#either the teacher about his dog or one of us about a project) will compliment me on them and i’ll be like ‘oh thanks! i love cubes’

[fingertipsmp3]

Okay. Is it delusional of me to try to signal to this guy in my class that I like him… through my choice of earrings

[enhypia]

JY ; almost lovers

almost lovers answers questions with the choice of drinking instead of answering

pairings: sim jaeyun x gn!reader

genre: fluff, angst if you squint

words: roughly 1.4k

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

~guides and warnings~

italics - reader speaking

bold - jake speaking

[enclosed] - interviewer speaking

italicized bold - both reader and jake speaking

[enclosed bold or italics] - question (depends on who's speaking)

heavily inspired by: rec.create lie detector games, cut truth or drink

warning: contains and mentions of !!! drinking and swearing

i don't promote underage drinking, save your livers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hello~ my name is jake!

and i'm (y/n)

and we're almost lovers

[you guys were invited here today as almost lovers for a fun little drinking game, you guys aware of that right?]

yes we were

[okay, for this game, questions will be asked and if you refuse to answer, you drink, it's that simple. should we start?]

yup!

i'll be drinking regardless if i answer or not btw

why?

it's free alcohol

[how long have you guys known each other?]

since middle school ??

yup, so like 6 or 7 years ?

[wouldn't you be childhood friends then?]

oh no, jake and i weren't friends

*jake laughs and (y/n) grins

we really weren't, we were just somehow always put in the same classes

classmates, that's literally just what we were

ah i got it, we just knew of each other's existence

yup that

*both laugh

[how did you guys became almost lovers then?]

oh it's the classic project partners thing

we became seatmates, and like for that whole school year almost every teacher assigned seatmates as partners

it's like they all collectively agreed to it

yeah so we just eventually got close and ,,,

chaos ?

chaos.

*both giggle because jake's giggle is contagious

[why didn't you guys get together?]

we were both cowards and dumb with feelings

and jake had to move back to australia

and i had to move back to australia

[so if jake didn't move, you guys could've been together?]

,,,, i honestly do not know

yeah same

jake was the popular dream guy, i wasn't even dating him back then but so many rumors spread

i'm sorry about that really

don't worry, it wasn't your fault

*you pat him on the head making him smile widely

[how about we start the q&a between you guys?]

yeah, let's go~

*both nod and played rock paper and scissors to determine who gets to ask first, jake wins

okay! first question

*jake picks up a card and laughs in disbelief

why?

[do you still find me attractive?]

*(y/n) bursts out laughing

i don't know if i should be offended that you're laughing or what

no, because it's ridiculous!

whY?

jake i literally compliment and hype you up whenever we meet

*jake blushes

so yes i still do find you attractive because you ARE attractive.

*(y/n) smiles teasingly

*jake rolls his eyes

*(y/n) picks up a card

oh wow

[did you see ever yourself loving me?]

*jake takes a shot

you know that just makes you sus

it's not like you don't know the answer?!!

that's the point! i do know so you could've just answered instead of drinking

shut up *jake grumbles

*you take a shot to make him feel better

the answer is yes btw, i did see myself loving them

*(y/n) almost chokes

*jake laughs

it's different hearing it out loud

*jake g i g g l e s

just read the next question

[do you think it's my fault that we didn't become a couple?]

pffft-

i mean

yeah yeah, but for me i'm blaming australia

sure buddy.

*jake :O

but no i don't think it was your fault, like we said a while ago, even if you didn't move, we were still dumb with feelings and we probably would've prioritized our future than a relationship. it wasn't the right time i guess??

*jake nods in agreement

[sorry, was it ever clarified between you guys that you had feelings for each other?]

oh yeah! we knew about it

yeah bUT AFTER I CAME BACK FROM AUSTRALIA ???

*(y/n) laughs

we met up when he came back and i just went "oh did you know i liked you back then?" and then jake just -

*(y/n) can't finish the sentence because (y/n) remembers the scene perfectly and is laughing hard

*jake groans

thAT! he groaned like that and basically slammed his head on the table.

yeah and you gaped like a fish after i told you i liked you back then too!

*jake :P

*(y/n) :O

i did not

yes you did! you went *jake imitates a gaping fish

yah! *(y/n) hits jake's arm lightly

*both laugh

*(y/n) reads the card and takes a shot after

why are you drinking? i'm the one answering

i know, i just needed that shot to prepare myself

[do you still have feelings for me?]

*jake turns red and reaches for a shot

moving on-

i'm answering

*(y/n) error404 please restart

*both cannot look each other in the eye

i don't know honestly? i still am kind of dumb with feelings but the reason why i say i don't know is because i'm trying to make sure that what i'm feeling for (y/n) is real?? like i actually do like them and not with the feeling ??

*(y/n) nods understanding what he meant

because wouldn't that be unfair to (y/n) ? saying you have feelings for them when you aren't really sure? i don't want that, i don't want to hurt (y/n) in any way or form

*(y/n) downs a shot and covers their face in embarrassment

why~ ?

*(y/n) narrows their eyes at jake and just hands him the card to read

*jake laughs

okay let's go,

[do you still think about what could've been?]

goddammit

*(y/n) takes a shot

*jake is basically just laughing at everything at this point, but that's okay he's cute when he laughs

yes, i do. i think what plagued me the most were 'what if?' questions. when i see my friends getting into relationships or hearing them talk about someone they've been seeing. i would often ask like "what if we just had confessed earlier?" "what if you never moved?" "what if we actually got together?" things like that

but i think my hardest 'what if' was "what if we just tried?"

*please put jake in rice he is not working

*he raises his glass to do a cheers

here's to painful confusion !

and dumb feelings~

*both take a shot

[question for both: do you regret that you guys didn't get together?]

honestly, no? i feel like if we did, we would be two completely different people right now?

yeah, i like who i am and who you are right now, so i don't think i regret it either.

and we were shit at romantic feelings

we aren't kidding, we really were

i feel bad for everyone who had to witness that phase in our lives

rip

*both laugh

[freestyle! ask any question you want]

hmm,,

don't think too much

no <3

*(y/n) rolls their eyes

okay, okay, i have one

this better be good sim.

[you said a while ago that it wasn't the right time for us before. how about now? do you think we're finally at the right time?]

.........

*(y/n) is speechless

*(y/n) downs a shot

jake don't ask me out on television

*jake bursts out laughing

i don't know jake, you tell me, you're the one confused with feelings.

... .. ... .

*(y/n) realizes what they said

*jake literally 👁👄👁

,,,, what?

*(y/n) clears their throat

huh?

nu uh, what did you just say ??

i haven't said anything yet?? are you okay?

*(y/n) looks at the crew around them that were covering their mouths preventing laughs and squeals

you definitely said something that meant you have feelings for me!

i did not! you need to get your ears checked

*(y/n) is blushing and is avoiding jake's intense look

[that's one way to end, huh?]

oh yay! we're done, good job everybody!

*(y/n) is hurrying to escape like a pokemon

*jake is still dumbfounded, poor guy

[is he okay?]

don't worry about him, he's rebooting

*jake glares adorably at (y/n)

we are talking after this

sorry i have plans, i need to water my dog

*(y/n) teases jake making him facepalm

[i think i smell another feature, but maybe as couples next time?]

*both blushes at the statement

that's all up to jake, director :D

*jake :O

honey, close your mouth, you'll catch flies

*jake wakes up at the term of endearment and his blush deepens

yah~ !

*(y/n) grins widely and waves to the camera

bye~

»————-　♡　————-«

bonus: youtube comments (peep last one)

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

a/n: AAAA ENHA CB !! the enhypen dimension opens owo <3 anyways, i made jake's lighter since i couldn't make it angsty, he's too precious, i must protect him. also, my jake timestamp (oh worm?) received a lot of love, thank you !!! i hope you like this one as well~ sunoo's will be uploaded next !! please look forward to it <33

[comradekatara]

if you havent already, may i ask for some azula headcanons for the modern au? looking at your blog makes me grow new brain cells

of course!! congratulations on the birth of your brain cells :)

for a large chunk of her childhood, azula did nothing but school. no after-school activities, no playing outside, nothing. just school and then releasing her pent-up anger and aggression bullying zuko, as one does

teachers who were sympathetic to her dysfunctional situation routinely urged ozai to enroll her in a physical activity, but they were ignored. but by the time she got to middle school, one teacher was able to make a case that after-school activities would be advantageous on a college application. finally azula was permitted to choose a sport from a list of options that ozai found acceptable. she shot down horseback riding and tennis and argued for field hockey instead. 

when the full extent of her aggression became known, her coach had to invest in some reinforced mouthguards so azula wouldn’t be knocking out her own teammates’ teeth left and right. 

naturally, katara played ice hockey, but when their local rink was closed down due to asbestos (*rebecca bunch voice* “you guys are good! bye-bye :(”), she ended up on azula’s field hockey team. they began beating the shit out of each other every day. 

most of the kids on the team were very scared of both azula and katara, as they both had hair-trigger tempers and completely opposite idiosyncrasies that would lead to a meltdown. also, as mentioned, they regularly beat the shit out of each other.

one time they got roomed together in a hotel for an away game. it was weird and quiet and neither of them slept. they lost the game the next morning.

basically from the very first time katara gave her attitude, azula was doomed to forever nurse a crush on katara that she would never express to anyone, least of all herself. so that was fun. 

as for her life at school, things were boring in their predictability. azula spent all night every night studying and writing essays and doing supplemental research on her various class units that no one asked for. even when classes were easy, she made them hard for herself by taking her homework to the strongest possible extreme. she got As on every single thing and anytime she didn’t earn an A it was common knowledge among the faculty that rounding up was a reasonable price to pay to prevent the possibility of violence. 

she didn’t really have any friends. every once in a while she loaned a hair tie to ty lee and felt tingly in her fingers all the rest of the day. she worked on one group project with mai one time for a dramatic lit class and mai called her a lunatic to her face. (azula turned up her nose and pretended to take it as a compliment but she pummeled her pillow to shreds that night and didn’t even understand why.) 

she joined mock trial but quit out of rage when sokka was chosen to be the lead counselor on one of their cases instead of her. she lied and said it conflicted with her field hockey schedule, which sokka knew to be a lie. 

so as for sokka. she was violently obsessed with his perfect grades and good-natured casual attitude. how could he be both brilliant/an academic inspiration/her idol and role model and also socially gifted? moreover, how dare he be related to katara??? these questions kept azula up at night, even when she ran out of five-hour energy shots and her body was desperate for sleep. 

sokka, in return, was generally oblivious to azula, despite knowing the names of most people in the student body. (he’s just a nice guy like that.) for a while he knew her as the freak who twisted katara’s arm. once he became friends with zuko, he knew her as the freak who crushed a soda can using only her thumb and index finger when she spotted sokka in her house. he had the general sense that azula either hated him or was in love with him but didn’t particularly care which one it was. 

azula harbored an elaborate theory that sokka was conspiring to ruin her life and ensure that she could never get to any of her top choice colleges. she believed that if he succeeded in his plot, she would probably have to go somewhere completely unacceptable, like georgetown. or northwestern. 

zuko could never get her to explain why she thought sokka cared enough to sabotage her. sokka was two years older, after all; it wasn’t like they were competing for status or a valedictorian spot. but any time he asked azula why she was so hung up on sokka, she growled like a wolf and zuko took several meaningful steps away.

azula had had a crush on suki since the second they met; she believed that sokka was dating suki to torment her, even though azula had never spoken to suki and suki had no clue she existed. 

in all of high school, azula never attended a party or any sports games other than her own. one time she walked through the gym when the cheerleaders were practicing because she had left her shoes behind, and she stood stock-still for fifteen minutes watching ty lee lift two people over her head. the coach blew her whistle three times before azula jolted to attention and left. 

azula spent an hour doing her hair and preparing her makeup every morning until she saw suki come to school with wet hair once. this was a revelation too powerful to ever put into words. she threw out her makeup after that. (zuko nicked it out of the trash and would eventually use it for drag many years later, which felt right.) 

in her senior year, after she got into harvard and could relax approximately 20% of the tension she’d been harboring for the last 18 years of her life, azula began volunteering at a dog shelter on the weekends. she would never tell anyone about this. she found walking massive dogs to be incredibly soothing. 

she relaxed another 20% of her tension in college after she kissed a girl for the first time. and another 5% a few weeks after that when she stopped filing her nails into weapons all the time. 

as an adult, the best thing that ever happened for her was the weekend of her father’s funeral. she attended it on friday and had a surprisingly civil lunch with zuko afterwards. on saturday she purchased a ferocious, purebred german shepard. on sunday she wore sweatpants. it was a good weekend.

