#emu and eclipse art soon maybe

[zekk0kat]

assortment of emu and dca doodles because i think they would be best friends :D

[amycastielismybaestark112]

COMBUSTING VALONSTRADE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE LOVE- by AmyCastielismybaeStark112

Meeting in a coffee shop? One of them is a hot tap and the other one a cold tap? The possibilities are endless!

Chapter 1- Introduction (13/05/2016)

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy guys! It's been a few days and I got so many positive review from the last fic I wrote that I decided to continue the Valonstrade storyline- but WITH A TWIST. Tens of people have been asking for it, and here it is! AUs- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!1!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chaptr 2- COFFEE SHOP AU (13/05/16)

Felix had been working that coffee machine for long time, almost all of the day in fact. He checked the clock and saw that it was five minuets to closing time- just enough time for the shop to close in time in five minutes. There was not a single soul in sight- the shop was like super empty. He worked in Starbucks and was a bit of a hipster tbh. He wore thick black glasses and a beanie over his mop of golden hair with added feathers and plaits, and he always ate off a wooden plank. So he was either a hipster or a viking. Yes, it was a good life for Felix, especially since he could work super fast thanks to his incredible cosmic powers.

It was raining much and he was glad he had brought his incredible cosmic umbrella for the walk back home. (He lived alone and without a car because he was orphan.) He pondered this with much Drama! and Angst! when he suddenly heard the door open. Sighing inside his angst-ridden head, he didn't look up as he continued to scrub the counter. Somebody who had the nerve to come in this late could wait while he finished cleaning up. It wouldn't take him long to give this loser a crappy cup of coffee and then show them the door.

"Excuse me, sir?" The voice he heard made him stop. It was soft and polite, which was weird cos the guy acted like such a cock to be arriving at this late hour. Felix looked up slowly and GASPED!!!!!! when he was met with a BEAUTIFUL SIGHT with his orbs that could see better because they were incredibly cosmic and math.

This man was soaked from head to foot, his wings glistening with water droplets that glistened. He had hair and a face, which were features that Felix looked for in a person to date. "Yes?" Felix replied stuttering a little because he was head over heels (his heels were glittery and green) for this winged man. He seemed to be nervous as well, because he was sweating a little. This might have been the rain but "I'm Lestrade. I... I've seen you here many times and wanted to get to know you." Felix gulped? "Why are you so late in coming here?" Felix asked. Lestrade shrug. "I was nervous." Felix laughed. "Oh, you didn't have to be Lestrade." His anger melted like ice on a hot day. "Hey, how about I get you a coffee?" Lestrade nodded.

"Thank you. I like tea because Britan. What do you enjoy?" "Oh, just a simple grande iced sugar-free vanilla latte with soy milk," Felix replied as he whipped them both up. (A/N- That one is my favourite- review if you agreh!) Felix took a sneaky look at Lestrade as he was making the coffee. He smirked at his cuteness and his orbs widened at his hotness. He knew this was going to be an interesting five minutes.

THAT'S THE END OF THE FIRST AU- HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 3- COLLEGE WORK PILES UP (16/05/16)

Whew- what a week I had! I'm going to act annoyed about it but not actually say what it is because I crave attention and sympathy from complete strangers. URGH BAD WEEK. WORST DAY EVER. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hope you enjoy my SECOND CHAPPER! It features song lyrics to express the feelings felt by Felix.

Work, work, work, work, work, work ~ Rihanna

Those meaningful lyrics were buzzing around Felix's head as he was cramming the night before a test. He hated studying and rarely did it because he always passed every test with at least 99.999999999999%. But this was different- it was his Incredible Math exam tomorrow and he needed to pass so he could enjoy the summer and sit on rooftops in the nighttime and have BANGIN' parties filled with Humour! with all his bestest friends. He had two tickets to see that new Victorian detective film and wanted to take his most bestest and loyal friend Jasper. He was so excited!

