#edit HOLY FUCK its so blue. it was not this blue 10 seconds ago was it????

[oensible]

1st period 2025.02.23, sharks @ flames

i laughed out loud

[justfangirlthingies]

Caught my eye (Corpse Husband x reader)

Soulmate AU: In which everyone has one eye in their own eye colour and one in the colour of their soulmate. However, when you are close to meeting each other, your vision will change to the soulmate's one, letting you know you are close. When your eyes meet they will change their colour to their original eye colour.

Word count: 4189 words

Warnings: cursing because that is automatically given when writing about Corpse

Another Soulmate AU from my Wattpad account let's go!

Staring into the camera were a pair of, colourwise mismatched, eyes, one iris a deep brown and the other one a shimmering (e/c).

It was not unusual for someone to have two different eye colours in one set of eyes, it simply meant one had yet to find their significant other.

Pressing record on your camera you let your eyes stay right in front of the lens for a second before rolling backwards on your chair, your torso now in frame as well "Hello all of you beautiful individuals! I'm (y/yt/n) and as always I welcome you here!" You waved at your camera, a warm and welcoming smile gracing your lips. "In case this is your first time stumbling over this channel" you paused a second and giggled "Hi, welcome to this chaos!" Slowly you neared the camera again "Leave while you still can" you whisper shouted into your microphone.

"No hold on don't leave please! I was just kidding" You joked at your camera.

A happy sigh escaped your mouth as you leaned back in your chair "Today is q & a time isn't it?" You wiggled your eyebrows at the blinking light in front of you "Well let's get to it then...hmm...lemme see. Youtubetrash asks 'how old are you (Y/n)?' Do you always have to ask that question guys?" You scold playfully "I'm 19, but I really don't get why this is so important to you that I have to answer it in every video, like do you want to know the exact amount of days and minutes? Will you stop asking it every goddamn time then?" You chuckled as you ran a hand through your (h/l), (h/c) hair. "Right, next question! SusanIsAFish wants to know which eye colour my own is. I can easily answer that with either 'both are' or 'hell if I know' I've always had two eye colours like how am I supposed to know." A grin spread on your face as you continued to interact with your community's questions...

"Alright alright these are the last two questions guys. Nightmaresscareme...honestly same" you laughed as you read the users name out aloud. When you calmed down again you cleared your throat and continued "Ahem, anyways they wanna know if I found my soulmate already and who it is....Do I look like I found my soulmate?" You asked smiling as you approached the recording device once again and pointed a finger at each eye. "I have no Idea who it is but maybe you find whoever it is because all of you people are little Sherlock's I swear, you find out everything." Laughter erupted from your throat once again as you pointed at your camera.

"Last but not least, (y/n)stan asks 'when will you collab with Jack again? The two of you promised to make a video or something together?' Woah calm down, honestly I don't even think he remembers that, it was years ago. How do you even remember that (y/n)stan? I swear to god that's exactly what I meant with ya'll being Sherlock's." You wiggled your eyebrows again "But if you do remember, Seán and you magically happen to see this video. What happened to our collab plans dude?" You giggled "Alrighty guys that's it for today's video. Stay awesome my dudes, dudettes and in betweens and I'll see ya in the next one!" You winked and waved before stopping your recording and going straight to editing your video.

Just as you were about to upload your piece of work, your phone rang, scaring you in the process and causing you to delete your video. You groan in frustration holding your head in your palms.

"This better be important..." you mumbled to yourself as you went to check your phone. Seriously?! It was a Twitter notification. You sighed and ignored it for now, saving your video was a priority right now.

After hours of retrieving and re-editing your footage you finally uploaded the video to the worldwide known platform and picked up your phone to see what Twitter wanted from you.

As you opened the app you saw that it was a private message from none other than Jacksepticeye. What a freaking coincidence you thought, a smile now appearing on your face as you read the message. All your frustration was gone and instead replaced with confusion and laughter.  "What kind of message is that?" You muttered as you shook your head laughing.

Jacksepticeye:

Hey (Y/n) what colours are your eyes again?

(Y/T/N):

What kinda question is that? Lmao

Jacksepticeye:

Just answer my question dum dum :)

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A raven haired male was on a discord call with his online friend that he had just revealed his face to. "Jack what are you doing now?" The young man laughed at his friend.

"Hold on, I'm texting someone."

The dark haired man sighed and waited "that's not very polite you know" he smiled.

"Pschh I'm finding your soulmate, what's impolite about that?" The Irish man looked up from his phone and back at his Computer screen. Only to start laughing at the other's reaction.

"Corpse? You good?" He kept on laughing at the dumbfounded expression on Corpse's face.

Who as a reaction turned off his camera, suddenly feeling very insecure towards his friend again.

"What do you mean?" His deep voice asked cautious.

"Don't worry man I'm not leaking your face or any info to anyone" he smiled reassuringly. "Your eyes just reminded me of someone else with the same or very similar ones. At least I hope I remember their eye colours correctly" He rambled on.

"Oh..." came from the other line, which was now more quiet than usual.

Seán noticed the change in his friend's behaviour and immediately stopped what he was doing. "I'm sorry Corpse..." the Irishman scratched bis neck awkwardly "I should've asked you first"

"I-it's fine. I just can't imagine anyone wanting to be my soulmate" the male sighed.

His friend flashed an encouraging smile at the screen "Dude! Anyone would be happy to be your soulmate. I know I would be! You are great, I know you probably don't believe me but I mean it bud. Besides, your soulmate is your other half, it's like they were made for you"

One could hear a sigh coming from the black screen as Corpse turned his camera back on, his pink tinted cheeks now showing up on screen as well. He had put his eye-patch on, leaving only his brown eye visible. "And you're really sure?" He asked quietly.

"100% sure! Anyone with half a brain would know how lovable you are" the blue eyed male grinned. "Besides, the person I'm thinking of also has a YouTube channel, I think I still owe them a collab, sooo I could maybe invite them to play some kind of-"

He cut himself off. "They answered!"

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(Y/T/N):

Well they're like brown and (e/c), it's such a weird mix though.

Jacksepticeye:

Interesting.

Hey (Y/n), how about we do that collab? You could fly out and we meet up

(Y/T/N):

You still remember that? XD

Yeah sure I'd love that, I just had someone ask me about that collab today.

But seriously dude why are my eyes interesting to you all of a sudden? You found my soulmate or smth 🧐😂

Jacksepticeye:

😏😌🤭🤫

Right....

So when are you coming?

(Y/T/N):

Dude!

You literally just asked me if I even wanna come! Like come on, you think I've booked a flight already? Just like 10 minutes after you asked me to travel there?

Jacksepticeye:

As a matter of fact I don't just think so, I know it ;)

So when do I have the honors of picking your jet-lagged ass up at the airport?

(Y/T/N):

:(

...

This weekend

Time skip

A happy sigh escaped your lips as you felt the plane reaching the ground of its destination. You swiftly grabbed your bag and left the plane to get the rest of your luggage.

A yawn escaped your mouth as you grabbed your stuff, staying awake during the whole flight probably wasn't your best idea, but you couldn't help it. To you it was simply impossible to fall asleep on a journey by plane.

Your eyes skimmed the airport as you were searching for your friend.

After a few minutes of looking around you decided to sit down and wait, he was probably still on his way to the airport.

Just as you decided to open up your phone you got smacked in the face... With a balloon? "What the hell?" You whispered as you were pulled up from your seat and embraced. "(Y/N)! Hey! I haven't seen you in forever"

You looked up a little confused as you reciprocated the hug. "Well hello to you too Seán"

He chuckled and grabbed one of your bags before dragging you with him. "How can you be so motivated and energetic?" You giggled and tried to keep up with your Irish friend. "That (Y/n), is simply because I'm not sleep deprived like you"

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Setting up his stream was a curly haired nervous mess. He was always nervous when he had to stream. But today was somehow worse.

The half Mexican ran his fingers through his hair. It was just a game with friends right? However, he had never played this game before.

His nerves getting to him caused Corpse to cancel the idea of a stream. "I'll just be there and play along, that's fine too. I don't need to stream every time I'm playing a game with my friends..." he muttered to himself.

With a bottle of water beside him he started the game and went through the tutorial. "Man this game is fucking cute" he laughed before joining the discord call, just to be engulfed in a complete chaos of voices.

"Hey Corpse is here! Hi hi!" A Swedish voice boomed through his headphones along with the rest of the group greeting him. "Hey guys" he replied as he joined their server in the game. "So what are we doing? Why is no one starti-" the deep voice started but was cut of by someone else.

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"HOLY FUCKING- Who the hell was that?! Hello by the way" The whole call erupted in laughter at the reaction of the (h/c) haired individual.

"Uhh hi, that was me" Corpse answered laughing as he scratched his head nervously "and you also just answered my question for me thank you, whoever you are" Everyone laughed once again.

"Okay but seriously who are you?" Dave asked.

"Jack! You said you told em that I'd join" you huffed as you glanced At your friend next to you, you were sharing one discord account for this call as you sat right next to each other and didn't want the quality of the call to go down because of an echo. Both of you streamed online on twitch.

"Whoops! I thought I did" he chuckled once more as he introduced you to the party. "Well then..." he coughed in an attempt to clear his throat "Drum-roll please! this is (Y/n), they came to visit me this weekend. (Y/n), that's Dave, Felix, Joel, PJ and Corpse."

"Hi" you said suddenly a little nervous because you thought everyone knew you'd join.

Luckily no one seemed to mind that you were here as they greeted you. In fact, they seemed ecstatic to meet you.

"So have any of you not played this before?" Pewds asked the group. "Uh yeah, me" Yours and the deep voice said simultaneously. "But I did the tutorial" Corpse added. "Well I didn't" you laughed. "Great then we're all set, shame on you though (Y/n)!" Seán shouted.

"Jeez man, you told me to skip it and I can hear you! I'm right next to you and not deaf in case you didn't know" you sassed back, causing laughter to bounce through your headset once more.

"(Y/n) and Corpse you two haven't played before that means you count as one person for the group things cause both of you are noobs and if you count as one we have even team numbers" The swede joked.

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"We're the Meowfia" Jack laughed, starting off with his puns for this game.

(Y/n) snorted at that as everyone chose the animals of their teams. Corpse chose the cat with an eye-patch along with his team. "Maan this is peer pressure!" Your voice called out "lucky for me I like cats"

"That is the truth" the Irish voice boomed through the call once again, "I mean you should see, even their headphones have cat ears"

"I wanna see that!" Dave shouted.

"Can we see them in your cam Jack?" PJ asked.

"Not completely, they're streaming on Twitch though, its at (Y/YT/N) on Twitch and YouTube" Seán smiled as he pat your back.

"You can't just expose me like that!" The cute voice answered panicking.

"I gotta see that, hold on!" Felix shouted as he opened up your stream smirking as he followed you. "Corpse, they'll ruin your life" he continued as your cheeks flushed a bright red, suddenly feeling so exposed and put on the spot "why...why am I ruining his life?" You asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Corpse had also opened up your account as he stared in awe at the enchanting individual now on his computer screen. Were you the one Jack had meant? No it couldn't be.

"Well you see, he wrote a song about cat girls ruining his life. Right Corpse?" This statement made him come back to reality and quite flustered at that "Huh? What-  ...ohhh uhm- uh- yeah" he responded in a stutter, the pale skin of his cheeks heating up and turning red.

"Corpse are you alright?" you asked, concern not only laced in your voice but also written all over your face, which he saw. This whole ordeal just made him blush more. There was a short pause "...Yeah.." the raven haired responded. But not even a second later a laugh erupted in the call "Did we just catch you right handed?" The voice belonged to Dave. "What do you mean?" Corpse asked confused. While he waited for a response from his friend, he started fiddling with his rings as he kept his eyes on (Y/N)'s stream which was still pulled up on his screen. "Well, did we catch you watching her stream?" Dave replied trying to hold in his laughter.

Your expression changed as your eyes went wide and you looked right at your camera "Is that true?" Your voice chimed in as a hint of pink spread across your cheeks, one of your eyebrows arched. "Well..." The man with the username 'CORPSE' cleared his throat "I had to see if Jack and Felix were speaking the truth..."

