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wildernessuntothemselves · 6 years

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Oppa Knows Best | Part 4

Word Count: 7.8k Genre: Smut, Angst Summary: If there is anything a lot of people can agree on when it comes to college, it’s that college is about much more than just education; it’s a whole transformative experience. The person you were before college is not the same person you will be after college, and no one knows the truth of that statement quite like you do. You just didn’t expect to change so much so fast. Chapter Plot: Something about his question rings alarm bells in your mind, and you lash out. “Have you ever considered that maybe I don’t need someone to take care of me anymore? That I want to be my own person now?” Jaehyun laughs in disbelief, “I’m the one who got you this far, and now that you’re here you want to dump me to the side and pretend like you don’t need me?” Warnings: This story contains a very unbalanced power dynamic between the two main characters that is unhealthy and shouldn’t be tolerated irl. If someone treats you this way irl please run. This is a fictional story and the plot is basically just a vehicle for the smut. Contains slutshaming and controlling behavior. Also the dirty talk is painfully corny and pornolike so be warned lol. Oppa kink if it wasn’t obvious. foot job (no licking dw), thigh job, humping? lol The previous parts and the rest of my masterlist are in my bio suck my dick tumblr

It’s funny how something that you’ve wanted for so long could turn out to be so catastrophic for you, but that seems to be the running theme of your life. A year ago, you wanted nothing more than to be the sole object of Jaehyun’s attention, but now that you are, you’re finding it to be just so fucking exhausting. You don’t want to sound ungrateful; knowing your luck, a higher being could be listening to you right now and decide to deprive you of Jaehyun all together for not appreciating this nightmarish version of your dreams that he/she/it has bequeathed upon you. As it stands though, Jaehyung was no longer recoiling from you like he used to, not one bit. Now, he doesn’t even try to keep his hands to himself. He is always touching or kissing you. His stamina was insane and his sexual appetite insatiable. You were beginning to understand why he slept around so much in the first place and why the girls on campus hated you for taking him out of the game. Granted, no one knew for a fact that you two were fucking, and officially you were just really close friends—almost siblings—but that didn’t stop people from (correctly) speculating that you were sleeping together, not when Jaehyun was hovering around you all the time and scaring off any male from getting within a mile of you. Half the student body believed he was just being a protective older brother, deceived by his sweetness and inoffensive charm, while the other half was convinced he wanted you for himself, claiming that no mere friend would act so protectively no matter how close the friendship was. So which of these was the truth? Fuck if you knew. As had become routine for you now, you’re awakened by a pair of large hands feeling up your body. You don’t have to turn around to know whose morning wood was currently pressed snugly between your asscheeks that are bare under the over-sized shirt of his that you wore to bed. Opening your eyes just a sliver to check the time, you groan, “Oppa, it’s six in the morning. Not now, please.” “But I have a class at seven.” He fusses childishly and covers your neck in kisses, his hands groping your breasts clumsily.

“Well, I don’t. You can fuck me all you want when you come back.” You try to push his hands off but he climbs over you and presses you against the mattress with his body. “But I need you now.” “We just fucked last night, oppa. I’m still a little sore.” You turn your head to the side, trying to escape his kisses. As you move, you feel some of his cum from the night before leak down your inner thigh, further reminding you of how used up you felt at the moment. “Please I’ll do all the work.” His hand goes between your legs, but as soon as his fingers come into contact with your pussy, you flinch from the overstimulation. “It hurts.” He immediately withdraws his hand and slumps over you, burying his face in the crook of your neck and murmuring a quiet ‘sorry’. He stays like that for a few seconds, softly peppering kisses on your neck and collarbone before he sighs and pulls away. “Wait,” You stop him from leaving. Chewing on your bottom lip, you regard his painful looking hard-on, the tip red and engorged, and decide to take some pity on him. “You can fuck me, but no penetration.” He look at you funny, “What does that even mean?” Without saying a word, you close your legs, pressing your thighs tightly together then pulling them towards your chest. You support your thighs with your hands, keeping your legs suspended in the air. Jaehyun’s eyes widen a little bit and he looks at you hesitantly, “You want me to fuck your thighs?” “If you don’t want to, I can just go back to sleep.” Before you can even lower your legs, he grabs your waist and yanks you towards him so that your ass was flush against his pelvis. “I’ll take it.” He spits in his palm then brings it down to wet his dick so it wouldn’t get chafed in between your thighs. When he’s done, he pulls your thighs apart just a little to fit his dick between them before closing them again around him. He starts moving his hips, and you watch as his dick disappears between the