#eddie is less scared and more turned on but he IS still a lil scared bcs the sexiest man alive looked him in the eye and then started cryin

[shushmal]

"Dude," Steve says, pressing on his eyes because he feels like he's about to cry. "What the fuck."

"What?" Dustin squeaks, alarmed. "What? Steve, you're freaking me out!"

"Good!" Because Steve just worked eighteen hours and it's past midnight and he got thrown up on twice and there was a bed pan incident and even though he showered at the hospital he probably smells awful and it rained and he lost his keys so he had to take the bus and he's sweaty and tired and wet and cold and Dustin's DnD friend is hot. "I can't believe you'd do this to me!" Okay, maybe Steve's feeling a little delirious.

"Do what??" Dustin is full on shrieking right now. His hot friend is standing in their apartment looking more and more worried and hot.

"You didn't tell me he was hot!"

The expressions that go across Dustin's face is impressive, before they stop and he settles on a flat glare. "Seriously??"

Hot guy is now blushing and Steve will collapse if he doesn't keep with the righteous fury.

"I've been TRYING to get you two to meet for months now!"

"You didn't tell me he was hot, though! Dustin!!"

"I don't know what guys are hot, Steve!" Dustin says indignantly. "I thought you didn't like nerds!"

"Dustin!"

"Um," says hot guy. He looks like he's panicking.

Dustin's face changes again. "Oh, no. Oh, no, you're right."

"All this time!" Steve says and he really is close to tears. "You've been nagging on me all this time to find my soulmate, and you had the perfect guy right here?? You had him in my home??? Dustin!"

"Whoa," whispers hot guy.

"I'm sorry," Dustin wails now, just as distraught. "You love nerds, all your favorite people are nerds, I don't know what I was thinking, oh my god!" He whirls on hot guy. "Eddie, give Steve your number right now!"

"Okay," says hot guy Eddie, immediately. His face is super red and his eyes are wide, and he looks scared out of his mind as he fumbles his pocket for his phone. "Yeah-Yep-Absolutely. This is a thing that's happening."

Steve, tears burning in his eyes, watches as Dustin punches his number into Eddie's phone. "Okay," he says a little nasally, wiping quickly at his face. "Okay, I'm going to shower and then sleep for two days, and then pretend like this never happened so I can look hot guy in the eye when he asks me on a date. Sound good?"

"Sounds great!" Dustin says, all cheery now. Behind him, still looking vaguely scared for his life, hot guy gives him a shaky thumbs up.

[lunarzstarz]

REQUEST:

Modern eddie munson addicted to video games.

He’s online with friends all the time and paying no attention to you. You’re getting tired of it so you stale action by riding him in his gamer chair still making him play the game and keep himself unmuted. After a lil he can’t take it anymore and powers down the game abruptly, carriying you over to the bed and fucking you until you can’t walk….🤭

loved this idea so much, sorry it took so long for me to finish had writers block, but I hope you like it! thanks for the request anon <3

Pairing: Modern!Eddie Munson x AFAB!Reader

Content Warning: NSFW 18+ minors dni, handjobs, unprotected sex, PinV sex, slight dacryphilia kink? slightly proofread.

A/N: Sorry I've been gone for a little while, but I'm back and I'm working my way through requests, so feel free to ask for one. I'm also officially working on part 2 of "The No List" I don't know when it will be out though so if you want to be added to a tag list just let me know :)

Word Count: 2.4K

You stood at his door for ten minutes, if you knocked any harder it would probably fall down. You knew Eddie was home, he’d just called you thirty minutes ago, asking you to come over, you just didn’t know why he wasn’t answering the door. Before you think about knocking again, you check under the doormat and of course there was the spare key.

Unlocking it and stepping inside you can already hear Eddie shouting at someone and that already tells you everything. You roll your eyes and shut the door behind you “Eds!” you call trying to announce your arrival, but nothing. Heading to the bedroom, there he was sitting at the desk, back to you. 

He had his headset on, eyes focused on his screen, still unaware of your presence. “Eddie!” you try again stepping closer a hand reaching out to tap his shoulder, he flinches. 

His gaze tears away for a split second to see who it was “Shit, you scared me” he gives you a smile. 

“Hello to you too” you return the smile and lean down to kiss him, but you’re met with his cheekbone when his head snaps back to the screen. 

“Shit!” he shouts, killing yet another creature in one of his stupid video games, one you had got him and immediately regret buying. 

“Hey, when are you gonna get off?” you ask, but your voice falls on deaf ears as he continues to pay attention to whoever is on the other side of the mic. “Eddie!” you give him a shove and his head snaps back to you. 

“Yeah, yeah sorry I’ll be off as soon as I finish this round, I promise” he rushed, immediately going back to the game without giving you a chance to protest. 

So you give in and lay on the bed, opting to mindlessly scroll through your phone as you started your long wait. It didn’t take long for you to get restless and tired of listening to him shout at the screen. You and Eddie had been seeing each other less and less lately with it being the busiest time of the year for you both, you thought finally after days of not seeing each other he’d jump at the chance to be with you, but it was clear that he had other things on his mind. 

Around the twenty minute mark he cheered, winning yet another game, you listened in on his conversation “Good game…oh I don’t know my-” he turned slightly to look over at you seeing that you were still looking at your phone “Okay…one more but after that I-.”

You reached for one of his pillows and threw it at the back of his head “Eddie!” he turned, looking apologetic “You know just because you’re ignoring me, doesn’t mean I can’t hear you right?” you glare at him.

“I know, I’m sorry, look just one more game and I swear I’m all yours” he sees your unamused impression, knowing he should have just got off when you got here, he was the one to call you over after all. 

“Fine, do whatever” you huff flipping over to your stomach so you didn’t have to look at him. He knew it was the wrong choice, but his friends were all calling for him down the mic, so he went back to playing. 

You had two options, leave and not speak to him for the rest of the day or give him a reason to get off the game. You weren’t about to leave, not when you had waited all week to see him and spent extra time that morning getting ready just for him, so you’d just have to take matters into your own hands. 

You got up and started to undress yourself, stripping down to your underwear, a set you had picked out just for Eddie, you weren’t about to let it go to waste. You crept up behind him, leaning down to place soft kisses to the side of his neck. He let out a small gasp, surprised at the feeling of your lips ghosting over his skin, but let you continue. 

You stalked around him so that you were in his peripheral, he took a quick glance, then went back to the game before doing a double take. His eyes scanned your entire body, taking in the time to memorize all your soft curves, lips parted as he practically drooled over you. 

He quickly muted himself “Give me two seconds, just to let them know I have to go” he rushes, but you stop him. 

“No, it’s okay, keep playing, like you said you can’t just leave your team in the middle of a game, right?” you say, repeating the excuse he had used on you many times. 

“But you- your- shit sweetheart you’re killing me” he reaches a hand out to run his fingers over the waistband of the lace underwear. 

“Poor you” you tut, no feeling behind it, he had you waiting what felt like hours for him and now he wants to get off “I think you can wait a few minutes and finish your game, go on.” 

You encourage him, he’s torn but his team is calling him, wondering why he wasn’t responding. He finally unmutes himself “Yeah, I’m here sorry” and with that he goes back to playing, this time a lot more distracted, stealing quick glances at you. 

You however weren’t gonna let him get off that easy. You reach down, toying with the waistband of his sweatpants, he sends you a warning glare, but does nothing to stop you as you dip your hand into his pants. “Shit…” he gasps when you wrap your hand around his base, he was already half hard. 

“You gotta be quiet, don’t want anyone hearing you now do we?” you say, smiling down at him. He shook his head and tugged his bottom lip between his teeth to help keep himself quiet, trying to focus on the game and not the feeling of you stroking his cock. 

Once you were satisfied with how hard he was, you tugged on his sweatpants, signaling for him to lift his hips which he hesitantly complies to. You climb onto his lap, straddling his hips, his cock only centimeters away from your clothed cunt. 

He quickly mutes himself again “What are you doing?” he asks through gritted teeth as you grind down against him. 

“What? I’m not doing anything” you say, trying to act dumb as you rock your hips again. Before he can respond he can hear his friends saying they need his help “Go on.” 

“You are, you’re trying to kill me” He sighs, unmuting himself again “Where are you?” he goes back to helping his teammates and you go back to grinding against him. He fights to keep his eyes from closing as you line him up with your entrance, his tip catching on it. You brace yourself, trying your best to stay quiet as you sink down on him, a small whimper passing your lips at the stretch as you seat yourself on him. 

His head is thrown back as your warm walls wrap around him, squeezing him tight. You start the slow rock of your hips, it was gonna be a lot harder to not make a sound than you thought, the feeling of him pressed against that sweet spot deep inside. Eddie ground his hips up to meet yours making you double over, head resting in the crook of his neck, you covered your mouth with your hand as a quiet moan escaped. 

Eddie was wearing a smug grin, your own plan had backfired, he knew you wouldn’t be able to stay composed, not while he was buried to the hilt in your cunt. One of his hands trailed down the plane of your back, coming down to cup the flesh of your ass and thighs, grabbing at anything he could get. You raised your hips and sunk back down meeting his thrusts, you bit down on his shoulder to try and suppress any sounds that threatened to escape. 

Eddie was losing it, his teammate’s calls for help long forgotten, his focus now fully on you. The quiet sounds that only he could hear coming from you left him wanting to fuck you senseless. “Eddie, please…” you whined and that was it for him. He removed his headset and shut off the monitor without any explanation to his friends who were left wondering what had happened. 

Both of his hands hooking under the backs of your knees “Hold on” being the only warning he gave you before he picked you up. You wrapped your arms around him, both of you still connected as he carried you over to the bed. He threw you down to start stripping himself from all his clothes. 

You watched impatiently, thighs rubbing together trying to create some friction to ease the loss of his cock, but it wasn’t long until he was on you again. “You really are insatiable, you know that?” he grins down at you, grabbing himself by the base so he could slide his tip through your folds. 

“Please..” you moan weakly as he taps it against your clit. 

“Please what?” he knew what you wanted, he just wanted to hear you beg for it. He caught his tip on your entrance, barely pushing into you, then pulling out again. “Come on, weren’t so shy when you were riding me, bet you wanted them to hear you huh? You wanted them to hear how good my cock makes you feel?”

He slid his hands up your body, freeing you from your bra and leaning down to place open mouth kisses on your breasts. He looked up at you as he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth, that had you mewling into his touch “Come on baby, tell me what you want.”

“Want you to fuck me, please” you wrapped your legs around his waist, hands in his hair to tug him closer to you. 

“Always so sweet for me” he leaned into you, your lips meeting as he guided himself into you. You whined against his lips at the contact, he didn’t waste time before thrusting into you at a fast pace, sliding over that spot only he could hit. 

It didn’t take long for you to become a moaning mess. Eddie was the one to break the kiss, sucking and biting at the side of your neck instead so he could listen to all the blissed out sounds you were making. He could tell you needed more though and he would always give you what you needed. 

He sat back, grabbing the backs of your legs and pressing your thighs to your stomach. You practically screamed as he started hitting you at a new angle, his pace picking up as he pounded into you. 

“Fuck! Please Eddie, f-feels so good” you babbled beneath him, it only made him go faster. Deep groans escaped him, his grip becoming almost painfully tight on the back of your thighs, rings leaving imprints on your doughy flesh. 

Eddie was trying not to bust his load just looking at you, the way your jaw was slack letting out the sweetest sounds every time his cock abused your g spot, the way your eyes were struggling to stay open because you wanted to watch him fuck into you. “Holy shit- so fucking wet for me sweetheart, pussy practically crying for me, just needed me to fuck you on my cock didn’t you?” he coos, now buried impossible deep in you, tip kissing your cervix. 

