#emos in mundane places

[hauntingspecter]

[kkl1nch0r]

title: woes of an immortal (blade x gn!reader)

angst. this is angst guys. i was feeling emo. please don't come for my throat if your soul is shattered like mine was when I typed in the last words LOL!

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Since when did once an abomination seek and find its inner beauty?

Since when did a monster find their claws worthy and able to cradle the body of their dead love gently?

Since when did a beast, its fangs eternally stained with the slaughterous voices of its sin, bound and sliced cleanly from its vices, learn to find itself worthy of affection?

Blade was the first to be.

Once his weary eyes, deprived of desire, gazed into yours– the savage tamed by the saint– everything prior to his misery (as well the whole of his suffering) had been snuffed out. Much like the blowing out of a candle with its constant need to burn, all there was left was the stub of wax. Unhealed scars, bleeding wounds, a wailing soul.

I’ve changed, repeated the immortal abomination. I’ve changed.

You had held his cold cheek firmly and told him things you alone cannot remember– only a man who had lived so mundanely could recall the very words you had uttered.

But at the merciless hands of death, who can blame for one to forget? Even those who have lived with such purpose and ambition cannot remember every word they have spoken on their deathbed.

Your deathbed was his lap, your pillows were his trembling hands, and your last breath was just as shaking as his. Your vision faded, coming into focus to see blades ugly ass eye sigh this is shit

I bring misery, he says, his voice sounding like a cry heard from the other side of a wall. I have brought this upon you.

“Do not blame yourself,” you whisper, and he begins to cry– it's a mourning howl. He’s wailing; there are no signs of him stopping, as his tears come down upon your face like rain. A scarred, quivering hand clutches yours, and your heart breaks– as much as you wish to squeeze back reassuringly, there is no strength left in your body to reciprocate his gesture. No more energy to dispel his worries.

Blade tires himself out by crying; he lets out a choked sob, having lamented so hard his voice is broken, scattered like his essence. He had been begging for death just then; why did he wish for life now?

“Blade,” you whisper weakly, and it brings another wave of sobs. Blade doesn’t know he torments you with his sorrow. You lie in his arms helplessly as the man strangles himself with his cries.

Oh, it sounds so sad. So terrible, to know that you are about to pass on and he, immortal as he is, can do nothing about it– can do nothing about his death, nor yours, and can only watch as time flies by; to wait for a person who will never come back, nobody to answer his calls. Nobody to return to; nobody to look for in the bustling crowds of the Xianzhou.

Nobody to confide in, love, protect– Blade brings your hand to his lips– a gentle kiss placed on your knuckles as you manage a weak smile, lifting your hand to hold his cheek. He so desperately presses into your touch, tears trickling down his cheeks, barely able to hold back his grieving cries.

“You…” Swallowing thickly, you try to form a coherent sentence. “You haven’t changed.”

Not one bit? Blade asks sadly, pressing his lips against the palm of your hand. The shake of your head answers him, and Blade breathes in deeply, but it hitches, and he shakes with an effort to control his silent crying.

“Not one bit,” You reply with effort, and it's surprising how such a simple phrase seems to take the breath from you. Blade nods, and you exhale resignedly, bits of the world blurring into one. They say death is peaceful, but the man looking at you tells you otherwise.

“Remember me,” You say finally, and the last fragmented vision of Blade’s face blurs into nothing. Your body scatters, fading to ashes of what remains:

You are the ghost of a memory– sometimes Blade will see your figure standing in the midst of a parting crowd– there are times when you are there and moments when you aren’t. As Blade gazes at his empty, bloody hands, he begins to wonder if you were merely a fleeting dream.

But there is nothing he can do to change about it. And so his piercing wail reaches the sky, the rumble of thunder in the rushing of gray clouds, the rain purging the very essence of what made up just a fraction of his life.

Never has Blade felt so insignificant, as he recalls the words you had whispered once before.

I’ve changed, he’d repeat. I’ve changed.

You are just the same, you had said. When one’s life changes, the soul remains as is. You are better now– better, but just the same.

Blade kneels in the dirt.

Just the very same, Blade thinks, but without you, I feel truly different.

[severinageto]

The exact moment - one shot

"Wow, it doesn’t seem fair to ask me something like that," murmured Satoru while toying with his piece of cake.

“Why not? It’s something we all wonder about. After all, you constantly risk your reputation for him," said Shoko, lighting her sixth cigarette of the evening. "Wanting to know what you still see in him seems almost natural to me."

"And you’re sure that you don't see it?"

Shoko deeply inhaled the cigarette smoke. A mass murderer, narcissist, sectarian, and incense-smelling guy? Nope, it wasn’t for her. But she understood where her friend's fascination came from. After all, despite his actions, Suguru was an extremely handsome man. Extremely. Even she could see that. However, it was hard for her to believe that it was just his looks that had Satoru so captivated. She refused to believe it was just physical. Perhaps the albino wasn’t the deepest person on the planet, but that didn’t automatically make him that superficial.

No, that level of infatuation had to have a deeper root.

"What I see are his purple eyes, his crooked and sexy smile, and those emo bangs. But nothing more."

Satoru scoffed. Of course Shoko wouldn’t understand. Shoko was always smitten by Utahime's bun, yuck.

Ieiri laughed when she noticed her friend’s disgusted face.

"So tell me, at what exact moment did you know you would spare his life? It’s been nine years and counting, Gojo."

The albino pushed his plate away and swung in his chair. He began to think about his friend’s question. He took a long sigh.

He was embarrassed to say it, but for Satoru, there was only a before and after, whose division lay in the moment he saw those purple eyes blink, slowly and gently, for the first time. "I’m Geto Suguru. Nice to meet you," were the first words that came out of the curse manipulator's mouth, while he made a slight bow. His fringe had moved gracefully along with him, and Satoru couldn’t help but see that lock of hair as an extension of himself, almost like an expression of his tormented soul. He would never see it any other way and, for his entire natural life, that flirtatious portion of hair would become the greatest object of his sighs.

But it wasn’t just that which stirred the albino's passions. In fact, what his restless mind adored about the curse manipulator was the almost natural ability to silence it.

Because Gojo Satoru’s Six Eyes never shut up. The level of information he could process was impossible for a normal person to even attempt to understand; hence his constant headaches, his weariness, and, some would say, his bad attitude towards the rest of the world.

But Suguru calmed them. Once he felt, for the first time, the touch of his hands in his, his lips against his, and his voice calling him, he knew what true silence was. But it wasn’t an empty silence; it was one filled with images. His powerful neurons danced, showing him all the colors of the planet.

When he kissed Suguru, Satoru saw the entire universe. And he heard nothing but his breathing.

A ragged breathing, with hints of that sweet tenor voice that, with each friction, became more and more agitated, until it turned into moans, moans that called him from the darkness, bringing him to that sublime purple light.

His eyes, as strange as his own, projected the depth of someone who had lived a hundred lives. Had they met before? Impossible to know, but it was one of the albino’s favorite activities to try to figure it out. Because that love, that companionship, and that fervor could not be explained by something as mundane as the simple "I really like you" that the black-haired man had confessed to him.

