it! reminded me of u.  [1 photo attachment] 

Absolute radio silence from your end. Wonwoo is starting to think that you had him blocked, but his messages are still delivering. Unsure of what’s worse, you ignoring him or blocking his number, Wonwoo still tries his best to remain calm.

4:00 p.m. [wons <3]: im about to head home soon. r u riding w me today? 

The sight of you getting into Seokmin’s car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he has witnessed. 

4:30 p.m.  [wons <3]: saw u get into seokmin’s car, lmk if u need a ride tmrw. 

Seeing you laugh and smile while walking to the student parking lot with Seokmin, of all people, solidified the fact that you are actively ignoring his texts. And he just can’t stand the thought of it. How dare he be ignored? Especially by his best friend, the one person who had always responded to him, no matter the time or how busy you were, you always texted him back. 

Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he could keep you safe. You were predictable in that sense. But if the world decided to burst into flames, or swallow itself whole tomorrow, he’s unsure if you would be there right next to him by the time he woke up. 

two, wonwoo’s summer before senior year. 

The school year flew by with the speed of light. And before Wonwoo knew it, he was home back in Korea for the summer. The dreaded fifteen-hour plane ride over was excruciating. There was an ache in his lower back, and his knees felt like they were being struck by a hammer with every step he took. But at least the worst part was over. 

Sixteen-year-old Wonwoo was quite naive, thinking that he’d be welcomed into his home country with loving arms. That hadn’t been the case at all, and for the two months that he spent in Changwon, he couldn’t help but count the days till he could come back home. Where you had been patiently waiting for him. 

He despised being away from you, and he had yearned for you every moment he was gone. With you by his side, Wonwoo had finally understood the true meaning of solace, a peace of mind that couldn’t be replicated. Not even the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown could outweigh the feeling of tranquillity that he got when he was with you.

Every year that Wonwoo was dragged back to Korea by his parents was excruciating. Especially because he had a certain distaste for his relatives. Maybe it was disrespectful to loathe them the way he did, but he couldn’t care less. Their scathing comments would flow out of their mouths just to pierce daggers of judgement into his back. To insult Wonwoo was second nature to his aunts, and he couldn’t do much but sit back and listen.  

Much to his dismay, his parents hadn’t even bothered to book an Airbnb for their stay, informing him and his brother that they would be staying with his aunt. He couldn’t stand his aunt Seo-Ah in particular, and he swore the feeling was mutual. Unsure of why he had to withstand her crude remarks in front of his family without much protest, he forced himself not to dish out rude rebuttals to everything she had to say. 

There was a time when Wonwoo tried to reason with himself on why his aunt was filled with so much bitterness, but he gave up on that long ago. He was about to be seventeen now, and he couldn’t bring himself to empathize with the older lady anymore. 

“Wonwoo! You’re all grown up now, and I can’t believe it,” Seo-Ah forced him into a bone-crushing hug as he tried his best not to push her off of him. She pulled back to take a closer look at him and he could already see the scrutinizing gleam in her eyes, “You know, you’re still so skinny for your age. Do your parents not feed you enough?” 

Wonwoo wanted to scoff at her, but he kept a neutral expression. 

“No they do, I don’t know maybe it’s my fast metabolism or something,” he refuted her claims. He couldn’t wait to get out of her sight. 

“You know, maybe you should start going to the gym, get some muscle on you or something,” she patted his lanky arm and laughed that dreadful laugh. The ones that have no real humour behind it, just to cover up the obvious dig she took at his appearance. 

“Yeah maybe,” he dismisses her to head into the house. Setting his luggage down to check whether or not you’ve texted him yet. 

It was about five in the evening in Changwon, but he knew you wouldn’t be asleep. Faintly recalling how you were planning to stay up late every night to watch BuzzFeed unsolved videos, or until your mom yelled at you to go to bed. 

[4:15 p.m. kst]  [you: i stayed up all night watching buzzfeed unsolved]  [you: im going crazy i keep getting paranoid to the point i’ve turned all my mirrors backwards]  [you: hope ur flight was ok tho!!! 🫶]

He chuckled to himself, remembering your wide eyes and elaborate plan to sneak snacks into your room in the early hours of the morning behind your parents’ backs. Wonwoo missed you, and your stupid obsession with horror podcasts and YouTube shows. He missed the way your smile would shine so bright as you talked about all the haunted places the hosts would visit. 

Wonwoo did not care for horror or anything scary, but if you were to ask him to stay up all night on Facetime binge-watching your little Buzzfeed videos, he would do so in a heartbeat. 

Two days down, about another 89 to go, Wonwoo thought to himself as he looked through your messages with him. You had already spammed the chat mercilessly about your first two days of summer break, and your intricate mission to stay up without accidentally falling asleep in the middle of it all. 

[6:00 p.m. kst] [1 photo attachment]  [you: currently trying to sneak snacks into my room without my mom knowing]  [you: u better not snitch 😾]  [you: its so boring w out u here btw SO COME BACK SOON PLSS]  [you: ok thats enuff…txt me when u land!]

Wonwoo really missed you. 

…

One more week and Wonwoo would finally get to see you again. The ability to talk to you in person, hug you, and spend time with you gave him something to look forward to, and thankfully, summer break went by fast because of it. 

He had spent most of his time in Korea eating at local food spots, going to the gym, and trying a lot of new things with his brother, Seongho, giving them time to bond before he went off to University again. Wonwoo had missed his brother dearly during the school year, but at least they were able to pass the time together during summer break. 

It was initially his brother’s convincing that got him to go to the gym for the very first time. The idea of going to a place with a lot of sweaty, adrenaline-filled people kind of frightened him, but the more he went, the more he started to like what he saw in the mirror. Wonwoo’s shoulders had broadened, and his lanky arms finally started to show signs of muscles. He was satisfied in knowing that all of his hard work, and Seongho’s encouragement had finally paid off. 

Seongho told him he looked a lot more carefree now that he wasn’t so worried about his appearance all the time. And it was then that Wonwoo realized that he wasn’t all that bad-looking, after all. 

Wonwoo had begun to take pride in his vanity. He searched for different ways to style his hair, bought glasses that better suited his face shape, and, most of all, did his best to act more confidently. The sudden change made him wonder how you would react. He had been anticipating your reaction, wanting to see the look on your face once he returned home. 

“You got it. Just one more rep, and we can switch,” Seongho encouraged Wonwoo as he tried to push the bar up from his chest. 

His muscles were aching in the most addictive and satisfying way. He almost wished he had started working out earlier because only good things seemed to have come ever since he stepped foot into the gym. 

“Okay! You’re done, that was good,” his older brother high-fived him, a proud smile dancing along his lips. 

“Thanks, but my arms feel like jelly now,” he huffed a chuckle before gulping down the contents of his water bottle. 

Seongho chuckled along with him before setting himself down on the workout bench. His actions faltered, and he slowly observed the mirror in front of him, raising his eyebrows in amusement. 

“Uh, don’t look now, but I think that girl is staring at you,” Seongho tilted his head in the girl’s direction and Wonwoo couldn’t be more confused. 

“Huh? Are you sure it's me they’re looking at and not you?” 

“I’m serious! You should go talk to her,” Seongho grinned, pushing his younger brother in the direction of the girl who was supposedly eyeing Wonwoo. 

“Hyung!” Wonwoo calls out but it falls on deaf ears as his older brother begins his bench presses. 

Wonwoo turns towards the girl in the most awkward way humanly possible. He was completely dumbfounded and not sure what to do in the situation he’d been put in. The girl who was staring at him waved flirtatiously, and before he could even think about his next move, his feet had begun to move on their own accord. 

“Hi, I saw you working out over there, are you new here?” she asked him, batting her eyelashes. 

“Uhm, I guess? I’m only here for the summer though,” he spoke with apprehension, because what the hell was he even supposed to say? 

“Oh! Me too. My name is Haein, by the way.” Haein’s smile reached her eyes as she giggled, and her hand extended to shake Wonwoo’s. 

Wonwoo’s actions were practically robotic, rubbing his sweaty palms on his gym shorts before taking her hand in his. He remembers thinking about how soft her hands were, and how pretty she looked with her hair tied up in a messy bun. 

“I’m Wonwoo.” 

“Wonwoo, hmm, that’s a cute name. But I think I would like it more in my contacts,” she flirted shamelessly, her fingers squeezing his sweaty bicep. 

Wonwoo’s mind short-circuited, and he took out his phone from his pocket so fast it almost slipped out of his grasp. Haein found it endearing though, and happily gave him her phone number. 

They talked for the rest of Wonwoo's time at the gym and promised to hang out more before they both went home at the end of the summer. 

To put it simply, Wonwoo was on cloud nine for the first time since he’s been here. Suddenly his aunt Seo-Ah’s words weren’t so hurtful, his confidence had skyrocketed, plus he had a beautiful girl to talk to for the rest of his vacation. 

By the end of summer, Wonwoo started to miss you less and less. Even though he still saw you as his best friend, he began to find peace in other things, like the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown. Finally, for the first time in his life, Wonwoo felt serene, and that made him a little more whole than he was when he first landed in Changwon. 

…

The after-effects of Wonwoo’s surprisingly pleasant summer vacation hadn’t worn off just yet. The gift of Haein appearing in his life seemed to just keep on giving. Not only did she live overseas, she had told him that she was actually from the same city as him. It was a little hard to believe at first as if he was the main character in a cheesy rom-com, but he couldn’t find it in him to complain. Haein made him feel wanted, excited, and cared for. 

Wonwoo wasn’t entirely devoid of those feelings, especially with you as his best friend, but it was different coming from Haein. Every time he saw her, he felt like he was going to throw up, in a good way of course, but she also boosted his confidence. He liked that she made him feel like he was a man worth depending on. 

Haein was his first real relationship, and although he was still young, he could see himself being with her for a long time. 

…

Quite like the seasons, Wonwoo’s feelings for Haein changed drastically by the time school was back in session. Although he and Haein lived in the same city, there was a lot more than just distance that separated them. 

Six months into their relationship, Wonwoo began to doubt himself. He was less eager to meet her or even text her. He could only blame himself for how things turned out with Haein. Despite his adolescence, he believed he loved her; he just got tired and disinterested. 

On a subconscious level, Wonwoo could not stop comparing Haein to you, and as fucked up as that was, it was completely out of his control. Why didn’t Haein ever want to talk about what Wonwoo was interested in? Why did she seem bored out of her mind when he would delve into his theories about his favourite shows? Or anything about himself and what he liked. As though she didn’t see him for the Wonwoo he was, the personality he had behind his looks. 

“It all makes sense now! Eren had Zeke fooled!” Wonwoo couldn’t contain his excitement about the newest episode, but Haein didn’t seem interested in hearing her boyfriend geek out. 

“I'm sorry babe, but I gave up after the first episode,” Haein sighed into the phone, and if Wonwoo could guess, she was probably picking at her cuticles out of boredom. “I just didn’t get anything that was happening.” 

“Wait, really?” He was a little offended, how could she not be obsessing over the beautiful intricacies of his favourite anime? Wonwoo didn’t understand. 

He didn’t understand because when he introduced you to the show, you texted him the next day saying you were caught up to where he had left off. It amazed Wonwoo how fast you were at binge-watching shows, especially because he had told you about it on a weekday. 

You came into school the morning after with dark circles under your eyes, but even with that tired look on your face, you ran up to him with so much eagerness while thanking him for urging you to watch his favourite show. You two were obsessed and never missed out on watching the weekly episodes together.  It had become you and Wonwoo’s thing, and even though he wanted Haein to join in on the fun, he found himself more entertained by your theories than by talking on the phone with his girlfriend. 

