#egregious theft of takeout

[unmarked-credits]

Hey everyone, please to enjoy the following silly crap I wrote for @xinambercladx. This was her request for the Valentine's Day exchange on the Duros Hoes discord server. She wanted a story about Bane walking one of her OC's home. I chose Yenem - you remember this gal -

- and came up with this. Only seventeen days late! Go me!

Anyway, enjoy👍🏻Hope you like it @xinambercladx !

***

The Heirloom

"Thank you for coming on such short notice," Yenem said. She looked annoyed as she adjusted her short, form-fitting glittery purple cocktail dress. A huge, fluffy white fur coat was slung over her forearm.

Cad Bane gestured for the coat, shifting a tooth pick from one corner of his mouth to the other. He took it by the shoulders and held it out for her to put on. 

"Oh! Why thank you," she said. She turned to slip it on, glancing back at him over her shoulder as she did so. "Is there a charge for this?"

He smirked. "Free w' de bodyguard package - if y'tell me how y' found out there's a bounty on ye before I did."

She sighed. "Sometimes when I am exceptionally bored, I run my name against the holonet. Turned up on the bounty boards," she said, retrieving her data pad from her purse. "And that reception was exceptionally boring."

He glanced through the picture window of the art gallery they stood before. Inside was a quite lively, quite crowded cocktail party.

"Doesn' look boring."

"Trust me, it was nothing but a room full of poseurs." She sighed and looked up at him, doe eyed, and took his arm. "Get me out of here, Bane."

"Yes ma'am," he said, tapping the brim of his hat. "Y'sure y'wanna go back to d'hotel? You'd be safer on my ship." 

"My things are at the hotel."

"Y' don need yer things."

"One of those things is what they're after."

"An' y' left it in yer room?"

"In the safe," she said.

"Hotel safes ain't safe."

"Was I supposed to go to the reception with an ancient vase beneath my arm like a glowball?"

He paused a moment, then shrugged. "I reckon it would have been less boring that way."

"Tch!"

"Tch yerself!" he said. "Come on,  den."

***

"I've never been to this part of Coruscant," she said as they strolled over a metal walkway overlooking a canyon of city lights. "Beautiful, in a way."

"This area's all right," he said. "It gets worse the deeper down y' go." 

"So I've heard."

"Dere's a real good tipyip stand couple blocks down."

"You want to stop for food?" she asked archly. "You seem pretty casual about this."

"Eh. De score on you is pretty small. We're not gon' be dealing wit any major players. Most of 'em will turn tail if de see you w' me."

"That's…reassuring."

"Dat's why you hired me."

"Indeed," she said, pressing close to him as they walked. 

He smiled slightly at this. "So tell me 'bout this hot vase y'got."

"It's not hot," she said. "I bought it perfectly legally at auction. But apparently it's a family hierloom and said family is desperate to get it back. I offered to sell it to them, and for only a slight profit. But they seem determined to obtain it by other means."

"So dey're gon' chase whoever has it?"

"I assume so."

"Hmm," he replied. "Well, you're makin' it easy for em in dat coat."

Yenem frowned. "What about my coat?"

"It's huge n' bright n' … foofy."

"Foofy?"

"Yeah," he said. "Y' look like a leggy wampa."

"Excuse me?"

"What?" he asked, smirking. "It's a compliment."

She balked. "Surely you can come up with a better compliment than that."

"Sure, sure," he said. He went silent for a moment as the walked past a well manicured hedge full of bright flowers that led up to the hotel. He picked one. 

"Yer the prettiest sheep I ever saw," he said, grinning, handing her the flower as they entered the hotel. 

"You're a terrible date," Yenem said, accepting the flower.

"I'm a great date," Bane said. "Y' wanna make dis a date, dat's a different pricin' structure."

"Oh?" she asked, intrigued. "What's the going rate for a date with Cad Bane?"

"Well, dat depends," he began, but stopped short, clocking something across the lobby. Yenem turned to follow his gaze. A human boy of about fourteen leaned wide-eyed against the lobby bar with an open clamshell full of tip-yip skewers. He looked startled to see Bane.

"Who is that?" Yenem asked.

"A little shit," Bane grumbled, gesturing the boy over. He scowled but obeyed.

"Boba!" Bane said as he approached. "What are y' doin here?"

"I was in the neighborhood."

"Dis job is kinda low rent for you, ain' it?"

"You're here," the boy shot back. 

"I ain' here for a bounty. I'm here to buy a vase from my lady friend."

Yenem turned to Bane in surprise.

"You're … buying a vase?" Boba asked skeptically.

