#ellen your sons are attacking me with how gorgeous they are

[samuelbennett]

[tabloidtoc]

Star, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

Page 1: Christina Aguilera at 40 -- she talks about child stardom, learning to love her body, and what she wants her daughter Summer to know

Page 2: Contents, Renee Zellweger, Phoebe Dynevor and James McAvoy at the BAFTAs in London

Page 3: Mariska Hargitay and Law & Order: SVU co-star Ice-T take a selfie during a break from shooting the cop drama in NYC, Heather Graham at the beach in Mexico, stepping into the America's Got Talent studio Sofia Vergara elevated her casual cropped jeans with strappy platform sandals in L.A., Jason Momoa cutting a rug with an unidentified partner ahead of filming a scene for his upcoming fantasy film Slumberland in Toronto

Page 4: Colton Underwood comes out -- saying he's the happiest and healthiest he's ever been, the former Bachelor clarifies his orientation

Page 5: Lena Dunham is no stranger to controversy, so it comes as no surprise that her foray into fashion design has also come under fire as she partnered with a plus-size label to create the capsule collection 11 Honore x Lena Dunham, but the kicky line quickly came under fire as critics are calling it tone-deaf, mediocre and not inclusive at all since its largest size is a 26 and some are even going so far to call Lena a grifter who gained weight in order to make money off the plus-size community but Lena, who underwent a hysterectomy at 31, has pointed to early menopause as the cause of her straight-up gut -- while Lena refuses to be intimidated by bullies, she is listening to the complaints about sizes and is planning to address it

* Once a cautionary tale of the perils of child stardom, at age 40 Macaulay Culkin is a father himself as he and girlfriend Brenda Song welcomed a son, Dakota -- he's finally overcome his demons and Brenda has been a huge influence on his life and helped him get back on the straight and narrow and he's even pursuing acting again, shooting season 10 of American Horror Story; his life has taken such a positive turn

* A year after announcing her split from Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari is seeing the upside of divorce, saying it's made her a better mom in some ways because she has her kids half the time now so when she has them for her week, she is so incredibly present with her kids Camden, Jaxon and Saylor and she is not distracted by her phone or anything else; she is with them -- Jay and Kristin each have the kids 182.5 days a year and court papers also revealed that her ex is allowed two phone calls and two FaceTime or Skype calls a week and vice versa so now every moment is precious and if someone is having a temper tantrum or something, she remains calm because she knows that she is losing them in a few days

Page 6: Gwen Stefani is widely thought to have had some help in the nips and tucks department, and as her wedding to Blake Shelton approaches, he is starting to object to her constant tweaking of her face -- she's always messing with it by getting more fillers and Botox and Blake is afraid of what he'll see at the altar and he's freaking out at Gwen's increasingly extreme beauty routine which is becoming increasingly over-the-top; Gwen can barely move her face to smile at him anymore and it looks weird -- while he frets, he's trying to reassure his wife-to-be because Blake thinks she's beautiful just the way she is

* As an executive producer on the long-running Law & Order: SVU, Mariska Hargitay has tasked the writers to come up with more storylines featuring one of her favorite characters: defense attorney Trevor Langan, played by none other than her husband Peter Hermann -- Mariska and Peter originally met and fell in love when Peter guest-starred on the show and she loves to keep that magic alive by bringing him back to play Trevor but the trouble is he is busy with his own gigs as a series regular on Younger and his recurring role on Blue Bloods and Peter loves working with his wife, but he has his own acting career apart from Mariska -- still, he may soon have his day in court because Peter understands how Mariska feels and is trying to work his schedule to allow him some guest spots in the near future

Page 8: Star Shots -- Lenny Kravitz with a guitar flaunted his well-sculpted midsection during a stroll on the beach, Suki Waterhouse with her on-the-go grub on the set in Liverpool

Page 9: Louisa Jacobson and Taissa Farmiga and Denee Benton on the set of The Gilded Age in NYC, Conan O'Brien sipped on a soda at lunch in L.A., Katy Perry in the American Idol bathroom

Page 10: Kate Hudson with mom Goldie Hawn and kids Ryder and Rani, Kate Hudson twirled solo modeling in a pal's swimwear collection, Jude Law's daughter Iris Law who will make her acting debut in Danny Boyle's upcoming Sex Pistols biopic makes a call in London

Page 12: Kelly Osbourne handed out items at a food distribution event as the Islamic Center for Southern California, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the gym, despite a no-social warning a cheeky Nicole Kidman shared a pic from the set of Aaron Sorkin's Being the Ricardos in which she portrays Lucille Ball

Page 13: Anabella Sciorra and Donnie Wahlberg gloved up for a Blue Bloods scene in NYC, Heidi Klum and husband Tom Kaulitz started their morning during a walk on the beach in L.A.

Page 14: Travis Barker showed off his body art stepping off a Hollywood tour bus shirtless after filming a music video, a cheerful Britney Spears gave a fun look into her wardrobe in a pink floral frock, Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin color-coordinated for a walk near the beach in Miami

Page 16: Lamar Odom and Aaron Carter put up their dukes to promote their Celebrity Boxing Match in Philadelphia, Priyanka Chopra Jonas and husband Nick Jonas at the BAFTAs in London, Ellen DeGeneres on the phone during a stroll in her main hood of Montecito

Page 18: Normal or Not? A denim-on-denim clad Jay Leno scratched an itch while filming a project in Los Angeles -- not normal, dressed in a Siggi sweatshirt Katie Holmes picked up some seasonal blooms on Manhattan's Upper East Side -- normal, Kate Beckinsale multitasked during a car ride by applying undereye patches -- not normal

Page 19: Gavin Rossdale appeared to be pleased with his Kitson purchase by doing a little dance after leaving the popular L.A. store -- not normal

Page 20: Fashion -- stars wow in statement-making capes -- Gisele Bundchen, Charlize Theron, Zoey Deutch

Page 21: Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning

Page 24: Justin Bieber: How Love Saved Me -- the formerly troubled pop singer gives praise for wife Hailey Bieber

Page 25: Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance has already cooled and the pair are giving each other space -- turns out Olivia and Harry don't actually have much in common -- the two jetted to London after wrapping Don't Worry Darling, but they were soon waylaid by their respective responsibilities as Olivia has been spending time with her kids Otis and Daisy while her ex Jason Sudeikis shoots Ted Lasso while Harry, who was spooked by how quickly intense things got, is gearing up for his role in My Policeman -- for now, the two have decided to reassess things when they're back in L.A., which leaves the window open for Jason, whose strategy was to let her and Harry fizzle out, then see where she is at, and it's going according to plan

* Jennifer Lopez calls off her relationship with Alex Rodriguez

* Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher are better than ever after overcoming a rough patch, one that had their inner circle convinced they were headed for divorce -- Mike had a serious roving eye that made Carrie anxious and she would treat him like he was Mr. Underwood and tensions between the two were at an all-time high when the pandemic hit, forcing the two into extra one-on-one time, but as it turns out, their new routine is just what they needed because they set boundaries, divided up tasks and put time aside for fun things and they prioritized romance, which has made all the difference -- Carrie and Mike are re-committed to their marriage and they've been through so much so much and neither wants to throw it away

