#eddie x y/n but y/n talks like theo von

[hellfirecvnt]

Y'know, I Knew a Guy Like You.

Pt. 1: "Meeting"

Eddie x Y/N (but Y/N talks like Theo Von)

Author's note: I have no idea where this will go. I don't plan on making it smutty, but I've never been opposed to it. I'm going to reference Theo Von's stand up and also just general odd goings ons I've witnessed, caused, or been a part of as a borderline-trailer-trash woman of the deep south. Not everything I mention is true, but most of it is. 💀

I kinda want this story to be interactive, so feel free to submit suggestions and shit for them to get into.

Trigger Warnings: Drug Use!!! Drinking, General Bafoonery, Crime!

(The thing about Tom Cruise and the crack is true. I was in 5th grade with her, but it wasn't Tom Cruise, it was the Jonas Brothers. 💀)

It's been about a week since you up and left your small hometown in the furthest corner of the bible belt you could stand to live in. You weren't really made for big cities, so you decide to cut halfway across the country and plant some new roots in Indiana.

You're not some fuckin' high roller, you didn't come out here with a job, let alone the ability to live somewhere by yourself. You met your now-roommate over two years ago at a Heart concert. Her name is Robin. The two of you made plans to move in together last spring and after a few failed attempts, Robin finally found a small house off to itself with two large bedrooms. She's been giving you time to get settled in, but now she's starting to pester you about coming out with her friends.

"Come on, you have to meet Steve at least," she clings to your arm, ever-comfortable after the years of sending letters back and forth as often as possible.

"Steve the one with the hair like a uh, like a fuckin' mess?"

"Yeah, that one."

"I don't about, Rob. It sounds like I might bully him probably." You shrug as if you feel genuinely sympathetic at the fact that you'll be mean to this person you've never met.

"That's all I do. Come out with us tonight, pleaseeeee!" Robin releases a pleading wail and much to her satisfaction, it works.

"Oh my god, fine! Lower your voice, dude. You're gonna get up both killed."

"What?" Robin furrows her brow.

"The not deer."

"Okay, I'm not doing this with you again." She stands and makes her way over to her room. "I'm gonna shower and get ready, don't bail on me."

"Like you bailed on me when I sent that turtle in the mail?"

"Y/N, it did not arrive alive. It was dead and wet." Robin's eyebrows upturn as she recalls opening the rancid package.

"Yeah, I didn't uh, didn't think of that..." Your voice trails off as you remember the day you placed a turtle into a box and mailed it to Robin. It was never alive, you found it dead. It never occurred to you that she believed it was supposed to be alive. "They told us in grade school that the police had to open incriminating packages and to not try to send our parent's methamphetamines in the mail to Tom Cruise because a girl in my town did that and her dad went to jail."

She stares at you in silence for a second.

"You thought the cops were gonna intercept your turtle?" Robin sighs.

"Yeah, thought the pigs would have to deal with it." You still don't plan to explain the full story to her.

Robin disappears to get ready and you finally decide to rise from the couch and get dressed. A few moments of staring into the mirror and you finally start to feel like your face belongs there. A new place and such a big move seem to have you a bit more on edge than usual. You make your way back to the living room you share with your friend and she emerges from her room just seconds later.

"You look great!" She beams.

"I fixed the stains in this shirt with a tie dye." You point to the spots that now blend into the grey and black dyes swirling your shirt.

"You fixed the stains with more stains."

"You're a smart lady, Rob. I like it." Your words make Robin blush. Though her feelings for you are platonic, she had a pretty big crush on you when you first met. The distance and meeting Vickie simmered it down into a casual friendship.

The two of you get into your car and she gives you directions to Steve's parent's house. Robin tells you about the pool and the huge living room. She mentions some friends from California are coming to visit and how you'll really like them.

"You said it was just the whore."

"He is not- well... okay, look. Please don't say that when we get here."

"It's not a bad thing to be a whore. Everybody got something, he got that."

"I think I regret doing this," She jokes.

"Me too," you smirk as you swing the door open and step out of the car.

The two of you walk into the large, well-kept abode and Steve meets you both in the foyer.

"Y/N, Steve." Robin introduces the two of you before running off to find the others.

"Hey! You're Robin's friend from-"

"Yeah, that one." You cut him off in the name of regional ambiguity.

"Well, everyone's this way." Steve starts through the foyer and into the living room that connects to the backyard via two large sliding glass doors. You look around for a moment, taking in the luxurious home. You're more used to a double wide on a dirt road at a dead end, but this was nice.

You become distracted by something hanging on the wall. Nancy and Robin are deep in conversation while Steve disappears into the kitchen. There are people outside, but you're not sure who they are, so you don't go exploring. You continue to stare intently at the frame on the wall.

"They're my grandad's war medals." Steve appears behind you suddenly, causing you to jump.

"I knew a guy back home that had some of these all over his wife beater. He'd pick up, like with his arms, any kid he could catch and threaten to chew on 'em."

