#dunno what to say without doxxing myself

[recreationaldivorce]

another fundraiser to support

[unwanted-animal]

I’m just gonna vent here for a sec, about relationship stuff and youtube drama of all things

so trans YT drama might legit end my marriage????

I don’t want it to. I love my spouse with all my heart but I’m at the end of my patience.

So, Contrapoints. She’s a famous trans youtuber who we watched before she came out, and while she explored her gender as she gradually came to recognize herself as a trans woman. She’s got great production value, she does a lot of videos on the alt right, and she does a lot of socratic discussions that she doesn’t flat out LABEL as socratic discussions sometimes.

She’s also got a long history of stepping in it when it comes to nb folks and trans folks who don’t pass.

It’s been rubbing me wrong, because every time the community at large is like “Contra, this is kinda shitty, please just think about what you’re broadcasting to your 250,000+ followers”, she disappears for a while and comes back and jokes about being canceled and continues on.

Well, this time she said that people asking pronouns when she feels like she’s the only trans woman there is invalidating. And that’s super fine. Her airing that is fine. I understand how it can feel invalidating, especially when you hold up how well you pass as the main easer of your dysphoria. But she phrased it in a way that seemed kinda crapp to nb folks. So folks gently called her in, myself included, and she doubled down. 

And of course, as with any drama, there were assholes and monsters tryna doxx her and actually doxxing her and sending nasty messages to people and her, threats and the usual shitbag bullshit nasty people pull.

She deleted twitter for a while, but then she came back, to promote her new video.

Where she had Buck Angel of all fucking people in it. 

Buck, who was suggested by Teryn, a friend of hers and former LOUD transphobic trans person. Buck is a transphobic trans man who not only has run pyramid schemes targeting trans men, but he’s also outed lana wachowsky without her permission to the rolling stone because his wife left him for her, he’s also continually misgendered trans men he decides don’t pass, he says queer trans people aren’t really queer, he APOLOGIZES TO TERFS FOR TRANS PEOPLE EXISTING. He’s a shitbag and we’ve KNOWN he’s a shitbag for well over 15 years. 

And with her truscummy tendencies, folks were like. Okay. Hold the fucking phone Nat. 

Well she did a patreon q&a this past week where she said she knew buck because he looks “strikingly cis” and that’s why she’s a fan of him. She boiled down his years of scams and transphobia to “some bad tweets”, she through Harris under the bus for saying he was actually fucked up over being put in a video with a dickhead like Buck without his knowledge, and she made light of him doing good work with the mermaids charity earlier this year.

ANyway, Cis Yter lindsay ellis, one of nat’s bffs, posted this four image “”acknowledgement”” of natalie’s shit and said this: 

“Why would one repeatedly fall on the sword apologizing to a community that jumps at every possibility to apply the worst possible interpretation of any perceived transgression?”

The trans community’s criticism of natalie isn’t based on “perceived transgressions”. It’s not bad faith interpretation. We fucking REACHED OUT TO TRY AND BE LIKE NATALIE, YOU’VE ONLY BEEN TRANSITIONING FOR TWO YEARS, PLEASE STOP TALKING OVER OTHER TRANS PEOPLE, PLEASE STOP CENTERING YOUR EXPERIENCES, PLEASE STOP SAYING NB PEOPLE ARE MAKING IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO LIVE AS A WOMAN, THIS IS KINDA BAD.

AND THAT IS THE BIG CRIME HERE.

Anyway George said I’m just “following a mob” because I dont’ want to support her fucking work anymore. He’s like gone full white knight for her, and I get it, being a NB person with a LOT of internalized bullshit, you don’t seem to care that a large amount of people have been hurt over and over and over by her words and deeds. And not just NB folks. Non-passing trans folks. Older trans women she claims are all truscum. Older trans men she passes over because they dont’ look “strikingly cis”. 

One night he claimed his depression was so bad because folks were just kinda done with Nat’s shit that he wasn’t excited and food had no taste. That shit isn’t HEALTHY.

I made one post last night about Lindsay’s shitty apology and he responded TODAY, at like 4:30 in the morning, with “where’s the lie?” about the excerpt I posted.

He keeps saying i’m a hypocrite but I’m not whipping up people against her, I’m not dehumanizing her, and I only retweet stuff other binary trans women say in regards to her damn Patreon bullshit. I decided for myself I was no longer comfortable watching her shit, and I think that should be fair??? I don’t know why he’s going so fucking hard in on this, other than I know he’s attracted to her, but like. Buddy so am I, doesn’t mean I think she doesn’t need to take some fucking time back and stop being a reactionary. 

Anyway it’s this thing seething inside him and I... I dunno. He fucking got on my business about it in KROGER the other night, fuckign KROGER, and no matter how many times I told him to drop it he just fucking wouldn’t! 

I’m at my wit’s end. I don’t know what to fucking do. 

Might just end up blocking him on twitter if he doesn’t stop. won’t stop the real-life issues surrounding this (K R O G E R), but it’ll make him get off my fuckin back. 