A smirk spread across your face "And? Were they honest?" you laughed as your Irish companion moved his face into the frame of your camera wiggling his eyebrows. The only answer you got to your question was silence before the deep voice continued "Alright let's start this game." Yet another laugh escaped your throat when you noticed the lack of a reply to your question. However, one could say that silence was an answer on its own.

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The young guy sighed loudly after the game had ended, rolling back, away from his table, in his gaming chair he ran his hands through his curly hair. The game was fun, but it was exhausting for the man to concentrate on a game this long. Just as he was about to get up, turn all devices off and leave, he heard a familiar sound coming from his computer screen.

A discord call and video call at that was incoming from none other that Jacksepticeye. So, Corpse rolled forward in his chair again as he checked if his camera was turned off and covered. After reassuring himself that his face was hidden he accepted the call. "Hey whaddup?" He greeted his loud friend who immediately responded with a "Hey my man". His mismatched eyes widened as he looked at the screen, it was not only Jack on the call...they were there as well, a shy smile plastered on their face as they kept their eyes closed "Hey Corpse, tell me when your camera is off. Sean told me it might be on and I don't want you to accidentally expose yourself to me." "Oh yeah, it's off. You can open your eyes it's fine." Just as he finished his sentence their eyelids slowly fluttered open as they stared at the black screen and waved. There was no way to describe the feeling that went through him as he admired you in awe. He seemed starstruck and without thinking he blurted out "You have to visit San Diego sometime, but like soon"

Your eyes widened slightly not knowing how to respond to that "Umm...yeah I dunno, maybe someday?" Jack gasped dramatically "You never invited me over even though I'm the one you trusted enough to show your face to!"

Yet another time today, the male behind the black screen felt a blush grow on his face. "Well i-it's your fault for introducing me to your friend. And umm sorry if I was a bit too blunt there" He stuttered. "No it's fine. I'm a very spontaneous person ya know." You replied an embarrassed smile gracing your lips once more "But you could be a killer for all I know...sorry you probably hear that one a lot haha. Also, would you even be comfortable enough to meet up..." slowly you started drifting off with what you were saying. As soon as you realized you were trailing off of the topic at hand, you tried to get back to the conversation "ahem.. yeah, anyways as I was saying...someday sure. I mean...I am traveling around at the moment because I flew to Brighton. Maybe you know, we could get to know each other a bit better first" you smiled nervously as you replied.

"Ah yes...of course. Though I do have a question for you Seán. Is (Y/n) the one we spoke of a few days ago?" came back as a reply. He had a plan to gain their trust if they really were his suspected soulmate. The man next to (Y/n) nodded and gave a wink to the camera they used for the call. This action just confused you even more and it must have shown on your face because your loud friend started laughing at you. "Don't worry it was nothing bad" Jack reassured. "Hold on, is this about the random-" there was a lot of shuffling coming from the black screen. The noise had startled you a bit, causing you to stop mid sentence. "the random question about my eyes?" You continued your question, looking at that Irish friend of yours, but you didn't get a reply for there was another loud noise coming from Corpse's side of the screen. You shifted your attention back to the screen in front of you again just to be met with more shuffling and a sudden colour change of the screen. Your eyes widened as you saw a face only briefly for a split second before your vision suddenly changed. You looked around to see an unfamiliar room and as you saw the sight before your eyes you felt as though they were going to pop out of their sockets at any moment.

No...

No fucking way...

"Holy shit" you heard the words leave both your mouths. You just stared at the screen in front of you to see yourself, who apparently sat on the other side of the screen next to Seán. And you also saw the live view of a young man with black curly hair, dressed in black in a small window of the computer. You felt really dizzy all of a sudden and the light before your eyes went black briefly before returning to more used surroundings again.

Realisation dawned on you as you blinked a few times and spoke aloud "I-I just imagined that right? There's no way. C-Corpse you didn't happen to experience that right now, did-did you?"

"Holy fuck..." you heard a low mutter coming from the speakers.

Jack looked at you, eyebrows raised in confusion for a second before realization dawned on him and a knowing smirk appeared on his face as he shouted "CALLED IT!"

The two of you could not yet comprehend what was happening, let alone listen and realize what your mutual friend had to say.

After a few minutes of complete silence you tore your eyes away from the pen on Jack's desk, which had become the most interesting thing and perfect staring partner for the past minutes and shifted your gaze back to the young raven-haired individual before you, a small smile and a huge blush grazing your facial features as you spoke up, voice quiet and soft, but also full of nervousness "soo...umm...Corpse, are you gonna give me that address in San Diego?"

The question stood in the room for a few moments as silence engulfed you once again. Corpse's expression on his bright red face however, showed he was pondering."Y-yeah of course...sure...I-I'll text it to you if you give me that number of yours..." Then there was a pause. "Whe-When can I expect you then?"

This time it was your turn to think. "How about directly when you leave Brighton?" Jack chimed in. "But th-that's like in two days..." you stuttered in response. It was a nice idea and you did feel a pull to meet this handsome stranger as soon as possible. "Well yeah, that's the point is it not? I already checked for flights while you two where staring off somewhere....Sooo? Should I buy the ticket real quick? You can thank me later." Your mismatching eyes kept switching your gaze from your friend who had made this crazy suggestion and your apparent soulmate who now wore an eyepatch and was watching you expectantly while patiently awaiting your answer. A small sigh left your lips as you made your decision. When you tried to verbally answer though, your voice had left you, so you made eye-contact with the man also known as Corpse Husband, who had trusted you enough to reveal his face to you, and just gave him a small nod. He seemed to understand and gave you a reassuring smile.

"It's final then?" Seán, who had watched this whole ordeal unfold asked smiling happily as you just nodded once again "Y-yeah"

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Two days later you found yourself on yet another plane ride, but this time it was not to England, nor was its destination your home. You sat on your seat in silence, music which you couldn't concentrate on, blasting through your headphones while you  twiddled with your fingers, bouncing your leg up and down quickly. What were you gonna say? He would pick you up outside of the airport in order to avoid bumping into things when the view-switching-thing would happen.

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Meanwhile, the faceless YouTuber had finished tidying up his apartment and prepared everything for your arrival. He would be lying if he said he didn't look you up on the socials to learn more about you.

About half an hour before the plane would land he drove off to your designated meeting spot. He arrived there 10 minutes early so he could mentally prepare himself. About 5 minutes later he put on his black face mask and exited his car. At first he was gonna wait for you here, but his nerves and heart got the better of him, so he made his way closer inside the airport building to meet you halfway. What he didn't know was that your plane would land early. So, as he made his way through the people, which was way out of his comfort zone already, he started to see black dots clouding his view, but suddenly he came from the other side. Oh no. The body kept walking until he saw himself in the crowd.

Your eyes met as you tried to navigate through the crowd of people, it was hard as you had to control your own body somehow even though you could only see what your soulmate would usually see. Finally you had gotten somewhat closer to one another and as you came to a halt, your bodies mere inches apart as your eyesight returned to your own again. You looked up at the man in front of you in awe. Your eyes were fixated on his as you noticed the (e/c) in his one eye fade away, just to be replaced by this beautiful shade of brown that was in his other eye. The colour you knew so well because you had seen it in the mirror in one of your own eyes everyday. "Your eyes" you whispered. He smiled in return "yours too..it's nice to meet you (Y/n). My soulmate. You are even more dazzling in person" he complimented. "I can't say anything else besides the same applies to you" You smiled in return as your face went red. "Well then...Shall we?" he grinned as he took one of your backpacks and started walking. "Hey! Wait up!" You laughed as you ran to catch up to your soulmate...

[yannsscarf]

A personal selection:

every favorite shot from every episode of Skam France season 3.

episode 1: the moment when lucas made up his mind and took the first step.

to me, its a hard one between the moment when eliott walked in le foyer and that facial expression lucas made. it's like a hit to the head and something was growing inside from that moment. but again to me the story of lucas begins here. he chose his fate, his instinct. he hesitated, swallowed, yet he still walked forward. i just love this moment so much.

episode 2:  the moment when lucas becoming the Polaris of eliott.

specifically this shot. lucas looked back and its almost like he was searching for acceptance. its so telling with his careful, longing, slightly doubted face. he cut himself open and presented his heart to his crush, it's so bold of a move but it's so beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful. and you can see eliott’s eyes, they are lightening up like there’s nothing brighter than lucas.

episode 3: the moment when they challenged each other.

where do I begin? or do I even need to? lucas’ eyes are telling everything. if there’s any moment that they are confirming things between them, this is the moment. lucas is challenging, eliott is challenging, they dare each other to take the first move. the tension, the desire, the nameless butterflies flying around in the air. name one stronger eye contact in tv history I’ll wait.

episode 4: ‘i’ve watched your project.’ ‘guess we have to marry now.’

this particular shot is hands down my fav in this season. just how it resembles the dream of eliott, how it shows that lucas is definitely the polaris to eliott, how brave and beautiful it is for lucas to take a lead and show his pure admiration and love to eliott. at this moment they stopped questioning, they stopped guessing and teasing, they found each other. I might be the weirdest person but to me, locking fingers is waaaaay more poetic, sensual and significant than other physical contacts. and this moment completed me.

episode 5: the ending shot.

how do you say, disappointed, hurt, brokenhearted, numbed and despaired? this ending shot tells you how. I don't know where to begin or how to begin to describe the feeling that I had after this scene. or how much it is enough for me to appreciate the cinematography in here. every time I watch it I'm always amazed by that certain amount of blurriness in the ending shot, as if its seen through the eyes of lucas, blurred out from time to time, losing focus every now and then, crushed by rage, despondency, and hopelessness.

episode 6: utter vulnerability, emotionally raw, and friends become family.

I love how lucas is being the one who comforts people in the beginning and tried so hard to get himself together, yet failed in the end. the whole blue in this shot, tone-wise and emotion-wise, is thoroughly conveyed. somehow in the mood of sadness and sorrow, we felt the warmth. in the moment of taciturnity, sadness was flowing under, and the tears were their way out.

episode 7: a fascinating dance in the rain of oil paint.

I probably rewatched this episode 200 times before i made my decision. what can say besides the fact that this clip is not only a tribute but a poem of its own. the way they swing, how they hold onto each other, the holy intimacy, and colors are everywhere as if we just walked into someone’s dream. the shot is so perfectly done it almost feels sacred to me, and nothing there should be violated. hold your breath, stop whatever you are doing, drop your phone, take a seat, and enjoy one the most beautiful shots in tv history.

episode 8: lucas’ ability to love people.

episode 8 is probably the hardest one. too much has happened and too many need to be remembered. i actually made a final 5 and then ditched them all, come up with this one. funny thing is that no matter how many times i watch this clip, especially this scene, i can't tell if its an improvisation or its actually in the script. but either way, they have given a whole new layer of lucas’ character, his ability to love. he stares at eliott until he has gone from sight, he blows a kiss to him even no one is there to catch. this moment is when i go, this boy is far gone in love, its so silly so pure so heartwarming yet so full of strength. he has the world’s strongest empathy even tho he’s gained less during his childhood. this level of devotion and loyalty made lucas the most loveable, angelic and relatable. (btw the tip of his nose bounces when he blows kisses I’ve watched it for two hours no regret.)

episode 9: remember stopped and lucas whispered, ‘T’es plus tout seul.’

kudos to the editing team because how many of us had goosebumps when remember was put on hold, as if the whole world has stopped and all you can hear is lucas’ mad heartbeat, following the line, ‘you are not alone anymore.’ its so simple, so heartwrenching, yet so powerful. they way lucas put himself in a lower position, forehead against eliott, hands cupping eliott’s face, you don't need to hear it to know how much he loves him. its written on his face.

episode 10: the tears of Juedi 17h32.

lucas has cried many times during this season. too many times to the point some pious, mindless people started to complain about it. I’ve said it before but I gotta say it again, be grateful, be devoted, it really is a privilege for us to sit there and witness them all. his emotions through his tears in this season are priceless. and how amazing the whole crew is because they aren't afraid to show it to the audiences. society tells men that its a shame to cry, and most of them act along. lucas said, fuck it, I’ll cry whenever I feel it. and isn't it just the most beautiful, important thing in the world? to me, episode 10 has blessed us some of the most accurate, sincere, on-point reactions. eliott’s honest monologue about his mental health, lucas’ overprotective status and his strong empathy showed up everywhere in those little details. but nothing hits me harder than this shot. the bus drifted, then the camera started pulling away but remained closeup, lucas’ emotions was poured out, everyone is feeling it through the screen. his tears are shed for sadness from parting, happiness from love and tenderness from eliott. his tears are the proof of living the moment, that lucas is living in the moment and feeling everything. and it has to be in our recognition that no one should be reserved from showing basic human emotions. 

