#eddie to buck earlier that day: stop panicking. he's going to say yes buck.

[extasiswings]

You can all blame @thisissirius for this one because I was going to write some sweet fluff but instead...also on ao3 here.

“Diaz! I’m out of ammo!”

“ETA six minutes.”

“We don’t have six minutes.”

Bullets flying, the sound of gunfire popping in his ears—but then, no, he’s back on the transport, alarms blaring, falling, falling, falling out of the sky—

He’s trapped and it’s burning all around, hot, twisted, sharp metal—he scrambles over to the patient—

Hen. Burned and coated with ash, she coughs and tips her head as she looks at him.

“At least no one’s shooting at us, right Eddie?”

“Eddie?”

“Eddie.”

Eddie jerks awake, his head whipping around as his heart pounds, only to see Buck, close by with his hands raised, palms open as if he had been touching him and just pulled back. Eddie’s mouth is dry, and there’s a burn in the back of his throat like he might be sick, but he swallows hard to get himself under control as he takes in his surroundings.

They’re in the truck, he reminds himself, the surroundings familiar. He and Buck are alone, Hen up front driving—when Eddie looks at his watch, he realizes it’s only about halfway into her most recent driving shift and they still have at least another five hours before they get back to LA. Despite the darkness of the interior, Buck’s face—and specifically the concern written across it—is clear.

“It’s just me,” Buck says quietly. “Sorry, I—I wasn’t sure whether it was right to wake you up or not, but it didn’t seem like—you were sort of twitching? And you made this sound—”

“It’s okay,” Eddie assures. “It was—yeah. Um, thank you.”

His voice is raspy and there’s a cold sweat drying on his skin that makes him feel somehow dirtier and more uncomfortable than when he’d been in the field covered in soot. At home, or even at the station, he would get up in a situation like this. Would take a shower or work out until his hands stopped shaking. But he doesn’t have those options here, trapped in a moving vehicle. Is flayed open and exposed, a heady cocktail of fight-or-flight chemicals buzzing under his skin as the echoes of alarm bells and gunshots fade from his ears and his best friend looks at him like he’s a basket case—

No, that’s not fair. Buck’s looking at him the way he would look at any of them he was worried about, because Buck is a good person with a big heart. There’s no judgment in his eyes, just naked concern, and Eddie tries to remember that as he sets his elbows on his knees and drops his head into his hands, blowing out a shaky breath.

“Hey, Hen?” Buck calls, raising his voice. “Can we make a stop? I need to pee. Sorry, should have gone earlier.”

“You’re lucky I love you, Buckley,” she calls back. “And that we’re not totally in the middle of nowhere. There should be a rest stop at the next exit, I’ll turn off there.”

“Thanks.”

Eddie presses the heel of his hands to his eyes for a moment before dropping them, rolls his head on his neck to work out some of the tension in his muscles before finally looking back at Buck.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he says, despite the relief that floods him at the thought of escaping the confined space for even a few minutes, getting the chance to stretch his legs and breathe and maybe even splash some water on his face.

“Yes, I did,” Buck replies, his voice equally low. “Besides, you would have done it for me.”

“Sure, but I wouldn’t have needed to do it for you,” Eddie shoots back, frustration heavy on his tongue. “You can fall asleep on a road trip without worrying about—”

He cuts himself off and sighs. “Sorry. Sorry, I’m—fuck.”

“I’ve been fine,” he insists, because it feels important that he make Buck understand that. That he’s capable, that he has himself together.

He always needs to have himself together.

“I had a couple bad weeks after everything with the well last year, but I bounced back. It’s not—this doesn’t happen that often, I don’t know why—”

“Eddie, I don’t even know what this is,” Buck says. He reaches out—stops, hesitating before his hand makes contact with Eddie’s shoulder, his eyes flicking up to search Eddie’s before finally closing the rest of the distance. It’s instinct to flinch from the touch, but Eddie tamps down on the impulse, instead focusing on the weight and heat of Buck’s hand pressing down, grounding, anchoring.

“So you had a bad dream,” he continues, shrugging. “Everyone does. The other day I woke up panicked because I dreamt I was kidnapped by a supervillain who pulled all of my teeth out. It happens. Plus, I still—”

Buck looks down and swallows hard. “I still dream about the tsunami. Sometimes. And about being trapped under the truck. And it never matters how either of those things actually turned out because in the dreams—nightmares—I always lose. Christopher. My leg. Brains can be assholes. But it’s not—you had a bad dream. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“Alright, boys, we’re here,” Hen calls as the truck rolls to a stop. “Try to make it quick? I’d like to at least try to make it back in time to sleep a few hours in my own bed before my afternoon class.”

“You’re the best, Hen,” Buck replies. Eddie pushes himself up and opens the door to climb out. Even just standing on solid ground helps—he sucks in several breaths of fresh air, letting each one out slowly. The stars are bright and clear against the ink-black sky, the rest stop far enough from any major cities or the wildfire that light pollution or smoke don’t dim their shine. Buck’s hand brushes against Eddie’s back as he climbs out of the truck as well, a gentle, casual thing that feels more like habit than a deliberate touch. A subtle, familiar ghost that whispers I’m here, behind, hello.

Eddie doesn’t feel the urge to flinch away from that touch.

When Buck starts off in the direction of the restrooms, Eddie pushes off the truck and follows.

“I got my silver star after my platoon’s medical transport helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan,” he admits a few minutes later, after he washes his hands and splashes water on his face for good measure. “We crashed, I got almost everyone out of the wreckage. We took heavy fire...I really thought I was gonna die that night. Wound up with three bullet wounds and a medal and a hell of a lot of guilt over the one guy who didn’t make it home.”

“And Hen was in a helicopter crash yesterday,” Buck fills in. “That you watched happen.”

Eddie sighs. “And Hen was in a helicopter crash yesterday, yeah,” he admits. “I didn’t think—we were doing search and rescue in a wildfire, it wasn’t a battlefield, we weren’t getting shot at, and she was fine. She is. Fine. And I’m fine. There’s no reason—”

He rakes a hand through his hair. “I’m fine,” he repeats.

Buck goes quiet for a moment, catching his lower lip between his teeth. And then he says—

“I’m in therapy.” His tongue sweeps out and wets his lips. “I’m fine, too. But I’m in therapy. Because I realized that I didn’t want to settle for fine. And also that I could be...more fine. Finer. Finest.”

“Do you think that’s something I should be ashamed of?” He asks.

“Of course not,” Eddie says, his stomach dropping at the very thought. “I would never think—no, Buck that’s great—if it’s helping, I’m happy for you.”

“Then why are you ashamed of yourself just because your fine isn’t perfect?”

“I—” Words catch in Eddie’s throat as he squirms at the logic. He doesn’t think because it’s me is a response that’s going to fly, but that’s all that comes to mind. And maybe that means Buck has a point.

Buck takes a step closer, closing the distance between them. His hand curves around the side of Eddie’s neck, thumb pressing ever so lightly under Eddie’s chin to tip his head up. The look in his eyes is soft and makes Eddie feel exposed in an entirely different way than he had in the truck. But he doesn’t think he dislikes the feeling.

“You went through hell and you survived,” Buck says quietly. “So you have a few scars. You never have to be ashamed of that. Especially not in front of me.”

Eddie shudders out a breath and leans in, closing his eyes as he drops his head to Buck’s shoulder. Buck adjusts to wrap his arms around him, holding tight, and they stand there embracing for a long moment as the remaining tension bleeds from Eddie’s shoulders.

“Why did I hear TK telling you he’s in a serious relationship before we left?” Eddie asks once he feels steady enough to pull away.

Buck’s cheeks go pink as he laughs. “Uh—well. I think he thought I was coming onto him?”

Eddie bites his cheek to keep from smiling. “Were you? I guess he’s okay...if that’s the kind of look you’re into.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “You know there was only one person there I wanted to flirt with.”

“Marjan?” Eddie offers, and the eyeroll becomes an exasperated stare.

“I agreed to glacially slow, not nonexistent,” Buck points out, stepping in and leaning in and—

Eddie’s fingers curl into the front of Buck’s shirt as Buck’s mouth ghosts over his, using to grip to pull him down into a proper kiss.

“If he had stuck around long enough for me to get over my surprise, I would have told him I was spoken for,” Buck adds, a little breathless when he steps back.

“Glacially slow or not?”

“Glacially slow or not.” Buck’s lips curve up as he laces their fingers. “I told you months ago I didn’t mind waiting. I’m in this. However long it takes.”

Eddie squeezes his hand.

“Thank you,” he says. And there are so many things that could be meant by that, he’s not even sure he can name them all. But Buck seems to get it anyway.

“Come on. Let’s go back.”

“Let’s go home,” Eddie adds. Their hands slide apart as they leave the restroom, but Eddie still feels Buck’s warmth sinking into his skin, like sunlight chasing away shadows. And as he climbs back into the truck, he thinks that maybe Buck’s right. Maybe he could be more than fine. Maybe admitting that isn’t a bad thing.

When he falls asleep again, he doesn’t dream.

[an-optimist-prime]

Darling, feel better love

A Buddie 9-1-1 Fanfic

Summary: Eddie catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

-

Or, Buck gets injured (again) and it forces Eddie to confront his feelings for Buck.

Word Count: 2270

Rating/Warnings: T, N/A

AO3 Link

*

Eddie absolutely hates hospital waiting rooms.

More specifically, he hates how useless they make him feel. There’s nothing to do but patiently, and anxiously, wait for further news on Buck’s condition after his latest accident.

Buck’s doctor had been out about an hour earlier. He’d reassured them all Buck was stable, and while it would take time, he would in fact recover. It was a massive relief, but still, Eddie couldn’t quell the need to see Buck and assess his injuries for himself.

It’s the seventh time Buck has been in hospital in just under three years. And that’s just in the time Eddie’s known him. Based on the stories he’s heard from Bobby and Maddie, he’s always been disaster prone.

This latest injury had happened while they were on call to a building fire. In typical Buck fashion, he’d disobeyed a direct order to evacuate, deciding instead to do one last sweep of the floor he was on.

That, of course, was when the floor collapsed beneath him.

They’d barely had time to pull Buck out, battered and broken, before the rest of the building collapsed.

Eddie’s not too much of a man to admit that the whole situation had scared the shit out of him. As soon as he’d realised that Buck had not followed him out, cold dread seized him. It was only compounded by the dead silence when Eddie tried to raise him on the radio.

While it had only taken them a few minutes to find Buck and pull him out, for Eddie it had felt like hours. When Buck emerged lifeless and unnaturally still, it was like Eddie's heart had stopped, and only started again when Hen had said there was still a pulse.

Although, if Eddie’s being honest, the accident itself didn’t really surprise him. Buck has a habit of being a self-sacrificing idiot, with no regard for himself or his own safety. But if Buck keeps on this road, keeps doing things like this, there’s a real chance that it’ll kill him.

