#echo x kandam'aira

[captn-trex]

the bitter truth

entry for @clonexocweek day 5: future

pairing: echo x kandam'aira

summary: after Kan makes a troubling realisation, she has to face up to the reality of what her and Echo's future looks like under the reign of the Empire

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, unwanted pregnancy, vague discussion of abortion, panic attack symptoms, general discussion of family/parenthood, angst as all heck but echo is a supportive king <3

a/n: kan and echo return!!!!!! but... this is kinda a tough one. sorry. pls pls heed the warnings for this because it is a pretty heavy topic. it kinda builds on stuff from the last chapter but also stands by itself, for those who aren't familiar with their story :)

echo x kan masterlist / main masterlist / join my taglist / wc: 1.8k

“Fuck”

Kan stared down at the device in her hands, her mind blank and running through every possibility at the same time. She looked away and then back to it once more, the result it bared still the same.

“Fuck” she repeated, slumping back against the wall as the weight of consequences washed over her.

She thought they had been careful, making sure that this outcome wasn't possible. She had the implant, they used protection, yet somehow… here she was; with child.

The thought made her stomach turn, and she slid down the wall to crumple to the floor, tears springing to her eyes. She drew her knees into her chest, staring at the wall opposite as she tried to form a coherent thought. She couldn't see this through — that much she knew. She was steadfast in her views, that the rebellion came before anything, there was little that could shake that belief. It would be selfish of her, to abandon her duties, to give life to someone when she lived in such conditions.

A choked sob escaped her, her throat feeling like it was closing up, that she couldn't get air into her lungs fast enough to take a full breath. Her hands tangled in her hair, pulling at her scalp to try and ground herself, to bring her back to the present moment.

It was made difficult by the incessant and nagging voice at the back of her mind, the one that told her that this should be a happy discovery, that this was something she wanted. She couldn't allow herself to listen to it, she wouldn't. It wasn't realistic. She had to get rid of it.

It.

It was callous to call what should be such a joyous creation by the dehumanising title, but it was the only thing she could do to block out her true desires. Even though it was true, confirmed by the test she had just done, it was still hypothetical. The hypothetical child she might have if the galaxy was any different. It was not real.

A knock sounded at the door of the refresher, and Kan's head snapped up, a stroke of panic jolting through her body.

“M'aira? You alright?”

Kan's brows pinched at the care in Echo's voice, the edge of worry, of softness, that seemed to be reserved for only her.

“Yeah” she spoke up, surprising her self by how stable her voice sounded.

She knew that she had to tell him. She fully intended to, but for right now she needed to sort out her own mind, how she felt about it, before involving him.

A silence stretched out between them, the door concealing the way both of them held their breath. Finally, Kan heard Echo shift his weight, the scuff of his boot against the floor giving him away.

“You've been in there a while…” he spoke gently, “is everything okay?”

Kan swallowed thickly, trying to steady her voice once more before she spoke, but her words were stuck in her throat. Her head hit the wall with a dull thud as she gave up trying, and her tears streamed down the side of her face, dampening her already unruly hair. She tried to regain control of her breath at the very least, taking deep breaths and filling her lungs as much as she could without making it obvious she was doing so.

“M'aira?” Echo's voice cut through softly. Kan couldn't think of what to say. She couldn't tell him everything was fine, he was impossible to lie to after all. He could see straight through her. The shuffling of his steps could be heard once more, “I'm coming in… is that okay?”

Kan sighed, her voice impossibly small as she spoke up, “yes”

The door to the refresher zipped open, and Echo's eyes widened as he took in the sight of her, dishevelled and tear-stained on the floor. He was on his knees in front of her in a matter of seconds, and Kan rested her chin on her knees as she looked up at him with a pitiful expression, painfully aware of how defeated she looked. He seemed so alarmed, his eyes searching hers and brows pulled into a deep frown. Kan couldn't imagine what he was thinking, finding her like this.

“M'aira, ner cyare, what's happened?” his voice was almost a whisper as he took her face in his hands.

