#eloise is a nervous book nerd lesbian

[apinchofm]

Girls Like Girls

Eloise being a confused lesbian, Edwina being an adorable lesbian, they both love books and their elder siblings are tired.

Am I gay?

Eloise always knew she was a little different from her siblings. She wasn't like Daphne who had planned her wedding and family from the age of seven and envisioned the perfect man to marry. She was not like Francesca who had a magnetic personality.

But she didn't quite fit. But then she met someone who made her think she might just fit a little bit.

....

Edwina Sharma was a walking ray of sunshine. She liked to see the best in everyone and everything. It was how she viewed life, even if the world could be cruel.

Why be cruel in return?

"Come on, didi!" She still used the nickname she called Kate when she was a baby, learning to speak. She did not know why, but it had just stuck.

Kate shook her head, standing from her chair, "They are across the street and it's a Sunday. I doubt we shall be late for anything."

"But we moved in Friday and isn't Lady Bridgerton Amma's friend?" Edwina pushed. She liked making a good first impression. Especially if she'll be living closely with these people.

Kate grinned and shook her head, "Get Newton. Who can say no to him?"

They walked across the quiet street to the Bridgerton House. Mayfair was always quiet.

Violet opened the door, smiling at the two of them, "Hello. Oh, you are Mary's girls! I'm Violet. Where is your mother?"

"Mum had an emergency call at the hospital, so she told us to bring you the cake." Kate supplied, handing her the tin which Violet took gratefully, slightly opening the tin to smell the sticky date cake she had made.

"Come in girls for a cup of tea and to meet some of the children. It's Sunday, so all of them are home for once," She opened the door wider, excited to have them here.

"This is Newton." Edwina introduced the corgi in her arms. And he barked happily at the mention of his name. Violet scratched him behind the ears and said he was free to run around.

"You have a beautiful home," Edwina observed, "Perhaps you may convince my mother to let me tale direction over the house.

"We are not having a pink house!" Kate laughed, "She would cover the kitchen in glitter!"

"Nothing wrong with a splash of colour," Violet laughed, "Edwina, I believe you are starting upper school at the same time as my daughter Eloise. She's through there in the drawing room."

"I should-" Kate wanted to supervise but Violet had the older girl hooked on to her arm.

"Kate dear, you can help me with the tea and my sons are in the kitchen, they would love to meet you..." Edwina laughed as Violet and their mother had obviously planned to set Kate up.

She walked straight through to the drawing room (she didn't know people still called it that) to see who she presumed to be Eloise buried in a torn up copy of Wollstonecraft's Vindication of the Rights of Women.

Edwina smiled brightly at Eloise who looked up and stared. Edwina was just really pretty. Really pretty. Oh no.

Her long dark hair was tied back with a yellow scarf that matched the deep yellow of her floral dress. Even her trainers were pristine and white, but not new.

"Hi." Eloise squeaked quietly. This did not deter the smiling girl who sat across from her, still smiling.

How was it possible for someone to smile so much?

"Hello! I'm Edwina. Your mum said that we would be in upper school together, starting next week. What do you study?"

"Um, English, Politics, History and French." Eloise listed and she nodded, very interested.

"I'm also in English and History! Glad to know I will know somebody." Edwina said, "Also Philosophy and Sociology."

"Not Latin?" Eloise asked dryly but if Edwina had picked up on the tone, she didn't show it, still grinning.

"No, I'm fluent already." Edwina mused, "Kate, my sister said I should have picked it for fun."

Crazy people could be pretty too. Her eldest three brothers' had exes and who could attest to that.

But she seemed perfectly sane.

...

Eloise was determined not to like Edwina. No matter how well read she was and the fact that she cared about issues in the world. Or how annoyingly pretty she was and was slowly changing Eloise's ideas on pink being awful when she wore it so well.

"What's she like?" Penelope asked, first day back. She knew about Mary Sharma, thanks to the gossip spread by her mother Portia who had leaned out of the family towncar to tut at Mary dropping her youngest at school herself.

"You can ask her." Eloise muttered, seeing Edwina pass by Cressida Cowper who had spoken to her for about ten seconds, looking nervously around before spotting the two. Her dark pink cord jacket and her floral dress made her easy to spot in Eloise's eyes.

"Hello, Eloise." Edwina smiled and looked at Penelope smiling brightly, "Hello. I'm Edwina."

"Penelope Featherington." Penelope introduced, "My mama was saying that your mother ran away when she was younger. Is that true?"

Edwina nodded, "It is. But no one ever tells me the full story. By the way, I really like your blouse."

"Oh, you're joking." Penelope nervously tittered looking down at her orange blouse. Eloise on the inside felt vindicated - there was something wrong with her!

"No!" Edwina immediately said, her eyes wide with worry, "I really do like it on you. Yes, the orange may clash with your hair but you wear it very well. And that is all that matters."

"Oh, thank you." Penelope was surprised, then looked at her watch, "I have Drama. See you at lunch."

"English is on Tuesdays. Study days on Monday for us, luckily," Eloise explained.

"You didn't have to be nice to Penelope," Eloise said when they were sat at a table together.

"Why not?" Edwina was confused, "I really liked her blouse. It was pretty."

"I saw Cressida Cowper and her swarm of dolls approach you."

"Cressida? That's her name?" Edwina had barely registered the girl, "She was merely greeting me. She asked if I would like to play tennis with her friends but I have never liked to play, merely spectate. Kate is the better athlete. I prefer things like gymnastics or just my books."