[v-hope]

Painting Idyll

Pairing: Single Dad!Taehyung x Preschool Teacher!Reader

Genre: Fluff, slight angst if you squint your eyes

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: When life gets in between Taehyung and picking his little girl up from school on time, there's nothing like having her favourite teacher show him his daughter's drawings to reassure him about both the good parenting he has been doing and just how much the infant loves him.

A/N: So here is it! I've been so soft for Taehyung with kids lately, idek ;-; I hope you guys enjoy it and let me know what you think!

“Appa!” the little girl shouted from the swing; the way she excitedly started moving her little feet made you feel relieved you were using the one special for children and not a normal one; otherwise she would have probably fallen down by now.

Looking up, your eyes focused on the man coming closer to both of you; Kim Taehyung, her father and also one of your students’ youngest parents. He was always well composed, always in time for parent-teacher conferences, and always involved in his daughter's activities. That day, however, as you watched him practically run in your direction, with his light blue shirt flowing up and down, along with his messy dark hair falling slightly over his eyes with each stride he took, you could tell that was not the case.

Nevertheless, the second he saw his daughter calling out for him, his previous preoccupied semblance was overshadowed by the way his lips parted into a huge smile.

“Hey, sweetheart” he spoke in a soft, breathy voice, clearly trying to catch his breath. Kneeling down in front of her, he gently caressed her cheek before he picked her up, only then his apologetical eyes fixing on yours. “I'm sorry” he let out first thing, “I am so, so sorry. One of my friends was supposed to pick her up today but he had a family emergency and I–”

“It's okay” you smiled understandingly.

He shook his head. “No, it's not. You have a life of your own and you have no obligation to keep looking after her when it's past school hours…”

A small laugh escaped your lips. “Really, it's okay” you walked around the swings so you could come closer. “I had to stay late today anyway to finish a few projects, so having Minjung-ie with me honestly made my day”.

Taehyung nodded his head reluctantly. No matter what you said, he would still feel ashamed as ever. “I promise I'm a better father than this” he tried to laugh it off anyway, but you knew deep down he was seriously beating himself up and believing he was nowhere near being the best of parents.

“Oh, I know” at your confident statement, he couldn't help but raise one of his eyebrows. “This is the first time something like this has happened ever since the year started” you reminded him. “Besides, with the amount of paintings this little one has done of the two of you together, I can only believe you're a great dad”.

“Paintings?” he wondered – his eyes sparkling at the mention of that.

“Yes, she loves drawing, so I always give her pencils and paper to keep her entertained” you took her small hand in yours, “we were just drawing before we came to the swings, right love?” your gentle way to approach her received a shy nod from Minjung and an adoring smile from Taehyung. “She’s actually very talented for a four year old” you gazed up to lock eyes with him; a smile adorning both your faces, “I guess you already knew that, but… she never ceases to amaze me” he nodded; being already familiar with that feeling. “Would you like to see them?”

His eyebrows raised in surprise, adjusting his hands under Minjung’s body so she wouldn’t slip down. “I’d love to” he grinned happily, “if… you're not in a hurry, of course”.

“Well, I'm done for the day and my life's not that exciting to have other plans, so...” he chuckled at both your words and the ‘whatever’ shrug you had just given him.

Not saying anything else as you had made your point clear, you smiled, tilting your head towards the classroom at the other side of the playground, motioning for him to follow you.

Once inside, his eyes travelled around the colourful room that just radiated children energy – multiple cups filled with pencils being placed on top of the round tables, chaotic yet cute paintings covering the walls, and endless toys being kept inside numerous boxes by the corners of the room. It amazed him how warm this place felt yet you somehow still managed to make it seem so tidy.

“I wish I had an actual chair to offer you” you apologised, drawing his attention to you for a quick second before they followed yours to the little chairs around the tables. “You can take mine”.

“No, it's okay” he stopped you from going to get it for him, “I'll just stand” the corners of his lips curved up, going up to your table as you made your way over to a few drawers by its side.

He put his little girl down on her feet after she started swaying them to let him know she wanted to be let go of; having her immediately take off to where you were searching for her paintings.

“Oh, you want to show him?” you gazed down to her.

“Yes” she spoke in a small voice; not being the most extroverted of kids – quite the opposite, actually.

“Okay” you nodded, biting your lip when you finally found what you were looking for. “There you go” you handed her a few papers.

Minjung's face lit up, excitedly going back to her dad as you calmly followed after her. Taehyung picked her up immediately, sitting her on the edge of the table, where she later placed her drawings.

“This is you” she pointed to the first of them, her finger hovering over a man who was feeding a dog, “this is me” she moved it down to a little girl that was playing with it, earning giggle from Tae that had your heart melting in an instant, “and this is Mickey!” she finally pointed to the white animal with a few brown touches.

“Wow, baby, this is really good” he complimented her work with wide eyes, “you even got his little moustache right” he traced one of his long fingers over it, making his little girl overflow with excitement because of her dad's approval. “Mickey is one of my friends’ dog” he explained to you a few moments later, focusing his attention on you, “we look after him sometimes and Min-ie loves him” you smiled wholeheartedly – that being the first time you had ever heard said nickname being used on her.

“He's the cutest!” the girl gushed with her eyes still glued to the painting, later picking it up and placing it elsewhere so she could show her dad the next one.

“Is that the zoo?” Taehyung wondered, leaning over the table to take a closer look at it – the colour green being the predominant one as a bunch of animals were all over the grass, and, once again, a girl and a man being part of the painting; their hands holding tightly together as they watched the animals.

Minjung nodded, looking up to you with a bright boxy smile that you had just now noticed was an exact replica of her father's. “We're going to see the animals!”

“Oh, you are?” you giggled at her enthusiasm.

“Yes” Taehyung confirmed after his daughter had nodded effusively, “this Saturday”.

“Are you excited to see the tigers, Minjung-ie?” you leaned over the table as well to be closer to her; watching her eyes light up even more at the mention of what you knew was her favourite animal.

Another effusive nod was her answer, allowing you to hear a chuckle leaving Taehyung's lips. “They're my favourite!”

Her sudden outburst of joy had both of you staring at her in complete awe.

Truth be told, both you and Taehyung were absolutely awestruck in that very moment. You, for you had never heard her talk so loudly and passionately before; yes, she was comfortable enough around you, since you had earned her trust only a few weeks into her first school year, but she still spoke quietly, almost afraid of disturbing her classmates with her voice if she did otherwise. Taehyung, on the other hand, felt happy as ever, for he had never seen his little girl being so comfortable around anyone that was neither him nor any of his closest friends, all of them whom she had known ever since she had memory. In the end, neither of you knew what was the cause of her being like this, but you wouldn't question it, instead just enjoying her bubbly behavior for as much as it lasted.

It was heartwarming overall, to see her that happy.

“What's your favourite animal?” she slurred her words, fixing her chocolate eyes on yours.

“Oh, I like too many of them to have a favourite” you admitted, “but giraffes are pretty cool” you smirked.

“I'll draw one for you!” her excited words had your heart becoming a puddle right there.

“Why thank you” your hand went to tuck a long strand of black hair behind her ear, out of sheer affection, “you're the sweetest”.

She smiled shyly, lowering her head before her eyes focused on her dad.

“You have something else, baby?” Taehyung wondered, gazing over to the other papers left.

“Mhm” she affirmed.

She did have quite a few, actually. You always kept your kids’ works, as insignificant as they might have seemed at the moment, precisely because you never knew if their parents would like to either see them or keep them by the end of the year; and, by the look in Taehyung's eyes as he stared at the different paintings whilst his daughter so proudly explained them to him, you knew more than ever that keeping them had been the right thing to do.

As she started to run out of drawings, you came across one of her with a woman. You remembered that one very clearly, because you had been by her side while she worked on it, and you had thought at first it was her mother, only to find out later, because of the flower in the woman's hair that so perfectly resembled the one Minjung had picked up for you that day, that it was you.

You had meant to keep that one apart from the rest, just in case it would turn out to be a touchy topic; because you couldn't simply overlook the fact that her mother had never gone to pick her up, she had never attended any of the conferences you had arranged with the parents to let them know about their children's progress. It was always Taehyung. In addition to that, there was also the fact of Minjung not once having mentioned her mother, much less had she drawn her, ever… meanwhile there she was drawing you. All of those facts put together, could only leave you with many ideas as to why she was never present, and why you should never bring out the subject.

None of your thoughtful intentions mattered anyway, you had then realised, for you had forgotten to keep that particular drawing apart from the rest.

Just like you feared, Taehyung frowned visibly. Minjung didn’t really have a female role model in her life; she had no one to look up to, much less to the point of taking her time in drawing them so beautifully. So his heart sped up. That couldn't be it, right? That woman right there couldn’t possibly be her m–

“This is you!” Minjung informed both of you before he could overthink about it any further – her eyes fixed on you as she handed you the piece of paper.

“Yes, I remember” you smiled, taking the painting in your hands and examining it with pure adoration in your eyes.

It was only a few seconds later when your eyes met Taehyung's, acknowledging the genuine yet melancholic smile on his lips.

“I'm sorry” you couldn't help but blurt out in more of a whisper.

You didn't need to say more for him to understand what you were sorry for. He shrugged, trying to take importance away from it. After all, it was not your fault at all that Minjung looked up to you. If anything, he was glad it was you out of everyone else; someone who he thought was kind, hard-working, respectable... All in all, someone who was just a good role model for his daughter.

“She would never draw her anyway”.

You felt your heart drop, not completely understanding what that meant, but neither wanting to question any further and overstep some kind of boundary. He was just one of your students’ parent anyway, you weren't supposed to dig so deep into their personal lives.

Minjung remained indifferent to the topic going on right before her presence, for she was still looking at the last one of her paintings; her fingers itching to show Taehyung already.

“Wow, that's really beautiful, Min-ie” he hyped her up after she practically shoved her drawing in his face; this time being one of the two of them in their pyjamas, being cuddled up on a sofa as they watched cartoons. “What a talented girl I have”.

You beamed at the warm image in front of you; Taehyung tenderly cupping her face and planting a kiss to her forehead. Watching the eyes full of pure love and admiration his daughter looked at him with right then, you wondered how could he ever believe for a second he was not doing a good job at parenting.

Walking over to the other side of the table, where your bag was, you started to collect some of your belongings that were lying around on the table. “You want to keep them?” you offered him, making his eyes snap in your direction.

Taehyung didn't even have to think twice before his head was effusively moving up and down. “Thank you” he said truthfully, his eyes focusing on the painting you had left on the table moments before, “you can keep that one if you'd like” he offered, “I guess it's your right since you're the muse” he laughed lightly, being followed by you.

“Thank you” you sheepishly said before reaching out to take it and carefully put it in your bag.

Seeing as you were getting your things ready to leave, he held Minjung up in his arms, having her clinging to his body as they waited for you. His eyes followed your every move, watching you go somewhere else, and later thanking you when you handed him Min-ie's backpack, a fluffy one shaped like a teddy bear he had completely forgotten about. After he put it on one of his shoulders, the three of you walked towards the exit in what felt like a rather comfortable silence.

It was when you were on the street, ready to part ways, that he turned around to look at you.

“Thank you so much again for looking after Min-ie today” he let out breathily, letting you know he was far from being over it.

“It was my pleasure” you smiled sweetly, one last time trying to reassure him about it being okay.

Before you could say your goodbyes and turn around, he digged his hand inside one of the pockets of his black trousers, as if he had remembered something extremely important right then. “Let me pay you”.

You didn't know if that had been a question or more of a statement. Either way, just as you caught a glimpse of his wallet, you shook your head no.

“There's no need to, really” you reassured him. “I love spending time with Minjung-ie, it wasn't trouble at all”.

“But–”

“I don't want money, Mr. Kim” you cut him off.

This time he let out a brittle laugh, being caught completely off guard by that name. “Mr. Kim” he repeated, not being able to hide how amused he was – even Minjung smiling at the funny name you had called her dad, “that makes me feel so old” his hand clutched to his chest. “I must be like… one… maybe two years older than you?” his eyebrows knitted together as he analyzed your already flustered face, like he would find the answer on it. “So, please… just Taehyung”.

You felt the heat go up to your face, doing your best not to show how bad his dark eyes staring at you right then were affecting you. Nevertheless, you nodded, letting him know you'd comply to his request.

“Is there anything else I can do for you then?” he wondered. “I really don't feel comfortable with not repaying you somehow” he confessed, scratching the back of his head with the hand he was not holding Min-ie with. “Do you need a ride home?”

You shook your head slowly. “I don't live that far, I can just walk… but thank you, honestly”.

He glared at both you and the smile your lips were currently displaying, tilting his head to the side as he huffed. “You're not making this any easier for me, Y/N”.