You couldn’t even form words to respond, you nod weakly as tears began to form from the amount of pleasure he was giving you. “So fucking pretty when you cry for me, making you feel that good?” he pants, thrusts faltering slightly as he could feel his own release approaching. “Shit, squeezing me so good baby, you close?” he asks, though he could tell you were holding off for him.

It had seemed like forever since you’d last been with Eddie, you didn’t want it to be over so quickly so you’d been holding off as long as you could, but it was becoming impossible, especially when you feel his fingertips over your clit. You jolt at the sudden extra shock of pleasure “Fuck! Y-yes m’close” you reached for something to hold onto, grabbing onto his shoulders. 

He used whatever energy he had to keep up his animalistic pace as he fucked you into the mattress, bringing you to the edge. “Come on baby, cum all over my cock” his words only encourage you further as you feel that coil snap and your orgasm wash over you, feeling more like it was crashing down in huge waves of pleasure. 

Eddies fingers were fast on your clit as he fucked you through it, feeling you grip down on him so hard, nails scratching his flushed skin, it had him spilling inside you. “Fuck, fuck, fuck” he moaned, each word punctuated with the slam of his hips. 

The room filled with nothing but your cries, his desperate moans and the lewd wet sounds of sex as you both rid out your highs. You were so fucked out you were seeing stars, your hearing going fuzzy. You feel Eddie collapse on top of you, finally letting go of your aching thighs. His chest heaving, bangs stuck to his forehead, the two of you covered in a sheet of sweat, but you were too far gone to care. 

He eased out of you, peppering kisses to your chest, neck and face to bring you around again. “Still with me?” he asks, you could only hum a response back and he smile. He sits up and disappears for a moment, you wait until you feel the bed sink next to you again before finally opening your eyes to look at him. 

He was staring down at you, eyes so full of admiration and love. “Here” he hands you a water, you sit against the headboard to take a few sips as he brushes the hair from your face. “Good?” he asks, hand coming down to soothe over your thighs, still trembling with the aftershocks. 

“More than good” you smile up at him “Should fuck you in your game chair more often.” 

He laughs, “Yeah, you should.”

[hellafluff]

Currently obsessively thinking about a silent hill from Mary's perspective. Starting in the hospital, the nurses replaced with doctors, faces blacked out except for white shiny gnashing teeth. She only has in her pockets a note written on hotel stationary that says I'm Sorry.

Escaping and meeting a young man, cute and a lil awkward, who says you look a lot like his girlfriend Maria, and shes missing too? Can we look for her together?

Hes... sweet, a bit quiet. He gets very close to Mary often, pushes her boundaries, but this is all weird and strange and maybe hes just scared. When she mentions it, however, he makes a rude remark abt Just Wanting To Help Her but backs off.

They get seperated when the Red Pyramid Thing, unchanged in this version, comes and attacks them both, but chooses to persue him.

Laura is still there, and when Mary and her meet they cling together. She talks about an awful, ugly man she met earlier, and to watch out for him. She helps guide Mary through a maze like area before the Other World sets in and separates them.

The monsters in Mary's Silent Hill are almost all larger then her, and many masculine in appearance. They attack her head, try and choke her. Certain ones cough and gasp, arms thrashing wildly and thrashing on the floor when knocked down. Some seems to have exposed, black lungs that stutter to breathe. If Angela and Eddie are the same in this version, then their boss fights remain the same. The Abstract Daddy just as horrifying to Mary as it is to Angela.

Every reunion with the man, hes different. Less nice, more haunted looking. He starts to call her Maria, and barely acknowledges her if she corrects him. Following his advice leads to darker and more dangerous areas. The Red Pyramid keeps coming and chasing him away, but shes always collateral damage when that happens.

Eventually, she makes it to the hotel. Hes waiting for her in the hotel room, haggard, almost unrecognizable from the man he was when they first met. He has a monologue about how she's been sick, and hes been trying his best to be there for her. She doesnt understand, she doesnt know him, shes NOT Maria! She never will be. She starts coughing.

He makes to leave but at the last second turns, and hes a monster now. Large, fleshy, imposing, always trying to suffocate her under thick hands. Upon his defeat, two Red Pyramids arrive and stab at the dying thing over and over until finally impaling themselves.

There are different endings still. She remembers her disease, and her murder, in most of them. In the best ending she leaves the town with Laura, likely still ill, but alive again. In one of the worst, she wakes up in the trunk of a car, as water begins seeping in.

[gaylittleeddie]

some buddie prompts: "you're my family too" "when I first met you I didn't think you would become this important" "I didn't want to cry" "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong" "it's alright I'm here I'm real, it was just a nightmare" I'm a sucker for angst with an happy ending lmao, sorry if you have already done of this.

I’ll probably do another one of your prompts too but you said angst with a happy ending so here you go. I apologize if it’s bad. This is my first time doing prompts

prompt: you're my family too

word count: 1585

sent in by: @lil-italian-disappointment

Send me a prompt :) it can be for any characters/ships but I don’t do smut so

Eddie didn't know what to expect when he showed up unannounced at Buck's house, but it certainly wasn't this.

Buck was in his kitchen, sobbing over a picture before he had turned to look at whoever walked in. The older man didn't know what to do but stand there like an idiot in the doorway with his hand clutching the doorknob so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Sure, they've had their emotional moments. It's not like the two have never been vulnerable with each other. They're best friends. That's part of the point of someone being your best friend. You trust them with you and allow them to know parts of you that never usually never see the light of day.

But the way the blond quickly wiped at his face and pulled a grin that didn't quite sit right only made Eddie believe he walked in on something that he wasn't meant to ever know about. Which, kind of stung a bit. He smiled back anyways, "Hey man."

"Hey," Buck responded, sliding the picture into his pocket, "To what do I owe this pleasure to?"

It was a weak attempt at a joke. Or rather, a way to brush off whatever it was that had been witnessed. Every part of Eddie was screaming at him to investigate. To figure out why those blue eyes were bloodshot from tears that should have never even been there in the first place. They stood there, bodies tense. Both most likely afraid of what the other would say. What is there to say? What can they even talk about?

The city a couple of stories below was still the same as it had been just moments before but somehow the whole world had felt almost darker than it did. On the borderline of eerie. Something heavy had found its way in and rested uncomfortably in the area where his heart should be. The sound of throat clearing slightly shook him out of it.

"Oh, uh. I just wanted to see you, I guess," Eddie chuckled.

That was the truth, honestly. He never planned on telling Buck that. However, it was out there now, floating around innocently. The brunet probably, if not under the circumstances that he was now, would have died before admitting that to himself much less Evan Buckley. It held meaning. Hidden in plain sight but very obvious at the same time.

“I wanted to see you” didn’t mean just now. When then? Every day. For the rest of their lives if he was given the chance. He did want to see him that much, true. Yet, there were so many other things that he wanted more. Like two matching wedding bands glistening in certain lighting or turnout gear with the same names etched on the bottoms of it. He wanted family. Not that they weren’t now. But, he wanted a different kind. Not the “my best friend is someone we consider to be a pseudo-member” but more of “this is my boyfriend/husband and my son.” They were there, just out of reach of it. Eddie swore it taunt him every day.

He allowed himself to finally close the door. The taller man pulled out two beers and opened them before gesturing to one. Eddie continued, "It was getting a little boring staring at the same four walls in silence."

As he made his way over to the beer and picked it up to take a sip, he thought about how exactly to approach this situation. Comforting people was never a strong suit, of course excluding Christopher because that his son. It’s somehow easier. Well, kind of. He still needed his friends help with that sometimes, too. So how does one console the person who’s usually doing it?

“Eddie, I’m fine,” Buck sighs.

Even though he claimed that, it didn’t match what he was conveying. The firefighter’s posture was slightly slumped, his eyes were still red, and his hair was unkempt as if he’d been tugging at it in frustration. “I didn’t say you weren’t, Buck.”

“You didn’t have to. I can hear your thinking from here.”

Even though he knew it was just a saying, the thought of having Buck being able to hear his every thought scared the hell out of him. But that’s totally off topic. Eddie sighed into the air, shaking his head. He knew his friend wasn’t okay. He knows that man like the back of his hand.

“What’s going on?” Eddie asks, “We both know I saw you so let’s just not cut corners and get right into it. Why were you crying?”

The blond huffs, walking to the stairs and sitting down. His blue orbs glared at the floor, like it was it’s fault that he was feeling this way. The other man sets the beer down gently before coming over to lean against the railing, willing to wait for him to be ready to talk whenever. No words came, though. Instead, Buck reached back into his pocket and held out the picture.

Eddie took it. At first glance, it was nothing special but upon further inspection it was easy to make out that it was both Maddie and Buck. They were staring at the camera, neither smiling. Suitcases were piled in front of an old beat up car and a bag was slung across the older sibling’s back.

“That was one of the times she left. College. I’m not mad at her, obviously. I ran from our parents as soon as I could too. But looking back at it, especially after Red, really makes me realize that at the end of the day it’s always just been me,” Buck explains, “And I’m not even enough for myself so I get why everyone leaves.”

Eddie’s head snaps up at that. Did this man really just have the audacity to say that? Buck not being enough? That in itself doesn’t even sound partly right. “Buck, what-“

His partner cuts him off, “Don’t Eddie. I know you want to make me feel better but it’s not going to work. It’s true. I’m not enough. That’s why I have no one. Everyone around me has someone else, has family outside of the 118, so it has to be something wrong with me.”

Eddie felt like someone just punched him clear in the chest. No, actually he’s felt that before. It doesn’t hurt as bad as this. This was like he couldn’t breathe in a full breath, as if someone was strangling him. How long has Buck felt like this? How come he’s never noticed? Why would Buck feel this way?

Couldn’t he see? Couldn’t he tell that Eddie was so helplessly in love with him? Why didn’t he know that Christopher looked at him as if he created the world itself. Was Buck that good at hiding it or was Eddie just not paying attention until it slapped him clear in the face?

So many questions, none with clear answers. Eddie swallows down all of his own feelings, sitting next to Buck and stared at him until their eyes met. The younger man seemed slightly taken aback from the reaction, probably expecting him to say something rather than just observing silently.

“You have family,” Eddie states.

“Not like that-“

“Exactly like that.”

Buck blinks a couple of times at that. Confusion was slowly forming upon his features and Eddie’s heart broke just a tiny bit more at the fact that this man didn’t know how important he was in the Diaz unit. Without him, where would they both be? Chris wouldn’t have met Carla, Eddie would of probably gave in and move back to Texas. So many things would have been different and not for the better. Hell, his parents probably would have tried to get custody over their grandson at this point and something tells him he wouldn’t have won against them. Not because he’s some terrible parent. No. He just works a lot. Buck has improved their lives so much.

Of course, it only went worse from there. The tears were coming back from wherever they were stashed away before and wasn’t that just a kick in the chest?

“I mean, I know I have Maddie but she has Chim. Hen has Karen, Denny, and Nia. Bobby and Athena have each other plus their own thing going on with Michael, May, and Harry... You have Chris-“

“You’re my family too, Evan,” Eddie whispers slightly, “And not just in the best friend way.”

And the look that he got from that little sentence? It was like he hung the stars. Complete awe. Buck looked so beautiful, just like always but somehow that expression just complimented him so well. Why haven’t they always done this? Especially when it’s like Evan Buckley was meant to gaze at Eddie like that, with hopeful eyes and a genuine smile.

