#dumb fart twink

[iridescent-tins]

ugly ass

[kylestfs]

Think I’m gonna take this Kawasaki Ninja. I know nothing about bikes - seems kinda dumb, but this one looks pretty sick. I can probably handle it, even with my twunky body.

Know nothing about bikes…? « Twunk »…? Yeah, none of that is true, and I have no idea where you got that from. Must’ve been a bad dream, you’ve literally always been absolutely obsessed with motorcycles, mechanics, cars….and you’ve always been straight as a pencil as well. Typical biker, all you want is to breed, dominate and be superior to others, and your body certainly helps with that. The constant sweat coming from your armpits, the horrendous funk emitting from your feet, filling your Nikes with a cheesy strench makes you a true alpha, and you’re full of that, although you don’t even care. You’re too dumb to realise that you smell, and you don’t care about anything except your motorcycle.

Statistics :

Identity :

Age : 20

Name : Matt

IQ : 72.

Personality : Dumb, arrogant, childish and immature, dominant and bro-ish. Very annoying, loud, and obnoxious. Extremely and excessively egocentric and full of yourself.

Sexuality : Straight, but doesn’t mind filling a twink when your alpha instincts take over. All you want is a hole to fill, « no homo ». 100% top.

Body :

Body type : Jock bro & biker boy

Overall attractiveness : 10/10, absolute stud.

Private’s size : 7.5 inches hard.

Rear end size : Small, firm and closed hole, making sure you never use it for anything that’s not farting, and other things related.

Overall B.O : 9/10 (very strong, manly and sweaty smell.)

Armpit scent : Sweaty, salty, strong funk.

Gassiness : 10/10, can’t stop farting around your biker bros, the rotten egg smell getting stuck in your leathers, and making your entire body stink of fart scent.

Foot smell : Absolutely odiferous strench, smelling of rotten cheese, sweat and old socks. Your shoes smell even worse, as the smell keeps piling up, and you obviously never ever washed them, filthy biker boy.

Muscles : Strong, gym-goer muscles.

[octuscle]

Dude, my boyfriend is tired of being in charge but I’m just a twink, so I’m not able to fully satisfy his demands. I’d love it so much if you could turn him into a dumb, young (18+) twink, while turning me into a smelly farting jock.

Let's start with your boyfriend then. You're sitting at dinner at the Sports Bar. He props his elbows up. He burps. He's using his fingers. He's just a real fellow. Rubs the spare ribs sauce out of his stubbly beard with the back of his hand. Fuck, you love this fellow. But you made a decision, now you have to go through with it. The waitress asks you if you want another drink. You order another white wine spritzer. Your friend takes the napkin, dabs his mouth and orders a non-carbonated mineral water. Shit, that's already the best of your friend to hell. Suddenly he eats with cutlery. He takes off the cap. He no longer speaks with his mouth full. Actually, he hardly ever speaks anyway. Actually, he only smiles at you pensively. His tank top is freshly washed, the few stubbles he has are freshly shaved, his hair well blow-dried. His slim, well-trained body smells of expensive body lotion. And now he's also starting to play footsie under the table. How gay is that!? But damn, he is really cute. And he sucks like the devil.

You have to burp. Hehehe, that was a good one. Fortunately, your beer is coming now, then it goes straight on. Your sweetie likes your burps. Why is the cap on the table. No wonder your straggly hair keeps falling into your forehead. For the main course, you order a large rump steak. Rare, only green salad without dressing. Your friend takes only a salad. He always brings his own dressing. He wants to stay slim and agile for you. His decision, you would take him also with a few kilos of muscles more. The main thing is that he stops with this gay footsie. You want to get it right for him and nail him hard, with such a kind of foreplay he makes you not horny.

After dinner you ask directly if he should wait until home. Or whether you want to go to the bathroom here. He says giggling that he would rather make love in bed with you. What a faggot! But that's exactly why you love him.

You thank him for the invitation to dinner with a biceps pose. The little one is into it. And you like how submissive he is. I would say that the transformation was successful. You can bet your bottom dollar on it, you think. And you let go a huge protein fart.

[myspacelegend]

Seeing kids/teens on tiktok who are new to fandom spaces getting upset with people who are making content that is “not canon” is insanely funny….Like….thats where the fun is y'all.…Stop restricting your imagination….

A specific example I keep seeing is people getting mad over human Bill Cipher art lmao Like one….did not think that little triangle was gonna be spamming my feed ever again lol But seeing people be like “🤓🤓 ERRRMM ACTIALLYYY HE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT BEVAUSE ALEX DREW A FART ONE TIME SHOWING WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE AND WKDVJDBDVFKDBD”

Like y'all.…this is…nothing new…..who cares lol Its a cartoon….it does not matter how someone draws bill….him being human never happened. If someone wants to make the demon Dorito a sexy blonde twink…..who cares lol I have never even WATCHED Gravity Falls, but I have been on this website since before Bill was even a character lol these teens are pressed over the stupidest things 😩 please allow yourself to have fun and create whatever you want. Who cares what the damn author says or what is considered “canon”.!! (also I watched a video of Alex Hirsch talking about this exact thing and even he said the discourse is dumb and the human bill he doodled was just that….a dumb doodle….its not canon…its not that serious….))

[god-forsaken-sp-confession-blog]

I think saying that the transmasc Kyle headcanon is inherently anti-semitic is a bit suspicious.

Let me get this out of the way, the emasculation of Jewish men is an actual thing throughout history and this stereotype is manifested on the show itself with Kyle's cousin Kyle being a manifestation of every stereotype against Jewish men in one person (kind of Mort Goldman from Family Guy), and the emasculation of Kyle Broflovski can be pointed out to anti-semitism in various situations (situations where in the majority of the times he is cisgender). One of the stereotypes that emasculates Jewish men is the old belief that they menstruated, which is the talking point of accusing the particular headcanon as being anti-semitic.

However, I'm optimistic enough to say that people from a cartoon fandom in the 21st century who use the trans your gender app (commonly known as Tumblr) have a more advanced perspective on gender than European anti-semites from back in the 15th century, therefore, I don't believe that the headcanon of Kyle being transmasc is inherently anti-semitic because his genitals don't really affect his masculine expression in any shape or form. He can have a vagina and still be the same boy we all know and love, a boy who plays video games, likes fart jokes, and other boyish things. Why is giving him different genitals emasculating him? Why do you think that? Have you ever talked with a transmasc person?

Now, in defense of the accusation, since it comes from an actual valid place, there is a LOT of art going around that inserts anti-semitic stereotypes of Kyle in a way that completely destroys his character. Kyle is not a weak "twink" (God I hate that fucking term so much it's unreal), he is one of the characters that most kick ass in the show as he is one the people who had the honor of punching Cartman in the face. He is not submissive also, he stands up to himself a lot in the show and a huge etc that was already compiled by another user before and all those stereotypes have been applied to cis Kyle and they are equally as dumb and emasculating as how they would be on a transmasc Kyle.

Anyway, while the concerns are definetly valid and come from a good place. People should not really see being transmasculine as less masculine than being a cis male and be free to explore transmasc experiences through their favorite male characters as a way of comfort and relatability, same with what a lot of transfems do with female characters of other shows.

There, I'm done, sucks that your blog got terminated though. :((

.

[gassydumbjocks]

Your refs are amazing. You should do some dumb farting twink stories !