Or could it? After all, Gojo had been a lonely boy. Everyone knew him, studied him, and understood him, but no one truly comprehended him. Not even Shoko or Masamichi. No, the only one who really cared about what he had to say was him.

And the only one who placed his true trust in his blue heart.

"I don't know," the albino replied to a question about knowledge that Suguru had asked him.

"You do know. I know you do, Satoru."

“Do you really trust me that much?”

Suguru took a deep drag of the cigarette and looked at him, piercing him deeply with his almond-shaped eyes.

"I would trust you with my life, Satoru."

At that moment, Gojo felt that he wouldn’t mind letting that man ruin his life. Because a poorly lived life was preferable to one without him.

The "exact moment" Shoko wanted to know. How to determine the minute when you stop being alone? How to quantify the second when you feel complete? How to discern the precise instant when you start to feel hungry for someone?

He looked at Shoko and ate some cake. His friend was crazy if she thought what he felt could be summed up in a single moment.

"Earlier than you think," Satoru murmured in response. "Much earlier."

♾️———————————————————

Image by: https://x.com/nanino29

[schismusic]

Caterina Barbieri, six years later

After taking my last exam on June 4th I was waiting for the train home to leave. As the carriage I was in decided all of a sudden to piss a good liter of accumulated rainwater out of the ceiling and the walls behind me, I grabbed my earphones to listen to some music — and all of a sudden I was reminded of Information Needed to Create an Entire Body and INTCAEB by Caterina Barbieri. I first found out about Caterina Barbieri about a year and a half after she released Patterns of Consciousness, or right around the time she was releasing her retrospective compilation Born Again in the Voltage. At the time Caterina was a guest at a local electronic music festival, and it was incredibly unexpected for me to find myself more attracted by the two most mundane names in the lineup: hers, just a first name and a last name, exhuding elegant confidence; the other, Ross from Friends, a practical joke that sounded more fitting for some kind of fifth-wave emo band than it did the blissfully nostalgic tech-house act it actually stands for. And while I did love Family Portrait, I actually never listened to it in full in one single sitting. Patterns of Consciousness, on the other hand, immediately became my jam.

As I delved deeper and deeper into Barbieri's ever-looping, never-ending melody-making, I would actually find myself scouring for any and all available information on her work. Not much was available at the time, and I only accidentally stumbled upon her website that also included what I would later find out to be PoC's vinyl liner notes. Basically every melody Barbieri works with is a slow and constant accumulation/substitution of notes played by one monophonic synthesizer, dialed into a sequencer and slapped back and forth through a number of stereo delay lines to simulate counterpoint and even polyphony. The system by which the notes gather together and sort of gravitate into their respective position is, by the artist's own definition, "algorithmic", almost stochastic: eliminating possibilities until a powerful form coalesces and emerges out of nothing. Impossible to find a better soundtrack for my early university days, the 7am walks to Algebra class. And of course Information Needed to Create an Entire Body was exactly the sound I heard when learning how to count the subsets of k elements from a pool of n objects, or learning how to calculate the n-th number in the Bell succession. Little did I know that this record I'd naively stumbled upon would last longer in my memory than any of the classes I was attending at the time (this is regrettable, to an extent, but it also stands as a testament to just how much of an earworm Barbieri's work is).

I saw Caterina Barbieri play live three times, one of which together with Carlo Maria as Punctum (the sole vinyl pressing of Remote Sensing is to this day, speaking not just as a record collector but also as an estimator of that particular album, one of my "white whales": a gaping hole that might very well never be filled). It almost could have been four. I ran into Caterina Barbieri outside the train station of my city, about to catch the train to go back home; starstruck, I approached her, shook her hand. I knew she was going to play that night, and kind of in passing mentioned I would have loved to attend, but hadn't had any luck with the tickets. She was kind enough to offer to put me on a guestlist, which kind of took me aback: I wasn't even aware that that could have been a possibility, and I was so grateful she would offer that. I really did not know how to react to that. Unfortunately, the place she was going to play is pretty hard to get into, so nothing came of it, but even just the gesture was enough to actually make me stop and think. 2018 and 2019 weren't at all good years for me, but looking back it's these small, lacerating moments of kindness that stand out to me: signals that not everything was lost, that I could still become a better person and get better.

When Ecstatic Computation came out in May 2019, I had been religiously waiting for it to drop and the very moment I finally listened to it I knew we had an AOTY contender. It was literally everything I was hoping a sequel to Patterns to Consciousness to be, as someone who wasn't that into Born Again in the Voltage: heavily based on a comparable compositional method, yet somehow more human, more emotional, more ecstatic like the record itself says. I spent hours on end listening to the closing track, Bow of Perception, over and over again; the opener, Fantas, struck every chord it needed to; it was quite interesting and refreshing to hear Barbieri belt out ethereal vocals on Arrows of Time; However, the one that's stayed with me the most throughout all this is track 2: an otherwise unassuming, one-and-a-half-minute vignette striking like lightning with a sore violent melody in some sort of odd time signature (never really counted it out). Spine of Desire injects an inexplicable sense of danger into the entire record, and it never quite leaves, never afraid of its own nakedness, drenched in reverb it provokes the listener out of the analog warmth and into some edgier territories not too far removed from the more Oversteps-esque tracks on Remote Sensing.

Now I'll be completely honest with you all: I wasn't a fan of Spirit Exit when it came out, and I haven't exactly revisited it lately, but I did go to see Caterina Barbieri perform live at the RoBOt festival in October 2022 (on that same night, Ben Frost's show was plagued by performance-crashing issues to the main clock of all of his machines, and he still owned the night, shaking everything in his path right down to the bone). I had some fun, actually. I've met her and seen her so many times I'm convinced she must be terrified of me being some kind of stalker, which I clearly am not — I just like her live shows a lot, and if I had to be a bit of an asshole, they're usually on the cheap side, which makes it easier for me to go see them. At any rate, I went and grabbed a vinyl copy of the then-new album, which is still sitting unplayed on my shelf: not the nicest thing, but oh well. Now on the other hand, I knew what I was waiting for.

Last summer, Barbieri released a record called Myuthafoo, which she refers to as "Ecstatic Computation's sister album". The reason I was so hyped to hear it is that track 2, "Math of You", premiered (played along Pinnacles of You) in Virgil Abloh's Imaginary TV initiative. I was so fucking hyped to hear some new Barbieri tracks at the time — late 2020, I think — and when that track hit I was immediately sold. Spent a whole day reloading the page over and over again just so I could relisten to that new song: ice-fucking-cold. Like Ecstatic Computation, but from a parallel universe that's still in the middle of an ice age (Resident Advisor's review of the full album that featured it very cleverly says it's more or less like Ecstatic Computation, but replacing the human pulse with something more mechanical and computerized — I am paraphrasing, of course, to keep more in line with the tone of this piece and my writing in general). I was hooked. The opening synth swirl became its own track, Memory Leak, and it's as hard-hitting an opener as anything in Barbieri's catalog. Its strength? It is unbearably short. It should last much longer, and yet it doesn't. Cry about it.

