#ended up finding out what code G2211 meant

[area51-escapee]

At this point I really don’t have it in me to care anymore. I did not ever once make it a goal to become chronically ill, it is something that just happened to me. I never made a decision, I never had a choice, it just happened. I had absolutely no say in it so forgive me if I find it hard to have empathy or even sympathy for doctors when I’m continually being fucked over and continually being told that it’s all justified because they are so underpaid.

I’m sorry that you chose this career path. I’m sorry that you decided to go to medical school, spent money and years of your life studying and preparing for this job. I’m sorry that you graduated, you got your medical license, you started a practice or sought out one that eventually hired you, only to find out you aren’t getting paid as much as you thought you would. I’m sorry that you have to deal with sick and disabled people all day long, people who need help, people who need treatment, people who may be at the worst points in their lives and not entirely pleasant. I am so, so sorry you don’t get paid enough to deal with us. But none of that is my fucking fault. I’m sorry that I show up to your office, scared and confused and exhausted and begging for help, and I’m sorry that there isn’t a simple answer you can give me in a single visit. I wish there was so that you would actually treat me instead of handing me a new diet to try and sending me on my way.

I’m sorry that you don’t get paid enough to deal with me. But I don’t get paid at all to be disabled. In fact I have to pay a lot. Doctors appointments cost money. Medications cost money. Taking time off work costs money. Things like canes, KT tape, braces, compression sleeves, accessible kitchen tools and pre prepped foods, all of that is not cheap, and it adds up over time. I didn’t want to lose my ability to walk without a cane. I didn’t want my wrists to get so bad I couldn’t cook, or draw, or do much of anything. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed with pain and fatigue and exhaustion. I sure as hell don’t get paid enough for it. It costs money, happiness, time I could spend with my friends, practicing my hobbies, it costs so much to be disabled, to have a condition they can’t diagnose.

So I’m sorry if I just don’t feel bad for the plight of doctors anymore. I have so fucking much to feel bad about and after constantly being dismissed, treated like shit, misdiagnosed only because they refused to actually do any tests, I just don’t have any space to feel bad anymore. I hope they do start getting paid more soon, even the ones who have treated me badly. Maybe they’ll finally be incentivized to care about their patients. Who knows.