#elianaxsam

[serpentlopez]

TEXT || SAM&ELIANA

SAM: Hey Eli

SAM: How ya been?

ELIANA: Sam!

ELIANA: You have uncanny sensibilities. I was planning on calling you once I walk home from this interview.

ELIANA: I'm more curious about how you are...

[serpentlopez]

( @serpentevans )

[serpentlopez]

All These Broken Pieces

Who: Eliana & Sam ( @serpentevans )

What: Secrets. Pain. Truth. 

When: Nov 29, Night

Where: At the Wyrm, primarily the restroom

Notes: TW: Mentions of drugs, overdose, abandonment -- warning: she’s a pretty hefty/long scene.

Eliana

Eliana stood outside of the Whyte Wyrm and suddenly had a gut full of reservations. She looked up at the building, surrounding by the motorcycles of the people she considered family, but it felt like she didn't belong here. After everything that she'd been through, she had thought she was ready to come back but knowing that she hadn't even been able to convince herself to put on her Serpent jacket was a sign that she probably wasn't. She hadn't even ridden her motorcycle over, not having been on it since the night of her overdose.

Deciding that maybe she wasn't ready to see everyone, Eli turned and took a step away so quickly that she ran straight into a hard body with enough force to knock her backwards. "Ow, fuck," she groaned as her ankle gave and she fell to the graveled ground. Looking up to see who she'd run into as her hand curled around her slightly throbbing ankle, her initial reaction to snap disappeared as she realized who it was. "Sam, hey. Sorry about that. I didn't see you there. You okay?" She asked, not trying to get up just yet.

Sam

Sam had been free for the night, with Stacey going to a sleepover with a few of her friends and Stevie away in Greendale for the night on a school field trip. He only had to worry about his mother, who was likely sleeping at home at the moment. So Sam found himself back at the Wyrm, which had become a bit of a safe haven for him. He was free to do what he wanted with anyone taking note or judging him, which was exactly what he needed.

He'd just gotten back from the bathroom, freshly high off of his new purchase from Eric. He felt euphoric at the moment, happy and light, wanting to go back in and do some more. Some how in the midst of it all, Sam had gotten sloppy and forgot to wipe his face once he was down, a bit of the white residue left over under his nose. Before he realized it, Sam had bumped into someone, making them fall to the ground. He bent down to help them up, noticing it was Eliana. He instictively rubbed his nose, hoping that she hadn't noticed what was there, "E-Eliana! What are you doing here? Let me just help you up."

Eliana

Bumping into one of the Serpents out here instead of facing all of them inside was a lot easier to handle, albeit she hadn't planned on literally running into him. Eli recognized the way he wiped at his nose but immediately shook her head. Just because she was out in public didn't mean she could let herself see that everywhere. Especially with the number of times she'd snorted white powder up her nose in the Wyrm. This was Sam, she reminded herself. He didn't do that stuff anyway. 

"I uh, I was just.." She looked towards the building, tried not to frown, and then looked back at him, "..being a pussy, I guess. Trying to convince myself to go in." Flexing her foot to make sure she hadn't hurt it when she'd twisted and hit the ground, Eli nodded with approval and held her hand out to him, letting him help her back to her feet. "Thanks," she said, wiping her palms on her black jeans, knocking off bits of dirt and pebbles. "I haven't been in since I--" overdosed.. died.. detoxed at the rehab center "--got back."

Sam

The bag of coke was feeling even more heavy than it usually did in his pocket. It was one thing for Sam to do it, but he wasn't too keen on letting anyone else know about his secret. Eli was his friend, but she was also friends with everyone else he knew, including Peyton. All he could hope was that she'd somehow missed the sign. His brows furrowed at her response, "Oh, I mean, I can go in with you if you'd like, I was about to go back inside myself." He omitted the part about going back in to pop a pill and do another line. Sam helped her up, making sure she was okay, "Where'd you go? Sorry, I've been kind of out of the loop with everything going on with my family."

Eliana

Eliana looked over her shoulder at the Wyrm and wondered why it made her feel so incredibly nervous. She knew some people were aware of what she'd gone through and there was a certain level of shame that was eating her up from the inside. Maybe she should have waited for Ale to come with her, but he'd been so incredible with helping her and she'd wanted to see if she could do something for herself. Maybe it was too much too soon, but if she had Sam there.. 

"You wouldn't mind?" She asked, turning back to him and trying not to fidget with her fingers. She never had nervous ticks before. His question made her heart race slightly. If he didn't know, maybe she didn't tell him. It might be nice having someone around who wasn't aware of her monumental fuck up. Breezing past his question about where she'd been, Eli asked, "What's going on with your family?" Her brows knit together and she held up a hand, "Actually, I have a feeling this might be better with a drink." She gathered her courage. "Let's talk inside."

Sam

Sam hadn't been really paying attention to what was going on in town, besides the really obvious things of course. Beyond the effects of the drugs, Sam could tell Eliana was nervous, which is why he wanted to help her out, "Of course not." Sam wiped his nose again, feeling the itchiness that often came with the high. He knew if he had to rehash the mess of his family, he'd just need more in his system, so like Eliana, he breezed through the question, "I agree, a drink would be good." Sam nodded, leading her into the bar, and walking towards the counter, taking a seat and ordering a round of shots. He figured he'd give her the short version of his life's latest mess, downplaying it as much as he could, "To make it short, my dad left us, and the rest of my family hasn't been taking it well."

Eliana

Alcohol wasn't cocaine. In fact, it was very far from cocaine, and she'd been perfectly capable of drinking for years without succumbing to the drug that gave her such an incredible high. But she tried not to think about the high. Walking inside the Wyrm was a little awkward. No one gave her strange glances, or started to whisper to themselves, and for that she was grateful. Climbing up on the bar stool, Eli angled herself so she could see Sam but still be mostly hidden from the rest of the people there. Thankful for the shots he ordered, she watched them being poured and then reached for one as he spoke. His words made her eyes narrowed and then she wrinkled her nose, "Fucking Dwight, are you serious?" She shook her head, "What a fucking dick." Raising her shot a little, she offered it in a toast, "Then I guess this is to self-centered, asshole fathers."

