#dude needs to chill and be a monster for a while. bruh

[tenderjock]

like the moon moves the tides [agent carter werewolf au]

part iv. tail tucked

Carter is out fucking cold, but Jack cuffs and collars her anyway.

The girl who found her is babbling to Sousa, something about ambulances, but Jack ignores her. Between her and the young wolf they questioned earlier that blubbered all over Jack, he’s getting a pretty low opinion of the women Carter hangs out with.

Carter growls under her breath as he sits her up. She hasn’t quite found her feet when he starts walking her out, so Jack keeps a hand gripping her elbow and the other gripping the back of her jacket.

She smells good. She smells good, musk and salt-sweat, nothing like the itchy copper and floral perfume that blonde girl was wearing that made Jack want to claw his nose off. Carter smells like he could bury his face in her neck and just – lie down, for a while, and that’s how Jack knows it’s a trick.

When he shoves her in the back of the car, Carter looks at him, blinking woozily. She inhales, quick, and goes limp as he puts her in the backseat.

Jack gets in the driver’s seat and starts the car as Sousa pulls himself into the passenger seat, Carter’s pocketbook in hand. He wants to scream. He wants to hit something. He starts driving, feeling so angry that he’s about to tear out of his skin.

“We have to go back,” Carter slurs.

She’s looking out the window. Jack ignores her.

“We’re taking you to the SSR,” Sousa reminds her. “You’re under arrest.”

“We have to go back,” Carter insists drunkenly. “We need to – Dottie. Jack, you smelled her.”

Jack glances back at her. “What the hell are you on about,” he asks tersely.

“The woman who drugged me,” she says. “Dottie Underwood. You smelled her, Jack, she’s not human. She’s going to …” Carter seems to be recovering from the sedative, but she’s still not very coherent. The collar probably isn’t helping.

“We are not doing anything,” Jack snaps. “You are going straight to a cell. You won’t have to worry about much after that.”

There’s silence from the backseat for a good five minutes. “I didn’t do what you think I did,” Peggy finally says. “I can explain everything.”

Neither Jack nor Sousa respond to that. There’s no point to it; they’re gonna be interrogating her soon enough.

: :

It’s about a month after the Howard Stark fiasco that Daniel gets hard proof of his theory regarding Peggy and Jack’s furry problem.

There’s a werewolf attack in lower Manhattan – something to do with a gang, he thinks. Daniel’s with Peggy, a veteran agent named Goldstein, and the rookie Mazzara, who is about twelve years old but gets very upset if anyone points that out. Chief Thompson gets roped into the cleanup, and that’s when the radio really starts squawking.

They’ve got one guy that won’t back off, and apparently he lost it when Jack tried to talk him down. The two of them turned, right there in front of everyone, and are brawling it out in a parking lot outside a warehouse.

Goldstein, who’s been working with Daniel and Peggy pretty intensely on the Underwood case, answers the radio, telling them that they have four more agents on the way. They leave the deli that they’d been eating in and pile in an SSR car illegally parked out front.

They’re not too far from the scene. It only takes about thirty seconds before there’s a choking noise from the backseat.

“What are you doing,” Agent Mazzara says, sounding panicked.

“Do you know how many pairs of these I’ve ruined shifting?” Peggy says, in a tone that implies whatever she’s doing is perfectly reasonable and Mazzara is overreacting.

Daniel looks back; Goldstein glances over his shoulder, too. Peggy has her heels kicked off and is casually rolling a stocking down her right leg. The left is bare, the other stocking already folded into a little bundle on the seat next to her.

Mazzara is staring fixedly ahead, face bright red. The poor kid looks like he’s gonna pop a boner, or faint, or both. Peggy calmly finishes taking her stockings off and starts on her belt.

“Uhhh Peggy –” Daniel starts, not entirely sure where he’s going with it except that he remembers some of the werewolves from his battalion would strip completely naked before turning and he doesn’t think Mazzara will be able to handle that.

“Relax, Daniel,” Peggy says in that no-nonsense tone that always preludes her doing some sort of nonsense. “I simply don’t want to ruin more clothes than I must. Here, hold this.” She shoves the belt and a pair of stud earrings into Mazzara’s hand. He looks terrified, poor guy.

