#eclipse's looks so much more manic. good!

[skitskatdacat63]

Drew over an older drawing of them :D

I didnt even realize I drew this a year ago atp??? The difference is kinda crazy aahhhh

*note, Eclipse isn't anywhere near this tall LOL

i would LOVE to hear about your ocs if you feel like talking about them 👀

Hehehe thank you for indulging me ;; I'm just thinking about well this post relates to the relationship of my main oc pairing!!

Also a little apology in advance I didn't mean to write this much shfkfk, but even still, I'm leaving a lot out honestly. They are my blorbos who I'm constantly fiddling with. I'd include drawings of them but I honestly really need to draw them new portraits first so. If I draw/post them, I'll let ya know if you'd like! Though they are on my blog somewhere I think 🤔

(*note, I have my own AU where instead of there just being one Earth, there's a different version for each of the planets, that's ruled by a god, the planet is sort of their pet projects, monitoring how differently society would go with different overarching rulers, if that makes sense. This story takes place on Neptune, with a kind of benevolent emperor sort of God, who Noir works for directly.)

When she was younger, Eclipse gets kidnapped(to be used as ransom, as shes from a very famous, prestigious family) and was ultimately rescued by Noir, a special operative/spy. So their relationship literally starts off by Eclipse suffering in Noir's arms, Noir forever being burned into her mind as a protector/someone she can trust completely. Noir takes it on as her personal duty to try and teach Eclipse how to defend herself and such things, giving her resources and contacts in the dark underbelly of society, as Eclipse insists she wants to be fully aware of what the world really is capable of(she was incredibly sheltered beforehand.) ....

Noir though is also not immune though to kind of fostering the same sort of bloodthirsty, relentless ideals in Eclipse that she has in herself(that she struggles with), as she finds them to be very similar creatures, thus unintentionally pushing Eclipse down a worse road(though tbf the road Eclipse is already on is probably worse, so maybe it's a good thing, maybe she was never destined for anything good, and this was actually the better path.)

However later on, they're separated after a traumatic event between the two of them(ominous), with a lot of misunderstanding, but they suddenly can't get in contact with each other, so they both go off to lick their wounds, thinking the other has abandoned them for what ever reason(they are not rational people.)

Eclipse is suddenly unmoored completely for the first time ever, so all of her worst tendencies come out, and shes living terribly. She ultimately becomes a mercenary, as the time where Noir had taught her was the first time in her life she actually felt like a real person, not a pawn being used by her family, so she wants to make use of all the resources and contacts Noir had provided her, and make something of herself(this path is honestly the only other way she can conceive of, as she went from being sheltered to suddenly experiencing the worst that life can offer.)

Anyhow, obviously this new mysterious mercenary/assassin would sound some alarms, so Noir is sent out to investigate who this person could possibly be(not in a like, hunt this person down and kill them way, but in a, gauge how dangerous they are and whether we could make an asset out of them or if they're opposition, kind of way.) Eclipse's looks have changed drastically since they last saw each other, and shes obviously been going *through it*, so Noir doesn't recognize her. This hurts Eclipse immensely because what do you mean that I'm apparently just a footnote in the life of this person who changed my own life drastically, was I just a pastime, just an easily disposable little plaything. Noir has no idea who she is and why she's so hostile, and it starts this perpetual cat-and-mouse game between them. Noir originally was just trying to make a measured analysis and even possibly try to connect and offer an olive branch, but Eclipse is understandably incredibly resistant, and has constantly been in fight-or-flight mode for the past years.

At some point Noir actually realizes who Eclipse is, boom big reveal moment!!(haven't 100% decided, but something to do with the fact that Eclipse has a very distinctive...scar.) So now she's suddenly trying to court her and get close again, apologize, do whatever she can to reconnect with this person that she really loves and relates to. Eclipse, as I said constantly in fight-or-flight, doesn't trust this, thinks it's another game, thinks Noir is just trying another tactic. Thus the chase continues, but it's only aggressive from one side now(though tbf, I think everything Noir does is aggressive in some way so, perhaps aggressive from one side and aggressively loving from the other.) So. The post I mentioned. I love to imagine that the way they finally reunite and Eclipse finally begins trusting Noir again is through her getting grievously wounded again(wow I'm so kind to my ocs.)

Again, even if now she doesn't exactly fully trust Noir outwardly, there's this internal sense of unconditional trust she has in Noir as Noir was practically burned into her brain as a guardian angel, a protector, someone who she can actually trust. The problem is that she really does trust her and trust that Noir loves her unconditionally for who she is(something she has never really experienced), but obviously that traumatic moment and their losing track of each other for years, which is a huge misunderstanding though probably unreconcilable by other people's standards tbh, caused a crisis of faith. So what better sign of faith than her first instinct after getting wounded being to seek out Noir for help.

Imagine Noir getting a call from Eclipse from the first time in YEARS(yeah of course she somehow got her new number onto Eclipse's phone, and Eclipse glared at her and threatened to delete it but never did. Thankfully.) and it's her gasping for air, choking and gurgling on her own blood, and Noir suddenly feels like it is in fact years ago and is frightened to see Eclipse under these kinds of circumstances again, but it's her chance to finally prove herself as a protector, one who has finally gained the right to be trusted again. She takes Eclipse home and nurses her back to health, the possessive creature in her pleased at having this amount of control and this singular status of protector(when Eclipse was kidnapped, it was still a job for Noir and she had to kinda just. Step back. And restrain that possessive part in herself that wanted to be the sole protector. She came in her own right to help Eclipse in other ways, but still, that lack of agency and control over the entire situation really sat with her heavily.)

The trauma of the situation linked them together, and then the trauma of a different situation tore them apart, and then the trauma of ANOTHER situation finally brought them back together again. Please teach them how to communicate clearly for once please and not rely on traumatic circumstances as their relationship counselor ;;;; OKAY. I THINK THATS THE GENERAL OVERVIEW OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

[jenyifer]

Heart killer Initial Reaction Ep 1

I haven’t posted a reaction since the trainee aka lesbians are craft assholes and 10 mins of offgun but I’m back baby!!! Ready for some Thai BL let’s go

So haven’t looked up anything about the show ahead of time no background stuff. Heartkiller looks like Jojo has a decent budget. Sound track is bopping. I am a little nervous about the intelligence level of the characters but maybe that will be revealed later. All in all was an exciting ep.

Let’s get into the photo review

Taming of the shrew???? More like training of the brat. It’s first’s pingeon hold role in The Eclipse, Only Friends, and HeartKiller anyways.

Okay surprise relatable fave in Style he’s a mechanic taking over his dad’s business. I enjoy his manic “I spend too much time with myself attitude”

Me looking at other people’s kpop and or Danmei collection. 🤤🤤 let me break in and take your limited edition BTS seasons greeting for 2016? This is true envy

Also you should see the moves I pull in the car

Okay so Fadel needs to reevaluate things because idk why he feels like he owes Bison something but… bison is like a newborn dumbass… I’m not really digging it TBH. I’m hoping maybe it’s a… act but he just seems to be a whiny little brain empty human with a magnet dick.

I hope so because good lord bison is dumb.

But awwwwwww how cute!!!!!!! Side note styling on both Kant and Bison is very sexy I guess!!! I don’t love First’s fake tattoos but maybe it’s just me so don’t worry. I hope that Kant’s character will be a smarter version of Porsche. Big brother being forced into fucking someone to protect the little bro.

I probably will get shot being near him. Is how I’m interrupting this. ALSO KANT?! You sending your bro in there blind? Sending him to flirt with A KNOWN DEADLY MAN?! I was hoping Kant could be smart but nope… or maybe he doesn’t care????

I really thought Fadel was getting Style drunk so that he could stab him to death easier being thrown out is a good thing really. Fadel seems to be too smart for the other characters. However he’s tied to Bison so I can’t see this going well.

Anyways I’m excited to see where we go next!!!!

[glade-constellation]

Another thing I want to add about this post just because I’m thinking about it, I think Lunar has a hard time getting along with Sun due to his trauma with Eclipse. I mean, we’ve already seen it at play during Sun’s whole “murder” rampage, it’s not super far fetched.

I’m not blaming Sun for this. This is 100% Eclipse’s fault, another thing he did that just put Sun in a hard spot. This isn’t me saying Sun and Lunar don’t get along or are bad brothers, this is me saying Eclipse did irreparable damage to Lunar while in Sun’s body. Lunar probably has a hard time looking at Sun without remembering the times around October.

@socksandbuttons has a post that I think shows this really well, where Sun uses his glow feature at one point after October happens and it triggers Lunar into a panic attack (I can’t seem to find the post so I apologize for the @). Lunar sometimes probably has a hard time looking at Sun without seeing Eclipse, and simply keeps his distance to keep himself safe. I’m not sure how much this theory is going to hold up in newer episodes, but it did seem possible in earlier episodes. I say it could hold up since we haven’t seen Lunar visit Nice Eclipse yet, and they were close before Lunar’s death.

Speaking of Good Eclipse, I feel like Lunar was able to bond with him more than they were able to bond with Sun because Sun’s body used to be Eclipse’s as well. Nice Eclipse may have looked like Eclipse, but Sun had the physical body, if that makes since. Plus, we know Eclipse didn’t always use the glow feature. There were times where he looked exactly like Sun. One of Lunar and Eclipse’s bigger fights happened while Eclipse wasn’t using the glow feature. The fight happened over the glow feature! Lunar has trauma of being hit by Eclipse who looked exactly like Sun at the time.

The irony of their currently situation, though, is that Sun is probably the person Lunar needs to talk to the most. If Sun could open up and they both talked through things, they might realize they both have similarities. Both have dealt with abusive brothers, near death or actual death experiences, and are currently dealing with the loss of a brother. Even though there were moments where Moon was abusive to Sun, we all know Sun still loved him. There are clear signs of grief, even though Moon isn’t technically dead. There was still a loss, and Sun is feeling that. He was heavily hurt by Moon during the beginning of their relationship, even during parts of the show, but that was his brother. Sun doesn’t miss getting hurt, but he misses the shared memories. We can see that he get frustrated sometimes when he has to explain things to Moon. He knows Moon doesn’t know most things that happened in the past year, but he still remembers Moon being there. That Moon is no longer here.

I think, even though Eclipse was abusive, Lunar still loved him. He was still his brother, in some small way. Lunar wants to hate him so much but there’s some small part of him who still wants to love him and that hurts. That tends to be the problem when it comes to abusive family. You are supposed to love this person but they are hurting you so bad and those feelings sometimes get muddled and so confusing. Lunar probably isn’t feeling nothing, he’s probably feeling everything. It’s just too hard to pick apart what he’s feeling, so he feels numb in the sense that he has no idea what he’s actually feeling. We can see that he’s obviously feeling emotions by the way he’s reacting to everyday things. His brain just can’t figure out what that feeling is. Instead of that depressive kind of numb where you want to lay in bed all day, Lunar seems more manic. He’s reactive, easily angered, borderline hysterics at moments.

Every single person in this family needs extensive therapy. No, this is not excluding Earth, she needs it to. Sun needs help with his avoidance tendencies, Moon needs help with his self hatred, Earth needs help with her self worth, and Lunar needs help figuring out his emotions. Sun and Lunar need time to grieve, both for Moon and Lunar also for Eclipse. It’s okay to grieve for what could have been, especially in Sun’s case where he almost had that. I just wish they would talk with each other so they wouldn’t feel so alone.

[iheartreiner]

Vampire! Mikey Way x Reader

⚠️Warnings⚠️ None really

Takes place in school (Can be high school ot college. Doesn't really matter.)

Mind my tenses just assume it's in the present

Also mind my errors

Gonna try and keep it gender neutral

Part 1 out of idk

Approximately 1,330 words.

It's a normal day as usual. I go to school, do what is wanted of me, and go home. I don't really have a large quantity of friends but that was ok. It didn't really matter to much. It's lunch time. Everyone else gathered in the cafeteria and ate I however do not. There's way to many people and things that go on in there so I sit on the bench in the lobby.

I get out my phone and scroll through my band filled tumblr aimlessly. I sit in silence until its cut off by some light shouting.

"You can't be in there during lunch!" The school's secretary's shrill voice rang as she was trying to usher someone out of the restroom. Must of been the men's considering how frustrated she looked waiting for someone to emerge "Way! I will get you out of there one way or another!"

Was she talking about Gerard? No if he was gonna hide he would be more original.

Anticipation began to fill inside me as I waited for the guy to come out. I watch amused by the secretary's furious composer. She was kind of a prick anyway. She throws her arms in the air walking speedily toward the office. I continue to watch the bathroom entrance intently. No one came out.

The secretary returned with a buff large man "He just won't come out! He's a strange one though." She said with a breath.

Wonder what she meant by "strange". The man goes into the bathroom. After several moments the man exits "You sure he's in there?"

"What do you mean?!" The secretary responds outraged. "There's no one in there." The guy answers. "Impossible!" The secretary yells and charges in the mens bathroom. After about a minute she comes out charging past the man and I not even glancing. I could have sworn she said something about getting the Ways' and putting them in under her breath.

I never seen him exit the bathroom but who knows.. he may have never see been in there. I go back to my phone glancing up occasionally at the bathroom and around me.

The bell rings and I jump. Great. As soon as the bell sounded a guy, probably around my age, walked around the right corner rather fast with a slight smile on his face.

He catches my gaze but continues on his way. Could that be him? I wonder. I haven't seen him that I can remember. I probably had just never paid attention.

~Next day~

I go to my classes. Why did this day have to feel like a century? Hated days where it felt like I was going 0.5 miles an hour. I leave my ELA class happy to finally get a break by going to lunch

I put my books down and look around. Wonder if that boy would be around again. I watch the bathroom my phone in hand and before I hearing a noise. I quickly turn my head to see what it was. It's the it's him. I try to compose myself. Oh he probably saw me looking for him... he probably thinkd im crazy. I gaze at him thinking of what to do. I shoot him a flustered smile 'ugh [Y/N] don't do that again you probably look like a manic' I think to myself quickly looking down. He smiles before sitting his stuff down and sitting on the bench across from me.

I look at my phone to try to divert my focus. '[Y/N] you've literally only acknowledged this guy like twice. Learn some social skills.' I think to myself again before hiding my face with my arm. I quickly glance up and he's reading a book. Wonder what he's reading. I look back at my phone before looking back up at him. He puts the book down and grabs his phone. I raise my head a bit more to see what it is. Eclipse (3rd Twilight book)? Oh my god now I'm nerding out. I bite my lip. 'Talk [Y/N]!' I mentally yell at myself. I have chance to make myself known take it! Why's it so hard?

"Thats a really good book." I say, pitching my voice up to make it sound prettier. He looks up at me "Is it?"

I turn red. What's that supposed to mean?! "Yep! One of my favorite series."

He smiles "I've enjoyed the last two books. On chapter 5 of this now."

Why's his smile so cute? I smile and bite my lip. I've only spoken to him for like seconds and can confirm he is amazing.

He takes a deep breath in and looks into my eyes before looking down, his eyes dropping. 'What did I do?' I ask myself. I touch my face. Is there something wrong with me? I open the camera on my phone to see. Nothing visibly wrong. It's my personality. It's because I'm me. I beat myself up over it.