Then what: all of a sudden, on June 4th, 2024, I am standing near the exit door of the train home after my last exam, and I'm listening to these two tracks that in my head have been practically synonymous with fucking discrete mathematics and combinatorics, in what feels like another life yet at the same time all too close for comfort. And I still derive enjoyment from it, and it's still the exact same enjoyment, which to me is the craziest part. Sometimes we find small elements of our past selves, refracted into tangential information, fragmented and forlorn and yet crystallized exactly as they appeared at the time. This entire post is essentially a counterpoint to the OPN one: it's probably not only surprise that I'm looking for. It's also something deeper than that and at the same time much simpler.

In the summer of 2019 I had just gotten my driver's license. I got two friends of mine onto my mother's car and we drove to Fano to see Caterina Barbieri play live in a former church which had lost its ceiling during some 1943 bombings. I was hoping she would play Bow of Perception, but I knew — looking at her other live shows available on YouTube — she wasn't playing that track, and would usually start off with Fantas, move almost to the end of the record, then do an old one (usually Scratches on the Readable Surface). Whatever, anyway, I was still hoping, driving on a highway for the first time in my entire life, trying to remember all of the different bells and whistles you need to consider when you're just starting out behind the wheel. As I was sitting on the grass, now freely growing on what once was the inner floor of the church, I remember watching the opening act (an admittedly very talented guy by the moniker "Aspect Ratio", you can find him here (link Bandcamp)) remove his equipment from the stage and Caterina Barbieri taking position behind her machines. The tension was palpable, for some reason. And then that first staccato line hit me. All of a sudden I knew it was going to turn out okay, as hard as it had been. Six years later, that same old feeling of catharsis runs me over again.

[starycloudz]

Lou x gn! reader/ general headcannons! (≧∇≦)ﾉ

Headcannons for my bbg lou

(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

you know in the last chapter of cod the boys got transported into the human realm, well I thought "well, what if Lou was here?" and I wrote these headcannons for this idea! :D

｡°✩_____________________｡°✩

. When you and Lou first got teleported to the human realm, Lou was confused when you guys were in your home.. in the human realm.

. He was quite surprised! I mean, first he was fighting off the bad guys, and how just like that POOF! He was in your home..yay.?

. While he gets costumed to life on earth, Lou comforts you, while trying to find a way back, so you can save everyone else.

. Lou doesn't understand microwaves...or anything electronic.

. You show Lou all types of fashion, he likes seen/emo the most! (Lou definitely looks good in seen/emo clothes)

. Also, is surprised that apples are red, instead of blue, also unicorn and dragons don't exist??! How unfortunate..

. You show him all types of human world recipes! Like potatoe soup!

. You also take him our to see around the place where you live! (He didn't understand that you can't just cross the road so he almost got run over...)

. Sometimes, early in the morning, when your still sleeping in your shared bed. Lou just sits on the couch and pets your cat and watches tv.

. You guys take baths/showers together! \(≧∇≦)/

. He also help you cook. (He's not good at it though...)

. He also starts to like Sanrio, like how can you not love these adorable little guys?? :3 (his favorite is Gudetama)

. Likes cooking shows the most.

. Likes watching the sun rise and fall, it's so peaceful for him.

. He also likes doing mundane things with you. Like shopping for groceries, cleaning your (now shared) home, and going on walks!

. He tried to use his magic but it doesn't work.. (Idk if magic works in the human realm lol)

. He definitely misses his familiars though. Sometimes he wonders what there up to.

. Over all, he's excited to see what your world has to offer, but sometimes he misses his world.

☆°.___________

Lol I thought I'd give my bbg Lou some love ♡

Also I hate school grrrr 😡

[demystifiedstardust]

My 30 days of linktypes challenge

Day 22: How has your linking experience been so far? Positive? Negative? Mixed?

Offline, my experience has been great.

Online... I've been trying to keep this positive. I've been trying. Really, really trying.

But... I can't do it anymore, not for today’s topic. I'm going to be real, and I'm going to be raw.

Cw negativity, alterhuman respectability politics, the KFF situation, community gatekeeping, general kin drama, overall intense accusatory tone at the general community, no tone tags, essay-length post

These content warnings are so readers can make an informed decision on if they want to expose themselves to this rant. By opening the readmore, you acknowledge these content warnings.

My experience online leaves a lot to be desired.

The linking tags can be glacial, so I peek into larger adjacent tags as well. But... I'm not into flags or coining or mood/stimboards, and I've got no interest in the currently trending quadrobics and masks because it's mostly not relevant to my identity, so a lot of what's left, other than reading about experiences (which I love to read!) are... discourse, infighting, and vagueposting drama, a never-ending hydra of malaise that self-perpetuates (watch this very post get vagued by someone, guaranteed).

Usually the discourse hydra balances itself out by the sense of community, but my sense of belonging is at a 15-year low. Alterhumanity is supposed to be inclusive, but let's be real, in practice it's for therians and kin exclusively, and maaaaaybe plurality if you squint. I don't fit those boxes, and as a result I feel barely tolerated, much less welcome (and that's before factoring in community trends and demographics).

I appreciate the occasional positivity post that catches my view, genuinely, even when it usually boils down to “THIS LABEL IS VALID!”. I wish I could take them to heart; I struggle to do so when I feel so unwanted and quarantined in the first place. Admitting any degree of voluntariness at all has always been controversial as long as I've been lurking fictionfolk spaces, and there's an undercurrent of pressure to not admit it, lest the community be seen as advanced roleplay.

Moreover, particularly to this part of myself, I have no memories of a past or concurrent life as Aether, which is another pillar of experience that is standard enough to be assumed. Talking about and comparing memories is a huge chunk of the fictionfolk community experience that is inaccessible to me, and it does evoke judgment in others when I have no memories to share. I only have my mundane earthly life. While my experiencing of strong emotions and intense longing for things that can never be in this world are common experiences amongst these spaces, they play second fiddle to the golden standard of memories, a narrative that forms the core of the fictionfolk community.

It has always felt like my options have been either to weave lies about myself and actually get to participate--and what's the point of that when it's a self-reflection and self-actualization thing to begin with (for me, at least)?--or tell the truth upfront and hope that people who won't give me grief over my "lesser" experience just... magically find me before I burn out again.

Okay, I have no pretty transition for this. That was the sad, mopey, emo part written days ago. Now for the bitter and indignatious resentment.

In the time between the creation of this blog and the closure of my last blog (which was shortly before the massive Kin Is Involuntary push, circa Covid times), it feels like I got ejected from my own space. I'm obviously mourning it on some level, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm also spiteful. Instead of actually addressing the ROOT PROBLEM of KFF bastardizing "identify as" into "identify with" and the increasing ableism of KFF, the response of the kin community was to redefine kin to throw those with voluntary and quoiluntary experiences under the bus. To the surprise of absolutely no one, redefining kinity by throwing us under the bus did not solve the KFF problems, because splitting us off was only nominally about addressing KFF; in practice, it was about sending a very particular message. It was about telling voluntaries and quoiluntaries that our identities aren't serious enough for you and that we're not welcome in kin spaces. 

