#eisoptrophobia tag

[fazgoo-connoiseur-1987]

I shrink from the mirror, afraid of what my reflection may say to me.

[tp2-randomness]

Eisoptrophobia, a persistent and overwhelming fear of mirrors or reflections.

I found out that the name of one of the main tracks of UCN is 'Eisoptrophobia'. I thought that maybe at some point in his life William had that.

Being afraid of his reflection, perhaps out of guilt and horror of his actions in the back of his mind. Of course he wouldn't want to reconsider anything he was doing, but maybe seeing himself in the mirror would remind him of those uncomfortable thoughts.

William would also think that he deserves to go to hell once he dies, which joins his tireless desire to find immortality.

On the other hand Mike… He just wants to be a good son. His father is the only family he has left...

[teaandsmut]

*staring into the middle distance and thinking of her in other scenes from Black Swan*

[lucidicer]

CHARACTER/STORY INFLUENCES TAG

rules: write up a blurb or make a visual collage of the people or characters (from books, TV shows, movies, etc.) that inspired your story and/or OC, either visually, personality wise, or just a general vibe

thank u @literalite for the tag this is the most fun ive had working on something in forever gah. i'm gonna tag @wldestluv-rs @yersea @wasabichips @barbieaiden @mattodore <3 feel free to ignore but also i wanna see your oc's soul >:3

was gonna do more but it is very time consuming so 4 is fine

media: (+ other mentions that i couldn't fit into the final product)

SOLITUDE: lilya 4-ever (2002) / battle royale (2000) / the purge: anarchy (2014) / oldboy (2003) / soapghost (art) / military / cyberpunk / hoshima island / chernobyl disaster / love is a riot! / 2030 - lexie liu / txt post

DITH: brokeback mountain (2005) / the ritual (2017) / bone tomahawk (2015) / rotting / heart rot / tree pod burial / the wind will howl your name / the queen of death valley / the book of isaiah / environmental catastrophe / if i was dead - brooke bentham / unreal earth - hozier / txt post

TANG DUYI: a prayer before dawn (2017) / warrior (2011) / burning / eisoptrophobia / catholicism / guilt / wolves / i'm drowning me / angel - river styx / family tree (intro) - ethel cain / meta ego - lexie liu / txt post

SIÓAR HJORT-COLDING: raw (2016) / yellowjackets (2021-) / dog motif / deer / insatiable / wolves / antlerlock / hedgehog's dilemma / sensation is everything / the aggression sessions / moon song - phoebe bridgers / txt post

[bardic-tales]

Oc-tober: Day 27: Fear

Bianca is not easily scared in most situations, as her experiences with trauma and darkness typically hardens her resolve. However, there are certain triggers that can make her have extreme reactions.

The first is she has developed phobias directly related to her time under Shinra's control. She has a deep-seated fear of medical equipment and laboratories (iatrophobia), due to experiencing vivisection, injections, and other invasive experiences. The sight, smell, or sound of medical settings can send her into panic attacks, which she avoids at all cost.

Additionally, she suffers from eisoptrophobia (fear of mirrors) due to the trauma of seeing her body dissected during the procedures in the lab equiment and overhead lights.

While these phobias can provoke overwhelming fear, her ability to mask her terror and maintain composure in dangerous situations demonstrates her resilience. She has learned to channel her fear into rage or determination, especially when it comes to protecting herself or Sephiroth. Still the fears highlight how trauma can affect even the most strongest individual.

tagging some fellow mutuals: @asirensrage @themaradwrites @littleshopofchaos @serenofroses @megandaisy9

@watermeezer

@nightingaleflow @seastarblue @prehistoric-creatures @creativechaosqueen

@chickensarentcheap

[leatafandom]

Eisoptrophobia 

Day 22: Imposter

Word Count: 2014

Warnings and Tags: mirrors, eisoptrophobia, unreliable narrator, quick writings, first-person POV

Author Notes: I really loved this prompt and finally had time to write out another short horror for @31-daysofhorror Day 22 prompt: imposter. 💀🧡 Happy Haunting 🧡💀

I’ve never liked mirrors until recently. I could never explain why the sight of myself terrified me, nor the sudden appreciation for my own image. 

As a child, I had shied away from polished glass. My mother would tell a story about a little me who was waiting impatiently for the pop of the toaster only to scream at the sight of myself. They had thought it a funny quirk for years, and then less funny when the fear spread to any reflective surface. 