Kan didn't know how to broach the topic. “I… I'm—” she swallowed the lump in her throat, and her eyes unwittingly flicked to the side where the testing device lay, as if it would help her communicate the news.

Echo followed her line of sight, and Kan watched as his brain registered exactly what the item was. His breath stuttered, his gentle grip on her face loosening further, and his pupils seemed more dilated when his gaze returned to hers.

“Is that what I think it is?” he kept his voice neutral, and Kan nodded slowly.

She wasn't necessarily worried for his reaction to the news itself, but having to explain her point of view on the matter was a little more concerning. Echo was understanding, but she feared that this wasn't in the realm of things he could understand, given his experience of life being through the lens of masculinity only.

Kan could tell he was trying to find the right thing to say, a little out of his depth all things considered. The look in his eyes was intense, and yet it held no indication of his thoughts at all. As the quiet drew out, Kan began to feel doubt gnawing at her mind.

“I take it…” Echo began tentatively, “that this is not a good thing”

Kan chuckled despite herself, and the sound was pitiful through the veil of sorrow, “I don't know”

Echo gave her a gentle and sympathetic smile. “How are you feeling?” he murmured, pressing his forehead into hers.

Kan closed her eyes, feeling calmed by the gesture, and she took a deep, steadying breath, “I don't think I have an answer for that right now”

“Okay” he said ever so quietly.

He stroked his thumb across her cheek, tracing a line through her tattoos as if they were a maze, something he often did in quiet moments between them. The chill of the cybernetic's metal against her heated skin was a welcome reprieve, helping to ground her in a way only he was capable of.

“Can I hold you?” he whispered, making Kan's eyes flutter open.

She sniffled as she replied, “please”

Echo pulled her into his embrace, sitting back against the opposite wall of the refresher and cradling her body in his. He pressed a kiss to her head, and Kan could feel a little of the tension drain from her body. Kan knew Echo well enough to know that his mind must be running wild, every possible reason why she might be so upset mingling and creating some kind of monster formed of insecurities, taunting him in ways that she didn't want to imagine.

“I love you, Echo” she looked up at him and said the words with purpose. She didn't want that getting lost in translation, and she wouldn't let any contradictory thoughts linger in his mind.

Echo smiled down at her, his honey coloured eyes crinkling around the edges, “I love you too, M'aira”

Kan sighed, and reached up to hold his jaw. She could tell he wanted to understand, but was hesitant to ask.

“What are you thinking, cyar'ika?” he asked in a whisper.

Kan's eyes welled with tears once more without permission. “A lot of things” she replied, tracing his cheekbone with her thumb. She watched as Echo's throat bobbed, and he seemed to steel himself before speaking.

“If you don't want… this, with me, then that's okay” he uttered, “you can tell me”

It was obvious that he was saddened by the idea, even though he still held a strong exterior, and Kan's heart lurched in her chest.

She shook her head, “it's not that at all”

Uncertainty slid across Echo's eyes, “what is it then?”

Kan exhaled slowly, resting her head against his shoulder as she prepared to divulge everything she held in her mind.

“I'd love nothing more than to have a family with you Echo, I… I think you knew that” she began, “but… I can't—”

Kan puffed out a breath as she failed to contain her tears, and Echo rubbed her back tenderly, “take your time”

She gave herself a moment to collect herself before speaking again.

“I can't bring a life into this galaxy” she stated, her voice as steady as her resolve in feeling so, “I can't condemn my child to live under this Empire, without knowing if it would ever end. It wouldn't be fair, and I… I don't want that for you either” her voice cracked before she continued, “but I— I don't want you to miss out on something like this, especially if you don't have as long as I do”

“If you wanted to— if you… I just— if—” Kan sighed as words failed her, “I would understand if you—”

“M'aira” Echo cut her off, his tone that of warning, “I dont like what you’re insinuating”

Kan hung her head, turning away from his displeased frown, “I know”

Echo was quiet for a moment, then slipped his hand under her jaw to tilt her head back up.