Sam

Sam knew there were dangers with drinking and the amount of pills and powder in his system, but he ignored it, figuring a few drinks wouldn't hurt. He'd done it the first night, which really only caused a nosebleed and a hangover. Sam's eyebrows raised at her response. No one had really reacted like that, except for maybe his brother. He didn't know if he hated his dad, but he definitely hated how his father had destroyed his family with the snap of his fingers and a shitty note. "Yeah," Sam nodded, letting out a dry laugh and picking up one of the shots, bringing it up to hers. "Oh, I'll cheers to that." Sam clinked his glass with hers, throwing the drink down the back of his throat.

Eliana

With the number of asshole fathers around, Eliana was honestly not surprised. Daniel, Bruce, Dwight, James July, and even her own. Men in this town mostly turned into horrible people when they had kids. The fact Sam's dad ducked out made her angry, more than sad, but she hated that knowing the person Sam was, he was picking up the slack from his father's recklessness. Clinking her glass with his, Eli stared at the shot for a moment as she lifted it to her lips. She could smell the bitter aroma from the potent alcohol and for a split second, a rush of ice cold fear swirled in her belly before she washed it away as she swallowed the liquor in one gulp. "Do you have any idea where he went?" She asked as she put her glass down and motioned to the bartender so he'd keep them refilled. "Or did he just disappear into the wind like Bruce?"

Sam

Sam had always grown up thinking his father was different. He was more of a family man than the others, always showing up for his kids and his wife. But Sam thought he had been completely wrong about everything now, since it was clear that Dwight Evans only cared when it was easy for him. Sam shrugged, taking another shot and swallowing it, "Beats me. He left my mom a note, some bullshit about him leaving being best for the family." Sam couldn't help but feel anger whenever his father came up, which he was trying so hard most days to suppress, "Probably pulled a play out of Bruce's book. They were always close anyways." Sam's hand fiddled in his pocket with the plastic bag of cocaine, secretly wishing he was alone so he could let the edge off, knowing that alcohol had long stopped working for him.

Eliana

At Sam's reply, Eli just shook her head. Even the guys that could be nice weren't. They always picked themselves and what they wanted above anything else. Just like her father had done. He never cared when she cried, or screamed. He never comforted her, or stopped when she begged him to. He didn't see her as a person. He saw her as a thing, just like the men he gave her to saw her as a thing - and used her as one too. Grabbing the next shot, she downed it quickly, hoping the sting of alcohol down her throat would drown away the memory of older men and her aching body. But it didn't. So she took another and tried to focus on Sam instead of herself. "Well, I'm sorry he did that to your family, to you. If he were here, I'd be happy to punch--" Looking at him, she noticed a little color draining from his face and Eli put her hand on Sam's wrist. "Are you okay? You look a little--pale."

Sam

Sam could tell that her anger about his father wasn't purely based off of his situation, making him think she had something else going on, maybe with her own family. But he didn't want to pry. Sam could feel himself getting a little lightheaded, sweating a bit. The drinks weren't really agreeing with his system, and he couldn't help how his body reacted. He swallowed hard, taking another shot and swigging it, trying to ignore the feeling. He listened to Eli, nodding his head and trying to stay connected. His palms were getting sweaty, so he wiped them down on his shirt. "What? No, I-I'm fine, really. It's just kind of hot in here today."

Eliana

Eli had just wrapped her fingers around a fourth shot glass when he spoke, and she looked around because it actually felt a little chilly in here to her. Maybe it was her. But she looked around and no one seemed to be as overheated as Sam was. He seemed a little jittery suddenly, and she pressed her lips together. "Are you sure?" She asked, reaching up to touch his clammy forehead. "You don't look so good." Maybe he'd had too much to drink too fast? She had no idea how many drinks he'd had before she showed up, and even her three shots had warmed her veins enough to make her think she should slow down. Putting the fourth shot down unswallowed, she motioned towards the bathrooms. "Come on. Let's get you a wet paper towel or something to cool you off."

Sam

Sam took a deep breath, trying to relax himself, ordering a glass of water. Sam jumped the tiniest bit when he felt her cold hand on his forehead. "Yeah, I'm sure." Sam took in another breath, gulping down the water in front of him. His whole body was feeling itchy and jittery, and he rubbed his nose again, sniffling and averting his eyes from her gaze. He was starting to feel dizzy, gripping onto the counter top. He looked over at Eliana finally, nodding as she motioned towards the bathrooms. The same place he'd been only a few hours ago snorting up lines of coke that were likely the reason he felt so terrible at the moment.

Eliana

Her head was telling her that she recognized the way he was acting but Eli refused to believe it. She couldn't. Because this was Sam and he didn't do the same awful things that she did. She was the fuck up and Sam took care of people, took care of his family. Mentally scolding herself for even considering it, Eli jumped off of the chair. She put her hand on his back just in case he wavered as she led him to the back of the Wyrm, moving past someone who just walked out. Pushing open the bathroom door closest to them, Eli walked him over to sink and quickly grabbed a couple paper towels. She ran them under the sink to soak them, wrung them out, and then turned to him, putting it down on the back of his neck. "There. How does that feel?"

Sam

Sam followed Eli to the bathroom. He was scared shitless she would find out about why he was like this, knowing that she'd probably be so disappointed in him. He'd always been so good, up until now that is. As she put the towels on his neck, Sam let out a sigh, feeling a bit relieved. He'd felt a lot better already, and it would've stayed that way if he would've just stayed in his place. But as the towel came onto his neck, he'd ended up bumping into the wall near him, leaning onto it to help with the dizziness. He hadn't even noticed the bag come out of his pocket at first, until he heard the soft tap on the ground of the bag falling. Sam mumbled "Shit," under his breath and quickly bending down to pick it up and stuff it back in his pocket. As he returned up, he met Eliana's eyes, quickly averting them.