As I sit over thinking everything that just happened the bell interrupts. The boy gives a shy wave and smile picking up his stuff walks goes right. I pick up my stuff getting flustered again. I manage to wave aswell even though he probably didn't see it.

I'm very red at this so I try to calm myself before I get to my next class.

My next class is Earth/space. It a pretty boring class so I'm bound to zone out for a majority of it. I sit as the teacher talks. Can this class get over soon enough. As she talks I wonder in my head. All of a sudden the boy started to ingulf my thoughts. What could he mean? Who is he? Where is he? I know im being very noisy and way to absorbed in the situation but I couldn't help it. I don't know what is so fascinating about this guy i've never really payed any attention to. Was it his hair? No. His eyes? Nope. The bell rings interrupting my thoughts. I get up from my seat racing to my locker. As I walk quickly someone comes to my side. It's Gerard. "Hey [Y/N]!" He says with legitimate happiness to see me. "Hey!" I respond. "So..." he begins as he puts his stuff in his locker "Why won't you sit with the guys and I at lunch?"

"I don't know." I say slamming my locker. I actually consider it then I remember the boy "I'm good. I like my spot."

"You sit all by yourself everyday and don't eat!" He exclaims.

"I know." I respond. He rolls his eyes.

"Hey do you have any relatives that come here?" I ask.

"No... why."

"Well yesterday there was a guy in the bathroom during lunch and they were trying to get him out. I think his last name is Way. When they went in there he wasn't there though. I didn't pay attention but they had to know if he was in there or not. I don't know it was weird."

"Don't know him." He mutters. "Oh." I respond.

"You seem pretty interested in him though."

"I wouldn't go that far." I repsond lying to him and myself. He nods and is unusally silence. There was something wrong. He opens the bandroom door for himself and I. He gets out his trombone and I get out my bass clarinet. We sit silently. I look over at him and he seems deep in thought. "Sorry." I mumble. He looks at me and shakes his head "For what?"

"I don't know." I respond. He reaches over and squeezes my shoulder "You always put yourself down more than you do others [Y/N]. Stop it." He says with a sad pang. He puts a small smile on his face. I press my lips together and nod.

The teacher calls us to attention which deflects my focus off of the boy and Gerard for a mere 45 minutes.

[foreverindreamlandd]

Bucky wanted to read her fanfictions and she always declined. So he begged and begged and begged... until she finally gives up and let him read one. 'Cause who could really say no to Bucky making puppy eyes?!

Let me know what you think about it

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Reader

WC: 1.5k (I am apparently incapable of writing a drabble)

A/N: Thank you again for another awesome request! I was basically cackling the whole time I wrote it. Want to read about how Bucky and this reader got together? Check out their origin story in my To Be Wanted series! Only warning in this one is the usual swearin’ like a sailor.

----

“See, this is why I always order Thai food. I can never do it justice.” You frown over your wok, mixing the noodles around with a wooden spoon hoping it will somehow make your creation taste better.

“I’m sure it tastes great, doll.” Bucky walks up next to you and grabs a noodle, tilting his head back as he drops it into his mouth.

His eye twitches almost imperceptibly and you groan.

“It’s good,” he coughs out, trying with all of his strength to regain his composure. “I think you just went a little too hard on the chili paste. I can feel my sinuses clearing up though, which is good, right?”

You roll your eyes. “Can you check the recipe on Pinterest again? I swear I put in the right amount.”

Bucky walks over and picks up your iPad. Right as he’s scrolling to find out if you should have used 2 tablespoons or 2 teaspoons of chili paste, a notification banner pops up and he accidently taps it, opening up your Tumblr app.

Omg! This fic is amazing! The way Bucky is there to support the reader. My heart completely melted! Your Bucky stories are amazing, Y/n! <3

Above the comment is a photo of him. It’s a shot from the news where he’s helping a civilian stand up after one of the attacks made by The Red Hand.

“Uh….love? What’s this?” He holds the iPad up to you and you shift your gaze over to him.

You drop the wooden spoon into the wok as all of the blood drains from your face. You’re frozen in place for a millisecond before you pounce on Bucky to grab the device from him. He’s never seen you move so quickly and it catches him off guard.

“Bucky give me the iPad right now,” you fling your arms toward it and he pulls it away, both amused and a bit concerned by your reaction.

“Wait, what is this? Is it something I should be worried about?”

You see a flicker of panic flash in his eyes and you stop flailing. You close your eyes and let out a deep sigh.

“No, I mean, I should be concerned because if you read that I’m probably going to combust and you’re going to dump me and run for the hills.” He furrows his brows in confusion and you slowly lift up your hand. “Can I please have that back before I have a mild panic attack?”

He stares at you, trying to gauge your emotions. All he can see is panic and sadness and it breaks his heart so he instantly gives in and hands you the iPad.

“Don’t worry about it, love. I trust you.” He leans forward to give you a chaste kiss.

You let out a pained groan against his lips and Bucky is once again confused.

“Ughhhh I hate hiding things from you.” You lock your iPad so the screen goes dark. “Okay, fine, I guess this conversation is happening. Remember when we first started dating and I, uh, mentioned I used to read and write stories about….us being a couple?”

Bucky nods, trying not to reveal any emotion to you that might make you spiral into a panic, and you continue.

“Well, that was one of those stories I wrote. I stopped looking on Tumblr basically as soon as I met you because it got all weird and meta and I got super uncomfy by the idea of reading fanfics - that’s what they’re called - about my new friend/now boyfriend Bucky Barnes. And then we started dating and I was all happy and shit and I totally forgot that those fics were still out there. Obviously I haven’t written any since then because that would be weird for...many, many reasons. Someone must have found an old one and commented on it. I’ll delete it. I’ll delete all of them. I swear. I’m so sorry, Bucky. I should have been more on top of this.”

Bucky stares at you, lips pursed and you grimace, afraid of the next words that are about to come out of his mouth.

This is so weird, Y/n. How could you do this?

No wonder you didn’t date anyone before me.

Obsessed much? (Okay, he probably wouldn’t say it like that but STILL).

No, what Bucky said next was much, much worse than what you could have imagined.

“Can I read one?”

Your mouth drops. Closes. Drops again. You blink rapidly.

“I’m sorry, I just hallucinated. What?”

Bucky points to your iPad, a sly grin forming on his face. “I want to read one of your stories.”

You take a step back from him, horror stricken as you pull the iPad closer to you as if you were protecting your collector’s edition of ‘Throne of Glass.’

“Absolutely not.”

Bucky steps forward and you step back. He chuckles. “Come onnn, doll. I want to know what your fantasies were about me before we got together.” He laughs harder as the look of horror on your face grows more manic.

“Bucky, I know you’re a super soldier and could probably punch me into the sun with your metal arm, but I promise I will fight to the death before I let you read one of these fics.”

You and Bucky continue this dance of him stepping forward and you stepping back until you feel your legs make contact with your couch and you fall back into a sitting position on its arm. Bucky uses this opportunity to tower over you, his arms resting on the couch so that you’re pinned between them.

Then, he pulls out the big guns.

His gaze softens, blue eyes shining into yours. His bottom lip puffs out and he gives you the most adorable, sexiest pout you’ve seen in your whole life.

“Please, love?” He says it with a slightly higher pitch, almost like a whine and it still sounds like honey to your ears. He even nudges your nose with his like a freaking sociopath.

Damn.

You close your eyes, let out a breath, then open them back up to him. “I hate you.”

His pout turns into a boyish grin and he gives you a quick kiss. “You love me.”

You groan. “Hopefully you still love me after this, Buck. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

You stand and open up your iPad, scrolling through your masterlist and finding what used to be one of your favorite fluff pieces. You begrudgingly hand it to Bucky and he sits on the couch.

Unable to sit still during this agonizing experience, you proceed to pace around your apartment like a crazy person and resort to cleaning the inside of your microwave which you haven’t done in a few months so it’s a good thing that Bucky is reading your fic so that you could get that out of the way. You probably won’t have a boyfriend in a few minutes but at least your microwave will be spotless.

You only steal a few glances at Bucky as he reads, mortified each time as you see his eyebrows move in every possible direction. Up, down, knit together, were they criss-crossed at one point?

Finally, after what feels like the longest ten minutes of your life, Bucky lets out a soft grunt, placing the iPad down on his lap. He looks up to you and you give him a weak smile.

“Alright, let me have it, Buck. Give me your worst. Be honest. Also, I love you.”

Bucky glances down at the iPad and then back at you.

“Well, I have a few questions.”

Your right eye twitches. “Hm?”

“Now that you’ve met me, do you still think my eyes are an all-consuming storm of blue?” You groan. He grins. “Or do you think my jawline was cut from marble created by the gods?”

This time, you breathe out a laugh and you walk over to sit on his lap. You take hold of his chin.

“Bucky, I don’t think I could ever come up with the right words to describe you. The real thing is quite literally a million times better than anything I’ve ever written.”

His eyebrows raise. “That is...probably the best compliment I’ve ever gotten in my whole damn life.” He leans forward and kisses you, and you sigh into the feeling of his mouth on yours, relief flooding through you.

You pull away, eyes skeptical. “So, you’re not thinking about how you can escape and never see my crazy ass again?”

“On the contrary, love, I’m thinking about how I can convince you to buy this gorgeous green dress you apparently wore as my wedding date. The one that showed off your cleavage in a way that made Bucky’s brain melt.”

The two of you burst out laughing and you lightly shove his chest. “Sure thing, Bucko. How about I work on the dress situation and you work on ordering us Thai food so that we don’t lose our taste buds from whatever the hell I just made.”

-----

Thank you for reading! Feel free to check out my other stuff here. :)

Taglist: @ceo-of-daichi @biiskuitx @forgetthisbull @eclipses-and-moondust @abcdefxkyou @jackiehollanderr @billionsofbeans @abitgryffindorky @lovelylostminds @mija-just-breathe @semlohkratz @bratty-longbottom-replies @carrotfantasimp @cremedelabrulee @ant1r3al1ty @th-e-mg@laura-moehrchen @emma-the-duck17 @sunnyjane4 @rosaline-black @parodsal000 @vicmc624 @abrunettefangirlnerd @officiallykuute @edityourwishingwell @mymindslabyrinth

***This was the original tag list for the To Be Wanted series. If you would like to be removed from the taglist for any other stories related to this series, feel free to DM me! And let me know if you would like to be *added* to the taglist for any other future stories featuring these two knuckleheads. :)

[snackhobi]

22 - things you said after it was over

prompt sent in by @55west81st​ (ty queen 💖); I tried saving the original ask as a draft and it disappeared. thanks tumblr. prompts are currently shut, I’m just trying to work through the ones in my inbox, sorry for the wait on this. unbeta’ed so please excuse any mistakes 🤧

pairing: jungkook x reader (kind of) / word count: 1.6k / genre: angst  / warnings: none

You don’t exactly remember when you met Jungkook. Lost to time and the past, the smear of childhood memories gone hazy as years have gone by—kids the same age, neighbours, basically destined to become best friends. He’s always been a fixture in your life. Underpinning everything, a constant presence at your side; it doesn’t matter that you don’t remember when and how you met. Doesn’t matter that you don’t remember exactly how you became best friends, because you just are. 

A fact is a fact and it doesn’t need dissection. Doesn’t need questioning. It’s not like Jungkook is your other half, really—you’re a full and whole person by yourself, thank you very much—but when he’s there it’s like you’re more of a person. More of yourself. Two different people who are so intertwined it’s hard to separate all those spiralling threads, a tapestry, weft and warp, spun and tightened, growing longer and longer as the years tumble by. 

It feels like you’ve both been woven together so perfectly, by Arachne’s skilled hands, more adept and adroit than a goddess, even. You and Jungkook, Jungkook and you; you just… work. It’s easy. You fall into his rhythm, and he falls into yours, even as you grow and change and mature, life shaping you into people who are so different to those kids who first met, all those years ago.

You think it’ll never end. Why should it, after all? You’ve come this far. Why can’t you go further? Why can’t you be with each other till the very end, years and decades, a lifetime—with a friendship this good, how could it ever go sour? How could this flawless bolt of cloth unravel?

You’re there for him the first time he gets his heart broken, letting him cry his feelings into your shirt, holding him close. He’s always been so big hearted, has Jungkook, a romantic through and through, hoping and yearning and aching for Big Love, desperate to grasp it with both hands. But that’s okay. You’re still young; you have time to fall in love and fall out of love and to learn what you’re really looking for. Even if there’s that flicker in you, that tiny voice that murmurs, maybe it could be you? You’ll ignore it, be there for Jungkook, like you always have been, always will be.

It keeps happening.

It keeps happening. Jungkook falls hard and fast and deep, goes all in, throws himself entirely into love like he does with everything else, and his heart gets broken over, and over, and over. You watch for years and years, try to guide him away from the wrong people, saying your piece or staying silent, trying everything in your power to make him see, and yet, he keeps doing it. 

It’s exhausting. It gets bigger and bigger, Jungkook trapped in a maze that he seems to willingly step deeper into day by day. This time, they’re the one, he says. I know it. I can feel it.

It’s exhausting. Trying to be there for him, to support him when he doesn’t support himself. He leans on you and you try to stand tall, but it’s hard, so hard, all this giving, without getting anything in return. Not any more.

It's exhausting. It’s not a sudden realisation. There’s no bolt of lightning, no sudden spark bursting to life in your skull, no. It’s more like the inevitable rise of the tide, the shifting of tectonic plates, slow and implacable and unstoppable, undeniable. With a low and slow sadness, the realisation is this: you’re not Jungkook’s priority any more. You haven’t been, not for a long time. Even if he’s still your shining star, the thing in your life that you’ve placed on a pedestal and taken care of with delicate hands; that loyalty isn’t returned, any more. You can’t remember the last time it was. Can’t remember that feeling of being full of the knowledge that, at the end of the day, yours are the arms that Jungkook returns to.

He takes you for granted. Doesn’t return your love the way he used to, because he knows it’ll always be there for him. He doesn’t even seem to realise how far you drifted, and maybe, that’s what hurts the most. The fact that your growing absence in his life isn’t one that he even notices, so intent on these other people—people who take his heart and squeeze and squeeze and squeeze, a soft little plum that bursts in their hands, messy and painful.

Day by day, you draw back. See if he’ll follow. Watch as he doesn’t. Feel hollow and cold even when you return, reach out your hand, only to have Jungkook’s eyes focused somewhere else. He says he misses you, wants to spend more time with you, but then he’s always distracted, never putting you first.

Not any more.

That’s the thing people don’t really talk about. There’s always talk of big arguments, blow outs, blow ups, bubbling emotions, frothing and hot like lava, a volcanic explosion that leaves nothing but ash and devastation in its wake. Like love is there one moment and shattered the next.

They don’t talk about the erosion of sea against rocks, the lapping waves that pull away layer after layer, over decades and centuries and millennia, slowly destroying something that once stood so strong. They don’t talk about how love leaves. How it fades, a solar flare that grows and grows, impossibly strong and bright—before it ebbs away.

You never realised love could be like that. You thought that it would just continue to grow the more you learned about someone. You thought that you and Jungkook would be friends forever; that your daily talks would never end, that the sound of his laughter would always echo in the chambers of your head and heart, that the overwhelming love you had would always be that. Overwhelming. Endless. Unstoppable.

You grow up, and grow apart. You give, and give up. 