I specifically took some of those out and highlighted some frames just to show that I really really love them. it’s not ranked, its nearly impossible to rank them. I already had a hard time choosing between scenes. again it’s only my personal taste and some might not seem to be important at all to others. but they are truly my favourite, cinematography wise, symbolism-wise, just anything.

I can’t even say its a tribute or anything to season 3 because it’s just my simple modification of the original work. I only picked them just so I can show my genuine appreciation to the whole crew. they are the real MVP. they have to know that I for one appreciate every second of the season and every piece of transmedia content. I laughed, I cried, I got upset, I became furious, I smiled, I rolled my eyes, I looked into the void, I sighed, but most importantly, I learned.

lucas lallemant, being the little hero he is, really had me fall hard. i don’t even know how to use my pale, plain, tasteless words to describe how much i love him. i love him knowing that i could never reach his level of bravery, and it doesn’t matter. i have thousands of words for him yet somehow I can’t say anything.

I guess if parallel universe does exist, maybe I’ll meet him, hold his hands, might even say thank you even if it sounds strange as hell. but I do thank him.

thank you lucas, for you being you, for always choose love. Thank you for never quitting, for never stop fighting. Sometimes I take a look at you and I tell myself, somewhere in this universe you exist, and that’s such a bliss. I don’t know what did I do to deserve you, such a gentle soul, such a golden heart. Thank you for just, your whole existence. I take a look back of the teenager me and seeing the things that I’ve missed, people who I’ve been wronged. And there’s you, lucas, there’s you. You did things that i never had the guts to do, you choose the one that I’ve lost a long time ago. And I’m so happy that you did because you deserve all the love.

You are my little hero and always will. It’s been such a short amount of time, if only I knew parting was this hard, I would give up anything just to live through these all over again, just so I can meet you one more time, just so I can see your beautiful goofy smile, hold your hands, and give you the biggest hug in the whole world, and say a proper goodbye instead of being a mess and totally out of breath because of all the tears.

I’m gonna miss you so much.

Goodbye Lucas, I love you so, so much, I really do.

Until next time.

[fresh-outta-jams]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 12

Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: You’re in college when your soulmate tattoo shows up, an address. You figure it couldn’t hurt to send a letter, right? Note: I’m so excitedddddddd oof here we go, y’all. Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff. Word Count: 3.5k

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

Nervous didn’t even begin to cover the emotions coursing through Namjoon’s body. He was terrified, excited, elated to be getting on the plane, and as soon as he sat down, it all sank in. The next time he got out of this plane, he would be in your state, and then soon after, in a car on the way to your school, and then even sooner after that, he’d have you in his arms, smothering you with kisses and affection. God, it was almost enough to make him pass out.

It had been a while since he’d flown somewhere alone, Namjoon reminisced. He missed the chatter and laughter of his brothers, filling the plane. Instead, sitting in First Class alone, he had to turn to his phone and computer for entertainment. He’d told you a few hours ago that he’d broken his phone, another lie, and that he wouldn’t have it for the rest of the day until it got fixed, so the two of you wouldn’t be able to FaceTime. And, if the problem arose, he’d lie to you about his webcam being dysfunctional too. It was a fourteen-hour flight and you couldn’t have any idea he was on the way, if he wanted the surprise to pay off.

Lily and Grace had offered to keep an eye on you, making sure you stayed at the library, which was where he planned to meet up with them, and therefore, you, when the time came. God, thinking about it made his heart race.

After this flight, he’d be with you. After this flight...He’d. Be. With. You. It was going to drive him mad. Figuring his best bet to pass the time was sleeping, Namjoon lowered his seat and pulled his Koya sleeping mask down over his eyes, his headphones playing something soft and romantic. He had no idea how he would ever be able to sleep when something so exciting was waiting on the other end of that dreamy tunnel for him, but he figured he’d have to if he didn’t want the minutes to crawl by.

So, he let his breaths slow, and he let the music carry him off to a happy place filled with coffee shops and a girl with pink hair and a camera.

***

You were decidedly itchy. No, maybe itchy wasn’t quite the right word. You were antsy, more like it. It was seven. You’d just woken up from a very odd dream about an airplane, which you’d written off as anxiety about your upcoming first flight.

Today was Monday, the first day of exam week, which certainly contributed to your itchiness. And once you unlocked your phone to scroll through the night’s notifications, you got some more answers as to exactly why something felt off.

Unknown Number: Hey jagiya! It’s Namjoon! Your clumsy boyfriend dropped his phone, so I won’t be able to text or call you today. I’m sending this from Hobi’s phone. I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much and I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Have a good day studying for your exams. I know you’ll do well! Fighting!

It was sweet, very sweet. How thoughtful of him, to send you a message instead of leaving you to wonder if your amazing wonderful boyfriend was ignoring you. But that was what Namjoon was: thoughtful. And yet, something still felt off about it, yet you couldn’t put your finger on it.

So, you sat up, stretched, hung your sleeping mask on its designated Command hook, and started down your ladder to begin one very uneventful day of studying.

***

You were a strong believer in study breaks. Cramming without stop always made you more frustrated than anything else. So, every couple of hours, you took a thirty-minute break to talk to the other two friends who had come to cram with you. Well, at the moment, it was one. Lily was taking her Psychology exam, so that left you with Grace, who had her nose in her American History book, jotting notes down in her red, white, and blue notebook.

When she looked up, and caught your gaze, she set down her textbook and smiled, stretching. “Break time already?”

“Yeah, it’s like three.”

“Holy shit that went by fast.” She checked the time on her phone only to find that what you’d told her was accurate. And also, she’d received a DM from your soulmate, the one person you could not know she was messaging. She snatched up her phone as quickly as she could.

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously, that sinking feeling you’d been harboring since this morning returning in full force. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” She blurted too quickly, clearing out her notifications, and with them, any remains of Namjoon’s message. “No, I just, uh, my professor emailed me a study guide and I really needed it.”

“Oh, that’s good…” You nodded, attempting to take a sip from your now-empty glass of tea. Luckily for you, you’d been saving up your meal dollars, so you had enough money for all the tea you could ever drink...and then some. And, in addition, you had to spend all of them before the school year ended, so you figured you may as well use them.

Standing up from the table, you grabbed your empty cup and tossed it in the trash, walking up the stairs to get another one from the tea place on the second floor. While you were gone, Grace unlocked her phone and opened Twitter. It was Namjoon, of course, messaging in the group chat he’d started with Grace and Lily.

RM_fan_94: Around five or six hours left on my flight. How are things going? Is she okay?

GracieGirl: She’s fine, Namjoon. She has consumed around six cups of tea since we’ve been here, tho. Your girl has a problem…

RM_fan_94: She sounds like me with coffee haha

RM_fan_94: Do either of you have tips for when I get there?

GracieGirl: I’m going to send you navigation from the entrance of the school to the library, but besides that, it should be fine. We’re sitting in this little area on the bottom floor.

GracieGirl: It’s her favorite spot, so there’s no way we’re moving.

GracieGirl: Plus, this place is full bc of exams, so we couldn’t really move if we tried.

GracieGirl: Once you get here, go through the door on the front of the building (facing the giant bird statue) and go down the stairs. It’s basically impossible to miss her. She has hot pink hair.

GracieGirl: Also, she’s wearing a BTS shirt.

RM_fan_94: Awwwwww that’s my girl.

Lilyyyy: Exam is FINISHED!! Operation Babysit (Y/N) Commences!

RM_fan_94: I hope you did well!

Lilyyyy: Omg where did she find you? You’re so perfect?? And sweet?? Did she make you in a lab??

RM_fan_94: Probably haha omg. But no, after many debates over the topic, I’ve concluded that she is the perfect one in this relationship. I’m just her hype man.

GracieGirl: Oooookay, Mr. Superstar, whatever you say.

Lilyyyy: Y’all are cute as fuck. I can’t wait for tonight!!!

Namjoon paused for a while before he typed out his next message, sighing to himself as he laid his head back against the seat again.

RM_fan_94: Me either…

***

You sat at the table, drilling film terms until your head started buzzing.You had watched your project so many times, you couldn’t stare at the editing program for another second, or you were sure you would go insane. So, instead, you were studying for your Film Analysis class, reteaching yourself about motifs and mise-en-scene and all of the other terms from the beginning of the semester that had been buried by all of the new things you’d learned thus far.

You still felt itchy. Maybe moreso now than when you had woken up, but itchy nonetheless. It was an odd feeling, like something was hanging over your head, something real and heavy and dropping fast. And yet, the more you thought about it, the less it made sense. Nothing was happening. You were fine. Everything was fine. It was just stress. Yes, of course, that’s what it was. Stress. Logical.

The only thing hanging over your head was your exams and the upcoming flight to Korea. That’s all it was, and it made perfect sense.

You sighed and checked the time on your phone. It was six, and you were hungry. You’d had a muffin for brunch and nothing since then. Time for a break, then. You got up and both Grace and Lily looked, wide-eyed.

“Where are you going?” Lily blurted when she saw you grab your keys.

“I’m hungry.”

“Oh. Gotcha. I’ll come with.” Lily offered, picking up her keys too. “If we take the tunnels, we don’t even have to go outside.”

“That is a good point.” You agreed, waving to Grace, the appointed guardian of your things for the time-being, seeing as she had grabbed food thirty minutes ago while you and Lily were busy working.

The two of you walked through the library and through the tunnels that connected the learning center to the building next to it, where there was a selection of fast food places. You got in line at the sandwich place and scrolled through Twitter, your thumb moving to send something funny to Namjoon until you remembered, stopping in place, that Namjoon’s phone was broken.

Your heart sank a little, but you saved the link so you could send it to him later.

“You okay?” Lily nudged your arm and you nodded. “Something wrong?”

“Namjoon broke his phone, so I can’t talk to him…” You sighed. “But I’m glad he told me. Is it weird I miss him? Also, I’m itchy.”

“You’re...itchy?” Lily giggled. “You might want to get a cream for that, sweetie, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“I know, it’s weird.” You agreed, laughing with her. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just nerves from...everything, you know?”

“Yeah, I think I kind of get that.” Lily nodded. It was a good thing you were busy with your phone or you definitely would have noticed the knowing smile blooming across her features. If only you knew what was in store for you in two short hours…

***

When Namjoon got off the plane, he was shaking. Every part of him, trembling in anticipation. He fumbled with his suitcase, struggling to get it out of the luggage check without dropping it. His heart raced. He was here, like twenty minutes from your school, and as soon as his Uber texted him, he’d be on his way.

Namjoon reached into his pocket to check the time. It was around eight, so according to your friends, you’d still be in the library by now, but he figured he’d better send a heads-up just in case. His fingers were shaking almost too much to punch in the message, but somehow, he managed, pressing send after reading over it once or twice.

RM_fan_94: Just landed. Uber should be here soon. I’ll be there twenty minutes after that. Keep her busy.

His face was flushed, heart pounding, banging against his ribcage in hopes to escape and run down the street to find you. God, you were so close. You two had never been this close. There had almost always been an ocean between you, at least, since you’d started communicating. And now, all that was standing in his way was a car ride. Namjoon almost couldn’t stand it.

So, nervous as all hell, Namjoon started pacing in the lobby of the airport until he finally got the notification and went sprinting for the front doors and into the van of his Uber driver.