“Yeah?” Buck swallows.

“Yeah.”

He took a leap of faith and reached out to wipe a stray tear from his best friend’s cheek with his thumb. Buck leaned into the touch, grinning even wider if possible. They move together at once, both closing their eyes and pressing their foreheads together.

The city below resumed to it’s busy life, the darkness from earlier no longer being a threat to it. Eddie knows, in the very deepest part of him, that he got his partner to understand tonight. Just for safe measures, however, he breathes, “Mi familia es su familia.”

[sexy-monster-fucker]

Selfish

Eddie Brock/Venom x Reader ANGST

requested by anon:  imagine a scenario where Eddie and reader (they’re dating) get into a fight or argument but VENOM doesn’t give a shit about the fight and misses his morsel and is bothering Eddie to talk to him/her to makeup... maybe some angsty sexy longing in there, maybe Venom takes the drivers seat to be with his morsel because the fighting is trivial human shit he could care less for... 💕

requested by anon:  Do you do angsty stuff? Like maybe Eddie and reader get into a bad fight and break up and neither one of them stop to think how Venom feels.

requested by anon:  Howdy, just wanted to say I love your blog! Also I appreciate a good angsty fic, you're definitely not alone. Hope you had a good Halloween!

“Don’t pretend like this is okay,” Eddie slammed the door behind him...

You had just got back from your monthly office party.  Your boss thought it was good bonding for everyone to get together once a month.  You found it repetitive and ridiculous.  Tonight had been different though.  Eddie came for the first time ever, but things at the party were different.  One of your coworkers had shown up wasted, “An embarrassment to the company,” you had thought.  He was stumbling around, grabbing every girl in sight.  He just happened to come up to you and attempt to grope you.  He grabbed a handful of you from behind, causing you to jump.  “N-Nice ass,” he burped out.  “What the fuck,” Eddie raised his voice.  “Wh-What’s your pro-problem, dude?  She’s just some chick, don’t take it so personal,” he pointed in Eddie’s face.  Eddie gritted his teeth, “She’s my girlfriend.  And I suggest you step away from her.”  You grabbed Eddie’s hand, “C’mon, Eds.  He isn’t worth it.”  Your co-worker pushed Eddie back, “Oh yeah?  What are you gonna do-do about it, b-bub?”  Eddie’s eyes went white; Venom was trying to take over.  You grabbed Eddie and pulled him back, “Ed!  No!”  He turned to see you scared.  He knew he needn’t handle things the way he wanted.  He gave his attention back to your co-worker, “You got lucky this time, but it you ever try something like that with my lady again, you’ll pay.”  You and Eddie began walking away when your co-worker began laughing, “What a pussy.  His girlfriend convinced him he shouldn’t fight?  Nah, he’s just scared-scared he’d loose.”  Eddie stiffened up.  You placed a hand on his bicep, “Eddie, he’s drunk.  Don’t.”  Eddie pulled away from your grasp and walked over to him.  Eddie lifted him off he ground by his collar with one hand.  Venom’s growl escaped Eddie mouth, “I won’t warn you again, insect.”  You pulled Eddie away and your co-worker hit the ground.  “Wh-what the hell has that guy been eating,” he muttered under his breath.  Everyone in the room stared at you and Eddie.  Eddie looked angry.  You were embarrassed.  You ran out, Eddie chased behind you.

...You held yourself tightly.  Eddie had embarrassed you in front of your co-workers.  You knew he was just protecting you, but he did not have to take it so far.  “You’re really going to act like that guy didn’t make a pass at you,” Eddie yelled in anger.  “Please stop yelling,” you whispered.  Eddie blew his breath out.  “Oh?  Is that how it is?  Just normal?  You’re not even upset,” Eddie’s voice cracked.  You placed your hand over your mouth.  “Whatever,” Eddie scoffed, “Just pretend like it didn’t happen.  I wouldn’t expect you to be upset anyway.  You never are unless I am the one who messed up.”  You turned and felt warm tears falling from your eyes.  You had a lump in your throat, “OF COURSE I AM UPSET, EDDIE!”  Eddie’s expression changed quickly when you raised your voice.  “I can’t keep doing this, Ed.  You know it upset me!  But you didn’t have top flip out so immaturely!  No woman wants to be groped by some drunk guy!  I could loose my job over how you acted!  You embarrassed me!”  Eddie was silent.  He stared at you while you cried.  He did not know what do to.  He was still so angry, but he knew he had hurt you.  “I-I’m sorry, Y/N,” Eddie whispered.  You were frustrated, “YOU ALWAYS ARE!  Maybe if you’d think for five seconds before acting you wouldn’t have to be sorry all the time!”  You could feel your heartbeat in your ears.  You were beyond angry.  Eddie stood in front of you, a frown painted on his face.  “I’m leaving, Eddie.  We need some time apart,” you stated walking past him.  Eddie went to grab you and you pulled away, “No, Eddie.  We can’t keep fighting all the time.  I need a break.”  You walked out.  

Eddie began crying.  “Oh my God, what have I done,” he held his face in his hands.  Venom appeared next to Eddie.  He was confused.  Not completely understanding where you had went and why you had left.  “Ed, what happened?  Where did our princess go,” Venom questioned.  Eddie leaned against the door, slowly sliding down it until he sat on the floor.  “She broke up with me,” Eddie whispered.  Venom did not understand, “What does that even mean?”  Eddie blew his breath out, “She decided she did not want to be my partner anymore, V.  She is no longer a part of our life.  And it’s all my fault.”  Venom snarled.  He was angry that Eddie had made such a foolish mistake.  “What’s wrong with you?  Why would you do that,” Venom hissed at Eddie.  “Listen, Venom.  These kinds of things happen.  People break up.  Trust me, this hurts me a hell of a lot more than it hurts you,” Eddie was cold in his words.  Venom growled at Eddie, “You are going to get her back!”  Eddie rolled his eyes, “Don’t be an idiot.”  Venom pulled Eddie up to his feet.  He made Eddie’s hand grip the doorknob.  “NO,” Eddie argued.  “YOU!  ARE!  GOING,” Venom demanded, causing Eddie to open the door.  Eddie was angry, yet relieved.

You stood outside in the cold.  You were waiting on a cab.  You heard someone approaching you from behind.  You knew it was Eddie, “Listen, Ed, I’m not-”  It wasn’t him.  It was simply another attendee at the apartment.  The man gave you an odd look because you had spoken to him.  He continued on across the road.   You were disappointed it hadn’t been Eddie.  You would not admit it, but you wanted Eddie to come chasing after you.  It was childish and immature.  You should have just worked things out like adults.  

“I can’t, Venom,” Eddie argued with the beast.  Venom was getting desperate and threw Eddie out into the hallway.  Eddie slammed into the wall, falling.  Eddie groaned in pain while he tried to force himself back up.  “She is going to be gone soon,” Venom panted.  Eddie rose, “I don’t see why it matters so much to you.”  Venom’s tone changed, “I love her, Eds.  She means the world to me.  I feel so attached to her.  She can’t just leave us.  I want her back, Eddie.  And you did not even put up a fight when she tried to leave.  I can’t go get her on my own.  Eddie, please.”  He was sincere.  For once, the monster had human emotions.  Eddie could feel how real his feelings were and he began to feel them too.  Eddie had been fighting his feelings for months.  He continued to push them and you away out of fear of him not being good enough.  He knew he loved you.  Loved you more than he had ever loved anyone.  He had no idea how to tell you.  He was scared it would scare you.  Scared it would seem too soon in your eyes.  “I’m sorry, V.  I didn’t even think about how this would affect you,” Eddie apologized.  “Edster,” Venom began, “You can make it up to me by getting that girl.”  Eddie smiled at Venom.  Eddie began to rush down the stairs.  

You began to shiver.  It was getting colder and there was no cab in sight.  You heard another set of steps begin behind you.  You turned to see Eddie rushing towards you.  You could not help but smile, “Eddie!”  He smiled when he saw you, “I came down here to tell you how sorry I am.  You have no idea how much you mean to me.  Seeing that guy all over you just set me off.  I am so so sorry.  You mean the entire world to me.”  You shook your head, “It’s okay, Eddie.  I was being dramatic leaving like that.”  Eddie pulled you into his embrace, “I love you, Y/N.”  You froze.  “Did you just say you loved me,” you whispered.  Eddie nodded.  You felt your cheeks turn pink, “I love you too.”  Eddie giggled and picked you up.  He spun you around and placed a kiss on your lips.  