But you think, for all that you’ve come apart, you can always come back together. That connection is still there, layered experiences and memories that time can’t pull apart, written in stone. You’ll be able to bridge that gap in due time. You might not be the right people for each other right now, but you were in the past, and you can be in the future. You have faith. There’s no way this level of love can ever truly fade.

Surely.

It’s strange, seeing Jungkook again. Strange, to see how his face is still the same but so different, familiar and unfamiliar all at once. Strange to see how he carries himself, how he moves and walks and breathes, echoes of your Jungkook etched into every part of him, even if he’s someone you don’t recognise any more.

But you’ve changed, too.

And you can see that he sees that. You can see the way his eyes widen, just a little, small flickers of surprise around his eyes and mouth. You can still read him so well after all this time, in a way you know no one else will be able to.

Your heart aches.

It aches for what happened. What could have happened. What could have been. But you’re here now, in this moment, and you can start anew. You can start weaving that tapestry again, take those loose, moth-eaten threads and spin them into something as beautiful as before. You’ve always held onto that hope, and you know it shines from your face now.

Then Jungkook opens his mouth.

And it… doesn’t… click.

You don’t click. Jungkook’s rhythm is off-beat, and when you try to match it, sync up the way you used to, so effortlessly—it doesn’t work. You try to follow his metronome’s beat, but you just can’t. Even as Jungkook’s eyes light up, and you can see how excited he is to see you again, how he talks and talks, words stumbling over themselves—he’s ignoring this gap that’s grown. Tries to talk like you used to, like all the silence between you can be swept away like it never happened. Like everything’s just like it used to be. Him and you, you and him. So desperate to make up for lost time, to pretend like everything is just like it used to be.

It’s exhausting, trying to match this manic pace of his, when it never used to be. Never should be.

And Jungkook—Jungkook doesn’t even realise.

(And, like that, you know it’s gone.)

(Your heart will always be soft for Jungkook. Your first friend, first best friend, first love, first heartbreak. But the Jungkook you hold in your heart is one that doesn’t exist, not any more. He’s a memory of the past, a shadow, eclipsing the real Jungkook that stands in front of you. A stranger.)

(Not your Jungkook. Not any more.)

“I’ll see you around?” His eyes, shining.

And even as you open your mouth, line the words up on your tongue, settling the lie behind your teeth—because you know it’s a lie, even if it’s something you wish you could make true—you know it’s over.

“Of course,” you say.

And there’s a moment. A flicker. Jungkook looks at you, and you look at him, and you realise—he can’t read this part of you. This new part that’s grown apart from him. When before he could so easily flit his eyes between the lines of the things you said, pull the true meaning out—he can’t, any more.

“I really missed you,” he says, quiet and soft.

And this is the truth you speak, even as you watch everything splinter apart in front of you, all your hope finally gone, everything finally over—

“I missed you, too.”

(And you always will.)

[putas-in-suffering]

Revelations

Pairing: EZ Reyes x Female Reader/You

Rating: Explicit, NSFW 18+ older

Warnings: Language, unprotected vaginal sex, mentions of bodily fluids, breeding kink, daddy kink (EZ as Daddy is a fucking mood btw)

Word Count: 1.9K

Summary: A conversation about kids turns into a night of discovery and naughty confessions.

A/N: By popular demand, here is our resident soft boi fulfilling all our breeding/daddy needs and kinks. We mentioned EZ’s breeding kink in his NSFW Alphabet  and we wanted to gift you all with the man acting on it in the only way we know how...smut. Enjoy and share with your fellow sucias! Feedback is the preferred drug for our addiction and greatly appreciated 💖💖

You snuggled closer into EZ’s chest, the steady rhythm of his heart echoing in your ears. You were only somewhat interested in the reality show playing out on television. A woman recently gave birth to sextuplets, the struggles documented for all the world to see. It was mildly interesting, but your thoughts were centered on the man lying beneath you, his arm cuddling you into his side like he’d done so many times before. His body was hard and soft all at once, warming you from the inside out.

“This is crazy…” EZ said in awe, gesturing to the program still playing out on the screen. You laughed at the sound of four babies crying while a desperate father tried to quiet them, the mother occupied with feeding the other two. It was chaotic, to say the least.

The scene made you think back on the few occasions you and EZ had talked about the future. He’d alluded to settling down with you, making you his wife. And he’d spoken generally about wanting to be a father. It was no secret that you both saw each other in your lives, raising a family together. It was the ultimate dream and you couldn’t wait to experience it all with him.

“How many kids do you want?” You asked against the firm planes of his chest, your fingertips sliding easily over the hard ridges of his abs as you spoke.

“As many as you’ll give me.” He replied, the smile in his voice apparent.

You paused for a moment, caught off guard by his ability to be both adorably sweet and undeniably sexy. He did that a lot. He may be a hard-looking, one-time felon, but EZ was all warmth and softness on the inside. He often played into his duality, melting your panties and heart. He knew how to work you, how to make you a prisoner to him. And this moment was no different. His words sent your body into a frenzy of desire.

You turned your head to look up at him, meeting his tender gaze. His lips pulled into a smile that made the blood rush to your pelvis. You pulled yourself up and threw a leg over his lap, straddling him. He welcomed your new position, hands already grasping at your hips through the oversized shirt your wore to bed. A flood of lust coursed openly through your veins, the need to have him inside you now overwhelming and unavoidable.

“Keep talking like that and I’ll give you as many as you want.” You murmured against his lips, rocking your hips against his. You could feel him start to harden beneath you, your walls already anticipating his entrance.

As much as he liked to think he could openly manipulate you with his boyish charms, you also held a power over him. You knew just what to say and how to say it to get him needy and feral. An unhinged EZ was one of your favorite sights. And you could feel just how much of an effect you were having on him. The product of his flirting now coming back on him tenfold.

“Really?” He chuckled, his fingers digging into your flesh as you moved above him. He was getting more aroused by the second, your insistent motions forcing his body to surrender.

“Mmm…” You hummed, nodding as you trailed your lips over his neck, feeling him shudder. “I’ll let you fill me up with babies.”

His hips jutted up against you, pulling a moan from both of you. Your words had their desired effect, his cock now alive and pulsing beneath you.

“Shit, querida…” He breathed as you nibbled at his ear lobe, your clothed pussy rubbing against him in desperation.

You could feel the fabric of your panties starting to fill with need, responding to the firmness beneath you. His sweats added to the friction, your clit now swollen and throbbing. Your nails dug into the muscle of his pectorals as you chased the tingles of pleasure, your body now consumed with the need to have him embedded deep inside you.

“EZ…” You breathed, his name a plea that signaled just how badly you ached for him.

He seemed to jolt alive at the lilt in your voice, recognizing the yearning. His lips attached to yours, his hands finding their way under your shirt. The calloused touch of his hands against your flesh made you shiver, feeling him hover over your heated core. His hips thrust up and rutted, feeling the dampness that had settled there. You gasped at the movement, your nails scraping against his scalp in blind passion.

“Baby, I need to be inside you…” EZ confessed against your throat with an almost pained groan, his fingers already pulling your panties to the side. “You ready?”

His fingertip dipped beneath your swollen lips, though the action was unnecessary. The slick that coated your body and his was evidence of just how ready you were. Your walls were pulsing in time with your own rapid heartbeat, prepping for the entrance of your lover.

“Yes, yes…” You chanted as you shifted his sweats down, letting the thick muscle meet the electric air. His cock was throbbing with desire, the head already leaking with his cum. You bit your lip at the sight, your pussy clamping around air.

EZ pushed your shirt up and over your head, his arms surrounding you as he pressed your naked flesh to his. You shifted your panties off, eager to feel all of him at once without a barrier. Your hips rocked against his cock, coating him in your essence. The flesh between you both was slick, propelling both of you further into manic passion. His fingertips dug into your ass in a dueling act of mercy and desperation while his lips sucked and nibbled along your breasts, finding a nipple and lavishing it with attention. He sucked harshly, but his tongue danced delicately around your nipple. Another show of the juxtaposition that was EZ Reyes.

“Fuck, baby…” You encouraged, head thrown back as you edged his tip into your walls. He filled you to capacity, the slight burn of your stretching walls a welcomed sensation. You moved slowly as you sheathed him with your willing body, moving until your pelvis met his. You could feel every ridge, every vein as it throbbed against your velvet walls. He was deep, no doubt touching your womb. You felt a small spasm ravish you at the thought of him emptying his cum inside your depths and breeding you. The notion was almost too much.

“You gotta move.” EZ gritted out with a clenched jaw, feeling your walls ricochet deliciously off his cock. His hands gripped your ass, aiding your movements as you began to ride him. His pelvis brushed your clit on each stroke, forcing your hold on his cock to tighten. You clutched onto his shoulders, letting your lower half move in rapid motions.

The sound of your body swallowing him eclipsed the television that now sat ignored. His hips began to meet yours, his arousal taking control as he took what he wanted. You cried out as he continuously hit your cervix, his feet now planted on the bed so he could gain better traction. He was grunting, harsh breaths and curses leaving his pouted lips as he impaled you on himself over and over again. You dug your nails into the flesh of his thighs. He hissed at the action and retaliated with a harsh thrust up, eliciting a whimper from you. Your back twisted in an almost painful arch as the lightning bolts of ecstasy now remained a constant, forcing your body to submit.

“EZ, I’m gonna cum, baby…” You moaned, holding onto him as he pushed up into you with wild fervor.

Your orgasm overpowered you within seconds, your entire body tensing around him. You clenched your eyes closed as you floated into a cloud of absolute bliss. You could feel your pussy contracting around his cock, hear the grunts of approval as he struggled not to finish yet. The remnants of your release saturated him, pulling him further into your depths.

You cried out when he suddenly flipped you onto your back, barely giving you time to recover from your climax. You fisted the sheets as he fucked into you, his hips crushing you with powerful force. He maneuvered your legs around his waist, pressing you as close to him as you could possibly get. He was chasing his end and you were more than happy to help him reach it.

“Cum in me, baby…fill me up.” You whispered against his ear, his face buried into your neck as his hips moved. The muscles of his back tensed, a curse falling from his lips at your words.

“Shit…”

“You feel so good, EZ. I want you to fill me up…let me give you a baby.” The words poured from your mouth as if on impulse, the urge to have him impregnate you now all-consuming. “Let me make you a daddy.” You continued, relentless in your pursuit to have him leave his mark inside of you.

He responded in kind, the brute thrust of his hips sending you up the mattress.

“Fuck, I’m cumming…” He growled as his cock painted your womb, his hips stuttering with every push. You locked your legs around him, holding him and his cum inside of you as he rode the wave of intense pleasure.

His heavy body collapsed atop you, his chest beginning to slow as his breathing returned to normal. Your bodies were now slick with sweat and lethargic with satiation. You ran your hands in soothing patterns along his back, feeling him soften inside you. You could feel a trickle of cum make its way past your lips, the abundance of his seed a testament to the fierceness of his orgasm. Even with him soft inside you, the extreme sense of fullness never left you.

“Did you mean it?” His voice cut through the moment, his head still pressed to your neck. He sounded tired, the slight slur of his words letting you know he would be unconscious soon.

“What?” You asked, your fingertips dancing over his scalp in soothing circles.

“Wanting me to get you pregnant.” He rasped, raising himself back on to his arms to hover over you.

You met his gaze and nodded, a smile breaking out onto your lips. You tightened your legs around him once again, your chest constricting with love at the way he was staring at you.

“I wanna be barefoot and knocked up with your babies, Ezekiel.” You breathed against his mouth, feeling him twitch to life inside you.

He kissed you, locking you in an passionate embrace. You moved with him, hands roaming each other’s bodies. He shifted his hips, the head of his cock catching against your depths and making you moan.

“Call me Daddy again.” He insisted with a smirk, a perfect storm of love and lust swirling in his tawny eyes. Your giggles were the only sound that could be heard as he attacked your neck with sloppy kisses. 

He made his intentions clear as he fucked you throughout the night, always filling you with his seed, always making sure he was deep enough so that he never saw a drop of it pour out of your body. That night he became your Daddy. And in time, you’d make him a daddy.

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

I saw a video of a really good looking Witcher cosplayer doing pushups and working out and that prompted me to request.... Geralt working out and the reader enjoying it a little too much, and he notices, so he asks her to sit on his back while he does push ups. Mayyyybe it ends with the reader under him as he does pushups over her? Cuz life goals. I may just have to draw this regardless. 😂

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Geralt x ReaderWord Count: 972Rating: T (arguably M? idk man, ratings are hard)Taglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle a/n: First, it is mandatory that you draw this. Second, thank you for the prompt! Enjoy!

Strong hands gripped the earth, the muscled forearms tensing as they lifted the bulging upper body up off the earth and gently lowered it back down. The silver wolf medallion glinted in the sun, hanging off of his neck as he dipped and rose in a steady, unhurried pace. The long, plane of his body was held tight and straight as he worked out and you marveled at the discipline and mastery he held over every single inch of the long, taut body. He’d taken off his armor but still wore trousers and a loose-fitting, thing undershirt that was rolled up to his forearms. A pretense of modesty though every time he dipped low you could see down his shirt at the defined chest.

And see you did.

Eyes watching his progress like someone hypnotized, scarcely breathing as the world fell away and all you saw was his body moving more gracefully than anyone that hulking should, the sound of his softly muttered grunts and labored breathing as he counted. You swallowed hard and sighed, louder than you’d intended, pulling those gorgeous golden eyes to your face and capturing our gaze intently.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, his voice a low, gravelly rumble that you could feel in your core.

“Yep!” you answered, a little too squeakily. Geralt scanned your body. He could hear your elevated heart rate and see the flush that covered you, the warmth emanating off of your body that did not match the weather around you. He saw the dilation of your pupils as your eyes continued to roam across his body, seemingly moving with a mind of their own. He bit back a smirk and lowered himself down from the plan he’d been holding.

“You know, I’m worried that I’m getting soft,” he said.

“You’re not,” you said quickly, “You’re very…”

Your voice trailed off and he shot you a look that dared you to finish that sentence.

“…hard,” You whispered.

“Climb on,” he said.

“What?” you nearly fell off the log you were perched on at his words, eyes widening in shock.

“It’s too easy to do this with just my body weight. Let’s add yours. I doubt it’ll provide much of a challenge but it’s better than nothing,” he said casually. You stood on slightly trembling legs and walked over, carefully climbing onto his back as your heard thundered violently in against your rib cage.

This is fine. I’m just on Geralt’s back. Just got my body pressed against his in an almost perfect way. Just a thin layer of clothes between his body and mine. This is fine. Nothing untoward here.

You lied to yourself in a frenzy of thoughts that ceased the moment Geralt’s body rose, carrying yours with him, your legs against his, your stomach flat against his back where you could feel his shoulder muscles shift and press against your suddenly very tender breasts.

“Straddle me,” he suggested. One arm caught you as you nearly fell off him and if you hadn’t been so deafened by the roar of blood in your ears you would have heard him guffaw.

“What?”

“Sit on my back, don’t just lay on it,” he explained. You pulled yourself off and straddled him, looking like a child riding a horse and trying hard not to think about the any ways you’d rather ride him. It was remarkably easy to stay balanced, his movements smooth and seemingly unimpeded by your added weight. After a few more sets (you couldn’t say how many because your brain had stopped working ages ago) he sighed heavily.