And Eddie isn’t sure how he’d survive that.

He’d grown used to being alone, given that for so long it’d been just him and Christopher. But then came Buck, who’d somehow managed to worm his way into their lives and carve out a space in his heart since pretty much day one.

Eddie isn’t sure at what point he fell in love with Buck, but in hindsight it’s painfully obvious.

And it tears him up, that Buck almost died, and he’s never told him how he feels. Because Buck deserves to know. Buck deserves to have someone brave enough to tell him.

Most of all, Buck deserves to have someone he wants back.

Because honestly, Eddie is pretty sure that Buck doesn’t feel the same way he does. After all, Buck gives 100% to everyone he cares about, and lives with his heart on his sleeve. Eddie’s also heard enough about Buck 1.0 to know that if Buck wanted him that way, he’d know by now. But throughout their friendship, Buck has never shown any inclination that he feels the same way.

The last thing Eddie wants to do is make his best friend uncomfortable, and ruin what they’ve managed to build together. So, he pushes it down, determined to move on.

But, every now and again, there’ll be a moment. A moment where their eyes will meet across a scene, or they’ll be watching a movie and Buck will lean into him. In those moments, Eddie thinks there might be a chance that Buck feels something more .

Needless to say, Eddie feels torn.

Eddie’s thoughts are interrupted by a nurse, speaking to the assembled group in the waiting room.

“Family of Evan Buckley?” the nurse asks. He’s not the only one there. Maddie’s there, of course, along with Chim and Bobby. Both Athena and Hen had been there earlier as well, but had to leave. “You can see him now. Don’t stay for too long though, he needs rest.”

They all follow the nurse through to Buck’s room.

His skin is pale and he looks completely exhausted, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters. Buck instantly perks up the moment he sees them, his eyes lighting up as they file in.

“Hey guys,” Buck says, his voice raspy. There are no words for how much relief it fills him with, to see Buck alive and well enough to speak. The perpetual ache in his chest abates slightly, and Eddie hangs back as the others rush forward.

Maddie rushes straight to his bedside, quickly wrapping her little brother into a fierce hug.

“Hey,” Chim greets, perching on the end of the bed. “How’s our favourite disaster magnet feeling?”

“I’m the favourite?” Buck replies, always first out the gate with deprecating humour.

“Who else would it be?” Chim states. “You should ask them if they have a frequent flyer program at this hospital. What is this, like your sixth stay in three years?”

“Seventh,” Eddie corrects.

“Seventh?” Buck repeats, as if it’s only just now occurring to him that he’s spent an inordinate amount of time in hospitals over the last few years. After a moment, Buck breaks into a joking smile. “Two more and then the next one's free, right?”

“How about no more?” Maddie suggests as she pulls back slightly, her eyes glassy. Eddie wholeheartedly agrees.

“How about you listen to your sister?,” Bobby says. “Let’s try to avoid hospital stays in future.”

“Okay,” Buck says, and Eddie knows this is the closest thing they’ll get to a promise in regards to this. “Seriously though, I’m fine. The doctor thinks I’ll be home in a week or so.”

Even so, Maddie still fusses over him while Chim and Bobby keep up the conversation. Eddie, meanwhile, continues to hang back, trying his absolute best to shove down a conflicting range of emotions, and work out just what he’s going to do about them.

Bobby is the first to leave, obviously relieved to see that Buck is conscious and stable. On his way out, he pauses next to Eddie.

“You’re overthinking it,” Bobby says quietly, so that only Eddie hears. “Just be honest with him. I think you’ll be surprised at how well it goes.”

“Is it that obvious?” Eddie asks, more than a little panicked that he hasn't been hiding it as well as he thought.

Bobby doesn’t respond, instead just giving him a look before he leaves, and it’s answer enough.

If the Captain knows, there’s a not small chance that Hen and Chim know, and probably Athena too. And if Chim knows, then Maddie definitely knows, and Dios, that’s a realisation all of its own.

Eddie hazards a glance to the others. Maddie is too busy with Buck, but Chim notices, and gives him a look as well.

They definitely know.

Eddie barely has any time to come to grips with the fact that his massive crush on his best friend is apparently public knowledge at the firehouse before Chim and Maddie begin to leave as well.

“I’ll be back first thing tomorrow!” Maddie promises, as she and Chim make their way out.

“Looking forward to it!” Buck says, with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.  As soon as she leaves though, Buck deflates, no longer needing to keep up his energetic charade.

Eddie knows that Buck considers himself a burden to others. He sees it in the way that he always puts others first, and how he’ll always try to make others feel better at the expense of himself.

It speaks volumes about how far they’ve come, that Buck is comfortable enough around him to let his walls drop. To be vulnerable.

Eddie takes the spot right next to Buck that Maddie was previously occupying, making a mental note to not stay too long. Buck really does need to rest, but Eddie just needs a bit more time to convince himself he’s really okay.

As he sits, Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s arm, just above his wrist. It’s grounding, to feel his warm skin, a reminder that he’s alive.

“Tell Chris I’m sorry I’ll miss pizza night this Friday.” Buck says, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“I’m sure he’ll understand.” Eddie says, because he will. He’s such a good kid. He’ll bring Chris to visit him in a few days, when Buck has more of his energy back.

It says so much though, about the kind of person that Buck is. Even in a hospital bed, he’s still thinking about others first.

As bad as it sounds, it frustrates Eddie sometimes, seeing just how selfless Buck can be. Like he doesn’t think he’s worth the worry.

And now that he’s seen it for himself, that he knows that Buck’s okay, Eddie starts to get just a little bit angry. He can feel it, how the rage simmers just beneath the surface of his skin.

How could Buck do something so reckless? Does he really not see what it does to others, to those around him? Or does he just not care?

His internal strife must be pretty obvious, because after a moment, Buck asks, “Is everything okay?”

“Really?” Eddie barks out a humourless laugh at the absurdity of the question. “You almost died, Buck.” His voice drops to a hiss, sharper than he intended it to be. He catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

And just like that, Eddie’s furious all over again. How can Buck joke about something like this? “Buck—“

“Eddie.”

“This is serious. You can’t just do things like that.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Buck asks, crossing his arms. “I thought I’d heard something, so I went and checked. What if someone was still in there? Am I supposed to just leave them behind?”

Yes, Eddie wants to say, but he knows that Buck is right. He probably would have gone back to check as well. He’s not going to win the argument on this front, so he changes tact.

“You almost died, again,” Eddie repeats, because really, that’s the important part here.

“But I didn’t,” Buck insists.

Eddie sighs again. They’re just going around in circles. He looks down, to where his hand is still holding Buck’s wrist. Now is the time for honesty. How would he have felt, if Buck had died and he never told him just how much he means to him?

But this isn’t about him - if nothing else, Buck should know that somebody loves him, the way he deserves to be.

“You can’t keep doing this, Buck. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Eddie confesses. "I can't lose you.

"You won't." Buck promises, as if he could ever keep a promise like that.

He could take the easy way out, and just leave it there, especially since words so often fail him. But he refuses to back down, this time. Steeling himself, Eddie reaches out to grasp Buck’s hand, twining their fingers together. His skin is rough, calloused from hard work, but the pulse that beats against Eddie’s palm is comforting.

Buck's eyes go wide at the contact.

He meets Eddie's eyes, realisation dawning on his face.

"Oh."

His gaze flicks down to Eddie's lips and back up.

Taking a chance, Eddie leans in, closing the last few inches of distance between them. The kiss is gentle and chaste, but full of promise. Eddie breaks away after a moment, cognizant of Buck’s injured state. But before he can pull away, Buck reaches up with his free hand and pulls him right back in.

Their second kiss is just as good as the first, and Eddie melts into the softness of Buck’s lips against his own.

A pained exhale snaps Eddie back to reality and he reluctantly pulls away. “You’re not well.”

“I’m fine,” Buck says, slightly breathless but not seeming to mind. “Besides, I’ve really been hoping that would happen for a while now.”

“Me too,” Eddie says, heart thrumming in his chest. After a moment, he adds, “Why did you never say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had, not when I didn’t know how you felt,” Buck admits. “I know that I have a reputation, and I didn’t want you to think that’s all it was about.”

“I never would have thought that,” Eddie says, his heart clenching at the words. He may not have ever met ‘Buck 1.0’, but in the time he’s known Buck, he’s never been anything less than loyal and selfless. He doesn’t like that Buck thinks he’d judge him for his past. “But, same. About not wanting to ruin it.”

“I love you,” Buck blurts out. “Sorry, I know that’s a lot, really early, but it’s true.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie quickly reassures. “It’s not too much, at all. I love you too.”

Buck lets out a shaky laugh. “God, we’re both idiots.”

“Yeah, we are.” Eddie ducks his head to hide his fond grin. “So what happens now?”

“I’m going to date you so hard.” Buck states, absolutely beaming.

“Well first, how about we work on getting you out of here?” Eddie starts. He can’t seem to pull himself away from Buck, although Buck doesn’t seem to want to let go either. “And then I take you out to dinner?”

“If you insist.”

*

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a like/kudos or comment, either here or on the Archive (Fic Link).  I’m always up to talk Buddie, 9-1-1 and fandom in general, so please feel free to come chat with me, here on tumblr or on my twitter. Thanks again  ❤️

[madamewriterofwrongs]

can i prompt: "Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?” for buddie? <33

Alicia! I meant to write something sweet and funny and instead, I wrote this. Regardless, I hope you enjoy <3

This, I Promise You

911/Buddie, 6k

“Eddie? Can you hear me?” Checking his best friend’s pulse, while constantly looking outside the grocery store window for the approaching ambulance, was not how he expected to spend his Thursday evening.

He had intended to take Eddie shopping for ingredients to make homemade spaghetti and meatballs. Instead, Buck had watched in horror as his partner collapsed in the dairy aisle, curling into his right side and only able to speak in pained groans.

Much later, he would feel grateful for his minimal medical training taking over his body while his mind swirled in panic but in the moment, the only thing that mattered was figuring out what was taking the ambulance so damn long.

“Just keep breathing, okay?” His fingers lightly brushed Eddie’s side and the man cried out louder, pulling Buck away from his work. He recoiled at the thought of hurting his friend in any way but there were so many other problems to deal with in the moment. What was happening to him? Where was the ambulance? What would he tell Christopher if Eddie died on his watch? The boy would never forgive him.

“Sir,” Buck jumped to his feet when a gloved hand touched his shoulder, watching from a panicked distance as the paramedics made their quick assessment that Eddie was safe to travel, and carefully lifted him onto the stretcher. All the while, Eddie continued his chorus of grunts and groans, fully-formed words having left his vocabulary entirely.

