#earl bassett headcanons

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Dating Earl and Valentine would include~

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Earl and Valentine come as a pair so it’s no surprise that you’d wind up dating both of them; even if things don’t start out that way. 

- Chances are you’re not a blonde with big tits and legs that go all the way up, so, even though you’re most definitely a catch in your own right, it’s initially only Earl who actually notices and shows any interest in you. Valentine is too busy standing back and being disappointed, questioning his friend’s taste in women as he watches him lightheartedly flirt with you. 

- He makes a comment about his buddy’s attraction to you once the two of them are alone together and Earl spends the rest of the car ride home lecturing him about his high standards and refusal to date anyone who doesn’t fit his very specific list of requirements. 

- Earl gets to know you and probably takes you out on a few dates before Valentine starts to actually pay attention to you: mainly because he has no other choice but to acknowledge your existence when you’re suddenly being included in a majority of their affairs. 

- His attraction to you is a somewhat slow burn: seeing the way you act around Earl and considering the fact that he wouldn’t mind a relationship like yours, looking at you when you’re all dressed up/distracted by a task and surprising himself by thinking that you’re actually really pretty, interacting with you more and finding out that he actually really likes your personality, etc.  

- He keeps his distance most of the time and occasionally acts sort of stand offish, but it’s plain to see that he likes you; even if he doesn’t want to admit it. And Earl takes notice of this, sending the two of you knowing looks that tell you he’s aware of what's going on but that he isn’t particularly upset about it. 

- The two of them are vaguely aware of how much they care for one another and that it may or may not be closer than your average handyman partnership, but nothing comes to fruition until you come into the picture and make them consider things that they normally wouldn’t have to consider. 

- Earl is the one to initiate things, but he’s fairly subtle about it: inviting Val to come along on your dates, telling him to spend time with you, saying things that are meant to make him think about his feelings towards you, etc. 

- He probably has a conversation with you about your openness to the idea and subsequently brings it up to Val, letting him know that you like him and that he’s welcome to be a part of your relationship if he wants to and/or whenever he’s ready to. 

- It throws Val for a loop and though he initially insists that he isn’t interested; mainly because he doesn’t want to admit that Earl is right, he does start to grow closer to you after getting the verbal go ahead. He’ll start showing you a lot more kindness, start doing you little favors and acting more friendly towards you. He’s always acted a little shy with you but he starts getting a bit more bold: touching and spending more time with you, looking at you a lot more, etc. 

- He doesn’t do a lot of it in front of Earl, but that’s sort of to be expected; especially in the beginning when he’s still trying to figure out how he feels about the entire situation. He doesn’t need the old man making comments towards him or giving him his knowing glances whenever he’s being blatantly obvious about his growing feelings towards you. I think a part of him would also be a bit worried that Earl is making fun of him and merely joking around whenever he talks about sharing you or the feelings that you apparently have for him. 

- Earl may or may not teasingly tell the younger man to go and “help her out” whenever you head into the house alone. But regardless, Val does end up making some kind of move on you when the two of you are alone and that’s how you finally end up securing both of your boys....

- There’s not a ton of pda in your relationship but it’s kind of unnecessary when the entire town already knows that the three of you are dating. Both of your boyfriends aren’t ridiculously touchy individuals so they sort of keep to themselves, thinking it kind of unnecessary to be hanging all over you; especially when you’re in front of your neighbors who they may or may not be trying to keep your relationship a secret from. When they do give you affection, it’s the rough and tumble sorts of touches that are common with “manly men” like themselves. 

- For instance, they give you a lot of little pats on the back or squeezes to your shoulder; silently asking how you’re doing or gesturing that you should all start to head out of “there”. Their actions show a level of familiarity or closeness, but if anyone outside of the residents of your small town were to see it, they’d probably just assume that the three of you were caring acquaintances or close friends.

- Earl is generally a bit more touchy and affectionate than Val is. The younger man may talk a big game but he tends to get a bit shy whenever it’s time to actually “walk the walk”. He’s a hardheaded and cocky youngster who occasionally cares a bit too much about his tough guy reputation or feels he’s backed himself into a corner because of it; especially in comparison to the old man who’s willing to show you that he cares and be more sweet on you from the get go. 

- The two of you exchange a lot of quick pecks; especially when you’re greeting each other or saying goodbye. Earl tends to kiss you himself or meet you halfway, while any kiss that you share with Valentine tends to be initiated by you; knowing that the younger man won’t make the first move unless he’s been working himself up to it or gets it in his head that he “has to” for one reason or another. You’ll usually kiss his cheek and watch as he tries to hide his shy smile or play it off like it doesn’t affect him as much as it does. 