Hey! Thank you :), i'll try to find some hot ideas for it, tho i actually prefer turning twinks into gross beasts XD

[slowlyhardgoatee]

Hehehe - bet you didn’t have ‘being sold into prostitution’ on your 2024 personal bingo card, did ya boy? No. Before I sent Krystal over to that guy’s house, he was still on the phone to me and while he was paying for her he mentioned he’d got a faggot he wanted to offload. Rather than him paying the full £1500 for Krystal, he offered to give you to me as part payment so he actually only ended up paying £250 to spend four hours fucking her in front of you. And I understand she was your wife, that right? Hahaha - that is hilarious. What a dumb faggot. 

Well, I hope the taste of her pussy juice is still in your mouth, boy, because it’s the last time you’ll ever taste it. Just out of curiosity - how old are you, exactly? …Only 21? And you were already married? Wow. You look younger than 21. Shave that stubble off and you’d look MUCH younger. I bet you could pass for 18 no problem at all. Hmmm. In fact, I think that’s what I’m gonna brand you as. A newly out, young slim faggot twink just DAYS past his 18th birthday and looking for dirty old men to use and abuse him. Your previous Owner there tells me you do it all, boy. Piss drinking, fart worship, cum eating, the lot. Apparently you can take a good belting as well. And, as a little caveat… wait, how old’s your father? …55? Perfect. I’ll say your holes are exclusively to be used by men over 55. And the fatter, meaner and hairier, the better. I’ve been wanting to branch out into peddling faggot tail for ages, and fags fucking love being smacked around in my experience. Well, maybe they don’t love it, but they certainly deserve it. 

Now - see that hair removal cream on the table there, boy? Fucking cover yourself in it. Everywhere from the nose down, faggot. I want you entirely hairless. I’ve got plenty more if you use up that tub. Don’t skimp on it, boy. Armpits, pubes and ball hair, arse crack, the works. I want you smooth. Good lad. 

That you all covered? Good. You need to leave it on for a bit, so while you’re waiting you can suck my dick. I should probably sample the merchandise, anyway. I certainly did with your wife. And she had a baggy hole, you know. Must have been from all the Real Men’s dicks she was taking behind your back. 

Speaking of which, look at that fat cock, boy. You’re gonna eat it like it’s your last meal. Slurp and slobber all over it, pig. Need it. Go on, boy, get it in your fucking mouth. Eat it. That’s the stuff, you slut. All the way down. 

Yeah, fat hairy blokes your dad’s age are gonna pay top dollar for your barely legal cunt, boy. I’ll make sure of it. Looking forward to pimping your holes out to whoever I want for as much money as I want. Because that’s the other thing, boy. You’re a prostitute in name only - the reality is, you ain’t gonna see a penny. It’s all done by bank transfer, and the account’s in my name. Basically, you’re gonna spend the foreseeable future getting raped bareback by blokes older than your dad - maybe even old enough to be your granddad, boy, imagine that - for free, as far as you’re concerned.

Oh, and one more thing - if you think that cock cage is coming off just because you’ve been sold to a new Owner, boy, you’re very much mistaken. Bill handed me the key to that thing - and I laughed and snapped it in half. He laughed, and all. Then he watched me drop both halves down the nearest drain. You’re nothing but a pair of holes, boy. A proper public cum dump. Now hold still. My hand’s on the back of your head because I don’t want you thinking you can pull off of my cock before I want you to. My cream’s going straight down the back of your slut boy throat. Then you can wash off that hair removal stuff before I start selling you to hairy fat old men to get good and fucked. And believe me, faggot, there’ll be a queue. Here it comes, pig. Make sure you swallow the fucking lot. 

[canonurl-archived]

it's been a while since my everything i know about dream smp post so here's the thrilling sequel.

that mr beast twink can time travel.

ranboo is a minor.

dream is either a really good guy or a horrible terrible person

there's a character named jack doff or something and he was played by someone who also played someone named like p. ness or something dumb.

didn't ranboo eat a kazoo or something

no one is straight somehow.

everyone can sing

who's puns.

philza minecraft adopted another kid somehow. i don't know who it is, but i think his skin looks like that one homestuck character.

i called one of them british but apparently he's from africa. i don't remember his name. i don't remember what he looks like. i just know there's someone from africa.

a few days ago i saw a tiktok that said 'bad bitches have no concept of mortality' and i think that is how the main character lives.

they're all twinks, but there's two himbos named epicsam and snatpat and also four furries named art fart, tencholabe, poofy and also schlopt.

quack might also be a furry.

why is sonic here

[succubratty]

Lili's Kinky Diary: Two smelly girls in a grindcore gig

Hello guys, gals, they, them, and others! 💖

It's been a while since I posted my stories with Emma. 

If you haven't read it already, here, you can check the three-part story that started it all: How I knew my best friend had amazing farts: PART I | PART II | PART III and final

We are on summer vacation now, visiting my hometown; my real hometown is Santiago, Chile; but I moved to California when I was ten, to LA, to be more specific.

A sad short story we moved with my little sister because my mom died of cancer, and the only family I had was here in LA, which was my uncle and my grandmother; maybe someday I'll talk about more of that, but it won't be kinky, so next time possibly.

So let's start with the main story!

I was a very die-hard metalhead girl in high school, I was from gig to gig back in those days, and I met so many cute and stunning girls, punk, emo, gothic, skin girls, and of course, metalhead girls, too.

This was pre-transition; before coming out, I was just boy-modding everywhere; just imagine a tiny femboy metalhead, a mix between a twink and cub, a twub? I was trying to get my hair to grow longer and all; I was trying so hard to look more feminine.

I had just turned 19 and was in my last year of high school. Parenthesis: I had to repeat the fifth grade because that was the year I moved to the USA.

There was a big gig with local grindcore bands; I was really into crust punk, grindcore, power violence, and other sub-genres alike in those years.

I was going to go alone because my metalhead friends (all cis het males btw) were more into power metal and progressive metal stuff; they didn't like the noisiness of grindcore, don't get me wrong, I love progressive metal too, but I also love this messy shit.

It was the perfect scenario to try a metalhead girl outfit and be lowkey; I looked on Pinterest for what thing could suit me best; checked my savings from selling pirated DVDs.

With a lot of courage, I went to the downtown distro stores in my city that also have metalhead clothing, bought some metal girl apparel, and got a basic makeup kit.

I was so happy with my outfit; I wore a mini skirt with my bullet belt, a pair of purple striped pattern stockings, and my favorite military boots; my ass looked amazing on them!

A Napalm Death tanktop; I didn't have boobs, but my collarbones looked nice, I guess?; I bought some fabulous buckled arm warmers; I loved those things!

It was everything in black, of course.

I tried simple makeup because, to be honest, I didn't know what I was doing, some foundation, mascara for my lashes, and black lipstick; I tried to do eye shadow, but I looked like a raccoon, so I removed it.

I looked very tomboyish with my pixie haircut; for the first time in years, I was happy with my look, the best decision ever.

I had to be careful because it was a total secret from my family, I lived with my grandma and my little sister back then, and I was afraid they wouldn't understand.

So I left the house without getting seen and left a note in the fridge to let my grandma know where I was.

The venue was full of crusties and street punks mostly.

I don't want to feed a stereotype, but people in punk and metal communities always make fun of crusties because they're pretty smelly or have poor body hygiene. Especially cis male crusties; this is a dumb assumption because most of the crusties I've met are so tidy.

Anyway, so I was hanging out at this gig; not going to lie, I felt lonely, I didn't know anyone, and I was afraid someone could call me out and scream slurs at me and all kinds of similar fears.

So I just took a deep breath; I told myself that nothing wrong would happen; I reached for my backpack to light a cigarette; I used to smoke a lot in those days.