“Let’s go back to my place, you have to be freezing,” Eddie took your hand in his.  You smiled and walked back to Eddie’s apartment with him.

~~~

End

~~

[Tags]

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\ If you no longer want to be tagged in my Venom x Reader Fics, please do let me know. Or if you would like to be tagged in future posts, let me know! //

[tonystarkbingo]

Our first roundup for Round Three of the TSB!  This is for the first 12 days, and there are SO MANY FILLS!  It’s awesome!

Title: Adventures of Tiny Dragon Tony and His Treasure (Loki) Collaborator: BennyBatch Link: AO3 Square Filled: T4 - intimacy without sex Ship: FrostIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: none Summary: Tony and Loki ring in the new year. Word Count: 25,717

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Title: The Ghost and The Machine - Chapter 17: I Can Live With This Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: A5 - ghosts Ship: Tony & Bucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: cliffhanger Summary: Bucky leaves the hospital, does some recovering at home, then goes back to work with Tony in tow. And sees something very unexpected. Word Count: 33,789

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Title: Rise Unwilling and Slow Collaborator: used_songs Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Fireplace Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: implied/referenced child abuse, alcoholism/alcohol abuse Summary: Tony is called home from college to play the dutiful son. Word Count: 944

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Title: Ghost and the Machine - Angst with a Happy/Hopeful Ending Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2 - Angst Ship: Tony & Bucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: angst with a happy ending Summary: The angst ending to The Ghost and The Machine! Word Count: 2821

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Title: Ghost and the Machine - Ouch Ending Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: R3 - It wasn't worth it Ship: Tony & Bucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: major character death, heavy angst Summary: The ouch ending to The Ghost and The Machine! Word Count: 1352

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Title: Unintended Consequences Collaborator: dracusfyre Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - Writing Format: Drabble Ship: Tony Stark & Loki Rating: G Major Tags: none Summary: Tony finds out that Godhood is relative.  Word Count: 100

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Title: Always a Moment  Collaborator: tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: T5 - Last Chance Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen  Major Tags: prisoners together, Winter Soldier!Bucky, hopeful ending Summary: Tony is captured by Hydra, who try to get him to create weapons for them. When he keeps refusing, they throw him in a cell with the Winter Soldier--hoping some time with the Asset will scare him into cooperating, but also accepting that the Soldier might just kill him. Like a snake befriending the mouse given as a meal, the Soldier instead takes Tony as a (consensual) snuggle buddy, becoming fiercely protective of him. Eventually, the two find a way to escape Word Count: 1690

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Title: Two MIT Students in Search of a Comet Collaborator: newnewyorker93 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: R4 - Going on Vacation Together Ship: Tony & Rhodey Rating: G Major Tags: none Summary: The last appearance of Halley’s Comet was in 1985/1986, aka perfectly timed for MIT-era space nerds Tony Stark & James Rhodes to load up their car with junk food and go on an epic road trip to get the best view of it… Word Count: 

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Title: A Hard Day’s Night Collaborator: rebel-author-chick Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A3 - Free Ship: Tony Stark/Reader Rating: G Major Tags: fluff Summary: Tony helps you relax after a hard day of work. Word Count: 879

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Title: Riding the Unicorn Collaborator: Gavilan Link: AO3 Square Filled: R1 - Watching Helplessly Ship: Clint/Natasha/Tony Rating: Explicit  Major Tags: Dom/sub-overtones, begging, pwp, threesome Summary: “He’s making a lot of noise, isn’t he?” Clint remarked, sounding almost casual. “He is,” Nat agreed. “Why, wanna do something about it?” Tony could hear the smile in Clint’s voice as he replied, “Y’know, I rather think I do.” Word Count: 3658

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Title: Occupational Hazard Collaborator: chel Link: Tumblr Square Filled: T4 - Occupational Hazard Ship: Tony Stark/Tony DiNozzo Rating: G Major Tags: NCIS Summary: "So, Mr. DiNozzo, is it?”  “It’s actually Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, thank you Mr. Stark.” “Dr. Stark.”  Word Count: 

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Title: Who’s Gonna Pick You Up? Collaborator: ceealaina Link: AO3 Square Filled: T4 - First Date Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers Summary: In a world where Tony is less playboy and more awkward nerd, he’s mostly bored and lonely now that he’s graduated from MIT and Rhodey’s off on his Air Force adventures. Agreeing to a blind date with Ty Stone doesn’t turn out to be his best plan, but luckily Nat’s there to save to day. (And even more luckily, she’s got a cute brother and Tony is just his type.) Word Count: 5200

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Title: Blood Will Tell - 1/10 Collaborator: thewaythatwerust Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2 - Myths and Legends Ship: Eventual Stuckony Rating: Mature Major Tags: Vampires, Werewolves, Alternate Universe - Fantasy,  Summary: His short nails rake over the frozen rock, leaving gouging trails in their wake. He can’t interfere. Shifted, lupans are strong enough to be a problem in a fang to fur fight one-on-one, but three-on-one, in daylight, the odds are dramatically in their favor. Word Count: 2717

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Title: A Human Convention Collaborator: politzania Link: AO3 Square Filled: A2 - Writing Format: Drabble Ship: None Rating: G Major Tags: Drabble, Reflection, Inner Dialogue Summary: JARVIS reflects on a human convention. Word Count: 100

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Title: Breathe Collaborator: hddnone Link: AO3 Square Filled: A3 - Free Square Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: none Summary: Bucky needed feedback about his missions. He needed to know how he did. He needed to know how to keep improving. He needed to know, above all, that he could trust his mind and instincts still in the heat of the battle. He needed to know that he could still do good things. But more than that, he needed all those things from someone who would be honest. Someone who wouldn’t shy away from a critique or confrontation. Bucky found all those things down in the workshop with Tony.  Word Count: 2032

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Title: So Just Let Us Be Three Collaborator: SierraNovembr Link: AO3 Square Filled: R2 - Kink: Anal Sex Ship: Steve/Tony/Sam Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, Threesome Summary: Tony had been growing steadily closer to Steve and Sam, who are in a happy, good relationship. No matter how much he wanted more, he’d blown his chance with Steve years ago. If he can’t stop himself from finding excuses to linger with them even though he knows they’re settled together, out of his reach, that’s his own problem. Right? Word Count: 2474

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Title: Something Afoot in Frisco Collaborator: Politzania Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2 - Convenience Store Ship: Tony & Eddie|Venom Rating: Teen Major Tags: canon-typical violence Summary: Tony Stark is cutting loose after his first business trip to San Francisco, but after his date goes sideways, he ends up in a neighborhood bodega. The night gets weirder from there. Word Count: 1115

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Title: Blood Will Tell - Chapter 2: ⭑ TONY ⭑ Collaborator: thewaythatwerust Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - Amnesia Ship: Stuckony Rating: Mature Major Tags: A moment of descriptive gore/horror Summary: So focused on keeping the contents of his stomach inside his stomach, Tony hadn’t heard Bruce approaching him. “You know, when Clint came barrelling into the clinic this morning, rambling about a horror show, I thought it was his regular hyperbole. But seeing this… Tony, how are you even alive right now?”  Tony rubs his fingers over the dressing covering the wound at his temple. He shakes his head. “I don’t know. Believe me, I wish I could remember what went down, but it’s just… blank.” Word Count: 4493

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Title: All I Needed Was The Last Thing I Wanted Collaborator: martianwahtney Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4- Meet Ugly Ship: Anthony DiNozzo/Tony Stark Rating: Gen Major Tags: none Summary: “You decided to move your buddy’s car as a prank, but you got the wrong car and now I think you’re breaking into my car, what the hell is wrong with you” or where DiNozzo finds Tony Stark trying to break into his car and things devolve from there Word Count: 1060

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Title: AU: Adventurer/Explorer  Collaborator: lronhusbands Link: Tumblr Square Filled: R2 - AU: Adventurer/Explorer Ship: Tony/Rhodey Rating: Gen Major Tags: none Summary: moodboard

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Title: Art Format: Line Art Collaborator: Trashcanakin Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A4 - Art Format: Line Art Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: [Fanart] Winter Soldier Tony Stark

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Title: Ghost of Unprotected Sex Past Chapter 1 - Three Things Collaborator: shakespeareanqueer Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A3 - free space Ship: Tony/Reader Rating: Mature Major Tags: Cursing, crying, mention of illness and injury, mention of break up, mention of sex and birth control Summary: You show up to Tony’s NYC mansion with some unexpected news. Word Count: 1887

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Title: I Hear You Call My Name Collaborator: tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Kink: Sex Magic Ship: IronStrange Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, PWP Summary: Stephen needs a little extra oomph for a spell. Tony really needs to get laid more than once every two months… Word Count: 2240

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Title: Bog Boyfriends (in charcoal & colored pencil) Collaborator: newnewyorker93 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: A1 - old married couple Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: Everyone on the TSB discord was having so much fun with the Tony-and-Bucky-as-bog-boyfriends idea I couldn’t resist joining in with my version! The glowy green on both of them is some sort of magic that healed them after they each crashed in the bog & keeps them alive as long as they stay there. And Tony is a lil bat creature bc I wanted him to be something that could fly; a bat seemed appropriate :)

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Title: Every Surface in the House, AKA: Permanently Damaged Platypus Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: T5 - Writing format: documentation/epistolary fic Ship: Pepperony, JARVIS & FRIDAY Rating: Teen Major Tags: implied sexual content, AI feels Summary: Rhodey is scandalized, Tony is only slightly ashamed, Pepper isn't done with Tony, JARVIS is fond, FRIDAY is amused, and Natasha enjoyed the retelling. Word Count: 956

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Title: We're gonna dance in my living room slave to the way you move Collaborator: cutebutpsyco Link: AO3 Square Filled: T3 - carnival Ship: IronStrange Rating: Teen Major Tags: mentions of eating disorder, alcohol and drug abuse and death. Summary: “I… Fuck... “ He whispered.  “You’d like to dine and wine and take him out on a date, don’t you?” He could tell she was smiling and didn’t like that at all. “I think he likes you, but you’ll need him to trust you before even trying. Or he’ll run away. And then I’ll personally kill you.”  Tony laughed. “How did you make him trust you?”  “No, you won’t have the get out of jail card this soon, Stark.” Word Count: 6597

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Title: That’s What Friends Are For Collaborator: ceealaina Link: AO3 Square Filled: R3 - Old Team Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: none Summary: The Tony Stark Protection Squad,” he told her, like that was a thing. “It’s really just me and Colonel Rhodes – and well, you now, I guess – the people who actually care about Tony’s well-being. The people he actually likes, doesn’t play pretend with.”

Pepper had rolled her eyes at him and then yelped when he’d tossed a lemon at her and things had gone back to normal. But she couldn’t really deny that he was wrong. Word Count: 1733

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Title: Marvel Universe Online - Chapter 1  Collaborator:  Eirlyssa Link: AO3 Square Filled: R2 -  Online Interactions Ship: WinterIron  Rating: Teen  Major Tags: None  Summary: Bucky and his friends all play the same online game, where they met the one missing member of their group - Iron. They might not know one another in real life, but their friendship is definitely real. Except they might be closer than they think.   Word Count: 2308