Your head snapped up at the sound of your name being said just like that, kind of loving the way it sounded under his deep voice.

“Appa!” Minjung moved her hands excitedly, catching his attention.

“Yes?” he asked her, gently removing a strand of hair that had fallen on her face.

She gazed at you for a brief second before her eyes were back on her dad, motioning for him to come closer to her. When he did, she cupped her little hands around her mouth and brought them to Tae's ear, like she was about to tell him the most sacred of secrets.

His eyes fixed on you, allowing you to see the growing smirk curving up his lips as he listened to his baby.

“You're sure?” he asked for her confirmation once she was done. After she had nodded confidently, his attention went back to you – clearing his throat before he spoke: “How about going with us to the zoo this Saturday?”

Your eyes lit up instantly, receiving a boxy smile from both of them before you could even answer.

“You would see the giraffes!” the little girl threw her hands up in the air, making you tilt your head slightly back as a blissful laugh escaped your throat.

“I would, wouldn't I?” you cocked one of your eyebrows. “After we go see the tigers, of course” your comment had her celebrating in a heartbeat.

“Is that a yes then?” Taehyung drew your attention to him, his smile becoming brighter at the mere sight of yours.

You let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head amusingly.

Was that even a question? How could you ever say no to spending a day at the zoo with the sweetest of girls and her new-found lovely dad?

“I would love to go, yes”.

[rogueariadne]

To Have A Villain’s Quirk

SIX: PROUD

Kaida stayed away from everyone as they filed off of the bus in front of Battle Center C, fiddling with the ponytail she had resting over her shoulder. Maybe she should put it up higher, or into a bun to keep it out of her way. She'd be bound to get caught if she let it stay loose. Making up her mind, she quickly put it into a semi high bun, taking a breath as she looked around at the other competitors, then up at the large doors that blocked them from going in just yet. Maybe she should get closer too, that way she can barge straight in- no, everyone else will be doing that. Hmm, she could use her rinkaku to move past everyone as stay perched at a good height. She'd be able to see everything then and get to the enemies quicker than everyone else.

    "Hey, pretty lady! Why are you all by your lonesome?" Kaida stopped mid thought, eyes slowly shifting to the side to find the owner of whoever just spoke. Only a few inches taller than her, she looked at a orangey-blond haired boy with gold eyes. Plain looking, except for the black streak in his hair. He had a big smile on his face, as he tilted his head down at her. A little too close. He could practically hear the gears in her head turning as she comprehended what he had just said, laughing as soon as her face blossomed red. Her parents and Midoriya were the only ones she ever gotten this close to. Just what was this boy doing?

    "Too close!" She quickly shuffled away, staring at him wide eyed. "W-what are you doing?" He chuckled as he stood up a little straighter, his friendly smile still playing on his lips.

    "Hah! Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. You just looked lonely is all." The maroonette looked down, trying to force the heat in her face to go away. The boy watched her wring out her hands, humming to himself. He stuffed one hand in his pocket before pointing to himself. "Well, the name's Denki Kaminari! So, what should I call you?" Kaida was at a loss with his flirtatious smile, eyes trying to avoid his. He just found it cute.

    "Ah.. Kaida's fine." She was never one for formality, calling someone by their last name. She saw going by first names right out the gate was an easier way to get closer to being friends. At this moment, though, she didn't know if she'd be able to handle this boy's friendship.

    "Kaida, huh? Suits you." He followed it with a wink, causing her to feel like she was going to close in on herself. She was happy when she heard Present Mic's voice echo through the area about starting. She didn't even take a second glance at the boy as she took off. As soon as they passed the gate, she sent her rikaku to latch onto the top of one of the buildings, pulling herself onto the roof to get a better look at the surroundings. She just needed to defeat these things and rack up a bunch of points. She just hoped that Izuku was doing okay.

    Ten minutes was all they had to rack up points, but she wasn't going to complain. She also wasn't above stealing points from others either. That being said, she could see the robots from where she was, and with the help of the five tails she managed to create, she could strike down the creatures in multiples. She could already hear the others shouting in annoyance, but she needed the points, but she could already see her recklessness was going to cause someone to get hurt, so she made sure that she kept the pieces from squashing anyone. She hopped rooftop to rooftop, catching points left and right, even seeing the Kaminari boy she ran into. But she didn't pay him much mind as she continued on, huffing as she was slowly getting low on energy. She knew it was going to happen, but it wasn't draining her as quick as it used to. Kaida was definitely happy that she had pushed herself so hard. As she went through the area, she caught a falling piece of debris from hitting one of the female contestants, Kaida getting a thankful wave before they went their separate ways.

    Soon, time was up, the alarm sounding overhead, and she swore it was the shortest ten minutes she had ever felt. She panted as she deactivated her quirk, resting her hands on her knees to catch her breath before she left the center with everyone else. It looked like they were all just as worn out. Boarding the bus back to get their things, Kaminari caught up with her, sitting beside her. "Hey! I saw you up on the buildings, you were amazing!"

    "Huh?!"

    "Yeah! You took out the robots like it was nothin'! And I saw that you saved one of the girls here, too." He went on, an excited look on his face as his hands moved with his words. "You're really hero material! There's no doubt you'll get in!" His praises just made Kaida's face redder by the second. No one has really praised her like that. Her parents, sure, but Izuku hadn't really seen her use her quirk much, so he wasn't able to have an opinion about it.

    "Ah, well, thank you.."

    "No problem, cutie!" God, she just wanted to hide.

    Making back to UA without too much of a problem, Kaida still hadn't been able to shake the electric puppy dog from her trail, instead just letting him talk away, while she just listened and nodded. He was so talkative. At least he dropped the compliments and was finally talking about normal stuff. They soon had to split ways to go get changed and collect their things, so Kaida mustered up a big smile and wave, while Denki finger-gunned himself away. She giggled a little bit before getting herself together. As she left the changing rooms, she noticed the brown haired girl they had talked to this morning. It looked like she was caught staring by her, the girl making her way to her with a slight worried look.

    "H-hey. You came here with that boy with green hair, right?" She asked, pushing her fingers together nervously. Kaida blinked, frowning as she slowly nodded, confused. "Right, um, he might need help getting home.. he got hurt dur-" Kaida didn't let her finish before she took off. She knew it! She knew something like this would happen! He was probably reckless, too! That dummy!

    She searched around before she finally came across him with the well known Recovery Girl. "Izuku Midoriya!" She shouted, scaring the poor boy. "You were reckless, weren't you? I told you to be careful! You're not made of steel!"

    "Wah! I-I'm sorry, Kai! Don't worry! I'll be more careful!"

    "You better be! Now, let's get you home. Dummy."

                                                                                      *

One Week Later

    If her estimates were correct, Kaida would be receiving the results sometime soon, but it was killing her to not know. She was constantly unfocused, staring off into space, or even being locked up in her room not making a noise. She checked for mail every day since then, confusing her mother, but it didn't matter. She just needed to know. She and Midoriya had been messaging back and forth everyday about the results and what they could be. She tried her best to cheer him up, after he told her what happened. He had a late quirk, according to him. It was unheard of, but she guessed that they just didn't know that much about quirks like they thought they did. At the moment though, she had herself leaning over the counter as her mother cooked herself dinner. Kaori was constantly watching her, worry etched into her features. Eventually, she sighed.

    "Okay.. Honey. I know you've been checking the mail at about this time for the past week. Why don't you go check it, maybe whatever you're waiting for has finally come in." She had no clue what her daughter could be waiting on but it as obviously important. Kaida reluctantly removed herself from the counter, shuffling to the door.

    "Yeah, okay.." Kaori raised a brow as she staggered out the door, shaking her head as she pulled her food of the stove to put it on her plate. She nearly dropped the pan when the door slammed open and her daughter came rushing in, almost sliding past the counter with an envelope in hand. "IT'S HERE, IT'S HERE!"

    "O-okay! What is it?" Kaori quickly asked, startled as the girl ripped the whole thing open, a small disk flopping out onto the counter. The woman, circled the counter to stand next to her, curious now. A hologram forming from the disk, All Might appearing in the screen. "Honey, w-why is the number one pro hero on this projector..?"

 "Hello! It is a pleasure to let you know that you have passed both the written and practical exam with flying colors." Kaida stared up at All Might's face as the entrance exam results for the top ten were listed, her seeing her name with the number of villain and rescue points. Fifty-nine Villain points.. and sixteen Rescue Points. Sh-she was ranked second place! "As the newest teacher for the Hero Course, I, personally, would like to congratulate you on being accepted. Welcome, Kaida Hiyama. You are now apart of the Hero Academia." All Might's big smile remained frozen as the projection ended, eventually turning off. Kaida remained staring off at the spot where the projection was, feeling her eyes watering before the hot tears slipped down her cheeks.

    "K-Kaida.. You.. You enrolled in UA?" Her mothers voice broke through her thoughts and she hesitantly turned to look at her. She was surprised to see her mother crying her own tears. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Oh!" She pulled her daughter in for a hug, squeezing her with all her might. "I'm so proud of you!" Kaida hugged her back tightly, feeling her heart swell at finally being accepted and being told that she was proud of her. She had never felt like she belonged more than she did in that moment. She quickly pulled back, a big, happy smile on her face.

    "I gotta call Izuku and tell him! I'll be back!" She quickly grabbed her phone and ran up to her room. Kaori watched her bound out of sight, eyes still overflowing with tears as she closed her eyes.

    "What do you mean, 'she changed her mind'?"

    "She can't just do that, that's our child! MY child!"

    "Mrs. Hiyama, I understand you're concern, but you have nothing to worry about."

    "She signed the papers, she can't keep my child!"

    "Legally, no, but.."

    "But nothing! She's not keeping my child!"

    "Don't worry, my sweet girl. I'll make sure nothing harms you.."

[carbrakes-and-stakes]

Character development : 30 questions

1.      What makes them happy? What do they think would make them happy?

Alain had to learn to be satisfied with simpler things, although it was not always the case.

He is happy whenever he works on a big project, such as the complete renovation of a vintage car. The house he bought belonged to an old couple and so he plans to flip it entirely, room by room. A job well done bringing him joy, it’s likely that he’ll feel quite pleased once he is done. A pint of beer or a glass of scotch at the end of the day are both satisfying to the hunter.

Alain takes great pleasure from a job well done whether it's at the garage, in his garden or in the kitchen.

What he thinks would make him happy are things he can’t get and he would rather forget about it. He looked for his mother for a while but never got a clue as to who she could be. He wouldn’t say no to his family losing everything either. A bankruptcy would humble them all.

2.      How do they feel about their appearance?

Alain is aware that he is rather attractive and fit, especially for his age although staying fit requires that he exercises daily. Having to hike around at night does help with that task.

People tend to not believe him when he tells them how old he is. Don’t call him a vampire, please.

He mostly feels good about his looks although he sometimes wishes he were a bit taller.

3.      What would their ideal friend be like? (Have they had any luck finding such a person?)

Alain does not speak a lot at first although he can get talkative around people he feels comfortable with. His ideal friend is someone he can trust, who shares a few interests with him whether it's cars, astronomy, cooking or any other of his hobbies. Their ideal friend is calm, humble, curious about everything, has a good sense of humor and is respectful of others, and most importantly, won’t drag him to social gatherings.

4.      What kind of people do they hate? 

Aside from his family and vampires, Alain cannot stand people who think too highly of themselves and doesn’t like people who talk a lot despite having nothing interesting to say. Gossiping is not something he enjoys either although he hears a lot of things, being a shop owner. People who are completely unpredictable are avoided at all cost as he finds them unreliable, selfish, and to be more of a danger than anything.

5.      What offenses do they think are unforgivable? (Or IS anything guaranteed unforgivable)

Being a vampire. Lying to his face (unless it’s to keep a secret). Divulging a secret (doesn't have to be his secret).

Otherwise he is a rather forgiving person, as he understands that you can make mistakes. He would be quite the hypocrite if he did not allow people to get a second chance. A second, not a third. Don't expect to gain his trust back easily if you've upset him. 

6.      How well do they keep promises or commitments? Do they expect the same of others?

Alain is loyal and honest and won't make a promise if he does not believe that he can live up to it. Commitment takes time, but once he commits to something or someone, he stays true to his beliefs. 

He does expect people to respect their commitments and will be very upset were they to betray them.

7.      How long does it take them to warm up to people?

It can take a while as Alain has trouble allowing people close. It's fair to say that the way things ended with his family left a mark. However, common interests are the quickest way to get Alain to be interested in having a conversation with you. Bonus points if you own a dog.

Alain isn’t too good at socializing however, and appearing as distant often makes it difficult for others to warm up to him. 

