#eat again do some work chill a lil begote bed

[xerospaced]

I want to function on - not expected time - reasonable and desirable timing

I would like to not have my brain activate at 8, 9, 10pm

I would like not to be most focused when I want to be winding down

When I got close to launching my business. When I was doing the dry run, giving free sessions. When I was building my site, managing bookings, consistently active, it was all done between the hours of 8pm and 4am

I would like to have mainly UK based clients when I do launch so I cant work to those timings.

I would also like to begin working alongside other people in my life so I cannot work to those timings.

I also DO NOT WANT to work to those timings.

But i'm sitting here after 11pm and my brain is ready to work and focus and only now am I watching thought provoking and educational content. Only now do I feel driven to work on my business. Only now is my brain switched ON.

I wonder if I might be better off leaning into these timings. Laying the bulk of the groundwork utilising these hours of function. Allowing myself to operate at inverse hours to my peers.

Simply because I will be able to focus more, build faster, and gain momentum.

And then, when things have started to take off, when I am consistently being productive, gradually shifting those hours into the optimal timings.

Instead of struggling and struggling and losing all of my activated hours to winding down and sleep. And being awake while my mind is switched off and inactive. And wanting to bang my head against the wall because it just WONT do the thing!!

I really REALLY do not want to lose mornings again.

I don't want to be awake all night.

I don't want to be out of sync with the people in my life.

But I'm grasping at straws.

I was discharged from the adhd service and I desperately need an increase of dosage. Or, if that doesn't do the trick, to switch meds altogether, at least for some time before switching back. Because I have clearly built up tolerance and my meds are not working anymore and my brain is not activated and I...

I don't want to work all night and sleep all day and miss opportunities for connection.

I don't want to be sleep deprived when I am socialising with people because I've had to omit sleep in order to be active in those hours.

I don't want to miss calls and messages because I don't wake up until well after midday

I don't want to have limited time to run errands because I've only got a few hours before everything closes.

I don't want to be perceived as lazy because I'm sleeping all day and people won't understand that I'll be working all night.

I don't want to miss out on sunlight.

I ESPECIALLY don't want to miss out on sunlight.

It's winter.

I've been there.

I've done it before.

Months on end where I literally did not catch a glimpse of sunlight.

It's not fun.

But I've been waiting for the adhd team to give me an appointment for months and there's no signs of it coming any time soon and I am trying to be more productive and I am trying to activate my brain yet day in day out it is only after 10pm that I find myself in that state of mind to DO and THINK and FOCUS.

I just don't know what to do.