#either way monday will be hell on this webbed site for anyone who's not into succession

[grinchwrapsupreme]

as a preemptive warning i have monday off which means i will be successionposting the entire fucking day block the tag if you hate my passion

[tomhollandarling]

Star What? Part Two

Summary: There’s a few complications with finishing a chemistry worksheet. That being Peter’s internship, and oh yeah, a stolen truck. Part Two of Star What?

Part One

Masterlist

Word Count: 2260

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: Hey! Finally back with part two. Sorry it took a while to update! AP classes have me swamped. Don’t take APUSH, it’s a trap. ALSO: sorry if the perspective switch is kinda confusing. I didn’t want the whole story to be from the reader’s perspective since I did start part one being Peter’s. I think it makes it interesting. Hope you guys like it! I’m definitely going to continue writing this. (ALSO I FOUND THIS CUTE GIF AND IT GOES WITH THE BEGINNING OF PART TWO KINDA)

4:48pm

As soon as Peter picked up on the unusual amount of sirens due to his heightened senses, he knew something was up from where he was situated: the ledge of someone’s fire escape, eating a sandwich with his mask half off.

Discarding his food, Peter pulled it down to fully cover his exposed features, hiding his identity. Taking one last moment to admire the setting sun of New York, he quickly began to swing from concrete rooftop to rooftop, paralleling the skyline on his way as the city slowly fell into evening’s grasp.

---

It was nearing five and Peter still hadn’t texted you the address to his apartment complex or even contacted you. Just meeting him and all, you were hesitant to text multiple times. You didn’t want to annoy him or come off as rude and you’d already texted him earlier. Although, being a student in NYC, students got together at each other’s apartments all the time to work on projects even if they weren’t super close. It was no big deal. Maybe you could just finish the questions on your own. Yeah, yeah. I’ll do that if I don’t get a reply by 6.

But, Peter had mentioned an internship so that could have occupied his time more than usual? Where does he intern though? Either way, you decided to not let it bother you, instead turning to make home on the plush couch in your living room. You knew Peter was a good student, or at least that what was what your peers said. He’d have a good reason.

To your left was a window looking out at the city buildings and streets. Your mom was working late tonight and your dad was on a business trip so you had the whole apartment to yourself. Always working. You sighed. The faint sound of traffic carried upwards into the area, more sirens than usual going off around the block. Typical New York crime on a Monday night. You mentally rolled your eyes.

Snuggling up with a thick maroon knit blanket and a mug of tea, you turned on the news to learn what the commotion was about.

5:02pm

“Just around the 12th avenue bridge multiple vehicles have been involved in an accident regarding a stolen Stark Industries transportation semi that has been hijacked by unknown personnel. Police and officials are doing their best to keep the situation contained. We at 7News advice you to stay inside and off the streets as the individuals inside the vehicle are heavily armed and have already injured 6 civilians…”

Dang, that sounds bad. What the hell is in that vehicle that they wanted? You wondered.

---

Shit. I was supposed to have (Y/n) over.

Peter barely had time to think as he was in the midst of running across a street that was packed with ongoing traffic, let alone send you a text. Angry drivers and taxis honked their horns, shouting and making rude gestures as they had to slam their brakes in order not to hit the masked teen. He was, after all, jaywalking in the middle of the street. Probably not the smartest move but...I could’ve stopped one if I had to. A wave of satisfaction washed over Peter as he realized his strength again: it never got old. Wait, I can stop a car. I can actually stop a moving car with my bare hands. He smiled under the suit.

Peter sprinted down 12th avenue’s sidewalk and up towards the bridge, the scene of the crash just ahead. Red and blue lights surrounded the accident and detour signs had been placed around the stretch of road. He rushed over, analyzing the area. Ambulances were already stationed and medics had started to help the victims. Three cars were involved in the crash he noticed. Allegedly the stolen Stark Industries truck had been tailgating, urging the car on as a means to get away faster. That’s what caused the crash.

“He started ramming into my bumper and at this point I was gettin’ pretty mad, you know, so I rolled down my window, makin’ a gesture, which I know I shouldn’t a’made, but you gotta understand he was ramming my back! An’ that’s when I felt somthin’ hit my hand.”

One of the victims was explaining how the crash started, showing Peter his hand as a medic finished wrapping it, the white fabric already a bit stained with crimson. “An’ then I span out of control. Thought I was gonna land in the lake.” He noted.

“I can’t move it now. I can move my arm, but not my hand.” He said, alarming Peter. “They don’t know what hit me.” The man continued, referring to the medics. “No evidence of a bullet. They think it’s gonna be paralyzed for a while.” He rambled on.

Peter stood there at the sidelines of the crash. He couldn’t muster up an idea. “That’s really weird. There’s nothing to prove what hit you? Nothing in your hand?”

“Goose egg, son.” The man sighed, completely unfazed about a teenager in a spandex suit interviewing him. Police started to make their way over to the man as they needed statements. Before they could ask Peter what he was doing there, he quietly excused himself and casually walked away towards the crash.

Taking the chance to explore the site, Peter slipped under the police tape and behind the crushed cars unnoticed, looking for something. Anything. There’s gotta be something. Come on.

He shuffled around pieces of broken glass and shredded metal and peered through the car windows. Peter didn’t know what they he was looking for but how on earth could something leave no evidence? Especially since it was something that was shot at someone, he assumed.

Peter was just about to give up searching around the crash to pursue looking for the runaway truck until something got caught in his peripheral vision. He turned on his heels, jogging over to the one of the totaled cars. This must be that guy’s car. Peter observed, referring to the man he was just talking to, as the bumper was crushed inwards and some of the tires were torn off. The drivers side mirror was missing from the vehicle but it wasn’t due to the fact that the car had rolled. It looked as if something had blown it off.

Where’s the mirror? Peter squatted down, running his fingers over where the mirror would be and scanning the car’s surroundings.

Peter closed his eyes, visualizing what could have happened. He walked over to where the tire skids were burned into the asphalt in a wavelike pattern, assuming they were from the car’s.