And then suddenly two beautiful crusty girls appeared next to me and started talking to me, they asked me for a lighter and started chatting with me, they offered me some beer, everything was so chill between all the screamings of the bands and the big moshpit in front of us.

I was fascinated by their styles and makeup; I just wanted to try their clothes.

One of them had purple lockhawks whose name was Chloe, and the other girl had a silver curly mane that was Dominique; they had been in an open relationship for almost two years, and both had lots of cool piercings and tattoos.

Chloe was tall, almost 170 CM (like 5' 7, I think); she was 22 and studying law. Dominique was a little bit tinier than me, maybe 155 CM tall? (like 5' 1), she was 24, and she had a workshop on her clothing designs; my little lesbian heart was melting; we talked a lot of stuff, the bands, the venue, about us, and we followed each other on Instagram too.

I told them that I was still in the closet and trying to figure things out with my gender identity but that I was pretty sure that I was a lesbian girl and that my gender expression was completely femme-oriented.

They were so lovely to me; Dominique was so enchanted; she would love to try some designs on me and told me I should visit her workshop. Chloe asked me if it was my first time doing my makeup; I said "yes" with an insecure expression on my face, —Well, I would love to teach you some stuff. You have such a pretty face— softly touching my chin.

I was with heart eyes looking at Chloe because girls taller than me get me so subby Idk why, so that's when I noticed her body odor, a very soft armpit smell mixed with her sweat. I'm trying hard to focus because I'm getting numbed by her scent (and also horny, not going to lie). 🥴

Suddenly Dominique said something like —uh Chloe? Can you come to the toilet with me? Gotta pee, and these beers are making me so gassy.— So we took a break while waiting for them outside the bathroom.

I took a deep breath because, gosh! They're so kind to me and also so hot.

Was I in love already?.

An open relationship? That was so new for me, they explained how it worked for them, and I think it was pretty cool, and then the last thing that Dominique said about getting gassy made me blush a lot.

After ten minutes, the girls came back laughing and talking about how dirty was the girl's toilet. While we returned to the stage, they gave me tons of yucky details:

Chloe said between laughs —Dominique had to squat and pee with her butt in the air avoiding a massive shit that the girl before us did; she warned us she was too drunk to aim.—

And Dominique grabbed my arm and said —The thing was all over the toilet bowl's edge, while Chloe was holding the bathroom stall door while I was making a huge effort not to fall and pee inside the toilet.

My mind was like:

"Google search: how to fake disgust, error 404 not found", so I laughed with them, hoping they didn't notice how aroused I was.

Then, out of nowhere, some guy from the moshpit got pushed so hard that she stumbled with Chloe and fell over me.

I got pushed against a wall; she put her hands over it to not crush me more, but my face got sunken inside all her cleavage, and my glasses were over my forehead.

The sweat smell from her boobs and her armpit smell was all around my nose; I almost died from an orgasm right there, It was just a matter of seconds, but it occurred in slow-motion for me.

She pushed the guy back, and Dominique told him to "fuck off." —I'm sorry, Lily! Did I squash you too hard? God! You have my boob sweat all over your face, I'm sorry, I'm smelly, I know, I'm trying a new deodorant, and the thing is failing me—

She said all these things with an embarrassed expression while cleaning my face with some tissues she had in her backpack.

I was with a dizzy face trying to put my glasses back —Yeah, sure, don't worry, it happens to all of us— Inside, I was screaming, "kiss me already f*ck!".

Then Dominique told me —You gotta smell her when she doesn't wear deodorant; she's like a bit of an onion.— She was giggling, and Chloe —You naughty bitch! Don't tell her that! Your farts don't smell exactly like roses.— with her red face.

—No, they don't smell like roses, but they don't smell like onions, that's for sure.— Making a big laugh.

It took me a lot of courage to do this; Still, I put myself on the tip of my toes to tell Chloe in her ear —I like the smell of your body now, probably I'm going to like it if you don't wear deodorant too.— She looked at me with big eyes and a red face, then gave me a cute smile.

She then approached Dominique and screamed —You little skank!— and spanked her big bubble butt; it sounded deafening, and she started kissing her; then she told her something that I couldn't hear.

And I'm there looking so blushed with a little smile. Both looked at me at the same time with a flirtatious smirk, then Dominique said —You know, we had a hunch with you, Lily; you looked so cute standing there looking at the bands and at the same time so lonely; you seemed in fear, and then we knew why.—

And Chloe added —You ended up being a cute, closeted, kind little trans girl who enjoys one of the most aggressive music styles in metal.— We laughed together, and my eyes started to shine a lot.

—And you're so hot too— She finished saying this lustily, leaning forward to me, kissing my lips! She did so slowly and well; it wasn't my first kiss, but it was my first in a long time. Suddenly she leaned toward me, looking into my eyes.

My heart was racing at a hundred rpm, but I had to stop her because I was getting a boner, and it was making me feel uncomfortable.

I told her with signs what was going on, and she was like, "oh!" she giggled —I'm sorry, maybe we could do it in a safer place?— Looking at Dominique, she looked so entertained as she approached significantly closer to us —I would love to take this cute girl to a safer place— While grabbing my tank top to give me a very ominous french kiss.

Oh my god! What was going on with these girls? What was going on with her tongue?. I thought they were so amazing, and I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Then I started to feel a powerful smell like rotten eggs, but it had a distinctive scent. I know this smell very well; it was a beer fart smell!.

When she finished her great kiss, she immediately said to me —I'm sorry I fart a lot when I kiss, oopsies; I hope you don't mind.— Giving me such a confident but horny expression. —Baby, you reek; you will scare her with your farts!— Chloe said, faking pinching her nose and making a fake angry face.

I was speechless; I needed to say something, and I exclaimed —I like your farts; I don't mind getting farted on, I mean kissed on, yeah that." Then I realized what I had said and just put my hands over my mouth because my brain was not making coherent words.

My embarrassment was so huge that l was red from the shame. The girls gave me that flirtatious look again, Chloe made a big "aww" and said I was adorable, and Dominique was looking at her cellphone. —So two bands left; we wanted to see these guys.— Showing me the flyer from the venue.

I answered enthusiastically because I also wanted to see that band; they were the main event. —I just love them! Their lyrics are like a kick on your face, and the vocalist is nuts; his growls and screams are unique.—

Dominique looked at me with a squinting smile —Oh yeah? Do you want to meet them? It's my big brother's band; he's the singer. They are chilling there, waiting for their turn to play.— And she pointed to some chill bearded, long hair dudes with black shirts drinking beer in the corner while watching the current band play.

I seriously couldn't believe it. I was so excited; I'm such a fangirl; I said yes immediately.

I met with the band, and they were so cool about everything. We drank some beers, the girls were with me the whole time, we kissed several times, kisses of three are amazing! I never got misgendered; between the aggression, the growling screams, and the crazy moshpit, it felt lovely; really, I just had a great time.

The venue started to fill up because the main event was about to begin, and then we watched them play; the thing was crazy; we went stage diving, someone spilled a big bucket of beer, and I got beer all over my tits, I stanked of beer.

So the gig ended, and Dominique said to me —You coming with us? You need to shower, you smelly girl; you can wash your clothes too, and I'll call your grandma, so she doesn't get to worry if that is okay with you.—

I was so tired, but I got blushy anyway. I just answered —Yes, I'd love to— with a soft voice and nodded.

Her big brother drove us to Dominique's apartment; Chloe had her arm over my shoulder, and indeed, she smelled like an onion, but I was in heaven.

I just rested my face over her boobs and fell asleep.

So that's it, for now.

