#e cristoddio mo anche basta

[ross-nekochan]

Lo so che lo dico spesso, forse lo dico troppo e alla fine non è mai vero però: non ce la faccio più a convivere con mia madre.

Qualsiasi strategia io metta in atto per mantenere la mia salute mentale il più stabile possibile viene sempre sabotato. E cerchi di farle capire le cose e non funziona. Stai zitta e finisci per accumulare accumulare accumulare stronzate su stronzate opinioni su povera gente o su gente stronza o su come vivono la vita gli altri o i rapporti di coppia che a me non me ne frega un cazzo e allora perché devo sentire la tua opinione? Boh.

Mi sento nel pitch più alto di intolleranza totale di qualsiasi cosa e questo solitamente è un mio sintomo di preciclo. Ma non ci credo più tanto, perché il ciclo non arriva da fine ottobre. E la scorsa volta è arrivato dopo 40 giorni. Sono anni e anni che era diventato molto preciso e anche particolarmente corto, a volte anche di 23-25 giorni.

Che cazzo è successo? Non lo so. So solo che io sono stata una volta sola nella vita in amenorrea ed era quando mangiavo 1000kcal al giorno o meno. Paradossalmente fu "facile" risolvere: mangiavo mischiando cibo e lacrime e ingoiavo. Così ho risolto. E mo non so dove cazzo andare a parare dato che mangio come un fottutto bue quello che cazzo mi va. L'unica cosa che ho cambiato è l'allenamento perché sto spingendo come un toro però cristoddio ti sto dando pure il carburante quindi, corpo, che c'è? Che problemi hai?

È dai tempi dei lockdown, quando ho dovuto smettere completamente di allenarmi, (avevo mezzo smesso anche in Giappone ma quella era stata una scelta mia non dettata dagli eventi) che mi chiedo: ma perché mi alleno in palestra? Quasi tutti pensano solamente al lato estetico, ma per quelli che si allenano davvero è quasi tutto tranne quello. In passato avrei dato enfasi alle endorfine che, indubbiamente, mi dà una grande mano con questo mio costante velo di tristezza interiore e di mal di vivere, ma comunque sono sempre sopravvissuta bene anche senza. La verità più grande è che spaccarsi in palestra è principalmente per me un atto di masochismo. È un continuo farti del male e aumentare l'intensità del dolore quel tanto che basta per permetterti di raggiungere le ripetizioni prefissate. Quindi io adoro infliggere dolore al mio corpo e proprio nel sentirlo sofferente.

Ed eccomi qui, ancora a parlare al mio corpo come se non fossimo una cosa sola, come ai vecchi tempi, quando sentivo questa cosa ingombrante addosso che mi volevo stracciare come se fosse una pelliccia e invece era la mia carne. Ma io con questo corpo non ci ho mai fatto la pace.

Mi sento esattamente come quando ho cercato di andare all'Avis per donare il sangue due volte e due volte mi hanno detto di no perché prima avevo il colesterolo alto e quindi solo plasma, poi manco il plasma perché l'emoglobina era sotto i piedi. Tradita, delusa, un catorcio. Il mio corpo non mi segue, fa quello che cazzo vuole lui e io, come una madre con un bambino da accudire, non so se seguire l'istinto e urlare e spaccare oppure accudire. Ho pianto quando non sono riuscita a donare il sangue ed è successo di nuovo.

Galimberti dice spesso che l'uomo si relaziona con il mondo, ma nel mondo della malattia il mondo sparisce e lo scontro è tra l'io e il corpo. E l'uomo quando subisce questa nuova realtà diventa schizofrenico perché si vede due.

Di nuovo quindi, io non sono il mio corpo. Forse la palestra ha persino intensificato questo mio senso di dualità col corpo per la questione della propriocezione e della connessione mente-corpo.

Ora chissà dove dovrò andare a parare con ste ovaie. Di nuovo. E peggio di 10 anni fa... uff.

[janiedean]

Ok but… Laws are not about being morally perfect? They're about protecting the most people. Are you saying that you would fight for the right of a minority of people (we're talking of a very small number, especially globally) to choose prostitution for themselves even if it condemned the vast majority who is being coerced/trafficked into it? This is as if i advocated for the right of children to work because i was bored at school. Do you not see how privileged you have to be to have this pov?

................ 

oh good fucking lord

it’s 1 am and I have no other better way to phrase this

I am against the idea that one law can override a person’s agency

like anon idk if you’ve ever been on the opposite side of the very paternalistic attitude certain people have of telling you that when it concerns a PERSONAL MATTER YOU HAVE PUT THOUGHT INTO AND YOU HAVE PERFECTLY VALID OPINIONS ABOUT they know better than you and you’re a poor idiot who has been conned into thinking differently and will take offense when you say that no, you know your own mind, because I have been tho not for that related matter and I can assure you that you want to murder someone

I’m saying that I would fight for the right of everyone to choose what they want to do with their life without someone else deciding for them that their choices are inherently harmful and that at the same time I don’t want it to leave room for coercion

like, man, you think prostitution is legal TM in most countries where there are actual huge issues with child prostitute and trafficking or that if it is, it’s regulated properly? in italy it’s not ILLEGAL but there’s a legislation making all activities connected with it illegal, there’s not ACTUAL law that legalizes it except for a supreme court sentence that says that if you’re on your own prostitution is a legal activity to have but we don’t work on common law so idek and we have huge issues with sex traffickers and underage prostitute trafficking which we didn’t have when brothels weren’t outlawed, and they’ve been for half a century and guess why people have been talking about changing that law because it was obviously not working and it’s not working yet. what are you proposing, that we ban prostitution? that sex work automatically makes the sex worker a victim overriding their agency because it happens to most people being into sex work? and how do you solve it, stopping it period or doing it like in sweden? because newsflash as I’ve been telling for ages, prostitution has been around since the beginning of times and it’s not going away because we decide it’s immortal or that it should be banned for whichever reason it is, which is a factual fact and not me idealizing shit, because otherwise prostitution would have disappeared ages ago.