Every atom in his body was buzzing, buzzing, buzzing and burning as he got closer and closer to the gates of your college. He read the signs on the side of the road. Twenty miles turned to ten, which turned to five. Namjoon felt dizzy, suffocated by his rapidly-approaching destiny. He was sprinting towards it, now, a handful of miles standing between him and the love of his life.

In the passing streetlights, Namjoon could make out the lettering on his wrist. The tattoo that had started this all. He remembered his excitement the moment his fingers brushed against your first letter and the words tingled into existence on his skin. He remembered when all he had to go on was a name and the fact that you were from the States. He remembered the overwhelming joy that washed over him when you sent him the first picture of you, dressed up as Wonder Woman and smiling like you didn’t have a care in the world. He remembered your first phone call, the way his veins pulsed when he finally heard your voice.

All of it was coming to a peak, now. The precipice. This was the beginning of something very new, something uncharted for himself and the rest of the members in BTS.

Without warning, his Uber driver reached the traffic light to turn onto campus. It flicked from red to green, and he drove across the halted lanes of opposite traffic, under the giant arch that marked the beginning of your school. This was it. There was no going back now.

***

Something was wrong with Lily and Grace. They were acting weird. Both of them had gotten a notification from some mysterious group chat, and now neither of them could look you in the eye. It was odd, to say the very least.

“Everything okay?”

“Yep! Just peachy!” Grace lied through her teeth, beaming at you innocently. Something very, very strange was afoot, but you were too burned-out to attempt to get to the bottom of it.

So, seeing as your drink was empty once again, you stood up and began the trek to the tea store up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Lily asked, almost shooting up out of her seat.

“I need more tea.” You shrugged, looking from Lily to Grace. “I’ll be back in like five minutes tops.”

“Okay.” Lily nodded, walking to the bathroom to cover up the fact that she’d shot up so fast to attempt to stop you.

Shaking your head at the strange behavior, you finished walking up the steps and stood in line at the tea store, ordering yet another iced drink. By this time, the barista didn’t even need to ask. It only took him a few minutes to get your drink to you and then you were on your way back down the stairs to the table. You were sitting down when your phone rang with a call...from Namjoon. Your eyebrows furrowed until you realized it was like ten in the morning in Korea, so his phone must have gotten fixed.

Brightening immediately, you picked up.

“Hey babe! Did you get your phone fixed?”

“I did…” His voice sounded weird. You could hear his tone and his breath shaking with each word. “Good thing, too…”

“Joon, is everything okay?”

“Great, baby, everything is great. Super, super great. I just...God…” And then he hung up, his connection cutting out, assumably. Your eyebrows furrowed, waiting for him to call back, like he usually did when your Skype calls cut out, but he didn’t.

“Something wrong?” Lily asked, almost unable to hide the grin on her face. Grace subtly held her phone, obviously recording. She had been since you got back with your tea. And yet, your head was buzzing too much for you to notice.

“I think his phone cut out.” You said softly, staring at the screen as you contemplated calling him back. You waited for a few more seconds before you noticed someone standing at the bottom of the steps. He was tall, his long frame dressed in an oversized black shirt and ripped jeans, tufts of pink hair sticking down out of his black baseball cap.

Maybe it was the pink hair that caused you to look back down at your work for a split second before your heart lurched and you did a double-take. You studied him, frozen and wide-eyed. You urged your legs to get up so you could get a closer look, but they weren’t listening.

You put your hands on the table, pushing yourself to a standing position as Lily and Grace giggled. Your legs wobbled with each slow step over to him. He was frozen, too, an amused grin on his face as he watched the wheels turn in your head, dimples on full display.

“N-Namjoon?” You whispered, tears fogging up your vision. You covered your mouth with your hands, taking a step forward and then a little step back, still unsure if this was actually happening or if it was some cruel hallucination, cooked up by twelve hours of staring at a book and taking notes.

“It’s just me, baby.” He reassured softly. “I’m right here.”

That was all the reassurance you needed. He set down his duffle bag and opened his arms, waiting for your legs to finally get the message from your brain. Eventually, they did, and you broke into a run, closing the distance between you until you were jumping into his arms, legs wrapped tight around his hips. One of his large hands came to rest under your thigh, and the other fastened around your back, rubbing comforting circles as your floodgates finally opened, a cascade of tears following.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He tried to hush your sobs, but he realized after a few seconds that he was crying too.

“How did you get here?” You croaked. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to come surprise my girl.” He chuckled softly, happy tears rolling down his cheeks. “I knew you’d need a little pick-me-up for exam week.”

“So you just came at the drop of a hat?”

“This has been planned for months, baby. It’s all worked out, I promise.” Namjoon was still holding you, your legs firmly gripping his waist, but he pulled away to look at you up close. You were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, even with trails of black mascara running down your cheeks. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

“I look like a mess.” You shook your head, chuckling at how much of a disaster you probably looked on today of all days. Of course on the one day that mattered, you looked like you’d just been hit by the bus.

“Baby, you’re the most beautiful person on the planet.” Namjoon pressed a long kiss to your forehead, closing his eyes before murmuring, “You look perfect, always. I love you, jagiya.”

“I love you too.” You took a moment there to look at him, to really look at this man who held the other half of your soul in his heart. You raised your hands to his cheeks and gave his dimples a pinch, earning a laugh from him. “You’re real…”

“Weird, isn’t it?” He raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t count how many times he’d heard that from ARMYs all over the world. Although, it was never as tender or careful as this statement.

“Mmhmm.” You hummed, studying his features up close, squishing his dimpled cheeks together. “Joonie?”

“What?”

Your eyes lingered on the pillows of his plush lips. They were calling to you. “I want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me.” He replied, leaning in slowly to meet you in the middle. It was electric, sparks flying the moment your lips melted against his larger, warmer ones. You almost forgot you were in public until you heard cheers from all of the other brain-dead students flooding the library currently. Blushing, you reluctantly pulled away from Namjoon, finally unwrapping your legs from his hips and settling yourself back on the floor.

“Was it worth the wait?” You whispered, taking his hand and leading him back over to where your grinning friends had pulled up a fourth chair.

“I would wait a hundred years for you if I had to.”

“You’re cheesy.” You scrunched your nose and looked up at him. You knew all along that he would tower over you, but up close it was entirely different. Namjoon seemed to notice too, as he looked down on you gingerly. He leaned forward and pressed another lingering kiss to your forehead, pulling you against his chest.

“So are you.”

“That’s fair.” You giggled into the fabric of his shirt before finally sitting down with him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you no matter how hard he tried. But eventually, he did turn to give his thanks to Lily and Grace.

“Thank you, ladies. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Grace smiled. Lily nodded in agreement.

You, however, looked between the three of them with wide eyes. “You knew???”

“Explains a lot, doesn’t it?” Lily chuckled, shrugging as she got back to her studying.

“Congratulations, you two.” Gace bidded before slipping her headphones back over her ears.

Namjoon took your hand in his own, scooching his chair closer to yours. He studied your little fingers with a smile before bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it. This, he imagined, was what the rest of your little forever looked like, and he wouldn’t have it any other way...

Tagged: @iie-wakarimasen , @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @huhuehuey, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson, @btswerewolfaus, @oyasumi7, @mycurrentusernameisalreadytaken, @gangstavixsta

[rock-n-roll-refugee]

Get to know me!

Tag 10 peeps

Tagged by the ever so lovely @wispila 

tryna tag these peeps:

@aceslytherin @aria-is-trash @hogwartsmisery @blackwoof008 @rosapeachhogwartsmystery @felixrosierx @illusivedaydreamer17 @sethalistair @loverosier @b-potterhead

but you know if it ain’t your style it ain’t your style. And that’s fine. And you’ve probably been tagged already.

Name: mmmm I don’t wanna give out my real name so I'm just gonna say my name is lettuce and carry on.

Star Sign: Gemini

Height: 5′1 (??? idek my height so I'm guessing but I am very short)

What’s your middle name: Amethyst 

Put your Itunes on shuffle. What are the first 3 songs that popped up?

This is from my Spotify playlist I made (hmu if you want me to send it to you):

1. Band On The Run~ Paul McCartney

2. Honey Pie~ The Beatles

3. Dr. Feelgood~ Mötley Crüe

Grab the book nearest you and turn to page 23. What’s line 17?

“...down on the two Indians, and worked its way into their skins.” Reservation Blues by Sherman Alexie

Have you ever had a poem or song written about you?

lmao no

When was last time you played air guitar?

Like 2 seconds ago from when my playlist shuffled to Dr. Feelgood (from the 6th question)

Who is your celebrity crush?

way too many to name honey... but as of right now, Benjamin Wadsworth.

What’s a sound you hate + a sound you love?

I hate the sound something breaking, gives me anxiety; I guess I love the sound of my backyard?? idk 

Do you believe in ghosts?

um... well I am certainly scared of them

How about aliens?

I’m still scared so idk

Do you drive?

nah 

If so, have you ever crashed?

if I did drive I probably would...

What was the last book you read?

Reservation Blues by Sherman Alexie

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

NO (edit: WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE LIKE THE SMELL OF gASoLinE?! It’s GROSS and it gives me a MiGRane)

What was the last movie you saw?

Crazy Rich Asains ~HOLY MOLY GUYS ITS AMAZING

Whats the worst injury you ever had?

I got ligma...

jkjk but I sprained my ankle, achilles and patellar tendonitis idk which one was the worst but it comes from being a dancer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Do you have any obsessions right now?

classic rock (always), Deadly Class, The Arcana, I Love Yoo, HPHM (obvi)

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yup and I’m really bad at that

In a relationship:

Yeh

[goddamnedamericanjedi]