“..An’ then I span out of control. Thought I was gonna land in the lake.” Peter recalled.

The lake.

Okay okay. You got this Peter. You’re the Spider-man. He pumped himself up, deciding to go down into the water as he made his way over to the guard rails. He peered side to side, checking if anyone was watching. The crash blocked him from view to his right and there wasn’t any movement to his left. All clear.

Peter gingerly stepped up onto the railing, still holding on, and swung himself over to the other side. He glanced down at the rushing water. The breeze started to pick up, sending chills down Peter’s spine. He tightened his grip on the rusted guard rails.

Shooting a web, he attached it to the side of the bridge’s concrete, pulling on it to test the strength. Slowly, he inched his other hand away from the rail and put his trust into the web. He started lowering himself down at a reluctant pace. Checking the durability once more, Peter tugged at the web. You’re fine. It’s fine. People hang over the side of bridges all the time.

Descending downwards he was halfway there when his phone started buzzing uncontrollably, making him jolt in surprise.

What the?

---

5:20pm

Taking a sip of your tea you noticed that your phone lit up. Hoping it was from Peter, you urgently grabbed it. Just another news notification.

Still nestled in a blanket on the couch, you were getting impatient. 5:22 is close enough to 6 right? Yeah, okay. I’m just gonna call him. You decided. Internships don’t go this late. Not for students.

You found his contact and pressed call, holding up the phone to your ear waiting for an answer. It only took 7 rings for him to pick up.

You heard Peter clear his throat. “H-hey.” He spoke.

“Uh, hey.” You started, unsure of how to start the conversation. “So, it’s um past five. Weren’t we gonna finish the chem paper?”

“Oh. Sorry about that I got held up at the..the internship. Yeah the internship.” The sound of wind filled the phone, making it hard to hear him. Where is he?

“Where are you?”

“What do you mean? I’m at the internship. Avenger’s tower.” He sounded nervous.

“Are you outside or something? It sounds windy--wait Avengers Tower?”

“YeAH.” His voice quickly went up in a frenzy and you heard some muffled movement.

“Peter? You okay?”

“Yeah yeah! I’m good. Just slipped. I’m...outside on one of the balconies.”

Avengers Tower? Peter Parker interns at Avengers Tower? No wonder he has no time. To your surprise, anger wasn’t what filled you, it was concern. How does he manage all his homework and the internship? Even you weren’t finished with all your work, being in advanced classes just like Peter, the teachers piled it on every night. It was hard to imagine how much he must have.

“Okay, well I can finish the questions then if you’re still there. Who do you intern for?”

You heard some more movement on the line. “Peter?”

“Yeah.” He let out a deep breath of relief.

“I asked who you intern for.” You repeated.

“Uh. Tony Stark.”

“Woah seriously? That’s so cool!! What do you do?”

He seemed really distracted by something. “I can explain to you tomorrow?”

“Oh. Okay, sure. That works.” You put your attention towards the tv, bringing your knees up to your chest.

“...As the chase continues, NYPD have sent out backup towards the situation…” The screen panned an aerial view of the crash.

“Wow. Have you heard about the crash?” You asked, following along on the news story.

He coughed in surprise at your comment “Y-yeah. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you’re at Avengers Tower so I don’t know, I guess you might know more than me or the news right? There’s a runaway Stark truck.” You laughed a little, trying to cheer the situation up. He seemed uncomfortable.

“Oh, heh. Yeah…” Peter trailed off. “I heard-”

Suddenly his voice disappeared and you heard a weird crash. “Hello?” No answer. “Hello? Peter?” You called. The phone call beeped and ended. Well okay then.

“That was weird.” You commented to yourself, staring at the black screen.

---

“Peter, you’re an idiot. An actual idiot.” He said to himself, watching his phone fall down into the lake, sending ripples outwards once it hit the surface.

Just as Peter was lowering himself down towards the water you had called him...and he answered...as he was hanging halfway down the side of a bridge with nothing but a spider web for support.

“Why would you answer? You could have called back? YOU ALMOST FELL.” Peter continued scolding himself, webbing the tear in the web rope again for extra measure. It had ripped as he was declining towards the lake and of course he’d botched his words.

”YeAH.” He mocked himself, remembering the conversation and how just as the web snapped half-way he sorta fell. “You know it’s fine. Just tell (Y/n) that you’re Spider-man and this all would have gone well.”

“Oh hey, (Y/n)! Whats up? Yeah me too. Nothing much, just chilling. Hanging on a web halfway down a bridge over a lake trying to find a car mirror.”

He tilted his head back in frustration. He’d have to explain what happened to you tomorrow. “Yeah I tripped on the balcony at Avengers Tower and then I dropped my phone off the ledge.” Peter rolled his eyes. “Ned’s gonna get a kick out of this.”

Peter finally made it to the water. A determined red and blue reflection stared back at him. Alright. Back to business.

---

6:12pm

You decided to finish the chemistry worksheet since Peter was still busy with his internship. Retrieving your chem binder, you flipped through the pocket to find the lab papers, clicking your mechanical pencil you began the questions. They weren’t difficult at all, there was just quite a handful of them. Also, being invested in the story on the news didn’t help either as it distracted you. Emergency notifications kept popping up on your phone involving the incident and you were still tuned into 7News.

“..Just in: Officials have reported that the hijacked Stark Industries semi has crashed into one of New York’s finest jewelry shops and stole some of the merchandise. As of right now, we do not know how this relates to the heist. Luckily, with the help of Spider-man, police are closing in on the scene.”

Diamonds? Really? What does that have to do with anything? You sighed and returned to finish the assignments, still wrapped in the blanket that hung around your waist, hoping the situation would be resolved.

After a while, you finally clocked out around 11 and trudged off to your room, forgetting the day’s troubles when your head hit the pillow.

Part One  Part Three

Masterlist

[cynical-bee]

I DARE YOU TO DO THE 200 things you can put in my ask TEXT. YOU HAVE TO. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU.