8.      Do they keep any important rituals or routines?

His days are organized around the same routine : Breakfast. Training. Work. Running. Dinner. Nap. Hunting. Sleep. Restart. On Sundays, Alain goes hiking or eventually spends time home baking or gardening, working on a project.

9.      When distressed, do they seek solitude or support from others?

Solitude. Alain isn't one for sharing. He knows that he should open up more about what troubles him but has yet to find someone he trusts enough for that.

10.  If someone comes to them with a problem, how do they respond? (Advice? Sympathy? Taking it into their own hands? Blowing it off completely?) How does this it vary based on who’s asking?

He won't respond to someone he doesn’t know well and will advise them to ask someone else first.

 Depending on whether he can help fix the problem, he will  take it into his own hands if he cannot just provide advice. His advice/intervention can sometimes appear as controlling but it's only with the idea to improve their life/solve their problem. He'll have to know every details and facts before doing anything however, and analyse the situation carefully before he can offer his help. 

11.  How do they feel about physical contact? What are their personal space requirements?

Alain is really not fond of hugs from strangers or people he barely knows although he'll enjoy them if they come from a friend.

His personal space is basically a bubble with a 3’ (1 meter) radius. He'll often claim to have a cold at social gatherings because saying he doesn’t like to touch others is often seen by others as a douchebag move.

12.  What do they do to relax? (What if they’re prevented from doing that thing?)

A glass of alcohol, a walk or eventually a joint will all manage to appease Alain. He can get quite anxious and has had panic attacks in the past from being unable to unwind. He can also get cranky when he feels anxious, getting angry at people for no real reason. If Alain will later apologize for overreacting, he doesn’t like having to do it. 

13.  What do they get excited about?

Telescopes, space exploration, astronomy, vintage cars, car renovation projects, hiking up a new mountain, tasting new food, etc. Sometimes he’ll be excited about an event, but get very anxious about it in the days before the event. It’s only once he’ll start having a nice time that the anxiety will go. This has sometimes led him to not go somewhere he wanted to. Nowadays, he tries to force himself into going anyways.  

14.  What do they consider the area of their expertise? (Are they right about that?)

Vampire extermination and the renovation of vintage cars. He's aware that there’s always more you can learn and is mostly humble despite being also proud of his skills. As far as sword fighting is concerned, he does not have much he could learn from a teacher, but when it comes to cars, he’ll often take lessons to become more specialized. 

15.  What are their blind spots or biases? (Do they know about them?)

Alain does not like to analyze his feelings and often pretends that everything is okay. He can convince himself of that.

Since he doesn’t trust a lot of people, he hunts alone and has been in situations where he was seriously injured. As humbling as almost dying can be, Alain is too stubborn to change his ways completely. These days, his dogs accompany him and have proven to be rather useful.

16.  How active is their imagination? (Do they use it to advantage? Does it tend to run off with them?)

Alain is imaginative when it comes to practical things, mechanics, and crafts and loves using his hands to make his ideas come to life.

17.  How good are they at reading other people?

He is not good at it although he isn’t aware of that. In his eyes, everyone is ill intended and self-centered at first. There are very few people who don't have this negative vibe to him and they are people he will more easily engage conversation with.

18.  How easy or difficult is it for other people to read them?

Most people are convinced that he's grumpy and some have different theories as to why. For instance some say he's grumpy because he was not on his parents' testimony, some other say that it’s because Audrey left him and vanished.

19.  How comfortable are they with animals (pets, other domesticated beasts, wild animals)?

He’s very comfortable around animals but he has a habit of being careful around animals that are not his. 

20.  To what extent are they concerned with other people? Do they tend to serve others, protect their own, or only look out for number one? (In other words, is their priority “you,” “us,” or “me”?)

Alain’s motto could be “If I die that's fine, but nobody else is allowed.” He has been raised since he was a child to believe that he had to protect his younger sister, and he’s been trying to protect people ever since. 

21.  Do they enjoy challenges or avoid them? In what areas?

He likes a challenge as far as his day job is concerned. He was not afraid to buy an old house even if that meant having to spend most of his weekends repairing everything, piece by piece.

 As reckless as he can be, he’ll never try to face an elder vampire on his own and is strategic when it comes to hunting, a result of his many years of training.

22.  How well do they deal with injuries or ailments?

As he heals faster than regular humans, he doesn’t usually worry too much about his injuries. Only bad ones leave a scar anyways.

He wishes he could say that he got used to the pain but that’s not really true. He doesn’t fear getting injured however, even if he wants to avoid that at all cost.

23.  What qualities do they most want to be associated with? What’s the highest compliment anyone could pay them? The gravest insult?

Alain would rather be recognized for his work, his success than for things he has no control over. Still, he does not know how to take a compliment. 

The highest compliment would be to praise him for his work as a mechanic. But if you try to suggest that all he achieved, he couldn’t have done without his family, whether he wants it or not, you probably will get headbutted before you’re done talking. 

24.  How comfortable are they with being the center of attention? Do they want recognition for their works? (Can they even take a compliment in the first place?)

He is not used to it and would rather stay on the side lines, where he feels most comfortable.

He gets recognition for his works and appreciates it when it comes from professionals. As far as personal compliments are concerned, he’ll briefly turn bright red.

25.  How willing are they to take risks? What factors might affect their decisions on that front?

He’ll take risks if this means rescuing an innocent from harm. But that’s only if he thinks that he can get away with it. He can usually trust his judgement on that, but you never know when you’re wrong before it’s too late.

26.  How competitive are they? Do they expect to win or think they’re going to lose? Can they take either outcome gracefully?

He used to let his sister win on the occasions when he had the advantage in a fight, back when they were training in martial arts or fencing as children and as teenagers.

He’s not a sore loser, but he will be quite smug if he wins. He will often taunt vampires and insult them.

27.    How much do they care about etiquette, politesse, propriety? Do they have the same standards for themself as for other people?

If Alain curses a lot, mostly in French, he knows a lot about etiquette and will behave appropriately according to context. He feels more comfortable in relaxed environments but can make quite an impression where it's not expected of him, a mechanic.

28.  Do they guard personal information closely, or is it all free for the asking? Is there something they would never tell anyone?

He doesn’t like to share information about himself, and aside from Audrey, there was not a lot of people who knew how he was brought up as a child, what kind of childhood he had, about his time at the Ring, and there’s only a handful of people who knows what he does at night. 

He doesn’t like talking about his childhood, about Audrey, and obviously he doesn’t talk about the supernatural to anyone but those in the know. 

29.  Do they assign more weight to actions or words?

He likes to think actions are stronger than words, but he can be fooled by words anyway.

30.  How decisive are they? What do they do if they have trouble making a decision?

Alain has to be spontaneous while he hunts or when he’s working. However making decisions in social context is a lot more complicated as he tends to over analyse what people want from him or think of him.

[dontstophq]

NOAH PUCKERMAN is a SOPHOMORE at WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH SCHOOL. he is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, and a member of the MCKINLEY TITANS FOOTBALL TEAM. he is DATING SANTANA LOPEZ, but has an affair with QUINN FABRAY.

santana lopez, girlfriend → out of all the hot girls in school, puck’s managed to land himself the hottest as his arm candy. though santana and puck aren’t very deep when it comes to time spent together, she gives him free access to the rack of twins on her chest. in return, he’ll buy her food and drive them around to make out in the back of his truck. it’s not the ideal high school romance, but it’s something.

quinn fabray, secret interest → what the school doesn’t know about is puck’s one night stand with quinn. though she’s dating his best friend, he can’t help the way he feels. the heart wants what it wants, and what it wanted was quinn. they haven’t talked since, and quinn makes it a point to avoid him in the hallways. however, he knows she’ll come back when she’s bored with finn. they always come back.

finn hudson, best friend → finn and puck have been close friends since they were little. they joined the football team together, and even though the team sucks as a whole, they know they can bring a win if they work hard enough. which is tough when finn wants to screw around with the glee club, of all things. finn says he’s not serious about it, but puck isn’t buying it for a second.

                                     THUNDERCLAP REVIEW.

1. what drew you to show choir?

Nothing “drew me to show choir,” okay? I just felt like it was high time I stop depriving the ladies of McKinley of the full Puckerman experience. I’ve always had what people in the biz would call “rockstar potential.” I’m just using this dumb club to show it off a bit. Plus, I’m pretty sure I can get out of any dorky group numbers by telling Schue I’m only gonna sing songs by Jewish artists. Last year I got outta like 4 science projects by telling the teacher that dissection was against the Torah.

2. who do you think is the most popular person in school, and why?

Uh, me? Obviously. Every girl in school wants a ride on the Puckerman Express, some guys too (and even though I’m not into that, I’m not gonna turn down the compliment). The guys who don’t wanna do me just wanna be me. I might not be homecoming king or quarterback or whatever, but everyone knows caring about shit like that is for narcs. Plus, no one throws a party like the Puckerman. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a shit what others think about me. I don’t spend my days trying to impress people and live up to their expectations like some of my friends do. I’m just being honest here. If you polled the school, people would vote for me out of respect. Or possibly fear. Either way, I’m top dog.

3. out of everyone in the world, who would you say is your biggest inspiration?

I fuckin’ hate questions like this. I can just see the big doe-eyed look on the face of whatever optimist typed this up. I don’t believe in anyone but myself, okay? Putting people on pedestals and being all inspired by them only sets yourself up for disappointment and pain. You can’t trust other people for shit in this world. But if I had to pick one person I thought was safe to idolize and probably wasn’t gonna fuck up in the near future, I’d choose Bob Dylan. He’s cool, he’s Jewish, he’s a legend, and now that he’s all old and ornery he does whatever the Hell he wants. Like, at his concerts he plays the songs all different just to piss off his own fans. That’s a badass move.

[purplesurveys]

581

Where did you get the pants you are wearing from? They’re my sister’s; I borrowed them for the semester because these shorts are conducive for my PE classes, but since we already finished the class last week I should probs give it back to her soon. Do you find smoking unattractive? I used to, but now I can’t really say that I hate it. Have your parents ever searched your personal belongings? They did, back in Grade 6. They took away two of my very private diaries and ever since then I never wrote down my thoughts in a notebook. I never did get the two back. Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I thought I could, then my friends made me try a margarita a month after I turned 18 hahaha. Is there someone you'll never forget? There are loads of people I haven’t and will never forget; this is a very broad question.

Do you miss someone right now? Yes. Last time you were on the phone? Just to use it? Maybe some four minutes ago. But the last time I was on a call – if that’s what you meant – was last night. Do you get distracted easily? Yeup. Earlier I was doing a reading, picked up my phone for a short break, then never realized I was on my phone for the next two hours. Have your parents ever caught you drinking? They never ‘caught’ me; whenever I do drink I let them know/ask permission. I respect them enough to do that because I know how alcohol had nearly ruined our family in the past. Do you think flirting is cheating? Uhhhhhhh yes. Do you hate the last girl, other than family, you had a conversation with? I could never hate Gab. Who was the last person you sat next to in a car with? It was my brother.  Is your room messy or clean? Fairly clean. I had a general cleaning of my room not too long ago. Do you drink tea? Not the hot or herbal kind. I only have iced tea occasionally. Wish you could be somewhere else right now? Sort of? Kind of? Idk it’s either way. I’m content that I’m home but I wouldn’t mind being out drinking right now too. What are you listening to right now? I can only hear the electric fan’s white noise. I don’t feel like listening to music. Where did you get your last bruise from? I don’t remember my most recent bruise but it probably has something to do with PE and me hitting the mat/floor way too hard. Are you looking forward to anything? The weekend. When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? The fact that I stared at this question for a good minute must mean I haven’t thought this in a while lmao. That’s gotta be a good thing! Whose house where you last at? Other than mine, Gab’s. When someone says 'we need to talk', what do you think: If I know that that person doesn’t have a problem/potential problem with me, I just assume it’s something light. The only time this was said to me and it turned out to be something bad was my mom gathering us to say that our grandpa died, so I don’t really have a bad experience in general with that sentence. Tell me what's on your mind? I would have been able to sleep in tomorrow if I didn’t accept a 10 AM commitment and now I’m hating myself loads. It’s exhausting to accept an executive position sometimes. Will you be in bed before 11 tonight? I doubt it; it’s already 9:55 and I just started on this survey. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? It’s fine, but it’s not super solid or anything. They don’t know anything about me other than what I post on Facebook. How much money did you spend today? I spent P45 on an egg and cheese sandwich just to get through my hunger this morning, and my orders from online shopping came so I dropped P1,120 on that hahaha. In other words, I’m slowly GOING BROKE Can you see a cat from where you're sitting? Nope. I can see a dog, though. Who was your last text from? My professor for a history class. I’m the beadle in this class, so he texts me reminders from time to time. What was the last bad thing that happened to your phone? It’s fairly new so it hasn’t acted up ever. The only bad thing that happens to it is me dropping it D: What's been upsetting you lately? I am so fucking burned out from this semester and just wish it’s over already. Is there anyone getting on your nerves at the moment? Nope, everyone’s safe. Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? Nopes.

