#elodie ft. nari.

[fadinglights]

“what  the  hell  are  you  doing?”  elodie  barges  in,  her  voice  cutting  through  the  air,  evidently  catching  nari  by  surprise.  a  wave  of  disbelief  washes  over  her,  leaving  her  baffled  beyond  belief.  it  could  be  worse  —  much  worse.  at  least  it’s  not  cheating.  there’s  no  way  she  could  ever  forgive  that.  the  frustration  simmers  within  her,  igniting  a  fire  as  she  grapples  with  the  fact  that  there’s  a  significant  part  of  nari’s  life  she  had  no  idea  about.  it  infuriates  her,  the  feeling  of  being  left  in  the  dark,  but  deep  down,  she  should  know  better  than  anyone  that  everyone  harbours  secrets  they’ll  take  to  their  graves. / @cigvrettedvet

[fadinglights]

a  part  of  elodie  can  instinctively  sense  that  her  girlfriend  is  lying  when  she  says  she’s  considered  the  possibility  nari  mentioned.  however,  it’s  nari’s  next  words  that  truly  capture  her  attention.  “and  why  do  you  need  it?”  elodie  asks,  her  curiosity  piqued  as  she  waits  for  nari’s  response.  she  hasn’t  heard  of  any  financial  troubles  on  nari’s  side,  but  then  again,  not  everyone  is  comfortable  sharing  such  information,  even  with  their  loved  ones.  the  genuine  confessions  manage  to  melt  away  some  of  elodie’s  frustration  —  though  to  call  it  anger  isn’t  entirely  accurate;  the  situation  simply  makes  her  uneasy.  everyone  has  their  own  secrets  to  keep,  though,  don’t  they?  she  sighs  softly  into  her  palm,  delicate  fingers  rubbing  her  temple  in  an  attempt  to  ease  the  throbbing  headache  that  has  settled  there.  given  how  smitten  she  is  with  nari  —  more  than  she  ever  anticipated  —  she  would  usually  echo  back  the  sentiment  without  much  resistance,  having  moved  past  the  denial  stage.  but  right  now,  she’s  in  too  much  shock  to  access  that  version  of  herself.  “...are  you  sure  about  that?”  elodie  asks  when  nari  claims  she’s  willing  to  put  an  end  to  the  side  business  for  her.  “but  you  just  said  you  needed  it.”  confusion  swells  within  her,  leaving  her  unsure  of  what  to  believe  anymore.

"i've considered that," nari stubbornly argues when, in fact, she hasn't. "but nothing's really happened yet so i figured i could keep this going until i don't really need to anymore." when would that be? nari truly didn't know the answer to that. she had been doing this for so long that she had forgotten all about her supposed expiration date. realistically, it probably should've ended when nari got with elodie, but the money had been too tempting to pass up and nari was too prideful to ask elodie for help when she knew she could do it by herself. "lying? i . . . look, i know i fucked up in not telling you but i'd never intentionally lie to you just to hurt you or even cheat. i was afraid you'd judge me or leave. and i like you too much for that to happen," nari argued. "i like you a lot, elodie. i've never felt this way about anyone the way that i feel for you. and . . . i'll even give all of this up just to prove myself to you." a pretty bold claim, seeing as she had prided herself on being a cam girl superstar. but it wouldn't mean a thing if she lost elodie in the process. "i promise."

[fadinglights]

her  brain  seems  to  fail  her  as  it  struggles  to  process  the  overwhelming  amount  of  information  dumped  on  her.  the  journey  from  suspecting  her  girlfriend  of  cheating  to  confronting  the  reality  that  she’s  actually  a  cam  girl  for  money  feels  like  a  dizzying  leap.  “...  you’re  aware  that  image  search  exists,  right?  everything  you  put  online  leaves  a  trail,  and  i’m  pretty  sure  someone  out  there  already  knows  who  you  are.”  perhaps  it’s  part  of  her  upbringing  that  has  instilled  a  constant  sense  of  caution,  or  maybe  it’s  just  her  naturally  wary  personality,  but  nari’s  side  gig  feels  inherently  unsafe.  as  her  girlfriend,  something  just  feels  fundamentally  wrong  about  this  revelation,  even  though  technically  she  knows  she’s  in  no  position  to  control  what  nari  does  for  money.  sitting  down  in  the  chair  at  her  vanity,  she  grips  the  hem  of  her  skirt,  the  fabric  taut  under  her  fingers  as  she  considers  nari’s  question.  for  once,  unlike  her  usual  quick-fire  responses,  she  finds  herself  at  a  loss  for  words.  “i  don’t  know…  how  do  i  know  you’re  not  lying?”  she’ll  be  exposed  as  a  hypocrite  when  nari  inevitably  discovers  just  how  much  elodie  has  kept  hidden  about  her  own  life.  but  that  scenario  feels  distant  —  she’ll  make  sure  it  never  comes  to  light  —  so  it  seems  futile  to  worry  about  it  now.