Buck opted to drive his jeep behind the ambulance (better to give them space to work, he reasoned), ignoring the selfish guilt in his stomach that somehow, he’d caused Eddie’s malady. He chose, instead, to focus his energy on calling Carla to bring Christopher to the hospital, then to inform Bobby of what little he knew, and finally, he called his sister. Second to his best friend, he needed someone to keep him calm with logic and a warm hug. Who better than the former nurse?

He would never tell Athena how he was nearly on par with the speeding ambulance on their way to the hospital, but he met them as they were wheeling him inside.

“Eddie?” He called to the man as he watched the pale form being wheeled past.

A nurse with a familiar stature to Maddie raised her hand to stop him with a firm tone. “Sir, you have to wait here.”

“But” he couldn’t leave Eddie alone now. What if something happened to him?

Again, the nurse stopped him. “If you give your and your friend’s information to the nurse over there, he’ll keep you updated, okay?” Her words were patient and gentle but left no room for argument. With one last glance at his friend disappearing behind the swinging doors, Buck turned towards the check-in desk. He was fully prepared to stand there until any new information came in, even if it took all night (which he sincerely hoped it didn’t).

That was exactly how Maddie found him when she hurried into the waiting area, operator’s uniform hidden under her sweater to accommodate the turning season. In fact, Buck wasn’t able to acknowledge her presence until two hands physically halted his mission to dig a trench in the hospital floor and he finally faced his sister.

“Any news on Eddie?”

She gently guided her brother to the nearest chair, only to press a hand into his leg when it began to shake with anxiety.

“Not yet. They took him back half an hour ago, why haven’t they figured out what’s wrong with him?”

“It could be such a simple diagnosis that they’re seeing to him right now.” Even if her words were just platitudes, they brought Buck a modicum of comfort to have another voice in his ear other than the one currently rambling about the worst-case scenarios. “What happened?”

“We were picking up groceries for dinner and he just collapsed.” Were he not in complete distress, he might have noticed the odd doubletake of his sister’s expression as his words set in. “He’s been hiding pain in his side for a few days, I thought he just pulled something at work and didn’t want to call out. Maddie, what if I didn’t say anything and now it’s only gotten worse?”

“Eddie’s a big boy,” she reminded him with no small amount of humor in her voice. “he can make his own decisions. If this is an untreated injury, then he’ll just have to deal with the consequences. But I have a feeling it’s nothing that serious.”

“That serious? Maddie, he collapsed in the grocery store. He was in so much pain, he couldn’t speak. How is that not serious?”

“By the way, since when did you and Eddie go grocery shopping together?” The blush in his cheek seemed to blossom instantaneously. “That’s very domestic of you.”

“Shut up.” Even Buck was unimpressed with his feeble attempt at indignation, too stressed to care much for appearances. “We were just picking up a few things so I could cook vegan spaghetti and meatballs for Christopher.”

“Where is Christopher?”

In all his pacing, Buck have never once forgotten about the little one’s imminent arrival. Facing the younger Diaz was the thing he seemed to be dreading the most in this entire ordeal. All the ways it could go wrong, all the ways he could fail that kid; it lingered in the air, refusing to offer a modicum of reprieve.

“Carla’s on her way with him. I really wanted an answer before they got here, though.” Having answers meant having hope and with hope on his side, maybe he could face those innocent grey eyes.

“I think you’re about to get it.” With Maddie’s assistance, he rose from his chair to face the approaching nurse he’d met earlier.

“Mr. Buckley.” He was too numb to feel her hand even as he shook it but he had a vague recollection of nodding in greeting. “You’re Mr. Diaz’s emergency contact, correct?” Again, he nodded as Maddie introduced herself to the other woman. “It’s a good thing you were with Mr. Diaz when he collapsed. It appears his appendix ruptured and if he had been alone, there could have been complications.”

All Buck heard was the crackling of static as the implications of her commendation sank in. “But, he’s okay, right?” She’d said it could have led to complications, that meant there weren’t any. Then where was Eddie?

“He will be. We’re prepping him for surgery as we speak but Mr. Diaz is heavily medicated, so we need your consent to move ahead.”

Wait, surgery? Surgery wasn’t safe. Surgery didn’t mean that everything was all right.

“Why-why does he need surgery?”

He saw more than felt Maddie’s hand on his arm. “They have to remove his appendix, Buck. It’s a very routine procedure, I promise.”

Of course, he trusted his sister, but that didn’t stop him from asking every question about the surgery that came to mind – even some he might consider irrational or fear-inducing under other circumstances. But these weren’t other circumstances. This was Eddie’s life. He needed to make sure his friend was safe above all else.

Thank goodness for Maddie, who gently pinched his bicep when he tried to ask for the credentials of the anesthesiologist, effectively drawing his attention to the impatient expression of the nurse before him.

“Sorry, yeah, you can go forward with the surgery.” He sheepishly signed his consent on the dotted line, even as his sister rolled her eyes at his hyperactive antics.

“Thank you, Mr. Buckley.” The other woman seemed to have the same expression on her face (though more professionally masked behind her clipboard. “Now, your friend has been very frantically asking for you so would you like to see him before we”

“Yes.” He cried with nearly too much enthusiasm, earning a startled jolt from the nurse who turned back towards the triage rooms without waiting for him. “Sorry, yes, I’m coming.”

Without looking back at Maddie, Buck pushed through the swinging doors Eddie had disappeared behind less than an hour earlier, his eyes immediately searching for his friend. Thankfully for the nurse’s sanity, Eddie’s room was the second on the left and already open for them to step through (lest she be forced to endure any more of Buck’s fidgeting demeanor.

The moment Buck’s eyes found Eddie’s, the room grew a degree brighter.

“Buck!” The firefighter cried. “You made it. I was worried you would miss it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, buddy.” Buck grinned on his way to Eddie’s side, careful to stay out of the way as the other attendants continued their preparation work, but standing as close as physically possible. “How are you feeling?”

In lieu of answering his question, Eddie stared unblinking at the man before him. “Your eyes are like the ocean.”

Ignoring the smirks from the staff around him, Buck shook his head with nothing but fondness in his smile. “I’m going to remind you that you said that once you’re sober enough to be embarrassed about it.”

“Thanks, Buck.” The sincerity in the other man’s voice was nearly comical. “You’re a really good friend, you know that?”

“After everything you’ve put me through today, I better be your best friend.” He congratulated himself on his ability to make light of one of the most stressful days of his life (disregarding the times when his own life was in peril). “And we’re going to have a serious talk about you hiding things from me, too, young man.”

At this, Eddie seemed to grow paler as his eyes grew innocently wide. “How did you know?”

“The nurse told me, dummy.” He resisted the urge to sweep a stray hair from his friend’s face, but promptly surrendered under the reasoning that this may be his only opportunity. “You can’t keep scaring me like this.”

It was almost precious to see the grown man shrink into the pillows with a doe-eyed apology in his red eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get hurt but I do it a lot, don’t I?” As Eddie fell into some sort of high contemplation, Buck gave one last glance over his friend’s features. Beyond a small reddening on the side of his face, he appeared to have no outward injuries from his fall. As for his insides – Buck hoped his unending questions were enough to sooth his anxiety but they hadn’t dissipated them completely.  

“No more than the rest of us, Eddie. The doctor will fix you right up and you’ll be back at the station within a week.”

“Two.” He caught his new favourite nurse’s voice as she rolled her eyes.

“One and a half.” He countered, only to be met with another definitive expression (was that a part of their medical school training?). “Two it is.”

“What if I get hurt again?” Eddie’s voice cut through the light air and pulled Buck back to his side.

“Maybe the staff will give us some sort of discount if we come in so many times in a year.” On more than one occasion, Buck had jokingly tried to bargain with the accounting department about some sort of punch card – and the fact that he’d an opportunity to make his horrible joke several times had not escaped his notice. “You’ll be okay. Just like you always are.”

“But what happens if I’m not?” That doomful thought had also crossed his mind but he’d struggled to keep it at bay. And now Eddie was staring up at him and no matter his own fears, he couldn’t let that sadness and fear take up residence on his friend’s face for any longer.

“I promise, everything will be all right, okay? You’ll have this surgery and then you’ll never have to worry about your appendix ever again.”

“I know the mortality rates on an appendectomy, Buck, there’s still a chance.” Even high as a kite, Eddie was still so smart. He was quick on his feet and calm under pressure in a way Buck wished he could emulate.

The trouble was: Buck also knew the mortality rates (having grilled the nurse on all possible complications, no matter how outlandish). “I know the numbers too, Eddie. You’re more likely to die in a skiing accident.”

“I would hope so.” The man scoffed.

Buck made a mental note to renew his statistics knowledge so he could win the next argument.

“I promise you’ll be fine.”

When Eddie grabbed his wrist, he was thankful his heart wasn’t the one being monitored. “Buck, I need you to make a serious promise to me.”

Even without the urgency in his friend’s voice, the firefighter would have agreed to anything. “Of course.”

“If anything happens to me, I need you to look after Christopher for me.” Before he could open his mouth to protest, Eddie continued. “He looks up to you and I know you’ll do everything you can to look after him.” Nothing that the man said was new information for Buck and yet every word sliced through the sudden fog around his mind with sudden clarity. “And don’t let my parents bully you into taking him back to Texas. He belongs here with you, okay?” When Buck didn’t answer right away, Eddie squeezed his wrist tighter. “Promise me?”

“I promise, Eddie.”

Logically, he knew that he shouldn’t be taking any of Eddie’s demands at face value, as he was under heavy pain medication and anesthetics. He had no control over what he was saying and yet it all rang true to the Eddie he knew – if a little more slurred and enthusiastic.

“You really are such a good friend, you know that?” As the man continued his speech, the attendants began to hook his stretcher to be wheeled into the hallway. Buck followed steadfast behind the group as he listened intently. “I don’t know what I would have done without you all these years. You’re kind and loyal and smart and beautiful. If I was going to marry someone again, I’d want to marry you. You’re amazing, don’t ever forget that.”

As the doors opened to where Buck could no longer follow, Eddie called out: “Buck, I love you.”

Before the words could fully register amidst the other ramblings, the surgery doors had closed and Buck was left in an empty hallway that echoed with every unspoken word suddenly flooding to the surface. What had Eddie meant by that? Why had he said it at all? He couldn’t wait however long the surgery took before he got his answers.

“Wait!” He feebly called to the door, knowing even in that moment, he couldn’t cross over just to question a man most likely unconscious from the drugs by this point. What was he meant to do with his hands? Did his legs function on their own without him consciously moving one foot and then the other? Was he currently breathing? The air was too stale to take a reasonable breath, he needed space in order for his mind to spiral properly.

“Buck? What did Eddie say?” When had he returned to the waiting area to face Maddie? How did she know that Eddie had said anything? Right; Eddie had been asking for him.

“He, uh, he asked me to look after Christopher.”