[bitchy-peachy]

Oh I remember my teenaged years of when I did RP of a certain "bratty prince" in an obscure forum. How people that wrote fanfics only sent them to you via email or put them in chat documents with abbreviated the names of canon VC characters to avoid doxxing and death threats. Dark times... If you said something bad about certain books and writer, you'd suddenly have your phone ringing with death threats from a fan encouraged by said writer who found your personal information. I was lucky I got away in time. 😂 No writer likes harsh criticisms. I'll say this straight up. But going that far off the deep end to ban fanfiction (and suing and harassing those that do them), throwing a fit everytime your work is criticized (I've been told to get raped and to kill myself for what I write a couple of times) and just... Ugh. Yeah I've had two multichaptered fics plagiarized as well as some ideas stolen. It sucks. I've even told people not to discuss a particular fic of mine in tumblr without my permission because the fandom on this site is revolting, but holyfuck I have reasons to be pissed off at genuinely shitty people. This person though... Back in the day this person I'm talking about was a true nightmare. If you said something that wasn't praise, they'd find it and would paint you like you were the Devil's dildo or something. I dunno, I've been writing originals and poetry under aliases since I was 19 and later on went to fanfics in my twenties. Before all that I was into RP big time... I've gotten hate, REAL hate (not constructive criticism. Just some ignorant dumbass that doesn't know how to read making assumptions about me as a person and being offensive) and yeah it's annoying, but I didn't get lawyers involved. This person attacked people for just saying they weren't fond of one book in comparison to the others. Or of not liking the pedophilic content (a young teenaged boy with a fully adult vampire more than a 1,000 years old) or things to that effect. I think readers are responsible for what they read just like authors should be responsible for what they write. That explains why I write such long author notes to warn readers before they go further that the content might have things they don't agree with and if they continue further, their sensitivity and triggers are their own problem and I couldn't care less about their fits. It's a good system for me. However, jfc. This woman still gives me shivers. 😂 I hope things are a bit better with her though. Time does change people. I'm old myself and even I have changed in a lot of things, so I hope... She's changed for the better. Though I think hope is sometimes pointless if there isn't any signs of positive progress.

[intercal]

callout post for tumblr user virescent-phosphor

@virescent-phosphor​ why did you do this to me

A (age): well nobody likes me, so logically, that must mean I’m 23

B (biggest fear): car accidents, and being forgetten for the most part

C (current time): 6:23

D (drink you last had): Orange LaCroix

E (easiest person to talk to): the majority of people who hang out on IRC. They’re my buds.

F (favorite song): Africa, by Toto. No question.

G (grossest moment): insert “your mom” joke here

H (horror yes, horror no): usually not. I’m pretty fragile in just about every regard

I (in love with): Rust, sorry C++

J (jealous of): people who can just get up and do things. like, without 25 days of anxiety and planning and amping themselves up

K (killed someone): the fuck kind of question is this? nobody’s gonna answer it truthfully, I just think the person who came up with this literally had no idea what to put for this one

L (love at first sight or should i walk by again?): uhhhhh I think I understand what the question is asking. i’d believe that a lot of people who have good chemistry will hit it off immediately after talking for a little bit. 

M (middle name): I mean I’ve posted my first and last name here, I’m not about to completely dox myself

N (number of siblings): one older brother

O (one wish): to be “quirky” instead of “batshit insane” in the private life department

P (person you last called): I think my future landlord, as I scheduled an apartment viewing. spoilers: I rented one of them

Q (question you’ve always been asked): “where’s your name from?” answer: my parents saw this Ukranian guy playing basketball for U of Oregon and liked the spelling (true story)

R (reasons to smile): because life is genuinely not that bad unless you’re in a really shitty place (which I know a lot of people are in - not discounting your struggles). plenty of good things - just as well as bad things - take place in the world. generally we’ll count the red lights on the way to work, but maybe you’ll see things a little differently if you try counting the green lights tomorrow instead.

S (song you last sang): ....probably Africa, by Toto

T (time you woke up): 8-something, gotta be to work by 9 every day.

U (underwear color): free ballin’ it today

V (vacation destination): I’d like to visit a place for a week or a month and just living there, as a guest and not doing AS MANY THINGS AS I POSSIBLY CAN and just take the time slow. vacations are more about the atmosphere to me than the activities planned, and I’ll generally spend many of them reading or doing computer stuff.

W is for “what the fuck, why didn’t they include W?” so instead I’m going to say W (wisdom teeth?): I was not born with them.

X (x-rays I’ve had): bunch on my right leg after I jumped off a bed and my brother pulled out the cushion underneath me just before I landed and I wrecked my ankle (twisted it, I think) on a thinly-carpeted concrete floor. that, and dental X-rays.

Y (your favorite foods): I gotta say one of my loves is jambalaya. my mom has a great recipe for it, and it’s less of a soup and more of a rice “casserole” (what’s a casserole without the breading?) and thick and delicious. Beyond that, I love artichoke (I haven’t had some in a while), corn, caramelized onions, any color of bell peppers, rice, bread, cheese... I dunno, I like a lot of stuff. It’s hard to play favorites.

Z (zodiac): Scorpio; or Virgo on the zodiac including Ophiuchus.

I’m going to tag @twentygototen​ and @syntaxcoloring​ and @lockrum​ and @altlast​ and @thegreatjackal​ and @schwulerschakal​ so fuck you and do the damn post