Chloe and Dominique were my first girlfriends; they are my family and helped me start my transition; they helped me figure out my kinks in general; their kinks and fetishes have much in common with mine, but they have their favorites besides eprocto.

They took care of me in a very delicate moment of my life, and they helped me to move to study in San Francisco, where I met Emma; I won't tell you which college is, but it is an art school. 🤭

I talk to them on facetime almost every weekend, and I usually spend my summer and winter vacations with them or my grandma and sister.

Fun fact: people often think Dominique is my mom or older sister because we look alike, especially when my face started changing because of hormones.

Both are Eager to know Emma, so I wrote this entire story because it is the story I told Emma while driving to LA.

I hope Emma can get along with them too. 🥰

___________________________________________

Finally, I could update this story.

I hope you enjoyed it.

With love.

SuccuBratty 💖

[iridescent-tins]

MY GIRLFRIEND WITH BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS DISORDER ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[kylestfs]

I'm totally interested in the Nissan Sentra! It may not be the fanciest car on the lot, but it reminds me of the first car I was (or, my parents) ever able to afford when I first got my license nearly two decades ago. Call it the nostalgia factor, but that's the one I'll choose!

Oh wow! Look who just got their first car ever as a birthday gift for your sweet 20 🎂! after failing their drivers test twice like a typical bottom driver.

I mean, I don’t really know why you’d lie and say you got your first car two decades ago, but twinks aren’t really meant to be smart, nor are they known to be the best drivers, but I’m sure you’ll take care of it. It’s a small, compact and very cute car ! Just like you actually, it fits you very well. What I’m sure though is that it won’t smell the best inside, you do have some pretty bad gas and foot smell issues, but that’s totally fine, a cute little air freshener could help it all. Drive safe and go pick up your friends to go to starbies now!

Identity ;

Name : James

Age : Just freshly turned 20 ! Happy birthday, some people say your teenage years are over yet I still see you scrolling on TikTok all day, hanging out to Starbucks with your friends and sometimes skipping showers and brushing your teeth, and all the birthday cake you ate is definitely gonna do wonders to your gas…

IQ : 87, youre under average but still not so dumb. You can hold good conversations and be very sweet and understanding of others.

Personality : Fun, very nice and empathetic, a bit flamboyant and overall cute and friendly! It’s a pleasure to be around you, although you can get a little judgy with your friends, it’s just for fun!

Sexuality : 100% Homosexual. No questions here.

Body :

Body type : Twinky and skinny

Overall attractiveness : 10/10, or should I say overall cuteness! So adorable and cute.

Package size : 3 inches active, 1 inch soft. Although it isn’t big, you won’t really need it so it’s fine. At least it fits comfortably in your pants.

Rear end size : Small, a little flat but still cute and soft ! Your pants just don’t even cover it, it isn’t visible at all, which is kinda adorable as well!

Overall B.O : 6.5/10, You can definetly get a little sweaty when it’s hot as you live in Florida, and your dove deodorants don’t always hide the smell. Your pits can smell a bit like a sharp and salty sweat, while your feet will smell like melted butter. I’d say you smelliest area is definetly your feet, without speaking about your gas of course.

Gassiness : 9/10, Those Florida fast-foods you’re eating definetly have an effect on your gas…you fart a lot and can’t really control it. Thankfully they’re all mostly quiet puffs, but they still do smell of musty scrambled eggs and sulfur. You are embarrassed each time you let one out, but you also love the sensation of the hot steamy air escaping your little buns, and somewhat love to smell your own gas when you’re home alone. That’s just your little secret though.

Muscles : You’re quite bony, but it’s just so adorable and perfectly fits your friendly vibe, and I wouldn’t change that for anything!!

[octuscle]

I just wish my roommate could relate to me. I want him to be an attractive preppy boy and/or a twink who’s so dumb he doesn’t care about anything. Yellow teeth, greasy hair, farting, stinking, replacing daily showers with axe deodorant, etc.

Mate, I don't really understand your question. What do you want now? A preppy roommate? Or a chav? Well, looking at you, you use Axe considerably more than a shower. And let's face it, you're so stupid that you'll be lucky to find a job in a slaughterhouse or garbage collection. You smoke a little too much and it would be cool if you would at least pay your rent for your shared council apartment on time from time to time.

Okay, forget my question, clearly you want your roommate to be a scally twink. Cheesy dick, with a scent cloud of sweat, nicotine and Axe around him. Haircut as cheap as your own. And he can't get enough of sucking your equally cheesy cock. And you don't get enough of fucking his ass on your cheap faux leather couch.

So. what was your question again? Are you two okay? You make a great couple!

[yamithediaperdork]

Forgotten Stories 3: Baby hunter and Daddy vampire (you guessed it, Mortal Instruments)

jace signed softly as he waited at the cafe. He was annoyed something fierce as the former mundane turned vampire Simon had flat out SUMMONED here to the late night dinner, saying that they NEEDED to talk. Jace, who had better things to do, and money to make was understandably vexed and as he sipped on the black crud that this greasy spoon dared to call coffee, he mumbled to himself. "Swear to god, if it's more of my blood he's after.." the shadow hunter grumbled, then set the coffee down and reached once again for the sugar, pouring more into the crud. "How the hell do you not have diabetes?" Came the amused tone of the vampire and jace just rolled his eyes. "you know,. just because you're immortal and can drink anything doesn't mean the rest of us are. i have to make this drinkable SOMEHOW." the blond shot back and then nodded to the seat across from him. "Now you wanna tell me why I'm here instead of doing better things with my time? I'm not giving you more blood..or gum wrappers." jace smirked at that as Simon narrowed his eyes, taking a seat. "ohhh wow, soo witty. I was a rat for a few hours years ago. get over it. and besides, in terms of embarrassing things.. i think you've more then topped me being turned into a rat." Simon said and gave a big smirk. "what ever you think you've found-" Jace started to say, but even as he spoke he was getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and then Simon pulled out a tablet, which was already on a certain naughty boys mycam page. Jace's to be exact. "..So did i ever tell you I have a twin brother wh-" "Bull.shit.diaper boy." Simon said and then pressed play on a video.

the video came to life and there was jace, at a playground. it was late at night and he was wearing a trench coat but was smiling into the camera. "Sup my peeps? this is your boy Stinky J and thanks to a generous cash gift from daddy V, yours truly is about to go and take a epic dump in his huggies, and go and play. remember, if you got the money and have a idea, PM me and you can see my cute twink ass doing all sorts of degrading things. don't forget to like and comment." Jace said, dropping the tench coat and revealing that he was only in a paw patrol pull up under the jacket. Turning around and slapping his butt, the blond demon slayer poped a squat and audible grunting could be heard and then with a MASSIVELY loud fart and a sign of relief the the back of the pull up expanded rapidly, puffing out and discoloring as Jace coo'ed in content. "Mannn that feels better.. though whew..y'all should be thankfully you can't smell this!" the blond brat teased, waving a hand and then waddled slowly (clearly making a effort not to let his hot load spill out of the poor pull up) towards the slide. "heh, what do you think folks? time to slip sliding? ..yeah thats what i thought too~" climbing up the ladder it was hard to make out his face from the distance he was at and then the big stinky baby plopped down on his butt (a oh fuck! and gasping heard) and then the big baby was sliding down the slide and-