Sebastian Bach remembers Dimebag Darrell

My relationship to this sick series of events goes way back, some 18 years. I joined a band from Detroit called MADAM X back in 1986 and the very first place I ever played on the road, outside of Detroit, was the Alrosa Villa nightclub in Columbus, Ohio. This is my first memory of touring in America. I vividly remember staying at the Red Roof Inn down the street and then rocking the Alrosa . I was 17 at the time and was living my dream of touring the United States, and the Al Rosa Villa was the very first stage I ever set foot on being on the road in the USA. The very first time I ever heard of Dimebag Darrell was way back in late 1986 or early 1987. As the MADAM X tour progressed across America, we played in Ft. Worth Texas at a place called Savvy's, a club legendary for separating the of-age & not-of-age by a chain-link fence, just like in the BLUES BROTHERS. Yes, bottles were whipped and smashed into the fence nightly at this place. We were just about to go on stage when Godzilla, the bass player for MADAM X, ran back into the dressing room, seven foot tall with hair that literally touched the ceiling, as he screamed into the room, 'Dude guess what!!! Fucking PANTERA is here tonight watching the show!! They are all sitting at a table right in front of the stage, I can't fucking believe this!!!' The reason for his excitement was simple. Already, even with their previous lead singer, PANTERA was legendary on the club circuit in the southern states. Even then, almost 20 years ago, Dimebag's innovative guitar playing and showmanship was already the standard to which other guitar players were to be measured. They already had a sizable fan base and reputation as one of the best metal bands you could ever see on a stage. We were extremely excited and honored to jam for this bunch of highly respected musicians. Little did I know at the time what was in store in the future for myself, and the band PANTERA, and how our lives would intertwine in the years to come. The next time I encountered Dime was in my old guitar player Scotti Hill's house.We were writing the song 'Mudkicker' for our forthcoming record. At the time, we were in one of the biggest bands in the world. We had already begun to headline arenas on our own on our first record and we were planning our first USA headline arena tour at the time. The material we were writing for 'Slave to the Grind' was a lot heavier than our first album and we wanted to take out the heaviest, coolest band on the road that we could find. I remember Scotti pulling out 'Cowboys From Hell' at his house on a songwriting break. He said, 'Dude, check out this band, I really dig them,' and that's when I checked out the album sleeve, as he put it on the stereo. Loud. I immediately remembered the band from the MADAM X days, but I had never listened to them before. I couldn't believe my ears. As the opening guitar riff to 'Cowboys From Hell' came out of the speakers, I knew we had found the band we were looking for to come on tour with us. This was like a new kind of JUDAS PRIEST meets ZZ TOP meets VAN HALEN divided by SLAYER equals its own kind of thing. I remember cranking the album and smiling to myself, 'I cannot wait to help introduce this fucking band to North America!' I knew they were gonna blow up huge as soon as the public at large got a chance to feel their power. So we made the decision. SKID ROW was going to bring PANTERA on their first North American arena tour. I remember the first show like it was yesterday. It was New Years Eve '91/'92 in New Orleans, at this arena that was completely circular and I remember watching PANTERA kick ass for the first time that night. As a metalhead first and foremost myself, it was an absolute dream to stand on the side of the stage every night witnessing PANTERA's rise to fame, night after night, city after city. To have those crazy fuckers as my friends was something I will never forget. Everyone knows about the 'lust for life' that was a legendary part of Dimebag's life. Well, let me say that anyone who was there can attest to the fact that we set the fucking standard for 'living it up' on the SKID ROW / PANTERA tour. Tony Wiggins, the bus driver turned backstage legend of MARILYN MANSON fame and PANTERA lore, got his start in this business how? By being Sebastian Bach's personal driver. Tony was my bus driver on the 'Slave' tour and spent every night driving me across the USA, many times with Phil Anselmo, or my road crew, or other crazy freaks 'unwinding' with me on the way to the next city. To read about Tony's exploits in the MARILYN MANSON book makes me feel like a proud papa. Big Val Bichekas; PANTERA, ALICE IN CHAINS, and now Ozzy's personal security guard? The first job Big Val ever had in rock 'n' roll was — you guessed it — Sebastian Bach's personal security guard. Val met PANTERA on the 'Slave' tour and when Ozzy was looking for personal security, Sharon asked Big Val, 'Who have you done security for?' He answered, 'Sebastian Bach was my first. PANTERA was second.' Ozzy hired him right away, and has employed him ever since. I don't know why his resume says so much to others about his experience! Well, if you ever partied with Dimebag you would know why. The SKID ROW / PANTERA tour. So much to say, a lot that can't be remembered. But due to video tape a lot of these insane moments still exist on tape. Dimebag was pretty much always, or 90 percent of the time that I was with him, with a video camera in hand. Three nights ago I watched 'Vulgar Video' for the first time in over 10 years, and I was astonished to find the full version of both bands doing 'Cold Gin' on there, PANTERA in complete KISS garb. Wow. Also the PANTERA / SKID ROW baseball game — a direct example of Dimebag's hilarious prankster personality at work. What actually happened that day was SKID ROW completely destroyed PANTERA on the baseball field, by at least 20 runs, which wasn't hard because they were all sporting the Black Tooth Grin by early afternoon! Hey it was a day off! But when I played 'Vulgar Video' for the first time I remember holding my head in my hands, laughing, due to some major Dimebag digital editing magic!! The baseball segment on the video shows PANTERA kicking the shit out of SKID ROW, 33 - 8, saved for posterity on the shelf of your local Sam Goody's, for all time, all over the world. Unbelievable. Devious. Funny as shit. Some of the best times of our lives. Denver Colorado. Dimebag is running around the arena with his video camera, as usual. On the road now for a couple of months, my throat feels kind of tight and we have a 'rock doctor' in house to check out my pipes. Dimebag runs up to me in the hallway and screams 'DUUUUUUUUUUUDE, what the fuck, are you seeing the Dr. or what? What the fuck?' with his vidcam omnipresent. I tell him 'Yes, I am on my way up the hall to see the doc.' Dimebag: 'CAN I FILM IT?' Me laughing, 'Sure, dude, knock yerself out!' What a nut! So we get to the Dr., who sits me down on the table and gets his stethoscope and selection of mirrors out to stick down my throat. But as he goes to shove this long mirror thing down my neck, there is one thing in the way — Dimebag Darrell. 'DUDE, HOLY SHIT, MAN, YOU GOTS-TA SEE THIS!! I have your complete vocal cords, close-up, on video.' I am sitting there with my head tilted all the way back, mouth open as wide as it can go with a Dr. shoving a mirror into me on one side, with Dimebag Darrell shoving his camera down my throat on the other side. The Dr. says, 'OK, Sebastian say aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh,' and as I do so, Dime screams out, 'Dude, that shit is TIGHT!! I got your chords on close-up it looks fuckin' wild!' He was focusing his camera right on the mirror that the Dr. was using to look at my vocal chords. Every gag, choke, and cough that I did that day was captured by Dime on film. That was Dimebag. Taking a mundane event and turning it into something fun, worth rockumenting, making a cool little memory of something you would otherwise never remember. I have 'seize the day' tattooed on my arm in Latin. Dimebag Darrell seized every day like there was no tomorrow. No matter how hung over he was! Also on 'Vulgar Video' is the shot of PANTERA having a fucking bar-b-q, right in front of the stage while we were doing our show! My memory of that night, in Hannibal, Missouri (I think) was watching Dimebag on his side of the stage open the show. Right when they got to the ending of 'Domination', one of my favorite songs, as they go into that crushing half-time riff at the end, I remember banging my head as hard as I could but not looking around the backstage, and by mistake slamming my head straight into the side fill, as Dimebag ripped out that riff. I saw stars and felt a knot rise up on my skull the size of a bowling ball. I though I might have a concussion or something, but fuck it, we never canceled a show that whole tour and weren't gonna. So I chilled till we went on stage, kinda dizzy. Then as I was on-stage I look into the first row. Before that there was a good 15 feet of sand, we were playing an outdoor show on some sort of beach. In front of the barricade in the 'pit' was Dimebag Darrell, the rest of PANTERA, and my wife Maria all sitting around ........ a bar-b-q!!! Dimebag and Phil were actually cooking hot-dogs and pouring Tequila shots and handing them out to the audience, crew, and band on stage as well! I thought i might be hallucinating because of smashing my head during PANTERA's set, but no. There I am singing '18 & Life' as Dimebag squirts ketchup and mustard all over his beef frank, and as I get into the song I look out at Dime looking straight into my eyes offering me a hot dog mouthing the words, 'Duuuuuuuude! You want a bite of this delicious wiener bro, c'mon!!!' as everyone is laughing their guts out and my wife is next to Dimebag doing shots of tequila and having potato salad. Then in 'Youth Gone Wild', in the drum breakdown, seeing the whole crowd singing the words, holding up, in unison, ...... hot dogs! Thanks Dime, I do remember they tasted good!!!! My wife got along great with Dime. I can't remember where, some bar in the USA, but Rita, Dime's girl, was there, wearing John Lennon style rose-tinted round mirrored glasses, only with a pot leaf design on each eye. She gave me the shades as a present at the end of the night, which was very cool. During this night, Maria, my wife, had a drinking contest with Dimebag. There is some dispute as to what happened next. I remember Maria and Dime doing 33 shots of Tequila — between them both. Maria, however, seriously remembers — and do not try this at home — her and Dimebag both — doing 33 shots of tequila, each! I think this is physically impossible, but this was over the course of a full evening, and our tolerance was way up back then, so while I hope I am right and Maria is wrong about this, I must admit that if anyone could do this it would have to be Dimebag Darrell!!!! 'Getcha Pull' indeed!!!!! All this mayhem was not without consequence. When we all checked into the hotel in Philadelphia (I think), I had my own bus with Tony Wiggins and Big Val. Someone called my big clunky cellphone (a rarity in those days) and informed our bus that we would not be checking into the hotel that we were on our way to. Both bands had been kicked out of the hotel before I got there. The story I got was that Snake and Dimebag each did a tab of fucking acid, and as the tour managers were checking into the hotel, Dimebag took a knife to one of the leather couches in the hotel lobby, ripping it to shreds and getting both bands permanently banned from the premises! A lot of crazy shit went down in those days and a story like this was just par for the course on this tour. A month or so into the tour, PANTERA released 'A Vulgar Display Of Power'. Prior to this, the band was touring with us without a new album to support. But when 'Vulgar' came out after touring the USA with us for a month or so, the album came straight into the Billboard charts in the top 40 and remains to this day one of the greatest albums of all time. The day after it came into the charts, we were playing Vancouver BC at the PNE and Phil walked straight into our dressing room, 'Hey Bierk. I want a leather couch, full lights, full stage, sound check, blah blah blah.' He was joking around with a list of demands due to the 'new level' that he was now on. It was hilarious and we were all laughing but the point was made. PANTERA was now a big fucking band and from here on out, it was nothing but onward and upward for PANTERA. Dimebag had a 4-track recorder on the road with him at the time. I can remember many nights in his hotel room, getting drunk & recording songs. One particular highlight was Dimebag's version of 'Slave To The Grind' that he recorded on his own, re-titled 'Krell & Dykes'. 'KRELL & DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYKES' went the chorus. Most of you know what dykes are, maybe some of you know what krell is, but Dime made a version of 'Slave To The Grind' with lyrics describing these two areas of interest on this particular tour that was truly a moment in music I wish you all could hear! He gave me a tape of it over 10 years ago, I hope I still have it. If you don't know what krell is, I am not going to tell you! But for those of you with a nose for this kind of thing, I hope one day I can find my copy of Dimebag Darrell's 'Krell & Dykes' and when I do I will post it on the net if it is not too incriminating!! We also had one night where I sang a ballad of Dime's into the 4-track as the sun was coming up. We were so drunk I couldn't stop laughing and Dime too, I just remember him saying 'C'mon, Bierk!!! I KNOW you can do it!!!' But both of us were so drunk I remember more laughing than singing going on that night. Still I know we did at least three tracks of vocals, harmonies and doubling etc., even at 7-8 am with 12 hours of drinking in us, Dime was ready to do what he did best — create rock'n'roll music like you never heard before. After the SKID ROW / PANTERA tour, my next major involvement with Dimebag was a band that we formed together. Named 'SEBASTIAN BACH'S ROCK BUDS', we started the band after I was asked by High Times magazine to play at a benefit in Manhattan at the Limelight. All proceeds would go to the National Organization for the Reformation of Marijuana Laws (NORML). I thought this was a cool idea and they said I could play with whoever I wanted. So, first on my list was Dimebag Darrell. I called him up and he said 'Sure dude. Name the time & place and I will be there! Let's get Rex on bass!' So Rex Brown joined up, along with Bam Bam McConnell on drums and Snake on guitar. Andy McCoy from HANOI ROCKS also came up for a tune, although Dimebag refused to jam with him! The majority of the set was SKID / PANTERA; we did 'Slave', 'New Level', 'Walk', 'Monkey Business', and 'Cowboys From Hell', I think. I have this show on video in perfect condition and it is obviously something I treasure now. Dimebag came up 2 or 3 days before the show and stayed at my house. Rex stayed at Snake's. We rehearsed for the gig at SIR in Manhattan. I remember rehearsing for the gig in 'rehearsal mode', which was doing the songs but not putting alot of sweat into it. Dimebag said to everyone, 'What the fuck is this? Where is the sweat? The fire?' I said to him something lame like, 'Oh, it's just rehearsal dude.You wanna rehearse like we are actually on stage, that's cool.' Dime shot back at me 'IS THERE ANY OTHER FUCKING WAY???' I will never forget him saying that. I totally understood what he was saying and ever since then there is no 'rehearsal mode / stage mode' bullshit. Dime did it full out all the time: 'IS THERE ANY OTHER FUCKING WAY???' Not for Dimebag Darrell. Dimebag was also one of the most of the professional persons in the business. Yes he could out drink you under the table and into the gutter, but he also firmly believed that there was a time and a place for everything. We were all doing all sorts of shit back then, but I can remember Dimebag pulling me aside somewhere saying, dude, you 'wake & bake' don't ya? C'mon, I know ya do. I used to do that shit myself. Have a bong right next to the bed, and hit that shit as soon as I fucking woke up. But I learned you cannot do that shit dude! For real! You get a fax or a phone call or something and you are too high to deal with that shit!! That shit is not good dude!!' The fact that he would pull a friend of his aside to try and help them if he thought they needed it was a testament to the fact that Dimebag cared about others. You hear a lot about how much the man loved to party, but I also remember him being strict about putting things in their proper place. Having his shit together at all times was ultimately way more important to Dimebag than just being shitfaced 24/7. The man could not create the music he did or put on the shows he did without being at the top of his game at all times, which Dimebag always was. 1998. I am on my very first tour of the USA as a solo artist. We are playing Pittsburgh PA at a place called Graffiti's. I get the message, PANTERA is coming to the show tonight! This is totally cool, I am on the road trying to re-establish myself & here come some of my old buds to cheer me on. Shit doesn't get any better than this. But wait... it does! Vinnie Paul shows up at the gig and gets pretty drunk, big surprise! Then he comes on stage at the end of the set and grabs the mike and screams 'Hey Pittsburgh!!! This motherfucker took us on our first ever arena tour of the USA!!!' Big cheer. Then he says something totally unexpected. 'And we are gonna take this motherfucker on his first fucking arena tour!!!!!!!!!!!' The place goes nuts. I look at my bandmates and we all look at each other in disbelief. I start to laugh, because I don't know whether it is Vinnie talking, or the vats of Crown Royal he has consumed over the evening. For me to go on tour in arenas in my solo band in the USA was a big fucking deal. We had no record out or even a label at that time. The only reason for PANTERA to take us on the road was simple — rock & roll, and a friendship that went far beyond normal music business corporate sensibilities. When I got back home, I could not believe my eyes. Right there in the fax machine, as I walked in the front door, was a fax from PANTERA's booking agent with three weeks of arena shows in the USA that they wanted my solo band to open! Vinnie told me that he told Dimebag about seeing us in Pittsburgh, and Dime said 'Let's bring that fucker out!' as a kind of 'thanks' for us bringing them out in 1992. I will never, ever forget this act of generosity on the part of PANTERA. For a band to ignore to industry to the point that PANTERA did is something that I doubt we will ever see again. To put me on stage in front of 20,000 people a night in 1998, like I did for them in 1992, is one of the highlights of my life. On the road with me at the time was Jimmy Flemion of THE FROGS on guitar. He made THE DARKNESS look like Perry Como in the stage costume department. Jimmy would come on-stage in full 7-foot green sequin wings, making him look like a giant, which accentuated his frame — the man stands 6' 6" tall with ease. To go out on-stage every night looking like a heavy metal Liberace in front of PANTERA, the most hardcore fucking audience you could ever play for, took gonads of steel. The last night of the tour, in Dayton Ohio @ Hare Arena, I turn around and what do I see? Dimebag Darrell, in his own custom made full 7-foot green paper mache wings, flying around the stage looking like Mothra on acid. He had spent all day backstage making his own set of Flemion wings, then rocked along side us in a paper mache 7-foot wingspan. I read that the shooter, who shall remain nameless, attended this exact show in 1998, in Dayton, Ohio. That makes me sick. To know one of the most fun nights in my life was actually shared with this scumbag watching us blows my mind. It is hard to think about. Also, what is it about Columbus? Not only was it the first place I ever played on the road, it is the exact city where my run as Jesus in 'Jesus Christ Superstar' came to an unexpected end. I also talked to Rick, the owner of the Alrosa, on a cellphone the night before the play ended. Things seem to start and end in Columbus. Weird, but perhaps worth mentioning. After we left the PANTERA tour in '98 Dimebag still kept in touch. When we played Dallas in a club in the Deep Ellum district, I turn around backstage before the show & who is standing there in the (cramped) quarters but none other than Dimebag Darrell! He has brought along Dave Williams, the late lead singer for DROWNING POOL, two PANTERA crew dudes, and 3 or 4 members of the Dallas Stars hockey team. Everyone is doing shots (trying something new!) and me and Dime are catching up before the show. He asks me if it's ok if he films the show. 'Sure', I say. Then halfway through the show, Dave Williams comes onstage and rips right into his famous 'Sebastian Bach impression!' This dude had me down better than I do myself! Dimebag was the camera man, on his back onstage filming me doing me, and Dave Williams doing me, together onstage, running between our legs and jumping around trying to get the best shot. We had a kickass time that night and Dime told me the band fucking rocked. I remember him really checking us out and giving me opinions etc. after the show. The man cared, plain and simple. Around 1999 I was called by producer and friend Michael Wagener to record some songs for an upcoming Randy Rhoads tribute album. He told me to contact guitarist friends of mine to see if they wanted to participate. Again, Dimebag Darrell was at the top of my list. We called him up and I got him on the horn and he was totally into the project. We collaborated on the song 'Believer' and it is one of the most treasured moments of my career in the studio. Dimebag's lead totally shreds, of course! I am just glad I got to record at least one song with the best metal guitar player of all time. Wish I could have done more! Dimebag was also not afraid, ever, to tell it like it is. I remember being at his club in Dallas, one night after a show. He was rolling his eyes at me, drunk, like he wanted to tell me something. Finally at the end of the night, I said to him 'Dude what up? You wanna tell me something?' He kept rolling his eyes and then said to me — loud — 'Duuuuuuuuuuude, you know why people talk shit behind your back dude? Because they don't fucking understand you!' I could tell he thought this was important to tell me. 'But you know what, mutherfucker? I am so crazy that I UNDERSTAND YOU! Yes I fucking do! FFFuuccckk!!!!! I UNDERSTAND your crazy ass, man!!!!' He slobbered into my face. But I could tell he meant what he said. He was telling me that he was so nuts that he actually even understood me, which was a backhanded way of telling me he dug what I did and for me to keep on doing it. He was a smart guy and said alot of heavy things amidst an insane world of rock'n'roll fantasy. As someone whom I respected as a fan, and as a friend, it meant a lot to me for him to say shit like that to me. Which is why I always cranked his music to get psyched for a show. Two days before he died, we were playing Istanbul, Turkey for the first time. After the show, we had a six-hour drive to the next town, Ankara, Turkey, where we had a gig on December 8 (Ralph Santolla's birthday, and the night Darrell and John Lennon were killed). On the way to the show, at about four in the morning, we stopped by the side of the road to get gas and something to eat. Unbelievably, they had about 30 cassettes for sale. One of these cassettes, on the side of the road in Turkey, was PANTERA's 'Far Beyond Driven'. This was crazy we thought, 'Holy Shit' we all exclaimed, 'They sell fucking PANTERA cassettes on the side of the road in Turkey, how crazy is that!!' In retrospect, it is quite strange that PANTERA was there in amongst mostly Turkish music cassettes. Needless to say we bought the tape and played it on repeat till we got to Ankara at around 8 am. I remember drifting off to sleep looking outside the window looking at the Turkish countryside, listening to 'Becoming' thinking how fucking cool Dimebag's guitar sounded. 24 hours later, he would no longer be alive on this planet. It still makes no sense... My favorite Dimebag Darrell memory of all was when he was staying at my house for the 'Rock Buds' gig. It was late morning in my house and I was awoken by the delicious smell of bacon being cooked downstairs. I got out of bed to go find Dimebag and wake him up. I went downstairs, and then to his guest room, but I could not find Dimebag. On my way back downstairs to the kitchen, I peeked my head into my son Paris' room, who was about 7 at the time. There was Dimebag Darrell, sitting in a little kids' toy chair, playing my son's miniature Gibson guitar, which was plugged into his mini Marshall Stack! 'Hey, Dime' I said, 'Dude, c'mon downstairs, breakfast is ready bro!! Maria made french toast and bacon let's get it on!!!!!!!' Dimebag said to me, 'Hold up, bro!! I am doing something here, hold it up! Hang on one second I am teaching your boy somethin'!!' He had been in my sons room showing him guitar riffs all morning. He thought this was an important thing to do, and the memory of Dimebag sitting in my kids room showing him guitar chords is etched in my mind forever. We all went downstairs, me, Dime, and Paris, and along with Maria, we enjoyed a home cooked breakfast of french toast, maple syrup, bacon and coffee. He loved the meal and let us all know how much he appreciated our hospitality. I remember it like yesterday. Because even though he was the greatest metal guitar player ever, he was also something even more important and impressive than that: a great human being. Someone you would be proud to have at your dinner table. Someone you could trust with your own children. That was Dimebag Darrell. A classy, talented, one-of-a-kind guy with 'Hulk Blood' and the Ace Frehley solo album cover tattooed on his flesh. A friend. A God. Stronger Than All. I Remember You Dimebag Darrell! You are an inspiration to me the rest of my life. Love and Respect, Sebastian Bach