Page 26: Cover Story -- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's model kid -- Shiloh Jolie-Pitt the gorgeous teen is ready for her close up, but Brad and Angie are at odds about Shiloh's new passion -- Shiloh's been experimenting with girlier styles lately, including growing out her hair and she's at the age where she's starting to change things up -- Brad isn't thrilled about Shiloh's modeling dreams and idea of her walking into the lion's den gives him cause for concern -- Angelina began modeling at 16, just one year older than Shiloh and Shiloh knows that's what set her mom on her path to fame and Shiloh is constantly asking Angie about the pros and cons of the modeling world

Page 29: Model Kids -- these celeb offspring also know how to strike a pose -- Hailey Bieber, Sofia Richie, Amelia Hamlin, Lily-Rose Depp, Brooklyn Beckham, Paris Jackson, Kendall Jenner, Corinne Foxx, Ireland Baldwin, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, Leni Klum, Patrick Schwarzenegger

Page 30: Prince William and Prince Harry: Behind Closed Doors -- the estranged princes are forced to reckon with their rift as the royal family gathers for Prince Philip's funeral

Page 32: High Anxiety -- it's not so simple for celebs who struggle with panic attacks -- Emma Stone, Stephen Colbert, Amanda Seyfried

Page 33: Hugh Grant, Ryan Reynolds, Ariana Grande

Page 36: Beauty -- nail it -- self-care essentials to score the perfect at-home manicure and pedicure -- Kaley Cuoco

Page 38: Style -- cute cases -- step up your tech, and fashion, game this season with a trendy cellphone cover -- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 40: Entertainment

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Corey Feldman embraced wife Courtney Anne Mitchell as the two ventured out for a romantic outing in L.A.

[samthemarvelfan]

Goodbyes: Finale

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings: None (for the first time in this whole damn series), maybe a sexual innuendo or two? This is a piece of long-overdue, cathartic FLUFF. Enjoy!

A/N: I cannot believe we’ve reached the end! Thank you all so much for your love, your comments, your reblogs...all of it. This was the first thing I ever posted to this blog, and I am so proud of how far we’ve come. Ella is my forever-muse, so expect to see more of her! I can’t tell you what this series has meant to me. Thank you for being a part of it! <3

P.S. There may be an epilogue in the works!

@iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @star-spangled-beard-burn @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide @snapcapquartet @ellen-reincarnated1967 @unlistedpond (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!)

Bucky woke so well rested, it was almost startling.

When was the last time he’d slept that soundly? He couldn’t remember.

Rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, he looked at the sleeping form on his left. All curled up under the blankets, exposing just a few bits of your gorgeous skin.

It felt like a dream.

He couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his lips. How was it that you were here? After all he’d done to push you away, you never gave up on him.

Bucky laughed for a moment, recalling your stubbornness. Something he’d never thought he’d be grateful for.

What the hell did he do to deserve someone like you? You, who calmed the storm that had been raging inside him for nearly a century. All while dealing with demons of your own.

He kissed your forehead softly, not wanting to disturb you. As he stood from the bed, a sigh of contentment escaped his lips.

He was happy.

For the first time in God only knows how long, Bucky Barnes was happy, and it was all thanks to you.

The sound of running water and soft jazz woke you gently from your slumber.

Bucky’s scent surrounded you as you stretched, reveling in the memories from the night before.

You stood, grabbing your shirt from the night before and putting it on.

The bathroom door opened slowly, and quietly; Bucky assuming you were still sleeping. When he saw you were awake, he smiled.

“Good morning.” He said, walking to stand in front of you.

“Hi.” You said shyly.

His voice was different, lighter. Had he always sounded so...happy?

He leaned down, giving you a soft kiss. The still-wet tendrils of hair covering your cheeks in droplet of water.

The kiss was long, but sweet. “Any regrets?” He asked, playing with a loose strand of your hair.

You shook your head. “Not one. You?”

Bucky kisses you again, quickly this time. “Best night of my life, Doll.”

You smiled, sitting back down on his bed. “We gotta go to that debriefing, right?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, noon sharp.”

Silence fell over the room as Bucky dressed. It’s was calm, and comfortable. The two of you exchanged glances every now and then as he flitted around the room, smiling whenever his eyes met yours.

Bucky sat on the bed next to you. Your hands naturally intertwined, and he began playing with your fingers.

“So...” you said.

“So...” he responds with a smile.

You laughed softly, “Is now when we have that talk where we establish what we are?”

“What we are?” Bucky asked.

“Is there an echo in here?” You ask sarcastically, “I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page.”

He adjusted his position to face you. “Hey, I meant what I said Els. I love you. Even if last night hadn’t happened, I’d feel the exact same way.”

You smile, feeling your cheeks burn. “I-I love you, too.”

And you meant it. Your body was aglow with your feelings for him, every touch made you weak in the knees.

He lightened noticeably, stroking your cheek with his thumb and watched you for a moment. “God, you’re beautiful.”

The heat rushing to your cheeks was apparent, “Buck...” you griped shyly.

“What? Am I not allowed to call my girl beautiful?” He asked happily.

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach.

His girl.

“You are,” you said, kissing him quickly. “I’m just not used to it, it’s different...good different.”

He smiled, “Good. We have some time to kill before the meeting, any ideas?” He asked, standing in front of you.

“Breakfast?” You ask, standing.

Bucky looked at you slyly, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Bucky!” You chastised out of embarrassment. “I was thinking something like, oh I don’t know, waffles?”

He rolled his eyes dramatically, “Oh fine,” He griped, “You’re more of a dessert anyway.”

Your mouth hung open in shock as Bucky placed a small smack on your backside.

“Then we blew it to hell, and got the hell outta there.” Steve finished.

The debriefing was a success. You learned not only had HYDRA begun kidnapping children again, they were planning a large scale attack on the dark web to leech out encrypted data from every major government they could.

“Imagine if they got the nuclear codes...” Rhodes said coldly.

“Yeah...but they didn’t. Meeting adjourned, everyone go do something to de-stress.” Tony winked.

You stood from your seat next to Bucky, and hung back as everyone made their way to the door.

“You coming, Doll?” Bucky asked.

You nodded, “Go on, I’ll meet you on the dock.”

He smiled before turning to leave, and you heard Steve clear his throat.

“So...Doll, huh?” He smirked.

You slapped his shoulder playfully. “Oh hush, you.”

He put his hands up in defense, still with that signature Roger’s smile. “Hey Ella, I’m all for it. I told him a long time ago you two weren’t so different. I’m just glad he wised up.”

You looked out the windows of the conference room to see Bucky, he was skipping stones across the surface of the lake as he waited for you on the dock.

“He’s not like anyone I’ve ever known, Steve. He’s been through so much. I just hope I can make him happy.” Your voice was tinged with doubt.

Steve wasn’t having it. “Him? I hope he can make you happy. You deserve it just as much as he does.”

You smiled softly, “I hope that’s true.”

Steve continued, “I know Bucky. I’ve known him in this century and the last, and I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you, Ella.”

Warmth filled your heart, “Thanks, Cap. I mean it. Thank you for saving my life—and changing my life. You didn’t owe me a damn thing, you could’ve walked away, but because of you...” you had to pause and blink back the tears.

