#edit: that was supposed to say hasn't been to the eastern reach

[adozentothedawn]

I know I already talked about this a few years ago but can we again talk about the dumbass map and what it implies about Waidwen's war plans?

I mean what is going on here???

So there's no way in hell that Saint's Rest isn't named for him, so he came through here, on his way to the border. Alright, so far so good. Then he decides to march south to cross a whole ass mountain range instead of just taking the normal road, which is weird, but alright, maybe that pass there at Ondra's boot was well protected and he decided it would take less fighting to get through Cold Morn, which he was right about, so I am willing to accept that. Then he got to Mercy Vale, which is also fine, that is how the road goes. A bit strange considering that his end goal was Twin Elms but whatever, fine, maybe he wanted to take over Fleetbreaker Castle to break resistence. And then... he marched back up north?? To Readceras??? Why the hell is the Godhammer Citadel so far north?? The fuck was he doing there?? Even considering Eothas already knew about the bomb and had for some reason decided this was a good idea (Eothas is unfortunately not known for his great planning or scheming skills), the Readceran army had no reason at all to go there. None. Zilch. Why did the Dyrwood think they could make him? "The fields, maybe they reminded him of his past as a farmer" look Durance, I know you're stupid but even you should be able to tell there's something up there. Also what fields, there's a giant saltwater bay right next to it, what were's you farming there, glasswort?? And while we're at it, what the fuck is Evon Dewr Bridge actually bridging?? It's clearly not the bay, it's much to tiny for that, there's no river anywhere, so why the hell is there a fancy ass bridge???

So, in order to deal with these descrepancies, I propose two things:

#1: This map is in fact diagetic, and was constructed by the in-universe equivalent of Herodot, some guy (likely Aedyran lets be real) who's writing entertainment textbooks for a living and has actually been in the Eastern Reach. He's just kinda heard things and then started drawing in landmarks where he thought they'd look nice. He also has not heard about the Bridge Part of the Godhammer, just the Citadel, explaining why it's just marked as Godhammer Citadel, and he decided to put at the admittdely most logical point of entry into the Dyrwood from Readceras, assuming that's what that was about.

#2: The actual Godhammer Bridge is somewhere southwest of Mercy Vale, crossing the river there, meaning there is a point for a bridge and a reason for Waidwen to want to cross it. Considering timeline issues we'll just assume the river placement is also off, as well as the exact locations of Cold Morn and Mercy Vale.

Thank you for coming to my increasingly unhinged ted talk about a game I love but whose maps I hate (and love).

[saphhicwitchbitch]

Imagine: if aziraphale had used the gun in the book.

Hi! I just copied my writing from a previous reblog so that i could have the scenario as mine on my blog.

The final encyclopaedia crashed down the stairs.

"What are you going to do now. You are surrounded. Your humans can no longer fight. Your dear, dear Crowley hasn't come back for his pet. You are alone. You are out of options. You are helpless angel". Shax smirked as the final word slithered out of her mouth. Her tone condescending and triumphant as she had seemingly won.

A smirk also glided onto Aziraphales face, "Actually, you are wrong"

Shax had not expected such confidence from her enemy. Sure, angels were known for their high and mighty cockiness but surely, surely they could recognize defeat?

What shax had not realized, firstly, is that Aziraphale had not once utilised any of his angelic powers or training. He had once been the protector of the eastern gate, and that job was not given to any lightweights, it was the same reason why he was supposed to lead a batallion if Armageddon hadn't been thwarted by him and Crowley. Secondly, and this relates to the failure of the end of times, Aziraphale doesn't do well taking instructions and doing what he is told. It's how he has fumbled his way through the millenia he has been on the surface. Sure, he followed heavenly orders when he wanted to, but as soon as they wanted him to do something he didn't necessarily agree with, all bets were off the table. He didn't ask, he just did and it was heavens poor monitoring of this principality that allowed his nature in the way he does things to be a bit more frivolous. Thirdly, and this is one of the most important bits, you don't get through centuries in London without picking up a few bits here and there, going a bit native as the heavenly order might say.

"What-What do you mean 'actually you are wrong'? You are helpless to my legion! You have no help! Crowley and heaven have left you behind! You are nothing in comparison to me!"

"Again, you are wrong" gently spoke Aziraphale, a polite smile now occupying his face as he gently reached to grab a copy of 'The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde (and other stories)'. Gently he glided his fingers over the leather cover, he first got this book a few years after it's release in 1886. It has caught his eye in around 1893 when publishers decided to compile this story and the works of others in one book. And while he would have like to have individual copies of each story, he couldn't resist the beautiful binding of the book at that time. Of course, this didn't matter too much in the long run as by 1927 he had come into possession of hand binded copies of each story. Which is why he felt no particular remorse when....editing this version.

"What are you doing, now is not the time to be caressing a dusty book Mr Fell," whispered Nina in a hushed but agitated voice. The demons were starting to slowly move in again after being at ease for the few seconds in which Shax had been talking and Nina would quite like to make her way out of this alive thank you very much.

