#emma in the night book review

[ratleyland]

2hrs & 7mins of absolute insanity and I loved every single moment of it... but I wouldn't expect anything different from a Deadpool movie.

"Let's F**king Go!"

[nothwell]

One Night in Hartswood by @a-kind-of-merry-war If you've ever seen A Knight's Tale and wished it was gayer, this is a book for you. We've got... • secret identities x2 • gory meet-cute �� a misunderstanding that actually makes sense and results from the characters forming logical conclusions with the limited information they're given • hurt/comfort • angst • swordplay (both kinds) • a clever twist to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat • a gentle and lovely romance between our leads Ash is my bad boy fave and every morsel of his tragic backstory just made me ravenous for more. Lucky for me the sequel is out soon.

[bookshelvesandtealeaves]

✨ BOOK REVIEW ✨

One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny

⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

[instagram]

This was a really sweet romance set in the 1300s which isn’t an era I read often at all, so it was fun to mix things up a little in that regard.

I found the plot a little lacking? It’s a cosy little road trip story but next to nothing happens for most of the book which was a little underwhelming.

Raff and Penn are both characters who are easy to love. They both just want a simple life, to enjoy simple pleasures and some time to themselves. But where Raff is surrounded by love, Penn doesn’t have much love in his life at all.

Penn’s story honestly broke my heart. His father is the absolute worst and I wished he’d faced more on-page consequences in all honesty. It wasn’t nearly satisfying enough just to see him have to concede and lose favour.

I adored Raff’s family, too, and I definitely need to pick up Jo and Lily’s story ASAP!

[youbutstupid]

Hi and I’m bored so here are 5 books that honestly changed me

1. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi: this story follows the lineage of 2 sisters as they are separated at birth. It goes through the family tree from how they went from the tribes in Africa over a century ago to modern day America. My favourite book ever and it’s written so gorgeously

2. Olive by Emma Gannon: it follows a woman and her friend group from University; as everyone in her group is going their separate ways and living their adult lives, Olive feels as though she isn’t catching up. It’s a really empowering read as it goes through her journey of trying to navigate adulthood

3. Rosewater by Liv Little: this was only published in 2023 and it reads so gorgeously. In this story we follow Elsie, a poet who is estranged from her family in London. It’s a very sex positive book that also allows us to have an insight into Elsie’s journey of navigating her late 20s as a gay, black woman trying to not give up on her dreams

4. The Fat Lady Sings by Jacqueline Roy: this was the book that got me back into reading when I was 19 and it is such a stunning book. The story follows two different perspectives of two women in a psychiatric hospital in the UK; first we have Gloria, a middle aged black, gay woman trying to live her life as a free spirit, but she keeps being let down by the system, and Merle, a young woman having to face her trauma. Together they discover that the faults lie within the system and they can’t let their spirits be crushed

5. Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo: I’m not an easy crier, but this book made me sob. Set in Chinatown in San Francisco during the Red Scare, a teenage girl called Lily attempts to explore her sexuality whilst attempting to hide it from her family. This book is so gorgeously written and honestly left me thinking about it for days after I had read it

[oracleofmadness]

This is a really sweet historical romance between Penn and Raff. Both are hiding big secrets about who they are but also sharing some very sensitive topics. I want to make a content warning about abuse really just talking about some severe abuse in this book.

I enjoyed this, but I did have a little trouble believing this fast connection between them. However, it's so sweet, so I did like it.

Out November 7, 2023!

Thank you, Netgalley and Publisher, for this Arc!

[rheadionne]

Check out my review of One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny 

[hotjaneaustenmenpoll]

Semi-Final Two

Propaganda...

Mr Knightley (2009):

Johnny Lee Miller as Knightley is JUST SO. I mean the way he says "if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more" IS JUUUST. The dance scene. The tentative shy smiles. The fact you can see in his eyes the entire time " I am completely in love with this woman. She'll never love me back BUT I DO NOT CARE I'LL LOVE HER FROM A DISTANCE ANYWAY" IS JUUUUUUST

We need to appreciate Mr Knightley more for both his snark and for those soft eyes just so full of love for Emma

GIF by dearemma

I was just going to send in the actual dance but the little panic he has when Emma says she knows his secret is just soo charming. There was some thread on twitter a few years ago about how a romcom man's most important quality is knowing how to look at a woman and JLM is just the master of it in this Emma

I really feel like the pictures say it all. He stands there, head tilted to one side. He is listening to you. His posture is relaxed. His gaze open, frank, candid. He's not trying at all. He just is.And that's why he is Knightley.

GIF by night-unfurls-its-splendour

Some propaganda, not just for Jonny Lee Miller, but the general interpretation of 09 Knightley. I have some excerpts here from my review of the 09 adaptation:

What I really think is great about the 2009 interpretation of Mr. Knightley is what an easy and comforting presence he is, without being apologetic when he scolds Emma. I think this is communicated especially well by how often we are actually shown Mr. Knightley taking his almost-daily walks to Hartfield, how smoothly he comes and goes, and how happy Emma is every time she sees him coming up the path (usually, just at the perfect moment when she needs something to put her back to rights.)

Here is Emma, feeling lonely after Miss Taylor's wedding. And in the background, walking up to Hartfield--there's Knightley. He's always been there for her, and he always will be.

And also this Mr. Knightley is as understated as ever, but I wanna highlight this outfit and why I love it: This is Knightley’s first appearance in the series and it’s the perfect establishing shot that shows the viewer everything they need to know about Emma and Knightley’s relationship and how it has always been. He sort of materializes, out of focus in the background, but Emma immediately knows he’s there. And to accentuate how much Knightley is part of her home and scenery, his clothes (similar shades of pale tan, white and minty green to the wall behind him) almost camouflage him and make him seem at one with the moulding of her home.

Additionally, Jonny Lee Miller captures Knightley’s playful qualities, and his exasperation is so endearing

GIF by christophernolan

GIF by sashajames

GIF by christophernolan

I can’t be the only one tickled by this Knightley’s frustration with Emma! JLM FTW!

Jonny Lee Miller is mesmerizing in any role he inhabits. It’s 2009 Knightly all the way.

no but can you actually go vote for mr knightley he was FOUNDATIONAL for 16 year old me my favourite portrayal of my favourite austen man cannot fall at this hurdle!!!

He is my ultimate Austen Dream Man, I'm with him until the end. Honestly this adaptation is my very favorite of them all (P&P 1995 is a VERY close second) because it made me fall in love with Emma as a story? Honestly no other adaptation or indeed even my reading of the book made me love it quite as much. My crush on JLM goes back to 1995 and I do think he is one of the better actors of his generation - his range alone is just impeccable. The fact that he can go from Sick Boy to Mr. Knightley to Sherlock to Jordan Chase is really something. Of all the actors I know, his range is the most impressive. But i love how bright and sunny this adaptation is. The colors, it is as vibrant as Emma should be! The Kate Beckinsale Emma is dark and terrifying to me, not at all suitable an adaptation. I like the Paltrow Emma a lot, but it's got the same issue the 2005 P&P has for me -- it's just too short. This is tonally just right, and the casting is lovely, and JLM is just at his dashing best. His face is so expressive, he is so capable of communicating so much without saying a word. His open jealousy of Frank Churchill is delightful to watch. His face when Emma tells him his secret is out at the ball! JLM is maybe the most underrated actor of his generation and I LOVE that he has been multiple Austen heroes. I maintain that in a future adaptation of Pride & Prejudice, an older JLM would make an EXCELLENT Mr. Bennet. He would convey the right amount of grumpy but fond beautifully.

Look. Do people realize JLM hates wearing period clothing AND hates dancing? And yet in Emma he's sashaying around in pink jackets looking amazing and is THAT convincing? That's called BRILLIANT ACTING!!

A tiny bit of Mr Knightley 2009 propaganda but I love that they put in that bit from the book where he looks like he's going to kiss Emma's hand when he's saying goodbye but then he hesitates and doesn't and I just...it's such a tiny detail but conveys so much!

GIF by myforeverworldofmovie

It’s the only Emma adaptation that really hits the romance notes well. Knightley’s crowning moment of awesome really feels like it (when he rescues Harriet from humiliation) and his subsequent dancing with Emma does make you feel a shift in their relations. Love this adaptation. - This Knightley and Emma in particular are equals. They quarrel, not because he’s telling her off, but because they can have an argument because they know each other, trust each other and care about each others opinions, and there is never a sense of domination of one over the other. This adds so much fire to the romance, and it’s so unusual for a romance of that era (or even one written today!!). - Emma is rich, clever and beautiful and as powerful as a woman of her age and situation could be at the time and she married Knightley for no other reason but because he’s her best friend and his company for the rest of her life will enrich her. - He even leaves his house to move in with her!

Captain Wentworth (1995):

Ciaran Hinds has that perfect ruggedness yet friendliness to his face that makes him the perfect charming Wentworth. And all of the longing that he manages to convey in his eyes is so hot.

Wentworth may be angry/resentful with Anne but in general he is charming and the best friend you could ever have. Ciaran gets the pleasant parts of his character and brings them out, while keeping a guarded coolness (protective camouflage) with Anne.

GIF by molinaesque

I dunno if this counts as propaganda or not, but Ciaran Hinds has a face that looks like it was jackhammered out of a shale cliff.

If a line like 'I am half agony...half hope' comes out of a face like that you know that man has a soul for poetry.

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.  

This is propaganda for the next round because I need my boy to be a finalist! But this letter is all the persuasion I need to know that he is a winner

Ciarán Hinds in this is a whole other level of "a good man" He makes Anne's decision at the end so much more perfect.

[neerons]

Some of Sariel Noir's best quotes

"Know that this devil will stake his life on your pure heart, your wise gaze, and your fierce resolve."

"There is something I wish to protect, even if it means selling my soul to the true devil himself, and burning for all eternity in the fires of hell."

"Do you realize who you resemble, when you act in that manner?" (—Sariel to Emma acting like him)

"Rio, what in the world makes you think she could be in a flower vase? Calm yourself." (—Sariel talking about Emma to Rio while they're looking for her)

"There is no harm in sucking up to me."

"You have always been courageous, determined to put your emotions aside and process things logically whenever possible. And I certainly consider it a desirable trait to possess. But too much has happened this evening, and I imagine you're well past the limit of what you can tolerate. I do not mind if you need to prioritize how you are feeling right now."

"If you ever refer to me like that again, I must warn you that you may not see the next sunrise." (—Sariel to Gilbert calling him 'Daddy')

"At last I've found you. (...) I imagine a little discipline will go a long way with you... hehe..."

"It would seem you have a lot of confidence in your ability to remember things. (...) ...I am simply wondering whether you ought not be taking notes. While it's true books can be reread, much of the information I am sharing with you is not written down anywhere. As such, you may find it useful to write things down so that you may review them later."

"So long as the kingdom and its people exist, our noble beasts will give everything they have to protect it. As you know, they have very different ideologies, and they are a problematic lot, but... on this one matter alone, almost all of them can be trusted." (—Sariel talking about the Rhodolitian princes to Emma)

"It's a basic right. Everyone needs time to rest and relax, no matter who they are."

"I'm fond of those who are wise—regardless of gender."

"I'm talking about the creature that says 'squeak squeak' and begins with the letter R. I cannot even put that filthy word in my mouth." (—Sariel talking about rats)

"(...) Prince Gilbert, rude though it may be of me to ask, perhaps you would be kind enough to vanish for the time being?"

"There probably aren't many ladies that would be able to approach Prince Gilbert." (—Sariel talking in front of Emma, Keith, Silvio, Rio and Gilbert)

"...Now, now. I am a man, you are a woman, and we're all alone in your bedroom at night. How might you want this scenario to end?"

"To say that I'm relieved to have you beside me is an understatement." (—Sariel's lobby dialogue)

"(...) I did feel some murderous intent in the cane, however." (—Sariel to Gilbert pointing his cane at him)

"Dear Prince Clavis, (...) Apparently you made a child bawl in the middle of town? Please act your age. (...) There have been complaints that people who got wet because of you were close to catching colds because of it. It's winter. Please do not be using water or ice. This is not an invitation to make traps using fire. *NO MICE. The next time I see any, I will put them in a bag along with you and send it down the river. I have warned you." (—Sariel's letter to Clavis)

"...Prostate himself? (...) ...Ahh, I see. Wonderful, I shall have to make the hellcat do it the next time I get the chance." (—Sariel talking about Clavis to Rio)

"You damned hellcat—" (—Sariel to Clavis)

"I do not know what choice you will make going forward, but... For as long as you are able, do not let each other go. Especially because you love each other. It makes no difference whether you are a prince or a commoner. A person needs someone to love in order to remain human. I learned this after witnessing what happened to His Majesty." (—Sariel to Rio)

"What on earth are you doing curled up so disgracefully on the floor like that, Dog?" (—Sariel to Rio)

"(...) At that time, Clavis was the most innocent and childlike of the princes. I had to admit that I was easily swayed by his sweet grin. He took a keen interest in anything and everything, and he had a strong drive. Clavis was the student—well, disciple—I shared most of my knowledge with." (—Sariel's thoughts about young Clavis)

"Which do you like better, spending time with me like this, or spending time reading a book?"

"You are right, it would be tactless of me to speak ill of you when you are present. I shall wait until you are absent, and then I will be free to speak as much ill of you as I wish." (—Sariel to Clavis)

"(...) I'm the one who taught Prince Nokto and Prince Licht how to use their swords."