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Title: Want Collaborator: alwaysabrighterdarkness Link: AO3 Square Filled: S3 - Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: None Summary: “No,” Tony managed to say finally, dark eyes still locked on icy ones. “That’s not…That’s not what I’m wanting to say.   You don’t have to go.  I’d rather you didn’t.  Go that is.”“Then what is you want, Tony?” he asked seriously, brows furrowed slightly in frustration. “I get that you’re still angry and I don’t blame you.  But I’m not gonna keep giving myself whiplash tryin’ to keep up with you.” Word Count: 3039

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Title: IronMachine is Born Collaborator: Tonks Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Fusion Ship: Tony & Rhodey Rating: G Major Tags: none Summary: Clint walks in on something he never knew he needed in his life. Word Count: 100

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Title: Dillan Collaborator: Lacrimula Falsa Link: AO3 Square Filled: Adopted 1 - Afterlife/Ascension Ship:  None Rating: Teen Major Tags: Major Character Death Summary: Turns out they don’t send the Grim Reaper to take you to the afterlife. Word Count: 765

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Title: Bids Collaborator: alwaysabrighterdarkness Link: AO3 Square Filled: A2 - Terrible Choices Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: None Summary: Natasha is tired of watching them dance around one another while accomplishing absolutely nothing.  When the Maria Stark Foundation hosts a Charity Auction, she takes the opportunity to make her own plans.  Word Count: 3423

[mitchmarnier]

semi charmed life | chapter seven | 3.2k  | teen |

“You guys have kept in contact this whole time?” Bill asked, brow disappearing underneath hair line as he looked like his old friends in amazement. “And you guys are.. what? Room mates?” Eddie avoided looking at Richie as he answered. “Yeah, uh… room mates. Something like that.” [or: the adult!losers reunion, done 2000s sit-com style, just like we all deserve.]

PREVIOUSLY ON SEMI CHARMED LIFE: “You and Richie adopted two kids? Twoactual human children and this never came up?“  Beverly leaned over the side of crib, peering down at the sleeping baby inside. She furrowed her brow and tilted it to the side. |  “We haven’t started talking about the wedding yet,” Stan answered happily. “Its enough to be engaged honestly. |  I should have told you, I know. I know. But I think I need to do this.”  “ I think you’ll find the most sudden of changes are sometimes the best ones.”  You made it through a day with Spencer Pearsons, which is more than can be said about the mass majority of new hires. So what’s it’s going to be? Are you going to sink… or are you going to swim?” |  “You know I liked you too, right? In high school, and… before that. Pretty much the whole time I lived in Derry.” “I’ve always wanted you.” Ben said openly. “and I will always want you.”Beverly cupped the side of his face and brought their lips together.”

“Beverly, please!” Richie dropped to the floor and wrapped his arms around Beverly’s legs. Beverly stumbled and fell to the ground herself. She kicked at Richie, but he had a vice grip around her.

“No!” Beverly cried, still kicking at Richie. “Kids and I do not mix! Especially not babies! You’re insane!”

“BEVERLY!” Richie cried mournfully. “I’m not asking you to take them and move to Hawaii and become their new mother! I’m merely saying that you’re going to be here… the girls are going to be here… maybe you could… be here with the girls while Eddie and I are out on well needed Valentines date. We’ll even make it an afternoon date, you won’t have to do the dinner or bedtime routines!”

Beverly kicked again, nailing Richie between the eyes. He groaned, but still did not let go. “First of all, what makes you so sure that I don’t have any Valentines’ plans? Hmmm?”

Richie sighed. “Then invite Ben over here. I don’t care.”

Beverly spluttered, cheeks going red.  “I… I’m not… Ben.. Who said anything about Ben!?! That’s just… crazy.”

Richie raised one brow, the look of disbelief a little undercut by how his head was resting on her shin. “Beverly, my darling, do you take me for an idiot?”

Beverly yanked on her leg. “YES! Let go of me!”

“Bevvvvv….” Richie whined. “Eddie and I have barely seen each other in weeks. We both have today off, and we didn’t even book it off! It just happened! It’s a sign from the universe! We’re meant to go on a date!”

“What the hell did you do last year?” Beverly finally got her leg free, and rolling free and jumping to her feet. She stared down at Richie with her hands on her hips.

“We only had one kid,” Richie pointed out with a pout. “It’s much easier to find somebody willing to watch one child, rather than two and one being less than a year old. Bev, please.”

Beverly squeezed her eyes shut. “Fine. But if you come home and things are a disaster, then you have nobody to blame but yourself!”

Richie let out an over excited shout, jumping to his feet and launching himself at her. They both collapsed back down onto the floor.

→  →  →

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” Mike said frantically into his phone. The sound of the barking in the background made his heart clench and he bit down on his bottom lip to keep the tears from filling his eyes. “My boss is coming. Well, I don’t know if he’s my boss exactly but he-“

“It’s alright,” Alexander said on the other end of the line, sighing. “I get it. Call me later when you’re not too busy.”

“Yeah,” Mike cleared his throat. “I love y-“ The line went dead. He inhaled deeply, determined to keep himself together as Pearsons came into the room. He raised his brow at Mike.

“You still here?” Pearsons asked. “Most people who aren’t giving tours today took the day off, you know? Spending it with their sweethearts.”

Mike forced a smile, trying to ignore the bitter tone in Pearsons’ voice and the bitter feeling in his own chest. “I had a tour this morning. It was my first solo one, and I guess I’m just… decompressing.” That… and the idea of sitting at home alone on Valentines hurt, and if Mike convinced himself that he was working then it wasn’t as bad.

Then Spencer Pearsons did the last thing Mike would have ever expected him to do. He smiled. He also moved closer and sat down at the other side on the table. “You just moved to New York, yeah? I imagine it’s hard, this being your first real holiday away from home.”

“Valentines day isn’t a real holiday,” Mike said. “It’s made up by capitalist to make money.”

Pearsons chuckled under his breath. “Alright, well, I’m not going to be going home any time soon, either. And I ordered in some food if you’re hungry.”

Mike blinked at him.

→  →  →

“Patty…” Stan said as he entered his apartment, staring down at his feet. “What is this…” The small grey tabby meowed up at him, and Stan took a quick step backwards. Patty came rushing into the front foyer, sliding in her striped socks and nearly collided face first with the kitchen island.

Stan made a half aborted noise of concern, moving towards her, but quickly backing back up when he remembered the cat in front of him.

“That’s Periwinkle!” Patty said, dropping down onto her knees and crawling towards the cat. The small cat gave a even louder meow at the sight of Patty, and patted over to her. Stan let out a soft sigh once the cat was away. “I was at the humane society today-“

“Why?” Stan asked, crinkling his nose. “Do you just go there for fun?”

Patty looked up at him with wide, owlish eyes. “Yes.”

Stan pursed his lips and nodded. “Alright. Proceed.”

“Anyway,” Patty scooped up the cat and cuddled it up towards her chest. “And the person working was saying that Periwinkle was nearing her last days, and if she didn’t get adopted soon, then they were going to have to euthanize her.”

Stan frowned, looking at the tiny ball of fur in his loves’ arms. There certainly didn’t seem to be a single thing wrong with the thing.

“She and her siblings were all found in a box outside the building,” Patty continued on, scratching the cat behind the ears. “All the others go adopted, but not Periwinkle because she was so shy. But I don’t think she’s that shy? You know, she went straight to the door when she heard you coming in. I know you don’t really like cats, but I couldn’t just let them put her down! She’s just a baby.”

Stan sighed, crouching down slowly, and leaning in towards the little cat. “I don’t not like cats… they just scare me a little bit.”

His aunt Sylvia had a cat when he was a child. A big, mean one. Stan always came home from her house covered in scratches, and he’d only ever wanted to play with the stupid thing. He’d been turned off from the animal ever since… but this one didn’t seem very vicious. She fit almost perfectly in Patty’s hands, and was purring nicely as she was pet. Stan narrowed his eyes at it.

“You’ve just never been around a cat that was shown enough to love to show love back,” Patty said fondly, shifting so she could hand the animal over. Stan’s eyes widened and he started to shake his head. “No, come on, Stan. Love her.”

Stan took the kitten into his arms, and held it to his chest. He smiled softly as it began to purr.

→  →  →

Beverly dropped herself onto the couch, knowing she needed to waste the seventeen layers of dirt off of her, but she honestly just did not have the energy to. “I don’t know how Eddie and Richie do it. I only had them for a few hours and I’m honestly ready to nap for three years.”

Ben laughed, watching lil Frankie toddled back into her bedroom with the baby’s diaper bag and an arm-full of toys. “They’re adorable, though, aren’t they?” He said a little wistfully. Growing up, Ben had always imagined himself with a  big family and a loving marriage by this point in adulthood. He remembered being twelve years old and heartbroken when a certain Beverly Marsh had said she never wanted kids. “To think Eddie and Richie have their shit together better than any of the rest of us.”

Beverly laughed. “I’m sure it’s mostly to do with Eddie. Bet he whipped Richie’s ass right into shape.”

Ben clucked his tongue. “I don’t know, Beverly. I don’t think we ever really have Richie enough credit. Isn’t that why you two broke up in the first place?”

Beverly exhaled hard, and the heavy silence settled over them. It was one of uncertainty, and Beverly could feel it. Of all the things that weren’t being acknowledged between them just now- the kiss, the fact that they were now officially hovering somewhere between just friends and being together. The fact that neither of them wanted to bring it up, to make anything more or less than it already was.

Clearing his throat, Ben stood and moved towards the stroller that Beverly had left in the front entrance. He knelt down in front of it, and felt his blood run cold. “Bev… where’s the baby?”

→  →  →

Richie slid his hand across the café table and tangled his fingers with Eddie’s. “This is where you proposed to me, you know?”

Eddie raised his eyebrow, a little bit of whipped cream on his nose from sipping his hot chocolate. “Yes, Richard. I do know that. I was, in fact, there.”

Richie beamed and squeezed Eddie’s hand. Eddie had chosen this café to propose, because it had been the first place they’d ever gone on a date in New York City. During Eddie’s days in college, they had come here once a week without fail. They had come in often enough that the people who worked there had known them by name and order. The faces around here had changed greatly over the years, but they still made the meanest hot chocolate in the city, as far as Eddie was concerned.

“How did you get Bev to agree to watch the girls?” Eddie asked, blushing as Richie wiped the cream off his nose.

“I tackled her into the carpet,” Richie said with a smirk. “She was reminded of how persuasive I am. I also told her that she could have her date at our place.”

“Date?” Eddie asked, raising his eyebrows. “I didn’t know she’s seeing anybody.”

Richie rolled his eyes, stuffing half his muffin into his mouth in one go. “She’s acting like she isn’t,” he said through his full mouth. Eddie didn’t even crinkle his nose in disgust anymore, long past caring about that kind of thing when it came to his husband. “But she and Benny boy are definitely an item.”

“Wait, Ben Hanscom?” Eddie squawked, shaking his head as Richie nodded. “That’s not going to end well.”

Now Richie was the one frowning, eyes turning sad. “What do you mean? Are you actually going to pretend you haven’t been rooting for Benverly since high school.?”

“I just mean…” Eddie sighed. “Ben has been hung up on Beverly since we were like… thirteen. And Beverly is the middle of a divorce, if that. More like the start of a divorce, since she just ran away from her marriage and haven’t talked to her husband in weeks. This could get really messy, really fast.”

“Why don’t you believe in love, Eds?” Richie sighed dramatically, pressing the back of the hand that wasn’t tangled up with Eddie’s against his forehead.

Eddie gave him half a smile and squeezed Richie’s hand. “You think with the life I’ve got that I don’t believe in love?” Eddie asked, matching Richie’s dramatic tone and beaming when his husband blushed. “But I am also a realist, baby. I hate the idea of this turning out badly. Imagine if… you’d been crushing on me since high school, and I only dated you as rebound for my divorce.”

Richie sighed and rubbed his thumb against the back of Eddie’s hand. “That would be fucking suck balls… but I also don’t think we’re allowed to pass judgement on our friends relationships. Since, you know, we’ve had the loves of our lives locked down since we were fifteen.”

Eddie grinned. “Really? I think that is the perfect reason to be able to pass judgement. They’re lucky to have such experts at their disposal.”

→  →  →

Mike Hanlon had never been a big beer drinker, not even back in high school when there was a keg at every part, but his politeness was in his blood stream and he couldn’t bring himself to say no when Pearsons offered him one.

“So, Hanlon,” Pearsons said, carrying the piece of pizza up towards his mouth. “Which is it… did somebody blow you off or are you just painfully single this Valentines day?”

Mike nearly choked on the pizza. “I… What?”