You suck, so much, Nen 

200: My crush’s name is:

me myself and I

199: I was born in:

the island of Oahu.

198: I am really:

GAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

197: My cellphone company is:

verizon

196: My eye color is:

green bitch

195: My shoe size is:

7 ½

194: My ring size is:

uhhh i dont wear rings my high school one is the only one i own and i wear it on a chain cause its too big

193: My height is:

5′3 and ½ but mentally I’m 6′2

192: I am allergic to:

raspberries, wool, and bad attitudes 

191: My 1st car was:

a 1999 blue Taurus 

190: My 1st job was:

A farm hand

189: Last book you read:

Jane Austins Pride and Prejudice

188: My bed is:

Nice? comfy? the place that i love?

187: My pet:

IS THE MOST ADORABLE DOGGOS EVER TO DOGGO

186: My best friend:

is really a bombass person i couldn’t have survived without her

185: My favorite shampoo is:

Redkin

184: Xbox or ps3:

PS3 i dont do xbox 

183: Piggy banks are:

my best friend, i have a cool coconut cat one that i named 

182: In my pockets:

i don’t have pockets but if i did

and it wasn’t fucking 4:16 in the morning

i would probably have my phone and pocket knives in them and my wallet

181: On my calendar:

I need to buy one of those

180: Marriage is:

a huge commitment 

179: Spongebob can:

wash my dishes

178: My mom:

is the strongest woman in this world.

177: The last three songs I bought were?

Omnia- prayer, one way living, and freedom song

176: Last YouTube video watched:

it was about making a giant slingshot rifle

175: How many cousins do you have?

dude i honestly cant even count that high

174: Do you have any siblings?

4 full blood, one adopted, 2 half blood and a lot of illegitimates that my dad has from affairs.

173: Are your parents divorced?

thankfully yeah 

172: Are you taller than your mom?

no, i wish she’s really fucking tall she’s 5′8

171: Do you play an instrument?

i play the guitar, flute, piano, and my throat

170: What did you do yesterday?

I hung out with my family and took my dogs for walks and shizzzzzz

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight

: no you cant love someone without knowing them

168: Luck:

Luck of the irish biiitch

167: Fate:

heck yeah man you don’t fuck with fate

166: Yourself:

ha sometimes 

165: Aliens:

there is no way our dumbasses are the only creatures living out in this space junkyard

164: Heaven:

i believe in the afterlife just not organized religion heaven

163: Hell:

i do, i believe in hell very much so

162: God:

i believe in spiritual beings I’m not sure about one god or whatever but i believe in a feeling i guess i believe theres probably something out there 

161: Horoscopes:

i think they are nice to know of but they don’t define anything 

160: Soul mates:

i believe theres many soulmates for people that everyone has someone somewhere that would be a great match for them

159: Ghosts

: i do i strongly believe in ghosts 

158: Gay Marriage:

marriage is a right not a privilege. love is love 

157: War:

i come from an army family and no one likes war but i believe war is necessary sometimes 

156: Orbs:

i don't even know what this means man the fuck are you asking me

155: Magic:

to an extent i do

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses:

Hugs 

153: Drunk or High:

high 

152: Phone or Online:

online i never call places to order because i get nervous and stutter 

151: Red heads or Black haired:

black hair. i don’t like redheads ( sorry kyle, rachael, and declan) 

150: Blondes or Brunettes:

i like both equally

149: Hot or cold:

Hot weather is preferred over cold cause when its cold i don’t know where to put my hands 

148: Summer or winter:

winter because its acceptable to wear pants 24/7

147: Autumn or Spring:

autumn because when leaves change color its beautiful also its my birthday season 

146: Chocolate or vanilla:

both a chocolate vanilla twist is my favorite thing on earth

145: Night or Day:

night, it may be dark but its quiet and i feel like everything runs slowly and it just makes me feel more comfortable

144: Oranges or Apples:

apples but only the green ones.

143: Curly or Straight hair:

both but i like curly a little more,

i might be biased 

142: McDonalds or Burger King:

ew no fast food is disgusting. 

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:

milk chocolate 

140: Mac or PC:

i have a MAC but i like things about PCs a lil bit more I’m waiting for the love child between the two

139: Flip flops or high heals:

 uhh i don’t like flip-flops much but i don’t like heels much either can i get a pair of doc martens and call it square?

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:

sweet and poor. i would never want to be rich just to be rich (this pertains to personality right???)

137: Coke or Pepsi:

i don't taste a difference

136: Hillary or Trump :

Hillary. i wish she was my president.

135: Burried or cremated:

Im not sure but i mean I’m dead so i guess it won’t matter 

134: Singing or Dancing:

singing i cant dance for my life and the only time i do is in my room 

133: Coach or Chanel:

uhhhhh what even

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:

i don't know who these people are but i don’t like the name Taylor anymore so lets go with the Nanny Mcphee chick.

131: Small town or Big city:

i like both but recently I’ve been craving city life probably cause i spent everything before now in small towns and army bases 

130: Wal-Mart or Target:

Target fo sho 

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:

Adam Sandler 

128: Manicure or Pedicure:

neither i don’t like when people touch me like that 

127: East Coast or West Coast:

East coast i grew up on the west 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas:

neither, holidays make me sad in all honesty.

125: Chocolate or Flowers:

flowers, if someone gives me flowers i get really happy they’re much more special than chocolates 

124: Disney or Six Flags:

i haven't been to an amusement park since i was 8 so idk man. but i guess Disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox:

YANKEES!!!!!  FUCK THE SOX

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War:

War is a necessary evil from time to time.

121: George Bush:

He is a great Texan man.

120: Gay Marriage:

IS A RIGHT!