Can you imagine how it felt for me to return to this? A decade of being quiet about my voluntary and quoiluntariness and bending to the pressure of respectability politics, and all it took was a break of a few years to push me out of the label I had given up my voice for. The kin community decided for me that my experience has less meaning than theirs*. It's very telling that the label the kin community offered like a olive branch to "fix" the problem has that very community debating the overall validity of the very label they themselves offered, TO THIS DAY. 

I also want you to think about who linking terminology is most widely spread by, pushed by, and policed by. I’ll give you a hint: look at posts telling others that they need to call themselves linkers, and take a peek at the poster’s blog or profile. Were most linking terms even coined by voluntaries and quoiluntaries? I honestly don’t know, but in light of the context of how linking terms came to be, I have a feeling the answer is no. 

I could try to keep asserting myself as kin, as I've seen some other voluntaries and quoiluntaries do, but the kin community has been crystal clear about wanting me out of it, so I will respect its right to not be associated with me. Honestly, it's mutual now. Do you think I want to keep using the language of the community who has already shown me exactly how little they think of me and others like me?

I've enjoyed the journaling aspect of this blog so far. But the overarching climate of the alterhuman community across every online space–not just Tumblr–makes it one of the most hostile communities I've ever been in**. The alterhuman community performatively roleplays acceptance for those that feel othered and preaches personal authenticity while feverishly curating a space where you must experience your authentic and highly-personal identity in the correct way. If there were another pre-existing community willing to accept me being literally a fictional being as a serious long-term part of my selfhood, I'd jump ship to there in a heartbeart and leave the memories behind. I have been trying so, so hard to put a positive spin on linking, in spite of the rigid social stratification baked into it, because I craved acceptance. 

But you know what?

I deserve more than this. I deserve a community who values me. I'm better than staying here in this community who wants to create a validity hierarchy of the goddamn experience of selfhood. As long as this community remains obsessed with what constitutes the “right” way to experience life, I have no home here.

Not all that long ago, I thought the alterhuman community would be a safe space for me to thrive. I thought it was a place that, because it was a gathering of those othered by human society and human bodies, would understand me and accept me for who I am. I’m embarrassed for believing it in the first place, but I’m more embarrassed for believing it for so long in the face of evidence to the contrary.

I can recognize when I need to leave the room. In order to grow, the only solution for me is to stop interacting with the community and move on.*** For myself and my own good, I’m done entertaining the illusion that this is my in-group. It hurts to say it, but this was never my in-group to begin with, because alterhumanity never had respect for the authentic me. It is painful to recognize, but acceptance is the first step of moving on with my life.

My offline life is far from glamorous. If I had to choose a few words to describe my offline community, I would call it judgemental, rural, and insular. Even so, change starts with me. This is why I've been trying to cultivate the fictional and monster-creature sides of myself offline. Baring my soul offline requires bravery, but the online alterhuman community has given me little benefit for the soul I’ve poured out to it over the years. I can’t keep living like this. I refuse to keep living like this.

I deserve more.

*Hmm, this is starting to remind me of another group of alterhuman-identifying folks with an awfully similar problem of being pushed out of the supposedly inclusive alterhuman umbrella… it’s almost like this is a recurring problem…

**Tumblr is still by and far the calmest fictionfolk community with regular traffic and meaningful discussion that I've ever experienced. I feel like that speaks volumes by itself about what kind of environment this community fosters at large.

***Not that anyone needed my input or permission, but I don't blame anyone who was watching me for alterhuman community reasons for unfollowing or blocking me for this rant. My sense of self isn't going anywhere and I plan to continue to talk about my fictionhood and not-so-human experiences, but this probably isn’t what you signed up to see. I'm going to finish off my 30 days challenge before tackling the detangling of myself from the alterhuman ecosystem of labels and vocabulary. 

To fictionfolk: If you're thinking about dropping into my notifications, keep in mind that approximately 15 years ago, the fledgling fictionkin community was my community. You don't need to tell me about what it was like, because I was there. I already know what it was like. I lived it. My experience probably wasn't one-to-one with your experience, but it is still my lived experience. You cannot and will not convince me my lived experience is wrong.

To trolls and butthurt shit-stirrers with no reading comprehension skills: I'm just going to block you.

[mysticstarlightduck]

Hey, I know that ask game! :D

🐹 Which would be your OCs favorite Pokemon? What kind of trainer would they be?

🌊 Has your OC ever seen the ocean? If not, do they want to? What do they think of it?

Yay, thanks for the ask, @i-can-even-burn-salad!!! (:

🐹 Which would be your OCs favorite Pokemon? What kind of trainer would they be?

Whoa, okay, such a cool question! I haven't watched anything pokémon related in years (though it was one of my favorite card games when I was a kid) but after a quick research to refresh my memory my answer is this (for some of the main cast of Of Starlight and Beasts):

Corah - her favorite pokémon would be Charmander. Because it looks cute and derpy in a way, like a little dragon, and she'd find the flaming tail a cool detail. She'd be a reliable, if unorthodox, trainer - she'd always be kind to her pokémon but also expect them to always try their best.

Arammys - I'm 100% sure his favorite pokémon would be Pikachu. The little pokémon is bright yellow, electric, and happy, Arammys literally has a whole sunlight motif and is very energetic - he'd really like Pikachu. He'd be a happy-go-lucky trainer that would probably spend more of his time playing with the pokémons or getting distracted by lore books about them rather than doing any actual training.

Eidan - his favorite pokémon would be Arbok. He likes snakes and reptiles in general, and would probably think Arbok has a pretty neat design (plus I just think he'd find its "hunting style" rather fascinating). He'd be the kind of trainer who doesn't really talk to many people and just kinda does his own thing - he'd have the kind of vibe of that emo kid that no one ever really sees do any homework or seem to put in much effort but also always gets As on the test every time.

Tomasa - her favorite pokémon would probably be Parasect, though she'd be adamantly sure that it looks more like a crab than a mushroom-bug thingy. The reason why I think it'd be her favorite is because she'd see it and be like "Aw, look at this skrunkly lil guy!". She'd be a supportive trainer with a tendency to be overly enthusiastic and will constantly have to be reminded not to use her pokémons to cause chaos around town.

Kyran - he'd never admit it, like, not ever, but his favorite pokémon would be Doduo or Dodrio, even if he would pretend not to like pokémon at all. Mostly because he likes birds and because he also has a twin, even if they annoy each other all the time. If he were a trainer he'd be the stern and demandingly perfectionist kind that always expects his pokémon "students" to excel at everything.

🌊 Has your OC ever seen the ocean? If not, do they want to? What do they think of it?

Most of the main cast of my WIP "Of Starlight and Beasts" does see the ocean during their adventures because, during their quest, one of the cities they go through is Orloch, the realms' coastal jewel, where a lot of important events of the story's development take place.