Even after years of doctors and specialists, I still don't like them. There's just something wrong with what stares back at me. 

It had been years since I'd seen myself, it's not hard to do if you're determined. Every few years I would look. I would peel back the curtains that covered the sole mirror in my shared apartment and take just a peak. Despite the dress that would roll and rumble in my gut as my fingers graced the soft fabric, I could be brave and check. Perhaps one of these times it would be different, or at the very least I would figure out why. 

My fingers hesitated on the cover as my eyes stayed glued on the heavy fabric, reminding myself that my roommate was just outside the door. I wasn't alone and it was only a reflection. Fingers clenched and with one deep inhale I tugged and freed the mirror from his covering. 

Frantically, my gaze searched the visage of myself. I swallowed, shaking at the sight of me. I was older now, creases around my eyes and mouth, my hair peppered with gray, but it was still there. 

Cold rushed down my spine at the dark figure so close behind me, too afraid to look away. My eyes locked onto it's yellow eyes like glowing beams swimming in black smoke. It was so close now, my fingers twitched on the covering. It was different this time, so close that the smoke engulfed my tearful image.  

An image that now always smiled, one that brightened every picture and beamed back sat me in every looking glass.  

I don't remember why I didn't like mirrors, why there were no images of my likeness until that freeing night. 

[i-shatter-mirrors]

The fate of my father will never fall upon me. Why? I simply know better than him.

You should be honored to have the most intelligent being in your presence, for I am Calista! The spawn of Narcissisus!

I have eisoptrophobia—fear of mirrors and reflective surfaces

I am cishet, meaning I am straight and cisgender, meaning I use she/her pronouns

I am currently 20 with no partner of my own

...I miss my father... for he was the one pillar in my life. Curse the gods. I curse thine gods for their neglect on my part! Leaving me with nothing. Nothing but a flower of a father and no pillar to hold me!

I curse them, I curse them all!

My father, who I can finally see after years: @the-prettiest-flower

My sound, my muse of expression, my voice:

Since I choose not to look at myself I shall have my friend put in photos of I they have saved

{guacamolebear on instagram!!}

Hello! I am the mod!! I am a minor so shhhh on that nsfw content ^3^

This is a greek mythology rp blog but you all can pull her into pjo i dont mind!! :))

tags!!

calista breaks the glass <-ic

cleaning the glass <-ooc

[fazgoo-connoiseur-1987]

An Act of Apotheosis

(Companion piece to Eispotrophobia)

Transcript below the cut:

Theophilia I look upon your work and it marvels me. The gift you have given these machines, this town, me. You speak to me of your family, your distance from them, your trust in me. Blind, it seems, to your own divinity. The power you hold that should be mine.

Because of you I feel alive.

I will share this gift of life you have bestown me. Take it further than you can fathom.

[zcmbierabbit]

Tag 9 people you want to get know better!

favorite color:  o u r p l e

reading:  Tbh with you? The handbook for Wil.dlander.

last song:  Eisoptrophobia from FN.AF U.CN.

last series:  Elder Sc.rolls my beloved.

last movie:  "T.he B.ad G.uys".

sweet/spicy/savory:  yes.

currently working on:  trying to do some replies, get the will to write.

tagged by:  @fazerleague - thank you!

tagging: you. B)

[yeetfort]

Mercs’ Phobias

Soldier - Wiccaphobia (fear of witches/witchcraft) Merasmus got him all screwed up on magic crap and while he’s not totally petrified of it, he just really hates the idea of it and doesn’t want it near him. If you’re Wicca yourself, he’ll actually try to have an open mind about it. Maybe you’ll even teach him some basic stuff about it! Otherwise, it doesn’t come up until you go to watch horror movies. He likes a movie that actually freaks him out, and it’s always witch-centered!

Scout - Trypanophobia (fear of injections) Poor scout, medic is just trying to give him his vaccinations but he hates getting shots so much. He can’t stand to see the needle go in, and he starts sweating and breathing irregularly. You always stay in there with him and let him squeeze your hand and keep his focus just anywhere else. Medic keeps those little lollipops you see in drs offices just for lil scoot to have after he gets one.

