#edit: when i queued this i thought i would have rewatched the show by now. whoops

[shimmerluna]

To be honest, a big part of why I dislike the fact that YR doesn’t explicitly address ableism is because I think this fandom in particular would benefit a lot from the sort of discussions a show that takes so much care with these topics could produce.

With the way people talk about Sara’s auDHD, Micke’s addiction, Kristina’s breakdown, and even August’s ED/addiction, it’s clear a lot of you view mental illnesses/disabilities as a choice someone makes or a punishment they can deserve/earn. There’s a difference between one’s disability being used as an excuse and it being a valid reason/explanation for actions the person still has to take responsibility for that few of you seem to recognize or care about, and treating these characters’ disabilities and mental illnesses like something they earned/deserved bc of something they did implies very harmful beliefs about real disabled people. 

On top of those implications, the only disabled/mentally ill character people treat with nuance and care is Wille, the main character who gets all the excuses/explanations. To a disabled person (i.e. me), it appears that some of you refuse to care about/empathize with disabled people on your own. Instead, you view us as morally bad and alien at the first sign of symptoms, and you only change your mind when an explanation you deem satisfactory makes us palatable or relatable to you. Since it's currently Disability Awareness/Pride Month, it's a good time for some of you to learn how to see both us as people and our disability without lengthy justification or respectability politics.

[huntedbyacreature]

my SWCO highlights

First of all, it was so lovely to meet people I’ve connected with online (@bastila-bae, @vulpeculavincere) in the flesh, see some tumblr friends I’d met up with before (@holocroning, @starwarssuccumbed), and meet other Reylo supporters who have crossed my dash (@cobwebbing, @mnemehoshiko, @theknightsjedi, @judaas, @bensolodefensesquad, @thewayofthetrashcompactor, among others).

Day-by-day highlights and some photos of my Aphra cosplay below the cut.

Thursday, April 13

Watched 40th Anniversary panel livestreamed into one of the overflow stages because I didn’t arrive early enough the night before to make it to the sleepover. I got up at 4 am instead. I hadn’t slept much the past few nights due to work and personal stress. But had I known (or had it been rumored) John Williams would be gracing us with a live performance I would have rearranged my life to be in queue by 7 pm. Even though not all of us made it to the live room, we all received that beautiful limited edition Carrie Fisher tribute poster (an increasingly valuable item on eBay).

Missed the live Ian McDiarmid panel but caught livestream. What a sparkling wit and fine classical talent. Can you believe he’s 72? One of my favorite speakers of all the panelists.

Having learned my lesson, queued up early (5 pm or so) with @vulpeculavincere, @bastila-bae, @holocroning, @starwarssuccumbed and others for the sleepover for the next day’s Last Jedi panel. Navigating the interminable queue was a deathly underworld-like experience but I’m glad I made that journey with such an excellent group and oh, yes, the payoff was well worth it.

Rian Johnson. By now everyone knows about his surprise visit around 11 pm as captured on video and reposted on various media outlets. And what a surprise! You see the camera panning to shocked fans. I had been napping and when I awoke to the megaphone, with Rian Johnson standing right there, I just ... could not believe my eyes and could not function. Was I dreaming? Dazed and then jolted with the dawning realization Rian was just a few feet from where I was a disheveled lump shivering in my sleeping bag in the queue, all I could do was mutter “oh shit oh shit oh shit” under my breath in shock. Later, when Rian was working through a tunnel of fans signing badges and posing for photos (bless him, what a magnanimous gift of four hours of his time), I worked up the nerve to meet him and tell him how much I loved all his films. I’m so grateful for that opportunity.

Friday, April 14

The Last Jedi panel. I was tired and listless that morning. Yet, once in the room, my heart began to race. Thanks to @holocroning and @bastila-bae for enduring my screams and enthused hand-grabbing during the poster reveal and teaser trailer premiere. I’m told my hand squeezing intensified when we got a glimpse of the Jedi Order starbust symbol on the cover of that ancient tome, with its promise of Jedi lore yet to be explored. There were SO MANY HIGHS from this panel, too much to relive here, need to gather my thoughts later. (Now I’m experiencing a sort of post-SWCO comedown after all the endorphins released.)

Post-panel boozing. Also refueling, rehydrating and finally reuniting with a bed after nearly 18 hours on a concrete floor. A nap, to booze again. Of course, the rest of the day also involved obsessively rewatching the trailer and reading the breakdowns and watching the discourse unfold.