But if we consider the events before that, then the ones who had already seen the ocean (before the events of the book) are Kyran, Masen, Elias, Tomasa, Eidan, and Rin.

Kyran, Masen, and Elias were born in a town on the outskirts of Orloch and grew up in its capital. Most of their lives were surrounded by the sea in one way or another - not only for the fact that well, the sea can literally be seen by almost any place in the city, but also because most of their early jobs and occupations had something to do with the ships and docks of the kingdom, especially after Elias's became a pirate in their backstory. They like the ocean - in varying degrees of intensity, but since it's such a common thing in their past and daily lives, it is not such a big deal to them as it would be for other people who never saw it - to them, it's more mundane than anything else.

Tomasa was born in a village somewhere in the wilderness next to the Frosts but moved to Orloch - where her grandmothers live and where her maternal family was settled - with her mother when she was a child. So it could be said she has already seen two kinds of oceans before - the frozen seas of the Frosts, miles, and miles of beautiful crystal blue ice that never breaks (even the waves frozen and immobile forever), and the actual/regular ocean in Orloch. She was amazed by the sight of the sea, and everything about it - as she'd only seen a frozen one in her childhood. Being able to swim in the ocean became one of her favorite activities. She still holds a lot of admiration and wonder for the seas and its mysteries, even after all those years of living in a coastal city.

Eidan didn't see the sea until the fall of Monbern's old royal family. Most of his childhood and teen years were spent in that duchy, which is landlocked (and built in the middle of an enchanted forest), so the largest bodies of water he'd seen so far were just lakes and rivers. After the events of the duchy's siege (where he lost everything), he became a lonely warrior seeking to purge the wicked rot of corruption that was consuming the realm - something that led him to travel far and wide across the continent to hunt down evil people and their work. One of those travels led him to Orloch a few years before the book - which is very relevant for the story since it is one of his contacts in the city that allows him and his allies (during their main quest) to find some crucial information. He doesn't really see what "the big deal" is about the sea, or why people are so mesmerized by it, and it is implied that he doesn't really like swimming (even though he knows how to) and has some degree of thalassophobia.

I can't say much about Rin's backstory without spoiling some reveals about him and a certain other character's past, but let's just say that he has indeed seen the sea before since, as a con artist, he's always looking to get more gold, and what better place than the melting pot of trade (legal and... less legal) in the realm to try his luck? Regardless of that, he has some very strong feelings about the sea, mostly negative, because, since he has feathery wings, he doesn't like to get wet often (it takes a long time for his wings to dry when they do get wet). The only thing he likes about the sea is fish and seafood in general.

Most of the other main characters (since Arammys has little to no memories of his past other than his name, there's no way to know whether or not he has seen the sea before - not without spoiling the reveals of his past in the story - and so, for all effects and purposes he has never seen the sea) only do see the sea when the main events of the book lead them to Orloch, and because they're literally running against time to save the world, they don't really have much time to enjoy seeing the sea for the first time.

Corah grew up in the kingdom of Tirawen - which, as a kingdom settled in one-half of the most mountainous region of the realm and blocked from the other half by a deadly curse, is very, very much landlocked (it is the most important kingdom of the realm, and the kingdom's capital, so it does have strong diplomatic and political ties to Orloch for the sake of seafaring trade). She knew a lot about the sea from books from the palace library, travelling merchants who came to trade goods from the coastal cities in the capital, and from her father's own adventuring experiences, but only ever saw the actual sea during her actual quest. She really liked the sea and found it incredibly cool, as well as beautiful, though she was wary of ever swimming in it (mostly because there are actual sea monsters in the Mist Sea).

Arammys is the character that was by far the most mesmerized by the sea. His lack of memories means that more often than not he is experiencing things for the first time, and the sea is no exception. He was fascinated by it and found it rather curious. Arammys also expressed his desire to swim in the ocean one day and that he'd really like to see a sea monster up close if they weren't so aggressive, that is.

[myfriendskickass]

what i think a lot of the younger babybats and alt kids today don't understand is that in the late 90s and early 2000s, being ANY kind of alternative at ALL was LITERALLY social death. ESPECIALLY goth. We were blamed for Columbine, the mass media was accusing us of being devil worshipping criminals, there were NO alternative characters in media portrayed as the good guys. Ever. We were always the satanic blood drinking weirdos.

In the 90s, idk how prevalent this was in the 2000s, people did get physically assaulted just for being goth. In the UK, a girl was murdered for it. Even earlier than her, in the US, a man was killed for being a punk. And this girl from Scotland who was harassed so bad she killed herself. The harassment was that bad. I had people in school genuinely wholeheartedly believe that I was going to be the next Eric and Dylan (and yet they wouldn't stop bullying me, which you think they would do if they were that terrified of me committing an act of violence like that.)

Don't even get me started on how the emo kids were treated. I don't have the link about the girl who killed herself and her parents blamed MCR for it. We were all separate subcultures but mass media and people around us lumped us all in together in the "send these kids to the guidance counselors because they are a danger to themselves and others," specifically because of the music they listen to and how they dress. Metalheads, rivetheads, all alternative subcultures. Heaven help you if you overlapped with the BDSM scene - they would call CPS on you and being involved with kink was a valid reason to remove custody of your children.

TEACHERS did it too. Cops. Literally EVERYBODY. No matter how old you were. (see the above point about kink) I was getting stalked and harassed by elementary school kids over this. Voltaire Aurelio Hernandez had to go on mainstream news and explain what goth is to normies, the harassment and hate was getting so bad. Some schools in the NYC area in the 90s literally had "beat the freak week."

And you couldn't do anything about it because at the end of the day people would just say "Well, you're CHOOSING to dress weird on purpose so you deserve it, just stop looking like that and you'll be safe." (If you've ever been bullied before you know what a crock of shit that is.)

Goth in particular has always been extremely welcoming to the queer community too. (whether they were kink friendly unfortunately depended on your local scene. a lot of us have justifiable levels of frustration and very bad experiences being sexually harassed by normies/mundanes, especially if you were fem presenting, for being into kink even if we weren't, and this is why i don't begrudge goth women who are fed up with the Big Titty Goth GF thing that's been going around.) So you cannot tell me that this doesn't count as a hate crime, in my eyes.

This is why book series/media properties like Vampire Kisses, hell, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (WILDLY different target audiences, the people reading VK should NOT be reading GWTDT), Danny Phantom...literally ANYTHING that showed goths in a positive light. Fuck, even South Park was a refuge because at least they got the parodies correct. Anyway, media like this, regardless of the actual quality of it is always going to hold a special place in my heart because it was a LIFELINE for little queer alternative ND weirdos like me during that time period.

And because it means so so much to me, i want to drag as many people as i possibly can into my gothy tween rabbithole because i want to share the feeling of safe refuge i felt with the rest of you. even if you're not goth or alternative in any way.

[greenticklerdreams]

9, 10, 31!

9. That's a really hard one. ...... it's mundane, but I think getting myself moved out to Colorado, where I wanted to be, is probably my greatest accomplishment so far. And the fact that I'm not in any sort of debt right now (still renting my place, of course, but). It's lame, but... the fact that I'm actually doing pretty well right now feels like a big accomplishment.