"I wonder how many times he and I have shared a drink now. I remembered the times where instead of amber-colored wine, there was water or milk in the cups in front of us. We had been partaking in these laidback meetings ever since we were both young. They were an absolute necessity for us." (—Sariel's thoughts about Jin)

"(...) You misunderstand me. I don't hate the man, I despise him." (—Sariel talking about Clavis to Emma)

"Now, now. Don't be so sullen. Another fundamental aspect of training someone is to make them want something but never completely satisfy them."

"I also despise hellcats, miscreants, oh, and the Third Prince." (—Sariel talking about Clavis)

"If you do, I'm not nursing you back to health." (—Sariel to Rio telling him he might faint because of how beautiful Emma is)

"(...) Since Emma isn't available to praise you, shall I do the honors instead?" (—Sariel to Rio)

"Hehe, I'm never going to let you run away from this palace of beasts. Will you continue to allow them, and myself, to enjoy your company to the fullest?"

"My hobby is teasing those who are worth teasing, such as yourself. Think of it as an honor that you met my expectations." (—Sariel's lobby dialogue)

"In that instance, I was considering binding Emma's arms behind her back and dumping her in the river. Hehe, naturally, I am joking. I have absolute confidence in my judge of character." (—Sariel talking about Emma potentially failing his test to Rio and Emma)

"I have one more order for you, if that's all right. (...) I'd like you to have a drink with me like this every now and then."

"(...) if it is to be a competition, perhaps I shall take part as well." (—Sariel reacting to Luke saying he would steal Emma away)

"The princes were all very excited when they discovered that today is your birthday. Happy birthday." (—Sariel's lobby dialogue)

"You allowed yourself to get so close to her that rumors began circulating that she was your mistress. Did you keep Belle at your side even knowing it would have no benefit for you?" (—Sariel to Chevalier)

"Prince Chevalier's faction are perhaps a little too free-willed, and at times the ache in my—"

"Consider it one of the perks of being Belle. You are permitted to keep a pet at the palace. (...) This is your pet, is it not? When I entered the bookstore, it started barking non-stop, so I had no choice but to bring it with me." (—Sariel talking about Rio to Emma)

"Hmm? Is something the matter? I can't imagine why you're blushing. Careful now, or you really will get eaten."

"Don't worry. It doesn't matter what kind of noise you make. If anyone overhears and finds fault with you, this devil of a man will take care of it. So please, won't you allow me to hear every last sweet sound?"

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #44 – The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon

This was a book I went into with no hand holding or preconceptions, and so I very much dove into the deep end of the pool. This is, frankly, a mess - but a beautiful one. There’s a lot to love, a lot of meat to chew on; but Candon’s reach really does exceed her grasp in ways that show, and I cannot blame anyone in the slightest for finding the narrative alienating or hard to follow. But shoot for the moon and you still end up among the stars, right?

The book follows Sunai, a deeply traumatized drifter and guide, who absolutely never got over the apocalyptic collapse of the AI-governed city he grew up in – quite literally, as he was interfaced with the AI-god at the time, and has spent the decades since hiding his nature as a Relic despite his stubborn refusal to age and tendency to heal from all injuries in a matter of minutes. Should his nature be known, he would be conscripted as the pilot and adhesive for a towering killer mech, and used to protect and oppress the new city now growing in the ruins of the old. Instead he fled half-way across the world and spends his days helping salvagers and refugees and his nights on drunken benders. After receiving a letter from his past he goes on a particularly intense one of those, and wakes up having both slept with and accepted a job from Veyadi, a former Archivist of the same AI who he’s clearly already told too much. Despite his heroic efforts to avoid honest conversations or emotional connections, from there he’s dragged straight back into the world of dead gods and killer science.

This is a book that hits the ground running and never stops, without much in the way of care about whether you’re able to keep up. The setting has both history and politics that are clearly important but are never explained beyond the bits that are directly relevant, with the expectation that you’ll figure the rest out through context clues (or not). There’s all manner of words being used as technical terms and basically none of them are ever actually defined. Sunai spends half the book explicitly trying to head off or avoid revelation-heavy or important conversations and, while he might know what topic he’s evading by turning the conversation into a quickie, I at least did not. Which is something I enjoy, honestly – I felt I had a solid grasp on most things by the end, and the world was fascinating (if occasionally absurd) – but I really cannot hold it against anyone who checks out.

The narration doesn’t help, either. Technically speaking, the entire book is told from Sunai’s POV. He merely has an unusually porous consciousness, and so spends a large fraction of the book being directly spoken at by one of a couple different voices in his head, or else semi-conscious and seeing the world through one of several different people’s eyes. When he’s not just outright hallucinating or trapped in a VR simulation, or spiraling into flashbacks (some of which are even his). This I found harder to adapt to and more frustrating, and in many cases felt like Candon was trying to show off and not quite managing it, but when it worked it really did work (the playing with the narrative voice in the second act, especially).

The book’s most saliently about trauma and (failing to) deal with it. It is not especially subtle about how Sunai’s relic nature is just a literalization of how he latches on to the plans and hopes of others to avoid even considering the idea of what his own might look like, and makes no bones about making him the whole thing’s beating heart. The book, then, depends a great deal on how compelling you find him. Personally I found the broken wreck of a man endlessly endearing, even when he was also deeply frustrating to be stuck in the head of.

The book’s other characters fare less well, sadly. The other major characters, despite (or maybe because of) all the time spent looking through their eyes and ruminating on their motives, still end up feeling opaque and a bit arbitrary. There’s only so many world-shaking revelations you can layer on top of each other before they stop having much impact and you stop being that invested in the characters. Ruhi and Imaru especially suffered here, the former for having so many story beats stuffed into him he ended up feeling more like a plot device than a real character, the latter because she felt like the story highlighted her importance to Sunai and general significance and then didn’t really know what to do with her past a certain point. In both cases (and like, this is clearly intentional) you end up knowing quite a lot of what Sunai think of them and not that much about the characters themselves.

Veyadi does better, if not always consistently. His romance with Sunai (osculating between unhealthy coping mechanism FWBs and all-consuming devotion as the story progresses) is another of the book’s main throughlines and it largely worked for me – Sunai’s wilful refusal to accept either of their obvious feelings was well-done and didn’t last quite long enough to be frustrating, and it was always entertainingly unhealthy in one way or another. ‘adi’s character outside the romance is significantly more opaque. Partly for reasons of plot and preserving tension, but still – I ended the book caring that Sunai cared about it, but not really about him for his own sake.

I admit I feel personally let down by the ending less for what it does than what it teases at then fails to do. All that buildup and ominous foreshadowing about losing your identity and being subsumed and synthesized into a greater hole as the walls come down and in the end they and the remnant AI just end up being able to DM each other’s brains. My expectations of a perfect lyctorhood or even some original examination of codependent relationship realized as the literal synthesis of identities, entirely dashed.

The ending in general was also just, well, messy. Too many plates in the air, too much ambiguity and nuance that then needed to be forcefully resolved to tie things off, too much sublime technology and miraculous agency in conflict for the final result not to just feel arbitrary – especially since the neat resolution arrived at makes absolutely no sense at all unless the ‘AI’ in question was actually just some kind of incorporeal demon the whole time. The emotional beats do work, but the result feels like a bit less than the sum of its parts. But then I may need to accept that my standards for a good ending are just impossible for 99 books in 100 to hope meeting.

Still, mess aside a thoroughly enjoyable read and one I’m deeply sad doesn’t seem to have gotten more attention. Though it also definitely doesn’t need to be the first in a series (many such cases, these days).

[whatevercat]

All the books I read this year! I don't differentiate between audio, paper, or digital for my list so it varies. book list and my faves below!

Title list and whether they're a Yes No or Maybe book

Nevernight - Jay Kristoff - YES

Book of Night - Holly Black - YES

Iron Widow - Xiran Jay Zhao - YES

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Fairies - Heather Fawcett - YES

Godsgrave - Jay Kristoff - YES

The Fifth Season - N. K. Jemisin -YES

Longshadow - Olivia Atwater -YES

Valiant - Holly Black - YES

Queen Takes Knights - Joely Sue Burkhart - MAYBE

The Princess and the Goblin - George MacDonald - MAYBE

 Crown Duel - Sherwood Smith - MAYBE

Court Duel - Sherwood Smith - YES

Vicious - V. E. Schwab - YES

The Obelisk Gate - N. K. Jemisin - YES

Nettle and Bone - T. Kingfisher - YES

The Stone Sky - N. K. Jemisin - YES

The Wolf and the Woodsman - Ava Reid - MAYBE

House of Salt and Sorrows - Erin A. Craig - YES

Darkdawn - Jay Kristoff - YES

Annihilation - Jeff VanderMeer - YES

Gallant - V. E. Schwab - YES

The Boneless Mercies - April Genevieve Tucholke - MAYBE

Six Crimson Cranes - Elizabeth Lim - MAYBE

The Dragon's Promise - Elizabeth Lim - MAYBE

Spin the Dawn - Elizabeth Lim -YES

Frankenstein - Mary Shelley - YES

Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands - Heather Fawcett - YES

A Master of Djinn - P. Djeli Clark -YES

All the Stars and Teeth - Adalyn Grace - NO

The Mysterious Affair at Styles - Agatha Christie - MAYBE

Thornhedge - T. Kingfisher - YES 

Spinning Silver - Naomi Novik -YES

Bury Your Gays - Chuck Tingle - YES

The Seventh Bride - T. Kingfisher - YES

Ink Blood Sister Scribe - Emma Torzs - YES

Mexican Gothic - Silvia Moreno-Garcia - YES

The Foxglove King - Hannah Whitten - NO

A House with Good Bones - T. Kingfisher - YES

Horrorstor - Grady Hendrix - MAYBE

His Majesty's Dragon - Naomi Novik - YES

A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking - T. Kingfisher - YES

These Violent Delights - Chloe Gong - NO

A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue - Mackenzie Lee- YES

Throne of Jade - Naomi Novik - MAYBE

A Strange and Stubborn Endurance - Foz Meadows - YES

Uprooted - Naomi Novik - YES

The Guided Wolves - Roshani Chokshi - MAYBE

The Warm Hands of Ghosts - Katherine Arden - YES

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms - N. K. Jemisin - MAYBE

A Magic Steeped in Poison - Judy I. Lin - MAYBE

A Deal with the Elf King - Elise Kova - MAYBE

Black Powder War - Naomi Novik - YES

Empire of Ivory - Naomi Novik - YES

The Familiar - Leigh Bardugo - YES

My five star reads from this year with reviews that are longer than just a single word woohooooo

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Fairies - Heather Fawcett - EXCELLENT COSY FANTASY. Emily is an autistic queen, Shadow is best boy, and Wendell is dramatic and flashy and I love him. Read if you like the Howl and Sophie (book version!!) dynamic or scary fairies more in line with the way they're presented in folklore.

The Fifth Season - N. K. Jemisin - CHANGED MY LIFE I THINK ABOUT THIS BOOK AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. I literally don't know how to talk about the actual plot without giving things away but holy shit. just read it it's so good. Please investigate any trigger content that might be in this it has a lot!

Longshadow - Olivia Atwater - COSY REGENCY FANTASY ROMANCE!!! Honestly, any of Olivia Atwater's regency fairytales are super cute.

The Obelisk Gate - N. K. Jemisin - continues from the fifth season! also very good!!

Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands - Heather Fawcett - continues from EWEoF!

A Master of Djinn - P. Djeli Clark - DO ANY OF YOU LIKE BOOK WITH MULTIPLE LADIES WHO ARE SO SO COOL AND ALSO A STEAMPUNK-Y EGYPTIAN SETTING FULL OF DJINNS AND ANGELS AND MAGIC I am frothing at the mouth for more of this world ngl

Spinning Silver - Naomi Novik - MORE SUPER COOL LADIES but they're in medieval eastern europe, all three povs are super great and I like the understated romance 

Mexican Gothic - Silvia Moreno-Garcia - Gothic heroines a la Jane Eyre combined with 1950's mexico. an excellent horror that has a surprisingly wholesome and endearing romance within it. 

His Majesty's Dragon - Naomi Novik - NAPOLEONIC WARS BUT THERE ARE DRAGONS. This is the first in a series and because there are a fair amount of them the books themselves can seem a little slow paced but I didn't mind it. 

A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking - T. Kingfisher - BREAD WIZARD AND HER GINGERBREAD MAN FAMILIAR SAVE THE FUCKING TOWN. really good look at how children navigate an adult world and the unfair expectations placed on them.

Uprooted - Naomi Novik - GIRL CREATURE AND BOY FAILURE I love the way this book explores people who fit outside the usual mode of learning or educational parameters.  

The Warm Hands of Ghosts - Katherine Arden - exploration of a brother and sister's experiences in world war i. The prose and character study in this are incredible. 

[booksandabeer]

9 TBRs for 2025

I was delighted to get tagged by the fabulous @burberrycanary! Thank you. <3

The Woman Upstairs by Claire Messud

The desire to read Messud's novel about an elementary schoolteacher who seems nice and calm on the outside but is secretly seething with anger and frustration on the inside was sparked by this post and a subsequent conversation with @village-skeptic about unlikeable female protagonists. I've been dying to read this for a while now, but it was surprisingly difficult to find in physical form (I'm sick of looking at screens all day and my library only had the ebook). Package tracking tells me it's finally due to arrive on January 10. I'm genuinely so very excited to read this!