Letting a shaky breath out, you continued. “I have a home...I have a family. I have a future, Steve.”

He stepped forward, enveloping you in his arms.

“I couldn’t have left you there. I saw what they’d done to you and...I don’t know. It made me furious, you were so defenseless, but you were a fighter. I saw it in your eyes the second I took you out of those chains. Besides, look at you now.” He kisses the top of your head.

“Love you, Steve.” You said earnestly.

“Love you right back, Ella.”

“Hiya, handsome.” You called to Bucky as your feet echoed off the dock.

He turned with a smile. “Hey gorgeous. I was starting to think you forgot about me.” His hands found your hips, and he pulled you close to him.

You stood on your tippy toes and kissed his lips quickly, and sighing contently. “Remind me again why it feels like I’ve known you my whole life?”

He chuckled, turning to walk with you to the edge of the dock. “Can’t answer that one, Sugar. But trust me, I know the feeling.”

Bucky let you sit first before he joined you. He kept an arm around you as you leaned into him.

“So what now?” You ask.

He let out a soft breath, before kissing the crown of your head.

“We’ll start over. Together. How’s that sound?” He asked.

You thought for a moment. “No.” You’d said.

He leaned back to look at you. “No?”

“There’s that echo again.” You joked.

“Els...” he scolded.

You turned slightly toward him. “I don’t wanna start over, Buck. Why should we? We’ve been through more this year than most people go through in a decade. We both deserve a win, and this can be ours.”

You saw a smile start to form on his lips as you spoke.

“Without all the shit that’s happened to us, neither of us would be here, and we certainly wouldn’t be here together. So let’s start from right now, and just...be.” You finished.

Bucky held your face in his hands for a moment, just looking at you.

“God damn, I’m a lucky son-of-a-bitch.” He kissed you deeply.

After that, you sat for what felt like hours. Sometimes it was quiet while you just leaned into one another, other times you’d swap stories from the happy parts of your lives—the parts you remember anyway.

“My Ma woulda loved you.” He said, grinning from ear to ear as you walked back to the compound.

Your heart fluttered, “Oh yeah?”

Bucky nodded, “Mhm, you call me on my crap, and you aren’t afraid to speak your mind. She was the same way.”

You smiled, stroking his beard lightly. “She sounds like a strong woman.”

He smiled at the ground, “Tough as nails, which was a rare commodity back then. Most dames thought it was best to shut up and look pretty.”

You giggled, “Dames, hm?”

His face turned red, “Showing my age a little there, huh?”

You held onto Bucky’s hand, tugging him into the elevator. “Lounge,” you announced. “It happens a lot, especially when you tell stories from back in the day.”

He squeezed your hand, the cool metal now the same temperature as your flesh. “Sorry, Doll.”

You looked at him seriously, “Why would you ever be sorry about that? I love it, Buck. It’s you being you, the real you. That’s all I want.”

The doors opened, and you caught Sam walking by.

“Well if it ain’t the love birds.” He quipped.

“Sam...” you groaned, embarrassed.

“Only teasing, Punchline,” He laughed. “But for the record? Called it.” He smiled ear to ear.

You rolled your eyes at his childish giggle.

“You guys wanna eat? We ordered enough Chinese food to feed an army.” He said, gesturing to the lounge.

You looked to Bucky, who shrugged. “Sounds good to me, Sugar.

You followed Sam into the lounge. Everyone was talking and joking around the large table.

You looked on for a moment, it was still so surreal. This was your home and these people you’ve come to care so much for not only accepted you, but wanted you around.

“Els, you okay?” Bucky asked as he handed you a play.

You nod and smile, “I’m great, just thinking.”

“What about?” He asked, stroking your arm.

You look up into his cerulean eyes, and kiss him slowly before you speak.

“How ridiculous it is that this is my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, Buck.” You felt the sting of tears brim your eyes.

Bucky kisses your forehead, “Come on, Baby Doll. Let’s eat.”

You lay in your bed with Bucky. He’s reading a book about modern technology’s effect on the century and you scrolled through your phone.

Juxtaposition at its finest.

Being here, this way with him. It felt like this is where you’d been meant to be all your life. You smiled before looking at him.

“Did you even think we’d be here?” You ask.

Bucky chuckled deeply, “I didn’t think I’d see this century, Baby Doll.”

You laughed with him. “Is it still weird for you?” You ask.

He shook his head. “Not really, not anymore.”

It’s remarkable. How easy it suddenly was with Bucky. Not that you’d ever forget what you’ve been through both with him and without him, but it felt right.

And your heart felt at peace.

“Els?” He called.

“Hm?”

He turned to you slightly, “For the record, I don’t know what I did to deserve you either.”

You put your phone down and looked up, only to see him smiling down at you.

You sighed contently, snuggling into him even more. Bucky abandons his book on the nightstand and holds you close.

“It’s a good life, Sugar.” He says, kissing the crown of your head.

You press your cheek to his chest and hear his heart beating rapidly beneath you.

“Now it is, Buck. Now it is.”

[protectorsofthewood]

The Red Jewel - Episode 1

FREE TO DO WHAT?

A few hours later Abby’s deep sleep was interrupted by the church bells. Her first impulse was to jump up, dress, and hurry across the churchyard to the morning service.

The bishop will be speaking! He said he’d support me, now let’s see what he does.

She looked out the small window at Bridge Avenue. Once again the sidewalk was crowded, and a news team was trying to interview and video the new arrivals.

Hmmm… The bishop said he’d take the attention, get some of this scrutiny off my back. Why not just stay away and let him do it? I don’t feel like getting involved in all that again. I have no energy for it. I think I’ll just go back to sleep.

Her mind flashed briefly on the incredible events of the night before, but it was too overwhelming to think about. In a few minutes she was sound asleep.

Abby awoke in the fading light of the setting sun. She was starving, and longed to walk down to Sammy’s Coffee shop and order a sandwich and fried potatoes. But her mind was still overwhelmed. She felt like a new person, beginning a new phase of life, and wasn’t sure how to act, how to talk to her friends. What if Phoebe and Stephanie and Nico and Sulay want to talk. What can I say about myself? How can I describe the last two days? I’m not ready, and don’t know how to get ready.

She made a cheese omelet with fried finger beans, sliced two apples, and covered a thick slice of bread with apple butter. I’ve never loved eating so much! She followed it up with a cup of Breakfast Mixture tea, extra strong on the cocoa, and felt ready to face the day.

I’m free! But free to do what? It’s almost night, and I don’t know what to say to anyone.

She looked around her room. Alex’s blood-red print of the Human One embracing a crowd of lost souls held her gaze. This really happened!! Somewhere, somehow. It’s not just me. Alex saw it in a dream. And the muttering voices are gone. I’m free and it feels wonderful. But free to do what?

Her eyes roamed around the room again, as if she might see a clue, a sign to answer her question. But nothing appeared to help her. Finally, she decided to take a walk around the churchyard, look at her gardens and the wild area. I wonder if the stalkers are still around. I wonder if the Morphy organization will kill our whole effort. What’s happened with the trustees, and the fate of Tuck and myself and the Youth Council? We’re really trying to make something good! Please God, save our project, however small and futile we may be. We’re trying!