It dawned on him that he wished that Haein acted a little more like you. And it made him feel guilty. He knew he should’ve loved Haein no matter her interests, but he wanted someone who could understand his nerdy side. And that was only something that you were able to do. 

“Honestly, I’m really tired, I’m gonna go to bed now okay?” Haein’s voice brought Wonwoo out of his thoughts. 

“Oh okay. Night.” He said before ending the call so quickly that Haein’s ‘I love you’ was cut off mid-sentence. 

Haein probably had thought he had forgotten, but Wonwoo just didn’t want to say those words if he didn’t mean it. He had grown annoyed, and a little bored of practically talking to a wall all night.  

Comparable to the light switching off in his bedroom, he decided to do the same thing with Haein. He pushed his guilt aside and decided it was probably best to leave Haein and Changwon in the past. The memories of his last week of summer with her would become something he would look back on in the future and smile. But he didn’t want to pretend any longer, it would’ve just hurt her more if he stayed, he couldn’t help that he fell out of love with her. The least he could do was not lead her on. 

Wonwoo’s relationship with Haein was merely a catalyst and a peek into what the rest of his relationships were going to look like in adulthood. He was never able to comprehend why he couldn’t keep feelings for anyone after the six-month mark, and it almost frustrated him. Something was missing in every single relationship he had been in, and he wasn’t sure what that was. But he was determined to find an answer. 

three, present time.

The answer was you. But of course, Wonwoo didn’t know that. 

“Are you gonna keep checking your phone every five minutes or are you gonna do your homework?” Mingyu lectures him. 

The two were studying in the library before their stats midterm, but Wonwoo’s mind couldn’t help but wonder. He hasn’t been acting like himself since the night of Seokmin’s party. 

“Oh, right.” Wonwoo clears his throat, putting his phone face down on the table. 

Wonwoo drags his palms against his face, trying to not let sleep overtake him. It is not his fault that every time he tries to close his eyes, your face comes into his mind. The memory of you smiling with Seokmin made his insides twist. He hasn’t seen you smile that hard in a while, and he almost misses how your eyes crinkle whenever you do so. You were practically haunting him and he had no idea how to make it stop. 

“Not to be rude, but you’ve been looking like shit lately. What’s wrong?” Mingyu questions him with furrowed eyebrows. 

Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his friend, he didn’t have to be insulted to know how crappy he looked, but Mingyu seemed to only be telling the truth. Wonwoo did look and feel like shit. With the amount of near run-ins he’s had with you and Seokmin on campus, he’s begun to sense that it’s some sort of karma. Whatever that karma may be for, he fully believes that it’s completely unwarranted. 

Forcing a hand through his dark locks, Wonwoo contemplates whether or not he should just go up to you in person and demand answers. It’s uncommon for the two of you to fight, or ignore each other for that matter. But he can’t help but presume that if he were to confront you about your silence, there would be no rightful explanation. Or at least not the explanation that he wants from you. 

Every time he even fathoms the thought of barging into your apartment and asking what the hell is wrong, there’s a lingering nervousness that he wishes would dissipate, leading him to lay awake with his thoughts for hours on end. 

“Thanks for that, asshole, I just haven’t been getting much sleep,” Wonwoo huffs. 

“Okay, obviously. You practically look like a zombie with the way you’ve been moping around. What has been keeping you up?” Mingyu presses. 

It’s not every day that Wonwoo indulges in his problems with Mingyu, that’s what you were for. However, he can’t talk about his problems about you, to you, so he’ll have to settle for the next best thing.  

“Y/N has been ignoring me since the night we all hung out at Seokmin’s,” Wonwoo confesses, and it feels nice. 

For the past two weeks, he’s been keeping his frustrations to himself, and now that he can freely speak about it lifts the weight off his chest. 

Mingyu snorts, obviously finding his friend’s situation humorous. Wonwoo sneers at Mingyu’s reaction, clearly not finding anything about you ignoring him funny. 

“Serves you right, you’re a dick to her, man.” Mingyu shrugs without any remorse to spare. 

“What?” Wonwoo sputters, since when was he a dick to you? His best friend? 

“How blind are you? You have glasses and everything but you can’t see how mean you are to her sometimes? Really?” Mingyu almost sounds offended on your behalf as he stares at Wonwoo with an incredulous expression. 

“I am not a dick to her. She would definitely tell me if I’ve ever said something to hurt her feelings,” Wonwoo defends himself. 

Attempting to rack his brain of all your moments together, he can’t seem to pick out a memory where he has been especially rude to you. Of course, you two teased each other from time to time, but he wasn’t a complete asshole. He knew when to not take a joke too far or purposely try to upset you. 

“You’re a dumbass.” Mingyu lets out a frustrated sigh which only aggravates Wonwoo even more. 

“Could you stop with the insults for one second and just tell me what’s going on?” 

Shutting his laptop, Mingyu’s posture becomes serious, a deviation from his usual carefree and smiley self. He cares about you just as much as the next person, so if he had to reality-check his friend, then so be it. 

“She cares about you a lot. And you treat her like shit. It’s not about what you’ve said to her, it’s your actions. Ever since we were in high school all you’ve done is use her to solve your problems. I can’t even blame her for wanting to cut you off. I don’t know what happened at Seokmin’s place for her to realize that, but you don’t deserve her,” Mingyu confesses. 

Soaking up each word that left Mingyu’s mouth, Wonwoo sat in a pool of perplexity. There are so many questions flying through his mind, yet he can’t seem to utter a single word. Is that really how everyone perceives his friendship with you? 

Wonwoo is going to throw up. There's a tightness in his chest and a burning sensation behind his eyes. He wants nothing more than to hear all of this coming from you, not Mingyu. The frustration of wanting to talk to you about this is taking a toll on him, he doesn’t want to believe that Mingyu is telling the truth. 

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that Mingyu gets to know these things about you while Wonwoo is just left in the dark. Did he make you feel like you couldn’t tell him anything? 

Ever since Wonwoo met you, it was evident that he can be quite merciless when it comes to his relationships, but that’s romantic, not platonic. Wonwoo was convinced that he treated you equally because that’s how it's supposed to be. 

Hearing Mingyu talk about his friendship with you in that way caused Wonwoo’s whole world to crash down. And the only thing he can do in moments like these is seek out your comfort, except he can’t anymore. Not only has he been a terrible friend without realizing it, but he’s pushed you so far to the brink that you’d rather ignore him than attempt to hash out what’s been troubling you.

“I-I didn’t know that's how you guys saw our friendship,” Wonwoo falters, clearly taken aback, and still attempting to fully comprehend what’s been said to him. 

“It’s not that we see your friendship with her that way, it is that way. If I was her, I would’ve cut you off a long time ago.” 

“Well, thanks, Gyu. I feel like this could’ve been said before she started ignoring me,” Wonwoo huffs, trying to come up with the words to explain his side.

“It was kinda obvious, man,” Mingyu shrugs. 

“Was it, though? If I had known, I would’ve at least tried to be better,” Wonwoo attests, tired of feeling like the bad guy. 

“How about you just talk to her about it instead of sulking,” Mingyu suggests. 

Desperation hijacked his rational thinking, making Mingyu’s advice sound plausible. Talking to you seemed out of the equation since you started ignoring him; he feared you wouldn’t even answer if he tried to call or show up at your door. But he can’t go on like this, especially now that he knows there is more to your friendship than he had initially thought. 

four. 

For the first time in Wonwoo’s life, he’s unsure about what decision to make. Although he wants nothing more than to knock on your door, his feet stop him from even entering your building. So instead of mucking up the courage to talk to you face to face, he waits inside his car. Without a solid plan, he continues to sit there, biding his time. 

Never has he acted so pathetic in his life, not even for the sake of his relationships. He knows that nothing will come from sitting there, just watching, but before he can even comprehend what he is doing and where he is going, he is already across the street from your place. 

Gripping on the leather of his steering wheel, he just couldn’t help himself. He can’t help but watch your silhouette from your window. The curtains are drawn, but there are glimpses of you walking around. He’s such a fucking loser. What type of person has Wonwoo become that he resorts to stalking you from the front of your building? 

After all that Mingyu has enlightened him on, Wonwoo’s attitude has become less angry and more apologetic. There was a line he pondered crossing, and it practically mocked him. Stepping over that line would mean getting answers from you, demanding to be brought into the light that you had snuffed out from under him. But his uncertainty of the outcome outweighed his decision to do so.

That same apologetic attitude died a fiery death after watching Seokmin leave your apartment. There you were in all your glory, the tiny sleep set clinging onto your body as the wind forced its way into the door of your building. Then there was Seokmin, grinning like a fucking idiot as he waved goodbye. 

“Shit!” Wonwoo grunts as he ducks down, not wanting to blow his cover. His car was visible from where the two of you stood, hoping that you weren’t able to recognize it in the dead of night.  

Boring holes into the back of Seokmin’s head, Wonwoo's guilt diminished, floating away with the cold night breeze. You were fine, and he should’ve known that the root of all his problems started with the name Lee Seokmin. 

The shape of your figure had faded into the confines of your building. Yet Wonwoo can still make out your body through the glass window of your door. He can’t help but gawk at your skimpy attire, your ass practically on display for the whole world to see. The deathly twist in his gut intensifies the more he ponders on what may have happened during Seokmin’s visit. Wonwoo desperately wants to stop thinking about the possibilities, especially because your lack of clothing only fueled that inferno inside his mind. 

He’s never been more annoyed at Seokmin in his entire life, not until today. 

Wonwoo allowed himself to ignore the signs, but only for a moment. But this, this he can’t ignore. Not after what he witnessed. He allowed himself to stay ignorant when it came to your silence because he had been so naive to think that it was your decision. Now that he knows Seokmin had somehow weaselled his way closer to you, Wonwoo had to make sure this plan of his didn’t go on any longer. 

…

There is a heat inside Wonwoo that, for some reason, he cannot extinguish. The curve and outlines of your body burn in the back of his retinas. No matter how many times he’s tried to put himself to sleep, the image of you is clear as day in his mind.  Sparks crawl their way up his spine, and he desperately wishes that it would just go away. 

There’s a point where Wonwoo gave up on trying to sleep altogether. Thoughts of you, your body, and the oh-so-painful reminder that you’re still ignoring him. How can he sleep with everything going on? What made things worse, was the fact that the one person he wanted to call most likely wouldn’t pick up.

Wonwoo wasn’t the type of person to let his emotions get the better of him, but this abrupt rift that has been torn between you two has him acting out in ways he’s never acted before. 

The urge to grab his phone, to text you, to give it one more try, grows perpetually every second he lies awake. 

One more time. One more attempt. What does he have to lose? 

Wonwoo stands up, pacing around nonsensically, trying to think of what to say. For all he knows, you may not even answer, but there is the urge to hear your voice one more time and see your name pop up on his screen. Wonwoo yearns for you so much so that it supersedes any part of common sense he has left in him. 

[12:52 a.m.]  [wons <3: darling. can we talk? please?]  [not delivered] 

The silence within the four walls of Wonwoo’s bedroom is harrowing. Out of all the outcomes he had considered before he texted you, the outcome of you blocking him was not even on the list. 

Before jumping to some sort of conclusion, Wonwoo’s finger hovers over the call button with skepticism. If you don’t pick up, then that’s it. That would be the definitive answer to all his qualms. 

“The number you have called is not available, please leave a message at the tone,” an automated voice affirmed his suspicions. 