Our Evenings by Alan Hollinghurst

This novel, which traces the life of a gay, biracial actor in England from the 1960s to the pandemic is only one example of a whole number of books* on my TBR about queer middle-aged men looking back on their lives and in the process delving into themes of personal growth, identity, and cultural and societal change. Wonder what that says about me as I approach middle age ever more rapidly myself? One can only speculate, of course...

*see also: Four Squares by Bobby Finger; My Ex-Life by Stephen McCauley; Caledonian Road by Andrew O'Hagan

Madhouse at the End of the Earth: The Belgica's Journey into the Dark Antarctic Night by Julian Sancton

Not much to say about this except that my thirst for books about doomed (Ant)arctic expeditions has apparently still not been quenched. I guess this is my version of True Crime. This has made several Best-of lists, so I hope that it'll be well-written (and edited!) too, which is not always a given with nonfiction books.

The Winter Soldier by Daniel Mason

The assumption is an obvious one to make, but no, this has nothing to do with the #1 Blorbo of my heart. This is actually a novel about a young medical student from Vienna thrown into a remote WWI field hospital, where he soon leaves behind any romantic notions about glory and heroism as he faces the brutal reality of war. I've read the first 50 pages of this a while ago, and I'm really eager to get back to it.

Effingers by Gabriele Tergit

This 1951 novel is often described as the "Jewish Buddenbrooks"—a comparison that I understand for marketing purposes but that I nevertheless do not like for a whole host of reasons. It’s an epic, multigenerational story about a German-Jewish family from the late 19th century through WWII. I got a beautiful special hardcover edition of this for Christmas and I can't wait to savor all 904 pages of it.

Secret City: The Hidden History of Gay Washington by James Kirchick

Speaking of long books. I bought this 848-page brick of a political and social history of queer (not exclusively gay as the misleading title would suggest) Washington at the height of my Fellow Travelers obsession... and then I just never got around to reading it. A failure that I really want to make up for this year.

Daddy by Emma Cline

I already very much liked but did not unreservedly love Emma Cline's debut The Girls. However, I was completely blown away by her follow-up novel The Guest, which she published last year, and which instantly catapulted her to auto-buy status for me. So, it's only natural that I would want to read the only book of hers that I haven't read yet. Daddy is a short story collection, which will hopefully deliver the same sharp observations, wonderfully complex characters, and elegant & precise prose that I have adored so much in her novels.

The Warm Hands of Ghosts by Katherine Arden

To be honest, the premise of this—historical fiction with supernatural elements, following a combat nurse during WWI searching for her missing brother—does not super excite me (anything magical realism-adjacent has traditionally not been a great success for me) and reviews seem to be pretty mixed. But. Katherine Arden is the author of my beloved Winternight Trilogy*, so I will at least give this a fair chance.

*seriously I want to grab all the Romantasy girlies and shove this into their hands instead of whatever latest abomination Cassandra Clare or Sarah J. Maas have cooked up. ...uh, sorry if you're a fan? ��

Manhattan Beach by Jennifer Egan

I read and enjoyed Jennifer Egan's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel A Visit from the Goon Squad many years ago and have been meaning to read another book by her ever since. When a couple of my family members asked what I wanted for Christmas and I put together a little list for them (cause that's what I do), I stumbled upon Manhattan Beach. It's a blend of historical fiction, mystery, and family drama set in Depression-era New York City, about a young woman who pioneers as the first professional female diver at the Brooklyn Navy Yard. Does that not sound like the perfect book for me? Seriously, the summary reads like I made it up in fever dream!

--

Looking back over this list, I'm somewhat surprised to realize that it gives the impression that I'm much more of a historical fiction reader than I actually am. Or thought myself to be, I guess. Huh! How about that.

Ok tagging: @ethicalhorseslaughter, @burninblood, @thisonesatellite, @between-a-ship-and-a-hard-place, @voylitscope, @aimmyarrowshigh, @weenhand, @painted-doe, @buckrogers, @maplefiasco and everyone else who wants to do this! Show me your books, please.

(I know this has been making the rounds, so apologies if I double- or triple-tagged anyone.)

[nisiedrawsstuff]

Nisie's Year in Books | 2024

books i read this year (its pretty much all queer romance)

Top 5 Reads of 2024

Limited to books released in 2024 only (otherwise how the fuck do i choose???).

Prince of Agony (Perilous Courts #6), Tavia Lark

Swordcrossed, Freya Marsk

What Feasts at Night (Sworn Soldier, #2), TJ Kingfisher

Don't Want You Like a Best Friend (Mischief & Matchmaking #1), Emma Alban

The Captive's Curse (Twilight Mages Book 2), Eliot Grayson  

Full review list under cut

Purple are queer romance books I would recommend! Pink are other books I would recommend!

Captain's Surrender, Alex Beecroft ★★★☆☆ Jan 2024 I feel sure that i have read this before but it's not in my good reads history so I'm adding it now. Overall an enjoyable book but there was a bit too much gay angsting for my tastes, I don't care for stories with moral or religious dilemmas over being queer. Naval bits were fun and exciting. Not sure how their Happy Ending is supposed to work with them both being captains but my best wishes to them  

Hunting the Spy, Tyler Flynn ★★★☆☆ Jan 10, 2024 Didn't really like this book until the last 20% or so. Nathan is really unlikeable and mean to his beloved, Peter, who is precious and sweet and never did anything wrong. It wasn't until Nathan realized he loved and trusted Peter and begrudgingly accepted his help that story became interesting.  

On a Lee Shore, Elin Gregory ★★★☆☆ Jan 25, 2024 Very slow burn. Main character is slightly annoying but he comes around eventually.  

Twisted Tome, Vanora Lawless ★★★★☆ Jan 29, 2024 Fun plot, likeable characters, but I feel like it could have done with more editing. There were many parts that felt too long.  

Slippery Creatures (The Will Darling Adventures, #1), K.J. Charles ★★★★☆ Feb 08, 2024 ok so i will never like Kim and Will as much as Daniel and Archie, but they are similarly shaped hot messes so I love them anyways, and this was probably my 3rd reread of this book.  

The Stablemaster's Heart (Tales of Lilleforth #2), Sarah Honey ★★★☆☆ Feb 11, 2024 Characters were likeable but the writing felt strangely YA for a book with constant and detailed sex scenes.  

The Sugared Game (The Will Darling Adventures, #2), K.J. Charles ★★★★★ Feb 24, 2024 I absolutely love how messy these guys are!! and the cameos by some characters from Think of England/Proper English !!!!! (also a reread)  

Subtle Blood (The Will Darling Adventures, #3), K.J. Charles ★★★★★ Feb 28, 2024 KIMMMMMMM WHY ARE YOU YOU????  

The Larks Still Bravely Singing, Aster Glenn Gray ★★★★☆ Mar 02, 2024 I mostly enjoyed this book but the ending was a bit underwhelming and it felt like there wasn't really any closure or character growth. But they did end up together so that was good.  

Ghost Star Night (Sea of Stars, #1), Nicole Kimberling ★★★☆☆ Mar 11, 2024 Didn't enjoy as much as last time. It's still batshit crazy and the mcs are likeable but the plot is so fucking wild???  

Tramps and Vagabonds, Aster Glenn Gray ★☆☆☆☆ Mar 12, 2024 DNF at 50%. Honestly I thought it was boring and didn't seem like the plot was going anywhere  

Heir of Starlight (Sea of Stars, #2), Nicole Kimberling ★★★★★ Mar 24, 2024 This is a wierd ass book, and I don't know why I like it as much as I do, but here we are - I enjoyed this book where the love interest is trapped in the body of an orangutan.  

King's Man (Outlawed #1), Sally Malcolm ★★★★☆ Mar 29, 2024 Good tension happy ending, likeable characters and side characters.  

A Botanical Daughter, Noah Medlock ★★☆☆☆ Apr 05, 2024 DNF after part 1 of 3. Simon and Gregor just didn't feel like good or likeable people and I just didn't feel interested in following them on their journey. Their relationship dynamic didn't feel happy or healthy either since Gregor seems to constantly bully Simon and ignore his feelings and concerns. Lastly, I'm sorry but digging up the corpse of your housekeeper's bff without consent and experimenting on it in the basement is a line I don't think protagonists should cross. Personally I would give this a 1 star but it gets an extra because it has potential. I think the story would have worked better and been more interesting if it was entirely told from Jenny's perspective, since she's the only likeable character (as far as I read)..  

The Royal Curse (Twilight Mages, #1), Eliot Grayson ★★★★☆ Apr 08, 2024 I enjoyed this way more than I thought I would  

What Feasts at Night (Sworn Soldier, #2), T. Kingfisher ★★★★☆ Apr 28, 2024 LET ALEX EASTON FUCK A MONSTER!  

The Scottish Boy, Alex de Campi ★★★☆☆ May 2024 This started off strong and it was shaping up to be one of my favorite books. Then it turned sideways and the plot stopped making sense. Still have very mixed feelings about this.  

Finding You, Finding Me, Bailey Queen ★★☆☆☆ May 04, 2024 The romance between Henry and Will felt forced. It felt like Henry had more romantic tension with his friend/superior Giordano than Will.  

Knight of Nights, Karin Kallmaker ★★☆☆☆ May 10, 2024 Plot didn't really seem to go anywhere and it ended surprisingly abruptly. Didn't like the coin's melodramatic and mysterious comments. Skyra and Kirstine were likeable characters but their romance felt a bit forced. I wanted to like this but there was too much that wasn't to my taste  

Crowns and Swords (Royalty & Romance, #1), J.L. Meyrick ★★☆☆☆ May 22, 2024 i don't remember this at all  

A Nobleman's Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel (The Doomsday Books, #2), K.J. Charles ★★★★★ May 28, 2024 The spicy sequel I have been waiting for!! Luke is absolutely hands down one of my favorite characters.  

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen (The Doomsday Books, #1), K.J. Charles ★★★★★ May 30, 2024 this is the good stuff  

Wine and War: The French, the Nazis, and the Battle for France's Greatest Treasure, Don Kladstrup ★★★★★ May 31, 2024 A NON FICTION BOOK!!! IT IS GOOD  

A Rulebook for Restless Rogues (Lucky Lovers of London, #2), Jess Everlee ★★★★☆ Jun 02, 2024 This book had a lot going on, possibly too much?  

The Gentleman's Book of Vices (Lucky Lovers of London, #1), Jess Everlee ★★★★☆ Jun 06, 2024 First time I tried this book I quit in the first chapter. (The scenes in the molly house were annoying) Second time I held on and made it through to the actual plot which was entertaining and the couple was delightful.  

The Oak and the Ash (The Old Bridge Inn #3), Annick Trent ★★★★★ Jun 17, 2024 Absolutely loved this book!!! Just average working folks trying pursue their dreams and build a relationship while earning a living and avoiding the trouble the aristocracy creates! A wonderful blend of realism, hopefulness and cosy.  

Harvest Season (The Old Bridge Inn series), Annick Trent ★★★★☆ Jun 19, 2024 hell yeah lesbians! workers!  

Bound to the Wild Fae (Fortune Favors the Fae, #3), Tavia Lark ★★★★★ Jun 21, 2024 Absolutely adorable romance!!! Love Yarrow's immediate need to protect his small human!!!  

Silk & Sand (Seth & Raider #1), Katherine Diane ★★★☆☆ Jul 2024 i can't even begin to describe how wacky this series is.  

Hothouse Bloom (Ramsbury Estate, #1), Hannah Morse ★★★★☆ Jul 06, 2024 Overall a perfectly fine little story but could have used finer proofreading  

Don't Want You Like a Best Friend (Mischief & Matchmaking #1), Emma R. Alban ★★★★☆ Jul 11, 2024 Generally I liked this, the characters were likeable, their relationships with their parents were wonderful, and their friendships with cousins and such was sweet. There were a few spots I felt the characters did unlikely things to advance the plot but overall a fun read.  

A Bluestocking's Guide to Decadence (Lucky Lovers of London, #3), Jess Everlee ★★★☆☆ Jul 15, 2024 Overall pretty good but there were some moments where it felt like "eating your vegetables". I love Jo but Emily's perspective was a bit tedious at times.  

The Lighthouse Keeper, Liv Rancourt ★★☆☆☆ Jul 20, 2024 It felt like there were too many plot threads that didn't always make sense. The romance between Rafe and Vincent felt a bit forced.  

The Duke at Hazard (Gentlemen of Uncertain Fortune, #2), K.J. Charles ★★★☆☆ Jul 24, 2024 I didn't particularly enjoy this book. Cassian wasn't likeable until a good way through the book and the villain was too mustache twirling and over the top bad guy. Meanwhile Daizell was perfect and did nothing wrong!!!  

The Captive's Curse (Twilight Mages Book 2), Eliot Grayson ★★★★☆ Jul 26, 2024 Highly entertaining and spicy! Cyril was incredibly annoying and I have no idea how Enzo puts up with him but to each their own.  