Because he studied so rarely (A/N- he mainly hung out at the skate park with his homies) he also spent very little time in the local library, which was where he was sat now. He looked around with much awe at all the books piled high. Bored, his orbs drifted to the corner of the room, where he saw a small boy with minature wings flopped in a chair. Because he had incredible cosmic powers, from here Felix could see that he was reading Wuthering Heights by Roald Dahl. Felix didn't know this kid. He had scruffy jeans and an oversized checkered shirt on- over a plain white t-shirt (A/N- OBSCURE BAND REFERENCE LOOK IT UP YOU HO). Felix looked down at his own clothes- black skinny jeans and a grey Van Halen t-shirt- covered by a black leather jacket (but it wasn't made from cows cos Felix is a vegantarian). Yes, Felix had more style, more friends and more cosmic abilities, but something about this kid made Felix curious. He decided to go an talk to him.

"Hello." Felix said as soon as he was just under a foot away from the shy boy. The shy boy looked up at Felix in confusion. He can’t have been much younger than Felix himself, but his small frame and wide orbs made him look young and vulnerable- especially since his wings hadn't yet grown big. "W-what do you want?" The shy boy asked shyly. Felix blinked twice, his orbs narrowing in shock. "Um... nothing. I just wanted to say hello." The boy cocked his head. "Oh." The boy went back to reading Tomb Raider. Felix flicked his blonde mane from his face and sighed. "I... haven't seen you around here much. What do you study?" The boy blinked. "Um.. Art." Felix screamed. "My friend Jasper studies that too!" The boy gulped loud. "Cullen? He gives wedgies to kids like me. He mean." "Maybe you deserved it." Felix said without thinking- his pride as a jock/emo overtook his manners and mild curiosity. The boy immediately looked Hurt! and Felix quickly went to correct himself. "I-" Before he could say anything else the boy got up. "Don't talk to me you PRICK!" He stood up and had tears in his orbs he ran away.

Felix watched after him in angst and decided not to follow- he had ruined whatever friendship he might have had with the shy Art student. Before he could go back to his studies, he noticed that the boy had left behind his library card in the kerfuffle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Felix used his powers to make it zoom into his outstretched hand. Looking up much close he saw the boy's scruffy form in the picture and smiled. Then he saw the name- Lestrade Jones.

Turning it over, he saw that his dorm room number was written on the back so decided to pay him a visit. He needed to apologise. He also knew he was taking to that film- if he said yes.

Since this is an AU I won’t finish this idea and leave it on an annoying cliffhanger. Love ya! <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapper 4- THE RED LIQUID THAT CIRCULATES IN THE ARTERIES AND VEINS OF HUMANS AND OTHER VERTEBRATE ANIMALS, CARRYING OXYGEN TO AND CARBON DIOXIDE FROM THE TISSUES OF THE BODY (30/05/16)

I couldn't think of a word for "blood" so I just put the google definition in haha X3 (also for the sake of this canon I'd say this is set in like 1868 or something LOL)

It was the 30th October- the day before Lestradula's birthday. He was much excited for all the presents his friends would give him! (Hopefully lots of blood and also dark clothes and black hair dye and black orbliner and black nail varnish because he was an emu.) The only problem was he had no friends because all the friends that came round for dinner were the dinner.

He decided to take a stroll in the darkness because it was totally his aesthetic- he had multiple Tumblr blogs where he reblogged pictures of matt black paint and coffins. He was walking along listening to this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-xWhG4UU_Y because why nOT HATERZ and it was his favourite vampire song to jam to as he walked alone down the winding dark roads with the spooky trees and hooting owls and stuff. (A/N- some of their other stuff is better but C'MON GUYS THIS IS SUCH A VAMPIRE LESTRADE SONG AMIRITE?????????????)