The notification is gut-wrenching, but he can’t just sit here and pretend like it’s okay for you to do this. To decide without any of his input. What kind of friend were you to just drop him like he was nothing but an old toy? How unfair did you have to be to not even try to talk it out before you completely cut him off? 

five. 

Pacing outside the door of your apartment, Wonwoo hasn’t been this nervous in years. He has always been so sure of himself, but it’s almost two in the morning and he’s still continuing to weigh his options. 

It’s either you’ll let him in, and talk for the first time in almost two weeks, or you’ll kick him out before he can step a foot past the door. Desperately, he desires that it be the first option. Losing you over this would break him, and not in the way you would expect. 

He’s already lost his mind. This shouldn’t be the way you two break it off. It won’t be the way you two break it off. Not if Wonwoo has a say in the situation. 

Sweaty palms and white knuckles rasp against the dark oak that barricades himself from you. There’s nothing that Wonwoo wants more than to see your face glowing in front of him. And before he can even get a word out to you, the door whips open. The person on the other side is someone Wonwoo is starting to get really sick of seeing. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Both Wonwoo and Seokmin speak in unison. 

Scoffing, Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his so-called friend, “I think I should be asking you that. You clearly don’t live here.” 

“Minnie? Is someone at the door?” your voice is as sweet as a glass of lemonade on a hot summer’s day. 

Minnie. Wonwoo almost threw up in his mouth. 

Minnie. The nickname is parallel to nails scraping against a chalkboard. 

“Yeah! Your neighbour just needed to borrow something,” Seokmin goads through a sickly sweet smile, eyes never leaving Wonwoo’s. Without as much as a word of mockery, Seokmin’s expression had said more than his words ever could have. 

Despite his soft demeanour, Wonwoo knew there was something vile hiding under Seokmin’s thick skin. 

A rebuttal to his deception is on the tip of Wonwoo’s tongue, but your melodic voice echoes throughout your home once more. The refute dies within his throat, and he hopes you will come out and see what your “neighbour” is looking for. 

“Okay!” is the only response you give out. The reverberation of the water hitting the shower tiles causes Wonwoo’s stomach to practically lurch out his abdomen. 

“Whatever you’re doing, she’s not gonna fall for it,” Wonwoo jeered, staring at Seokmin with looks that should kill, if he could. 

Seokmin chuckles bitterly, “She already has.” 

There was no need for Wonwoo to put two and two together; he already knew what Seokmin was alluding to. It left a dreadful taste in his mouth. 

Puffing out his chest, Wonwoo takes a step closer towards the man he once considered a close friend. Sizing him up, he knew that Seokmin was the reason for the wedge in your friendship. And Wonwoo had no problem treating him as such. 

“You’re fucking sick, you know that?” Wonwoo practically spits in his face. 

“I could say the same thing for you,” Seokmin mutters, unperturbed, “I didn’t have to do anything you know? Just a little push and she fell into my lap, voluntarily.” 

“I’m not just going to let you get away with something like this. She’s my best friend.” 

“I think the correct tense is was. She was your best friend,” Seokmin taunted. 

He was wrong about Seokmin. Even though he had known about his friend's crush on you for years, Wonwoo didn’t expect the lengths Seokmin would go to in order to cut him out of the picture. 

Before a breath could even escape his lips, Seokmin cuts him off, “I think it’s time for you to leave. She doesn’t want to see you.”

The last few words that he heard come out of Seokmin’s mouth nearly fell on deaf ears. It was practically a whisper, laced with enough malice to almost kill the fighting spirit inside him. Almost. 

“By the way, don’t text her anymore. I’ve made sure she won’t get any more notifications from you.” 

The realization had struck Wonwoo hard. He knew you well enough that you wouldn’t just block him so carelessly, without a word no less. Yet he was no match for Seokmin, not after the fact that you allowed him into your home, your heart, so willingly. 

…

Lying in wait, Wonwoo observes the door of your building once more. The distinct difference this time was that Wonwoo had no guilt left in him to care. Whether you see him or his car across the street didn’t matter to him anymore. The only thing Wonwoo wanted to make sure of was whether or not Seokmin would be leaving your place. 

After what had felt like hours, he watched the same scene from last night unfold in front of him once more. The abhorrent hug goodbye that is exchanged between you and Seokmin is nothing but a cue for Wonwoo to make his move.

With as much grace as a bull in a china shop, he slams the car door shut, not even bothering to lock it before he stalks his way to your apartment. The anticipation caused the hairs on his neck to stand straight up. As he presses the button to your floor, he can only deliberate whether any of Seokmin’s words hold any truth behind them.

 Certainly not, right? Not after all the years you spent together. His friendship with you couldn’t end on this vague note. You were always the sentimental type, holding onto trinkets, memories, and even people for far too long. It should be the same with Wonwoo; he believed it would be the same. 

If there is a chance, you should allow him to talk and voice his opinion. No, Wonwoo will voice his opinion; there has never been a time when you haven’t let him speak. 

As the elevator ascends to your floor, anxiety begins to weigh down his shoulders. The feeling is atypical and Wonwoo hates how his throat constricts. He hates how his clothes feel too tight and stuffy despite his casual attire. Is this how it feels? To actually care about someone and whether their decisions might affect him later on? 

Footsteps echo within the hallway, and with each step he takes, the illusion steadily becomes more vivid. Your front door almost looks like it’ll take a mile before Wonwoo can reach it, rather than a few feet away. 

After what felt like years, Wonwoo stands before the entrance of your home once more. The foreboding tension won’t vanish and it’s starting to make him itch. Without another thought, Wonwoo forces himself to knock on the door knowing it’ll be you who answers this time, not Seokmin. 

“Minnie? Did you leave something agai—,” Abrupt silence engulfs your words, leaving nothing but an echo to resonate within the expanse of your long hallway.

“Wonwoo…” your voice falters, like you genuinely didn’t expect to see him, let alone have him standing outside your door. 

“Did you fuck him?” Wonwoo cuts to the chase, not leaving any room for you to ask questions. 

His blunt words caused a frown to grace your soft pink lips, and Wonwoo almost felt bad for being so frank. But he doesn’t have time to beg for your forgiveness, the anger surmounting to nothing but harsh words and a push past you and into your home. 

“Did you fuck him? Yes or no?”  Wonwoo continues to press you for answers, agitated that you have the audacity to stand there dumbfounded. As if you don’t know who he's talking about. “C’mon, you know who I’m talking about,” he can almost laugh at the situation in front of him. 

How is it that all the rage he built up for Seokmin is being taken out on you? Wonwoo had no clue, but the thought of his friend-now-enemy defiling you, tasting you, while Wonwoo desperately waited for your call caused him to direct all his anger to you. Perhaps it’s undeserving to do so, but Wonwoo’s frustration spoke for him before his brain could even register what he was saying. 

“The past two weeks you’ve been ignoring me, spending your time with him, do you know where his true intentions lie?” Wonwoo continues to rant with unpreparedness. 

He didn’t plan what he was going to say because there was a moment of doubt, he had expected you to open the door just to slam it right back in his face. The look you gave him almost brought him to his knees. Your doe-eyed expression could’ve broken down every wall he’s built if only he hadn’t let his anger proceed him. 

Wonwoo should’ve cried, to plead for you to take him back. To go back to the way things were. He knew he fucked up the moment he uttered a single word. The hurt flashed across your face as though Wonwoo turned your world upside down. 

“Seokmin doesn’t care about you, and I’ll tell you that now because you need to hear it. He just wants to fuck you! And you just gave that to him?” He can’t stop talking. 

“Stop. Just stop fucking talking Wonwoo. Do you hear yourself right now?” You cut off his rant. “Out of all people, who gave you the right to tell me who I can and cannot fuck? Especially knowing the type of person that you are. It doesn’t matter if Seokmin and I had sex. What matters is the fact that you think you can barge in here at two-thirty in the morning interrogating me over a situation that doesn’t involve you.” 

“No. I’m just trying to help you. Seokmin isn’t the person that you think he is,” Wonwoo seethes, annoyed at how you’re twisting his words. 

The bile in his throat rose further, as you stood before him like he had just kicked your dog. Wonwoo’s extremely aware of the hole he had dug for himself, but he couldn’t stop. His urge to self-sabotage overrides his common sense. 

“That is exactly what we’re not going to do right now. Seokmin has been a better friend to me than you have been in all the years we’ve known each other. I have been by your side for years, bending over backwards. I was at your beck and call and I’m tired. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and warn myself about you. I fell in love with my best friend, and the worst part was that you didn’t care enough to notice. 

“I gave up so much for you, Wonwoo. I lost myself trying to please you. But I give up. I was drowning in my love for you. It consumed every part of me to the point I couldn’t even come up for air. And I’m just sick of it. I know there’s a part of you that cares about me too, but it’ll never be equal. I’ll always love you more than you love me, and I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” 

“What hurts me the most, is that you thought it would be okay to accuse me of things I didn’t even do. I did not sleep with Seokmin, but why is that what you care about?  He respects me and just wants to be there for me. And that’s a lot more than I could ever say about you.” 

Your voice was terrifyingly calm, with neither a lilt nor a hiccup during your speech. The heft of your declaration crashed back down onto Wonwoo, leaving him at a loss for words. 

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing to come out of his mouth after a long pause. 

“Please. It’s late, you should go home,” you sigh, but Wonwoo couldn’t move an inch. He refused. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats himself, looking into your eyes, searching for the look of endearment you had always given him. 

“Wonwoo…” there it is. Your voice had broken for the first time since Wonwoo stepped foot in the place. 

“Please. I’m so fucking sorry. For getting angry, for doubting you, for not realizing how badly you were hurting,” Wonwoo resorted to pleading. 

A look of desperation mixed with agony was the only thing you could exchange for his apologies.

The stare of grief you had given him caused a shooting pain to swell throughout his limbs. The one that begins at his fingertips, creeping up to tug at the strings that held his heart together. He wanted this nightmare to end, and he was sure you did too. 

“It’s time for you to go. I’m tired, Wonwoo.”  A single tear slips and trickles down your cheek. 

He regrets not wiping it away for you at that moment. It was the first time he had been so unsure of his actions. So, instead, he walked out of your apartment, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of his cologne and a piece of his heart. 

Wonwoo's world was crumbling underneath him, and there was only one person he refused to let go of. He should’ve known.

He should’ve known that you were in front of him this whole damn time.

end of act one.

⊹ a/n: if you liked this story pls dont be afraid to let me know thru a reblog, comment or ask! also a big ty to my beshies forever @vapidlynn and @bunnyjjongie who i've texted multiple times in the wee hours of the morning for reassurance abt this thing hehe.

[c1trvswurld]

Dood still wakes the deep has to be one of the best horror games in recent that I've played. One of the best depictions of cosmic horror that gets more dreadful the more your replay it and realize you doom yourself simply by being there. It was a losing battle from the start

[gem-de-lune]

Chit Chat and Updates

Hey guys, how are you all doing? I hope you are keeping strong!!

I have a few things I wanna cover for today.

1. I plan to do a reading today focusing on us and what we can still do that can ultimately have an effect and support RII7E.

As many of you know, I am unable to proceed with the usual method i use due to the sensitivity of the situation and there being some boundaries in place. But I am still monitoring and trying to see what little bits I can divulge when possible. Until then, we will be focusing on us.

Similarly and not related to this, I will reiterate to new people- Please do not ask:

When will SH come back?

What are the chances SH will come back?

Will SM bring him back?

When will SM bring him back?

