#eirher way it speaks to me

[itsrainingbubbles]

I like reading about Luffy starving because there is something wrong with me and I like to see him suffer because he's my favorite <3

But also because of the sanji angst and sanlu

Like them running out of food while they're still days away from an island so they have to ration food and Luffy needs more food because he has a really high metabolism but he refuses to eat because his crew comes first and how distraught sanji would be as the cook

He'd be begging Luffy to eat because Luffy is literally starving but Luffy would ask if there would be enough for everyone to eat and Sanji would stay quiet and then Luffy would refuse the food (forget about fish for a moment idk what happened to them but they're gone)

Or Luffy getting captured by some pirates and he doesn't get fed for days before his crew find him and sanji having to resist the need to feed him a mountain of meat because chopper says it would be bad for him

And this is very ooc because Luffy doesn't care what anyone says about him but what if suddenly everyone yelling at him for his eating habits gets to him and he decides to just stop

He still does eat but it's usually one or two servings and it's not enough for him because of his really high metabolism and he's starving

And at first everyone was really confused about the sudden change and a little worried but Luffy seemed to be doing fine after a few days and they all accepted it as the new normal and were even encouraging it

Sanji talks about all the free time he has now that he doesn't have to constantly fight off a hungry luffy and Nami is delighted about all the money they can save on food and Usopp is really glad he no longer has to protect his plate during meals like it's the world's most precious treasure

And Luffy sees how much happier his crew is and he can't bring himself to take it away so he bites his tongue and keeps ignoring his body for them

He quickly starts losing strength and starts sleeping the days away barely waking up to eat, chopper gives him a check up but can't figure out what's wrong (idk how doctor stuff works, since he's eating enough for a normal human chopper doesn't think he could be starving)

It gets really bad and chopper is working day and night trying to figure out what's wrong and he's blaming himself for not being a good enough doctor and Luffy knows what's wrong but he doesn't want to upset his crew but they're really upset right now and he doesn't know what to do

Eventually he does come out and say it when chopper decides to ask him if he has any idea of what may be wrong and he starts off with "promise you won't be mad" because I can't imagine Luffy starting that off any other way

So Luffy tells chopper and he is horrified and immediately orders something from sanji and the word spreads quickly and soon everyone knows Luffy was starving himself because of them and they all feel really bad about it

White Luffy is being fed a soup because he became too weak to do it himself everyone is there with him crying and asking why he didn't just eat more of it was killing him and Luffy would say that they were all so happy when he stopped eating as much and he didn't want to take kr all away and it makes everyone feels worse

When he gets better they never complain about his eating habits again and they have a really low tolerance for other people commenting about it either and it becomes well known not to do that unless you have a death wish

It would probably be a slow recovery though

Luffy would still be hesitant to eat more than two plates even if Sanji had been cooking all of his favorites amd je would eventually make a full recovery but I just really want the angst of the strawhats begging their captain to eat, something they hadn't thought they'd ever need to do, and knowing he was hesitating because of them

And imagine how guilty they would all feel about the comments they made and trying to take it back and them seeing how much it really affected him

I got really carried away with that last one and I could definitely keep talking about it but at this point I might as well make it into an actual story

[dors-ee]

I just got the idea to write the fanfic of what I wish had happened with the game story, like the blight and titan thing.

But also I don't think I have the brain for it, like to make it good but also just to... make it. I know I want something with the titan and blight and songs but ...how? I don't know.

So I guess I'll stew in my bitterness. I also have the itch to write for solavellan, like expand in game, cause I really found it a little bit abrupt, for Solas at the end -when picking redemption-. Why not one more discussion about the inquisitor or idk what? The one we got was very good, like real good. The writing for him is great, I just wanted a bit more of it into the game, is what I am trying to say. To get a better build up. I get that with Rook it would have been hard, to implement Solas's doubts, etc. but it was lacking for me in game. One codex entry of an unsent letter wasn't enough, as well as the letter was done. And they have a lot of trauma to unpack together.

which tbh... as much as I liked them together, the idea of a woman sacrificing it all to help a man deal with his trauma... woth her love kindness and compassion... Not a fan, thematically speaking. But well. Can still work with that.

But not sure I can do it eirher, good trauma stories for my personal standards are relatively long, with a good progression, and idk if my adhd will allow me to spend so long on it. I have tried for other fandoms already, the amount of work needed to make a good deal with trauma story... eh. It's a lot. Or you need to be really good at showing, and showing little details, that you introduce masterfully in a text, to give little hints of some of the progresses, motifs that come back.

I mean there are ways to make it, and not make it too long. But I have tried and either I show healing and it's too long or I try to make it shorter but falls into tell and it's very frustrating and not enjoyable to write even for me.

Could still try. I don't want to give up Solavellan just yet.

(those are my opinions, about the writing of trauma stories, my personal tastes only :) ).