Silver & Gold (Seth & Raider #2), Katherine Diane ★★☆☆☆ Aug 03, 2024 I r really wanted to like this book, but the ratio of action to romance was off. 90% of this book was sex or talking through trauma. It got to the point where I would skip over sex scenes and dialogue, because how many times do you need to know that raider and Seth have hot sex, and that they love each other enough to work through trauma. It's fine, we don't need to know all the details!!! The last 10% of the book was enjoyable, because that's when the plot finally kicked in.  

Never Darling (Fortune Favors the Fae, #6), Sam Burns ★★★☆☆ Aug 06, 2024 It was a bit strange that this story was set almost entirely in the human world with fairies just kind of being there at the end. I think the concept for the story was interesting but the slow burn over 3-4 years was implausible. A lot happens in 3 years and you're just not going to remember someone who stopped by once! Meanwhile the background story with Everett and Peter actually seemed more interesting than the main story. I also just don't like stories with hot rich nice guys who just swoop in and solve all of a poor person's problems. Not my kind of fantasy. I think overall it was a taste mismatch for me, and people with different tastes than me will probably enjoy it.  

Prince of Poison (Fortune Favors the Fae, #7), Alice Winters ★★☆☆☆ Aug 08, 2024 This felt like 2 books smashed into one - there wasn't enough clues for the reader to understand the layers until 60% through. The plot was convoluted and relied too much on characters explaining it. Lastly the language and dialogue felt really off, they all sounded like teenagers instead of fantasy characters. I'm not exactly expecting Tolkien, but am expecting significantly less "like"s and "I guess" es. Overall I think this had the potential to be a great story but could have used stronger editing.  

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb (London Highwaymen, #1), Cat Sebastian ★★★★★ Aug 11, 2024 BE GAY DO CRIME THE NOVEL  

Prince of Agony (Perilous Courts #6), Tavia Lark ★★★★★ Aug 16, 2024 WOW OH WOW this is SO GOOD!!!!! KAZIA IS MY BESTEST BABY BOY SO SAD, SO TRAGIC SO PURPLE!! (and yes i have read it 3 times already) .

The Necromancer's Light, Tavia Lark ★★★★★ Aug 18, 2024 Charming romance! Love an opposites attract! They're an adorable couple - what else do I need to say?  

These Old Lies, Larrie Barton ★★★☆☆ Aug 24, 2024 Feels weird giving this a 3/5 because I loved AND hated this book. I think it had so much potential and mostly a good plot, it's the timeline of events that makes it unbearably slow and full of needless suffering. I think the arc of the story, which takes almost 30 years to resolve, really could have been resolved within 6 years. I think it would have been a tighter storyline and more hopeful story if the author had compressed the timeline and reduced the characters suffering and pining.  

Prince and Assassin (Perilous Courts, #1), Tavia Lark ★★★★★ Aug 28, 2024 Absolutely loved this book! Both Julien and Whisper are absolutely loveable and have a great dynamic. Assassin falling for target is a classic trope for a reason!!!  

The Forgotten Dead (OutFoxing the Paranormal, #1), Jordan L. Hawk ★★★★☆ Aug 30, 2024 This was somewhere between a 3 and 4 for me. I can't put my finger on anything that bad or that I particularly disliked but I wasn't feral over it either  

Hunter Omega: M/M Paranormal Romance, Liv Rider ★★★☆☆ Sep 2024 A perfectly fine popcorn romance.  

You're the Problem, It's You (Mischief & Matchmaking #2), Emma R. Alban ★★☆☆☆ Sep 02, 2024 UPDATE: the book improved significantly literally on the next page after i quit. I did go back and finish the story. so maybe its a 3/5? DNF at 40% it was just too annoying and stressful to keep reading. Bobby Mason was mostly delightful, but Demeroven was whiny, rude and annoying in every scene he was in. Raverson and the evil Stepfather were both too obviously moustache twirling villains and also unnecessary plot points. I didn't believe the attraction between Bobby and Demeroven one bit it was just exhausting to see them continuously arguing and in fact arguing in circles, until they end up on opposite sides but still arguing.  

A Thief in the Night, K.J. Charles ★★★★☆ Sep 30, 2024 Great story! Wished it was longer!! Love a happy ending that involves stealing from the rich!!  

Liar City (Sugar & Vice #1), Allie Therin ★★★★★ Oct 05, 2024 I really wasn't expecting to love this as much as I do!! I'm not a fan of contemporary fiction but I love Allie Therin's other books so I thought I'd give it a try. I ended up staying up until 3 AM to finish this book in a day  

Peacemaker (Sharps & Springfield, #1), Morgan Brice ★☆☆☆☆ Oct 08, 2024 This is one of the most frustrating books I ever read. I should have put it down but it was so close to what I wanted. This book is like going to the freezer for a rich creamy ice cream and only finding a ice encrusted popsicle with freeze burn. The romance between the main characters felt forced and unappealing. They were both incredibly bad at giving and receiving "I want to fuck you" cues and they're also just bad at their jobs? Most of this book was dialogue, with other characters telling them what they had already discovered. The "evil plot" was unnecessarily convoluted and I have no idea how any of the characters reached the conclusions they did. I wish I could have liked this book  

You Should Be So Lucky, Cat Sebastian ★★★★☆ Nov 30, 2024 I won't say this book made me care about baseball, but it made me not mind the fact that baseball was here. The romance was charming and the slow burn addictive, although it was probably too slow for my tastes. I think what really kept this from being a 5 star book for me is that it didn't really feel like Romance - it felt like a mid-century period piece about 2 gay men finding a life together. WHich is good, don't get me wrong, but not what I was expecting.  

Twisted Shadows (Sugar & Vice, #2), Allie Therin ★★★★★ Dec 19, 2024 Oh my God!!! The most delicious and horny of slow burns!!!!!! It was so good i immediately re-read as soon as i finished it.  

One Night in Hartswood, Emma Denny ★★★★☆ Dec 22, 2024 There were a lot of things that annoyed me, including a whole lot of unnecessary misunderstandings, but it had such a delightful ending that overall I did really like this book  

Swordcrossed, Freya Marske ★★★★☆ Dec 25, 2024 I'm glad I stuck this one through, though the beginning was rough. I feel like there was too many details of this fantasy world introduced too quickly, and the writing style felt a bit -hm- like it was trying too hard to be high brow? Eventually though the tension between the characters kicked in and the world started to make sense and then it became a whirlwind to the dramatic finish!! (Although I'm a little sad we didn't get DOUBLE WEDDING) The setting is very much like Swordspoint, or the Astreiant series or Daughter of Mystery, but less white, which is great. Would love to see more books in this universe.  

Boyfriend Material (London Calling, #1), Alexis Hall ★☆☆☆☆ Dec 25, 2024 DNF at 5% - i just couldn't get into it - I don't really like first-person perspective, and I especially don't like it when the narrator just goes on and on about what a disaster they are, and how HARD their life is, and BOO HOO all anyone cares about is his famous dad. I suppose this makes the character relatable for some people, but doesn't do it for me.

[queenshelby]

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 27: RESIGNATION

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Lots of Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Pregnancy Loss, Infertility

One week later

One week passed, and you finally left the hospital after missing work and school, putting you behind with the curriculum.

During this time, Emma was looking after you, calling in sick from work herself and even Nina visited you twice, once with Connie and once with Cillian, who politely waited outside.

Seeing him still bothered you, and you were not over the fact that he had slept with his assistant, who, you knew, had it out for him, and this did not make it easy on you. You were disgusted by the sheer thought of it, him pleasuring her the way he pleasured you.

You felt disgusted, and you wondered whether he enjoyed it. Did he want her? Was she better than you in bed? She was older, sure. But was she more experienced? The answer was probably yes.

After telling Emma about these thoughts, she told you to try and forget about him. Being an actor probably made him a player, and you may have dodged a bullet when he broke up with you.

“He is not worth your tears,” she reminded you before embracing you. She had been your best friend for life, and you knew she was probably right.

You had to forget about Cillian, regardless of how hard it was or how much you were still in love with him. He was twice your age as well, and he was famous, both matters which could create much trouble for you in the future.

***

While trying to forget about Cillian, you spent most of the weekend catching up on reading the play Enda Walsh had given you to prepare for, and this play, too, reminded you of Cillian.

It was one of his own, called Disco Pigs, and you knew that this was Cillian’s first ever on-stage performance after he had dropped out of law school when he was just 19 years old.

“Christ, why?” you cursed as you put the book aside for the night, and Emma, again, reminded you that this, too, would pass.

“Try not to think of him”, she told you, but this was easier said than done as you missed him a lot and wondered whether he missed you too.

***

After a while, you got some sleep, and then, the following day, you went to school early to address your dispute with James.

James, however, tried to avoid you, and it wasn’t until you asked him whether two could talk that he pulled you aside, and you had the chance to confront him.

“Save it. I won’t say anything to anyone,” James told you before you could say anything yourself. He was squirming, and his reaction surprised you.

“Great, but why the change of mind?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“Your boyfriend’s lawyer sent me a letter, but I am sure you already know that,” he told you, causing you to grin.

“No…well yes…maybe I did” You smirked while James shook his head in disbelief and told you he was embarrassed for you.

“I did see the article in the Irish Times, though,” James thus pointed out, explaining that your lover was a player, and you simply fell for his charm like a silly young girl.

“We aren’t together, James,” you felt the need to point out, but James simply shrugged it off and disappeared into the crowds. He no longer cared, and you found out later that day that he was seeing an old friend of yours.

***

Following your day at drama school, you finally went to dance school to teach the evening class. A new teacher had run the course in your absence, but you knew you could still supervise your students and review their routines even though you were not allowed to perform. You had not healed yet and were instructed to wait at least two weeks before resuming any exercise.

When you arrived at the facility, you were asked to see your employer immediately and wondered what this was all about.

You did not think that you had done anything wrong but had a bad feeling in the pits of your stomach as soon as you walked into his office.

Your employer had a stern look and asked you to sit down. A small manila folder was sitting on his desk, staring at you, and you could not help but ask whether you were in trouble.

“For a matter of fact, you are,” your boss said, and your chin dropped while anxiety filled your mind.

“What did I do?” you asked, thinking that it was because you were absent for the past week.

“It came to our attention that you had an intimate relationship with one of our student’s parents,” your employer exclaimed, and you inhaled sharply. Sweat was now building up on your forehead, and your hands started to fidget nervously. You did not know how to respond, and there was silence for a long minute.

“Of course, you have nothing to say to this, do you?” your employer asked, and you told him quickly that you regretted your intimate relationship with the student’s father.

“The problem is two-fold, Miss Y/LN. Firstly, Mr Murphy has a certain standing in the community, being an actor subject to much publicity. Secondly, he is not divorced yet, and we are, as you know, an institution funded by the Catholic Church,” your employer lectured you, seeing that the academy was attached to one of the best schools in Dublin, which, of course, being in Ireland, happened to be catholic.

“I understand, and I can guarantee you that this affair was short-lived”, you reassured your employer, who handed you a three-page document entitled “Non-Disclosure Agreement”.

“That may be the case; however, we have already found a replacement teacher for you, and your services here will no longer be needed,” your boss told you, to which you shook your head.

“You can’t just fire me,” you told him, but he begged to differ.

“I can because your intimate relationship with Mr Murphy constitutes misconduct in the workplace. But, I would much rather ask you to voluntarily resign and sign this agreement which will entitle you to redundancy pay of six weeks’ worth of wages,” your boss told you while handing you a ballpoint pen.

For a minute, you considered telling him to get lost. Still, then you read the agreement, which prevented you from speaking to the press about your relationship with Cillian and prevented him from doing the same. In addition, your employer could not issue you with a bad reference because of it, which you knew he would do if you did not sign and voluntarily walked away from your job. 

“You see, Miss Y/LN, neither us nor Mr Murphy has any interest in making this public,” your employer told you as you considered your options, taking your time.

“You have spoken to him?” you asked, surprised. You did not expect Cillian to take likely to such a threat.

“No, but I have spoken to his assistant about it, and she concurred”, your boss informed you, causing you to laugh.

“Of course, she concurred”, you chuckled before putting pen to taper. You knew you had no choice, and, at least this way, you were getting paid.

After signing the agreement, you packed up your things and left, tears streaming down your face. You loved teaching these excellent students you had, and now, all of this was coming to an end.

You were not even given a chance to say goodbye to your students, and, just as your boss’s secretary saw you out the door, some of the parents stared at you, being escorted out of the building like some criminal.

You wondered who did this to you, and, in the end, it did not matter. Your short-lived fling with Cillian slowly destroyed your life, and you regretted every moment.

It was your fault. Getting involved with him was wrong; now, you must face the consequences.

***

Unfortunately, you were not the only one to suffer from this, and just as the class commenced without you, the parents began to gossip while their children started to listen.

According to one of the mothers, she had been told by your employer’s secretary that you were fired because you slept with one of the parents.

“He is married too,” she whispered, causing Cillian’s wife, Lorraine, to chuckle.

“How typical of these young women. She is probably after money,” Danielle whispered without knowing who it was you had slept with.

Only Connie decided not to engage in the conversation, telling the others that she did not like to spread unsubstantiated rumours, and it was then that Danielle tried to catch her out.

“It may have been Dermont”, she teased, causing Connie to laugh.

“Uhm, if my husband could land the girls’ dance teacher, I would even go so far as to congratulate him on his achievement, but no, it is not Dermont. I am sure of it,” Connie chuckled, seeing that Danielle was trying to get under her skin.

