#eggo worbs

[eggo-witch]

I made a little guy

[eggo-witch]

And then there's things like parents or siblings picking everything for you. Or everything is a democracy of tyranny (not maliciously) where the olders have a heavier vote due to having more autonomy and more memory.

Growing up having very few TRUE chances of choice untouched by others. It gets to the point where you don't know how to make a decision at all. Not even about something small or insignificant. Not being able to choose where to eat, what to eat, should I buy this, does this make me look stupid, do I have time to do XYZ, etc

Being 23 and not being able to make a decision without the input of at least 3 different people. And if there isn't anyone available, I have to scrounge my brain for similar situations or try and imagine what the response mightve been.

Being paralyzed having to weigh the outcomes and what [whoever] might think or have chosen. Growing up with 'wrong' choices being judged even when it's a matter of opinion. Knowing that you chose differently than they would have and dealing with the comments and sometimes ridicule of 'why would you choose that'

And it seeps everywhere leaching into every crevice. Every decision I make gets weighed against 'what will cause the least ridicule' and 'what is the easiest for the others involved' and 'what will I feel the least guilty about picking'

I definitely am probably exaggerating some, but honestly, it's awful like, 65% of the time. It Feels like every decision I make has to go to court and be voted on by a council. And if I somehow choose wrong (even if there is no wrong answer) I'm facing disappointment, anger, frustration, irritation, etc. (sometimes only in my brain, but not always)

It's gotten somewhat better since being away at college, but honestly, It sucks. A large majority of the time.

Another thing I've noticed working as a children's librarian is like... kids get so Paralyzed By Choice and the adults in their lives never really register why. Like, for example, we have little scavenger hunt sheets in the children's section and when a kid completes it, they get to pick out a cute eraser from our prize basket. We also have a little toy prize chest as part of our "1000 books before Kindergarten" challenge for when kids complete 100 books--and kids will spend minutes carefully picking through everything while their parents are shooting us anxious looks like "sorry they're taking so long! I know this is silly and it's completely ridiculous that my child is taking so long to choose between a bath toy and a cube puzzle because these are cheap and arbitrary objects! Hurry up, Harper! Just pick something! You're embarrassing me!!" But in the kids' perspective, they already have so little control over what objects come into their lives, and in this case, the object represents labor and effort on their end, so of course they feel they must choose very carefully. I've always been an anxious and indecisive person, so it's striking to see how being rushed really doesn't help that and really only makes it harder for kids to figure out what they want.

[eggo-witch]

Vampire friends coffee :3

[eggo-witch]

I do not know how to tumbl

[eggo-witch]

So I don't have time to detail what I meant now, but I might elaborate later

Tired of watching and waiting for signs

Only to realize

Their also in limbo

And will change based on the decision I make :(

Super inconvenient

Feels like I'm grasping at straws

[eggo-witch]

Trying to make sense of haplodiploidy

I need it for the paper I have to write

Also, why are all the interesting articles about honeybees and not native ones like Mason bees or bumblebees or something

[eggo-witch]

I miss playing dnd/other ttrpgs with my original group/graduated friends :(

But things are different, and people's availabilities suck (including my own)

[eggo-witch]

I am in email limbo

And the reply I get will determine the way this semester goes

[eggo-witch]

Depression go brr

[eggo-witch]

Once summer comes around, someone remind me to read/watch dungeon meshi so that I can fully appreciate all the bits that all over my dash lol

[eggo-witch]

Ιμ τιρεδ οφ χονσταντλψ φεελινγ λεφτ ουτ ανδ αλονε

Βυτ ι δοντ ηαωε τηε ενεργψ το σοχιαλιζε

Ιμ σο σο τιρεδ

Νοτηινγ ταστεσ γοοδ βυτ ιμ σο ηυνγρψ

Ωηεν νοτηινγ ταστεσ γοοδ φορ λονγ ενουγη, ιτ γετσ ηαρδερ ανδ ηαρδερ το εατ

Εωεν ιφ ψου κνοω ψουρε σταρωινγ

Ανδ ιν χασε ιτ ισντ χλεαρ, τηισ ισντ αβουτ φοοδ

Ιτα αβουτ τηε δοομ τηατ ηασ σετ ιν

Αβουτ τηε χψχλε ιτ φολλοωσ, εββινγ ανδ αρχινγ, ανδ διωινγ το νεω δεπτησ ανψ τιμε ιμ αλονε φορ τοο λονγ

[eggo-witch]

Brainrotting my last dnd character who's campaign got cancelled

Their name is Vanapsi or "Vulture", and they're the "stolen" child from like, old changeling myths. Whisked away to the fae realm and replaced by a changeling (who was not initially part of the equation, but rather just noticed an opening and slid in; fully opportunistic and not malicious), raised by a dryad and a quickling, pursued by a child-eating hag. Until they grew up and used a spell scroll they weren't familiar with and got shot back to their initial home they only half remember

I have SO many thoughts and ideas about all this

Like, I know who the changeling is and what they're like

Vanapsi has 4 siblings with names and vibes

And parents with jobs

And they will never see the light of day outside my brian

Except I'm probably going to post some of it here because. Yknow. The brainrot

[eggo-witch]

I am very patiently waiting for things to start tasting good again

[eggo-witch]

Dreading

[eggo-witch]

Supposed to turn in a resume for one of my classes tomorrow, but ALL the instructions were verbal, and I simply did not retain any of them besides "list applicable classes as experience"

It's already late because I missed the original assigning of it (also verbal, but an email was sent also) and I'm kinda super fed up with the complete lack of documented instruction

I had so much trouble making a resume the first time and also every time after that

It's terrible and I get super overwhelmed every time

It also forces me to think about things I Don't Want to Think About and then I spiral and it takes 5 times longer than it should

Also it's 11:50, I still need to shower, and my alarm for work goes off at 6:30am tomorrow

[eggo-witch]

Spend 5-6 hours doing a homework I'm stressed about finishing (I'm not done still)

And My Body Hurts So Bad