119: The presidential election:

 people need to actually start going out to vote 

118: Abortion: …

117: MySpace: ha this is so fucking old 116: Reality TV: trash

115: Parents:

also trash sometimes 

114: Back stabbers:

need to not 

113: Ebay:

is a lie and a very untrustworthy site

 112: Facebook:

is where people go to be fake ass bitches 

111: Work:

monaaayyyyyyyyyy

110: My Neighbors:

are really fake 

109: Gas Prices:

too high man 

108: Designer Clothes:

are dumb and honestly just a ploy

107: College:

is necessary for a good job yet so fucking expensive and really stressful I’m dying please help me 

106: Sports:

are my life 

105: My family:

is a mess 

104: The future:

is unknown 

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone:

 uhh like 3 days ago

102: Last time you ate:

i don’t remember 

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 

uhhlast week sometime

100: Cried in front of someone:

last wednesday is the last time i fully broke down in front of people.

99: Went to a movie theater:

uhmmmmmm…last monday????  to GOTG2?

98: Took a vacation: 

I’m on one rn 

97: Swam in a pool:

dude last summer

96: Changed a diaper:

yesterday

95: Got my nails done

: i cant remember 

94: Went to a wedding:

last week 

93: Broke a bone:

3 years ago

92: Got a peircing:

dude so fucking long ago 

91: Broke the law:

ALL DAY ER DAY BITCH

90: Texted:

i don't know i think like maybe 2 hours ago

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most:

 Kyle probably 

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:

my bed and my moms voice

87: The last movie I saw:

in theaters- GOTG2 , at home- Pride and Prejudice (1940)

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:

seeing my friends 

85: The thing im not looking forward to:

having to interact with a lot of people

84: People call me:

Lou, Louie 

83: The most difficult thing to do is:

Be heard

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:

never 

81: My zodiac sign is:

Virgo

80: The first person i talked to today was:

 Kyle i think

79: First time you had a crush:

uhhhh i had a crush on Connor Tustin and we pretended to be married in kindergarten 

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:

honestly probably Nen they see right through me 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:

like an hour and a half ago

76: Right now I am talking to:

Margaret

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

Be famous duh, nah imma be a scientist bitch

74: I have/will get a job:

i have one and i need another

73: Tomorrow:

is saturday and i have a busy schedule 

72: Today:

is friday and i have so much shit to do man

71: Next Summer:

i need to work harder

70: Next Weekend:

i cant plan that far ahead

69: I have these pets:

Roxy and Dino

 68: The worst sound in the world:

 when their voice cracks when they’re crying 

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:

uhhhhh?

66: People that make you happy:

my friends 

65: Last time I cried:

3 days ago…did i not just answer this????

64: My friends are:

bunch of fucking nerds

63: My computer is:

a mac and is dumb but also nice 

62: My School:

is religious and hates me 

61: My Car:

is dead and totaled 

60: I lose all respect for people who:

cheat, lie, and anyone who is disrespectful to strangers.

59: The movie I cried at was: 

guardians of the galaxy 2

58: Your hair color is:

Dirty blonde 

57: TV shows you watch:

Orphan black, game of thrones, OUAT, etc.

56: Favorite web site:

tumblr ( i have no life)

55: Your dream vacation:

backpacking across america a new country each summer 

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:

when i broke my ankle.

53: How do you like your steak cooked:

carrots 

52: My room is:

miiiiineee get out 

51: My favorite celebrity is:

Evelyne Brochu

50: Where would you like to be:

Idk man i guess Paris would be pretty chill

49: Do you want children:

i am not pushing an alien out of my stomach

48: Ever been in love:

yeah.

47: Who’s your best friend:

Im not sure i learned some stuff about best friends earlier from Declan and Nen and i don’t really know if i can have one

46: More guy friends or girl friends:

I’m friends with more guys 

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:

brushing my teeth man its so fucking fresh 

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:

 i don’t like people 

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:

academically yeah 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:

I have

41: Have you pre-named your children:

no who the fuck does that 

40: Last person I got mad at:

Myself 

39: I would like to move to:

NYC, Hawaii, or Florida, or maybe out of country

38: I wish I was a professional:

Idk man something that makes money

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy:

Twizzlers 

36: Vehicle:

Jeep Wrangler 

35: President:

Teddy Rosevelt 

34: State visited:

NY

33: Cellphone provider:

Verizon? how do i favorite a provider????

32: Athlete:

i don't have one 

31: Actor:

Evelyne brochu

30: Actress: 

Evelyne Brochu again

29: Singer:

STEVIE NICKS 

28: Band:

Omnia 

27: Clothing store:

Platos closet 

26: Grocery store: 

Publix 

25: TV show:

Orphan Black

24: Movie:

Pride and prejudice 

23: Website:

Vat19.com

22: Animal:

Lions 

21: Theme park:

Hershey park?

20: Holiday:

Halloween

19: Sport to watch:

baseball

18: Sport to play:

Rugby

17: Magazine:

uhhhhh do people actually read those?

16: Book:

Pride and Prejudice 

15: Day of the week:

i like wednesdays cause they’re the middle 

14: Beach:

ANY OF THEM

13: Concert attended:

Stevie Nicks 

12: Thing to cook:

Mac and Cheese 

11: Food:

Spaghetti 

10: Restaurant:

Mexican Food Factory 

9: Radio station:

92.5 

8: Yankee candle scent:

I don’t have a favorite but probably something like cinnamon or piney or something 

7: Perfume:

Daisy by Marc Jacobs 

6: Flower:

Skullcap

5: Color: 

Turquoise

4: Talk show host:

Colbert 

3: Comedian:

Amy Schumer 

2: Dog breed:

Beagle/ Basset Mix, or English Setters 

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?

i did indeed

[sarahburness]

How I Learned to Like and Trust Myself Again (and How You Can Too)

“Loving yourself starts with liking yourself, which starts with respecting yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways.” ~Jerry Corsten

Useless. Hopeless. Broken.

This was how I saw myself.

I didn’t completely loathe myself, but I didn’t like myself either. At best, I tolerated myself.

I felt I had good reasons to.

I’d gotten myself into, as we say in England, a right old pickle.

If you’re not familiar with this charming expression, I had gotten myself into a big mess.

In my early twenties, over a painful period of about eighteen months, I’d gradually buried myself in personal debt with several pay-day loan companies.