Goldstein is visibly fighting laughter, but he keeps driving while Peggy takes off her jacket, her watch, her hat and about twenty-two hairpins. In a blouse and skirt, curls falling into her face, she stops stripping, just as the car skids up to the parking lot next to a ruined SSR car.

Daniel squints at it. It’s hard to tell, with it all busted up, but it looks like the one Jack and Faut had taken. Three more SSR cars are parked blocking the entrance to the lot, so they stop in the street.

In the lot, surrounded by a perimeter of half a dozen human agents, two werewolves are facing off. Daniel doesn’t immediately know which one is who: there’s a dark brownish one, face visible as it snarls and snaps, and a larger, more sandy-gray one, only its back and the bony line of its spine in view.

Jack must be the larger one, he thinks to himself. He’s acting defensively, keeping his back to the entrance and the other agents, reacting rather than striking first. The other werewolf’s desperation is palpable as it launches itself at Jack, biting his neck and scrabbling at his belly with its paws.

Peggy bursts out of the car. It takes her just a moment’s breath to turn, blouse and undergarments tearing at the seams. As always, Daniel fights the urge to gag at the sound the transformation makes, the sick, organic sound of dozens of joints popping out and back into place, muscles growing faster than skin can contain, hair follicles working overtime.

Peggy claws at the scraps of linen and silk that still stick to her huge, muscled thighs. Her lips are pulled back from two-inch-long fangs in a fixed snarl. She casts one look back at the Daniel, a yellow, slit-pupiled eye catching his gaze for a moment before she whips around and charges at the wrestling werewolves.

Peggy hits the brownish one hard in the side of the ribs, knocking it off of Jack, who scrambles to his feet behind her. She's smaller than both of the male werewolves, slighter too, but she makes up for it with the fury that she bites at the other werewolf with, snapping her teeth in its face until it cowers back, whimpering.

Jack steps up next to her on four feet, his own teeth bared at the enemy werewolf.

It’s over fairly quickly once the werewolf realizes it is outnumbered. After a handful of expectant seconds, it crumples to its haunches, turning back into a naked man as it does so.

Peggy and Jack back off to let the agents arrest the guy. They put handcuffs and a heavy iron collar on him. He doesn’t react to being manhandled by the agents, or to being out in public without a stitch on him, but he does walk to the car in a route that’s as far away as possible from the SSR’s two werewolves.

They haven’t turned back yet, neither of them. Peggy has Jack held in place with a paw on his head while she sniffs at the shallowly bleeding bite marks on his neck and shoulder.

“We should do something about them,” Goldstein says.

“Yeah,” Daniel agrees, then sighs and starts to crutch over. There’s no point in being scared, he figures; even if it weren’t just Peggy and Jack, it’s not like he’d be able to outrun a werewolf. If it wanted him dead, he’d be dead.

Jack turns his head to him, sharp, as Daniel approaches. Peggy backs away a bit on her hind legs, making a low whuffing sound, before butting her head into Jack’s cheek. Jack gives her a flash of teeth, but it seems more playful than anything.

“So, uh,” Daniel says. “We got some extra clothes for Jack. Peggy, you’ve got about half an outfit in the car. We’ve also got a truck that’ll definitely hold one werewolf in the back, but we can’t take both of you at the same time – you’d be too heavy. We can take you home, though.” He considers them. “What, uh, what’s the plan here?”

Peggy whuffs again. She dips her head at Daniel, then scampers over the truck, where with some difficulty she undoes the latch on the back and crawls in.

The whole bed of the truck dips about six inches when Peggy steps on it. Daniel shudders to think what it’d do to the struts to have Jack, who looks about two hundred pounds heavier, in there too.

“Do you want me to close the back?” Daniel calls. There’s that nauseating sound behind him. When he turns back, a nude Jack Thompson is glaring half-heartedly at him. There’s a row of bloody but no longer bleeding tooth-pricks marring his left shoulder, layered over a bruise, and pink scratches up and down his chest and belly.

“Yeah, she does,” he says.