Buck passed by his sister’s nodding head on his way to the exit doors, hoping the late afternoon air would provide some much-needed clarity from his overwhelming mental journey. The world outside the hospital walls was a creamy orange as the thinnest traces of the setting sun began to pierce the sky. A soft breeze blew just enough to remind him that the world still turned despite the numbness in his fingers.

Before his legs could attempt to buckle from underneath him, he found a small concrete wall surrounding some barely tended shrubbery and let himself collapse against it. His head fell naturally into his hands as he reminded himself to take one deep breath and then another. Another breath came and again and again until he felt the ground beneath his feet and the denim against his elbows and the sweat in his hair once again.

Eddie’s in surgery now.

Eddie’s in surgery and he asked you to look after Christopher if anything happened to him.

Eddie’s in surgery and he said he loved you.

Eddie was also incredibly high on medication and wasn’t acting entirely himself despite the similarities in his speech. They weren’t things he’d even imagine his friend to say out loud, but he knew them to be true.

Except for the part where he said he loved you.

Admittedly, that was the part that stuck with him. More than his faux deathbed confession to care for his son, more than his ramblings about Buck’s qualities. The simple admission that his feelings for the man went beyond friendship, threatened to bring back the swirling mind and tingling fingertips.

Eddie will be okay and then you can talk to him about it once he’s recovered.

Or you could just never talk about it and see if he forgets.

Do you want him to forget about it?

What do you want to say back?

“Eddie’s going to be okay.” Buck snapped to attention, looking at his sudden companion with a smile that seemed to grow of its own accord.

“I know, Carla. It’s a common procedure and he’s come back from worse.” Of course, worse had been getting shot in Afghanistan, but this was nothing compared to the trials he’d endured there. In terms of Eddie’s canon of injures, this particular incident was hardly worth noting.

With the exception of one, distinct, admission.

“Then what’s got that pretty face all screwed up?”

He opened his mouth to tell his friend the same thing he’d told Maddie, only to catch the thing missing in his life just in time. “Where’s Christopher?”

“Inside with your sister. She asked me to check on you.” There were many reasons Buck could name as to why he loved his sister, and he added another to his list. “So, if it’s not Eddie, what is it?”

Without needed words exchanged between them, Buck shuffled over to allow room for his friend to sit beside him. Perhaps there was another solution to his dilemma that he’d never considered before.

“It is Eddie but it’s not about the surgery. Well it is about the surgery but not the” Buck took a deep breath to steady his rambling mind and it marginally worked. “I’m not worried about his physical health.” His mental health, perhaps. How can he love me?

“What did he tell you?” The confusion must have been evident on his face because Carla supplied the answer. “Maddie said you went in to see Eddie and when you came back you looked like you were going hurl – her words, not mine.” He smiled at that. “What did Eddie say to you that got you so twisted?”

Four words. Not large for a statement but grand in stature and bewilderingly unsettling.

“He told me he loved me.”

“Oh.” Carla blinked in surprise, but he saw no disgust or apprehension, which he knew would be absent from the woman who’d known them both for the entirety of their friendship. Of the people in his Los Angeles family, she was the only person he might consider to be closer to Eddie simply because she had a different relationship with the man. There was something about Carla that had always put him at ease, and one night spent lying awake and missing the home he’d left behind many years ago, he realized the thing he loved about Carla was also the thing he loved about Eddie: no matter their dynamic or status, there was trust and respect and kindness. She might call it ‘being damn good at her job’ but Buck hadn’t called Carla all those years ago because she was the best in-home care worker he’d even known (not that he’d known too many in his time), he’d called because he trusted her with something important that he couldn’t do on his own.

Perhaps he could trust her again.

“I just wasn’t expecting him to say it when he was being wheeled into the operating room.”

“But you were expecting him to say it?”

He opened his mouth to protest, cursing his own subconscious, but a gently impatient look from the woman next to him silenced those thoughts. “I think maybe I was but I didn’t realize until it happened. Like, I’ve never thought about Eddie as anything other than my…” Suddenly, calling him his ‘friend’ didn’t seem like enough. “Eddie.”

“Well your Eddie just laid his cards on the table, it seems.” He had the horrifying realization that he would never escape that particular tease for some time. “So what are you going to do about it?”

Buck had been asking that very question since Carla found him and yet he still hadn’t come up with an answer. “What if he didn’t mean it? Or what if he meant it as a friend? Or what if he forgets? Or what if he didn’t mean to say it now and he’s not ready?”

“Honey, I’m going to say something I don’t think you hear enough.” She placed a firm hand on his shoulder to ground him into silence. “Stop thinking so much and just do something.”

Buck had, in fact, never heard that command uttered in the context of himself before in his entire life. If anything, he’d spent most of his career being constantly reminded to do the exact opposite. He knew reminding her of that would only earn him an eye roll and maybe a light smack on the arm, but she cut him off before he could consider if it would be worth it.

“I’m serious. Don’t think for one second and just tell me the first thing that comes to mind.

Run.

“Do you love Eddie?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to be with him?”

“Yes.”

Something warm and heavy settled in the front of his chest, spreading across his sternum like a blanket. Freedom, he realized, freedom and hope and contentment. He wasn’t as afraid of those words as he probably should have been.

“Would Eddie ever intentionally hurt you?”

“Never.”

More truth spilled from his lips as Carla questioned him and the warmth spread into his shoulders and curled down his back.

“Would he ever lie in order to lead you on, or in any way hurt you?”

“No.”

“Do you want him to have meant it?”

“Yes.”

“If the two of you were together, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“We break up and I have to change stations and he never lets me see Christopher again.”

“What’s the best thing that could happen?”

“Everything.”

Upon his confession, he saw the same surprise on Carla’s face that she’d worn earlier: no judgement or hint at foreknowledge. Pure, quiet, realization.

“Oh you love him, love him.” He hadn’t realized it until she’d said it out loud – and part of him felt ridiculous for connecting with such a childish explanation – but it was as true as anything else he’d said in the safety of their stone wall. “You can’t keep that thing bottled inside. If there’s even a chance that he feels the same, you have to go for it.”

Easier said than done. “But what if”

“No buts, Evan Buckley.” He shut his mouth at her command. “When that boy is out of surgery, you are going to tell him that you love him, too. Do you understand me?” It was almost surreal to think of such a tender moment being turned into a threat, but he nodded with panicked fervor. “Good. And no talking yourself out of it between now and then, either. You’re telling that boy tonight or I will drag you into his hospital room and lock the door until you do. Although you’re more than welcome to lock the door yourself once you’ve made your confession. No pulling his stitches, though.”

Buck had no idea his skin to blush that shade of red, but as images of all the reasons he might need to lock him and Eddie inside a room for privacy tumbled through his mind, he felt his entire body boil over from the heat.

“Carla!” He admonished with a smirk.

“Honey, if I looked half as good as either of you, I wouldn’t have been able to hold out as long as you both have. Honestly, your resistance is impressive.” He would never tire of her honest commentary (she hadn’t been the first to notice Eddie’s quote ‘perfect bone structure’, but she was the first to say it out loud).

“And I think you’ve both earned a little happiness, don’t you?” That same honesty could hit him with just as much depth. Her talent was startling.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Damn right, you would.” She bumped his shoulder to pull a smile from within his nervous, terrified, hopeful body. “Now, are you going to be okay for the next few hours or do I need to bring your sister out here to give you another pep talk?”

Oh god, how would he explain this to Maddie without being mercilessly teased at their wedding reception? Slow your roll, there, Buckley (his inner thoughts sounded strangely like Bobby). Get through the night and see if you both make it to a first date. “I think I’ll be okay.”

And after saying it so many times in his life, Buck meant it in a rare burst of honesty that settled in his bones. Granted, he was still terrified out of his mind – because telling someone that they make the sun shine brighter for the very first time was never an easy task – but no matter the outcome, he knew he would be okay.

“Thanks, Carla.”

“Thank me by inviting me to the wedding.” As if she weren’t already near the top of his guest list.

--

It was to Eddie’s great shame that waking up in the hospital following his emergency appendectomy felt painless. The first time he’d opened his eyes completely, two very patient nurses had asked his questions while examining him with clinical precision. It was nothing he hadn’t experienced over and over in his time. The second time he’d opened his eyes, there were no nurses or questions; in fact, from the light outside the window in the open hallway, he would guess it to be early in the morning (despite the distinct lack of change inside the building. He had, unfortunately grown accustomed to opening his eyes to the harsh overhead lighting and constant yet distant noise of the machines. The post-pain-med-hangover was a distant memory, and the only sign that anything in his life had changed was a slight soreness in his side where he’d no doubt have another scar to add to his ever-growing collection.

That, and the hand squeezing his as he returned to consciousness. But feeling Buck by his side was not a sign that anything had changed. If anything, it was confirmation that he had returned to the land of the living.

He would save his questions of how he knew Buck’s hand from anyone else’s for another time. Or perhaps never (though if he were honest with himself, the concept of ‘never’ hurt his heart worse than the idea of ‘not you’). Right now, he focused on looking at the eyes which owned the hand massaging his knuckle just below the heart monitor attached to his finger. If he focused on his breathing, maybe the machine wouldn’t pick up on the way his heart skipped a beat when he saw Buck’s smiling face.

“Hey Bu-”

“I love you.”

There was no mistaking the sudden drop and double count on the monitor, but all Eddie could hear were Buck’s words repeating over and over in some sort of recursive loop.

Maybe he was still dreaming.

“What?”

He missed their connection, but the way his partner shot up and began slowly pacing the length of his bed was more concerning. “I was going to lead up to it but then I saw your face, and Carla told me that if I didn’t tell you when you woke up, she would lock me in here and I panicked a little.” His explanation was only mildly helping Eddie’s nerves, but he accepted what little context was provided. Something about Carla.

Okay, so he needed more information.

“Carla made you say that?” But why? Was this some sort of pity confession, or fear for his safety? She had been encouraging him to start dating again but coercing his best friend was a bit much.

“Yes. No.” Buck stopped and restarted his pacing every time his train of thought shifted tracks and frankly, Eddie wasn’t nearly awake enough to understanding what was going on.

“Buck, sit down, okay? Tell me from the beginning.”

As easily as though he’d made his own decision, Buck obeyed Eddie’s command and flopped into the seat – though he didn’t retake his friend’s hand, a fact from which Eddie attempted to hide his disappointment. With a long breath, Buck began his speech while Eddie watched his changing expressions with increasing awe.

“I don’t know how much you remember about yesterday or what you said before you went into surgery. I know you were pretty out of it from the pain meds and anesthesia but you said some things.”

Oh god, Eddie prayed for more anesthesia so he could go back to sleep and wake up in a world where he hadn’t embarrassed himself. He had no idea what those things were that he’d apparently said to Buck but from his demeanor the instant Eddie laid eyes on him, he knew it must have been something big.

“You asked me to look after Christopher if anything happened to you.”