“Are you ok? I can get off!” you assured him, wincing at the double meaning behind your words.

“No I was just thinking that maybe what I really need is you under me,” he said.

A long silence filled the air as you waited for the sweet embrace of death, positive you were in some sort of dream-state like a very pleasant purgatory.

“Y/N?” he asked.

“Hmm?”

“Is that alright? If you’re under me? I promise not to crush you,” he joked. You tumbled off his back and landed hard in the dirt, rolling onto your back, trying to act as though it was intentional. He crawled over to you and you felt his body slowly eclipse your own, utterly devoured by the sheer size of him. A slightly manic giggle escaped your lips and he lowered his face to yours, golden eyes glinting with amusement and mouth fighting to hold back a smile.

“What is it?” he asked, so close you could feel the words vibrate against your chest as he spoke.

“I’m just a little ticklish,” you lied. You were very ticklish but gods knew he didn’t need to know that.

“I’ll try very hard not to touch you,” he said, and you tried not to be disappointed.

“So – uh – this helps?” you asked as you watched him lift above you and lower, just barely brushing your body as he did. The pendant was cool against your cheek and you itched to seize it and use it to pull him onto you so you could know the full weight of his body on top of yours.

“Yes, it helps me keep from being distracted,” he said.

“Oh?”

“Yes,” he added and then looked down at you as he said, “I can focus better with you under me. Keeps my eyes where they need to be instead of always craning my neck to look up at you.”

You gaped and felt your face flush brilliant red and the slow press of his body as it carefully lowered, further than before, even further still, until he was propped up on one elbow to keep from totally crushing you as the other snaked into your hair and tilted your face towards him for a kiss.

[jae-writes-fanfiction]

Oooooo girl I love these prompts!!! For a wild one hows about Robb Stark with genre3 trope2 and locashion7????

A Promise to the Moon

Robb Stark x Reader - 3873 Words - More Freaky Fics

Notes: This is a a dark fic, a Gothic Romance!AU in the style of Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, it features references and occasional quotes from both. I also emulated the writing style (prose and exposition heavy).

The requested prompts were: haunted house/ghost story, memento mori, and a secluded castle/manor. The ghost elements got lost as I wrote it- sorry!

Warnings: a toxic/icky relationship with controlling/possessive behavior (just like the ones in the afformentipmed novels), the word “fuck” is used once, light smut, dated health methods like leeches and bloodletting, major character death. There is no happy ending, Enjoy Responsibly ❤️

- - -

“Let the wind come shake me down! /Deliver me closer to the ground/ I made a promise to the moon.” -Jason Webley

The newspaper advertisement had asked for educated persons of age to apply for the position in person. The grand Winterfell Estate sat desolate among the moors, fog-covered bogs and copses of sickly forests mottled the land and turned the beautiful countryside into a crypt.

The owner and solicitor, a Mister Stark, had requested a tutor for his troubled little sister the estate’s only current inhabitant.

The locket around your neck held your mother’s portrait and served as your only reminder of the life you once lived. Lost in a strange and new place you relied on its familiar weight for comfort.

As you approached the Estate you noticed their family name was carved into the arch above the wooden door. It announced you as an intruder, and your locket confirmed you as an outsider. It made you miss the place you once called home.

The Housekeeper was more than amiable and the child, Arya as you learned she was called, was a verifiable genius. You knew instantly she would benefit from one-on-one specialized instruction. As for Mister Stark, he had yet to appear around the estate- the Housekeeper herself interviewed and appointed you to the position.

The work itself was exhausting and after a week of it, you were desperate for a brief moment of solitude. Arya was never satiated, her thirst for life and adventure outpaced any sort of book work and left you aching from chasing her around.

It was past midnight, the moon already hidden in the vast inky sky when you slunk into the sitting room. You lit the lamps and settled in with one of the many tomes that adorned the room. The pages felt brittle under your fingertips and you turned them ceaselessly.

An accented voice pulled you from the book’s pages, the shock made you snap the book closed harder than you would’ve liked.

“Now what’s a decent sort like you doing out of bed at this hour?”

A man leaned against the entryway, a smile on his face that made you feel exposed and downright sinful. The dark brown of his eyes was mirrored in the curls of his hair which were highlighted with light licks of a scandalous silver that seemed to sparkle under the sparse candlelight.

He smirked and it felt like you were falling through the floor. You could see luggage behind him in the hallway and you wondered why the Housekeeper hadn’t been alerted- and why you hadn’t been warned of such a distinguished intrusion.

“Certainly Sir, you know I cannot answer that,” you said shortly.

You rose quickly, shelved the book, and turned to leave. It was late and the entire situation was highly improper- yet he blocked your path a cheeky grin on his face.

“Have I frightened you?” He taunted you with a wolfish grin, and you felt your face grow hot.

“I am not frightened,” you lied smoothly, “I just wish to retire for the evening.”

He laughed openly seeing right through you. He stepped aside anyway but caught your wrist as you passed. You froze instantly and trembled as he brought your knuckles to his lips. “Goodnight then,” he spoke with a smirk the strange concoction of trepidation and intrigue evident as you pulled away and ran from the room.

It wasn’t until you were secure in your room, your hands clasped over your thundering heart, that you realized he must’ve been your employer whose portrait hung in the very hallway you just ran through.

You struggled to fall asleep, staring up at the ceiling until you thought shapes were starting to appear in the darkness. Yet you must’ve as the next thing you remembered was a burst of light and a loud noise waking you up.

“Oh me!” The Housekeeper wailed, as she announced herself in your chambers the next morning. You winced as she threw open the damask drapes, the sunlight almost blinding.

“I need you to keep Arya on her best behavior today,” she started ranting pulling your clothes out for the day in a flurry, “Mister Stark has returned and the entire west wing must be prepared immediately so I cannot manage the little miss!”

Typically the staff was prepared to assemble his rooms at a moment's notice. The estate’s Master was known to appear and disappear for any length of time at will.

You let the Housekeeper prepare you, and lead you to the same sitting room for your formal introduction. As you entered the room Robb eyed you hungrily and you knew the setting was chosen intentionally.

Embarrassment washed over you as the previous night’s run-in resurfaced in your mind. The only thing you could do was make a heaven out of hell, so you bolstered what confidence you could. No matter how charming and handsome he might be, he wouldn’t win the satisfaction of seeing your unease.

The Housekeeper cleared her throat and shuffled forward, “may I introduce-“

“Mister Stark,” you said smartly cutting her off and gliding forward. You could feel her ire at your break in tradition but knew this was the best way to regain some control over the situation. You smiled coyly and shook his hand with as much indifference as you could muster despite the anticipatory anxiety building in your body.

“Robb, please,” he insisted lightly. He watched you like a cat might watch a mouse and you felt a shiver course through your body as he openly looked over it.

“Is this proper enough an introduction?” The sarcastic lilt to his voice matched his devilish smirk, and you had to admit it was a good look for him.

“You’ll have to forgive me I’m often wary of new faces,” you said sitting across from him, “especially those belonging to nefariously enigmatic gentlemen.”

Robb laughed openly, and in a manic burst of motion took your hand in his. Your heart raced at his slight touch and you tried your best to suppress the smile on your face.

“And how do you find Winterfell? Is she fitting for such a roguish bachelor?”

Your smile faltered briefly, “the estate is beyond magnificent but, I can’t help feeling as if her halls ought to have more life within them.”

Robb nodded to the Housekeeper who still lingered in the doorway, “I do believe that is the first honest answer I’ve ever been given on the subject.”

“It would seem so Sir,” she chirped dutifully.

“Well perhaps I shall extend my stay,” he said a wicked smile spreading across his face as he turned his gaze back to you, “and see what other truths you might impart upon me.”

The Housekeeper made a small disgruntled noise in protest before leaving to summon Arya into the sitting room to formally receive her brother. Apparently, you weren’t the only one to gain her disapproval.

Within the short moment, Robb stood and crossed to stand over you. You titled your face towards him unconsciously, his face close enough to feel his breath on yours as he spoke.

”You intrigue me, ” he said, desire palpable in his voice, ”I will not suffer to let you go again when I wish to become better acquainted.”

You could feel the underlying threat in his words but the temptation to close the space between you eclipsed whatever caution lived in your mind.

You couldn’t explain what drew you to him, despite your better judgment. The only comfort you had was knowing how similarly affected he was by you. Your breath hitched in your throat as he suddenly backed away.

Arya bounded into the room not a moment later, the now frazzled Housekeeper rushing behind her trying to contain the girl. You smiled as they appeared, thankful for the distraction.

The next week was filled with similar close calls filled with double entendres, lingering touches, and companionship like you had never known before. After a month had passed in such a manner it was clear why he was staying- and the house dared to dream that for once he might stay forever.

Like most dreams, it was better left ignored. On another night you strolled under the moonlight along the estate’s often forgotten terraces. Robb held you by the waist as you walked, his grip lower and harsher than would’ve been deemed appropriate. Occasionally, the moon peaked out to reveal a scandalous state of undress on your part, the casual clothes betraying the growing familiarity between you two.

“Winterfell is stunning under the stars, is it not?” Robb glanced at you while speaking and you thought he also looked magnificent highlighted by the cosmos.

You nodded in agreement looking out over the estate’s grounds and gardens.

"You must have become in some degree attached to the house?"

“To a degree,” you answered wryly.

"Arya seems to have become quite attached to you, and I’m willing to wager you to her as well,” Robb continued.

You hummed in agreement, “I believe there is a mutual attachment forming. She’s an extraordinary child."

Robb stopped walking suddenly and turned you harshly in his arms to face him. All traces of levity had melted from his face, replaced with a drastic seriousness you hadn’t expected. “And you would be sorry to part with them?”

You ran your hand over his reassuringly. “I think some part of me will be here always.”

Robb kept a level expression as he continued, waiting to gauge your reaction as he spoke. “Then it is indeed regrettable that Arya must attend a finishing school next year.”

You froze beside him, “next spring?”

Robb nodded solemnly, “I’ve talked it over with her nursemaid and the Housekeeper they both agree you’ve done wonders for her mind but- the decorum benefiting a lady of our station is not something a tutor can impart.”

He paused and spoke then as if he was reassuring himself of the decision, instead of revealing it to you. “So yes, it is imperative she attends a finishing school.”

“Then I must inquire toward other positions,” you mused suddenly afraid the ground under your feet might fall away beneath you.

“Would you be grieved to leave then? I know some schools might permit a lady’s maid to accompany her,” Robb shrugged, “it is the least I could do.”

You tensed and bit your lip, “for her sake I might be able but it is so far away...”

“From what?”

“From you!” You spoke headlessly, finally voicing the thoughts and desires that had grown within you.

“Then I must ask you,” he said hoarsely as if he was unsure for the first time, “forsake neither Arya nor the estate itself, pass through the rest of your life here.”

Your silence unnerved him and you wondered what joke he was playing at. He was by the designation of your employment your superior, he had occasionally offered you crumbs of affection and attention- yet you felt he must know your feelings towards him- and that this was some cruel joke on your behalf.

“Do you doubt me,” he asked when you didn’t answer.

"Entirely,” you said without hesitation. He was too unknown for certainty, too reckless and listless for dependence.

He scoffed openly at your response, "so you have no faith in me?"

"Not a whit."

“Then you shall be convinced,” he hissed gesturing wildly, “have I not treated you as my equal? Have I not entertained your thoughts and whims as I might a dearest friend? Have I not watched you like a man possessed? You strange, you almost unearthly thing,” he gripped your arm tracing the length of it with frenzied kisses, “you will be mine. I shall not suffer your absence in my life!”

You shuddered, a peculiar sob racking through your body as he entreated you.

“I- I cannot answer this,” you cried tearing yourself away, “I cannot choose between my heart and my mind. I cannot see how you love me but rather desire to possess me- and for what love I hold for you, I cannot yet resign my fate so quickly.”

He turned away from you harshly, familiar darkness returning to his eyes. “Then think on these things,” he demanded before stalking away, “I cannot remain here for you to torture me so!”

You could not retreat to your rooms and drop into the soothing arms of sleep, your mind was twisted and confused. What kind of a man manipulated your emotions as a declaration of love? Moreover, what kind of man could confuse love and possession so easily? Your thoughts remained dower as the sleepless night raced on.

As you joined Arya and the Housekeeper for breakfast the next morning you were disheartened to learn Robb had left again.

Two months passed without a word from Rob to you or any persons in his household. Although the grand estate was filled with other employees and your charge- his absence left you strangely cold. But perhaps that was the changing air drifting in from the study’s open window.

“Arya please,” you sighed, “finish the recitation and we can move on for the day.” You rubbed a hand over your temple, your patience growing thin with the young mistresses.

“I don’t want to keep reading boring old books! I want to go outside!” Arya whined as she dramatically closed and pushed the book away from her.

The poor thing had been acting out lately, and it was wearing you down. You sighed and tried to sound as encouraging as possible, “Arya as soon as we finish here I’ll have the Housekeeper scrounge up your play clothes.”

Arya huffed and pushed the stack of books off her desk and onto the floor before crossing her arms belligerently, “I won’t do it!”

“Is that any way to talk to your tutor?”

You looked over at the interruption, Robb leaned against the doorframe with a smile on his face that made you feel as if you were seeing the sun for the first time in days.

Arya shrieked excitedly at the sight of her brother and bolted from her chair to wrap her arms around him as much as she could. She babbled in great run-on-sentences trying to condense the last month without him into whatever fragment of time she currently had.

He listened politely, the entire time his eyes never left yours. “Arya, it is clear to me that you’ll have no capacity for more studies today,” he said, finally looking at his sister, “why don’t you take the dogs and see what you can discover outside?”

Arya howled and ran from the room, you could hear her rapid footfalls and exaggerated cries rousing the Housekeeper and kennel master to her aid.

Then it was just you and Robb. You stood rapidly and all but threw yourself into his arms. You moved without thinking, unsure if you could survive another second apart. He pulled you flush against him, his strong grip threatened to bruise your hips and you didn’t care. You rested your hands against his chest, unable to hide the smile on your face before you kissed him.

“I suppose this means you haven’t been preparing to completely divorce yourself from the estate,” Robb joked dryly.

“No,” you said a little dejectedly, “how could I, knowing you’re out in the world somewhere.”

You looked away from him suddenly overwhelmed, “It was like I couldn’t breathe like my life-my very soul was separated from me.”

You tried to step away but Robb didn’t relinquish his hold on your waist and moved a hand to keep yours on his chest.

“You’ve absolutely ruined me,” he hissed tightening the grip on your wrist, “do you think I wanted to come back? Do you think I want to be here right now?”

“Let go of me,” you gasped struggling against him your face heated with indignation.

For a second the confidence and malice in Robb’s voice faltered, “stay- do not leave me where I cannot find you!”

“But I didn’t go anywhere,” you insisted, “I’ve been right here doing what I was hired to do.” You were trembling, no longer trying to escape his embrace yet not entirely afraid.

Robb laughed darkly and kissed the top of your head, “you’ve bewitched me body and soul, like some heathen wretch. You pulled me back here. You command me when I have no desire to be commanded.”

He moved to grip your jaw and turn your face to look up into his, the image was striking. You looked spent, as if he’d taken you- your body warm and trembling against him, your breaths shallow and rushed.