Bridge Avenue was deserted. No stalkers leaned against the front gate. The benches in front of the Middletown Standard were empty. Abby walked right up to the wrought iron fence, but did not see a soul. But the flowers were thriving. Marigolds, Cosmos, Snapdragons, and a few tall sunflowers with their heads heavy with seeds… They were gorgeous, very much alive. Turning around, Abby walked back to the privet fort and down the narrow path through the wild area to the Secret Place and the wrought iron door. She looked out on the dirt path and Fred Peterson’s cornfield. All was still. The crickets played their song, coming in waves.

In the light of the rising moon Abby stared through the brambles, looking for the hidden door to the underground, the domain of the mapstick. Was that secret entrance safe? So much – more than she could imagine – depended on its safety. The Great Gray Owl hooted, and hooted again. Abby seemed to hear the owl say, “Welcome back! Glad to see you! I’m in charge here, and all is as it should be. Nothing to worry about.” Abby pictured the great gray owl as the guardian of the entrance to the underworld.

With that reassurance she headed back up the path. As she emerged on the open lawn she heard a faint knocking, and saw the dark form of Reverend Tuck at her door.

She called to him softly: “I’m here.”

“Ah! I saw your light on, and wondered if you were back from your trip.

Perhaps you haven’t heard the news.”

“What news? I’ve heard nothing.”

“Please, come and drink a glass of cider with me. Janet has made the most delicious apple pie.”

“Yes! Can’t wait.”

They walked to the side door leading to Tuck’s small dining area and kitchen on the side. He served the promised desert and sat down, giving her a close look. “You look… a little different. I mean it in a good way. A bit more… happy…”

She smiled. “About this news… I was just hoping to hear something good.”

“Well, brace yourself, there’s a lot of good news. It will take a while to describe.”

“Come on, Reverend Tuck! I’m burning with curiosity!”

“I’ll summarize as best I can, and we’ll go into detail another time. I’ve had a long day. But I’m very glad to see you back, and be able to describe this new landscape. Okay, first of all, Bishop Beckett stunned the congregation and visitors with two things: he fully supported your interview with Sara Williams. Your attack on the idea that Christianity presents the trinity as an all-male divinity residing in heaven, and the earth as all female and a source of evil… well, the bishop called this a heresy, and backed it up with readings and interpretations of scripture. He actually said – or at least hinted – that the divine is more like a family unity, male and female mother and father, son and daughter. And he agreed that the battle against climate change, the mission to save life on earth, must be fought in religion and spirituality as well as in science and politics. He said, “mother earth is holy, sacred, and the destruction of creation is evil. There must be a religious taboo on actions and practices that are destroying the future lives of our children.” Abby stared. “Oh my God. He did! He really did come through! But won’t this ruin his career? A lot of powerful people aren’t going to like this. You should have heard the trustees of Evansville College. They’re a hopeless case. They can’t understand this at all.”

“We shall see. Bishop Beckett is a very subtle man, hard to predict. But he thinks things through. I’m sure he knows the powers he’s offending. He must have a plan of some kind, though he has not revealed it to me.” Abby shook her head and whistled. “Wow… it’s hard to believe. Good news indeed!”

“And that’s not all. As the congregation buzzed with noise, conversation of all sorts, even angry shouts, the bishop suddenly announced that he had finished his investigation of the disputed election. You could have heard a pin drop. The silence was total. Then he said: “Our church hierarchy, the national and global leadership of our denomination, has seen the evidence we have gathered, including an analysis of all votes and follow up interviews with hundreds of voters. They have decided to disqualify most of the votes for one candidate, and declare the other candidate the winner. Therefore, our new trustee will be… Ellen Hall. She has graciously decided to accept this honor, despite the harassment that she and her family have endured. And I want to make it very clear that we are providing her with police protection, and will prosecute any such harassment in the future.” Tuck presented this quote from the bishop with drama and emotion. He even had tears in his eyes. Abby stood up, clapped her hands, and walked around the room. “I can’t believe it!” she cried. “It’s too good to be true!” “Now, brace yourself,” Tuck went on. “There’s still more, and here we have your amazing mother to thank. Let me warn you that this last piece of news is not public. So far, it’s a deep secret, still being investigated. But one conclusion is clear: Two of our trustees, including the treasurer, have for years concealed most of the church endowment, and as a result the interest and dividends from those investments has not been available for church maintenance. Please! Not a word about this. A criminal investigation of possible fraud and embezzlement is now under way. There’s no telling how long that will take. But one thing we do know: Ellen Hall is our new trustee, and joins Fred Peterson, Tom Winkle, and Geraldine Bear as the majority deciding any issues that may arise. Thus…” Tuck pumped his hands in the air, “You and I will not be fired! Our plans can proceed. We will have funds to renovate the school building!”

Abby was in tears. She wanted to give Reverend Tuck a hug, but knew he would refuse any such demonstration of affection and mutual joy. They both began making extravagant plans, interrupting each other, hardly able to contain themselves.

Finally Tuck said, “This is too much happiness for both of us, and it’s getting late. You’ll be back at work early tomorrow. Oh, there’s one more very strange piece of news that may affect your problems living here in the churchyard, and perhaps my problems too. Yesterday evening, Milton Morphy’s new office tower in River City burned. Not just a little fire, a major disaster. They hadn’t finished it yet, and it appears that no one was on the upper floors, no workman were there, and those few on the ground floor escaped with no injury. But the insulation of the whole building, what they call cladding, caught fire and spread rapidly. It was all on TV, and may be a total loss. I’m no expert on these things, but I imagine that Milton Morphy and his organization may not be bothering with Middletown for quite a while. You’ll probably find that the surveillance of both of us has vanished. Actually, the people you called ‘the stalkers’ were already gone. Chief Santiago has been trying to identify these strange men staking out the churchyard. Your friends have published many photos, and our local police have discovered that no one knows who these people are. So anyway, Morphy has many reasons to leave us alone.”

“Oh stop!” Abby moaned. “I can bear it I’m so happy.”

“So, feel free to see your friends, walk about with no fear. But remember, be very careful with this information. The less said the better.”

She blew him a kiss. “My lips are sealed.”

[mshelenahandbag]

2017 - Year of the Laura Dern

Laura Dern is having the best year of her career, or anyone else’s for that matter. 

I could just end this article here, but you know I have to tell you WHY. Laura Dern has, for me, been constantly impressive with her acting prowess from a young age. My first memory is seeing her as Dr. Ellie Sattler in Jurassic Park, and even back then, little didn’t-know-I-was-gay-yet me loved the cool female paleontologist. (Looking back she also had THE best lines (“we can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back!”), most famous of them all being during Goldblum’s “Man creates dinosaurs” soliloquy – “Dinosaurs EAT man….woman inherits the Earth.”) She’s always played interesting characters, but, for me, has never really had her breakthrough with mainstream television and film.

Until this year where Laura Dern has excelled in four projects and netted her first Emmy victory!