Oh? That wasn’t too bad. “I meant that. I trust you.” If that was all he’d said, there was nothing to be worried about. He would have asked that of Buck regardless. It just made sense at this point. “Just promise you wouldn’t let my parents bully you into taking him back to Texas, okay? His home is here, now.”

Buck’s blush was awfully adorable in the sharp, white light (perhaps not all of the medication had worn off). “You, uh, you told me that, too.”

“Okay good, I mean it. We can make it official if you want? Sign the paperwork and everything.” He should take a look at his will anyways. He hadn’t had a chance to adjust it since before Shannon’s death and some things had definitely changed. Was that why Buck looked so anxious: he didn’t know how to ask Eddie for guardianship? That was an easy fix. So far, nothing had come up to explain what had prompted the sudden confession or Carla’s involvement.

“We could?”

“Of course.” He shrugged, careful of his wiring and newly acquired stitching. “I told you: there’s no one I trust more with my son than you.” He’d meant it then and, if anything, that belief had only grown with time.

“What about your heart?”

The one currently alerting the nurse’s station that it was beating uncontrollably? That heart?

“What about it?”

“Do you trust me with your heart more than anyone?”

“Buck, wha-”

“You also said,” Buck seemed to be powering through now, regardless of anything Eddie wanted to say. “You also said that if you were going to marry anyone else, it would be me.” Oh god. “And you said that you love me.” Oh god. “Did you mean it?” Oh. God.

The truth of it was that Eddie didn’t remember anything between experiencing a pain in his side as they walked into the grocery store and waking up to the two nurses hovering over him. He’d guessed it was a problem with his appendix but like many unpleasant things, he’d put off making an appointment too long and it had apparently come to bite him in the ass in the worst (and most expensive) way possible.

And on top of that, his subconscious mind was punishing him by letting slip the confession he’d been rolling around on his tongue for months.

Great.

He’d realized he was in love with Buck one night when they had been on an endless shift with too many calls involving high stakes and stupid people. He was beyond exhausted and frustrated, and every emotion seemed to take up residence in his shoulder muscles. Finally, they’d been freed to go home to their loved ones, except because of the late hour, his loved one was sleeping over with his friends. So, Eddie had no one to go home to – a fact which he had resigned himself to long ago – when he felt a familiar hand clap his back and, with a simple nod of his head, Buck invited him over for pizza and video games. And just like that: Eddie wasn’t alone any more. And just like that: Eddie realized he loved Buck.

For months, he’d wrestled over the depth of his emotions for the man currently watching his every expression. Was it just a crush born out of proximity? Was it a physical attraction coupled with a close friendship which would mean a less than successful romantic relationship? Was it loneliness and desperation? Was it a forever kind of love? Did it have to be in order to mean something important?

It had taken time, but eventually Eddie had come to the conclusion that Buck was more than a fling and worth more than mere physical attraction (though the man had been making frequent visits to his dreams of late and many of them involved the need to wash his sheets in the morning).

He was beginning to contemplate the notion of possibly thinking about telling Buck how he felt, when his appendix decided to do it for him. And now here was Buck, looking him in the eyes – those eyes that were like the ocean in a storm – to ask him if he’d meant it when he’d said that he loved him, despite not remembering making that very significant confession.

And on top of that: Buck’s first words in response to that very significant confession, was to tell Eddie that he loved him. Because of Carla. Somehow.

“Why did Carla make you say…what you said?” Dare he get his hopes up? Dare he allow himself to believe that the things Buck said were said in earnest?

“She didn’t make me say it, I wanted to say it, but she told me if I chickened out when you woke up, she would lock me in here until I did.” If anyone asked him the colour of the sky, he would have no earthly idea what the sky even was. The only thought that existed in his mind were five words.

“You wanted to say it?”

Buck’s cheeks really did turn a lovely shade of pink when he was flustered. “Yeah, Eddie, I wanted to say it. And I wanted to hear you say it. Just not when you were being wheeled into surgery.”

“It wasn’t how I planned on saying it, either.” He muttered his confession despite barely regaining consciousness from losing all other thought.

“But you meant it?”

Buck reiterated the question Eddie had yet to answer because it felt like reaching a door that would disappear once opened. But wasn’t that the real question: did he want to open the door?

“Yes.”

The smile on his partner’s face was warm enough to soothe the cool remnants of their parted hands, and Eddie felt his own expression soften and expand from just the sight of the other man’s joy.

“Good.” Buck whispered. “I love you, too. By the way.”

If laughter didn’t threaten to pull his stitches, he would have joined in the bubbling happiness that filled the room. Instead, he resigned himself to watching the man he loved – the man who loved him back – relax into their shared knowledge that things would be all right between them.

Not that he ever truly worried. Things with Buck weren’t always easy but they always found that world again: one where they were both too frightened to speak their hearts and minds, but the universe brought them together anyways.

Grocery store appendectomies were decidedly not on his list of ways to confess his love. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

[mattzerella-sticks]

Lumped Together (9-1-1 fic, Hen/Karen. Chim/Maddie, and Eddie/Buck)

As an apology for keeping her thoughts about medical school secret from her wife and partner, Hen takes them (and Maddie) out for lunch. With the promise that it would only be them. And for the most part it was. Until Buck and Eddie strode in with every intention of eating Takoyaki.

Just not with them.

Armed with new information, what's a girl to do? Hen spends the next day fighting back the natural instinct to tease her friends about the wonderful step they've taken together in their relationship. Can she make it home without saying anything? Or will she give in?

           Hen presses her cheek right against her wife’s, smile wide for the camera. She waits for the telltale click before dropping into a more natural expression, rolling her eyes. “Is this one to your liking?”

           Karen squints at her phone, the device a scant few inches away from her face. Hen swallows a comment about needing glasses with another Takoyaki and relaxes when she sees a nod of approval. “The lighting was better in that direction.”

           “That’s what I was trying to tell you, Karen,” Chimney says, dipping a small ball in soy sauce and biting into it. “Where you were trying earlier, the shadows covered too much of our faces.”

           Maddie snorts around her drink, “I didn’t realize you knew so much about photography, Chim.”

           “When half your life was spent on dating websites and apps, you learn how to take a good photo.” They laugh, at his joke and Maddie’s retaliation. She shoves him gently, stealing one of his Takoyaki balls and eating it. “Hey!”

           “Consider this my reward,” Maddie tells him, “for saving you from all those website and apps.” Chimney sighs, laying his arm behind her chair and finishing off his own ball.

           Hen mirrors Chimney’s move, Karen leaning into her loose embrace. “Y’know,” Karen says, “I’m glad we did this. When is it that we can enjoy a meal together that’s just us?”

           The bell above the front entrance rings, drawing Hen’s gaze. She recognizes the newest diners and immediately deflates. “Never,” she sighs, “Because some people have codependency issues.” Her comment confuses everyone, so she nods over where the familiar faces of her coworkers wait for a server to greet them.

           Chimney sees them first. “Maddie,” he hisses, squeezing her shoulder, “I thought you didn’t tell Buck where we were going.”

           Maddie’s frown worsens, brows furrowed. “I didn’t,” she says, “I swear.” At a more pointed stare from the rest of the table, Maddie continues. “He couldn’t have followed me – he said he had his own plans plus he knows how I feel about those tracking apps.”

           A server finally welcomes them into the restaurant and grabs two menus for the pair. Hen straightens in her seat, “Well, however they found us doesn’t matter. Because here they come…”

           They never do. Instead the server sits Eddie and Buck at a small table near the door, takes their drink orders and leaves them with the menus.

           “Are they… not joining us?” Karen asks.

           Chimney shrugs, “I guess they’re not.”

           The fog of bewilderment won’t fade, actually growing stronger as more time passes. More time where Buck and Eddie sit at their own little table. Absorbed in their own little world, Buck grinning dopily at his friend and offering his menu when Eddie wants to point and share a few opinions that make him chuckle. Like Buck isn’t going to order the same thing he always does when he eats here.

           “Excuse me,” their waiter interrupts, startling everyone, “how’s everyone doing. Did you enjoy your meal?” Hen glances at her plate and sees nothing. She must have eaten absentmindedly while watching their friends. They all voice non-committal agreement. “Good,” he says, smile tight while he gathers the plates, “I can bring you all the check now if you want –“

           “Actually,” Chimney interrupts, “Can I get another order of Ponzu I – I can still go for more. What about the rest of you?”

           “Chim, what are you –“ he kicks her under the table, silently pleading for Hen to play along. She does. “Right,” Hen says, rubbing her stomach, “I could go for another round of those Wasabi Takoyaki. Please!”

           He nods, “No problem.”

           When he disappears behind the kitchen doors, she kicks Chimney back doubly hard. His yelp was unsatisfying. “What was that for?” she asks, “Now we gotta pay for food we’re not going to eat!”

           “Sorry,” Chimney tells her, pouting, “I figured staying where we are is for the best. Leaving now might spook the horses, if you catch my drift.” Hen understood perfectly, making his overexaggerated head tilt in their direction unnecessary.

           “Please, they wouldn’t follow us out of the restaurant.” She turns to Maddie, in a more panicked tone. “They wouldn’t follow us out of the restaurant, right?”

           Maddie nearly chokes on her drink. “No, no! I doubt Buck would even notice we left – sometimes he and Eddie get so wrapped up in whatever they’re doing they become completely oblivious. One time I saved Buck’s apartment from burning down because he left the iron on one of his shirts. He forgot because Eddie texted him some video and he ended up watching that instead!”

           “Well then do we ask the waiter to wrap it up?” Karen asks, “Divide the leftovers and hope they don’t notice us?”

           Hen holds the power of final call, the other three looking at her. Waiting for a decision. She flits her gaze over at Buck and Eddie once more, catching Buck showing Eddie something on his phone quickly as a waitress walks over. By the time she slides a strand of hair behind her ear, the boys are ready to order. Strangely ignoring the telltale stance of a woman about to flirt.

           Their waiter returns with the second course, placing it on their table. “Will that be all?”

           She still has to decide. “For now, yes. Thank you.” When he leaves, Hen rubs a tired hand across her brow. “I guess we’re here until an escape route opens up.”

           “If that’s the case…” Karen snags a piece of Takoyaki and pops it into her mouth. She pauses, mid-chew, when confronted with Hen’s frown. “What? We’re paying for them anyway. Might as well enjoy them.”

           “I don’t see what’s wrong with that,” Chimney chuckles, following her lead. Even Maddie nibbles into a ball, and Hen’s exhaustion breaks with a smile.

           “Force my hands why don’t you.”