The answer to all of these is: it depends on how long and hard we fight for the outcome. If we give up it is 100% over. Please do not ask me these questions. Instead of wanting an easy answer lets ask HOW we can make it happen, yes? I want to support everyone but we cannot just sit around hoping the outcome we want comes naturally and use a guaranteed answer as a means for motivation...that's like only studying bc you know you will get 100%. Who does that? Not only is it impossible to guarantee something with 100% certainty, but it just incites complacency. We don't need that.

2. Recently, as yall may know, I have been on the bird app to post my readings and incite some motivation....but good god, i am reminded of why I absolutely detest that app. The hyper consumption of knowing everything going on, both good and bad- yet still being within a tiny bubble community is so so so emotionally draining and even though I understood this was the cause of a lot of your negativity and depression before, I FEEL it now. I am not depressed or anything abt the situation in my personal realm, but it's more like I am forced as an empath to feel everyone else's feelings with every new post. It is soul sucking and gut-wrenching.

I wanted to stay updated and just help people, but it's insane the amount of literal life sucking energy that app has even amongst the silly bits.

So i want to say this to yall: PLEASE GET OFF OF TWITTER SOMETIMES.

Get your news, get your general vibe, like some posts, and gtfo until you need another BRIEF checkup. The longer you scroll, the more it sucks you bone dry and the more likely you see stupid things that make you upset.

Please please please get off there sometimes and spend some time in nature outside or at least on Tumblr.

My blog, while I wanted it to be a safe and positive space, has become a little tension filled due to this vibe i have been carrying with me, and i want it to end. I will be doing what I stated above too bc gosh, I really need my safety bubble back.

I hope you all heed this advise a little. It's okay to stay updated but scrolling for hours is not necessary and is going to take a toll of you mentally and emotionally even if you are not an empath.

3. I am thinking of doing live readings.

Idk abt the logistics yet, but I'm thinking a voice call situation so people can ask things realtime (this is lowkey bc i am tired of typing lately, hehe but pls do not blame me)

Some options are a Discord or maybe even just voice notes for my tumblr readings. Idk though. Yall lmk if you would bee interested in those!

I could also do little beginner lessons for new readers on a live format since some of yall are interested in learning tarot. It could be fun! Lmk if yall have any ideas.

That's all for now, I hope yall are doing okay. Just trust and wait!

For the outro pic, here is a pic of the cutest manhwa cat i have ever seen from this manhwa i have been reading lately:

Love yall!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

[another-lost-mc]

hey so im not the anon who requested the guys going to see barbie but i had legit just watched the movie today and it will mess you up emotionally like i am not kidding i almost started crying at the end some of the guys would be in LITERAL tears and then (maybe) laugh at the last moment quip they pulled at the end

A/N: I really want to see that movie, I’ve heard so many good things. 🥺 I will say, it was whiplash going to the movies with the Oppenheimer crowd and Barbie crowd mingling together. I would’ve preferred to see Barbie, but it wasn't my turn to pick the film. lol

When Movies Make Them Cry

THE DEMON BROTHERS & THE DATEABLES

0.5k words | SFW | gn!Reader

Content: Luke is mentioned in a platonic sense only, the other relationships can be read as platonic or romantic. Mostly emotional hurt/comfort.

Lucifer will cry watching movies but he hides it well. The giveaway will be his wet lashes and the slightly red, puffy skin around his eyes. Most of the tear tracks are wiped away before the lights come back on. He’s more likely to cry in private with you but not in a public crowd.

Mammon screams at horror movies, belly laughs at comedies, and sobs at tear-jerker moments—especially anything involving romance or tragedy. He often pictures you and him together as the romantic leads in the film, and that can be good or bad depending on the film.

Levi gets a little choked up but doesn’t usually cry. If he does cry, it’s in the privacy of his room when he thinks about the movie later on.

Satan and Asmo will both cry at touching romance or gut-wrenching tragedy. Satan comes prepared with tissues and Asmo dabs his face as delicately as he can so he can attempt to salvage his eye makeup (it doesn’t always work).

Beel might get choked up, but emotional movies linger in his thoughts for a while. He reflects on what he can learn from it to avoid more heartbreak in his life (he thinks they’ve all suffered enough).

Belphie might cry, but he cuddles into your shoulder so he can wipe the evidence on your shirt. He chuckles and pokes fun at his brothers for being so whiny but it doesn’t sound very convincing when his own voice sounds a little thick. (He won’t make fun of Beel if he cries.)

Diavolo’s the type that will cry at happy or sad endings. He doesn’t feel ashamed by it either, and he compliments movies that can draw out that type of reaction in him. He’s one of the first to offer you a comforting hug if you look like you need one. He also offers you tissues (he seems to have an endless supply).

Barbatos rarely cries at movies but similar to Beel, the emotional weight can linger with him for a while after. He has several packs of tissues to pass to the others should they need some (aka Diavolo’s endless supply of tissues).

Simeon is more likely to cry at happy endings than sad endings. He’s experienced so much heartache that it’s like a familiar friend rather than a shocking event. It’s the overwhelming love or joy characters share that touch him the most because he desperately wants to feel that for himself.

Luke cries but tries not to. He naturally gravitates to you or Simeon for comfort but tries not to be obvious about it—he doesn’t want the others to think he’s a baby.

Solomon is a mix of solemn contemplation after sad endings and joyful tears after happy endings. It’s difficult to find things that can touch those deep emotions in him after so much of his long life has passed by in a blur.

m.list | Related reading:

When They Go to the Movies [fluff] When Lucifer Watches Hachiko [emotional hurt/comfort] When Mammon Watches a Tragic Romance [angst]

[galaxostars]

If you had to choose your top five favourite marauders era characters and ships, what would they be?

This question was actually so hardddd haha and I feel like you could ask me again in a month and my answer would be different bc I’m such a multishipper that… yeah xD but for now here it issss :

Fave characters :

1. James Potter : mhm I love myself an arrogant goofball who’s actually smarter than people give him credit for, who’s got so much love he’s impulsive with it and hurts the ones he loves, who doesn’t know what to do with the loneliness that grips him sometimes, who defines himself by his ability to help people, who rarely allows himself to express himself negatively (ex : sadness/anger/frustration) because if there’s one thing that he fears the most, it’s hurting people. Plus, he hasn’t got any trauma or anything so why should he complain, yk?

Basically I love a good flawed James, and the sort of character where you wouldn’t expect him to have issues yk

2. Sirius Black : I mean… cmon do I even need to explain? ‘Cause if I start idk when I’ll stop, like literally. Ive had a crush on this character since I was eleven and never grew out of it, its almost embarrassing if it wasn’t completely justified (and the only reason he’s not number one is just because I write him less than James so I feel like I know him less intimately but like if you’d have asked me before I started writing I’d have put him number one for sure)

3. Regulus Black : !!!!! sorry but indoctrinated younger ‘abandoned’ (in between quotes bc he was not Sirius’ responsibility and Sirius was right to save himself but it’s also very normal for regulus to feel that way etc etc… we know the drill) sibling who’s faced with sudden delusion about this superior figure he’s followed/served, everything he’s lost in the process, and who redeems himself by going on this suicide mission that ends up being useless? (And unknown by Sirius AHHHH.) The guy is literally so smart and technically such a loser bc he doesn’t serve much for the plot and that’s what compelled me so much the first time I read hp 😭 he’s so tragic I love it

4. Narcissa Black : younger sibling; once again similar pattern to regulus but she survived, she’s so smart I’m, like, shaky in the knees, (esp i love female characters who do what they have to do to survive), she’s powerful too, and jkr is shit at writing female characters and I will never not be pissed abt it but I do think cissa was very compelling (+ Helen McCrory’s acting game was sooo perfect), very protective of her family and will stop at nothing to protect them, and that’s a value I respect so much. I will say, in general, any member of the black family is very compelling to me. Bellatrix would come right after narcissa in terms of fave from that family.

5. Barty Crouch Jr : listen if you know me, you know I’m… idk how to define myself actually, but I like unhinged stuff so. This is like. Peak unhingedness. Paired with intelligence bc we know canonically that man was smart af, and daddy issues? Dark hair, too? You just described my type. He’s even more compelling in tragic storylines (like past bartylus and barty joining Voldemort for regulus and then faced w the delusion and the grief? Gut wrenching) so yup.

Favorite pairings :

1. Moonshine (remus/james) : I know this sounds weird but a certain fanfic re wrote my brain chemistry and ever since then I’ve been obsessed. I just think they’re so tragically beautiful together. They’re both very selfless beings that just give and give and never prioritize themselves and together it’s a mess. They keep hurting each other because they’re so selfless, they’re not very good at reading each other and they let their insecurities get the best, they’re both frightened of how much they love, of the other not wanting them, of needing to « tame » their emotions. I love them.

2. Prongsfoot : FUCKING FOAMING AT THE MOUTH ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Together they’re. They. Just. I hate them bc of how much I love them if that makes sense. They’re everything. A law of the universe and whatnot. I love everyyyy fucking version of them. They make me cry they make me scream they make me smile they make me laugh, they’re literally my comfort ship.

3. Jegulus : they’re kind of the pairing that made me join the fandom, and though I don’t read them as much as I used to, they’ll always make me so soft. Enemies to lovers? Yeah, well I’m not immune yk. Best friend’s brother? Even better. Tragic and doomed? Yeah sign me the fuck up. I will say I like them just as much when it’s jegulily, but that’s also because I think poly relationships are so complex and compelling.

4. Moonwater : and not platonic haha, i have to say that basically i ship anyone who’s very smart imo with regulus, and Remus passes the test. Plus he’s also introverted, a book nerd, done with James and Sirius so i feel like they could bond very easily. I prefer them in a non canon sitting tho for some reason, but yeah I’m. So fond of them. They get into heated debates. Even their ship name is so dear to me because, that’s like both their biggest fears and pairing them in one name feels like they can overcome them if they’re together ? 😭 it’s so sweet (plus, it allows me to ship prongsfoot on the side lmfao)

5. Regulily : same reasoning as up there but like they’re probs the only het pairings that I really really love. i never expected them to be so important (but *cough cough* disintegration happened…) but honestly they make a lot of sense? I feel like Regulus would be more confident with Lily, and Lily would feel more calm with Regulus? They’re that scary hot powerful quiet couple yk. Anddd they can bond over siblings angst lmao.

[bergoose]

here's what I got on the Watcher Fall Comment Bingo sheet by the lovely @slashsleuth ! i was aiming for a full blackout, but i did get at least one bingo! so here's a rec list of some of what I've read for this event! 🪿

for Comment on a WIP square i went with: Wildfire by Neostone138, a single chapter WIP that has some demon trickster shane and a whole lot of intrigue! while only one chapter i am captivated by the characterization and the ending was my favorite

for Newest Fic in a Chosen Tag: Tasty Snack by Impala_Chick this was a fic i didn't expect to like so much but god it was so funny. that crack tag really delivered! i'm personally weirdly picky with outsider POV, so i was surprised with how much i liked it in this fic! it's a testament to how good the writing is tho im not surprised bc i do love Impala_Chick's works 🫶🏽 also the ryan thirst is real in this fic as it literally should be

for Alternate Universe: estranged producer by Anonymous which was super hot and very fun! sugar baby ryan and daddy shane and you bet your ass ryan was sugaring! i hope this author continues to share their lovely ideas with us because this was BRILLIANT

for the square Trifecta: Kudos Comment, & Bookmark: Horizon Lines by WhoopsOK, listen. guys listen. this fic is SO FUCKING GOOD🙏🏽 it's full of absolutely delicious tension in the most shane madej repression way and then it DELIVERS on it so good. it's absolutely 🔥🔥🔥 AND it's demonic! shane & angel! ryan. what more could u want! i cannot recommend this fic enough

Re-read A Fave Fic And Comment (Again): I told my demons about you (they told me to get therapy) by Ren_Saxon, WAAAA i love love love this fic! the whole collection is filled with amazing fics but i love this one bc it just... so chaotic! i love down bad ryan and he's losing it over it and GOOD FOR HIM. it's just so funny ren ilysm ur so good at writing baby 🫶🏽

For A Fic With Less Comments Than Kudos I chose: Please Stay by Fluffycorn_njst which is a beautiful drabble about friends with benefits turned lovers shyan! absolutely loved the desperation u could feel from both of them even in so few words. kudos!