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Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

Andrew Stoeten answers your questions in our Blue Jays Mailbag, which runs weekly at VICE Sports. You can send him questions at stoeten@gmail.com, and follow him on Twitter.

The big 10-game road trip out of the All-Star break is over, and the Toronto Blue Jays are... still playing baseball, it turns out. They actually won in their return home on Monday, but… woof.

We beat on, boats against the current, and all that. Which is a hell of a mood to be in as we get set open up this week's edition of the mailbag, isn't it? So let's have at it!

If you have a Blue Jays question you'd like me to tackle for next week, be sure to send it to stoeten@gmail.com. As always, I have not read any of Griff's answers.

Hi Stoeten

Could the Blue Jays market Liriano as a potential high strikeout lefty coming out of the bullpen?

Obviously it would help his value if he was performing that role right now but he did perform that role last year down the stretch and in the playoffs

Thanks Josh

Uh, market him? I really don't think that's how this works. Other teams might see him as a reliever, sure, but they would be aware of his usage last year and how he would fit their team. The Jays won't be making sales pitches. They're not running a used car lot.

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Who should stay and who should go on the Jays team? Marilyn

Well, I'd say that anybody the Jays can't get appropriate value for on the trade market should stay. Meaning: I don't want to see them give players away, or trade them just to trade them.

Or... I would have said that if their continuing limp play wasn't slowly sucking the life out of us all, making the notion of keeping any of their impending free agents feel more pointless by the day.

Who should go is the more interesting question, I think. Goins and Barney I'd just kind of like to stop watching at this point, so I'm OK if they exit in some way or another. Tulo is likeable as hell and I'll probably keep believing massive production at the plate is just around the corner for the rest of his time here, but if they could get rid of that contract—which they can't—I'd be all for it. Steve Pearce is more DH than outfielder, so they really probably only need to keep one of him or Kendrys Morales—and as much as moving the Morales contract would be better, it's probably Pearce who has the value. And if they could get something worthwhile for Kevin Pillar, at this point, why the hell not? I could handle planning for Pompey, Alford, or whoever in centre next season if it meant turning Pillar into a piece a little less redundant.

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Are they trading Marco? I know you have a crystal ball, so tell us all! LOL. Will we see Lourdes Gurriel this season in Sept? Liz

Haha. I don't know! If there's a team out there that has looked at his last couple months and thinks they know how to fix him, though, he probably will be. I just have a hard time believing that team exists right now. A couple strong starts before the deadline might change that.

And as for Gurriel, maybe? I'm hearing good things out of New Hampshire about how he's looked against Double-A pitching. Perhaps they give him a September call-up just to get a taste of the big leagues, and to get a few extra at-bats between the end of the minor league season and the start of the Arizona Fall League. But I honestly have no clue what the thinking is there.

Hey Andrew,

What the hell ever happened to Chad Jenkins? Cole

Interesting question, apart from the fact that I could not possibly care less! But what's happened to Jenkins is—at least as far as a cursory Google search tells us—is something close to a mystery. He was released last year and hasn't pitched in affiliated ball since—nor in any of the leagues that you'd expect to see on his Baseball Reference page, either: no sign of Mexico, Japan, Korea, or Indy ball.

VICE Sports Explains Blisters in Baseball

Best I can tell is that he's gone back to school. He has a LinkedIn page that says "attending Kennesaw State University." That was the school he was playing at when the Jays selected him five picks before Mike Trout (*COUGHHHHHHH*) in the 2010 draft, but his LinkedIn makes it clear that he's doing so in 2017.

So... mystery solved?