Sure, she’s had her accolades with David Lynch’s Blue Velvet and Wild At Heart and her notable appearance as the woman Ellen DeGeneres came out to on Ellen. But never anything truly concrete to make a large cross-section of people go “wow.” She’s always, at least to me, been good for niche groups.  Her last Golden Globe win was for the HBO series Enlightened where she played self-destructive executive Amy Jellicoe, and she got an Oscar nomination for 2015’s Wild as Reese Witherspoon’s mother.

Wild director Jean-Marc Vallee is one of the main reasons we’re buzzing about Laura Dern’s 2017 renaissance. He definitely saw something in Dern, and her chemistry with Witherspoon, because the two would reunite and butt heads in HBO’s Big Little Lies – exhibit A in her best year. While everyone was obsessed with the performances Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman and Shailene Woodley gave as the main trio of Madeline, Celeste and Jane (as they rightly should because the series is just that flawless), my focus was on Laura Dern embodying Renata Klein, queen of the helicopter moms in Monterey.

Dern’s Renata had me shouting EMMY long before others jumped on the bandwagon. There’s a scene in the second episode where the birthday party for Amabella, Renata’s daughter, is derailed by Madeline - out for blood when Renata didn’t invite Ziggy, Jane’s son. So Madeline comes back and gets plenty of comped tickets for Disney on Ice so everyone cancels on the birthday party. Renata hits the ceiling, calmly, telling her friend Harper (who bears the unfortunate duty of informing Renata) “Ok. Thank you.”

Harper tries to mediate with “Let us all get along-”

But Renata comes back with the AMAZING over the top…well…this.

“I SAID THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”

Whether ad-libbed on the spot or script, this moment of hilarity, for me, from Renata made her one of the best characters this year on any show. Showing perfectly poised Renata lose it time and time again, especially when threatening her husband (“I will take my hands and put them around your throat!”) or Madeline (“I’ll even get Snow White to sit on your husband’s face. Maybe Dumbo can take a squat on yours”) was a highlight week after week. The entire series was worth of every Emmy it garnered and survived a potential shutout from FX’s Feud: Bette and Joan but if anything, Laura Dern was the only one out of those nominated that truly deserved to win.

From here, Laura Dern turned from psycho mom to plain old psycho in Netflix’s Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt as Wendy Hebert – who’s set to marry Kimmy’s old pastor. It’s a brief guest starring role, but Dern adds so much in those 20 minutes and delivers a fully-formed character. Wendy starts off so innocent, but the more we spend time with her and Kimmy (Ellie Kemper), the more we realize how unstable she is. Plus she helps Kimmy to confront some real traumas the reverend has inflicted on her, and she also delivers one of my favorite lines in the three seasons of the show as she confides in Titus (Tituss Burgess): “If we only see each other one hour a week, he’ll never realize what a useless piece of crap I am and he’ll love me forever, and that’s what I deserve!” In short, Dern’s portrayal of a woman with absolutely zero self-worth is hysterical.

And from here, Laura Dern’s year hits its zenith with Twin Peaks as she plays long-heard-about-but-never-seen Diane: Agent Dale Cooper’s secretary to whom he has dictated all of his many tapes. Laura Dern’s work with David Lynch has always been fantastic: whether in Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, Industrial Symphony No. 1, or Inland Empire – it’s clear that Lynch knows how to get the best results out of her craft. And that’s the reason why her work as Diane is probably a role we will be talking about for years to come.

We meet Diane Evans as a chain-smoking foul-mouthed goddess who was my favorite part of the mindfuck of this 18-part opus. I seriously loved every time Dern, in her platinum bob wig would take a drag off her cigarette and generally her conversations would consist of “Fuck you [insert name here].” She played so well off her director Lynch as FBI agent Gordon Cole and the late Miguel Ferrer as FBI agent Albert Rosenfeld. But one of my favorite moments came when newbie Tammy Preston (Chrysta Bell) tries to thank Diane for helping them, only to be met with this-

Diane: “What did you say your name was again?”

Tammy: “Tammy.”

Diane: “Fuck you, Tammy.”

I laughed way too hard at this, for way too long. Diane’s modus was basically this for a few episodes but about halfway through the series, her mood changed. We saw her visibly uncomfortable speaking with Mr. C, Cooper’s evil doppelganger BOB created. She revealed that Cooper (Mr. C) had come to see he years ago, but refused to elaborate. We later her she and Mr. C were in cahoots, via text. Was THAT why Diane was so crazy? Diane seemed to be cool when Gordon Cole offered her a slot on the infamous Blue Rose team – investigating supposed paranormal encounters.

“Let’s rock.” Diane said, her index and middle fingers down.

Here is where I said “Something’s up.” You could easily explain her wayward associations with Mr. C, but those two words were uttered by The Man From Another Place in the original series. It’s not just a nudge-wink happenstance, it’s a deliberate clue from Lynch that something is off with Diane. And that comes to fruition twice as the series comes to a close. In part 14, we learn that Dougie Jones’s fingerprints match Cooper’s, and Diane reveals that Janey-E, Dougie’s wife is Diane’s half-sister. No simple coincidence, again.

In part 16 when the actual Cooper emerges from a coma (long story….), Diane receives another text from Mr. C. She goes to meet with Cole, Albert and Tammy and finally reveals what happened the night Mr. C came to see her. He raped her – and it affected her. Dern’s face telling this story is so genuinely pained and she just nails this. Then Diane begins to act odd….really odd, even for this show. She convulses and says “I’m in the sheriff’s station. I’m in the sheriff’s station. I sent him those coordinates, because…I’m not me.” Diane eyes the gun in her purse, Albert’s on edge and Diane pulls hers out only to be shot by Albert and Tammy before being whisked away by some unseen force. Tammy remarks she’s seen a real tulpa (a manifestation) and we cut to the Red Room in the Black Lodge. Yep, Diane was “manufactured.” But what about her cryptic statement “I’m in the sheriff’s station”? Well as luck would have it, we wouldn’t have to wait long to find that out.

In the finale of the series, we learn that the eyeless Naido who helped Cooper out of the Lodge and who Andy rescued, was actually our Diane. A quick fight took care of Mr. C and once the genuine article Dale Cooper lays eyes on Naido, she becomes our Laura Dern again and they kiss.

Then it gets weird.

Cooper pulls a Back to the Future Part II seeing the events of Fire Walk With Me play out – only this time he stops Laura Palmer from being murdered. We cut to the Black Lodge and Cooper and Diane are both there. Then they’re driving on a highway for 430 miles, cross over an electrical grid and check into a motel to have sex.

This is Diane’s final scene of the series and I love how Dern hearkens back to what she told Cole and the FBI earlier about her rape. You still see the pain and confusion on Dern’s face, especially because we’re unsure if this is OUR Cooper, Mr. C or a hybrid of the two. It’s such a fitting end for her work on one of the best shows of 2017, and her exit opens a whole new mystery.

The next morning, Diane’s gone and a note from “Linda” to “Richard” is left for Cooper and leaves us wondering if in a world where Laura Palmer has been saved – has absolutely everything changed? Is Dale Cooper now Richard and is Diane Evans now Linda? (Way more to say on this for a Twin Peaks fan theory thesis later, especially with the role of Carrie Page.)