Eliana

"Hey, be care--" But her words easily cut off the moment a quick movement caught her attention. Dark eyes followed the movement until she found herself looking at it... at a baggie.. with a product she knew very well. Her chest constricted and it felt like she couldn't breathe, or didn't want to. Just as Eli was moving to reach, Sam quickly scooped it up and shoved it into his pocket, but she had already seen it. "Sam," her voice was small, almost broken, and very shaky. "What.." No, there was no point asking what it was. She knew. "Why do you have that?" Pointing towards his pocket, it felt like the room was suddenly constricting, like all the air had been torn out.

Sam

Sam was officially panicking, especially with how badly she was reacting. He paced around the bathroom, his hands running through his hair and covering his face. No one was supposed to know. It was supposed to be a secret, no one was supposed to find out. He was freaking out, praying that she would just forget all of this happened. But he had a feeling that wouldn't be the case. Sam bit down on his lip, stepping closer to Eliana and holding onto her shoulders, shaking his head and giving her a pleading look, "No one else can know about this, Eliana. You can't tell anyone about what you saw, okay?"

Eliana

Eliana couldn't take her eyes off of him, confusion clear in her eyes; for him, for her. "Sam.." But then his hands were on her shoulders and she could feel the warmth of him, enough to bring her back to her senses. At least for a moment. Long enough for her to grab a hold of his wrists, giving them a small squeeze. Her eyes closed, head tilting to the side. It really was what she thought and she'd been ignoring it. She'd wanted to ignore it. But the fact was that it was here. It was in his pocket. It was inches away from her and she hadn't felt the addiction pull her so strong as it did right now. "How long?" she asked, opening her eyes, wanting to see him to tell if he was saying the truth.

Sam

Sam felt terrible. It was horrible, that here was his friend who cared about him and all he wanted to do was run off and get high all over again. He'd so badly lost touch with how to control his emotions, that he did anything and everything he could to push them to the back of his mind and ignore them. He knew it wasn't healthy, but he didn't have a choice. His family needed him, and he couldn't help them if he was consumed with his sadness and anger. "I- Just a week, okay? I've got it under control, and I'll stop when everything blows over, I- I promise."

Eliana

Her heart was racing in her chest, pounding so roughly against her rib cage that she swore it would break right through. She wanted to be focused on the fact that Sam was getting high. He had cocaine in his pocket right now and he was going to inhale it, and it would give him the most delicious and intoxicating high. A week.. a week wasn't bad, right? It was only a week. She'd done it much longer than a week. And the stuff she'd taken wasn't just cocaine. It had other things mixed into it, some designer shit. It had been more than just the fine powder. 

"I--" Eli stopped and took a step back, letting her hands fall from his wrists, his grasp from her shoulders, and she turned to walk to the bathroom door. Hands on it, she could leave. She probably should leave. But her fingers shook and the ache was pulling deep inside of her, not letting her leave him alone. Reaching up, she turned the lock on the door so that no one could walk in. Someone's voice was in her head screaming for her to run but all she did was turn to face him, back against the locked door. "You.. shouldn't be alone. If something happens.." she swallowed the knot hard. "You need someone with you." Then she wrapped her arms around him in a close hug, holding on as tightly as she could.(edited)

Sam

Sam's mind was racing as he saw Eliana walk towards the door. What would he do? Did he just ruin a good friendship? He was glad that his Xanax hadn't fallen out too, because he thought it would've been even worse for him. But then she locked the door, and his heart was beating out of his chest. Before he could realize, Eliana was in his arms. Any normal person would've left, but she didn't Sam had to wonder where she'd really been, even as he remembered her dodging the question earlier. "I'm fine, it's okay. You don't have to stay Eli." He brought his hands to her back, rubbing it gently as he held her.

Eliana

Eliana was arguing with herself but she knew what would have happened if she'd been alone the night of her overdose. She wouldn't be alive right now, as evidenced by the fact that her heart had literally stopped beating when she was with Ale and the first responders. If he was going to do this, he wouldn't do it alone. Just in case. "You're not going to be alone," she said from over his shoulder, more stern that time because she didn't want him fighting it. 

"Something could happen. You never know, okay?" She pulled back and looked up at him. "Just trust me. If you're doing it, I'm here." Then her gaze lowered from his face and she took a breath, reaching slowly into his pocket until she felt the familiar weight of the baggie in her hand. Her thumb trailed along the side, feeling the movement of the soft powder from beneath her touch. It was friendly, like someone calling her back, that pleasant reminder that things stopped hurting and she stopped being so afraid when she was high. Eliana raised her gaze from the powder back to his face, "Am I the only person who knows?"

Sam

Sam shook his head. He'd never done anything in front of anyone. Even if it had been a week, doing all of this was so new to him. "I- I can't do it in front of you, Eli, I've only done it by myself." He watched as she felt the bag, one of his eyebrows raising as he noticed how comfortable she looked with a bag of cocaine in her hand. When she had told him to trust her, he was ever more confused. Had she done this before? His mind felt dazed looking at white powder in front of him, a part of him wanting to go against his judgement and do a line right there. He let out a sigh, digging into his jacket pocket and pulling out his bottle of pills, Xanax. If she was going to be here, she might as well know everything, "Uh, it's just these, and yeah, you're the only one." Sam looked down, whispering and pleading to Eliana again, "Please don't tell anyone."

Eliana

"Do you even know how much to take? Because you can't just make big fat lines and do it over and over without something happening to you. I-- I know those things, okay? And what happens if you take too much and you pass out? You could choke, or cease, or your heart could--" She shook her head, "It's too dangerous to be alone." As much as she wished she had the strength to walk away, she wasn't going to leave him by himself. The bag felt so comfortable in her hands, and with the reminder of his father leaving, and all the terrible things she'd been through, it was getting harder by the second to put it down. Her attention was thankfully drawn when he pulled out a bottle and she looked at them, recognizing them for what they were. 