Grabbing the tablet Jace turned the video off and was beet red, looking down at the table. "...Ok what do you want?" Jace asked. "What i want,for starters, is for you to stop using the money I send you to get stupid pull-ups when i clearly state diapers." Simon said and smirked as Jace looked up at him in confusion, the realization. "Y-Your daddyv!" "Ding ding ding! thats right, you've been a poopie pull up baby brat for a vampire the past three months. i wonder just how much trouble you'll be in when your little clubhouse finds out not only are you a diaper pooping big baby. but a vampires bitch too~" Jace whimpered, it was going to be humiliating enough if anyone else found out about his naughty way to make extra money. add in he was doing it for vamp.. this was NOT going to be good. "L-Look..I already spent the money if you want it back an-" Jace started and Simon cut him off with a sharp laugh. "what makes you think I need your money? I've been the one spoiling you remember dip shit?" Simon snorted. Jace huffed and actually started to pout a little at that. "awww look at it this way..at least I'm not a mundane anymore. that would make what I'm gonna make you do to shut me up even more humiliating for you." Simon added cheerfully. "...should I be worried?" jace asked with a gulp. "terrified." Simon confirmed with a shit eating grin.

half a hour later and there were at a old warehouse that was boarded up on the outside but Simon flew himself and jace in though a window where.. a makeshift nursery was set up among the ruins. "...this is going to suck even more then i thought huh?" jace asked faintly. "well if nothing else, you're more then free to use this for your videos." Simon snickered and then winked. "maybe I'll even be your camera man too." "pretty sure i'ma stop doing the videos after this." jace huffed. "You say that now.." was all Simon would say on the matter, leaving jace even more worried. "now then, who's ready to be put back in a good diaper for a change, not a pull up that'll leak the second you putt too much pressure on it?" Simon asked, going over to by the changing table he had set up in the ruins and grabbing out a stupidly thick and massive diaper that instead of the normal designs one would expect on it.. had diaper fag in baby block letters all over it. "..That has to be a custom job." jace whined and pointed. "No shit Sherlock." Simon chuckled. "Clearly you are the brains of your outfit." "you don't have to be a jerk you know." jace whined, starting to tug his jeans and undies down and Simon laughed again, "really? YOU of all people giving someone hell for being rude?" Jace paused and gave a sheepish smile. "well when you put it like that.., god.. am I even gonna be able to WALK in that thing?" Jace asked, naked from the waist down and shaved bald down there. "Fuck no. but you'll be able to crawl and get on your knees, which is what i want." Simon said and smirked, showing off his fangs. "...I'm gonna be sucking your dick aren't I?" "Awww who's a clever little baby? you are!" "look i uh.. I don't know if-" "oh don't try and tell me you haven't been slurping on Alec's dick like a greedy cock slut for the past year. just about everyone knows you're his cum dumpster." "W-what!? I am not!" jace squeaked and had a full body blush going on as Simon walked over and swatted his cute cheeks, leaving the shadow hunters buns slightly red. "ah ah ah..No lying." "I-I really don't suck Alec off..he uh.." jace's voice trailed off and looking down at the ground, and poking too fingers together, he finished in a tiny voice. "I..I pay him to fuck me.." "oh? don't you think he'd do it if you asked nicely?" "I..uh.. he said he would for free but I uh..asked if i could.." jace trailed off again as Simon started to laugh. "oh my god, your a total bottom bitch! begging to pay for the privilege of getting that cock.. you know i thought you were just shitting yourself in diapers rto buy booze or whatever.. not degrading yourself in public so you can get that dick!" Simon laughed. "Does alec at least give you a cum dumpster discount?" "D-Depends on his mood...c-can i get put the diaper on and suck you off already and get this over with!?" Jace whined and huffed. "...awfully demanding for a diaper shitting butt slut aren't you? you know..i was gonna make you shit yourself before sucking me off.." "...i'm not going to like where this is heading am I?" "Normally i'd say no..but with what a fucking bottom bitch you are you'll likely be creaming your huggies." Simon said.

the alternative to Jace loading his pampers was worse then he had thought, and after getting onto the opened diaper fag diaper, he'd had to watch as Simon gave himself a mild enema. "you know your fucking disgusting right?" jace whined, on the verge of tears as Simon pulled the tub out of his ass and walked over. "right. i'm gonna listen to someone who bounces up and down in shitty diapers for money to get fucked into submission on whats normal and whats not. though don't think i didn't notice all those silver scars on your ass.. does alec just wreak your hole so much you have to heal or need diapies full time?" Simon asked, squatting over Jace's cock and balls now. "Oh my god will you just shut up and do it already so i can suck your stupid dick and get out of here!?" Jace yelled. "alll right, but you know you just ASKED me to shit on you right?" "All of my fucking hate." "love you too." Simon grunted and as jace looked, tears welling up in his eyes, a thick brown log snaked out of Simon's ass and as the tip of it touched Jace's cock, his cock started to go limp and the tears were flowing. "S-Simon please! stop! I do-" he started to sob and simon just smirked. "Shut up diaper baby. it's going in your diaper or down your throat." Simon said and jace just blubbered. the hot shit coiled around his crotch before it broke off and the smell was horrible, making jace hold his nose. "Awww whats wrong, the stinky baby can't take a REAL MAN'S funk?" Simon teased and bore down, pushing out anther thick log and shifting slightly, making sure this would coat the baby fags balls. the third and forth logs didn't go on baby jac'es cock and balls though, it went right into the diaper so it was squish all over the big babies back side and jace had to give up holding his nose as he needed to suck his thumb and close his eyes to keep from just getting up and trying to bolt. "awww, such a sad widdle diaper boy~ don't worry buddy, Daddy Simon is almost done getting your diapie nice and stinky for you, then you can have a cock baba." simon teased. jace just whimpered. finishing up with his smelly load, Simon grabbed jace's boxers and used them to wipe his ass, giving jace a look that dared him to open his mouth to complain then tossed them in a diaper pail and stepped clear of the dumb baby fag. leaning down simon made a face and waved a hand, then grinned to jace. "whew! no more tacos for me! thats rotten huh buddy?" simon teased and the dumb baby just sucked on his thumb and nodded, then whined loudly as the diaper was taped up. helping jace roll onto his tummy and then get up on his hands and knees, Simon then patted and rubbed the back of the loaded diaper, making baby Jace whimper even more but any and all fight was clearly out of the former big shot. "D-Daddy pwease..cock baba." the stupid little diaper wimp whined. "Awww you wanna show daddy how grateful you are he 's letting you see how it feels to wear real man shit huh?" Simon teased. Knowing what the sadistic vampire wanted him to say, jace whined, then nodded. "yesh daddy. pwease wet stinky jace suck your dicky to say fank ku." he whined and despite how much he hated the load in his diaper, hated simon, hated all of this., jace was getting wood. 'whats wrong with me!?'