Last place you fell asleep other than a bed? The living room couch, I think. Does it take a lot to make you cry? Not at all. I’m an easy target. Do you have a dog? Yes, the goodest and bestest. Do you like to wear pants? No, I hate jeans and wish I had more shorts than jeans. How many people do you trust fully? I trust everybody I know, is the thing. I feel like my loved ones and friends deserve that. But I can cut off ties with them very easily if they abuse that trust. When you're bored in class, what do you usually do? I use my phone but make sure I’m hidden behind my laptop. If that’s too risky, I’ll doodle whatever lyrics on my notebook (if I’m writing). Otherwise I’d just check my social media on my laptop. What’s your favorite color out of these five? Green, Yellow, Blue, Pink: Pink. What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? “...Already?” I set my alarms this morning for 4 AM, 4:30 AM, and 5:30 AM. I woke up at the 4 AM alarm, went back to sleep, and the next alarm that woke me was the 5:30 one. I must have turned off the 4:30 one too but I was probably half-sleepy and groggy AS FUCK because I don’t remember turning that one off at all. Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday? Yeah. I kinda have to because the way I run during the day depends on the amount of sleep I get. Ever like someone older than you? I haven’t. What's your favorite amusement park? I don’t really have any. Universal Studios in Singapore was great fun though. Are you cold at this very moment? A little bit. I’ve since turned on the AC and also have an electric fan directed at me, so I’m quite chilly. Do you prefer people who talk a lot or are quiet? Depends on my mood..sometimes I’m talkative, and sometimes I just want to be on my laptop and be undisturbed. Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? Other than incompetent groupmates from past projects who temporarily made my life a living hell, not really. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? 7 to 10. Nothing more, nothing less. What do you think Avril Lavigne is doing at the moment? This question is so creepy. What's one fear are you most paranoid about? Not getting a nice enough job that doesn’t pay enough. Have you ran into an old friend recently? A couple of weeks ago I bumped into Mils; I was headed to my car and she was headed to class. It was super brief; we just said hi and she complimented my water bottle (which I have since lost lmao). Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for more than a day? Most likely. Could you go a whole year without cursing? I doubt it. Would you rather give up the computer or the TV? TV! I gave that up like, 6 years ago lol. That’s no problem for me now. Have you ever liked someone who had a girl/boyfriend? No, I haven’t. As of this minute, what is going through your mind? I want to play Mario Kart Tour again but I have to finish this survey first. Does anyone know your password besides you? Gab and my sister. Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? I dunno, I’ve never been in that situation. Have you ever ridden a horse? Yes. Are you a patient person? I’m patient with people more; I don’t like the other aspects of waiting, like traffic or waiting in line for something. Could you go a day without eating? I could, but it would suck and it would hurt and I’d probably pass out. Honestly, are things going the way you planned? More than, I guess. I mean I didn’t plan on making it to 21, so I guess everything I do from here on out is more than what I had planned. Are you a forgiving person? No. I prefer holding grudges. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep? HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH YES What is something you disliked about today? My anthropology professor instructed us to watch a film over the weekend. Completely forgot about it of course, and crammed my viewing the night before even though I was already tired. Today, I walked into the room to find out we were gonna watch the exact same movie as a class anyway; meaning I could have rested up last night lolololololol but guess not When's the last time you had a headache? A week ago, I think. Is there anything that you are craving right now? A burger from Pound :( And samgyupsal, ughhhhhhhh. What was the first thing you thought of this morning? How I fucking hate my Wednesday schedule. What part of your body hurts right now? I’m good at the moment. Eyes are starting to feel heavy though. Is there anyone you would like to just appear at your front door right now? Not really. Gab’s working tonight and I wouldn’t want her to drop everything just to surprise me at home. What is something that you realized today? I really dislike my course. I had a very productive afternoon today and started work on each of my final requirements for all my classes this semester – I met progress with every single major requirement, except for those of my journ electives, about which I could really not care less. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be? No. Do you remember who your first crush was? Yeah, my 5th grade science teacher. I remember feeling ashamed to disclose it on these surveys back when I was new to this, but it’s been like ten years and I’ve gotten old as fuck and I can just spit it out now lmao. Ever walked into the guy's bathroom? I don’t think so. Have you ever cried from being so mad? Sure. What's a word that starts with the third letter of your first name? Binoculars. Do you have a bad temper? I can, most especially on my period. How many wives or husbands do you want? Wow, just one please. What's the closest pink object to you? My keyboard cover. Do you consider yourself lucky? No. Whats on your bedroom floor right now? A single sock that I’m too lazy to pick up for now, and my dog. Do you trust anyone? I trust lots of people. What's your favorite color gummy bear? Maybe red? I like strawberry/cherry flavored gummies. What's the last movie you saw in the theater? Portrait of a Lady on Fire. If you could push one person off of a mountain, who would it be? Duterte. Wish you could be somewhere else right now? Meh, yes and no. What color is your iPod? I don’t use it anymore, but my Nano is blue. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping maybe? Or at least settling in. Do you like roller coasters? Nope. One famous guy you would marry in an instance? Does it have to be a guy? I got nothing.

[seeksstaronmewni]

Joel R. Valentine: An Under-Appreciated Sound Designer

Note before reading that, for the sake of privacy, NO PICTURES of Joel IN HIS STUDIO are allowed in this post. I respect him as a humble artist enough to obey this.

Joel Valentine is a sound designer who is usually credited for only sound editing, usually under the name of his company “Twenty-First Century Entertainment, Inc.” (AKA “21st Century Sound Design Corp.)--a private contractor who seems fairly under-appreciated. He created “The Producer’s Sound Effects Library” (according to Trademarkia), which is used by Hacienda Post, Jeff Hutchins, Atlas Oceanic, and maybe even Advantage Audio.

In more familiar context, Joel is the sound designer of mostly cartoons, namely Cartoon Network projects and the works of Craig McCracken and Genndy Tartakovsky, like The Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack, as well as Dexter’s Laboratory (Joel is credited for sound design on the package design/summary of Dexter’s Laboratory: Ego Trip, however, and as a sound editor on the special). Joel Valentine is responsible for the soundtrack to many of my favorite childhood cartoons... or cartoon cartoons, to be a bit more specific.

"Edits fast, sounds great, and doesn't break. The DM -80's multilayering capabilities and simultaneous recording on all tracks gives us the flexibility to do whatever we want."

This is a quote from Joel Valentine on the DM-80, from a supplement to a March 1994 issue of BROADCAST engineering / BE Radio.

Jeff Hutchins, the sound designer behind Spongebob Squarepants and a creative at Hacienda Post/Sabre Media/Flash Bomb Audio and Warner Bros. Sound/Audio Circus, was an assistant to Joel Valentine. They both edited sound on 2 Stupid Dogs and Dead in the Water. Jeff Hutchins made a number of tweets to me that compliment and reference Joel Valentine:

“Joel was a master of recording and funny sounds. He is still the a pillar of cartoon sound and I wish to recognize him. I believe he was working and had credits prior to 1985. Few people enter the business as a mixer. Look up Harmony Gold. Things should pop up”

“Joel is an incredible talent and I think the world of him. Rock on Joel!”

“Joel has a crisp & distict style. He had moved on to Samurai Jack and Hacienda started to do the FX for Dexter’s Lab. I did a few of them and really tried to retain Joel’s style. Not an easy task.”

“Joel gave me a copy of his “Producer’s SFX Library”. Joel also gave me his ADAP Library in exchange for transferring it to .wav files. I would give him any SFX he asked for.”

“In the “2 Stupid Dogs” days Joel was at the heart of everything. There wasn’t another like him. To this day, I thank him for being so out side the box as to redefine “out side the box”. Thx my brother in sound. Joel was creating the sound tract for a show called “Northern Exposure” at the same time. I am still in awe of his accomplishments. Joel rocks!”

“When I met Joel in 1986, my life changed. His over the top way of creating opportunity out of baking soda and “whatever you’ve got” is incredible. He is an innovator. Thanks for taking the time out of your life to be my teacher. Thanks Joel!”

“He [Joel] was working on those shows [Northern Exposure and Bakersfield P.D.] at the Lantana building in Santa Monica. I worked for Joel during that time period in a suite he had in the building. I worked on 2 Stupid Dogs. After 2 Stupid Dogs I went to work for other studios & Joel went his own ways. Those days were awesome, but all good things come to an end at some point. As one door closes, another opens... somewhere.”

Eric Freeman also shared some facts with me back in 2017:

“[Wander Over Yonder] Season 2 was all done by Joel Valentine. My schedule became way too busy to do the sound fx. Craig McCracken has long history with Joel and enjoys his work, so he wanted him to do the season 2 sfx... 21st century is/was Joel Valentine's personal company. He would do all the sound design and then send it to me at Hacienda for the final mix. He is not affiliated with Hacienda. Joel is a private contractor...   [Joel] worked out of his home... he was the sole sound designer and editor for [Wander Over Yonder] season 2. There were NO other uncredited post-sound folks on the show. The whole series was just Joel and Myself... Joel is working on S5 of Samurai Jack. He would be the sole editor on that. The mix will be done at Hacienda Post. Current PPG is being edited and mixed at Hacienda Post. Joel is not involved with the new PPG... I did some editorial on PPG movie and worked with the editors you listed (Tom Syslo, Roy Braverman & Daisuke Sawa). I can't remember what I edited on the movie, but it was sound fx. I worked on Dexter's Lab, PPG, Fosters, Symbionic Titan, and Samurai Jack. Any editorial I did would have happened during the mix. A lot of times, Genndy or Craig will want to try different SFX when they hear final music and final dialog play together with Joel's sfx. Sometimes the original SFX just don't work well... Joel definitely IS a master sound designer. I respect his work very much... I've worked with Jeff [Hutchins] since the 1990s. He's extremely talented. I believe Joel trained him... Joel only worked on the pilot of Chowder. He did NOT do the series. All the sound design came from Hacienda Post.”

Grant Meuers, “the sole sound editor” on Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal, replied to my emails of my questions on the show’s sound: “all sound design you hear is either me or Joel. I worked for Hacienda for 2-3 years as an assistant sound editor before venturing out into the freelance world. They are great people over there, and I'm still close with them, although neither Joel or I are very involved in the mixes. Joel is a really talented guy, and I'll be sure to pass your compliments along!” The latter referred to my desire for anyone with Joel to send compliments from me to Joel. Grant continued: “the line between "sound design" and "sound edit" is pretty fluid to me (and I think Joel feels the same way). Joel and I split up responsibilities of what we each cover each episode fairly evenly, but Joel definitely has final say and final cut over whatever we do together, and obviously Genndy has final say over everything. How we are ultimately credited isn't really up to us. (In fact, Joel initially wanted us to be both credited as sound editors, but Genndy and Adult Swim gave him his own title card, which I am happy about, because he definitely deserves it. Joel is a humble guy and often likes to fly under the radar.) We both work remotely on our own, and each have our own respective companies we use for billing purposes.” The credit of Joel for sound design on Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal is well-earned, but ultimately he remains private in his work, and that privacy must be respected.

Genndy Tartakovsky himself said meaningful words about Joel Valentine, who did sound design on all of his Cartoon Network shows: “I’ve worked with Joel since the days of ‘Dexter.’ He’s got an amazing library and he knows how to blend sounds together to make them something very unique. For the fourth episode he went outside the norm and he found these vocal monster libraries that were done in the ’60s or something in Germany... for the mastodon episode, he found this library where some guy started a Kickstarter and then went to India to record elephant sounds for a year... all the mastodon sounds are so much more than what’s out there that a lot of people are using. I think we’re taking the extra effort for everything to make it sound unique and specific.”

Shane Houghton, co-creator of Big City Greens, compliments sound editor/designer Joel Valentine as part of “a killer sound team! They don't get enough love! Eric and Joel are amazing!”

Someone on Twitter asked @crackmccraigen “how was the noise used when the powerpuff girls would suddenly fly off made? The fwOosh/pew!! noise, yanno?” Craig replied: “It was comprised of a few different sound fx that were put together by the PPG sound designer Joel Valentine.” When I noted that Joel was usually uncredited, Craig told me that “The name Twenty-First Century Entertainment, Inc. listed under Sound Editing is Joel. That’s his company, [and] he wanted to be credited that way.” Another person appreciated the sound design of Kid Cosmic, and Craig highlighted that he’s been working with him for 27 years.