“I'm not ‘missing out’ on anything. If you don't want this, then neither do I” he stated, speaking with a directness that anyone else might have been startled by. “I care far more about you, now, than anything else that might be, and as far as I’m concerned… this is a family” he held her tighter then, “we don't need a child to confirm that”

Kan let the edges of lips lift, first in a sad smile, but letting her mind linger on the idea, it turned more melancholic. “A little Echo would be very cute though” she commented.

Echo chuckled, shaking his head lightly, “not as cute as a mini M'aira, I'm sure”

The sting of tears in Kan's eyes reflected the pang of hurt in her heart, at the reminder that it could never be, not in the current climate.

“Hey” Echo took her chin, gaining her attention before her eyes could become too glazed over and mind too clouded by unhappy thoughts. “We'll be okay” he told her firmly, earning a tearful nod, “if it…”

Kan raised an eyebrow as he trailed off, “if what?”

“If there ever comes a time that you do want something like this… we could always adopt instead”

Kan smiled, and something like hope set alight in her chest, flickering into a small flame from only embers. “Yeah” she thought aloud, “yeah, I like that idea”

Echo gave her a warm smile as he bumped his forehead with hers. “I love you, M'aira” he told her, “this galaxy might be cruel, but I wont let it stop you from taking what you want from it”

Kan tilted her head and pressed a short but ardent kiss to his lips, pulling back to offer him a thankful smile, “I love you, Echo”

technical devotion taglist: @darthnihila @cdblake1565 @bunny7567 @heidnspeak @falling-among-the-stars @clones-cyare

[captn-trex]

— kandam'aira hynzir

I commissioned this amazing piece of my OC Kan from the wonderfully talented @amalthiaph !! thank you endlessly for bringing her to life like this, she's absolutely gorgeous <3

I realised that info on her backstory got lost to the ages when I impulsively deleted my side blog, so now is as good a time as any to drop it here! (under the cut)

this is Kan's backstory leading up to her meeting Echo in technical devotion. some of these things come up in the story as Echo finds out about them, but it's not necessary for the reader to find out that way (aka, this has spoilers but I don't care if you don't care). tw: torture

—childhood & before the war

As a child Kan was always interested in working with technology. She was an only child and lived with her parents in a small village on the planet of their people, Mirial. Kan's parents were young when they had her, and were very loving, though they didn't spoil her. Instead they instilled in her the value of selflessness and taught her to always help people where possible. Her mother was an archaeologist of sorts, and spent much of her time researching and writing papers on rooting the truth to the myths of sites that were believed to be affected by divine intervention. Her father owned a small repair shop that tended to anything from ship repairs to cybernetics.

With Mirial being located on a hyperspace route, Kan's father's repair shop garnered attention from the wider galaxy, and Kan got to meet all different sorts of people, fuelling her desire to explore the galaxy herself. Kan undertook many small technological projects throughout her childhood, but her biggest undertaking happened when her mother lost her leg below the knee after a tunnel collapsed in on her during an archaeological dig. Kan and her father constructed a cybernetic for her when she was just thirteen, and that's when Kan knew that she wanted to pursue engineering.

When Kan turned 17, she left home to do exactly that. She lived on the ship that she and her father had been building for a number of years, and travelled around doing repairs and any other technological gigs she could find. She enjoyed her time doing this, but she really desired to do more, and help people in a more meaningful way.

—the 41st elite corps

Shortly after the clone war broke out, Kan got into a bit of trouble when she was caught in the Separatist occupation of Ryloth. She was running away from a battalion of droids, and was cornered when Master Luminara Unduli singlehandedly defeated the droids to save her. Kan thanked her and offered her services to her as repayment for saving her life. The Mirialan Jedi felt a kinship with Kan due to their shared origins, and what started out as one job turned into a partnership that stretched the length of the war. Kan began working as an engineer, but was also trained as a field medic when her presence was questioned by a number of the members of the jedi council. She became close with a lieutenant in the 41st named Spider, who took her under his wing and looked after her as much as she would allow, as she was still quite young and had very little experience of war and the galaxy at large.