“Maybe it was Cillian?” another one of the mothers then said, now teasing Danielle, who, too, began to laugh and brushed it off.

“Doubtful. My soon-to-be ex-husband is shagging his assistant, just as I had suspected all those years. Also, this rag of a dance teacher is not his type,” Danielle spat, and it was obvious to the other women who were present that she was still somewhat upset that her husband had moved on with his assistant.

“I suppose we will never find out, so how about we just leave it at that,” Connie said as she began to notice the children listening in; even though Nina was not nearby, she did not want this kind of gossip to be spread amongst the students.

***

Following a rather eventful and unpleasant evening at the dance academy, Nina threw her bag and shoes into the boot of her mother’s car, and it was apparent to Danielle that her daughter was angry and confused.

Danielle knew that Nina liked you and, with that in mind, tried to comfort her in the best possible way.

“It’s all right; you will get used to having someone else teach you. I know you liked Y/N, but she resigned, so there is not much you can do about it,” Danielle explained as they got into the car and drove to Cillian’s house, where Nina would stay for the next three nights.

“She did not resign. She got fired,” Nina pointed out angrily while playing around on her phone and texting you to see whether you were all right. After turning fourteen, she had recently joined Instagram and Facebook and added you as a friend across these platforms, occasionally sharing links with you to dance performances she liked.

“What makes you say that?” Danielle wondered before asking Nina to look at her and get off her phone.

“Oh god, Mum, I am not stupid. I heard the gossip,” Nina told her mother, who was worried about what she may have heard.

“So you know what happened?” she thus asked, gauging the situation.

“Yes, I know what happened, but I don’t know why,” Nina told her mother before accusing her of being the culprit. “Did you tell the academy? Because it seems like something you would do to get back at Dad. It’s just like the stupid court orders he had to get to see me,” Nina spat, telling her mother how upset she had been with these events.

“What are you talking about?” Danielle asked as she pulled the car over in shock.

“What I am talking about is that you did not like the fact that Dad was dating Y/N, so you had her fired. Because all you care about is yourself,” Nina accused, causing her mother’s chin to drop.

“Your dad was dating your dance teacher?” she asked, and Nina quickly realised she screwed up. Her mother did not know, causing Nina to curse and cover her mouth with her hands.

[tending-the-hearth]

The outsiders obc album: a review that is totally not biased or skewed due to the face that i’ve been listening to it nonstop since it came out two weeks ago

“Tulsa ‘67”

Goes insane over the first line of the song because it’s the same as the opening of the book

Since this song/story is being written after everything happens, ponyboy recognizing how hard his brothers work in the opening verse makes SO much sense

“That right there is my best friend in the whole world, johnny cade” idk what it is about this line but it just makes me so happy

But ponyboy pointing out that part of what makes a soc a soc is graduation parties actually makes me so sad because so many members of the gang ended up dropping out of school in order to work so of course they’d view graduating as a privilege they don’t have, and that plays so well into darry and pony’s last fight at the end of the show

“CAUSE WE’RE GREASERS” the silliest gang ever <3

It’s just such a good opening number, the beat and music is so entertaining

“Grease got a Hold”

JOSHUA BOONE YOU ARE THE DALLY EVER

Him constantly calling pony “little brother” is everything

The spelling section of the song is SO fun

“E is for effortless swagger” and soda uses ponyboy and johnny to hold himself up they’re his little brothers!!!

“Show us how it’s done, then, einstein!” soda and two-bit are best friends!!!!

Also daryl tofa absolutely killing it on the run of “you better run for your life”

You only really get this from seeing the song live, but darry keeps ponyboy away from the rest of the gang during his section of the song until he makes sure that ponyboy knows what being a greaser truly means, he is such a big brother

“I love you superman” ace ily ily ily kissing your cheeks

Again, not part of the soundtrack but the performance, but the moment where ponyboy gets the upper hand in his little play-fight with two-bit, and dally gets so excited and starts jumping up and down with the rest of the gang like they are siblings!!!

“Runs in the Family”

Darry loml i know you’re having an identity crisis but this song is such a vibe

“So i dropped out of school cause i had to earn a dollar” the little dance i do every time i hear this line

vibes to the song so i don’t have to deal with the emotions i get as a parentified older sibling identifying with this song far too closely

“Now i’m stuck between the role of a brother and a father” someone get this man a hug and some therapy PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU

I always love a little bit of an unreliable narrator, so the audience hearing this song and knowing how much darry is struggling, meanwhile ponyboy is SO sure and SO positive that darry truly doesn’t care about him is absolute perfection

“Great Expectations”

This song literally made me cry my eyes out the first time i listened to it, and then seeing the staging for it during the show??? 

But also ponyboy acknowledging that darry had a future, and how he had to sacrifice that after their parents died, and understanding his struggle

Honestly there aren’t words to describe my love for this song, it’s so beautiful and well-written, and brody’s voice is just so fantastic

“Friday at the Drive-In”

Again, the beat of this song is SO good!!!

emma pittman’s voice is everything to me

The instrumental for this song is “grease got a hold” i’m losing my mind!!!

This song is also just such a fun, easy-going song, that it works at feeling slightly out of place with how fun and lighthearted it is, especially knowing what’s going to happen soon

"I Could Talk to You All Night"

CUTIE PATOOTIE ALERT

I never have viewed cherry and ponyboy as having romantic interest in each other (maybe ponyboy with a little crush on her, but they become friends post-book events), and this song is just so perfect with showing why they connect with each other, because they understand each other

Have i mentioned how much i adore musical!cherry??? 

“And we talked so dang much i didn’t even catch the end” i love how perfect the accents are in this show, it’s really satisfying lmao 

Cherry being the first one who’s ever truly listened to ponyboy my heart hurts

“Runs in the Family (Reprise)”

AHHHH THIS SONG

There’s just so much tension, and soda trying to be the middle man like always while darry is singing??? Painful

But also this song does such a good job at showing that it’s not even been a full year since the curtis parents died, so the boys are still grieving and processing, so it makes sense that this is a fight that’s happening

But ugh the way that the song ends with the slap???? Curled up sobbing

“Far Away from Tulsa”

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH

I also really love how johnny joins in a little hesitantly, like he’s not sure if ponyboy wants him contributing, but then as soon as he starts he talks about having a little garden and reading stories

Now i’m thinking about post-book, the remaining outsiders gang turns the empty lot into a type of community garden in johnny and dally’s honor oh i’m going to be ill

“We’d be each other’s family, Pony, start this life anew” SOBBING MY EYES OUT JOHNNY KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT PONYBOY WANTS AND PONYBOY KNOWING WHAT JOHNNY WANTS THEY’RE THE PLATONIC SOULMATES EVER

God and then the song going into “great expectations” literal chills

“Run Run Brother”

Brody does Ponyboy’s panic SO perfectly you can feel his fear when he just keeps repeating “he stuck him in the back!”

Like he’s not freaking out about bob dying, he’s freaking out about the fact that johnny could get arrested

Mother hen Dally my beloved

“I hate to make you go” and “even though it kills me to say” those lines are everything, i love Dally just wanting to keep his little brothers close but knowing he needs to get them somewhere safe immediately

And the line “you’re a greaser now” getting repeated at the end???? I’m going insane, it doesn’t sound fun or happy anymore, it just sounds like a warning and almost like johnny and ponyboy are being taunted

“Justice for Tulsa”

Dally immediately calling out the cops for always going after the greasers and calling them his boys???? Obsessed with protective dally

Again, musical!cherry is everything to me, she doesn’t try to make excuses for what Bob did, she calls him and Randy out for drinking and ganging up on Ponyboy and Johnny, and calls Randy out for jumping Johnny the week before

Like in the book and movie she makes excuses and puts all the blame on johnny, but in the musical, even though she’s sad that bob’s dead, she understands why johnny did what he did, and doesn’t blame him for what happened

“Death’s at my Door”

Emotional damage

Jesus CHRIST the absolute slap in the face this song was during the show

Ponyboy blaming himself for everything??? Thinking he’s cursed because everyone he loves keeps dying or getting hurt??? Ouch???

But then johnny immediately jumping into reassure him and making sure ponyboy knows that he’s not alone??? They are the best friends ever???

I haven’t talked about how beautiful Sky’s voice is, if he doesn’t win a tony award i will riot

“The reason i’m living is you” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND HEAVING AND HYPERVENTILATING

Johnny saying “i’ll never leave you alone” and it’s true even after he dies because he knows ponyboy will see him in the sunset that they always talked about and i’m going to go curl up in a corner for a little bit

“Throwing in the Towel”

Emotional damage part 2

Parentified older siblings how are we feeling about this song

Darry finally talking to his brother about how he’s feeling, and getting validation from Sodapop that what he’s been doing is being noticed and making a difference!!

But darry recognizing what Ponyboy can do and his potential and blaming himself for what happened and, like ponyboy, telling soda that he’d be better off without him

“I lost our brother and i lost my way” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND PART 2

Darry is TWENTY in the books and never got a chance to truly mourn his parents it makes sense how much he struggles

Ponyboy joining in the song from the back of the set like it actually makes me want to bite something

Brent Comer how does it feel to understand darry like no one else <3333333

“Brother that’s what love is all about” JASON SCHHMIDT THE FACT THAT YOU WEREN’T NOMINATED FOR A TONY IS A CRIME

(they should have just nominated the entire cast for supporting or featured actor at this point tbh)

“Soda’s Letter”

Jason making me sob!!!!! 

“Ponyboy this house ain’t a home without you” this song just starts out punching you in the gut

Idk why but soda including “say hi to johnny for us” makes me emotional, like the curtis brothers love johnny as much as they love pony he is also their little brother!!!

Brent comer i will fight you for the end of this song

“Hoods turned Heroes”

DARYL AND JASON KILL THIS SONG ACTUALLY THEY’RE THE UNDERRATED DUO OF THIS SHOW

New hc because of this song is that Soda and Two-Bit are as close to each other as Pony and Johnny are

i love love love the "owe it all to Pony and Johnny" line, because they recognize what the two have been through, and also acknowledge that yeah, it's because of them that they're getting a little bit better of a reputation!

Also again, not part of the album, but the song is so hyped and excited and happy and then immediately gets cut by Dally walking onto the stage with Johnny wrapped in bandages and my heart BROKE

“Hopeless War”

Favorite change is cherry going to visit johnny in the hospital and that being where she and pony have their conversation

What i love about this song is that it isn’t cherry going “this is silly, you shouldn’t do this” it’s cherry realizing that what happened to johnny was never deserved, why the rumble is important, and knowing that it’s going to happen, but her also acknowledging, like ponyboy does, that it’s not going to change anything. 

I’m just so obsessed with emma’s voice and how she portrays cherry in the show

“Trouble”

I absolutely LOVE how aggressive and intense this song is, especially compared to “Hopeless War” coming right before it

I love “tonight” from West Side, and this song gives me those vibes, i love a good pre-rumble song

DARRY STILL LOOKING OUT FOR PONYBOY AND WANTING TO FIGHT FOR HIM 

PONYBOY TAKING THE “LET’S DO IT FOR JOHNNY” LINE

“Little Brother” 

Emotional damage part 3

The way the song starts out so soft and slow, and it building up and up as Dally becomes more and more worked up and looses it

“If anything were fair you would still be here” AND THAT’S THE POINT OF THE SHOW AND OF THE BOOK IT ISN’T FAIR THAT JOHNNY DIES IT’S FAIR THAT BOB DIES BUT JOHNNY DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE AND IT’S THE REALIZATION THAT EVEN THOUGH JOHNNY COULD DO SO MUCH MORE HE STILL DIES AND LEAVES THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM BEHIND

“Do it for Ponyboy, do it for Johnny Cade” THOSE ARE HIS BROTHERS YOUR HONOR

The way Joshua just screams the last “Johnny can you hear me now?” absolutely destroys me, the song itself is all over the place, and it makes sense because it’s Dally’s breakdown

“Stay Gold”

Emotional damage part 4

When i saw the show the instruments were really quiet while Sky was singing so all you could hear was him and then the sounds of people quietly sobbing and sniffling (it was me)

Going from “i have seen a pool of blood run crimson red” to “i have stared into a thankful father’s eyes” johnny going from taking a life to saving lives i’m losing my mind actually

Not to be annoying about them again but Brody and Sky’s voices literally melt together and their emotions are so beautifully portrayed as they sing, going from melancholy to joyful as Ponyboy starts to accept Johnny’s death

And “I have known a love that many never know, and our love lives on no matter where I go” IT’S ABOUT THE PLATONIC LOVE OF THIS GROUP AND THE LOVE PONY AND JOHNNY HAVE FOR EACH OTHER AND HOW FRIENDSHIPS ARE STRONGER THAN ANYTHING ELSE AND I’M JUST GOING TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE THEY’RE PLATONIC SOULMATES

Ponyboy having the last “Stay Gold” line 

“Finale (Tulsa ‘67)”

Darry reading the starting lines like Ponyboy did at the beginning of the show 

Ponyboy going from idolizing fictional heroes to looking at his brothers as his heroes because they’re the reason he’s going to be able to make it out of Tulsa????