"So you're mixing uppers and downers. Don't take them together. This hypes you up, and those calm you down. If you're taking both, they have to be taken separate or they're not getting a chance to work on you." Eli let out a breath, then already remembered they'd just been drinking. "It's more dangerous to mix this," she held up the baggie,  "with alcohol. Alcohol changes how your body breaks it down or something and it causes this chemical that's really bad, so if you're doing this, you can't drink, okay?" It was surprising how much she'd been picking up from her therapy and NA meeting. "I.. won't," Eliana said softly, "as long as you don't do it alone. I can't have you.. get hurt or.." die "..something."

Sam

Sam shook his head again, completely bewildered. "How the hell do you know all of this?" He knew there were dangers, of course, but he didn't know the logistics. He knew they were working, at least that. After his first night, he'd mainly saved the Xanax for during the day, coke for the night. So, he'd at least got that down, "Yeah, um, I usually do the pills during the day and the rest at night, so I- I know they work." He bit down on his lip. He knew the alcohol and coke weren't a good mix, but he'd kind of ignored that. Sam ran his hands through his hair, still not believing what was happening. Was he really getting a lecture in the bathroom of a bar on taking illegal drugs properly? "I- I can't do it in front of you, I just can't."

Eliana

Eliana averted her gaze back to the bag as she spoke. "This isn't the first time I've been in a bathroom holding this." She'd even started carrying it around in a vial so she could have a little bump every now and then throughout the day. Those little bumps hadn't been bad, she thought. They just gave her a little tiny kick to help her. That was much better than a full line, right? Of course it was. Eliana had felt like shit pretty much all the time from the desire to get high. Her body ached with all the problems she still needed to work through, and in the end, talking about what happened to her with her therapist only opened those wounds and poked at them. 

Being with Ale made her happy, having Charlie around made her happy.. she'd gone too far before but just a tiny little taste wouldn't be that bad. She wouldn't go down that path again. She wouldn't get that bad again. But one little taste.. No. No, she couldn't. Like a brick hitting her in the heart, one single thought came back to her. Ale was there when your heart stopped beating. He did chest compressions to keep you alive. He's the reason you're not dead. Pushing the bag back into his hand, Eli took an unsteady step back. "I.. can wait outside, if you want."

Sam

Sam's eyes widened, surprised by her statement, "Wait, really?" He wondered what the hell he was missing then. If she was doing the same thing, why was Eliana so worried about him? Sam's body was aching for another line, wanting the feeling of his high back already. He wasn't addicted, no, it was just a feeling he'd come to like over the past few days. He kept telling himself there wasn't anything wrong what he was doing, that he could quit after everything was calmer, whenever that time would come. He'd gotten twitchy at times, wanting the feeling back every time it wore off, wanting to feel happiness, even if it wasn't real. This entire situation was so fucked, but a part of Sam couldn't care. He didn't care about the consequences, he just wanted to be happy again. "No, um... can you just turn around?"

Eliana

"Yeah," Eliana said with a small nod. "Yeah, really. I um.." And a very loud part of her wanted to tell him what had happened, wanted to tell him about how she'd thrown herself into it. How she'd died. But the shame was so alive that she couldn't force the words out. Tucking her hair back behind her ear, Eliana tried not to look at the bag but even if she knew she shouldn't, she wanted it. She wanted it so badly. But when he asked her to turn around instead, Eliana flashed him a small smile. "Sure. I'll be right here." It was better than him doing it alone, she decided, and so she turned to face her back to him and crossed her arms, knowing exactly what was happening behind her. Knowing the sound of the baggie, and tapping the line, and what came next.

Sam

He'd felt so ashamed, so embarrassed over this entire ordeal. But his need for a high overcame his shitty feelings, and Sam let out a breath as Eliana complied and turned around. He took the bag in his hand, opening it up and poured some of the white powder out. His hands were shaking as he took out his wallet, taking out a card he'd been using for the past few days to form two lines. Sam's hands sunk into the sides of the sink, glancing back at Eli, before bringing his face down. Plugging one of his nostrils, Sam bent down a snorted one of the lines, coming back up for a moment before leaning down and doing his second line. He let out a sigh of pleasure, the waves of the high rushing over his body, making his relax and turn around, leaning against the sink comfortably, his head tilted back.

Eliana

Eliana closed her eyes as her heart thudded, living everything that was happening behind her all the way down to the neat tapping sound followed by the inevitable sharp inhale. One simple breath that deposited all of that drug into his nose, burning and bringing him alive. And then a second. Out of habit alone, Eliana reached up and rubbed her nose as if she'd just taken the line herself. The swell of relief he must feel made her insides twist, hungry for it in every inch of her body. 

When it was over, Eliana looked over her shoulder to make sure and then walked over to him. Her eyes passed over him and it made her ache; for him, for his pain, for her and how much she wanted to know what he was feeling right in that moment, how the high felt surging through his veins as he went on an adventure she was left behind from. Picking up the paper towels she'd had against his neck earlier, Eliana held it out to him. "Wipe your nose," she told him as there were remnants of the cocaine on his skin. "You'll want a straw or a rolled up bill to keep it from being all over your face." Why was she even saying anything?

Sam

Sam had felt so much better after doing the lines. He'd rubbed away the residue as Eliana turned back around, taking the paper towels from her and wiping it over again. He'd kind of gotten the vibe that she wanted some, especially with how she'd been looking at the powder before. Sam didn't really know what had been going on with Eliana, but he nodded at her advice, "Thanks." Sam was silent for a second, his body feeling alive again. It was amazing how instant the effects were, as Sam was able to relax himself and not worry constantly about everything happening in his life. He motioned behind him, where the little baggie and his card sat, bringing his eyes to look at her, "Do you... want some?"

Eliana

Eli’s nose burned with the memory of how that powder felt. Her chest aches to feel it again, and her fingers flexed as if she could just grab it. It would be easy too. The door was locked, the bag was there, small remnants of the powder on the counter. No one would have to know. No one at all. Her jaw clenched at the offer and though he wasn’t, and wouldn’t, force her to do it, her brain did all the bullying. You’ll feel better, it said. Remember how good you felt when that high hit? Look at Sam. Look at that euphoria in his eyes. You want that, don’t you? You want to feel it again. Come feel it again. Eli clenched her jaw and forced herself to look away. She had to because being here, being so close, it made her want to fall into that bag and the comfort it brought. 