flesh of your thighs when he pulls back, only to push through them, swollen and angry, when he thrusts forward. You stare in fascination as he keeps fucking your thighs, feeling a little stir in your core at the sight. So you’re a little annoyed when he stops. Grunting unhappily, he pulls away from you, and you yelp as you feel his hand at your pussy, fingers pressing against your entrance. “Oppa, I said no penetration.” “I just need some of your sweet juices, angel.” He coaxes and pushes his fingers in. Your pussy quivers around his fingers, the feeling a little painful but he was being very gentle as he pumps his fingers inside you and you couldn’t deny that it felt good too. As he gets you more and more aroused, your slick coats his fingers. Soon, you lose your grip on your thighs and they fall open as you opt to clutch the bedsheets instead. Jaehyun presses a hand to your inner thigh, keeping it in place while also rubbing his thumb against your sensitive skin, soothing you as he continues to pump his fingers inside your pussy and smirks down at you. “Are you sure you don’t want my dick, angel?” Huffing, you hit his chest with your fist lightly, “No, you sly asshole.” He laughs, pulling his fingers out, and you find yourself biting down on a disappointed whine. “Ok, ok.” After slicking his dick with your arousal, he pulls your thighs together and starts fucking them again, moaning appreciatively at the newfound ease, “Ah, much better.” Hooking one arm under your knees to hold your legs up, he uses the other to push up your shirt all the way up to your chin, exposing you to him completely. He bites his lip as he cups your breasts in his large hand, playing with them. When your nipples harden under his ministrations, you feel his cock jump between your thighs. “You really got a thing for boobs, don’t you oppa?” You try to tease him, but he thwarts your attempt with ease, shutting you up. “I’ve got a thing for you, angel.” He was doing it again. He was looking at you like you’re the only thing he can see and he’d be fine if you were the last thing he ever saw. “You’re so pretty, baby. My sweet little angel.” It petrified you and you didn’t know why, making your survival instincts kick in, screaming at you to protect yourself, to get away from him, but why? Why do you need to protect yourself from Jaehyun? He’d never hurt you. He loves you... “Hurry up, oppa. I wanna go back to sleep.” You grunt, trying to sound as off-putting as possible and it works. Jaehyun’s head shoots up to look at you, grimacing, “Way to get a guy going, babe. It’s so sexy how uninterested you are.” His words spark up your defensiveness, and your fear latches on to it, making it fester. He got you into this situation in the first place. You were sleeping in peace when he decided to wake you up and fuck with your mind. “If you don’t like it, you can jerk yourself off in the bathroom.” “I’m basically jerking myself off right now anyway.” He grumbles, but before you can snap back at him, he digs his fingers into your thighs and fucks you harshly. Gone are all the sweet words and revering looks; now he was using your body as nothing but a tool to reach his orgasm, which doesn’t take long. It’s childish to be mad at him for doing so when you’re the one who told him he can and made it clear to him that you didn’t want his gentleness, but you were mad anyway. And hurt. Making a meaningless grab at having the upper hand, you push him away from you right when you know he’s just moments away from cumming. He growls in frustration, scratching your thighs with his fingernails as he attempts to get between them again, but you press you feet against his abdomen, keeping him at bay. “Why? I was so close!” “I know but I don’t want you to cum on me.” You say flippantly. Jaehyun scrunches his face and cries out in frustration. Catching you by surprise, he grabs your foot and pushes it down towards his painful cock. He presses against it firmly and rubbing himself on the sole of your foot. You can’t utter a word of objection because the sight of him grinding desperately against your foot, trying to build up his orgasm again, triggers something in your brain. Suddenly, you get struck by a disturbing image, a near-exact replica of this moment, of Jaehyun sitting in front of you, your foot in his lap as his hands wrap around your ankle and his hips buck up into your foot. The sharp maturity that came with age like a distant memory on his face, replaced instead with the soft angles and pudginess of adolescence that had left his face years ago and now only resided in old images. His expression was pleading and helpless like it was now… and apologetic? You see the younger Jaehyun mouthing apologies to you over and over again while your face remains set in stone, implacability carved into it. You emerge out of the phantom memory when Jaehyun cums, his warm seed branding your skin as it spurts on your foot. Spent, Jaehyun collapses over you, his arms braced on either side of you and his face mere inches from yours. Just like that, you’re submerged in the dark pool of disembodied memories again. Another image appears before your eyes, seemingly from that same night, again an almost mirror-image to the present; you’re trapped under his body like you are now, but his expression was vastly different, not only from the present but from the previous image. He no longer looked sorry. No, he was pissed off, yelling at you about something as you struggled underneath him and tried to push him away. To escape him or his words, you didn’t know. “___, ____,” Jaehyun shouts at