Just the way he sings about how Darry is the toughest guy he knows, and how Soda is the heart and soul of the family, how earnest and loving he is when singing it

“Trying to look tough so they're not beaten down again” in connection to Dally makes me sob, him using the grease and toughness as a cover so he doesn’t get hurt again

And this reprise of the song just feeling so much lighter and happier, compared to the opening, when ponyboy was talking about how everything was unbalanced and the differences between the Greasers and the Socs, how he and his brothers were struggling, to the finale being so hopeful and encouraging, because Ponyboy’s had his realizations, he’s reconnected with his brothers, he’s accepted Johnny and Dally’s deaths, but he’s making a choice to keep going

And also at the end, where “We’re greasers” was repeated in the opening song, it’s now been changed to “Stay Gold” being repeated 

And the entire show ENDING with “Stay gold”???????

yeah i'm so so normal about this show i promise

[i-will-sing-no-requiem]

santa here again! 🧑🏻‍🎄 i totally get what you mean, i think watching the build up in season three just followed by them figuring out their relationship and all the domesticity is just too good ❣️ i saw you also liked aziraphale/crowley and got super excited bc they’re one of my favorite ships too! and what do you like reading? oh and i’ve always wanted to try bookbinding so that is just amazing ✨ my next question is: do you have a favorite captain swan season/scene/arc?

Hi!! Yes Aziriphale and Crowley are perfect and I love them (I am unwell thinking about the Final Fifteen Minutes). I tend to read a lot of fantasy and contemporary fiction, although I’m starting to get a bit more into memoir and essay collections. The best books I’ve read recently are This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone and In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, and some of my all-time favourites are The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green, Beartown by Fredrik Backman, and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I think I would have to go with Season 3 for favourite season. Specifically the Neverland arc was my favourite storyline that Emma and Killian were both in, but 3B had some of my favourite captain swan moments (I feel like this is an underrated one but I really love the moment in the last episode before the 2 part finale where they’re in the hospital and he thanks her for saving his life and it’s just like really clear that he thought she might let him die rather than risk her magic and saving the rest of her family but that wasn’t even a possibility in her mind) I also like the idea of them hanging out together at Grannys a lot during that time based on that one scene where they’re just sort of there together when it’s clearly closed and Emma’s practicing magic, and I’m just assuming he must also be staying at a room there (i’ve thought about it a lot and this is the only thing that makes sense to me for where he’s staying. Literally I’ve spent way too much time wondering where this man sleeps at night during 3B)

Also the time travel eps are hands down my favourite ouat episodes i’ve seen them so many times and I love their scenes in those too!

[indigosunsetao3]

Would It Be Enough?

Chapter 12 - Sketches and Dresses

Masterlist of Chapters

Warnings: 18+ - No minors Rated E - Please read the tags on A03 for any of your triggers

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x Original FMC 8.9k words - AO3 Link

The issue with only being able to bring so many things on your contract job was Emma had only packed for one type of weather; hot. Ukraine this time of year rarely saw temperatures above forty and it could get well below freezing at night. Emma had packed all the warmest things she had and also dug her credit cards out from her long-forgotten wallet. She’d have to make time to stop and buy a few things, a jacket, and a long-sleeved shirt at a minimum. After one last review of everything, hoping it would be enough because it wasn’t specified how long they would be gone, Emma clipped her pistol into her thigh holster and tossed it in the bag with a few magazines then walked out of her room with her duffle bag swung over her shoulder.

Even though it was only six almost everyone else was already up and out of their rooms, coffee cups were lined up on the counter and Gaz was busy digging out sugar and milk. Moving to deposit her duffel with the rest in a pile by the door Emma walked over gratefully grabbed herself a cup and made up the drink before leaning on the counter. “How was movie night?” She asked as she cupped her hands to hold her drink, “sorry I couldn’t join just after everything that happened yesterday, I needed to be alone for a bit.”

“No need to apologize, I get it,” Gaz answered. At least he wasn’t being awkward around her, hopefully, that would stay the same when Soap and Ghost joined them. Their doors were still shut and they hadn’t made an appearance yet. “Alex fell asleep halfway through,” Gaz replied as he worked on his own drink. “But Price joined us toward the end. Not sure when Ghost and Soap got in, we all went to bed and they still weren’t back yet,” he shrugged. “Plenty of time to sleep on the plane if you can block out the noise. It’s almost a six-hour flight, hope you have a book or something to do,” Gaz finished with a grin.

“You know, I brought a book series with me when I came over here and I still haven’t even finished book one,” Emma confessed. “I just never have the time to read anymore. Too busy or too tired when I’m not busy. I value sleep over stories I guess,” she grinned, “I’ll probably have to start book one over.”

“Is that where Sleeper comes from then?” A familiar voice asked from behind Emma. Soap was standing there and prepping his coffee, black with heavy sugar, as he eavesdropped on their conversation. Emma hadn’t even heard him emerge from his room but both he and Ghost were there, Ghost depositing both his and Soap’s bags onto the growing pile of items.

“Sort of,” Emma answered, her eyes darting between Ghost and Soap before landing back on Soap again. She had so many questions as to what happened between them but that moment was not the time to ask. “I’m a heavy sleeper,” she began to explain, which earned a smirk and nod from Soap, he would know after that first night. “And I can fall asleep pretty much anywhere too, and quickly. I would catch catnaps between training or classes. You could find me against walls, on benches, behind boxes, one time even up on a catwalk,” she laughed a little bit before taking a sip of her coffee. “I pretty much slept anywhere I could even if it were for only five minutes. If I went missing at group gatherings, my friends knew they could find me holed up somewhere.”

“You and Alex are peas in a pod,” Gaz answered. “Man falls asleep if he sits still for longer than five minutes. I don’t think he’s ever made it through a movie.”

“Not true,” Alex chimed in from the couch, “I just don’t make it through movies you pick, and you never let anyone else pick. Your British stuff could put anyone to sleep.”

“I’m not watching some American action movie. All you Americans like to do is blow things up and look like models while doing it,” Gaz shot back with a roll of his eyes.

“So, you do think I’m pretty then. I see the way you look at me,” Alex teased before catching the breakfast bar that Gaz lobbed at his head. Gaz quickly went over to the couch with his own breakfast and took a heavy seat on the couch next to Alex, throwing his feet up on the table while he ate.

“I mean, he’s not wrong,” Emma said as she looked over at Soap. She noticed that he had a butterfly stitch on his eyebrow and his lip was split and still a bit swollen in the corner. So, he had gone to the hospital at some point the evening before. She couldn’t see Ghost’s nose under his mask but it had been bleeding pretty good the night before so hopefully he had gotten it looked at. “But action movies are supposed to be blowing things up, impossible scenarios, and good-looking men and women,” she finished. Alex pointed at her over the back of the couch in an exclamation that said ‘see, he wasn’t the only one that enjoyed those types of movies.’

“I’m not disagreeing,” Soap answered with a grin, “you already know my opinion on British television, too dry.” Gaz turned his head over the back of the couch at that and narrowed his eyes at Soap, but didn’t say anything as he turned back around again.

Ghost and Price had made their way over to the counter now to grab their own coffee and Emma sidestepped closer to Soap. She didn’t want to say anything out loud but instead just raised her eyebrow in a questioning look, darting her eyes over at Ghost to ask the question quietly. Things seemed okay between the two of them, considering Ghost had carried Soap’s bag out for him and Ghost himself was having a casual conversation with Price and Crane. Soap caught her look and just mouthed the words ‘later’. Fair enough, she didn’t really want to discuss any of that with an audience and even though Ghost was talking to others she was certain he’d listen in.

By the time everyone had finished eating and cleaned up, it was time to head out on their ride to the airfield which was about thirty minutes away. Price informed them all that they would be traveling with transport of personnel and supplies to a base in Ukraine about two hours outside of Kiev then they would be driving the rest of the way. Their cover was they were embassy workers, specifically coming for humanitarian relief from the recent civil unrest. They would head to the safe house that afternoon to set up and debrief before beginning work that evening.

It was odd, to say the least, to see everyone dressed in such a casual way as they piled out of the truck that was full of other military personnel in their uniforms. The whole 141 had jeans and sneakers on, pistols that were usually strapped to their legs nowhere to be seen, and t-shirts. Price had even left his usual hat at the base, or in his bag, and the rest of the men had actually styled their hair. None of them looked the part of a lethal killer at first glance, though their size and mere presence in the area gave the air of it. People at the base even opted to give them a bit of space, obviously sensing that maybe the group wasn’t exactly what they said they were.

Emma was even treated the same for her association with them, though one brave solider offered to help her with her bags as the team moved off to go check in. Price had informed her she had a full bag of medical supplies at her disposal that he had commandeered from the hospital. The bag itself was almost as large as her and when she hefted it out of the truck when they got to the airstrip, she almost dropped it from the weight and everything shifting inside. “Did they pack me the whole emergency room,” she muttered as she moved to swing it up on her back.

“Let me help you ma’am,” the man offered and he swooped in to grab the medical bag before Emma could answer. He was young, a fresh recruit from the looks of him and how he carried himself. “Shouldn’t leave a lady to lug all of this,” he said with a small smile as he swung the pack onto his back, his eyes darting over to where the team had walked away. “I take it you’re the embassy crew headed to Ukraine?”

“Ah, yes actually,” Emma answered as she bent down picked up her much lighter bag, and draped the strap across her body. “Are you stationed there?” She asked as they started to walk toward the plane. She had no need to go join the men checking in, they had her fake identification papers, but she did glance over to where the rest of the taskforce was talking to the pilots. She was expecting to see them exchanging papers, maybe having a casual conversation, but what she found instead was Soap staring at her. He wasn’t subtle, he wasn’t even trying to hide it, as he crossed his arms across his chest and just watched her with head slightly cocked. Emma swallowed, daring to give him a small smirk, before turning her attention back to the man helping her. Soap could have helped her with the bag if he had wanted, but he didn’t and now he’d get to watch someone else assist her.

“I am, my first deployment actually,” he said sounding a bit proud, but Emma could see he was also nervous. “Before I joined, I never even left the country and now I’ve been to three different ones in less than a week,” he grinned before gesturing for her to step up the ramp first. “Have you traveled much? I mean, I guess with the embassy you must have,” he was rambling a bit as they sidestepped some crates to head further into the plane for their seats.

“I have,” Emma answered, “I’ve been to quite a few places actually. I was in the Air Force when I was younger, I was a medic,” she explained, careful to not shed too much information about herself since she was there under a false background. “Helped me join the embassy when I got out,” she finished before they stopped at some seats. The man, whose last name was Newman by the patch on his uniform, lowered her medical bag and stuck it under a row of seats, tucking it safely behind the cargo nets. Emma bent down and dug her book and large ear-covering headphones to help block out the plane noise, out of her bag before shoving it next to the medical bag. “Any idea what you’d like to do once you get out? Or are you a career man?” She inquired as she pulled the headphones around her neck and took a seat.

“Oh, I’m not sure yet,” he replied taking the seat right next to her, Soap was going to love this. “My whole family has been in the service, that’s actually how my parents met,” he grinned. “My sister just finished eight years and is in school now working on her master's. I may make a career out of it, school’s never been my thing. My dad was the same.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Emma answered with a smile before she looked back toward the plane entrance to see if the team was boarded yet. She couldn’t see down the ramp, there were crates and other items in the way, but more and more people were filing on and taking up the seats. If they didn’t hurry, they were all going to be sitting separately, there weren’t many seats set up for this flight and they were filling up rather quickly. “What’s your name?” Emma asked after a moment, “I’m Emma by the way.”

“Sam,” the man replied before his eyes darted up over Emma’s head to take in the people that had just arrived. Emma turned to find Soap leading the group past the crates, his bag gripped tight in his right hand as he held it over his shoulder. He was continuing to stare, though he now had a mischievous grin on his face as he walked over to where Emma and Sam sat. Emma was determined to not let him ruin the nice conversation she was having with an obviously anxious young man.

“Don’t mind them,” she stated quickly turning back to Sam, “they’re all bark and no bite,” she continued, giving a small eye-roll for emphasis. Sam still hadn’t looked away from the group though and his eyes had widened a bit before Soap spoke.

“I don’t bite because you haven’t asked Lass,” Soap said as he sat down in the seat right next to Emma, shoving his own bag underneath right next to hers. “I’m always willing to try anything,” he winked at her before looking over at Sam and extending his hand. “John,” he stated as a way of introduction, they weren’t using call signs here being that they weren’t supposed to be military.

Emma felt the butterflies in her stomach at Soap’s words and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from biting her lip. He knew exactly what he was doing and she was going to have to sit here with that thought for the duration of the flight.

“Sam,” Sam replied, taking his hand and shaking it. At that point the rest of the group lined up down the row, each taking up a seat and digging out their own inflight entertainment. Gaz had brought his music and headphones; the rest had a combo of music or books as well. Sam was watching all of them carefully, “you’re all embassy workers?” His voice was a little disbelieving as he took them all in, especially Ghost in his face mask. While it didn’t have the signature skull markings on it and was just plain black, it still stuck out.

“Aye,” Soap answered, letting his accent roll off his tongue heavily. “That one there’s our translator,” he pointed to Alex who gave a friendly wave, “boss down on the end. The mask is, well, he’s our security,” Soap smirked to himself enjoying his little game. “Rest of us are just regular old workers, except this lady,” he patted Emma lightly on the thigh, but then never removed his hand, the weight of his palm sent a wave of heat through Emma but she didn’t betray anything on her face. “With all the civil unrest and some emergency situations, they needed some more medical personnel.”