Demo - Toxiphobia (fear of being poisoned) He’s so worried that he won’t be paying attention while drinking one day and someone will slip some drugs or deadly poison into his cup. He knows what some of those chemical agents can do, and he couldn’t imagine a worse kind of death, even if he does respawn afterward. You’re the only person he lets handle his alcohol after he’s already opened it.

Engie - Nebulaphobia (fear of fog. This is especially terrible at night for him) Engie likes everything to be clear-cut and visible. Even the most complex things have very clear inner workings. He cannot stand to think of anything clouding his view, whether physically or mentally. If they have to go to battle on a foggy day, you keep a foglight which, while not removing the problem, brings him some comfort knowing that he doesn’t have to be alone when facing it.

Heavy - Autophobia (fear of being alone) Heavy has spent his whole life around family and friends. He can handle some solitary life, but he knows he always has someone to come back to, namely you. You spend quality time together most every day, and reassure him He doesn’t know what he would do if it were all gone.

Pyro - Eisoptrophobia (fear of seeing oneself in a mirror) Even with his mask on, pyro hates to see himself. He doesn’t want to think about what’s under the mask, whatever it is. After a very lengthy building-up of trust, he let you get a look at him, but he absolutely refuses to face it himself. The base has mirrors only in individual rooms and one part of the communal bathroom, so it is never really too bad of a problem.

Spy - Gamophobia (fear of marriage) Because of his job, spy was always moving from place to place and found it hard to stay for any meaningful length of time. He can’t stay committed in anything as serious as a marriage; it would tie him to something. He’s so anxious that what you have will become really serious, and you’ll to start to talk about having a future together. He dreads that if he came clean about those reservations, he’d break your heart and you wouldn’t think he loved you.

Sniper - Agoraphobia (fear of crowded spaces) He’s spent most of his life socially isolated and is very awkward around others. He gets so overwhelmed in any kind of crowd, and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself by reacting to that fear. You encourage him to come to places with you, but are always by his side holding his hand and telling him to focus on you when he gets too anxious about it.

Medic - Gelotophobia (fear of being laughed at) He was ridiculed for odd behavior throughout his childhood, and even into his adult life when others in the medical field said his work was laughably bad. He is reluctant to do experiments with anyone watching or share details about himself with anyone. It takes him a while to open up to you, and even that was only because you’d come into his office and marvel at jars of old experiments. You don’t ever laugh when he tells you his worries, and you’re the one person he has confidence in.

A/N: Personally, I have scopophobia and casadastraphobia (fear of falling up into the sky) Like, as if gravity is just gonna fail. It’s especially bad if I look up into a blue sky with few clouds and no visible grounding objects. Add your phobia in the tags!

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

@flower-of-darkness + @tachiehara ty for the tag!!

nickname: none 😍😍😍 but you can call me yours 😜

zodiac sign: le bra 🥳

height: 180 cm, 5'11 for yall imp*r**l system users 🤢

last movie i saw: i was nostalgic about og alice in wonderland, 1951 version, watched it again even though i have it all memorized 🤠

last thing i googled: «180 cm in feet» DAKFKJDKFJAKDJF

favorite musician: currently obsessed with bach and rachmaninoff, but debussy, tchaikovsky and chopin remain some of my absolute favs. and beethoven, i luv u bae <33

song stuck in my head: nothing. brain empty, no thoughts. 🤡

other blogs: I CAN BARELY MANAGE ONE, YOU THINK I HAVE MORE????

blogs following: precisely 49. it shall not waver from this.

sleep patterns: 12-20 hours. or i just don't sleep. there really isn't any middle ground 💀

lucky numbers: 0, 17, 21, 28. also 5138008, the real ones know 😼

what am i wearing: clothing (or am i? 😳😳)

what would i do if capitalism didn’t exist?: probably stop worrying about becoming a super rich CEO before i hit 25. probably.

dream trip: i've traveled all over the world, so... i'd have to say antarctica. there's just something about living far away from humanity and being alone with the howling wind that hits hard, and i want to see the northern lights

favorite food: the edible kind. actually wait no i'm not too picky about that either-

instruments i play: self-taught classical guitar 🥺🥺🥺 p-p-pweease w-wet me sewenade you wit my w-w-womantic mwuswic i w-wearnt from youtubwe 🥺🥺🥺🥺

languages i speak: french, english, arabic, (basic) spanish, and latin, although quis tf mihi loquatur lingua latinae 🙄

favorite songs: la campanella by liszt/paganini. holds a special place in my heart, but literally anything by the artists i already mentioned would work too.