Simon took a seat far enough away that jace's knees got a little scraped up crawling over, and the crawling he was forced to do only squished the mess around even more but then he was on his knees and looking at Simon's 6 inchs of fuck meat. it wasn't as big as Alec's (hell, Jaces was sure there were horses who weren't as hung as Alec) but the fact that he was going to suck anther mans dick while wearing his shit just had the poor bottom bitch in total sub mode and he leaned forward and planted a big sloppy kiss on the cock head as Simon moaned. Opening his mouth he took the vamp cock in slowly, worried about gagging till the whole thing was in his mouth, going down his touge and he had a nose full of musky pubes. the taste..wasn't so bad as as jace pulled his head back, trailing his touge and making Simon moan he almost, maybe kinda, found himself loving the taste. Pushing back down a little more eagerly the blond bitch started to bob his head up and down the fuck meat with eagerness and Simon reached down and ruffled jace's hair. "Fuck..fuck..good boy Jace. I knew you'd love this.. just a little fucking diaper fag.. Fuck..I'm gonna have you in diapers 24/7..just a total fucking diaper bitch for my amusement." Simon was groaning and jace in his horned up state moaned around the vamp cock. "Fucking knew you'd like that..Not gonna out you to your widdle friends but you're gonna be my little diaper bitch from now on..Mine. and you're not healing your ass next time Alec breeds you either..i want you helplessly shitting yourself while hunting demons." Simon was panting now, regretting the fact that he had edged all day to the thought of what he was going to do to jace and knew he couldn't last too much longer. "Gonna fucking dress you like a toddler and take you to the park in the day. let all the kids see you in your t-thick massive diapers..L-let them spank you.." Simon added and then noticed that jace was reaching back, mushing the mess around in his poofy diaper while worshiping his new daddies cock. "Ha! knew you'd love my shit! Get ready baby boy, time for you first of MANY loads of daddy milk!" jace pulled back and with just the cock head in his mouth, reached around jerked Simon's cock hard. he didn't know why but he felt like he NEEDED to taste full on all of the vampire boys load and wasn't disappointed as Simon's cock erupted all over his touge, filling his taste buds with the taste of real man cum. as the last few ropes of nut juice fired off, causing some to start to leak out of Jace's nose, the stupid big baby came hard in his poopie diaper and collapsed, whimpering and moaning. Simon smirked and after making sure that jace was fully out, turned his attention over to a corner of the room, where a webcam was set up. "well everyone, thanks for watching! hope you all enjoyed seeing me use this shadow slayer as a diaper bitch cum dumpster and don't forget to like the video and comment on other things you wanna see me do to him. this is daddy v signing off." he said. After all, why should Jace be the only one to make a little cash on the side?

the end..for now.

[mrneighbourlove]

The Rising Sun: Ch 3. Test Your Might

Revan placed his name down as Sheik, mysterious warrior of the Sheikah tribe, ready to win the side of Luimaya’s bodyguard. In the bleachers, he didn’t know if any of his family would be here to see him, but at least he had his friends. Both Turarog and Nakeso were with him as he waited to be called out for his first fight. “You think Luimaya will be so stunned she can’t speak when I reveal myself, or burn cinders of her hair off?”

"I think this is a very, very, very," Nakeso took a breath. "Stupid idea."

"I second that, Nakeso is the smart one of her siblings." Turagor snorted. "Salen and Kuredor get into enough trouble. And you? You're diving head first into a pile of shit so deep you're never going to make it out."

“Eh. What’s life without taking crazy risks. When I win, I’ll be able to save up money so quickly protecting her royal pain in the ass.”

"You know you'll have to follow her everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Even when she takes a dump, you got to stand outside the door." Nakeso said bluntly.

"Smell the roses, Revan."

"And she stinks, I know my sister." Turagor waved his hand around his nose. "Her farts are even deadly."

“Well, I’m pretty sure you smell like vanilla Nakeso, so no roses in site.” Revan very lightly smiled to her, tilting his head to the direction of the stage when he heard the name Sheik called out. “Got to go.” Placing his mask on, he walked backwards, gesturing at himself to his friends. “Does the mask and suit look good?”

"You look like you're going to the Night of Daourfel festival---OW! Nakeso! What was that for?"

"You're being a jerk."

"I'm telling the truth."

Out in the stage, Revan waved to the crowd. No family in sight. His feelings weren’t helped any better when he saw his first opponent. “Oh great.”

Jill was one of the three children of Kelly and Tulilad. Despite them being super old parents themselves by now, they trained their children to be near super soldiers to carry on their family legacies. The Hylian woman was decked out in a tight suit of plate armour. “Nice mask. You can use it to hide your pain from the royalty.”

“KICK THIS TWINKS ASS JILL!”, Kelly shouted from the stands.

Donoma had rushed from the Gerudo town to Hyrule. Thankfully, she made it just in time due to her dragon. Kharto'sum really was a lifesaver. Even though he cared not for the desert, he would come fetch her if she asked. Huffing and puffing, Donoma quickly took a seat beside Nakeso and Revan's uncles. Turagor had to go sit with his family and he waved when he saw Donoma rushing into the stands. His twin, on the other hand, was much less enthused. Luimaya drummed her fingers on the armrest, looking rather bored.

"Something tells me that Lui isn't too happy about this contest?" Donoma asked Nakeso. "Did I miss something?"

"Let's just say Luimaya is under the impression that she doesn't need a," Nakeso paused, making quotation marks with her fingers. "Glorified babysitter."

The bell rang, and Jill tried to crush Revan’s ribs with a war hammer. The masked warrior was nimble enough to dodge the mighty blows. Small dirt craters were made as Jill brought her weapon down. “I see you like to dance. Maybe you should be Luimaya’s Jester instead.”

Revan watched as Jill easily walked around with her hammer in a suit of armour. She had years of experience being older than Revan. And although she was mostly human, Revan wondered what part of her strength was sheer training or her Zora lineage from her mother. Speaking of, she would not stop shouting. “Good! Don’t wind yourself out! Break Sheik’s kneecaps!”

Revan drew his steel broadsword, not wanting to rely on magic, but still needing a way to parry attacks. As Jill came down on him, he dodged to his left, nimbly cutting at the side of her armour.

The shouting of instructions did not bother Tulilad. He was used to it by now, after all this time. He could even recall how ferocious Kelly was when his triplets were in school, playing on sports teams. She would have her megaphone, yelling from the bleachers. Needless to say, she was kicked out more than once. Perhaps it was a good thing that he had Biggestgoron dispose of the megaphone and play dumb when she looked for it.

"You're doing great, sweetie!" Tulilad, of course, was known as the cheesy father, holding up a poster with glittery letters reading "My daughter is kick ass". "You got this!"

Jill used the end of her war hammer to get a quick jab into Revan’s stomach.  With a low swing, she sweeped him off his feet and onto his back. One foot was planted tight on his foot so he couldn’t run away. There was a no killing rule of course, but that didn’t mean that contestants could bloody each other up. Raising her war hammer, Jill decided a shattered arm would end this fight. “A clown like you doesn’t belong here. Looks like you had no real tricks.”

“Oh. I’m full of surprises.”

Taking a handle Revan quickly put it to her kneecap. With the press of a button, a blue shimmering edge of a guardian sword shot outwards, stabbing through the woman’s armour, flesh, and bone. Through one end and out the other, Revan pulled out as Jill dropped her hammer, screaming in agony. With her off his body, Revan stood tall, giving her a round house kick to the head. Her helmet flew off and Jill fell to her knees. Taking both the broadsword and guardian blade to her neck, Revan took a few deep breaths through his mask. “Yield.”

To her shame, Jill simply nodded, conceding the match to the victor.

"You don't seem too worried about Revan trying to win this thing," Nakeso was making small talk with Donoma. "I mean, I know he's a great fighter and all, but... this job is more dangerous than he thinks it is. Remember what all happened with Queen Zarazu."

"I think he sort of wants to follow in Dad's footsteps." Donoma said with a slight smile. "He's always idolized the way that our father used to be a 'guardian' of sorts. Dad and Queen Zarazu have always been very good friends, even if they did argue sometimes. Maybe he just wants to ensure his friend is going to be okay."

"You don't think Lui can watch after herself?" Nakeso arched an eyebrow.

"Oh, no! I know that Lui can fight very well too, it's just..." Donoma sighed. "Lui doesn't want to put anyone at risk. Not her friends, not her family, not even some random guard. She doesn't want to be the cause of someone getting hurt for her sake. That's one reason she really protested against this."