As of May 30th, 2021, Owen Fishback’s Kippie short, “Guard Duty Doggy”, was released. I saw it the next day, and it acknowledges Joel Valentine for sound effects (some of his sound effects are used in it, probably sourced from the Sound Effects Wiki pages for his sound effects, to which I contributed info but not the audio samples used in the video).

The sound effects that Joel created are very meaningful to me as I grew up heavily on the works of Joel Valentine for Cartoon Network, namely Dexter’s Laboratory. When I heard his sound design on Samurai Jack Season 5 back in 2017 (namely EPISODE XCIV), I was so impressed with his array of realistic soundscapes of atmospheres and animals that I began to consider Joel the next best creative in sound post-production sound services, next to those of Skywalker Sound and Warner Bros. Post Production Creative Services.

I’m not sure what will become of The Producer’s Sound Effects Library, though I got a copy from ebay on 1/23/2020 A.D. as an upcoming birthday gift and immediately preserved it by ripping the files off ( the link for proof read Producers-Sound-Effects-Library-13-cds-Great-Value-Free-shipping/283736597492?hash=item421004e3f4:g:rLkAAOSwAGxeE8ql ). Thanks to @wiley207​ and SqueakyCartWheel for notifying me on the Sound Effects Wiki!

Here’s a close-up of the main CD’s cover, used for the 101 SOUND EFFECTS CD...

...and here’s the label of the CD. They all look like this due to distributor S.O.S.

I made a page for The Producers Sound Effects Library on the Sound Effects Wiki, of course, to celebrate this amazing, obscure library. I recognize a number of sound effects on that library, like “IN Cricket Single” (as often heard in Spongebob) and “ROBOT MOVES #1[-3]” One of my absolute favorite sound effects on that library is “SPACE BEAM DOWN.” It’s a deep drone with a mysterious, enticing musical tone; it’s on PSEL CD SY-01 - “Science Fiction”.

Regarding preservation of the PSEL: due to the copyright warning requiring “written legal documentation from the owner of the Producers Sound Effects Library” (that’s probably Joel)--though I think that the company of the same name as the SFX library, PSEL, is defunct--I believe that I can not upload the audio files online  “unauthorized” “by any information or sampler storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented”.

Aside from the PSEL, I hope and pray that Joel’s library will be in good hands when he retires. Sound Ideas or Pro Sound Effects deserve to preserve this amazing library of sound!

[alixofagnia]

Dear Star Wars Diary,

Today, I went to my fourth and final big screen viewing of TLJ. It was bittersweet because I will likely not be watching this movie in its entirety again until I own it. What follows are some musings I had as I watched it for the last time, in all its theater-experience glory.

SNOKE

I don’t want to get into the whole “Kylo Ren is abusive and a mind rapist beh!” debate because it’s stupid, on several levels.

I just want to make the point: Snoke is the abuser and the not-an-actual-thing mind rapist in this story.

PAIGE and the BOMBERS

On my first viewing, I thought the opening bombing scene was insanity. Like, it was awesome and beautiful, but totally insane. I was seething: “Tallie! What happened to protecting all the bombers?! Also, why did you send so many?”

[Numbers, of course, increase the chances for success. But still. Surely they didn’t have to send ALL the bombers? Leia’s rank over Poe should’ve disengaged the bombers. I don’t know if this is supposed to be addressed with Poe’s cutting off communication with Leia or in an implication that the Resistance squadrons and bombers are simply more loyal and/or responsive to Poe, which is a troubling notion.]

But these are small quibbles in a bigger picture because you know what? The bomber scene is probably one of the most memorable moments for me as a female moviegoer of Asian descent. I’m not someone who actively seeks/looks for cultural representation or diversity in movies of any scale. But I have to admit…I was really moved.

The images: a lone bomber flying toward destruction and glory; a sole survivor with dogged determination and belief in her cause; calm composure in the face of Death.

Ugh. My heart.

I do like Rose, but I was more affected by Paige’s death than I felt I should’ve been, and I think it’s because I felt an added touch of pride. Here, for the film’s first lesson on failure, our teacher is a female character with a face like mine. And she literally has a single spoken line: her comrade’s name.

That is awesome.

LEIA’S LONG LOOKS

-Sensing Kylo through the Force

-Leaving Holdo on the Raddus; watching Holdo die

-Staring down the TIE fighters on Crait (Seriously! I can’t believe those TIEs stayed airborne!)

-Feeling Luke’s death

These are just my personal favorites. Carrie Fisher got some good one-liners in for Leia. But I think she was never more powerful than in her silent acting. It’s just so exquisite. I trust how J.J. Abrams and co. will handle her absence from IX, I really do. That being said, I personally feel like Leia’s death will have to be written in: after her performance in TLJ, it’s just not plausible to have Leia alive but not at the center of the action, nor is it plausible to have her alive and just never show up in the entire movie, to just have her constantly be referred to by other characters.There’s no closure there, and this is a character who demands closure of some kind in this trilogy.

People have theorized on a funeral opening the film or occurring early, and I think this is generally a good idea. It really sucks to have her die off-screen. But under the circumstances, I don’t think it would be wise to have a scene where her ship explodes or something of that nature because it seems unnecessarily cruel but, more practically, could take time away from moving the story forward; everything would have to sort of revolve around that and stall. But if the death occurs off-screen and we open on a funeral, it’s a better jumping off point for the narrative and characters. If Leia’s life in IX was going to be a plot device, particularly as it pertained to her son’s arc, then her death (harsh as it is) could also conceivably serve the same purpose.

LUKE the LEGEND

I’ll be honest: I was never a big Luke Skywalker fan. I liked him by virtue of the fact that I was supposed to because he was the hero in the hero’s journey storyline. But I didn’t feel any deeper connection to that character, although I did feel like he began to ascend to legend status in RotJ and I always liked him best in that movie. So, that’s sort of where the character ended for me; I never read any of the old EU and I didn’t have him built up in my mind the same way some people obviously did.

I absolutely love that Luke became a legend in his lifetime after RotJ. But I love that he succumbed to hubris even more. It’s so real, so human. The higher you go, the harder you fall. What I really can’t understand about all these butt-hurt fanboys, who expected Luke to always be Luke the Legend and never-stop-nevering, is that not only did you get a humanized presentation of your hero, but he did in fact re-ascend to legend status in TLJ. That isn’t bad story-telling; that’s amazing story-telling!

I can’t believe there was anyone who didn’t get chills when Luke Skywalker stalked out of that burning cave to the staccato of a stirring John Williams march. Like, where the fuck are you in your head?

Luke the Legend projected himself across worlds to bring hope to his sister, who had finally used up all of hers, and to a rag-tag group of rebels forsaken by their allies. Luke the Legend projected himself across the galaxy to apologize to the nephew he had wronged, preventing Ben Solo from adding to the blood already on his hands, thus saving him in the only way he could.

Luke the Legend gave his life to save those he loved.

What is so fucking character-destroying about that?!

HOLDO and DJ

Two of my favorite characters from TLJ were Holdo and DJ. One of the most common complaints I’ve heard/read about the them is that two excellent actors were wasted.

That is so insulting. That’s a back-handed compliment. “Oh, hey, Laura and Benicio, you guys are really super great and talented. But you were shit in TLJ. They did you real dirty.”

Because, actually, both Holdo and DJ were there in case the GA got lost and confused about the whole “failing is learning” theme. It’s a credit to the talents of Laura Dern and Benicio del Toro that they actually did as much as they did with what little screen time they had. Darth LeakyLungs from RotS had all the screen time in the world and I don’t even remember his name! (Wait, was he even a Darth? I dunno.)

Look, you can tell me that you weren’t able to care about either character. That’s fine. That’s legit. Not all characters, big or small, will resonate with everyone.

But don’t you dare tell me they were pointless or that the actors were wasted, because that’s a terrible lie and you know it.

KYLO REDEMPTION

Ahhhh, my most favorite topic.

Every time I’ve gone to see TLJ, I’ve gone in trying to be convinced that this was the end of Kylo’s arc. He’s done for. IX will be all about his actual, for real downfall, he will no longer be conflicted, he will die and he will die in the Dark. It’s finished.

Wonder of all wonders, I’ve never been more convinced of a redemption in some shape or form. It’s that final shot of him, the literal final shot of him, hanging his head, staring at the ground, where there is nothing JUST LIKE WHAT’S LEFT OF HIS BUSTED HEART.

Here’s the thing: if they weren’t intent, from the outset of this trilogy, on sending Kylo Ren on an arc of some kind (the anti-hero’s journey to Rey’s hero’s journey where they meet in the middle), then they wouldn’t have gone to such lengths to portray him as conflicted in TFA and they definitely wouldn’t have devoted AN ENTIRE MOVIE to humanizing him, all without resolving the conflict he started with. If anything, TLJ should’ve left him on a slightly less ambiguously conflicted note.

The point is if he were slated to stay and rot in hell, we would’ve left him in TLJ on that long-suffering, rage-fueled scream after Luke disappears. That’s the perfect note to end a going-nowhere arc on. If it ended there, I would 100% be on board with Kylo Ren: Irredeemable Asshole. Prepare for him NOT to finish what Vader started. (What does that even mean, btw? I’ve always wondered. What did Vader start that he didn’t finish? The 2nd Death Star?)

But we freaking didn’t leave him there! Oh no, we left him broken to bits on some dirty floor in the middle of nowhere. Furthermore, if he wasn’t going to be redeemed, we certainly would NOT have been shown that he’s still Force-connected to Rey, who now –lacking Leia– must serve as his only (corporeal) thread to the Light.

I just want one thing: Let Kylo Ren turn however he’s going to turn –Gray, Yellow, Pink, Blue, whichever color– just do it early-ish. I cannot sit through another entire movie of Flip-Flop Kylo only for him to make an actual decision in the closing five minutes.

Talk about doing a character dirty.

REYLO HUG

I don’t know why it was this one of all viewings, but today when I was watching the Austen Proposal, all I could think was, “Ehrmygawd, Rey! You need a hug! And he needs a hug! Just go hug him!”

I love Reylo, but I’m exhausting myself on this ship lol. I love and generally agree with all the metas on why it couldn’t go the way she wanted it to or the way he wanted it to. But I just kept thinking, as I was sitting there watching their sticky, weepy-eyed faces for the millionth time, Seriously. Go hug him!

Like, after being hit in the face with the blunt truth, what if Rey had said fuck it to the hand and just thrown her arms around him? It wouldn’t have fixed their problems, obviously; it actually probably would’ve made them worse.

But it would’ve fixed mine for the next 2 years!

[sanderssidesnovel]

Chapter 2

Sanders Sides—A Novel

By: Yours Truly, SassyShoulderAngel319 (unless @thatsthat24 wants to adopt the rest…? *wink wink*)

Table of Contents — Previous Chapter

Chapter 2—The Sides

Apparently Thomas gave up on wrangling the Sides into submission, because he went upstairs. Patton trailed after him, trying to wrap a soft-looking blanket around his shoulders. A few minutes after, Patton reemerged down the stairs to find Roman, Virgil, and Logan all sitting at the dining room table, startlingly quiet.

“I feel like I’m in trouble,” Patton observed as he sat opposite Logan. Roman and Virgil sat at the heads of the table—as far away from each other as possible.

Logan shook his head. “You’re not,” he replied, suddenly very aware that he was the only one lacking the purple hair. Not that he minded since he disapproved of it.

“I know, but it seems like I am since you’re all just sitting here in almost complete silence as if I just walked into the principal’s office,” Patton commented.

Roman smirked. “We were just waiting to convene the Council of Escaped Projections until you arrived!” he told Patton in his quasi-British accent. “Now that we’re all here, we can deliberate.”

“That’s a big word—sure you know what it means?” Virgil challenged.

Roman scrunched up his nose, almost snarling—but checked himself at the last moment. “Yes,” he replied coolly. “I know what deliberate means—unlike Logan and infinitesimal.”

“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Logan exclaimed. “That was ONE time!”

“Ssshhh!” Patton hissed. “Thomas is trying to rest!” He pulled something out of his pocket and passed it to Logan across the table, palm down so Roman and Virgil couldn’t see what it was. Logan accepted whatever was in Patton’s hand and put his hands under the table. 

Virgil and Roman shared a scrunched-eyebrows expression, but Logan began to talk before they could ask what happened. “So, now that we’re all here, it’s serious-talk time. We need to figure out how to get ourselves back into Thomas’ head. I don’t know the damage that’s been done to him because we’re all out here now—and I hate not knowing—but I don’t think it’s good.”

“He seems okay right now,” Patton pointed out. “A little frustrated that we were a bit… overwhelming, but he’s healthy and seems to be functioning like normal.”

“But how long is that okay going to last, padre?” Roman interrupted. “The four most prominent pieces of his being have broken away. What if he can no longer access us and what we represent? Like when Anxi—Virgil ducked out and Thomas didn’t fear death. I didn’t think it was a bad thing at the time, but it could be dangerous.”