For Comment on a fic posted at least 3 years ago I went with : Call Me Yours by deanwinchesterissaved, a hot little fic with possessive shane and takes place during t5b! what's there not to love

For Keyboard Smash with a Lot of Emojis: bisexual panic by Future_Boy. I love these one shot type stories for when I'm at work during a slow day, this one was very cute and had some interesting shane internal monologue which I found very fun!

For Spooky or Mystical Vibes: mirror on the wall by tasty_little_snack, OOO what a heart wrenching little fic. the ending killed me, i loved it!

Fic with Rare Pair: Gonna Lose It by Anotherlostblogger, CURLY FIC CURLY FIC CURLY FIC ‼️‼️‼️ guys i love curly/ryan so much and there's SO LITTLE of it imma cry. this fic is so good it's a college au with curly/shane/ryan and ITS SO HOT AND SWEET AND DELICIOUS! gotta be one of my favs on this list don't tell 🤭

Insert your favorite kink: ah-hoo! (werewolves of la) by idkspookystuff, guys. werewolf shane. bottom ryan. WHAT MORE COULD U WANT 🔥 extremely delicious fic will be reading again

Comment On Every Chapter of a Multi Chapter Fic: Mirror, Mirror by EAndropov, EXCELLENT LORE omg what a fun demon shane fic! i ate it up. it's a part of a series and i already know the rest of it is going to gut me. I can't wait

Fic in your Marked For Later List: Once Upon a Porno by GomorrahHillsides (Within_N_Without), a fic that is so distinctly shane and ryan that if you don't hear the dialogue in their voices i will give you one of my kidneys. also HOT🔥🔥 one of my favorite verses

and that's all from me this spooky season! i will definitely be commenting more still! maybe another fic rec list if anyone is interested? either way happy halloween! stay spooky 💜

[mando-fando]

Celestial Bodies

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x F!Reader

Words: 1.6k

Warnings: none, I don’t think. Allusions to loss/death

Summary: Miguel gains the attention of someone unexpected

OR

The one where you get a happily ever after.

Miguel was doing what he did best: work.

After the incident with Miles, some of the spider people decided to leave HQ altogether. He simply told himself that he didn’t need them. He could do it on his own.

Miguel stood high in the sky, aggressively typing and researching to discover where Morales had wound up. He had been at it for hours when an angelic voice boomed through the silence of his lab.

“Miguel O’Hara,” the voice said.

He whipped around, fangs bared and talons raised. But he saw no one. He looked around, perplexed.

“Lyla, scan for intruders,” he said as he crouched into a defensive stance.

“I’ve disabled all your trinkets.” The voice called again. His head was on a swivel. He couldn’t see anyone, smell anyone, or hear anyone.

“Who’s there?!” He growled.

A moment passed and the air began to shimmer and swirl. A figure started materializing, taking the shape of what could only be described as a goddess. Light surrounded her astoundingly beautiful face, and suddenly, Miguel was eye level with an unfathomably breathtaking creature.

He couldn’t find his words, but she seemed to sense his confusion. She floated toward his frozen figure.

A calmness washed over Miguel as he watched her with wide eyes.

“You surprised me, Miguel. You’re a credit to your species. Jumping between dimensions is something we didn’t anticipate from mortals.” She still floated before him. She glimmered in the darkness of his lab.

Miguel opened his mouth to speak, but she continued talking.

“And, after doing your own damage, you took on the Herculean task of maintaining and protecting the life of everyone in every dimension. There isn’t just one world on your shoulders, there are trillions.”

She gave him a look of sympathy.

“The multiverse is far too incomprehensible for human minds. You’ve only seen a minute number of possibilities, but they’re quite literally endless. Look,”

She gestured an elegant hand into the air and showed a super cut of thousands of universes Miguel had never known about. The differences were impossible to describe. He watched with curiosity.

“You’ve piqued my interest. Watching you cross universes for the chance at happiness was touching.”

The image changed to a scene between Miguel and Gabriella, one he’d only been able to watch in his memories. He took a step towards it as pain and longing wrenched his gut.

“That sadness you feel… it is so profound. There is one one loss that I have witnessed that matches your own.”

She let him watch for a few more moments. She watched the tears and hurt flash across his face. The being played every moment that Miguel had experienced with Gabriella. She let him revel in the happiness and the mourning.

The goddess waved her hand again, stopping the compilation before it got to its grisly end.

“I have a proposal for you, to ease that sense of pain.”

Miguel swallowed hard. All of the emotions from his endeavor to Gabriella’s universe sat heavy on his broad chest. He looked at the being expectantly.

“You have another half, eons away in a part of the multiverse you’ve never encountered. Let me show you…”

In a nanosecond, Miguel and the being were standing in an office of a corporate building. The walls were grey, the industrial carpet was worn down from the years, and the cherry wood desk and credenza were chipped and scratched in a few places.

No one sat behind the desk.

“Why-“ Miguel began to ask. The words evaporated from his mouth when you walked in the door and sat behind the desk with a handful of papers.

He had never seen you before, but he felt a strange sense of familiarity. He felt like he was home when he stared at your face.

Miguel concluded that the ethereal being must have had a way to watch your universe without you detecting his presence. You sat and typed on your computer as if you were alone.

“Her name is (Y/N).” The goddess looked at Miguel. “She’s what you humans call a ‘soulmate.’”

Miguel continued to watch you work diligently. You picked up the phone and called what he assumed was a client of yours, and your voice sounded luscious and smooth.

Everything about you seemed perfect. He couldn’t believe someone like you existed.

“This one is married to her dimension’s version of you.” The goddess waved her hand, and Miguel watched the scene change to a beachside wedding.

You stood at the altar with your version of Miguel, smiling at him as if he hung the stars in the sky.

A flash of jealousy went through him.

“Do not fret. I simply love this version of your wedding. It’s serene.” The goddess smiled as she watched the scene play out before her.

After watching the bride and groom kiss, she spoke up again. “There are hundreds of versions of her. I have a few favorites.”

Miguel blinked and found himself standing in a high rise apartment in an alternative version of Nueva York. You were sat at the kitchen table flipping through a book when there was a tap on the glass.

Miguel followed your gaze and saw a version of himself sticking to the window. He must have gotten his powers in a different way in this universe.

You ran over excitedly and opened your balcony door. The alternate version of him swung into the door and pulled you into an endearing hug. He felt his heart clench.

The sound of feet pattered down the hall. Miguel looked around and saw a little boy, no older than 3, running as fast as his legs could carry him.

The alternate version of Miguel closed the distance quickly and pulled his little boy into the hug. The family looked whole and safe.

“I enjoy this one as well, but let me show you my favorite version of her. The one whom you belong to.”

Miguel looked up into an inky black sky littered with stars. It was so dark that he wouldn’t have been able to see if it weren’t for his enhanced vision.

“Sadness has always been my favorite mortal emotion. It’s so much more powerful than love, or anger. Humans will do almost anything to get away from it.”

The goddess’s gaze landed on you.

Miguel realized that you were in the desert, sat at the edge of a rock on a hiking trail. Your feet dangled above a gaping valley.

He waited for whatever version of himself was going to show up. He waited longer, and Miguel suddenly got the feeling that you were alone.

Your face was melancholic as you stared down at the cavern beneath you. You turned your head up towards the stars and sighed. An involuntary sob wracked your body as you took in the constellations.

“What…what happened to her?” He whispered.

“The same thing that happened to you. She found a version of herself that was happier, and tried to wedge her way in. She lost it all.”

The words hung in the air. You were the only person throughout all of time and space that knew an inkling of how he felt. The guilt, the mourning, the self loathing. He knew in his bones that you felt it too.

He felt his heart surrender to you. He loved you, irrevocably and undeniably.

“I was hoping you’d feel that way,” the goddess said.

You were gone. He was standing back on the platform in his lab.

“What happened?! I thought you said-“

“There are some things to discuss, Miguel.” The goddess took on a serious tone. “I can unite the two of you. You will both be happy. But, you’re no longer permitted to mess with other universes. It’s a power too great for any mortal.”

“I can’t abandon my mission. The fabric of the multiverse is damaged, I’m the only one who can repair it.” Miguel was irate.

“That’s not true. I can repair it. I created it.” The goddess said matter-of-factly. “I will clean up this mess. And I can return your genetic makeup to the way it used to be.” She snapped her fingers.

A strange feeling enveloped Miguel. He no longer felt like a block of steel. He studied his hand and tried to extend his claws or his talons, but nothing came. He was simply a man.

He looked up at her with a dazed expression.

“I will unite the two of you in her universe. Superheroes do not exist, nor can they. It’s a violation of the laws of physics.”

“It will damage the-“ Miguel started.

“It will not. As I said, I created the fabric of these dimensions. I can stitch you into the story, there will be no harm done. You have my word.”

Miguel stared down at his feet.

“Just tell me when you’re ready.” The goddess said.

He looked around for a long moment and thought back to your face. Soulmates. He remembered the glint of sadness on your face.

“I’m ready.”

Fatigue washed over him like a tidal wave. He felt his legs collapse beneath him. The world became black.

You stirred in your bed, half asleep. A large arm reached across your body and pulled you into its warm embrace.

“Good morning, Miguel.” You whispered. You’d been waiting for him. You knew he’d come.

“Good morning, amor.” He caressed your hair.

You nuzzled into his chest and felt the turmoil settle in your body. You didn’t know what you did for a celestial being to take pity on you, but you’d do it one million times over if it ended with you holding your soulmate in your arms for the rest of your days.

[virgils-muse]

Ranking All The Greco-Roman Retellings I’ve Read! For Fun! Please Don’t Kill Me For Not Putting TSOA At #1!!! With Little To No Explanation.

1.) A Thousand Ships - Natalie Haynes

This is literally one of my fav books ever all time. The fact that we get retellings from so many of the women’s perspectives in one book, and not just the captive women, but the goddesses, AND EVEN THE MUSE TOO? Superb. I’m obsessed. I’ve read it three times over, which says a lot because I’ve only ever chosen to reread one other book. My fav chapters are the Calliope chapters, the Thetis chapter (so upset there was only one), the Cassandra chapters, and the Hekabe chapters!

2.) Stone Blind - Natalie Haynes & Silence Of The Girls - Pat Barker

I’m rereading Silence Of The Girls as I type this actually. It’s couldn’t choose between the two.. they were both so incredible. Similar to A Thousand Ships, Stone Blind takes on MANY different perspectives, including Medusa ofc. My fav was the Unnamed Neried chapter, that and the Panopeia chapters. And Silence Of The Girls.. oh my gods it such a guy wrenching retelling from Briseis’s perspective, and what day to day life must’ve been like on the camp. Also? Actually Accurate Patrochilles, finally.