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I would fire Gibbons. Only solution, if no Gibbons firing, is to trade your 'untouchables' Osuna, JD, Stroman, Smoak. Am I right? Darrell

LOL. Holy shit, no. You're not right. You're not close to right. You're not on the same continent as right.

Gibbons is a treasure and hardly at fault for how the Jays' season has gone. There's no reason to fire him, or to start selling off everything.

When the #FireGibbons crowd starts getting loud. Photo by Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

But, OK. I guess we might as well do this here, and skip all the other "buy or sell???" questions. Thing is, some people almost seem to have this weird thing where they think that just because a bunch of players are on an underperforming team (or, if you prefer to read it the other way, a bad team), there's no way we can expect them to be part of a good team next year. Donaldson, Stroman, Sanchez, Osuna, Smoak, Martin, most of the bullpen—these guys can be part of a team that could still be really good with the right pieces around it (one of which will be Tulo, because he ain't going anywhere). Just because 2017 seems to get more grim by the day, doesn't mean that what we thought a week ago isn't still true: The Blue Jays can be competitive enough in 2018 to justify not splaying open a giant, self-inflicted wound just yet.

In a vacuum where the club doesn't care about whether or not fans stick around the next two or three years, and what that does to what they'll be able to do in the future financially, maybe an immediate sell-off is the best course of action. But it's hardly a simple question.

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Few dumb questions. Any news on Rogers Centre renos/improving fan experience? How is the 2018 draft class looking?Jays will prob have a top pick Anthony

Oh relax with the top pick stuff. It isn't hockey.

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Would you rather have Munenori Kawasaki on the team, or Ryan Goins? Kawasaki has a higher OBP (.320 vs. .270) Jonah

The correct answer is "neither," but if you're forcing me to choose, I'm not judging my backup middle infielders based on how well they can hit first, then worrying about if they can play defence later. Goins hasn't had a great year with the glove, but Kawasaki should really never play shortstop, and so I have to give it to Goins on that alone.

Bring him back! Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Plus, Kawasaki is 36 and slashing .248/.318/.323 for the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. You think those numbers are going to translate to the big leagues any better than what Goins has been doing?

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What's your take on why Donaldson has been...well...kinda bad lately? Jordan

He's gotta be hurt, right?

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Question: How will fans who can't put up with 3 months of bad baseball without yelling "blow it up" put up with 3-5 yrs of bad baseball? Derek

Derek's got a follow-up question, but let's just admire this one for a second. Because it's fucking perfect.

Also, what is number one fan experience change you would make asap? (Besides craft beer..) Derek

I'm not much of a craft beer drinker these days, but I know that doing right by the damn beer situation is something that would get a lot of people excited. I'm all for more local, more reasonable prices, and all that. Personally, I'd just like to be able to get a cider at its own stand instead of having to find the nearest giant wall of beverages and wait in an enormous line there. But the beer thing... honestly... whatever.

For me the big stuff is 4 PM games on Saturday (which is an idea they're apparently toying with), and fixing the in-game "entertainment." Shi Davidi was tweeting last week from Boston about some of the decent and deliciously ironic music choices the Red Sox were playing between innings, and I couldn't help but think, "I want that!" Nothing major, just a little less howling at me and a little more wit.

Uh... a better product on the field wouldn't hurt, either.

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If you ranked all MLB players on projected WAR and then ranked them all on likeability, which Jays would be more likeable than valuable? John

All of them?

Seriously, though. All of them. Especially Estrada, Donaldson, Tulo, and (as far as I'm concerned) Bautista. Those guys are great! At least they are when they're on your team. And they've all been pretty goddamned bad this season. To varying degrees, of course.

Ugh.

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Hey Stoeten . How many bevvies at The Only do you think it takes to feel better about this year ? Spartacus

A few hundred so far, and it's still not working!

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Can you shed some light on the defensive miscues in the OF? Why do the Jays still struggle with the ability to call off each other?

Would also appreciate any exploration in Goins hitting track record w. bases empty vs RISP (also how he leads majors w. bases loaded hits?) Kate

These are outstanding questions, and I wish I had more satisfying answers to them than what I'm about to provide...

In the outfield, what I'd say is that Zeke is Zeke, and to get whatever good you're going to get out of him—and, rather startlingly, he has a 115 wRC+ this season, which is well beyond solid—you're just going to have to live with the bad. And Pearce simply isn't really an outfielder. He's already played more innings in the outfield at the big league level this season than any other year in his career.

Neither of those are very satisfying excuses. And if there have been misplays between Pillar and Bautista, they're even harder to justify. But... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I'll say this, though: I think that part of the reason we notice these things so much is that the lineup simply hasn't been scoring runs, and so the margin for error in terms of pitching and defence this season has been desperately thin.

As for Goins, you're right that it's quite interesting that this year he has eight hits in 11 plate appearances with the bases loaded. Those hits include a double and a home run, which adds up to an astounding .727/.727/1.091 slash line. Unfortunately, I don't think those numbers are terribly meaningful. I don't think any sample of just 11 plate appearances is going to be very meaningful.

We're talking 11 plate appearances here, people. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

For me, there's certainly got to be a bunch of coincidence in there. There's probably a little bit of lineup protection as a factor—Goins has mostly been hitting ninth, and the Jays' lead-off man lately has been Bautista, and before that was Pillar when he was going really well (if you can fucking believe that!). Then again, bad hitters probably always get a bump in that situation, regardless of who is coming up behind him, just because it seems more appropriate to challenge a guy like Goins than to get too cute and end up walking him. (I'm sure someone has studied this).

Can Goins maybe apply some of what has been so successful about his bases loaded approach to help him be a better hitter in other situations? It certainly can't hurt to try—he sure as hell can't get much worse no matter what he does!—but I'm doubtful there's anything there. It's just 11 plate appearances.

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

Andrew Stoeten answers your questions in our Blue Jays Mailbag, which runs weekly at VICE Sports. You can send him questions at stoeten@gmail.com, and follow him on Twitter.

The big 10-game road trip out of the All-Star break is over, and the Toronto Blue Jays are... still playing baseball, it turns out. They actually won in their return home on Monday, but… woof.

We beat on, boats against the current, and all that. Which is a hell of a mood to be in as we get set open up this week's edition of the mailbag, isn't it? So let's have at it!

If you have a Blue Jays question you'd like me to tackle for next week, be sure to send it to stoeten@gmail.com. As always, I have not read any of Griff's answers.

Hi Stoeten

Could the Blue Jays market Liriano as a potential high strikeout lefty coming out of the bullpen?

Obviously it would help his value if he was performing that role right now but he did perform that role last year down the stretch and in the playoffs

Thanks Josh

Uh, market him? I really don't think that's how this works. Other teams might see him as a reliever, sure, but they would be aware of his usage last year and how he would fit their team. The Jays won't be making sales pitches. They're not running a used car lot.

---

Who should stay and who should go on the Jays team? Marilyn

Well, I'd say that anybody the Jays can't get appropriate value for on the trade market should stay. Meaning: I don't want to see them give players away, or trade them just to trade them.

Or... I would have said that if their continuing limp play wasn't slowly sucking the life out of us all, making the notion of keeping any of their impending free agents feel more pointless by the day.

Who should go is the more interesting question, I think. Goins and Barney I'd just kind of like to stop watching at this point, so I'm OK if they exit in some way or another. Tulo is likeable as hell and I'll probably keep believing massive production at the plate is just around the corner for the rest of his time here, but if they could get rid of that contract—which they can't—I'd be all for it. Steve Pearce is more DH than outfielder, so they really probably only need to keep one of him or Kendrys Morales—and as much as moving the Morales contract would be better, it's probably Pearce who has the value. And if they could get something worthwhile for Kevin Pillar, at this point, why the hell not? I could handle planning for Pompey, Alford, or whoever in centre next season if it meant turning Pillar into a piece a little less redundant.

---

Are they trading Marco? I know you have a crystal ball, so tell us all! LOL. Will we see Lourdes Gurriel this season in Sept? Liz

Haha. I don't know! If there's a team out there that has looked at his last couple months and thinks they know how to fix him, though, he probably will be. I just have a hard time believing that team exists right now. A couple strong starts before the deadline might change that.

And as for Gurriel, maybe? I'm hearing good things out of New Hampshire about how he's looked against Double-A pitching. Perhaps they give him a September call-up just to get a taste of the big leagues, and to get a few extra at-bats between the end of the minor league season and the start of the Arizona Fall League. But I honestly have no clue what the thinking is there.

Hey Andrew,

What the hell ever happened to Chad Jenkins? Cole

Interesting question, apart from the fact that I could not possibly care less! But what's happened to Jenkins is—at least as far as a cursory Google search tells us—is something close to a mystery. He was released last year and hasn't pitched in affiliated ball since—nor in any of the leagues that you'd expect to see on his Baseball Reference page, either: no sign of Mexico, Japan, Korea, or Indy ball.

VICE Sports Explains Blisters in Baseball

Best I can tell is that he's gone back to school. He has a LinkedIn page that says "attending Kennesaw State University." That was the school he was playing at when the Jays selected him five picks before Mike Trout (*COUGHHHHHHH*) in the 2010 draft, but his LinkedIn makes it clear that he's doing so in 2017.

So... mystery solved?

---

I would fire Gibbons. Only solution, if no Gibbons firing, is to trade your 'untouchables' Osuna, JD, Stroman, Smoak. Am I right? Darrell

LOL. Holy shit, no. You're not right. You're not close to right. You're not on the same continent as right.

Gibbons is a treasure and hardly at fault for how the Jays' season has gone. There's no reason to fire him, or to start selling off everything.

When the #FireGibbons crowd starts getting loud. Photo by Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

But, OK. I guess we might as well do this here, and skip all the other "buy or sell???" questions. Thing is, some people almost seem to have this weird thing where they think that just because a bunch of players are on an underperforming team (or, if you prefer to read it the other way, a bad team), there's no way we can expect them to be part of a good team next year. Donaldson, Stroman, Sanchez, Osuna, Smoak, Martin, most of the bullpen—these guys can be part of a team that could still be really good with the right pieces around it (one of which will be Tulo, because he ain't going anywhere). Just because 2017 seems to get more grim by the day, doesn't mean that what we thought a week ago isn't still true: The Blue Jays can be competitive enough in 2018 to justify not splaying open a giant, self-inflicted wound just yet.

In a vacuum where the club doesn't care about whether or not fans stick around the next two or three years, and what that does to what they'll be able to do in the future financially, maybe an immediate sell-off is the best course of action. But it's hardly a simple question.

---

Few dumb questions. Any news on Rogers Centre renos/improving fan experience? How is the 2018 draft class looking?Jays will prob have a top pick Anthony

Oh relax with the top pick stuff. It isn't hockey.

---

Would you rather have Munenori Kawasaki on the team, or Ryan Goins? Kawasaki has a higher OBP (.320 vs. .270) Jonah

The correct answer is "neither," but if you're forcing me to choose, I'm not judging my backup middle infielders based on how well they can hit first, then worrying about if they can play defence later. Goins hasn't had a great year with the glove, but Kawasaki should really never play shortstop, and so I have to give it to Goins on that alone.

Bring him back! Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Plus, Kawasaki is 36 and slashing .248/.318/.323 for the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. You think those numbers are going to translate to the big leagues any better than what Goins has been doing?

---

What's your take on why Donaldson has been...well...kinda bad lately? Jordan

He's gotta be hurt, right?

---

Question: How will fans who can't put up with 3 months of bad baseball without yelling "blow it up" put up with 3-5 yrs of bad baseball? Derek

Derek's got a follow-up question, but let's just admire this one for a second. Because it's fucking perfect.

Also, what is number one fan experience change you would make asap? (Besides craft beer..) Derek

I'm not much of a craft beer drinker these days, but I know that doing right by the damn beer situation is something that would get a lot of people excited. I'm all for more local, more reasonable prices, and all that. Personally, I'd just like to be able to get a cider at its own stand instead of having to find the nearest giant wall of beverages and wait in an enormous line there. But the beer thing... honestly... whatever.