Logan nodded in agreement. “And Roman didn’t think it was a bad thing at the time because he’s Mr. Daydream, but without each of us, Thomas cannot be a balanced human being. If he can’t access us, this could be very bad for all of us. We’re parts of a whole. We’re not… complex enough to thrive in the human world.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Virgil asked. “We can’t just stay cooped up in this apartment. We’d murder each other—and that would be even worse for Thomas.”

“But we can’t go out into the world either,” Logan countered. “Not all at once anyway. Thomas is too well-known—”

“Well…” Virgil interrupted, making a face.

“Stop it and let me finish,” Logan snapped. “He does get recognized. If all four of us just went out and about, so would we.”

“‘Kay, but it’s going to get so boring staying in here, researching,” Roman complained.

Patton scrunched his eyebrows. “I doubt the internet is going to have any information on how to get the physical forms of aspect projections to rejoin one’s consciousness,” he commented.

Logan stared at him like he’d grown an extra head. “That was… a lot of big words,” he observed.

Patton shrugged. “I know big words,” he replied easily with a sunny grin.

“Back to the point,” Virgil said tightly. “What are we going to do? Patton’s right, the internet isn’t going to have anything useful.

Logan brought his hands up and rested his elbows on the table, revealing the plastic fidget spinner in his fingers. He was flicking it back-and-forth distractedly, the movement of his hands the only thing betraying the stress Logan felt. Virgil and Roman met each other’s eyes, realizing that was what Patton passed to Logan, but didn’t say anything. Always taking care of everyone, Patton.

Logan’s shoulders slouched. “I don’t know yet. But I’m going to find out,” he vowed.

“Great. Until you do that, I’m going to go take a nap,” Virgil remarked, putting his hands on the table to push himself up.

“Oh no you don’t, Phantom of the Mope-ra,” Roman retorted. “We still have some planning to do. Like what are we going to do? Logan wants to figure out how to fix this, but we all should. And while that’s going on, what do the three of us do? Like you said, we can’t all stay in here together. We have to do something so we don’t end each other’s existences more permanently.”

“In that case,” Patton began. “I’m gonna go pet some dogs.” He also moved to get up, but Virgil caught Patton’s arm.

“You’re not going anywhere either just yet. We have to exercise reasonable precautions before five identical people just enter the real world,” Virgil protested. Patton grumbled and sat down heavily in his chair again.

“Fine,” he muttered.

Virgil slapped his hands on the table with a dull thunk. “Okay. So, we can’t all stay in here but we can’t exactly all be out together at the same time dressed as we are. We’ll get noticed in about fifteen seconds. We have to be…” He scrunched up his face. “Smart about how we do this.”

Logan gave him an impressed expression. “What did you have in mind?”

Virgil shrugged. “Outfit changes, distance, and time,” he answered.

Patton scrunched his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“We can’t go out dressed exactly like ourselves. Princey here is the most Extra thing I’ve ever seen and would attract too much attention. Especially since no one actually dresses like that. Me, I am—unfortunately—going to ditch the makeup and the patchwork hoodie that makes me look like a Nightmare Before Christmas extra. Maybe… maybe try a color. Logan, the necktie in casual situations isn’t going to fly. Try a T-shirt. And Patton…” Virgil pursed his lips in thought. “Patton’s mostly okay, but the cardigan is a bit… eh… conspicuous for someone who looks as young as we are—and not an actual dad.”

Logan and Roman looked the most offended, but Virgil wasn’t done.

“And if we do leave, we have to time it just right. Say, a half-hour in between. That way any nosy neighbors will hopefully think we’re just Thomas popping in and out, changing clothes in between. And we can’t stick together.”

“But, since we’re part of a whole,” Logan interrupted. “Our optimal chance of surviving the human world is to be together so we can make up for each other’s lack in traits.”

“And how suspicious is four guys who all look ex-act-ly the same?” Virgil retorted sharply, painstakingly enunciating every syllable of “exactly” to make his point.

Patton raised his hand.

“Yes, Patton?” Logan acknowledged, just like a teacher. Roman looked over at him with widening eyes.

“Oh oooh!” Patton exclaimed. “It would look very suspicious!”

“Ding-ding-ding,” Virgil remarked sarcastically. “That’s the correct answer. Good job Patton.”

Patton clapped excitedly. Then frowned. “Who’s going to take care of Thomas if we all go out, though?”

“He’s fine,” Roman snapped. “As much as he jokes otherwise, he is an adult and can at least somewhat safely handle himself.”

Virgil cast Roman a dark glance at his tone with Patton. Anxiety’s jaw tightened and for a moment he fought down the urge to punch that pompous Prince in his pretentious pea-brained face. Once he got control of himself, Virgil’s demeanor softened slightly. “We’ll take care of Thomas in turns if he needs it.”

“Who put you in charge?” Logan asked, actually genuinely curious. “Shouldn’t I be the one coming up with a plan?”

Virgil shrugged. “I worry enough to come up with ideas that mean I don’t have to worry as much later. I don’t like working hard and worrying it literally part of my job,” he replied flatly.

“A-HA!” Roman shouted. Patton smacked his arm and shushed him. “I’ve had an idea! Logan, why don’t you become a teacher?!”

“I’m sorry, what?” Virgil demanded.

“If Logan becomes an actual teacher, he can more easily find information on how to fix this situation! Meanwhile, I shall go on a quest through all the land to find a witch or wizard—or nonbinary magic-user—who can possibly put us all back together!” Roman explained.

Virgil rubbed his temples, but he couldn’t come up with much better. Creativity wasn’t his department.

And, to be real, he wouldn’t complain about getting rid of Roman for a little bit if it meant he got some peace.

“Okay. Whatever. Just… go change clothes and leave at different times. I’ll stick around here for a while,” he relented.

Not needing to be told twice, Logan and Roman jumped to their feet and rushed upstairs to Thomas’ room. Patton stayed behind, sitting around the table corner from Virgil. “I’m proud of you, son,” Patton commented with a grin. “You’re really stepping up.”

Virgil shrunk into himself, shying away from Patton’s sunshine. He didn’t know how to handle compliments very well. “I don’t… wanna… be the one to…” he began before giving up.

Patton seemed to understand. He patted Virgil’s forearm. “I know. It’s okay. I’ll stick around here too with you for a while. If you want.”

Virgil met Patton’s eyes. “Thanks, Dad.”

Next Chapter

Tag list:  @fandomsandnonsense7 @sanders-sides-enthusiast @ask-steampunk-sides @psycho99-universe @the-asexual-reaper @heracaine @virgils-jacket @pat-on-verge @lonewolfmemories (some of you didn’t specifically ask to be tagged, but you did mention you wanted more so I included you—msg or ask to be added or removed)

[kpop-life-reacts-blog]

Written Ships

Hi! A written ship for BTS?

I’m a girl around 5'3 who’s considered to be quiet yet creative by my friends. One of them say I’m sweet and compassionate. I’m also very shy and quiet unless I’m called or spoken to. I’m told to be a good listener and can give advice if they want or need it.

I’m also told to be motherly and protective around the people in my circle since I don’t want them to experience what I’ve went through. Often, I just let them do their thing but I look out for them and hope for the best, even if it means I won’t be happy in the end. Also pretty understanding and patient as well, unless it really gets bad.

I’m a simple person at heart, I don’t mind gifts and compliments at all (but I’ll never get used to it) so I’m really pessimistic about myself.

I’m also very easy to please, just your presence is enough for me in all honesty.

But I deeply care for my family, and consider my friends part of it, even with little gestures. And I will support them, but I will look out for them just in case.

I will help a friend in need, and motivate them. But none can be the same for me, in fact it’s the opposite actually.

They say I also give good advice. My teachers also say I’m a good speaker and writer (like essays) and even want me to join a contest last year and this year, but I politely decline since I think no one’s gonna support me or won’t care either way.

If it’s something I have to do, I try my best and dedicate myself in achieving small goals (like passing a quiz or a project) and small victories.

I tend to be anxious around huge crowds, since it makes me feel uneasy so I prefer just staying at home, unless I’m with people I know or I have to go. I also freak out when I’m in the dark with no light whatsoever, and I’m pretty frightened by big dogs, puppies are okay.

Like I said, I’m pretty quiet and shy, and that’s around people I’m not comfortable or new to. But as time passes, I’m pretty bubbly, but I know how to serious as well when I have to be. Though my family says I’m too serious.

I’m also very easy to laugh, so any joke will do for me even if it’s bad, I wouldn’t care less.

I love books more than anything else, and I just get sucked into it and I’m happy. I love literature, history, culture, and language. I just find them really nice. I also live for small details (either on designs, things or people) and symbolism. I just love it. I also love listening to Broadway, looking or painting paintings, and taking care of flowers, especially lilies and roses since those are my favorites.

I hate bugs, so I try to kill one when I see one, this shares my hatred for rats, except like huge dogs, I’m frightened by them.

I’m very conservative, so I really prefer kisses that are not on the lips, and greatly prefer hugs and forehead kisses etc. I’m also pretty proper and try to be ladylike and polite, at least according​ to my friends.

Neck kisses will not work out for me since that’s my tickle spot 😅😅

I often think I’m weird and silly, and I really don’t care for what people say about me but I couldn’t care less tbh.

I really don’t mind being alone, I used to hate but grown to love it now, cause i got used to it.

I’m a worrisome person. I’m also very easily flustered, nervous and frightened.

Despite the shy nature, they say I’m a really good friend, and can easily make friends.

• 💗 • 💗 • 💗

BTS- I ship you with Taehyung. Ugh this is probably the most perfect pair I’ve seen. He would just fawn over how shy you are but try his best not to embarrass you. He loves how much you care about him and other people and how willing you are to take care of others. He always comes to you for advice because you’re very level-headed. He always takes your opinion into consideration because he values it so much. He would give you all the skinship you would want. He would hold your hand and give you back hugs and hand/forehead kisses. He would also celebrate all of your accomplishments. Always cheering for you or taking you out to celebrate. You love him being around just because of his bright personality. He is just so warm and inviting and protective. He keeps you close whenever he sees you’re anxious in big crowds. He always cuddles you at night before going to bed. He loves seeing you get excited about things you love. Like history of culture or your Broadway music. He can’t help but get excited along with you.

Note Hope you enjoy! This one was super fun thank you for requesting it!

[solienna]

i was going to be like 'all of them' but that would be mean so instead im 'just' going to ask for 1, 4, 8, 10, 13, 17, 21, 28, 32, 33, 35, 47, 50,

putting this under a readmore bc meander!!! you spoil me

01: When did you first start writing?      okay i actually am gonna give you two answers to this question bc i feel like i started writing at two periods in my life. the first time i actually started writing was in third grade because i had like. the BEST third grade teacher, he was awesome and in my eyes was like, the best artist i had ever met just bc he had a basic grasp of how to draw shit and i absolutely didn’t and still don’t, every time teachers tell me to draw things for an assignment i lose ten years off my lifespan but anyways!! off topic. he really encouraged creativity and i was in a class with one of my friends, his name was like john or michael or something, and i would write and he would illustrate (i thought he was the second-best artist i had ever met just bc he also had a basic grasp on drawing and i still didn’t). i wrote about like. this dog and his name was super yuff and got his powers through lightning that struck him and he just flew around and like. idk he did a lot of shit, i still have the stories i wrote. but like i was DEDICATED to this character and so was my illustrator friend. i remember one weekend i was just sitting on my bed with a bunch of folded up printer paper just writing about this dumb superhero dog that somehow ended up in like the halo universe bc even back then i was obsessed with video games. that was the first thing i actually WROTE.         HOWEVER. after third grade i just took a huge break. like not intentionally, of course. i loved writing but i didn’t know it was my THING yet. i didn’t really have a thing yet, it was only third grade ok. HOWEVER. when i transitioned into middle school that’s when i picked up writing again. i don’t even remember why. all i know was that my dad had bought skyrim and he was playing it and just by watching it i LOVED it. i adored the history behind the game and i just loved the graphics, and when i started playing the game i got HOOKED. stayed up entire nights just doing random side quests for npcs and feeling a huge goddamn hero, let me save this talking dog from the wrath of his daedric master nbd, just doing my job, let me set all these beehives on fire and get mauled by a bear, cool cool. and one day i just? was like wow, why don’t i write a story about it! about my skyrim OC going to solstheim and falling in love with the aloof nd really sarcastic and interesting teldryn sero (who still remains one of my favorite skyrim npcs to this day)!! and i thought i was Hot Shit too, i thought i fucking invented fanfiction. and then i found wattpad and then that was that folks, i got hooked on writing all over again and i still am

04: Have you ever thrown a book across the room?      mmmm not that i can recall? i’m not really a book-thrower, i’m more of a book-holder. like if something really shocking happens in a book i feel like i’d be more likely to hug it close to my chest than throw it08: What’s the best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten?      tbh pretty much everything you’ve told me meander!! i don’t really think i’d be writing that much if not for you. honestly you flatter me on a daily basis with your compliments about my really pretentious use of metaphors in like every single paragraph and basically just with your interest in all of my writing projects even for fandoms you’re not technically in!! i’ve never really been told by anyone that i’ve got a way with words and when you told me that i was like wow!! people actually like the shit i write, that’s cool! that’s real cool my guy10: What’s your biggest writer pet-peeve?      honestly i THRIVE on feedback. i took a huge writing break like a few years ago just because i couldn’t WRITE the way i used to. to just sit down and spew out 5000 word chapters on a whim wasn’t something i could feasibly DO anymore. i thought i lost my touch or something but it was honestly just because i didn’t get enough feedback. again shout out to u meander because you legit FLOODED me with feedback on like. everything. i’m still over the moon about half the shit you’ve told me like a year ago. tbh half the reason i yell in the tags is because creators read the tags!! they really do!! so i wanna leave some positive feedback for them because i want them to know that i liked whatever it was that they made!!