- Kisses with Earl tend to be lighthearted and a bit on the shorter side. They range from sudden and giddy sorts of kisses; shared when he’s particularly happy or excited, to romantic and sweet kisses; shared after the two of you have been flirting back and forth and finally end up leaning in. His beard also adds a level of roughness; particularly in comparison to your other more baby-faced boyfriend. 

- Kisses with Valentine tend to be longer and a lot more passionate. He usually waits to kiss you until he’s about ready to bust or is so wrought with emotion that he just can’t help himself anymore. You can practically feel him buzzing against you with how eager he is: ravishing and clinging to you in a fiery and lasting way, one that leaves you feeling a little breathless whenever the two of you finally separate. It isn’t often that he really kisses you, but when he does, he certainly makes it worth your while. 

- The three of you kind of just sleep in a mess of limbs. They’re not really huge on cuddling; they sleep like logs and kind of just cluelessly conk out the minute their heads hit the pillows, but you usually squeeze in together and sleep on and around each other, sharing the same small bed that honestly wasn't made to fit three full-grown adults. If you’re just hanging around and not planning on napping, then they’ll throw an arm around you and cuddle you into their sides, letting you relax against them while you watch television or whatever bonfire they’ve set up in the yard. 

- There’s a lot of affectionate name calling in your relationship but they’ll still call you terms of endearment whenever they feel like it. They call you “girl” a lot, but when they aren’t addressing you simply by your gender, Earl will call you sweetheart or sweet pea and Valentine will call you sweet cheeks. 

- Taking part in the cooking cycle. If they start to fight about whose turn it is to make breakfast, you’ll usually just start to do it yourself, or surprise them with the fact that you already made it before the two of them even woke up. Once the three of you start dating, they might reason that it’s kind of your job to do all of the cooking, but don’t take it to heart. They’re simple country folk who were raised on some strict gender roles, and one eyebrow raise and unamused look from you will send them straight into the kitchen themselves. 

- Diner dates. 

- Grabbing a soda and/or a snack at Chang’s general store. 

- Being gifted junk that they’ve found and think that you'll like; if you’re into that sort of thing. 

- Watching tv and drinking a beer with them after a long day, or; if you have other hobbies you’d like to indulge in, parallel playing with them while they crack open a cold one and do their own thing. Catch them watching you with mild interest as you crochet a blanket or paint a picture, just zoning out as they watch you count your stitches or search for a different color, trying to understand how the hell you’re doing that. 

- Occasionally joining them on some of their work outings or having your own little job that they visit you at. I feel like they’d probably insist that they can fully support you themselves; wanting to bring home the bacon like the stereotypical men that they are, but they’re also not gonna force you to become their stay at home wife if that's really not something you’re into. Just know that it’s an option and that they’re willing to follow through whenever you feel like taking them up on their offer. 

- Sitting between them in their truck or occasionally sitting on one of their laps. Sometimes you nap in the back of their truck or stargaze in the bed of it when the sun sets and you’re still out in the wilderness. They have a tendency to live out of their vehicle when they get too tired to drive all the way home, and since you’re probably out there with them, you’re forced to get used to it just as much as they are. 

- The three of you are incredibly comfortable with each other, like there’s no way that you couldn’t be after going through all the things you’ll undoubtedly end up going through during your relationship together. Rest assured that there’s going to be moments where you are forced to get over your natural discomfort at the thought of seeming gross in front of your partners: whether that’s bleeding through your pants on your period or needing to pee in front of them while in the middle of nowhere. They’re completely unphased and probably somewhat amused or empathetic, so it’s really just mind over matter. 

“Are you done yet?!”

“Would you look away! I can’t do it while you’re watching!!” 

- And Valentine is really just the epitome of boys will be boys. Don’t be surprised when he does stereotypically gross “boy” stuff: drinking straight from cartons, pissing off cliffs, adjusting himself in his jeans, etc. Earl is a bit more civilized and tries to get him to act right, but it certainly helps to lower your need to seem perfect in front of them and help the three of you grow closer in the long run. 

- Earl apologizing for cursing in front of you and giving Val looks whenever he does; as if you’re some kind of saint who has never cussed in her entire life and will faint at the sound of it. Generally, anyone who cusses in front of him will garner some kind of disappointed reaction; even you.

- Getting fatherly advice and reprimands from Earl. He nags the two of you quite often, but it’s done out of love so you usually just laugh it off and/or assure him that you’ll do whatever he’s asking you to. It’s usually pretty easy to get him to soften up whenever you manage to tick him off; especially if it’s you who’s managed to get in trouble, just kiss up to him and he’ll melt, even if he tries to act like he’s still a bit upset. 