I didn’t even need to see Laura Dern in Star Wars Episode VIII-The Last Jedi in her role as Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo to know it will be amazing. I knew that from the casting, from her stills with the late Carrie Fisher (something I’m eagerly looking forward to) and the gorgeous Annie Leibowitz photos in Vanity Fair revealing that gorgeous lilac hair. But upon seeing Rian Johnson’s masterpiece that has become the crown jewel for me and many other (but not all) STAR WARS fans, I got to see Dern cap her banner year off in the most fabulous and wonderful style.

When General Leia Organa is unconscious from a First Order attack on the Resistance, command falls to Holdo. Dern and Oscar Isaac’s Poe Dameron immediately clash, and it’s breathtaking to watch. Holdo wants to load unarmed transports to try and escape to nearby Crait – home of an abandoned Resistance base – and Poe so strongly disagrees with her that he mutinies and relieves her of command (only for himself to be relieved by General Organa stunning him). Holdo remains on ship while the remaining Resistance flee to Crait, and as the First Order begins firing on transport ships. Holdo decides to make a stand and engage the ship to lightspeed, directly at the First Order’s ships. Hyperspace jumps only work when a ship is totally free and clear to maneuver. So if a ship’s in the way, it’s not gonna be pretty.

And it isn’t. Rian Johnson shows the devastation in a soundless scene that cements Holdo’s beautiful and poignant sacrifice. Dern’s time in the Star Wars universe may have been brief but Holdo is a character anyone should be proud to look up to: willing to step up when it matters and sacrifice everything for the needs of the many (…Wait that’s Star Trek…)

Laura Dern’s 2017 is something that won’t be duplicated any time soon, and it’s a career testament to one of Hollywood’s best actresses finally getting the recognition she has beyond deserved.

[fandomfollower13]

The Sons of Hell PT.3

Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Charlie Bradbury, Jo Harvelle, Benny Lafitte, John Winchester, (mentioned ) Mary Winchester, Crowley McLeod, Lucifer, Balthazar, Gabriel, Lisa, Rowena, Ellen Harvelle Cain, Ruby (2.0), Meg (2.0),(mentioned)  Jess (characters might be added later on)

Warnings: Mature content, language, use and talk of drugs and Alcohol, weapons, violence, death, lying, plotting?, POV changing, blood, threats, Shakespeare quotes, Almost/kinda smut,    (I WILL be updating warnings as much as I can)

Pairing: Dean x Reader (eventually)  

A/N (C/N)= College Name  

a/n sorry for any mistakes

Summary: Winchester, a name that strikes fear to any who hear it. The Winchesters ran one of the most feared gang in all of New York, The Sons of hell but as every gang must have they of course have enemies, Hell’s Demons being the top one. John Winchester was the boss of Sons of Hell he is ruthless and crude and he wants the next boss of the Son’s just like him and the next boss just so happens to be his eldest son Dean Winchester, A womanizing, badass guy and gorgeous man but he was also rude and sarcastic with so many walls around his heart but will someone from the other side break them? or will they get caught in the crossfire?

Readers POV

I stealthy sneaked past the guards and back into my room. it was early morning now and all I could think about was my ‘not date’ with Dean. I heard the click of  my door someone was finally going to talk to me, my dad stepped into my room, ‘’finally! I’m an adult! you cant just lock me away anymore!’’ I yelled his stiff demeanor not changing ‘’sweetie I think you should head back home, I have a lot of new rich dangerous clients and the run in you had last night was too close’’ his accent was thick and what was being Said didn’t seem like a suggestion. ‘’No.’’ I retorted he seemed surprised ‘’Darling think it through before you make a rash decision’’ and he was gone. Am I in serious danger?

Dean’s POV

Crowley has a daughter. Y/N. ‘’Finally we have leverage!’’ dad screamed pulling me from my thoughts, ‘’I cant believe…… Crowley the ‘king’ has a daughter, he’s the biggest- ’’ before Sammy could even finish his sentence dad started to ramble. ‘’I cant believe this, I think we need to get to work’’ he puffed on a cigarette   with a big smile on his face. a demented smile. ‘’how is work going to give us leverage’’ I took a swig of my beer waiting, ‘’oh I’m not sending you on regulars I’m sending you, dean, to ‘harder’ things’’ I nodded. Sam and Charlie gave me quick glance. ‘’well I need to go, few more people I have to see’’ snatching my gun I left quickly, I need coffee.

I pulled into a coffee shop on a corner, I wasn’t exactly lying I did have to see people, Harry Spengler and Ed Zeddmore. I saw them in a corner booth both starring at their computers, they had big bags under their eyes and their eyes were bloodshot and pupils small. I rolled my eyes and slammed my hands on their table. they jumped and grabbed their chests. I laughed ‘’well I wasn’t excepting this’’ I snickered ‘’you almost gave me a heart attack you ass-’’ I pulled out my gun and pointed it at harry, no one on the café saw just them. ‘’now I thought you two jackasses told me you couldn’t pay your debt because you couldn’t even afford coffee’’ I waved my gun towards the two steaming cups ‘’and if I’m correct that’s coffee, so did you lie to me’’ they both looked  scared shitless. ‘’I-w-we can explain’’ harry stammered I clicked my guns safety off. ‘’Harry? Ed?’ a familiar voice chimed behind me, ‘it cant’ ‘’Y/N!’’ they yelled in unison. they scrambled out of their booth, I bit my lip and turned, there stood her, the mystery girl, or now not so mystery. Y/N.

‘’Well, fate really wants us to keep bumping into each other’’ I smirked slipping my gun back into my waistband. She turned her beautiful smile growing. Crowley’s daughter. ‘’hi dean’’ she pulled a piece of stray hair behind her ear. ‘’Wait! y/n you know.. Him’’ ed said glancing over at me, I returned with a sneer. ed took a small step back making me smirk as I leaned against the table. ‘’uh yeah, I’ve met dean a few times’’ Y/n explained. she played with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. something flashed in Harrys eyes, fear, he knows. ‘’uhm ed I think we better go. we have that…thing we have to do’’ and they were gone in seconds, son of a bitch, ‘’did I say something?’’ y/n said her eyebrows raised in confusion. Crowley’s daughter. ‘’no their just jackasses ‘’ she shook her head giggling. ‘’I thought you said fate was bitch’’ she said taking a timid step closer. I bit my lip as I stood taking a step towards her. I couldn’t stop myself. ‘’you ready for tonight sweetheart?’’

Readers POV

Damn you dean Winchester. Even when I saw him not merely a few hours ago it felt like so much longer. I know he’s a Winchester. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I cant help it. ‘’and what should be ready for? hm?’’ my body taking over and stepping closer to him. he flashed his perfect smile. ‘’oh you know going on a date with me’’ he gestured to himself. my face flushed. looking down at my shoes. ‘’and I thought the oh great dean Winchester doesn’t do dates’’ I could tell he was smirking. ‘’ ill make an exception for you sweetheart’’ and there it is. I couldn’t help but smile. ‘’well if I am too get ready I should get going’’ I took a step back. suddenly I was stopped he grabbed my hand and pulled me a little closer. I couldn’t move. our noses almost touching, ‘’see you tonight sweetheart’’ his voice was husky, damn him, I blushed and smiled I turned and headed to the door.