10. I have literally chewed the scenery on stage and broke a tooth while doing it.

31. You WOULD pick this one! Uhhh... Matthew Thiessen from Relient K, Justin Pierre from Motion City Soundtrack, and Isaac Slade from The Fray. I find most of their songs to be pretty comfortable in my range and I'm something of a former okay still current emo boy. Sure, let's go with that answer for now.

[khaleesiofalicante]

I'm feeling really emo about Liv, Lexi, Joan and Dorian Gray being a cute lil family. The fact that this badass queer couple live w their daughter in fucking Idris blows my mind. It makes me think about how far the shadow world has come and about all the people who contributed to make that happen.

I'm way more excited about Lbaf v than I'm about rwarb and heartstopper s2

Yana, DO NOT make me emo while I'm trying to finish an important work report so I can go back to writing fanfiction.

Really. This means so much to me. Although, girl please, HEARTSTOPPER AND RWRB ARE ON ANOTHER LEVEL OKAY?

Your point is a very important one. Idris has definitely moved forward so much - and only little by little. It was Alec who normalized it, but it was Rafael (and Achilles) who made sure queer couples had access to mundane medicine so they can biological children. If you remember, we see how Aline and Helen struggled with the Clave to have Roman. But that was not the case for Lexi and Liv.

But having said all that, not every queer person in Idris is free. Kincaid is a prime example. So, even though Liv is liv-ing her best life, Kyle who literally works with her and lives in the same city, is not in the same boat. Changing a place means nothing if the people in it don't change. You will notice that Kincaid is jealous of every member of the LBAF V gang for different reasons. This is why he is envious of Joan.

Also not to be that guy...Dorian Gray is dead. It's been a while. The dog they have now is the one Heronstairs got Joan when she was small. His name is Atticus (note how all the dogs are named after literary characters...I wonder who is responsible for this hehe).

[coral-melon]

Hiya! I thought since i’ve never asked anyone before i would ask you! Could i get a match up? :3

My personality: (described best i can)

Im an ambivert, vv quiet and shy at first however when i get to know someone I’m very comfortable!! When i get excited about something i tend to talk louder by mistake, i am a massive people pleaser but i loveeee gift giving and just making stuff for people, i also do this thing where i end up watching the same shows on repeat but i never get sick of them.

Likes/dislikes:

i’m creative!! My artistic string suit is illustration :)) I play a lot of games however I’m terrible with fixing technology, i love baking!!! I love going and just being outside, and one of my favourite tv shows is ‘The walking dead’

I hate!!! Medical needles they are my worst irrational fear they just freak me out!!

Appearance:

(AFAB)

I’m 5’7, pale-ish (i don’t tan well =^=), brown hair with blue streaks at the front, i wear glasses.

I wear alternative-ish clothes (I’m British so i get called emo!)

Strength/weaknesses:

Im not too sure about this one =^=

I would like to say I’m a good person to rant to or if you need comfort in general anyone can talk to me!

Anddd probably the fact i tend to hold back how I’m feeling for the sake of not wanting to bother other people/make them feel bad

Other!

And i saw it was tagged with Obey me so i assume obey me match ups :3

Oh also no problem at all if you aren’t taking requests right now! I look forward to see your writing <3

-anon <3

Omg hi! You are the very first person to come by! :D

Thank you for taking the time to write this to me! My request are open, so feel free to submit anything✨

((Side note, you and I are very similar! ^^))

I’m sorry if you don’t end up liking who I match you with but I still hope you enjoy the hc I made for you!

I match you with…~

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

𓏸𓈒 At first, your interactions were strained at first.. He can’t be caught lacking talking to some normie! He also believed that you looked like a very hard person to approach, so why even bother? He thought. You looked too cool normie to want to interact with him of all demons!

𓏸𓈒 He eventually learns that he’s in fact wrong, you end up listening to his ranting about how mammon owes him money and played along with his scheme. Many would’ve already dissed him by now. So maybe you aren’t that bad as he had originally thought..

𓏸𓈒 But lord have mercy, whatever sparked your interest that got you talking made him into an automatic simp! The way you just glow with such excitement has his heart pounding and attacking his chest.

𓏸𓈒 You two are one in the same. When both of you end up figuring out the same passions, you become an unstoppable duo. So much so that it sometimes becomes too much for the other brothers to handle.

𓏸𓈒 Levi also happens to rewatch so many of the things he has already watched more than ten times. For him, each time he does it feels better than the last time. So if you wanted to rewatch something you enjoyed, he’ll most definitely join you with no complaints. He also goes ahead and find different shows or movies that are similar to the ones you like. He’s an expert!

𓏸𓈒 Everything you make and create are a godsend to him. And if it’s for him??? He can die happily at any given moment. Will have a shrine of all the things; it’s hidden away in a safe place tho. Behind one of his bookshelves.

𓏸𓈒 He appreciates so much how you listens to everything he says, even if it’s the most mundane or trivial things. Or if it’s so major for him that he just needs to let everything out of his system. The way m you go back and forth with him and not make him feel less of a person. Makes him suddenly have to stop the conversation for a moment to calm himself down every now and then.

𓏸𓈒 He loves being able to play video games with you, and you’re always the first person he’ll tell whenever the new game he had ordered arrived. If you ever accidentally messed up your console or computer, he takes this as his chance to shine and show you just how useful he can be. If you praise him, his brain will crash and there’s no fixing that.. Worry not though! He’ll come back to his senses, just give him a week or so!

𓏸𓈒 But when playing games with him, you guys tend to lose track of time very often, so this meant you got scolded by Lucifer quite often.

𓏸𓈒 He has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t like going outside of his room, he’s a hermit crab after all! He can’t handle being outside of his room for no reason. But, he would feel very envious of the people you hung out with whenever you weren’t with him. He found ask you to come by his room but you obviously can’t stay there forever! Unless he lock you up

𓏸𓈒 You’re a very busy person, a lot cooler and more popular than him. So he’ll try to step out of his comfort zone to be around you more often. Though fails many, many times to just barge into a conversation like Mammon or Asmo does. He’d also ask you if you could accompany him to an event that’s going on. Anything to have your attention!

𓏸𓈒 Whenever you have an appointment that requires you to get shots taken, he’ll do his best to hide you in his room. But if Lucifer is demanding it, there’s not much he can do.. He’ll try his best to comfort you though!

𓏸𓈒 As awkward as he may be, he really enjoyed being with you and feels like he has been able to open up to you easily. So, he hopes you feel the same way with him. Being able to rely on him to tell your problems or worries to him. He doesn’t know how to comfort perfectly, but he’ll be there for you no matter what! You’re his #1 player and a Best friend to him! It’s the least he could do for everything you already do for him.