“I—“ She stole a peek at the bag again. He had enough and it would be a little less he’d have if she did. “I do,” she admitted. “I can barely think past how much I do.” Her voice was low, low enough that maybe he didn’t hear it. But once I start, I won’t be able to stop was what she didn’t say. “I just.. got off of it,” she said finally, not giving too many details. “I uh, I went somewhere and I got off of it and.. and I really do want some but I—I shouldn’t.”

Somehow, illogically, it felt like she was letting herself down by saying that. Eli tried to remind herself everything that happened that night: her blackout, her overdose, her hospital stay, Ale telling her what happened, Charlie yelling and crying, Ryan giving her details about how he found her bloody nosed and ceasing, her detox, cleaning out her trailer with Ale of all the cocaine she’d hidden.. it was too much. Eliana knew what had led her to hard drugs and she wondered what else was going on in Sam’s head. Though she was typically not an affectionate person, Eli reached for his hand. They’d know each other awhile and slept together in the past, so it wasn’t an awkward sensation. “I’m here, you know. Everything that’s going on, everything you’re going through, you can talk to me.”

Sam

Sam had trouble focusing on anything else around him besides the pleasure coursing through his veins. That was the thing about the drugs, it made him feel selfish. He felt like, especially with the coke, all he wanted to do was think about himself. It was bad, but he already wanted more. Being high brought back the ease and happiness of how Sam used to be, and he was still clinging to how he used to be. Some days, he wanted to see how far he could go back, how much could make him feel like he wasn't hopelessly broken. Sam nodded. He wasn't going to pressure her, especially in his selfish state of mind thinking that there would just leave more for him. 

"'S all good, Eli, no worries." Sam sniffled, shaking his head. He was on cloud 9, but the back of his mind still wandering back to his life outside the bathroom. He wished he could just forget it all sometimes, but that wasn't an option. Sam held Eli's hand, nodding at her words. "I guess my life's just kind of a mess at the moment. Deadbeat dad, depressed mom, fucked up siblings, and then there's Peyton. I just want to be happy again." Sam mumbled out the last sentence absentmindedly, averting his gaze from her.

Eliana

You never really knew how the cocaine was going to treat you. Sometimes it was just enough to take it and let it steal away your bad feelings, and other times it just opened a black hole that made you want to fill it with more, trying to make it stop hurting. Either way, the call was still there and she looked over his shoulder to see the baggie still there, still waiting, still calling. She swallowed hard and turned her attention to Sam's face, giving his hand a squeeze to remind herself what she was doing. Nodding once when he talked about his life being a mess, Eli frowned. "He's a shit for leaving you. So is your mom." Even if she was there, Eli knew how depression could steal you away even if your body was still there. "I know you feel like you have to take care of everyone but you have to take care of yourself too, Sam." Her eyes narrowed when he mentioned Peyton. "What about Peyton?"

Sam

The minute he started talking about his family, that euphoric feeling he once had was gone, the sadness creeping up on him again. He wanted more, he wanted to fill the void. But he'd already done some before being with Eli, and he wasn't sure if he could handle more. Still, every fiber in his body was telling him to turn around snort some more cocaine up his nose. Sam shook his head again, "I don't think she's gonna make it, Eli, I really don't." He couldn't help but laugh, throwing his head back, "I have no fucking clue how to take care of myself." Then Pyton's name came up, and Sam felt even more shitty. She was his anchor. She'd saved him in so many ways, but he knew she had the power to drown him too. They still hadn't spoke after she told him. "She slept with someone else, actually two people. I just, I keep falling for people that don't want me, that are way out of my league."

Eliana

There was craving in his eyes. Eliana recognized it because she'd seen it in her own so many times. At least back when she used to let herself look at her reflection in the mirror. "She should be focusing on you and your brother and sister," Eli said, frowning as she pulled herself up to sit on the counter, his hand still between hers. "I don't think people really know how to parent. Mine didn't." Her stomach twisted even mentioning hers. "I can't even imagine how difficult that has to be for you." 

She looked up then when he laughed but it only brought a frown to her lips. She squeezed his fingers, the best way she could comfort him. Then it felt like her heart kind of broke when he mentioned her sleeping with someone else. She and Peyton had been pretty out of touch through the overdose and she hadn't realized how close he'd grown to her, but seeing how hurt he was told her everything she needed to know. "Sam, no. Don't say that." Eli shook her head, moving one hand from his grasp to his shoulder. "No one is out of your league. Sometimes people just.. make mistakes. Maybe it was a mistake?"

Sam

As Eliana moved in between him and the counter, Sam fought the urge to tell her to move so he could do more. Sam gave her a sad smile, thinking about his mother. She'd always been so good, up until now, and his dad leaving just broke her. His mom wouldn't talk to anyone, let alone help around the house. She was immobile, as good as being dead at this point. "Yeah, I just feel bad for my siblings. I didn't grow up with this, but they're forced to. Stacey has these nightmares and Stevie keeps trying to run away and join the Ghoulies. There's only so much I can do." 

Sam never liked talking about himself, so for a while, he'd convinced himself he was fine. He'd pushed away any feelings he had about his father leaving to care for his family, which only worked for so long. Sam scoffed, his head dropping slightly, "No one sleeps with the same person twice as a mistake. No one sleeps with one guy, then has a threesome with him, and calls it a mistake."

Eliana

"But they are growing up with you. You're a good big brother and you always do what's best for them," she said, even though it wasn't fair that he was forced into the parent role. "It isn't right but they have you, at least, and they need someone or they would have to go through all of this alone." Eliana shook her head, the fact she was so close to the baggie not escaping her notice. When his head dropped and he spoke, her heart nearly shattered. God, Peyton... what did you get yourself into? Sam was such a good person, and he cared so much, and he was so broken. 