Pearsons held one hand up defensively. “I’m just saying, I’ve never heard somebody refer to Valentines as a Capitalist holiday unless they’re struggling romantically.”

“I’m in a perfectly happy relationship,” Mike said slowly, taking a drink and finding that maybe beer wasn’t so bad if you drank enough of it.

“But…” Pearsons said slowly, raising the pizza and looking at Mike over it.

“But..” Mike sighed. “He’s in Maine. And the long distance is a little bit harder than I’d originally thought it would be.”

Pearsons hummed, nodding at him. He took another beer from the mini fridge beside his desk and slid it across the table to Mike. “That’s shit luck, mate. The things they tell you about long distance aren’t just myths, you know? Everybody always feel like they’re strong enough to do it… most aren’t.”

Mike squared his shoulders. “It’s not forever,” he said. “He’s going to come live with me, once we find a place big enough for our dog.”

Pearsons gave him a disbelieving look. “A place big enough for a dog? In New York City? On a interns salary?”

Mike let out another self-pitying sigh, and Pearsons pushed the beer closer towards him.

→  →  →

Beverly tossed the door open, sighing in relief as Stan and Patty enter the house. She frowned at the baby carrier strapped to Stan’s chest, frowning hard when she noticed the small cat inside of it. “Uh…”

“If anything happens to Perwinkle,” Stan said, staring her dead in the eye without a hint of a smile. “I will kill everybody in this house and then myself.”

Patty slid her hand into Stan’s, beaming, and leaned her head against his shoulder. Beverly opened her mouth to reply but was quickly cut off by Ben calling from the kitchen. “You better mean everybody in this house above the age of five! Because I’m sure Eddie and Richie could get over coming home to all of us dead, but I think you killing their children would be a bit upsetting.”

Stan nodded, and Patty walked into the house. “That’s why we’re here. What did you do with the baby, exactly?”

“I still can’t believe any of this, and if Ben wasn’t sure, I’d still be pretty convinced that this was very intense prank.”

“You think I’d lie about loosing an infant?” Beverly asked, offended as Stan just raises his eyebrows at her. Beverly made an offended noise. “Look. We don’t want to call the police, because you know… then Eddie and Richie would know.”

“Beverly.” Stan said patiently. “I think they’re going to notice having one less child when they get home.”

“I was planning on finding her before that happens!” Beverly shot back, leading him into the living room.  She gestured towards the stroller. “I swear that I never even took Marty out of this thing while were out! She was in there when we left the park but we got back here and she was just… gone.”

Patty crossed her arms and turned towards Ben. “The baby just vanished into thin air, is that what you’re saying?”

Ben pinched the brim of his nose. “I don’t know what happened, okay? She was there one second, gone the next. I-“

The adults all froze at the sound of the bedroom door down the hall clicking open, and a small pair of feet padding down the hallways. A small girl peaked her head out, hair a mess of braids.

“Damn,” Stan said slowly with a whistle. “They really do have kids. What the fu-“

“Language!” Patty hissed towards him.

Stan just laughed- maybe a little wetly- as he moved towards Frankie. “This is Richie Tozier’s daughter. I promise that she’s heard worse.” He crouched down in front of her. “Hey, sweetie. What’s your name?”

“What’s your name?” Frankie shot back at him, frowning. “This my house. You’re the stranger.”

Stan let out a small laugh despite himself. “My name is Stanley.”

Frankie’s eyes went wide. “Your name is Stanley?” She asked softly. “My daddy has pit-ures of you in his room. You had longer hairs, though.” Stan widened his eyes back at the girl but before he could ask any other questions, her eyes dropped to the carrier on his chest. “Is that a kitty? Can I hold him? Please? Papa says if I say please, big people are more a-likely to do what I say.”

Stan chuckled, spoken like a true child of Eddie Kaspbrak. He put his hand down on the small cat and smiled at Frankie. “We’re looking for your sister right now, sweetie. Maybe after we find her?”

Frankie quickly looked down at the ground, her cheeks growing red. Stan frowned.

“Do you know where she is? Can you tell me?”

Frankie looked up at Stan through her lashes, cheeks still mad. “I don’t wanna get in trouble.”

“You’re not going to be in trouble,” Stan assured her. “Okay? We’re all worried, we’ll just be happy to get her back.”

“Promise, promise?” Frankie challenged and Stan’s heart clenched. There was so much Richie in this little girl, it made his head spin.

“Promise, Promise.” Stan said solemnly. Frankie told hold of Stan’s hand and tugged him down the hall. She opened the door to her purple bedroom and there Marty was. Fast asleep on some roll-out childrens couch, surrounded by possibly hundreds of stuffed animals.

“I just a-wanted to play with her!” Frankie quickly began to explain, sounding tearful. “My daddys never let me play all by myself! They always ‘ave tuh watch us, cuz Marty is little but I can take cara her! Bev and Benny weren’t payin’ attention and Marty hates stayin’ in the stroller! She was sad! So, I took her and out I took care of her! Look!”

Frankie let go Stan’s hand and rushed towards the sleeping baby. She knelt down and rubbed the baby’s head with a surprising amount of care. “She’s okay. She’s happy.”

“Yeah, kiddo.” Stan said with a smile. “She’s just great.”

→  →  →

Mike and Pearsons were laying underneath the dinosaur bones, and he was pretty sure that they were not supposed to be down here but he couldn’t really be bothered to care.

“It fucking sucks, you know,” Mike said, anger finally sinking into his voice. “It’s like… he’s trying to make it seem like he’s being supportive, you know, but he still… he’s not. I have to figure everything out, while he lives in the fancy ass farmhouse and works at his job and plays with our dog and nothing else has changed, you know? For him… He just misses me, whatever, but he didn’t have to pick up and start a whole new life. I just wish he’d cut me some slack.”

Pearsons didn’t say anything but he was giving Mike a small, encouraging smile.

“It’s like… sometimes…” Mike exhaled hard. “Sometimes I feel like he’d rather me be in Derry, a place I’ve always hated, with him than out here doing what I love. He’s just… waiting for me to come back. I don’t think he thinks this is real. Permanent. He’s waiting for me to come back.”

Pearsons reached out and patted Mike on the shoulder. It was only then that he realized he hadn’t called Alexander back.

[shyuris]

in my dreams (chapter one)

wc: 2158

notes:  hey guys! this is a story i’ve been working on for IT. it features multiple pairings and also an original character! hope you enjoy! it’s very gay whoops

warnings: cursing, mentions of comas/unknown illnesses 

The soles of Mike’s combat boots pounded against the cement of the driveway as he sprinted to the shed, pulling out his rusted silver bike from under a mound of gardening equipment.

“Mike, hurry the fuck up!” He heard Eddie yell from the road.

He finally got his bike untangled, hopping on and pedaling down the driveway. Eddie had already started moving when he saw Mike had hopped on his bike, and was already crossing the intersection at the end of the road.

The two boys sped through the quiet streets of Derry, racing towards their designated meeting place in the forest, an old abandoned shed that no one ever visited except their group.

The two boys skid to a stop in front of the small brick house, their bikes joining the group already resting on the ground as they sprint across the grass and into the backyard. The shed door is already opened and the two boys quickly enter, slamming it shut behind them.

“F-finally.” Bill sighs as the two boys take their seats.

“Took you long enough.” Stan mumbles, moving over so Mike could squeeze onto the seat next to him.

“Guys! Can we stay focused, please?” Bev snaps, her forehead creased in stress. The boys nod solemnly, directing their attention to Bill.

Bill takes a deep breath, preparing to deliver the news to the six teenagers in front of him, similar looks of stress and fear on each of their faces.

“Lili’s in the h-h-hospital.”

“Is something wrong? Is she okay?” Bev asks almost immediately after the words leave his mouth, practically jumping out of her seat in her need for information.

Bill stares at the stressed girl, whose eyes were swimming with tears, the small drops of sadness balancing on her thin eyelashes, preparing to pepper her cheeks.

Usually Lili would be the one to calm everyone down when something particularly stressful was occuring, placing a warm hand in theirs and offering a soft smile that could melt your heart.

But, Lili wasn’t here right now.

Bill wonders if he should sugarcoat his response, offering a little bit of solace in the rough times to come. He decided against it. No point in offering false hope.

“They duh-don’t know.”

“What do you mean they don’t know?” Bev demands, her tone rising, “What’s wrong? Why is she in the hospital?”

“Bev, please.” Eddie begs, voice small as he shrinks in fear, the stress in the room getting to him. But Bev is too riled up to care, her green eyes wide as she stares at Bill.

“They’re n-not sure what’s wuh-wrong with h-h-her,” Bev’s about to pipe up again but Bill sticks out a hand, gently silencing her, “They t-told me the duh-doctors have never s-seen ah-anything like it before. It’s like she’s in a-a coma, but every cuh-couple hours, she’ll b-b-burst out into f-fits of screams.”

It takes a bit for Bill to force the words out of his uncooperating mouth, trying to bridge the disconnect between his voice and brain. His stutter gets ten times worse when he’s stressed.

Bev gasps, letting out a strangled moan as the tears begin spill out of her eyes at the thought of her Lili in such a state. Eddie shrinks further into his seat, until he’s managed to squeeze his body into the corner of the couch, resembling a turtle receding into its shell. Stan sits stock still, and Bill can see the gears in his brain whirring as he processes this information.

“But, she’ll be fine, right?” Richie asks tentatively, pushing his coke bottle glasses up the bridge of his nose, a nervous habit of his.

Bill pauses before answering quietly, “They d-don’t k-k-know.” Bev begins crying harder, but still silently, her tears staining Richie’s Fredo’s t-shirt. Eddie looks like he’s going to be sick.

“Can we go see her?” Mike asks. His hands grip the end of the couch, scrunching the ripped fabric between his fingers.

“Not us.” Stan answers solemnly, brown eyes staring straight ahead, “She didn’t tell her parents about us, remember?”

Mike does remember. How Lili had come to them that night, eyes sparkling with tears as she told them her parents had forbid her from seeing them, too scared of protecting their own reputations to allow their daughter happiness.

The members of the Losers Club (as their classmates had dubbed the group of friends) had many ‘negative’ things surrounding their group that Lili’s parents did not prefer to have their daughter being associated with. There was Bev’s alleged promiscuity, Richie’s foul mouth, Stan’s religion, Eddie’s sexuality and Mike’s race .

“But, you can, Bill.” Bev murmurs, her voice still thick as she wiped away tears.

Lili’s parents did not dislike the entire Losers Club. They liked Bill. He was nice, respectful, friendly. A good influence on their already perfect daughter.

Bill nods slowly, not denying their statement. I mean, that was the reason he had been the one to call Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs and not any of the other Losers.

“You need to go see her.” Bev insists, “Please, Bill.”

Bill stood there awkwardly, the worn sneakers on his feet shuffling against the dusty floors of the shack. He had never liked hospitals, and now he had even less of a reason to like them now that one of his closest friends could be on her deathbed in one.

But, he nodded, “I’ll see what I can do.” Because Bill wanted to make everyone happy. He wanted to fix this.

“Hello?”

“H-hi, Mrs. Jacobs. It’s Bi - William Denbrough.”

“Oh, yes, Michael. Hello.” Delilah Jacobs’ voice was weak as she spoke with her daughter’s friend, thick and sore, like she had been crying all day. Bill guessed she had been.

Bill felt bad for calling. He didn’t want to bother the grieving parents, but the group had asked him to and he didn’t want to upset them...

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if I would be able to visit Lilith in the hospital?”

“Oh, yes, please come!” Mrs. Jacobs’ exclaimed, though her voice was lacking the same sort of life and energy as it usually did, “Does tomorrow work? After school?”

“Um, yes, it does. Thank you, Mrs. Jacobs.”

Bill hung up the phone after Delilah responded with a wet thank you, and Bill could tell she was about to start crying again.

He sighed, running his hands through his copper colored hair. Everything had been fine just a few days ago. Yet it had all been ripped away from him, leaving a frayed mess for him to deal with.

“The blue lights look stupid, Richie! They’re not festive.”

“You wanna know what’s not festive, Stan? The stick up your ass!”

“Richie!” Bill had interrupted, placing a hand on the tall boy’s shoulder, “I t-think Bev needs some help with the decorations outside, could you go help h-h-her?” Richie bites his lip before nodding, glancing back at Stan before walking out of the front of the house.

Stanley continued hanging his red and green lights up in peace, humming softly as he tacked the string to the wall with a pin. Bill wandered into the small kitchen area, where Lili was sitting on the counter, singing along to the radio. as Mike placed a tray of cookies into the oven, smiling as he listened.