like. man. humans are generally sexual beings. if they can’t find someone to do it it’s not implausible that they’ll look for it for money and THEY ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL. at this point I’d rather have SOME FUCKING KIND OF REGULATION FOR IT THAN NOT.

also I don’t think you’re aware of one thing, that if you’re thinking of ‘a vast majority forced into prostitution’ you’re talking about THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET, because there’s people forced into it in germany, in nigeria, in italy, in thailand and in every goddamned country in existence to various degrees. HOW do you think you can solve the issue in THE ENTIRE PLANET when the situation changes also due to specific cultural issues and how each country handles it? it has to be looked at differently in each country and in any case you can’t assume that sweden is the same as thailand.

and anyway as fucking privileged as it might sound to you, THINKING FOR OTHER PEOPLE AND ASSUMING THAT YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THEM ABOUT THE DECISION THEY TAKE FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT CASE BY CASE is imo paternalistic, offensive, frankly degrading and disrespectful of people’s agency. case closed. I am not budging on that. period. I want people who want to fuck others for a living to be able to do it and I want laws to persecute anyone and anything who tries to force anyone to have sex as a job if they don’t want to. and you can’t say that it’s impossible period to do it because this system as I imagine it doesn’t exist anywhere (yet) and seeing sex work as a regular kind of job is a relatively new thing at least in western culture, so it can’t be a thing that happens overnight. like, are you purposefully ignoring that I’ve stated a hundred times that I absolutely abhor the concept of people being forced into sex work (btw not all sex work is prostitution but okay) or are you just avoiding mentioning it because then it makes me sound like an asshole? because I feel like you’re purposefully ignoring it.

also, your comparison?

actually children having to go to school and not having to work is a relatively new concept because guess what it hasn’t been legalized properly for the entirety of the 19th century, like, have you read any dickens? in italy I’m fairly sure that for a while the obligatory school stopped at ten years old and the first laws seriously regulating it were made in early 20th century.

a lot of children in the world actually work and don’t go to school, and idk if you were around years ago when there was a huge scandal over nike employing child labor. actually, most probably, more children in the world work more than attend school until they’re sixteen anyway. GLOBALLY, children don’t have a right to go to school more than they are forced to go to work. but okay. like, congrats, if you wanted a problem to fight globally as well, you have just nailed one.

children are not adults. I am talking about not speaking over fucking adults when it comes to what they want to do with their life. no one sane would say that children working is a ‘right’ because we all know that it’s wrong, but no one sane says that prostitution has to be legal WITHOUT CHECKING OR WITHOUT LIMITS. or that porn industry has to be legal without checking. but one thing is STUFF FOR ADULTS MADE BY ADULTS WHO SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT/MAKE USE OF IT FREELY AND WITHOUT BEING COERCED, another is making children work when they haven’t developed the critical skill necessary to make life-altering decisions such as WHAT JOB DO YOU WANT. ffs I wouldn’t ask of a teenager to make life-altering decisions, but of an adult I would. I’m talking about adults. like sorry but according to your reasoning since democracy means that dumb people can vote for a dumb president (ie trump) we should all scrap it and go back to absolute monarchy because us illuminated people know better and people can’t choose whoever the fuck they vote for.

also, assuming that everyone selling sex is a victim automatically criminalizes it at least virtually because it’s automatically seen as a Bad Thing That Should Not Be Discussed Freely Because There’s Something Wrong With It and that’s how you get purity crusades. I don’t want purity crusades, nvm that you can’t fight coerced prostitution in germany the way you’d do it in thailand.

like, wow, I’m saying that people should be allowed to think for themselves but that’s somehow a privileged argument.

k anon, whatever you say. I like to think with my own head. because we start with this and then we end at ‘heterosexual women don’t know that they like dick because men brainwashed them into it and I, person who has never met you, know your own sexuality better than you’. and that turns into policing people’s sexuality. which then turns into the victorian age which then turns into puritanism and if you don’t see that there’s a problem with that, or you’d rather have puritanism than discuss about the best ways to make sure sex work is only available from people who actually actively chose to do it without pressure from anyone else, then I don’t have anything else to tell you.

also, this started from a post that was talking about PEOPLE WANTING TO POLICE WOMEN’S READING HABITS AND IT HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH PROSTITUTION BUT IT HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH CALLING OUT A DAMAGING CURRENT OF RADICAL FEMINISM THAT’S EVERYTHING BUT SILENCED THESE DAYS, and the first place y’all went was ‘yes but radical feminism also fights prostitution so the concept isn’t wrong when applied to that but it is when applied to kinky fanfic because that’s not important enough’ like no one even brought it up can y’all just take a valid critic and think about it instead of bringing up crusades no one even asked for

and now I’m looking at the other ask I have in the inbox and then I’m going to bed because I have work tomorrow and I refuse to stay up until 2am having this discussion good lord don’t you know that when the government or the lawmakers start THINKING IN YOUR PLACE YOU GET A THING NAMED 1984 or have you not read that book in middle school