you, and you flinch, realizing you were looking at present Jaehyun again as he stared at you worriedly. “Are you ok? You zoned out.” “Um, yeah, I’m fine.” You frown, feeling disoriented. What the fuck just happened? What were those images? Were they memories? Dreams? A mere product of your uneasiness at his behavior? “Did I hurt you?” Dread was palpable in his voice. You shake your head earnestly, wanting to dispel his fears. “No. no!” “Then what happened?” He looks at you like a puppy that got accidently kicked and now needed reassurance. But you didn’t know how to do that. You couldn’t even come up with an explanation for yourself so how were you supposed to give him one? Trying to deflect his question, you ask, “Didn’t you say you had a class at seven?” “Yes but this is more important than some class.” “There is no this, oppa. I’m fine. I’m just sleepy.” You try to be as firm as possible, needing him to leave so you can sort out your thoughts. “Go to your class.” “I can’t just leave you—“ “Actually, I’d rather you did.” You shoot him down. That wounds him even further but his protectiveness was making your anxiety build up. You felt trapped underneath him, his presence closing in on you from all around and triggering claustrophobia in you. “Just…” You rake your fingers through your hair and inhale deeply, taking in a big gulp of air to stop the feeling of suffocation but to no avail. “Just let me breathe, ok?” That did it. His eyes immediately glisten and when he tries to speak, his voice breaks. Clearing his throat, he tries again, “Ok, but if you need me—“ “You’re just a call away. Yes, I know.” You complete monotonously, already turning on your side and tugging the blanket from under him, forcing him to get off the bed so you could pull it over yourself. You feel him linger in the room for a moment longer before he grabs something from the closet, probably a fresh change of clothes, and leaves the room. Your ears hone in on his movements inside the small dorm, trying to divine from them what he was most likely doing. When you head the shower running, you know he’s in the bathroom. When you hear kitchen utensils moving around, you know he’s making himself coffee. After that, he’s quiet for some time and you start feeling anxious, worried he’d come back to check on you, but thankfully you hear his footsteps again, before the front door opens and closes, signaling that you were finally alone. Throwing the blanket off your body, you listen for any indication that he’s still in the dorm, but you hear nothing but silence. Silence. It was such an unusual thing, for you anyway. Something you felt like you hadn’t experienced in years. Was it usually this loud? You don’t remember hearing this pervasive buzzing before, but now you couldn’t unhear it. It kept getting louder and louder until you felt like it was coming from inside your own skull. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to push out the pummeling noise and there, on the inside of your lids, you see those images again, so clear as if they were tattooed on your skin. Immediately, you dive into them, try to trace them back to where they came from, but it was like they were severed from everything, a pitch black pool existing in a vacuum of its own. You couldn’t even connect the two images together even though Jaehyun’s clothes, a white shirt and dress pants, told you they were from the same night. All you saw was Jaehyun, one moment sat on a chair looking apologetic and guilty then the next moment he was hovering over you pissed off and looking like he was hell-bent on something. Try as you might, you couldn’t find the missing link between those two images. The fact that you couldn’t place those images into a bigger picture—or even figure out if they were real memories or a mere fabrication of your mind terrified you. You had no clue why Jaehyun had looked so guilty in the first place and what he got so mad for. Could it be that those forgotten memories were the source of your newfound unease around him? No, no, don’t go down that road. You’re not even sure that these images are real. You can’t even call them memories. You’re not going to validate some baseless feeling with equally baseless images and make yourself withdraw further from Jaehyun. God, your head hurt so bad. The only person who could put your mind at ease and answer your questions was Jaehyun, but then again, did you actually want to know the truth? If they were real memories then there must be a good reason why Jaehyun never discussed them with you before. So either they aren’t real or something so terrible happened that night that he chose to never talk about it again. Both those options didn’t make the idea of confronting him about it any more appealing. To hell with those images, you wish to banish them back to where they came from. Lately, you’ve been having enough problems with Jaehyun as it is; you didn’t need long forgotten pains to worsen things for you when they’ve already been going from bad to worse. “Ugh, fuck it.” You groan, looking at the clock and seeing that it’s already ten thirty. Now sporting a major headache, you realize that there was no use trying to go back to sleep now. Your end-term exams were approaching anyway and you needed to catch up on your studying. So with a heavy sigh, you drag yourself off the bed and get ready to start your day. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• If your day started off badly then it certainly wasn’t looking up now. The coffee you made yourself tasted like the watered down piss of a coffee addict, and when you got to the library to study, you found it jam-packed with students. Massaging your temples tiredly, you contemplate whether you should try to go back to bed, but a quick glance at time tells you that Jaehyun would be out of his lecture soon and he’d no doubt come looking for you in order to talk about what happened this morning. You had no desire to face him; an overbearing and pushy Jaehyun was the last thing you needed right now. Deciding that you could use some space and a change of scenery, you step outside campus in search of a decent coffee shop you could settle down in and sip on some palatable coffee while you hopefully got some studying done. You send a quick text to Jaehyun to let him know of your plans so he wouldn’t worry too much before you put your phone on silent, intending to give yourself a forced timeout from him. You walk around the city for a bit, going down random streets, just observing the little things you never took the time to notice before, like the peculiar juxtaposition of modern and old architecture or the sudden change in ambiance you feel when you leave the main streets and head down small alleyways. It was strangely calming—taking note of every little detail you come across like the number of stories each building had or how worn or new the bricks looked. Filling your mind with these details pushed the bad thoughts out, at least for the time being, and allowed you to finally breathe again. It was in one of those alleyways that you find a quaint little coffee shop to settle down in. Heading up to the counter, the boy behind it smiles brightly at you, his pearly whites almost blinding you while his cheery voice drilled into your skull. “Good afternoon, what would the beautiful lady like today?” Oh, great, he’s a flirter. You roll your eyes, already feeling the precious small amount of peace you’d gathered on the way here getting consumed by the excitable boy, but unlike him, the place looked so serene that you think it might just be worth it to bear with him for a little while so you can stay. “I’ll have a macchiato, double shot.” You reply curtly, looking to shut him down but he doesn’t miss a step and says, smile firmly in place, “Do you want sugar with that or are you already sweet enough?” You take in a deep breath before exploding in his face, “Listen kid, I have end-terms coming up, I’m sporting a major headache, and I just suffered through a sudden recollection of something that could potentially threaten my relationship with the most important person in my life. I don’t have time for your bullshit. Just take my money and give me my damn coffee.” You regret the words as soon as they were out of your mouth. Seeing his single raised eyebrow and the challenging look on his face, you realize you fucked up. “You’re gonna spit in my coffee now, aren’t you?” You pout at him pitifully and he chuckles, “Normally, I totally would, but you look pretty hot when you’re angry so I’ll give you a pass.” “Ugh, spit in my coffee I don’t care, just please stop with the cringe or I might throw up.” You groan but he just laughs again. Cocking your head to the side, you observe him in the act. He had a peculiar laugh, the sound coming out controlled—a almost fake—but his eyes twinkled and his smile grew impossibly wide to show off his perfect white teeth in a way that made him look like he was shooting a damn toothpaste commercial. You hate to admit it but he actually looked kind of adorable. The boy tells you the price, smile still ever-present on his face, and you snap you out of your reverie. You hurriedly pay and leave the counter, getting away from the annoying, albeit strangely endearing boy. Throughout your stay, Jaemin—as you’ve come to know his name—frequented your table, dropping a quick pickup line each time before leaving, taking advantage of the slow traffic at the coffee shop at this hour. You get used to him surprisingly fast; even though he was super flirty, you quickly catch on that he’s just playing it for the laughs, each time dropping a line more absurd than the last, trying to get a smile out of you. He was a very intuitive boy. You notice that he only came by when you were stuck in your studies or were getting distracted by your bad thoughts. He would say his lines, adjusting the dose of grease he injected into them based on your reactions until you would crack a smile and then, satisfied with a job well done, he would nod to himself and go back behind the counter. In the quiet coffee shop, with Jaemin’s delicious coffee, absurd one-liners, and calming smile, you manage to get into a relatively quiet state of mind and actually get some work done. Before you knew it, it was already seven pm. Suddenly feeling apprehensive, you pull out your phone to see dozens of messages and missed calls for a worried Jaehyun. Seeing the sudden change in your demeanor, Jaemin approaches you again and instead of a joke pickup line, he asks if you’re alright. “Uh, yeah, perfect.” You smile but Jaemin looks doubtful. You pack up your stuff quickly, wondering what you were going to say to Jaehyun once you got back to the dorm. “Are you sure that everything’s ok? You look kinda pale.” “Yup, it’s all good.” You smile tightly. Jaemin remains unconvinced but he doesn’t push it further, choosing instead to return your smile and says, “Ok, take care, ___, and I hope you come back soon.” •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• You do go back, almost every day actually. The little coffee shop and the annoying boy with the gorgeous smile quickly becoming like a sanctuary to you—a