Daniel nods, trying not to stare. Agent Lewis has the book with the agents’ home addresses, so Daniel just tells him to drive to Peggy’s place before heading back to the SSR. He closes and latches the back of the truck, waving to Peggy – she gives him a toothy, lolling grin – as he does so. He bangs on the side of the truck, and Agent Lewis starts the engine and pulls out of the lot, following the other cars out.

Jack is still very naked when Daniel turns back, of course. He fights hard to keep his eyes above the neck, when all of Thompson is just there, tan skin and soft, golden fuzz over firm muscle. The asshole is injured, which Daniel shouldn’t find so appealing. He’s also standing closer than he really should be, close enough that Daniel notices that his eyelashes are fine and blond, that his nipples are the exact same shade of pink as his lips.

Peggy probably has occasion to see it all, Daniel thinks to himself bitterly, and that should kill the attraction, but now he’s thinking about Jack and Peggy, together, and it’s – well.

“We brought some clothes,” he says instead. He retrieves the bag that Goldstein had left for them. It contains boxers, a pair of socks, rough laborer’s pants, an undershirt and short-sleeved shirt. No shoes and no jacket. “Not exactly your style, and I don’t know how well they’ll fit, but.” He shrugs.

Jack’s giving him a very funny look when Daniel turns back to him. “What?” Daniel asks.

“Nothin’,” Jack says, a bit defensively. “You just – it’s nothing.” He inhales, slowly, through his nose. His frown gets a bit deeper. “I’ll take the clothes now, Sousa.”

He dresses quickly. The other agents left them a car, and Jack gets in the driver’s seat in just his socks before Daniel can argue. He grips his crutch, fighting back annoyance, and takes his time limping to the shotgun seat.

A week later, Chief Thompson tells Daniel that he’s being promoted – and, oh, by the way, he has to move to Los Angeles if he’d like to accept the promotion. It comes with a significant pay raise and a free house, and without Peggy or any other veteran agents. L.A. already has some people hired, all locals, but Daniel plans on talking to some of the switchboard girls about transferring out west, too.

In the end, Rose Roberts is the only one who’s interested. She’s alright, although she and Daniel aren’t close. He knows Peggy likes her. Before they’re shipped off together, he offers to buy her a coffee and talk about what he knows of the L.A. office.

It’s not much, honestly. It’s a smaller building with a different cover story than the New York office, but her job would be much the same. She would be the only SSR agent in the front of the office, and he doesn’t know any of the men in the back of the office. He tells her the address and the pay scale and after a few minutes they lapse into silence.

“Are there any wolves in the L.A. office?” Rose asks.

Daniel’s surprised, but he answers truthfully. “No. They hired mostly out of the LAPD and they aren’t big on werewolves there. Not like Boston.”

“I’m human myself, but I have a branch of the family that’s furry,” Rose clarifies. “I just like to know who I’m working with, and wolves tend to think and act a bit differently.”

“How so?” Daniel asks. He has his own observations about werewolves; during the war, they were mostly those scary fuckers and now, with his only points of reference being Peggy and Jack, it was more those uncomfortably attractive fuckers.

“Oh, they just have different ways of doing things,” she says breezily. “You know, I knew Peggy – Agent Carter was a wolf from the day that I met her. Just a feeling, you understand. But I didn’t realize that Chief Thompson wasn’t human until months later.”

That’s a surprise, too. “Why’s that?”

“He doesn’t have a very wolfy way about him.” Rose considers Daniel for a beat, then says, “And I think Agent Carter didn’t expect it. Wolves tend to pack up if they spend enough time together, even ones that don’t like each other that much man-shaped. From what I’ve seen, Chief Thompson was resistant to that.”

And now he wasn’t. Daniel chews on that for a minute, then says, “Well, it looks like we won’t be dealing with werewolf politics in L.A., at least not right away. Assuming you’re still interested?”

Rose beams and nods, and Daniel thinks about a city he’s never been to and two werewolves that don’t want him and the way his back has been keeping him up at night, spasming from all the crutching around on New York City pavement all the time –

Yeah. Maybe he could use a promotion.

[bruhkit]

2020 eoy ask meme

no one asked but i like sharing so here! also heres the link to the ask meme if u wanna do it urself b/c like fuck waiting 2 b asked questions. here’s me reminiscing on the yr of our devil 2020

Song of the year?

hmmmm. my most played song on spotify was mama mia by austin weber but idk if that came out this year uhhh... i really liked monster by kp. obsidian was very cute c:

Album of the year?