3.) Wake, Siren - Nina MacLaughlin

First off, Roman Mythos retelling? Already in love. It’s just.. so gut wrenching. Every chapter makes you wanna scream. In the best way possible. I just,, I can’t put it into words how this books made me feel. The Thetis chapter hit me the hardest, obvi. But the Arachne chapter? Oh my gods I wanted to cry.

4.) Circe - Madeleine Miller

It was good. It was actually quite good, very good, even. But where it wasn’t good, it was.. questionable. Can we as a society stop trying to constantly villainize all the deities? Like, and before you say “biased perspective!!! Unreliable narrator!!” Which, yes, I love narrators that have a thing against the deities and emphasize the worst of what they’ve done, but there are certain parts in there where I’m like.. hello? Specifically when Hermes was saying that the Gods want mortals to be miserable bc a miserable mortal will give you more offerings then a happy one,,,, which like???? Hello??? When was that EVER the case ever?? I liked the ending.

5.) The Song Of Achilles - Madeleine Miller

Yeah I have a vendetta against this book. If you wanna read it, go for it, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, read the Iliad first. And maybe Silence of The Girls first too. Were Patroclus and Achilles in love? And probably kissing it sloppy style? Yeah. BUT WE CAN’T ERASE THE FACT THAT THEY WERE SLEEPING WITH WAR CAPTIVE WOMEN. And also, to not only ignore that, but then make it seem like they were treating Briseis well???? When she was literally A WAR CAPTIVE??? Also, I will never, EVER, forgive this book for demonizing Thetis. They made her seem like some homophobic mom as if she didn’t do EVERYTHING FOR HER SON. Idk. I also hate that this book bought on a whole new generation of people who think Patroclus was Achilles gay little twink boy. Like.. are we forgetting they were literally out committing war crimes probably.

Anyways that’s my list rn!!!! I wanna read Jennifer Saint’s books next.

[bhobbiel]

Given Anime and Movie Reaction

I watched it not knowing anything besides it was a BL story with a band, and the hair colors (orange and black) of the two protagonists. I feel grateful I did not know much else and I watched the anime first (I was hesitant to watch before reading but I am glad I did)

I have not read the story up to or past the movie and anime- so no spoilers

Spoilers about anime and movie below:

TW: death and suicide

Wow wow wow I have not cried at a piece of media in a while, but episode 9 wow. (To be fair I was an a bit of emotional headspace but still have not felt that specific bittersweet kinda cathartic but gut wrenching movie cry in a long time! Especially not by something new I watched)

Incredible song/singing/ voice acting for the concert scene

This is just notes more than fully fleshed written ideas

I have so much feelings thoughts and analysis. I am reading the manga but I am not to where the movie and show end in the story.

I partially want to read from beginning to understand more of Yuki’s story

On beach- will not remember in 10 years. Someone online said does this allude to Yuki not thinking they will know each other in 10 years alluding to possible suicidal . But it is something somewhat common sentiment people say

I estimate they have probably already been each others lives around 10 years by that point. I

Gut wrenching like tearing up just thinking about that whole concert and flash back scene

Film studies classes often use the montage in the movie “up” as a good use of montage and covering a lot of story in a short amount of time. I feel like this montage is also a good example of an emotional montage. Not to be embarrassing but thinking about episode 9 still kinda tears me up.

Im sorry but them holding hands of Mafuyu from the arrest, and not long after their (I interpret) possible first time having sex with that emotional intimate gesture and eye contact. Even the annoyed face from teasing that only happens after knowing someone for a long time

No one will know Mafuyu from his abuse to his best friend to first romantic love. As much as memory and forgetting is a repeating sentiment there are some relationships and experiences that define who we are and what we carry

It just showcases an irreplaceable relationship. They grew up together. They saw each other in childhood tragedy to a deep first love. They have a dynamic that is once in a lifetime. One where fhy

Guitar: curse and a beginning

One could an

“He wanted to write you a song, but you wanted him to say let’s make one together”

One interpretation: Yuki was working and saving money to get a guitar to write a song for Mafuyu so possibly feeling rejected felt like he was doing everything for him but he did not see it

Mafuyu literally Carries it like a weight and only plays it via new love and friendships. From being open again

.

The guitar is the reason they meet and have romance. The tragedy of one love directly leading to a new one

It reminds me of a sentiment often of older married couples where one dies. Of like the deceased spouse would “want you to find new love” instead of feeling guilty of romance after them

I don’t know if I feel like that it is a sentiment any of the characters or it would make sense for them to have that philosophy but just something that I was reminded of.

“ I am not lonely, friends at school, I like someone new… I wish I could tell you about it”

——-

Yukis death

Shocking, confusing,

Normal type couple fight? Or just to an outsider or to Mafuyu as well?

As a reader it made me feel those feelings that you logically/morally know are not “right” but you would actually feel in that situation.

Like who was at “fault”? Did Yuki have chronic secret mental health problems? Was it impulsive? Was dying an over reaction to a cruel comment? Was it a real idea of proving devotion?

Would he be alive if Mafuyu did not say that? Did he really believe Mafuyu would not try to repair their relationship and took his comment to heart instead of trying to work it out?

I don’t get the feeling there was this super intention of making his loved ones feel guilty. There was love in his life

I am not saying these are “good opinions or questions” but they are real. It’s like going around in circles

It makes you go through the stages of grief and confusion that suic*de can specifically envoke. The confusion the anger the unresolved ness

Would something similar happen down the line even if he was not told that in that moment? Aka if they broke up later or if he was overall prone to suicidal ideation ?

It is interesting that Yuki mom gave guitar to him shows a lot

——-

The movie was more like ooof emotional in that young(ish) adult toxic learning curve romance. The anime was more objective tragedy and showed a once in the life time relationship that was cut too short in such a tragic way. It also showcased “firsts” which has a different feel both as a tragedy and just overall feel. I am young enough for the “firsts” feeling to not feel too far away and what that vulnerability feels like.

The movie (if you are a young adult) feels like a mirror of the pain and learning curves of romance of the clunkiness of your 20s. It’s the feeling of watching your friend make mistakes or you making your own in ways that feel overwhelming. I mean damn they showed that toxic on and off again dynamic omg.

Eventually it showcases I believe both the maturity and immaturity of romance (esp 20s). Both the outward facing personality and qualities one showcases and they more vulnerable truths not everyone sees

[choices-binglebonkus]

PB should just hire you to revamp WTD.

Part of the reason stories like ILITW and ILB left me so *shook* after playing them is because of decreasing nerve scores and the main characters' lives are at stake because of that. And of course these death sequences are well written to boot. Even though I was deliberately making the bad choices in my first playthroughs just to see what would happen, even though I was well aware it was gonna be horrifying, it still left me nearly unable to sleep. I'm not even kidding. ILS knew what they were doing and it did it good.

Having LIs' fates be determinant not just on specific stat levels but also your hard choice decisions would have been some very next-level goodness. But unfortunately, PB still played it just too safe even in one of the more respectable modern Choices books. #WakeTheDeadDeservedBetter

Absolutely, anon. That’s one of the biggest issues with modern books. For books where they need to take risks and get creative, they just don’t.

The It Lives series was so impactful because there were very real stakes. You could die. Your friends could die. There were lives on the line and they made that very clear early on in ILITW, letting us know that their nerve at the end of the game would directly tie in to their fates. If, say, Lily and Dan died, it was YOUR fault. If Lucas and Andy died, it was YOUR fault. If all of your friends died, well, you know the drill.

Plainly put, important characters integral to the plot could die because of your mistakes. And PB was absolutely not afraid to make you feel that in the most visceral, gut-wrenching ways.

Branching off of that, zombie media also tends to do this sort of thing particularly well. Wake the Dead wasn’t fully inspired by it, but had some very loose inspiration from The Walking Dead. In both the comics and the show (more so the comics), The Walking Dead isn’t afraid to let you know that absolutely no one is safe. No one.

Wake the Dead has many issues, but that, I think, is the biggest. It simply had no stakes whatsoever. Unlike some of the best zombie media, the zombie bites weren’t always fatal, and that took away a HUGE amount of what made the zombies so scary.

When the raiders attacked Sunflower Creek, I knew the main group would survive and there would be minimal casualties among the side characters. When the MC was taken by the raiders, I knew they were going to survive. When Eli was bitten, I knew he was going to survive, even when they gave us the choice to shoot him. When the main group went into the freaking zombie hive, I knew they were all going to survive. When Blackstock came to the colony and tried to execute us and all hell broke loose, I knew everyone was going to survive (but Blackstock).

There. Were. No. Stakes. NONE! None of them!

The closest thing we got to any sort of urgency was Brynn’s “death” early on. But that was it. That was the only major casualty in the book because PB played it safe in a zombie book of all books.

At the same time, PB tried to create an artificial sense of urgency by throwing different types of zombies into the mix. Types of zombies that the main group had never even seen before, even though the apocalypse had gone on for 21 years at that point, and two Solstices had already occurred since they happen like clockwork every 7 years. I don’t understand how not a single one of the people in our main group had never seen any of these variants.

And this goes without saying, but this artificial sense of urgency they tried to create with the variant zombies? It didn’t work. Why didn’t it work? Because the main character and love interests all had the most impenetrable plot armor in quite literally the entire app. I mean, Eli cheats death for Pete’s sake. He was on death’s doorstep from his bite (ON THE NECK, MAY I ADD, RIGHT BETWEEN THE HEART AND BRAIN) and still managed to survive and recover with no problem???? What????????

I get wanting to play it safe to an extent. This was a horror book that clearly had a lot go into making it. But you absolutely cannot be cautious in writing a zombie book. You simply can’t. Zombie media is absolutely notorious for killing off both main and side characters, whereas Wake the Dead only kills off side characters who otherwise don’t have much impact on the story.

Yes, some zombie media does get a happy, or at least, a realistically bittersweet ending. The Walking Dead comics, show, and Telltale series do. The Evil Dead does. 28 Days Later, I Am Legend, Zombieland all do. They have stakes which make us more invested, but also use those stakes in some way to tie up loose ends and give us an ending that really makes us think.

So yeah. As you said, anon, PB just played it too darn safe. And you can’t do that with zombie media. It’s not in the spirit of the genre, and its effect on the book quality was very evident.

[maerinhearts]

Pspspsps i heard you read bl, u wanna give me some recs?

Ohohoho. You've come to the right place

So let me give you a couple and tell you a little bit about them.

1. A Man of Virtue

If you like BDSM type stories, this is for you.

Jinwoo is a (seemingly) straight man who encounters a haechi statue while drunk one night and curses his lifelong rival Sangtae before vomiting on said statue.

The next day, anytime Jinwoo comes within 5 feet of Sangtae, he gets these overwhelming, erotic, BDSM fantasies.

The two work together to figure out the cause of the fantasies, the solution, and how to get them to stop.

It's fucking HYSTERICAL.

Their dynamic is so interesting.

It's a breath of fresh air from the normal feminine, dainty bottoms most authors write about.

2. Love or Hate

If you like love triangles... boy, do I have the triangle-ist of love for you.

Haesoo is a freelance writer who often gets sucked into the drama of his former step-brother, Joowon.

The two explored their sexuality together when their parents got remarried to each other.

Haesoo, sick of waiting on Joowon to stop being a dick and admit his feelings, encounters K, a photographer from Japan known for his lewd pictures.

He is tasked with writing a piece about K and conducting an interview, but the two end up hitting it off.

Honestly, this one was kind of gut wrenching for me. The emotional turmoil Haesoo experienced throughout was hard to get through, but it has a happy ending.

This one is depressing with a bit of humor sprinkled in here and there.

If you can read about a main character who thoroughly and 100% hates himself and make it through to the end, this one is for you.