           Conversation continues between them, not the same as before. Stilted in parts when someone turned their heads and spied on Buck and Eddie. Breaking the natural flow of the story and reporting on what they saw. Karen saw Buck nearly spill his drink after Eddie said something, a blush evident on the younger boy’s face. Chimney caught Buck dragging the waitress over, gesturing at a now shy Eddie while he displayed his phone. With how she swiped across the screen, she must be looking at pictures. Of Christopher, as Buck finds every excuse to show Eddie’s son off. Maddie, in the middle of telling her own story, trailed off when she spied Eddie shoving a Takoyaki into Buck’s mouth and then wiping a sauce smear off with his napkin. Half a minute passed while she regained her senses, idling in uncertainty.

           Hen, though, saw the most damning evidence.

           Buck stands from the table, saying something. He drops his hand on Eddie’s shoulder and squeezed. Eddie wastes no time, nuzzling at Buck’s fingers and then placing a chaste, innocent kiss on the knuckles. Grinning, Buck practically skips towards the bathrooms.

           “Shit.” Hen startled the others at her table, but she didn’t care. She raises her arm searching for the waiter. “Shit, we need to get out of here.”

           “Hen, baby,” Karen says, “what’s the matter?”

           Hen finally sees their waiter and gestures him over. “The problem,” she says, grimacing, “is we’ve stumbled onto their date – Hi! We’re ready to go.”

           The waiter blinks at her, the sudden onslaught of false cheer rattling him. “Uh, sure,” he says, fumbling for their check, “I’ll leave this with –“

           “Card,” Hen hands her credit card over, “Please, as quick as you can.” He nods, spinning on his heel and scurrying to the register. “Now,” she continues, slipping into her jacket, “we need to move fast. Chim, do you have a hat you can wear?”

           “Hold on,” Maddie stops her, grabbing for her wrist, “you still haven’t explained – who’s on a date?”

           “Buck and Eddie are.” Her face drops into objection, readying a discussion they cannot get into now. “Think about it,” Hen insists, meeting each of their stares, “think about how they’ve been acting the entire time they’ve been here.”

           Chimney immediately switches sides. “Oh my God, they’re on a date!”

           Then Maddie. “I can’t believe we’ve been spying on them this whole time!”

           “Exactly,” Hen says, tying her scarf over her head in a hurried manner, “Which is why the sooner we get out of here the better!” She motions for her wife, “Karen, I’m going to give you my glasses, you give me the shades you packed away in your purse.”

           “Wait a minute,” she slaps Hen’s hand, “I’m still… how is this surprising? Haven’t they been a couple this whole time?”

           “Buck? And Eddie?” Chimney asks, tugging his hoodie on overhead, “What gave you that idea?”

           Karen gestures at the other table, “Them.” Then at the three surrounding them. “You all… from how you talk about them –“

           “I mean, they were always pretty close for friends?” Maddie winces, squeezing a too-tight hair-tie over part of her hair for a loose curtain of a pigtail. “I’d tease Buck about him having a crush, but I figured it was one of those weird brothers-in-arms things.”

           “More like lovers in arms,” Chimney chuckles, trailing off when his flat joke turns up nothing but glares. “Yeah, I regretted saying it, too.” He squeezes the hoodie’s strings and half his face disappears behind a puckered hole.

           Karen quirks her lips, glancing at Hen again. “Whenever we talked about your co-workers, you lumped the two together. The fact that I almost always see them with Christopher…”

           Hen rubs a hand on her shoulder, “I did that because they were the only ones who weren’t paired off. I didn’t realize they had paired off… together?” Although she should have. Hen might have better radar for when a woman finds another woman attractive, but the looks are all the same. Reflecting on past memories there were so many moments where she wrote subtle hints and clues off as less than what they were. What they are. What they’ve always been?

           “Excuse me?” the waiter draws Hen’s attention from her thoughts. He hands back her card, a slip of a receipt, and a pen. “Thank you for dining with us today.”

           “Thanks for the meal.” Hen dashes a harried signature and hefty tip, standing. She hands her glasses off to Karen, “Can I have your -?”

           “Here you go.” Karen switches for Hen’s glasses, putting them on her face. She scowls, shaking her head. “When did you get a new prescription?”

           Hen slides the sunglasses over her eyes and grabs for Karen’s hands. “Close your eyes if it hurts, I’ll lead us out.” Although without glasses, Hen doesn’t trust her judgment much. Which is why she allows Maddie and Chimney the lead, trailing behind closely. She has Karen’s hand trapped in the crook of her arm, shielding her wife from Eddie. Luckily the other man seems absorbed in his phone waiting for Buck, the younger boy dawdling in the bathroom. They reach the exit and, like Orpheus, Hen looks behind.

           Buck returned, and she can see the joy in full bloom on Eddie’s face. Especially when Buck laces their fingers together on the table.

           Fearing recognition, Hen leaves the restaurant and joins Chimney and Maddie on the sidewalk, Karen at her side. They put some distance between them and the restaurant. Under the tall, red archway they rearrange themselves into something more presentable than their disguises.

           “Not how I was expecting this lunch to end,” Maddie says, staring at the restaurant. “I can’t believe Buck had a date with Eddie today and didn’t tell me.”

           Chimney scoffs, playing with his now uneven strings of his hoodie. “I can’t believe our luck that it was in the same place we were at for lunch.”

           “If this is as new as you think it is,” Karen says, hand still curled around Hen’s arm, “then maybe he was nervous. Maybe they both were. And they’d rather test the waters before taking as big a risk as telling anyone.” She smirks, gaze darting between Chimney and Hen. “Plus, I think they’d prefer at least some time with this before you tease them.”

           Hen huffs. “After all the trouble we went through to not be recognized… why would we blow it on a few jokes.”

                                              ------------------------

           She really felt tempted to blow their cover with a few jokes. Walking into the station on the next day, Hen nearly slapped Eddie on the back and congratulated him for making an honest man out of their firehouse golden retriever. Instead she grunted a quick greeting and hurried into the locker rooms where Chimney waited for her.

           “This is going to be hard,” she mutters, shrugging off her jacket.

           He nods, slipping his t-shirt overhead. “I had to stop Maddie from texting him at least three different times last night. Instead she called Josh and I had to be an unwilling party to their gossip.”

           “Unwilling?” she scoffs, “As if you weren’t making a timeline.”

           Chimney shoves her, closing his locker door and leaving. Hen left soon after and immediately slammed into a passing Buck. Eddie, at his side, catches the younger man. She notices his hands land on Buck’s hips, quickly sliding up to his waist and then off like he was scolded.

           “You okay there Hen?” Buck asks, stepping out of Eddie’s aborted embrace, “I didn’t hit into you too hard?”

           Hen forces a tight smile onto her face, walking away. “Like knocking into a pillow,” she says, “just watch where you go next time, Buck!”

           “You weren't watching either…”

           She hurries up the steps and finds Chimney again. Hen leans close and whispers, “Very hard.”

           Chimney snorts and rolls his eyes, choosing an answer of silence. His response catches Bobby’s attention, however, and he raises a brow at the pair. “Is everything all right with you two?”

           Hen sighs, rubbing her jaw. “No complaints here, Bobby.”

           Bobby looks unconvinced but doesn’t press further. Instead he jerks a thumb at the refrigerator, “Help me throw together a quick breakfast?” The alarms flare and unfortunately shatters those plans. “Never mind,” Bobby say, running off, “we’ll eat later!”

           Emergencies should not inspire such gratefulness. Hen cannot stop feeling appreciative for the consecutive calls, though, lessening the amount of downtime in the station where she was liable of saying anything. She didn’t have to think about Buck and Eddie as a couple when on the job. They were her teammates. They were running into danger. They were dating, but that wasn’t important then. All that mattered was hers, theirs, and everyone else’s safety.

           Except danger can only distract for so long. The city began winding down. Their last assignment had them rushing onto the scene where a woman, thrown from a truck, ended up stuck in wire fencing. Her and Chimney drove the poor victim to the hospital with most of the fence still embedded in her, too close to vital organs. Instead of risking shredding them they clotted the leaks as best they could and left her in the capable hands of the doctors. Leaving them with a leisurely drive back.

           They park the ambulance between their firetrucks and wandered towards the common area. Hen spots Buck and Eddie sitting comfortably close, Buck practically resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. When they see Chimney and Hen, Buck scoots a few inches away.

           Subtle. How was it never obvious?

           “Everything go smoothly during transport?” Eddie asks after they sit across from them, at a distance normal for friends.

           Hen and Chimney share a look. “She didn’t lose any more blood during the ride over,” he says, “so I’m betting she’s fine.”

           “Hope so,” Buck says, wincing in sympathy. “Poor lady kept going on about how she was supposed to get married in a few days… it’d suck if she had to reschedule because of this. I know I would hate to ruin an important date like that.”

           She bites her lip, dams up the rushing waters of sarcasm rushing in. Quells the urge to laugh and buries any retort deep in her stomach where she can vomit it up later in the safety of her home. Where Karen can help comfort her though the sickening ordeal of suffering with wasted teasing.

           As if sensing her woes, Hen’s phone vibrates in her pocket. She relaxes at the notification for Karen’s message. Almost forgot about sending this alongside a kissy-face emoji and a heart. Makes hers skip a beat.

           “What is it Hen?” Buck asks.

           “Text from Karen,” she tells the group, opening it. “I think it’s supposed to be a picture…” Hen trails off, recognizing the photo from yesterday. Staring at it brings up the scene in her mind, especially the boys a few tables away unknowingly being watched by the four happy faces in the photo.

           “A photo?” Buck continues, unaware of her inner turmoil, “what of? Ooh… is it naughty?” He snickers, gladly accepting the elbow blow from Eddie, retaliating by pressing his entire weight onto his side.

           Chimney’s gaze darts from the photo to Hen, frowning. “Hen, don’t…”

           She breaks.

           “Actually,” Hen says, “it’s a photo from yesterday. Me and Karen, Chim and Maddie… we all went out for lunch.”

           “What?” Buck turns on Chimney, “Maddie said you two were going on a date!” Too caught up in the betrayal, he keeps his hand glued to Eddie’s knee.

           Chimney shifts uncomfortably, squeezing his hands together. “We technically were… a double date.”

           “At that place we’ve been to. The one Chim loves,” Hen shows the others Karen’s picture, watching them. “Takoyaki? It was part date, part apology to Karen and Chimney. All my treat.” At the mention of their cuisine, the color drained from both men’s faces. Eddie swallowed exaggeratedly while Buck finally realized his position. He furthered the divide between him and Eddie.

           “Takoyaki?” Eddie asks, “Yesterday? Did you guys… enjoy it?”

           “It was interesting…” Hen smirks, leaning back in her seat. She leaves her answer dangling in front of them, pulling up Instagram on sliding different filters over the photo.

           Buck snaps, “Interesting good or interesting like you saw something?”

           Hen savors every second in an effort of making up for wasted potential earlier. “I think we did see something, right Chim?” she looks over at him, ignoring his shaking head. “What was it? Oh, yeah… this one man came in and ordered every single item off the menu, and then couldn’t even eat any of it he was crying so badly.”