place where you could leave the rest of your life out by the door with all its good and bad. Unlike Jaehyun who has accompanied you every moment of your life and had his own fully realized notions and feelings about you, Jaemin knew next to nothing about your life prior to you walking into his little coffee shop, and you were free to be whoever you wanted to be with him. Sooner than you would’ve liked, your exams were over and you technically didn’t have any reason to keep going to his coffee shop this often, but you did anyway, pretending like you still needed to study just so you could see him for a little longer. There was just something so familiarly alluring about him that kept you coming back. A cup of coffee is set down in front of you. You look up at the boy with a raised eyebrow, “I didn’t order this.” “I know. It’s on the house.” “This is like the third drink on the house today. I think the house might get fired soon at this rate.” “No way, the owner of this place owes me a favor.” He laughs and you join him, knowing that the owner was, in fact, his own mother, and the worst he ever got from her regarding his flirting via free coffee are a slap on the wrist and whatever choice of embarrassing story about him she feels like sharing with you that day. “I think you’re trying to give me a heart attack.” You say, even as you press the cup to your lips and take a sip, moaning happily at the delicious taste. He really made the best damn coffee you’ve ever had the pleasure of drinking. “Nah, I’ll leave that to my devastatingly good looks.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, smirking confidently and you snort, a little bit of coffee coming up your nose and making you choke. Still you continue laughing through the pain, making Jaemin pout adorably. “You’re mean, noona.” He whines but then his expression changes back to a cocky smirk and he presses his palms on the table in front of you, leaning down so his face is close to yours and says, “Plus, I know for a fact that your exams finished a week ago. You ain’t slick, noona.” “What?” You exclaim, your entire face burning in embarrassment. “How did you know?” “The college you’re attending is the one I’m planning to apply to, and I happened to go there a couple of days ago for a tour. That’s when I found out everyone was already done with their end-terms. Face it, noona, my coffee isn’t the only thing you’re addicted to here, is it?” “Why, you little punk!” You shout, trying to mask your embarrassment with indignation. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to campus anyway? I could’ve shown you around myself.” “Hmm, wouldn’t you have liked that?” He insinuates disgustingly, and you stand up, slamming your hands on the table and play-threatening to leave his gross ass unless he apologizes. Which he does immediately, whimpering like a kicked puppy. “Noona, I’m just kidding. You know that. Unless…” He laughs at your outraged expression, “Ok, ok, I’ll stop. For now.” “Anyways, it was kind of an impromptu visit so I didn’t have a chance to tell you. Plus, I don’t even have your number.” He hints, trying to be subtle but his eyes were practically brimming with hope. “Jaemin, was this just an elaborate plan to get me to give you my number?” You raise an eyebrow at him and he gives you his best innocent look. “Maybe... did it work?” “Maybe,” You smile cheekily, knowing that it wasn’t a ploy or anything but you still give him your number anyway. When he has it saved, he does a little celebratory dance and a song. “I got noona’s number. I got noona’s number.” You roll your eyes at him, “It’s just a number, Jaemin. It’s not like you got a date.” “Not yet.” He interjects, “But I’m confident in my charms.” “I’m not going to date a high school kid.” “I graduate in a few months, though.” “Yeah, whatever.” You say, trying to hide your unease. Jaemin’s enthusiasm was so endearing that you didn’t have the heart to tell him there was no point trying to pursue you. Your heart already belongs to someone else. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• Jaemin’s peculiar familiarity continued to dwell in the back of your mind but you couldn’t quite place it. Until today. You were hanging out with him at the coffee shop like usual when a girl walks in wearing short shorts and a low cut top. Jaemin leaves your side to go to take her order, flirting with her just like he does with every cute girl or boy that come in, and she eagerly flirts back. She was obviously really into him, playing with her hair while she’s talking to him and leaning down to give him a better view of her rack. Jaemin though, ever the gentleman, keeps his eyes firmly on her own. When he hands her her coffee to go, she slips him a piece of paper and winks at him, telling him to call her. You snort and roll your eyes, watching him come back to you all smiley and shit. “Did you really have to make me watch that?” “What, are you jealous, noona?” He smirks, “I told you if you don’t date me, another person is going to come in and snatch me up. I’m a hot commodity, you know?” “Please, don’t refer to yourself as a commodity. And I’m not jealous,” You grumble, totally jealous. “I just can’t believe how slutty that girl was being. Doesn’t she have any self respect?” “What, how was she being slutty?” His face immediately turns serious, all playfulness disappearing. This was the first time Jaemin has ever remotely looked like he was judging you, and it made you suddenly unsure of yourself. Shrugging slowly, you mutter, “You know, she was all over you.” “I’m the one who flirted with her