“She was saying she was a medic in the Air Force,” Sam explained with a small nod, his eyes darting to where Soap still hadn’t removed his hand from Emma’s leg. Catching the look Soap squeezed his hand lightly, as if showing Sam exactly what was going on here.

“Yes, well, I continued outside of the Air Force and got my degree. I’ve been working for the embassy since as a medical consultant,” Emma answered, her eyes cutting to Soap in the corners, but she kept her focus on Sam. “I go where they send me. I just finished a job down in Africa a few months ago, thought I would be home for a little while but here we are. So, if you enjoy traveling and decide not to make a career out of the military, it’s always an option.” She smiled nicely at Sam but kept her hands firmly curled around the book in her lap, the fingers digging into the spine as Soap dared to slide his hand about an inch up her thigh.

Sam opened his mouth to say something else when someone called out to him a row over. It looked like all of his friends were staring at the situation and one of them quickly gestured for him to come join them. Without even looking Emma knew Soap was smirking from ear to ear at the situation he had caused. “I should go,” Sam said then suddenly stood up, straightening out his shirt. “It was nice talking with you,” he added looking at Emma and barely glancing at Soap.

“Bye Sam,” Soap called and Emma nudged him hard in the side with her elbow after Sam had turned and hustled away. She could feel Soap holding in his laugh and Emma rounded on him once Sam was out of earshot.

“That was incredibly rude,” she hissed, “he was only being polite. He carried my bag on which none of you offered to help,” she leaned and glared at the rest of the group who also looked like they were busting to laugh.

“He was being polite because you’re the prettiest thing he’s probably seen in a month,” Soap answered her. “And he was hoping you’d find him just as cute and nice,” he taunted before finally laughing. “I know, I was that boy at one point,” he added, “any girl stepped onto the base and we were all fighting for their attention.”

“You still didn’t need to run him off, I can hold my own,” Emma answered before she batted his hand away from her leg. “He’s nervous about his first deployment, he didn’t say it but I could tell. And none of you helped that,” she leaned around Soap again to give them all a look before sitting back in her chair.

“Ah, it’s all in good fun,” Soap said as he looked up to see Sam and his friends looking over at them. Soap gave them a little wave and they suddenly were all looking around at something else having been caught in their staring. “He’ll learn to be smoother about talking to women over time, he’s still green.”

“Oh yes, and you are so smooth yourself,” Emma answered as she moved to crack open her book. The ramp on the plane was shutting now and the propellers were starting up so it was beginning to get loud.

“I won you over, didn’t I?” Soap asked though he leaned over to say it in her ear. Emma wasn’t sure if he did that because it was getting loud inside the cargo area or if he wanted to tease her. Either way, it worked and she felt goosebumps breakout down the back of her neck at his breath on her ear.

She didn’t answer him as she moved to pull her headphones on to block out the sound of the engine and everything starting to rattle. Even with the headphones on she could still hear how loud it was and she saw as other people were breaking out their own ear covers, including Soap. Determined to read Emma lifted her book into her eyesight and crossed one leg over the other as the plane began its taxi. It wasn’t long before she felt them lift into the air and while she had flown plenty of times the sudden lurch always made her uneasy for a moment. She glanced over at Soap who was leaning back in his own seat with his arms crossed over his chest and his head back completely at ease. He was apparently opting to sleep for the flight as was Ghost.

Emma made it a few chapters before the hum of the plane and the light vibrations started to rock her to sleep. It was just like driving in a car, if she was a passenger she was out within the hour of the drive starting. Telling herself she was just going to rest her eyes she pressed her thumb into the book and flipped it shut, leaning her head back on the seat. She saw out of the corner of her eye the rest of the guys had done the same, Price’s head hanging so far forward on his chest she didn’t know how he could breathe like that. Scooting herself down a bit Emma shut her eyes and felt herself drift off before she could even really comprehend what was happening.

Sometime later she was awoken as the plane took a dip, they had hit turbulence. Emma felt her head loll off what it was resting on and a hand gently pushed her shoulder back so she stayed in her seat. Blinking a few times she took in her surroundings, a bit disoriented, to find she was leaning over to the side and her head was resting on Soap’s shoulder. Her forgotten book was tucked safely under his thigh and he had draped his repaired jacket over her lap.

“How long was I out?” Emma asked before realizing there was no way he could hear her over his headphones. He probably didn’t even realize she was awake yet because he hadn’t looked over at her as he absentmindedly secured her back in her seat when she had slipped. Instead, his concentration was on the sketch he was currently working on in the journal-sized notebook in his hands. She had seen the notebook before, seen him taking notes in meetings with it, or had it out on the couch when they were relaxing in the evening.

She never pried into what he was doing but she dared to look now to find the page on the left was full of little sketches. The page he was currently working on had a drawing of her, asleep on his shoulder and how she looked from his angle. Her hair was obstructing most of her face, the overly large headphones setting it all askew. He had been able to see her parted lips as she breathed though and how her face was perfectly relaxed in her slumber. He thankfully hadn’t added on the drool that she was suddenly very self-consciously afraid was there. Emma adjusted a little bit as she watched his hands work the pencil over the finishing touches of the shading of her lips when he peered down to find her eyes open.

Soap grinned before reaching over to pull one of her headphones off her ear, “go back to sleep. We’ve still got about two hours to go,” he explained before setting the earpiece gently back down on her. He didn’t give her a chance to protest before he went back to work, glancing over at her every once in a while, to make sure he was getting the piece right. Emma didn’t close her eyes though; she was too busy watching and grinning to herself at the fact he had chosen to draw her. It was a simple gesture but it seemed extremely intimate at the same time. His drawing skills were a bit surprising, she never picked up on the fact he would draw she assumed it was just notes or doodling during meetings.

When he finished, he tucked his pencil into the small loop in the book to hold it there before he pushed the notebook into her hands. Emma sat up at that and gave him a questioning look to which he leaned over and pulled the headphone back again. “Take a look if you’re interested, nothing to hide in there,” he stated before letting go of the earpiece and stood up. Emma watched him stretch before he sidestepped down the aisle to walk toward the front of the plane to probably find a bathroom or just move around a bit. They had been sitting for hours now and Emma knew her back was going to be stiff by the time they landed.

Looking around to see if anyone else was watching, they weren’t, she finally dared to crack open the well-worn leather journal. She found that the leather outside was just a cover, he must have had it for years, transferring it from notebook to notebook as they filled up. Inside the pages were stuffed with small notes, scribbles, numbers that made no sense to her, dates and times, or random words. But there were also drawings, tons of drawings. Some were quick basic sketches of people or animals, sometimes buildings or even plants. He had a few schematics of what she was guessing were buildings he worked in but as she flipped through, she spotted familiar things. There were a few of the 141 in there, their faces so lifelike Emma looked up at their sleeping forms to compare them before she continued to flip through.

As she got further along, she found the first sketch of her. She faced sideways to him, her face turned to look ahead of her with her hair pulled back into a tight bun. He had captured the tight look in her eyes, she was concentrating on something, and her hand was on a table taking notes. It must have been during a meeting or some sort of intel training that Alex was putting on, something that Soap didn’t need to concentrate on so he decided to draw instead. Emma grinned as she ran her fingers over it before flipping the page to find another sketch of her at the gun range from behind. Her hair was tied in a braid down her back and Gaz was there as well instructing her, she was in a shooting stance and the gun holster on her thigh was snapped open as if she had just pulled her gun from it.

She continued to flip through and as she got further along sketches of her started to make more frequent appearances. Her lounging on the couch after a long day, working in the gym, standing with her oversized helmet on glaring at him from behind her scarf, curled up asleep in a lounge chair. But mixed in were other sketches from Soap’s life. Ghost’s mask, the symbol for the 141, a random military truck, some sort of gun, and finally she found a self-portrait. It was rough, like he had started on it then never went back to smooth everything out. She sat and stared at it for a while, her eyes taking in all the angles and shadows, how his mohawk laid to one side and curled slightly at the ends, he had a cut on his cheek when he had done it and the scar by his eyebrow was prominently outlined. She was engrossed in it when Soap finally came back and took his seat next to her, leaning over to see what she was looking at.

Emma pulled her headphones off and looked at Soap, obviously portraying a look of surprise and awe. “That’s not even my best work,” Soap scoffed at her reaction, “it’s not even finished.” He moved to flip the page so she would move on from it but Emma stopped him and held the page down with her fingers gently.

“I think it’s my favorite,” Emma stated and she saw the look on his face, “I’m serious. It’s raw but just something about it,” she ran her finger down the jaw before looking back up at Soap. She had never seen him blush, and she doubted she would, but the look on his face was very close. “You’re really talented Johnny,” she stated knowing no one could hear her use his name, “I mean it. These are incredible,” she flipped back to the one of her on the shooting range pointing out the shading and shadows.

“I’ll show you my favorite. And it’s actually a good one compared to your favorite,” Soap teased after a moment before gently taking the book from her hand and flipping forward a few pages. He stopped and looked over it for a second before handing the book back to her. This sketch took up both pages and Emma gasped a bit as she took it in. It was of her again. She was lying on the couch on her stomach with her chin resting on her hands, which were laid flat on the cushions, her gaze looking up at him. She had a smile on her lips that reached her eyes and her hair was hanging loose around her face and down her shoulders. It was nighttime because she had her pajamas on and her socked feet were dangling over the couch arm.

“It’s beautiful,” Emma stated after a moment of looking it over before looking back at Soap again. He had a genuine smile on his face, one that someone had when they were full of pride in their own work and enjoyed the praise. “When did you draw this?” She asked turning back to look at it again.

“I’ve worked on it for a while,” he shrugged, “but I started it about a week after you signed your contract and agreed to stay on.” He gestured for her to continue, willing to share this intimate part of him with her. It was enough to give Emma a pleasurable squirm in her stomach, making her wish they were alone before she sat back and continued to flip through the pages slowly. She leaned up against his arm a bit as she admired everything and Soap peered over looking between the work and her face before shutting his eyes peacefully and settling into a nap. Going through the artwork had taken up the rest of the trip and Soap awoke when the pilot came over the intercom to announce their descent.

Price was the first off the plane to get their transport to Kiev. It was a plain black van that could fit them all, albeit tightly, so they wouldn’t get separated. Emma took advantage of the few minutes they had before they piled into the van and stretched herself out. Her back was tight and she could feel the discomfort in her hips as she pushed herself into runner stretch, groaning a bit at the tug in her thighs. Soap had carried her medical bag for her and when Price rolled around with the van, he tossed it in the trunk as did everyone else with their stuff.

“Couldn’t have sprung for anything bigger?” Gaz asked as he peered into the very tight quarters. The van wasn’t much bigger than something you would take as quick transport to the airport. Ghost had taken the front passenger seat without anyone trying to fight him for it and Price was driving, so that left the rest of them to figure it out.

“Biggest they had,” Price said as he turned around to look at them all climbing in. Emma immediately went to the back row, being the shortest on the team she could curl herself in a bit tighter. Soap immediately joined her, his body barely fitting into the tight space but he made it work. Gaz had the row in front of them to himself, a smirk on his face as he stretched out with his legs on the seat, then Alex and Crane each took up a captain’s chair behind Price and Ghost. “All set?” Price asked and everyone gave their confirmation before he drove off.

The Ukraine landscape was vastly different than what she had been looking at for the past few months, it was a nice change. The land was lush and green with rolling hills and mountains in the distance covered in snow and Emma leaned her arm on the window to look out as they drove. She missed the fresh crisp air, it reminded her of home, and it was nice to not be sweating from the moment you woke up until you went to sleep.

Emma shifted a bit to better lean her head against the window when Soap’s hand gently slid into hers, threading their fingers together. Emma grinned and squeezed his hand, looking over at him to find him watching her before he glanced off at a window on his other side. Price had asked for them to be inconspicuous and Emma knew Ghost was not pleased with their situation, so she was okay with being lowkey like this. Enjoying one another’s company and touch without being obvious, like it was their own little secret tucked all the way in the back of the van. After a while Soap rubbed his thumb gently over her knuckles and Emma shifted her leg to rest against his for the duration of the ride.

As they got closer to Kiev everyone seemed to be a little more alert, Soap slipping his hand out of Emma’s to sit up straighter and watch the area around them. While the city itself looked okay in the distance, driving up was another story. There were destroyed houses, people in the streets cleaning and other people watching them closely as they drove through. The political landscape had been a mess for years and Russian interference was not helping. Emma listened as Price explained everything that was happening and as the men around her asked questions. They didn’t venture too far into what they were doing there, waiting for the safety of the safe house just in case there were any bugs.

The safe house itself was a very small two-story house on the outskirts of the city. It looked rundown on the outside and when they all climbed out a feral cat darted under the back porch that was sagging on one side. Price ushered them all in and once inside he locked the door and peered out the windows to make sure they weren’t followed but the streets were empty. The inside of the house wasn’t much better than the outside, the kitchen tiles and walls were tinged yellow from years of someone smoking inside, and the carpet had very questionable stains and was missing in some spots as if someone just cut chunks out of it. The furniture was dingy and Emma toed at an old-looking cardboard box, afraid something may be alive inside of it.

