#eamon goes without saying
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I dont know enough of the lore I fear why is eamon like. reviled. not that I'm not on board I'm just curious
the way he treated our boy alistair is probably his top crime in these circles... throwing an already seemingly quite neglected ten year old boy out of your home to placate your wife is bad enough even without sending that child to train as a templar against his will. the eamon we meet in dao expresses no regret or even concern for alistair and continues to pressure him towards yet another life he desperately doesn’t want
his goals with putting alistair on the throne are pretty suspect. his politics are openly what you might call conservative: he explicitly says he wants alistair on the throne purely because alistair has the right bloodline and anora does not, and his perspective on anora is also casually sexist, talking about her as if she’s still a headstrong child, and having encouraged cailan to set her aside for failing to bear children as though that was her only value as queen. if you press him further on why he thinks alistair would be a good king without any training or experience, he also goes as far as to say that where alistair’s abilities fail him, he’ll know who to turn to. i think it’s fairly straightforward to read between the lines that, in the outcome he’s pushing for, eamon expects to take a lot of power in ferelden and make decisions for alistair. which puts his motivations in an even poorer light
i think it would be disingenuous & kind of silly to read eamon as some kind of malicious master manipulator only in it for his own ambition. but he’s definitely a very conservative old man with few redeeming features and he treated a beloved fan favourite companion pretty badly when he should have been the one looking after him
#i think this covers most things#also in general isolde being much younger than him and clearly insecure & friendless in her position. quite bad vibes!
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How would S2 Alastor react to reader dying in a random, freak accident? Like, he’s just in the middle of his broadcast, and reader is walking to the studio from visiting the parents, and then boom!, accident! Would he immediately know that something was wrong, would he sense readers spirit leaving him? How insane would he get?
I can’t really tell much without spoiling about how their connection works. But Alastor would try to keep your soul no matter what, he would try to trap your soul into a doll, his wedding ring or Eamon… But he wouldn”t let you run away from him.
Alastor is way too proud, he wouldn’t kill himself because you left him. Oh non, please. He knew you were amazing, if he managed to capture your soul, he would feel so elated. You were finally his, no one but him would be able to talk to you, to feel you… but he would miss your touch. Feeling and touching are different after all.
If Baron Samedi took your soul, which meant you fell to Hell, he would try to find a way to communicate with you. He would, after months, years or searching, finally summon you. He would ask you about your wellbeing, how Hell was. You both would agree that you would start your ascension through Hell while he would give you sacrifice so you would get stronger.
So when he finally goes down there to meet you, no one would ever think about separating you two again. Which might be sooner than he expected, after your death he became a little too messy so… Let’s just say your husband would soon join you in Hell.
#alastor headcanons#human alastor#human alastor x reader#x reader#painted smile headcanons#painted smile#human alastor headcanons#scenarios#alastor scenarios#hazbin hotel imagine#alastor x reader#alastor imagine#alastor hazbin x reader#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor x reader#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor x you#hazbin alastor x reader#painted smile imagine#painted smile series
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Thank you all for bearing with me this week. It's been a lot. I just wanted to drop a little snippet and remind you guys that the full thing will be up on friday (a tiny bit later than usual, but it's coming!)
Enjoy 💙
The locker room is a war zone by the time they're back. Cutter stands on the bench in socks, yelling at Eamon for "weaponizing protein bars," Leddy playing his crappy playlist no one likes through the speaker, and Leno's shirtless, eating a banana with a frown on his face.
It's exactly the loud and dumb kind of mess Will missed.
He's halfway through lacing his skates when Eamon goes still and sniffs the air like a dog. "Yo."
Everyone ignores him.
"Yo."
Will looks up. "What?"
"Oh my god," Will groans, grabbing a towel and chucking it at his face. "Why the fuck are you smelling me, man?"
Eamon squints at him, taking a careful step closer. "You smell like… Jesus. Dude. You smell like you just got railed."
"Smells like you got a hell of a winter break, Smitty," Davey says, mouth full of one of Eamon's protein bars. "Whoever it was, they did a good job at staking a claim."
"No, he's right," Leddy calls, dropping into his stall and leaning over to get a better sniff. "That is some Grade A post-sex funk. Christ. It's thick."
Will grabs the nearest roll of sock tape and chucks it without looking. "You're all freaks."
But Eamon grins from across the room, teeth flashing. "That's a fine, you know. You come back smelling like an Omega in heat, that's at least fifty bucks. Maybe more, since you let them mark you up."
Will pulls the neck of his hoodie higher and tries not to turn red from the collar down.
"They're just jealous," Cutter says, throwing an arm around Will's shoulders, grinning. "Don't worry, man. Your secret's safe with me."
"Fuck off," Will mutters, shoving him off with an elbow.
But he's smiling now, can't stop it. His cheeks burn and his ears are probably glowing, but it doesn't matter. Because yeah, the bruise is real, but so are the others. The ones Macklin left under his ribs, on the inside of his thigh. The one on his collarbone that's fading slowly but still feels like it's part of him.
They can talk. They can guess.
Let them.
Because Macklin’s still his.
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my entire brain right now is just maric, asking duncan to send a letter to fiona, not really expecting a reply but unable to stop thinking about her a few months pass, and he gets a letter back. it's short, but it's still fiona, and and he's in a good mood for days. loghain doesn't ask why.
letters becoming a regular thing, because letters are harmless. they don't use their real names, unless someone intercepts. but it feels a little like...something. friendship, at the very least. a balm to a couple of weary hearts who are tired of pain.
a year passes. alistair is nearly two. eamon says he's well, but hasn't said anything else and maric doesn't ask because it hurts too much. fiona doesn't ask, either, but he can tell when it's hurting her by the shape of the silences in her letters. sometimes he goes a long time, without a new one.
when three months pass and he hasn't heard from her, he begins to pester Duncan for news the younger man doesn't have. when it turns into four, he starts looking for a way to rearrange his schedule, to ride for weisshaupt if necessary.
just as he's about to leave, he recieves the news that she's been kicked out of the Grey Wardens. she's headed back to the Circle. he writes one, two, three responses, and they all end up in the wastebasket. what if...what if she came to Ferelden? Surely Kinloch Hold would be kinder to her than Montissimard. he could...they could...
but he can already hear her answer.
you know I can't. so instead, the fourth and final reply, the one he sends, just says "what do you need?"
"write me a letter, you ridiculous man" the letters have grown longer and more frequent, now that she has time she isn't giving to the grey wardens. he complains bitterly in coded language that the landsmeet fights him every time he tries to improve life in the alienage; she responds with counsel and a badly drawn caricature of arl kendells. she tells him all about how Orlesian politicking infects even the Circles of Magi, he responds with a limerick about an Orlesian lord losing his pants that has her snorting her morning coffee.
sometimes, his words grow a little too tender, and its weeks before he hears from her again.
it's another year before he sees her in person, and that is entirely by accident. the empress has invited him to a ball, and he makes an appearance despite the fact that the palace at Val Royeaux fills him with a dull anger he's never quite able to shake. he finds himself ditching the crowd and the mask for a cloak and hood, just to get some fresh air and clear his mind. it's an objectively bad idea. the king of ferelden unguarded in val royeaux is somewhat akin to leaving a rabbit unguarded in a kennel full of hungry dogs. what's more, as he's walking the grounds, he finds himself staring at the long stake on the palace gate, and realizing what it was for. or what it had been for, once. "not a party person, I see,"
he turns, and there she is. for all the ornate gowns and elaborate hairpieces he's seen tonight, fiona in simple green velvet and her dark hair caught up in a comb is the loveliest thing he's seen. even the mask is not terribly ornate, and she tucks it aside as she approaches him, her hazel eyes squinting in affection. "I - Fiona! I didn't know you'd be here." "Oh, I'm not allowed inside the palace, but even the circle has to come when the Empress calls. They have us milling about the outside. like decorations." "...well that's stupid." they laugh, for a moment, and his stomach swoops as she comes to stand close, to look at where he was looking.
"was it a very fascinating gate post?"
"ah, well-"
he means to shy away, but she tilts her head with a look of concern.
it was where they hung my mother's body when they killed her seems a little macabre, so he just says "they used to display bodies there, during the war." she seems to gather his meaning, or at least part of it, and affection for her blooms in his chest as she spins the conversation off into lighter places, telling him a story of one of the major players of her letters, a mage having an affair with not one but three different nobles, all of whom were attempting to kill each other. by the end he's laughing, and she's grinning, and he wants so badly to kiss her. he remembers the soft noises she makes when he kisses her. "no good nobles in val royeaux, I see." "well. usually. there's one, tonight."
they part when the bell rings, and he must make his way back to the ballroom lest he be considered rude, but not before he presses a key to his private room into her hand. the choice, as always, is hers. "they'll talk," she says later, as she's unbuttoning his shirt.
there are a hundred different scandals happening val royeaux tonight. they'll just have to be one of them. "let them," he says. he bends at the knee and scoops her into his arms, carrying her to the bed. later, he lets his fingers wander over the crisscross of stretch marks on her hips that weren't there the last time he saw her like this. she seems self-conscious, tries to cover herself, but he grabs her hand and kisses her. "beautiful," he murmurs. how could the proof she carried his child be anything but beautiful? "Ridiculous." It started, truly, in the depths of the Deep Roads. But if you ask Maric, that's how it started again. Letters, and a visit, here and there. Once a year, maybe twice if they're very lucky. he sends her gifts at Wintersend, and there's always a busybody or two at the Circle trying to discern the identity of Fiona's benefactor. she sends back three boxes of sweets. one for maric, one for cailan, and one - well. he always sends it to Redcliffe. it always ends with the same question, and the same answer. "you could come with me, you know."
"you know that I can't." "that doesn't mean that I'll stop asking."
#dragon age#maric + fiona#alistair theirin#alistair dragon age#every time dragon age resurfaces as a thing#I inevitably fall down this rabbit hole again#I started this blog in 2009 in order to reblog pictures of a fiona cosplayer I found
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my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder.
dragon age origins — king!alistair x mistress f!cousland (elspeth cousland) | minors DNI | rated E for smut | 3206 words | reunion sex, riding, fluff, minor hurt/comfort, marriage proposals | ao3 link
Impatient as he is, he greets his uncle first. He’s the king, after all, and his advisors deserve at least the pretense of an attentive ruler.
Pleasantries are exchanged between them while his squire helps him out of his gaudy golden excuse for armor. Not unexpectedly, the elephant in the room goes undiscussed, as do the half dozen marriage proposals he's certain have piled up during his absence. After six years, Eamon knows better than to press him on that issue. Likely he'll try his luck in the morning, but tonight the wells of Alistair’s patience have been run thoroughly dry. It must read plainly on his face, given how bad he is at cards.
As the arl's debrief draws to a close, Alistair's eyes, for the tenth time in half as many minutes, dart towards the exit. Eamon sighs.
“Well, Your Grace,” he says, tactfully clearing his throat. “The hour is late indeed. I imagine you're weary from your travels?”
Alistair nods. “Oh, very weary. The weariest.”
It's not entirely a lie, but his uncle frowns nonetheless. “Then I won't keep you. Good night, Alistair.”
“You as well, Uncle.”
“I will see you in the morning for your small council meeting. Do try not to be . . . waylaid.”
Well. Hint received. Awkward. He lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when he finally presses the door closed behind him.
Next up: a bath. It's sorely needed, after five weeks back and forth across the Waking Sea. His arrivals home are typically received without much ceremony, per his request, and so the palace is pleasantly quiet. A few saluting guards here, a scurrying servant or two there. It's for their benefit that he keeps his footfalls slow and measured, instead of breaking into the wild sprint down the hallway that he's aching for.
One of those servants must have drawn his bath for him already, he guesses, stepping into his chambers to find it warm and awaiting. He wonders if Teagan roused them from their beds for this, or if they've simply clued into his routine after so many years of it.
He forces himself to bathe slowly. For his own sake, but mostly for hers. The heat soaks into his bones, the grime and dust from the road melting off of him as if little more than a bad memory. He tries to enjoy it, despite his restlessness. And the excitement, Maker, like he's still twenty years old and the anticipation alone might just undo him. Or do him in.
He only hurries as he dries off, reaching for the fresh (and mercifully plain) clothes laid diligently aside for him. A part of him considers forgoing clothes entirely – palace denizens be damned. He wills himself to dress anyway, reluctantly. Quickly. It hasn't been that long since he last saw her, anyway, and they've gone far longer stretches before than this. Nonetheless, between Kirkwall's tyrannical templars and the lingering Qunari threat, he feels as if he hasn't held her in an age.
Clean and fully dressed, he frowns at his reflection. Older, harder, more weary. But happy, still, despite it all. Because of her. Her, waiting for him, just a few rooms away.
Naked, ideally.
He does away with all pretense and hightails down the hall, paying no mind to his kingsguard and their poorly suppressed grins. Smile away, Alistair thinks. I'll be smiling too, in a minute.