3. The Dangerous Convenience Store

AHJUICY.

Ahem.

If you like a big, seemingly emotionless top who only gets emotional about his bottom, this one is for you.

Euijoon is a college student who works at a convenience store in a terrible neighborhood riddled with gang activity.

One night, a man shows up and saves him from a rude customer. After that night, the man continues to show up at the same time to buy alcohol and cigarettes.

Euijoon, out of curiosity more than anything, becomes infatuated with this man.

The man, who has been straight his entire life (he's like 40...), is confused about his adoration for Euijoon and decides to pursue him.

This one is a helluva ride. I dont even know Ahjuicy's real name cause Euijoon calls him Ahjussi the entire comic.

There is some violence (gangs are involved, what do you expect?)

It does have a happy ending, though.

4. Hold Me Tight

If you like a more feminine top and a more masculine bottom, this is for you.

Felix is being blackmailed into becoming Giovanni's body guard all so the guy who is blackmailing him can take Gio down.

Only, Gio has a condition where he doesn't feel warmth. Even a fire would not keep him warm. He has spent many of his nights cold and wears coats and scarves in the middle of Summer.

Until he encounters Felix. He feels warmth from Felix.

With Felix's motives not being so pure, how will their relationship pan out? Especially when Gio actively seeks out his warmth.

Felix is pretty masculine for a bottom. He is a black belt.

Gio is pretty weak as a top. He owns his own company and needs constant protection.

This was a very interesting dynamic.

It was a roller coaster of emotions, but DAMN the way their relationship progressed was too damn good.

These two hold such a special place in my heart.

5. The Unquenchable Mr. Kim

This one has a bad rep. I literally only half understand the bad rep and I'll get there.

Dooyun is half vampire, half human, but he can't drink blood to survive. In fact, eating doesn't even help him survive. He has to obtain a humans "essence" in order to stay alive. If he doesn't, he gets very sick and could die.

How do you obtain this essence, you ask? Guess. 😉

So anyway, his boss, Kangwoo, offers him a proposition after Dooyun accidentally sends him a message about finding a new sex partner. The message was supposed to go to someone else.

The only problem? Kangwoo's essence isn't strong enough to keep Dooyun alive.

As the two fall for each other, how will Dooyun survive???

The smut is A fucking PLUS.

The art isn't very good in the beginning, but it gets SO beautiful by the end.

The reason it has a bad rep has a lot to do with two important characters that were very poorly executed. It's only 65 chapters, but the author could have stretched it to over 100 so easily. As an author myself, I can overlook poorly executed characters in favor of a good storyline.

These are all finished works that I really enjoyed. Special mentions also include BJ Alex, Insecret (about an idol group), Hold Me Safe, Love So Pure, In My Closet (also about an idol group), A Life Without You, My Way With You, and Cherry Blossoms After Winter.

Ongoing works that I am currently reading (the list is long, so prepare yourself) includes: Pearl Boy, Under The Greenlight, Jinx, Steel Under Silk, Painter of the Night, Again, Low Tide in Twilight (omegaverse), Limited Run, Speak of the Devil, The Pawn's Revenge, Aporia, The Pizza Delivery Man and the Gold Palace, Opposites Attract, Anemone Theater, The Ghost's Nocturne, Stranger Than Friends, Checkmate, Mad Place, Semantic Error, Liveta (HEAVY ON THIS ONE. It's on hiatus but I have NEVER seen world building this good), Payback, It's Just A Dream... Right?! (Heavy on this one too. The top is DREAMY.), The Words in Your Snare, Don't Build My Hopes Up (this one made me realize I have major trust issues, lmao), Punch Drunk Love, Missing Love (this one is not for the faint of heart. It is DARK.), You Get Me Going.

I keep track of what I have read with ratings and comments in a notebook. I was thinking of transferring the data to my computer and posting it sometime. I've read over 70 works so far with a lot of ongoing works. I'd be so incredibly happy to share.

There are some works that I have finished that I didn't really care for. There are also a couple of works that I am reading that are ongoing that just don't have enough oomf to be mentioned here. I have dropped one that I won't even mention. It doesn't even deserve to be mentioned. If you want my list, it will be mentioned there, but that's it.

Sorry for the long post, I just got so excited 😭

[taegularities]

! Brief trigger: this is not exactly a rant, it’s a story time but a very long one, pls bear with me 🥲 (also my first ask so there’s that)

Been following you for a while now Rid, I’ve mostly read your standalone fics like love me better, begin, silk & stones, stars behind waves & tale of broken hearts. I consider myself as the type who likes gut wrenching angst that ends in happy ending or at least a feeling of hope at the end. These ones like you had promised, were definitely angst heavy (esp the vmin fics). I prefer not to touch long series coz I fear I might lose interest midway thru & might end up thinking I wasted lots of time reading it since it often happens that authors end up adding bunch of filler scenes in between & im one who doesn’t like that.

So for the longest time I actually ignored cmi, until the amc thing came up & the some of the questions relating to the character arcs were def intriguing for me, & I thought ‘why not just give this one a go?’ The word count for cmi looked quite scary😶 so I took inspiration from seven & tried finishing from start till the recent update within seven days (…peak stupidity LoL) & GOD THE ANGST. I couldn’t help but take a blanket over my head to tear down through the rough patches that followed in midway through the fic…literally every scene was so detailed, it almost felt like I was looking at two people I closely knew & felt sorry for to suffer the miseries of being apart because of the conflicts they’d been facing.

Even if I actually succeeded in completing the 200k wc (the fastest & longest record for me) I was able to enjoy the fic. Maybe coz you actually understand the pacing of the slow burn and wrote their arcs so carefully which allowed the reader to slowly unveil their personalities, their flaws, their growth throughout the fic. I kinda skipped the drabbles in between (i did skim through but didn’t actually focus on them alot) coz the goal was to first read through the main storyline then take my time to unwind & re-read the drabbles after. Honestly this work might be my fav one from you, or any Jungkook fic I’ve read in the entirety of this website. Just wanted to say thanks for crafting such a wonderful piece of literature for us, im thrilled to read further what lays in store for jk & oc after they talked through their differences & patched up. And after reading so much pining that went behind in the past 9(?) parts, I’d actually love only fluff and warmth for this couple (me as angst enthusiast saying this✋🙂). And yes, I’m waiting for the cmi drabble (seven mv jk cross over with cmi jk is an unimaginable menace 🫠) and future parts to be posted sooner too! This couple has my heart💛

this was your first ask?! to lil ole me? 😭 omg hope you still see this one!! i wasn't around much when you sent it, then it got buried – but today i remembered it again and wanted to say hi 🥺

first of all, tysm for reading so many of my fics, and such long ones, too!! like, lmb is a huge ass piece, so im really happy you gave it a shot and enjoyed it, too 🥺 and like, same goes for cmi. it's also so lovely to know that people try out stuff on my page that they usually wouldn't – so it melts my heart that you gave cmi a chance and grew to love it as well!! angst, ikr? me too, i could live off of it :') LOL NOT THE SEVEN DAY CHALLENGE. that's actually so amusing and sweet 🤣 i know the word count is crazy and the chapters tend to get very long, but... i know i'm repeating myself, but i'm incredibly thankful that you tuned in. if you ever want, do read through the drabbles, too, since i think they give a deeper glimpse into the characters' flaws and personalities – no pressure tho!!

once again, thank you. it means the world to me to know you loved it so much. like, fav fic? please i'll sob :'') a lot of fluff incoming (but angst too, so fret not), and i truly hope you enjoy the rest as well. drop by anytime, seriously, i'd love to talk about cmi or anything with you whenever you like!! 🥺🤍

[radfae]

plz give us your opinions on the new toh ep queen <3

okay i apologize in advance bc i’m like almost done writing this while i add this disclaimer and i’m realizing it’s VERY ramble-y and my adhd brain keeps rapidly switching topics but i hope this makes sense HAHA

IT WAS GOOD! it wasn’t nearly as gut-wrenching as the last one but i do appreciate some good ship action (raeda and huntlow tugging on my heartstrings fr). a lot happened this episode and i feel like a big theme was character development and personal exploration, we saw that a lot with hunter, but most of all luz and willow! it makes me really happy to see luz get her palismen (palisman??) finally and string bean is so adorable! i was team snake btw so i’m happy with this outcome. a lot of people say that boscha was really annoying this ep but honestly i didn’t think so? i mean, she was a bit, but she’s clearly not a villain here; she’s just a traumatized mean girl teenager handling things badly. she’s developed some pretty bad abandonment issues from losing her grudgby team to the collector, and ended up taking those out on amity, which isn’t…great, but people are treating her worse than belos this episode lmao?? but ANYWAY i’m very happy to see hunter again <3 and i’m happy that his development is moving in a positive way. not everyone is happy about him having magic from flapjack, but i think it’s nice; it reinforces that flapjack is still with him, even if he’s not physically present, which is a nice sentiment. and like i am sorry he is going thru it or whatever but i MISSED him being an annoying angry boy,, and OH MY GOD “you mean a lot to me too” “cool, happy to help” KILL ME NOW?!?! THEY’RE SO ADORABLE.,,,, and i’m glad they focused on willow here too because it made me like her a lot more than i did previously. and ok going back to raeda the “i just like to come out and see raine” i don’t remember if that’s exactly what she says but eda literally risking being caught by the collector who still thinks she’s the owl beast just to see raine,, AND RAINE’S LOOK IN THE BEGINNING WHEN SHE GOES INTO HARPY MODE…… omg they’re in love. and i’m choosing to say raine is a lesbian bc it makes my heart happy. switching gears completely to camila,, just,,, in general,, her being a mother figure to so many of the kids and her conversation with luz to amity saying “you and luz are a lot alike”,, i love her so much i cannot believe there was a point in which she was controversial in the fandom. i’ve always been a camila defender. OKAY BUT THE ACTUAL EPISODE ANYWAY the collector is obviously being set up for a redemption arc of sorts; they’re really pushing the idea that he’s just a kid and doesn’t want to really hurt people, and it’s clear that he really did care about king (defending him from the coven head i forgot her name sorry lol, respecting his boundaries with his rabbit and not touching it, calling him his best friend, immediately not trusting belos when he said king has it out for him) and that’s why he’s taking his ‘betrayal’ so hard. i did NOT expect him to team up with belos ngl, i thought that this episode would be them defeating the collector and next ep would be belos, as like a first and final boss type of thing, but this is like. so much better lol. AND SOMEONE ON TWITTER POINTED THIS OUT BUT belos is ALWAYS looking down on people, specifically at hunter; there’s always a specific camera angle to showcase it, but in this episode, in his weakened state belos finally looks up at someone: caleb. belos has always been in a position of power in every relationship we’ve seen with him so far, EXCEPT for caleb. caleb is the only situation in which he’s been the dependent. which is really being showcased here and i liked the imagery,, and i’m curious as to why belos chose raine in particular? like obviously this is going to be used for some raeda plotline which i personally don’t mind actually but like. obvious excuse for ship angst is obvious. but i hope there’s some other reason than just “let’s make eda upset hehehehe” u know what i mean. oh and raine mullet,, pretty. if i had a nickel for every time belos possessed someone and they got a mullet i would have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice right.

i’m excited to see how things go with the collector next episode (new noceda sibling real?) and i’m excited to see king, eda and luz’s reunion! i really need eda and camila to meet like NOW. i also really hope that hunter is the one who gets the final blow on belos, like sorry to luz or whatever i know ur the protagonist and that’s your moment but he DESERVES it. and obviously luz isn’t going to stay in the human realm indefinitely but with her mom i’m wondering how they’ll work things out; maybe there will be a more stable portal and luz and camila will be able to pass through both worlds and visit as they please? or will camila just stay in the demon realm with luz? idk!!! i can’t wait for next episode but knowing we’re officially on our final hiatus and that the cast just finished recording for the last episode is also :’D a bit miserable. sad to see it go but excited at the same time

[toodumbforusernames]

...And Roll Credits

(disclaimer: I wrote this a couple years ago apparently and it's been sitting in my drafts for a while and im posting this on a whim of 'fuck it' - tho if you like it lmk! I guess I would like to do stuff like this)

Everybody gets their happy ending, conflicts are no more...

