#dumbest fucking exercise who invented it

[lara-transilvania]

Mori! Die! N-ai avea curechi la nuntă! Jebi se! Fuck you! 'Ten carici! Verpiss dich! Jebem ti prvi red na sahrani! And other insults!

[renaroo]

Double Time (11/24)

Disclaimer: Red vs Blue and related characters are the property of Rooster Teeth. Warnings: Language, Canon-typical violence Pairings: Tuckington, Chex Rating: T Synopsis: [Hero Time Sequel] After the events of Hero Time, the city and Blood Gulch are prepared for the true return of superheroes in a big way. But while Washington is attempting to adjust to a new relationship and a new living arrangement, the call of new heroes and a new mayor mean major changes for his professional life as well as his personal one. How will the balance of values fare when his new partners come to test everything he’s made of.

A/N: Long time no see, I apologize so much but I needed to take some time for a really tough situation and it brought me back to a thunder, hopefully giving you something enjoyable in the process!

Special thanks to @analiarvb, @secretlystephaniebrown, @notatroll7, @thepheonixqueen, @ashleystlawrence, @a-taller-tale, @mercuryblacksleg, @thesolesurvivormichael, @icefrozenover, @washingtonstub, and Yin on AO3 and tumblr for the wonderful feed back! I truly appreciate it more than you know.

Young Just Us

There was an ache to his bones and his joints that was leading Washington to wonder what sort of side effects his miraculous healing thanks to Doctor Grey may have had that she had neglected to inform him of. Or, at the very least, that she had informed him of but was lost in the quick speed at which every other bit of information she had given him and Tucker. 

Which was also making him regret telling the doctor that it was fine to share confidential information with Tucker in the room since, well...

“It’s too early for you to be out there! Did you forget that you almost died? That that Locus dude is still on the loose? Oh my god, you want me to just stand on the sidelines through all of this like some dudesel in distress! Joke’s on you, Wash! I’m no Church!”

A certain headache was growing right between Washington’s eyes that was making him reconsider the importance of everything.

“From my understanding, Church had some helpful advice to give and a few inventions,” Wash mused, crossing another rooftop despite having to hold a phone to his ear.

“Did you just say I’m lower than Church?” Tucker asked hysterically. “I’m... wow, I’m beyond offended.”

“And if that’s what I had meant, you should be. Fortunately for all of us, I actually was--” Wash stopped talking when he saw the next checkpoint coming up. “Tucker, I have to get back to this. You can yell at me later.”

“Oh, boy, can I yell at you later. I have enough in me to yell at you for the rest of the week!” he all but threatened.

“Right, love you too,” Wash said, pulling his phone away to hang up just as he could barely hear Tucker say What did you just say--

As much as he hated hanging up on Tucker (which he honestly didn’t under the circumstances but it was easier to tell himself that), Washington had other responsibilities to attend to. 

Like the sound of polka music gradually increasing from the distance with minor explosions and a few street lamps falling over not far behind it.

Starring expectantly at the distance, Wash took a deep breath and checked the time. 

Slower and just as destructive.

It was like they hadn’t been running this drill for weeks or something. Washington, with all his aches and groans in check, was slowly losing his patience with the young recruits. 

... and with the gleefulness the Reds took in causing more damage than absolutely necessary for their drills. But that was another battle for another time. 

Seeing the Reds’ jeep rounding the corner and coming onto the end street with his pupils nowhere in sight, Washington took drastic action and leaped down from the rooftop.

Aimed just right, Wash managed to land right between Grif and Simmons and onto the front console, causing the two to scream like banshees before realizing it was him. 

“Whoo, Wash! You sure know how to make an entrance!” Donut called from the back before turning toward Sarge. “Sarge! Load me up.”

“Firecracker engaged,” Sarge said gleefully before planting said firecracker in Donut’s hand.

“Wait!” Wash called out only to be drowned out by Donut’s screams of fire! before lobbing the firecracker. “Okay that’s enough! Too much public damage for one night!” 

“You said that tonight we weren’t stopping until those young’uns finally put an end to our reign on the streets themselves!” Sarge reminded him, beginning to hand another firecracker toward Donut.

“Yeah, which we basically took as free range from now ‘til the end of eternity,” Simmons added.

“Your call, dude,” Grif reminded Wash. “And if you dented anything in my car for cool points swear to god I’ll instruct my sister to make Tucker’s shifts living hell for the next few weeks. We’ll see who’s got the best payback--”

“Yeah, that’s going to be a real change up from what’s going on right now,” Wash remarked. “And I’m going back on my word. This ends now before the entire block goes up in smoke.”