Her door is up ahead. And then before him. The handle is inches away from his outstretched hand. He hesitates.
How’s his breath? His hair? He should have shaved, should have put in a little more effort. Can she hear his creepy breathing behind the door? He fixes his clothes. Squares his shoulders. Knocks.
“Elles?”
A pause. Then, “Alistair?”
His heart tightens painfully in his chest. How he's missed that voice. If Ferelden could speak, it would do so through Elspeth Cousland. The strength of the Frostbacks in that voice of hers. The grim beauty of the Kocari Wilds. Rough like the Highever seas.
He can tell she’s been brooding before he’s so much as closed the door behind him. Not that he’s surprised — Maker, does the woman know how to brood. She shoots up quickly to her feet, straight and rigid like a soldier standing at attention. Not, mind you, like a Warden-Commander; at this moment Elspeth more closely resembles a clammy-handed recruit, next in line for her Joining. She’s nervous, that much is obvious, with her hands white knuckled and clasped together with uncertainty. From past experience, he’d wager anything she’s spent the last several days convincing herself he’s somehow fallen out of love with her in the time they’ve been apart.
And they say he’s the idiot.
Life’s too short to waste on “hello”’s, or “I’ve missed you”’s, or "I brought you a souvenir, but silly me, I accidentally dropped it overboard on the voyage back”. They’ve got less time together than most, after all. Crossing the distance between them is a blur; one moment he's at the door, the next he's hoisting her legs up around his waist, arms enveloping every part of her he can get his hands on, lips working relentlessly against her opened mouth. Whatever insecurities she'd tried to voice in the time it took him to wrap her up in his arms, he doesn't care to hear. He'd much rather focus on ridding her of those doubts entirely.
She gets the message — they've always been in sync like that. Her lips catch up with his, matching the hunger and resolve of his kiss. Her hands, calloused and smelling perpetually of iron, snake around his shoulders. The rest of her smells like roses; she must have come just recently from the garden he’d had built for her, the one place he specifically forbid her from moping in. He takes a moment to refamiliarize himself with her scent, lost in the feeling of her fingers tangled up in his hair, pulling him closer, ever closer, close enough to lose track of whose body belongs to who. And still it's not enough.
He needs her. Badly. She can probably feel as much, too. He carries her to the bed, laying her down amidst the pillows and furs. He finds within himself just enough self restraint to stand back for a long, brazen ogle. Maker, everything about her turns him on. Her freckles, her fingers, her breasts. Her long ashen hair in that ever-familiar braid. Storm gray eyes, pale pink lips. Her nose, one of his many favorite parts of her, set crooked after one too many fists to the face.
That perfect, powerful body of hers, hidden away under just a few thin, tearable layers of clothing . . .
She's way ahead of him, of course, because at this point they've got reunion sex down to an art. She casts off her Warden-blue tunic with only a button or two lost in the process, then grabs him by the front of his own shirt (red, naturally, with a tiny embroidered ‘I love you’ she'd stitched so sneakily behind the hem of his collar) and pulls him down on top of her once it's properly discarded. Their pants and various stubborn affects follow suit, until they’re both left blissfully bare and pawing feverishly at one another, limbs tangled and lips locked.
His fingers venture down the valley of her breasts, past her stomach to settle in between her legs. He smiles at what he finds, reassured by the proof that he’s not the only one so blatantly aroused. Her thighs part wider for him, hips lifting from the sheets to sooner meet his digits. She moans, perhaps less so from pleasure than the sheer relief of being touched — loved — for the first time in over a month. And he's right there with her. He sighs (or whines, if he's being honest) into the crook of her neck when her own hands find what they've been looking for, working him all too quickly into a frenzy.
She stops just as suddenly as she'd started, pushing at his chest until he relents and rolls over. She straddles his lap, grinding once, hard and agonizingly slow, for good measure. He moves to drape an arm over his face in some futile attempt to cool his burning cheeks, but she cruelly intercedes, pinning his wrists by either side of his head. He struggles playfully for a bit, laughing breathlessly. His hips buck autonomously at the sight of those strong, muscular arms holding him firmly in place.
They used to spar together, innocently, when they first met. How time flies.
He needs so, so desperately to fuck her. He has all night — all week, all year, all of the rest of their lives— to savor her body the way it's meant to be savored. To make sweet, tender, Chantry sanctioned love to her. But what he needs right now — what they both need, he recognises — is something desperate and ragged and mindless to the point of being no better than animals. The type of fucking that comes from a shared loneliness he's not certain anybody else has ever experienced before.
He's glad she doesn't give him too much time to dwell on that. Her hips rise just enough for the right angle, before guiding him slowly inside. They both sigh. Elspeth frees his trapped hands to splay her own out against his chest, steadying herself. Her nails dig into his skin as she sinks down onto him, inch by inch, although she's bitten them too short to do any real damage. Alistair fights to keep himself still inside her, waiting for her body to adjust, to give him the go ahead. An uphill battle, really. When he's fully sheathed inside of her she settles, save for the frantic contraction of her muscles around him, driving him to the brink of insanity.
“I dreamt about this every night I was gone,” he manages. “Maker, I love you, Elles. I love you so much.”
Her eyes go glassy and her bottom lip quivers. It's that old, familiar grief, the one he's never been able to fully free her from after those long, bleak months in the Deep Roads. But as he moves his hips carefully against hers and feels Elspeth moving back, he's confident he can coax it down again, at least for as little as tonight.
“I love you,” she eventually whispers back, and then begins to ride him in earnest.
Ten minutes blurs into one long wave of curling, cresting euphoria. Alistair groans brokenly. He feels absolutely deranged, delirious, gazing up at her while she takes him so completely. Sweat beads at her forehead, and a deep flush creeps from her chest up to her cheeks. His own face must be beet-red, too.
He's not going to last long, not with the angle she’s hitting and sounds coming out of her mouth. Though, taking those sounds into consideration, he suspects that she won't last much longer, either. They're both too keyed up to pace themselves and too jittery to try, so better to play it out in a wild crescendo. He grabs at her hips, lifting her up and back down onto him, coaxing out one hoarse plea after another. One hand releases its grip to run unfettered across her breasts, and she groans again, falling forwards onto his chest and wrapping herself around him as if she might never get a chance to again.
Once, a hundred lifetimes ago, his friend Zevran gave him some unsolicited advice about arching. He really hadn’t appreciated it at the time, but he does now, right in this moment, with the friction of this exact position to aid him in such an endeavor. She’s done in half a minute if he can keep her held firmly above him. He’s done, too. He doubles his efforts, recapturing her swollen lips and soon reaching with his tongue to greet the muffled cry when her pleasure finally peaks. Normally he would let her ride it out, but he’s rapidly approaching his own climax and his brain can focus on nothing but her gray, glazed over eyes, her hair in the candlelight, the frantic rise and fall of her chest as she writhes and bucks and bounces against him. Her muscles pulse and he feels himself twitching inside of her in response.
He’s so close, at the precipice, suspended in mid air, floating . . . And then she tightens around him once more and he finishes inside of her with one long, obscene moan that vibrates through the room and every part of his utterly spent body.
They’re going to get so many looks from the guards come morning.
His every muscle sings with bliss. Their bodies grow slack and boneless together and their movements slow to lazy, drawn out rolls of the hips. He holds her, one hand rubbing her naked back and the other cradling her head as they find their breaths again, together, in the most comfortable of silences. He counts her exhales, and in the afterglow of their efforts he finds himself blinking back tears. Returning to Ferelden, to Denerim, to the palace itself . . . none of it had felt like coming home until this very moment, enveloped in one another, reacquainted at last with the sound of each other’s breathlessness.
He hates it when she rolls up and off of him, but he’s a grown up, apparently, so instead of whining about it he begrudgingly rises from the bed long enough to grab the nearest clean cloth. Then he’s right back in bed with her, his hand returning between her legs to wipe her down, followed by a cursory clean up of himself. She lets out her now thoroughly dishevelled braid while she watches him, not smiling as he’d hoped, but warm and tender nonetheless. Her fingers trace slow and deliberately along the curve of his bicep, frowning at the jagged scar she knows still gives him trouble in the colder months. He makes a mental note to get at least a half dozen laughs out of her before the night is through, just to keep that damned frown of hers at bay.
He offers her a worldless arm when he’s done tidying them both up, and he’s rewarded with a smile, sweet and sheepish, as she moves to snuggle into it. He pulls her close to pepper the top of her head with kisses, humming contentedly in the quiet.
“Marry me,” he says eventually.
Elspeth tenses, and then sighs. “You’re never going to give this up, are you?”
“Ha! Of course I will. The second you say ‘Yes! Yes! Oh, Alistair! One thousand times yes!’”
“I don’t sound like that. Also, do I have to say it a thousand times, or just the once?”
“Well . . . a couple times couldn’t hurt, right?”
And there it is: her first, exasperated chuckle of the night. Winning that laughter means more to him than every battle he’s ever come out of victorious.
“You know I can’t, Ali.” Her laughter fades back into her usual grimness as she runs her palm across his chest, charting routes in the space between his freckles. She places a kiss above his heart, likely in the hopes of avoiding his eye. “We’ve broken too many rules as it is, and I won’t be the cause for yet more unrest in Thedas. I bear responsibility for enough of that already. Besides, I can’t just abandon my men. The Wardens need me.”
“I need you.” He scoffs as an afterthought. “And the Gray Wardens have Nathaniel, as much as it just kills me to credit that man with anything. But hey! Who said anything about giving them up? A king can be a general. I’m living proof he can be a court jester, too. Why can’t a queen be Warden-Commander?”
She ignores his quip, despite it being a really good one. “Because I don’t know how to be a queen.” She shakes her head hopelessly. “I barely know how to be a person most days. Maybe . . . maybe I could have done it, once, but now, after everything —”
Better to stop this now before it turns into another one of her signature doom spirals. “Every Arl and Bann in the Coastlands calls you queen already, did you know that?” He grins, having anticipated the eyeroll. Of course she knows that, given how much her fellow Gray Wardens love to gossip. And tease. “The nobles have long been made aware that I won't accept anybody else by my side. And, Maker, it’s not like they would accept anybody else! ‘None but the Cousland Queen’ — that’s what they say about you. I know that because half of the bannorn have told me. To my face.”
Some small, dignified part of her — the part that still relishes being a highborn noble — stirs. Her eyes glint with cautious intrigue. “Bann Ceorlic?” she asks.
Alistair clears his throat. “Well, not him.”
“Hmph.”
“Marry me,” he says again. “Don’t you want to?”
“You know I want to,” she says, “but —”
“— Any excuse you give me will just go in one ear and out the other. Isn’t that just so classically me? Hey, here’s a crazy idea. Let’s get maaaa-rried!”
“You’re just getting funnier and funnier in your old age, aren’t you?”
“And you’re getting grumpier.”
He takes her face in both hands before she can deny it, kissing her slow and soft and with all of the comfort he knows she secretly needs right now, and likely always will. Now that he’s home - truly home - he can give her as much of that as she can stand, and then some. Tomorrow’s small council meeting be damned. “Marry me, Elles.”
She blinks up at him, searching his eyes for any sign he might one day get tired of waiting. She can find a lot in his eyes (he is really, really terrible at cards) but she’ll never find that.
“Can I at least ask you how your trip went, first?” she asks finally, softened by the crack of a tiny, rueful smile.
“Ugh.” How could he forget? “Right. That little thing. It -”
Alistair blinks, Kirkwall forgotten again just as soon as he’d remembered it. “That’s . . . not a ‘no’, by the way,” he says, dumbfounded.
Elspeth settles in closer against him, her leg wrapped around his, her ear pressed in snug at his shoulder. He knows she’s listening for his heartbeat, the thump-thump-thump she’d do anything - everything - for. He knows she put him on the throne to keep that heartbeat going for a few years more, and he knows that’s why it’s so hard for her to give up the endless fight for it now.
He knows. It doesn’t mean he thinks she’s right.
She looks up at him only after she’s satisfied that his heart isn’t about to cease functioning in his chest. Her hand reaches out to smooth down the errant hairs around his ears, and she opens her mouth several times to reply before pursuing them together in frustration. Then - finally, bashfully - she nods.
“No,” she admits softly. “I mean, it’s not. It’s . . . it’s not a no.”
‘It’s not a no’. Well, he’s certainly done more with less.
#dragon age origins#dao#alistair theirin#alistair x warden#oc: elspeth#mine: writing#we are so fucking back babey#considering i havent posted my writing in like. over an entire year at best. i did somewhat pop off with this one <3#elle is so miserable all the time except when alistair pranks her into experiencing joy and i hope that shines through if nothing else <3#ALSO TY MAIA FOR THE PEP TALK BEFORE POSTING THIS I LOVE U .
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† 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: the revival does not live in houses. it grows in places — half-swallowed, half-offered, half-made. no blueprints. only breath, mud, and bone. every place is sacred. every place is stained.