He hadn't been walking for long in the moody twilight (A/N- SUBTLE REFERENCE TO OTHER VAMPIRE RELATED LITERATURE) when he saw a hooded figure walking the other way. Taking action immediately, he swept his bat-like wings over his body, effectively disappearing into the darkness that was only illuminated by a new moon but luckily an eclipse was happening so it was very darker. He waited with bated breath (but not really cos he didn't breath cos he was undead) as he heard footsteps approaching- very slowly."My early morning snack had better hurry up!" Lestradula thought to himself. "It'll be breaking dawn at this rate!"

After what felt like an eternity (he would know cos he is undead) the man finally walked past Lestradula, allowing him to jump out with swift speed and unsheath his fangs- aiming for the man's bite-able neck. Before he could sink his teeth in, however, the man turned and blocked his attack with his arm, sending him hurling away. Lestradula snarled at this new foe. "WHO DARES DEFLECT LESTRADULA??" He asked in all caps. The man pulled back his hood to reveal an attractive face and a mane of long straggly blonde hair. He had a partial beard, it was just long enough to be rather unruly but not long enough to be likened to an old man. His orbs were golden and wolfish, and he scowled at Lestradula.

"IT IS I!" Lestradula hissed. "Who is I?" The man growled back at Lestradula, allowing him to finally click- he gasped. (if he could breathe air) "You're a werewolf!" The man nodded, his luscious mane flowing in the breeze of the midnight sun. "Damn right I am." Lestradula resisted the urge to kill him by asking his name. "My name? Felix." "Urgh that is such a dog name- you may as well be called Lucky or Spot!" Felix growled again. This man was intimidating and really annoying and not at all attractive or witty! "HOW DARE YOU!" he roared, resisting the urge to kill him. Lestradula cackled. "Do you want a belly rub?!" Felix went to punch Lestradula but he was too slow because it wasn't a full moon and Lestradula pulled his arms behind his back. He went to bite his neck but lingered. "I'll do it." He ignored the fact that Felix was a werewolf and (A/N- according to my most valuable sources) smelt like wet dog and was unappetising. "But I smell like wet dog to you- that's unappetising!" Felix responded, mildly scared for his life. "Besides, you're a disgusting vampire! And your wings are ugly! I would hate to be bitten by someone like you!"

Lestrade I mean Lestradula stepped back. The sun began to rise and as the light fell on him he started to glisten like glitter from a craft kit. Felix's orbs widened as he watched this odd creature. He had lied before. This vampire wasn't ugly- he was beautiful. He sighed internally for effect. Felix decided that the only thing that was good about him was his ability to fetch sticks foolishly thrown by unsuspecting humans (he then killed them). This vampire was something new- something different.

Lestradula regarded him one last time longngly but also sadly because he was rejected before turning on his heel. "Fine," he said bitterly, making Felix wince. He started to run off to suck the blood of twenty six unsuspecting virgin maidens when SUDDENLY........... "Wait! We aren't finished here IMMORTAL ENEMY!" Felix's shout made Lestradula turn on his heels in surprise. Felix resisted the urge to kill him by asking for his number.

Whew! That got a bit intense there. Also ASDFGHJKL VAMPIRE ROMANCES ARE MY FAVOURIT THINGS! I like this pretty unknown series by some chick called Stephenie Meyer. It's so underground and original you might not have heard of it. It was copied from my other gavourite book called 50 Shades of Grey though- Stephenie stole the entire plot so when it becomes big she might get sued.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 5- XX CHROMOSOME (10/06/16)

I swer that is the only thing i rememebr from Biology class in High School (cos I sat next to a cute boy called David D Davies and he was SO MEGA HAWT so I didn't really lurn much hahahaha This one was based off of a prompt by Voyagerisbetterthantherestoftrek2001- thanks for reading and reviewing! :3

LaStrade opened her delicate orbs and was greeted by the sun streaming in through the octogon-shaped window. Wincing at the ultraviolet light invisible to the human orb, she closed her them again, rolling onto her feminine stomach. Her wings provided shade as she begged to the tooth fairy for five more minutes. After a few more minuets of being sleep she knew she had to get up to see the kids. They were her's and Fiona's (who was the complete love of her life). They had been together for a while now!!!!!!!!! How they met would always be engraved into her memory. It was back when she was doing her topless volleyball course, before her life was changed 5eva. Smiling to herself at the memory, she thought more about the recent events in her life.

