#ech just work stressed and tired

[echo-echo31]

a teaser for Hellinois domestic one-shot on this Hellinois Thursday

Illinois is seething.

He honestly can't remember ever being this enraged and possibly, that's because he can't remember, think, see or hear anything past the red fog that's descended around him. Of course, that's not including the motherfucker that's currently flirting with his husband.

"No, come on! You can't have just started coming here, look at you!"

The sound of his laughter makes his teeth hurt - but that might just be the way he's clenching them.

[lexrudera]

Productivity log #95

05-08-2019 - 11-08-2019

Monday

Pottering around packing my stuff. Hitting the hay early for my flight home tomorrow.

Tuesday

9:40 zoom zoom across the ocean!

Wednesday

Arrived in Copenhagen some time past 8, with some medium amount of sleep on the place, and who knows how much jetlag. It's a family day!

Thursday

And then family flew off to Nice, leaving me to take care of the house in the meantime. I slept off my jetlag some and did nothing significant.

Friday

Home alone. Did a tiny bit of work on doxygen documentation for the Autumn Blaze project, while trying to collect myself after the two weeks of travelling. No stress

Saturday

I feel the jetlag turning. I just need to get back into my groove. I have plenty of time to work on my things, chores only being in the morning and evening, ie. feeding the cats, dogs and horses.

Sunday

I'm tired, getting woken up by animals in the middle of the night. ech... And then I ended up doing nothing productive all day!

Conclusion

Focus, focus. I know I just came back from the US, but productivity would be nice.

[craostulpa]

Day 1606: Generic Amusing Title

Well, shit, I promised a post today.

I just finished submitting college work to the college website and encountering a bunch of technical issues, so I’m sorry if I’m a little tired and ech. So, it’s the second week of college. I have known most of my friend’s group there for at least two years now, and have only introduced them to the concept of tulpas as of last weekend. Oops. But nah, it went alright. I guess it’s not something you openly bring up, as it still hasn’t come up between us since that original conversation. Such is life. I’m pretty okay with that. The first week of college seemed to blur together, most likely because we weren’t used to getting up at 5am and concentrating on text for 8 hours straight over the summer holidays. Des has been keeping me company in class and on the train, and we’ve been collaborating on ideas for our Pathfinder game. So far, things are looking up. Faith and Destiny’s original terrarium is having a massive die-off for no apparent reason, but they’re happy with that because it was seriously crowded anyway and now there’ll be room for new things to grow. The new terrarium’s moss has sent up a massive flower pod thing too, which is great. Destiny herself has been much better since my last serious post, she was pretty awful for a while but has recovered. Now that college stress has re-emerged she’s gone a little downhill, there’s an important date depressing her later this month too, but she’s definitely doing much better. Faith is just Faith again at this point, so that’s really nice. Isaac is Isaac, and Rikki is Rikki. Rikki fronted for a while the other week and was well-received in chatrooms and such. And Axelia is not doing too bad at all. She’s been spending time with a guy, fronting a little when she needs to for real life activities, and generally keeping the wonderland running as she does. Mainly Destiny has been talking to a new system and it looks like we’re going to be having more trade deals in the wonderland to help fix a bunch of problems for both systems. Also, it’s just really nice to have more systems that we talk to who have their head screwed on straight and agree with our point of view on things. And finally, there are possible things happening in the background that I don’t particularly want to talk about publicly yet, but it’s going to be BIG if they do. I’ll announce it on here if things come to fruition, but at this point, I’m just hoping and deadlines for it are looming. So anyway! That’s it for us, guys. If anyone has any dumb or not-so-dumb questions, as always you know where to find us, I miss having things in our ask box. Thanks Guys.

[morgandria]

Trying to sort out my Beltane plans in my head. The weather, for the first time in years, will be properly nice - sunny and warm. Figures. Would have been nice to share that as a coven. We’ll probably end up BBQing something for dinner. I haven’t decided whether or not I have the energy for anything vaguely ritual.

I’m not exactly healthy at the moment. Anxiety, sure, allergies for sure, all the other chronic nonsense - but I’m also sore all over, I’m tired, I’m coughing, I get winded easier than I’d like. Yeah, I know....but I don’t want to jump to conclusions. The weather’s been cool and damp. That always makes me ache. I know I’m depressed enough that I am sleeping a lot more than I might otherwise. Anxiety and stress makes my stomach shitty and kills my appetite at the best of times. Allergies can make me cough if they’re bad enough. So I can’t say it’s one thing or the other.

I bring it all up here because I am having to sit on it in silence elsewhere. I can’t talk about it other places. Just the unsolicited advice alone...ech. As if I don’t know what could be in my body, my high-risk chronically ill body. As if I’ve managed to avoid all knowledge of coronavirus up to this point. My mother keeps spinning out every time I talk about my health or what’s happening with the house. I want to express my frustration and share my my current state of being with her, but she wildly over-reacts, and has gone so far as to make phone calls on my behalf to the city I live in, without telling me she’s doing it first. I’m at the point where I am actually lying to her when she asks how I am, because I’m done talking her down off her cliff.

Mom would have kittens that J is letting in-person viewings into the house - again, like I don’t know that it’s not good. The realtors are pushy, the realtors are all different people (never the guy who’s got his name on the sign), but at least they’re here for less than two minutes. I said no, I say no every time, but...J doesn’t agree with me, and in the end he’s the one on the phone. He says there’s nothing to be gained by saying no, and in some ways he’s right. But I feel like I should be able to keep my home a safe place as much as I can, and the people coming in feel unsafe. I do. not. want. them. here. I can only hope the interest fades and people stop wanting to come in.

Who knows. I sure as hell don’t. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with me. It isn’t anything acute - it’s more annoying than anything - but the potential for disaster is always looming right now.

I have stuff I could be doing, but I don’t have the energy. My brain spits it back at me: “But you SHOULD be doing this and you’re not and you SUCK”. I end up in shitty loops of executive dysfunction and I feel overwhelmed by the “SHOULD”, and rather hopeless. I might be happier if I could keep the house clean but right now it all just feels like a futile cycle of pointlessness.

I’m just trying to empty my head a little. I don’t think it’s working, but at least it passes the time.

But hey - Beltane is coming. I’m trying to look forward to it. Maybe I can have something nice to enjoy for just one day.

[deeisace]

An hour and some left of this work

Then I have half an hour's break (with which to get a chai, and food, and not cry)

And then Oxfam, where I'm significantly less likely to cry from stress

It's not even

I'm just tired and I did a couple things wrong

But that's still, like

Ech. Over soon.