13: What’s your favorite writing quote?       it’s not really a writing quote but!! “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” -C.S. Lewis21: Do you outline?      i honestly burst out laughing when i saw this question, i do not in any way whatsoever outline anything bc apparently i hate myself. ok the last time i outlined a story was like four years ago and it worked…. really well…… so for some reason i was like wow how about we not make our lives easier. no outlining our fics we ruin our own writing projects like men

28: Which do you find hardest: the beginning, the middle, or the end?      everything, everything is hard, i can’t write in a linear fashion. nah but tbh i feel like it’s the middle? like what do you even do. what is the middle all about. i’ve never met her32: How do you feel about friends and close relatives reading your work?      ABSOLUTELY NOT. get them away. i am very protective of my writing bc it’s personal to me. like i don’t want y’all reading my shit and then going up to me in real life thinking you know all my secrets bc if u read my shit you WILL know all my secrets, i painstakingly pour my heart into everything i write because in everything i do, i try REALLY REALLY hard. if i let u read my writing it’s a show of trust33: Are you interested in having your work published?      in its current state? probably not!! maybe later on down the road would be nice, but i’ve still got a lot to learn //side-eyes all my failed attempts at witty dialogue35: What’s your favorite time of day for writing?      nighttime. like dead of the night, i’m in bed with my phone and should be asleep right now but instead i’m gonna grab my laptop and fucking dump out all the words in my brain onto this word document. other than that i honestly just write during school a lot? like when we get free time i’m either studying for a test or writing.47: If you could steal one character from another author and make then yours, who would it be and why?      i want to take preston garvey out of bethesda’s hands. i’ve fallen in love with him over the course of just writing one scene for his character study. it’s the second-to-last scene (bc i cant write in linear order) and like. gosh. i want him to be my character, he’s so sad but also so optimistic and he tries so hard. ok those kinds of characters are my Type, i love characters who try really hard 

50: If you could live in any fictional world, which would it be?      i’m honestly not really sure? like hardcore i love daydreaming but it’s never about myself doing cool things, it’s about characters doing cool things. i kinda wanna meet an omnic tho, they seem really chill. maybe like live in falkreath? it’s really chill and pretty there and the mountains are really looming and i like that. imagine meeting the dragonborn and they buy out your entire store and then just leave. thats fucking crazy my guy

[dontstophq]

I’d love to welcome VENUS to the group as NOAH PUCKERMAN (robbie amell faceclaim). I heard Noah’s voice so perfectly in your questionnaire, and I’m so happy to have you join DON’T STOP HQ. Please, make your new account within 24 hours, and check out the NEW MEMBERS CHECKLIST!

ooc information.

name/pronouns: venus & she/her

age/timezone: 24/est

activity: probably a 8/10? i work a full time job but try to get on at least once per day, if not more!

ships/anti-ships: puck/chemistry, puck/no chemistry

triggers: n/a

anything else?: I’m intending to use Robbie Amell as Puck! Also I answered the first IC question assuming Puck was already in Glee but I know that doesn’t happen ‘till the end of 1x04, I just figured for convenience I should answer it as if he was already there.

in character:

character name: Noah Puckerman

birthday: October 25th

additional connections: n/a

writing sample: RFP.

in character questionnaire:

1. what drew you to show choir?

Nothing “drew me to show choir,” okay? I just felt like it was high time I stop depriving the ladies of McKinley of the full Puckerman experience. I’ve always had what people in the biz would call “rockstar potential.” I’m just using this dumb club to show it off a bit. Plus, I’m pretty sure I can get out of any dorky group numbers by telling Schue I’m only gonna sing songs by Jewish artists. Last year I got outta like 4 science projects by telling the teacher that dissection was against the Torah.

2. who do you think is the most popular person in school, and why?

Uh, me? Obviously. Every girl in school wants a ride on the Puckerman Express, some guys too (and even though I’m not into that, I’m not gonna turn down the compliment). The guys who don’t wanna do me just wanna be me. I might not be homecoming king or quarterback or whatever, but everyone knows caring about shit like that is for narcs. Plus, no one throws a party like the Puckerman. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a shit what others think about me. I don’t spend my days trying to impress people and live up to their expectations like some of my friends do. I’m just being honest here. If you polled the school, people would vote for me out of respect. Or possibly fear. Either way, I’m top dog.

3. out of everyone in the world, who would you say is your biggest inspiration?

I fuckin’ hate questions like this. I can just see the big doe-eyed look on the face of whatever optimist typed this up. I don’t believe in anyone but myself, okay? Putting people on pedestals and being all inspired by them only sets yourself up for disappointment and pain. You can’t trust other people for shit in this world. But if I had to pick one person I thought was safe to idolize and probably wasn’t gonna fuck up in the near future, I’d choose Bob Dylan. He’s cool, he’s Jewish, he’s a legend, and now that he’s all old and ornery he does whatever the Hell he wants. Like, at his concerts he plays the songs all different just to piss off his own fans. That’s a badass move.

[spacechairs]

The boxes project is finished, here’s some favorites

REX WINSHIP

Occupation: Money manager, Boss

Education: Capitalism

Age: Old?

Hobbies: Money, Money, disrespecting women, loving america, capitalism, Golf and you know I’m right, yoga but only the cool poses, outsmarting the government, loving men, loving men a lot like ok pal, being in the right, being leader, work

This is Rex. He likes money. He loves it so much he believes he has the hottest fucking dick around because he manages it. He doesn’t hear what he says as wrong, he believes every word that comes out of his stupid mouth.

His monologue speaks about how he loves his job oh so very much he loves it to bits because he loves money. Rex notes that people hate him. Good. I hate him. I would choke him. But how does he take it. Compliments. You could tell this man he is the worst at his job and he should perish and he’d pat your head fire you from your job say thank you.

This man is so awful, he loves the Rockefeller and Mellons ‘legacy’. Of course I mean they’re big strong men with money right? Disgusting. I hate him.

What’s odd is how he hates the government in a way. Or at least doesn’t follow it because he states he tricks the government to get by. I get that. But he’s like whatever tho am I right, don’t come in the morning.

Here’s the kicker, he wants to be a teacher. He thinks that once he’s done being a money manager he can just quit and join the teaching world like it’s nothing. Rex thinks because he’s a rich guy with experience running a busy, he can run a classroom. Bullshit. You can’t just hop into teaching like it’s nothing.

This good for nothing son of a bitch can’t even run his goddamn office right, hiring people who are a mess and doing yoga whenever he feels. I hate this man.

Things that we as a mess have decided: Rex has a son. He was maybe married to housewife????? He pays someone to drive him to work in his own car by one of his own employees, Rose Hoffman was his old school teacher.

Disgusting man hate him.

Appears three times, first after Traffic Jam in short scene which leads to Lovin’ Al, second before Nobody Tells me How, third in the fucking middle of It’s an Art

Rating: Hard to play if you hate everything he stands for. Easy to play if you want to be a dick.

ENID DUBOIS

Occupation: Telemarketer

Education: Lies

Age: Young

Hobbies: Lies

I really just want to move please forgive me.

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep]

A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible.

The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start..The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding]

Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

Joins Heather and Sharon a little later after Brother Trucker

Rating: Lying about the blind

JOE ZUTTY

Occupation: Retired

Equation: I bet it’s somewhere.

Age: 60? Man his timeline is just as messed up. I would bet he’s like 200. Fuck it.

Hobbies: Cooking eggs? Watching fire like a sadistic fuck? What does this man do apparently???

I feel like we brush past the fact this man’s wife is dead. I’m pull some sad shit here because my brain is like a thin slice of water right now I can’t think what to type. It’s either this or you cook an egg like 5656 times.

HIS WIFE IS DEAD OH MY GOD OK. THIS POOR FUCKER LOST HIS WIFE. HE'S NOT LIKE THAT OLD TOO BTW. 60 IS PRETTY YOUNGISH. YEAH YOU'RE OVER THE HALFWAY POINT BUT OH MY GOD HIS WIFE WAS LIKE THE SAME AGE AS HIM. DOES HE LIKE WATCH FIRES BECAUSE HIS WIFE DIED IN A FIRE?????

I’m not going to ignore this fact. You can’t hide this fact from me. His wife is dead ok? That’s like really upsetting to me. You have this man just chilling and he slips in a casual “My wife is dead yeah hahaha you cook an egg am i right hjfhjf” what the actual fuck.

I’m gonna lose it what the fuck happened. Joe what the fuck are you hiding.

Sometimes he sounds like people think he’s lying. Dude you’re old people have to believe you.

Rating: uhhhh ahah cook egg wife.

CONRAD SWIBEL

Occupation: UPS delivery man

Education: Not enough

Age: 20

Hobbies: Creeping, disrespecting women, kicking dogs, yelling

This man is the worst. He’s cheeriy, kind but the worst. Conard is the man for the woman’s titter and not for the dogs.

Conard’s monologue is weird. He just says things so nonchalant. He focuses on how it’s hard to manage dogs on his deliveries and how he is ‘interested’ in the women. First half is the dogs. He is perked, scared of a dog off on stage and explains how hard it is. How does he manage? When no one is listening he beats them. Kicking them off of him like a rude human being. Evil. Second half is weird. He remarks how when there's a cute girl he marks ‘Q’ next to their address. Please think about that. Conrad also scares women in swimsuits so he can see the breasts.

This character is a clear challenge to anyone who respects women.

Who allowed him to be like this.

“You have to make excitement for yourself, you know?”

Comes in after Un Mejor Dia Vendra, Scaring Kate, Setting up Just a Housewife

Rating: Good luck, stinky man

RALPH WERNER

Occupation: Salesman

Education: Highschool

Age: 19

Hobbies: Being a baby Rex.

Hi! Billy Mays here for OxiClean, the stain specialist, powered by the air you breathe, activated by the water that you and I drink. It’s Mother Nature-approved and it’s safe on your colored fabrics. Use it on carpets. OxiClean seeks out organic stains, pet stains, food stains. it gets down into the matting, into the padding. It even takes red wine and grape juice out of white carpeting. It cleans, it brightens, it eliminates odors all at the same time. Don’t just get it clean, get it OxiClean. Make a paste.

Make it 10 times as powerful! The longer you let it set, the easier it is. It will whiten your grout and get rid of your toughest stains. Sometimes soaking is the solution. If you use bleach, you’ll ruin your clothes!

OxiClean won’t hurt the material -- even lace! It has the power of bleach without the damaging side effects of chlorine. When your laundry detergent just isn’t enough, super charge it with OxiClean. One scoop in every load of laundry, it will make your whites whiter. It will make your brights brighter. As a stain remover, it’s the best!

Grass stains, clay stains. Long live your laundry! OxiClean, the stain specialist. We sold millions of our two-and-half-pound tubs for $40. But if you call now, we’ll cut the price in half, only $19.95.

You’ll also receive the Squirt Bottle and the Super Shammy absolutely free. If you call during this show, you’ll receive a bottle of our world-famous Orange Clean made with pure orange oil. It cuts through the grease and the grime whether it’s baked on in the oven or caked on the stove. You get all this for just $19.95.

But call in the next 20 minutes, and we’ll super size your OxiClean from a two-and-a-half pound tub to a whopping six-p

Cue to live is “I come from four generations o’ cleanin’ women. But my daughter, she’s a whole new generation. That’s what we got comin’ up today - a whole new generation.” Right after Cleaning Women.

Rating: Actually really good. I’ve just lost it.