- Both you and Earl look to Valentine whenever there’s a job that needs to be done, and though he usually gives you a look or complains, he’ll still follow through with it. 

- If you have any kind of special education; or even if you’re simply mildly intelligent, they’ll both ask you questions as if you’d undoubtedly know the answers to them. You could have majored in literature and they’d still ask you scientific questions, as though simply going to college would allow you to possess the answers of the universe. Valentine, I don’t know if mixing those two cleaning chemicals will blow up the house. I studied photography. 

- The both of them looking to you for final confirmation before actually going through with something. For all of their preconceived gender roles, they’re more submissive to you then they’d like to admit; both because they think you’re really smart and because you secretly have them by the balls. 

- Them asking you where their belongings are: pants, boots, keys, cigarettes, lighters, etc. You’re probably the only one who ever knows exactly where they’ve left things. Although, if you tend to be forgetful yourself, you all probably act like three peas in a pod: one person has the keys, another has the cigarettes, and the last one has the lighter, etc. 

- Valentine gives you his jacket to use as a blanket; and would do so even before the three of you started dating. He used to love to pretend like he didn’t like you, but he’d always be taking care of you in one way or another, even when it wasn’t even really necessary. 

- Messing with each other is commonplace in your relationship; at least for Valentine it is. You’ll either stand back and watch as he shoots you a wink and pranks Earl, or join in and get an earful about how the younger man is a bad influence on you. Although, he isn’t complaining when you’re helping him get back at the blonde later in the day.

- Calming them down and holding them back whenever need be. The both of them have pretty fiery tempers so you try to mediate whenever there’s an issue, whether between the two of them or some outside force. 

“I’m gonna kick his ass.”

 “I’m gonna help.” 

- Melvin flirting with and making indecent comments towards you. The two of them genuinely almost throw hands with the 13 year old at least once a week. 

- Valentine tends to be a bit more jealous than Earl is, but whenever the mood strikes; like when an outsider rolls into town and starts trying to flirt with you, they both join forces and make it obvious that you’re off limits. They’ll deny that they were jealous after the fact, and pretend like they didn’t do anything after intimidating the other person, but it’s pretty obvious that they’re lying whenever they laugh off your accusations. Valentine will usually blow their cover by letting some kind of “did you prefer having him hang all over you?” comment slip whenever you press them on the subject any further. 

- Valentine also tends to be a bit more outwardly protective: mainly because he’s young, dumb, and selfless. He reacts faster than he thinks sometimes; like when he punched the graboid with his bare hand, so Earl usually has to hold him back whenever he thinks starting trouble is unnecessary. Regardless, they both back you up whenever they feel someone’s giving you a hard time and patch you up whenever you get hurt, apologizing for not being there to help you out or for hurting you in the process of dealing with your wounds. Earl tends to be protective in a more caring and understated way: like refusing to let you walk home alone or serve a shift at the dinner when it’s dark outside, etc. 

- They have a habit of being too busy arguing to really listen to you, so sometimes you just have to sit back and let them hash it out whenever a fight between them arises. They might try to get you to back one of them up, but it’s best not to do so unless it’s completely necessary, since they’ll likely be a bit upset with you if you happen to choose the other persons side over their own.

- Valentine is a little more hardheaded and hot tempered than Earl is, so if you’re going to argue with one of them, it’s probably going to be with him. The only thing is that he struggles to make amends due to his stubbornness, so even when he knows he’s in the wrong, he’ll probably hesitate to approach you and apologize, unsure of how to bring up the subject and what to say. 

- Earl will always apologize whenever he’s in the wrong; albeit a bit shyly, but if you want to make up with Valentine, it’s best to approach him first when you stop being mad and let him feel as though you’ve calmed down enough to hear him out. It’s easier for him to say sorry when he feels like you aren’t gonna snap at him for saying the wrong thing: so at the end of the day, he’ll hang back and offer a little “sorry for ...you know, everything.” whenever you find yourselves alone. 

- They both struggle to outwardly tell you they love you, feeling like a bunch of pansies whenever they say it, but they do enjoy hearing it coming from you, and seeing the smile on your face whenever they say it back. They tend to mumble it a little; as though someone will pop out with a camera and laugh them out of town, but Earl grows more comfortable with it over time: leaving only Valentine to really struggle with his inability to appear too soft in front of anyone; including you and your other boyfriend. 

- The three of you honestly live in the perfect place to be a poly couple: no ones bothering you or prying into your relationship, no ones passing judgement or starting trouble. You just get to live out the rest of your days as ambiguous roommates who may or may not have been seen kissing each other every now and again.