Random Facts About Me: HELL YEA I LOVE THIS SECTION; i once stole someone's tub of vaseline just bc; i'm a basketball player who just wants to be able to dunk; i have moderate eisoptrophobia and a concerning gilf obsession. also i talk too much and want to murder my friends bc that's how i show love. i think.

20 questions tag

hello!! i was tagged in this by @aqua-girl-4ever so thank you for the tag!

Nickname: ezzy! or banana if yall are into that ig

Zodiac Sign: cancer. i am crabbo

Height: 5'10" i think?? maybe 5'9"??

Last Movie I Saw: in theaters i think was Frozen 2 but in general the last movie i watched was Vertigo

Last Thing I Googled: ‘how to sleep’ for my friend so they stop texting me at fucking one in the morning about their insomnia

Favorite Musician: don’t have one! i don’t listen to a whole lot of music other than show tunes or disney songs but i think just about every song i hear is a good song. but also Freddie Mercury.

Song Stuck In My Head: surprisingly it’s actually kinda quiet in my head right now, but Maybe This Time from Cabaret and Maybe from Annie are both kind of floating around somewhere in the back

Other Blogs: none babeyyy y’all get everything here. one stop shop.

Blogs Following: i just follow back people who follow me. so. y’all can check that list if you’re interested.

Sleep Patterns: as of now it’s usually about 3-4am to 2pm. i always wake up at 2 because i have an alarm but i can fall asleep basically anywhere between 3 and 5 am

Lucky Numbers: 8 and 28 but not 18. also i hate the numbers 7 and 10

What Am I Wearing: my jammies! which aren’t actually jammies just comfy clothes. kk slider socks, black leggings, undies, and a big t-shirt

What Would I Do If Capitalism Didn’t Exist?: fucking live man. go places. be happy. but if we’re talking careers i would kill to be, like, a mattress tester or smth. i just like to rest

Dream Trip: y’all i live in ohio just get me out of here and i’m happy. but i’ve always wanted to go to norway, or somewhere in south america

Favorite Food: nearest. but also strawberries and pasta. not together tho

Instruments I Play: uh… i was a percussionist in band in middle school so… drums, and i also play handbells and sing. and also i played piano for like two years but i never practiced so i don’t know how to play piano

Languages I speak: English. and i studied Spanish for like four years but it was also in the american public school system so we all know what kind of quality that had, and i’ve tried duolingo just so many times and never gotten past a certain point

Favorite Songs: pretty much anything i listen to! i’m not big on rap and things like that bc i have auditory processing issues and can’t understand what they’re saying but if i can understand it i usually like it

Random Facts About Me: ooh um… i have chronic hiccups, i just chopped off a lot of my hair for charity, i have a cat, and i have a lot of weird ancestors/relatives

tagging @etchedstars @primordialsoupy @imperatrixtumby

[starry-knight-skies]

Title: Echo in the Mirror Summary: Virgil has always had this weird thing about mirrors… He would never directly look at his reflection and would actively try to avoid fully facing them if he could. It was something Roman picked up early on in their friendship and while he thought it was strange, he never really questioned it. At least until he saw Virgil’s reflection staring at him while Virgil had his head buried in a box. It had only lasted a second, if even that, and he wasn’t even sure if he had actually seen anything. Reflections didn’t move like that on their own… right? Chapter 1

Virgil bopped his head along with the music playing on his radio, humming softly to the tune as he unpacked his books and carefully organized them on the bookshelf. Sunlight filtered in through the open window, a pleasant breeze blowing in, and while it was a nice day overall, he couldn’t exactly enjoy it. He hated moving to a new place, hated having to pack up and leave everything behind, and hated having to start a new school. Unfortunately for him, it seemed his father’s job moved them around at least twice a year. 

He had been reassured that this was the last time, for awhile at least. He didn’t dare hold out any hope that he would make it through a whole school year this time, or if he’d even be able to make any friends. He could only stand getting close to someone and then leaving so many times before he gave up trying. If they stayed for more than a semester he might try again, but he wasn’t going to go out of his way to be friendly towards anyone if he could avoid it.