PUNISHER BY PHOEBE BRIDGERS!!!!!!! 10/10 EXCELLENT DEPRESSION ALBUM also v existential and end of the world themed- v on brand for 2020.

Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

imma have to go phoebe bridgers on this one as well. her voice just cuts cool and clean like water and her lyrics are just *chefs kiss* lov her

Movie of the year?

lmao movies came out this year? jk but tbh with covid i didn’t really get much of a chance to watch any new movies. ooo but the short “if anything happens i love you” on netflix was really good i cried like 3 mins into watching it.

TV show of the year?

the good place!!! i just remember getting really into it at the beginning of this year so much that i started saying forking and stuff lol. it’s such a cute show with such a good wholesome message about bettering urself. 10/10 would recommend.

Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

tbh i do not watch shows only youtube so i’m just gonna say unus annus was super cool and i lov my goofy bois

Favorite actor of the year?

BASIC ANSWER BUT IDK EMILIA CLARKE IS SOOO CUTE!!! when quarantine started i watched like all 8 seasons of got and sheesh, khalisee b so fine wtf.

Game of the year?

i am not a gamer but among us was p fun. i played a looooooottt of it. i remember there was a week where i was literally staying up every night to play among us with different friend groups lol it was fun.

Best month for you this year?

uhj. do u realize what year this was.,., lol. jk i think probably just sometime in the summer when i was j chilling with no major responsibilities and getting in call with my friends all the time and hanging with my fam. 

Something that made you cry this year?

bf might go to taiwan :(( cried abt it to him literally yesterday tho i just ew. long distance crimg. also it’s kinda funny bc in my past relationship my ex like memorized the time difference for taiwan and did long distance calls over discord for their past relationship and i was like bruh crimg i would never do that shit but here i am haha -_-. 

Something you want to do again next year?

get railed! jkjk uhhh idk ig playing games with friends more and being more social. friend groups r nice to have.

Talk about a new friend you made this year?

mmmm it’s not that we weren’t friends but max and i got to b very close friends over quarantine and it’s very cool. also sloane was v cool even tho i suck at uh. consistently conversing with people. also kennedy and alice r very cool and i like talking to them abt being degenerates lol. 

How was your birthday this year?

IT WAS AWESOMWQ!!! my friends drove and gave me gifts and i was v happy ab it :)! i got a thicc gaster keychain  which tbh is the sexiest thing i’ve ever been given. love my homies all my homies r sexy.

Favorite book you read this year?

Frankenstein was pretty good ngl some school reading kind of smacks.

What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

hehgehghe uh. bad @ respondibg to message. bad @ being consistent with school work. i also haven’t practiced a lot which is rlly bad b/c uh. music major. quarantine rlly has me depressed out here with no effort but tbh i think i’ve been sinking into that for a while. i def am gonna need to be stricter with myself next year. 

Post a picture from the beginning of the year?

me with the homies

Post a picture from the end of the year?

my hair is short! 

A memorable meal this year?

had pad thai for the first time. it was v good.

What’re you excited about for next year?

COVID VACCINE. SEEING MY FRIENDS BRUHGHG I WANNA HUG MY HOMIES SO MUCHHCHCH. I WANNA GO TO CLASSS. I’M SO TIRED BRUH.

What’s something you learned this year?

uh that i am not insane also that i am bi. tbh i think i’ve been bi for a while i just like. hated men and didn’t ever rlly find any interest in dating them b/c all the dudes in hs are crusty. but i have a bf and it’s pretty pog so.. :P. it is what it is. 

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

uhhhh h h. i have a tv and i remodeled my room so i can watch my tv from my bed? idk i’ve just been home it’s the same p much.