"I'm sorry. I-- She and I haven't spoken much lately. I wish I could tell you what was going on in her head, but what I do know is that you're a good person. No matter what you're feeling right now, you do deserve to be happy and you do deserve someone who makes you happy. These bad feelings you feel... you don't deserve them."

Sam

"I'm don't want their futures to be over, like mine is." Sam would do everything he could for them, even if he didn't pick the role himself. They deserved to leave this messed up town some day, and he'd do everything in his power to make that happen. God, he really needed another line. He felt so empty inside, so alone. Every one of his emotions felt so heightened, all of the hurt and anger coming to the threshold. Sam could quite look at Eliana, his head still looking to the ground, as he mumbled out a weak, "Yeah." Sam rubbed his nose, his hand moving to grip the counter beside them as he finally looked up. His entire body was craving more, he couldn't take it anymore. Sam didn't care about the risks or what would happen, he just wanted to feel better, or at least feel nothing. "I- I need to you to move, Eli."

Eliana

Eliana was shaking her head when he spoke, and it really wasn't until that moment that she actually looked at him. The same Sam that always had a smile on his face, that would do anything to make his friends laugh.. the Sam who was there for the people he cared about, and who loved the Serpents.. He was just as fucked up as any of them. "Your... future isn't over," she said, feeling a sickness inside of her. "Sam--" But almost as soon as she said his name, he mentioned her moving. Confusion coiled in her expression and she slid off of the counter, wondering if maybe he'd had too much or maybe he was going to get sick and needed the sink. "Are you okay?" she asked in a voice thick with concern.

Sam

Sam had always made sure that people didn't worry about him. Of course, he grew up with his own problems and insecurities like everyone else. But he was good at hiding it, mostly because he though it made him look weak. So most of the time, he overcompensated for how he felt inside. He didn't pretend all the time, no, but there were times when Sam smiled too big and laughed a little too long to mask how he felt. Sam shook his head, "It is." Sam's eyes were glazed over, his mind turning to the one thing that had made him feel better in the longest time. As Eli stepped aside, Sam stepped forward slowly and picked up the bag with his fingers. He stared at it for a moment, as he spoke, focused on the powder in front of him. Sam recited a phrase he'd been saying so often, his voice monotone as he prepared to pour out more powder onto the counter, "I'm fine."

Eliana

It was always easy for Eliana to care about other people but when it came to herself, she let her well-being fall to the wayside. And she could see it now painted all over Sam's face. He was broken and if she hadn't been so self-involved, maybe she would have noticed it. "It's not. You just need--" but her words were cut off as she watched him moving. His hands grabbed for the bag. She assumed he was putting it away. Maybe he'd had enough talking and he wanted to pocket the rest and leave the bathroom. They'd been in here for a little while after all. But he wasn't putting it away. Her eyes went up to his face, hoping she wouldn't see what she saw -- determination. Need. Craving. He wasn't going to put it away at all. He was going to have more. Eliana's brain whirled. He'd already had some before she showed up, and then more with her, plus the alcohol.. It would be too much. "Sam, no. Don't." She rushed up to him, putting her hand on the bag that was now in his hands as well. "You're.. not fine. You can't do more. It's too soon.."

Sam

Sam couldn't bring himself to stop, it was too hard. How much could one more little line hurt? He just needed to get through another night, that's all. Sam convinced himself he wasn't going overboard, that he'd be fine, even if the girl next to him was telling him the opposite. Sam just... didn't care. He didn't care if he'd had enough, he didn't care if there were consequences, he was being selfish all over again. His eyebrows furrowed as he felt another hand on the bag, making Sam shake his head, "No, just one more. I'll be fine." He tugged the bag towards his direction, trying to get her hand off, so he could pour some out.

Eliana

Eliana couldn't believe that she'd been at this point and had that same desperate look in her eyes, but she knew it without a shadow of a doubt. She'd gotten addicted - hard and fast, and there was no way around it. Sam was on that same ledge, about to fall off, and fuck, but she didn't want him to fall. Not like she did. It hurt too much, and that pain was only if you survived. "It's never just one more. Please.. trust me.." but he tugged at the bag and the fact he'd grabbed it so roughly, Eliana realized she had made a mistake letting him do this. She should have said something. She should have been a better friend, and she hadn't been, but she could be now. 

"Sam..." Eliana just wanted to take the bag away, stop him from doing more before his body could be ready for it but then something happened. The air between them exploded in a puff of powder. She didn't know if she'd pulled, or he had, but the bag was suddenly torn between them and it was everywhere. Eliana dropped her grip on the bag as her eyes closed, finely ground powder suddenly all over her face, her clothes, and her hands. She stumbled backwards in surprise until her back collided with the wall, gasping in shock as tiny explosions of the powder erupted on her lips and tongue.

Sam

Sam was past asking, past just wanting another hit. He needed it. His posture became more aggressive and needy, as the two had thier hands on the bag. In the blink of a second, his whole world came crashing, and suddenly the powder was covering the both of them, no longer contained in the little bag. "No, no, no..." Sam started shaking his head, and he kept mumbling the word as if this hadn't happened. The powder still covered his face and shirt when he leaned towards the sink, trying to wipe off the powder from his face and shirt onto the sink, attempting to form a line he could get into his body. Sam was frantic, bending his nose down to snort all the cocaine up he could, but it wasn't enough. The powder was everywhere, and the smallest line Sam formed didn't help. He brought his hands up to his face, leaning down on the counter of the sink, "Fuck!" The sound was mumbled and strained as Sam started to pace around the bathroom.

Eliana

No.. she thought, brushing her hands against her face over and over, trying to get the cocaine off of her skin, out of her hair, off her clothes but it was everywhere. It was one thing if she was near it but it was on her. She tasted it. Her back slid against the wall until she hit the corner and then sunk down into a crouch, eyes wide and staring at her fingers as they shook. Too much, she thought. Too close. Too real. She wanted to run and she wanted to sink into the wall. She wanted to disappear and even though it was a small amount, she could feel her body reacting to the sensation of the drug in her deprived system. The blur of movement drew her attention up but her fingers were still trembling as she watched him pacing. "It's too late, isn't it?" she asked. "It already has you, like it had me."