† the throat (entrance path). a winding dirt trail choked with thorn-brush and old breath. newcomers are blindfolded before stepping in — this is not for secrecy, but for surrender. lanterns hang from branches, flickering with firefly light. some sway when there's no wind. some vanish and reappear. some hum.
meaning: to enter is to be devoured. this is the mouth of the god.
† the tongue path (road into the deeper heart). rarely mapped. rarely still. overgrown with moss and sorrow. first-timers often report hallucinations — voices calling by name, family members long dead, memories they've never lived.
meaning: the god speaks here, in riddles. to walk it is to be tasted.
† the heart (central clearing). the ground is black and warm. the fire pit never goes out. ash never quite cools. surrounded by a ring of carved stones — no one remembers placing them. the carvings shift when no one's watching. every night: hymns, wailing prayers, sermons, offerings. smoke rises straight up, even when there’s wind.
meaning: this is the heartbeat of the body. it calls the faithful home.
† the marrow huts (living quarters). small, circular, reed-and-clay shelters. no doors. no locks. no mirrors. built by hand, soft with moss and communal breath. followers sleep close, sometimes holding hands, always listening. grouped by rank: raws in the outer ring, shed in the inner. the marrow are never far from the fire.
meaning: the ribs of the body. protection through vulnerability.
† the tooth (ritual hut). a shack the color of bone, half-sunken into mud. marked with seven spirals — none of them identical. inside: stone floor, altar stained with decades of tears, blood, and salt. the screams heard here are sacred. this is where the shedding happens. where the vessel is broken. only solomon, silas, and the marrow may enter without invitation.
meaning: the fang in the jaw. it cuts away the world.
† the hush pond (sacred water). black as spilled ink. no frogs. no birds. no reflections. no sound. even thought seems muffled here. used for baptisms, punishments, drownings (holy and otherwise), and vision quests. some say something ancient waits beneath it — listening, always hungry. to step into it is to place your foot on the edge of the veil.
meaning: the god’s eye. it sees without seeing. it swallows without chewing.
† the rot chapel (inner sanctum). not a building — a grove of drowned trees wrapped in cloth, bone, and ritual marks. bone lanterns swing from twisted branches. the ground pulses with heat. the air tastes like copper and rust. only the hollowed and marrow may enter when ceremony begins. offerings are given here: hair, skin, breath, memory.
meaning: the lungs of the god. here, it breathes in the faithful.
† the soft house (initiation resting place). a small, leaning structure. white sheets, gentle voices, tea sweetened with something unnameable. hymns drift through the walls at night. the beds are warm. the fear is quieted, not gone. eamon tends to the raw here — offering kindness before the tearing begins.
meaning: the lullaby before the scream. kindness as a weapon.
† the forgotten altar (place of secrets). deep in the swamp. hard to find. harder to leave unchanged. teeth, antlers, melted wax, and ribbons hang from the trees. the buzzing here never stops. solomon goes here alone. sometimes eamon follows, quiet as fog. this is where the god first whispered. some say the trees still echo that first truth.
meaning: the broken heart. it remembers everything.
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Proposal for a DA Origins adaptation part 3.
Note regarding future installations: given the nature of the game's story, all future installations of proposals up until The Landsmeet should be considered occurring in whatever sequence you like. I have my own canon order, but I dunno how that would factor into a realistic adaptation or if it would work for y'all either. With that in mind as well, I'll also be doing one-off posts regarding certain companion quests (unless they align with the main plot like Sten's or Zevran's). With all that in mind, I'll be covering the immediate aftermath of the Lothering attack, the plan of action, the party meeting Bodahn and Sandal, encountering Mahariel, and the Nature Of The Beast questline.
In the aftermath of Lothering: The party makes it to within sight of Denerim. The refugees all make their way towards the city, thanking Warden and co for their help. In particular, Leliana bids farewell to those surviving members of the Chantry, including the Revered Mother, while Sten receives cookies from one of the children he saved. In the wake of their leave, the party holds a meeting discussing their next plan of action. During this, they're overheard by the Dwarf Noble who reveals that he knew Duncan and has been travelling with Bodahn and Sandal as a caravan guard. He introduces them to the two and they propose using the caravan guard post as a cover to help them travel about without suspicion (offering them a discount on goods and Sandal's enchanting as incentive). They agree and it's here that the party undergoes another split: Elissa, having seen evidence of the building civil war, proposes that she can do more for the Wardens by rallying support, using her Cousland name as well as hatred for the Howes, among the Ferelden nobility. Warden likes the idea, but doesn't like the idea of sending her off alone again. She reminds them that she has her mabari and Duran offers to go with her, revealing his origins as dwarven royalty, which might grant them greater sway in any negotiations. With that, the three head to Denerim. That night, Warden has a vision of the Archdemon, with Alistair giving the canon explanation for it then revealing he's a bastard who Arl Eamon raised. Warden empathises, since his parents weren't married either, so he's legally a bastard too. On the road, Leliana goes into depth about her vision to Warden, Sten bonds with Fen (probably over their names rhyming) and Morrigan opens up a little about her time growing up in the Wilds.
Authors note on romances: my headcanon for romances is that Warden and Leliana end up together, but he also develops a strong emotional, albeit not exactly romantic, bond with Morrigan. I'm also getting rid of all the catfighting over Warden. Though the relationship between Morrigan and Leliana is tense at first, they come to a greater understanding as the story goes on. They're never friends, but they don't hate each other either.
Nature Of The Beast: the party arrives on the outskirts of the Brecillian Forest where they encounter Mahariel. Alistair recognises him as a Warden and he introduces himself. He guesses that the party are looking to conscript the Dalish, but says that they'll be better off with an introduction. Furthermore, Mahariel states that proposing the idea to a well-respected Keeper like Zathrian will rally other clans to their cause more easily. They arrive and are greeted by Zathrian who brings them up to speed on the situation with the werewolves and sets them the task of finding and killing Witherfang. Before they leave the camp, Athras asks their help in finding Danyla which both Leliana and Sten prompt Warden to agree to. Upon entering the forest, they find Cammen following them. He explains the situation with Gheyna so the party, grudgingly, allows him to come along. As they make their way, Mahariel gives them details about how he came to be a Warden. They soon encounter Swiftrunner and the werewolves, learning they can talk. While Mahariel is skeptical about their claims, Warden pushes for answers. Swiftrunner refuses and while he doesn't attack them, he does summon a wolf pack to attack them. Amidst the chaos, Cammen is able to kill one of the wolves, but gets bitten on the arm by another which Mahariel saves him from before marking him on the forehead with the blood of the other, confirming him as a hunter. Additionally, Morrigan's staff is broken. The party hears groaning and finds Deygan amidst the slaughtered party of Dalish hunters. He gives some small details before passing out. The party sends Cammen back with Deygan along with his fresh pelt as they push further into the forest.
The party eventually reaches the grove of the Grand Oak. Here, the tree tells them about the spell and offers to help them if they retrieve his acorn. Back at the Dalish camp, Cammen arrives with Deygan. Gheyna notices his wound before she notices his pelt, berating him for nearly getting himself killed and not taking her hints that she wouldn't bond with him irrespective of him being a hunter or not. Cammen is heartbroken, but Master Varathorn and Athras affirm that he should be proud of what he's accomplished, the former giving him an ironbark bow. Cammen asks to see the Keeper, but Lanaya tells him that Zathrian has gone after the Warden and co. He's confused and tells them about the werewolves talking. This prompts Athras to go after the Warden, but Lanaya stops him, telling him to have faith in Zathrian and the Warden. Nonetheless, Athras now has firm doubts about Zathrian and the nature of the curse.
Meanwhile, Warden and co encounter Danyla who tells them as much as she can about Witherfang before telling them to return her scarf to Athras. Warden then mercy kills her, laying her down with an elven prayer for the dead, surprising the party, especially Mahariel. They later encounter the hermit. Morrigan deduces that, while mad, he's immensely powerful. They manage to trade the acorn for a ring Warden's mother gave them. When Morrigan's curiosity leads her to check out the tree stump the hermit is living in, he flies into a rage, forcing them to kill him and the demons he summons. Warden reclaims his ring and Morrigan takes the hermit's ornate staff for her own (it's hinted to have once belonged to a Tevinter magister and prior to that, an Arcane Warrior of the elves). The party returns to the oak who, instead of giving them a branch, fashions a wooden bracelet which he gives to Mahariel. Now protected against the forest, the party makes its way to the werewolves' lair. They fight Swiftrunner before being interrupted by Witherfang and make their way into the ruins. Both Mahariel, Sten and Morrigan remark about the ruins being mostly Tevinter, but with features of the ancient elven civilisation. As they make their way deeper into the ruins, they find the phylactery with the Arcane Warrior's spirit after becoming trapped in one of the chambers. The spirit offers to help them escape in return for destroying them. They instruct the party to follow an ancient elven ritual for the dead. Leliana surprises the group by her willingness to do so, implying that she subscribes to a more monolatrist view of Andrastianism, as opposed to the orthodox monotheistic view on the matter (if only she knew the truth). On Morrigan's prompting, the phylactery reveals that the ruins were once a burial site for the ancient elves that became a centre for those living in Ferelden when Elvhenan fell. These isolated elves persisted until the Tevinters invaded, killing or enslaving the elves, levelling most of the temple then building on top of them before being killed by vengeful undead. Upon finally entering the chamber, they discover that it's already been burrowed into by darkspawn, lead by an emissary. Amidst the fighting, Mahariel encounters Tamlen, degenerated into a ghoul, but still trying to hold onto his mind. With the darkspawn dead, Mahariel reluctantly kills Tamlen, asking Morrigan to burn the body. Finishing the ritual, the spirit thanks them and opens the way to the werewolves' lair.
Upon entering, they're stopped by the gatekeeper, who tells them the Lady of the Forest wants to talk. There, she reveals the truth behind the curse. This angers an already volatile Mahariel. The group goes to fetch Zathrian who meets them at the opening. The canon debate occurs, with Zathrian citing Mahariel's Dalish heritage as why he should agree with them, which Mahariel responds to by telling him to shove it. Nonetheless, they convince Zathrian to speak with the Lady. It goes poorly and when the Warden attempts to negotiate, Zathrian says a human has no business in their affairs, prompting Warden to reveal that his father was Dalish. This surprises everyone, but Zathrian reacts in disgust, deciding to kill them all. He summons sylvans to fight them, but the party is able to overcome them and bring Zathrian to heel. Finally capitulating, he performs the ritual, releasing the Lady, and dying in the process while the werewolves are freed of their curse. Returning to the surface with both them and Zathrian's body, they encounter a party of Dalish from the camp led by Athras carrying Danyla's now elven body. Tempers quickly flare, but Mahariel talks them all down, saying there has been enough death. Swiftrunner approaches Athras, saying he's sorry for what happened to Danyla and that he's right to hate them. Athras says that he has no more room in his heart for hatred, especially after what it did to Zathrian. They return to the camp and as night falls, a funeral is held for Zathrian, Danyla and the others, including those humans who lost their lives while being werewolves. Leliana, with Lanaya's permission, sings In Uthenera as Mahariel cries for Tamlen and Warden thinks on his own father.
Phew. That was a big one. See y'all at the next one.
#dragon age origins#dragon age#alistair dragon age#alistair theirin#grey warden#dalish elves#dalish elf#morrigan dragon age#leliana#leliana dragon age#sten dragon age#mabari#warden mahariel#zathrian#fanfic#video game adaptation#bodahn feddic#sandal feddic#warden aeducan#warden cousland
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Antisocial DAO Part 13 (Denerim II): Meet three people even more socially inept than me
With Arl Eamon saved by the (last remaining portion of) the Urn of Sacred Ashes, he calls a Landsmeet, a gathering of all the nobles, so we can get a better ruler than Loghain because he sucks.
Anora, Loghain's daughter, is the ostensible ruler of Ferelden, but she's currently locked away in the estate of Loghain's toady Howe, making her as useful as ever. But it'd be bad if she was murdered and we were blamed, so we have to save her. Howe says we're doing this because Eamon is losing faith in the persuasive power of the Landsmeet, which is a fair accusation, since I have repeatedly demonstrated no persuasive power whatsoever.
With Howe dead, I free his prisoners. In a display of social ineptitude even worse than mine, Vaughan not only volunteers that elves were rioting against him, but, when I ask why, suggests that elves are prickly, lazy troublemakers. He is talking to an elf. With a Murder Knife.
It's possible to trick this guy into giving you the key to his chest, which contains 40 gold, without freeing him. But I Am Socially Inept, which is just as well, because it's more cathartic to stab this fucker.
By killing Howe and his guards, I can now open Anora's room. She follows me in disguise for about a minute before we are arrested by Ser Cauthrien. I explain Anora was being held captive, a story Anora actively undermines. She later attributes this to My Being Socially Inept, since I should have kept her cover.