"What?" Steve looks down at the beer in his hand he brought to offer you and wonders if you even need it.

"It was fine, he didn't have teeth anyway. Dunno what the fucker was on about, most days."

"What are you saying?" Steve squints his eyes as if it'll help him hear or understand you better.

"You promised you wouldn't do this!" Robin scolds you playfully from the couch. Nancy, who has yet to speak to you at all, stares with a certain hint of distaste.

"His name was Clayman. You think we'd call him Clay, but we all called him Man." You finish your story quickly and turn to face Robin. You notice a new person standing in the sliding doorway, though you aren't sure how long he's been there.

"Uh, Rob, are you smoking with us?" The curly-haired man gestures over his shoulder to the other strangers outside. Robin springs up from the couch, but quickly turns an apologetic look to Nancy.

"I'm sorry, Nance. Give me 20 minutes," she grins stupidly and turns to you. "Y/N, come on!" You don't hesitate to go where the drugs go, a gift and a curse. Or whatever.

"Whoa, man. Who's this?" A brightly dressed man with long, straight hair smiles and waves at you after asking.

"Guys, this is Y/N. We met at that concert in-"

"It was a good show- a really good one. A feature, if you will." You smile brightly, interrupting for continuity's sake. Hey, that's just the same joke as last time. You nod as you're listening to them introduce themselves. The brightly dressed man is Argyle, Johnathan is the quiet one, and the curly-haired guy is Eddie.

"We were just talking about if Bigfoot is real or not. What do you two think?" Argyle, less awkward than Johnathan and louder than Eddie, takes the floor.

"I'm not convinced." Robin states, flat out.

"Hell yeah, he's real. I knew a guy back home that used to disappear for weeks on end and when he came back he had an entire Hefty bag of hair. It was all the same hair. It all came from one guy."

"What if it came from a bunch of the same kind of animal?" Johnathan promptly pokes a hole in the theory.

"Man, you find an alpaca with that curl pattern, you call me."

"Well, what about when everyone was claiming they saw the ghost of that kid that god stomped to death by a deer?" Eddie asks, a little too casually.

"Hey dude, what the fuck?" You ask with a shocked smile, in disbelief at the blase manner he's mentioning this grisly death.

"He really did. They kept telling him to leave it alone," he explains.

"That definitely was not a deer." You straighten your posture as if something is about to happen.

"No!" Robin demands, but her yells fall on deaf ears.

"Then what was it?"

"A not deer."

"Don't get her started!" Robin.

"What's a 'not deer'?" Eddie squints.

"It's not a fuckin' deer, I'll tell you that right now."

"You are. You are telling us right now." Argyle nods as if he's taking in important information.

The group takes turns hitting and passing the large, skillfully rolled joint. You notice that the only person with a tolerance like yours is Eddie. Even Argyle and Johnathan tap out before it's over. Robin had gone back to chat with Nancy a while ago.

You and Eddie are so deep in conversation, you don't notice Argyle and Johnathan wander inside to take shots with Steve.

"I had a grandma once that did a whole spoonful of heroin and then backflipped in place. God rest her soul." You recall the events like it was yesterday. "Yeah, she died like, an hour later."

"Oh." Eddie is stunned silent by the last sentence.

"Happens to everybody, I guess." You say, causing Eddie to think you mean doing heroin and a back flip. "But it's fine because the trash fire that afternoon turned blue for five whole minutes and uncle David swore it was Granny. Y'know? And that's God."

"You don't really strike me as the religious type." Eddie's struggling with the urge to laugh and genuine concern for where you came from.

"Oh, buddy. I'm not. It's just ingrained in my mannerisms now. You don't hold that many rattle snakes and deny Christ. Except I do because I got bit several times. They swore I was the Devil, but I think I just shook them snakes too hard."

Eddie, though wildly confused by you and this "culture" you seem to be from, is infatuated. Every story, every anecdote. He likes to try to imagine where the story is going before you finish, because anything he imagines couldn't ever be off the wall enough to compare to what you actually say.

"Y/N, you ready to head out?" Robin appears in the sliding glass doorway and smiles. It's only now that you and Eddie realize you've been sitting here talking for a few hours. You say your goodbyes, careful to linger a little longer on Eddie as you walk out with Robin. The moment you're both in the car, she glances at you knowingly.

"Eddie looks like he enjoyed getting to know you." She smirks.

"Yeah, I like him. You're friends are really nice. He didn't even flinch when I told him about Granny."

"... You should.... You should stop telling people about your Granny."

"Nope."

"So, the whole metal head thing is doing it for ya, huh?" Robin beams as she returns the conversation to Eddie.

"Yeah, I like my men kinda ugly. Like I like a dude that looks like a balled up napkin. I want the skrunkliest motherfucker I can find."

"Wow, incredible. And Eddie reads that way to you?" Robin can't wait to relay your description back to Steve and Eddie.

"A real dime, I thought." You smile pleasantly. "When are we all getting together again?"