Sam

Sam wasn't an addict. He couldn't be an addict. It had only been a week, no one can get addicted that fast, right? He had it under control, that's what he kept telling himself, that he could quit whenever he wanted. Doing it was just a choice he made, he could back out whenever he wanted. He looked at Eliana, she was covered just like him, and shaking by the looks of it. Sam grabbed a paper towel, running some water over it and getting close to her. She looked so unstable, he was afraid she'd run out and everyone would know. Everyone would know what he'd become. So Sam bent down, cleaning the cocaine off of her face and hair, wiping it over her clothes, and then doing the same to himself. His body was shaking, and he shook his head repeatedly, "No, no, I'm fine, Eliana. I can, I can stop whenever I want."

Eliana

It was too late. Eliana could see it, and though she remained quiet when he came over and carefully cleaned the powder off her face and clothes, her eyes were focused on Sam and his movements, and the clear disappointment with his stash being wasted. The powder was all over his nose from when he tried to snort the spilled drug. He wasn't fine. There was a familiar burn inside of her as her veins were already sparking with the drug. As scared as she had been, Eliana could feel her body slowly relaxing and easing into that spot that she had been so used to. Shaking her head as he cleaned, she frowned, "You're not." Pushing herself against the wall, Eliana rose to her feet and gripped his shirt in her fists. "Look at this, Sam. Look at us. Look at you." There were tears in her eyes that wouldn't fall. "We just ripped apart the bag trying to get it. Is that 'okay' to you?"

Sam

Sam kept shaking his head. He just kept telling himself she was wrong, that he was really fine, that he could keep a handle on things. But the reality, that was still unclear to him, was that Sam wasn't strong enough for this, and he was letting himself panic at the first second of not getting what he wanted. Sam's eyes widened as she gripped his shirt, forced to look her in the eyes as she spoke. But he kept denying it, he kept trying to pretend this wasn't messed up, "I- I can't stop, not right now, not with everyone relying on me. It's temporary, I promise." Sam just couldn't find it in himself to see the truth, pulling himself away from Eliana and turning his back to her. He was angry and forceful with his next words, his brain going to dark places of thinking. Like the fact that Eliana didn't have the right to judge him when it'd been obvious she was doing the same. It was a bad thing to think, but it was in his mind regardless, "I'm not an addict, okay? I don't need anyone to save me. Like I said, I'm fine."

Eliana

Eliana's head was starting to whirl, a dizziness slowly easing the tension from her arms. When he pulled away, she didn't try to stop him. Her hands went down to the counter and she could feel the granules against her palms, quickly wiping them off on her hips even if it was too late. It wasn't temporary, she thought, and that made her whirl on him. She hadn't wanted to go there, and she hadn't wanted to say anything. A rush of heat flooded over her from the embarrassment that pooled inside her. "I said the same exact thing," she hissed. "I kept saying I was fucking fine until I passed the fuck out and my heart stopped. Don't turn away from me." She grabbed his arm to spin him. "You think Stacey and Stevie are bad off now? What happens when it's you? What happens when it's your heart? Sam. Please, you're not fine. And this stuff isn't going to make you fine."

Sam

Sam ran his hand through his hair again, angry and frustrated again. He knew the risks, but he also knew that he wouldn't be of much help to anyone if he repressed into his mother. He couldn't start dealing with his emotions now, the drugs helped stall that. He'd let himself process everything once the little ones were doing better. But Sam was high, and angry, and he didn't want to stop. He didn't want to listen to Eliana, even after she told him what had happened to her. "I'm not you, Eli. Do you think I want to fucking live like this? Do you think I have a fucking choice?" As Sam was turned to face Eliana, his voice grew louder, "Yeah? And what fucking good am I to them if I end up like my damn mother? Because that's what'll happen. I don't have time to go and find some way to 'fix' myself. To fucking fix how I feel whenever I'm sober. How it makes me depressed and immobile just like her. I'm all they have, I won't give up on them now."

Eliana

His response stung and she had to try and remind herself that it was just because he was high and agitated. Because the Sam she knew would have cared. But there was still a part of her that took root inside her brain, whispering words about how he was right. He wasn't her because she had been weak. Her overdose only happened because she deserved it. He didn't. He wasn't her. "You do have a choice," Eliana said but her voice was much lower and softer than it had been. "You can take the Xanax. Take something for depression. Fight to keep yourself put together because this," her hand swiped at his arm, scooping up some of the powder he'd missed when he was cleaning himself off. She held it up. 

"This is you giving up on them. On yourself. They don't need you high. You don't need you high. If this kills you," like it killed me "how are you any better than your father? I guess at least he left a note." But Eliana knew by the look on his face that he wasn't ready to give it up. Her chest tightened. Someone needed to know. Someone who could help him because she wasn't getting through. "You need help, Sam," she said as she walked around him and made her way to the bathroom door. Maybe Dare since he was in charge now.. he could help.

Sam

Sam could see Eliana drifting away. she was going to tell. He never should have gone into the bar with her. He never should have done the coke in front of her. All of his mistakes were about to backfire on him. Sam didn't know who she would tell, but the outcome would be the same. He didn't need to be saved, he was the last person everyone should be worried about. This town was a nightmare already without everyone finding out about this. 

Deep down, very deep down though, Sam knew she was right. He knew it wasn't good for anyone, he knew he was just being selfish, and greedy. But he didn't want to stop. Xanax could make him calm, and feel nothing, but it would never make him happy again. And all Sam could think about was how much he wanted to be happy again. He knew it was temporary, that his high was just fake happiness, but he was afraid if he had to let that go he'd never feel anything again. 

The comparison to his father hurt. Sam had done more for his family than his father had done in his own life. So often, Sam felt misunderstood, like no one really got how he was feeling, how he never even got to process his own dad leaving him. He never got to mourn, never got to cry, he was just forced into a role he knew he couldn't escape, so he found his own way to cope with it. Sam stepped in front of the door, blocking the exit for Eliana, "You said you wouldn't tell anyone."