"Listen to the human,"Shax spoke." Stop delaying and plead for forgiveness at the ruthless claws of my demons!"

" Oh you are still quite incorrect i'm afraid. You see, it will be your army that will need to be asking her grace for forgiveness soon enough."

With a rapid movement Aziraphale had flipped open the book, pulled out a small hand gun and lifted it to eye level, finger resting in the trigger.

Shax laughed, "A gun! You couldn't possibly dream of harming us with that human contraption!"

"Incorrect once again I'm afraid. You see your mortal bodies are susceptible to human wounds, a bullet in the right place would discorporate you. However, as precaution this gun has been consecrated and each bullet blessed using holy water. Forget inconveniently discorporated, you will be permanently gone. I didn't want to use this, violence has never really been my fortitude but i have warned you many times and asked you politely to leave a plethora more. Now I'm fed up and just want to keep Nina and Maggie safe. Get out of my book shop!"

His index finger squeezed the trigger and a bullet flew straight though a demons head. Immediately discorporating them and leaving their body to slowly break down on the floor at Shax's feet.

[saphhicwitchbitch]

In an alternate universe this happened and i am so jealous of that timeline. Imagine:

The final encyclopaedia crashed down the stairs.

"What are you going to do now. You are surrounded. Your humans can no longer fight. Your dear, dear Crowley hasn't come back for his pet. You are alone. You are out of options. You are helpless angel". Shax smirked as the final word slithered out of her mouth. Her tone condescending and triumphant as she had seemingly won.

A smirk also glided onto Aziraphales face, "Actually, you are wrong"

Shax had not expected such confidence from her enemy. Sure, angels were known for their high and mighty cockiness but surely, surely they could recognize defeat?

What shax had not realized, firstly, is that Aziraphale had not once utilised any of his angelic powers or training. He had once been the protector of the eastern gate, and that job was not given to any lightweights, it was the same reason why he was supposed to lead a batallion if Armageddon hadn't been thwarted by him and Crowley. Secondly, and this relates to the failure of the end of times, Aziraphale doesn't do well taking instructions and doing what he is told. It's how he has fumbled his way through the millenia he has been on the surface. Sure, he followed heavenly orders when he wanted to, but as soon as they wanted him to do something he didn't necessarily agree with, all bets were off the table. He didn't ask, he just did and it was heavens poor monitoring of this principality that allowed his nature in the way he does things to be a bit more frivolous. Thirdly, and this is one of the most important bits, you don't get through centuries in London without picking up a few bits here and there, going a bit native as the heavenly order might say.

"What-What do you mean 'actually you are wrong'? You are helpless to my legion! You have no help! Crowley and heaven have left you behind! You are nothing in comparison to me!"

"Again, you are wrong" gently spoke Aziraphale, a polite smile now occupying his face as he gently reached to grab a copy of 'The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde (and other stories)'. Gently he glided his fingers over the leather cover, he first got this book a few years after it's release in 1886. It has caught his eye in around 1893 when publishers decided to compile this story and the works of others in one book. And while he would have like to have individual copies of each story, he couldn't resist the beautiful binding of the book at that time. Of course, this didn't matter too much in the long run as by 1927 he had come into possession of hand binded copies of each story. Which is why he felt no particular remorse when....editing this version.

"What are you doing, now is not the time to be caressing a dusty book Mr Fell," whispered Nina in a hushed but agitated voice. The demons were starting to slowly move in again after being at ease for the few seconds in which Shax had been talking and Nina would quite like to make her way out of this alive thank you very much.

"Listen to the human,"Shax spoke." Stop delaying and plead for forgiveness at the ruthless claws of my demons!"

" Oh you are still quite incorrect i'm afraid. You see, it will be your army that will need to be asking her grace for forgiveness soon enough."

With a rapid movement Aziraphale had flipped open the book, pulled out a small hand gun and lifted it to eye level, finger resting in the trigger.

Shax laughed, "A gun! You couldn't possibly dream of harming us with that human contraption!"

"Incorrect once again I'm afraid. You see your mortal bodies are susceptible to human wounds, a bullet in the right place would discorporate you. However, as precaution this gun has been consecrated and each bullet blessed using holy water. Forget inconveniently discorporated, you will be permanently gone. I didn't want to use this, violence has never really been my fortitude but i have warned you many times and asked you politely to leave a plethora more. Now I'm fed up and just want to keep nina and maggie safe. Get out of my book shop!"

His index finger squeezes the trigger and a bullet fly's straight though a demons head. Immediately discorporating them and leaving their body to slowly break down on the floor at Shax's feet.

Im sorry i know this is out of character but come on, bad ass aziraphale? Yes please.

sorry but the whole "aziraphale keeps a gun inside a hollowed out book" is THE BIGGEST missed opportunity ever to do a LITERAL Chekhov's Gun I'm so mad about it can you imagine if in episode 6 when they're fighting the demons in the bookshop and they run out of encyclopedias to throw and they're completely out of options instead of exploding his halo aziraphale just pulls a pistol out of a book and starts fucking shooting them