This is the one time in the game I'm accused of being socially inept and it isn't completely fair. What was Anora's plan here? Presumably she was hoping I could win against Cauthrien and her men - the hardest boss fight unless you piss off Paragon "Stunlock" Caridin - and also hoping that they wouldn't notice that she was travelling with me and they'd spare what for all they know is a redshirt working for their enemy.
Alternatively, she was counting on me being spared, put in jail, and then getting an opportunity to break out, which is quite possible, but then she doesn't do anything to help you escape. Really, the most sensible thing to do is tell Cauthrien the truth, except Anora sabotages you. The most plausible explanation is she just chickened out.
Fortunately for Anora, I am both strong enough to slaughter Cauthrien's small army and so used to people turning on me that I take this betrayal in stride instead of killing her too.
I take Anora back to Eamon's Stately Manor and she asks to speak with me. Because I Am Socially Inept, I wait a nice long time to answer this important invitation, instead dropping by Alistair's sister's house because he whines about not seeing her. This is a ridiculous task, but it's right next to Eamon's estate and I need Alistair at his least whiny. Alistair's sister selfishly expects him to financially contribute to his own very large, poor, family, which hurts his feelings. Alistair unwisely goes to me for social advice, so I explain, from my experience, that people are just jerks who always say no to you and for some reason can't be persuaded. Rather than being less of a jerk to compensate, Alistair concludes that he should get in on this jerk stuff. He decides to look out for himself more.
Alistair has been Hardened, making him more cynical. A similar mechanic exists for Leliana and Shrek. I would love to Harden Leliana, but she left me just because I defiled her prophetess' remains and unsuccessfully lied about it. It was for a good cause, Leli!
But back to Alistair. A Hardened Alistair is more willing to be King, making him both a vastly better ruler and the one white person in history who has gotten better politics by deciding to be more of a selfish dick.
Now that Alistair has realized that politics matter because his sister was rude to him, I take Anora's advice to investigate the Alienage, on the grounds that the elves who live in this disease-ridden ghetto and are routinely persecuted would have no reason to be rioting unless Loghain was up to something. Anora follows this reasoning because she is to politics as I am to basic social interactions and personal hygiene.
Despite her premises being nonsense, her conclusion happens to be right. To pay for his civil war, Loghain has been selling elves to a blood mage, Caladrius. But Caladrius is only the second deadliest blood mage in the room, so all four of us whale on him.
Having social graces on par with Vaughan, Caladrius tries to induce me to let him go by offering to sacrifice all of his elven slaves with blood magic, even though this was exactly what I was trying to stop him from doing. And I am an elf. This is his second attempt to surrender to me, and the first one was that I pay him 100 gold.
This ritual gives you a single point of constitution, the most insultingly small reward for the single most dickish action in the game. I decline his offer by showing him my own, much better blood magic spell that defiles the blood of all of my enemies, slowly killing them as they helplessly writhe in pain. Can you do that, Caladrius? No. Because you're a poser. Leave the real blood magic to the goth girls.
Having gathered a ton of evidence to nail Loghain with, it's time to call the Landsmeet.
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Rachael
Ridge - He’s pretty flirtatious himself and is in the grey as far as personality wise, usually doing things for themself, work aside. I think that could be pretty compatible, but Ridge is usually a ONS kinda guy. He’s never gone back for seconds due to being immortal.
Howl - Rachael is sassy, flirty—just the opposite of Howl, who, though he doesn’t know much about the world and is naive about certain things and has a limited education, he’s inwardly rather soft and probably craves intimacy just as much as Rachael does? He’d find her pretty!! To be with Howl though, time is needed and handle with care—he may be inwardly soft despite the odds, but he’s been through absolute hell.
Nix - He’s a pretty playful guy and a decent sort, so I think he could get along well with Rachael. He has a soft side for small women also, but Rachael is pretty strong, so he’d like that. Besides all that, she’s pretty cute!
James - An absolute sunshine of a guy who is also an overworked healer / doctor. He wouldn’t hesitate to help Rachael if she was hurt because he’s very caring—that goes without saying for his partner. However, he’s more on the scale of good in comparison to Rachel’s grey and regrets killing people even when it’s usually to protect himself.
Eamon
Ridge - Ridge can be a playful and decent guy—he’ll keep things calmer, not come on too strong with Eamon being more of nervous type, but as with what I’d said above, he’s only interested in ONS even when he really likes someone because, well, they’re going to die before he ever does. Eamon is really cute though—definitely has the look to attract Ridge.
Howl - Howl doesn’t know a lot and is naive, but if he latches onto someone like Eamon, he’d protect him with his life. He is dog brained—I didn’t mention that above—happy when the friend comes around and upset when they leave! If he’s become his partner, he’d want his affection very often as he’s pretty touch starved. ( I’ve a lot of headcanons reblogged about him coming up too ! )
Nix - Though Nix is a playful guy and decent, he’d immediately pick up on Eamon’s shier, more nervous personality and subconsciously adjust himself so he’s a bit less himself. However, as with all potential partners, his natural temperature is COLD , freezing even and that usually scares people off. If Eamon can handle that (among some other things), he’s got a guy in it for the long haul.
James - Nurse and Doctor duo!! Though coming from a more fantasy setting, I refer to James as a healer more often than not! I think they’d be pretty cute today. James would take his time with Eamon, certainly because of his personality and would enjoy that he’s in a health profession as well!! Besides that, Eamon is cute!!
[ I omitted Black Hare since she’s probably not good for anyone’s mental health ( like maybe unless it’s a villain?? ) and Lafayette since his sexuality is unknown ! ]
For Rach, most of them have aspects that would match and clash with her in interesting ways. Ridge fits well with come and go aspect of her. The casualness of it may be what's most comforting to her. Less commitment and all. Howl seems like a slow burn with her. Someone to teach and learn from and bond that way. I think Nix may be the hardest to pair with her. Just a feeling on that one! I've been surprised before though! James has an advantage because he's BLOND. Her biggest weakness! Even then, he is a personality she hasn't really been paired up with yet. A little ball of sunshine in her life may be nice.
Eamon is overall, a very difficult muse to ship with because he's so nervous and anxiety riddled. On top of that, he's not sure he's into guy as a default so that is an arc to get over with the territory. Unfortunately for Ridge, Eamon isn't the ONS kind of guy. He may have the least chance with him out of them all. Howl would sit nicely into the need for him to feel safe. Nothing safer than a loyal dog (no pun intended). The downside is Eamon is at work a lot! So time with him may be scarce. I can see Nix and Eamon being the least likely to get together at first. There would need to be one hell of an icebreaker, but after than I can see it going so much smoother. Once again! James is the most likely choice! Nurse and Doctor combination is perfect already. Having a bright and gentle personality is the fast track to getting onto Eamons good side. I think they would be very cute together as well. The two blonds. Even though Eamon dyes his hair and is a natural brunette.
Oh~ Black Hare is 100% manipulative for anyone. She's only been shipped with one person so far despite being around for years. She's psychotic and emotionally unavailable to nearly everyone.
Lafayette is still in the works and I'm a bit stumped on him as well. He's young and probably doesn't think about hooking up or getting into relationships as much.
#prickly pear [rachael]#hello nurse [eamon]#mort contrata [black hare]#breathing tube [lafayette]#cablexclub
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So glad you're playing so I can send you Asks too!
I am very intrigued by As The World Falls Down. Does the knowledge of his background change Alistair in any way, do you think?
And for TWC (which I don't write but I love reading about!), could you please tell me about Time Travel? It sounds fascinating!
Thank you <3
Thank you for asking! <3 it's takn me a little while to get to it because Baldur's Gate 3 is eating into literally everything I'm doing.
Alistair's background in ATWFD is the thing that's been giving me the most trouble writing it, because so much of his personality in the game is the result of being neglected and aving his choices stripped away - even with the Wardens, though he is happier with them, he joined through conscription rather than choice. Changing that aspect of his backstory is going to have an impact, and it's been tricky trying to balance the Alistair we're more familiar with against a version that has more confidence and less self-deprecation, and trying to work out his motivations ragarding the Fereldan succession and being in charge. I did this to a lesser extent with Falcon, my other DA longfic, but there he was shuffled off to be an ordinary soldier with Teagan and wasn't acknowledged until the events of the main story. With ATWFD, it's still not a straightforward path to being declared a prince, but under the influence of the Couslands he's actively given an education that would make him fit to rule, and Bryce and Eleanor provide an actively caring environment to bring out his confidence. The aspect of his character that's most similar to the game is his bitterness, his awareness that he's being used as a political pawn - by Eamon, by Cailan, and even by Bryce to some extent - and that the expectations being placed on him mean that he's never going to have a life where he can make decisions for himself. It just comes from a different place now XD All this to say, I'm really hopeful that people won't see him as too OOC as the story goes on!
The time travel story! Several people have asked about this one, so it's hard to say something that hasn't been covered already and isn't spoilers. Apart from being convoluted because Time Travel, it's a story where I've been actively thinking about the themes and the relationships between characters, especially my Detective and Nate. They're pretty deep in the romance by this point, but the events of the plot separate them... sort of. Because of going back in time, Leah gets to see a past version of Nate and it brings up all sorts of questions around identity and consent and assumptions about her place in his life. Should she acknowledge their future connection even if it threatens the timeline? Is he even the same person she's in love with without the extra decades of life experience? Is it fair that she knows all these things about him that he doesn't know about himself, to the point where he might let slip a secret because he thinks she already knows it? And along with all this tension is the fact that he doesn't remember her being in the past so she has no idea how her interactions with past!Nate are going to end. There's going to be some fantastic angstwhen I finally get around to writing it XD
--
ask me about my WIPs
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I was afraid the resonance thing could be too restrictive. Like the characters don't really have free will and have to just follow the character they resonated with… so I needed to write a little lore about it
The Nature of Resonance
Resonance is not a rigid set of rules that dictate a person’s every thought or action. Instead, it represents a core essence—a reflection of the Resonance Character’s archetype, personality, and values. When a student resonates with a character, it means they share a similar foundation, but they are free to interpret and act on that foundation in their own unique way.
Core Principles of Resonance
Guiding Influence, Not Control: The Resonance doesn't force someone to behave exactly like their historical counterpart. Instead, it provides a general blueprint of traits, preferences, and tendencies that align with the character’s essence.
Example: Coach Garrick’s Resonance with the Big Bad Wolf doesn’t mean he must terrorize pigs—it means he shares the wolf’s gruff, bold, and predatory nature. How he channels those traits is entirely up to him. For Garrick, they manifest as a tough love coaching style.
Freedom to Choose Actions: While Resonance shapes a student's instincts and inclinations, their choices define their character. They can act in harmony with their Resonance without being confined to it.
Example: Elric, resonating with Cinderella's Stepmother, naturally enjoys luxury and attention. However, he can choose to respect others while enjoying these things, rather than mistreating them like the original stepmother did. If he strays too far—say, by shunning luxury entirely—it might destabilize his Resonance, but small acts of kindness wouldn’t harm it.
Resonance Crisis Is About Extremes: A Resonance Crisis occurs when a student goes against their core nature to an extreme degree, causing an inner conflict. This doesn’t happen because of minor deviations but because of a deep misalignment.
Example: If Elric started wearing rags and actively rejecting his love of luxury, his Resonance would destabilize. But respecting servants or treating them kindly, while still enjoying the finer things, would maintain balance.
Examples
Here are clear, narrative-driven examples to help clarify how Resonance works without feeling restrictive:
Garrick “Grizz” Wolfin (Big Bad Wolf): Garrick’s Resonance gives him traits like gruffness, strength, and an intimidating aura. He embodies the archetype of the wolf, but how he uses those traits is his choice. He could easily become a bully, but instead, he channels his gruff demeanor into being a demanding yet caring PE teacher. His choices define him, not the wolf.
Elric Briarthorne (Cinderella’s Stepmother): Elric shares the stepmother’s love for luxury, beauty, and a touch of laziness. However, he is not bound to repeat her cruelty. Elric can enjoy being pampered and commanding attention without mistreating others. If he rejects his natural affinity for elegance entirely, he risks a Resonance Crisis, but respecting a servant while maintaining his love for luxury keeps him in balance.
More Examples :
Maestro Lino Minuet (Thumbelina)
Resonance Traits: Thumbelina’s story revolves around grace, adaptability, and finding beauty in unexpected places. Similarly, Lino is elegant, deeply connected to music, and focused on making small yet meaningful impacts.
Free Will: Lino can express his elegance and passion for beauty in various ways without being forced into the hardships of Thumbelina’s journey. For example, he might love creating miniature music boxes but won’t feel compelled to live a nomadic life.
Deviations: If Lino rejects his natural inclination for grace and refuses to use his talents to create beauty, he could face a Resonance Crisis. However, his actions—whether to teach music to others or focus on personal performance—are entirely his choice.
Healer Eamon Wellspring (The Golden Goose)
Resonance Traits: The Golden Goose embodies abundance and generosity. Eamon shares these values by dedicating himself to healing and holistic care. His Legacy Arte, generating golden feathers to heal, reflects this generosity.
