#elaracore

[mariposa-de-la-luna]

cw: sexual activities and orientation, gender experience

what does it all mean?? i used to loosely identify as a trans guy when i was 17-20 (basically i was non-binary but heavily masc-leaning), but then i realized that im agender AND i love soft aesthetics, skirts and dresses, lace, long hair etc… plus i don’t really even understand the idea of gender or believe in it lol. but uhhh. yeah idk i don’t really feel that much like a girl at all?? if anything i think i feel more masculine inside?? i enjoy presenting feminine and dressing how i want but sometimes i want to dress like a boy hahahaha. most of the time i like my dresses and stuff but i like boy clothes too

anyway tmi coming up but i occasionally get horny and when i do i occasionally like to listen to sexy audio (the talking ones lol), and lately ive been really into audios made for men? like F4M yknow. so what the fuck does that mean and what does any of it mean and i honestly don’t really want to be genderfluid tbh like in order to be satisfied as a genderfluid person i would want to come out and like go by different pronouns depending on the day or whatever but that’s so confusing and most people find it super cringe. i could maybe go by they/them but honestly those are my least favorite pronouns and i prefer she/her or he/him but neither all the time which is asking too much of people. annoyingly

but yeah like i think all the time about how i wish i had a dick and i wish i was born a boy so i could dress feminine in a way that didn’t read “tradwife” and feel equally valued as a top or a bottom and maybe even be more desirable.

literally what am i saying and what are the implications of all of this, and have i just been trans this whole time and i just have internalized transphobia so i ignore it or shove it down, i don’t think im transphobic at all and i definitely identify as nonbinary but what the fuckkkk being nonbinary is so easy when you’re cis passing, it gets a whole lot weirder and harder when you want to cross genders lol

[mariposa-de-la-luna]

i’m starting to think that my old gender identity was so wrapped up in consumerism and social media expressions of gender that it was never real or mine to begin with. i admired these girls on social media sooo much and wanted to be just like them but i really just wanted all the stuff they had. the cute clothes, apartments, lifestyles… it was always something i needed to work towards, not something i already had. my true gender expression is like a breath of fresh air and a weight off my back now.

[mariposa-de-la-luna]

a quick about me post with the basics and more:

name - elara (or lania, ella, lura, liora… i have a lot of nicknames so you can use any of those)

age - 26

pronouns - he/they/she

gender stuff - i’m fem-leaning with my presentation but completely agender

orientation - in between bi and lesbian. i’m into women and fem-leaning nb ppl, as well as androgynous nb ppl. not into men/masc nb ppl. does this make me a lesbian or bi? i’ll never know.

interests - self improvement, religion/magic, cottagecore, aphrodite vibes, soft fairy things in general. i love girly shit

i’m also AuDHD and i have EDS

i don’t have a dni list. anyone is welcome here, you can message me but i won’t reply unless you say something interesting