"As soon as you stop telling people about 'not deer.'"

"You have got to stop dimming my light, Robin. I swear to God."

[hellfirecvnt]

Hellfirecvnt Masterlist

Started: 5/12/24

Last updated: 11/04/24

Total Works: 25

Fandoms: Stranger Things, Vice Principals, The Righteous Gemstones, Fallout, Dinner in America

Stranger Things- (I no longer write for ST.)

Eddie Munson:

Y'know I Knew a Guy Like You. (Eddie x Y/N, but Y/N talks like Theo Von) A silly adventure. No smut.

"Your Sister is Hot." (Eddie x Fem!Harrington!Reader) You're Steve's hot sister and Eddie is down bad. Yes smut.

...Yet (Eddie x Fem!Reader) A pool hangout feat. the whole gang turns steamy after a few shots and a game of Two Truths, One Lie. Yes smut.

Second First Time (Eddie x Fem!Reader) You lost your virginity to a guy who couldn't make you cum. Eddie can fic that. Yes smut.

She's Got a Boyfriend, Anyway. (Eddie x Fem!Reader) Your friendship dynamic changes when you start dating Billy Hargrove. Yes smut.

Let Me See You (Sub!Eddie x Fem!Reader) Eddie's got a kink you didn't know about. Yes smut.

Finish What You Started (Perv!Eddie x Fem!Reader) A night of truth or dare awakens a need in Eddie that his pervy little heart will do anything to satiate. Yes smut.

Where Have You Been All My Life? (Dom!Eddie x Fem!Henderson!Reader) You're Dustin's beloved big sister who happens to be a perfect parallel of his friend, Eddie. Yes smut.

You're Mine (Eddie x Fem!Reader) Eddie goes with you to get a tattoo. He's horny. Yes smut.

Claimed (Eddie x Fem!Reader) You're new at Hawkins and Eddie has already made his claim, you just don't know it yet. Yes smut.

Innocence Lost (Eddie x Fem!Reader) Corruption kink type beat. Yes smut.

Innocence Lost Pt. 2 (Eddie x Fem!Reader) Part 2 of 2. Yes smut.

Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson:

Interruption (Steve x Fem!Reader x Eddie) Eddie barges in on your time with Steve. Yes smut.

People Pleaser (Steve x Fem!Reader x Eddie) Eddie likes to see how far you'll go for him. Yes smut.

Billy Hargrove:

It's Personal (Billy x Fem!Reader) Billy's been an ongoing bully/ nuisance in your life since you met. He's acting a little different after finding out you've been hurt. No smut. (Part 2 coming soon)

Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, and Eddie Munson:

What are You Thinking Drinking About? (Billy, Steve, Eddie x Fem!Reader) You and your friends hang out pretty regularly. You've known each other for a long time and have a lot of history since meeting in high school. Some of the group can't make it to the hang out one night, and there's a weird tension between you and the ones who do show up. Yes smut.

Vice Principals-

Lee Russell:

•••Series 1:

First Trip (Lee x Fem!Reader) (Pt. 1) You're the new secretary at NJH. You've caught Lee's eye, but disaster strikes before anything can be done about it. No smut.

The Foundation of Learning (Lee x Fem!Reader) (Pt. 2) A dream changes things and Lee plots Belinda's downfall by framing a teacher. No smut.

Teacher Work Day (Lee x Fem!Reader) (Pt. 3) "Is that bitch pissing on that cop car?" No smut.

Preoccupied (Lee x Fem!Reader) (Pt. 4) A plan is hatching, sure. You and Lee can't stay focused. What are you two thinking about? Yes smut.

Light my Fire (Lee x Fem!Reader) (Pt. 5) Your plan goes awry. Tensions are high. What's everyone gonna do about it? Ooh. Yes smut.

•••••

•••Series 2:

Subordinate (Lee x Fem!Reader) (Pt. 1) North Jackson High has a new principal and your coworkers are not coping well. XOXO. No smut.

The Righteous Gemstones-

Baby Billy Freeman:

Hallelujah, What a Payday (Baby Billy x Fem!Reader) Baby Billy's on the search for his next co-star. Yes smut.

Fallout-

Prewar Cooper Howard:

Hard to Get (Cooper x Fem!Reader) It's been a new experience being cast in the lead of the latest Hollywood movie. What's even more nerve-wracking is your far-more-famous-than-you co-star. After you can't seem to sell the chemistry between you to the director, you're pushed to spend more quality time with your cohort. Yes smut.

Dinner in America-

John Q. / Simon:

Don't Piss Me Off (Simon X Fem!Reader) (Pt. 1) You're back in your hometown for a few weeks to house sit for your parents. A rivalry dating back to your high school years makes an appearance, but this time, he's met his match. No smut.

[hellfirecvnt]

Okay I decided I'm actually gonna do the Y/N talks like Theo Von thing bc I'm southern and a local problem. So now this question remains:

It'd be more so just a silly time rather than smut tbh. Unless... 👀