#dummy catboy husband

[wundergeek]

I mean, p sure that's why the Exarch spends all of Shadowbringers avoiding you. ...that and he's a TERRIBLE liar. And somehow the thing that actually undoes his plan is getting fucking shot.

Every once in a while I think about the fact that the Exarch's entire plan 100 years in the making relied entirely on "man I really hope WoL doesn't have a random Echo vision at the wrong moment and finds out about the whole thing"

Like can you imagine how ShB would have gone if the vision of the conversation between Exarch and Urianger had happened right when WoL reunited with Urianger in Il Mheg and not at the end

[wundergeek]

My inability to be normal about dummy catboy husband is such that my 12 year old gave me G'raha art for my birthday and now my desk is a literal shrine to this legendary buffoon

I wanted to protest that I wasn't THAT obsessed - they got the wall scroll for me - but I already had my own fucking fanart hanging on the wall. So.

Read for filth by my twelve year old. Accurately.

[keroseneinhalers]

5 and 1 AWOOGA 😍😍😩🙏🙌💖

okay five is done and one will be posted with the poor anon that encouraged me here u go:

dream (no longer a catboy!!) hugger his beautiful husband the onceler. he was so happy. he had just kicked gogy out for trying to get them involved in a multilevel marketing scheme. it was hard losing such a long time friend but it was worth it to preserve his marriage. as a recovering sugar daddy, learning to keep his wallet closed was the most important step in his rehabilitation (just last week he only gave gogy $5000!!! nature is healing!!! good job girlboss!!!).

now he could focus on his marriage with his beloved capitalist egirl dilf one percenter husband. hed drifted off a while ago, dreaming of that time he was a worm and got eaten (which was just a dream. canonically. vore isn’t real if it’s a dream. the more u know!) but he was roused by a loud noise in the other room. he yawned, doin the classic hero reaches over to find their lover missing nd panics scene. holy shit drem u just lost another eboy. drem was panicking now. where was his love bug? his sugar pie? his gummy bundle? his wittle money kitten?

getting up and stepping over sapnaps air mattress (homewreckers don’t get beds! try and steal my man again slut!) he made his way towards the living room, rubbing his eyes as he stepped into the brightly lit room.

“babe? what’s going on? you woke me up.”

no answer.

panicking, dream looked around. the living room was a MESS. shit was everywhere. it was like sharknado but with household items.

“Oncie? Honey? sugar bear?!” dreamie was panicking now, what if the eco mafia (the lorax got tired of being peaceful hes a based girlboss now) had kidnapped oncie after they burned down the amazon rainforest together. grabbing his glock, dream prepared to do what he had to do. for oncie.

As he hurried around the mess, trying to find his custom kevlar vest (neon green is an expensive color) he saw a note tapped to the front door.

the handwriting was familiar. too familiar.

stepping closer, dream tore the note of the door, fuming. had they made his husband write his own ransom? fucked up if true.

deer baby cakes.

i know u and and my dummy thicc ass just got back together, but i have to do this. george says if i sign on now i get an extra tote back. besides it’s not a pyramid scheme it’s multi level marketing and once you get to diamond blue gold tier III you get a free airplane ticket to brazil! you know i love brazil!

see u laterz honey bumpkins!!

— ur sugar pie, oncie

Sapnap, who had followed him into the room, judged patted his shoulder solemnly.

“The gogy got him. he’s strong. he’ll come back.”

dream just sobbed into his spare stack of 100 dollar bills. fucking gogy and his multi level marketing scheme.

[pigspeetsandhooflikefeets]

(Crown) OMG CATBOY GUY,,,, Im never gonna let this go I would frame this up on the fridge if I could (/lh /posi). Also YES I am very open to Guy having a bf when he comes back. TBH I think the dude just. Really needs some friends. He just kind of has his sports and Schmitty harassing him to tell bad lawyer jokes. HECK even in the Ride's final cutscene he didnt rlly. Talk to anyone. Just kinda was like "hi! Im upside down now. Cock joke."

I keep forgetting people were subjected to that bad drawing. I wish it turned out better (or at least more on model) for your sake

Guy shows up and is like "hey everyone! I'm back!" and Cookie's like "Guy? What the hell? It's been like 20 years! Where the hell did you go?" and Guy's like "I'll have you know I settled down, I met a very nice man, we got married, we have a nice fish tank, and guess what? HE doesn't think YDKJ Sports sucked. He liked it." and Schmitty (also here) is like "He sounds like someone you made up." and Guy says "He isn't. He has pink hair and blue eyes and he's very funny." And Cookie says "You're just confirming he's fake even more. Whatever, you spent the last 23 years jackin off and not accomplishing anything. So what are you up to now?" and they refuse to let Guy talk about his husband anymore.

But yeah it does suck that Guy just... has no interactions or friends. Like even Buzz has canon enemies, which would be Cookie, and he does not like Schmitty at all. Additionally a few of the CCC thought Buzz was the cutest specialest lil man they ever talked to. Guy had a FOF that he talked to a ventriloquist dummy and a few other uninterested parties. Poor dude can't even make friends over the phone.

The 'hurt people' part of my brain makes me think Guy is a huge extrovert and uses sports to keep people together with him, but off the field he's exceptionally lonely. After games and meet-ups he tries to convince the others to hang out regularly, but everyone just sees him as 'the sports guy; the guy who likes sports' and don't feel the need to fraternize with him off the court (which is extra painful since Guy is one of the nicest hosts kinda). Hell, Guy probably was in a frat back at college because he needed to be around people. Hm. Now I'm sad.

God yeah that bit [and by that I mean the most popular choice, not many people pick the other 3 options] at The Bottom was JUST Cookie and Schmitty talking ft. Nate at the end. sure Schmitty calls Cookie 'baby', but I wanna see Guy not Schmookie (Schmookie good tho). Guy literally said "actually I had fun! I like making dirty jokes!" and they essentially ignored him for the rest of the dialogue

[wundergeek]

My husband got me a refurbished laptop for Christmas, because I wanted something nicer to write on when I'm not at home than my iPad + Bluetooth keyboard.

My 12-year-old, who thinks my obsession with Dummy Catboy Husband is hilarious, made this wallpaper

I absolutely CRIED laughing at this