first. Plus what’s so wrong about her showing her interest in me? I do that with you all the time.” “Yeah but you’re…” You trail off, feeling very uncomfortable and hoping he’d catch your drift so you wouldn’t have to say it. But he just stares at you blankly and waits for you to explain. “You’re—you’re a guy.” You fret when you see his reaction. He looked stunned, and you quickly try to explain yourself but only end up making it worse. “Don’t look at me like that! You know it’s different for guys and girls. Only a dumb person would claim otherwise. The way she was acting—she was making herself a prey. Guys would see her as easy and take advantage of her.” “I don’t even know what to say. I never would’ve thought you felt this way. I’m shocked, noona. This way of thinking, of judging someone you don’t even know… it’s gross.” Jaemin looked so goddamn disappointed at you, like he didn’t want to believe what he’d just heard. “Is this what you really think?” That stops you in your tracks. Is it? It’s what Jaehyun thinks. It’s what Jaehyun wants you to think, but do you? “I don’t know.” You reply in a small voice, suddenly overcome with the urge to cry. “Hey, hey, stop it.” Jaemin’s cups your face, his thumbs brushing away the tears you hadn’t realized were already falling. “It’s ok.” “No, it’s not.” You sob, shaking your head, horrified at what has become of you. You didn’t use to be like this. Jaehyun has changed you without you even realizing it. Even though Jaemin doesn’t understand why you’re crying, he cradles you in his arms and rocks you back and forth, cooing and stroking your hair so you’d calm down. “It’s ok. It’s ok.” He repeats over and over again until you stop crying. When you do, he pulls away, still stroking your hair and asks, “What happened?” You see it now, why he seemed so familiar; he was Jaehyun, a younger, gentler, more accepting version of Jaehyun. Maybe it was their different upbringing; Jaemin having grown up in the big city with a loving, complete family while Jaehyun grew up practically orphaned in a small, conservative town. Maybe if Jaehyun had what Jaemin has he would’ve turned out very differently. Maybe he could’ve been Jaemin in another life. And for that you pity him, and yourself. “I feel like a horrible human being.” You confess, not trusting your own thoughts anymore. “You’re not horrible. You’re just misguided, and I think I know why.” You see his jaw clench. It was still so weird seeing the normally gentle boy so angry. But you can tell that he’s someone who is fearsome to behold if anyone threatened the safety of his loved ones, and that’s what Jaemin thinks Jaehyun is doing to you. You didn’t really get into many details with him about Jaehyun because of this exact reason. You’d sensed from the start that the boy didn’t look favorably on the older man and his view only got worse the more he knew about him until you had to stop mentioning him altogether so you wouldn’t upset Jaemin or have to deal with him giving you a lecture about how Jaehyun was bad for you. It wasn’t just childish jealousy either. He seemed to genuinely dislike him. You tried to steer clear from bringing the subject of Jaehyun up as much as possible, which was a daunting task considering how big of a part he played in your life, but you couldn’t handle the sour look that came over Jaemin’s face whenever you mentioned him or the scathing remarks he had to say about him and his behavior. Jaemin was one of those people who were convinced that Jaehyun was in love with you, except he didn’t call it love. He called it obsession, maybe ownership. He said that Jaehyun believed you were his and that he should have the ultimate say over anything pertaining to you. You wanted to defend Jaehyun but you couldn’t, not when you’ve been secretly suspecting the same thing for a while now. It was an internal struggle for you. One the one hand, Jaemin’s words made a lot of sense and on the other, you didn’t want to accept them. You didn’t want to listen to him and have him ruin Jaehyun’s image in your eyes. You felt like an idolater being forced to watch their god’s likeness getting torn down before their eyes. Jaemin... he just didn’t understand. As for Jaehyun, he wasn’t even aware of Jaemin’s existence. You had given it much thought and ended up deciding against telling him about the boy, fearing that he’d get mad and somehow get you to stop seeing him one way or the other. No, you decided that an embellished version of the truth would work much better, and that first day, on the way back home from Jaemin’s coffee shop, you made up some bullshit excuse to explain your strange behavior that morning. When he asked where you’d disappeared to all day, you told him that you had gone out to study in a coffee shop outside of campus and just lost track of the time. When, on your next trips, he would ask if he could join you, you always told him that you needed the quality time alone. Surprisingly that worked. It worked so well in fact that the reason Jaehyun wasn’t questioning you more was because he secretly knew all about Jaemin. There were some hints here and there that supported your little conspiracy theory, like how when you’d come back from hanging out with Jaemin, Jaehyun would be all over you, gushing about how much he missed you and asking you if you’ve been good for him. You didn’t know if it was real or if you were just imagining the slight edge to his voice, but you ignore it, convincing yourself that you were being paranoid. But then occasionally, he would also look you deep in the eyes and tell you that he loves you and trusts you, and that would flare up your paranoia all over again. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• For some time you live in blissful denial, intentionally ignoring Jaemin’s warnings about your ‘dysfunctional’ relationship with Jaehyun, and turning a blind eye to Jaehyun’s increasingly erratic behavior as he flips between being loving and resentful seemingly at random, giving you whiplash. You ignored it all. Until you couldn’t anymore. You were casually talking to Jaemin about how much you’ve always wanted to get a pixie haircut but that whenever you mentioned it to Jaehyun, he would adamantly refuse, telling you that he loved your long hair and wanted you to keep it. You hadn’t meant to start anything by it. It just naturally came out when you saw a girl with a really cute pixie cut and wanted to gush to Jaemin about it. He, of course, wasn’t impressed by what Jaehyun had said and told you that if you wanted to get a pixie haircut then you should damn well be able to get a pixie haircut. “Until when are you going to keep obeying everything that guy tells you? When will you start making your own decisions? You’re a grown woman, noona. You’re the master of your own fate. Your life is yours and you need to grab it by the balls.” Jaemin proclaims grandly, but despite the humorous tone—for your sake more than anything—you can tell that he was serious. For once, you take his words to heart, figuring out that a haircut isn’t such a big deal and that Jaehyun would easily get over it. Wrong. Seeing yourself in the mirror with your hair shorter than it has even been since you popped out of your mother’s vagina, you had felt in control of yourself for the first time in your life. Maybe you were assigning too much importance to such a trivial matter such as hair, but this is the first time in your life that you’ve taken a decision on your own without Jaehyun. Yes, it was Jaemin’s encouragement that got you to finally do this and he was with you the whole time for emotional support and to laugh his ass off at you as you cried and mourned over every fallen strand of hair, but it was ultimately your own decision and you’ve never felt prouder of yourself. But the euphoria and freedom that buzzed around you the whole way back to the dorm left you as soon as you stepped foot inside and came face to face with a disproportionately angry Jaehyun. “What the fuck did you do?!” “So I take it you don’t like it?” You really didn’t mean to be so flippant with him but Jaemin’s words were getting to your head, making you see how ridiculous it is that Jaehyun cared so much about hair, your hair. “Is this a fucking joke to you?” “No, but it’s not serious either. It’s just hair, oppa, and I like it.” “It’s just hair.” He laughs sardonically, reacting so dramatically that you think he’s going to launch into a monologue about the rich history of hair and how important it is to human expression, but instead he catches you out of left field with a sucker punch. “Is he the one who told you to do this?” “Who’s he?” Your stomach drops to your feet, he couldn’t possibly mean… “Him! Your fucking barista boy.” Chills cover your body as you’re hit with the realization that you were right. How long has he known about Jaemin? Is even your safe place not safe from him? “W-what? How do you know about Jaemin? Did you follow me again?” He snorts like it was the most obvious thing in the world and it was your own fault for thinking otherwise. “Of course, I did. I had to keep an eye on you! To keep you safe!” “Safe?” You repeat, your world spinning around you. “To keep me safe, oppa, or to make sure I’m not disobeying you? And for your information, no, Jaemin didn’t tell me to do anything. He doesn’t try to control me like you do. He respects me and treats me like an adult.” “That’s because he’s a fucking baby. Is he even in high school yet?” You bristle at his mockery. “He’s a senior. Not that that’s any of your business anyway.” “Who you’re whoring around with is damn well my business.” “Fuck you, Jaehyun.” You bite in contempt, feeling disgusted with him rather than with yourself for a change. All the guilt and disappointment you had felt that day you needlessly attacked the girl in the coffee shop because of his indoctrination was now turning into anger at him. “I’m not whoring around with anyone. He’s my friend. Is that a concept so hard for your sick brain to understand? That I can have friends and not have them wanting to bone me the first chance they get?” “Yeah, right. Is that what he tells you? That he just wants to braid your hair and sing you to sleep? He’s a guy, ___.” “So what? Guys aren’t predators, and girls aren’t fucking prey. Just because there are bad guys out there doesn’t mean that I have to be afraid of them all. If I view myself as a victim then I’ve already lost!” You say with conviction, feeling like you actually believe in your words for the first time in a long time. “You know what, it doesn’t matter anyway. Even if he wanted to have sex with me, who says I don’t want him to?” “___, we talked about this.” Jaehyun grits through his teeth. “You said I could have sex with someone if I’m dating them.” “I said if you’re in a long term committed relationship, not just having gone on a couple of stupid dates. Besides, you’re going to date him? Have you lost your mind?” “What’s wrong with him?” Despite you never actually having seriously considered dating Jaemin, you get extremely defensive. Jaemin is such a sweet boy, so warm and lovely and kind. His heart was big and soft and so, so vulnerable. You would do