#egslad

[egslut]

eg slad review:

keto eg slad - 2/10

it's shit like this that made me leave this account for three months.

looking at pictures upon pictures of eg slad that's been DESTROYED by the eg prudes isn't something just anyone can do.

not everyone is built for it.

but i am.

i'm passionate about my content.

therefore, i won't let my views get in the way of my reviews.

that was a fucking lie.

my views MAKE my reviews.

now for the slad.

this is supposed to be EG slad...right?

then WHY does it look like a potato slad?

if i wanted potato slad i would just go to my family get together , where i would be screamed at for believing that women deserve rights.

also, according to this recipe, they used LEMON JUICE.

lemon juice with eg?

no bueno.

ONIONS AND TOMATO WITH EG??

please stab me and bury this account with me.

we've been over this.

that cheese, however, looks nummy nummy put it in my tummy omnomnomnom shove it up my nose.

maybe one day these reviews will bring me joy.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

avocado eg slad - 1/10

this is EG slad. not slad.

slad can be green. eg slad cannot.

as i've always said, if the eg slad is green, i'll turn into wolverine and rip out your spleen.

i'd rather eat a spleen than this shit.

or should i say vomit?

green baby vomit.

that's what this is.

this...creature really thought this creation was good enough that they took a picture in front of a bright white background as if it was a product being sold on amazon.

and you know what?

maybe jeff bezos was the perpetrator of this immoral act.

the coward will never admit to it though.

but i will always know the truth.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

7/11 dijon mustard eg slad - 9.5/10

the big 7 in the sky left me quite impressed this sticky summer evening.

i normally wouldn't have DARED to touch an eg slad samich with dijon mustard in it.

however, i saw that this eg slad was oñiön free and decided that you indeed only live once.

the bread, softer than a cloud

the eg, sliced to perfection,

and hell

even the fucking DIJON AND MAYONNAISE COMBO WAS GOOD TOO.

7/11, you've surprised me.

you've changed me.

i feel like doing ten backflips and volunteering at my local animal shelter.

i feel like...

a better person?

i'm realizing now that my true destiny...the reason i was put on this earth was to taste, review, laugh with, and overall ENJOY egslad.

and, of course, be a vicious little egslut when the time is right.

i've been reborn.

what. a. night. :)

[egslut]

eg slad review:

greek yogurt eg slad - -42/10

such a beautiful presentation of eg slad.

the eg whites are chopped to perfection.

i'll pretend the bread doesn't look like a slice of the driest cake in the world.

and i'll pretend this isn't an open face samich.

because the real crime...

is it was made with GREEK FUCKING YOGURT?

have we run out of ideas?

why in god's name would you think putting a not only sweet, but TART mixture in your eg slad is okay?

is this supposed to be a DESSERT?

no.

is this supposed to be eg whites marinated in mayonnaise?

yes.

MAYONNAISE.

not yogurt. not miracle whip. MAYONNAISE.

i'm sick of this cruel world and the terrible recipes inflicted on it.

[egslut]

hello fans,

sorry about the mini hiatus.

i accidentally ate some miracle whip eg slad, so i was inevitably out sick for two weeks.

my stomach might be permanently damaged after being put through so much misery. nevertheless, i’ve returned to give you more quality content.

you’re welcome.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

smoked paprika eg slad (whole grain) - 6.5/10

okay, okay.

this might be controversial.

but quite frankly, my opinion is always correct so i don't care.

whole grain is good.

there. i said it.

as for the actual eg slad, it looks like it fell on the floor of a bowling alley.

as i always say, onions mustn't toucheth the sammich unless...never.

onions are a disgrace to the food world, as are onion enjoyers.

in conclusion, this was an interesting approach to making eg slad.

that was not a compliment.

[egslut]

hello egsluts.

i regret to inform you that i'm back.

i got trapped in an ikea and just now found my way out.

nevertheless i've returned and you will be getting not one, but TWO eg slad reviews today!!

yay.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

eg slad i think - 1000/10

this is not eg slad.

i actually…

i actually have no idea what this is.

i like it though.

it attracts me.

[egslut]

this account started as an excuse to annoy girlfriend.

but maybe i’ll start posting eg slad reviews as well.

depends how high the demand is. 🤷‍♀️

[egslut]

eg slad review:

grape eg slad - 0/10

grape eg slad.

GRAPE…eg slad.

do those words go together to you?

they shouldn’t.

look, i get it.

you wanna feed into the "sweet and savory" trend, right?

can’t decide if you want something fruity or something salty?

eat a goddamn pb&j then.

i don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing, but it’s not gonna fly here.

did you think i was gonna ignore the CELERY chunks you snuck in there?

really?

how about the fact that the eg slad is breaking off in CHUNKS? do you see how crumbly your creation is?

did you think i was done?

the bread isn’t even TOASTED.

i would say this was a disappointment, but i had low expectations from the beginning.

[egslut]

letting these bitches know.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

rainbow eg slad - 8/10

i’m gay.

i automatically approve.

i’m not even gonna ask why it looks like it was made with melted legos.

not even gonna ask.

the more i think, the more it hurts.

please, god. OW it hurts.

make it STOP.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

vegan "eg" slad - 2/10

defeating the whole purpose of eg slad now, aren’t we?

riddle me this, vegans.

why is it neon yellow?

hm?

why?

and WHAT have i said about tomatoes?

and why does the lettuce look like the plastic tablecloth from my 5th birthday party?

whatever man.

i’m just disappointed, that’s all.

that bread looks absolutely DELECTABLE though.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

avocado eg slad on an everything bagel - 4/10

why must avocado fiends ruin everything with their fruit of choice? i mean, seriously. if you wanted to ruin a bagel, you could’ve just put lox on it.

the ONLY reason this is getting a 4/10 and not a 0/10 is because their bagel of choice was an everything bagel, which was smart.

[egslut]

eg slad review:

plain eg slad - 10/10

a classic. perfect for the family. satisfies my inner 5 year old.

there’s nothing that i want more after a hard day at the office than to come home to a nice, room temperature bowl of boiled eggs, covered in mayonnaise. a real american delicacy right there.

eg slad is the reason why i’m still here today.

[egslut]

sometimes i get a little insecure about running a blog.

sometimes i don’t feel capable.

but then…

when i look down at my plate

and see my beautiful, plain, eg slad staring back at me…

i know i’m right where i need to be. <3