Favorite place you visited this year?

i went literally nowhere this year fuck covid. i guess going to parks and walking around was pretty cool, also skating but the allen skate park is like. full of 8 year olds doing full on ollies and shit. lowk intimidating

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

i’m sorry that you think you need to put up with this. and i’m sorry that you feel insane, you’re not you just need to get out of that relationship. if something doesn’t feel right you should go, also never let someone explain ur feelings to u again. u know how u feel and no amount of therapizing will make how u feel go away. that being said focus on urself bbg and maybe apply urself more to school and just say whatever b/c no one rlly cares that much. also don’t ghost people bc it’s shitty and makes people feel bad.

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

lol i dont remember if i had any. i think i just wanted to be like, happy. which i am :) i think this year i should def focus on school more and fitness bc i wanna get MUSCLE .

[freeshavacado]

My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:

* wait how old is Sam

* He do be liking Astrid doe

* Damn so Sam is a Leader

* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮

* Ok I googled it Sam is 14

* I like Quinn

* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far

* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD

* Poor Mary :(

* Howard’s a bitch

* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker

* I love Edilio

* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid

* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit

* LANAAAAA :(((

* Poor thing is in so much pain

* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good

* She’s deadass slowly dying

* Thank god her arm is better

* I want to make this into a TV series

* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear

* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn

* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???

* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN

* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(

* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...

* HELP SAM HES CHOKING

* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted

* Quinn low key an ass tho

* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit

* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀

* Omg little Pete has it too

* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2

* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true

* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒

* Caine is up to some shit 🤨

* Lmao hold up

* Diana probably whipped tho

* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩

* I bet Drake is hot

* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON

* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀

* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?

* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀

* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified

* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”

* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML

* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD

* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids

* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh

* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side

* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄

* Jack is such a smartsass

* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒

* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL

* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still

* Bruh I hate Caine

* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh

* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong

* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta

* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH

* Poor Bette :(

* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again

* I love Edilio so much

* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him

* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????

* Drake is such a bastard oh my god

* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻

* No seriously. I fucking hate him.

* Nooooo Bette died :((

* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

* Did they kiss or not wtf

* What the hell is up with this cat

* Ah so they did kiss!!

* Why didn’t I get details 🤨

* No a baby died 😞

* Quinn s u c k s

* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared

* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(

* Lol Diana sucks

* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake

* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted

* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???

* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?

* Okay NOW they’re awkward

* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY

* I HATE QUINN

* These kids are crazy violent

* Fuck Diana

* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬

* Caine is in love with Diana 👀

* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛

* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL

* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior

* ROASTED ^

* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself

* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE

* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole

* Poor Astrid :(

* Poor Little Pete :(

* Bro I need this to be a movie

* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan

* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school

* Fuck Drake

* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.

* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?

* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up

* THE COYOTES AGAIN??

* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”

* Wowwwwwwwwwww^

* Lmaooo “L.P.”

* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”

* Okay he a lil’ horny

* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺

* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes

* Bruh these coyotes 😒

* Diana is annoying

* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf

* Poor Andrew :(

* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA

* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus

* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️

* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s

* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?

* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀

* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids

* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself

* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨

* Diana. I hate you

* Bro I feel bad for Andrew

* How is Lana back at the cabin?

* That IS Lana right??

* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢

* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT

* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT

* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”

* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮

* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross

* Like get a spoon or something

* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨

* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”

* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny

* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑

* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid

* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.

* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate

* Fuck you, Quinn

* Fuck drake

* I would gladly kill Drake

* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH

* SIMP

* omg I love it 😩

* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow

* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.

* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn

* Yes please kill drake.

* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain

* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone

* DAMMIT DRAKE

* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone

* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now

* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that

* What tf is up with this DVD

* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦

* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg

* Where is Patrick?????

* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands

* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.

* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf

* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake

* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD

* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER

* AND SHE SAID IT BACK

* IM. S O F T

* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)

* But like whatever 😭❤️

* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared

* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀

* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience

* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him

* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”

* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn

* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn

* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am

* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?

* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????

* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT

* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒

* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit

* Ok finally he tried to shoot him

* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”

* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real

* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that

* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c

* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally

* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit

* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢

* I TOLD YALL ^^^

* Yay Patrick is alive :)

* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”

* ^im. Depressed

* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is

* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”

* ^good.

* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴

* We love to see it ^

* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡

[i-sveikata]

Gabby liveblogs the new teen wolf ep

i mean technically it’s not liveblogging since I’m in australia and the delay obvs but here we go guys prepare for death:

-lololololololo the fuck they always gotta start it at the school cause they cant afford another set anymore

-whut scott is the assistant coach???!!!!!

-omg hayden left?????? why do they literally just remove all of their female characters with nonsense explanations??? hello kira???? havent seen her in a while. do females not exist in beacon hills?? apparently even being a love interest isn’t a good enough reason to keep the gals around anymore dear god.

-’you want my whistle? who gave you a whistle???’ omfg coach finstock is the best

-the fuck was that supposed to be a wolf on the field or a coyote??? or malia???? legit can’t even tell, oh nvmind scott and liam followed it into the woods found a pack of dead wolves with weird bugs that are crawling out of their eyes, naturally.

-malia heading out to paris and not wanting to help anyone with the problem is goals. but you know there are other ways to write female characters without making their only interest being climbing dick you know, we can have depth.

-liam and scott bonding, lol, they cute and feels, scotty all worried he’s losing control, making him repeat the werewolf mantra dear god this is dorky. giving it instrumental impressive music wont change that friends.

-lol, ‘i got ducktape’ this is me.

-oh goody more mental asylum stuff and weird frozen mummified rock shit, is this a throwback to pompeii or what?

-yeah touch the petrified ashy human corpse thing, that’s a great idea obvs like what is even happening right now.

-of course some dude exploded out of it, why are we even surprised people? oh that’s right we’re not. wait who the fuck is that? no wait, i can guess, it’s another mediocre white guy.

-’i like latin’ liam you dork, oh poor kid ‘this has been a really hard year for me’ ‘if you want to talk about your girlfriend guidance hours are posted’ damn girl that’s brutal.

-interesting that all the youngins are getting a senior registration and applying to colleges scenes talking about their futures at school but for the veteran characters we barely got a sentence about it.

-’you can see me right’ omg lol corey are you having some visibility issues.

-who wants to guess this new college guidance lady is probably not human- lol the music just changed and went all sinister like bruh we already got this, literally every new character we meet ends up being evil like cmon.

-who the fuck is this nolan kid- yet another mediocre white boy!!!!!- are they going for the olympics in white boys what is this shit- oh god she wants to talk about the animal attack on the field.

-lol him being like ‘that was no animal’ jesus fucking christ honestly am i in deja vu land are we just repeating tired drama from the first season now.

-liam how do you not know what a scarab is????? have you not seen the mummy what kind of kid are you??

-haha that girl screaming ‘why does this keep happening to our school’ when all the rats show up is the real shit.

-mediocre other mummy white boy appears in the classroom, stares a bit and tries to look interesting and then leaves. wow lifechanging moment.

-naturally liam and mason end up in the pipes again, because where else would teen wolf film things that happen.

-lydia making a bestiary yeah girl. Her mama isn’t being very smart saying no to that- who’s guess is it she dies almost immediately??? yeah girl leave that paperwork in mamas desk. 

-scott trying out his weird electrocution kink with his mum, i am uncomfortable, but also teaching her the ways of electrocution is vaguely sweet.

-mama mccall gonna cover all the werewolf shit when scott is gone i love it. family bonding stuff yeaaaaaahh. oh shit she electrocuted him whilst hugging. family fun times.

-’i held the button, didn’t I?’ ‘you held the buttton’ BEST

-rat king ew is that what they said. gross. lol malia making liam smell the gross dead rat.

-REROUTED. malia is determined to get on a plane to get that french dick apparently.

-how the fuck did mummy white guy end up in the sheriff station???? do the deputies no longer exist?? wheres papa stilinski???

-parrish on the creepy white dude, all is well apparently.

-liam and mason bringing mama mccall a nice dead rat. bring her dinner you sick bastards.

-the fuck??? hallways in flames, parrish meeting another possible hellhound??? what is trying to be said here, fucked if i know.

-weird white guy has some kind of blood kink, sniffing all the injured people in the hospital because of reasons.

-idiot dudes punched liam in the face and he lost his shit. some mantra kid. use the werewolf force. freaky white mummy guy looming in the hallway behind him, cue demon suspense music while he chases for liam now in a closing elevator.