“If you left this room I would find you,” he whispered his voice low and heady, sending a shiver down your spine. “If you tried to leave this house I’d track you down.”

“Sir, you forget yourself,” you said lowly. Your voice threatening to break as your body responded wantonly.

“Do I?” He laughed darkly and moved to kiss down the column of your neck pulling phantom moans from your lips. His breath fell warm on your neck and you shuddered as his hand released your jaw and traveled to rest at the base of your neck.

You heard him kick the door closed behind you and a new spark of excitement and fear spread through your body.

The slight pressure at the base of your neck made you ache deliciously. You didn’t stop the strangled moan that fell from your lips as his grip tightened and you chose to put whatever doubts you had away for the moment. You wanted it to be you and him without context or strings to complicate what you were about to do.

Robb released you only to tear at your clothes, his hands running harshly over each flash of newly exposed skin until the locket around your neck was the only thing you wore. You wantonly returned the favor scraping your nails across his broad shoulders, savoring each groan that slipped from his lips.

You pressed yourself against him, your bodies skin-to-skin as the tension grew. Each touch was dizzying as if your bodies had been molded to respond to each other. His mouth claimed yours again before biting his way down your neck and you moaned as they bloomed into warm bruises.

“Robb please,” you begged your body no longer content with lingering touches and harsh passes of lips and teeth. You said his name like it was the only prayer you ever learned- the only one that mattered.

Almost tenderly he laid you down across one of the study’s couches. His fingers softly traced the side of your body as if for that second he was truly in awe of your form. He ducked his head to kiss your chest, your locket falling back against your shoulder sending a flash of light across your body.

You impatiently reached and pulled him over you, weaving a hand through his hair as you moved him into a searing kiss. You felt him against you and you desperately hooked one of your legs around his hip urging him forward until nothing separated you.

You lay trembling under him, your grip on his shoulders the only real thing in the world until a ferocious rapping started at the closed door. You both froze hoping whoever it was would move on, instead, you could hear the Housekeeper muttering to herself as the knocking continued.

Finally, she called through the door, “Lady Arya has requested your presence for tea.”

Robb swore and pushed away from you hastily donning his clothes.

“Fuck,” you mumbled grasping wildly to cover yourself as Robb stormed from the room shouting at the Housekeeper the entire time.

Without looking at you she slid into the room, keeping herself turned away as you redressed.

“I do not apologize for the intrusion given the improper extenuating circumstances,” she said tersely, “but we will be taking tea alone as soon as you’re no longer... indisposed.”

“I see no reason why we should take tea alone,” you protested, “Arya would certainly fear something was amiss given our absence.”

She spun to face you her face still composed into a stern line, “it is precisely for Arya’s sake that I am concerned.” You had never heard her voice like that before and suddenly you felt like you were a child again being scolded at primary school without companions to defend you.

It was a trap; that was the only thing you were certain of as you sat across the wisened Housekeeper a pristine tea set between you.

“You are aware Mister Stark is our employer,” she said with a terse smile.

“Yes Ma’am I do.”

The older woman across from you pursed her lips and took a measured sip of her tea. “This has happened before,” she started quietly, “you don’t know what you’re getting into. He is too stern for grace, an unreclaimed creature.”

“He's more myself than I am,” you whispered harshly unable to meet the Housekeeper’s eyes.

“You will ruin this house if you stay,” she hissed reaching across the table to grip your arm. “There will be no going back if you give into him, think of Arya...”

You remembered the darkness behind his eyes, the harsh grip of his hands on your hips, and knew she was just as correct as you were- despite that you could feel the familiar tug in your heart that connected you and knew you couldn’t leave.

Of course, she had seen this passion play before. The ending was known to her, it was written on the estate’s walls plainly for everyone but you and your charge who hoped beyond measure for the happy ending that would not be coming.

Robb spent the next thirteen months within the claustrophobic walls of his grand estate, his venomous temper directed at everyone when they felt too restrictive. But he couldn’t fathom leaving with you there and unclaimed, unwatched, and unprotected.

Your frenzied romance and rushed engagement distracted you to no end. By the time you realized something was wrong your face refused to hold any color, and your entire body ached with pain and fever. The first time he left the estate grounds was to fetch your doctor. But, in essence, it was too late.

“Robb,” you called reaching for him. You struggled to breathe and the contented sigh on your lips disfigured itself into a ghastly groan that made your lover weep.

Your locket dangled from his hands like a rosary and you wondered if that strange blasphemous reverence played a part in this destruction.

Neither the leeches placed along the curve of your hip nor the soft drops of blood let from your arm could prevent the advancing cold that spread in your veins and eventually closed your eyes.

Your strangled coughs stopped, the air in your lungs ran cold and your blood stopped running altogether. The thin red lines flowing from your lips and skin dried and all at once, the bloody affair was over. There was no fanfare, the world didn’t end. Winterfell and her Master remained as they had for the last forty years and would for forty more without you. Nestled into the sparse and desolate countryside your ghost couldn’t even be tempted forth for comfort.

[kitsbookshelf]

The Twilight Saga: a detailed review of why I can’t stand them and love them in (almost) equal measure

Before I start this borderline scathing review, I just want to let you know that it's full of spoilers, so if you haven't read the books, look away now. This is your only warning.

Now that that's out of the way... I can't stand the Twilight saga. Twelve-year-old me is cringing at my hatred for it, and Twilight fans are waiting to set me on fire, but it's true. I think they're poorly written, and there are soooo many parts of every book that just...missed the mark, at least for me. Let's start at the beginning, with the first book: Twilight.

Bella, our darling main character, moves in with her dad, Charlie (let's take a moment to appreciate perhaps the only normal, mentally stable person in this entire saga), in the rainy small town of Forks, Washington.

Bella is quite a bland character, but that just makes her easier to project yourself onto when you're reading the book if that's how you immerse yourself. For me, I found her obsessive and definitely not emotionally stable, and it did honestly feel like reading the diary of a manic and very unstable 17-year-old. On one hand, that's good--I'm reading from Bella's perspective, and it's written exactly how I'd expect her to write--but on the other hand, the writing feels...cheap? I completely blame my own taste in writing style for my opinion on this one, but I just couldn't enjoy the very boring storytelling happening here. It was all very 'tell-tell-tell' instead of the 'show-tell-show' way of writing I prefer.

Now here is where my adoration for this book comes in: Edward Cullen. Specifically, the interactions between him and Bella. They have conversations, and banter, and it's a fun little human-vampire-friendship that isn't awful to read (I will never never forgive the films for leaving some of the dialogue out, it's pure gold and possibly the only saving grace of this book). The characters felt like teenagers here, but it was only for the few short pages we got of them interacting without the overly-exaggerated brooding that our sweet Ed is known for.

The romance between Bella and Edward is...concerning. For me, I couldn't find a single bit of actual romance between the two of them beyond Bella's obsession with him and Edward's bloodlust and weird self-control thing he has for her. It felt really unhealthy, and I couldn't wrap my head around how people actually think there's romance there.

The whole James thing...I don't know about anyone else, but it felt really random. Yes, it added a conflict to the book, but I felt like there wasn't really any good development to make it more relevant. That all seemed to happen later with Victoria, but James didn't really feel like he fit into the story very well. I think I would have preferred it if he was gradually brought in through the book, or if there was some sort of lead up to the conflict instead of just--WHAM! Tracker dude wants to kill Bella because Edward got protective and now only the final section of the book has any action.

Twilight completely had the potential to be a good vampire-human romance novel. There was no real need for the James-Victoria storyline, even in the later books. What did they add? Only the entirety of Eclipse, but that book could be taken out completely without disrupting the story all that much.

New Moon feels like a completely different book, and I actually really liked it. The writing style still got on my nerves and made it more difficult for me to enjoy the book, but the content was so much better.

Bella's spiral in New Moon really added something to her character. Instead of another book of her constant Edward-Cullen-is-the-most-beautiful-man-to-ever-exist inner monologue, we got a whole book of her.

Jacob Black was introduced, and he was a genuinely likable character (the one thing I will say is that his inability to take 'no' for an answer really did put me off him for a large portion of the book and the next one) who brought some more normality into the book. It didn't feel like I was reading an overly-exaggerated supernatural romance, and I enjoyed it. The banter between the two of them was so realistic, and I actually really loved how Meyer explored Bella's coping mechanisms and her dependency issues when Jacob phased and Bella was left without him again.

The conflict here was much more well-executed than in Twilight, with the Volturi having been mentioned before and now becoming established properly in the saga. They're the perfect villains, and I enjoyed reading about them much more than I enjoyed the rushed few chapters of James's story in Twilight. I loved how Meyer kept Bella awake the entire way home from Italy. You really got to see the sort of wild relief that she felt when getting Edward back, and I think it was well-written and made me feel like there was slightly more going on here than the forced romance in Twilight.

I really do feel like the subject of them being mates should have come up a lot sooner. Maybe some questions on how a human could be a vampire's mate, or exploring the complications of it, because then maybe Bella's obsession would have been far more understandable earlier in the saga, and it might have felt more 'organic' than the relationship I read until Bella became a newborn later on.

And now we reach Eclipse... Eclipse, Eclipse, Eclipse... I hate it. There isn't a single part of this book that I can honestly say I enjoyed. I felt like it could have been taken out completely, and it wouldn't have made a difference to the story.

The whole book felt like a filler, purely there to resolve the issue of Victoria before moving on to Bella's pregnancy and vampirism in Breaking Dawn. It didn't feel like any part of it was important, or really memorable.

Victoria's whole storyline could have been erased without destroying the saga. The only interesting thing about the whole conflict with her was that she managed to orchestrate it without Alice seeing her, and that was the one thing that kept the book rolling on instead of it being a handful of chapters of the newborns being defeated.

The one thing that this book set up was the truce between the werewolves and the vampires, and I definitely think that could have been done in another way if James and Victoria had never existed (if you can't already tell, I really don't see the point to James and Victoria, and they don't add anything to the books except for a tiny, irrelevant bit of drama).I enjoyed how Meyer wrote the love triangle, and how she made Bella love them both. It felt, to me, more realistic that Bella would feel something for Jacob after everything we read in New Moon and how much she cared about him.

Beyond those things, though, this book really did feel completely useless to me, and I couldn't wait to stop reading it and get back to something that felt like it had a decent plot.

Okay, last one (I commend you for surviving this far). Breaking Dawn.

I...didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. I think it's a good conclusion to the saga, and I like how the characters all got a happy ending, but I can't say I think it's amazing or even close.

Bella becoming a mother felt strange and disjointed to the rest of the books--she'd never said she wanted to have a baby, and had even stated that she didn't mind not having a child if it meant being a vampire with Edward. Then suddenly she's pregnant and will let herself die to give birth to the baby? It doesn't fit with what we've read of her character up to this point, and it irked me.

And the baby name...Renesme... Can we take a second to appreciate how stupid that sounds? There were so many other options--honestly, I'd have taken literally any other option--and Bella chose to mash their mothers' names together in the worst possible way. Renesme. Ugh.

Don't even get me started on Jacob imprinting on a baby. The whole thing of imprinting makes perfect sense, but why, why, why did he have to imprint on a baby? A half-vampire baby? Surely his wolf-y instincts would be telling him to get away from her, not throw him right into her tiny little arms and have him fall in love with her. I don't get it, it creeps me out, and that's all I'm going to say about it.

As for everything else... I think it was good, it just sort of felt flat to me. All of the good parts seemed to happen intermittently through the book, scattered between barely tolerable sections and parts that, in my opinion, were shoddy. It made for a difficult book to get through, but the conclusion to the saga was almost worth the trouble.

[missmentelle]

Hey what are some signs a person likes the idea of you/has idealisation versus actually wants to be with you? Thanks ❤️😔

Hey, that’s a great question, and I think it’s important to start by defining what it means for someone to only “love the idea” of you.  A person who genuinely loves you “for you” is a person who loves you specifically, for your individual traits - they spent time getting to know you and building a relationship with you, and figuring out if the two of you are compatible. They understand that the relationship they have with you is different than the relationship that they might have had with their exes, because you are your own unique person, and if their relationship with you was to end for some reason, it would probably take them a long time to get over it. 

A person who loves the idea of you, on the other hand, is actually in a long-term relationship with the imaginary ideal partner that they’ve created in their head - you are just the closest stand-in for that person that they could find. They have idealistic and often incredibly specific fantasies about the relationship that they want, and they are mostly in love with the idea of being in that perfect relationship - whether it’s with you or someone else doesn’t really matter to them. When you inevitably fail to live up to their impossible expectations and the relationship ends, they tend to move on to the next partner quickly - their emotional attachment was always to the ‘perfect partner’ that they imagined in their head, not to you, and they will quickly set out to find the next person to fill that role. 

It can be hard to tell if your partner “just likes the idea of you” when you’re actually in the thick of the relationship. These kinds of relationships tend to be intense, ‘whirlwind’ romances. But there are some big signs that you can look for, like:

They don’t seem to know you very well. Even if you’ve been together a long time, your partner just doesn’t seem to know you that well, and doesn’t know much about you. They would struggle to pick out a movie, meal or date night idea that you would enjoy, and probably can’t make an accurate list of your likes, dislikes and hobbies. This is probably most obvious when they buy you gifts - the things they get you are either incredibly generic (flowers, candy, etc) or so wildly unsuitable for you that anyone who knows you would never buy it for you (eg. a box of fancy teas when you’ve made it known that you don’t drink tea, earrings when you don’t have pierced ears, etc). They seem genuinely baffled whenever you point out that the gift/date/movie they’ve selected is way off the mark, and there doesn’t seem to be anything you can do to make them understand who you are as a person. 

They try to rush the relationship. Your partner pushed for the relationship to get serious - having sex, moving in together, getting engaged, etc - at a much faster pace than usual. They decided very quickly after you started dating that the relationship was “meant to be” or “meant to last” and made it very clear that they were strongly invested in the relationship, even if you’d only known each other a few weeks. They may have thrown around words like “soulmate”, “forever” or “love of my life” early on in the relationship, and may have taken any attempt to slow the relationship down as a personal attack or a sign that you didn’t really love them. You’re a stand-in for a imaginary person that they’ve always dreamed of - they see no point in slowing things down, because they think they already know everything they need to know about you. 

They have no patience for imperfection. Your partner is great when everything is going well, but the moment there’s any kind of conflict, they shut down. They just don’t seem interested or capable of dealing with the daily realities of having a long-term relationship with another person (dealing with finances, life stressors, bad days, arguing over chores, health scares, etc) - they want all of the good parts of the relationship, and none of the bad. A person who loves the idea of you is expecting an effortless, fairytale romance that doesn’t actually place a lot of demands on them as a partner - their ideal partner is usually someone who accommodates all of their moods and flaws without complaint, and expects very little in return. Alternatively, they may be happiest when you’re a completely helpless partner - they might envision themselves as the selfless caretaker of a partner who is completely dependent on them, and feel threatened any time you show signs of independence. 

