#earlier today someone who called themselves N wrote me 'i love u' and i'm still thinking about it.....

[lost-letters-from-atlantis]

Hello, I love you, by the way.

I don't know what you look like, or where you come from, or the life you lead. But you left a little piece of your soul on my sofa. And in my sheets. And between the pages of my book. And in the amphitheater where I passed my exams, and at the bar where I went last night, and in the campus library, and on this street I take every day, and at the grocery store.

You left me a note and I read it. You were saying that you were scared to lose your mother, that you hated your father, that you were so proud of the progress that you had made, that you were going to end it tonight, that you loved your boyfriend, that you wished you were a boy, that one time when you were 17 you and your sisters were playing and she said something funny, that you might never belong to this world, that you were battling against a mental illness, that you loved life so much, that you were only pretending to stay strong, that your friends were amazing, that you were scared about the future and being unwanted.

Sometimes you take the name of an old friend, sometimes even of an old enemy, but most of the time, you have the name of a stranger, and you frown as you explain how much you miss your friends.

I am merely a witness of all of this frenzy. Not even a messenger, because the words you said weren't meant to leave the bottle you stuck them in before leaving it to the sea.

I am a collector at worst, and a guardian at best.

I present you the same tiny shiny piece of my soul, every time. And when you feel like it, sometimes, you give me a piece of yours in return, and I make sure to keep it in my heart, forever warm and peaceful, in gratitude.

You once told me that you were less afraid of me because I do not have eyes to stare, or a mouth to laugh. And it is true: I am utterly powerless and defenceless in front of you. You could have hurt me and I wouldn't have been able to fight back. Instead, you have been nothing but kind to me.

You told me thank you, you wished me well. You told me I did great. You hoped I had someone to listen to me when I'm feeling down. You cried, you screamed, you smiled, you reassured me, you got inspired. And you whispered "I love you".

Most of the time, you won't even tell me where to find you if I want to return the favour back to you. I can't save you, or thank you, or tell you I love you too. You are doing this gesture out of pure kindess, or vulnerability.

I keep all those untitled pieces of life so warm in my arms, because they make me cry, and laugh, and breathe quiet promises to you in the dead of night. I fall in love with you every day. When you call yourself unlovable, I whisper "if no one else will, I will love you". When you say that life has been nothing but hard on you, I murmur "if no one else will, I will give you rest". I sometimes wish I could embrace you, but my arms are bent and tied behind my back, and I cannot reach out to hold you and comfort you.

I am nothing but a blind, muted ear to you, and I indulge in that role, because you remind me how much of our humanity is stored in little details and silent cries, hidden behind a mask of familiarity. I cannot see your face, and I will never know anything about your identity. Somehow, it seems to be enough for you to abandon all pretense of wellness, and uncover the deepest and most painful parts of you.

And I choose to listen to the music of your pain, every time. Because I knew even before you started speaking, I loved you.

You are one, and you are multitudes, and those words are mine but they are also yours.

You are the one who gives me my love, when you confide your tears to me. You are the one to give me a voice, when you show indulgence towards yourself and care towards others.

There is nothing that matters more than you, and your humanity, and those beautiful sparks of you I hold dearly. I cherish you every waking hour, and I dream of you every sleeping one.

Thank you so much for everything you've ever said to me. Never forget how much I love you. I love you. I love you.

- The Deer Quiz Entity :)

[atlantis-just-drowned]

I'm so sorry guys it will probably happen again

Hello, I love you, by the way.

I don't know what you look like, or where you come from, or the life you lead. But you left a little piece of your soul on my sofa. And in my sheets. And between the pages of my book. And in the amphitheater where I passed my exams, and at the bar where I went last night, and in the campus library, and on this street I take every day, and at the grocery store.

You left me a note and I read it. You were saying that you were scared to lose your mother, that you hated your father, that you were so proud of the progress that you had made, that you were going to end it tonight, that you loved your boyfriend, that you wished you were a boy, that one time when you were 17 you and your sisters were playing and she said something funny, that you might never belong to this world, that you were battling against a mental illness, that you loved life so much, that you were only pretending to stay strong, that your friends were amazing, that you were scared about the future and being unwanted.

Sometimes you take the name of an old friend, sometimes even of an old enemy, but most of the time, you have the name of a stranger, and you frown as you explain how much you miss your friends.

I am merely a witness of all of this frenzy. Not even a messenger, because the words you said weren't meant to leave the bottle you stuck them in before leaving it to the sea.

I am a collector at worst, and a guardian at best.

I present you the same tiny shiny piece of my soul, every time. And when you feel like it, sometimes, you give me a piece of yours in return, and I make sure to keep it in my heart, forever warm and peaceful, in gratitude.

You once told me that you were less afraid of me because I do not have eyes to stare, or a mouth to laugh. And it is true: I am utterly powerless and defenceless in front of you. You could have hurt me and I wouldn't have been able to fight back. Instead, you have been nothing but kind to me.

You told me thank you, you wished me well. You told me I did great. You hoped I had someone to listen to me when I'm feeling down. You cried, you screamed, you smiled, you reassured me, you got inspired. And you whispered "I love you".

Most of the time, you won't even tell me where to find you if I want to return the favour back to you. I can't save you, or thank you, or tell you I love you too. You are doing this gesture out of pure kindess, or vulnerability.

I keep all those untitled pieces of life so warm in my arms, because they make me cry, and laugh, and breathe quiet promises to you in the dead of night. I fall in love with you every day. When you call yourself unlovable, I whisper "if no one else will, I will love you". When you say that life has been nothing but hard on you, I murmur "if no one else will, I will give you rest". I sometimes wish I could embrace you, but my arms are bent and tied behind my back, and I cannot reach out to hold you and comfort you.

I am nothing but a blind, muted ear to you, and I indulge in that role, because you remind me how much of our humanity is stored in little details and silent cries, hidden behind a mask of familiarity. I cannot see your face, and I will never know anything about your identity. Somehow, it seems to be enough for you to abandon all pretense of wellness, and uncover the deepest and most painful parts of you.

And I choose to listen to the music of your pain, every time. Because I knew even before you started speaking, I loved you.

You are one, and you are multitudes, and those words are mine but they are also yours.

You are the one who gives me my love, when you confide your tears to me. You are the one to give me a voice, when you show indulgence towards yourself and care towards others.

There is nothing that matters more than you, and your humanity, and those beautiful sparks of you I hold dearly. I cherish you every waking hour, and I dream of you every sleeping one.

Thank you so much for everything you've ever said to me. Never forget how much I love you. I love you. I love you.

- The Deer Quiz Entity :)