The only upside to this new house was his new bedroom. It was decently sized, with plenty of space for him to do what he wished and he was allowed to decorate it as he pleased. But the main thing that he really enjoyed was the large mirror inset on the far wall. He was young and was figuring out himself, so it helped to have a good view as he tried out different styles.

He found his gaze flickered over to the mirror every so often, debating on if he could talk his father into taking him clothes shopping before starting his new school. It was the one upside to all the moving, that he could reinvent himself each time. Maybe he’d do something with dark clothes this time? His thoughts stuttered to a stop as he noticed something off about his reflection. 

He had been sitting sideways to the mirror, focused more on getting his things unpacked, but when he turned to look at his reflection, it had turned to face him fully, head tilted curiously. He blinked once, twice, sure he was imagining things, but no. It was definitely not reflecting him like it should and he felt an ice cold chill go down his spine. What the hell…? Whatever that.. thing.. was, it was leaning closer, a smile slowly spreading across it’s face. Virgil’s eyes widened and he gripped one of his hardcover books tightly, flinging i at the mirror and shattering it, screaming in a panic.

 His father came bursting into the room, baseball bat held in hand to fight off whatever threat that frightened his child. All he saw though was a shattered mirror and Virgil cowering in the corner. It took some coaxing to get him to speak and what he was told was a little unbelievable. A mirror’s reflection moving on it’s own? He worried that all the moving around was finally starting to get to him, so he took him to a therapist that a coworker suggested, despite Virgil’s protests. 

Eisoptrophobia. The fear of mirrors and one’s reflection. Virgil wanted to protest to the diagnosis, wanted to claim that he wasn’t afraid of his reflection, but whenever he tried, the words would die in his throat. He couldn’t look directly at himself when he looked into a mirror, unable to shake the image of his reflection smiling at him. He tried so hard to convince himself he had imagined the whole thing, but he could see it moving out of the corner of his eye, his reflection moving half a second slower than it should. 

There was something lurking behind the glass, something waiting for him to slip up. As long as he didn’t make eye contact, it didn’t seem to have any real power against him. He didn’t know if telling other people about it would work against him either, so he kept his mouth shut about the whole situation, no matter how much he wanted someone to confide in. 

He spent his free time researching and looking up anything about mirrors and curses that he could, hoping to find a way to get rid of whatever it was, but try as he might, nothing seemed to help. He just hoped he could find something before it was too late, not even wanting to think about whatever it was that it had in store for him. It could only end badly for him.

--------- Tag list @soul-of-a-vixen @quietlypondering @dragonindigo245 @sanders-stuffs @omikkydraws 

[nightskogen]

i was tagged by horny cowboy @roguesavior to list 9 albums i liked most in 2019

55% of these are inevitably compositions/film scores, surprisingly 2 of these were actually released in 2019... its as if im becoming a Modern Man

- Song of the Sea by Bruno Coulais  - Magdalene by FKA Twigs - Black Angels by Kronos Quartet - Island Songs by Ólafur Arnalds - Thelma by Ola Fløttum - Eisoptrophobia by Akira Rabelais  - Pe’ahi by The Raveonettes  - Eye in the Wall (single) by Perfume Genius - Born to Die by Lana Del Rey

tagging @comorbidities, @romeojuliet88, @notagiant, @peony-pal, @vriska-stan-3000, @ulyssesing, @polyakovs, @youdonthaveahusband, @drugstorecowboi, @givemedenial, and @beechwoodpark if they wanna do it!                             ψ D̷̰̩̎͐̿ ̶̙̩̞̉͘Ȯ̸͓͕̺ͅ ̶̼̫̰̬̊̑̂̈́ ̶̝̗̉̔̔ ̵͙̓͑̔̀  ̷̜̀Ǐ̵̡͉̥ͅ ̷̛ͅT̷̛͙̿̕͝ 