           “What?”

           “What?”

           “What?” Chimney winces at her harried glare, “I mean… thanks, I almost blocked that from my memory. As if the… the nightmares weren’t bad enough?”

           “Crying?” Eddie asks, squinting, “What the… why was he crying?”

           “Well, he was with this woman – she was his therapist. And apparently, he has this fear of balls. So in some weird exposure therapy thing she made him go to the Takoyaki place as the first step. She explained this all in an apology after he caused this huge scene.” Hen snickers at the scenario she pulled straight from her ass. The others believe it, and she sees both of them relax slightly. “I felt really bad about laughing, but at least I was able to wait until after the therapist paid and left with him.”

           “Because slightly rude is better than fully rude,” Chimney mutters. Hen kicks him, accepting the retaliation with a smile.

           “Do you think that would be a good caption?” she shows them her phone again, Instagram active, the space where the caption goes blank. “We aren’t afraid of any balls #brave?”

           Buck chuckles, rocking in his seat. “How about – LA’s best and brightest, brave enough to put out fires and eat delicious balls?”

           “Or,” Eddie frowns at them, “leave the poor man alone and say – Good food, good friends #Takoyaki.”

           Pouting, Buck bats his eyes at Eddie. “You sound like such a grandpa. Stop reminding us why you barely use social media.”

           “Oh! I just got a good one!” Hen says, preemptively defusing the fight in its early stages by standing. She waits until all attention is on her, and then she continues. “I’ll write – The calm before the storm #whenyoufindoutyourcoworkersaredating. And I’ll tag all of us and you two, okay?”

           Hen barely resists the urge to snap a photo. Buck and Eddie gape at her, mouths wide in disbelief. Stunned into silence and inaction. She hears Chimney mutter under his breath as he leaves them.

           “Uh, that’s uh… that’s a pretty long hashtag,” Eddie says, glancing at Buck and hiding his hands under his thighs. “And, well the whole thing kinda…”

           “It doesn’t make any sense!” Buck blurts out with a strange laugh, “Like, why would you tag us? We weren’t there and… and dating? That’s uh – that’s… what makes you say that?”

           “Because we saw you two,” Hen shrugs, pocketing her phone. She lays a hand on both their shoulders, smiling. “And you’re both adorable. For dating and trying to hide it.”

           Eddie’s face scrunches at the accusation. “We were that bad?”

           “Once we found out the context, it became obvious.” She nods, letting go of them. “Congratulations you crazy kids. We all couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe if you told us?” Nothing left to say, Hen leaves them be. Trails up the stairs after Chimney and finds him sulking by the sink. Hen leans on the counter nearby. “I know, I’m awful.”

           “Was it really that hard doing nothing?” he asks.

           “In a moment of weakness, I couldn't take the pressure.” When his judgmental expression remains, she groans and softly taps his arm. “Come on, if Maddie had sent you the picture you would have done something similar if not the same.”

           “No I wouldn’t –“

           “Even you can admit not saying anything was torture!”

           Bobby shuffles towards them, sipping at his coffee. “What was torture?”

           Despite Chimney’s best efforts, he cannot stop Hen. She tells their captain, “Knowing about Buck and Eddie dating but not being able to say anything.”

           He tilts his head, glancing between the two. “Buck and Eddie are dating?”

           Hen winces, realizing her error. “Or, they were on a date? I mean we only found out about it yesterday, so we’ve been sitting on it for a day?”

           Bobby nods, draining the rest of his coffee. He steps between Hen and Chimney and drops it in the sink. Then he strides over to the railing and yells, “Buckley! Diaz! Can I see you two for a moment?” They climb the stairs, glancing between an impassive Bobby and a regretful Hen and Chimney. Bobby points in the direction of his unused office and trails behind them as they go.

           Now she feels bad.

           Chimney clears his throat. “Was it worth it?”

           She rubs at her eyes, groaning. “I really put my foot in it, didn’t I?”

           “Well I don’t think it’s my place to say,” Chimney chuckles, “but if Karen –“

           “Don’t you dare tell Karen.”

           “But I must. Otherwise how will you ever receive the correct punishment?”

           “I can handle that, too.” Hen already has an idea. She waits for them outside Bobby’s office, listening as he discusses the interpersonal relationship rules of the LAFD. About the many different forms they need to fill out and how dangerous it would have been if they carried on with a secret relationship while working together. How, at best, they work at different fire houses and worse case they lose their jobs. An hour later they leave with a healthy stack split between them held together by thin paper clips.

           Hen drags them into another aside, apologizing for telling Bobby. “I wasn’t thinking – I was talking to Chim and then he comes up and –“

           “Hen, it’s okay,” Eddie says, smiling, “we’re not mad about that. We figured Bobby oughta know about us and… well, it’s not like we figured we had a lot of time after you pulled the rug from under us. If we were as obvious as you said…”

           “Bobby even said he thought there was something going on.” Buck shrugs, a hand latched onto Eddie’s neck. Massaging it. “Actually, he said Athena thought she saw something at May’s graduation party.”

           “Which was impossible because we didn’t even think of each other like that then.”

           “Speak for yourself,” he laughs, “I think that’s when I put it all together…”

           Hen breathes easier, chuckling alongside him. “Well, if you’re all good –“

           “You’re not getting out of this that easily,” Buck smirks, cutting her off, “we’re not mad about the Bobby thing. The whole teasing us and making up that fake story about the balls guy… you still gotta pay for that.”

           She nods, crossing her arms. “I figured,” Hen sighs, “Which is why I had this idea… group date. Me and Karen, Chim and Maddie, you two – hell, we’ll even throw in Athena and Bobby. And your choice, my…” the words pain her, throat closing around it so tight she forces it out and scrapes the lining, “treat.”

           Apology accepted, Buck and Eddie leave her for the thrilling excitement of bureaucratic paperwork. Hen trudges towards the tables and collapses onto the first available seat. She runs her hands over her hair, back and forth, until the exhaustion seeps away into a bearable tiredness. Then she musters up the strength needed for telling her wife.

           There’s a message already waiting for her when she checks her phone. Blue light blinking ominously.

           You’re on the couch tonight.

           “…Chimney.”

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Evan Buckley vs The Pool (2/2)

Summary: After the tsunami, Buck isn’t exactly friends with the water.

WC: 1671

It’s been almost two months since the last pool party, and all the trouble that came with it. To be honest, Athena was a bit hesitant to do this again. It seems like a good idea, sure, and it’s another hot day that could use refreshing water and great company, but that’s what she thought last time, before most of their guests left in shame, the others accompanying Buck to the hospital. She’s a little afraid to do this over, despite knowing that Hen and Chimney learned their lesson. As if the guilt of seeing what happened to Buck wasn’t enough, Bobby had them both doing every gross chore at the firehouse for nearly two weeks. Lord knows Hen was unhappy about it, but she was also resigned. She knows she messed up, and if that’s what it takes to make up for it, she’ll scrub the toilets for a year. She’s sweet like that.

“I feel weird doing this again,” she admits, taking the cold beer Athena hands her. “I know Buck forgave us, and we’d never do that to him again, but I just- I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You weren’t, but what matters is he’s okay, and it won’t happen again.”

Hen sighs and nods. Everyone else has started to settle into the party already, having fun and smiling, enjoying themselves. Karen and Denny are playing some sort of game in the pool, eagerly inviting Harry, May and Christopher to participate. Maddie squeals in laughter when Chimney splashes her with water. Off to the side, Buck and Eddie are helping Bobby grill up burgers, and Michael has made it his personal mission to blow up a float shaped like a shark. It’s a happy sight, but the other one was too.

“I’m kinda nervous too. Seeing Buck like that was awful, and having it happen here, especially after his blood clot incident- I hate not being able to help.”

“It’s not your fault, Thena.”

They enjoy their drinks in the shade, just observing for now. Both of them can feel the weight of the things that have happened to such a genuine and loving man out back on this property, and despite it all, he comes back with this big goofy smile on his face and a bottle of wine for Athena in his hands. He’s a good kid. He’s just been through a lot, and needs some support. Bobby alleges Buck started therapy after what happened last time, and is beginning to work through the trauma. It still worries her, though, especially when Christopher begs Eddie and Buck to come into the pool.

She waits for the excuse, or for Eddie to kiss Buck’s cheek and get in the water, but instead, there’s a moment of hesitation for them both. They share a look, and Bobby ruffles Buck’s hair with some quiet and presumably encouraging comment. Beside her, Athena can practically feel Hen’s shock. Buck takes Eddie’s hand, and lowers his feet into the pool. The steps on the very edge are perfect for getting used to it, even if he pales and stares at the water like it’ll bite him.

Athena wants to encourage him, but she knows the moment she draws attention to this moment, he’ll get shy or spooked and return to his post at the grillside. She smiles at the sight of him doing something scary, but feeling safe enough around them to do it. Despite it all, he’s here, sitting on the highest step with the water gently playing at his waist while Eddie reassures him.

Back when the two of them first got together, Athena was just waiting for it to blow up. Buck is sensitive and reluctant in terms of relationships, quick to jump into something and get hurt when the other person isn’t as invested as him. It’s what happened with that redhead he dated. But Eddie makes him happy, and there’s a soft understanding on his face as he cups Buck’s cheek and reassures him again. After a few minutes, when Buck moves down a step and lets the cool water press against his chest, and he tenses in fear, Eddie is right there to remind him he’s safe, and point out where Christopher is happy and playing with the others, not lost or in danger.

Every so often, he casts a glance behind him toward Bobby, as though reminding himself that he’s not lost in wreckage, but in a backyard party with people who love him so wholly and completely that he never has to suffer alone. If he lets them, they’ll look after him. As it is now, Athena is battling back the urge to get in the water with him and just hug him tightly. She wants to tell him it’s going to be okay.

After a few minutes and visible encouragement from Buck, Eddie goes further into the pool to mess around with everyone else. Buck gets out slightly, moving back up to the top step and turning his body to chat with Bobby. It’ll keep his mind off things. He smiles gratefully when Bobby hands him a beer, and even from this distance, his shoulders visibly relax with each passing minute.

Once dinner’s ready, he gets out of the water all too eagerly, and sets up three plates he just barely manages to balance in his arms. One for himself, one for Christopher, and one for Eddie. Athena notices the way he walks around the pool, giving it tons of space before settling down with the boys. She turns to say something to Hen about it, but before she can, she recognizes the mischief on Harry’s face. He’s up to something. She doesn’t want to know, but if she doesn’t, it’s just going to happen and they’ll have to deal with the cleanup of whatever scheme he’s on about now.

“Harry,” she yells, standing up. 

He just gives her a thumbs up and yells, “Buck, watch this!”