Free Will: Eamon can express his nurturing nature in different ways—through medicine, kind words, or even tough love. He’s not bound to share indiscriminately like the goose in the tale.
Deviations: If Eamon became selfish or withheld his healing abilities out of greed, he could experience a Resonance Crisis. However, setting boundaries to protect his own health wouldn’t destabilize him—it’s a choice aligned with self-care.
Cygnus Downwood (The Ugly Duckling)
Resonance Traits: Cygnus mirrors the Ugly Duckling’s journey of self-doubt and eventual self-discovery. His shy and uncertain personality naturally aligns with this story. His Legacy Arte, Swan’s Rebirth, symbolizes personal growth through adversity.
Free Will: Cygnus isn’t destined to remain shy forever—his Resonance encourages him to grow and embrace his potential. He could achieve this through art, friendships, or even by becoming a leader in his own way.
Deviations: Avoiding challenges or rejecting his own strengths might cause a Resonance Crisis. However, he doesn’t need to overcome his doubts overnight—his journey is a gradual one.
Chester Marroway (The Cheshire Cat)
Resonance Traits: Chester reflects the Cheshire Cat’s playful, enigmatic nature. His tendency to tease and love of puzzles align naturally with his Resonance. His Legacy Arte allows him to vanish and reappear, reinforcing his cryptic persona.
Free Will: Chester doesn’t need to be chaotic or untrustworthy like the Cheshire Cat in "Alice in Wonderland." He can use his cleverness to help others solve problems or to entertain his friends with riddles.
Deviations: If Chester abandoned his love of puzzles or became overly serious, his Resonance might falter. However, he’s free to decide how mischievous or helpful he wants to be.
Raphael Goldbriar (Rapunzel)
Resonance Traits: Like Rapunzel, Raphael is kind-hearted but often isolated. His longing to grow and connect with the world around him drives his personality. His Legacy Arte, Golden Touch, embodies his potential to transform and heal.
Free Will: Raphael can seek connection and growth in his own way—through gardening, alchemy, or meaningful relationships. He doesn’t need to literally escape from a tower.
Deviations: Turning away from opportunities to learn or grow might destabilize his Resonance. However, he doesn’t need to pursue every opportunity; he can choose his path as long as it aligns with his core longing for transformation.
Kadar Serpenscale (The Snake)
Resonance Traits: The snake in the story symbolizes wisdom and calculated action, qualities that align with Kadar’s observant and strategic nature. His Legacy Arte, Whispered Venom, emphasizes his subtlety and precision.
Free Will: Kadar doesn’t need to be cold-blooded or treacherous like a stereotypical snake. He can use his intellect and cunning to solve problems or protect others. His Resonance emphasizes sharp thinking, not malice.
Deviations: Acting impulsively or ignoring his strategic instincts might create inner conflict. However, choosing to use his wisdom for good or selfish purposes is up to him.
Help... I have another game idea again, that will never become real because I have no programmation skills....
It would be a dating sim, a mix between Obey me and Twisted Wonderland Game Title
"Legends of the Written Realms"
World Name
"Scriptoria" A magical world shaped by the memories and writings of the legendary Writers, who recorded the lives and deeds of its inhabitants.
Locations
Austreim: Inspired by European fairytales (Germany, France, Scandinavia). A realm of picturesque forests, cobblestone towns, and grand castles. Home to tales like "Cinderella" and "Little Red Riding Hood."
Beasthaven: A country inspired by La Fontaine’s animal fables. Predominantly inhabited by beastmen. Features lush forests, rolling meadows, and lively markets.
Seafoam Dominion: A kingdom of mermen and aquatic fae. Draws inspiration from Andersen's stories. Has shimmering underwater cities and shores dotted with mythical artifacts.
Ebony Sands: Inspired by African folktales such as "The Man Who Never Lied." A sun-drenched land of deserts, savannahs, river deltas and ancient temples.
Celestial Plains: Based on East Asian folktales, blending Chinese and Japanese stories. Features rolling hills of bamboo, cherry blossoms, and mystical shrines guarded by spirits.
Myrcadawn (Mythic Wilds): A borderland filled with ancient ruins, magical storms, and creatures from forgotten tales.
School Name
"Fablewood Academy" An institution dedicated to preserving the legacy of the writers and their stories. Located at the heart of Scriptoria, blending all cultural styles. Where the Writers’ legacies are studied and the world's future is shaped.
The Writers :
The authors of fairytales we knows, they are called the "writers" not because they have wrote the tales (since it's supposed to be all real stories in this world) but because they were keeper of memories, noting everything that was happening in the world, which permitted the actual characters to knows all about the stories.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Resonance Ceremony
When a student enters the school, they undergo a Resonance Ceremony, a deeply symbolic ritual that determines their connection to an Historical Character (a figure from the school’s vast archive of fairytales, legends, and myths).
Ceremony Description:
The Setting: The ceremony takes place in a grand, mystical chamber called the Hall of Echoes, a circular room lined with glowing murals of countless legendary figures. In the center is an Ethereal Mirror, which shimmers like water and reflects not the student’s image, but fragments of their potential resonance.
The Ritual:
The student steps up to the mirror, guided by a faculty member.
The mirror reacts to their essence, glowing brighter as it identifies the Historical Character whose moral compass and essence most closely align with the student’s.
The chosen figure materializes as a spectral image above the mirror, accompanied by a brief vision of their story, morals, and defining characteristics.
The student receives an Artefact Sigil, a magical mark on their wrist or hand, symbolizing their connection. The sigil also acts as a key to their dormitory.
Outcomes:
The character determines the student’s dorm assignment. Dorms represent shared principles or traits rather than region or story type, which creates unique diversity within each house.
The student begins to develop their Legacy Arte, influenced by their resonance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Resonance Dynamics
Living By Their Resonance: Students are expected to uphold the values and morals of their Resonance Character. Deviating too far from these principles leads to a Resonance Crisis, where the bond becomes unstable.
Resonance Crises: In a crisis, a student’s personality and abilities are warped by the unresolved conflict. They might embody the antithesis of their Historical Character, becoming a distorted, corrupted version of their story’s ideals.
Example: A student resonating with The Happy Prince may hoard wealth selfishly, spiraling into greed, causing their Legacy Arte to malfunction.
Resolution: To restore balance, the student must confront their choices and find a way to realign with their character’s core principles, often with the help of peers or the protagonist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Legacy Arte
Each Legacy Arte is tied to the unique essence of the resonated Historical Character. These are not static powers—they grow and evolve as the student’s connection deepens. It can be an offensive or defensive ability, a practical one for everyday or even a constant unseen ability (enhancing strenght, magic powers or anything else)
For example:
A student resonating with Princess Kaguya might have an Arte called Moonlit Grace, allowing them to summon moonlight to shield themselves and others. As they grow, the Arte might evolve into Celestial Radiance, granting healing and offense.
Classes Taught
Lorecraft: Study the stories and lessons of the legendary writers.
Fairmagic: Spells and enchantments derived from fairytales.
Mythic Combat: Swordsmanship, magical duels, and defense techniques.
Alchemy & Potionmaking: Potion-making and elemental magic.
Transformation Arts: Changing forms or appearances, inspired by shapeshifting tales.
Astronomy & Prophecy: The study of stars, constellations, and foretelling destiny.
Musical Resonance: Using music and sound to enhance magical abilities.
Beastcraft: Understanding and taming magical creatures.
Tactician’s Lab: Strategic thinking, inspired by heroes' cunning solutions.
Magic Application and Arte Development.
Dorm Names & Founders
Astraquartz (Inspired by Cinderella, Charles Perrault): Represents perseverance, humility, and transformation.
Scarletfang (Inspired by Little Red Riding Hood, Grimm Brothers): Represents courage and cunning.
Everswell (Inspired by The Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen): Represents sacrifice and longing.
Mousetrail (Inspired by The Lion and the Mouse, La Fontaine): Represents cleverness and loyalty.
Obsidianspire (Inspired by Mamad in "The Man Who Never Lied", unknown writer): Represents honesty and wisdom.
Verdance (Inspired by "The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter", Minamoto no Shitagō): Represents grace and adaptability.
Guide Creature
Fibbles
A grumpy but wise talking owl that stay around the MC.
Created by the Writers to guide those who would one day become "chroniclers" of new stories.
Faculty
Headmaster Solon Arclight
Role: Oversees the Resonance Ceremony and the school’s moral code.
Resonance: King Solomon
Legacy Arte: Judgment’s Wisdom – Can reveal the truth behind any action or lie.
Personality: A composed and enigmatic figure, Solon carries an air of wisdom that commands respect without words. Though his judgments are firm and sometimes intimidating, they are always guided by fairness and compassion. Solon believes in nurturing potential but expects integrity and dedication from everyone under his care.
Professor Liora Scheh
Role: Lorecraft Teacher.
Resonance: Scheherazade (One Thousand and One Nights)
Legacy Arte: Storywoven Threads – Can manifest objects or illusions from stories he narrates.
Personality: Charming and eloquent, Liora has a gift for captivating his students with vivid storytelling, often weaving humor and life lessons into his lectures. He is approachable yet mysterious, with an almost uncanny ability to make each person feel like the protagonist of their own tale. Though gentle in demeanor, he encourages creative thinking and bravery in both life and academics.
Professor Lucan Galehart
Role: Magic Application and Arte Development.
Resonance: Merlin
Legacy Arte: Arcane Tempest – Manipulates elemental forces in battle.
Personality: An intense and dynamic teacher, Lucan inspires both awe and terror in his students. His passion for magic and innovation shines through in every lesson, and he demands excellence from those he teaches. Beneath his tough exterior lies a mentor who respects perseverance and originality.
Master Anton Silkthorn
Role: Ethics and Resonance Guidance Counselor.
Resonance: Anansi the Spider
Legacy Arte: Weaver’s Insight – Creates webs of energy to detect and influence emotional states.
Personality: Anton is warm and approachable, often seen with a knowing smile that puts students at ease. Though playful and witty, he can be surprisingly serious when offering guidance, emphasizing personal growth and self-awareness above all else.
Professor Ozwell Puzzlereign
Subject: Fairmagic teacher
Resonance: The Wizard of Oz
Legacy Arte: Emerald Enchantment – Can create magical paths that guide or deceive.
Personality: Playful and enigmatic, with a penchant for riddles and puzzles.
Sir Thorne Evenshade
Subject: Mythic Combat – Swordsmanship, magical duels, and defense techniques.
Resonance: Thalie (Sleeping Beauty)
Legacy Arte: Thorned Sleep – The power to induce deep, peaceful sleep, not unlike a curse, but only for healing or protection. This magic can also be used defensively to create a barrier of sleep around someone in danger.
Personality: A quiet, thoughtful soul who prefers reflection and solitude. Magnus often feels out of sync with the bustling world around him but is intensely loyal to those he holds dear.
Professor Neige Snowveil
Subject: Alchemy & Potionmaking
Resonance: Snow White (Snow White)
Legacy Arte: Mirror’s Reflection – Ability to create magical illusions that reflect the truth, whether it's a vision or emotion. This power can be used to either deceive or reveal hidden truths.
Personality: Gentle, composed, and deeply empathetic. Alistair is a listener who often chooses diplomacy over confrontation. His natural kindness makes him beloved by those around him, though he hides an inner strength when faced with injustice.
Professor Hans Wilderkin
Subject: Transformation Arts
Resonance: Hansel (Hansel & Gretel)
Legacy Arte: Courageous Heart – Can summon the willpower to fight back against overwhelming odds, often with unexpected results.
Personality: Mischievous but insightful, he delights in surprising students with unorthodox teaching methods.
Professor Beaumont Nocturne
Subject: Astronomy & Prophecy
Resonance: The Beast (Beauty and the Beast)
Legacy Arte: Beast's Curse – Can tap into a raw and untamed power, but only at the cost of something deeply personal.
Personality: Mysterious and introspective, speaking in cryptic riddles.
Maestro Lino Minuet
Subject: Musical Resonance
Resonance: Thumbelina (Thumbelina)
Legacy Arte: Tiny Dance – Able to manipulate small objects or animals to carry out his will
Personality: Passionate and elegant, he believes in the universal language of music.
Professor Swan Ellisar
Subject: Beastcraft
Resonance: The Sixth brother (The Six Swans)
Legacy Arte: Swan's Grace – An unmatched ability to move with fluid, elegant precision in combat or any artistic endeavor.
Personality: Calm, reserved, and deeply graceful, though he has a quiet inner strength that emerges in moments of great need.
Professor Malvyn Frostthorn
Subject: Tactician’s Lab
Resonance: The Snow Queen (The Snow Queen)
Legacy Arte: Shattered Glass – Can create ice barriers or weapons, using his emotions to fuel the power of cold.
Personality: A quiet thinker, detached at times, but deeply moved by the trials of others.
Students
Dorm: Astraquartz
Represents: Perseverance, humility, and transformation.
Founder's Story: Inspired by Cinderella (Charles Perrault).