[becomestorm]

full name: lie nezha ren. gender + sexuality: masc. agender + demi. ethnicity + species: mistrali ( han chinese based ) + eastern dragon faunus. birthplace + birthdate: central mistral, in the mountains of kuroyuri village + [ redacted. ] guilty pleasures: telenovela, splurge spending on exotic / rare ingredients, splurge spending on sleep products ( soft blankets, sleep robes, pyjamas, pillows, etc. ), splurge spending on hair care products, reading awful literotica. phobias: mild eisoptrophobia ( specifically fear of their own reflection ) + scopophobia, claustrophobia ( specifically fear of suffocation ), loss of control / powerlessness, and loss of loved ones. what would they be infamous for ? headcanon wise, ren is the last surviving heir of the lie family, who were known for being ruthless, meticulous, intelligent, and cunning, but since ren was disconnected from the family when their parents eloped, it’s difficult to make the connection. what would they have gotten arrested for ? as of volume six, participating in stealing an atlesian air ship. ren did commit a series of petty crimes when they were growing up in the mistral underground with nora, including things like stealing, carrying suspicious substances ( as a courier service ), and conning ( which included things like using ren’s empathy semblance for reading poker matches, telling fortunes, and manipulating emotions intentionally as a form of hallucinogen ( ren hated this one most of all, but it did fetch them a lot of money. )) but, since ren and nora were children if they were ever caught they were let off easy, and by the time they were in their mid teens, they could fight well enough to collect grimm bounties.  character you ship them with: for canon, jaune. i also like renorarc. all other ships are fair game. i have ships that are primarily just because of one person, like with yang for zero, mercury for rice, weiss for latte, but i don’t necessarily root for them without the added support of that partner. character most likely to murder them: ren’s a very lowkey target for any of the major villains, so i’m gonna put ‘no one’ here. favourite book genre: non-fiction, historical, biology + science texts, poetry anecdotes, some sci-fi novels. least favourite book cliché: love at first sight. talents + powers: ( talents ) dancing, cooking, calligraphy + ( powers ) martial arts, free running, weapon wielding, and emotional manipulation semblance. why someone might love them: i’m gonna be honest and say that i picked up ren after volume two primarily because he was almost a blank canvas. a really fuckin’ beautiful blank canvas, with a lot of potential, but still a blank canvas. i didn’t necessarily love them when i picked them up, and i’m not exactly sure what compelled me to write as them but god, i am so glad i did. so, if it was *me* listing off the reason why i like ren we would be here all day, but now that i’m thinking about it there aren’t ... a ton of reasons why someone might like ren on his own. there are superficial things ; his sarcastic, dry humour is amusing, he’s very pretty, he has a cool fighting style ( although it would be better if he could use aura attacks again thanks rt ) but i believe that most of ren’s appeal is in the relationships he’s making and in the way he’s learning to open up because of it. why someone might hate them: ok i’m gonna fuckin say it, but there are some aspects of ren that are just boring. i’m attributing that not to a lack of screen time but a lack of focus time, as well as a somewhat dwindled relevance to the plot. i’m not necessarily asking for more, but i’ve read gripes about volume four, and some of them i agree with ; ren’s backstory is boring. i see him falling into a similar vibe as volume one when ren was used as a tutorial character for aura attacks, except in this example, his backstory is a “case study” when it comes to the thousands of people who have lost their homes and loved ones to grimm, and most likely in a very very similar way too, considering it was covered by qrow in world of remnant. ren didn’t even get any character development in that volume, ren has never shown any consequential character flaws, and that would have been a prime time to show it. all the anger shown during the nuckelavee fight was circumstantial and one off, it didn’t necessarily change ren at all, it didn’t change his bonds with other characters at all. one could argue that the only point of change in his character was that he is now open to relying more on other people, but that’s the thing, ren has always been with nora so that’s not development. is anything volume four said more about their bonds with ruby and jaune, and reaffirmed everything we knew about nora and ren already. given the information we have now, ren is not special. when you look at the bare bones of nora and ren’s relevance they are only there to fill in the gaps of jaune and pyrrha’s team. this will probably change in the future, because i can’t possibly see how rt can make their roles smaller given that they’re in the main troupe. ren’s importance, story wise, is in his bonds. his intelligence + spiritual beliefs + observation skills + saboteur capabilities + level of semblance usefulness + the fact that ren’s dialogue in the last two volumes have been somewhat narrator-esque has been upping his level of importance ( and ! more ! crucially !! his differentiation from nora as a unit ! i cannot stress this enough but ren and nora’s tether to each other in earlier volumes prevented them from interacting one on one with other characters on screen ( ESPECIALLY PYRRHA ) ) but the change has been subtle, and most definitely not a main focus. i see that someone could hate / be indifferent to ren primarily because there just isn’t enough to love. the only gripe that i have ever seen about ren before is his apparent uselessness in battle ( which is why i’m so happy about their saboteur role in the sixth volume’s last fight. ) how they change: oh fuck, okay, so in that last point i did say that canon ren’s only major point of character development is learning to open up and possibly rely on other people across all six volumes, other than that i’ve got zilch. i’ve put some significant development into my ren and also increased the intensity of ren’s isolation and the repercussions of their semblance to make development a little easier for me to accomplish when it comes to developing bonds, but i don’t think i could encompass what my ren needed to go through prior to beacon without making this post a whole book.

tagged: @nuiruk ( thank you, kenzie ! ) tagging: hnnn just say i tagged you.