And with that pronouncement, he grabbed the firecracker from Sarge’s hand and grabbed the gear shift and put them in park, which nearly sent all of them flying. 

“Holy shit, what the fuck, that was the dumbest, what the fuck, you’re trying to tear up my car, fuck fuck!” Grif cried out. 

“Please, your fifth member is a mechanic,” Wash responded, breaking the firecracker over his knee as he jumped out of the car. He then did a full double take on the team. “Wait... where is Lopez?”

“Señor Brown in public, Fancypants Hero!” Sarge barked back. “We use codenames in this crew.”

“Right, whatever, where is he?” Wash demanded. 

“On a daaaate,” Donut said gleefully. “I’m so proud of him. He’s come so far!”

“Alright, enough of this,” Wash said, waving his hand and walking toward the street where the out of breath heroes were coming their way. 

The young heroes nearly tripped over themselves as they cam barreling toward the Reds and Wash. Almost immediately, however, upon seeing Wash they all stumbled to a halt, grabbing their knees and heaving. 

“So... so close...” Jensen gasped. She then flinched with the others as Palomo wheezed and hit the pavement in a massive body flop. 

Wash temporarily glanced toward Palomo before looking to the rest of them. “No. You weren’t close. You weren’t even in the same ballpark as close and we’ve been running these drills repeatedly for over a week now.”

“Blargh!” Junior argued, the only one seemingly not out of breath. 

“No excuses,” Wash argued, holding up his hand to stop the rest from joining in. “There is something about the dynamic of this team that needs to be tweaked. Something small, that if changed, would make the difference between mediocrity and excellence in your futures.”

Palomo, pushing himself up off the pavement, tilted his head in enthusiastic surprise. “You think we’re mediocre now!?”

“No,” Wash said with a scowl. “You’re on the road toward being that way.”

Bitters glanced to the rest of the team and then back to Wash. “Okay, I can’t be the only one who finds that insulting, right? I mean, I know we suck, but what kind of teacher admits it to us out loud?”

“The best!” Andersmith called out excitedly.

“Me,” Wash answered more directly.

“Who is the best!” Andersmith continued. 

“Well, if we’re on the road to mediocrity... isn’t mediocrity like halfway to decency? So can’t we just continue on it?” Palomo asked curiously.

“No, that’s not how we’re doing this,” Wash said. “We need direction. We need--”

“A leader.”

The voice sent a shock through them all, causing everyone to turn on their heels to face its origin. And, sure enough, Wash found himself facing his former saver and apparent fellow city hero, Felix. Smiling wide and invitingly. 

“How did you sneak up on us?” Wash demanded.

“Guess all you attention was directed elsewhere,” Felix shrugged as he walked closer to the young heroes. “Happens. Anyway, is this the young heroes that Kimball was telling me about? Training them up or something? Heard it was her idea. Guess your retirement was more eminent than I realized. You should’ve let me know if we’re going to be partners here, Washy.”

Washington couldn’t help the way his nose curled. “Washy? Really?”

Felix didn’t seem to even acknowledge the comments as he strolled over to where the young heroes were finally getting to their feet. They seemed more than impressed with his appearance, and were even bothering to dust themselves off and smile at him.

“Say, you know what this team is really lacking that would make all the difference in the world?” Felix asked.

“I was about to explain to them the new training regiment that would address that,” Wash said thinly. “Confidence-building exercises which will independently aid their growing comfort with their own powersets so they can learn new applications of them.”

“Ugh, so long and so boring,” Felix laughed. “We don’t know how quickly these natural-born heroes will be needed! It could be tomorrow!” The young ones gasped. “It could be today!” They gasped even louder. “We have to have the men prepared, don’t we?” 

“Um, and lady,” Jensen piped up with a timid hand up as if she was in a kindergarten classroom.

“There are no immediate preps for becoming a superhero,” Wash argued. “And these kids are not going into the field any time soon.”

“What!?” the kids all cried out at once while Junior honked. 

“You’re the barrier for entry?” Felix snorted before giving an exaggerated smile to the kids. “I think the whole country saw why that’s not exactly a high bar.”

Feeling the twitch return to his eye, Wash got in Felix’s face. “Right? And what exactly is your idea that would get things turned out sooner?”

“What you need here,” Felix said, rubbing his chin as he looked over the group, “Is a leader. And who better to be the leader than your most promising future hero?”

Everyone straightened up, delight in their eyes, but Wash could see that Felix’s gaze was only on one junior hero. 

And that junior hero happened to be Junior.

Wash tilted his chin back. “Oh no.”