I walked around a few corners smiling and blushing. ‘’Y/n! stop doing that.’’ meg ran towards me quickly looping our arms together. ‘’Do you want me to die, if your father found out you just sneaked away, he’ d have my head!’’ she screamed waving her left hand. ‘’Meg, I’m sorry I just needed coffee’’ I held up the cup, she sighed and shook her head ‘’fine but if your fat-’’ I held my hand up, ‘’he wont I promise, now I’m sorry but lets go find ruby and go shopping’’ I flashed a smile, meg smiled, ‘’fine, but your buying me new shoes’’ she pulled me towards where ruby was.

Few Hours Later

‘’I’m so glad your back y/n, with out you I had no girl time’’ ruby laid the bags by my desk, ‘’Hey!’’ meg screeched ‘’oh right your still here’’ ruby rolled her eyes. ‘come on guys don’t fi-’’ a loud knock interrupted me ‘’Ruby! Meg! Meeting now. its about the newest ‘job’ don’t make the king even angrier’’ A voice I recognized as Lilth, ruby and meg rolled their eyes and opened the door and headed towards the meeting. time to get ready.

And a few more hours later (sorry)

I put a nudish pink lip gloss on then carefully put it back on my vanity. I looked myself up and down my outfit was cute but sexy.

I grabbed my phone and headed towards the balcony but yet again something caught my eye. it sat on my dresser and I immediately grabbed it. soon enough I sat on the last branch and I couldn't help but smile. I snapped off another small branch and looked around, two guards walked on the inside of the fence with wo dogs. finally the guards were far enough away and I threw the stick. guns pointed. dogs sniffing. I jumped down and ran. I climbed the fence and ran even faster. finally on the main rode. I held my hand out hailing a cab.  it takes a few minutes before a yellow cab pulls up. I climb in, ‘’Central Park’’ I requested ‘’please’’ I said. my phone buzzed.

BadBoy D

D: Ready darlin?

Y: Ready for you? I don't know am I?

D: Hm we’ll see

And blush. I softly bit my thumb holding back a laugh. leaning against the window watching buildings, cars, and people blur by. and my mind wandering, what am I doing, Winchester.

‘’ok that will be 49.30′’ fuck. of course I would forget my wallet. ‘’oh uhm I'm so s-’’ ‘’here you go cabbie, keep the change’’ a sarcastic voice called from the passenger window. of course. suddenly my door opened. ‘’hello sweetheart’’ he caught his bottom lip between his teeth. He reached out and grabbed my hand ‘’thanks dee’’ a small smile spreading across his face, ‘’whats on the agenda dee’’ noticing he still had my hand. and  blush again. ‘’well sweetheart that's a surprise’’ he smiled wider. we spent twenty minutes walking central park in comfortable silence, when ‘’ok the silence is killing me, tell me something’’ I asked, ‘’don't die on me sweetheart’’ he joked but there was seriousness there, ‘’ok what do you want to know darlin’’ I smiled ‘’ what do you like to do’’ his cocky smirk appearing.

‘’I don't think that's appropriate for a first date’’ a seductive smirk grew, I playfully hit his shoulder, ‘’ugh of course’’ mockingly groaned. ‘’ ok now you. what do you like to do darling’’ before I could even think I blurted ‘’reading, I read a lot of Shakespeare’’ great good going Y/N. dean smirked (if that was even possible) ‘’ah a nerd’’ he playfully called. ‘’I like it.’’ he said making me smile. ‘’I'm starved ready to eat?’’ all I could do is nod.

we sat at a small booth  at a diner dean had driven us too in his beautiful car- sorry his’ baby’. ‘’of course’’ I said quietly ‘’what darlin?’’ ‘’oh of course youd be a burger and fry guy’’ he smiled as he pooped a fry in his mouth, ‘’is that a problem?’’ I smiled back ‘’of course not I missed the new York grease food’’ snatching a fry off his plate. ‘’sweetheart you forgot something’’ he grabbed his beer ‘’ I'm a burger, fry and beer guy’’ and I giggled ‘’oh of course’’.

dean drove us back to central park and by then it was 11:30 and my body was buzzing. ‘’ok darling, follow me’’ he grabbed my hand and lead me to a nice opening at the park. a cold breeze coming around making me shiver, dean noticed and started taking off his jacket ‘’dean no it was just’’ ‘’shut up, your cold, I have a jacket and I'm not cold now here’’ he said wrapping hi brown leather jacket around my shoulders. ‘’your bossy’’ I mocked and he just smirked. ‘’you know it’’ we sat in the grass, talked, laughed and watched the stars.

‘’fancy ring’’ dean quietly mumbled as he held my hand. I looked at my ring finger, a black band with a dark ruby in the middle and black jewels surrounded it. ‘’uh yeah. it I- was my mothers, her engagement ring, my father gave it to her when she turned 20. she died when I was 3. I still remember her though’’  dean squeezed my hand ‘’I'm sorry, my mom died too, I was 4′’ is voice soft. I turned and instantly lost my breathe, his perfect lips, forest eyes, beautiful freckles. I felt his minty breathe on my face.  he leaned in and our lips instantly molded together.  my hands found there way to his neck as his found  my waist.

he gained dominance quickly and I didn't  mind. but unfortunately we needed air. we broke apart gasping, ‘’ wanna go back to my place?’’ he smirked ‘’id love too’’ and it felt like seconds before my back was against his apartment door. his tongue roamed my mouth and his arm held me tight against him. my nails lightly scratched his neck making him groan and I held back a whimper. finally he got the door opened and his hand went under my knee lifting it to his waist. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. threading my fingers in his dirty blonde hair. hiss hands held my thighs as he pushed me against a wall kissing his way down my jaw, to my neck, the across my collar bone. ‘’ok sweetheart I  need you in my bed. now’’ he rasped between kisses. ‘‘ then have my lips the sin that they have took’’ I whispered and in an instant my back hit his soft bed.  oh its going to be a long night

[belletristbooks]