[catecaterina]

Marks of Satan

There isn't a word to describe the fear of having your photo taken: the closest you get is some combination of eisoptrophobia, the fear of seeing one's reflection, and scopophobia, the fear of being looked at. Not in English, at least; I imagine the Germans have come up with one. Whatever it's called, I definitely have it. The thing is I look absolutely hideous in photos. Probably I look hideous in real life too, but fortunately I don't normally have to look at myself, so that's less of a problem.

Suffering from what I shall call eisoptroscopophobia is particularly awkward these days, what with everyone having a smartphone and a social media account. My sister is the worst culprit: every time we get together as a family she insists on taking scores of photographs. Fair enough, you might say; maybe she just wants to record the day for her own personal memories, and it's not as if you have to look at the resulting photos. That is, until the next time you log into your Facebook account and get the message "Your Deeply Annoying Sister has tagged you in 561 photos". Then you embark on a desperate race to untag yourself from as many photos as possible as quickly as possible, lest anyone on your Facebook friends list should catch a glimpse of them.

Perhaps it's partly down to a discrepancy between how I see myself in my head and the awful reality. If that's the case, I'm perfectly happy to take the blue pill and keep dwelling in the Matrix; to remain in blissful ignorance by never having my photo taken again, ever. Unfortunately, when I explained this to the Passport Office they were less than understanding. Nor did they accept my - perfectly logical - argument that while my passport may be ten years old, the actual dimensions of my face haven't changed, and thus there's no need to update the photo since facial recognition technology will work perfectly well with the old one. Surely, I urged, they should be jumping at any opportunity to save resources? Yet quite unreasonably, they rejected all my arguments out of hand, and refuse to issue me with a new passport until I send them a new photo, which they further insist must be taken under the least flattering conditions possible.

As I arrived back in the UK with just three weeks left on my passport - I travelled via Dublin, so this involved a long conversation with Ryanair staff about the Common Travel Area, to whom this was apparently brand new information - this means I can't return to Italy until I send the Passport Office a new photo. The way I'm going, this may quite plausibly mean never leaving the country again. I've been scouring every corner of the house for the least bad location in which to take a photo, and so far that seems to be on the landing, doors open at a precise 45° angle, phone balanced on the second shelf of the bookcase, with a lightly overcast sky outside. Normally I'd say overcast skies are easy to find in north-west England, except that six of the last seven days have been completely sunny, so even the weather's working against me. Even with everything arranged perfectly, the only photo I can look at without howling will probably be rejected because it has a lock of hair partly covering my face. In truth, I probably like it because there's a lock of hair partly covering my face.

To make matters worse, yesterday I was changing the sheets on my bed, and trying to put on the fitted sheet - you know, the one which fits well enough over the first three corners but is impossibly tight over the fourth - and as I was putting all my weight on the fourth corner trying to get it over the mattress, it suddenly gave way and I headbutted the wall. Now I have two purple bruises on either side of my forehead, like satanic marks. I'm trying to decide whether to use make-up to hide the bruises for the photograph, or to take photographs with the bruises and use make-up to reproduce them every time I travel. At least they'd be a distraction from my face.

At any rate, it's reassuring to know I'm not alone (in the phobia, if not in the bruises). While I was searching online to see if the fear of being photographed has a name, I discovered there were other people with the same fear, in some cases even more extreme than mine:

One woman in Canada wrote "I have the most intense crippling fear of being photographed. I didn't join the library until they had an online membership. I can't renew my passport... Or my drivers licence... It seems like you need photo membership cards for everything now..." A lady in the UK responded with a comment "I cut myself out of every photo and threw my wedding album on the fire".

Now personally, I wouldn't be crazy enough to throw my wedding album in the fire (because I wouldn't get married in the first place. Because of all the photographs). So you see, I'm really not that strange, after all.