“It’s not much but it’s secure,” Price stated before pointing at the bookshelf. Alex immediately went over and pulled it off the wall like a door, and once opened the inside revealed a bunch of surveillance equipment, monitors, and gear. Alex pulled over a chair that had seen better days before he started working on logging in and starting everything up. “Gear is upstairs,” Price stated and Crane and Gaz bolted for the steps, shoving one another playfully as they went to check out what they had. “You can go through and set up all your medical stuff in the spare room over there,” Price gestured to what must have been the dining room at some point.

“Do you think I’m going to need it? I thought this was just information gathering,” Emma inquired as Soap grabbed the bag for her to lug it into the next room.

“Always be prepared,” Ghost said simply, “best to know what you have to work with just in case something doesn’t go to plan” It was the first words he had spoken to her since the night before, they weren’t clipped or angry either. It was fairly civil for him and it was jarring enough that Emma just turned around and walked into her area to start sorting through everything.

It took her well over an hour to pull everything out and get it in some sort of semblance of order, making a mental inventory and checking the packing list. They had provided her with pretty much everything she would need in an emergency situation to keep someone alive until they got to the hospital. It even went as far as a small portable AED and quick set cast for a broken bone. She was zipping all of the pockets shut now that the bag was empty when Price called them all back into the living room to start handing out files for all of their marks and discussing tactics.

Emma took her folder and flipped it open to find the left side was full of pictures of a man and the right had all his information. Mikhail Lebedev, heir to a very wealthy Russian family that owned an arms dealing factory that had exclusive contracts with the Russian military. He was a single businessman, almost a decade older than her, known for being a playboy that liked to flash his money. He was suspected with helping push Russian agendas among the rebels in Ukraine and even supplying them with money and weapons. Emma pulled a face as she flipped through the pictures, he wasn’t bad looking at all with his broad shoulders and head of dark curly hair, but she could tell by just looking at his body language he was full of himself. He knew he could get what he wanted when he wanted it and he never took no for an answer.

“I hope you slept on the plane,” Price stated as he looked at Emma while everyone flipped through their files. Alex had a pile of all of them since he was staying behind to coordinate and keep tabs. “There’s a big meet-up this evening hosted by Mikhail. Laswell secured us an in to get into the club,” Price stated before pointing at Gaz, Soap, and Crane, “they will be going in with you, their own marks will be in attendance but we’re mostly concerned about Mikhail tonight, we think there may be a deal going down in the next few days. Gaz will be playing your security guard, Soap and Crane are your close friends,” all of them nodded though Emma was confused about what role she would be playing if she needed security.

“You’re a wealthy American heiress on a tour of Europe before your marriage,” Price explained and Emma’s eyebrows shot straight up, this was news to her. Since when was she going to be playing the bait and interacting with her mark. “He likes money and things he can’t have,” Price continued before he dug around in his jacket pocket and tossed a bank deposit bag onto the table in front of Emma. “You don’t have to do anything you are uncomfortable with,” he stated as Emma pulled the bag toward her and opened it up to reveal a large stack of cash in Ukrainian currency as well as jewelry, a different passport, and other various documents. “We just need you to keep him sufficiently distracted while the rest of them work the room, see if you can get anything out of him. Ghost is going to work on trying to get into his penthouse to plant a few bugs while Mikhail’s…busy.”

“What am I going to do with this?” Emma asked as she held up a few of the bills, “I don’t think he would want my money if he’s as rich as you say,” she continued though she had a feeling where this was going.

“You need to look and dress the part,” Price answered simply and Emma finally dared a glance at Soap. His face was unreadable as he took in his instructions but she could see his hands were curled into loose fists on the table. This was part of the job though; this is what they both signed up for and Price had made it very clear that the job could not be affected by their feelings. “There are some clothes upstairs in the master bedroom already, Laswell had them sent. I have no idea what she picked for you, but hopefully, they are warm. There’s a chance it’ll snow tonight,” Price looked pointedly at Ghost who merely nodded. Snow meant footprints so he would have to cover his tracks.

“If I’m supposed to catch his eye, I doubt the clothes will be very warm,” Emma muttered as she pulled out a very expensive looking diamond bracelet and ran it through her fingers. This was probably worth more than what she made on a single contract job. “I suppose I’ll go get ready?” Emma asked, sounding braver than she felt. She couldn’t back down now, she had been training for months for this and they were depending on her to get the work done. She could flirt and flash a little skin to keep Mikhail busy while the guys worked their own marks. Plus, she was due to be ‘married’ so there shouldn’t be any expectation from Mikhail of her, though Price’s comment about him liking things he couldn’t have stuck out in her mind.

When no one said anything to her Emma pushed out from her chair, tucking the file and bank deposit bag of items under her arm, and headed up the creaky stairs with her personal bag. The house was cold as she made her way to the master, which mercifully was actually nice and clean compared to the rest of the house though Emma wouldn’t be surprised if there were still a few mice or roaches lurking in the corners. Finding the closet Emma pulled it open and stared at the clothes Laswell had sent for all of them, a mix of dresses for her and formal wear for the men. There were a bunch and she had an uncomfortable feeling she was going to be playing this heiress for more than one night.

“For fucks sake,” Emma breathed as her fingers danced over the satin and silk of the dresses. None of them left much to the imagination and she picked a bright pink one off the hanger and held it up before quickly putting it back with a solid ‘no’ muttered under her breath. Some of the dresses were short cut and tight, obviously meant for the club scene but others were floor length and elegant, meant for nice dinners or galas. The only formal dresses she had worn in her life were for school dances or the Air Force ball. All of her dresses were off the rack from local department stores but these just oozed designer made, custom. “I’m going to feel so out of place,” she stated to herself as she tried to choose what to wear that night.

Overwhelmed by the dresses, Emma decided to get her hair and makeup done first, which she could do while she mused over in her mind what to wear that night. In the bathroom, she found stacks of different makeup and hair products and she groaned looking over all of it. It had been so long since she put on a full face of makeup or even curled her hair, she would be surprised she’d remember how but she needed to look like she did this effortlessly every day. So, she got to work. Emma used the foundation she found to cover up bruises and marks she thought would be seen under her clothes, though she decided that maybe a few wouldn’t be a bad idea to leave a bit visible. Maybe Mikhail liked women who could take a few hits or acted like they enjoyed that type of thing. He looked like he would, the smug bastard.

It took her a while to primp and clean herself, lotioning up her skin, pulling her hair this way and that to get it to curl just right then spraying everything to set. If it weren’t for the circumstances, she may have been happy with how she looked, it did look like she was going out on a very fancy date. Even the undergarments she had found felt luxurious under the bathrobe that she had plucked off the bathroom door and pulled on. At least Laswell appreciated the work that went into getting ready and made sure she was comfortable while doing it.

One more pause in the mirror Emma stared at her reflection, barely recognizing herself as she twisted a curl back and pinned it to frame her face. Hearing someone outside of the bathroom door in the bedroom Emma paused and tightened the belt around her robe before walking out. She found Soap sitting on the bed and he gave a low whistle as he took her in, his hands finishing up the buttons of his shirt.

“Lass…Gaz is going to have his hands full keeping everyone off of you,” he stated as he moved to roll up the sleeves of his shirt, folding the cuffs in a slow deliberate manner. He was dressed nicely as well; black slacks and a simple dark blue button-down shirt that he had left the collar undone. His shoes were shined dress shoes, forgoing the usual boots or sneakers, and he had trimmed up his beard and was freshly shaved as well. Seeing him like that took everything Emma had to just not drop the robe there and jump him, especially with the way his eyes ran over her in an almost possessive manner.

“I’m more worried about all the women with you,” Emma noted as she turned to the closet to finally pick out a dress. “I’ll at least have Gaz running interference but you’ll be thrown to the wolves,” she said as she mused between the red and black number, turning them this way and that on their hangers. She would have felt much more comfortable in the floor-length numbers but she knew that wasn’t practical tonight, and not the point of it either. She needed to show some skin, catch eyes, and keep those eyes distracted.

“I’ll be watching you all night, no one else is going to hold my gaze like you,” Soap said quietly as he came to stand behind her with one hand on her hip, the other reaching around to look at the dresses himself. “I won’t be able to concentrate,” he breathed into her ear which made her shiver slightly and lean back into him. He ran his forefinger and thumb over the different materials before pulling the short dark blue dress out, similar to the color shirt he was wearing. “This one,” he stated, deciding for her and handing her the dress. Emma nodded took it from him and moved to head to the bathroom to change but Soap grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her back to him.

Emma felt her breath catch as he twisted her back around to face him again. She tilted her head up to him, arms hung loosely at her sides, waiting for him to continue. Soap didn’t say a word as he undid the belt of her robe, never breaking eye contact with her, and let the fabric fall open slowly to reveal her dark lingerie underneath. She caught the eye flare as he pushed the robe off her shoulders and Emma let the fabric fall until it caught in her elbows.

“Did Laswell do this to torture me?” Soap groaned as his fingers trailed lightly over the material covering her breasts. The lace wasn’t doing much as far as coverage but undergarments that went under these types of dresses weren’t meant to be modest. Soap's fingers splayed against one breast and squeezed gently, causing Emma to gasp, before he slid his fingers down her bare stomach to toy with the elastic band of her underwear on her hip. “Fucking hell,” he muttered as he glanced down to the garters on her thighs that were holding up her stockings with delicate little clips. He swallowed hard, as if to restrain himself, before grabbing her hips with both hands and pulling her tight against him.

“If you weren’t all done up already, I’d have you bent over that bed right now,” he stated, leaning down to nuzzle the side of his face against hers so he could whisper in her ear. “Test out how quiet you can be as I fucked you in this lingerie,” he bit at her ear lobe which caused her to gasp and her hands shot out to grab at his forearms. “Well…until I ripped all the pretty lace into shreds,” he continued, pressing a kiss over her racing pulse on her neck. His hands slid around to her bare ass and his fingertips squeezed into the skin there as he pulled her even tighter against him so Emma could feel how badly he wanted her.

“How fast can you be?” Emma asked, almost pleading with him to do everything he had just stated and more. It was a risk with everyone here but her brain was so clouded with lust for the man standing in front of her she was willing to take it. She had been wanting to jump him for two days now but things kept getting in the way. She’d even take a heavy make-out session at this point, she just wanted him to keep touching her. “Makeup can always be touched up,” she continued, her hand drifting to press up against the seam of his pants which was incredibly tight at the moment.

“I can do fast and dirty,” Soap ground out as his fingers slipped between her legs from behind, pushing the thin strip of underwear to the side to feel the wetness there. He huffed and slid his fingers away, earning a whine of disappointment from Emma who had opened her legs a bit wider to give him better access. “But I’m not that fast and Price is waiting,” he ground out before unwrapping his arms from around her reluctantly.

Emma felt like she was going to combust as she looked at him and almost grabbed his wrist and dragged his hand back to her body but he was right, they needed to get going. Soap took the dress that was draped over her arm and gestured to help her into it, twisting her around by the hips to do up the back. His hands were nimble as they pulled up the zipper and slid the diamond necklace around her neck, though he kept running his hands over her body as he worked; especially as he helped her strap on the heels, his fingers gently massaging her calves and kissing the inside of her knee.

“When you’re busy flirting with Mikhail I want you to think of me undressing you later,” he said as he slowly rose from the floor where he had knelt in front of the bed to lean over her instead. “And when he talks a big game to you,” his hand slid up her skirt and he grabbed one of her garters between two fingers. He picked the material up a few inches from her skin before letting the elastic snap back on her thigh with a sharp sting, “I want you to think of how you felt screaming my name in that warehouse.” He smirked and dared a quick kiss to her lips, not wanting to smear her lipstick, “and if he tries anything with you, I want you to know I’ll break his fucking skull.” The last sentence was a lethal promise and Soap locked eyes with Emma to emphasize it. Emma felt the shiver of fear, but also comfort, shoot down her back from his words before he pulled away to stand up straight and offer her his arm.

“You better stick to that promise of undressing me later Johnny,” Emma stated as she loosed a breath she didn’t realize she was holding before she smoothed her skirt back out and grabbed her small clutch. She had stuffed some cash in the little black purse along with her lipstick, a burner phone, her fake passport, and a small knife in the zipper pocket. “Or I may just get Mikhail’s number and call him up if you can’t satisfy me. He looks like he knows his way around a woman,” she smirked and Soap all but growled his displeasure at her words but he moved to help her out of the room and down the stairs.

“Well don’t you look cute,” Gaz stated as he buttoned the cuffs on his suit jacket and stuck the earpiece in his ear. Emma rolled her eyes at him but he just laughed. His cover as her security would allow him to have a direct line with Alex where they could talk back and forth without issue. Emma was handed a small earpiece that went so far into her ear canal it was barely visible and in the dark lighting of a club behind her hair, no one would see it. The microphone piece was a small button that clipped right onto her bra strap and she tested it with Alex before heading out to the car. It was an actual car this time, not the van, a sleek black Cadillac looking thing. Gaz walked to the front to drive, shoving his second pistol into the glove box, his first one was on a chest holster under his jacket.

Emma, Crane, and Soap slid into the back, the two men were dressed the same in button-down shirts and black slacks, large watches on their wrists, and rings on their fingers. Emma jiggled her foot the whole ride over and Soap gently patted her knee as they rode in relative silence. The closer they got to the club the more nervous she became and when Gaz pulled up to the valet, she took a deep breath and waited for the door to open. Time to put on the act.