"Sure am."

"Ohh," Yenem said, pulling her data pad from her purse, "Yes, he is. I'm drafting the bill of sale right now."

"Why do you need a vase?" Boba asked.

"Fer flowers."

"Since when do you have flowers and put them in vases?"

"You don't know my life," Bane replied haughtily.

Boba frowned. "Actually I do know your life, and -"

"Point bein -" Bane interjected, "is dat dis vase is now property of Cad Bane, and if de family yer workin' for wants to take it up wid me - and not her -" he said, gesturing to Yenem, "dey're more den welcome to. So you run along now an' you tell 'em dat." 

"Thumb print here," Yenem said, handing Bane the blank pad. He pressed his digit to the screen and handed it back to her. 

"See?" he said. "All mine.  Now get lost, Boba."

Tch," Boba said. "Whatever. Low paid job anyway. Later, Bane."

"Wait," Bane said.

"What?"

"Gimme one of those," Bane said, plucking a skewer from Boba's takeout box.

"Hey!"

"I said get lost," Bane repeated, shooing Boba away.

"Gimme my tip yip back!"

Bane tore a piece off the end of the skewer with his fang. "Fuck off, Boba," he said around the meat. " An' you tell de people yer workin' for -"

"Yeah yeah I'll tell 'em," Boba muttered. "Fierfek."

The boy stalked out of the hotel shaking his head.

"Well," Yenem said, bemused. "You made short work of that."

"Yep. Shouldn't be a problem for ye anymore."

"Elegantly handled."

Bane tapped the brim of his hat. "Whaddya say we head upstairs an' have a look at 'my' new vase?"

Yenem smiled slyly, pulling him towards the turbolift. "It's quite the piece," she said. "Has a naked lady on it."

"Y' don' say?" Bane grinned.  "I like it already." 

[xinambercladx]

< SPOILER WARNING REVIEW >

"Sometimes when I am exceptionally bored, I run my name against the holonet. Turned up on the bounty boards," she said, OMG. She WOULD do that! XD You predicted her perfectly on such a tiny detail. he said, tapping the brim of his hat. "Y'sure y'wanna go back to d'hotel? You'd be safer on my ship." 

>w> Suuuure, Cad. We all know why you want her on your ship. His back-handed compliments are hilarious. I appreciate them even if she doesn't. haha! I bet she's wondering what his rate is for a date now, though. XD Maybe since she's had a taste, she wants more? Or maybe less. lol. And the part with Boba! He shows up and Cad steals his food. Cad being a foodie = love. I love the set up and pay off in this ficlet with the vase. And it was handled so brilliantly with the simple trade off! F*** off, Boba! XD Cad bought the naked lady vase. This was wonderful. I very much enjoyed this ficlet, and it is a bright spot in my otherwise weary week. I'll be reading it again when I get home. Thankyou, @unmarked-credits!

Hey everyone, please to enjoy the following silly crap I wrote for @xinambercladx. This was her request for the Valentine's Day exchange on the Duros Hoes discord server. She wanted a story about Bane walking one of her OC's home. I chose Yenem - you remember this gal -

- and came up with this. Only seventeen days late! Go me!

Anyway, enjoy👍🏻Hope you like it @xinambercladx !

***

The Heirloom

"Thank you for coming on such short notice," Yenem said. She looked annoyed as she adjusted her short, form-fitting glittery purple cocktail dress. A huge, fluffy white fur coat was slung over her forearm.

Cad Bane gestured for the coat, shifting a tooth pick from one corner of his mouth to the other. He took it by the shoulders and held it out for her to put on. 

"Oh! Why thank you," she said. She turned to slip it on, glancing back at him over her shoulder as she did so. "Is there a charge for this?"

He smirked. "Free w' de bodyguard package - if y'tell me how y' found out there's a bounty on ye before I did."

She sighed. "Sometimes when I am exceptionally bored, I run my name against the holonet. Turned up on the bounty boards," she said, retrieving her data pad from her purse. "And that reception was exceptionally boring."

He glanced through the picture window of the art gallery they stood before. Inside was a quite lively, quite crowded cocktail party.

"Doesn' look boring."

"Trust me, it was nothing but a room full of poseurs." She sighed and looked up at him, doe eyed, and took his arm. "Get me out of here, Bane."

"Yes ma'am," he said, tapping the brim of his hat. "Y'sure y'wanna go back to d'hotel? You'd be safer on my ship." 

"My things are at the hotel."

"Y' don need yer things."

"One of those things is what they're after."

"An' y' left it in yer room?"

"In the safe," she said.