Tsuki Laito
Age: 16
Year: 1
Class & Seat: 1-A, Seat 5
Race: Human
Homeland: Celestial Plains
Best Subject: Transformation Arts
Resonance: Princess Kaguya
Legacy Arte:Moonlit Grace – Allows him to summon moonlight to shield themselves and others.
Personality: Quiet, reflective, with a natural talent for seeing beauty in challenges.
Cygnus Downwood
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-B, Seat 8
Race: Beastman (Swan-based)
Homeland: Austreim
Best Subject: Lorecraft
Resonance: The Ugly Duckling
Legacy Arte: Swan’s Rebirth – Can temporarily enhance his own abilities, emerging stronger from adversity.
Personality: Shy and self-doubting, but gradually gaining confidence.
Faylen Charmwright
Age: 18
Year: 3
Class & Seat: 3-A, Seat 2
Race: Fae (fairy)
Homeland: Myrcadawn
Best Subject: Alchemy & Potionmaking
Resonance: Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother
Legacy Arte: Miracle Weaver – Transforms objects for brief periods.
Personality: Charismatic, a little flamboyant, loves helping others.
Dorm: Scarletfang
Represents: Courage and cunning.
Founder's Story: Inspired by Little Red Riding Hood (Grimm Brothers).
Lupin Vardred
Age: 18
Year: 3
Class & Seat: 3-B, Seat 3
Race: Beastman (Wolf-based)
Homeland: Beasthaven
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: The Wolf from Little Red Riding Hood
Legacy Arte: Predator’s Instinct – Temporarily sharpens senses and reflexes.
Personality: Bold, somewhat arrogant, but fiercely protective of friends.
Archer Verdain
Age: 16
Year: 1
Class & Seat: 1-C, Seat 10
Race: Human
Homeland: Celestial Plains
Best Subject: Tactician’s Lab
Resonance: The Huntsman from Snow White
Legacy Arte: True Aim – Can strike with unerring accuracy when under pressure.
Personality: Practical, resourceful, always calculating the best move.
Reynard Foxlyn
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-A, Seat 4
Race: Beastman (Fox-based)
Homeland: Beasthaven
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: The Fox from La Fontaine’s fables (the fox and the crow)
Legacy Arte: Cunning Shift – Can change appearance momentarily to confuse opponents.
Personality: Mischievous and clever, always a step ahead of others.
Lyricis Farahdein
Age: 16
Year: 1
Class & Seat: 1-B, Seat 4
Race: human
Homeland: Beasthaven
Best Subject: Elemental Magic
Resonance: The twins in « The Dancing Water, The Singing Apple, and The Speaking Bird »
Legacy Arte: Song of the Spirits – Can summon ethereal beings that assist in difficult tasks.
Personality: Enthusiastic, energetic, and occasionally flighty, but always willing to lend a hand.
Dorm: Everswell
Represents: Sacrifice and longing.
Founder's Story: Inspired by The Little Mermaid (Hans Christian Andersen).
Marinus Tideshade
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-A, Seat 6
Race: Merman
Homeland: Seafoam Dominion
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: The Little Mermaid
Legacy Arte: Ocean’s Lament – A wave of sorrowful energy that can weaken opponents.
Personality: Reserved, thoughtful, burdened by a deep sense of responsibility.
Myama Bluaji
Age: 18
Year: 3
Class & Seat: 3-C, Seat 1
Race: Merman-beastman (lion type)
Homeland: Ebony Sands (Coastal area)
Best Subject: Magic Application and Arte Development
Resonance: The Blue Lions (African Myth)
Legacy Arte: River's Roar – can channel the river’s currents through his body to control water, striking with powerful waves or using the flow to disorient his opponents.
Personality: Free-spirited, empathetic, loves nature and tranquility.
Rowan Delicate
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-D, Seat 7
Race: Human
Homeland: Celestial Plains
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: The Princess and the Pea (Hans Christian Andersen)
Legacy Arte: True Sensitivity – Can detect even the smallest lies or disturbances in his surroundings.
Personality: Sensitive, thoughtful, and attentive, though sometimes overly cautious.
Dorm: Mousetrail
Represents: Cleverness and loyalty.
Founder's Story: Inspired by The Lion and the Mouse (La Fontaine).
Micah Thistlemane
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-C, Seat 5
Race: Beastman (Mouse)
Homeland: Beasthaven
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: The Mouse from The Lion and the Mouse
Legacy Arte: Tiny Titan – Temporarily grants him immense strength despite his size.
Personality: Loyal and helpful, with a knack for getting out of sticky situations.
Lazlo Quickstride
Age: 18
Year: 3
Class & Seat: 3-E, Seat 5
Race: Beastman (Cat-based)
Homeland: Austreim
Best Subject: Stealth & Strategy
Resonance: Puss in Boots (Puss in Boots)
Legacy Arte: Cat’s Agility – Can move with unmatched speed and silence, capable of evading any attack.
Personality: Charismatic, witty, and often uses his cunning to charm or manipulate situations to his advantage.
Aurum Hearthwell
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-A, Seat 8
Race: Human
Homeland: Ebony Sands
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: The Happy Prince (Oscar Wilde)
Legacy Arte: Golden Heart – Allows him to heal others through sheer willpower, but weakens him with each use.
Personality: Kind-hearted, empathetic, always seeking to help others even at his own expense.
Rune Spindlewick
Age: 16
Year: 1
Class & Seat: 1-A, Seat 9
Race: Fae
Homeland: Myrcadawn
Best Subject: Magic and Alchemy
Resonance: Rumplestiltskin (Rumplestiltskin)
Legacy Arte: Weaver's Trick – Can weave illusions or manipulate small objects with magic to deceive or create pathways.
Personality: Mischievous, intelligent, and a bit unpredictable, but he always keeps his word and helps those in need.
Dorm: Obsidianspire
Represents: Honesty and wisdom.
Founder's Story: Inspired by The Man Who Never Lied (unknown writer).
Imran Frosham
Age: 16
Year: 1
Class & Seat: 1-E, Seat 1
Race: human
Homeland: Celestial Plains
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: The Princess and the Frog
Legacy Arte: Swamp’s Blessing – Calls upon the swamps to provide strength and protection.
Personality: Mischievous and full of energy, with an affinity for loyalty and making friends.
Mahdi Alclaris
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-D, Seat 3
Race: Human
Homeland: Ebony Sands
Best Subject: Ethics & Philosophy
Resonance: Mamad (The Man Who Never Lied)
Legacy Arte: Eternal Clarity – Can discern truth in the most complicated situations.
Personality: Calm, reflective, and deeply devoted to truth.
Imperius Wovengale
Age: 16
Year: 1
Class & Seat: 1-B, Seat 7
Race: Human
Homeland: Austreim
Best Subject: Strategic Magic
Resonance: The Emperor (The Emperor's New Clothes)
Legacy Arte: Illusion’s Veil – Can create illusionary garments that shift in color and form, deceiving the senses.
Personality: Proud yet gullible at times, learning to discern truth from deception while grappling with his vanity.
Dorm: Verdance
Represents: Grace and adaptability.
Founder's Story: Inspired by The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter (Minamoto no Shitagō).
Jin Haruto
Age: 18
Year: 3
Class & Seat: 3-D, Seat 5
Race: Human
Homeland: Celestial Plains
Best Subject: Mythic Combat
Resonance: Mulan
Legacy Arte: Warrior's Resolve – A form of combat magic that empowers him when he fights for a just cause.
Personality: Fierce, disciplined, and honorable, with an unshakable belief in equality and integrity.
Rhys Luminspire
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-B, Seat 11
Race: Human
Homeland: Austreim
Best Subject: Elemental Magic
Resonance: The Ghost of Christmas Past (A Christmas Carol)
Legacy Arte: Past’s Light – Can see and communicate with figures from the past to learn lessons and find guidance.
Personality: Strong-willed, kind-hearted, and driven by a deep sense of responsibility.
Raphael Goldbriar
Age: 17
Year: 2
Class & Seat: 2-B, Seat 6
Race: Human
Homeland: Austreim
Best Subject: Alchemy & Healing Arts
Resonance: Rapunzel (Rapunzel)
Legacy Arte: Golden Touch – The ability to transform mundane objects into valuable or healing ones with a touch.
Personality: Kind-hearted, isolated but with a strong desire to learn and grow beyond his limitations.
Kael Thornweald
Age: 18
Year: 3
Class & Seat: 3-D, Seat 8
Race: Human
Homeland: Austreim
Best Subject: Ancient Lore & Rune Magic
Resonance: Carabosse (Sleeping Beauty)
Legacy Arte: Dark Affliction – Can inflict a curse on someone with a single word, but only when driven by pure malice or anger.
Personality: Wise and somewhat distant, he possesses a deep knowledge of both light and dark magic, always seeking balance.
Game Summary
As a new student at Fablewood Academy, you are mysteriously invited after stumbling upon an ancient storybook. Among peers who resonate with legendary characters from fables and folklore, you stand apart—unable to resonate with any historical figure. Instead, you uncover a profound connection to the mysterious Writers.
Navigating the competitive dorm dynamics and building relationships with students and teachers, you begin to unravel the secrets of Scriptoria, the world of stories. With your unique bond to the Writers, you hold the key to saving it from an ancient force threatening to rewrite history itself.
Gameplay Features
Story Exploration: Unique narratives for each dorm, including personal routes for students.
Relationship Building: Dialogue choices, gifts, and interactive events to build friendships or romantic bonds.
Quests: Both individual and group quests, tied to fairytales and lore.
Classes & Mini-Games: Gain points in activities like potion brewing, combat practice, or beast taming.
Card Battles: Collect "Memory Cards" tied to story moments for strategic duels.
Customizable MC: Players can choose their character's gender, appearance and personality traits, influencing in the dialogues choice possibility. Certains choice can also direct the MC personnality in another direction, while some will be just unavaiable for some Mcs (choosing a quiet and sweet personnality will lock any « rude » answer choice)
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Alistair & Celia Headcanon Collection
Some Amell x Alistair (largely fluff) headcanons! Includes some from Origins, Warden time at Amaranthine and the Inquisition-era. Some of these I have had since my first playthrough, but others I may have read elsewhere, loved and thusly absorbed so please let me know if I can link anyone!
Origins
The first time they meet at Ostagar, Celia thinks Alistair is the most fascinating person she has ever encountered because no one in the Circle had a particularly boisterous sense of humour. Alistair is oblivious to her heart eyes, and also holds back because he’s worried she won’t survive the Joining.
Even after the Joining, Alistair tries very hard not to ~feel feelings~ despite the clear signals Celia is hurling at him because he assumes she won’t like him once she gets to know him more/she will get bored of him/ she will leave like everyone else i.e. the boy is hecking damaged.
Celia laughs obnoxiously hard at all Alistair’s jokes because a) she finds them unexpected, and b) because, like a dork, she wants to prove she gets the punch line. Alistair is perplexed by her reactions at first, and cautiously wonders if she is mocking him. Once he realises she is genuinely amused, it bolsters his ego significantly.
Celia has no concept of personal space and sits and walks very close to everyone. There wasn’t a lot of room at the Circle so she forgets she can spread out. Morrigan makes it clear she needs to back off (Celia doesn’t need telling twice) but Alistair is more relaxed and gets used to it quickly after the confusion of the first night when she blithely sets up her bedroll right next to his. Alistair assumes she is a bit scared of sleeping in the forest but really she is just accustomed to the need to cram as many apprentice bunks into a room as possible.
In a way, Alistair is also used to sharing small spaces (Chantry and Wardens) so it doesn’t bother him at all when Celia chooses to sit pressed against his side, walks so their arms bump together, or unconsciously brushes an eyelash from his cheek. He quickly grows to like her overfamiliarity (for some reason…).
Similarly, Alistair eats Celia’s leftover food if she can’t finish it or doesn’t like it, even before they’re a couple. She just offers one day and after that it becomes a given. The others side-eye them but they are happily oblivious.
Celia gets in trouble from the rest of the party for getting distracted yelling encouragement and cheering Alistair during combat. In turn, Alistair gets in trouble for turning around mid-battle to thank her when she buffs or heals him. Morrigan advises that if they are both so determined to get killed, she is more than happy to assist with hastening the process.
Celia’s mabari, Trevor, is quickly accepting of Alistair and his proximity to Celia because he observes Alistair protecting Celia in battle and thusly deems him to be a ‘good dog’ and considers that they are equals in the pack.
Alistair and Celia vandalise each other’s wanted posters whenever they come across them. It gets competitive.
Celia doesn’t really want to be in charge of saving the world but has three things working in her favour: 1) she absolutely hates letting people down 2) has an intense need to finish what she starts 3) she is in possession of a bossy streak.
That said she spends the entire Blight screaming internally to an extent not even Alistair fully grasps.