Over the course of the war, Kan gradually earned her face tattoos, tallying up important moments. She got the central diamond first, and the more lives she saved and technological developments she made for the republic, the more she got, stretching outward across her cheeks. During a particularly gruelling campaign on Felucia, which had many casualties, Kan was captured by the Separatists. She was held prisoner and her captors were insisting that she was Master Unduli's padawan. They questioned, and eventually tortured her for information about Unduli's battle strategy, but she resisted. She was rescued and sent to recuperate from the chemical burn injuries she sustained across her shoulders and collarbone, which is where she briefly met Fives. He was suffering from his own injuries, and grieving the recent death of his brother.

Kan continued to work with Master Unduli up until the end of the war. She was on Kashyyyk with her when order 66 was given, and when she tried to interfere, confused at the clones' sudden shift in behaviour, the clones turned on her too. She narrowly escaped death at the hands of her good friend Spider, and went into hiding.

—post-order 66

Kan returned to travelling around and doing repairs, though it was hard to stay off of the Empire's radar. Eventually, someone replied to a distress signal that she had put out immediately after the events of order 66, and offered her safety from the Empire. She then worked as a mechanic in a workshop on Alderaan, under the protection of Senator Bail Organa. For a while, Kan struggled to come to terms with how the war ended, and came to dislike her tattoos because they served as an obvious reminder that her efforts and the efforts of the clones around her were all for nought.

While visiting the planet, Organa urged Senator Riyo Chuchi to speak with Kan, and that's where she first learned of the clone underground. She was immediately eager to help them, after working with clones so closely before, and partly with the hopes of reuniting with some of her friends from the war.

p.s. final chapter out sunday !! sorry it's taken so long, I've been in a bit of a creative rut tbh, but this last one will hopefully be a nice final hurrah :)

[captn-trex]

— technical devotion masterlist

echo x fem! original character — complete, 72k words, 24 parts

description: Kan is a technician who wishes to do more with her life, so when she hears of a secret clone rebellion that is taking shape, she jumps at the opportunity to help. Her technical skills, along with her positive attitude and acute friendliness, make her fit into the operation immediately, but there's one clone who she can't seem to crack.

warnings/tags: (strangers to) friends to lovers, mutual pining, some angst, some canon-typical violence & injury detail, one NSFW chapter (labelled), specific warnings attached to each chapter

join my taglist | main masterlist

♡ info about kandam'aira | echo & kan playlist ♡

— chapters:

part one: a new life | 2.2k words

part two: boundaries | 2.4k words

part three: decryption | 2.3k words

part four: call to action | 2.6k words

part five: objective | 3.3k words

part six: visitors | 3.1k words

part seven: a new post | 2.6k words

part eight: playing the part | 3.7k words

part nine: getting nowhere | 2.7k words

part ten: unveiling truths | 3.2k words

part eleven: co-existing | 2.9k words

part twelve: handy | 2.5k words

part thirteen: leaving | 2.2k words

part fourteen: changes | 2.5k words

part fifteen: promises made | 2.6k words

part sixteen: old friends | 3.9k words

part seventeen: taken | 3.4k words

part eighteen: the search | 2.6k words

part nineteen: safety | 2.6k words

part twenty: on the mend | 4.3k words

part twenty-one: stepping back | 2.4k words

part twenty-two: pinnacle [18+] | 3.2k words

part twenty-three: deadly force | 6k words

part twenty-four: lucky | 4k words

[ghostymarni]

OH MY STARS SHES PRECIOUS and her story, I’m hooked <3 BRB CRYING OVER HER

— kandam'aira hynzir

I commissioned this amazing piece of my OC Kan from the wonderfully talented @amalthiaph !! thank you endlessly for bringing her to life like this, she's absolutely gorgeous <3