"Yeah, that sounds like her. But... she's got to also realize that she's the heir to the throne." Nakeso made a valid point. "Would it be better to have someone you trust watching your back?"

The rest of the tournament went rather well for Revan. A few scraps here and there, but nothing too serious. But it would be the finale would test his limit. Kelly was furious at the damage and pain he caused Jill. More so, was his final opponent, her son, John.

The man wielded two short swords, stalking back and forth on the arena. He was absolutely livid with how this Sheik beat his sister. They all knew the risks, but if the healers weren’t absolutely precise, she might never walk on that leg again.

Both waited for the King and Princess to announce the final match.

"Lui-Lui, would it kill you to smile for the citizens?"

"I'm not going to smile if I'm not happy about it."

"This is not negotiable. Your mother had a guard, and so will you."

"Uncle Malik was undead at one point."

"Then he was alive."

"Still! That man is like... made of stone or something, you can't hurt him."

"I know why you don't want a guard, and I understand, though you are the future queen of our nation. We have to ensure your safety."

"I still don't see why I can't just have Carsa'sec follow---"

"Luimaya. This is final. There is no point in arguing further."

"Urgh! Fine!" Luimaya crossed her arms and huffed, not looking at her father.

Covarog stood from his seat, addressing the crowd.

"My citizens, I thank you for your presence here today. It is a historical event and one that will continue into the future for generations to come." Covarog gestured to the two finalists. "Today marks the first contest to see who is worthy of being the future queen's bodyguard. Our final contestants are Sheik and Big John. I expect a fair and clean fight, gentlemen. May the best warrior win."

“You’ll be anything but clean after what you did to my sister.”

Revan shrugged, trying to be pleasant. “A drink on me for your family?”

“I don’t think so.”

John, like his sister, was in a full suit of armour. Only his was a black ebony. Rushing forward, he engaged Revan, as both warriors used duel weapons to spar against one another.

Revan was surprised how fast John was, given his size and armour. Were his whole family made up of super soldiers?

As both of them made another engagement, John head butted Revan so hard, it sent him flying backwards. His head slammed against the ground and he felt his world spin.

“Oh... don’t throw up.”

Revan needed to rely on feeling the metal around him as he felt his eyes flutter. Even with his head spinning, wasn’t hard to sense John out. His movements were swift and agile, letting go of his worries and simply being in the moment. John was getting aggravated. He managed to make a few cuts against him, but his opponent would lie down.

Kelly herself shouted from the stands, vocalizing the silent fury her son felt. “Gut him just once! You can do this! Avenge your sister!!!”

"Sweetie, our baby is fine, she knew what she was getting into---" Tulilad stopped when Kelly gave him a glare. "I'll shut up now."

Donoma watched her brother and winced when John gained the upper hand for a moment. Head butts were not the best choice of tactic, but could stun an opponent enough to gain a chance of surprise. It made her forehead hurt just thinking about it. She tried it once during a spar with her father and knocked herself out cold. Thankfully, Revan inherited their father's thick skull.

"Why isn't the idiot using his magic?" Nakeso scoffed. "He doesn't have anything to prove!"

"That's my brother." Donoma said dryly. "He always thinks he has something to prove."

Revan deactivated his guardian blade, surprising everyone witnessing the fight.

John didn’t ask any questions, running to taking him out.

Holding his breath, Revan focused on every step that John took towards him. The man made a clank that drowned out all other sounds with every foot step he took rushing towards him.

With a quick hurl, Revan threw his steel blade at John. The warrior simply powered on through, deflecting the weapon with a right hook of his own. And this was exactly what Revan wanted.

With his opponents’ right side open, Revan ducked low and rushed in. Activating his sword, his unsheathed his guardian blade with an uppercut. This slice made a lean cut, slicing a few fingers off John’s hand. Revan danced behind him, slicing a cut through his opponents’ backside on the lighter side of the armour. John stood still, until Revan slowly raised a fist over the hilt of blade and punched downwards. With that sound echoing, John fell downwards, moaning on the ground in pain. “Best get your stitch, least you find yourself in a ditch. Because victory is mine.”

Revan gave a playful bow to the king as the crowd cheered for his victory. He did it. Disguised and no magic.

"And he won." Nakeso blinked. "Huh. He's better than I thought."

"Revan trained with Dad all those years and it finally paid off. I hope." Donoma still sounded a little... uneasy. "I just... hope he knows what he's doing. Lui still isn't going to change her mind."

"Heh, she's stubborn just like her father and resilient like her mother."

"How do you think she's going to take this?"

"... well, I don't know about you, but I'm not sticking around to see Revan get swallowed by a volcano that appears from thin air."

‘Sheik’ made his way to bow directly in front of Luimaya and Covarog, awaiting their congratulations.

"Champion!" Covarog addressed the winner. "You have displayed excellent skills in the combat arena. Though, I must ask, why did you seek this position?"

“To protect her royal highness so that she might not stub her royal toes.”

When Luimaya raised an eyebrow, and finally clued in, Revan took his mask off. Sweat was dripping down his face, but that didn’t stop him from smiling broadly. “Hello there Princess."

Before Covarog could even speak, Luimaya launched off her chair and started her spout of rage, "I AM GOING TO FUCKING WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF OF YOUR FACE---MMMHNRRRNMHM?!?!?!"

Covarog had to hold his daughter back, putting a hand on top of her mouth.

"Would you excuse---OW stop biting me!!! Us for a moment?"

“Full disclosure, we could have saved a lot of time not doing the tournament. But hey, was a blast pushing my limits as it turns out. Oh. Luiy?” Revan shot a finger gun at her. “Look forward to working with you.”

"Revan, have you ever heard the saying of 'don't poke the Goron'? You're really poking right now." Covarog was struggling to keep his furious daughter in hold. "Why don't we continue this conversation later before Lui bites my fingers off?"

“As you wish.” Revan respectfully bowed, followed by a deep sigh. Slowly, he made his way down to the arena. Doctors were furiously fixing up John’s hand.

“You ok?”

“How about we talk when I’m not in a mood to tear your head off.”

“Fair enough.”

Revan headed to the throne room with his sister and Luimaya’s brother so the princess couldn’t outright murder him with an audience present. Revan promised the others he’d try his best to not be a total smartass.

"That was really stupid of you to show off that way. No one cares about if you used magic or not!" Donoma scoffed at Revan. "If Mom was here, she'd chew your ass out for not using magic. You really could have gotten hurt!" "You know my sister is going to definitely yell at you. Possibly set your ass on fire." Turagor reminded Revan dryly. "This isn't going to be pretty."

“Well guess what. Mom and Dad decided to not show up, so frankly sister, they’re opinion on the matter can stuff it. I did it to prove I’m more of a warrior than a wizard.” Revan took a long, deep breath after that confession. “Luimaya needs to realize that I’m her best bet for protection. Already been doing it for a year. Time to make it official. Least for a little while.”

"They're both stuck in the Gerudo town thanks to Dad." Donoma rolled her eyes. "Mom has to make sure that the women don't elect Dad as a king and have us stuck in the desert forever."

"Yikes, anti-desert much?" Nakeso asked.

"It's fine, but I have to agree with Mom. This is home. Where are family and friends are."

“Wait? King?” Before Revan could push the matter forward, King Covarog and Luimaya entered the room.

"Donoma, Turagor, please give use a moment with Revan?"

"Of course, Father. Follow me Donoma, we'll wait outside in the courtyard."