You feel like they’re trying to “mold” you or “train” you to be a certain way. You get the sense that your partner is trying to nudge you toward being more of the person that they want you to be, whether they are subtle about it or not. They discourage you from pursuing things that they don’t want you pursuing, and offer huge amounts of encouragement when you do things that they approve of. They may even go so far as to buy you clothes they want you to wear, sign you up for hobbies they want you to have, and sabotage the things they don’t want you pursuing. A partner who wants to turn you into a traditional homemaker, for instance, may constantly buy you dresses and skirts (even if you’re strictly a jeans and t-shirt person), encourage you to quit your job/school every time you get stressed out about it, and go on and on about how much they like home-cooked meals to encourage you to do it more often. 

Your feelings don’t matter to them. When you call them out on something crappy they did to you, their pain at being called out vastly eclipses your pain at being mistreated by your partner. Their feelings always take center stage. Your feelings are sidelined. Their vision of what they want for their life and how they feel about their life is all that matters, and you are treated as an inconvenience for daring to even have feelings of your own. 

They are fixated on superficial aspects of your appearance or lifestyle. They obsess over specific, superficial things about you - like your tattoos, your motorcycle, or the fact that you’re in a band - to the point that it almost feels like that’s the only reason they’re even dating you. You can’t confidently say that the relationship would survive if you changed this aspect of your life or appearance. This is especially common if you belong to a niche subculture, have a “cool” job, or if you’re someone that could be construed as a “manic pixie dream girl”.

Their image of you doesn’t match reality. Your partner proudly tells people that you’re a huge geek, even though you didn’t care for Star Wars and you only go to conventions because they drag you along. Or they tell people that you’re a musician, when your band is really just a side hobby that you were never serious about, and you’re actually much prouder of your day job. Your partner constantly presents you in a much different light than any of your friends or family would, and the way they think of you doesn’t at all seem to match how you think of yourself. 

They are obsessed with the relationship itself. Most of your conversations are how much you love each other and miss each other and how great you are together - you don’t actually talk about anything most of the time. They don’t send you articles or ask your opinion of current events or tell you funny stories about what happened at work that day or debate you about your favourite Avenger - they mostly want to talk about the relationship itself, having the same kinds of shallow “I love you so much” conversations over and over again. They aren’t really interested in hearing your thoughts or opinions - they just want to constantly reaffirm the relationship. 

They have very childish ideas about relationships. Most of what they know about relationships seems to have been ripped right out of a Disney movie or a bad romantic comedy. If they screw up, you’re expected to forgive them as soon as they’ve apologized or given you an apology gift - the idea that you might need some time to think about the relationship and that it might take a while for them to fully regain your trust is completely foreign to them. Relationships to them are about grand gestures and grand statements of love; the idea that they need to actually be there for someone on a daily basis is lost on them. 

They are enormously self-centered. They are the star of the show, and you are a side character - never the other way around. Everything revolves around them and their life; they never stop to consider the way that their actions impact others, even their partner, and they certainly don’t spend a lot of time reflecting on their actions or trying to be a better person. Everything is about what they want and what works for them - and if you aren’t living up to the expectations they have in their head, you’ll find that they don’t feel bad about replacing you. 

You might notice that a lot of warning signs for a partner who only loves the idea of you are very similar to the warning signs of an abusive partner. That’s not a coincidence - this is one of the mindsets that underlies abuse. While not every partner who loves the idea of you will be abusive - some are just the sort of over-idealistic people who saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and went out to find a Manic Pixie Dream Girl because they completely missed its core message -  many abusers do reach the point of the abuse because they can’t reconcile the fact that they’re in love with an ideal partner who doesn’t exist, and not an actual person. 

This is why abusive relationships so often start out as intense, whirlwind romances - the abusive partner has a vision in their head of the perfect partner that they are “owed”, and when they first meet you, they’re elated that they finally found that person. Then over time, you reveal that you aren’t actually the picture-perfect fantasy person who would fix their whole life, but a real person, with faults and flaws and quirks like anyone else. And they feel like they’re losing the wonderful person they were promised. So they try to control you and force you back into being that person, and when it doesn’t work, they get angry. They feel like they’ve been cheated out of the relationship that they deserve, and they blame you. In their minds, they know what’s best for both of you, and the two of you could be happy except that you keep defying them and you just won’t listen. The divide between “the partner I dream of” and “the partner I have” can be deadly, and being in a relationship with a person who has this mindset can be an incredibly dangerous thing.  MM

[lexiconoffear]

Well, what do you know? A tragic glimpse to my right presents a view of a little stranger with a charm for whispering nonsense to the air. Fucking Harper Lee over there is writing shit all on her frosted green MacBook with the creativity of a blunt hacksaw. That she casually smiles with a hint of disdain towards those that give her the stern eye when she infrequently cowers behind Jane Austen books is nothing less than revolting. Why do I sound surprised to see these people at Verve? All of them with the usual brand of “I want to make it in Hollywood too”. Here’s a newsflash for you. Stop pretending that you like to read Lady Susan and Sanditon. Oh and Miss Fucking Perfect, we know you haven’t read any classics in your sunny shell of an existence. I would also like to add that drinking five cups of mint mocha and mumbling your shitty screenwriting lines is a non-starter with any professional worth a damn. It’s insulting that people like you think otherwise. But you like giving out shitty blowjobs to every one of your followers on Insta if it gets you some undivided attention. The nerve. For once, I would like to rip open her fucking head and look inside. But we all can’t take unnecessary risks. Can we Joe? Cut to our little hideaway in that golden Americana cul-de-sac. Repose feels great in the evening. Some might beg to differ. Now, it’s time for some pressing news. Shock. Horror. A domestic violence case in our own quaint suburbia. To say that I'm intrigued to see how you handle this crisis is a bit of an understatement. Typical. Color me fucking surprised. You try to console yourself with many crafted truths. A bad case of false reporting. Lack of circumstantial evidence. You even blame it on something out of your control. But I'm glad to hear that you’re slowly dying on the inside. The world can finally find comfort in knowing what a stand-up guy you are, Joe Goldberg. You want a do-over? Some respite from public heat? No bueno. Why will it be any different this time Joe? Do you honestly think that low of me? Every word you espoused was a lie. Like crimson etches that forever stains our vision of what’s real. Comeuppance is nothing but a decorum now. The viewers of the media and our community love to crucify every fucker that slowly chips away at the perfect household image. The perfect family. Our fucking so called perfect lives as couples that be. But that’s the least of your concerns. What you should worry about most is a woman who owns her narrative. Her story. Her triumphs. She doesn’t pretend to be some victim of circumstance. She is a fucking survivor. Fucking America loves this piece to death. People love it. They all can't get enough of that shit. As soon as it's served up, everyone eats it up like magic rice. You were too oblivious to see what is at stake here. Don’t give me that dirty look as if you're entitled to it. Really, it’s a fitting retribution. Any scorned lover would see this punishment as fit for the crime committed. Did you think for once that the cost to all the insanity you inflicted was justified? Has nothing sacred ever matter to the likes of you? You weren’t like this before we grew and settled. Those restless struggles. Endless disputes. Our relationship certainly wasn’t the easy paradise that we pictured in our minds. That much I can tell you. But it was worth fighting for. Nothing else meant more than the first word we chose to define our union. Don’t tell me it meant nothing the moment you pulled closer at a wedding and reassured me with vows that came to be. Don’t you dare lie to me and say that our love was an illusion that ended while we fucked each other in my third trimester. When you saw me for the first time at Anavrin, you witnessed that wonder. A one-of-a-kind love. That incited all this madness and ecstasy. I was the cool girl you envisioned in your hopeless dreams. That cool girl who did everything right. Who like every asshole envisions as the definitive girl they like to fuck and bring to their family home for Christmas. Manic pixie version. She is that fucking cool girl. The same girl with a mouth that is sure to win some prizes in any department. What a fucking joke. To think that I shaped myself to be the ultimate lover. Unmatched in both scale and vision. Did you think that my fucking name was a joke to you? Yes, that’s a rhetorical question by the way. One fucking word. Love. How the fuck did you fuck that up? My charming hardened New Yorker guy with a wounded soul. I remember when you were different. Smitten by a dumb joke about fucking fruit of all things. I saw that darkness in your eyes. A wit that followed with a charming presence. Can’t also deny you weren’t easy on the eyes either. This had to be it. The thing we both searched for our entire lives. Love. In Hollywood of all places. You were all in and nothing else mattered. I loved you unconditionally. Yeah, that’s a fucking cliché if I hear it again. We fucked each other, blew one another and rose in the morning like fucking squirrels on mescaline. Perhaps, that’s a little too intimate for the ears. Forgive me for not censoring shit that needs to be heard. So, how the hell did we end up here? Call me a little jaded now, if I don't look back at our history with rose-tinted glasses. I should have seen the signs. Yes, love can make us do terrible things and be blind to each other's faults. That's a fucking given. But I never thought I would lose trust in you. The one who finally brought a sense of ease to my heart. The same guy who later cheated on me and fucked a woman from behind. Our neighbor no less. On a day that very well should have marked the death of me. Just one glance and I saw the vision of our nuclear family undone. All you ever pursue is another work of project in sight. That’s how your fucking story always is. Just like Delilah. Just like Beck. Add that cutthroat bitch with a revenge agenda to the fucking equation too. You killed assholes. Left. Right. Center. Yet, you stand there and face me with a familiar look. A smugness that reeks of self-righteousness. That appearance of hypocrisy. The very look my mother gave me when I didn’t do my part in taking good care of Forty. The same look is all I see now. Disappointment. Disgust. Revulsion. Like a damaged commodity that you pass on when you’re done. You didn’t even have the balls to tell me what you really felt. It’s all a delusion that you hold to encourage that shitty desire of buying new merchandise with an exclusive item on the side that some cunt upsells you at Walmart. Forgiving the unforgivable is not in my fucking rule book. You think you can get away. Unscathed. Unfazed. Unhurt. No, you don’t. No fucking way Joe. Now, I know the truth. I wasn’t destiny. I wasn’t love. The worst part is that you made me believe in hope. Made me hold onto faith. Then, you reduced me to a foil in your self-absorbed romance story. But make no mistake, you will pay the price. Mark my fucking words. Don't think I won't make plans well ahead in advance to fuck you over. You will see what I'll bring to the table. I must thank you though. You brought something else out of me. Something I tried to hide for a very long time. All it took was a little nudge in the right direction. The follow up act was less painful. But you wouldn’t care, would you Joe? You never thought about family. The lengths that many would go to protect their kind. To spare them of any anguish. A quick head dash into a collective antique vase from Montalcino should do the trick. Maybe, a little cut on the arm with a help of a few broken shards. That will save myself from the shame. From the silent screams. The undying pain. Nothing compares to the deep cuts of the heart. All I see now is a vivid painting of torture. Filled with cinnabar streaks all over the Vermillion carpet that my late brother cherished. What a perfect expression of grief. The dull ache. The fading memories. The wild stench of blood. When your other half dies, nothing eclipses the misery of loss. That’s what I told myself. Family is everything. It always came first. Above all else. But when I fell in love again, my entire perspective changed. Until reality hit me in the face. Sheared off in patches and defiled like every other celebration past the fourth of July. Do you really think I wouldn’t see to it that justice will be sought for the unseen wounds, the unheard abuse, and the million masks people like you wear to fool their loved ones? Don’t kid yourself Joe. It’s time we put an end to this fantasy. One way or another.

Love Quinn (YOU)

[saturniandevil]

November 2020 Notable Dates

Ach I’m a little late on this one, let’s blame the Mercury retrograde. I’m still gonna include dates that already passed, because they might reveal patterns in retrospect. Dates are from The Astrology Podcast, broadcasting out of Denver (US Mountain Time), so these events may happen on the previous day if you’re in the Eastern Hemisphere.

All the visible planets enter or start out in cardinal signs this month, even more so than last month! We can think of this month as the culmination of ongoing events, such as planets going direct over territory they’ve already been in (before they went retrograde), and the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction, which we’ve all been eyeing in relation to world events.

--November 3: Mercury stations Direct in Libra--

Mercury’s retrograde was Opposing Uranus (its “higher octave” according to some) for much of this trek. Classic disruptions in communications, especially new technologies. Stationed direct on Election Day in the US--which predictably has lined up with various recounts and disruptions in tallying the ballots (interestingly enough, Mercury is on a 20-year cycle and stationed direct during the 2000 election, which was also plagued by recounts and interference/confusion).

It will make a Square with Saturn as it turns direct--exact on the 1st and the 6th (in 26deg Libra and Capricorn, respectively). Think about repetition, forms, tabulating, ordering, and compiling information at a slow pace--I think this has certainly shown up US politics. For personal lives, look especially to any placements in late degrees of cardinal signs.

--November 10: Mercury (re)enters Scorpio--

Hidden things will come to light -- Scorpio loves to dig up secrets, and Mercury as the messenger is eager to deliver. Will Oppose Uranus on the 17th while he’s speeding up, and will finally Leave the retrograde Shadow (return to his regular speed) late on the 19th/early on the 20th. In other words, the themes of this retrograde will be in the process of wrapping up throughout the month.

--November 12: Jupiter Conjunct Pluto in Capricorn-- (3rd of 3!)

We’ve been monitoring Pluto’s activity with these generational planets with regards to lockdowns and case spikes, but it’s also an aspect that has shown up with billionaire charts --- think Big Money. Hoping this indicates another bailout for the people of the U.S. (’08 bailout, first stimulus check for Americans coincided with the first conjunction of 2020, the second conjunction of 2020 was with the planets retrograde and there was discussion but no action 👀).

This situation has really been one of the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer, and we may see some kind of catalyst during this conjunction. Perhaps there will also be increased attention(Jupiter) on conspiracy theories/secrets (Pluto). We also know that Neptune is in Pisces (Jupiter’s traditional home) right now, so that relationship may mean there will be many possible truths and illusions floating around in these investigations.

Aside from Chris, Kelly, and Austin’s speculations, this has also got me thinking about how slow, wide, and reverberating a lot of these outer planet/generational conjunctions have been. I think of these events like an underwater explosion in the deep sea--a muffled, resounding thud whose ripples may seem quiet, if ominous, for awhile before the tidal wave hits. It’s a catalyst, but the full ramifications are more apparent in retrospect.

--November 13: Mars Stations Direct in Aries--

Friday the 13th! Stations at 15 degrees--check that degree of other cardinal signs in your chart for difficult aspects. It's soon before a New Moon in Scorpio, who is also ruled by Mars. When Mars stations and changes direction, we deal with themes of when to fight and when not to fight. As with the Mercury retrograde going direct, Mars is revisiting territory he already traveled in September, so we may have some new clarity in some of our ongoing struggles. A little bit of movement, but more direction -- look to your chart.

--November 14-15: New Moon in Scorpio--

This happens at 23 degrees and is ruled by Mars, who just went direct--this will set the tone for the next 28 days or so. This will also be Sextile Jupiter so we have some reason for optimism, but mostly the middle of the month is going to have really strong Mars energy in all directions.

--November 21: Venus enters Scorpio, Sun enters Sagittarius --

Venus will be entering a sign of exile/detriment, in the home of Mars--so this he’s definitely a significant theme all November. Venus in Scorpio may have us knowing more what we don’t like, or liking things that others don’t. She will also Oppose Uranus around the 27th--we may feel that “a change is as good as a holiday” with regards to some of our routines around pleasure and recreation. Fun fact: this is right after Thanksgiving in the US--we’ll be changing things up for the holiday!