"Hotel safes ain't safe."

"Was I supposed to go to the reception with an ancient vase beneath my arm like a glowball?"

He paused a moment, then shrugged. "I reckon it would have been less boring that way."

"Tch!"

"Tch yerself!" he said. "Come on,  den."

***

"I've never been to this part of Coruscant," she said as they strolled over a metal walkway overlooking a canyon of city lights. "Beautiful, in a way."

"This area's all right," he said. "It gets worse the deeper down y' go." 

"So I've heard."

"Dere's a real good tipyip stand couple blocks down."

"You want to stop for food?" she asked archly. "You seem pretty casual about this."

"Eh. De score on you is pretty small. We're not gon' be dealing wit any major players. Most of 'em will turn tail if de see you w' me."

"That's…reassuring."

"Dat's why you hired me."

"Indeed," she said, pressing close to him as they walked. 

He smiled slightly at this. "So tell me 'bout this hot vase y'got."

"It's not hot," she said. "I bought it perfectly legally at auction. But apparently it's a family hierloom and said family is desperate to get it back. I offered to sell it to them, and for only a slight profit. But they seem determined to obtain it by other means."

"So dey're gon' chase whoever has it?"

"I assume so."

"Hmm," he replied. "Well, you're makin' it easy for em in dat coat."

Yenem frowned. "What about my coat?"

"It's huge n' bright n' … foofy."

"Foofy?"

"Yeah," he said. "Y' look like a leggy wampa."

"Excuse me?"

"What?" he asked, smirking. "It's a compliment."

She balked. "Surely you can come up with a better compliment than that."

"Sure, sure," he said. He went silent for a moment as the walked past a well manicured hedge full of bright flowers that led up to the hotel. He picked one. 

"Yer the prettiest sheep I ever saw," he said, grinning, handing her the flower as they entered the hotel. 

"You're a terrible date," Yenem said, accepting the flower.

"I'm a great date," Bane said. "Y' wanna make dis a date, dat's a different pricin' structure."

"Oh?" she asked, intrigued. "What's the going rate for a date with Cad Bane?"

"Well, dat depends," he began, but stopped short, clocking something across the lobby. Yenem turned to follow his gaze. A human boy of about fourteen leaned wide-eyed against the lobby bar with an open clamshell full of tip-yip skewers. He looked startled to see Bane.

"Who is that?" Yenem asked.

"A little shit," Bane grumbled, gesturing the boy over. He scowled but obeyed.

"Boba!" Bane said as he approached. "What are y' doin here?"

"I was in the neighborhood."

"Dis job is kinda low rent for you, ain' it?"

"You're here," the boy shot back. 

"I ain' here for a bounty. I'm here to buy a vase from my lady friend."

Yenem turned to Bane in surprise.

"You're … buying a vase?" Boba asked skeptically.

"Sure am."

"Ohh," Yenem said, pulling her data pad from her purse, "Yes, he is. I'm drafting the bill of sale right now."

"Why do you need a vase?" Boba asked.

"Fer flowers."

"Since when do you have flowers and put them in vases?"

"You don't know my life," Bane replied haughtily.

Boba frowned. "Actually I do know your life, and -"

"Point bein -" Bane interjected, "is dat dis vase is now property of Cad Bane, and if de family yer workin' for wants to take it up wid me - and not her -" he said, gesturing to Yenem, "dey're more den welcome to. So you run along now an' you tell 'em dat." 

"Thumb print here," Yenem said, handing Bane the blank pad. He pressed his digit to the screen and handed it back to her. 

"See?" he said. "All mine.  Now get lost, Boba."

Tch," Boba said. "Whatever. Low paid job anyway. Later, Bane."

"Wait," Bane said.

"What?"

"Gimme one of those," Bane said, plucking a skewer from Boba's takeout box.

"Hey!"

"I said get lost," Bane repeated, shooing Boba away.

"Gimme my tip yip back!"

Bane tore a piece off the end of the skewer with his fang. "Fuck off, Boba," he said around the meat. " An' you tell de people yer workin' for -"

"Yeah yeah I'll tell 'em," Boba muttered. "Fierfek."

The boy stalked out of the hotel shaking his head.

"Well," Yenem said, bemused. "You made short work of that."

"Yep. Shouldn't be a problem for ye anymore."

"Elegantly handled."

Bane tapped the brim of his hat. "Whaddya say we head upstairs an' have a look at 'my' new vase?"

Yenem smiled slyly, pulling him towards the turbolift. "It's quite the piece," she said. "Has a naked lady on it."

"Y' don' say?" Bane grinned.  "I like it already."