-ANDDDDDD the door closes before mummy white dude can get to him. shocker. i am on the edge of my seat with surprise and  anguish obvs

-lydia showing up to get scott? i thought in the last ep stiles said hed be driving down to campus with lydia together???? does that mean she did and came back for some reason?? or stiles miraculously teleported there on his own. wow i love continuity. good thing im watching teen wolf huh.

-all the lights go out, because its lydia this is teen wolf and EVERYTHING MUST BE DARK AND HARD TO SEE AT ALL TIMES.

-phones ringing are always the most suspenseful thing to happen to me as well, love hearing that dialtone and having a wind machine suddenly blowing hair out of my face before appearing back in... wow you guessed it- the school!!!

-ohhhhhh spideyweb time. love it. gotta touched those creepy webs because otherwise what else could lydias banshee powers possibly do. lots of screaming. love that. was that gunfire? idk here this is stupid. 

-ah yes, lydia miraculously finds the perfect bit of web to touch because of unexplainable reasons.’ YOU LET IT OUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RIDE WITH THE HUNT FOREVER’ k thanks im hanging up the web now byeeeeeee.

-how does nobody lock the fucking school doors at this point. parrish and mummy white dude just walked straight in.

-’what are you?’ ‘you know what i am im the same as you’ lololololololololl this is gonna be some weird hellhound pissing contest.

-’something you let out, something that needs to be stopped’ oh goody something new an differernt for us. so innovative.

-ah yes, the pissing contest begins. or fire contest i guess? idk?/ and oh hey the guidance counsellor lady was not as she seemed!!! wow, i never would have seen that coming in my life. thanks

-hey guys when you take away the fire, it’s just two shirtless dudes homoerotically wrestling with each other.

-oh well time for parrish to sleep it off,

-’if the wild hunt couldn’t keep you nothing can’ this is literally sounds like the fucked up adage ‘if i cant have you no one can’ and i am uncomfortable.

-oh boy white mummy guy isn’t after liam- i could never have guess that would happen.

-’it must be stopped nothing else matters’ wow, no, because here I was thinking just let the monster run free and kill people and pile up bodies and stuff. isnt that what teen wolf is about.

-OMG SCOTT GOT INTO THE JEEP  AND FOUND A ‘BE GENTLE’ LETTER FROM STILES THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EP I SWEAR

-what the fuck lydia, popping your ass up in the middle of the headlights like some kind of ghost haunting, ‘we cantt leave’ bruh you need to chill. 

-of course they need some scene with mason giving liam a pep talk like hes the most important character in this show, yeah id totally believe that. hey heres an idea instead of making it about comforting him for losing his girlfriend, how bout you dont write his girlfriend out, there i fixed it.

-malia’s flight no longer delayed!!! haha that squeal of excitement, omg she yelled ‘Oui Oui’ i gotchu girl leave this hellhole while you can.

-opp and heres scott and lydia out to ruin her fun. ofc.

-”no, no nonononono  no, its just rats and wolves- and maybe a little bug problem’ see shes got the spirit. let her get french dick in peace. but also, how the fuck are they gonna explain her and scott hooking up in the future because idk what a fucking ride.

-goes to the window instead because her friends are trying to cockblock her- shes DETERMINED PPL U CANT STOP THE DICK.

-lol scott steps aside and then lydia moves into malias way MY GOD before scott pulls her back out, fuckin i cannot.

-two seconds of disappointed looks but cmon guys lets not pretend that malias an independent person who can make decisions outside of the group- aaaannnnnn shes back. wow. quelle surprise.

-but hey at least she hit scott in the face with her bag, get it girl.

-injured white mummy hellhound staggering through the woods then shift to lydia, malia and scott in the car ‘we opened a door to another world and something came out with us’ THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT FOR SEASON 3? 4? THE ONE WITH THE NOGITSUNE CMON PPL.

-of course guidance counsellor college lady is gonna kill white mummy hellhound boy. i support her.

-’what kind of price a big price?” ‘big’ wow, A+ dialogue here, someone give them an emmy for this shit.