After the oldest boy, A-Man, was returned home after being stolen away by her half demon father Amelio, life had returned to relative normality. A-Man was embracing his demon powers and using them for good. He even started helping his mother Fiona with incredible cosmic based heroic activities such as killing demons and lighting barbeques. Jacey the Unruly Daughter had started high school and was as unruly as ever- getting detentions every night! And then there was Jesse James, who was thriving in middle school and dabbling in being an American outlaw/train robber. That just left LaStrade, who was a pretty cool Inspector for the police. The fact that she had awesome purple wings definitely helped. (A/N- some of you wanted pink wings but that is soooo boring LOL) Yes, she was loving life. The fact that Fiona was heavily pregnant with their latest child gave her so much happiness- she loved her family!

She heard the kids getting up for breakfast and decided it was time of her to get up as well. Opening her eyes again, she saw on the side Fiona's necklace that her Father had gifted to her before he was killed by Black Widow. Yes, she had had a hard life, what with her Mother- Grandmother Willow- being killed by her ex Amelio. (A/N- Fun fact! Amelio had an embarrassing birthmark on his neck that was shaped like a giraffe. He had gotten much ridicule for it.) Frowning in thought, LaStrade rolled over to see that Fiona was already awake and reading Alex's Adventures in Wonderland by Louise Carroll. LaStrade laughed because she was balancing the book on her gigantic stomach.

"Hey," LaStrade said lovingly, sitting up to peck her wife on the cheek. Fiona closed her book and turned to LaStrade, smiling weakly. "What's wrong?" LaStrade asked, worried. "Is it the baby?" Fiona shook her head eight times. "I had a dream about you getting killed by Amelio last night." Her eyes were filled with Angst!, which made LaStrade sad. "I came back to life though, didn't I? Your incredible cosmic powers made sure of it." Fiona looked down at her baby bump and nodded. LaStrade copied her, grinning suddenly. "Have you picked any more names yet? I don't think "Yellow Apple" is an appropriate name, my love." Fiona grinned and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you made that quite clear, my deer." She laughed. "Do you have any ideas?" LaStrade gulped. She did have one idea, but she didn't know how Fiona would feel about it. "Well... I was thinking maybe...... Willow." "After my Mother you mean?" LaStrade nodded? "If you don't like it we can totally-" Fiona kissed her softy, tears spilling picturesquely out of her soft azure orbs. "I love it. Thank you." LaStrade laughed. "I have been loving you this whole time." Fiona nodding. "I have been loving you too." They kissed again.

AAAAAAWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I think I'm getting the hang of this? TWO OF MY REVIEWERS SAY OTHERWISE BUT OH WELL I DON'T NEED DA HATERS IM NY LIFE OKAYS?????????? hOpe you liked that one anyways, I have a few more planned and then MAYBE another proper story? WHO KNOWS I MIGHT QUIT FOR TEN YEARS AGAIN AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ;3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 6- LIFE UPDATE (11/07/16)

Hey guys....

Over the past ten or so years, this fan fiction series has been the best thing ever. But I just don't think I can continue it. What with all the hate from BraveLittleToaster997 and the fact that my boyfriend recently broke up with me- I can’t do it. I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE ANYMORE ALSO I LOST MY JOB AND I HATE ALL OF YOU THANKS FOR NOTHING.

MAYBE I WILL SEE ALL YOU HEATHENOUS, SLIMY WRETCHES WHEN I OPEN THE GATES OF HELL WITH MY DEMON POWERS THAT I TOTALLY HAVE. I don't hate all of you, just those who are REALLY MEAN.

Thank you those who were NICE ENOUGH TO REVIEW AND WERE LOVELY, like SwanQueen4Life827. See you all NEVER.

Kudos! :3 <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 7- BANNED (12/07/16)

I changed my mind. However this will be the last AU as I need time to think. Might not see you in a while.