They go to the Circle Tower first, because Celia thinks she will have the best chance of getting help from people she knows and is also ‘homesick’ in the sense that she is very glad to be free of the place, but stressed enough with everything going on to crave something familiar even if she resents it. The events there devastate her. Along with the loss of friends and mentors she has known since childhood, being trapped by herself in the fade particularly terrifies her as she has never truly been alone for so long before in her life. It reminds her of the Harowing which totally blindsided her. She is very teary, untalkative and introspective for some time afterwards, but both Trevor and Alistair have the correct instinct to stay close without trying to interact with her which she finds incredibly comforting.
Accustomed to making potions, Celia will not under any circumstances deviate from a recipe while cooking, whereas Alistair just chucks everything in to use up leftovers and see what happens. Alistair gets meals together super quickly whereas Celia takes forever. A little unfairly, Celia is perceived as the better cook because she produces very consistent meals, while Alistair’s experiments sometimes do work, and sometimes don’t, with people tending to focus on the disasters rather than the successes. Meanwhile Celia is rather: “should I add half a sprig of rosemary? No I mustn’t: it would be far too daring!” so everyone learns to tip their own seasonings into their bowl before even tasting her food.
When they’re travelling and walking for days on end, Alistair and Celia make up a lot of games in the vein of ‘I spy’ and ‘would you rather?’ They can occasionally persuade others to participate though no one enjoys them or gets quite as invested as Celia and Alistair (who are actual children).
A game stops abruptly one day when Celia guilelessly asks if Alistair would rather be Emperor of Orlais or King of Fereldan and he gets extremely defensive and answers, “Neither.” Having no context for this reaction (yet), Celia (a stickler for the rules) pushes him, insisting his answer isn’t allowed and that he’s cheating until Alistair gets grouchy, stomps off and refuses to play anything for days.
Celia figures he must be overtired, but his unhappy reaction does come back to her later at the Landsmeet and contributes to her already firm resolve not to put him on the throne.
When bored, Alistair also periodically asks Celia to, “Do a trick!” with her magic and she usually obliges with something small and silly which Wynne always scolds them for (but they continue to do anyway).
Celia does not like Eamon one bit and makes it clear from their first meeting. Alistair actually gets a bit annoyed at her because she is polite to 99% of the other people they meet and he can’t understand what her problem is. Celia won’t say because she doesn’t want to drive Alistair away so she remains coldly civil towards Eamon and commences a long, looong process of nudging Alistair towards having the realisation himself that a) Eamon is manipulative, selfish and cruel and b) Alistair deserves better.
Celia wants to collect some of the books they find which is not practical given they are constantly travelling, but Alistair carries as many as he can in his pack and suffers in silence for it, ultimately finding it worth it for her enthusiastic gratitude.
Celia cuts Alistair’s hair and does a very respectable job after weeks of him complaining it’s flopping in his eyes (they used to cut each other’s hair in the Circle). Zevran pretends she did an awful job, gasping in horror at Alistair’s appearance, much to Celia’s ire. Alistair (internally weeping) tries to be brave until he can check his reflection in some plate mail and see it is fine.
Celia is very naïve about how the ‘real world’ works having been at the Circle since she was a child. This is especially evident in Denerim and Alistair has to explain how money works and grab her before she wanders down dicey looking alleyways.
Alistair nearly dissolves into a paroxysm of agony when he points out his favourite type of cheese at the Denerim Markets and (accustomed to the very limited range of bland foods provided at the Circle) Celia innocently asks, “There is more than one type of cheese?” Alistair makes it his mission to educate her. She doesn’t like most of what he feeds her but doesn’t say so to protect his feelings given he seems to take the matter so incredibly personally.
Leliana convinces Celia to sing one evening at the campfire. She’s breathy with a very limited range but manages okay, and Leliana plays and harmonises in support. Watching on with a goofy smile plastered over his face, Alistair comments to the surrounding companions about how talented she is and they’re like “…she’s really not mate.”
When they both wake up from a blightmare (or Celia has one and wakes Alistair with her flailing) they sneak about and eat anything they can find then sit up and have massive deep & meaningfuls (i.e. in the spirit of going for a long drive with a friend or being in the garden with someone outside a party and spilling your guts). Eventually they start blaming the depleted food stores on Leliana’s nug, Schmooples, much to Leliana’s displeasure.
Given Celia usually responds so well to his jokes, Alistair gets a bit peeved when Celia starts replying to some of his more severely self-deprecating humour with an unamused, “No you’re not,” or, “That’s not true.” He defensively argues it’s just a joke, but he does stop doing it so much as time goes on.
Celia is SO excited when Alistair gives her the rose. She never in her life thought she would be the recipient of a proper ~romantic gesture~…however she accidentally sits on the rose about five minutes after she gets it. Celia is devastated. There is a lot of panic and tears and she keeps one petal pressed in a book but has to unceremoniously ditch the rest in secret.
Celia doesn’t tell Alistair about this until years later and she’s terrified he’ll be hurt but he just laughs because he was so worried he was going to be the one to squash it and then she destroyed it basically the minute she got it. Alistair acknowledges it was an impractical gift given their situation. Celia gets mad and says it was a PERFECT gift and is annoyed at how funny he finds it given this has been a crushing, guilty secret hanging over her for years.
Following this, every time Alistair gives her any kind of gift, he can’t help but throw in a ‘Don’t sit on it!” and cracks himself up, especially when Celia gets grumpy about it and accuses him of spoiling the moment. It happens so often that when Alistair chooses a horse for her and plans to teach her to ride, Celia manages to cut him off with, “Yes, I know Alistair: I can sit on this one,” and steals his thunder.
Alistair periodically says Celia’s name just to check if she’ll answer, especially after a long period of quiet or to see if she’s awake à la screaming in the chantry because it’s so silent. When she responds he says, “Nothing” or “Never mind” but he finds it vaguely comforting just to hear her reply and it’s a habit he never loses, even when they have been together for years and he is much less isolated generally. Alistair doesn’t realise he’s doing it, and it never happens frequently enough for Celia to notice: she just assumes he has lost his train of thought.
They sometimes conspire to purposely fall to the back of the group while on the road so that they can hold hands. Everyone knows full well what they are doing, but Alistair and Celia think they are being incredibly ~sneaky~.
The first time they sleep together they laugh. A lot. Before, during and after.
Alistair snores loudly but only when he’s on his back. Celia is used to the noise of people sleeping around her at the Circle so it doesn’t bother her and she doesn’t want to disturb him because she knows he needs the rest.
When they are known to be sharing a tent however, their companions will slap on the walls of it and demand she kick him until he stops snoring. Celia will relent and gently prod and nudge Alistair until he rolls over with a bit of sleepy grumbling.
I think everyone has this headcanon to the point it is basically actual canon HOWEVER I am legally obligated to include it: Alistair is a professional body heat distributor and Celia drastically cuts down on the number of blankets she uses once they are sleeping together. If she stands in front of him on cold days, he understands the non-verbal signal and will automatically wrap her in his cloak.
Also might as well be canon: Alistair likes to be the little spoon. He doesn’t say, but Celia knows.
Decidedly not a fluff one (you can skip to Amaranthine to avoid) but the ritual with Morrigan fairly significantly messes Alistair up (both the act itself and his consideration of the repercussions i.e. Kieran). He’s jubilant and relieved at their victory over the Archdemon, but in the background struggles to process and there is some fallout once the victory celebrations lull and he has time to fully register what happened. Alistair grapples with a lot of guilt, disgust and confusion. He doesn’t know how to express it or where to direct his emotions so it mainly manifests as self-loathing. He wants to talk to Celia about it but can’t articulate his feelings which makes him feel worse.
Celia tries to comfort him, but he needs space on and off for a long while after and she gives him it. She feels a lot of guilt too, and never stops wondering how much it was actually his choice to do the ritual, worrying that she made him feel like he had to do it. Eventually they discuss it openly and honestly, which eases both of their minds somewhat, but it takes a long time to get to a point where they can talk on the subject. Meeting Kieran at Skyhold also helps Alistair down the line, though it’s obviously painful.
Amaranthine & Inquisition
Alistair keeps an eye out for people struggling, especially new recruits who are having trouble fitting in. He takes them under his wing and is very good at building people up and making sure everyone is included. He’ll just start enthusiastically greeting people like they are his best friend and squeezing himself onto the bench next to them at meals until everyone else follows suit.
For recruits that don’t respond well to his ‘mother hen’ type attention, Celia is good at assigning tasks that specifically highlight their strengths and builds their confidence/sense of purpose which also gains them the respect of their peers.
Alistair has been known to stand behind Celia while she is giving mundane orders/making speeches and pull faces or impersonate her, turning stony and impassive when she spins around accusingly because people are laughing.
But if anyone else talks smack about her he gets very, “Sorry mate, just to clarify was that comment directed at my wife, your Commander, the hERO OF FERELDAN, VANQUISHER OF AN ARCHDEMON!? That’s lucky, I didn’t THINK IT LIKELY. Because that wouldn’t be WISE, would it now?” etc. with some loud, fake laughter and firm backslapping for the worst offenders.
The plan for them to part ways so that Celia can search for a cure goes very badly, especially because Celia (under a lot of stress and not coping™) eventually devolves into, “I’m in charge and I say so,” which is a big betrayal of their agreements both to stay together, and make decisions together on equal footing. She realises this and takes it back but Alistair is demoralised and gives in with a bit of petty, sarcastic reverence e.g. saluting and, “Whatever you say boss, don’t know why I dared to utter an opinion how foolish of me...” so they still part on slightly strained terms, even after later mutually apologising and trying to make the most of their time together before they go.
Both regret the argument during their separation and write horribly soppy letters to each other, but something still feels uncomfortably unresolved until they are together again. They pine. So much. It’s disgusting and cliched. There is considerable sighing and staring at the moon or deep into tankards, very much to the ire of those around them. Alistair can be particularly annoying: “This roll reminds me of my wife...she eats bread sometimes...”
After Celia sends the letter to the Inquisitor, she writes to Leliana directly along the lines of, “I know it was incredibly subtle but I wanted to check: did they get the message? That I will destroy them if Alistair gets hurt?” and Leliana replies in the vein of, “Hon, it wasn’t even remotely subtle ffs…”
When reunited, though ecstatic and nearly delirious with joy and relief, it takes a while to rebuild the trust they once had, especially for Alistair. There’s an unfamiliar awkwardness that flares up unexpectedly, but it doesn’t last and they’re both fully committed to each other and to staying together permanently this time.
Celia and Alistair have a conversation recapping everything that happened while they were apart in which Celia is all, “Poor Hawke. Honestly I’m shocked you didn’t do something obscenely idiotic like try and sacrifice yourself thank the Maker for that…” and Alistair is there, nervously sweating, looking for an exit, loosening his collar etc.
As they settle back into their old routines Alistair will occasionally blurt out things like, “I really like having breakfast with you,” and then berate himself internally for how trite that sounds but Celia replies on cue, “I love waking up next to you and the way you groan when you stretch your back out and the way you check your hair twice before you leave the room and the way you complain if I don’t eat my crusts and the way you still hold my hand when we’re walking...” and basically they’re just blissfully happy being comfortably domestic and even as they get older they are forever just teenagers in love.
The Wardens at Amaranthine acquire/receive a griffon egg and the hatchling imprints on Alistair and decides he is their mother. It can’t cope with separation, crying constantly if Alistair goes out of sight, and won’t let anyone else feed or handle it so Alistair carries them in a sling 24/7. He gets to give orders and run training sessions with the tiny griffon occasionally poking its head out just to glare at everyone.
Whenever the baby griffon squeaks, Alistair automatically replies, “Well said,” or “Excellent point, Ser Beaksly” with a totally straight face.
For the first few months, Celia gets nipped or scratched if she approaches Alistair unless he wraps the griffon up. It so badly wants to fight her. Celia is permitted to sleep in her own bed, as long as the griffon sleeps curled on Alistair’s chest and Celia doesn't try anything outrageous like touching her husband even fleetingly. It gets a little frustrating as the months drag on, but the image of Alistair with the sling over his armour, or with the griffon snuggling possessively around his neck staring daggers at everyone, is so entertaining that Celia can’t get truly annoyed about it. As the griffon gets older it does learn to tolerate other people and becomes more independent but remains very protective of Alistair and favours him above all others. Insert the ‘Ah yes. Me. My husband. And his thousand pound murder-bird-cat child’ meme here.
Modern AU Bonus Round
They share headphones while commuting.
They occasionally end up wearing sort of matching outfits, mostly unintentionally.
They consistently refer to their dog, Trevor, as their son to the point that people who aren’t familiar with them assume that they actually have a child.
#dragon age#dragon age origins#alistair theirin#warden alistair#warden x alistair#amell x alistair#warden amell#headcanons#my art#my writing#file under no one cares but me#but my goodness do I ever care#I can't wait to delete a bunch of these from my phone where they have been lurking forever#this draft is weeks old why am I so scared of posting on tumblr???#the problem is the longer I leave it#the more I add#I'm out of control#this is too many headcanons#I must be stopped
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I know it’s kind of a joke that Jowan constantly messes up, but... he doesn’t?