After the two exited the room, Luimaya shot Revan a dark glare, her arms crossed. Yet, she said nothing yet. "Your fight was most impressive, Revan, though I do have my daughter's assurance that you will not be a steaming pile of ash after you two discuss your new occupation as her bodyguard." Covarog gave Revan a pat on the shoulder. "Good luck. You're going to need it." He murmured in his ear before leaving the room.

"... I told you no."

“You did. I disagreed. Your father disagreed.”

"I said no for a reason, Revan!" Luimaya insisted as she poked him harshly in the chest. "I don't want you getting hurt because of me!!!"

Revan poked her back. “You or I could pull this macho crap of “I work alone” all we want, but the matter of fact is that we’re both pretty damn resilient together. We don’t have to worry about long term damage when we’re a team. There isn’t some damsel either of us has to overly worry about when we got each other’s backs. So as your bodyguard, I can look after you effectively when my client is a fire fueled tank, and as my future Queen, you don’t have to worry about replacing me due to a mortality issue when your bodyguard can take beatings most can’t.”

"I’m not queen now, Revan! When I do become queen, then I will have even more targets on my back! There's no telling what will happen!" Luimaya poked harder. "Mom and Dad are so secretive about why I need so much protection and my siblings don't. Obviously, there's something going on, or either they're that worried about me producing an heir in the future, I don't know. Still! What if they target you to get to me? Did that even go through your thick skull?!" She nearly shook him. "You're a great warrior, and I know we make a great team, but I don't want you to get killed because I can't keep an eye on everyone around me, waiting to stab me in the back!"

“So you’re ok with others lining up to die for you? It’s an inevitability Luimaya. People will get hurt serving under you. I’m just the most likely to avoid a large majority of pain while protecting your life.”

"Why does it have to be you?!"

“Well it sure as hell ain’t going to be your Aunt Rinku. Luimaya, it has so be me because I’m the best.” Revan sighed, turning his head to look out the window. Somewhere, behind all the mountains lied the desert where his father lived. “Because if I protect anyone else they’ll get hurt. But like me, I know you can take it too. It has to be me because this is all I know.”

"... you're the stubbornest person I know. More so than me." Luimaya still did not like this situation. "You better not get yourself killed. I don't want to have to be responsible for your eulogy."

Revan laughed, releasing tension from his body. “Think you can stop yourself from getting into needless fights?”

"Needless fights? For sure. Getting into fights because of your bullheadedness? That's impossible to avoid." Luimaya snickered.

“Well excuuuuuuuse me princess. Better I beat them with fists and metal than your volcano top blowing off.”

"Least I make sure my opponents can't get back up."

"Urgh, did you have to remind me?" Luimaya groaned aloud. "I don't see why Grandmama Zelda insisted on a new dress fitting every single month! Now she's got Mom doing it."

“Let’s hope you can make the old Queen proud. Come on! Can’t wait to see you complain about your hip lines.”

________________________________________________________________

Previous Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/622375165476618240/the-rising-sun-ch-2-taiyo-town

Next Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/622576982282141697/the-rising-sun-ch-4-uncertain-future

Crossover with @ridersoftheapocalypse. Love you guys, and a Happy Canada Day!

[memesforthesoul]

Shit We’ve Said On Discord Part Two

"How do you go from doing laundry to doing 10 shots of vodka?!"

"You can't tell (Name) you love him/her, because that's weird."

"Do you know how to breathe? It's like this.”

"Come on, (Name), you know how to breathe. You learned when you were an infant."

"So what you're saying is that your 'science' is just fishing for asspats from a drunk person."

"I want everyone here to stay. And I guess (Name) too."

"Once again, I'm forced to question my sexuality at late hours of the night."

"And thus, the hat trick of my apparently being gay has been formed."

"You hear that voice? That's the voice of someone thinking about nudes."

"That bitch is still on the screen"

"Everytime I try to do something on my blog it's like a Mariachi band of fart noises."

"Shut up, you blue-haired fuck!"

"Put sleeves on your shirts, you uncultured swine!"

“ BIRDS SHIT ON NATURE “

"I can't believe I had to hear that with my own two eyes!"

"its because I'm an e..enab...fuck!"

“I feel like shit with a capital T”

"(Name)’s looking like a twink and that's what we need!"

“we have a grade 1 spartacus situation on our hands”

"I'm here for it! I'm here for the newer, kinkier, sexy tomato!"

"AW LOOK AT HIM HAVING TRAUMATIC FLASHBACKS!"

"(Name) I will cyberbully you from a Burger King in Uganda."

"Ladies, please, you're both dumb bitches"

“She was uncomfortable, and she was DEAD!”

“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF oranges”

"I know I was supposed to be thinking about vampires but my brain went to 'Semen Demon'"

"I'm gonna fuck Bob The Builder"

"so many dick energies coursing though my body at the same time."

"YOU WILL RIP MY HEART RIGHT OUT OF MY ASS, NO!"

"I want the Mona Lisa on my ass cheeks!"

"You absolutely obliterated my asshole, (Name)!"

"I want to fuck Bob the Builder cause he's handy if you know what I mean."

"like my face hurts from tryin not to laugh, but I’m pretty sure u could use my face to guide ships at sea to safe harbor"

“Don’t blame me for somebody else’s sins u hecker”

“i was thinking of bringing a new muse today and then the sun died”

"Why have sex when you can have Kingdom Hearts"

"I need my dumb bitch juice to be responsibly sourced"

"I CAN BE HARD IF I WANNA BE!"

[brunhiddensmusings]

an assortment of recent game concepts for the sake of how wide the scope is your grandpa died, you inheret his farm to try and escape your deadend office job life, proceed to live a relaxed farm life at a strangely frantic pace an art deco steampunk work of beautiful art just to explain just how dumb Ayn Rand was and where she can shove it

you are a mute arsonist twink in your underwear, you now have magic explosives and an entire continent to frantically scream across while eating the wildlife

we recreated the expevrience of being a former soviet police state border crossing officer, with specific care given to give you the feel of tedium in how processing these papers may mean life or death to others but it also means if your son starves in the cold yall are a cowboy, bangbangbang, ima wearin a puma as a hat the world is a corpse, its been dying for centuries to the point that memories of when it was not dying have faded from the rotted minds of those who remain, go stab a demon in the butt while chugging ecto cooler as you use this all as a metaphor for defeating depression in your own life because no matter how crapsack the world nor how absurd the monster you can kick its ass with enough determination and then bask in the glow of victory you are a genderless small child who has a choice to either befriend or murder everyone you see, the pun skeleton will kick your ass if you misbehave but what kind of monster would you be if you ever laid a hand on these charming and lovable goatbeasts. soundtrack punches your heart in its soul in its gut chest high cover based shooter #84 but at least we stopped making all the ‘badguys’ vauge middle eastern people and inner citty teens in hoodies hey, heres a gun that rips holes through space, fart around with it to solve puzzles while a smartass AI gives wicked burns small animal collectable combat and fat italian plumber who jumps are still going strong so that people in their 30s and their kids in their teens can bond over shared experiences together the franchise that started as the most generic but enjoyable basic as bricks fantasy rpg now has an installment that is just four cute boys in a car who camp out on their road trip of desteny what if on your farm you raised, hear me out, adorable blob monsters and sold their poop for commercial use you are either a slice of bread or a goat, will you make physics your bitch or will physics make you its bitch? theres an island you are now god-mayor of, fill it with friends and flowers, we have forgiven capitalism raccoon, its made with the distilled memories of pure and simple moments of the past let it heal your soul if even for a moment kill shitloads of demons with badass weapons, your penpal on the island of friends and flowers wishes you well and you hope your pet bunny is proud of you