anything in your power to protect it and him. You couldn’t tolerate hearing a single bad thing about him from Jaehyun. “He’s a child. Will your dates consist of making him lunch and walking him to school?” “Stop being ignorant on purpose. He’s only two years younger than me. Next year he’ll be in college too.” “That makes him three years younger than me. He’s a boy. Do you think he can take care of you like I do?” Something about his question rings alarm bells in your mind, and you lash out. “Have you ever considered that maybe I don’t need someone to take care of me anymore? That I want to be my own person now?” Jaehyun laughs in disbelief, “I’m the one who got you this far, and now that you’re here you want to dump me to the side and pretend like you don’t need me?” “Why are you making this so hard, oppa? I did not and will never forget all you’ve done for me. I owe you my life. You’ve kept it safe all this time but it’s time for you to hand it over to me and let me make my own choices.” “You know I can’t do that. I need to make sure you’re with someone who deserves and appreciates you and he’s not that person.” “And you are?” You accuse, watching the color drain from his face. You tried to be patient. You tried to be understanding. You tried to explain to him that you needed your life to be yours, but he wasn’t interested in listening to you. “You know, it’s funny. I suspected for a while now that your protectiveness over me veered more into possessiveness than actual care. You just can’t bear the thought of having all your hard work go to someone else. You were not planning on ever letting me go, were you?” You were regurgitating Jaemin’s words at this point, but maybe he was onto something. You’re tired of convincing yourself that you were simply over thinking things, that it was natural for the man who took care of you all your life and loved you so much to not be satisfied with anything short of the best for you. You were tired of telling yourself that he couldn’t possibly be wanting to keep you away from men all together, that it was all in your head… but now you didn’t think it was such an outrageous notion anymore. “N-no, I’m just trying to keep my little girl safe.” His chokes, staring at the ground. You don’t stop to consider how disconcerting it is that all fight has left his body in an instant when he was ready to bite your head off a second ago. You were too angry to care at this point. “No, Jaehyun, you really don’t. I’m not your little fucking girl anymore. I’m not your anything. You’re just a glorified dildo for me to use until I find someone I actually love. You made sure of that.” That was a low blow, you’ll admit but his words struck a nerve. You would’ve given anything to be his girl, to truly be his girl and to love him and be with him in all possible ways, but you’re not, you never was. My little girl. What a fucking joke. “You’re a fucking bitch, you know that?” He doesn’t raise his voice. He doesn’t try to grab you. He just looks at you, disappointed and forlorn and absolutely heartbroken. It makes you wish you could go back in time a couple of seconds and get struck by lightning before you could utter those cruel words. In this moment, you were willing to do anything to stop him from looking at you like you ripped his heart out and stomped on it. That’s when you knew you still loved him. Despite everything, you still do. God, how did things get this bad? It seemed like just yesterday that you two were each other’s biggest allies, now it was like you couldn’t even trust each other, and for what? Maybe you needed a break, some space so you could clear your minds and remember just why you’ve been together all this time. Yeah, you think that would be good for you. But when you try to suggest that to Jaehyun, he completely flips out. “No, no breaks! We don’t need a break. The year I was here without you was hell. I don’t want to even think about being separated from you again.” He was being so intense, it freaked you out a bit. “Calm down, oppa. I only meant for a couple of weeks. I’m not leaving you. I just think we could both use a bit of space.” “I’m calm.” He practically shrieks, and you flinch back. Seeing that, he tries to calm himself down, pacing around the room for a bit before sitting down. His right leg that keeps jumping shows that he wasn’t any calmer though. He takes a deep breath and repeats again slowly, “We don’t need a break.” “Oppa—“ “We don’t.” He deadpans, “I can fix this. You wanna date your barista boy? You can date him. You have my blessings.” “This isn’t about Jaemin.” You protest, but he interrupts you. “You want me to back off a little, I get it. I’ll give you your space. I’ll stop being so overbearing. It’s going to take some time, getting used to forcing myself to not check on you all the time but I’ll do it. Just please,” He gets up and comes towards you, wrapping you in his arms like you were a fragile little bird. “Don’t leave me.” Jaemin’s voice rings in the back of your mind, warning you to keep your head up and not get swept under with Jaehyun. But you couldn’t bear to see the love of your life suffering like this, knowing you have his lifeline in your hands and just letting him drown. “Ok, oppa.” •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• A/N: Next chapter will be in Jaehyun’s POV so we can finally get to see what the hell he is thinking, but for the time being I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts and theories and just generally what you think about the story so far :))

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