The ever-growing pressure to pay off this debt played havoc on my mental health. I often found myself running into the work toilet to secretly have panic attacks, throwing water on my face like a madman, and reassuring myself that I wasn’t losing my sanity. I was suffering, and misguidedly, I’d convinced myself I would have to suffer alone.

To make myself feel better, each week I partied from Thursday through to Sunday, chain smoking and knocking back pint after pint of Guinness. Or anything else that was available. I wasn’t fussy.

I’d wake up on a Sunday, often still drunk, with a dizzy head and a heavy heart.

Do I dare to check my bank balance? How long can I go on living like this? What’s wrong with me?

Sunday evenings were the worst. I dreaded Monday morning. I disliked my job but needed to stay there to keep my head above water. It was a vicious cycle.

I’m pleased to say those days are behind me. I’m still far from being perfect, but I’ve come a long way.

I’ve learned to like and even love myself. Which I’m proud of, because I honestly believe the most important relationship we will ever have in our lives is the one we have with ourselves.

The quality of the relationship we have with ourselves determines the quality of all other relationships. Plus, I came into this world alone and I’ll leave alone. Other people will come and go, but I will always have myself. I best make sure I like the man I see in the mirror.

Here are three ways I learned to like and trust myself again.

1. Recognizing I’ve always done my best, given my level of awareness at the time

I often shock people when I tell them I believe there is no such thing as self-sabotaging behaviors. They ask, “Well, what about procrastination? Drinking? Drugs? Surely, they are self-sabotaging?”

Yes and no. Yes, they are destructive, but I wouldn’t call them self-sabotaging.

A more revealing question than what those behaviors are, is why do they exist?

I believe it’s not self-sabotage but misguided self-love.

Let’s take my binge drinking and smoking, for example—behavior that, in the eyes of many, would seem self-destructive. On top of the harmful physical and mental affects, these habits put me further into debt. But why did I indulge in those behaviors in the first place? Because my life situation was painful, and temporarily, they helped.

For a few short hours, those behaviors made me feel better. I became less anxious and happier. As far as my mind was concerned, this was helping.

The issue, as I’ve come to learn, is that the subconscious mind (the part of the mind responsible for habits and behaviors) focuses on the present moment.

What is also important to understand is that the mind’s #1 role is to maintain our survival. If you’ve ever almost stepped into the path of a speeding vehicle, you’ve seen this truth. Without even consciously thinking , your incredible mind jolted you back onto the path and off the road.

Given that the mind’s #1 role is our survival, the idea that it would allow self-sabotaging behaviors is nonsensical.

Furthermore, believing I had a sneaky self-saboteur living inside me, hell-bent on destroying my life, made me feel utterly powerless. If I couldn’t even help myself, how could anyone else?

Now I view those destructive behaviors differently, for what I believe they are: short-sighted self-love. “Helpful” in the short-term but costly in the long-term.

I wasn’t sabotaging myself on purpose. My mind allowed those behaviors because they were moving me away from perceived pain, or toward perceived pleasure.

With more awareness, I was able to stop beating myself up, stop the behaviors that we’re holding me back, and start making better choices. Which included asking for help and setting some goals for myself.

2. Setting small and achievable goals

Once I realized I’d always done my best in the past, given my level of awareness, it was time for me to think of positive steps I could take toward the future. Starting by gaining direction through goal-setting.

In the past, I’d set myself up for failure by trying to change everything overnight. After a few days, however, I’d become overwhelmed by trying to maintain so much change and fall back into old, familiar patterns.

This time, instead of attempting to change everything I wanted to change at once, I created small and achievable goals for myself.

I started by addressing my personal debt, which was the biggest stressor in my life at the time, and a huge contributor toward my anxiety. Once I made some progress with my goal of getting debt-free, I created small and achievable goals in other areas. For example, I set a goal of meditating once per day. It wasn’t long before I was seeing improvements in my mental state.

Over time, my confidence in myself began to grow, as I could look back and see tangible results. I was beginning to like and trust myself again.

3. Self-praise

A huge contributing factor in forming a better relationship with myself was praising myself along the way.

As I child, I was fortunate in that I was often praised by the adults around me.

Sadly, as we transition into adulthood, outside praise tends to become less frequent, doesn’t it? It did for me at least.

As I grew older, instead of hearing words of praise, I heard more words of criticism from mean teachers and bosses who used shame and fear to motivate me to do better.

No wonder, then, that my inner dialogue became more negative and I learned to beat myself up.

Although I may no longer be a child, I’m not ashamed to admit, I still love to be praised!

So, to encourage myself when making positive changes, I use self-praise each evening before bed. When brushing my teeth, I look myself in the eyes, reflect on the day that has passed, and think of three things I can praise myself for.

Big or small, I find three things I did well and wish to acknowledge.

Even on those days when I feel like I’ve achieved next to nothing, when I ask myself “What can I praise myself for today?” my mind searches for answers and will always find some. Even if it’s something small, like resisting the urge to overdo it when drinking with my friends or not oversleeping on the weekend.

As Tony Robbins said, “Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

I used to go to bed and ask myself “Why am I so useless?” I’d fall asleep with a feeling of dread in my heart, resentful toward myself.

By asking myself “What can I praise myself for?” I fall asleep feeling positive about myself, as someone who likes and trusts themselves.

—

If you’re having a hard time liking yourself, let alone loving yourself, start by recognizing you’ve always done the best you could. Even when you made choices you later regretted, you were trying to help yourself; you just didn’t have the awareness or resources to do better.

Then focus on taking small steps to create change you can be proud of. Don’t try to make major changes overnight; you’ll likely get overwhelmed, feel even worse about yourself, and give up. Just do one tiny thing every day to help you move you in a better direction.

And give yourself a little credit. Ask yourself questions about what you’re doing right, not what you’re doing wrong. You’ll likely feel a lot better about yourself and your life. And when we feel better, we do better—which means you’ll keep giving yourself reasons to be proud.