“Hey, Bill!” Lili had greeted him, smiling wide as the boy entered the room. Bill returned the greeting, patting Mike on the shoulder as he leaned against the counter next to Lili.

Soft music played in the background, playing some version of ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ Lili seemed to know. “I feel bad for not helping.” Lili confessed to him, toying with the lace of her boot.

“Y-you need to r-rest, Lil.” Bill had replied, “Y-you were sick as a duh-dog just a couple days ago. You shouldn’t have e-even come out w-wuh-with this horrible weather.”

“And miss Christmas decorating? No, thank you.” She replied easily.

Shaking the memory away, Bill started getting ready for bed, taking a quick shower and changing into his pajamas. He climbed under his plaid duvet, closed his eyes, and laid still, hoping sleep would take him. It didn’t.

Little did he know, a girl just a couple blocks down the road was in the same position, her ginger locks tousled as she tossed and turned. Beverly Marsh could not focus on anything except Lili and the mental image of her tiny frame shaking as doctors pinned her down to a cot.

Bev forced her eyes shut, willing the thought out of her head, just to have it be replaced with more, equally as bad ones. It was a never ending cycle.

Abandoning sleep, she stood up, pulling on a hoodie, some pants and shoes. She climbed out her window and slid down the roof, her converse hitting the ground with a thud. She pulled her sweatshirt tighter around her as she hopped on her bike, taking off down the street.

Left, right, down the straight-away and she was there, the tall, white house looming in front of her, looking as empty and desolate as it had just a few hours before.

Bev threw her bike on the grass, the same place it had been this afternoon but without the five other bikes surrounding it. She walked across the front lawn, the dry grass crunching under the soles of her shoes.

She shimmied up the gutter, pulling herself onto the roof and carefully creaked open the window. It looked the same as it had when she visited the night before, except one thing was missing.

Lili.

Bev clambered into the bedroom, the familiar soft gray walls surrounding her. She loved it here, the room filled with good memories and a peaceful vibe.

The only light in the room was the red, yellow and blue christmas lights Lili had tacked up to the wall the day after Halloween. Bev remembered it well as she dragged her yellow painted fingernails across the thick wire.

“Christmas isn’t for another two months!” Bev exclaimed, watching the girl stand on the tips of her toes to pin the festive lights above the window.

“Right around the corner!” Lili sung back, and Bev could hear the smile in her voice, “Don’t be such a grinch, Bev.”

“I’m not a grinch.”

Lili had laughed, dropping the rest of the lights on the floor as she approached the girl sitting on her bed, standing between her knees and pressing a light kiss to her nose.

“Then help me put up these lights, you’re much taller than me.” Bev had grumbled, but complied after her girlfriend offered her a dazzling smile that made Bev’s heart stop.

Bev walked away from the lights as she felt tears pricking at her eyes. She wished she could visit her, hold her hand, press a kiss to the space between her eyebrows.

But, she couldn’t.

Lili’s desk was clean, a few leftover homework papers with her neat script scrawled on them left for her to pack up for school, which she had thought she would be attending the next day. A yellow marble notebook was balanced on the corner of the desk, a sticker placed square on the front of it, reading Lilith Jacobs.

She couldn’t help but smile at the last -th in her name crossed out. Lili hated her given name, thus why she went by ‘Lili’, but her parents insisted on calling her ‘Lilith’. One day at lunch, Richie had taken a red marker and drawn right through the two letters, and Lili had smiled so wide.

Bev cracked open the notebook to a random page, met with Lili’s delicate handwriting spelling out, ‘October 2nd, 1994’. Lili always carried this specific book around, tucked away in her backpack, but she refused to let anyone read it, including Bev. Anytime they brought it up, she would blush and shake her head, clamming up, so they would drop it.

Bev closed the book, knowing it would make Lili upset and not wanting to intrude on her girlfriend’s privacy.

She ran her hand over the crisp white sheets on her bed, remembering the times Lili and her would squeeze onto the twin bed, holding tight onto each other to keep from falling off. Bev had cried here on many occasions, turning to Lili for solace after particularly harsh words from her father or a bad day at school.

She wanted Lili here now, to hold her as she cried and let out all the emotions that had been boiling inside of her the whole day. But she supposes if Lili were here, she wouldn’t have a reason to cry.

Realizing that being in this room was only reminding her of the fact that Lili was most definitely not here and possibly in danger, Bev left, leaving the room exactly as it was when she arrived, quiet and abandoned.

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 26 - Man, it doesn’t show signs of stoppin’ [part 1]

Birds Of a Feather

(title credits: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!, Dean Martin)

“Aaaand here it is, the last one!” Layla whispered to herself as she put the last package under the Christmas tree. It was Eddie’s present, a nice set of hardcover composition books with a fountain pen and a ballpoint pen – a perfect gift for a writer. She had waited for him to go out for a walk so she could be alone in the house and position all the presents before leaving. He simply waved goodbye and wished her a happy holiday before walking out the door – it all took less than a minute and he was gone. On one hand she had more time to prepare her Christmas surprise for everyone, on the other hand she was disappointed because she was expecting a warmer goodbye. She wasn’t totally surprised though, she was used to Eddie’s mood swings and changes of behaviour: one day he was sweet and caring, actively searching for and apparently enjoying her company, the next one he seemed cold and distant and distracted, like today. He had been like this for a couple of days, after the show at the Moore Theater. <Maybe I did something wrong... Is it because I got jealous when those two girls appeared? What if I said something silly when he put me to bed?> she thought as she was walking towards the door, dragging her trolley suitcase behind her. She felt stupid for always considering herself at the center of people’s attention: after all it was Christmas time and he wasn’t going back home to San Diego, she assumed he probably had family issues or something like that. <What if there’s an ex girlfriend involved?> she kept wondering as she put her coat on. “What did you get me for Christmas?” Layla was suddenly startled by the voice of her friend and roommate – she turned around and saw her staring at her with a red packet in her hands and a smirk plastered on her face. “GOD, SARA! You scared me to death!” “It doesn’t look like a book... No, it ain’t a book – is it a movie? No, it’s too big to be a movie. Is it a collection of movies?” Sara asked feeling up the package then lightly shaking it. “You’ll find out in a few hours, darling!” “C’mon, give me a hint!” “Nah-ah” “Pleeeease” “Ok. It’s not a car” Layla replied with a grin. “... Fuck you, El” “By the way, what are you doing here? I thought you had left already” Layla took a look at her watch while Sara shifted unconfortably on her feet for a couple of seconds before answering. “So you were thinking about leaving without even saying goodbye, huh? I thought you loved me” she said, dragging herself dramatically towards her friend. “I was gonna call from the airport” “You were gonna leave me with a phone call?? Nothing can affect your heart of stone” “I’ll be back in a few days, and you’ll be with your family, it’s not like I’m leaving you here with Jeff or anything” the girl went on and Sara tried to ignore her once again. She cared for Layla, she was her best friend, and lying to her was getting harder and harder. “I think you wanted to leave without talking to me because you didn’t want to hear me talking shit about David and your stupid idea to get back together once again” <Mentioning her WC Boyfriend will surely make her drop the subject> Sara thought as she saw her friend rolling her eyes. “As I already told you, we’re not getting back together, we’re just meeting to clear things up and give a proper closure to our relationship” “I really wish it was true, El” Sara sighed. “It is!” “I know this is what you want now, but I also know that things are gonna be more difficult for you once you see that guy face to face and he starts talking and using his charm on you” “So you think I’m weak...” the girl retorted looking away. “You’re not, you’re strong. If only you knew how strong you are, you’d know you don’t need that asshole in your life.” Sara added and noticed that Layla was getting upset; as much as she hated that jerk, she didn’t want her friend to leave like that “Anyway, it’s actually your life and you have the right to do whatever you want. And I trust you, you’re the sensible one here, I know you’re gonna do the right thing in the end” Layla smiled and tackled Sara in a bear hug. “Thank you, Scroogie! Also for the present I found in my drawer, I’m gonna open it tonight” “Do you wanna know what it is?” Sara asked, still held tight by her friend. “No, I like surprises” Layla let go of her and wrapped her scarf around the neck. “C’mon, a little hint!” “Goodbye, my dear! Oh, you should keep these, I won’t need them in Boston” she grinned and handed her the apartment keys, then pulled her trolley-suitcase and went for the door. “Here’s the hint: it’s not a naked surfer with a red bow wrapped around his-” “MERRY CHRISTMAS, SARA! I’LL CALL YOU TONIGHT!” Layla basically screamed as she left and her roommate was doubled over laughing behind her.

************************************************************************************************ Eddie didn’t really know where he was going, he just wanted to run as far away as he could from his apartment and from the girl who was about to leave to spend Christmas with another guy who wasn’t him. He was almost surprised when he turned left and saw the turbulent motion of the lake water, he stopped and looked around. “I walked up to… Pier 62?” Eddie said to himself as he read the sign and spotted the Aquarium in the distance.   He shrugged and started to walk again, only at a slower pace, until he stopped at a bench, where he decided to sit. He lit up a cigarette as he took in the view of the dark cloudy sky reflecting on the waters of Elliott Bay and tried not to think about how stupid Layla was. <She’s not stupid though, she’s smart… and beautiful… fuck> he shook his head as he tried to ignore those thoughts, then felt the pocket of his jacket, smiling to himself when he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a notebook and a pen and started sketching what he saw – the creases on the water surface slowly growing into waves because of the increasing wind, the darker clouds in the distance, a couple of ferry boats returning to the port, a few people gathered around a fish and chips place on the left. <Why do I have to be like that? I’m lucky, I’m living my dream, making music, I met new nice people, have good friends that are pretty much family to me now, live in an interesting town that’s supposed to be like the center of the world for some. I should be happy. Fuck, I am happy. So this girl doesn’t like me the way I like her? So what? It’s not her fault and it’s not like she owes me anything. She’s lovely and cares for me enough to be considered a true friend and that’s more than I could hope for. I only wish she’d be with someone who loves her and respects her and… Oh shut up, Eddie! You just wish she was with you!> Eddie’s inner monologue went on for a while and he didn’t even notice the raindrops that started falling from the sky. He was brought back to reality when he felt something cold stinging his nose and noticed that the rain had turned into sleet. He shut his notebook and stuck it back in his pocket with the pen, then stood up and pulled the hood over his head as he started to run. The fleet turned into proper snow, which reminded him of a similar scenario many miles and many years away: Chicago, Christmas of 1984, when he first brought his new girlfriend home to meet his mom. Their plane landed incredibly late, their cab from the airport got stuck in traffic during a snow storm and when it was clear it was impossible to move they paid the driver, grabbed their bags and just got out of the car and ran for an hour in the snow to get home in time for dinner, freezing and soaking wet, but together, happy and in love. He was alone now, no hands to warm up with his breath, no turkey in the oven, no little brothers preparing tricks and pranks for him back at home. These thoughts made it look like the way home was taking much longer even though he was running. He breathed a relieved sigh as he walked past the Scarecrow Video Shop because it meant he was almost home, even though it also reminded him once again of the girl who worked there. <As if I wasn’t already thinking enough about her> Eddie ignored the elevator and went for the stairs, silently praying for Layla to be gone already. When he rang the doorbell and nobody answered though, he almost regretted his wish.