I realised that info on her backstory got lost to the ages when I impulsively deleted my side blog, so now is as good a time as any to drop it here! (under the cut)

this is Kan's backstory leading up to her meeting Echo in technical devotion. some of these things come up in the story as Echo finds out about them, but it's not necessary for the reader to find out that way (aka, this has spoilers but I don't care if you don't care). tw: torture

—childhood & before the war

As a child Kan was always interested in working with technology. She was an only child and lived with her parents in a small village on the planet of their people, Mirial. Kan's parents were young when they had her, and were very loving, though they didn't spoil her. Instead they instilled in her the value of selflessness and taught her to always help people where possible. Her mother was an archaeologist of sorts, and spent much of her time researching and writing papers on rooting the truth to the myths of sites that were believed to be affected by divine intervention. Her father owned a small repair shop that tended to anything from ship repairs to cybernetics.

With Mirial being located on a hyperspace route, Kan's father's repair shop garnered attention from the wider galaxy, and Kan got to meet all different sorts of people, fuelling her desire to explore the galaxy herself. Kan undertook many small technological projects throughout her childhood, but her biggest undertaking happened when her mother lost her leg below the knee after a tunnel collapsed in on her during an archaeological dig. Kan and her father constructed a cybernetic for her when she was just thirteen, and that's when Kan knew that she wanted to pursue engineering.

When Kan turned 17, she left home to do exactly that. She lived on the ship that she and her father had been building for a number of years, and travelled around doing repairs and any other technological gigs she could find. She enjoyed her time doing this, but she really desired to do more, and help people in a more meaningful way.

—the 41st elite corps

Shortly after the clone war broke out, Kan got into a bit of trouble when she was caught in the Separatist occupation of Ryloth. She was running away from a battalion of droids, and was cornered when Master Luminara Unduli singlehandedly defeated the droids to save her. Kan thanked her and offered her services to her as repayment for saving her life. The Mirialan Jedi felt a kinship with Kan due to their shared origins, and what started out as one job turned into a partnership that stretched the length of the war. Kan began working as an engineer, but was also trained as a field medic when her presence was questioned by a number of the members of the jedi council. She became close with a lieutenant in the 41st named Spider, who took her under his wing and looked after her as much as she would allow, as she was still quite young and had very little experience of war and the galaxy at large.

Over the course of the war, Kan gradually earned her face tattoos, tallying up important moments. She got the central diamond first, and the more lives she saved and technological developments she made for the republic, the more she got, stretching outward across her cheeks. During a particularly gruelling campaign on Felucia, which had many casualties, Kan was captured by the Separatists. She was held prisoner and her captors were insisting that she was Master Unduli's padawan. They questioned, and eventually tortured her for information about Unduli's battle strategy, but she resisted. She was rescued and sent to recuperate from the chemical burn injuries she sustained across her shoulders and collarbone, which is where she briefly met Fives. He was suffering from his own injuries, and grieving the recent death of his brother.

Kan continued to work with Master Unduli up until the end of the war. She was on Kashyyyk with her when order 66 was given, and when she tried to interfere, confused at the clones' sudden shift in behaviour, the clones turned on her too. She narrowly escaped death at the hands of her good friend Spider, and went into hiding.

—post-order 66

Kan returned to travelling around and doing repairs, though it was hard to stay off of the Empire's radar. Eventually, someone replied to a distress signal that she had put out immediately after the events of order 66, and offered her safety from the Empire. She then worked as a mechanic in a workshop on Alderaan, under the protection of Senator Bail Organa. For a while, Kan struggled to come to terms with how the war ended, and came to dislike her tattoos because they served as an obvious reminder that her efforts and the efforts of the clones around her were all for nought.

While visiting the planet, Organa urged Senator Riyo Chuchi to speak with Kan, and that's where she first learned of the clone underground. She was immediately eager to help them, after working with clones so closely before, and partly with the hopes of reuniting with some of her friends from the war.

p.s. final chapter out sunday !! sorry it's taken so long, I've been in a bit of a creative rut tbh, but this last one will hopefully be a nice final hurrah :)