About Will Aylward

Will helps people around the world to feel more confident, calm, and fulfilled, without them having to fake it. He is the author of Becoming Unstuck: Your Step by Step Guide to Taking Charge of Your Life. Learn more at willaylward.com

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-i-learned-to-like-and-trust-myself-again-and-how-you-can-too/

[obliviousswampqueen]

1-200

200:My crush’s name is:Ya’ll don’t get to know that but he is a mutual.

199: I was born in: Idaho

198:I am really: Comfy

197:My cellphone company is: AT&T

196:My eye color is: Blue-green

195:My shoe size is: 7

194:My ring size is: I don’t really wear rings so I’m not sure

193:My height is: 5ft1

192:I am allergic to: SO MUCH STUFF Big ones are tho are bees, cats, and red onions

191:My 1st car was: 2001 Chevy Malibu

190:My 1st job was: Shelf stocker

189:Last book you read: 5th Wave?

188:My bed is: Big and cozy

187:My pet: Cute and wonderful

186:My best friend: @leeminlimer hes a really good cook but hes lonely so if you’re a cute girl hit him up lmao

185:My favorite shampoo is: Cherry Blossom

184:Xbox or ps3: I’m so bad at video games it’s not even funny

183:Piggy banks are: Cute and unreasonable for me

182:In my pockets:Probably a receipt from the grocery store 

181:On my calendar: Work and a doctors appointment on Friday

180:Marriage is: Sounds pretty cool to me

179:Spongebob can: Get really annoying but I also love it

178:My mom: She’s crazy and I love her

177:The last three songs I bought were? OK- Being as an Ocean

                                                                  Humblest Pleasures- Turnover

                                                                  Hum- Tigers Jaw

176:Last YouTube video watched: A bathroom remodel thing

175:How many cousins do you have? Cousin alone like 10? Including their spouses and kids like 18 I think.

174:Do you have any siblings? Three all older.

173:Are your parents divorced? Nope, they’ve been married for 30 years.

172:Are you taller than your mom? No -.-

171:Do you play an instrument? I used to know how to  play the guitar really badly.

170:What did you do yesterday? Helped replace the bathroom cabinets and clean.[ I Believe In ]169:Love at first sight: I guess so why not.

168:Luck: Yeah

167:Fate: Maybe?

166:Yourself: Eh

165:Aliens: HELL YEAH

164:Heaven: Yeah

163:Hell: So I think so but I have some conflicting feelings as to how I was always told we are all Gods children and he loves us and has a plan for us all but if you don’t believe in him you’re going to hell even if you’re a good person but if rapists and murders believe in God they’ll be forgiven and live eternally in heaven.

162:God: Yeah

161:Horoscopes: Nope

160:Soul mates: Yess

159:Ghosts: oooo yup

158:Gay Marriage: I like how this is in the same category as God and magic and ghosts. But yes.

157:War: Yes? I mean it happens?

156:Orbs: Like circles or ghost orbs. Yes to both.

155:Magic: Nah, I don’t think so.[ This or That ]154:Hugs or Kisses: Hella miss being kissed rn

153:Drunk or High: High, only pot tho

152:Phone or Online: Online

151:Red heads or Black haired: I look better with red but probably black hair on other people

150:Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette

149:Hot or cold: Hot

148:Summer or winter: Summer

147:Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146:Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145:Night or Day: Night, love me some starry nights

144:Oranges or Apples: Oranges but only if theyre tart

143:Curly or Straight hair: Curly on me

142:McDonalds or Burger King: Neither?

141:White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Neither? they make my stomach hurt

140:Mac or PC: PC

139:Flip flops or high heals: Flipflops 

138:Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m already ugly and poor :/

137:Coke or Pepsi: Neither

136:Hillary or Obama: Obama

135:Burried or cremated: BURN ME

134:Singing or Dancing: Horrible at both but singing

133:Coach or Chanel: Neither I just said I’m poor

132:Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: I don’t know who those people are

131:Small town or Big city: In the middle

130:Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129:Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Staying loyal to Night at the Museum, Ben Stiller

128:Manicure or Pedicure: Neither, I don’t like strangers touching me

127:East Coast or West Coast: West

126:Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday

125:Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers

124:Disney or Six Flags: Never been to either

123:Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t know anything about sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122:War: I think that people fight for what they believe in at all costs but a lot of innocent people die along the way and it would be nice if people could settle differences without fighting but thats a fairys and rainbow daydream that won’t come true but on the other hand some people are incredibly shitty and need to be held accountable for their actions

121:George Bush: Jet fuel doesn’t melt steel beams

120:Gay Marriage: Lettem get married

119:The presidential election: It was a shitshow and now look where we are fucktrump

118:Abortion: It’s a womans choice

117:MySpace: I made one in 5th grade and had no friends on it but I felt so bad ass

116:Reality TV: I don’t watch it

115:Parents: Mine are pretty alright

114:Back stabbers: Why do people have to be so mean113:Ebay: I’ve never used it

112:Facebook: It’s alright

111:Work: I touch strangers fr a living and as I said before I don’t like people touching me so I have 40 hours of personal hell.

110:My Neighbors: They  have really cute goats

109:Gas Prices: TOO HIGH (im poor)

108:Designer Clothes: SO SPENDY (im poor)

107:College: SO EXPENSIVE (im poor but need a degree)

106:Sports: I’m bad at them

105:My family: They’re bat shit crazy

104:The future: Hopefully it’s good[ Last time I ]103:Hugged someone: Last night

102:Last time you ate: I’m eating applesauce atm

101:Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Today I saw a doc I used to work with

100:Cried in front of someone: Not sure

99:Went to a movie theater: Ummmm 7 months maybe more?