You could make the argument he messes up when he dabbles in blood magic in the Circle since he’s so likely to be caught, but even that’s really debatable in my eyes. The blood magic rumors, Irving removing the books and having Uldred root out maleficarum, all of that seems recent. Jowan’s clearly been waiting for his Harrowing for a while. If I had to guess, a reason he got into blood magic was because he was afraid he wouldn’t get his Harrowing, not the other way round. He was probably already doomed, blood magic or no, and he knew it.
As for his escape attempt, it nearly goes off without a hitch (assuming the Warden doesn’t rat him out). He and Lily nearly escape unnoticed. The factors that got them caught were bad timing and not due to his incompetence or a bad plan. And he does escape anyway! He succeeds, and if Lily hadn’t turned on him, they would’ve been able to escape together as planned.
And yeah, he gets caught, but of course he does. Anders escaped 7+ times and got caught each time and he’s smart, cunning and hellbent on freedom. Morrigan and Flemeth lived in the middle of the Wilds and still had Templars sniffing around. Getting caught isn’t a mark of incompetence or even of bad luck. It’s kind of an inevitability, especially for Circle mages who don’t have real life skills or social connections they can use once free (which is, of course, precisely the reason they aren’t taught said skills/allowed outside connections)
What’s Jowan’s next “mistake”? That he agrees to poison Eamon. Bad decision? Not really. Not when taking into account what Jowan knows. Like he says, why wouldn’t he listen to and believe Loghain? The Queen’s father/Hero of River Dane? And it’s not like he can refuse when the alternative is certainly execution or tranquility.
Every one of Jowan’s “fuck ups” is not actually a fuck up. Everything he does is in pursuit of freedom and survival and he gets really close (and might’ve succeeded if he hadn’t stayed to help Connor). It’s just that the cards are stacked against him, and every other mage, from the start. Of course things keep going awry. That he manages to circumvent so many obstacles anyway is really impressive.
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On Alistair’s decisions in my worldstate
Despite what she has come to understand, believe, and live, Imerati actually quickly finds sympathy for this former templar. She understands what it means to be given no choice by the chantry, to be lied to from one's earliest days to be molded for a purpose. She appreciates that this new comrade-at-arms has seen how horrible the templars are and has changed his ways upon that realization. He enjoys that she communicates directly and doesn't conceal what is on her mind.
Ostagar happens. Many die. Two survive. Imerati does not really understand why, among thousand dead comrades, Alistair mourns Cailan the loudest. To her, it was just another human with way too much power. But she understands the pain Alistair feels for not having done enough. She knows the pain of powerlessness really well. And she supports his desire to kill Loghain. Not only because she knows he feels like some of this has been his fault and wants to give him an opportunity to do something that might bring him a feeling of having corrected a wrong. But also because she remembers how Loghain has refused to help the dying Wardens, how he turned his back on people in need.
Treaties are upheld. Alliances are forged. Arls are resurrected. Imerati understands now why Alistair mourns Cailan, though she still doesn't feel the same. She appreciates that Alistair so wholeheartedly rejects the power that comes from his father. And she appreciates how supportive Alistair has been about her relationship to her new girlfriend. Alistair worries, he worries that he will have to bend to Eamon's wishes and become king. Imerati assures him that she will defend his decision and his agency.
A landsmeet is called. A regent is killed. A queen is designated. Imerati had helped Alistair find his supposed sister. Yes, of course, she had said. If that is what you wish. He had also wished to be the one to battle Loghain. Imerati had made it so. He had wanted not to become king. Imerati had made it so. He had not wanted to marry Anora. Imerati would have rather married Anora herself than force Alistair into a marriage. The former templar and the outspoken circle abolitionist have grown to be friends, unlikely friends, good friends.
Preparations for battle. Meetings for wardens. Proposals for rituals. Imerati likes Morrigan - more than likes, if she is honest. She would have liked what Morrigan proposed even without it guaranteeing a tactical advantage. But somehow, without anyone understanding why, Imerati isn't eligible for the ritual. She tries to ask Alistair if he wants to do it. He says no, absolutely not. Imerati has overheard such nos too many times in the circle. And unlike the templars back at Kinloch Hold, she will not push past it. She knows what Alistair has been through - a life with decisions constantly made for him, without any agency of his own. She tells him that she will respect his decision regarding the ritual as well. He tries to thank her, she dismisses it. She has chosen to dedicate her life to bringing agency to the souls who are robbed of it. No need to be thankful for that.
A city wall falls. A senior Grey Warden dies. An archdemon struggles. The two friends stand atop Fort Drakon, a decision to be made. Imerati had feared this decision, she would have such a hard time volunteering herself. She has found someone to live for. Leliana. She couldn't break Leliana's heart. But Alistair speaks first. He will do it, that is his decision. She apologizes for being relieved that he has made this decision for them, he dismisses it. She has chosen to respect his agency and decisions for his life, no need to feel guilty about accepting his decision for his death. They hug, and Imerati starts crying. Go, he says. And she goes.
A hero is buried. A heroine is lauded. A queen is coronated.
I talked about this with @vhenaqui a couple of days ago and thought it deserved some proper short textualization. One of the most common question regarding my AU is why Alistair made the sacrifice. I hope this is a bit of in-universe explanation for this. The true reason why Alistair dies in my AU is Gaider going “a woman impregnating a woman would be far too difficult to explain”. So, if it weren’t for BioWare’s dismissal of trans people as heros, Imerati could have participated in the ritual. She would have been able to, even without the use of magic. But alas, so is the worldstate now.
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I'm not sure exactly what you mean by not making sense but this is my interpretation as to why she does make sense. (Note most of my information comes from DAO I'm not familiar with the media outside the games.)
First of all it's important to remember people don't like that Isolde don't like that she is the wife to Arl Eamon. She is very Orlesian and was daughter of the occupying Orlesian governor. The war for independence is still very fresh in everyone's mind. The ruling class is currently run by people who were the rebels or their children. They are not going to trust her.
So politically she is walking a tight rope of respectability to stay safely married to Eamon, whom she loves. Then after Conor is born not only is she concerned for her safety and future, but now how the people perceive him and her puts his safety and future on the line as well.
So how does she maintain appearances?
First we are going to assume that DA follows some of the gender roles seen in much of European history. This means as an Arl's wife she has two jobs. One is to basically be in charge of what goes on in the house. Everything from entertaining guests to keeping the books to making sure the servants do their jobs. The second is to produce an heir.
Now from everything we see having a son was something Isolde wanted. She loves her son, and is very protective of him. But given the information above a lot depends on her son being a perfect heir. Not only that but she is very religious and well we know how the chantry treats mages.
Not only would him being a mage take her boy away from her, but it would also give ammunition for those who oppose her to push Eamon to divorce her. Or even convince someone to threaten he life. She has failed her job of providing an heir, and as it was hard for them to get this one child the chances of having another are slim. Not to mention there is no guarantee another child wouldn't be a mage as well.
So the reasons for hiding/denying he is a mage include, Isolde doesn't want her son taken away from her, religious indoctrination that basically says mages are evil, and that by failing at her job at producing an heir it puts her life and livelihood on the line. Remember she doesn't have to believe she has failed her husband, or even her detractors truly believe she has failed, they need an excuse.
Now about Alistair.
She didn't seem to care about him at first, but when she got pregnant with Connor rumors of Alistair being Eamon's bastard resurfaced. The fact Eamon kept an eye on him didn't help these rumors. Hell even if Eamon told Isolde the truth of Alistair's heritage that wouldn't have helped, because who Alistair was the son of didn't matter. What mattered was if other people thought Alistair was Eamon's son.
All her detractors had to do was say Alistair was Eamon's son and a proper Ferelden boy. Remember, Connor is the grandson of an occupying Orlesian governor. Isolde is unpopular with nobles just by being her father's daughter, and if they can chip away at her son's legitimacy they will.
Now Isolde isn't just protecting herself but her son. Alistair to her isn't a boy just trying to live his life and find family. He is a symbol of people trying to hurt her and her son. This is why she treats him so poorly and has him sent away, and this is most likely why Eamon agrees to it.
Alistair is a threat to their son by just being rumored to be Eamon's bastard, and like it or not Connor by existing is as much of a shield for Isolde as she tries to be a shield for him. Sending him away protects Eamon's wife and son, without exposing Alistair's true father.
This is why Isolde doesn't feel guilty for how she treated Alistair, and more than likely why Alistair is ambivalent. Yes it obviously hurt and traumatized him, but I get the impression that as an adult he knows she was in a shitty position and just protecting her son. This doesn't stop him from wanting some form of apology, or recognition that he was wronged. But as I said to Isolde, Alistair wasn't a kid but the rumor that threatened her child.
isolde is a super interesting character i wish any of her lore made sense
#dragon age#isolde#alistair theirin#i hope this makes sense i sorta just wrote off ths top of mh head on my phone#dragon age origins
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Conversations with Self and Better Self
On the Beach
“Did I see you push your cigarette butt into the sand?”
“Yes, sorry.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“I know, sorry.”
“Why don’t you put it in the bin?”
“It’s easy, it just disappears, you see.”
“I repeat, why don’t you put it in the bin?”
“I could have, but I didn’t, I’m lazy, sorry.”
“You keep saying sorry, but I know you don’t mean it.”
“I know, sorry.”
“I don’t like you very much.”
“I feel the same about you.”
“Don’t you care what other people think about you?”
“Not much - do you?”
“‘Course I do - I have a social conscience.”
“Good for you. Have a coconut.”
“I’m lost for words. You’re disgusting.”
“I know, have a nice day.”
***************
The Racist
“You’re a racist.”
“I’m sorry you think that.”
“Is it because you think they are different to you?”
“I don’t like the way this thing is going.”
“Why?”
“Because to tell you how I feel about stuff, you will not understand me.”
“True.”
“If was a racist in a wheelchair, would you still judge me?”
“Of course, but I would allow for your anger.”
“Why?”
“Because I would feel sorry for you.”
“Why?”
“Because you can’t do what I can do.”
“Is that all?”
“Hang on, now you’re making me feel guilty, and I don’t like it.”
“Good, now you know how I feel.”
“I don’t care how you feel, you’re a racist.”
“Touche!”
****************
Glad to be Gay
“I’m glad to be gay.”
“Good for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m happy for you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I don’t care really.”
“I thought so, you should care, really.”
“Do you care if I’m straight?”
“Not really, you are not part of my world any more, I’ve moved on.”
“Don’t say that, I’m starting to feel lonely.”
“Don’t, you can’t help being who you are.”
“I thought that was your line?”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you said you were born this way, and that’s it.”
“That’s what?”
“That you’re gay.”
“Oh I see, it’s that simple, is it?”
“Not really, nothing’s simple, it just forms a kind of barrier between us.”
“Why is that, can’t you accept me for who I am?”
“Of course, but we are different, I feel as if I have become a threat to you.”
““I don’t know what you mean.”
“This conversation is becoming difficult.”
“Why?”
“Because my daughter is gay and she keeps cropping up in my mind, I feel as if I will be misunderstood, and it stops my flow.”
“That’s a shame, talk to me instead.”
“It’s very important to me, this stream of consciousness, without it I have nothing to say apart from - this is all becoming rather humourless, again.”
“I know what you mean.”
“So let’s share the pride before we fall.”
************
That Kate Humble
“I love that Kate Humble. Don’t you?”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, she’s so nice and interesting.”
“Is that a good thing? I find her boring and insincere.”
“How can you say such a thing, she’s never off the telly.”
“I know, that’s the problem. Programmers are lazy, and will just wheel out these characters and place them in more and more bizarre and pointless situations.”
“But I know her; she’s dependable.”
“I wish she’d live up to her name.”
“Meaning?”
“Get humble and fuck off, give some other hopeful a taste.”
“That’s abusive.”
“I know, it’s the only language they understand. What’s her latest show about?”
“I think it’s called, ‘Kate Humble Gets Interested in Everything!’ I’ll tell you a show I’d like to see.”
“What would that be?”
“‘Kate Humble licks Chris Packham’s Arsehole! And Then they Both Share the Experience with a Top London Therapist’“
“That’s disgusting!”
“Yes, but funny, actually hilarious. How about ‘Kate Humble Cashes Another Cheque for Looking Concerned and Interesting and Always Saying the Right Thing’: She’s a fucking genius!”
“Why do you hate her so much?”
“Not hating, just bemused. Here’s another one, ‘Eamon Holmes and Kate Humble on a waterbed filled with piss, and it bursts!’ It could be called ‘Holmes and Humble get Pissy in a Caring sort of Way’.”
“Please! You are not funny!”
“Was I ever? tThere’s not much you can laugh at any more.”
“I’m not surprised, with your attitude to life, bitter and resentful.”
“I agree, the search goes on. Mind you, you don’t have to look far, it’s all fucking hilarious.”
“I think I have to go.”
“I don’t blame you, me too.”
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