Then, once Buck has stopped and turned his full attention to Harry, the same adoring and happy expression on his face as every time a child seems to want his approval, Harry jumps into the pool and doesn’t come up. Just like what happened to Buck before. Then, like instinct, Buck drops his plate and dives in after him, bringing Harry to the edge of the pool and passing him to Athena, then seeming to realize exactly where he is and what just happened. 

“Athena,” he says, and his voice sounds so tight. “Athena, I can’t-”

Michael takes Harry from her, leading him inside to give him a stern talking to, and she’s able to focus on how Buck is starting to hyperventilate, even with his head above water and clinging to the edge of the pool. “Yes you can, honey, it’s okay. You’re okay. Can you get out of the water on your own, or do you want help?”

Before he can answer, Hen and Chimney are in the water with him, each taking one of his arms and slowly guiding him to the shallows. Not too fast, nothing to remind him of the ripping current of the tsunami. Once they get him to the steps, Eddie and Bobby are there with a towel to help him get out and dry him off as fast as possible. It’s not as bad as last time, in some ways. Buck wasn’t in physical danger. He seems more lucid. But he’s still scared and panicked and trying to figure out how to process going back into the water of his own free will, instinct or not, for the first time since the tsunami. 

Athena joins them and wraps her arms around Buck. He clings to her just as much as he does Eddie. Her arm around his chest is held in a vice grip, while Buck’s free hand is around the back of Eddie’s neck, his face pressed to the tanned skin of Eddie’s shoulder. His eyes stay squeezed shut for a long time, even as his breathing slowly returns to normal.

“What do you need, Buck?” she asks gently.

He shakes his head. No real answer, then. But he’s mostly dry now, just cold, so it’s welcome when Hen comes over with the throw from inside to wrap around him. Christopher slowly makes his way over to join them, just as before, and throws his arms around Buck in hopes of comforting him. Last time, he had helped. He’s such a good kid, him and Eddie both, and Athena is so grateful to them for being there for Buck when he can barely hold himself together. Finally, Buck lets go of her in favor of holding Chris, and Athena stands back up. 

She can faintly hear Michael yelling at Harry inside over what he did. He was never in danger, he just wanted to get Buck in the water. He meant well, was just trying to make Buck get in the water without fear, but that’s not his place. Earlier, he went into the water, and that was progress. He needs to be allowed to move at his own pace. 

“I’m really proud of you,” she tells him. His eyes are still wide and tearful when he looks up at her, but at least he’s calm enough to hear. “It must have taken a lot of courage to get in the water earlier with Eddie, and to jump in after Harry. I’m so, so proud of you, and I want you to know that.”

He nods, still too upset to say something in return, and Athena leans down to kiss his forehead before she leaves him be with the boys. Everyone else focuses on doing something that takes up their attention, giving Buck some privacy as he calms down in a show of compassion she should have expected. The party isn’t over this time, and within a half hour, Buck is serving ice cream into a paper bowl for Christopher. He’s going to be okay.

[name-me-regret]

If The World Was Ending 5/?

If The World Was Ending Chapter Five: Los Angeles, I’m Yours

Read on AO3.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

“I’d like to rest my heavy head tonight On a bed of California stars I’d like to lay my weary bones tonight On a bed of California stars

I’d love to feel Your hand touching mine And tell me why I must keep working on

Yes, I’d give my life To lay my head tonight on a bed Of California stars...”

~California Stars - Billy Bragg and Wilco

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Buck moved with a limp through the beds that were situated outside of the field hospital, the walk from the Cupcakery on Strand all the way to Sawtell had been a long one. The terrain had changed drastically, almost no street signs were up and those that were had been swept far from where they were supposed to be. So, it had taken him at least an hour, possibly two, but he couldn’t be too sure. He’d lost his phone when the first wave had hit and all his focus had been on Chris, first on trying to shield him from the worse of things, and then trying to find him after he’d lost him.

‘I never should have let him go,’ Buck thought desperately, barely paying the rag tied to his arm any mind even when it was completely soaked with his blood by that point. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered expect finding Chris. Because Buck wasn’t sure what he’d do if that little boy... if he was gone. Buck wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

He saw a nurse and his head perked up. “Uh, hey, excuse me,” he said, remembering his manners at the last minute. “I’m-I’m looking for a kid.” His voice was rough and it broke as he spoke, and his head was aching but he had to find Christopher. “Um, he’s got brown hair. Chris-Christopher.”

“Well, I have way too many Christophers on my list. How old?”

“Um, eight... maybe nine,” he said, wincing as he couldn’t remember. His head was starting to hurt even more and he felt like he could collapse at any moment. “His last name is Diaz.”

The woman flipped through the list quickly, but suddenly paused at the third page. “Yes, I have a Christopher Diaz, he’s nine years old.”

Buck felt relief shoot through him so fast that he staggered, the feeling like a physical pain. “Oh, thank God,” he gasped, sounding almost like a sob. “W-where... where is-?”

“Buck?” a familiar voice asked. Buck turned to face Eddie, the man’s eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Wait, what are you doing here?” His eyes locking on the bloody rag wrapped around his right arm. “Are you okay? Wait, where’s Christopher?”

“E-Eddie.. Eddie,” he croaked as he turned to look at his best friend.

“Why do you have his glasses?” Eddie asked, his eyes darkening so they looked more black than brown.

“We um,” he started, wanting to explain. Buck wanted him to understand why he was here but without Chris, even if he’d found him. He’d found him. “M-me and Christopher, we were... at the beach.”

The man was looking at him with eyes already filling with grief and Buck shook his head. “No, listen to me, okay?” The man gave a nod, his eyes already filling with tears. “I lost him...but... but I found him... Eddie, I found him,” he said, voice desperately hopeful as he motioned toward the nurse with the clipboard. He was quickly losing his grip with consciousness, the day’s stress and the blood loss starting to catch up with him, and the all encompassing relief that he’d finally finally found Christopher.

Eddie looked at the woman, moving forward and momentarily forgetting that Buck was hurt. He needed to see about his son. As the nurse pointed where Eddie had to go, Buck could only watch as he rushed away and he sighed with a smile.

In the next second he collapsed, and with no one to catch him, he crumpled to the unforgiving ground.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Tony landed on the suit on the roof before he stepped out of it and put it in sentry mode, instructing JARVIS to fly the suit back to Malibu when he confirmed that Buck was there and it was alright that he stay. It was almost midnight when he found his door, knocking on it. There was no answer after the second and then the third round of knocking, and now Tony was starting to worry.

He pulled up his phone and tried dialing his number, but it went straight to voicemail, and grew frustrated. Tony knew it wasn’t exactly legal to ping his phone, but he needed to locate Evan, hoping the man hadn’t done something reckless; like go help when he knew he had a serious blood clot condition. Even then, there was no explanation as to why he couldn’t get his location, because his apartment was out of the flood zone so there was no way for his phone to be damaged.

The man took a deep breath to keep the panic at bay, and then raced back up to the roof as he started pulling up Buck’s Facebook and Instagram accounts. It felt like a cold hand had clamped over his heart when he saw a picture from early this morning of Buck and a very familiar brown haired boy with the location as the Santa Monica Pier; half an hour before the tsunami had hit.

Tony practically threw himself into the suit, blasting up into the air. “J, check the hospitals for an Evan Buckley.” He knew that he’d left Christopher at the VA hospital in Sawtell, and cursed at not having recognized the kid when he’d picked him up earlier. If... Evan was alive (he had to be), and having been separated from the kid meant that he’d be looking for him.

The billionaire knew that Evan had always loved kids, always had card tricks for the few kids that came with their parents to charity events. Evan would make them laugh, showing them his card tricks or telling them jokes; away from their parent’s stern gazes that always told them ‘children are to be seen and not heard’. However, Evan had believed that children should be safe and happy, and he was always overjoyed to give them those secret moments filled with smiles and laughter.

So, Tony knew that Evan would look for that little boy with everything he had. He would search until he had no more strength left in his body, and without regard for his own safety. This made his worry very real, since Evan was on blood-thinners and a deep enough cut might be fatal to him.

He had to find him quickly, and was praying he wasn’t too late. “Evan, you fool,” he growled.

“Sir, there is no answer at any hopsital, and most of the patient and DOA lists haven’t been digitized as of yet.” The last part had Tony feeling cold, thinking that Evan’s name could possibly be on that list. Tony discarded that thought immediately, and instead concentrated on finding Evan, or else he was going to lose his goddamn mind.

His first stop was to go to the field hospital, hoping that maybe Evan had thought to look for Chris there. Perhaps his father had found him and knew something about the blonde man. He wanted to maybe ask his firehouse, but he didn’t remember at the moment what it was, too exhausted and panicked to think straight.

“J, pull up Evan’s file from the LAFD,” he told him. Of course he’d made a copy, since he didn’t want to go back and risk being caught hacking the LAFD again. He was sure he’d get a slap on the wrist, but it was the principle of the thing. Tony Stark did not get caught hacking, he was better than that.

He let JARVIS take control of the armor as he viewed the file, and was surprised when he saw that he was a member of the 118. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he muttered. That meant that he’d been working and helping Evan’s firehouse this whole time and hadn’t even known it. That Bobby Nash was his fire captain.

His eyebrows furrowed. That meant that Chris was one of his friend’s kid. He quickly pulled up his Instagram again and went a few posts back, almost a week ago and the picture of Evan, Chris and Eddie... Eddie Diaz. Well, this was going to be awkward when he met the man again.

Tony pushed all these thoughts to the side and brought his attention to needing to locate the 118. When he’d last seen them they had been going to drop of patients, and since the rest of the hospitals were overrun with victims, that meant the VA hospital on Sawtell. It seemed to all line up and he hoped that’s where Evan ended up as well. As he flew overhead, he saw the mail trucks being unloaded of patients.

Almost every head lifted as he came for a landing, hearing several people calling out to him; either with exclamations of gratitude or people that demanded why he hadn’t been fast enough to save their loved ones. Tony wasn’t angry, since he knew they were grieving. Honestly, he wished he could have been fast enough to save more people, but he was just one person. Even with nine extra suits to help him, he just hadn’t been enough to save everyone.

The Iron Man pilot spotted Bobby Nash right away, the man immediately moving toward him. Tony was relieved when he saw Diaz with a familiar little boy in his arms, Christopher. He wasn’t as dirty as he’d left him earlier in the day, and someone had even changed his clothes. “Tony,” the older man greeted him. “Is there something I can do for you?”

His lips twitched as Tony stepped out of the Iron Man armor and he seemed to realize he was several inches taller than the superhero. Tony would have normally gotten annoyed that he’d forgotten his lifts, but he had more pressing matters at the moment.

“Captain Nash, I’m looking for a... friend, and you might be able to help me.”

The man’s eyebrows furrowed in an expression of confusion. “I don’t know how I could,” he started.

“Evan Buckley,”he said before he could say anything else. “I’m pretty sure he’s in your firehouse?”-