--November 28: Neptune stations Direct in Pisces--

This retrograde has been going on for loooong time. The lies and illusions may be less internalized now; personally I think its aspects to other outer planets are a little easier to interpret than straight ingresses.

--November 30: Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse in Gemini--

This partial penumbral eclipse should be visible as a reddening of the Moon in most of North America in the late night/early morning hours. There may be a political edge to this one since it’s conjunct the “royal star” Aldebaran (which will also be visible in the night sky). We may be very manic and chatty around this time--lots of activity as we leave November.

Speaking of eclipses, we’re headed for a total solar one on December 14th:

This upcoming eclipse is right around the same time that Saturn and Jupiter entering Aquarius and entering another conjunction--2020′s gonna go out with a bang!

[lunafeather]

For the anon ask: most important question first, how are catBeth and catRio? Second: what are some of your favorite Good Girls moments and/or episodes? From an acting perspective (I always enjoy reading your acting insights!) or just general enjoyment. And, not a question, but loved, loved, loved the third chapter of Remix and am looking forward to your prompt fills. I have no doubt that they'll be great :)

ANON ASKING THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS!

Okay so Cat!Beth and Cat!Rio are doing great, causing trouble, living up to their namesakes. The only way Rio isn’t Rio is that he talks a LOT, we have constant conversations, I know what his specific meows mean now (apparently male cats tend to be talkative ones). They love each other so much, but they play fight constantly and Rio can be a bit of a dick (lol) and Beth is only super noisy while they play (LOL).

Had an incident a couple days ago where they were asleep on the couch and I went to give Beth kisses, only she was apparently DEAD ASLEEP cause I startled her awake so badly she immediately went on the defensive -- hissed and swiped at my face. Her claw got caught in my nose and dragged a huge cut inside of it, man that shit was PAINFUL.

Rio went a couple months not feeling very cuddly, which made me very sad, but about a week ago he started cuddling again, I almost cried I was so happy. Only he does that cat thing where he puts all 14lbs of his weight on one paw on my chest and I legit worry about health problems from being crushed. Sadly, he only cuddles for like 10 mins then moves on, but I try to enjoy the little time he gives me!

Have some photos!

Favorite Good Girls Moments/Episodes

So my favorite episode is and likely will always be 2.05. Everything about it... The Brio stuff, Beth boss bitching up and selling those cars, Annie and Ruby helping, the Amber stuff (specifically the stuff about moving to LA and giving it 6 months before giving up, it was extremely meta and I feel like only people in the industry could ever truly appreciate it), the Stan/Ruby stuff, "no I know how to spell A X E”, Ruby’s reaction(s) to Beth and Rio boning, Beth pouring vodka into her slushie and the LOOK SHE GIVES THE CASHIER, Beth taking Dean’s business from him, all of it is just..... *chefs kiss* please pour it directly into my VEINS. My absolute favorite moment though is the end scene with Beth and Rio, the multi-layered conversation about both crime and their relationship, but even more specifically, Rio saying, “yeah you’re right, it is kinda early huh” then looking DIRECTLY AT BETH’S MOUTH before looking away and smiling one of the most gorgeous smiles I have ever seen in my L I F E.

Other favorite eps, in no specific order: 2.11, 3.11, 2.04, 1.04, 1.05, 2.07, others I am probably forgetting

Other fave moments, in no specific order: Brio 20 Questions, Bathroom sex, Vette smashing, Beth opening the dubby, the 2.08 picnic bench scene, Ruby shooting Big Mike in the foot, Annie helping Nancy give birth, Ben’s coming out to Annie, oH nO wHaT hApPenEd?, any time Beth defends Rio, His name is Rio!, Beth coming out of the bathroom after hiding the books, every time Rio lies about Beth being just work, any time he touches her face, all of the 1.10/2.01 dining room scene, aw you guys didn’t hit me up to do brunch??, and many more

Okay so acting-wise, all of the cast just continually knocks it out of the park. Any time Annie has to be soft and vulnerable, Mae just fucking OWNS IT and I love that. She is exactly the kind of actor I am, I see so many similarities in our styles. The first one that comes to mind for Christina is in 2.10 when she destroys all of the baked goods she spent hours making. Imagine being so good at your craft that you can film this emotional breakdown 10, probably 20 times, with different layers and methods of expressing internal anguish, and every single moment is heartbreaking and raw and honest? Manny’s manic, soft, viciousness in the 1.10/2.01 scene always kills me. Somehow he makes Rio so human and multifaceted, like yeah he’s fucking crazy, but he’s also a man living in a world where he has to be hard and ruthless, and yeah much of his softness is a ruse, but some of it is genuine. He layers all of that together perfectly. Any time Retta cries kills me, but I actually love every time she bosses up and gets into a passion speech. The “I’m that Bitch” passion speech is my favorite. Retta plays Ruby’s desperation and uncertainty so well, always layering it under other things. And she’s obviously the queen of reactions. Matthew is so good at looking dumb, like, he isn’t dumb in real life, he’s actually very charming?? I always love, though, when he plays Dean stuck in a situation where he knows he fucked up, again, LAYERS, man! I’ve already waxed on much too long, but everyone else is also amazing: Lidya, Isaiah, Reno, all of the minor characters.

So much of film/TV acting is about internal life, and letting the audience see varying amounts of it in your eyes and your actions. I think Christina and Manny are particularly good at this, but mostly because they get the most silent screen time where they’re just looking at someone or something. Mae is the best at vulnerability, which is essential.

All of them are so fucking good, it’s why it’s one of my goals to get on the show, because my soul would leave my body if I had the opportunity to act opposite literally any of them. I’ve actually started trying to form a relationship on social media with Liz Dean (casting director for the show) so that I have something to lean on when they start up production again. I am hoping she does a general casting call like many other CDs are doing so that I can get my face in front of her and her office.

AND THANK YOU ABOUT REMIX, I feel like Favorite Things really eclipsed Remix cause I posted them at roughly the same time, and Remix is a very different flavor of fic?? I feel like it’s way more challenging though, because it’s taking every single episode and morphing it in some way to be different but still similar enough it could slide right back into the show. Also because it isn’t linear, i think it doesn’t really yell OPEN ME AND READ ME. But I am super glad that the smut drew more readers in lol I am working on some other prompt fills as well as the promp-a-thon stuff, I really hope you love everything. I am a soft and sensitive bean who needs love and support and validation.

WOW THAT WAS LONG, SORRY

Go on anon and ask me anything!

[glamandrock]

The Dark Side of the Moon: Explained

An in-depth blog post on my favorite album of all time was long overdue. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon is still to this day arguably the best album ever made. I’d highly recommend listening to this album if you haven’t already, but if musical masterpieces aren’t really your thing, this is not the album for you. I constantly come across articles that explain how the album was made, but hardly any on analyzing the album’s meanings song by song. That is what I have challenged myself to do today. 

“Speak to Me”

Speak to Me is not a song you’ll hear at a music festival. There aren’t really any lyrics, as it mainly consists of random clips of conversations and various sound effects. When I took the time to really listen to the song, I started to understand its deeper meaning. In the 65 second song you hear the heartbeat sound effect used in “Eclipse”, the clock ticking heard in “Time”, the manic laughter of Peter Watts used in “Brain Damage”, the cash register in “Money”, the helicopter noise in “On the Run”, and vocalist Clare Tony’s scream in “The Great Gig in the Sky” towards the end of the song. Once the screaming stops, the song leads into “Breathe”. So what do all these noises communicate? I feel it gives a very dramatic summary of what themes and sounds the album contains. In this song particular, the theme of insanity is very prominent, as it’s quite the stressful song to listen to.

“Breathe (In the Air)”

Breathe is one of the prettier songs in this album. After the psychotic screams in the intro, it eases into a slow-paced rich guitar medley with David Gilmour’s blues-based chords and solos. Aside from the beautiful instrumentals, the lyrics are what really makes the song worth knowing. The song is full of mixed themes. The beginning tells you to relax and live life, as it’s the only life you get. Then it tells you to get a job and focus on that instead of the beauties of life. It warns you that work is a never-ending cycle. Later some of the lines expose our materialistic society convincing us we are happy when really we’re chained to a vicious cycle of consumerism. One of my favorite lyrics in the song is "All you touch and all you see Is all your life will ever be" as it really enforces one of the harsher realities of life.

“On the Run”

This is the second song in the album that uses sound effects and voice clips as it’s structure. The song gives the setting of a man running late for his flight and trying desperately to make it. There isn’t a lot I really have to say about this song, but it definitely adds to the albums exposure of how messed up adulthood is by showing how stressful it is.

“Time”

Time opens with extremely loud clips of different types of clocks ringing. Once all the clocks stop, there is a slow and deep guitar solo along with a fast-paced drum solo in the background. The song describes what time has to do with the tough transition from youth to adulthood. When we’re young we think we have all the time in the world. We don’t realize how quickly time passes by until we’re out of time and full of regret. You wasted your life trying to be comfortable, rather than living the crazy fun life you dreamed of when you were young. And now that you want to live that life, it's too late. You're out of time and luck. The song seems to be a great depiction of a rock 'n' roll midlife crisis. 

“The Great Gig in the Sky”

This song is a lyrical Interpretation of death, sorrow, happiness, joy, and pain, all at the same time. It opens with a man saying “ And I am not frightened of dying -Any time will do, I don't mind -Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime-If you can hear this whispering you are dying“. Deep, I know. The rest of the song is Clare Tony’s emotional and powerful vocals growing more and more with the music, till the piano slows and her voice calms. I feel this represents the angry and fearful feeling felt toward death escalation until finally, it’s accepted.

“Money”

Money is one of my all-time favorite Pink Floyd songs. This is a fun rock/jazz song with a catchy bass riff and iconic guitar solo but, like every other song on this album, it’s got a much deeper meaning. When you first take a look at the lyrics, you may think “Wow, Pink Floyd sure did love being millionaires”. That’s exactly what Waters wanted you to think when he wrote the song. When Gilmour sang “Money, it’s a hit. Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit”, it exposed the arrogance of the upper class. You don’t have to be filthy rich to associate yourself with some of the songs lyrics, as everyone has had some connection to greed. The overall theme of this song is how we evolve in our relationship with money.

“Us and Them”

The conversation closing Money then leads into the calming musical introduction of Us and Them. Most people think the songs only theme is war. I’d argue that it's not about war so much as it is about the tendency of humans to fight with each other. Not just on the battlefield, but in everyday situations. In an interview Waters discusses a bit of the meaning behind Us and Them: that we are constantly fighting each other and separating ourselves into an "us vs. them" mentality. The point is that we unnecessarily divide ourselves based on every little thing, concentrate on our differences, and forget to think about all the ways we're all in this thing together. So, yes, on a small scale, it's about war, but it's more about human nature in general. Not just the political idea of one country against another, but the very simple idea of one human against another. The powerful background vocals and sax solos communicate the importance of the theme of the song.

“Any Colour You Like”

This song is beautiful, but I haven’t quite discovered it’s meaning yet. There are no lyrics for me to analyze in this song. The only thing I can really comment on in the song is the fact that I feel like I’m on an insane psychedelic acid trip. 

“Brain Damage”

This song describes a man's final descent into insanity. The whole album itself poses the question "Can everyday life make you go insane?". The themes expressed in Time, Money, Us and Them, and so on all lead up to this when this normal person finally goes insane from his normal life. Finally, at the end of the song, you hear that manic laugh again. The lunatic really is in this guys head. I’d also like to add that some would argue this album was based on what Syd Barrett was going through with drug addiction. Wish You Were Here was without a doubt an ode to Syd, but I think the deep meanings this album presents are beyond Pink Floyd’s co-founder.

“Eclipse”

The final song in The Dark Side of the Moon is Eclipse. There are infinite themes and metaphors you can obtain from this song. Here’s how I see it. It's saying that everything in the universe is in perfect harmony and balance. It is only us humans that are messed up. The moon represents the chaos and madness of our minds that eclipses the god-giving light of the sun. That's why Dark Side of the Moon is really the dark side of human nature, as it blinds us, but it's also what makes us unique. As the last lines show, there is no dark side of the moon, it's all dark. It's only the sun that makes it bright. So in fact, everyone is crazy, and that is our purpose.

 I hope this post cleared up some of the confusion on what this album was communicating. In the end, only the writers of this album will know the true meaning.

[danetobelieve]

It’s Just A Scratch || Rebecca and Winston

Winston wasn’t sure whether the darkness was something to be worried about. It seemed to have made things seem worse, from their internship at the police station they were aware that things appeared more manic. Apparently crime was up. But they were determined not to stop their life over some darkness. After all they could use magic, surely they could handle a bit of night. They had to admit though, it would be nice to see the sun. They hoped things changed soon. But they were hardly feeling confident. Stepping out into the cold winter air of the quad, Winston watched their breath frost up in the dimly lit college buildings and decided that things definitely looked creepier now then in the day time. They were about to close the door behind them when they spotted Professor Rothbard coming towards them. “Oh, hi professor,” they smiled gently as they held the door open, “heading home?” 

The darkness that now settled over White Crest was a constant reminder of the darkness that settled in the pit of Rebecca’s soul. Perhaps that was a bit selfish to think, but she couldn’t help it. It worried her, too, that people were continuing their daily activities, and she feared often for the safety of students. She found herself staying back more and more to make sure they got to their dorms or off campus alright. That’s why she’d been heading out tonight, when one of the grad students had caught the door for her. “Oh, hello,” she said, giving a nod, “Umm...Winston, right?” she asked, tilting her head at them. She’d seen them around and heard their name mentioned by a few of the other professors. “I am. It’s a little worrisome out there, though. You wouldn’t mind walking an old lady to her car, would you?” she asked. She’d found that giving the students the out of helping her went over better than her offering her protection.

“Yeah that is me,” Winston replied a little surprised that they knew them even though Winston didn’t have any classes with her. Though anthropology interested them they didn’t have the time or credits to spare. Raising an eyebrow gently at Rebecca’s suggestion before inclining their head gently in agreement. Honestly the truth was that Winston was happy for the company. “Do you mean the perpetual darkness?” Winston asked with a frown, “I’ve gotta be honest it is giving me the creeps a bit.” They looked around themselves nervously. Before nodding. “It’s probably a good idea that we don’t go places alone in the darkness, especially …” they paused and raised an eyebrow before speaking, “at this time of year. So if you’re heading that way anyway.” Winston set off in the direction of the car park, honestly glad of the company. “What do you think the darkness is?” Winston asked curiously, “You don’t subscribe to the freak weather pattern stuff?”

Rebecca almost laughed at the notion-- of course people in White Crest would think this was some sort of bizarre weather pattern. All the better to keep their heads in the sand with. She shook her head. “No, it’s definitely not the weather. Not even the heaviest of overcast can make it dark as night. Not even an eclipse.” She looked back over at them. The selection of grad students at UMWC was slim, but she was all the more glad to see the pool growing. “Considering recent events in the town, regarding that chest...I’m assuming it has something to do with that, or at least the reasoning behind that. I don’t really believe in coincidences, after--” A sudden chill ran up her spine. A very big, very bad chill. A second chill, making the hairs on her arms rise, as if in excitement. Something stirred inside of her. They were out in the middle of the quad but she stopped dead in her tracks, putting an arm out to stop Winston as well. Where was it coming from? This feeling? Something moved through the shadows up ahead. She stilled. “Winston...do you see that?” Was it ghost or beast? She needed to know now.