End

Omg, I hope this wasn’t bad..! It’s my first time doing this and I hope I didn’t disappoint too much (╥﹏╥)

But I had a lot fun making this for you. Ty for introducing yourself to me, anon! Take care and have a good rest of your day/night!✨

[windowsmillennium2000]

I relate so hard to the only being able to wear stuff to mundane places thing ;w; I never leave the house so like. when I finally do I'm like I HAVE TO LOOK QUEER AND EMO ITS MY ONE CHANCE and im just. going to an appointment or the grocery store.

one time I almost wore my gir hoodie to get my flu shot but chickened out of it hsdgfgh

YEAH LOL i usually go at really early times as well when all the old people are around so they look at me funny usually. so im showing off to a crowd of absolutely no one. but whatever it makes ME feel good dats all dat matters XP

honestly i recommend it 99% of the time no one will say anything. they are too frightened by the insane amounts of swag u radiate

[some-of-us-watch-the-sunset-too]

hey i would love to see what characters you pair me with. i haven't really been in the fandom or considered who i would work with best for awhile so i'm curious to see if it's changed since i was younger.

okay so my name is leo, im sixteen, im a junior in highschool. i identify as a gender-fluid gay guy (i like men and use he/him pronouns). i have golden-reddish (it's a strange color) hair down to my chest although i want to get it cut/get layers in it soon. i have green eyes. i wear glasses that are thick-rimmed and nerdy. i have naturally long eyelashes. i have a very square jaw and pale skin. i have random dark freckles on my arms here and there. im 5'6. my style is literally all over the place but usually im either in sweatpants and a sweatshirt (either a purple rhett and link one or a beige on with different colored pickles on it) or a graphic tee shirt, jeans, and a denim or leather jacket.

personality wise well i like to think of myself as a pretty creative person. i try to find meaning in the mundane in my life. im not religious although i do enjoy tarot and crystals. i have always had a problem with building myself around other people. ill get addicted to certain friends to fill a void in me that thinks people need to save me/fix me. this doesn't work because it leads me to be very codependent and when people leave me (which they can! it's natural. nothing lasts forever) it totally messes up my self esteem. so im trying to build that self love and develop better relationships with other people.

i like art and writing, fall out boy, the outsiders, good mythical morning. i like learning about LGBTQ history, especially the aids crisis. im currently reading a book on it right now called "and the band played on." my favorite foods is shells with cheese. i like good friends and people that i can connect with on a deeper level. i like when people i talk to have lives that don't revolve around me. i also enjoy surrealist sculpture. i really enjoy felix gonzalez-torres's work. i like all sorts of different types of music. lately ive been very into folk, 80s new wave, and 2000s pop punk/emo.

i dislike terfs and transphobes and homophobes and things like that. i absolutely loathe loud chewers. i have a mental disorder called misophonia and so the sounds of chewing trigger me and trigger my fight or flight. it's absolutely horrible. i hate stupid people. i don't like peanut butter. i hate when people make aids jokes. i hate not feeling included or hated. i care a lot about my image and i hate when it looks bad.

i like to make art and write poetry. i listen to a lot of music, even though i can't make any. for art, i like working with graphite pencil and colored pencil the most, but i work with all different things in class. im in advanced arts classes at school. i auditioned when i was in middle school and now im gonna take ap art next year. for poetry, i usually write in free verse about personal things. i have a livejournal i post on sometimes. i run a poetry/art magazine club at my school where people can share things they've made.

i think that covers pretty much everything! sorry for how insanely long this is. i hope that sums up myself pretty well. i try to be myself. just yourself be if weird is you.

i think i’d match you with dallas! i’m a firm believer that dally has a very soft side so i think he’d love to both our little braids in your hair and to draw on your arms. he would love if you drew him. i could imagine you sitting on dally’s bed in bucks place while he’s leaning out the window smoking a cigarette. then you’d start making little sketches of him. once he notices he’d start flexing his muscles and posing n stuff.

there you have it hope it’s alright!

[fictionkinfessions]

Mundane Mems because I remembered something funny.

Remember how weird I dress?

Like as I've had someone describe:

"A middle aged dad going on vacation to a tropical place and having an emo phase halfway through"

Haha- I called that style (MY style) "casual debonair"

and I remember Vinny asking why I dressed that way, and I called it that to him.

Heh. That was fun.

– A HABIT 👾🐇 [EverymanHYBRID] multikin

(I am also an Evan Myers kin, but this ask is HABIT centric)

x

[gold94chica]

Life in Elk Grove: An Emo Perspective on a Suburban Existence

Elk Grove Emo

Living in Elk Grove, Illinois, feels like drifting through a landscape that’s both familiar and alien, a place where the edges of reality blur into the grey monotony of suburban life. Elk Grove is the kind of town where everything seems fine on the surface, but beneath that veneer lies a deeper, more complex truth. It’s a place where the comfort of routine can quickly turn into a suffocating trap, leaving you questioning whether there’s more to life than just existing.

The Paradox of Elk Grove

Elk Grove is a contradiction in itself. On one hand, it offers the safety and predictability that many people crave—a quiet neighborhood, decent schools, and the convenience of being close to Chicago without the overwhelming hustle. On the other hand, this predictability can feel like a cage, especially for someone like me who never quite fits into the neat boxes that society, and towns like Elk Grove, try to put you in.

The people here are kind enough, but there’s a sense that everyone is just going through the motions, doing what they’re supposed to do because that’s what life in Elk Grove demands. There’s a pressure to conform, to be like everyone else, and sometimes it feels like Elk Grove is just a stage set for a play where everyone’s role has been assigned long before the curtain rises.

Busse Woods – A Sanctuary in the Wilderness

One of the few places in Elk Grove Village where I can escape the relentless normalcy is Busse Woods. Officially known as the Ned Brown Preserve, this forested expanse is more than just a park—it’s a sanctuary, a place where the weight of the world lifts, if only for a little while. The towering trees and winding trails provide a refuge from the suburban sprawl, offering a space where I can be alone with my thoughts.

Busse Woods isn’t just a place to take a walk; it’s a place to get lost, both literally and figuratively. There’s something almost poetic about the way the light filters through the leaves, casting shadows that stretch and shift with the wind. It’s here, in this quiet corner of Elk Grove, that I can breathe, away from the prying eyes of a town that sometimes feels too small, too confining. The solitude of the woods is a reminder that even in a place like Elk Grove, there’s still space for the unknown, for the parts of ourselves that don’t fit into the tidy narratives we’re supposed to live by.

Elk Grove Theatre – Escaping into the Dark

The Elk Grove Theatre is another place where I can find a reprieve from the day-to-day grind of life in this town. There’s something comforting about the darkness of the theatre, the way it envelops you, allowing you to disappear for a while. Sitting in a worn-out seat, surrounded by strangers, all of us lost in the flickering images on the screen, it’s easy to forget that Elk Grove exists at all.

Movies have always been an escape for me, a way to step out of my life and into someone else’s, if only for a couple of hours. The Elk Grove Theatre, with its old-school charm and slightly faded glory, feels like a place out of time, a relic of a different era that somehow still resonates. In a town that’s all about maintaining appearances, the theatre is a place where you can let your guard down, where it’s okay to feel something other than the relentless cheerfulness that seems to permeate Elk Grove.