Saturday, April 15

Slept in, then dressed up in my Aphra cosplay. (Yes, it was the first time I used any marker on my skin, and I hadn’t thought to apply any fancy tape technique. So my rendition of Aphra’s neuro-hacked arm was rather sloppy.) What was really cool throughout the day was how many people approached me to tell me that Aphra was their new favorite character (in addition to complimenting me and asking for a photo). She’s flawed and messy, a mercenary who looks out for herself and makes some morally questionable choices as opposed to a pure “do the right thing” type, so it’s wonderful that people seem to embrace such a roguish female character. She’s also gay and hits on women in the comics. 

One of those people who stopped to ask for a photo, as I was walking around checking out the exhibit hall show floor, offhandedly mentioned he was going to be on the Marvel Comics panel. As my slow mind searched for possibilities, given the only panelists announced were editor Jordan White, writer Charles Soule, and artist Phil Noto, @bastila-bae kindly jumped in to fill in the gap: “You’re Matt Martin, aren’t you?” My jaw dropped and I think I could only manage to repeat his name with a dumbfounded and then mortified look on my face. (Clearly, I have very limited social recovery skills.) Somehow, I expected the Lucasfilm Story Group creative executive, one of the hallowed keepers of the canon who sift out the apocrypha, to look ...older? 

Marvel Comics panel. So many exciting projects in the works. For example, the new Vader comic that picks up right after ROTS, or ”Vader Year One” as Charles Soule puts it. Charles thinks of Anakin and Vader as a spectrum and loves “sneaky Sheev” so I’m thrilled someone who can uncover psychologically complex angles is writing this series. Also, coming this May is Screaming Castle, the crossover comic arc that features Luke and Aphra teaming up “on a faraway alien planet and winding up in the clutches of a sinister alien queen”, playing with the gothic fantasy horror genre (which Matt is apparently a big fan of). During the panel, Jordan White asked the Aphras in the room to raise their hands and then picked out another Aphra and me, inviting us to come up to the stage. Then he handed over his iPad with the first issue of Screaming Castle. I was, again, in a state of confusion and shock. “Go on, read it, you can sit over there.” So, during the panel, I got to read Screaming Castle! As I told Jordan after the panel when all the Aphras were invited backstage for a group photo, it was such a treat to get a first look at the comic, especially for Marco Checchetto’s stunning artwork. 

Backstage post-panel. Here I am, in close proximity to those who actually know all the secrets (Matt and the Marvel Comics editors) and of course I can’t pester them with my burning questions. Besides, at that moment I’m too overwhelmed (fangirling overload) to formulate any coherent thoughts. I manage to chat a bit with Charles Soule (center photo below). Later on, I see that Matt tweeted the group photo below with the caption “my year is made” (he’s so kind), Marvel Comics editors Jordan White and Heather Antos also posted group photos, and the creator of Aphra himself, Kieron Gillen, retweeted in approval. Same, Matt, my year is made.

Sunday, April 16

This anticlimactic last day was all about slinking back into my usual anonymity, walking around the convention halls observing all the ingenious cosplays, taking it all in. Some Easter Sunday highlights included a Stormtrooper sporting bunny ears walking around with an Easter basket and a Lego Hux cosplayer in pink cap and yellow romper complete with pink ice cream in a cone. 

I met another Aphra, who really identified with the character, as a half-Korean, as a gay woman herself (her girlfriend stitched together part of the outfit) and as ...a droid builder! She showed me the BB-8 she built, which was on display in one of the show rooms. Exploring the rooms set up by fans exposed me to a part of the fandom (the crafty guilds of droid builders, helmet and suit fabricators, and other professional quality costume and prop makers) I had never interacted with.

I saw David Collins randomly, at the bottom of the stairwell outside the exhibit hall, and was able to tell him how much I appreciated his Star Wars Oxygen music analyses (given my classical music background).

Generally, across the four days, I was so impressed by the quality and variety of cosplays, the creativity and labor-intensiveness involved. There were mass gatherings of rebel pilots and imperial pilots. Stormtroopers, deathtroopers, snowtroopers, sandtroopers. Plenty of mashups, including sandtroopers in beach outfits. A group of Matt the Radar technicians. KOTOR cosplayers with Darth Revan a popular choice. Elaborately regal Padme cosplays. And of course all the Kylos and Reys. Families of Han, Leia and Kylo. Lots of Rogue One characters as well, including a skillfully wrought Saw Gerrera and several Chirrut and Baze pairs. 

This was my first Star Wars Celebration, and I’ve never been to any comic con either, so it was an unparalleled experience for me. Unforgettable, for all the highlights above and more. This fandom ... it’s so much bigger.