************************************************************************************************ “Is it just my impression or Mary Jane sucked a lil’ bit?” “You’re not wrong, Viv – I’m no expert but even I heard that strange squeak she did at the end” “Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ! Girls, could you please save your gossip for later?? I have tons of glitter on my face and my hair looks like a fuckin’ nest, ugh” Sara rolled her eyes, silently asking herself what she had done to deserve to be stuck in a dressing room with those two dorks – they were technically supposed to help her, but instead chattered about whoever had been involved in the recital. “C’mon, Sara, live a little! You should be glad: that ‘sleep in Heavenly peace’ was horrible – and you hate Mary Jane’s guts!” “Right now I don’t have time to laugh about her poor figure: all I wanna do is reassuming my natural appearance and getting rid of all this fuckin’ glitter that’s comin’ out of my nostrils” “HA! So you admit it: she sucked big time!” “C’mon, Maux, just leave her alone” Vivian smiled at Sara, keeping on removing make-up from her face “And you… don’t you dare insult my glitter again! You looked like a proper little angel” Sara rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time, grinding her teeth every time her friends pulled a bobby pin out of her hair or rubbed cleansing lotion all over her face.   “… I’m still wonderin’ why they didn’t assign Silent Night to you, though” “No big deal, Maux” “Well, I got the feeling that next year it’ll be you singing it!” “I don’t think that next year I’ll be on stage…” “You said the same thing last year, primadonna” “… fuck off, Maux” Sara grumbled, cheeks flushing for the deep embarrassment. “Anyway! You did some justice to O Come, All Ye Faithful” “… and Father Steve was extremely pleased with your decision of singing some verses in Latin – ‘a wonderful surprise, and what an exquisite pronounce’, that’s what he said”   “Oh, great: now the Theology professor attends our recitals too – that’s exactly what I needed, a wonderful surprise” she wrinkled her nose. “Stop bein’ modest; I think that, deep inside, you really appreciate his attention” “… You’re a pain in the ass” “Love you too, honey pie!” Maux blew a kiss in her direction, then proceeded to wave the last bobby pin under her nose. “But it isn’t the time to celebrate yet; you still have to free yourself from Maux’s creation” Through her dollish ringlets Sara gazed at her own dejected reflection, still trapped inside a cloud of red tulle, and let out a deep sigh: her freedom was still far away. When the three girls finally came out, the campus was covered with snow and still heaving with students. “Well, girls – better cut and run if I want to arrive at Sea-Tac on time” Vivian looked at the watch on her wrist, then covered it again with a sleeve. “How much ‘til Cheyenne?” “5 hours and 10, I think… I just hope I’ll be home in time to exchange the presents with my family” “Is it a large one?” “Yup, four brothers but also grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins… we’re a tribe” the girl smiled fondly, then grinned at them “Group hug!” “Have a safe trip and don’t trade us for Wyoming dudes – right, Sara?” “Oh, yeah… yeah, don’t you dare pull that trick on us” “Never! Chicks before dicks” “… did you seriously just said it?” “Viv, don’t mind her! You’re hilarious” Maux reassured her, in between laughs. “Don’t worry: I learnt that it’s how she tells people she actually cares about ‘em…” Vivian threw her arm around Sara’s shoulder “Plus, don’t forget that, when Christmas festivities will be finally over, there’ll be a new recital around the corner…” “… and a new recital means another round of you falling into Viv’s clutches – and mine too!” the other girl almost squealed in delight, making the victim blatantly roll her eyes. “… at least I won’t be seeing the two of you for a couple of weeks – maybe I’ll be able to pull off an Alcatraz” “Shut up, Grinch!” her friends silenced her with a couple of snowballs that perfectly landed on her bonnet. “Say, what’s gotten into you?” “What? What should have gotten into me?” “You were distracted all the time… you still are” “Nope, just tired” “Yeah, Pinocchio, right – just tired” “D’ya think that Vivian’s Republican, holier-than-thou family has rejoiced when they found out to have a daughter named as Pretty Woman’s main character?” “What? Don’t change topic!” “… it’d be interesting to fly to Wyoming, just to stand outside their home with a boombox blasting away Roy Orbison” “… you’re impossible” “Pretty woman, walking down the streeeeeet… pretty woman, the kind I like to meeeeeet…” “I get the message, I get it!” Maux shoved her, then pulled a small package out of her bag “I’m gonna set you free, but not before getting the chance to give you this” “Maux, you shouldn’t have – I didn’t get you anyth-” “Shut up! Do you really think that I don’t know who got me that big book about Elsa Schiaparelli that I found in my bag last week?” Maux forced the package in Sara’s hands “I know it was your Christmas’ early present, I’m not that stupid” “Well, to dot the i’s and cross the t’s-” “Shut up and just open that fuckin’ package!” Sara let out a belly laugh and did just as her friend had commanded, a pair of dangle earrings appearing in her hands: the quartzes reflected blue, green and silver twinkles on her fingers, making her smile. “They’re beautiful – I love this kind of design, thank you” “Come here, you doofus” Maux hugged her, then playfully pushed her away “Now go, spend Christmas Eve with your family and don’t try to fly to Wyoming!” “HA! We’ll see, I can’t guarantee you anything” she followed her friend’s advice and finally went outside the campus. The snow had just resumed to fall.

[stylofuckingdies]

4/20/18

all i can think about is how worthless i am, and how i’ll never live up to anyone’s standards. not my mom’s, not my friends’, not my ex-friends’, not my girlfriend’s, not my own. i’m weak. i’m pathetic. im small. i turned back into who i used to be back when christian had his slimy claws over me. i don’t know why. i don’t know if it’s my fault or my girlfriend’s fault or if this shit just happens over time. but i hate it. and i hate myself. 

every day (oh get ready for this, ye who read these) i think about what i’ve done these past 6 months. i think about breaking up with john and what a mistake that was. maybe i wasn’t content, maybe i was lonely, but he was safe. he was secure. he loved me for sure and he almost never got mad at me. and when he did, i knew for sure i deserved it. people liked me more when i was with him, too. i was a better person. i think a lot about what i did to carmen. i think about what a piece of shit i was. i shouldve told the truth right away, i should’ve been open to them. i shouldn’t have fucked their lil sibling under their roof. a fucking slew of mistakes in that one. but i didn’t do the things i should’ve and so i lost them and a good chunk of my friends. they weren’t good friends. they were fair-weather, but they still gave me attention. now i don’t get any. well, tha’ts not quite true.  

my girlfriend gives me plenty of attention i guess. good and bad. i always feel like im doing something wrong, probably because i am. i haven’t been in an emotionally demanding relationship in a very long time, too long. i dont know how to do this. i leave her feeling used and lonely and unloved and i hate it. im trying so hard. i dont know how to do this. i try to tell her my feelings but i end up being too defensive or reflective or making excuses or whatever. i try to tell her that i love her but i dont do it well enough. i try to make sure she knows she’s important to me and that i wouldn’t hurt her, but i still hurt her and i still leave her feeling like shit. she says im a hypocrite. we got in a fight tonight. we’ve gotten in a few fights. they’re probably my fault. i don’t know. if i say for sure they are, then it opens up the chance for it to NOT be my fault and i’m just being gaslighted. i don’t want to be in a relationship like i was with christian ever ever ever agian. or with derek. and i get scared a lot that i am, that i trapped myself in another bad relationship. i really love her, i want to make things work, i want this to last, i want to make her happy, but i seriously don’t think im good enough for her. i dont meet her requirements or expectations. i just dont. im not built the way she needs me to be built. 

i think im losing my best friends, too. brandy doesn’t talk much anymore to me, and neither does baylee. again, maybe thats my fault. maybe im not around them enough. i dont even feel like i can ask for their attention anymore. i feel apart. i feel distanced. i feel alone. 

i have some friends on like facebook that are nice to me, and that try to cheer me up. like dani and eddy. i appreciate them. but its not enough. i need love. i need comradery. i lost the people that made me feel less alone, either with them actually leaving me, or with them just... stop paying attention to me. i miss john’s words of support and encouragement. i miss carmen’s too, even though they felt fake and forced. 

i don’t know if i’m made for this world. ive been scoping out the razors in my house, trying to see if i could remove the blades from them. i tried with one of them, the more expensive one. but it, and the cheaper disposable ones, don’t loose their blades. ive been using a dull blade for trimming/grooming eyebrows. it doesn’t draw blood, just leaves raised scratches like I was torn up by a cat. i don’t like that. i need more. i need to bleed. i need to hurt. i was thinking about finding my old pair of surgical scissors but i feel like that could lead to me fucking up and dying on accident. i need a balance between those two extremes. what i NEED probably is to just not hurt myself but i don’t have any other coping methods that are good enough. i dont have friends. i dont have booze. i dont have pills. i have a doob on the back patio that my cousin bill left behind that i could probably snatch but every thing in me says “no smokey” so i no smokey. i’ll do something. i’ll figure out something. i’m not destined to die quite yet. i don’t think. 

signing off.

[antolne]

Antoine Charlotte Thompson: a playlist

Columbine - Pierre Feuille Papier Ciseau (Rock Paper Scissors) (Translation) The wild child got his arms nicked by the thorns, he’s not afraid of the storm, all of the traffic lights turn orange for him. Don’t try to lecture him, he already knows he’s wrong. The rain sticks his hair to his forehead, he knows he’s a bother. You kind of know who he is but you don’t know his name, he’s been lost for a few years, he doesn’t like to talk too much, people say he’s not right in the head.

Eddy de Pretto - Normal  Do you think it’s my own fault, do you think you’re one of a king, do you think ... who do you think you are ? You think you’re holy, you’re just rude. For once, stay silent, and rest assured I don’t contaminate, then affirm that you’re too nice to cause a scene, that it will be a simple debate. (Are you completely normal, completely trivial ?)

Macklemore - Ain’t gonna die tonight I ain't gonna die tonight, you can't kill me, not my spirit. History is ours tonight, the people are chantin', can't you hear it? (Victory in my grasp, gotta fight for this, the streets are ours this evening, goin' undefeated.)

G-Eazy - I mean it If I ever said I'm never scared, just know I mean it. If I ever said I fucked your bitch, just know I mean it, and if I ever said I'm gettin' money, just know I mean it. And oh Lord oh Lord knows, he knows I mean it.(And if you’re mad, that’s too bad, sounds like a personal issue.)

Against me! - True trans soul rebel All dressed up and nowhere to go, walking the streets all alone. Another night to wish you could forget, making yourself up as you go along. Who's gonna take you home tonight? Does god bless your transsexual heart, True Trans Soul Rebel? (You should’ve been a mother, you should’ve been a wife, you should’ve been gone from here years ago, you should be living a different life.)

Big Sean - I don’t fuck with you Uh, fuck, I don't fuck with you, you lil stupid ass bitch, I ain't fuckin' with you. You lil, you lil dumb ass bitch, I ain't fuckin' with you, I got a million trillion things I'd rather fuckin' do than to be fuckin' with you, lil stupid ass.

Solange - Mad Now tell 'em why you mad son, cause doing it all ain't enough, ‘cause everyone all in my cup, ‘cause such and such still owe me bucks. So I got the right to get bucked but I try not to let it build up, I'm too high, I'm too better, too much, so I let it go, let it go, let it go. I ran into this girl, she said, "Why you always blaming? Why you can't just face it? Why you always gotta be so mad?" Why you always talking shit, always be complaining? Why you always gotta be so..." I got a lot to be mad about.

Bebe Rexha - F.F.F Is there anybody real out here? Got my middle, middle up while I'm singing: Fuck fake friends, we don't need 'em, only thing they're good for is leaving. Fuck fake friends, we don't need 'em, I've had it up to the ceiling, and I ain't got the time, money on my mind, I'll say it to your face, fuck fake friends.

Orelsan - Notes pour trop tard (Notes for too late) (Translation) Alright, I was your age more or less your age ago. The road to adulthood is slippery in the corners. To become a man, there’s no internship, no second try, now you’re in open water, try and guess how to swim. You’ll always have some kind of rage, an urge to run away, to punch the guy who’s playing guitar on the beach. Like every time you move out, it’s a whole world falling down. Listen, the story gets written by turning the page, listen, I wrote down a few notes. If you feel like no one understands you, it’s cause no one understands you, it gets easier once you’re aware of it. How could you blame them ? You don’t understand yourself. Often lonely with your problems, it’s because you’re the problem. Most of the adults’ advice are shit clichés, because they don’t understand the game but they still follow the rules. So don’t listen to your parents too much, fake it. They don’t know everything, you’re their first child. You’ll lose so much time fighting, there are some battles you can’t win, especially when you don’t pay rent, and there’s only a few reasons to fuck shit up in your own house, even when you’re right. If there’s one thing you gotta know: you’re smarter than before, but you’re still pretty dumb. You’re too sensitive, you feel everything like an attack, ask a mad man if he’s mad, see what he tells you.