The Elk Grove Village Industrial Park – The Heart of Elk Grove’s Economy and Its Soul

Elk Grove Village is home to one of the largest industrial parks in the United States, a sprawling expanse of factories, warehouses, and businesses that form the economic backbone of the town. But to me, the Elk Grove Village Industrial Park is more than just a hub of activity—it’s a stark reminder of the mundane realities of life. It’s a place where dreams often give way to the grind of day-to-day existence, where the pursuit of something greater is replaced by the need to simply get by.

Walking through the industrial park, with its endless rows of buildings and the constant hum of machinery, I can’t help but feel a sense of melancholy. Elk Grove may tout this area as a sign of its prosperity, but what I see is a landscape stripped of any illusion, a place where the harsh realities of the world are laid bare. The industrial park is Elk Grove at its most raw, its most honest—a place where the comforting lies we tell ourselves about success and happiness fall away, revealing the stark, unvarnished truth.

Local Businesses That Make Elk Grove Unique

Despite the monotony that sometimes pervades Elk Grove, there are a few local businesses that add character to the town. Jarosch Bakery is a staple in the community, known for its delicious pastries and cakes that have been satisfying sweet tooths for decades. It’s a small reminder that there’s still some sweetness in life, even when everything else feels a bit bitter.

Another spot worth mentioning is Mitsuwa Marketplace, a Japanese supermarket that offers a taste of something different in an otherwise homogenous town. Walking through Mitsuwa is like stepping into another world, one filled with vibrant flavors and unique products that break the mold of the everyday Elk Grove experience.

For those who enjoy a good pint, Elk Grove Bowl is more than just a bowling alley—it’s a place to unwind, to escape the pressures of the outside world, if only for a little while. It’s places like these that give Elk Grove some of its color, that make life here just a little more bearable.

Navigating Life in Elk Grove

Living in Elk Grove is an exercise in navigating contradictions. It’s a place that offers safety and security but can also feel suffocating in its predictability. The town tries to present itself as the perfect place to live, but for someone like me, who questions everything and feels more at home in the shadows than in the light, Elk Grove is a challenge.

Still, there are places where the town's facade cracks, revealing something more. Whether it’s the solitude of Busse Woods, the escape offered by the Elk Grove Theatre, or the stark reality of the Elk Grove Village Industrial Park, there are glimpses of something deeper in this town.

For more on what makes Elk Grove tick, you can always check out the Village of Elk Grove's official website, where they detail everything from local events to municipal services. It’s a reminder that, despite its flaws, Elk Grove is still a place with a pulse, a town with its own unique identity.

So, while Elk Grove may not always be the most exciting place to live, it’s where I am, and for now, that’s enough.

[benefits1986]

head, shoulders, knees, and toes

When in doubt, go big before going home.

A good number of people my age are at a place wherein they can settle, however, there's a lot of unpacking to do. A lot of them are on track when it comes to the basics like building a house, getting a car, exploring the world of dating in the light of marriage, thinking of what their kiddos will look like, being in their best health stats ever, traveling to their dream destinations, and perhaps, giving back to their families and loved ones.

This is glossed to the nines as the behind-the-scenes gets very interesting. Why so? And how so? What a lot of people my age don't meddle with openly are stuff like unloading the responsibilities that come with building a house, figuring out which car suits them best in every sense of the word, dating and realizing that while they know what they want, a part of them still believe in magic and in the mundane, overthinking about whether their "theoretical" kiddos will be a better version of themselves in every sense of the word, too, managing their health stats which usually involve aging (and perhaps degenerating) head, shoulder, knees, and toes (knees and to-ho-hoes), eye and ears and mouth and nose... LOL.

Let's dig a bit deeper and talk about travels. I can take this topic as an introverted solo traveler. I madly and truly enjoy being on my own. There's so much growth that goes with being in a destination with no one whom you can rely on. However, there are times when I'm in the middle of something really interesting, say for example, cooking class in a humble family somewhere in the outskirts of Hanoi, there's something in the back-burner, too. I sometimes wish I could share it with a "partner in crime" who doesn't exactly need to be a romantic partner, but a life partner, a legit ride or die. It's not emo. It's not even a sinking feeling of loneliness as it isn't my vibe. It's coming from a place where you'd want to share a superb feeling with someone worth sharing it with. Gets? Basta. IYKYK, you know? LOL. Ang aga.

And so, giving back to the family and the loved ones. YOOOOWZAAAA, MAMA. Here we go. It's super funny to be in a spot where you have to say no more rather than say yes more. Single people especially in big families are the usual go-to for anything shitty, anything that needs legit fixing which requires deep focus. Alam mo 'yung para kang sandigan ng bayan na mala-Tiyang Amy sa Face to Face BENTE KWATRO (dahil 'di natutulog ang mga balitang ungas) levels pero wala kang tagpagpayo? Hahahahahaha. Damn. Y SO GRAPHIC? It's as though we have all the fucking time in the world. It's as though we're meant to rework things that are usually bloody hell and heavens.

And, my favorite thing to fuck around with --the aging head, shoulders, knees, and toes... People my age usually have a solid and strong front and back. However, the sidelines and "inside lines" are shaking and degenerating, knowingly AND unknowingly. YASSS. This doesn't just cover physical health. A lot of times, the pull happens really bad when it comes to the mental, spiritual, and emotional health stats which aren't part of the usual annual check-ups. HUY.

People my age usually don't cry out loud. They usually don't cry even when it's okay to cry and melt. They usually choose to numb emotions just because it's more convenient and on-strat, too. LUL. More so, they usually curate a lot of things instead of being super straight up with what they wanna happen, and how they want things to pan out, usually forda greater good. EMS. Hahahahahaha. Mind you, these types of people are typically those who are very marketable, however, they are on all fours (full force) when it comes to being vulnerable. LUHHHH.

So, what?

Cheerios and rainbows to people my age who are rooting for the basics of a well-lived life. A strong and perhaps super small circle. A house that's a legit home. Trips that make being, doing, and thinking more alive and sustainable. Health stats that go beyond the greens of annual physical exams. Being wanted rather than being needed through and through (Laspag na po kami sa lahat ng aspeto. Medyo tantanan niyo na ang belief na kaya namin lahat. Kaya namin, actually. Itabi niyo. Pero 'yung pake namin, nasasagad madalas.) Having a really time off that's focused on what matters most --self-love, self-reflection, self-recalibration, and TMI na, so pass na muna. And perhaps, connections that don't just run deep. Connections that go wild, free, and in the name of feeling young again. Armi, pasok.

Abangan!

PS1: Iba rin talaga 'pag nage-English araw-araw (hanggang kinabukasan) na contextual. Hahahahahaha. Iba rin kapag may 'yung araw-araw na English ay 'di lang forda bills, pang life after bills pa na legit. LOLLOLL. GIBA. Puwede na rin naman Tagalog na 'di umaayaw at bumabayo sa ngalan ng isa na namang bagyong malala. PS2: Menopause, be mine. Anong petsa na???? PS3: 'Pag talaga galing sa ___ nakakatawang HEHEHEHEHE kausap.