Calling this a weather pattern was something Regan had done and Winston couldn’t help but think that it might well be the most idiotic thing that they had ever heard. This was clearly not a natural phenomena that anyone had ever experienced before. At least not in living memory. “Yeah, seems a bit ridiculous to blame this on something as simple as an eclipse or the weather, gotta admit that I am more surprised that word of this hasn’t gotten out but then again I guess that sort of thing is kind of normal for White Crest.” They raised an eyebrow about the comment about the chest and shrugged. “I guess you’re right, this seems like it is far too many coincidences.” They paused and pondered whether the chest could’ve done this. After what it had done to Ricky and what Winston had learned about the supernatural world since then, they wouldn’t be surprised. Then their companion stopped dead in their tracks and Winston paused as well. “I don’t … see what?” Winston asked squinting into the darkness through their glasses.

Talk of the night fell by the wayside. If Winston couldn’t see or feel it, then that confirmed Rebecca’s fears. A specter. And not just any specter. She started backing up slowly, pushing Winston with her. “We need to be very quiet, and very still,” she said to them, keeping her eyes on the spot where she’d felt the most movement. There it was, that faint outline. If she could almost see it, then it was definitely something that wanted to be seen. Which was never a good thing. “Get back inside,” she murmured to Winston, still keeping her arms steady. Although it wasn’t as if putting a body in front of them would save them if it was some sort of malicious spirit. Slowly, Rebecca reached into her back pocket-- her iron dagger. Dammit, she should’ve brought her salt rifle with her. It was in her car, which was on the other side of whatever this thing was. Suddenly, the movement stopped. Slowly, but surely, two beaming red eyes turned from out of the darkness to look directly at both of them. A chill went up Rebecca’s spine. Oh, came the voice inside her mind, this’ll be fun. 

As immediate knee jerk reactions go, Winston was glad that they didn’t go with the reaction they had wanted to, which was to say something and not stand still. But Rebecca’s instructions had been very clear and there was an authority to her voice that Winston wasn’t about to ignore. Their mouth hung open, they wanted more then anything to say something but in that moment they stopped and probably just looked gormless. Though they weren’t sure why it was so important for them to get back inside, they weren’t sure that they wanted to argue with Professor Rothbard. “Okay okay we can go back inside,” Winston whispered in reply as they took a few quiet steps backwards, “do you want me to call the police or someone else?” Was this supernatural? Was that why they couldn’t see or hear anything? Because they weren’t meant to be able to see or hear anything? They didn’t know and honestly they kind of hated not knowing. 

It was with a sudden clarity that Rebecca knew exactly what was in front of them, as the figure in the night manifested. A shadow within the darkness, outlined by a faint red glow that made her heart sink. A wraith. “No,” she hissed to them, reaching into her pocket quickly to grab her ward slips, and-- damn, only one left. She’d forgotten to make more after giving Blanche her last stack. She shoved the piece of paper into Winston’s hands. “Take this. Get inside, and hide,” she instructed, turning to look them square in the eyes. She squeezed their hand that was holding the slip. “If that thing comes near you, hold this up and shout ‘Protect’!” she said as she continued to back them up. It hadn’t spotted them yet, otherwise they’d both be done for already. She knew Winston could see the wraith now, too, as it billowed in and out of the shadows. “Winston, look at me-- we’re going to be fine, as long as you do everything I sa--” she had almost finished, but what she hadn’t noticed was the second wraith, still invisible. The first one had been a decoy. It was on top of them now, long nails uncurling, as it finally showed itself, and claws came down at both of them.

“Ok, yell protect,” Winston replied wondering what the hell was on this piece of paper that could stop them from the thing that they could now see. They hadn’t been a huge fan of Harry Potter and it turned out that magic wasn’t as easy as the books made it sound. But whatever the hell was coming out of the shadows looked almost exactly like what Winston had imagined a dementor to look. There was a cloud of dark smoke that swirled and billowed as it floated out of the shadows. “I believe you don’t worry,” Winston said as they tried to remain calm and not freak out in front of Rebecca. She obviously knew something that Winston didn’t. But she didn’t finish her sentence and Winston’s reply fell silent in the midst of their throat. “Fuck,” so much for not panicking, “watch out.” They weren’t sure what to do. Either they could push them out of the way or they could try and intervene with magic. But right now Winston wasn’t sure which one they were going to do and their indecision didn’t get any easier as the thing slashed out at Rebecca. 

Rebecca’s body half ran on instinct at this point. So when she moved to shove Winston out of the way, her body also moved to curl above them, blocking them from the swipe of claws. It tore her blazer, and she winced, hoping with all her might it hadn’t actually cut the skin. Maybe her jacket at blocked most of it. But the creatures were moving again, and Rebecca hoisted the student with as much energy as she could muster and started them both out on a sprint towards the building, grabbing her dagger, finally, as she did. Started muttering in Hebrew into it until it glowed, matching the glow on the bracelet around her wrist. Wraiths couldn’t be exorcised, but they sure as fuck could be hurt. And she would drive this dagger into their stupid, glowing faces if she had to. “Inside!” she hissed to Winston when they approached a closet, glancing around to see how closely they were being followed. “HURRY!”

Happening in a flash, Winston watched with horror as Rebecca put their body on the line to save them. However, perhaps by some stroke of luck, she seemed to have escaped … well relatively unharmed for now. Pausing, they swallowed for a second before hurrying off on Rebecca’s command. They didn’t say anything when a dagger appeared and suddenly it was glowing. All Winston wondered was what she was. Hunter? Exorcist? Spellcaster? Fae? Something else? They knew that they had only experienced a relatively small drop in what was the supernatural ocean that was White Crest. As they spotted a closet, Winston was determined to do their part to help. They didn’t know if this would work or even do anything, but they were determined to do something and they’d wanted to try this for a few weeks now. As they hurried to the closet they paused for a second and pulled a sharpie from their bag, quickly drawing a rune onto the wall, they muttered an incantation that they’d learned and watched as the small sharpie rune that they’d scribbled on the wall began to glow with icy blue energy. “Sorry, let’s go,” they said as they scrambled inside the closet.

What were they drawing? A rune? “You’re a spellcaster?” Rebecca asked as she shut the door as quietly as possible and put herself between Winston and the door. She held up her dagger, watching it shimmer in the darkness, their only source of light at the moment. “How good are you with magic? Can you seal this door?” she asked with a hushed voice. That trickling feeling of horror started to pour up her arms and into her chest and she held up her hand in a “shhh” motion, one finger pressed against her lips. After a moment, it passed. They were searching for them. When she was sure it was gone, she held the glowing dagger out to them. “I need you to check something,” she said, “I need to know if I was scratched.” 

Honestly, Winston was getting more and more convinced that they would have already died several times had they not been blessed with magical abilities. “Yeah, spellcaster but I am brand new at this, like literally found out a few months ago, apparently I’m good at it but I can only manage really basic things reliably. So if I try and seal that door we might get stuck here…” That wasn’t something that they wanted to risk. They waited, Winston paused and held their breath. They expected they’d hear some sort of cold explosion from the rune if it went off. They paused for a second, before raising an eyebrow in Rebecca’s direction. “Uh, you need to know if you were scratched?” they looked around concerned, “I can check if you want, where do you think it … y’know, got you.” 

“Just...look and see for me, please?” Rebecca said a little curtly, not exactly thrilled with the business at hand. Being trapped in a closet with a student by two wraiths was not her ideal way to end the night. Or end, at all. I can help. The voice rustled in her head, her chest. She clenched her teeth, pushing it away. Held the light out to Winston and gestured to her shoulder. “There, where it got my jacket, anything?” she asked, leaning her head forward to pull her hair away. She could only hope that it hadn’t quite gotten her, because trying to walk a new spellcaster through a wraith cleaning ritual right now was going to be terrible. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to drag Morgan into even more of her bullshit ghost troubles. Not yet. 

“Of course, of course,” Winston nervously reached up and adjusted their glasses so that they sat more comfortably on the bridge of their nose before looking at the light, taking it from them, they flipped it over and held it gently between their lips so that they could use two hands to check Rebecca. Gently grabbing her arm, they found the tear in her jacket and pried it apart. A small wave of viscous liquid spilled over their fingers and Winston pulled the clothing further apart to reveal a long scratch. It was weird, Winston wasn’t sure if they were seeing but the flesh already looked like there were the first stages of necrosis. The wound looked not great. “Uh, bad news, you’re cut but it’s only a small scratch so you should be fine in a few days, I don’t think you’ll even need stitches. But I can take you to a hospital to check?”

“Shit,” Rebecca hissed. A cut. It had gotten her. The initial wave of panic made her want to scream, but she held it in. If they were found now, things would only get worse. She opened her mouth to say something back to Winston, but there was a sudden noise outside-- like ice breaking or cracking. Rebecca took the dagger back from Winston. “The ward,” she said, motioning to them. “Hold it up. I have an idea.” She waited another moment, felt a chill run up her spine. Hair on her arms standing on end. “I’m going to open the door, and when I do, I need you to hold up that ward and say what I tell you. And as soon as you do, run. And don’t stop. I’ll be right behind you, I promise.”

Grasping the ward in their hands nervously, Winston couldn’t help but think about how very sweaty their hands currently were. “Is the cut bad?” they asked recognising the panic in Rebecca’s voice, it felt like she was dealing with this a lot better then they were. They wanted to run screaming from here but somehow they knew that wasn’t going to do them any favours and would probably get them killed. You couldn’t fuck around with this supernatural shit and Winston wasn’t loving that for them. Holding the ward up, Winston gave Rebecca a shaky nod. “I can do that,” they looked at her and secured their glasses on their face nervously adjusting them on their nose, “I’m ready when you are.” 

Oi, this poor kid. They looked more nervous than a grad student on thesis day. Rebecca shook her head. “It doesn’t matter right now, we need to focus on getting out of here alive first.” As she reached for the handle, she could feel the chill in the air rising. The metal knob was cold, almost painfully. She drew in a breath and looked back at Winston one more time before nodding to them. “Ready,” she murmured, paused as they each took a moment to gather themselves. Then, she turned the knob forcefully, holding up her dagger and shouting in time with Winston. A light blared and the two wraiths, already on top of the door, screeched in pain. “Let’s go!” she said, grabbing Winston’s hand and pushing him out the door. Their only chance now was to get to the car. 

Winston’s thesis day was quickly approaching and yet Winston hadn’t even considered it in the last few days because of all of the supernatural bullshit that they were constantly having to navigate. “Sure, making it out of here alive is at the top of my priorities.” They swallowed and steeled themself. They might be afraid but they weren’t going to let that put them or the professor at risk. They just had to approach this logically and everything would be fine. It had been every other time. Winston took a deep breath as Rebecca opened the door and holding the ward aloft they shouted alongside Rebecca, as the spectres recoiled from their advances they headed for the exit. “Your car or mine?” Winston asked as they sprinted out of the building, praying that Rebecca was keeping up because they didn’t think they’d survive without them there. Was she an exorcist? She seemed to know her stuff, but Winston didn’t know if that really meant anything. 

“Faculty lot is closer!” Rebecca called out to Winston, making sure to stick close behind them. Her shoulder burned and as she ran, she could already feel the weariness setting in. All they had to do was make it to the car. All they had to do was make it there, and they would be safe. She didn’t chance a look back over her shoulder to see how close they were, pulling her keys out and unlocking the car the second they rounded the corner to the lot. The lights lit up the entire space in front of them and Rebecca thanked her lucky stars that she’d let the rental guy convince her to go for the newer model with the ‘start from inside’ function. The wraiths screamed back behind them, halting their advances into the light and Rebecca huffed up to the car, opening the door for Winston to get in. “C’mon…” she panted, looking back at the four red dots lingering in the dark. “Let’s get out of here…” She slid into the driver’s side and closed the door, head sagging a bit. She’d seen them do some sort of rune, did that mean he was a spellcaster? “You...you can use magic, yes?” she asked, looking over at them.

Winston was glad they knew where the faculty lot actually was, they knew where they were going and they weren’t completely lost. Rebecca stuck close by and they were making good progress. Winston didn’t know if they were being pursued and if their attackers were close by, they just knew that they had to make it out of here and fast. “Good idea,” Winston said as they watched and noticed that whatever the fuck these things were they weren’t keen on the light, that was good to know, “the sooner we can get away from those things the better.” Did they have to contact Cassie? Would she be able to help them with this? Winston really hoped so. Winston considered trying to lie, but after everything that was going on and the mess that they found themselves in, not to mention the fact Rebecca had seen them do magic. “Yeah, I can do magic, not super experienced but I can usually get stuff if I work at it for a bit…. Why?” 

Rebecca let out a long breath. “Those things,” she panted, already feeling the weariness setting in, “are called wraiths.” She glanced out the window, could still see them circling. “Their scratches are...bad. And they need to be magically healed.” She looked back over at Winston, giving them a stern look. “I’m going to drive us somewhere safe, but I’m going to need you to clean the scratch magically once we get there. So, do whatever it is you need to do to prepare.” She hoped this would work, that Winston could do this for her. She wasn’t eager to search out another witch, or to have to involve Morgan in this. When she pulled into the synagogue parking lot, just down the street, she turned to Winston. “The Wraiths have magical...essence in their scratches. I need you to pull that essence from the wound. Can you try that for me?”

That was when Winston began to really sweat. Cleaning or healing magic? Those weren’t things that Winston had any experience with tand from what they had read they had always believed that those were the magic that they would struggle with the most. “Okay, okay,” Winston took a very deep breath, “I can try and clean this for sure,” they held out their hands which were shaking gently as they hovered in mid air above the scratch. “Just, uh, please gimme a second because it’s going to be new to me but I can definitely do this, I’ve got this, I’ve got this.” They were starting to panic but they forced themselves to take a deep breath. One second. Two seconds. Winston closed their eyes and tried to focus on the peace. Drawing on the peace in them, they felt their palms light up gently as a dark shadowy essence began to drain out of the scratch. Winston felt sweat bead on their brow and felt their energy drain away, but they were pretty sure they’d managed it. “I think, I think I did it, is there any way for me to check?” 

Rebecca closed her eyes as she waited. Glowing white eyes waited for her in the darkness and she jerked slightly, feeling Winston’s magic pull at the wound on her back. When they finished, Rebecca turned to them, still wearied, but feeling lighter. “Does it still look bad? If it looks like it’s closing up, it should be fine,” she explained quickly, wondering if she truly trusted this kid to have fully cleaned the wound. She could check later, head down to Amity and find a more experienced healer. If she’d need it. Whatever practice Winston had had, they seemed to be a natural at this magic thing. She turned back straight in the seat and let out a long breath. “Thank you,” she murmured after a moment. “Can I drive you home?”

Feeling somewhat more exhausted then they had previously felt, Winston looked carefully at the wound, hoping that they weren’t going to have to do that again. “Uh, it doesn’t look perfect but I think that it is going to be better then it was before, but it might be a good idea to get someone who actually knows what they’re doing to look at this and make sure I did a good enough job, I can reocommend some good witches who are better at this then me…” they swallowed for a moment and took a deep breath. They didn’t want to go back to get their car. “Yeah, if you’re cool to drop me home that would be great, I can get my car another day.”