Pernicious Of The Gray were getting pretty popular on the scene. Their hit song "Nothing but a Yellow Apple on sale" had squillions of views on YouTube and SoundCloud. The lead singer- Felix- was also big on tumblr and grindr and facebook and twitter and myspace and googleplus because of how hot he was. The bassist- Percy Jackson- had eight girfriends but his favourite was Ariel from The Little Mermaid. The keyboardist, Lestrade Jones, had a small fanbase of girls who liked how cute he was and photoshopped flower crowns onto his head for their tumblr blogs. The drummer was a girl called Amy who was kind of dating Felix in the past but they broke up and are cool now TOTALLY but he always loved her because of how hot and amazing and sexy and awesome she is because she is great and cool and totally awesome. There was also a triangle-player in the band called Black Widow but she didn't really do much it was more Amy cos Amy waas amwesone.

Felix and Amy had broken it off because Amy wanted someone better because of how cool she was which left Felic very angst-rdien and sad. You could tell because the songs he wrote were in a minor key and were much sad. Pecry tried to make him feel better by writing a song about Rainbows and water because he was obsessed with it?????????

One day Felix was tuning his guitar. It was black and had yellow lightning bolts on it and flames and also polka dots. It was the coolest guitar ever. Lestrade was playing the theme song to Sherlock on his keyboard. Percy and Black Widow and Amy weren't around because they weren't necessary for the plot. "What's up Felix?" He asked once he noticed the tears streaming down his chiseled, pale, perfect face. Felix sighed and turned away, putting his guitar on the sofa next to him. "I'm sad Amy dumped me. I thought we were great together." Lestrade sighed. He had secretly loved Felix for the past eight years but had kept it a secret so Felix would be happy with his girlfriend. Maybe now was the time to tell him? His wings ruffled in anticipation and nervousness as he considered doing it.

"Percy and Ariel are so happy together," Felix continued wistful. "The go zorbing and play golf and apparently their sex life is amazeballs." Lestrade nodding, but he secretly didn't want to hear about their sex life cos that would be gross. "Even Black Widow gets girls and boys, but she's been single for a while." His eyes lit up. "Hey! Do you think I should ask her on a date? She's cool right?" Lestrade blinked. "Well- you might ruin a good friendship." Felix sighed. "Yeah maybe, but... maybe she's been there all this time. Maybe she's been holding back because she didn't want to ruin #Famy." Lestrade gulped. "Yeah but... what if you ruin a good friendship and you could even break up the band!" Upon saying this, he realised what he was saying applied to #Valonstrade as well. The band was important- it was what bought the yellow apples and the crutons. He couldn’t risk ruining it now. Hopefully Felix and Black Widow would think the same. HOWEVER.... "I'm going to text her now. What can I lose? The band will be fine." Before Lestrade could stop him, Felix hit send.

Felix: Ayyyy bb wanna have sex w/me? We could also date? (12:56)

Black Widow: Felix! You finally noticed me! I have been loving you all this time! (12:56)

Felix: And I have been loving you too. <3 (12:57)

Felix showed Lestrade the messages, ecstasy etched on his face. (A/N- not the drug you IDOTS) Lestrade pretended to be happy. He pretended to be okay when they started dating and he pretended to be okay when Felix proposed a week later. He pretended to be okay when #Pariel and #BlackApple had a joint wedding. But he couldn't hide from the truth. He was gay for Felix. After a few months he slowly got over it and became happy for his friend. He knew that was the best thing to do. One day he met a boy and really liked him. "Hey, I'm Captain Jack Harkness. You're hot." Thus started the power couple and it lasted for many years until they both died but they died happy cos Lestrade found true love to get over his other true love Felix. (Also the band got more famous and they all were rich) THE END.

That was for all you non-Valonstrade shippers out there! I am still heavily shipping them but a different version felt necessary. I'm taking time off so I might not see you for a while. Kudos! :3 x

  �n{��e