BELLETRIST: What advice do you have for people who have not yet married or who want to be married but aren't?  DANI:  I fear I’m a bit of an expert on this, having been married twice before I married M..  I wanted to be married — particularly in my twenties — because there was some idea I had that this would help settle my life, make me clearer to myself. Of course this makes no sense, but it was how I felt. I wanted a husband because having a husband would ground me. Instead, I married the wrong man (twice) and each time, I felt less clear to myself, less settled. During my brief second marriage I had daily panic attacks, but didn’t know why. I wasn’t being true to myself. And I wasn’t patient.  We all want a crystal ball, it’s part of the human condition, but we don’t get to see the future. I couldn’t have known that there would be a moment, at the age of thirty-four, when I would feel that sense of there you are.  It’s no accident, though, that the moment came when my life was in an undramatic, quiet, patient place, and I had spent some time getting to know myself and what mattered to me. BELLETRIST: You say you've been drawn to the marriages and work of literary couples. We also find ourselves drawn to such people and their work. We think if we look deep enough or long enough clues will begin to emerge. What to do. What not to do. We find flattering similarities and relish in where we feel our relationship is stronger. How ours is 'better'. Why do you think we are always looking for ourselves in other peoples’ relationships? DANI: I think we do this kind of comparing not only with literary couples, but really with couples in general. With people in general. I remember once, years ago, I went on a three day silent meditation retreat, and while there, I began to see what was going on in the noise in my mind — and what was going on very often was comparing.  Am I up? Am I down? Is this person doing better than I am in some way? Is that person miffed at me?  It went on and on, this comparing. Horrifyingly so! But it was a tremendous lesson too, in the uselessness of that kind of mental chatter. It’s human nature, but good to try to harness.  When it comes to literary couples, there is such a paper trail… so often there are clues in their work, or interviews, or journals.  M. and I got to know Rose and Bill Styron in the years before Bill died.  Also, Ellen and Frank McCourt.  There was a tremendous tenacity to both relationships.  I think one difference between “literary” couples and other relationships is precisely that public paper trail.  Perhaps Hourglass is my way of controlling that paper trail (this is just occurring to me at this very moment!) so that it’s crafted and turned into a work of art. It’s natural to look for ourselves in other people’s relationships, and either pat ourselves on back, or resolve to do better.  What other ways do we have to learn?  

BELLETRIST: "Show me your search histories and I will show you your obsessions." This does not bode well for millennials & is absolutely true! What was a pre-internet Rorschach test? Other than a Rorschach test, of course.  DANI: Haha, that’s such a great question. There have always been obsessions, and there have always been unconscious ways of cataloging those obsessions.  As a teacher of writing I also tell my students that if you show me a writer’s oeuvre, I will show you that writer’s obsessions.  Theme is just a fancy word for obsession.  If you read my body of work, you’ll know that I am consumed by questions about secrets in families, the power of the unsaid. And, of course, time and memory.  But I do think that search histories make anything that’s come before pale in comparison.  I mean, you could empty someone’s wallet, or purse, and learn a lot about them.  You could rifle through someone’s closets and know quite a bit about what makes them tick.  It’s the stuff that’s beneath the ways we curate ourselves. The contents of drawers and whatever is under the bed. Search histories are just that on warp speed. 

BELLETRIST: You quote Mary Midgley "We are each not only one but also many" we love this because we feel we are different people to everyone in our lives. We've always felt that you choose the person to spend your life with partly based on loving the person you are when you're with them. We also think you have to like the way they look at you both literally and metaphorically. Do you think some relationships end because you no longer want to be seen the way they see you? Maybe when you no longer fit the person they've made you out to be?  DANI: That was a central preoccupation for me while I was writing Hourglass — the knowledge that two people simply must grow at different rates, and what happens when one path swerves away from another’s — and what you’re getting at here is an even deeper evocation of that.  When we, over a period of years, come to see ourselves differently, or even become different, and that doesn’t jibe with the original tacit agreement or pact (or vows)— what do we do about that? I do believe that’s where some relationships falter and fail. Like, wait a minute, this isn’t what I signed up for. You’ve changed. I feel enormously grateful that M. and I have continued to respect and like the people we’ve become.  Not every minute, maybe not every day, but most of the time that’s what we return to. And perhaps it’s also the sense that the people we’ve become have been shaped by one another. When he looks at me, he sees not only the Dani of today, but the Dani he met, and each Dani in between. And I, for him.  No one else will ever be able to do that, for either of us. There’s beauty in that.

BELLETRIST:  How do you know? How do you know that M. is right for you? Is it a daily thing that you know or did you make the decision a long time ago? DANI: The sense that M. was right for me, from the very beginning, did not feel like a decision, but rather, like a deep-in-my-bones intuition. It was something I had never felt before. Oh, I had talked myself into relationships — told myself that it was a good idea, or that someone was good on paper (god save us from “good on paper!”)  but when those words, there you are, entered my mind upon meeting M., they were unmistakable because they weren’t thought — they were known.  And ever since that first meeting, it has been a daily thing. I’ve never questioned it, even when things are rough.  He’s my person.  BELLETRIST: What is something in your life that could have happened but didn't? DANI: It could have happened that my dad had lived long enough to see me thrive and succeed in my life. But he died in a car accident when I was twenty-three, so he never knew the grown-up me, and the grown-up me never had a chance to make him proud.  That’s a could-have, a sad one.  An incredibly joyful one is that my son, who was very sick as an infant, had the odds stacked against him, and he recovered. When I look at the gorgeous person he is today, sometimes my eyes sting with tears of gratitude. Jane Kenyon has a beautiful poem titled “Otherwise” and I think of these words: “It could have been otherwise.” BELLETRIST: Enlighten us...how do you become comfortable with what you used as the epigraph of your book -- letting yourself fall. Has it been true, for you, that the person you have become has always caught you.  DANI: It’s true that the person I am now is able to catch me. Certainly not the person I always was. I think perhaps we need to allow ourselves to grow into the people who can become the ones who will catch us.  

BELLETRIST:  Do you believe in "soul mates" ? DANI: I believe that there are people in our lives with whom we have a soul connection: these can be friends, teachers, partners… all kinds of people we encounter over the course of our lives. There’s a recognition when this happens, a familiarity, an ease.  I try to be open to feeling it when it occurs.  Though I’m not religious, one of my favorite prayers, a Hebrew Sabbath prayer, begins this way: “Days pass, years vanish, and we walk sightless among miracles.” When we encounter someone with whom we feel that soul connection, it is a miracle, I think. And good to take note of it.  BELLETRIST: In your book you use this refrain - It could have happened. / It had to happen in regards to M. choosing to live a (arguably) less dangerous, more domestic life with you. And then you ask, we think rhetorically, "Has being with me stopped him from being him?"  Was that one of the harder questions you had to ask yourself when writing this book? Do you ever, in real life, dare answer it? DANI: That semi-rhetorical question is in many ways at the heart of Hourglass, and was like a painful, sharp, nearly invisible sliver of glass that pierced me each time I touched it. In writing the book, I was asking the question of both of us, in a way. How have we changed each other, and how have our lives changed as a result of the decision to be together?  Have we become more — or less — ourselves?  In many ways I think these are questions all couples must come up against, time and time again, over the course of a long relationship.  And perhaps asking these questions of each other, and of ourselves, is a part of how we grow.  

As for daring to ask it, in real life, I think the answer is probably yes and no.  M. has become more himself, and less of another kind of self, as a result of being with me.  As have I, after all these years of being with him.  I feel certain of one thing, which is that neither of us would trade it, even in the moments of pain, or anger, or disappointment.  That was another impetus in writing Hourglass — I wanted to really think about that beauty of staying and being formed by another human being, the way water forms rock over time.   BELLETRIST: Disregarding the fact that you're a writer who writes books for a living... why do you, Dani, think it's important to read? We ask this of all of our favorite writers! DANI: Reading is an exercise in empathy.  To read is to enter another world in a way different from any other art form. The reader is actively participating, activating the pages of a book simply by picking it up and beginning.  We discover through reading that we are less alone, as the inner lives of characters on the page become accessible to us.  No matter how foreign or different a life experience might be, the writer is always saying to the reader, and the reader to the writer,  me too.  I’ve been there too.