nari watches, seeing about three different emotions cross elodie's features. at least she hadn't started yelling at her or freaking out so that had to be a positive, right? "oh," is all nari says, unsure of how to feel about that response. maybe she would've preferred elodie blowing up on her. maybe then she'd know exactly what to expect. "they've seen my face a couple of times but for the most part, it's just my body they're paying to see. but no one knows who i really am, if that's what you're worried about. i do a good job at covering my tracks. well . . . usually." a new fear crosses nari's mind and being the woman she was, she wouldn't beat around the bush. "are you going to break up with me because of this?"

[fadinglights]

relief  washes  over  elodie  —  albeit  in  a  small  fraction  —  when  nari  assures  her  that  she’s  not  cheating.  however,  the  explanation  that  follows  is  far  from  anything  she  could  have  anticipated,  leaving  her  momentarily  speechless.  she  blinks,  her  confusion  palpable  as  she  regards  her  girlfriend  in  silence.  “a  cam  girl?”  she  repeats,  the  words  feeling  foreign  and  heavy  on  her  tongue.  “as  in…”  her  mind  races,  drifting  to  the  kind  of  content  nari  might  be  sharing  online,  and  she  blinks  again,  still  unable  to  process  this  shocking  revelation.  for  someone  who  has  never  struggled  financially,  the  idea  of  using  such  a  means  to  earn  a  living  never  crossed  her  mind.  when  nari  asks  if  she’s  mad,  elodie  finds  herself  at  a  loss  for  words.  “i  just…  i  don’t  know.  i  never  expected  this  from  you.”  is  she  angry?  curious?  or  both  at  the  same  time?  “do  you  have  to  show  your  face  to  them?  i  mean,  do  people  know  it’s  you?”

nari's bombarded with questions and while she knew it was to be expected, that didn't make it easier. "i . . . i'm not cheating on you, if that's what you're thinking. i'm a cam girl and i've been doing this for a while - long before i met you." that probably didn't make the reality easier to digest. but nonetheless, it was the truth. "i was in the middle of a session when you . . . interrupted. this is how i make my money. the modeling's more of an . . . aspiration, at the moment." obviously, nari wanted to be a model full time and abandon her current job. but she hadn't been too lucky yet. "are you . . . mad at me for lying? 'cause . . . i would've told you . . . eventually. it's just not a very easy thing to discuss over dinner."

[fadinglights]

“i  forgot  something.”  elodie  responds  out  of  habit,  but  her  frown  returns  when  she  remembers  that  she  is  the  one  owed  explanations,  not  the  other  way  around.  “who  were  you  on  the  phone  with?”  her  suspicion  grows  by  the  second  and  she  isn’t  the  type  to  handle  it  with  grace.  “...why  are  you  naked?”  her  gaze  instinctively  drifts  to  the  wardrobe,  her  mind  bombarded  with  the  possibility  that  this  is  one  of  those  clichés  where  she  might  find  someone  hiding  while  her  partner  lies  shamelessly  to  her  face.  arms  wrap  over  her  chest  as  her  gaze  returns  to  the  woman  and  her  mind  races  with  all  possible  explanations,  loathing  each  of  them.  “explain.”

in the midst of her recording another stream for her fans, the last thing nari expected was an interruption. she figured her girlfriend would be out for a while so she could get away with a quick video for her cam girl business without getting caught. but surprise, surprise, elodie had barged in and nari quickly ended the video. "elodie? what are you doing here?!" nari asks, struggling to cover herself up. it was a little ironic since she was acting a bit like elodie had done something wrong rather than the other way around. elodie had no clue that she was a cam girl . . . at least, until now. "i - i can explain, i swear!"