The protagonist has lost something but they still saves the day, and now they drive off into the sunset...

The then-shy kid's time at the camp is over, and with him, we wave off at the time spent there with all the friendships, life lessons, and perhaps romances...

...and the credits roll, with a song in the end. Completely independent of any movies I've seen, some songs still managed to remind me of the feeling you get at the end of a movie -be it gut-wrenching or wholesome or nostalgic or whatever- and bugged me everytime I listened to them, because one second I was vibing to some good ol' noise, then I'm just feeling nostalgic for no reason and oh god why am I on the verge of crying

So now I've put all those into a playlist (here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1SywfsLPiTWxX7WGIOn2hW?si=3434428fd96f42a0) and have decided to name what I visualize when listening to them. Not exactly sure why, but I think it'll be neat to see what I think myself, and perhaps what these songs have in common. Going off in an order same as the playlist, here goes nothing.

-Imploding the Mirage

This fucking song is the reason why this playlist exists in the first place - it's the baseline for all other songs' evoked emotions. It feels very poppy and fun, with all the complex instrumentation coming with their upbeat tunes. (Also lovely album)

It feels like this song plays with some goofily-stylized credits, similar to some coming of age movie, with extra scenes of characters having fun around, and it feels exactly how that would in the end: Nostalgic for itself and sad that it's over. Thankfully, this is only a 4-minute song and I can rewind freely! (and grab tissues in between the replays)

-Payphone

Remember how I said Imploding the Mirage was the baseline for all the emotions? Yeah...forget that, this gave me such feelings wayy before the other one came out. This one is also a sweet and kind of happy song, except the lyrics but even those really feel "end credits-y" (creating a whole new language here lol) and fit in very nice, besides the Wiz Khalifa part. Why is he even here? Whatever.

I feel like this has to be played over one last sweet epilogue-ish scene where everybody is gathered or we get shots of everyone going about in their -new?- lives right before the credits, then along with the credits as well.

-Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

If you haven't checked the playlist, nope, this isn't the Eurythmics, it's good ol' Manson with the literally sickening guitar riff that just makes me feel like something is wrong. It's a very, let's say interesting, song. This one gives different feelies as opposed to the Pollyanna-type fuckers before it.

Plot is over, what has been done is done, and our protagonist, done with everything, walks off into the darkness. Around the 2:10 mark of the song, we get some shots of side characters, which are probably not fine, considering the song is just too edgy to let them be happy.

-A Tip From You to Me

We've seen happy, we've seen happier, we've seen edgier, and here is the perfect middle ground for most non-action movie endings, I dare say: rather serene, calmed down. Not much else I can really add, besides the fact that I love the acoustic guitar-piano arrangement. Whatever, this isn't a music review. Not yet, at least.

With the first lyrics, show us the main character(s) and the love interest living happily at their countryside home, chatting about, and slowly, we see them grow up: They have kids, maybe, and pets, and we see those grow up as well. Their friends are featured in scenes, and then the movie leaves us with the main fellas with gray hair. A truly perfect ending. God, even the thought warms my heart.

-Muzzle

Different arrangement from A Tip From You to Me, very similar feelings to that and Imploding the Mirage. This one has a semi-energetic, semi-bittersweet mood that feels both very nuanced (ooo, big words) and simple in total.

With all the "And I know..." parts, this feels very fitting to a character who had to figure stuff out (coming of age story, again??) and along with the rock nature of it all, put this at the end of some teen movie that has the protag try to "find his voice with music" and all. Perfect fit.

-Better Strangers

Hope you didn't feel like the playlist wasn't edgy enough for you, because here comes a whole ass knife in the stomach, mate. It really feels edgy with the lyrics and guitar(!) added in, but it also feels final - nothing else is left inside, indeed, and nothing else is left to say. Makes sense that this is an album closer.

The villian/hero/whateve someone important enough is lying in the middle of some place, wounded, coughing to the intro drum beat. We watch as they crawl to grab something, or to lift themselves up, we cannot know because the character is too weak. Perhaps, afterwards, we are shown flashbacks of them getting wounded in combat or just some shots of other characters, in order to conclude their arcs and stories as well. It all feels very powerful and gut-wrenching, the last part applies doubly so on the dying fellow. Fuck that bitch.

-Do I Wanna Know?

Betcha all you are excited to see this name here.

Continuing with the not-exactly-jolly songs, this one is rather serious in tone, but also somewhat charismatic, probably cause of the drum and guitar tones.

This is for sure a song that'd go perfectly with a nighttime end scene for a romance movie.

Soo I guess this wraps it up for now.

(present day Dumbass here - the shit I said in the disclaimer still stands: I'd love to know what you thought of this cause I still feel like I'm the only one who has experienced this about some songs)

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 89

Free To Be You and Me

The weather is starting to get a little crazy like it did last weekend when my power was threatening to go out, so noon is the perfect time to watch…will it kill my previously functioning executives? Probably

“Free To Be You and Me”

Plot Description: Not sure he trusts himself anymore, Sam gives up hunting. Meanwhile, Dean teams up with Castiel to find the Archangel Raphael

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No one died

I could never be a Sam girlie but I will say I understand him in this moment. I can’t decide if he means “I won’t make the mistakes that cost me everyone I’ve loved again” or “I won’t be close enough to anyone ever again so the prospect of their death can’t be used against me. If I have no ties to anyone, no one can get hurt because of me”

Couldn’t he have just become the new Ash? Not that Ash is replaceable, he most certainly isn’t, but he could have gone with Ellen and Jo and been their research guy, their “i’ll figure out the omens so other hunters can go hunt” guy.

This montage of Dean hunting and Sam bartending…I hate seeing them apart

CAS STANDS SO. CLOSE. TO HIM. PLEEEEASE

“Me and Sam are taking separate vacations for a while” because he knows Sam WILL come back. 😭😭😭

Castiel, I love you so much, but this feels like a bad plan. You’re going to go find the ARCHANGEL who HAD ALREADY KILLED YOU ONCE and…and somehow trap and interrogate him? Babes, please

“I need your help because you’re the only one who will help me” should go in the canon of gut wrenching ship lines with the likes of “who did this to you?” and “I didn’t know where else to go”

And to have “whoa! whoa! Last time you zapped me some place, I didn’t poop for a week” follow it barely seconds later….*gestures grandly* Supernatural.

See? He can’t help but see the omens. I mean, they ARE all over the place because it IS the APOCALYPSE (how fortunate to be watching apocalyptic episodes on the 10th anniversary of the Mishapocalypse)

You didn’t teach him how to hold the fake FBI badge?? Bestie, what the fuck did you DO on the car ride there?? Not ONE lesson on how to be human? How to pass for an FBI agent?? Come on…

Ohhh. Oh Cas…oh no, Dean, where are you taking my precious angel on his last night on earth??

Those hunters aren’t coming back, are they??

Oh so Sam DID mean the “not forming any more ties to people” way while Dean is still fully expecting him back at some point. I hate this show (affectionate)

“This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.” I love him.

Sometimes I hate the writers, and sometimes they send Cas to….I genuinely can’t tell what this location actually is (strip club but like high end? Brothel of dome type? I am VERY VERY ACE) and meet a woman doing sex work going by the name Chastity.

Aaaaaand the writers ruined it again…ooooo women in sex work having daddy issues. It’s cliche af

This girl doesn’t know Sam broke the last seal that kickstarted the apocalypse

Dean…stop antagonizing the archangel. Just because he don’t kill you because you’re Michael’s vessel

Yeah……I knew at least one of those hunters was gonna eat it. Gruesomely.

“You remember the 20th century. You think the 21st is going any better?” Raph’s got a point from where I’m sitting in 2023

Is there ANYONE ON THIS SHOW WHO DOESNT HAVE DADDY ISSUES? And yes. I AM talking about Raphael here

Bet Lindsey is regretting wanting to know Sam’s life story now…

Her little gasp! Like she’s never seen a bar fight! Girl, please!!

Dean continuing to call an archangel a ninja turtle is so funny

Ouch! “I’ve had more fun with you in the past 24 hours than I’ve had with Sam in years. And you’re not that much fun” Dean said a burn on both of you

The Deanificatiom of Touya/the Touyafication of Dean agenda continues…

Stop taking away Sam’s hope, dream/ghost Jess!!! Oh…you know, when I saw mark’s name in the credit but then there’s only like 2 minutes left. Yeah, that’s the devil talking, Sammy. Literally

And now we get the drop that Sam is Lucifer’s true vessel.

“Been On My Mind…”: I mean, Lindsey was throwing herself pretty hard at Sam, but he wasn’t biting. 7?

[lonelywhalien22]

Hey hey!!!

I'm so sorry for the delayed reply, but I've been waiting for a good time to just sit down and flesh out all my thoughts because Pretty Lies made me feel so much 😭💔 Like do I laugh? Do I cry? LOL.

(a cut cuz there are spoilers below?? do these work in asks? 🤣)

I really loved how you embraced the whole meaning of Black Eye into this story 🥺 The constant push and pull between them, finally giving in, but only to realize that they can't be "good" for each other unless they heal themselves (Vernon more than reader LOL) - I LOVE IT LOL. ALL THE ANGST AND GROWTH 👏🏻

When OC was like "I was scared you'd hate me" and Vernon's like "I never did - not even when we first met" PLEASE THE WAY MY HEART CLENCHED 😭🤣

You're so much nicer than me though LOL - thank you for giving them a happy ending!!! Grateful for the closure, not only for the readers but also them as characters.

Also, I absolutely adore the way you write Mingyu in this fic 😂🤣 He's so annoying (in the best way possible), but so endearing!!! I always love it when fic writers pay a little more attention to the side characters and give them loveable personalities - it really ties everything together!!!

Overall, I'm really impressed! If someone told me Pretty Lies was your first story/series, I would've never guessed it! This is so much better than when I first started LMAO. The way you described certain scenes, especially the tension in the room in difficult situations, was gut-wrenching!!! I learned a thing or two about writing reading this, if I'm being honest 💙

Looking forward to your future works!!!

@twogyuu what the heck this made me so happy 🥹

I'm so glad I was able to evoke emotions from you as a reader, that literally means so much to me. And to have done a decent job at exploring growth in relationships in a hopefully believable, authentic, and nuanced way - the acknowledgement of that makes me feel really good!

Ugh yes that scene you quoted - creating the dialogue parts of this fic were my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE part of writing <3

Mingyu was so fun to write in this - imagining his part in various scenes is what kept me cheerful when my own writing made me wanna cry lol so I'm glad you enjoyed his shenanigans as well.

Also bruh you don't know how close I was to making them just friends at the end considering everything they went through (i like angst a little too much if i'm being honest and would have been totally happy with an ending like that lowkey lol) but eventually I decided that a happy-for-now type of ending would be a good balance and satisfy readers enough considering everything that went down.

Thoughts from a fellow writer mean sososo much to me so thank you for your kind words and encouragement! <3