98:Took a vacation: December 2015 and that was my only vacation

97:Swam in a pool: A few years ago

96:Changed a diaper: When my nephew was a baby so fourish years ago

95:Got my nails done: Two years ago

94:Went to a wedding: Four years

93:Broke a bone: Never

92:Got a peircing: Had my nips pierced for a while about two years ago

91:Broke the law: A few days ago

90:Texted: Like 25 minutes ago[ MISC ]89:Who makes you laugh the most: Depression memes

88:Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dog

87:The last movie I saw: Zodiac

86:The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving out

85:The thing im not looking forward to: Being in clinic

84:People call me: Sarah

83:The most difficult thing to do is: Have strangers in my personal space

82:I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope

81:My zodiac sign is: Cancer

80:The first person i talked to today was: My mom

79:First time you had a crush: Four or five?

78:The one person who i can’t hide things from: My therapist

77:Last time someone said something you were thinking: Last night “ That’s so gross”

76:Right now I am talking to: No one

75:What are you going to do when you grow up: Be a teacher

74:I have/will get a job: Have

73:Tomorrow: Work

72:Today: Work

71:Next Summer: Be less chunky

70:Next Weekend: Go on an adventure

69:I have these pets: The best dog in the world

68:The worst sound in the world: Cutting Styrofoam or it rubbing together

67:The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself

66:People that make you happy: All my friends

65:Last time I cried: A couple weeks ago

64:My friends are: Pretty sweet

63:My computer is: Really loud

62:My School: I’m a adult

61:My Car: Is really REALLY sad

60:I lose all respect for people who: Are rude to waiters/ waitresses and children

59:The movie I cried at was: Marley and Me

58:Your hair color is: Dark brown

57:TV shows you watch: Stranger Things, The OA, Criminal Minds, The 100

56:Favorite web site: This hellhole of a site

55:Your dream vacation: Some place with lots of fun hikes and good food

54:The worst pain I was ever in was: The time I quit my job to go to the ER because my cramps were so bad I wouldn’t stand and I was crying and it was bad

53:How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat steak

52:My room is: Covered in dog hair

51:My favorite celebrity is: Jake Gyllenhaal

50:Where would you like to be: At a happier place in my life

49:Do you want children: Yes!!

48:Ever been in love: Nope

47:Who’s your best friend: Liam

46:More guy friends or girl friends: It’s even

45:One thing that makes you feel great is: Taking a shower

44:One person that you wish you could see right now: Any of my internet friends

43:Do you have a 5 year plan: I’m just trying to make it through the day

42:Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda

41:Have you pre-named your children: I like the name Zena for a girl

40:Last person I got mad at: My sister for being an ass

39:I would like to move to: Washington maybe

38:I wish I was a professional: Adventurer [ My Favorites ]37:Candy: Sour patch kids

36:Vehicle: 1970 Chevelle SS

35:President: Shoutput to Roosevelt for making national parks a thing

34:State visited: Washington

33:Cellphone provider: AT&T

32:Athlete: ????

31:Actor: ????

30:Actress: ???? theres to many options and I don’t remember names

29:Singer: anyone who sings sad songs

28:Band: Being as an Ocean

27:Clothing store: A lot of my shirts are from target

26:Grocery store: Fred’s is the closest so thats where I go

25:TV show: Criminal Minds

24:Movie: Pacific Rim

23:Website: Here

22:Animal: Elephant

21:Theme park: I’ve only been to Silverwood

20:Holiday:  HALLOWEEN 19:Sport to watch: Soccer I guess

18:Sport to play: None I fucking suck at them

17:Magazine: National Geographic specifically any issue on space

16:Book:I really like the Shannara Chronicles 

15:Day of the week: I really don’t mind Mondays

14:Beach: I loved the ones in Maui

13:Concert attended: I’ve never been to one :/

12:Thing to cook: Pancakes

11:Food: Fried Ravioli

10:Restaurant: Jewel Lake Pizza and Chinese Food

9:Radio station: I don’t really listen to it

8:Yankee candle scent: ??? probably apple orchard or something like that

7:Perfume: Tuscan Blood Orange

6:Flower: All of em

5:Color: Yellow

4:Talk show host: Not sure

3:Comedian: Not sure

2:Dog breed: Muts

1:Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeah

[the-mayor-of-space]

You want a whole bunch? D O T H E M A L L . . . jkjk 1-37, 45, 56, 89, 99, 103, 104, 108, 122, 125, 135, 147 + 148, 155-169, 171, 176, 195 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), 200

34: State visited:oh boy here we go

its a little weird that the asks are in reverse order in the post huh. i thought so at least.

the first part is all favourites so here we go

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? : see like look at this. question one is about how i answered all the questions i havent answered yet. the answer will be yes though, because otherwise whats the point.

2: Dog breed: i looked up a list of dog breeds because i dont know anything about them really and shelties are my new favourite kind of dog. at least aesthetically. [look at this doggo shes so good]

3: Comedian: dan avidan, gabriel iglesias, louis ck, various internet funnymen, etc.

4: Talk show host: tbh i dont think ive ever w=been a fan if talk shows.

5: Color: p u r p l e

6: Flower: every flower that has a pokemon character named after it.

7: Perfume: anything subtle enough to not send me to asthma-ville

8: Yankee candle scent: man lots of these are just things i dont know really anythign about huh

9: Radio station: mojave music radio ᵈᵒᵉˢ ᵃᶰʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ᵉᵛᵉᶰ ᶫᶦˢᵗᵉᶰ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉᵃᶫ ʳᵃᵈᶦᵒ ˢᵗᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰˢ ᵃᶰʸᵐᵒʳᵉ﹖ ʰᵒʷ ᵈ�� ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵉᶰᵒᵘᵍʰ ᶦᶰᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ˢᵗᵃʸ ᵒᵖᵉᶰ﹖

10: Restaurant:  five guys, my dudes. that shits so good.

11: Food: all sorts of generic shit. pizza, pasta, poutine, suchi, you know the drill

12: Thing to cook: mmmm. im not honestly sure. i cook a lot of stuff but im not sure anythign in particular stands out as my favourite. i can tell you for certain it isnt griled fucking cheese. such a pain in the ass to cook and the customers always get upset that it takes so long and its like im fucking sorry that you have 3 goddamn children who all need grilled fucking cheeses instead of a food choice that isnt trash and it takes up the grill so i cant make food for any of our other 30 customers in line right now and we’re always out of fucking vegetables to give you on your plate to go with it jesus fucking christ

a job where i had to deal with customers all day was not well suited to a lowkey misanthrope like me.