"Apologises, I am rambling." Edwina's face warmed.

"No. It's fine." Eloise assured her, "Usually, I am stuck with my own thoughts when Pen has her classes so, it's...nice,"

"I am glad." The silence, for the first time for Eloise, was not uncomfortable.

...

They swap books all the time. Edwina's books are neatly preserved with handmade bookmarks and covers on the older tomes inherited from her appa's library. Eloise is the complete opposite. The more she loves the book, the messier it is. Edwina does not mind, she actually wishes she could be less anal-retentive when it comes to her books.

"It's not a bad thing," Eloise said when they were at lunch.

"You could be neater, El," Penelope teased and Edwina giggled.

"Here." Edwina gives her a neatly wrapped box the following day and she is confused because well, it is not her birthday.

She opens it to see three homemade bookmarks - one made with embroidery with her name another with a strand of dried lavender and another coloured in watercolours of a sunset.

"I love that you wear your books out and the dog-eared pages, but I need you to have bookmarks. So I made you some." Edwina explained.

Eloise is shocked and she runs her hands gently over the embroidered bookmark. Blues and purples threads. Her favourite colours. She did not even know that she knew.

"I-Thank you." Eloise shyly smiles, "I love them."

"I am glad!" Edwina said and then she went back to her work as if she had not just broken through.

...

"Eloise?" Penelope shook her gently and noticed she was deep in thought. Lying on her bed on a Saturday morning, which was unusual for her.

No. She was in shock. Considering she was just staring up at the ceiling, concerned.

Penelope quickly went to get Violet and upon seeing her daughter frowned.

"Oh dear. I'll call Benedict."

Benedict was always able to talk to Eloise. They had their own language - two kindred spirits.

He arrived an hour later and flopped down next to Eloise, "Morning. I am having a shit hangover, El. What's wrong?'

"How do I get a girl to like me?"

"Are you finally trying to make more friends?" He asked dryly. She tended to accidentally on purpose insult her classmates.

And acquaintances. And strangers.

"I mean, romantically. There is a girl and I want her to like me." Eloise murmured.

"Does she like you?"

"How can I tell?" She almost whined petulantly.

"Ask."

"I can't just ask! God, you ninny!" She pinched his shoulder.

"We'll make a checklist." Benedict reached over and plucked a pen from her bedside and a sticky note, "What would you like her to do to prove she likes you?'

Eloise thought. Daphne liked all the flowers and presents Simon brought her which proved his affection as they always meant something. But someone can buy you something nice and not like you as much as you like them.

"I want her to kiss me," Eloise admitted, finally looking at him. Benedict gave his sister a sympathetic smile.

"Well, when she kisses you, that is when you definitely know she likes you. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now. Please get up before mother and Pen call an ambulance. I think they believe you literally died of embarrassment."

...

"We can study wherever." Edwina shrugged, with a small smile. She leads her through the fragrant and bright Sharma household. Mary pokes her head out of her home office, on a phone call with one of her colleagues blowing a quick kiss to her daughter and waving to Eloise.

"Are you okay El?" Edwina asked, seeing the faraway look in her eyes.

"What did you say?" Eloise blinked.

"El? Sorry, I just heard Penelope call you that," Her face warmed in embarrassment and she thought it made her somehow more adorable.

"No, no." Eloise was quick, "You can call me El too. I'd like that. I may not have a nickname for you."

"That's okay." Edwina shrugged then her attention was on the troublesome corgi who had an old stethoscope in its mouth.

"Newton, atai viṭu!" And he immediately turned back to Edwina, dropping the object at her feet, sitting patiently.

"Your dog speaks Hindi?" Eloise asked.

"Tamil," She corrected gently, "Yes. It's why he causes mischief. But he does understand English; he just ignores it unless it's amma calling him." She giggled and Eloise laughed with her.

And when Edwina hugged her tightly, even though she was only going across the road, she wanted to melt there and then as she inhaled her familiar vanilla perfume.

So she sprints away.

...

"Eloise!"

Eloise turned around at the sound of her name being called and saw Edwina running after her and holding her copy of The Big Sleep.

"You dropped this." Edwina said, slightly breathless, "You are very fast."

"Sorry," She sniffed, taking the book. She felt so silly.

"It's okay." Edwina said, concerned "Did I do something?"

"No, it was me. My stupid list, which only has one thing on it!" Eloise ranted.

"El." Edwina holds one of her hands, "It's okay. What's on the list?"

Eloise blushes, "I wanted you to kiss me because I thought you liked me but it's okay because-"

Edwina leaned up slightly to kiss her and Eloise could not help kissing her back. Her hands wrapped around her waist, holding on to her. It was not perfect, a little messy but so right.

Edwina pulled away, "That was nice. Kate told me to always kiss first. It's polite."

"I'll see you at school tomorrow." And Edwina grinned, her cheeks warm and she skipped away.

Eloise arrives home and just leans against the front door when she gets inside, clutching her book to her chest and biting her lip. She can still taste her cherry lip balm.

"What has you grinning?" She looked up to see her mother coming downstairs with a vase of flowers that she set on the round table, "Make anyone cry today?"

"A girl kissed me," Eloise said, still smiling and Violet smiled.

"How wonderful. Now do clean up dear, dinner is in fifteen minutes." Violet said and then walked to the drawing room.

A girl kissed her and her world did not fall apart as she feared.