-oh no guidance counsellor lady in trouble. bu t of course when push comes to shove, shoot white mummy hellhound boy in the head. but white guy actually died for once???? props. lets see how long hell stay dead before theres a reason that makes no sense to bring him back. cough cough theo.

-two seconds later cause apparently thats enough time for her to escape without the Gang sans stiles noticing. even though two of them have increased hearing and sense of smell?!!!??!! because it wouldnt be teen wolf otherwise.

-lydia ‘i thought you couldnt kill a hellhound’ WHEN WAS THAT EVER SAID??? I LITERALLY DO NOT REMEMBER THAT BEING STATED???

-scott, picking up the bullet casing which apparently killed an unkillable hellhound but hes just so good its not an issue. oh hey, is that a fleur de lis?

-’argent’ ooooooooohhh more suspense. dont think i can take it.

-’the sound of someone who’s never lifted a hand against a human being’ you can says shes a hunter lydia, her trunk was full of murdery shit we get it.

-also whats with teen wolfs repetitive need to make girls have an emotional distressing response to something before they go all ‘i kill you, ill kill everyone, ill kill myself idgaf’ and their expression goes all Tough Girl. like cmon. u realise girls dont all react the same way to the same things right?

-but hey props to guidance lady for not dying, though i mean she’s a girl and shes not white so lets assume her chances arent strong for future eps.

-lol all three of them sitting on scotts bed together. is it just me or should they all just make out, im just saying.

-’can we say we forgot?’ omg lydia PHRASING, u literally forgot stiles barely a few eps ago, dont crush him already.

-’we almost lost him last time’ i just love how the girls have all the emotional lines and scott just gets to sit there a nod like stiles hasnt been his best friend for years and years. but apparently connection on teen wolf means only if you want to fuck each other since scott magically forgot stiles without much effort and the entire season was about lydia getting him back even though they literally werent even dating and theyd given no indication shed even liked him when he was taken. but suddenly shes magically interested in him and the connection with scott, his best fucking friend for life somehow wasnt strong enough and I AM SALTY.

-malia- ’if this turns out to be somthing big and we don’t call him-’ ‘he would kill us’ hey look Scott got to say something accurate about his best friend, yay!

-’you guys didn’t hear his voice, he was really excited to be there’ aww scott, but seriously you asshole writers are still telling me their connection wasn’t enough for scott to bring him back? for shame.

-’lets just play the voicemail’ lol here comes the swelling emotional music.

-but seriously fuck you guys, heres stiles telling scott to leave beacon hills behind him and that its not his responsibility and not to worry about it and take stiles’ jeep (which we know he loves more than anything) and drive, and the instrumentals are getting really emotional showing stiles at the fbi and youre still trying to tell me that scott wouldnt have remembered his best friend without lydia???? fuck off.

-omg the nerd stopped at the fbi seal and straightened his tie i fucking love it.

-seriously whats with this music??? like stiles just won the damn noble peace prize or something just for showing up. its no wonder ppl think scott isnt the main when the writers give stiles all these storylines and attention, like this is not subtle ppl.

-stiles constantly interrupting the fbi dude in the middle of the presentation gives me life omg.

-’one recent manhunt had our crisis response team chasing down a bizarrely feral unsub in the wilderness of north carolina-”

-OFMG LOL ITS DEREK 

-STILES SPAT WATER EVERYWHERE THIS IS GREAT

-are they literally trying to sell that this is current??? like that is clearly season 1 footage of derek what the fuck is happening right now. why cant he just have a vacation for fun, why do the writers have to ruin everything for him but nope, mass hunting derek time ofc,

-the way stiles put his hand over his mouth as if that would cover up the fact that he literally spat water everywhere. smooth stilinski.

-omg the presenter dude look down at the list of names seeing Mieczyslaw Stilinski and legit being like ‘uh... young man’ thats awesome.

-’just got a little excited’ honestly what the fuck teen wolf. you baiting sterek fans or what?

-stiles trying to find out what they’re after him for- ‘Murder’ but what type of murder. “Mass murder’

-suspenseful music AGAIN jesus fucking c h r i s t.

-OMG now they’re just zooming in on dereks tattoo, increasing the music. dude we fucking get it, thats derek hale and you, the writers, fucking hate him. chill.