13: Concert attended: tbh im not big on concerts. ive been to a few but its not my jam.

14: Beach: cannon beach in oregon is pretty great if i remember, but its been like 10 years since i went. also i didnt dislike beaches back then.

15: Day of the week: friday. because of course it fucking is. or monday/tuesday was pretty good when i was workign because that was my weekend

16: Book: the book thief was the last thing i read and particularly enjoyed so lets go with that

17: Magazine: i mean like i said with radios, magazines arent really a thing anymore are they? like i get that theyre technically still around but does anyone buy them? ive honestly never seen someone reading a magazine for anythign other than lack of proper reading material onhand.

18: Sport to play: eww gross.

19: Sport to watch: FOOBAW. ᶦ ᵈᵒᶰᵗ ᵏᶰᵒʷ ᵃ ᵍᵒᵈᵈᵃᵐᶰ ᵗʰᶦᶰᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᶠᵒᵒᵗᵇᵃᶫᶫ ᶦ ʲᵘˢᵗ ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵐᵉᵐᵉ⋅ ᶦ ᵈᵒᶰᵗ ᵗʰᶦᶰᵏ ᶦᵛᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰᵉᵈ ᵃ ᵍᵃᵉ ᵒᶠ ˢᵖᵒʳᵗˢ ᵃᶫᶫ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵃʸ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ⋅

20: Holiday: h a l l o w e e n ,   b a b y. i fuckin love to get s p o o k y

21: Theme park: there was this one waterpark i went to a handful of times as a kid, but i heard it got shut down recently.

22: Animal: i like cats and crows. i swear im not an edgelord, i just dont think about animals that much. ᵖᵒᵏᵉᵐᵒᶰ ᵒᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ʰᵃᶰᵈ⋅⋅⋅

23: Website: i was gonna say tumblr and then i realized i actually fucking hate this website

24: Movie: ive said it before and i’ll say it again. detective heart of america is the best goddamn movie of our modern era and i will fight anyone who disagrees dave

25: TV show: rick and morty yo

26: Grocery store: any of them? i heard the owner of one of the grocery stores in my town died recently so thats something. i also heard he was a dick though so whatever.

27: Clothing store: anywhere where i can buy stuff with space on it immediately becomes one of my favourites.

28: Band: lemon demon / neil cicerega, same guy. also ninja sex party.

29: Singer: ditto, dan avidan and neil cicerega

30: Actress: i kind of dont know any?

31: Actor: same deal. im not a particular of any of the ones i know in specific

32: Athlete: world famous pugilist: tommy ray handly

33: Cellphone provider: i mean im not partial to any of them. i use telus but also their internet isnt great sometimes.

34: State visited: oregon yo. that shits aesthetic af. for reference im canadian so ive only been to a few of the states.

35: President Prime Minister: new trudeau is new so he hasnt really done much yet but boy howdy is he a handsome chappie or what

36: Vehicle: i dont know a thing about cars.

37: Candy: starburst. toffee. caramel.im sure im forgetting lots.

on to the next bit, this part is miscellanious:

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: having my hair played with. i love it so much

56: Favorite web site: hey cool this is the same question as 23.

89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably @brannysweetnuts

well that was short. these next two are “the last time i”

99: Went to a movie theater: when i went to go see rogue one. it was good shit sassmaster robot is my favourite.

103: Hugged someone: like a week and a half ago. i think.

alright up next is “heres what i think about”

104: The future: probably its not gonna be much better than it is right now. i certainly dont have one.

108: Designer Clothes: tbh i kind of dont have any thoughts on them other than that they kind of seem like a waste of money?

122: War: im glad/lucky as fuck i dont have to deal with it. also a lot of them seem kind of pointless.

this part is “this or that”

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

135: Burried or cremated: i want you guys to take my skeleton and make it into a statue, put some cool sunglasses on me, and stand me up in a lobby/foyer somewhere. and failing that, cremate me and shoot the ashes into space. or better yet: put cool glasses on my skeleton and then shoot that into space.

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn, baby

148: Summer or winter: A U T U M N

these ones are “do you believe in”

155: Magic: nope

156: Orbs: of course i believe in orbs, i main zenyatta

157: War: i believe it exists. i dont believe its that useful most of the time.

158: Gay Marriage: oh come on, we all know the gays dont actually exist

r-right?

159: Ghosts: no :/ i wish they were real though that would be rad as shit. i love ghosts.

160: Soul mates: i hope

161: Horoscopes: no, but theyre still fun

162: God: nah

163: Hell: nope

164: Heaven: no

165: Aliens: yeah. but theyre probably super lame and single-celled. and even if they arent theyre way far away and itll be unrealistic to ever find them. the universe is a big fucking place my dudes.

166: Yourself: my biggest “ N O ” of all

167: Fate: i like to think the many worlds interpretation is true. but even if it is, we cant travel between timelines, so fate may as well exist.

168: Luck: rng exists, so yeah. thats what luck is.

169: Love at first sight: objectively not. thats physical attraction, thats not love. if you dont know the person at all youre not in love with them, theyre just cute.

ʰᵉʸ ᶦˢᶰᵗ ᶦᵗ ᶜᶫᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵒᶰᵉ ʷᵃˢ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵃᶰᵈ ᶦᵗ ʰᵃᵈ "⁶⁹" ᶦᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᶰᵘᵐᵇᵉʳ

this is the final stretch of questions. theyre miscellanious again. because talent.

171: Do you play an instrument? no. sometimes i pretend i can sing, but i cant do that either.

176: Last YouTube video watched: [this]

195: My shoe size is: i cant remember off the top of my head and i dont want to go downstairs to check.

200: My crush’s name is: uhh. this is pretty bad, but im actually not sure how to spell it.

admittedly, norwegian names are tough. we can all agree on this.