Eliana

Eliana had made a plan in the few steps she took. She'd talk to Dare and tell him what she knew, how she thought they may be able to help him. The Serpents were a family so they'd help take care of his brother and sister, and Eliana would help him go through what she was going through. She hadn't done a great job so far but he was part of her family, one of her friends, and someone who she hoped was still important to Peyton. Everything would be okay. Everything would be-- 

Then Sam was in front of her, blocking the door, and though she could have tried to force her way out, her hands were already shaky with the small amount of drug that wound up back in her system. "I know but.." She bit down on her bottom lip, swallowing a knot that made it hard for her to breathe. "..I can help. The Serpents can help." Her hands took his. "Don't do what I did. I pulled away from everyone who mattered to me and I went through it alone. You're not alone, Sam. You have us, and me. Let me help."

Sam

Sam knew she'd probably tell someone close to them. Maybe Dare or Peyton, but he wasn't ready for either of them to know. Darius was dealing with being the new leader of the Serpents and Peyton had her dad to worry about, Sam didn't want to cause anymore problems for them. He had love for his fellow Serpents, they were family to him, but he didn't think there was much they could do. 

No one would be able to calm Stacey down after her nightmares besides him, no one would be able to save his brother from joining the enemy besides him, and no one could make sure his mother was breathing every night, besides him. Sam looked down at Eliana, noticing that she was shaking, not sure if it was from everything that had happened or something else entirely. He shook his head, "They can't help, Eli. I know you think they can, but this is on me." Sam sighed, looking down as she took his hand, "I'm... I'm not pulling away. I'm still around, I just don't want anyone else to deal with my bullshit. This town is fucked, okay? People shouldn't be making time for me when they've got plenty of their own problems."

Eliana

It hurt to hear him talk the way he was because she'd been there too. She knew what it felt like to think that no one else should be dealing with her issues. That she wanted to save them from having to deal with her, too. And that was what it sounded like Sam was saying. Everyone would always have their own problems but that didn't mean they weren't there for each other. "You're important," she said. "We're a family and no matter what anyone else is going through, we're there for each other, and we're there for you." A small frown crossed her face. "I'm sorry I was too lost in my own shit to see what you were going through. But I want to be better, and that means being here for you. Whatever you need. Can you let me be here for you?"

Sam

People never worried about Sam, it was how he liked it. They always assumed that because Sam always put on a happy front, that there was nothing wrong with him, even if there sometimes was. There was a lot more wrong with Sam than he would ever admit, but he always diminished his problems to just being one of the faults of living on the Southside. But truthfully, he was a ticking time bomb. Sam knew, deep down, that if he ever really started to talk about what was wrong, everything that he was feeling, he wouldn't be able to contain it, which is why he didn't want to ask for help. Because he knew his friends, they were good people, who wouldn't just want to help his family without helping him too, and Sam wasn't ready to deal with it all just yet. "I know, I know. Don't ever be sorry for that, Eli. But people can't know, about any of it. I'm just not ready, to deal with it, and if people find out my dad fled, I could have a target painted on my back by the time Derek finds out."

Eliana

"Let's be real," Eliana said, making a face when Derek's name was mentioned. "We all already have targets painted on us the second that psychopath decided to take over the Ghoulies. He has a problem with the Serpents and if he wins, I have a feeling it'll be a war that if we don't win, we'll never survive." But for as broken and weak as Eliana felt more of the time, she was sure of one undeniable fact: They were the Serpents and as long as they stuck together, no one could take them down. "It's still early," she said, dropping the idea of telling Dare. At least right now. It sounded really important to Sam that people didn't know and the last thing she wanted to do was run him off, or even lose him altogether. "Why don't you come back to my place? It'll make me feel better knowing you aren't alone, and you can always go back home for dinner later." It would, at the very least, keep her from feeling like she had to tell anyone right now.

Sam

"All this shit started because of Dare's dad and mine. He's already got it out for all of the Anderson's, which makes my family next. God, sometimes I wish I could just take him down myself." The serpents were his family, and just like his blood family, he'd always do whatever it took to protect them. Sam had always been a serpent, but mostly because of his father, not really ever getting super involved. But with everything that was happening, everyone that was affected, Sam secretly wished he was at the forefront of it. Sam nodded. Hopefully his pleading had been enough for her to hold off on telling anyone, which was all he could really want at the moment, "Yeah, we can do that." Sam slowly moved away from the door he was blocking.

Eliana

Eliana all but let out an audible sigh of relief. She wasn't sure she could leave Sam right now. No one who saw him would want to leave him by himself. At least she knew that the cocaine was gone. Not that he couldn't get more but that was a small comfort. "I know the feeling," Eliana said, already feeling guilty that she hadn't been able to do more for Charlie and Dare when it came to Aidan who could have killed them both. She watched him move, seeing there was concern there and she knew that she needed to be someone who he could rely on. She hooked her arm around his waist as they walked out, holding herself against him. Any number of Serpents would have seen them go into the bathroom together. They'd been in there long enough that they'd probably have questions, and it was safer for Sam and his secret if people thought they'd ducked in there to hook up rather than anything else. She led him outside, keeping her face mostly down. Even though she'd barely had any of the drug, she still felt like it could be seen written all across her. "I walked," she said when they made it outside. "Do you want to walk, or..?"

Sam

Sam ran his hand through his hair again, tugging at the ends and giving her a nod. He hated feeling helpless, with the Serpents, with his family, with all of it, it made him feel guilty, knowing he couldn't save everyone. It wasn't that he had a God-complex, more so that he was just loyal to the people around him. Sam knew that them walking out of a bathroom together after being in there for god knows long was already suspicious, so like Eliana, he kept his head down as the two left the bar, back to where the night had first begun. He really hoped that this would all stay under wraps for the meantime, and he trusted her to not tell, at least for the time being. "Yeah, sure. Lead the way," Sam shot her a nod, his hand extending out as the two walked further away from the bar behind them.

[serpentlopez]

[TEXT]: Hey Eli [TEXT]: How ya been?

[x]