For me the big stuff is 4 PM games on Saturday (which is an idea they're apparently toying with), and fixing the in-game "entertainment." Shi Davidi was tweeting last week from Boston about some of the decent and deliciously ironic music choices the Red Sox were playing between innings, and I couldn't help but think, "I want that!" Nothing major, just a little less howling at me and a little more wit.

Uh... a better product on the field wouldn't hurt, either.

---

If you ranked all MLB players on projected WAR and then ranked them all on likeability, which Jays would be more likeable than valuable? John

All of them?

Seriously, though. All of them. Especially Estrada, Donaldson, Tulo, and (as far as I'm concerned) Bautista. Those guys are great! At least they are when they're on your team. And they've all been pretty goddamned bad this season. To varying degrees, of course.

Ugh.

---

Hey Stoeten . How many bevvies at The Only do you think it takes to feel better about this year ? Spartacus

A few hundred so far, and it's still not working!

---

Can you shed some light on the defensive miscues in the OF? Why do the Jays still struggle with the ability to call off each other?

Would also appreciate any exploration in Goins hitting track record w. bases empty vs RISP (also how he leads majors w. bases loaded hits?) Kate

These are outstanding questions, and I wish I had more satisfying answers to them than what I'm about to provide...

In the outfield, what I'd say is that Zeke is Zeke, and to get whatever good you're going to get out of him—and, rather startlingly, he has a 115 wRC+ this season, which is well beyond solid—you're just going to have to live with the bad. And Pearce simply isn't really an outfielder. He's already played more innings in the outfield at the big league level this season than any other year in his career.

Neither of those are very satisfying excuses. And if there have been misplays between Pillar and Bautista, they're even harder to justify. But... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I'll say this, though: I think that part of the reason we notice these things so much is that the lineup simply hasn't been scoring runs, and so the margin for error in terms of pitching and defence this season has been desperately thin.

As for Goins, you're right that it's quite interesting that this year he has eight hits in 11 plate appearances with the bases loaded. Those hits include a double and a home run, which adds up to an astounding .727/.727/1.091 slash line. Unfortunately, I don't think those numbers are terribly meaningful. I don't think any sample of just 11 plate appearances is going to be very meaningful.

We're talking 11 plate appearances here, people. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

For me, there's certainly got to be a bunch of coincidence in there. There's probably a little bit of lineup protection as a factor—Goins has mostly been hitting ninth, and the Jays' lead-off man lately has been Bautista, and before that was Pillar when he was going really well (if you can fucking believe that!). Then again, bad hitters probably always get a bump in that situation, regardless of who is coming up behind him, just because it seems more appropriate to challenge a guy like Goins than to get too cute and end up walking him. (I'm sure someone has studied this).

Can Goins maybe apply some of what has been so successful about his bases loaded approach to help him be a better hitter in other situations? It certainly can't hurt to try—he sure as hell can't get much worse no matter what he does!—but I'm doubtful there's anything there. It's just 11 plate appearances.

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

Andrew Stoeten answers your questions in our Blue Jays Mailbag, which runs weekly at VICE Sports. You can send him questions at stoeten@gmail.com, and follow him on Twitter.

The big 10-game road trip out of the All-Star break is over, and the Toronto Blue Jays are... still playing baseball, it turns out. They actually won in their return home on Monday, but… woof.

We beat on, boats against the current, and all that. Which is a hell of a mood to be in as we get set open up this week's edition of the mailbag, isn't it? So let's have at it!

If you have a Blue Jays question you'd like me to tackle for next week, be sure to send it to stoeten@gmail.com. As always, I have not read any of Griff's answers.

Hi Stoeten

Could the Blue Jays market Liriano as a potential high strikeout lefty coming out of the bullpen?

Obviously it would help his value if he was performing that role right now but he did perform that role last year down the stretch and in the playoffs

Thanks Josh

Uh, market him? I really don't think that's how this works. Other teams might see him as a reliever, sure, but they would be aware of his usage last year and how he would fit their team. The Jays won't be making sales pitches. They're not running a used car lot.

---

Who should stay and who should go on the Jays team? Marilyn

Well, I'd say that anybody the Jays can't get appropriate value for on the trade market should stay. Meaning: I don't want to see them give players away, or trade them just to trade them.

Or... I would have said that if their continuing limp play wasn't slowly sucking the life out of us all, making the notion of keeping any of their impending free agents feel more pointless by the day.

Who should go is the more interesting question, I think. Goins and Barney I'd just kind of like to stop watching at this point, so I'm OK if they exit in some way or another. Tulo is likeable as hell and I'll probably keep believing massive production at the plate is just around the corner for the rest of his time here, but if they could get rid of that contract—which they can't—I'd be all for it. Steve Pearce is more DH than outfielder, so they really probably only need to keep one of him or Kendrys Morales—and as much as moving the Morales contract would be better, it's probably Pearce who has the value. And if they could get something worthwhile for Kevin Pillar, at this point, why the hell not? I could handle planning for Pompey, Alford, or whoever in centre next season if it meant turning Pillar into a piece a little less redundant.

---

Are they trading Marco? I know you have a crystal ball, so tell us all! LOL. Will we see Lourdes Gurriel this season in Sept? Liz

Haha. I don't know! If there's a team out there that has looked at his last couple months and thinks they know how to fix him, though, he probably will be. I just have a hard time believing that team exists right now. A couple strong starts before the deadline might change that.

And as for Gurriel, maybe? I'm hearing good things out of New Hampshire about how he's looked against Double-A pitching. Perhaps they give him a September call-up just to get a taste of the big leagues, and to get a few extra at-bats between the end of the minor league season and the start of the Arizona Fall League. But I honestly have no clue what the thinking is there.

Hey Andrew,

What the hell ever happened to Chad Jenkins? Cole

Interesting question, apart from the fact that I could not possibly care less! But what's happened to Jenkins is—at least as far as a cursory Google search tells us—is something close to a mystery. He was released last year and hasn't pitched in affiliated ball since—nor in any of the leagues that you'd expect to see on his Baseball Reference page, either: no sign of Mexico, Japan, Korea, or Indy ball.

VICE Sports Explains Blisters in Baseball

Best I can tell is that he's gone back to school. He has a LinkedIn page that says "attending Kennesaw State University." That was the school he was playing at when the Jays selected him five picks before Mike Trout (*COUGHHHHHHH*) in the 2010 draft, but his LinkedIn makes it clear that he's doing so in 2017.

So... mystery solved?

---

I would fire Gibbons. Only solution, if no Gibbons firing, is to trade your 'untouchables' Osuna, JD, Stroman, Smoak. Am I right? Darrell

LOL. Holy shit, no. You're not right. You're not close to right. You're not on the same continent as right.

Gibbons is a treasure and hardly at fault for how the Jays' season has gone. There's no reason to fire him, or to start selling off everything.

When the #FireGibbons crowd starts getting loud. Photo by Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

But, OK. I guess we might as well do this here, and skip all the other "buy or sell???" questions. Thing is, some people almost seem to have this weird thing where they think that just because a bunch of players are on an underperforming team (or, if you prefer to read it the other way, a bad team), there's no way we can expect them to be part of a good team next year. Donaldson, Stroman, Sanchez, Osuna, Smoak, Martin, most of the bullpen—these guys can be part of a team that could still be really good with the right pieces around it (one of which will be Tulo, because he ain't going anywhere). Just because 2017 seems to get more grim by the day, doesn't mean that what we thought a week ago isn't still true: The Blue Jays can be competitive enough in 2018 to justify not splaying open a giant, self-inflicted wound just yet.

In a vacuum where the club doesn't care about whether or not fans stick around the next two or three years, and what that does to what they'll be able to do in the future financially, maybe an immediate sell-off is the best course of action. But it's hardly a simple question.

---

Few dumb questions. Any news on Rogers Centre renos/improving fan experience? How is the 2018 draft class looking?Jays will prob have a top pick Anthony

Oh relax with the top pick stuff. It isn't hockey.

---

Would you rather have Munenori Kawasaki on the team, or Ryan Goins? Kawasaki has a higher OBP (.320 vs. .270) Jonah

The correct answer is "neither," but if you're forcing me to choose, I'm not judging my backup middle infielders based on how well they can hit first, then worrying about if they can play defence later. Goins hasn't had a great year with the glove, but Kawasaki should really never play shortstop, and so I have to give it to Goins on that alone.

Bring him back! Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Plus, Kawasaki is 36 and slashing .248/.318/.323 for the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. You think those numbers are going to translate to the big leagues any better than what Goins has been doing?

---

What's your take on why Donaldson has been...well...kinda bad lately? Jordan

He's gotta be hurt, right?

---

Question: How will fans who can't put up with 3 months of bad baseball without yelling "blow it up" put up with 3-5 yrs of bad baseball? Derek

Derek's got a follow-up question, but let's just admire this one for a second. Because it's fucking perfect.

Also, what is number one fan experience change you would make asap? (Besides craft beer..) Derek

I'm not much of a craft beer drinker these days, but I know that doing right by the damn beer situation is something that would get a lot of people excited. I'm all for more local, more reasonable prices, and all that. Personally, I'd just like to be able to get a cider at its own stand instead of having to find the nearest giant wall of beverages and wait in an enormous line there. But the beer thing... honestly... whatever.

For me the big stuff is 4 PM games on Saturday (which is an idea they're apparently toying with), and fixing the in-game "entertainment." Shi Davidi was tweeting last week from Boston about some of the decent and deliciously ironic music choices the Red Sox were playing between innings, and I couldn't help but think, "I want that!" Nothing major, just a little less howling at me and a little more wit.

Uh... a better product on the field wouldn't hurt, either.

---

If you ranked all MLB players on projected WAR and then ranked them all on likeability, which Jays would be more likeable than valuable? John

All of them?

Seriously, though. All of them. Especially Estrada, Donaldson, Tulo, and (as far as I'm concerned) Bautista. Those guys are great! At least they are when they're on your team. And they've all been pretty goddamned bad this season. To varying degrees, of course.

Ugh.

---

Hey Stoeten . How many bevvies at The Only do you think it takes to feel better about this year ? Spartacus

A few hundred so far, and it's still not working!

---

Can you shed some light on the defensive miscues in the OF? Why do the Jays still struggle with the ability to call off each other?

Would also appreciate any exploration in Goins hitting track record w. bases empty vs RISP (also how he leads majors w. bases loaded hits?) Kate

These are outstanding questions, and I wish I had more satisfying answers to them than what I'm about to provide...

In the outfield, what I'd say is that Zeke is Zeke, and to get whatever good you're going to get out of him—and, rather startlingly, he has a 115 wRC+ this season, which is well beyond solid—you're just going to have to live with the bad. And Pearce simply isn't really an outfielder. He's already played more innings in the outfield at the big league level this season than any other year in his career.

Neither of those are very satisfying excuses. And if there have been misplays between Pillar and Bautista, they're even harder to justify. But... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I'll say this, though: I think that part of the reason we notice these things so much is that the lineup simply hasn't been scoring runs, and so the margin for error in terms of pitching and defence this season has been desperately thin.

As for Goins, you're right that it's quite interesting that this year he has eight hits in 11 plate appearances with the bases loaded. Those hits include a double and a home run, which adds up to an astounding .727/.727/1.091 slash line. Unfortunately, I don't think those numbers are terribly meaningful. I don't think any sample of just 11 plate appearances is going to be very meaningful.

We're talking 11 plate appearances here, people. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

For me, there's certainly got to be a bunch of coincidence in there. There's probably a little bit of lineup protection as a factor—Goins has mostly been hitting ninth, and the Jays' lead-off man lately has been Bautista, and before that was Pillar when he was going really well (if you can fucking believe that!). Then again, bad hitters probably always get a bump in that situation, regardless of who is coming up behind him, just because it seems more appropriate to challenge a guy like Goins than to get too cute and end up walking him. (I'm sure someone has studied this).

Can Goins maybe apply some of what has been so successful about his bases loaded approach to help him be a better hitter in other situations? It certainly can't hurt to try—he sure as hell can't get much worse no matter what he does!—but I'm doubtful there's anything there. It's just 11 plate appearances.

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv